oh no i wrote a fanfic,
"Who," House says grandly as Cuddy approaches, "ever heard of a diagnostics fellowship?" He's sitting in the hall by the elevators, ready to pounce.
"Who ever heard of a diagostics department?" she retorts distractedly. She slows. "You're hiring a fellow. Maybe even two, if you can find that many. This is a teaching hospital."
House doesn't retort. She looks at him suspiciously and he twists his expression as if to suggest he has no idea what she's suspicious about. "Hire a fellow," she repeats. "That Treiber kid -"
"Don't like him. He's abrasive." House all but bats his eyes, the picture of innocence.
Cuddy shakes her head. "Fine. Sulk in the hallway. I have to go."
He doesn't argue. She hurries towards the arriving elevator. He watches as she tries to enter before the doors close. A blond kid sticks out his arm to block them, flashes a thousand perfectly white teeth at her when she says thanks.
Interesting.
"I would have thought you'd be all over this," Wilson says as they sit with their lunches.
"Why? Because of my warm and welcoming personality?" House leads them across the cafeteria, past several empty tables, before taking his seat.
"Because a fellowship gives you a minion," Wilson says fairly, taking a bite of his sandwich. "Paid to listen to you and obey your every command. I'd have thought that would appeal."
"What kind of man do you think I am?" House is staring over Wilson's shoulder with a certain intensity. He turns his head. A cluster of nurses chatting, a tired couple with all the earmarks of parents of a sick kid, a blond kid reviewing a thick sheaf of papers, the head of pediatrics eating a solitary lunch.
"What about that Johnson girl? She was..."
"Cute?" House snarks.
"Appealing," Wilson amends. "Sweet."
"She was an idiot. If I wanted eye candy, I could hire a hooker for half the price. There's an idea. How easy is it to fake a background check?"
"Great plan, until Bambi has to draw some blood. Or were you planning on finally using nurses?"
"I don't trust nurses." House keeps staring over Wilson's shoulder. The papers are too far away to read, but he can just make out the logo on the cover sheet. "Who does immigration paperwork in a hospital?" he asks.
"Come on," Wilson misunderstands, joking. "The least you could do is sort out Bambi's status before you hire her."
-
"You care about results," Trier says. "So do I. Facts and research. I would be an asset to this department."
He knows House isn't easily impressed. Won't respond well to fawning. He'd prepared for the interview, came in expecting power plays. But he wants this job. He deserves this job.
House flips a page in the rheumatology textbook he's examining. Trier tries not to fidget. "Classic power play," he blurts. "Read a book to show how little you care." House glances up. "I get it. I get you. I would be a tremendous help to you and your methods --"
"Oh," House says brightly. "Silly me. I thought I was hiring a fellow, not the other way around."
"You're brilliant. So am I. There's no need for either of us to fake modesty."
"Then what on earth could I possibly teach you?"
"Diagnostics," Trier says, slightly flustered.
House turns back to his book. "Did you know there are over a hundred possible symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis?" he asks, his voice dripping with false excitement. "Fascinating!"
House rides the elevator up and down for a solid half hour, his leg aching. Finally Dr. Thomas gets on, offering barely a nod to House's exaggerated smile. The door starts to close. House counts down from three... two...
"Hold the door!"
Dr. Thomas sticks out his arm, and the blond kid hurries onto the elevator, all smiles. "Thanks."
Thomas nods. The doors close. "You're Dr Thomas, aren't you?" the kid asks as the elevator starts to move. "Oh - I'm not a patient, don't worry." He smiles, sticks out his hand. "I'm interviewing for the surgical residency. Dr Cuddy spoke highly of you. Rob Chase. Fantastic to meet like this - we're due to interview next week?"
"Dr Chase. Of course." Thomas clearly has no idea who the kid is, but shakes his hand. The elevator dings.
"Nice to meet you," the kid says, oozing charm, as Thomas exits.
"Nice trick, Doogie," House says when the doors close. The kid jumps, noticing him for the first time. "Repetitive, though. Do you just hang out around the elevators waiting for your future bosses?"
The kid's neck colors, and he doesn't respond.
"Relax. I'm impressed. How'd you know who to corner?"
"There's photos on the hospital's website."
The elevator stops. "Follow me," House says, pushing past the kid. He obeys. "Fresh off the boat?"
"Been in the States a month."
"So you moved before you had a job? Immigration must love that. No wonder you've been trying to get that paperwork finished. Kids these days. So irresponsible. So rich."
"I've interviewed at Mercy. At Columbia."
"But you're lurking around here."
"I only got half through my surgical residency, and I like this place's program."
"So you're only half a surgeon?"
He turns on the kid, who stops short, uncertain. "Say," House asks. "Is my photo on the website?"
The kid recites obediently: "You're Dr. House. Head of diagnostics. Double specialty in -"
"Yeah, I know. You haven't been stalking me around the hospital."
"I'm surprised you noticed." For the first time, a little heat colors the kid's tone. "Maybe I didn't have to work to get your attention."
"Maybe I'm just a fan of your father's," House snarks back. The kid flushes red. At House's office, he hesitates until House waves him inside. "The way I see it, Dr. Chase's only son could get a job in any hospital down undah he wanted, no matter how mediocre his grades."
"My grades were fine --"
"And yet you moved to New Jersey and started sucking up to department heads in elevators," House finishes. He looks the kid over. His suit isn't fitted, his shirt wrinkled, and yet the kid looks like a model.
"New York, actually," he says.
"Hell of a commute."
"Is this a job interview, Dr. House?" The kid sits slowly in the chair across the desk.
"I'm not interested in hiring some asskissing pretty boy. Now, pretty girl --"
"Because I don't want the job," he continues. "I want to finish my residency."
"Why? You've already finished two. Overachiever?" House pulls a face. "Daddy issues?"
"No," he says, too quickly.
"Of course not. Who doesn't move halfway around the world to job hunt?" House mocks. The kid's obviously upset, but doesn't retort or argue back. Just sinks into his too-large suit. "Do you even have an interview with Thomas, or were you planning on kissing his ass until you got one?"
"I'll have one by the end of the week," the kid says defiantly. House smirks.
"Surgery and intensive care," he says. He turns to the counter behind him, picks up the kid's resume he'd had Cuddy procure. "You must love saving lives."
"I do," he says, eyeing the resume and the copy of his father's book House had strategically placed under the manilla folder.
"How sweet."
"I like them when they're dying," the kid says, leaning forward. "When you have a bleed and ten seconds to find it. When they crash and you don't know why and you have less than a minute to fix the problem."
"And that's why you're a perfect candidate for my fellowship?" House mocks.
"You tell me. You're courting me, aren't you?"
"Sudden attitude shift. Trying to appeal to the nearest authority figure by imitating his grizzled charm?"
"If I'd said I like saving lives because it makes me feel nice inside, would that have helped?" The kid tilts his head.
He skims the kid's file again. Looks up at him over the top of the folder, then tosses it down. "Have your dad call me."
"What?" he blinks.
"You want the job, I'd like a character reference."
"I have references."
"Yeah, but I'm such a fan of daddy. Shouldn't be a problem. Not like you fled England rather than live in his shadow or anything."
"Australia."
House waits. Finally the kid stands up. He offers his hand to House to shake. He doesn't take it.
Rowan Chase calls the next morning.
"I want to hire Bobby," House says, cornering Cuddy the next morning.
"Who?"
He passes her the manila envelope. Cuddy skims it and looks disapproving. "Dr. Chase is the new surgical resident. Dr. Thomas --"
House is already walking away.
He finds the kid in the central hall with two styrofoam cups. "Did the website have my coffee order, too?" he asks, saccharine.
"One's black and the other has milk and sugar. Did - did my father --" He blinks, losing his confidence.
House takes the black coffee. "God, I'm never going to have to talk to a patient again with an ass-kisser like you around." He grins. "See you Monday."
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s1 house kids avoiding one another in the supermarket:
chase and foreman do the sensible thing and pretend to not notice one another, perhaps do a Cordial Nod if it is required. cameron however is all "wow!! great to run into you guys!!"
"now that we're out of work we should interact socially isn't that right robert and eric" and they s w e a t
she's actually doing it passive-aggressively
foreman sucks it up and has a polite conversation, but chase unapologetically turns 180 degrees and walks away when he sees her at the end of the aisle. he is not being paid or rewarded by sucking up to her and so he Refuses (yes i am aware they date later)
cashiers flirt hard with chase. foreman will do the "fine how are you" thing but with a grimace of "don't you dare prolong this conversation." cameron Engages
but she doesn't actually want to. like she does it because she thinks it's what doctors Should Do and Community Ties and she gets real passive aggressive about it
she and wilson have gotten into polite chitchat death spirals in the produce section. mutually dying inside. unable to stop.
foreman buys a lot of health food but hates it
cameron likes to imagine she's a good cook but throws out half of what she buys because she doesn't actually use it
chase feels like a "lives off pizza rolls" kinda dude
honestly so does wilson
chase does house's grocery shopping for him. he does it Well. he knows all the right Brands. he is very possessive of this knowledge. house has never once thanked him and never will
cuddy drives across the city rather than risk running into anyone she knows at the store (was whole foods around in 2004), but keeps running into house anyway.
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