#an update on my insane health issues

[flowering-thought]

I guess my health issues won't quit 🧍‍♀️

Um so I really hate going into detail but you all deserve to know what's going on especially since it impacts how long it'll take me to finish some drafts I want to release sooner rather than later.

So if you don't know, I have a chronic pain condition. One that has no cure and not a lot of things can treat it or manage it well. Luckily I mostly have it managed except yk flare ups here and there where I feel like I'm dying. But I just pop an edible when that happens and the pain goes away.

But unfortunately my other condition decided to act the fuck up 🧍‍♀️

And so now I get to tell you about the hell that is being a uterus haver. I have a condition called PCOS also known as polycystic ovarian syndrome. Too hard to explain what it is but what it does for me is it skips my periods and makes them come back with a fucking vengeance.

And so after not having mine for maybe uhhhh well let's just say an incredibly unhealthy amount of time (if I say the amount of months I think I'll get yelled at for being a dumbass 🤡), it came back.

Now having a period ain't a problem, it hurts like a mf but that's okay. The problem was that it lasted for over 2 weeks.... So they gave me some meds to stop it.

Guess what came back three days after I was told to stop taking the meds??? So um medical issues galore and extreme emotions thanks to the hormones that come with not having your period for an extreme amount of time.

So I'll be having probably a lot of doc visits and other shit going on thanks to this mess.

If my health doesn't improve I might just write anyways as I'm truly running out of things to keep me sane with my health issues being as they are.

And I want to apologize for taking so long cause I really do want to finish everything and work on things that I've been wanting to work on like finishing off the Ganondorf storyline I have going and getting back to my precious Cult and writing for my ocs that I adore cause I miss the Kawaharas and my baby Irene-

I'm incredibly sorry I always take a long time and also so very thankful for the people who enjoy what I write and take the time out of their day to read what I write.

Please have a good day!! Or night! And stay hydrated and hopefully have better health luck then I do. If you have it worse tho I'm sending good luck your way!!! Please stay safe with how crazy the world is getting and don't forget to eat a snack now and then <3

#.hana_talks_txt_♡ #an update on my insane health issues #and truly stay safe everyone!

[ask-spiderpool]

Hey mod, are you okay? It’s been a while since you posted (no judgement!) and I just wanted to see if something was wrong. Love you and I hope you stay strong🫶🏼

Bless you anon! I appreciate you checking in! I don't post a lot of personal updates here, but I have been going through the wringer lately... hough.

Lately I've been battling with anxiety, you know, same as everyone. It's kind of made things that I used to enjoy kind of stressful for me. Everything becomes stressful for me. Even not having things to stress about makes me stressed. I'm at my most Peter Parkeriest, in the worst sort of a way.

I thought it was a brain thing – that it was all in my head. I have a new, stressful job, and a stressful living situation, and some family issues I'm dealing with. It'll pass. So I kind of tried to power through, until my body shut down on me last year. And as it turns out, when I got checked out by the doc, it's not just a brain thing. I have a tumor (her name is Lamar, and she's benign, buuut...) she's producing 5x the normal amount of stress hormone in my body. The doctors think it's insane. I think it's hilarious. I feel like it's some kind of joke.

I've been battling this ridiculous chronic stress for years, thinking it was all in my head, but actually, biologically, I'm an overflowing reservoir of stress, and it's something that can be measured in my bloodstream. And it's been going on for years!

So, lately I've been devoting a lot of time to forcing myself to relax. Doctors orders. I can't get stressed about things. Every day I have to effectively diffuse a bomb. And the bomb is me. I'm so pumped up with involuntary stress, and I have to devote my time to keeping it at a manageable level. And so there are a lot of backflips I have to do to keep myself human right now, and not turn into a bomb.

See... posting to the blog doesn't exactly calm me down. It makes me anxious, most of the time. So I've been telling myself it's okay. Only post when you feel good. You have enough things to worry about, and the blog can't be one another thing to worry about. It can only be for fun. If it doesn't feel like fun, don't do it.

I need to do a million little calming activities to function. The blog used to calm me. But it doesn't, anymore. I still love it, and I still have so many scripts I'm excited to do, but... I just have to be patient with myself, right now. I can't bug my head over something that can wait. It can wait. Right now isn't the time. My health is the most important thing. I can't get that back, if I lose it.

Right now I'm about keeping my head above water. Keeping calm. Doing meditative things, that aren't necessarily productive... (trust me, I am SO upset about not being productive. I miss it a lot) but they force me to take it slow and force me to not worry. I'm learning the banjo (she calms me), and I spend a lot more time in nature, having staring contests with ducks and pigeons, and befriending beetles and bugs.

I'm a very positive person, and I know I'll make it through, and I love myself for all the effort I'm making to keep myself from breaking. Because I know if I didn't force myself to calm down, I could snap like an elastic band. I – I don't want to break, like I did last year. I need to be good to myself. And relaxing is an effort. It takes a lot for me. And certain calming routines work for a little while, and then stop working, and I need to make the effort all over again to find something new. It's kind of insane how much time I need to calm back down again. I remember, once upon a time, it being baseline.

Luckily there's a surgical solution, so hopefully I'll be normal again soon, and there won't be any more bees buzzing in my brain!

I hope you'll all be patient with me! And hopefully I'll make it out alive and stronger than ever, soon.

#mod speaks #a lot of the time when i write ask-spiderpool it feels prophetic somehow. #like my writing somehow knows what's up with me before my body figures it out. #i've written about peter being a timebomb about to explode because of excess hormones in his bloodstream #and now. guess who is a timebomb about to explode because of excess hormones in his bloodstream. its ya boy. me.

[void-inked-pen]

Personal opinion on webtoons and vertical scroll format:

It sucks.

Not just from a personal preference standpoint but also from a creative standpoint.

I’ve seen many creators who work on webtoons originals comment on how they miss doing regular comic page formatting and I honestly think the vertical scroll CAN be used creatively… artists just don’t have the time to do it.

They expect 70+ panels every update (which is ridiculous btw, at most 1 standard page comic would have 10 panels at most to give you an idea, so basically webtoons is asking for 7+ pages per update which is insane) which can be stressful but they also expect you to somehow do that many panels in a week!

When I see people complain about the background art in some of these comics I IMMEDIATELY come to their defense because would YOU honestly be able to draw over 70+ backgrounds in that time? The story is more important at that point! So I really don’t care.

Not to mention that workload is KILLER on an artists drive, motivation, and overall health (mental and physical) I don’t see how any of that is okay.

Regular comic artists who don’t use the webtoons format have expressed their own problems with all these issues and they make a single page a week!

Unfortunately, the draw back from doing a regular page a week means less exposure to an audience so there is a draw back but this consumer mentality when it comes to comics is disheartening.

Idk what or where I will be posting my comics in the future (maybe tapas? They allow regular page formats I think) but I don’t intend to bend to the webtoons gods will on this matter either if it means I can finish a story reasonably with my squirrel brain.

So ye… rant over I guess

#webcomics #webtoons #webtoon #rant #pen talks #I really don’t like the vertical scroll

[i-hope-this-is-a-phase]

✨Rei's Recs✨

It feels like we need to celebrate the beauty in the fandom right now, so here are some new fanfics that deserve love! All DNF fics for now (sorry my multishippers!).

Anyway, here they are:

Antagonists by Scoops (E | WIP | 21k+)

#mrpeg #baby fic My beloved Scoops' mpreg fic! Chapter two just dropped, and it's the bomb.

The Remedy to Everything by Simplysmitten (E | WIP | 122k+)

#abo #slow burn Updates every Mondays and Thursdays. It's beautifully written, and it makes me go insane :)

all the way by Anonymous (T | Complete | 688)

#established relationship #sex positivty Small, and it's so positive and sweet. A lovely quick read :)

respawn in the long dream by twostorms (T | Complete | 7k)

#speedrunning #friends to lovers I read this late at night, and I cried. It's so positive about Minecraft and Dream's impact on it.

going through the motions by hardtofindneuro (T | Complete | 8k)

#mental health issues #angst with a happy ending Beautifully tackles a really difficult topic. A fic to make you cry and laugh.

#rei speaks #dreamnotfound #dnf #fic rec

[thepeachyfaerie]

STOPPING EARLY ACCESS

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is doing well!

I have made the decision to stop releasing CC for early access. Starting July, all CC will be immediately public upon release.

There are a lot of factors that led to this and it's been something I've been debating for a while.

When I started making CC back in 2020, I didn't know very many creators and all the people I did know were either on TSR or on Patreon doing early access. I was unemployed at the time and decided it would be fun to do early access for my CC and make a little bit of side money while I searched for a job. Nothing really came of my Patreon, I think I made like $30 a month at most, until the 21st Birthday collab with EA came out in February 2021. After that, things kinda took off in a way. I got a lot more attention than I think I expected or was prepared to have, and while it was amazing, it also put an odd pressure on me. I struggled extremely heavily with imposter syndrome (I still do), thinking I didn't deserve that opportunity and it should've gone to someone more established in the community.

CC-creating became my job. I was making about $200 a month while unable to work due to deteriorating mental and physical health. I was in an extremely bad place mentally and wanted desperately to have CC-making become my career because I thought it would be better than an in-person job. In some ways, it was. However, in other ways, it introduced new issues.

I think starting in 2022 I was struggling a lot with motivation. I felt pressured to constantly make content to the point where I started doing the opposite. I love making CC but it got to the point where I was dreading it because I knew I HAD to do it, if that makes sense. I monetized a passion of mine, put insane pressure on myself, and I crumbled. Whenever I would do anything other than make CC, I would guilt myself so hard for not being productive.

Then the "paywall/early access" debacle happened in mid-2022. If you weren't there, basically EA had updated their TOS to ban permanent paywalled CC, however it was phrased in a way that made it seem like early access CC wasn't allowed. Many people, myself included, stopped doing early access CC to respect this. However, not even a week later, they updated their TOS to allow early access CC with a reasonable time frame (which has generally been understood to be 2-3 weeks, which I've always kept it within that time frame). Some creators stayed without early access, while others implemented it again, one of those people being myself. 

This... caused a lot of backlash, lmao. A LOT of people online were very upset with anyone who did this. In my eyes, I was doing early access to support myself through college while disabled and unable to work a "normal" job. To these people, I was greedy and taking advantage of the community. I got so, so many hate messages and death threats in my Tumblr inbox that I turned off anon messages, and to this day I still have anxiety every time I see a new message because I'm positive it's going to be hate.

I even got called out by name on a few occasions, which was definitely something difficult to handle while already in mental health crisis. One specific person was very angry I was putting Re/Gshade presets behind early access. 

I want to make something very clear. I understand. I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to get something you want immediately. I understand that The Sims 4 is just a game. I understand where these people are coming from because I know I've gotten disheartened when I saw someone had a piece I NEEDED but it was in early access. It's frustrating! However to me, I saw it as monetizing my hard work and time. I still think that's justified, however I know a vast majority of this community does not. That does not mean that the hate and aggression directed towards me was justified. At the end of the day, I'm still a person who loves The Sims 4, loves creating, and wants to share it with the world.

There was also the issue of reuploading. I know it's inevitable, people will share early access CC no matter what. I tried to tell myself that the only people downloading it were people who wouldn't pay for my CC anyway, so there was no harm done. In actuality, I noticed my patron number dropping. But at the end of the day, the money doesn't matter to me. It was the principal of the act. I felt really disrespected and like my hard work and energy meant nothing to people. I KNOW that wasn't intended by anyone downloading from these places, but I'm a very sensitive person and it still hurt. 

At the end of the day, I know that early access CC is hurting me more than it's helping me. I know that sounds dramatic and maybe it is, but I need to prioritize my mental health. I'm going into my 3rd year of college next fall and I need to start planning for when I graduate.

Will this change in the future? Probably not. I love making CC and I want it to stay that way. I don't know if uploads will be consistent at this point, if they'll increase or decrease, etc. I'm going to try my best but I want to work with myself and allow myself time and breaks if I need it.

All tiers will be converted to donation-only, although I will still offer my one-click CC folder for the $3.50 tier. 

Apologies that this got kind of personal, I've been ruminating on this for months and needed to get it off my chest. Again, I'm a very sensitive person, always have been, and at the end of the day my mental health matters more than any money I could make.

[sonic-tangled-au]

Lil movie poster parallel! [based off one of the main ones used in the og film marketing! ✨]

Art done by the insanely talented @/star_kii! It was SUCH a joy to work with them. Every step of the process they were so professional and diligent with everything and I can’t thank them enough! Please make sure to check out their work if you haven’t already and give them loads of love and support cause they’re art is absolutely amazing!

[Also credit to @/thatbirdguy for any elements of the designs previously shown in design ref sheets that they’ve helped with! Love my homie and please go give them support if you aren’t following them already!]

[And a mini lil update! Have had to take a sort of hiatus lately due to some health issue’s I’ve been dealing with for a while now but cant thank everyone enough for their support and no matter what happens i’ll keep overcoming those hurdles and bouncing back! 💛✨]

#sonic tangled au #miles tails prower #I could stare at tpup forever LOOK AT HIM #sonic au #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sth au #sth #sonic #tails the fox #dr eggman #dr robotnik #sonic art #t-pup #sonic fanart

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for never picking up my friends' calls??

my friends and i all just left for college, and we're all in different states. these are my closest friends and i miss them very very very much. i text them regularly, we update each other on our lives, and we've made plans to all come back home and meet up in a month or two.

now i get major anxiety from talking on the phone / facetiming. i am not sure why but i do. it's not a nervousness to see my friends, because these are my best friends who i've known for 8+ years. i just really really hate calling. it makes me feel super overwhelmed. they know this about me, as i've clarified to them throughout the past few years that talking on the phone is insanely anxiety-inducing for me.

over the past few weeks since we left for school, i've ignored a lot of their calls, usually making up a reason not to pick up (often saying i'm busy when i'm not). i always text to ask what's up, and 9 out of 10 times, i ask them to call me back at a different time (phone calls make me slightly less anxious when i know exactly when they're coming and i have time to prepare). so it's not like i'm just never talking to them. still, i know a lot of them get bored talking through text messages, and i don't want our relationships to fizzle out because i can't put aside my mental health issues long enough to pick up the phone. i feel like an asshole the more calls i decline or reschedule, and i think i probably AM the asshole here, but i'd like others' opinions anyway.

before you say "go to therapy" btw -- i do!! i promise!! this is something i am actively trying to work through. right now though it is actively affecting my life and i need advice on how to get through it.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[xhdream]

update <3

hey friends i hope yall are doing well!! my creative juices started working again (the p1h drabbles helped a lot ngl) they were pretty slow for a while cause of work and lack of energy that came with some health issues, but now i’m feeling better and i can’t wait to work on things! i’ll answer asks today and i’m planning to do more brainstorming for loser(s) and other longer wips in my free time cause i really want to get them going!

also, we’re 400+ on this blog now 😭 which is insane to me, thank you for sticking around 🩷 ty for reading and supporting my silly stories, they wouldn’t be so fun to write if it wasn’t for yall. i have an idea about what we can possibly do when we hit 500 to celebrate it ~

anyway, asks are open, talk to me if you want or come share thoughts <3 take care, stay safe and have a wonderful week!!

#🗣️: xhdream ramblings

[n7punk]

2023 Writing Wrapped!

I think I forgot to do this last year but I was a little burnt out at the time. I had so much fun writing this year I wanted to do a little retrospective/celebration for it (which I encourage everyone to do! Even if you wrote just one fic, take a second to congratulation yourself for accomplishing it).

I wrote 34 fics and updated 118 times this year. Almost half of those were for the Children of the Crystal series (16 fics) but that series was so fun and clocks in at 121k so I'm totally okay with that. If anything, that's a bit of equalizing, because I know my fics are a lot longer on average than most people's since I write a lot of longer AUs (quick math off the top of my head is about half my fics are longer AUs) so now my words-per-fic average is probably a bit closer to usual lol. Actually that got me curious and my average is 20,176 which is honestly lower than I was expecting but still almost certainly higher than average since I've seen a lot of profiles without a single fic that long. Okay I'm a nerd and I did the math and it was only 21,041 before this year which is way more surprising since I really would have thought it was more.

Anyway, I posted 610k words this year between all my fics (though I wrote more in WIPs and upcoming projects). I had so much fun with a lot of the fics I did this year. Children of the Crystal is still a stand out for me, but I'm SO proud of 'the long way down' and I spent the first half of the year pretty feral for each idea as I tore through Hurricane Adora, As Many Lives As It Takes (To Be With You), Superzero, City of Angels, Trade Today For Tomorrow, and CotC of course. February through August I averaged 12 updates a month which is. insane. I updated daily for 12 days in a row in July/August for CotC, and I spent most of that fic series updating every other day.

A lot of that creative energy came from the health stuff that has been bogging me down for a few years (and especially last year) improving, and though I'm still dealing with that, I'm doing a lot better and it has really felt like rediscovering my creative passion. I had a span from like March-ish trhough August I called my "unhinged era" between how feral I was for my ideas, how much I was updating, and just how wild some of those ideas were lol. My slow down at the end of the year came from starting a new job that was very demanding and especially exhausting with my health issues, plus health issues for the rest of my family, but I've still been averaging updating once or twice a week since, so I'm happy with that given everything that has been going on.

Now let's get to the two big ones.

Writing streaks: Definitely not for everyone, but for me they're really motivating and 100% the reason I was able to keep up momentum these last three months with work. I wrote every single day this year. I still can't believe that. Sure, some days it was literally 50 words at the end of the day when I was exhausted, but I also had my highest single-word count day since I started recording them this year at 12,738 on July 18th when I was writing CotC. My previous record was 94 days in a row. 364 is a huge leap. I don't know where I'm going to go with my streak from here. On one hand, it was hugely motivating. On the other, you always want to be careful to prevent burnout. For now, allowing myself to count days where I barely do anything as long as I engage with my WIP seems like a good middle ground since it keeps me motivated and connected to what I'm writing while letting me mostly take time off. I'm exploring more creative hobbies like painting in my free time, though, and as long as I've created that day I don't necessarily feel the need to write, so we'll see if I reconsider my writing streak as a "creating" streak in the future, but for now I'm just going to see how long I can go.

And the final one... my stupid goal.

I can't remember if it was at the end of last year or the start of this one when an anon pointed out how much I had written and I realized I was something like .99% of all Catradora fics on AO3, but my ridiculous goal for this year was to get my fics to 1% of the entire Catradora tag. This goal... I half reached. It takes a bit of explaining.

First, when I first set that goal, I think needed to write twenty-something more fics to reach it. Obviously, I well exceeded that goal at 34 fics, but as I was writing, so was everyone else, so the number of fics I needed to write to reach 1% increased. In the sense of my original benchmark, I definitely passed my goal.

Second, as I write this, AO3 shows there are 11,632 Catradora fics. You can consider 1% of this to be either 116 or 117 depending on rounding. I have 117 She-ra fics, but one of those is a Glimbow fic with no mention of Catradora, so that takes me to 116. However, one of those 116 is tagged as Adora & Catra because it's the CotC fic from when they're small children and meeting for the first time. I consider it a Catradora fic, but it's not actually in the tag and thus doesn't contribute to it. As such, I've fallen short at 115/117, but I really do consider this goal complete for this year given that I passed the initial milestone, the rounding makes the final number debatably 116, and I do actually have 116 "Catradora-centric" fics. That said, I'm very aware those are technicalities and I have a special celebration planned for when I actually, officially become 1% of the tag, so look out for that :) It'll be a great way to celebrate the new year. I'm hoping/planning to do it in the next week or two.

The future: I'm ending this year and starting the next trying to clean up a bunch of WIPs since my fic folder is getting a little ridiculous with the (mostly Outside of the War) one-shots I've written one scene or just a description for, which feels like a really fitting way to end off the year, accomplishing my goals and making everything neat and tidy. I have like 7~ to work though, though my actual goal is maybe 4-5 since I don't want to "force" myself to work on an idea if I'm not feeling it at the second, but I also have a longer AU calling my name, and I don't want to ignore an idea interesting me either... so we'll see, but I'm excited for everything I'm working on right now, and that feels really good. I finished last year in kind of a rough place writing/creativity wise, and I'm finishing this year really excited for everything I did and everything upcoming, so that feels pretty great :)

Thank you to everyone who read and commented this year! I know I ran out of energy to keep up with comments a lot, but they really made me smile so much and I appreciate them so much. Some days they were the difference between the motivation to write 1000 words versus 50. Thanks for another great year!

#fic rambling #ficmeta #mylife

[landslided]

do you have any fic recs / favorite fics you’re willing to share with the class 🫶🏻

hi anon!! yes, of course!! i have a ton of fics i adore that i would love to share with you! actually, im a serial bookmarker on ao3 so if you want to check those out, definitely go take a look over there but for the sake of this ask and because i want to shout out works that i adore, here is a non-exhaustive list of gen and lawrusso fanfics i live for!

The Recidivists by @vimesbootstheory is a lawrusso fanfic set a few years before the show’s actual timeline and following daniel’s journey as he goes to prison for a twenty-month sentence. his cellmate happens to be a certain johnny lawrence. it is my absolute FAVORITE fic right now, i am so happy every time i get an update. the writing is phenomenal and daniel is sooo realistic in this, i love him so so much.

Fight Like a Man by @miyagi-hokarate is a gen fic exploring dutch’s character and the reading of him as a trans man. it’s beautifully written, it’s a really interesting take on the character and it’s a must read for me.

A Means, A Way, A Plan by an_sceal is a gen fic exploring johnny’s mental health after season three and before that, during his childhood, his teenage years and young adulthood. it’s absolutely heartbreaking and it made me cry three times reading it. you should however READ THE TAGS!! i like fics that sometimes talk about difficult or dark themes and i don’t want anyone to end up reading something that upsets them so read the tags before you read any of the fics i recommend!

ordinary things by @toothpuulp is a lawrusso fanfic that is a the piano teacher AU. yes, the piano teacher by michael haneke. if you’ve seen the piano teacher or if you’re familiar with haneke’s work you probably know what this fic is but if you aren’t i will just say that it’s a fic that explores daniel’s desires, his repression and his trauma. it’s a fic that i’ve become totally obsessed with in the past month and that i’ve reread five times. it’s violent and sensual and just so brilliant i cannot even express how insanely good it is. once again do definitely read the tags and also read the author’s note but goood, i love this fic. it will also make you feel things for daniel larusso that i can only compare to like, shrimp colors.

lost my head in san francisco by GoldStarGirl is a lawrusso fanfic where johnny and daniel both bring their students (aisha and miguel vs robby and sam) to a competition in san francisco but their plans end up getting a little messed up by an earthquake and daniel and johnny have to team up and actually act like adults. it’s funny, it’s sweet, the kids are great in this. just mwaaah.

Race to the Bottom by kbaxter is a lawrusso story about infidelity, babyyyyy!! these men are NOT working through their issues and they are making it everybody’s problem!! they’re emotionally STUNTED and they have to fuck it out! a great fic by a great author whose other fics i also adore!

last night i had a dream by shortcrust is a lawrusso slice of life fanfic that i love dearly. it’s super sweet, super funny and it makes my heart do funny things every time i read it.

gravestone flowers by menocchio is a lawrusso fanfic that is actually the sequel to another GREAT fanfic called bootstrapping. gravestone flowers is my favorite of menocchio’s objectively amazing lawrusso fanfics because they are DIVORCED AS FUCK!!! it’s basically a retelling of season one if johnny and daniel had dated for a long time before and then had the world’s messiest break up. i love this fic to death. you can read it as a standalone but i definitely recommend bootstrapping as well.

Boxed series by ezlebe is a lawrusso fanfic where johnny used to do porn modelling when he was young and the kids find out… through daniel’s hidden stash of magazines. it’s funny! it’s hot! johnny is a wet dream! daniel has conflicting feelings! wonderful fic!

if anyone wants to recommend me their favorite fics, you’re definitely welcome to and don’t think that im not open to other things than lawrusso just because i have a one track mind, feel free to send me all of your recs! also!! if you’re a fanfic writer come recommend me your stuff!!!!

thank you for this ask and happy reading!

#this was fun! #*asks

[liebgotts-lovergirl]

✨LIFE UPDATE ✨

Hi everyone! As you can see, I am not dead. I swear to God, the past year has just been one personal tragedy after another.

Anyone who knows me knows that I HATE complaining to people about anything that goes wrong in my life bc I HATE showing weakness, but above all else, I want to be honest with y'all about where I'm at rn and why I've been so radio-silent on here lately apart from the occasional quick reblog or queued post.

First, my four year relationship was ended out of the fucking blue by my now ex-fiancé over text literally in the middle of my preparations to move in with him so ALLLLLLLLLLLL of my stuff that had already been either stored up at his place or packed up to send had to be either mailed down to me or unpacked.

So I had to essentially put my whole room (and my whole life) back together from scratch, so that was fun. 🥴

Then we started renovating our house, which has been an on-and-off thing due to conflicting schedules.

Then I started working 2 jobs to pay off my car and my student loans (both of which I'm still paying 💀).

Then the dog who I was taking care of died (he was very old and in pretty bad shape so we kinda saw it coming tbh).

Then my mom was in a major car accident that resulted in her becoming hospitalized, bedridden, and currently, fully disabled.

Now I'm working full-time at the restaurant and when I'm not doing that, I'm helping my mom out at home because she needs a lot of assistance with making meals and cleaning up around the house, taking care of our two dogs, etc.

Then my aunt died after being hospitalized for her health issues and we have been at her house whenever possible to go through her things and get the house itself ready for eventual sale.

So as you can see, my life has been insane lately and I barely have time to eat and sleep, let alone read, research, and write like I used to when I was not working and not acting as a free, live-in aid for my mother.

I love and appreciate you all, and I can't thank you enough for all the support you've given me! 💖💖💖

TLDR: Know that I AM still working on FOF but it will probably take awhile for any new chapters to come out bc of the way my life is at the moment.

Your reblogs, replies, tags, asks, and comments on my work mean the absolute world to me and it warms my heart to know that there's other people out there who love and enjoy the story I'm writing and its characters as much as I enjoy writing them. 💖💖💖

#AlySpeaks #Life Update #personal post

[justagalwhowrites]

Hey bestie,

How are you? Like really how are you? Are you doing OK? Are you getting enough rest? Enough water?

You said work has been crazy and I'm sure you've been bombarded with asks about fics. I hope you find time in the midst of all the crazy to take care of you. You and your mental health are important. Just know we love you and we'll still be here even when chapters are delayed and even if you have to take breaks.

I hope you have a fabulous rest of your week.

Hi Bestie!!

So I saw this ask come in and I kind of debated about how I wanted to answer it tbh

I thought about just being like "OMG I'm so good" because that feels better to say but also it's not really all that true lol And I'm not huge on the idea of lying just to make things seem nicer?

I'm alright mostly? I've been exhausted lately. Work has been insane, I have not been sleeping enough (which I never do lol but still) and I have some personal things that are just making life harder to navigate at the moment. There have also been some mental health things that are compounding it. Just a lot of negative self talk about me and my writing that makes the existing mental health things rougher kind of thing (and I lost my long time therapist and had to start with a new one - she's lovely! But it's an adjustment.) There have definitely been days over the past month or so where the ideation has been ideation-ing especially hard which is never fun? But my problems feel so SMALL compared to people with real issues. I'm immensely privileged and fortunate in so many ways, complaining doesn't feel right.

But writing fic feels really good most of the time! Even as I compare myself to other, far better writers and even as I beat myself up for not writing and sharing as quickly as I really want, it's still something that I'm really driven to do. It feels very fulfilling, like I have some kind of ownership over it and my identity within it.

I really do appreciate how patient everyone here is with me, especially when I say I'm going to post something one day and then proceed to blow past that deadline by fucking DAYS or when I post something with an awful cliffhanger and proceed to not update for roughly a millennia. And you are so sweet and thoughtful to ask! This was probably so much more than you wanted from me lol but thank you for reading it. I hope you're doing well and that life is being good to you! ❤️

Thank you for being here. Love you!!

#send asks #kit answers #sorry you end up having to read my ramblings #I promise I will limit these kinds of posts!

[transforming]

Life Update + Commissions!

Hey y'all! So here's a life update because right now, it's fucking hell on earth:

I'm going through major financial instability in my life, and as a college student, it's really hitting hard. Parents are out of a job, and my college just implemented a salary earnings cap for student jobs, which honestly I think is stupid and cruel to low-income students like me. On top of that, where I live, students can't work part time jobs outside of university, which would make it even more (and already) extremely difficult for me to cover my living expenses, let alone tuition fees.

After talking to some of my friends in this community about what I could do to keep myself afloat (and try to keep paying for my studies), and after getting some advice on how to proceed, I have decided to open up writing commissions.

To start, here is how it's gonna work with me:

Firstly, send me a message. You could do it over here on Tumblr, that's fine, but I'd much prefer it if you could message me on Discord, since I'm more reachable there. This makes things a lot easier for us to talk through your ideas and delve deeper into them, really flesh them out, and figure things out before I start writing.

Do NOT send me commission requests through asks.

Second, make sure to properly read through my rules below. Pricing details are set out below (rule 4), so make sure to keep that in mind when you're sending a request and when we're in discussion.

The number of commissions I will take on at at time will depend on a number of factors:

balancing my writing with college assignments & priorities

my level of interest

my writing mood / mental health

I'll make sure to provide updates on when I'm open to them or not.

Okay, now that those are out of the way, here are the very important rules that need to be taken in consideration.

The Transforming Commission Rules:

1. I reserve the right to refuse writing commissions.

Beside the above-mentioned reasons for the number of commissions I'm willing to take; or regardless of the reason; or for no given reason, no means no. Flat out.

I may not like the idea. Maybe I'm busy with classes, life or other commissions. Or perhaps my mental health's taken a downwards spin and/or I'm just not in the mood to write at the moment.

Make no mistake, if you pester me and ask if I've reconsidered your idea, I will simply just block you, no questions asked. If you want to politely ask again if my classes/time/mood were the issue for my saying no, I'd be more than happy to talk things out.

Also, please keep in mind that besides writing stories and my college classes, I have a life too. If you message me about a commission and I don't respond immediately, I'm either just busy or asleep.

I'll make sure to reply to those that inquire, it might just take me a sec.

2. Be as creative as possible, but also use your common sense.

As a creative writing student, I'm gonna be hard on this: one-sentence commission requests that just say "Make me into a twink!" or "Turn me into a frat bro!" will more than likely get refused. That said, try to make your request a little more compelling for me.

Come up with a plot summary, throw some more tf's in there, maybe add a delicious plot twist that would subvert a part of your idea, . I can only write so many of one type of tf story - they're fun, but don't make me bored sick of writing any more of them.

Also, be conscientious and realistic about the length you want. I'm no literary god with unlimited time, and I definitely can't fit a heavily descriptive tf AND a good plot in just 1,000 words.

If you're feeling insane super generous, or more supportive to help me out, and want to commission longer pieces (more than 3,000 words), we can talk more about it when you make the request.

3. I have limits. Push them and our deal's off.

Some of these are without question:

Underage characters / tf's (you will immediately get blocked if you make such a request).

Feet

Violence / pain / rape / non-consensual acts

Homophobic tf's (refer to my repost of @idesofrevolution's post - they've explained it better than I ever could)

Chastity

Unrealistic sizes

Animal tf's

Celebrity tf's (more details below)

I'm primarily a male tf writer, so gender tf is fine, but a heavily female focused story is a nope from me.

Don't even think to ask, I simply will not write them.

As much as I used to include them in my previous stories (especially with TF College), I won't generally do celebrity tf's anymore (i.e. stuff like "Turn me into Henry Cavill!") There may be a lot of very sexy celebrities around, and as hot as it may be to become them, I've had my fair share of writing those stories to the point where I'm done with them. Writing up original characters are more my thing these days - I'm a creative writing major, after all.

There is, of course, some flexibility with this, so if you have an idea but aren't completely sure, you can always ask me. If the idea is compelling enough -- and the guy hot enough -- maybe I'll make an exception. That's much better than getting rejected.

4. Payment & Delivery.

See, as much as I'm struggling right now, I'm not inconsiderate either - I know I'm not the only writer going through shit. I also know people aren't gonna dish out money to completely cover my life and instantly get me out of this hellish rut.

That said, I charge $0.04/word (for my British friends, £0.03/word). That's $40 (£30) per 1,000 words, or $20 (£15) for 500 words.

Payment is via PayPal. In full, up front. I will not begin writing until I've been paid.

When it comes to format of delivery, I will send you a pdf of the final story, provided you give me an email to send the pdf to (unless you' message me on Discord, for which I can just send the pdf to you directly).

5. Use of Images & Posting on Public.

The final say on any images included in these commissions are up to you. You're completely welcome to bring your own images to for me to write around, but if you don't have any, I'm happy to try and find some I feel fit the particular story if you'd like me to.

Then again, I can't make any promises. If I can't find image(s) that fit, or you don't like the ones I provide, I won't climb every mountain or cross every stream to find something. These are writing commissions in the end, so keep that in mind.

I'll also give you the final word on posting these commissions here on Tumblr. If you specifically don't want me to post yours, please say so during the process. If you say nothing, I may end up posting some of them after they've been delivered.

If you're okay for me to post the commission, but would like to remain anonymous (as in not get tagged on the post), make sure to let me know that too. This is an easy one to forget, so I'll be reaching out to you on posting after I've delivered it.

- Drew the Transformer

P.S. Don't forget, you can also tip me over on ko-fi, if you can't or don't want to commission! Seriously, any support during this very difficult time is always welcome, but I'll also understand if you can't.

#not a story #tf commissions #life update

[impossiblesuitcase]

What’s a headcanon you have for Kaider that probably seems unconventional or surprising to other people?

Hmm...well tell me if any of the ones I've posted in the past are surprising. I can't always tell.

Not a head-canon, but in some modern AU fics, I see authors saying that Kai is in love with Cinder but is too afraid to tell her. This always struck me as out-of-character. Kai wastes no time making his intentions clear towards Cinder in canon.

Related, I don't understand why some say Kai is bad at flirting. He is arguably a smoother flirt than Thorne, because while the latter has cliched punchlines, Kai's flirts are smooth and genuine.

In my opinion, Cinder would hold nothing back from Kai. I know some say she doesn't let him hear her sing, but Cinder says she feels that "she can tell him anything," so I don't think she'd let her insecurities get in the way.

Here's a unusual head-canon:

In canon, Kai is noticeably worried about Cinder's health: hovering over her, taking her straight to Dr. Erland, asking if they require more funding for equipment, refusing to leave until she insisted she was fine. And of course in Winter, Cinder wakes up from her stab wound to Kai by her bedside, so he was evidently spending most of his time there.

Having lost both of his parents, I feel that his friends, but particularly Cinder, getting sick would make Kai panic. He's lost too many people; he can't lose her.

It's not obvious at first. Once they are engaged and together in the palace, he becomes on edge when she gets sick. He'll force her into the doctor's office and supply her with medicine and heat packs and food and hugs. He'll comm her regularly for updates. It's a little excessive, but hey, Cinder figures it's regular loving fiancé and later husband behvaiour.

Except he becomes insanely anxious. Starts having panic attacks more frequently than she coughs. She doesn't connect the dots until she asks him one day to join her for support at a doctor's appointment. The doctor ends up doing a check-up on Kai rather than her because he is visibly distressed, pale and clammy palms and shaky breaths.

From hereon out, Cinder and his therapist set boundaries for Kai. If she catches your run-of-the-mill cold or tummy bug she tells him, "I'm okay," and he doesn't concern himself with it. Because he is a caring husband, he can't live with himself if he does nothing, so she lets him bring her supplies and hug her and such. But she limits him from too much more, or asking too many details.

Of course when it's more serious health issues, Cinder imposes no restrictions, because when she's throwing up daily from pregnancy nausea, he is going to be stressed anyway. After a few years, Kai gets a better grip on his mental health and he can now approach Cinder's sicknesses without it consuming him.

#tlc #cinder #kaider #the lunar chronicles #lunar chronicles #linh cinder #emperor kaito #prince kai #selene blackburn #married kaider #engaged kaider

[house-of-mirrors]

I don't think I can coherently share my reactions to the Martyr-King's Cup

(I'm not done yet, just stopped playing today at the point right before going to the Blue Kingdom, nobody mention how it ends thanks)

aaaaaaaaaaaaa (major sskies spoilers under the cut)

The crew watching the Captain be seized by a higher power. Falling under the spell of moonlight. Dragging everyone across the far reaches of the skies on a "quest" for bits of garbage and a broken painting, which by all accounts seems like they've gone mad, but then there's a real magic sword and you use it! You use it to slay the monster lurking in the clock tower.

(which I strongly suspect was Veils, cmon, bat-winged beast glutted on thousands of years of violence. And additionally on that bullet point, AAAAA compared to the amount of painful preparation you have to do in BAL, which doesn't even fully work, versus here in skies you have a sword that was used to end the reign of a judgement - it's such a stark difference in power).

I'm also... emotional at the idea of the Hoarder watching the Captain slipping from reality. It watches them kill who might be Veils and revel in the triumph. Apples and Veils were allies in Old London. What must it be thinking... It refuses to let the Captain near after that incident, not till this issue is resolved. They're unstable and unpredictable right now and what if they think it's a monster next? It has to protect the babies. 😭 I didn't expect to get angst arc in their relationship and yet.........

ANYWAY back to game, the sword is called the Minute to Midnight, which only makes me think of December despite the context of the weapon's use.

The Arthurian quest is masterfully done. I feel like I'm back in my Brit lit college course, and also the Renaissance fair.

The delightful insanity. The inherent eroticism of a powerful being manipulating you 😳 and the writing is so damn funny. The simple mental image of the crew and officers reacting is too much. (Also! The ambition integrates your officers' presence which doesn't happen often! Yay!) The butter knife stabbed into the table instead of a sword. Something about me is that my physical shows of emotion tend to be muted but I've been laughing out loud the whole time. Most excellent.

Then again, my response to horror is also to laugh :)

I'm playing through full embrace of moonlight this time. Strongly get the sense this is going to lead to a bad ending for me but what can I say, I chose what looked cool at the time.

But I intend to immediately restart it and play with no moonlight, because the story is told in a vastly different way depending on the quality. It's just so much. I'm blown away.

In conclusion, THE KING OF HOURS IS A BASTARD 🔪⏳👑☀️ if you know you know

And I'm yelling re: the Blue Kingdom's involvement, lmao, they act all reclusive and poised but they too have killed stars over philosophical disagreements. Who would win, the King of Hours trying to be immortal or the Arbiter of Fates aligned with the Philosophy of Culmination? (it's the Arbiter. girlboss moment)

This also clears up a question I had of how the King of Hours died. I knew the devils had rebelled from the Irem update in Fallen London, but Skies makes it seem like the only way for lower beings to kill a Judgement is with the aid of another Judgement. So the Blue Kingdom helped. Got it.

So now I have to kill three (3) (III) Logoi and I'm so so so so so scared someone please come pick me up I'm so bad at combat and they move so fast and have so much health and attack power. I managed to finish an Undeparted once but oof. And while typing this I just remembered it's hard to repair hull in the Blue Kingdom. 😀👍

In conclusion 2 electric boogaloo: OUGH

Everyone say thank you, Mr Tuffs

#sskies playthrough #sunless skies #the martyr-king's cup #AAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAA #been pacing like all day over this #so excited that my symptoms are flaring up asdkljdfl this hasn't happened in a while #sunless skies spoilers

[sebdoeswords]

Update

As of Saturday August 12th Ao3 has hidden all but one of my fics on the grounds of harassment in the tags. The tags in question were a dni I put in place to curate my online experience because i don't want people who ship adult/minor, incest, rpf or similar ships to interact with my content. It seems that when people say "curate your online experience", that only goes one way, and is suddenly not acceptable anymore when it inconveniences them.

The fics will be hidden for a week, against which i can do nothing, and deleted unless I remove the offending tags, which I have done begrudgingly. This means that even if i wanted to, I can't post updates this week, and I think I will be taking a break for an unspecified amount of time afterwards. I never wanted to do this, but Ao3 has made me feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome that posting would be counterproductive to the joy I want sharing fics to bring me.

Adding to this is the fact that we very likely will have to put down our family dog tomorrow (he's old and consequently has health issues). All in all, I feel absolutely miserable right now, so I'll have to finally take some time off in order not to go insane.

#seb talks #my fics #my wips #negativity tw #thanks to those of you who reached out asking what was going on with my fics #i didn't make an update post before because honestly i didn't want to sound pathetic #and i thought i'd just get over it because in the end it's just online bullshit #but with the news of my dog that's my last straw #and i need to get away from all this