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thenon-fictiondays · 9 months

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Hirano to Kagiura light novel translation 4-4

Chapter 4: Fall.

Part 4

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At long last, tomorrow is the day of the cultural festival.

He’d thought they’d definitely stay late after school to prepare on the eve of the festival, but by rule of the student council, everyone had gone home at the same time today.

It can be said that this policy, which makes no allowances for the classes that were unable to finish their preparations in the time allotted, is typical of a school that values autonomy.

Even the culture clubs’ practices are restricted, and extracurricular activities are also entirely forbidden.

Thanks to that, Kagiura has been on pins and needles. Even though he’d tried to study in his room to suppress his flighty nerves, he can’t make himself focus on English vocabulary at all. Numerical formulas are somehow even more impossible.

Such being the case, he has since been reading a basketball magazine he subscribes to.

“Hey, you like cookies?”

At the sound of Hirano’s voice, Kagiura’s head snaps up.

“Yeah, I like ‘em!”

“Cool. I’ve got some left over that we made in home ec today; you want one?”

As he passes over a cookie, he adds, “I forgot all about them.”

Kagiura would’ve thought it’d just be the round type, but it’s the type of cookie with two colors so you can break it into pieces cleanly. It’s amazing. It looks especially good.

“Sure, I’ll take it!”

Male students’ homemade sweets are even more of a rarity than their homemade cooking.

Kagiura had made drop candy in his elementary school cooking class, which was his one and only experience in the subject.

“It’s all yours. There was one that Sasaki made, that he made look like a cat’s face, kind of like a tuxedo cat? It was super fancy. Should’ve taken a picture.”

“Did you make this one?”

“Yeah. We used the same dough, though.”

“I think yours is beautiful.”

“Huh? …Oh, haha, thanks. I kinda feel like you’re saying that to make me feel better, but I wasn’t trying to fish for compliments.”

“...Can I eat it now?”

It’ll be dinnertime soon.

“Ah…well, it’ll be our little secret. I’ll eat some, too.”

To Kagiura’s surprise, he puts a finger to his lips in the universal shh gesture.

Gguhh, Kagiura chokes on the cookie he’s already put in his mouth.

“What’s wrong?!”

From hanging out together for half a year, he should know that Hirano’s a soft person by nature, but he still can’t get over it.

“Th- the cookie got into my organs…”

“The fuck?!”

He likes him…maybe.

It shouldn’t leave the realm of maybe yet.

“Th- they were so tasty I kinda ate them too fast…”

Hirano bursts out laughing at his attempt to save face.

This guy laughs so much!

“Hahaha…Gotcha, I’m glad then, ahahaha.”

“Jeez, it’s not that funny!”

He covers his face with the open magazine, protesting that he’s already embarrassed enough, but Hirano’s still laughing as he apologizes.

“Damn. You know, if I ever get married, I hope I find someone who wears their heart on their sleeve like you do.”

At that moment, it’s as if time has stopped.

“.......?!”

Kagiura freezes, the basketball magazine falling from his hands.

“Oh, it’s dinnertime. Let’s go.”

Does he not realize what he just said?

No respect for the fact that he’s just taken Kagiura out in one hit.

Still in shock, Kagiura heads out for dinner slightly behind.

*****

On the long-awaited festival day, the skies are so clear it’s almost too hot.

Inside, the school is teeming with people.

As one would expect of the one day when even current students are allowed to wear casual clothes, there’s color everywhere you look.

Kagiura is wearing the original T-shirt his class had ordered.

The orange uniform, printed with the word “yakitori” and a drawing of meat skewers, stands out quite a bit for its simplicity.

Even as he’d listened to his classmates complain that they didn’t know what kind of casual clothes to wear at school, Kagiura had just figured “it’s hot, so a t-shirt is the only way to go”. But on the day of, he sort of understands how they feel.

The school where they spend all their time in uniforms is suddenly awash with all sorts of outfits. Just this fact is enough to make the vibe a little jittery, like they’re cutting loose.

Even Kagiura, who’s used to wearing casual clothes in the dorms, feels that way, so the students who commute from home probably feel even more out of place.

This time last year, Kagiura, whose choices of cram schools hadn’t been few, had not yet decided his future plans. As a result, he didn’t come to last year’s cultural festival, although it had been a perfect day to visit the school.

Everything he’s seeing is new to him, and although he’s been watching it all come together, each new wonder just deepens his excitement.

And of course, all of the food looks delicious.

Before noon, when he goes to visit Hirano’s class, cultural festival pamphlet in hand, Hirano soon appears, dressed in his favorite white T-shirt.

He lets Kagiura decide their itinerary, since “it’s my second year at this”.

They walk past someone holding up a sign that reads “Cheesy yakisoba in the courtyard!!”

He may be a rival in the Courtyard Stall battle, but Kagiura plans to go buy from them later.

The line for the yakitori stand is quite long; it’s grown from the time Kagiura was managing the stall in the morning.

After they get through the line and are handed a cup of yakitori, Kagiura takes them here and there, tugging at Hirano’s arm.

*****

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✨ANNOUNCEMENT✨

As I've been winding down work on the novel, seeing all yalls comments and support made me super emotional, and I wanted to do something to show my thanks. So I've decided to host a lil giveaway for everyone who's been following along with these updates and sharing your thoughts and reactions with me! I'll make a separate post with more details but I wanted to talk about it on one of the updates since I figured a separate post would just get buried lmao

And as always a very heartfelt thank you to my reading list members @jeizet, @jujupanic, @massyworld, @umbreonwolfy, @acidsuzanne-blog, @neoday, @lary-the-lizard, @tsmginc much love as always ✨

#real not clickbait #:')#i rlly tl'd like 4 different scenes that ended up appearing in the short film #i coulda just waited and saved myself the trouble lmao #o well #hirano to kagiura #hirano and kagiura #hirano to kagiura ln #hirano to kagiura translation #kagihira #sasaki to miyano #harusono shou #kagiura akira #hirano taiga

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milkyluxe · 8 months

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Just for tonight

My entry for day 4 of KagiHira week 2023 Prompt: needy Please be considerate with me, It's been literally over a decade since I last wrote a fanfic, but what can I say? these boys got me down BAD So this is basically Hirano being needy. Set in the winter where Kagi is a 2nd year and Hirano is about to graduate. He's stressed and anxious. Enjoy! :) Also a biiiig thanks to my bestie @cutiesaur for being my beta reader. She really helped a lot! <3

Just for tonight

Physics. Yes, he should study physics a bit more…make sure he knows all of the formula variations there could ever be. Perhaps, he should go over all the problems again? Or maybe it was a better idea to study maths? Just a bit more wouldn’t hurt to make sure he was on top of every problem he could need to solve. Maybe he should eat. When was the last time he stood up?...How long had he been in this trance? Ugh, he should tidy up his desk. All the mess inside his head couldn’t…or shouldn’t be also present in the physical world. Taiga Hirano grunted. Goddamit, why can’t days be 36 hours, right?

“Hirano-san”, his roommate's voice snapped him out of his clustered focus mode, “are you gonna stay up late again?”. Akira Kagiura was already laying on his bed, pretending to read a fashion magazine, but in reality he hadn’t turned the pages in over thirty minutes. He had spent the whole time staring at Hirano, not because he was oh so in love with him, but because the blonde hadn’t moved a muscle in hours; no, in days.

College entrance exams were just around the corner. Kagi had always known how much of a dedicated student Hirano was, he admired him for it, but these past days he had the impression his senior was pushing himself way too hard. It had been a little over a week since he had started ignoring the “lights out” time and kept studying on his desk with a little desk lamp that couldn’t be good for his eyes. He went down to the dining hall just to mindlessly shove food down his throat the fastest he physically could. Kagiura was sure he wasn’t chewing properly. “Sorry… I really need to go back up and study”, Hirano had been excusing himself, but did he really need to study that much?

It’s just the last spurt. That’s what Hirano thought.

“Uh -Yes, I- …Yes, I think so”, he finally answered with his head clearly still in his notes. “Is the light too bright? Does it make it hard for you to fall asleep?"

“If I say yes, will you stop studying and go to sleep too?” Kagi asked. He somewhat regretted the tone in which that sentence came out, more annoyed about the light and less worried about his beloved; the latter being how he truthfully felt. Hirano turned on his chair and looked at the brunette for a while, or at least what felt like a while to Kagi. Hirano had a similar gaze in his eyes as the one he had had when Kagi first met him. “No” he said plainly.

Now Kagiura was mad. The man he loved was so smart and reasonable, yet this attitude was self-destructive. Yeah, okay, the blonde had said countless times how his priorities were and always had been his studies, but putting them even over his health? It was irritating and it seemed like he knew and just didn’t care. All that was in Hirano’s mind was being as ready as he could be for those exams.

“You’ve been doing this the whole week. Your body can’t possibly handle this treatment much longer. You know…Tomorrow is sunday, you can catch some sleep today and tomorrow you can keep studying if you want-”

“If I want?!?!” Kagi was sort of cut off by Hirano’s sudden outburst. “Do you think I’m doing this for fun? My whole future and everything I’ve been working for in these past years depend on me scoring a high enough grade on the entrance exams next week!” Hirano hissed. He was incensed, he wasn’t being himself.

Kagi kept silent for a bit, he limited himself to stare at Hirano with those deep brown eyes of his. Hirano seemed as if he was holding his breath. He had raised his voice to Kagi, his precious roommate, and that didn’t happen often. “You are the first person to tell me that taking breaks is something healthy, that I cannot strain my body so that it exceeds its limits all the time, yet that’s what you’ve been doing. All these past days and nights, it’s like there’s a magnet on your desk” the younger man said firmly. “You are better than this, Hirano. I know that you know better than to-”

“I’m scared” Hirano’s gaze was down, his body tensed up on the chair. He had verbalised that so fast, Kagiura even doubted if he had heard him right. “You’re scared?” asked Kagiura to make sure he had heard correctly. “Every minute I’m not studying I feel like I’m wasting time. My head gets flooded with horrible scenarios… What if I can’t answer something I thought I knew perfectly… Should I have studied more? What if I don’t make it? What am I supposed to do then?” his voice was starting to crack.

Upon hearing that faint change of tone in Hirano’s voice, Kagi jumped out from his bed as quickly as he could and kneeled in front of Hirano to meet his gaze. He looked up at him, a silent way of saying “I’m listening to you”. Inside his mind, Kagi was fighting the urge to take his beloved blonde into his arms and console him, alas Kagi knew that, in this state, the other would only retaliate. Instead, he gently placed one of his hands on Hirano’s knee to encourage him to vent some more.

Brows furrowed, Hirano raised his hands to his forehead, then his temples. He was extremely tense and he knew it, he was only realising this now that he didn’t remember being not tense for the last few days. “I can’t stop,” he said in a tiny voice. “I’m sorry I snapped at you… It’s just that… I feel like I’m drowning”, he stated with one hand partially covering his face. He looked at Kagiura, who was still on his knees looking at him. He didn’t need to say anything, his very expressive eyes spoke for him. Hirano was always glad for how Kagiura kept him grounded without him knowing it. He felt as if he gave him some sort of sense of purpose and direction. He was a pillar to him. Though he still hadn’t been able to name what he felt for his junior, he was certain they were all positive things, even if he had been ignoring him these past days. He recalled what Kagi said earlier, he was right, he needed to take a break. He was burnt out, exhausted, and anxious, but seeing his roommate’s face brought him some comfort. “You’re probably not even retaining anything anymore, like, your brain is lacking nutrients” Kagiura stated as if he was a hundred percent sure that’s what was happening. Hirano chuckled. “You’re so stupid”, he teased him with a faint smile on his face. He took the hand that was resting on his knee, held it and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you, Kagi. You’re absolutely right, I should stop…that is for today at least”. Kagiura smiled and squeezed his hand back. He got up, not letting go of Hirano’s hand, “I have no doubts that you’re going to make it, Hirano-san, but you really have to get some rest. You always look very beautiful to me, but those dark circles aren't flattering around your pretty blue eyes”. “Ugh” Hirano took his hand away and hid his very much blushed face. “Okay, whatever, let’s sleep then, it is past lights out time anyway” It had been a little over a year since Kagiura confessed, and they had been through so much, but Hirano still wasn’t sure how to react when the other one blurted out his thoughts and feelings like that. But as he had told him himself once: Kagi went straight for the throat with his words and, once again, he had to be thankful for it. “I’m not gonna turn off the lights until I’m completely sure you’re tucked in your bed” Kagiura said as he stood waiting for Hirano to crawl into his bed and lay on it the same way you would stare at a pet that got caught in the middle of mischief and got scolded for it. “Are you gonna do it yourself, then?” The blonde immediately regretted his words. With any other person, that would’ve come off as a goofy little threat-joke; but, given the current state of his relationship with Kagiura and how the sleepy brat tended to take things literally...He had positioned himself in a dangerous situation . He cleared his throat and blushed. Again. Kagiura blushed too because the amount of times he had dreamt of taking Hirano to bed was insane.

After some awkward seconds, the youngest said “I don’t think you should set an alarm for tomorrow. You should really sleep as much as your body needs. If I wake up first, I’ll be sure to be as quiet as possible. Oh! But I’ll wake you up if breakfast time is running out, you must eat properly too, and breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you want, I can get you some of the snacks I eat before training if you want to feel more energised-” at this point Kagiura realised Hirano was staring at him with a joyous look on his face, the kind gaze that made Kagi think Hirano was also in love with him. “Right, sorry, I’ll shut up” Hirano snickered, he got into his bed, bundling up under his covers. “Thank you, Kagi… I mean it” he said as he rested his head on the pillow. Kagiura turned off the lights.

_______

Taiga Hirano envied and admired a lot of things about his roommate, one of those things being his ability to fall asleep immediately, and virtually anywhere. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Kagi had turned off the lights, but he felt as if he had been shuffling around on his bed for hours. Had it been of any worth that Kagiura had managed to get him off the desk relatively early if he was still awake, thrashing around thinking about the exams? Oh no, here it comes again, the feeling of wasting time. He felt irate at himself. Why couldn't he just fall asleep quickly? He wished he could just switch his body off, like an electronic device. He couldn’t help himself to keep ruminating on those thoughts of worry and inadequacy… Oh! And, on top of that, he had also made poor sweet Kagi worry about him. This wasn’t good. His chest felt tight, his thoughts were rushing on his mind and felt as if they were surrounded by thorns, he couldn’t find a position where his body didn’t feel itchy. He wasn’t foolish enough to get up and start studying now, he knew he needed to rest, but this was useless, he needed his mind to wander somewhere else. He sat up and glanced to his left towards the direction where Kagi’s bed was. He appeared to be sleeping profoundly.

Aah, fuck it.

“Kagi” Hirano whispered, hoping it would be enough to wake up Mr. Sleeping Beauty. He knew from experience that it hardly would be, though, so he sat at the bed of the other boy and shook him lightly, “Kagi” he repeated .

“..hmmh?” a very dazed and sleepy Kagiura mumbled, one eye opened. “Scoot over” Hirano said with a calmness in his voice that was proportional to the knot of nerves he felt inside. It’s not like he hadn’t slept with Kagiura before, they had fallen asleep on the floor sometimes in their study sessions, they had also leant on each other on long bus rides if they took a trip somewhere… but actually getting in his bed was… different. Hirano felt a bit guilty. Was he taking advantage of him? He knew he wouldn’t refuse. Was he being selfish? He still remembered that time when Kagi couldn’t sleep well because he was too self-conscious of sharing a room with the person he had a crush on…that was a long time ago though, and they were way past that stage.

Also, Kagiura himself had told him he wanted him to be needy, and this was what he wanted right now. Without fully understanding what was happening, mainly because he was pretty much with one foot in reality and consciousness and the other one on Morpheus’ realm, Kagiura squirmed towards the side of the wall, and the next thing he knew was that he had Hirano between his arms. Now he was fully awake. “Hirano-san, what happened? Are you okay?” Kagi asked, concerned. “...It's just… I can’t sleep,” Hirano answered, the sound partially lost as he had buried his face in Kagi’s chest. It was his way of saying “I don’t want to talk anymore”, the blonde tugged at Kagi’s pajamas and squeezed him into a hug. Kagi understood. He shifted his body a bit more so that Hirano could lay more comfortably on him… well, at least as comfortable as those miniscule single beds would allow them. He held his beloved senior in his arms. Hirano had his head on Kagiura’s chest-shoulder-arm. One of his arms was folded awkwardly between their bodies and the other one was around his junior, holding him tightly. He could hear Kagi’s heartbeat, which he had expected to raise up, but it didn’t. Wasn’t he disrupted by the fact that his crush had just barged into his bed? Maybe this was wrong and he shouldn’t have made his way into his junior’s bed. Doing something as intimate as sharing a bed was…risky, giving he was also still not sure he felt the same way. Then again, whatever impulse made him want to sleep with him had been right, he already felt a little bit better. The night was cold, it was winter after all, and Kagiura was very, very warm. Hirano was somewhat glad these beds were so narrow, they forced him to cling extremely close to Kagi; it was his only option. Whatever thoughts that were making him feel bad about giving Kagiura mixed signals were now redirected at himself, accusing his own actions for quite possibly turning a blind eye on his very own feelings for his roommate.

He had willingly approached his roommate to lay between his arms after all, and, by god, it was everything he had hoped it would be and more. After a short while, he felt Kagi’s fingers caress his hair lightly, softly, cautiously. Hirano got angry at the thought that maybe Kagi was taking this as the pointless ten second thing they used to do. He shouldn’t hesitate to touch him, for heaven’s sake! So, as a way to reassure that physical contact between them was more than okay now, Hirano snuggled more into Kagi’s chest and leaned his head into his hand as he caressed his hair, just like when a cat wants to be petted. It was working. His head was being drained from all of the overwhelming thoughts and worries of the exams and instead, thoughts of his beloved Akira Kagiura were starting to sprout. Hirano was thinking of Kagi’s body, which was now extremely close to him, and how it barely fit in the bed, lengthwise. He was thinking about the fact that Kagi felt broader than what he looked; it was funny how the brunette was always so eager to touch him yet he was so reluctant to show off his muscles. Those muscles… Now Hirano could feel them, and it was doing things to his mind. He decided it was not the time to pay too much attention to those thoughts… not now. Kagiura’s other hand had found its way to Hirano’s back, and it was gently caressing him there too, with a small linear motion with his thumb. This felt extremely relaxing and Hirano was delighted; either he would fall asleep, which was what he much wanted and needed, or he would remain enjoying all of the sensations his roommate was making him feel, which were a bunch of fuzzy warm emotions.

He didn’t want to think much of when he would ever get the chance to share a bed with Kagiura again, or even if he would. Perhaps going over what his feelings for Kagi actually were wasn’t the best idea now. Hirano was just grateful there was someone in his life he could depend on and lean on when he felt as if the ground wasn’t there anymore, like he was losing himself. The mere action of laying down and cuddling with Kagiura made everything else seem so inconsequential. It was just them, their bodies now very intertwined, as Kagi had locked their legs together at some point, both of their breaths now in sync, and Kagi’s soothing heartbeat which made Hirano calm down drastically. The petting on the head stopped, and Hirano took this as a sign that his dear Kagi was definitely falling back to sleep. The older boy moved his head a bit to look at his source of bliss. Kagiura had rested his head to almost lay on top of Hirano’s, and because of the sudden movement, he got alerted and opened his eyes. Blue met brown.

They held their gazes for a while. Kagiura appeared to be waiting for Hirano to say something, and Hirano seemed to be waiting for Kagiura to do something.

Kagi smiled softly and asked “are you comfortable?”; his voice was low and raspy, he had bedhead and, from up this close, Hirano could see just how handsome he really, truly was. He got overwhelmed, but in a good way, because he understood the sheer amount of self-control Kagi must have been exerting right there to place his needs first. It was like he understood everything, all at once. The raw, intense, intrinsic love Kagi felt for him, he was really feeling it now, it was like being struck by thunder. Hirano wished this sensation was eternal. If he had done it a little harder, Hirano would’ve practically headbutted Kagiura on his chest when he leant down on him again, squeezing him tight. “Very much so” Hirano answered, but again his voice was partially lost in the fabric of Kagiura’s hoodie. He felt Kagi also snug him closer, take a deep breath and then he was pretty sure he felt faint kisses on the top of his head. He probably didn’t mind it at this time, all this cuddling was the perfect sleeping pill after all.

___

When he opened his eyes, Hirano felt plenty confused: he saw his own bed, but he wasn’t on it. “Oh my god, did I die out of stress? Am I a spirit now?” He began to freak out, but was eventually distracted by how overly warm his back felt, and how his duvet felt heavier than usual. It felt as if it was almost wrapped around him… and it also smelt a lot like his roommate. Oh. Right.

They must have shifted during the night (as one normally does) because now Kagiura was spooning Hirano, who needed a few seconds after waking up to finish the puzzle on his mind and remember all that had happened last night. Carefully, as to not wake the other up, who, unsurprisingly, was still asleep, Hirano reached out for the alarm clock Kagi kept on the headrest of his bed, the one he had gifted him on his past birthday. It was a little past 9 a.m. Way later than the time they usually got up, but still not too late to have breakfast. Hirano sat up on the bed and woke Kagi up. After all, if they weren’t out of the room soon, Hanzawa was probably going to knock on their door out of suspicion and, for once, he would’ve been right.

With a hand lightly shaking Kagiura’s torso, the blonde called for his junior’s name in a soft voice. When Kagiura opened his eyes, he was greeted with a view so dazzling he also thought he had died and gone to heaven: the morning sun rays were leaking from their window, and the ones that didn’t reach him directly, were being blocked by Hirano, with his golden hair, his fair skin, his shining blue eyes, the morning sun creating a halo around his figure. His brain malfunctioned and, all he managed to say after some babbling, was “...what?”

Hirano giggled, Kagi genuinely seemed absent-minded. “Don’t you “what” me, get up!” he said as he gave a quick spank to Kagi’s hip. Kagiura was sure he was now dead because there was no way Hirano just did that; but on the other hand, he was happy, because Hirano had a completely different look on his face: he looked rested, refreshed, lively.

“Good morning, Hirano-san” Kagi finally managed to say, and smiled.

#kagihiraweek2023 #hirano to kagiura #hirakagi #kagihira #akira kagiura #taiga hirano

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massyworld · 9 months

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My Chapter 22 Commentary

“We aren’t going on a date!” “Yes, we are!” The beautiful boys that you are. I love the start to this chapter, their combined prettiness hit me like a truck ngl. It was also such an odd feeling seeing Kagiura’s hair still left in the same position as we last saw it months ago. Feelin like we’re on earth while Kagihira are on the Miller planet in Interstellar, time speeding by for us but inching ever so slowly for them. Anyway, they’re adorable here. And Kagiura is getting prettier by every chapter.

I love how much bolder Kagiura is now too; probably emboldened by Hirano’s initiative in choosing the location of the 10 seconds last chapter. And Hirano. Hirano, once again, saying no to something with Kagiura, then realizing he’s actually at least somewhat okay with it (if not more).

Chapter 22: Slowly but Surely. The Gap Between Givers and Takers Like everyone else, I’m soooo encouraged by the name of this chapter. Like. This is really happening huh. Things are really changing for Hirano in real-time, and he’s becoming very incrementally more aware of it. And the tagline is so ooogh… is it referring to the palpable difference felt when you are the giver of touch (by extension, affection, and by extension, love), is it referring to the gap slowly and ultimately diminishing to the point that there is no longer a difference felt whether one is the giver or taker and the effect felt is the same no matter what? Is it referring to the widening discrepancy between our boundless acquisition of our planet’s resources and what our poor earth is physically capable of supplying us with hence sending us further past the point of no-return for ecological sustainability? Only sensei has the true answers.

“We’re just going shopping! No one calls that a ‘date’!” “People go on shopping dates all the time!” Kagiura continuing to fight the good fight. He’s right, Hirano. I mean if even uniform dates exist, surely anything can be a date…

“How long?” “It’s a secret. But I’ll tell you… Once you fall in love with me.” Honestly, I don’t really know specifically, but I feel like the fact that sensei did a throwback to Hirano wondering how long Kagiura’d been in love with him, is more significant/relevant to the future storyline than we think right now…

Other than, you know, Kagiura cranking up his rizz to MAXIMUM DRIVE Niibashi putting distance between him and Kagiura in front of Hirano is so funny. Even funnier is Kagiura’s adorable little “Niibashi’s mad at me because I’m missing a button :D” happy-go-lucky air here while he grins ear to ear. I also love the different ways both Niibashi and Hirano get angry around Kagiura hahah. Kagiura really is the perfect easygoing friend for that kind of personality. Still thinking about somebody pointing out the fact that Kagiura’s button was shown missing since the chapter cover for #20…

“Shall we skip practice today? I feel bad monopolizing you every day.” Please monopolize him until the end of time. Niibashi just quietly simmering in the background like my dinner. Hirano looking up at Kagiura in such a cute little way while holding the ends of his sweater, why the frick does this give me such domestic vibes.. Ha ha it reminds me of Kagiura holding Hirano’s ring folder when he was fixing it up in the nurs e ‘ s o f f i c e . . .

I’m sorry I am now looking at the symbolism for paper cranes (the ones in the background on the table behind Niibashi calling Kagiura a slob, and well, it’s not much, it’s just stuff like honor, good luck/fortune (hmm), loyalty and longevity (hmmmmm)… Slowly but surely…

Sewing privileges transferred. Niibashi’s organs eroding from the inside-out from seeing (and probably simultaneously remembering everything Kagiura’s told him Hirano has done/said) every speck of affection dripping out from every crevice on Hirano’s gay little face and body.

“There’s nothing I can’t do if I put my mind to it.” Including realizing your growing romantic feelings for Kagiura, right? Man the way Hirano keeps poking/hurting himself in the process of trying to fix Kagiura’s button/make up for wrecking it himself… makes me emo how he doesn’t mind getting hurt if it’s all for Kagiura’s sake aghhhh byeeeee… Love all the fond smiles Kagiura gives when Hirano says something cool, gahhhh… they love each other so much… I cant handle them…. “Ugh, why do you have to be so stubborn even with something like this?!” “I’m just messing with you.” Aaaand there’s his first smile of the chapter, followed by the next one 6 pages later (and one of my favourite panels of Kagihira together ;___; laughing together and relishing purely just being with the other….

Can’t remember if someone said this already, but I don’t know if it’s significant here, them both being on one side of the window frame’s shadow (the ‘centre line’ (Romance: don’t cross the line)). I mean it’d make sense I guess, since what Kagiura initiated wasn’t super romantic relatively speaking, albeit still a very affectionate gesture. Either way though- no lines were crossed, for sure.

Bony shoulder… hard thigh from the lap pillow… the physical awareness of each others’ bodies…. the way Kagiura rubs his head on it like he’s a cat on a scratching post… I digress. Love how sensei does lighting in her manga. The shadow that separates part of Hirano from Kagiura on the page after Kagiura told him it makes his heart race. Oooh…

...It doesn’t make mine race, though. But… It’s still not bad at all. What if I died. No but for real, this hurtssss because Hirano’s thinking to himself how he doesn’t physiologically feel the same as Kagiura, but he still enjoys the contact. He still likes touching it. Even if I’m not in love with you the way you are with me, I still want to be with you Kagi-kun.

I also want to mention something. I’ve kind of picked up this little.. thing.. of counting the panels of their ten second touching as if each panel is a second. Now, I’m too lazy to look through right now but there was at least one time when it equated to about 10 panels, 10 seconds, right? Well here, I’m counting 14 panels of his head being on Hirano’s shoulder. I was talking with friends about this and we were so unanimous about the fact that this was *not* 10 seconds long. Okay, it could’ve been, but c’mon, between all their talking, do you reallyyyy think Kagiura was fully counting the whole time. Be for real

Oh… Was that 10 seconds already? Back to the lighting. MAN. So good. The shadow on both the boys as Kagiura removes the weight of his head from Hirano’s shoulder. I hope his shoulder felt lighter. I hope it felt wrong to feel so light. Just like when Kagiura removed his arms from around Hirano after the hug and Hirano shivered a little. I hope each and every continued loss of weight and warmth is an accumulated strip torn off of Hirano’s psyche, and I hope he reaches the point where he is just a building torn to shreds whose only hope for reconstruction is the handyman responsible for the teardown in the first place.

God I just noticed Kagiura’s made that smiling while looking down face before, in chp 17, and Hirano just watches him so closely… but that wasn’t after touching. However in chp15 it was after their first 10 sec touching, but he wasn’t smiling, he looked blushily anguished, and Hirano was observing him in the panel right before it, top left, just as he is here…

Oh Hirano…bold of you to think Kagiura’s only been teaching you basketball…

It’s so crazy how Miyano dispels all this manga-obtained BL wisdom and yet does not have the intuition to put 2 and 2 together from what is coming out of Hirano’s mouth. It’s okay, not everyone can be Tashiro/Hanzawa…

Also, I feel like everyone’s processed it long enough that it’s just normal now, but Hirano admitting his heart raced during the hug and it not being mentioned at all (not even in motherfreaking SFX) up until this point is insane. It’s insanity. What other finer details are being kept under wraps til much later? Anyway, so I guess Hirano’s parents aren’t the hugging type ;_;

Love the Hiramiya banter. And Hirano’s chibi face in the, “Yeah, right???” panel. Aaaand cue Exhibit #2(?) of Hirano’s selective hearing in full display. So frustrating yet funny. Miyano literally giving out the secrets to the universe FOR FREE and Hirano’s out here like “man I really need the secrets of the universe, whatever shall I do”

I mean, personally, I don’t think we can know for sure yet if his heart was beating hard during the hug from surprise or from ~something else~, until they, like, schedule in a hug or something. Pencil it into their busy schedules in advance and know it’s coming and be fully prepared for it only for his heart to start racing again despite the precognition and become totally ruined inside and out, only then will I sleep soundly at night-

And then the infamous: When he’s around…it’s so much easier to focus. God I wish I could see him 顔が見てえ…Kao ga mitē…I want to see his face…. instant ruination. thrown asunder further into uncertainty. I’ve definitely had crushes where my infatuation developed while at a distance, pondering how much I think of them, and then leading to further physical reactions within their proximity. I feel… good things will come of this date. Though it’d be nice if Kagiura hugged Hirano during the date, to further nail down Miyano’s quote of how much they wanted to see the person, and then getting embraced after.

Ahhh… Hirano pissed off, then receiving Kagi’s text and instantly relaxing and smiling…and regaining the focus to study. Not to mention Hirano adding a date-like activity to their very non-date date. And calling it “not a date, but...”

I’m going to throw them into the sun. /lovingly

#see you guys next time at their “Not A Date But”!!#sorry this got so long #reread number 4?#i'm going to lay down and never get up again #maybe 23 will be out by then #hirano to kagiura #my posts #kagihira

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dirtbra1n · 11 months

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well since you obviously said it isn't a trap! what are your thoughts on hirano and sasaki :)

so it was a trap in the end. surprise! it’s just that it was supposed to be like a pit trap and it still is one just stupid deep. I’ve been in this pit for so long. sorry for leaving you waiting. it’s been ruminating for this long now and my thoughts aren’t organized to begin with so we Might as well just get on with it

tldr Tfw you and your best friend are queer at the same time and are sort of constantly orbiting around one another about it in weird liminal space where you’re simultaneously telling each other everything but never saying something

so I don’t know if you’ve gotten the chance to read the sasamiya first years novel yet highly recommend it Sound of the summer. but there was. like. an unprecedented amount of stuff in there that gutted me. like the last chapter. here’s the chapter image by the way

psychological warfare on me specifically. just Look I’ll bold the highlights:

He wants to pull himself up, I thought. He just hasn’t found anything to give him that push.

Not that it was any business of mine.

“Sun’s pretty high in the sky by now. There shouldn’t be any direct sunlight on your desk this time of day,” I said. “You came all the way to school. As long as you have the chance to make the effort, why not make it?”

With that encouragement, Sasaki got to his feet, swaying slightly. As I watched him brush the dust off his uniform, I decided to suggest to the Disciplinary Committee that we should make sure this area got swept periodically. We wouldn’t want any part of the school, even one off-limits to students, to look grimy.

“Mmm… Well, I guess I could handle one worksheet. If you’ll help me, Hirano.” The way he still seemed completely harmless was almost funny.

“Yeah, I’ll help you. If you really have it with you. If you don’t, then go talk to the teacher and get another copy before lunch is over.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I almost cracked a smile at the sense of friendliness he exuded. “You should only say ‘yeah’ once. Break’s over in five minutes, you know. You could stand to look like you’re sweating it a little.”

This time, Sasaki drew it out into a single “yeeeah.” He started down the stairs, and I fell into step beside him. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out.

“You?” he said, apparently not expecting that at all.

I was surprised to discover I felt a rush of embarrassment. I kept my eyes determinedly forward. “It’s a pain in the ass not being able to get ahold of you.” It felt funny, looking after a guy my own age like this, but I couldn’t stop myself. I figured getting Sasaki’s contact info now would make it easier if I needed something with him in the future.

Sasaki Shuumei.

My first impression was that he did things by the seat of his pants. My second—that he was a lot of trouble.

for my own peace of mind. will largely copy-paste what I’ve already said

like. how else do I say that this feels like. pre-romance. you’d think it’s WEIRD for these two. but there’s still that feeling. that hirano feels drawn to look after sasaki in like EXACTLY the same way he felt drawn to look after kagi. the like. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out. sasaki sweeping dust off himself and hirano getting the idea to suggest the disciplinary committee sweep EVERYWHERE. with that underlying feeling of I don’t want you to get dirty. seeing where sasaki is, not wanting to move forward, and wanting (quietly, subconsciously) to help him with it. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.

like what’s WITH that. why does it FEEL LIKE THAT

like part of it totally is the whole I have feelings for you I have feelings for you too (the feeling they’re both feeling is friendship) but it’s ALSO. ITS SOMETHING ELSE TOO. and it’s SO interesting to bite into because this novel like. very suddenly threw at us this different angle at which to view the relationships we’re already familiar with. and without even knowing it hirano and sasaki’s friendship—which was ALREADY liable to tear me asunder—was actually EVEN MORE LOADED with things to blow my dick clean off No don’t leave that in.

like we knew already that hirano’s this diligent kind of guy, but he gets this task that he feels is absolutely not his fucking job (tell sasaki to turn in a worksheet) and then he, like. gets pissy about it Yeah but also takes it exactly as seriously as you’d EXPECT him to. he complains about not feeling full at lunch even on a regular gym day, but he ate fast to have more time. to look for sasaki. he looked in every typical playing-hooky kind of space in the school, physically moving up the school, floor by floor, as he searched. and then he’s out of places. except for the school roof, which is locked, but he gets suspicious and goes to check anyway.

Ogasawara said Sasaki hates the heat. From that perspective, the stairway looked like a cozy hole in the ground.

I pushed aside the whiteboard proclaiming that the roof was for “authorized personnel only” and took a hesitant step onto the stairs. I worked my way up to the landing, doing my damnedest not to make a sound. I turned and saw someone.

“There you are!” I sighed.

Sasaki was at the uppermost part of the staircase. The door to the roof was indeed locked, and the only window that let any light in was far away. Sasaki was sitting in a shadowy spot, leaning against the cool wall, listening to music.

“Oh,” he said, his eyes drifting open. His ya-caught-me expression seemed out of place on the dusty staircase. It was the disinterested reaction of a guy who just didn’t care about school.

“The hell are you doing here?” I said. Had he really been sitting there all day? Didn’t his butt get sore?

Sasaki slid off his headphones and gave me a questioning look. “Er, Hirano, right? Whatcha need?”

He remembers my name? That surprised me. Maybe my golden hair gave it away.

“What do I need? To tell you that you have to turn in a worksheet for Modern Literature today. You’re the only one who hasn’t.”

Only then did it occur to me that it would have been far more efficient just to have Ogasawara send him a text. I’d been asked to tell him to turn in the worksheet, but I wasn’t ordered to collect it from him. Still, it was true that I was concerned about his “flying by the seat of his pants” approach to life. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.

and really when you read the entire chapter with this understanding of its Weirdness you’ll notice all these various ways hirano has noticed things about sasaki (“No wonder he always seemed to be eating bread at lunch.”) and it’s just like. Where do we go from here.

and then you look at early hirakagi and sasaki’s subtitle is “The Classmate” and it’s BEWILDERINGLY FUNNY

like this is hysterical to me. you share this strangely intimate moment with this guy you feel drawn to look after despite everything and then after that he’s not even your friend yet.

we see what the beginning of their friendship looks like, we see how invested hirano is in sasaki’s just. everything! we see how much he sees sasaki (apathetic, placid, a couple steps from delinquency, though he’s not moving towards it) and we see how much he WANTS sasaki to get past it!!! and then they aren’t even friends yet. because hirano is unbeatably weird about his relationships with all people. what the hell is wrong with you hirano taiga. I love you.

AND THAT ISN’T EVEN GETTING INTO THE WAY SASAKI GETS ABOUT HIRANO.!!!!! because just. god I think the reason I was putting this off is because it makes me want to cry. We all remember this scene right

because I remember. think I could probably get whacked over the head with a fire extinguisher, get amnesia’d, and still remember this scene in blinding detail. have I said already that I’m insane. I went on this big long tangent in sunnnfish’s tags about it one time, and I’m gonna quote myself on that:

the way sasaki who even now at this point in time is generally apathetic and walled off from emotion / who is walking with a friend of his who also generally isn’t much for externalizing how he feels / sees an aspect of that friends life that he hardly sees / and thus sees an aspect of that FRIEND he hardly sees / and that aspect is. it’s so. / like i’m losing my grip on this framing / sasaki knows hirano to be kind of a hardass and stick in the mud / and all of a sudden out of nowhere hirano is like Head back without me and sasaki / who until that moment hadn’t been paying attention. had therefore been observing and feeling nothing / looks up and sees. hirano doing something so (to sasaki) UN-hiranolike / because of kagi. and sasaki has to notice that. because he and hirano are friends. and sasaki is someone who notices things

the much shorter quote that sums up my feelings on this scene just about as well is as follows: LIKE GOD. LOOK AT SASAKI’S EYES. YOU GET WHAT I MEAN / DON’T YOU?

like you. I have to collect myself this is so embarrassing I hate you sasaki shuumei….. <- lie YOU GET THESE PIECES AND START PUTTING THEM TOGETHER. that their friendship started at the top of a stairwell that was kind of like a cozy hole in the ground, and hirano saw the sasaki there that was kind of just. not in a place to care! and he reached out to him in his pissy hardass way and asked shyly for his number and agreed to help with his work and started this process that got sasaki to. HERE!!!! they weren’t friends until somehow someway sometime they were and when hirano tells sasaki to go back without him he placidly agrees until he sees what hirano is doing and he gets this look in his eyes and it’s. I think I subconsciously know to avoid talking about sasaki because I can’t ever help but get unbearably emotional.

they’re just

they’re friends. and they care about each so much and the jump from their first year first-contact fucking. rendezvous in the stairwell leading to the roof, where it’s just them two in a place where neither of them is supposed to be, where hirano still resolves to keep it clean. which could mean nothing. to their second year where you can just look at sasaki’s eyes and glean something beyond words that has permanently ruined my life. to their third year where they’re so easy and comfortable and hirano smiles easily and with affection and sasaki has grown into someone who would be a stranger to first year hirano, but not an unwelcome one. you just. you have to get it! you have to understand!

so hey. we’ve made it this far in. right? we have. so can I please just

hirano sees sasaki, wants to help him despite being the same age -> sasaki, two years later, undeniably friends with this guy who he can be deeply himself with, wants help with something, sees hirano, notices how focused in on his own work he is, probably puzzles together how worn out he’s gotta be, and resolves not to ask for it.

we’ve made it this far in together, right? so I’ll do you the favor of not drawing this comparison to kagi even though I kind of want to, both for your sake but mostly for mine. because it might kill me to put those words together and I need to wipe my eyes AGAIN I HATE YOU SASAKI SHUUMEI!!!!!!!! <- liar

but there’s this thing that is so so evident through hirakagi specifically where you see sasaki seeing something and resolving to hold onto it for hirano’s sake. sasaki sees how worn out hirano is and refuses to put more stress on him. sasaki sees hirano interacting with roommate-kun and makes up his mind to keep as many of those details from miyano as possible.

he just cares. sasaki just cares.

so now this If you thought I was being weird before. man. let me quote myself again

like. it . these two. it almost feels like sasaki is thinking about miyano just to remind you that the weirdness here is totally Not something we should be latching onto. like sasaki SHOULD know already that miyano would NOT want him hunching over. but how else would we get THIS

what is with sasaki and hirano and this FEELING.

sasaki’s own line of ellipses. I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

WHAT IS WITH SASAKI AND HIRANO AND THIS FEELING.

@sunnnfish comments here on the liminality, “a special space where time and space feel weird. Almost like it shouldn’t exist”

a couple steps to the left

like sasaki and miyano.. they don’t really get all that many liminal moments. and hirano and kagi get their moments but they’re like. MOMENTS. but sasaki and hirano…… every one of them, it feels like, when they’re alone, just the two of them. every one of them has that liminal feeling where everything’s weird, and you’re speaking around this impossible SOMETHING in your mouth, sat on your tongue, not going anywhere, and your words come out sort of jumbled for it. your brain tunes it out, thoughts about this and that, anything else, but the busyness just serves to emphasize that space on your tongue that is being taken up by….. whatever it is. like an x-ray, what’s being seen through and what isn’t.

…

like this moment where it’s just them and liminality is inescapable, they HAVE to talk about roommate-kun and he HAS to think about miyano. they have to. just a couple steps to the left, but this isn’t that. Oh. But Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

I’m a rotten husk, if you couldn’t tell. going to take one more second on that FUCKING. LINE because there’s something about it to me.

S: You of all people?

H: Huh?

S: Oh, no…

S: ………

S: I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

his demeanor, his nine point ellipses, scratching the back of his head. then he thinks about kagi and draws the comparison. I’m gonna be sick I think actually

and then sunnnfish threw a right hook re: recontextualizing hirano’s They really have gotten close… …… Well, I guess there’s nothing wrong with that.

SF: … it’s like. In our canon universe that Not shifted a little to the left Hirano watches Sasaki evolve so much. Because of Miyano. Sasaki rather suddenly became such a close friend of his who he actively wants to see get better and find purpose and he sees him find that. At least a little. Even though he’s still apathetic he has more pep in his step. And there’s something there in all of that too. Just. Watching your best friend fall in love and change. That’s like it’s own kind of fucked up. Especially considering on some level he wanted to be the one to help sasaki. But he’s also happy that sasaki seems happier. I’m getting lost in the sauce I feel

DB: NO YEAH YOURE GETTING ME THERE

so I’ll drag back the tldr. sasaki and hirano have a really queer friendship and it’s a pang through the heart if you’re at all like me. number one secret third thing of my heart, because they’re actually really mundane and their friendship is so liminal and. look when I say. okay I’m gonna say something. their friendship is kind of romantic. just not necessarily in a romantic way. okay? all right.

one last. Let me sort of quote myself one last time I promise

sasaki too this GUY…. like of course I like the sasaki sasaki is with miyano. he’s everything to me even. but I think part of this secret third thing with hirano is like. the clear shot of the sasaki that. well not everyone sees him this way, tashiro thinks he’s scary. and ogasawara is gonna have a different view of him too because they’ve known each other for a few years now. but hirano went looking for him—when he realized HIMSELF that he literally could have just had ogasawara SEND HIM A TEXT—he went looking for him and found him in that stairwell that he was NOT supposed to be in and spoke to him, like he was maybe SUPPOSED to, and he sees this clear shot of the sasaki that is so. quiet friendly lonely and kind, a little timid and reclusive and aimless but not for lack of WANTING to pull himself up. this sasaki. and hirano gets a little short with him but he also wants to help him, wants to help pull him up, or at least help him WANT to pull himself up, wants to look after him

they’re weird and they care about each other so so so so sooooo so much because they’re friends. and sometimes they’re weird about each other. which is super normal. but as much as I’m waving my hands around clarifying this and that I’m standing by my initial statement with the stairwell. that was a really romantic framing. all right? okay.

I’m giving you a ladder out of the pit trap now. thank you very much for asking you’re a real good sport for that

#so. Yeah!#finishing this hmmmm. juuust about half an hour before it’s sasaki’s birthday for me #so we’ll call it his birthday present even though he’d hate it. :)#sasaki shuumei #hirano taiga #novel writer kotoko hachijo. i would love to shake your hand someday…#last touches done. if it’s janked or unreadable or incomprehensible. lets just call that an occupational hazard. okay? all right #belatedly realizing i forgot some tags #askbox #dirtbrain digression #sasahira

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kghr-8125 · 2 years

Text

Still takes me out that while Hirano seems to have never had any experience in romance before,when Kagiura asked him what his ideal marriage partner was he actually had an answer and didn't just say something common or said how he was fine with anyone as long as they had a good personality or something.

He specifically said how he wanted someone that was honest,has open expression and also has a passion they put their all into pursuing.

Like i don't know if its just me but its just shocking because Hirano strikes me as the kind of person who doesn't think much about wanting a romantic relationship so when he actually knew what he wanted for an ideal marriage partner it stuck with me because he didn't just say that he doesn't really know or he hasn't thought about it that much yet.He actually did have an answer and it wasn't just finding someone that was attractive or kind.

Even Kagiura despite his own ideals and views about romance and what he think how it feels like base on what he's seen between what his parents had for each other,what he want is actually kinda simple in how he just wanted to be with someone who he could love yet also act as a best friend to.

Hirano's ideal marriage partner was a bit more specific.Maybe its just me and it isn't that weird after all that Hirano did have an answer but still I think about every now and then.

What's more is that someone on twitter made a thread about the little things in the japanese translation that doesn't get shown well in the english translation and if Im remembering it well Hirano was indeed thinking of a wife when he was talking about an ideal marriage partner.

Basically Kagihira both just effortlessly fulfilled each other's criteria about what they want in a relationship.

Hirano said he specifically wanted someone honest and passionate and while he was thinking about a wife when he said that,Kagiura still fits the bill perfectly.

For Kagiura's ideal relationship too Hirano just entered his life one day and their bond was the epitome of everything he wanted in a romantic relationship.

#Am i the only one who thinks so or is it really not weird how Hirano had a specific answer on what kind of person he wanted to marry #I can understand whats it like having an ideal person in mind while also not really seeking a relationship but still #Or maybe weird isn't actually the right word to describe it #I dont know #hirano to kagiura #hirano taiga #kagiura akira #kagihira #Rambles

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grimescum · 3 months

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under the cut because its me rambling angrily about what hirano did w walter again. sorry. it kills me thinking about what could've happened and then remembering that it didnt happen in any capacity

and also spoilers i guess but who give a shit

thinking about walter makes me sad sometimes, like. i really wish he wasn't killed off after his betrayal, or at least not until a while after, because being able to see the guilt he might've felt would've been much more satisfying and heartbreaking than the little sliver of remorse he showed when seras thanked him for being there. I REALLY WISH THE STUPID BETRAYAL DIDN'T HAPPEN INT HE FIRTS PLACE?!?!?! was it meant to be a twist??! like omg the Guy Who Is Not Really That Important was the traitor all along 😱😱😱😱?!?!$?! was the shock of walter betraying hellsing point blank somehow more interesting than the nuance and the anger and the grief that could've come after that?!?! the potential forgiveness?!??

i know that wouldn't have made any real sense given what i just said about him being mr Guy Who Is Not Really That Important but a girl with severe daddy issues can dream god damn it. GOD inwish i could just push hirano off to the side and write the shit myself when it comes to walter, i've got atleast three separate timelines in my head for how it could've gone, either with walter showing actual meaningful feelings of grief and regret and maybe even insecurity with how he was basically jealous of alucard, with NONE of that happening at all or with none of that happening but with walter still going through that whole "i dont want to be useless after i die" arc AND staying loyal

#flea talks #walter c dornez

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elixirvitae · 1 year

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How does Alucard feel about Mina? Its not clear in the manga apart from the ship scene that suggests to me that he loved her(?) and I'm not sure Hirano ever specified either... i know he said that the book was canon (right?) and I've also heard he said the 1992 movie was too (not sure about that one either). What do you think?

We know Bram Stoker wrote "Dracula" in the Hellsing setting.

My headcanon is van Helsing gave permission to Stoker, who sensationalized the story into a novel. Abraham received cuts of that money, and with those royalties and the wealth taken from Alucard, built the Hellsing Organization and presented himself to the crown. But there are a lot of influences from the Coppola film, so given the way he cried after that dream of Helsing humiliating him and tell him Mina would never be his, I personally think he loved her. And I think the big Mina reveal at the end would be more significant if he had loved her. If he did, I can justify my obsessive thoughts on how Alucard would react to finding out upon his return that all those vampires he'd killed were created from his poor Mina.

If Hirano has ever clearly specified, I haven't seen it.

In my headcanon, when his first wife died by suicide he never loved the same way until he met Mina. He turned his three wives, he turned Lucy, but couldn't bring himself to turn Mina and take away her humanity. She had to explicitly ask him to.

And I think he went through a pretty dramatic change. I think he went from melancholic to nihilistic, and went from trying to make good first impressions to earn trust, to deliberately making people uncomfortable just being in a room with him. He went back to the battlefield serving someone else's purpose and learned to fetishize his own lack of autonomy, and developed a twisted form of Stockholm Syndrome for Arthur, had a breakdown and tried to slaughter his way away from Hellsing, got locked in the basement. Awakened by Integra and simped for her with moderation.

But I don't know if he ever loves someone like he loved Mina and his first wife again. I hope so.

#alucard hc #this is the headcanon i use in my story at least #take with a grain of salt #thanks for the ask!#i hope you like angst

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enchanted-keys · 1 year

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If it isn't too much to ask I'd love to hear your favourite roles of the ROH principals. As many or as few as you like

Hello! First of all, happy new year, I hope you had a lovely start; and also thanks for the ask :D Let's see...

Lauren Cuthbertson: hands down Juliet; but another role where I really, really like her is The Young Girl in The Two Pigeons.

Francesca Hayward: she's my favorite Juliet, probably of all time, and she always seems to excel in anything Ashton. I've also heard amazing things about her Manon for years, but unfortunately, I've never had the privilege of seeing it.

Fumi Kaneko: from what I've seen in person when she was in Bologna, both her Odette/Odile were nothing short of superb.

Sarah Lamb: Manon by a long shot. I'd definitely call it her signature role. She's also generally amazing in anything Macmillan.

Mayara Magri: hard for me to say because there isn't much footage of her in principal roles, out there. There are some clips of her Odile (old and very recent) but I just don't feel her interpretation. The roles I've liked her in the most so far are Mercedes in DQ and the Rose Fairy in Nutcracker.

Yasmine Naghdi: I think Sugar Plum Fairy and the Concerto Adagio.

Marianela Nuñez: she absolutely owns most roles, it's ridiculous, honestly. But the ones she's the absolute best in for me are Odette/Odile, Aurora and Kitri.

Natalia Osipova: I'd say Swanilda (ironic, because she said she hates this role), and Kitri.

Anna Rose O’Sullivan: she's honestly a great Juliet. The role comes so naturally to her, and I'm kind of obsessed with her acting in it.

Akane Takada: definitely Odette/Odile and Titania in The Dream.

Matthew Ball: Romeo, Romeo, Romeo...did I mention Romeo? He's also an extremely believable, solid, absolutely hate-inspiring Albrecht. Special mention to Apollo and the little I saw from him as Rudolph. Also...his Tybalt!!!

William Bracewell: another great Romeo. And I was very impressed with his Hamlet as well.

Alexander Campbell: I think he makes a wonderful Basilio.

Reece Clarke: whatever

Cesar Corrales: the latin lover he plays every time he's on stage, as every possible character, I guess?

Ryoichi Hirano: I absolutely love his Leonte.

Steven McRae: definitely Rudolph and Oberon.

Vadim Muntagirov: best Siegfried and De Grieux out there, for me

Marcelino Sambé: I really love both his Romeo and his Mercutio.

#thanks again for the ask #i swear i'm not being mean on purpose about clarke and corrales...there just isn't any artistry in what they do at the moment #not for me anyway...doesn't matter how hard i look for it

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niaoniaos · 2 years

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I only just found out about kinpuri and Tackey. I am so shocked. Would you please tell me what your conspiracy theory is 👀

holds up a mic welcome to my ted talk

my conspiracy theories have only been more solidified by several friends doing tarot readings and ALL getting internal conflict so uh. johnnys is about to go through some FUCKIN SHIT

anyways the most "conspiracy" theory i have is that i don't think the reason ren and kaito are giving for staying (to keep king & prince alive for the fans) is the full reason. the news, honestly, would've been more believable to me in the first place if johnnys said all 5 were leaving because they're so attached at the hip, but the fact ren and kaito are staying, just reads as something else to me. idk if its for Japanese trademark law idk if there something in johnnys contracts where after a certain period of time they get access to stuff but idk, ren and kaito staying and keeping the king & prince name alive gives off woohyun publicly saying he only stayed with woolim to try and get all of infinites hard drives and info more than loyalty to the company (especially since all 5 of them leaving together would mean a higher probability of a company just snatching all 5 of them versus them having to sign separately)

the other part is we know that these talks have been happening for over a year. there's no way that in that year, johnny higher ups have not been sending senpai after kinpuri to help negotiate. there's no fucking way matsujun did not talk to sho and be like. what do you want I'll help you get it. the fact that SHO AND KISHI ARE TWO OF THE THREE THAT ARE LEAVING, two of the most loyal fucking people to the company, hirano i make this company so much fucking money sho decided to leave, means that something SO BAD had to happen they couldn't be convinced to stay. i think its more than just a personal ambition to go international. something had to happen to make two of the most loyal people in that company, two of the most quintessential johnnys people want to leave.

the tackey part is while tackey was the jr CEO, there was no way he didn't know this shit was going on. personally i think tackey saw the writing on the wall with kinpuri and went i need to get traja debuted and get the fuck OUT and that's exactly what happened

honestly this is all just very stupid on johnnys part, they're going to take a very large financial hit from this and i think even more instability is going to come. a lot of the jrs wanted to be kinpuri and looked up to those memories, and its gonna shake them. not to mention kinpuri were friends with basically everyone in the company, and while we may not know the whole story I'm sure other artists in the company will find it out, and who knows what will happen with that.

will be interesting to see if theres any sort of power change that happens, especially depending on who sho/kishi/jin sign with.

also sidenote now knowing all of this, seeing how they openly interacted with genki at the racetrack event also reads like a big fuck you to johnnys as well.

ANYWAYS sho is my ult so i will very much support him regardless, but the part that makes me sad is the loss of kinpuri music, they really were stepping outside of the traditional johnnys box and having their musical growth cut so short is just so sad to me.

#answered #the only conspiracy theory is the renkaito part lmao the rest is just theories

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iscarioted · 2 years

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i remember ages ago hearing the theory that when anderson pulls out his bayonettes he is actually performing the duplication miracle jesus did with bread and fish but with a different object what do you think

That would be an interesting way to interpret it! As far as I know, there's no serious canon answer to how Anderson's bayonets work, as all Hirano has said is "he's fourth-dimensional".

The first personal headcanon I made about it is that the inside of his gloves and coat have holy sigils embroidered on the inside that act as a link to a separate location the bayonets are stored, also marked with parallel holy sigils. So basically, he's teleporting bayonets into his hands. That way he's not casually breaking the Law of Conservation.

Alternatively, which I've become fonder of over time, I consider "weapon conjuration" as part of his holy magic and that his bayonets are a type of signature weapon unique to him (meaning those with the same power may manifest different weapons that are more symbolic to them).

#mal text.#c: anderson.#my hcs.#i also hc not all regenerators have that power or same powers in general. bishop cant summon his spear he has to carry it around

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sunnnfish · 9 months

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KAGIHIRA CHAPTER 22 !!!!!!!!!!! Rambling under the cut

Honestly kind of love how hirano keeps coming back to how long kagi has liked him its kind of like. If he wants their relationship to stay the same as it has been, depending on how long kagi has liked him then it staying the same would always include kagi’s love for him. “The kagi kun im fond of is the one who’s in love with me” etc etc. ive said it before but hes very scared of their relationship changing but it doesnt have to. Idiot. And also kagi teasing him about it. King.

WILD TASHIRO AND SHIRAHAMA SPOTTED! I could be so much weirder about them. Btw. They’re kind of like sasahira to me. I digress

Kagi’s missing button. Live niibashi reaction is sooo funny. He’s in hell. Would not be surprised if theres a conversation in the future about niibashi telling kagi how that was very un-just-roommates-like behavior from hirano. That was gay as hell. AND THE WAY NIIBASHI WALKS AWAY COVERING HIS EARS…..i love him so much.

And WHY IN GODS NAME did they go to the STAIRWELL? HMM??? Feel like theres other less conspicuous places to do this. Why did you take him to the fucking abandoned stairwell hirano. Anything related to your relationship with sasak[gets shot]

OH reading through a second time for this. Just realized he pointedly places his phone down for the ten seconds—neither of them are actually timing it. Im sure kagi is in his head and hes gonna say something about it probably being a little longer than just 10 seconds. And Hirano in general starting to notice the absence rather than the presence. You know. But also this touch was sooo cute like. Even if it doesnt make hiranos heart race or blush or whatever its so comfortable for him. Kagi’s rolling around and nuzzling his shoulder but its still not bad at all. It’s comfortable and easy and im going to rip my heart out.

Wild Hanzawa spotted. “How about becoming the vice president next year” why does he say this to literally everyone. He’s done it to hirano and kagi and tashiro and miyano apparently. This isn’t about him right now sorry.

Anyways. Getting to like the main meat of this chapter im locking on to so much. The conversation with miyano and surrounding feelings. Hirano also seems to lock on to the fact that his heart is supposed to race if hes in love. And then he conveniently tunes miyano out as he starts talking about how the comfort and family vibe around someone is also love.

And its like. Hirano seem so forlorn that his heart doesn’t race like kagi’s. “I guess i really cant feel that way about kagi kun huh…” what do you mean cant why do you sound so sad about it. Bitch. But also the admission that his heart was pounding when kagi hugged him in the nurses office. Okaaayyyyy. Yeah buddy that was just surprise. Mhm. Anyways. I’ve said it a million times and every chapter i feel more and more right that hirano wants to love kagi. But apparently he feels like he cant. He’s basing everything off of kagi’s feelings which are like very intense and touch based. But he doesnt experience love that way. If he had just LISTENED TO MIYANO[explodes] im fine. Thankfully he does listen to the part about how you think about the person and want to see them. And that subsequently thinking about how kagi being around makes him for focused and comfortable and wanting him around right now is gay as hell. “It’s NOT a date but” buddy if you have say ‘but’ then i hate to break it to you. Hirano what if i kill you for real. Kidding.

Anyways lovely chapter next one can’t come fast enough etc etc peace and love on planet kagihira

#looovvveee all the different kinds of love in the sasamiyaverse #god #it’s so good #clutches chest #hirano to kagiura #Hirano and kagiura #sunnfish.kghr

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madame-fouquet · 1 year

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Since I doubt anyone else will, I guess it's time for me to talk predictions/hopes for Touken Ranbu set 2!! Cardfighters, come get your sword bois, and maybe we'll see Yoshiyuki or Yamanbagiri pull a Yoh and put some collab rep in the top spots!

So first off: Where do we go from here? Well according to the Touken Ranbu wiki, there are only SIX bois who did not put in an appearance in the first set and trial deck. That's not a lot of picks for new stuff- But WAIT!

As the original ride lines showed, each boy does have at least 1 or 2 upgraded forms (or alternate art) and I can basically guarantee THAT is where the bulk of the set is going to be.

So because they have already exhausted every other "version" each of these leads boys could have, (complete with using their awakened art for their OTs) I think its safe to say we won't be seeing any G4 versions. Unless they did their casual outfits which would be very silly.

But all the maindeck bois? That's open season! First off I'll say the obvious, YES of course we're going to get AT LEAST one new version of Mikazuki. It'd be stupid and weird if we didn't. A bet so obvious it's not even worth putting money on.

Same for YaYa, whom I personally belive the anime really helped push the popularity of along with Kashuu.

These bois are gonna need effect triggers to keep up. And like I said, upgraded versions are gonna be the way to go. I'd say it's 95% that we'll see Midare as the effect Front, Gotoko and Yagen as the two different heals, and it's a toss up between Hirano and Maeda for the Draw.

Next I'd love to see the pair from the Trial deck who were stuck being vanillas get new versions. Especially considering Nakigitsune's popularity, giving him a good effect for an upgraded form would be a great idea. Be nice if Imanotsurugi got to be something besides a TD PG too.

I don't personally care for him, but it doesn't seem to be Touken Ranbu without Hasabe, so I'm sure an upgraded card for him is in the works as well. Most likely be some kind of universal tech for all the ridelines.

As for what the Nation NEEDS, they need more Countercharge. I know Bushi is stingy with it with all Nations in Overdress, but Touken Ranbu be Counter Blasting more than any others it seems. So some good universal resource management all 5 lines could use would be quite welcome.

I think that, considering how important being at different damage thresholds is for the deck, they need some kind of Damage management outside of the ONE (1) healing unit they got. I know healing is probably out of the equation, but how about self-damagers like back in LB era?

Also maybe something that taps into that damage threshold mechanic other than the OT order and Mikazuki? It was all over the place with the G-era Sword Bois, but isn't QUITE as prevalent this time around.

Beyond that, I'm not gonna bother speculating too much. But you bet your ass I have a shortlist of bois I wanna see new cards of. (Midare tops the list of course but I already talked about him. <3)

What about YOU though? Any upgraded forms you would like to see? Any effects, mechanics, or tweaks you think the bois could use? At least, no matter what, we'll be sure to get plenty more pretty bois to look at. And that may be gift enough.

#touken ranbu #cardfight!! vanguard #cardfight!! vanguard overdress #sword bois #mikazuki munechika #midare toushirou #yagen toushirou #gokotai #CFV

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npclibrarydump · 10 days

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rant abt hirano to kagiura manga (because ive been holding it in and also i just saw it updated so reading as we speak):

theres absolutely reason to believe hirano and his hesitance and troubles recognizing why and how kagi likes him = aromantic or asexual. however, i also really like thinking of it just as, humans experience romance and relationships differently.

kagiura blatantly said, he sees his relationship w hirano as romantic because they do the co-dependent needy things his parents did. as well as the fact hes got siblings (which i do believe affects how you interpret relationships in general) kagiura's idea of romantic affection is relying on each other and being clingy. physical affection, asking each other for help/favors and offering them in return, taking on the burdens the other doesnt want to deal with.

hirano in contrast didnt see that kind of love between his parents, or probably in general (only child syndrome) not to mention... theyre at a japanese all boys school. i feel like being sorta skewed w perception of romance just makes sense. so what hirano understands love as is probably all from movies, books, what classmates have said, the general social idea of romance. aka: kissing, overt romantic gestures, explicit dates, some level of distance at least in that first dating stage. and i think all friend -> crush relationships start out a bit messy while the lines are blurred.

hirano doesnt not reciprocate, nor is he unable to feel that kind of love (aromantic) he just doesnt register that any of what he does with kagi is romantic, hence the shock learning abt the crush, hearing that kagiura has liked him for so long, allat. (narration at the end of a chapter describes him as "underwhelmed")

in his head when he imagines dating, it's "wanting them to flirt with him" or "i would want to kiss them right now" as well as the not-incorrect but also not the only way to do a relationship: "we shouldnt be co-dependent and stuck to each other" which i think is extra valid because hirano is definitely an independent person. hes really capable all on his own, and probably used to handling stuff himself in general (only child) hes probably weirded out realizing that he and kagiura already act like that.

i think what he needs to finally "understand" his feelings isnt like.. a romantic date or movie kiss. he needs to see other relationships and that theyre all different, and some are exactly like him and kagiura, and yes, romantic. tbh a heart-to-heart bro conversation with sasaki or one of the side characters w a partner could open his eyes there. just being shown that romance comes in a billion different forms, and that he shouldnt fight what hes feeling.

were eventually gonna see him like... actively trying to make himself think about kissing and sweet-gooey dates and movie-romance, and its gonna backfire because hes forcing himself into it. and then (im predicting at this point) kagiura is gonna catch on and feel guilty and pull back (which hes done before...) and THEN hirano will miss all the casual affection and realize his feelings.

itll be great, and by the pace chapters are coming out rn, it will take 4 years. and im here for it

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ekaterinatepes · 3 years

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Nothing but the Best

Author’s note: thank you again for your support! Tag lists are still open! Message me to be added!

Series Master List

VI.

*Riiiiiiing! Riiiiiiing!*

It was a fucking Monday morning, he hated Mondays. (like Garfield) Dragging his ass out of bed at 7am he grunted “I’m coming!” Replied from the inside while he made his way to the intercom that connected the camera’s live feed to the gate. A mailman stood there with a package in his hands. Satoru punched the button to open the door and then went to receive him by the porch.

Wearing only a black pair of pajama pants and an oversized white t-shirt he received the delivery person.

“Are you Mr. Gojo Satoru?” Asked the young man in uniform holding a white envelope and a signing board. Satoru nodded “yes, I am” confirmed, to which he was given the signing board to print his name on “you have been served Sir” added the man before he walked out of his property.

It took him a minute to understand what the fuck just happened. Almost tearing the envelope open he saw a brand new set of divorce papers signed by…… Sanosuke Hirano, Attorney. On behalf of Mrs. Y/N Gojo. Attached to that was a copy of a full power of attorney explaining that Mrs. Gojo wouldn’t be representing herself nor attending the court but her lawyer would do it in her place.

“Oh you cunning little kitten..” whispered walking back to the kitchen realising she must have figured out that all of the divorce papers had ‘suddenly’ disappeared from the court house. He was trying to get her to come back and face him if she wanted to divorce him. But of course, his wife wasn’t stupid. Quite the contrary, Y/N Gojo was a force to reckon with… he had never been on the receiving end of her wrath… until now.

“Fuck… me” now he needed to get a lawyer and try to delay the process as much as possible, he knew that was easy to do. He was not about to give up. Satoru wouldn’t renounce to HIS wife, Y/N was his!

He was missing something here, there must be something that could tell him where she was! What did London and Saint Petersburg have in common?…

Grunting he walked to the fridge, opening the door harshly he made the contents rattle inside, that is when he saw them at the bottom, in a clear tray, a series of little bottles labeled Protein shakes, those were Y/N’s but he didn’t have the heart to throw them away, even though he was certain they all had gone bad. It was a reminder that she had been here.

Satoru didn’t know why she liked those so much, in his opinion they were gross and not sweet enough! But she said they gave her energy through her demanding ballet training and routine. She was so beautiful when she danced…

Wait a minute…

Wait.. a… damn… minute…

London… Saint Petersburg… protein shakes…

“Fuck!“ he ran to the small pile of folders on his desk with all the information his P.I. collected for him about his wife. He googled the locations of the places where he knew she had been living and then crossed reference them to the nearest ballet studios.

“Huh!” He chuckled, he couldn’t believe the answer had been in his grasp all along!

“Gotcha my love…” every time she moved she made sure she was the closest to the best and most renowned ballet studios and academies, whenever she left and went from city to city it was because she was training… learning, working on her career.

He felt stupid it took him this long to realize that is what she had been doing. He also felt guilty, having gotten used to have Y/N’s undivided attention and love made him forget she was a person separated from him with her own dreams and goals. She used to love dancing…

“I’ll make it up to you baby… I swear” whispered to himself before he grabbed his phone and called one of his P.I.s “Tell me Gin, do you know where is the best and most famous ballet academy in the world?”

https://youtu.be/Z46e6d6E7Cg

youtube

It was raining, but the man that walked out of a black limousine was pleased as punch. Smiling he moved as if the water didn’t bother him in the least (it didn’t even touch him of course) making his way into “The School of American Ballet”

He removed his coat along with his personally modified black Versace round glasses. “Good evening… I am looking for the Chair woman, Mrs. Mazzo. I have a meeting with her” the lady at the reception couldn’t help but gawk at the handsome, tall, foreign man. He looked so different with his white hair, a million dollar smile and those piercing blue eyes. “Y.. yes of course… are you Mr. Gojo?” Asked the little brunette from the other side of her desk “precisely!” He answered in a cheerful tone. His English was impeccable. “Please follow me Sir”.

Satoru was received in the private office of Mrs. Kay Mazzo, current chair woman for the School of American Ballet. He contacted her before he left Japan trying to find his wife but there was no one with any of her current nor past names registered in the academy. But Satoru just knew she had to be here so instead he decided to pay a visit in person just so he could look through the student files himself.

“Mr. Gojo, welcome. I hope you find what you are looking for” the collected and elegant lady extended her hand giving him a small drive “you will find all the information for all the students registered from abroad this year”

“Thank you Mrs. Mazzo. Your payment has been of course wired for your trouble and your discretion”. The woman nodded with a pleased smile (best spent 1 million dollars in his opinion) “wonderful… is there anything else I can do for you Mr. Gojo” Satoru could barely contain his enthusiasm. He was so close to finding her “not at the moment, but I am sure I will require your assistance in the future”.

Later that night in the privacy of his suite at The Plaza, Gojo searched through the information Mrs. Mazzo provided him with. He couldn’t believe there were hundreds of very talented ballerinas from all over the world who came here to make it big. He had mixed feelings about it. On one hand he was proud of his wife for being such a badass and so good at her craft but on the other hand he felt angry because she abandoned him without a second though to do this.

Scrolling through the alumni forms he finally found her. On her picture her hair was longer but darker than before, her eyes were the opposite color of her beautiful e/c ones. She looked a little skinnier too. But her nose, her cheeks and those delightful lips he adored to savour were the exact same. His heart was beating faster, she was here. He found her… finally after all this time, he found his wife.

“Well, hello there… Miss Petrova” said reading her fake name “I’m coming for you princess…”

———> Chapter 7

Tags: @sleepyamaya @cloudsinthecosmos @jxvajxy @satoruhooraaa @my-reality-is-in-my-head @dok-ja @jscarlet06 @fiona782 @thatsharklovingwoman @heichoustheoryofcleanliness @syynnaaah

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dirtbra1n · 2 months

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HII good morning time for ask game. Throwing rare ssmy ones at the board. Shirabashi. Hiramiya. uhhh kuresawa tashiro No wait i cant do that to kuresawa. He loves his girlfriend. I WILL do it to ogasawara though. ogasawara x sasaki. And for fun if you have brain power. tell me about ur favorite mairuma dynamics….

HIII GOOD MORNING I’ve still got twenty minutes til noon as I write this part it counts. woke up read this and said aloud Oh sunnfish loves me…. my friends love me………

shirabashi: I get it, it doesn’t compel me*.

*I’m continuing my effort to get myself into these things. this is definitely still following the trend of I’m Not Doing Enough To Mindpalace Niibashi. sunnfish wouldn’t it be really funny if I shoved him into pathologic au. no better way to get me really invested in you than to suffer sundry agonies I’d say.

I think some of the kagibashi points sort of reflect onto the wall a little warped here which is really fun. Why are you tall. why are you so good at basketball. How Are You Single. followed by one conversation that concludes, Oh, that’s why. being someone who knows that shirahama cares so much about his appearance adds some fun color to this too. I think there’s some fun stuff to poke at there I’ll turn the heat up and let it simmer awhile

hiramiya: I get it, it doesn’t compel me**.

**You know. it’s also kind of a lie I think I just don’t follow through enough on putting petri dish miyano under a microscope. like. I think even in a world where miyano didn’t meet sasaki and consequently did not have to reckon with #BisexualityGate. having bl brain is kind of just a by-default queer thing straight up. Yeah I want to watch Hirano senpai and his handsome roommate I know next to nothing about gently and sensually embrace one another. I want Hirano senpai to be on the bottom. I’m normal. This is normal. like miyano can we talk about this. we’re taking this conversation to the hirakagi dorm and you will put the clipboard DOWN.

in other words Someone definitely would have to pitch me on more straightforward hiramiya—it won’t be hard, I didn’t say hirano was the dating sim au game’s default and preferred route for NO REASON—but going by system settings of What’s funniest. I’m 100% primed to skip down the road of Miyano most insane voyeur moments (#1). this is kind of a theme for hirano ships for me actually. Wait hold on HOLD ON JUST. ONE SEC

kagi would be there too. just chilling.

I know you took it back but I think a we got married setup with tashiro kuresawa and yuki would legitimately be very funny. just wanted to say that

SASAWARA: HA HA . YOU KNOWWWW…. probably could go trudge up one of my. I’ll be right back again

ogasawara sex comedy teaser for public consumption. don’t worry about masato here this isn’t about him

being brief It’s the old friends feeling. being verbose it’s You’ve seen me at my worst and snappiest and least tolerable and you still haven’t gone anywhere. you’re so annoying. are you home right now? need to drop off a cd. you’re gonna hate the third track but the fourth one’s gonna make you cry.

I’m always thinking about it. sasaki wanting ogasawara to leave him and miyano the hell alone on their date but the second ogasawara vanishes sasaki’s texting him Hey, where’d you go? old friends feeling. am throwing up all over the floor currently. I Get It. It Compels me.

MAIRUMA. BY THE WAY. love trio are my kids. I think the passive competition between clara and alice is the funniest cutest thing in the world

^ page saved in may-nearly-june 2021.

also Literally every single relationship with iruma involved compels me that’s my LITTLE BLUE BOY!!!! going to come back to this on the mairuma front later on the coattails of either rewatching the anime or catching up on the manga. and then They’ll all be sorry…… okay wrapping this one up now I love you sunnfish

#against advisement I will not be putting this under a readmore. You will all see that stupid as hell tweet it makes me laugh always #askbox #now twenty minutes after noon That’s the dirtbrain creed. Never Shut The Fuck Up Always Talk As Long As You Can

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