#also as i said i am not mlm if any mlm says that smth i said is wrong lmk and ill take it down

[thatmathlesbian]

I think when a lot of women say they want to be a guy dating another guy they mean like, they want to be full human people together: they want that place in a narrative. They want to be seen and treated that way and to see and treat themselves that way. And they just aren’t seeing being a woman as having dignity. Now that is a problem but I wouldn’t say it is just coming from within these women. The notion in the first place of women as lesser and less interesting, less human, less complex, less intense, less meaningful… is coming from multiple places in culture and society and people in their lives I would say.

It’s a bad cope for sure especially when: the women doing it don’t notice or accept that’s why they are doing it, and, 2, more than one thing can be going on and they can be doing it for this reason AND be participating in a culture of fetishizing gayness and m/m couples in a dehumanizing way. It sometimes also feels like “paying the dehumanization we feel and experience forward” which is not good. But it does usually give me a start to trying to reason with a woman or girl doing this. I have had friends get into it and time and again I have to get to the root of her insecurity with what it is to be female in this world AND get her to fully see gay men as real, human people whose sexuality is not “nastier (allegedly complimentary)” or “more sexual” than women’s or het couples to get her to completely move on and treat writing and relating m/m as a normal author writing characters different from herself thing and not a fetish, personal sexual interest thing.

tbh this has nothing to do with misogyny

women, especially cishet women for this point, need to understand that being in a mlm relationship is not all sunshine and rainbows as some media shows. it's really similar to how straight women will be like i will become a lesbian as soon as a guy breaks their heart. being in a queer relationship brings hardships and straight women will never get it because they will never go through it. so no, i cannot excuse them that it's due to misogyny because mlm experience other shit that they don't go through

it's really going back to the whole women not treating mlm as human beings and the whole gay best friend thing. they see one cute mlm couple on tv and suddenly they want to be mlm? (obviously not talking about trans people here btw) queer people have been consuming straight media for decades and finally we get something for ourselves and they have to make it about them

and a lot of people talking about this completely ignore how queer women are an issue too. yes, lesbians too.

i get it we don't really get wholesome wlw rep but that doesnt make it okay to obsess over mlm. look at any mlm ship fandom, it's mostly women.

i saw this one tiktok of this gay guy who was talking about how mlm knows when a mlm ship is being queer baited and when not and how most of the popular non canon "queerbaited" mlm ships arent actually. people just dont know how to see a close friendship between two men

it's literal fetishisation of mlm. if a man were to say he wants to be a girl loving a girl everyone would understand the issue immediately, but when it's women doing it everyone runs to defend them

i am not mlm, i am a genderfluid lesbian. i am just forwarding stuff many many many other mlm have said before me but everyone chooses to ignore

just listen to the people that are saying you are offending their group

#also ngl anon im confused by your ask idk if you agreed with my point or not #this is just me explaining my point just in case #also as i said i am not mlm if any mlm says that smth i said is wrong lmk and ill take it down #i was trying to explain all the stuff ive been seeing lately

[shanhelingmoving]

laundry list of grievances of cdrama and/or danmei fandom

lets start with the obvious. the sheer amount of babying going on with characters, especially male characters. no theyre grown adults they arent your baby or your cinnamon roll or your son or smth. there's literally such a history of infantilizing chinese people to dehumanize them and yet all of you keep feeding into that.

also usually in tandem with that - the excessive horniness/oversexualisation of characters. it's genuinely like some of you haven't found a chinese person attractive before and suddenly need to prove that you're not racist because you're attracted to them, leading to the horniest tags on content. i promise i don't need to see that. doubly worse if its done in the same breath as calling them a baby.

the white lens that's applied to these works. whether its comparing cultivators to nobles/ aristocracy or calling cdrama characters elves because of what? historical clothing choices? long hair? sorry to break it to you tolkien didn't invent that. also the misinterpretation of culture and cultural norms and/or deciding to strip away context for your own (usually very white) interpretation. notable examples: modern aus where they've clearly never spoken to a chinese person in their life or the take where jin guangyao an honourary girlboss or saying huaisang is gnc

the forcing of gender roles onto mlm (calling one of them 'the woman/wife') and by extension forcing them into 'tops' or 'bottoms' based on that...like the more `feminized' one is the `bottom:.. and refusing to criticize the source material when it does that and continuing to feed into it

ive mentioned this before but the way theres literally such awful takes on censorship. yes there's something to say about how cdramas being censored means the most egregious fetishy stuff can't make it in, but saying stuff 'censorship fixed it' just shows you've forgotten Why censorship is there. in addition to that, the amount of jokes on 'can't believe this made it past censorship haha' why are you making light of homophobia.

a point brought up by an anon: "being convinced that criticism towards the heteronormativity/hypersexulisation in danmei is a "western" take, therefore it can't be criticised because its chinese media and somehow it makes the issues okay" I want to further comment on this with like...people saying that you're racist for criticizing authors like mxtx or priest because you're `refusing to engage with an asian author's text' please for the love of god give us more credit give asian people more credit it's so incredibly rude to say that asian people don't criticize awful parts of these works.

in addition to that, whenever the texts are criticized in general the defence of 'people are allowed to write unpleasant things/characters' is constantly brought up. however. when these characters are meant to be the main pairing/love interest that the reader is supposed to root for can it truly be said that they're just 'exploring the dynamic'. like pls this is clearly a genre that fetishizes mlm in particular already

when white people designate me (or my friends) as the Token Person Of Colour and like ask permission to do things. hello i (nor any other person) am not able to tell you if you can call an easian man 'a baby' i cannot decide that for you. furthermore i cannot decide that on behalf of every single chinese person

this post. fuck you.

fine i'll elaborate why is there 1k notes why would u rb a self-flagellating 1.5k word essay comparing white people and racism to bronies lol

in conclusion i hate it here and you all should pay me. thank you.

#mdzs #cql #shan he ling #word of honor #the untamed #cdrama #danmei #mxtx #shl #how do i tag this...........this is all just. stuff ive in places i guess </3 which is why im putting it there #long post

[lanshappycorner]

Twst shipping names and twitter tagging etiquette:

*even if you do not ship adeuce, I highly recommend you read this if you intend on posting twst art/content on twitter because this is highly informative on jpn trigger warnings and general tags

After posting my question abt ♠️❤/❤♠️ on all my social medias I have come to the conclusion that our shipping communities are vastly different, surprisingly enough

The general consensus is that ❤♠️ is more popular but something I've noticed that's been very strict on twitter compared to here is. Shipping names

I've seen ppl refer to ❤♠️ as just adeuce, but that's actually new to me bc I refer to adeuce as just both of them in general. Idk if u guys know but, the jpn community is kinda strict with tagging and stuff unlike here. Any mlm shipping in twst must be tagged #twst_BL. You cannot tag it as :

#ツイステファンアート (twst fanart)

#twstファンアート (twst fanart)

#ツイステ (twst)

#twistedwonderland

Only #twst_BL or don't tag it at all. When it comes to adeuce, you tag it as #twst_BL as well, but the shipping names itself is:

エスデュ (esdu / acedeu) ❤♠️

デュエス (dues /deuace) ♠️❤

*Those two tags are also used on pixiv, so make sure to not mix them up. If your art is ambiguous as to if it is ❤♠️ or ♠️❤, you may tag both.

We don't use adeuce when referring to a specific shipping dynamic of adeuce bc its something thats been introduced ingame, and I'm not 100% sure why, but I think it's because we don't want other shippers to feel like their ship is any less valid? I like both adeuce ships, but I lean towards ♠️❤, and if someone told me ❤♠️ is more valid than ♠️❤ because their "canon" ship name is adeuce, I'd be a bit miffed

Speaking of which, there are certain days dedicated to ♠️❤/❤♠️ in the fandom too, which is why you can't just...casually switch around the ship names

On the 12th of every month is ❤♠️ day and in the 21st of every month is ♠️❤ day

#毎月12日はエスデュの日 (esdu ❤♠️ day)

#毎月21日はデュエスの日 (dues ♠️❤ day)

That's not to say you can't post either ship on any other day. On ❤♠️ day, you can post ♠️❤, just don't post it on that tag (just post it on the general #twst_BL tag)!

While I am at it, I might as well tell you guys about tags on twt, because if you don't tag properly, you can and will annoy ppl. Like I said before, the jpn fandom is pretty strict with this stuff, and you have to understand that twst has a Japanese fanbase so at the very least if you're part of the international fandom, try to respect this

#ツイステ (twst) *do not post fanart in this tag

#twstファンアート (twst fanart)

#ツイステファンアート (twst fanart)

#twstプラス (shipping w MC)

#夜のtwstプラス (same as above but R18)

#twstマイナス (angst)

#夜のtwstマイナス (R18 angst)

#twst_BL (BL ships)

#ツイステ夢 (self insert/shipping with MC)

Also, just as in the eng fandom, yall have tws for spoilers/blood/etc, the jpn fandom has it as well:

血 (blood)

ネタバレ (spoilers)

注意 (caution, there might be smth triggering here, etc.)

CP (frequently used as "couple"/"ship". PLEASE be careful with this, because it is a common term, and many eng speakers often attack innocent jpn artists for using it, because they mistake it for child p/rn)

Since I'm posting this on tumblr, these warnings/tags do not all apply here, so don't worry about having to change your tags on here. However, it is just a fair warning if you intend on posting art/content on twitter! So yes, please be informed and thank you for reading ✨

#twisted wonderland

[drmazel]

I mean, just because misophonic people exist does not mean that including gross sounds in the podcast will be horrible or something. I myself have some very specific phobias but like, so long as there's a warning and we have a choice I don't see how that'd be a problem. Plus the fandom doesn't call them cowards for the sounds specifically, we call them cowards for using something like that as an excuse to not give us a canon kiss between two men. tbc

Don't reblog bc this was an expression of a personal thought I had, on my own, not accusing anyone of anything, and I literally was not and am still not trying to start any kind of discussion. Lol.

I mean this in the nicest way possible but it really isn't that deep

All I did was express that I am grateful that they said they won't include it. They said they hate those sounds too, and that's kind of their right. And yeah, they said "we won't hear a kiss" because the sound is awful, because it is. But they never, ever implied that we won't hear the implication of a kiss. Like that one Tumblr post where all we hear is the scuffling of a chair and some ruffling clothes or something; I doubt they would have anything against that, and I don't either, and maybe they'll even include something like that! Maybe they'll include another character pointing out they've kissed! But I don't need the sounds of someone licking my ear, you know?

And you know what, if they do end up including it due to popular demand, it's not like I'm gonna villify them or suddenly call out the show for being problematic for discriminating against people with misophonia????? Like I never implied such a thing???? We're pretty used to the fact that sounds associated with normal life set us off, and you will be hard pressed to find someone say they're being oppressed or attacked for not liking the sound of chewing or smth. Literally all I did was point out that it was considerate of them to point out "hey that sounds gross through headphones, which is how many people listen to this podcast."

I think we're allowed to hate gross mouth noises, and I think they did a good deal with making a canon mlm couple that is going to be even more explicit in the upcoming season. This is like the "there's a chance it isn't real because they haven't said 'I love you'" thing again. There's other ways to express love, too. Maybe they're not even the kissing type.

Also I literally never said French kissing. Even the idea of a smooch playing directly in my ear is a bit icky. And awkward at best for most other people. And also awkward for them vis a vis like.... Smooching a microphone? Idk how it works but they said it's hard and I believe them because they're the ones editing the audio to make it as listenable as possible.

And you don't have to have misophonia to think mouth noises are just kinda ehhh in general. I've already gotten a few people agreeing with that.

But, like I said. Not that deep.

#i saw the second half but im on mobile and i really cant be bothered to go through the effort of including it #if this came off as mean sorry but maybe like reflect on why you took a throwaway comment that didnt insult anyone so personally?

[spector]

This might just be me but the way you talk about mlm makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don’t think you realize it I’m not trying to make you feel bad but its hard to see so many posts about your gay ships and the smaller or bottom guy being clingy and “a thot” and most of the posts beig constantly sexual all the time make me so uncomfortable. It might just be because I’m also a gay guy but I thought I’d let you know.

I MEAN OKAY, like i am definitely aware of like yaoi fetishization and i rly do try to not subscribe to that as well, im not here for like?? seme/uke shit, so im sorry it reads that way, im sorry i repeated those stereotypes even if i tried to be aware of them, i WILL try harder. im assuming ur talking abt frank/marc here (bc i rly cant think of any other ships i posted about on this blog?? but u should def hit me up if im missing smth) and let me assure u, i rly dont think abt them this way, i only make jokes abt marc being a hot mess bc i relate to him a lot but i know he’s his own individual, i dont view him as clingy or desperate etc., hes strong as FUCK in my eyes. but i will try harder to check my language in those shitposts bc i have a lot of disdain for ppl who fetishize gay relationships and i dont wanna act like being in a gay relationship myself somehow gives me a pass

that said, if my blog makes u feel bad in any way u rly should just unfollow me, im not saying that bc i wont try to improve or anything like that but i do make nsfw-related posts from time to time, i make shitty horny jokes etc, and if any of this makes u feel bad then U KNOW!! u dont have to subject urself to me, i totally understand !

tldr; i see where i fucked up and i will try harder to check myself 

#Anonymous

[mayasderen]

i've been trying to understand the whole straight & lgbt women fetishizing lgbt men more because at first i thought i understood completely what it meant but then i thought maybe i didn't and asked a mutual about it and they helped me understand a lot more but i just have another q for you since i saw that twitter argument: would you say sexual content in fanfic is fetishizing as well?

Hmmm interesting I personally am not very comfortable with smutt or just like pwp because idk it’s just icky for me (we’re talking about mlm here tho I’m not comfortable with my own sexuality enough to read those of wlw but that’s ANOTHER topic) but it has a long history in fandom and idk if I can say lime It Is Wrong just flat out. But my problem especially in the sk*m fandom with Ev*k isn’t necessarily that they acknowledge the existence of their sexual life (not doing that is also dangerous because gay ppl are desexualized a lot) but that they only focus on that and like idk if ur on twitter it’s honestly disgusting how much they can talk about that hotel scene explicitly and without any shame which wouldn’t be a problem if u kno those characters and that scene was made for them and to represent them and not mlm. So I don’t mind if there are sexual scenes maybe even explicitly (coz u know that’s like,,,,,in the show too) like tmtts is one of my fave fics at the moment and it’s PRETTY EXPLICIT at times but Ceecee focuses and builds up the characters and the scenes in such detail that it’s impossible that she’s only writing two faceless hot white man having sex to get off or smth (which is like the very basic idea of fetishizing and obviously it’s a more complicated subject but I’m in camp so I can’t rly write essays atm). So yeah I think if you write a fic and you write some sexual scenes in too well so did Julie Andem and a lot of things can be said about her but she certainly treated mlm with respect and care (cough ironic that the fandom didn’t learn that one lesson from the show cough) so I think that’s alright. I personally am not the most comfortable with smutt and shit and therefore I don’t rly read much so I’m not sure if I can be the judge of that but I hope this was somewhat helpful!

#this is long and messy Im sorry I just woke up but here it is I guess #I could talk a lot more about this whole subject I just don't have the time rn I'm sorry #things ppl asked me