#also I just remembered I'm on my period

[meownotgood]

thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever supported me or interacted with my works. you mean more to me than you will ever know. you are the reason why I continue on and why I feel confident enough to post my utter insanities. I am truly grateful and fortunate to have people who enjoyed something stupid that I made. even if you just read something I wrote and didn't interact, the fact that you took the time to read it makes me feel so happy. thank you.

I'm going to go talk to robot aki boyfriend now until I inevitability pass out

#sorry for being melancholy on main I'll be back to tip top shape soon #these next few months will be hard for me #they always are #but I will come out of it better and stronger #pls be patient with the meow meow #CURSE YOU JANUARY CURSE YOU WINTER CURSE YOU FEBRUARY and god forbid #guys I don't even wanna say the word #valen... valenti....... #don't even say it. #don't. #also I just remembered I'm on my period #so this is the reason why I am extra insane right now #I need to purchase an aki and eat it.

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain #I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha #It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling #Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out #Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling #Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment! #Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha #But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha #I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥ #And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe #They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol #I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨ #''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol #Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute! #Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol #Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done #Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude #Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl #To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™ #I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3

[moongothic]

You know I was wondering if Crocodile ever did have any kind of involvement with the Revolutionary Army in secret (lest the Government finds out and revokes his Shichibukai status), what kind of involvement would that even have been

And now, with both the Vegapunk/Ohara flashback and Kuma's flashback, it's being made very clear to us that the Revolutionary Army was broke as hell 22 years ago. Like the fact that this has been brought up twice now in a relatively short span of time is interesting to me, that's usually a sign it's not an unimportant plotpoint

But you know who would have had money to help fund the Army

A funny little warlord who would eventually go and build a fucking casino to run for funsies. A warlord who had to give the Government some of his Pirating Income to keep his warlord-status

Like Crocodile hated the Government anyways so why not help fund the Revolutionary Army in secret, out of spite if for no other reason

Vaguely related, but I keep on remembering this scene (post-Enies Lobby), which at first glance just seems like a basic Lore Dump

But then there's the

"Yet..."

(Or "however", she says "no ni" in Japanese and you could translate that in many ways, I would probably have gone with "however" but that wouldn't have fit into the speechbubble)

Mind you, the conversation just kind of ends there, next we see Garp realize he probably shouldn't have mentioned Dragon infront of such a massive audience, so wherever that "yet" was going to lead to we will never find out, because Oda conveniently changed the subject before we got to it

And you know. Like yes, Robin could be just expressing her shock over finding out that the leader of the Revolutionary Army had a child with someone

But also, Robin was a part of an organization that was trying to overthrow one of the founding countries of the World Government in an explicit attempt to go against said Government (compared to like, Blackbeard, who currently wants to make Fullalead into a "pirate country" that's a part OF the World Government)

Like you don't have to be a genius to look at Crocodile's ultimate goals and compare that to what Dragon is doing and find a few similarities here and there maybe

(Also like, Crocodile's equivalent in Romancing SaGa 2 is meant to be Wagnas, the queer-coded leader of the Seven Heroes (whom the OG Shichibukai are based on) who "hoped to help the world". You know, an interesting detail and all.)

Not to mention, during the time Robin spent with Baroque Works, if Crocodile was ever in contact with the Revolutionary Army at all, considdering she has the ability to easily spy on people and that she didn't trust Crocodile one bit, it wouldn't be unsurprising if she ever spied on Crocodile and/or just overheard a phone call or knew about Crocodile having secret spending habits or something

(Mind you, I'm not saying "she knew" Crocodile was involved with the Revolutionaries, more that she might've been Suspecting Things, that "yet" being about her connecting the dots while unsure if her conclusion was right or not)

Of course Crocodile's plans can't have been Dragon Approved by any means, especially considdering the Army had been looking for Robin for over 10 years (pre-timeskip)

Four years of which were with Crocodile. Like if he was FULLY allied with the Army and KNEW they were looking for Robin, surely he would've called Dragon and been like "hey I found the kid from Ohara, wanna come hang out" or something. But no, he had bigger plans and kept Robin a secret from the Revolutionaries and the Government alike

Also like, I have seen people question why the Revolutionaries weren't involved with Alabasta's rebellion at all, and "Oda hadn't come up with the Revolutionaries yet at the time of writing" (/"OP was meant to end at Alabasta at one point so there would've been no reason to introduce the subplot at that point") aside Between Baroque Works being a secret organization working undercover (thus the Army might not have been aware of the civil war being manufactured), the framing of the King making him look bad and very much the type of monarch that deserved to be overthrown in the Army's eyes, and Crocodile maybe lying through his teeth about what was happening in the country... Yeah, the Army's lack of involvement with Alabasta suddenly makes sense

EDIT Minor addition: Just realized that because Crocodile was technically working for the Government, if the Revs ever did send forces to participate in Alabasta's civil army and taking down the throne, the Government could've easily ordered Crocodile to step in to stop the rebellion and take down the Revolutionaries, right? Because he was supposed to be on the Government's side, right? And surely the Army wouldn't have wanted to fight against Crocodile if they were secretly allied (Croc's secret betrayal aside), and if Crocodile refused to fight the Revs the Government could've seen that as a reason to revoke his Shichibukai rights (which wouldn't be great if they wanted to keep Crocodile in a position where he could fund the Army?). So it could've also been a case of it being for the best for everyone's sake to let this one play out "naturally"

But my point is

I'm just deeply intriqued by these little details and wonder if I'm Actually Masterfully Connecting The Dots Like a True Genius or just seeing a pattern where there's none. Like this is far from confirming the theory, I'm just saying, the pieces do kinda fit together do they not

#Moon posting #OP spoilers #chapter 1097 #I'm just saying Crocodile being the Revolutionary Army's Secret Sugar Daddy would be hysterical #Not me having to tag this as OP spoilers because of one and a half panels from the latest chapter lmao #Also Croc and Iva knew each other etc etc everybody remembers that I don't need to point it out #((Although in Impel Down Iva-chan does actually tell Bon-chan about Crocodile being imprisoned at Level 6)) #((Saying ''he's crazy too in his own way''. Which is an interesting comment. IDK what to make of it. But it's there)) #((Like Level 5.5 was able to access news from outside Impel Down to the point they knew Bon-chan had worked under Crocodile)) #((To the point Iva-chan was like ''weren't you and Strawhat enemies''. So like. IDK I'm just Intriqued)) #You could also make an argument that this could also tie into Crocodile's good ol' trust issues #'Cause if his involvement with the Army was ever found out he'd have his Shichibukai Rights revoked etc #Also interestingly the Kuma flashback has very much skipped completely the period of time during Luffy was born #Going from the founding of the Army 22 years ago to Ginny's kidnapping 14 years ago #Crocodad Real etc (jk) #You know the derangement is bad when I look at one irrelevant line of dialogue and go like ''is this about my blorbo'' #OP Meta

[yohankang]

also i didn't tell you guys but i was supposed to get a raise this month when i sign a new contract but they already sent it to me and there was no mention of the raise. so i felt horrible and almost cried at work and it took me a few hours but i actually went to talk to them and i will probably get a raise after all

#LIKE WHAT IS THIS WEEK. WHY DO I HAVE TO CONFRONT PEOPLE LIKE THAT AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF!!!! #i was like hey.. you mentioned a raise after the probationary period when i signed the first contract so i'm confused now ?? #and they were like we genuinely don't remember but it's alright we can talk about it and change it so just tell us how much do you want #which. is also shitty bc i know the girl who's been here for 3 months longer got it without asking #and i feel like i'm asking too much when it's not even 10%.... #but hey!!! i did that instead of just sitting there feeling wronged and waiting 2 years for my contract to end #i'm literally so brave but it doesn't even feel good 😭 #as a reward i bought myself train tickets to see my friend next month agjsfjsj and they were really cheap! #and now i'm trying to just. not think about All That. yk #that's why i'm rambling on tumblr dot com ahmsgjsdn #k.txt

[saturnvs]

i dreamed that i visited my childhood riding school. my favorite horse poked his head out of his stall and greeted me. i ran to him and petted him. i swear i could feel his warm breath and his fur, it felt so real. i'm not sure where that dream came from but i woke up nearly crying.

#i also don't know why i'm telling you about it #that sweet pony died after an accident #he wasn't even 10 years old #i think he must've been my first heartbreak #i remember when he was on rest and stood there in his stall with huge pink bandages on his front legs #i used to sneak in just to pet him and give him some treats #one of the instructors worked part time as a veterinarian and sometimes i would watch her change the bandages #he usually stood with his head hanging and his eyes closed during that period of rest #but always perked up when someone came in to see him #he was so kind #and i wish i had more time with him #i should paint him again

[running-in-the-dark]

it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).

#long rambly post sorry #I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time #I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful #but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it #also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified. #not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that #but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again. #I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months. #and at my part time job I only lasted a month #like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting #I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible. #but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important #it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with #people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit. #so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together #fuuuuck this #😭 #personal

[stardustedknuckles]

It's been so long since I've had to exist within a group of people consistently over many days and damn, I nearly forgot I was autistic. I found out yesterday that though I get along with almost everyone at work, most of my coworkers thought I was a huge bitch who hated everyone for a little bit (and one still does, which is how this whole thing came up at all). I was bewildered like. No I'm very often dizzy or in a bit of pain and I'm very focused on taking care of the dogs but I'm not - I don't dislike any of you? I've never been mad at you, you guys thought I was mad?? Just an alarming disconnect between the way I see myself and the way I come off to others. I have never once gotten the hang of behaving like a regular person, but it appears that time has taken me from "generally silly person with an offbeat sense of humor who doesn't take things seriously" to "stoic hardass who doesn't like you and thinks you're stupid also." I did not authorize this change. It's throwing me for a loop. I feel like I'm 6 again being told to stop talking over people's heads because I just learned a new big word and I wanted to use and share it. I like assholes with a heart of gold in media. I don't want to be one??

#Like I've essentially been locked alone in a room for three years almost four due to the pandemic #And before that my big job was working in a warehouse where we mostly worked separately #But I remember the times we did socialize I fit in #But I also remember my coworkers were all nerds and that helped #Like idk I feel like I've been sleeping for years and woke up to being a different person #I know it's been hard for me to manage migraines and such (though it's getting easier or I'm just in a good proud period) #But damn #Everyone I've talked to at work figured out pretty quickly that I really can be fun to talk to #But this one girl is avoiding me and I think it's because I was stressed on Thanksgiving day #And probably went from an unknown to a definite asshole in her mind #So I need to talk to her but having it explained to me last night like #'I told her it's not anything personal and you're just kind of like that with everyone' and I was like #Fuck! Am I awful to interact with initially?? Or worse - always until you adapt?

[coldercreation]

Random WIP, likely to remain a WIP

(--) “Boy! C’mere! Take this to the captain‘s (rooms?)??” the cook called, gruff and short, but not unkind.

?? skirted around the kitchen hands, ducking under pots, trying to avoid getting underfoot (??) (--)

“Me?” ?? asked, taking the covered tray that was being handed to him. “But-"

“The quartermaster called for you, son.”

“The quartermaster?” ?? repeated, frowning. “But... Why?”

“Still askin’ too many questions,” the cook grumbled. He piled another nice plate on top of the already heavy tray, eyeing ?? critically, probably to make sure he wouldn’t topple over with the food. “Do as ye’r told.” The cook stuffed a bite of warm bread in between ??s teeth. -- He?? grinned around the mouthful, eyes squinting pleased as the doughy, savoury taste exploded on his tongue. The cook scowled, waving him off. “Now, get!” 

-- ?

?? was slow going up the stairs, wrists straining and arms shaking. Even after all these months at sea he hadn’t been able to build the same sort of mass most of the crew seemed to put on so effortlessly. Still as puny?? and birdlike as ever, precisely what the courts and ballrooms had expected a fresh, malleable, noble youth like him to be.

Somehow ?? had managed to grow up to seem exactly what everyone around him had wanted him to be, whilst also being the absolute opposite of that.

A tarnished, wasted, angel, one of the ma’ams had called him --?? And she hadn’t even known the ‘worst’ of it; just an elderly lady scoffing at a young man’s carelessness, horrified that someone of his stature would be caught running about the gardens, barefoot and clothes damp with dirt.

“Sneaking a bite?” Crew?? asked, callused fingers reaching towards the tray. ?? shouldered past him, turning his back so the food would remain untouched. “Oi! Who’s that for?”

“The captain. And quartermaster. I think?”

“Why’s the cook not takin’ it ‘imself? Did y’steal that, y’rat? Hey!”

?? Ignored the questioning, knowing they just wanted a piece of whatever the tray held.

Not that they weren’t right to be suspicious. ?? definitely wasn’t the one who would normally interact with the captain’s quarters, nor the men who’d frequent it the most.

He knew to stay out of their way. The less they saw of him, the better. 

It was a miracle the first mate had even allowed him on board; too skinny, too polished, and too ignorant to be of any real help. 

Too naive, they had called him. Won’t last a week. Made of that posh sort of glass, not a cut to his soft hands. The sea, she’d eat him alive.

All true. Humiliatingly so.

But ?? had vowed to make it worth it for the first mate. Had given all the money he had stolen from his father and his older brothers. The steep earnings he had gotten from secretly selling one of the estate’s best stallions. 

The merchant sailors had looked at his offerings as if they were meagre pennies. Looked at him like he was just a wealth-ruined son of a lord(??) Too gullible and coddled, blind to the reality of life outside the riches he had grown up in.

And perhaps they had been right.

Perhaps someone less coddled would’ve been able to tell merchant sailors apart from the navy, and the navy apart from the... 

Well.

The pirates took his money, gladly, but at least they also took him, holding their end of the deal.

They said that, in time, he’d make a good decoy; sun bleached hair creating an aura of innocence, pale skin that burned pink in the summer heat showing he wasn’t used to the elements. He looked like a lord’s son, even in his ratty clothes. Posture pin straight, hands always politely placed, blue eyes 'pure like his bloodline'.

No one’d suspect him, they said. He looked useless, out of place, here. They’ll let their guards down for someone like him.

A decoy, they said. All ?? heard was that he was disposable.

Which he supposed he was. 

An inconvenience, more than anything. A spoiled brat who’s father and uncles were powerful enough to be wary of, who’s mother was wealthy enough to pay someone to find ??, if she’d feel inclined to do so.

Not that she would. 

Not after her maids had tattled to her about ??s games with the stable hand.

?? pushed the image of his chronically stern-faced mother out of his mind, instead focusing on the problem of knocking on the captain's door when both of his hands were occupied.

He used the worn point of his shoe, wobbling slightly balancing on one foot.

(--)“Why’s the runt here?” the captain asked tiredly, clearly having expected the head cook, as usual. The man barely glanced at ??, eyes flitting between the food placed in front of him and the books on his desk. “I thought you said we have someone who can help.”

The quartermaster rolled his eyes. “He can read and write.”

The captain paused, rings clinking against the gold trimmed plate he had been reaching for.

“That’s it?” the captain asked. His tone made ?? shift uneasily, eyes to the floor, hands behind his back. “We‘ve been sailing aimlessly for weeks... You think a lad who can read will solve our problems?”

“And write,” the quartermaster repeated, shrugging. He didn’t seem too concerned by the storm building in the captain’s gaze. “Better than nothing, surely.”

The captain closed his eyes, a deep, tortured cut pressing in between his brows. The man sighed, for a moment looking like he was praying, even though ?? knew that these men prayed to nothing but the devils living deep below the seas.

“Fine. Gods... Fine.” The captain grabbed a fork, lifting the cover from the tray to stab through a deliciously steaming potato. ?? himself had eaten barely nothing but gruel for months, their last docking just a distant memory. 

The quartermaster ushered ?? to the desk behind the captain’s more impressive decorative piece, leaving the darkly scowling man to his dinner. --

Although nothing like the main desk??, the smaller piece of furniture was still made of fine wood, its surfaces sanded smooth. It was bolted to the wall and the floorboards to keep it in place against the rocking of the ship. 

The quartermaster had a smug air to him as he piled some of the heavy books and scrolls in front of ??. He even pulled a fresh candle out just to light the space some more, the wax smooth, wick catching easily despite how damp everything on board usually was. (??)

“Anything you find about a gannet’s nest, you mark with a clear tag. Write it down, and tell one of us, or the first mate.” The quartermaster snatched a pot of ink from the captain’s shelf, pressing a silky white quill in ??s hand.

“A gannet?” ?? asked, pulling one of the scrolls closer to him, eyeing the messy cursive pensively. -- If only his old tutor ?? could see him now... “The seabird?”

“Aye, the seabird.” The quartermaster’s heavy hand landed on ?? nape, his fingers squeezing down briefly, pointedly. “Blue bill, golden cap, eats like the devil’s about to take our tomorrow. Write down anything that even hints to it, and not a word ‘bout it outside these rooms.”

The last bit, it wasn’t a question. Not even a request.

?? frowned in confusion, but he nodded all the same.

“Good lad. I’ll tell the ?? that I’ve taken you off his hands, for now. Do well and maybe we can consider keepin’ you off the – - ”? 

?? knew he wasn’t particularly smart. 

He wasn’t quick on his feet and he knew nothing of the street smarts most of the men under this sail had needed to find over the years. 

Maybe ?? wasn’t the cleverest son of a lord, but still, he refused to be thick enough to believe that the 'gannet’s nest' he was told to look for was referencing an actual gannet. 

Perhaps another ship?

Perhaps a cyphered coordinate? A sea current? A term for astrology and sailing maps?

The captain cleared his throat, dark wine spilling into his tall glass when ?? turned.

“Start with this,” the man said. Two of his smallest fingers flicked towards a thick book, the rest of them lazily wrapped around the stem of his drink.

The book was titled ‘Gannets’. 

?? tilted his head, confused, and silently questioning the sanity of these men. 

(--?)

Captain's orders, ?? read on.

The book was about... gannets. 

(--)

#Can't remember if I ever even posted anything about this #and I'm not currently writing anything #and wrote this one like a year ago or something lmao #but it popped up on my docs so I figured I'd share since it's unlikely I'll actually turn it into anything else but a draft #hey ho #heyy hoo #fantasy pirate life for mee ! #It's such a draft that I hadn't even looked into ships or time period accuracy enough to know the correct terminology for most things loll #so enjoy a sneak peek into how I just skip over stuff that I'd fix later if I kept working on writing #?? is also a fantastic main character name imo :)

[cashewally-sarcastic]

Ventus, who has spent days on the streets of Old Mondstadt listening to the voices of the people. Who has silently watched as parents take care of their young. Watch kids escort their aunts to the stores. The wind around him is so cold

He plays his lyre. Its the only thing he has on him. He would rather die than say where he acquired it, and at the end of the day its his lyre.

Ventus closes his eyes. For the breifedt moment he couldn't hear the deafening gales around him. He is in the eye of the hurricane. What song is he even playing? He switched from one track to the other minutes ago and was now improvising a solo.

The families are still talking to each other.

At the end of the day, he is just background music

.

Then one day a creature bumps into him. Radiating the same warmth as a prayer and eyes akin to his god's. Was it a spy? Was it a child? Was it a puppet?

Wearily, he asks for a name. Smiling as he tells the sprite how he wishes to make ballads of the little thing. It flutters around him, occassionally stumbling in mid air like its drunk. It gives out a little squeak as it gestures to itself.

Ventus tries to mimic that chime, but his mouth can't hit the same notes. The sprite speaks more and more, yet Vrntus can't understand a thing. He just smiles and nods as he subconsciously plays his lyre.

Before he knows it, he can feel the chill of night. Or at least what he thinks it night. The elders of the city tell what night is supposed to be, but the winds had carried away those voices a long time ago.

Tales of an object called the moon. How it would shift as the weeks go by. How it could disappear and be reborn once anew- surrounded by her starry sisters.

Night.

He hated it.

He hates how cold it is. How dark it is. How every candle and life is snuffed by the wind.

Yet the creature is still hear, making a nest on his lap.

Its warm.

Letting go of his lyre for just a breif moment, he runs his fingers down the cloak of the sprite. Soft yet smooth. Was this what a bird felt like?

Tomorrow would be another day. Tomorrow he could try to pronounce his ... freind's name better. Tomorrow he could do so much.

Despite the being being on his lap, he felt a warmth in his chest. Something he has never felt before. Something that made him think of protecting this creature.

Ventus rests his eyes as he carries his first friend, unware he would do this everynight til the day he died

*cheers and applause amid tears and sobs*

MAN that was NOT was I was thinking about sad wise but FUCK that hurts

#ready for my tags of insanity until i hit the tag limit? here we go: #i love that there's like PEOPLE and INTERACTIONS there even when just described like 'children escorting aunts to stores' it's so nice #and that contrasting to ventus's loneliness and 'he's just background music' OUGH that hits #also hi in love with the use of a period as a paragraph that's an amazing way to make a pause i'm stealing that from you <3 #the way night is described as like...a mystical thing is so cool #'elders told of an object called the moon' like man. they couldn't see the sky. #and how venti makes little wisp noises bestie couldn't speak but i love that it's so cute #the way venti is described too as being warm and light and making little noises against the cold and dark and silence of night.... #and questioning if wispi was like a bird.... :( #PLUS i know i say this literally every time but i love repetition the repeating of 'tomorrow this' 'tomorrow that' like... #it brings questions!!! is that the first time ventus was thinking about a TOMORROW and not just 'the next day'? #and then the end of 'every night until he died' like fuck... #the way that's said as just a fact like 'yes. he dies btw. this is a sweet moment but don't forget the death' hits #because for a second a SECOND you can forget that and just see this nameless bard meeting a wisp and finally having a friend #and not being alone #but then BOOM remember reality. #he is dead. he died. #anyway i loved it :0 #hi steel! #sorry for my insanity

[friendofthecrows]

The constant struggle of "I got a new notebook, what should I put in it?"

#there are many potential subjects #but deciding which notebook to use for what is too much! #what if i never write enough down about that specific subject and never end up filling the notebook? #what if i later want to write something ELSE down in the notebook? #this is why i sometimes think it would be heavenly if I just had one (1) notebook for each interest / potential use #and didn't buy any more until i filled all of those #unless i had a new interest or usecase #but. i WANT to buy notebooks #and i'm disorganized and can't remember where the notebooks that ARE designated to a certain subject are and therefore usually end up #putting that information into whatever miscellaneous notebook i have with me anyways #and this is how all my notebooks end up being everything notebooks #good luck to whoever has to go through my stuff when I die #because i also never throw notebooks out bc there's usually at least some stuff i want to keep in each one #because i'll use it for EVERYTHING in that period of my life #hal rambles #i really am rambling in this one

[yuelun]

Have I stated that I love Guizhong (Haagentus) of Liyue yet today? Because I do, more than I can say in normal and coherent words. I don't know why adding 'of Liyue' got me feelings extra things, it's okay.

#[ it's a problem really. an actual problem. ] #[ the last 3 mornings (even yesterday morning when i'd slept only 4 hours) i've been waking up thinking about how-- ] #[ elements reform. her death doesn't get rid of /what she is/. ] #[ it's her corporeal form that is gone. but /she/ isn't. she's still living in each particle of dust that stretches across teyvat. ] #[ dust. ash? we all return to dust? ] #[ 😭😭😭😭] #[ can we just think about that for a moment? she's there-- somehow. not even just her spirit. but /her/. ] #[ who isn't to say she can reform after a very long period of time? could zhongli's gnosis' aid in 'hastening' it? ] #[ not saying that's why he gave it up. but. but. but. ] #[ what if it's just something it /could/ aid in doing. not its main purpose-- but one of the things. ] #[ hell we don't even know the extents of what those gnoses do or are capable of. ] #[ but if they can power something as immense as a vessel for scara-- why couldn't it consolidate energy? elements? ] #[ i'm losing my mind thinking about her potentially being linked to alchemy-- especially alchemy in khaenri'ah where... ] #[ dust is at the very basis of life. LIKE YOU KNOW? ] #[ i was told by two people to go get coffee-- so let me do that. maybe it'll make me more coherent. ] #[ but also-- please remember if you follow me; you'll be subjected to how much i love guizhong. ] #[ and i think that's a rational thing to say. :) ] #[ ooc. ] wherever her spirit may be among the countless grains of sand and specks of dust between the harbor and the mountains…

[girlscience]

trying to get to better as a person is so nauseating. was lonely yesterday so i messaged friends to try and plan hang outs. forced myself to ask about reference letters today even though i turned bright red and felt like crying. messaged friends tonight to ask if they could help keep me accountable so i don't feel like i'm doing everything alone. barf. i hate this. i want to hide in a hole

#THIS IS GOOD FOR ME IT WILL HELP BUT IT REQUIRES CHANGE #and i am realizing maybe i am significantly worse with change than i thought i was #ie my parents and sister and a few other people think i should apply to more schools #specifically more schools outside my comfort zone #and it would be so cool!!!! but it requires me to change the idea of 4 schools to like 6 or 8 #and change from a few hours from home to like a days drive away or FARTHER #and this is already going to change my whole life's routine #and i'll be away from all my friends and family already #and i am just remembering how awful that was the first go around in undergrad #and maybe i am super scared of that happening again #and also i need to reach out about GA positions and that means i have to talk to professors #which is scary and also a change from undergrad cause i avoided talking to them as much as possible #and i am just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #so. hopefully some of this will help but also. i am crying inside. a lot. #i also need to change my fanfic habits because i honestly think it is like... the most time sucking thing in my life #and part of me wishes i never started reading fic because it gets in the way of me doing literally everything else i need to do #but stopping or even just cutting down on it is killer #but on the bright side i have been on youtube a lot less recently and leave it deleted off my phone for longer periods of time #which is good!!! it means i'm not on my phone as much #but yeah. stuff and things and trying to do stuff that's good for me is the worst

[sysig]

I’ve always assumed that gaster and the dreamers had a parental relationship, considering that he seemed pretty young (teenager) when they took him in, plus it’s kinda implied that gaster had a abusive or at least neglectful childhood so it makes sense that he would want to view asgore and torial as parental figures.What do you think?

Also sorry about pestering you about fell!Handplates but it’s such a fun au. But how do you think gaster first reacted when the dreamers started becoming cruel?

Yup! Generally speaking I view Gaster as having a mostly parental/filial relationship with the Dreemurrs, and that evolving into a (mostly) platonic family dynamic, though it is kind of complicated with Asgore being his King and boss and Toriel disappearing and them grieving her together - I think it brought them closer, and not necessarily in only healthy ways ♪

Haha, I don't really mind, but I can only give my own thoughts and opinions on it! Some of it is stuff I'd also like to know haha ♫

I kind of assumed they were Fell from the beginning, that the argument is that Monsters are just Like That, it's in their Nature, and Fellplates!Gaster is trying to find proof that Monsters are capable of change, that with the "correct" kind of Nurture, they don't have to act on their Fell impulses. As for when he was inspired to start looking for that, hmmm ♪

#UT #Handplates #Fellplates #I have my own headcanons about Gaster and how he views relationships but that's really neither here nor there lol #Cough cough queerplatonic Gaster cough what #Me? Projecting on my faves? I would never #Also remember: Neglect /is/ a form of abuse - just because it wasn't physical doesn't mean it's less impactful #This is more of a PSA lol - love yous #Gaster's internalized - well everything really lol - definitely points to him having a very skewed view on his own intrinsic value #The Dreemurrs tried to course-correct! And they definitely helped!! But those moments ah #I was looking through the Handplates gallery the other day and Asgore smothering Gaster into a hug hhh </3 #''It's all I'm good for'' No shut up ;; #I'm also kind of fascinated by Gaster's growth over such a long period of time - since they're all Boss Monsters he's Very old #But he's younger than the Dreemurrs! Makes me wonder how much Boss Monsters ''mature'' once they stop aging #As for Fellplates hehe it's true I don't mind but I'm still just another fan of it hehe ♪ I know as much as the next person! #Probably less actually since like I said I never really got into Underfell proper lol #It is very fun to think about tho ♥ At some point I'd like to return to Healing now that I've properly read all of Handplates #I had some new ideas ♪ All in due time! #As you can tell I'm a bit on Helix at the moment lol - taking a small bite of every little fixation as they go round and round lol

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

kdjfksdjf i hate that any type of feedback (good, bad, writing-related, not writing-related) style comment/message/text/etc gets me all KDJFKSJDF and then i just hermit and pretend not to exist or i erase all evidence that the interaction ever occurred and i need to not but i do

#kat rambles #like i should not be shaking from anxiety from a legit question/comment 😭 #this applies irl too kdjflsdkf #i remember one time someone challenged me in class and i had a panic attack in the bathroom and had to take meds #and then just dissociated for the rest of the class period lol #i'm still convinced to this day that the person that spoke up hates my guts #and ik a part of it is me being mad at her for speaking up so aggressively #but she also doesn't give me good vibes so there's at least that #IDKKKKKK #someone take my mental illness away #tw: vent #i guess

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

I can't fucking believe that I procrastinated my gender for like. A good three years.

#Like in fairness I was in an incredibly abusive environment already #Questioning my gender was the last fuckin thing I needed so I was just like “that's a problem for later” #Butttttttttt... Now I've got no idea what I'm doing #Like I've cut my hair??? I like looking like a boy???? #But I also know that a few months ago I was straight up wearing floor length skirts on the daily and braiding my hair with flowers?????? #and my definition of “boy” and “man” is so inherently fucked up bc of the abuse that I'm unwilling to actually use those words??? #And I chose the name I use for a reason as a promise (long story) but it's really feminine???? #And it'd be nice if people would be ok with using two different names for me if it turns out I am genderfluid but????? #They almost certainly won't?????? #Like most of them refuse to use my chosen name anyway and I'm just. To polite to correct them. #no I'm not canadien I'm british #Anyway help? #Bc I realised all this the other day LITERALLY AN HOUR before I went on stage and almost had a complete breakdown?????? #good news is there's this trans boy in my performing arts group and he was so nice and supportive that I didn't cry in the end #much anyway but still?????? I procrastinated my fucking gender????????? And now I'm fuckin confused??????? #Also I can now cosplay one of my OCs #So that's cool #Remember the name Becky Roberts guys #Like if I am trans for genderfluid or whatever it'll help next year with The Plan (which I may elaborate on if asked) #but also???? My parents still refuse to accept that I'm a lesbian if I tell them “yo I periodically become a boy” #They'll probably yell at me at BEST #“that's not a real thing!!!” NEITHER IS YOUR FAÇADE OF A HAPPY FAMILY BUT YOU BELIEVE IN THAT #*ahem* anyway yeah I'm struggling if anyone has any advice pls help #Oh and I've only told like one person I've cut my hair and I'm meeting up with a load of friends on Sunday #Bwhahahhahahahhah #help me #tw abuse mention #queer community

[eggmeralda]

god I should read the secret history again

#it's sO good #but idk where it is in the house #somewhere i guess #it is back in my brain #after having a bad period of time #which means it's the only hyperfixation that has briefly relieved me from the horrors on two separate occasions #also ykw. richard papen can be added to the characters that attack me personally by just existing bc they're sooo me #up there with pierre gringoire and hilda ogden #okay anyway #it's the closest thing I've got to a hyperfixation these days and it's not even a full hyperfixation #it's more ''omg remember when you were obsessed with that. that was so cool let's think about it again'' #a casual hyperfixation #anyway i'm not speaking proper sentences i'm gonna go back to plummeting into the tag #ramble