#aka the statues that you give poes to

[artisticzaati]

day 09 .

#zaati draws #soul collector #poe collector #salem zaquatis #this is his other form in the totk au #aka the statues that you give poes to

[vampirezogar]

My sister and I just binge watched Wednesday together and I have opinions! (Spoilers, probably)

Mostly decent mystery stuff. Fun cast. The dance was fun. I'm glad the girls hug at the end. Thing is the most thing thing has ever been. Seeing Gwendoline Christie stand next to Christina Ricci was very interesting since I am a tall with basically only short friends somehow. There's an actual cartoon monster in this live action show and I love it. Many occasions for one or more deranged girls to have blood on their faces and clothes. The pacing was quite good, I think. And I liked most of the costumes.

The rest was fucking weird if not kinda bad.

Young Gomez and Morticia were perfect but adult Gomez and Morticia were just.... Someone the fuck else, I guess. Gomez (aka just some guy) had absolutely zero creature energy and Morticia was just weird in a bad way? Idk who the fuck told Catherine Zeta Jones to do a Jennifer Coolidge impression for Morticia instead of just letting her be herself. It honestly would have made the script less terrible.

The messaging was uh... Also fucking weird. They. They thought it was a good idea to make a werewolf conversion therapy camp for werewolf kids who couldn't wolf out. HOW DO YOU GET THE WEREWOLF METAPHOR SO WRONG? IT IS ABOUT QUEER IDENTITY AND MENSTRUATION AND YOU MADE IT ABOUT ABUSIVE CONFORMITY??? ARE YOU STUPID?

Also a kid gets hardcore manipulated and taken advantage of and the show frames it like he's the bad guy? Very shitty.

You know that annoying trend where spinoffs and prequels try to give everything a backstory? The Addams Family Snap Snap ™️ now has a backstory. And it isn't just that they can hear the soundtrack to their life.

All cops are dad.

If a deliberately rainbow person got Wednesday Addams as their boarding school roommate in 2022 they would be so goddamn respectful of her gothness. One does not become a unicorn bitch in this era without being conscious of other subcultures.

The primary monster thing and the only werewolf we get to see transformed are the same fucking shape. Big L for the creature design department. Embarrassing.

"the outcasts" are bougie private school people in a one coffee shop town that still has pilgrim worship. Like the living history museum is cool as hell but they have a huge bronze statue of a pilgrim dude.

I'm not sure the writers know that all the characters are gay but obviously they are.

Uncle Fester more like Under Utilized.

Why do they have crystal balls to communicate? Why don't the other magical people have them? Why is Wednesday not having a phone and everyone goofing on her about it even in the show? Who is this for?

It's weird that the casual use of weird Central American stereotypes is a Gomez quality they chose to keep, considering they made him Mexican in this one.

Fester's electricity powers go way beyond turning on a lightbulb in his mouth and I don't... get it.

Edgar Allan Poe worship. Not appreciation of his being a weird and highly creaturous little guy while acknowledging his troubled life and unsavory choices. No, just actual worship.

"omg" and "she's just like an instagram filter" SHUT

Verdict: thanks I hate it

#Wednesday #Wednesday Addams #netflix #my first impressions #spoilers #Wednesday spoilers #Jenna Ortega #Gwendoline Christie #Christina Ricci #the addams family #i enjoyed watching it but it sucked

[autismsupermusicalassassin]

Day n Light (a moonknight star wars crossover)

plot: after the fight with the first order on Crait , Poe Dameron starts having dreams about a mysterious man with DID ties with the Moon god. Poe, Rey and Finn including the adorable BB8 lands on earth accidentally after being attack by the first order. With three of them separated they met Steven Grant/ Marc Spector after an mistaken Identity , the four must help stop forces beyond their level.

A/N: chapter two is finally here🌙 sorry it too so long

Chapter 2

London on Earth

 Waking up from his bed , Steven Grant aka Marc Spector which he thank him for not getting him fired from the museum after the attack of a Jackel a few nights ago by deleting the video of them coming out of the distory washroom. Steven is wrapping it around his head that an American man is living inside his body which scares him like hell , untying the restrisitance on his ankle and walks to feed gus 2.0 “Morin Gus 2.0 my two finned wonder “ he said that then looks at the clock “Bloody Hell I’m Late “ rushes to get dress and gets ready for work. Marc was quite on the bus ride  being the fist of the god Khonsu was a cursed is to say  he made a deal with the god to serve as his protector for the travalers of the night which that didn’t inovoled Steven unfornatly it happen and steven gotten into the mess when he save them from the Jackal the other night. 

Steven unfornately he gotten invotry for this week again from Donna , man he hated her but he loves the museum , did apply for being a tour guide but he instead get got the job as a gift shopist, although he doesn’t know why his resume (assuming he did had have a resume due to marc being control ) would had have a his Depioma on Egythology. “Ello scotty '' said JB, one of the security  guards who just literally does is just watch otter videos when working “It’s Steven with a V '' he said putting on his nametag and heads to the gift shop.

 After Donna drops a box of  Ra plushies and candies to display for customers to buy, what does any of these chocolate scabs and gummy codra have to do with Egyht anyway? Nothing adsouty nothing but at least the kids enjoy them though “Steven….” he heard Marc but he ignores him . When his shift ends he goes to  a vegan pleace to grab a Veggie Wrap to eat and sits on the foundation  where he used to talk to a golden man statue to tell him about his problems. But since then with a giant bird wanting Marc Spector to stop some type of plan that can realise a Giant Crocoblie Lady Ammit . While eating and talking to the golden statue man about his issues he heard Marc and Khonsu discussing how marc did turns to his trims of his agreement with the god, not wanting to do any of it or get involve of the conversation , Steven Descide the take the bus back to his flat , on the way to the flat he heard growls making him turn and see’s a Jackel coming towards him. “GIVE ME THE BODY STEVEN!” Marc shouted through a relcftive surfice of a car but Steven ran away from the Jackal thinking “not again, not again” not paying attention and started falling “SUMMON THE SUIT” shouted Khonsu, “SUIT! SUIT !” shouts a frighten Steven then he lands on the ground in his Mr. Knight suit.  

(A/N: hahaha this moment Was kinda funny and adorable)

During his fight with the Jackal, Steven tries his best with using his truncheons ( thanks for Marc explaining what the two “poles”are ) to beat the Jackal , and throwing british insults at the creature, pesteran looking at him like he is a drunken idiot due to the fact they can’t see the Jackal that he was fighting and protecting them  “thats it Marc a little help “ he said but he only got silence, and throws a sharpe pole at the jackal  “Bloody hell that work '' Steven cheers a bit “IN YOUR FACE YOU UGLY COYOTE!!”  with that the jackal dissolves into sand  return to the everyday clothes as much to Marc and Khonsu protest , Steven needed some rest but unfortunately he can’t due to needed to call his mum first “Yea , gus 2.0 is doing well ,still want to go out in about and-” he nearly trip on something  ,he  look down and see’s the oddest robot thing and it was making the cutest beeping noises.

“Sorry mum, I’ll you back Laters Gators” and that he hung up the phone “why hello there little robot” the “robot” made beeping noise that offended him “sorry I don’t understand… what you are beeping ,saying I don’t know “steven explain to the droid and saw  the word ‘BB-8 unit’ “ oh your names is beebee 8?” BB-8 beeps happily and yet confused  “well aren’t you oddball” he told bb-8 patting his  head and check  checks his watch “bollocks I need to feed Gus2.0 “ looking at him  “I know it seems wrong but I’m letting you stayat my flat until your real owner will find you” he smile and motions for hilton fallow him which to his surprise the bb-8 robot seems to trust him and follows him back to his flat.

“Finn?”

“What’s wrong Rey?”

“Where is Poe and BB-8?”

#poe dameron #marc spector #steven grant #moon knight #bb8 #rey of jakku #finnrey #finn star wars #star wars moon knight crossover #poe dameron is my space boyfriend #steven grant protection squad

[galaxysgal]

I’m begging you Llewyn for kissing in the rain (aka 48, I think)

48. Kissing in the rain

Warnings: like one swear word

request a kiss prompt from this list :)

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

“Fuck, he said no rain until this evening-” You’re scrambling to pack up the anniversary picnic you had spend quite a bit of time preparing, and cursing yourself for believing what the weatherman has said. What had started mere minutes ago as a light sprinkle was now an outright downpour, soaking your clothes and the sandwiches you had put your heart and soul into.

From the corner of your eye you see your boyfriend staring at you, still as a statue. “Llewyn, come on, help me pack this up-” His fingers brush your wrist and you stop, rain dripping from your hair across your face and down your neck. You’re soaked, the food is ruined and-

Llewyn is laughing.

He’s laughing.

“This feels very us,” he says. “The- the misfortune of it all.” A gentle smile graces his lips as the rain paints tracks down his face, across his neck and collarbone. You take a minute to look at him. His sopping curls are somehow darker than normal, the raven black color giving way to something inky and almost iridescent, water droplets gently reflecting the light of the city. 

A laugh bubbles up from somewhere deep in your chest because he’s right. “It’s the tragedy of you and me.”

“Mmm, that could make a good song, the tragedy of you and me... ” Llewyn murmurs, lacing his fingers with yours and squeezing gently. “Sounds kinda sad, doesn’t it?”

“It doesn’t have to be.” You meet his eyes, the sound of the rain pounding against the grass muffling everything else. You’re smack dab in the middle of Manhattan, but right now in this moment there is nothing but him. 

“We won’t be a tragedy, angel. I can promise you that.” His hand comes up to cup your cheek, and if you could smile any wider you would.

When his lips meet yours, it’s like the rain washes away everything that’s left until it’s just the two of you. His nose bumps gently against your cheek, a thin stream of rain flowing down from him and sweeping across your skin. Honestly you’re not sure what’s you and what’s him, the places where the two of you meet and mix with the rain are blurry, fuzzy at the edges. But nonetheless, you feel him. You feel nothing but him.

End.

Llewyn Taglist (ppen): @poes-helmet

#llewyn davis x reader #llewyn davis x you #llewyn davis imagine #inside llewyn davis #mags writes

[hitbythunder]

Chandrilan Moons - 2

A Kylo Ren x Reader story with much angst, possessiveness and dark themes (warnings will be updated as the story progresses) –> Read also on AO3

Summary: Growing up under the loving care of your foster-mother, Leia Organa, there had been nothing for you and Rey to want for. Though not of kin, you loved Rey as your sister and spent a happy childhood with her on Chandrila. But when the boiling galactic politics demanded for Leia to take action, for the Resistance to rise and fight, the girls could no longer evade the cruelty of the world. Kylo Ren sought a map as a key to revenge, to freedom, and had no use for a force-unsensitive young girl like you. You were simply a means to an end. Until his darkness latched onto you, drawn in by your light as you were by the demon that is Kylo Ren - inevitably gravitating towards each other, bound to be one. Like the Chandrilan moons.

****

____________________________xXx____________________________ 2- Prologue II

It was the following afternoon, when we had lunch with our friends Poe and Rose, as well as two other pilots of Poe's unit.

Dean and Jared? Jack? - I really should pay more attention to such things, if I want to get better at socializing.

Most of the time I felt somewhat uncomfortable even among friends, while Rey seemed to be just in her element, conversing in a charming and slightly flirting manner with ease.

"So what's this about you super-secret mission Poe?" Rose inquired over desert.

"Well it is terribly dangerous and absolutely top-secret, I can assure you." the curly-haired pilot replied, smirking sassy as he leaned with one arm on the table, body twisted casually to the side. He hadn't touched his chocolate-pudding, which he never did actually, and because Rey was too proud to ask for it they would engage in cunning banter before he would eventually give it to her. I had watched the process far too many times by now and thus had begun to bring my holopad to lunch, zoning out in between to read the latest news across the galaxy.

"Oh come on, Dameron!" one of the unnamed pilots groaned, obviously envious of Poe's status as most proficient pilot and commander of the starfighter-fleet.

"Yeah, Poe, give us at least a hint. I know you're dying to boast about it!" Rey grinned from ear to ear, far too much enjoying teasing her friend, while Rose snickered like a little girl with giddiness. In her opinion, Rey and Poe were the perfect couple and the way they stared at teach other with moony eyes was just so romantic - or so Rose had described it to me a few weeks back.

They surely are a handful together, I mused as I watched the exchange, soon choosing to return my attention to the holopad in my lap, browsing through some news.

"Sorry, ladies. My lips-" Poe closed his mouth, index-finger brushing languidly across his full lips in an almost sensual manner. "-are sealed." Pilot #2 whistled indecently, Rose blushing even harder, while Rey remained cool and just glared at Poe. "Fine. I won't tell you of our super-important mission either." she leaned back in her chair and gestured between me and herself.

"You're allowed to go on a mission?" Rose almost jumped out of her seat at the news and the guys too looked rather surprised. Rey's proud smile widened, sitting up straighter in her chair. It was common knowledge around the base that the General stubbornly refused to let her girls go off-planet despite our persistent pleading.

"No way you got the General around on this one." Poe shook his head incredulously, fluffing up his curly brown locks by doing so. Stars, no wonder half of the base's population (aka the female part) fell for the rhoughish pilot.

"You bet we did." Rey scoffed beside her, folding her arms across her chest. "She can't keep us on the ground forever, anyways. In two days we're off and finally get to see someplace else!"

"But you're not in for something too dangerous, are you?" Rose, to the other side of Rey, brought genuine concern to the discussion, the worried expression on her round face most endearing.

"Of course not. Just an easy one, in and out. We'll be back before you know it." came Rey's reply that seemed to put poor Rose at least a little at ease, but pilot #1 apparently didn't bother as he said:

"In and out like on Felucia, you mean?" meant as a joke, his words hung like a dark cloud above the small group, no-body laughing. Rose sat motionless, eyes big and watery. Reflexively, I put my hand on Rey's forearm, sensing her anger as she glared at the pilot from across the table.

"Kriff, Joel!" his comrade hissed at the same time as Poe hit him at the back of his head, not too hard but enough to make him shut up.

Eight months ago, a Resistance unit had been sent to negotiate with possible new allies on Felucia, an insignificant jungle planet with few inhabitants and little natural resources. Thus making for an ideal meeting point if one was to avoid unwanted attention. But after years of (partially open) war, which only marginally impeded the growing influence and military power of the First Oder, the few parties that had maintained their neutrality so far weren't all too eager to change that. It had taken all of Leia's disarming charm, experience and then some convincing to even agree on that meeting on Felucia. And it had ended in a disaster.

Through a well-placed spy, as confirmed later, the First Order had been aware of the meeting and seized this opportunity to remind the rest of the galaxy of the consequences should one merely even consider to side with the Resistance. The knights of Ren, rumored creatures of legend and vile descent, the First Order's most effective and feared unit had been sent there, led by none other than Kylo Ren, rumored heir of Darth Vader. In their wake they had brought destruction and death upon Felucia, hunting and slaughtering every living soul in a blood frenzy. Rose had lost a brother that day, the Resistance yet another straw of hope to turn the tides of the war.

"It will be nothing like that." said I and leaned towards Rose, who nodded in reply and forced her tears away. Hopefully, though, fate wouldn't prove me wrong.

On my way to the private quarters of the base, I walked past the canteen, stopped there as I could make out cheerful voices from within. A moment later, as I was about to peek further into the small hall, Poe appeared in front of me.

"Sorry for Joel's behavior yesterday. He's just a tactless idiot and I know how close you are with Rose." Poe began with a rueful tone, rubbing the back of his head which caused his locks to fluff up even more. It was an unexpected exchange and although he was wrong about me and Rose being besties - that was more Rey to be honest - I felt somewhat flattered by his concern for my opinion about him or his comrades.

"Thanks, Poe. Though he should be apologizing to Rose but that's not your responsibility." I replied and when his face lit up more, I quickly averted my gaze. An odd silence fell between us, which the pilot didn't hesitate to fill in his charming manner.

"Anyways, we're just hanging out before the mission tomorrow." he gestured towards the occupied table at the back of the otherwise empty hall, paused, then turned fully towards me. "Wanna join us?"

As if on cue, when our gazes met, my heart quickened and I felt heat rising to my cheeks. Now he was indeed flattering me, because so far I had only been invited along with Rey to such gatherings and never personally. Since I hadn't had that much experience with guys in my young life, this sudden attention of the handsome pilot surely felt exciting. But as tempting as it was, I had to decline.

"I'd love to, really, but I have meditation-lessons with Rey... and Leia will know if I skip them."

Not that I'm improving that much recently... Still no force-connection in sight...

"Oh, don't bother." how easily Poe waved of a rebuff, so sure of himself, and added without an ounce of doubt: "Then we'll grab a drink together when I'm back."

With a disarming smile and a wave of his hand, Poe made his leave to return to his comrades, while I remained standing at the doorway as if in a stupor, my mind still turning over his words.

Does he mean 'we' as in 'you and I', like the two of us? Have I just been asked out by Poe Dameron?!

"Yeah, great! I-" I stumbled most awkwardly and was probably red as a tomato by now, whispered all to myself as I proceeded down the corridor with a smile. "I'd love that."

+++

+Present day - on board the Finalizer, orbiting Jakku+

Deadly silence hung over the command center of the ship, officers in grey and black uniforms tapping very quietly at their workstations, while General Hux and Kylo Ren had a small stand-off in the middle of the bridge. Although everyone was curious about their conversation, eaves-dropping wasn't a feasible option because the Commander would know immediately if someone's mind was not occupied with their work.

Kylo sensed the staff's unease at his presence, their distrust bordering on superstition regarding his powers, but by now he didn't care much about it. In fact, to have his subordinates tremble at his name gave him a distinct kind of satisfaction as well as affirmation that he was becoming a major entity within the galaxy, a person not to be meddled with. With that in mind, he let his gaze sweep over the sheep beneath him and felt the Force rippling with their fear. If not for his helmet, one could have spied the tiny smirk tugging at his lips then.

"The Supreme Leader will be most displeased if we don't acquire the map soon." Hux's voice brought Kylo back to the task at hand, his helmeted head snapping back towards the ginger-haired man.

"Then why did it slip your grasp twice now?" his voice a hiss, barely concealing his contempt for the man as well as his methods. But before Hux could even think of a snippy reply, an officer to their left announced that the droid containing the sought-after map had been sighted on Takodana.

"Excellent!" Hux beamed and barked a few commands to get a squadron of troopers on-site immediately, a sudden agitation filling the room as everyone was eager to comply.

"Prepare my ship!" Kylo ordered a nearby officer, then said to Hux in a no less commanding voice: "I'll go in myself and get that map."

"How gracious of you to join the efforts." the General sneered, but could not hide his wounded-pride at the repeated failure of his men regarding that blasted map. As reserved and in control Hux might think himself to be, his beetle-eyes betrayed his every emotion so that Kylo didn't even need the Force to have a good guess at the man's thoughts.

"It's not my head that rolls first if this gets fucked up again." he stated boldly and loud enough for everyone to hear, leaving behind a fuming Hux as he marched out of the command center. Truth as it may be that Snoke wouldn't punish Kylo for the loss of the map - not severely and perhaps not even directly - Kylo couldn't let that chance go wasted. If he wanted to shed his former life and become stronger in the Dark Side he needed to best his old master, his cursed uncle, once and for all.

First Luke Skywalker, then Snoke himself, so that there would be no one left to challenge him.

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren #star wars fanfic #drama and angst #slow burn #possessive!Kylo

[river--glass]

Reylo Fic Recommendations: Monster Edition

In honor of Spooky Season, I wanted to make a list of fics in which one or both of them are more than human. Cryptids and creatures and monsters galore. (This one is for you, monsterfuckers.)

Demons

Count the Rings by Lachesisgrimm (olga_theodora). (E, Modern, 63K) When camping with her friends, Rey jokingly decides to marry a tree thats rumored to hold the spirit of a trapped man. Spoiler alert, the legends were true. Featuring accidental marriage, demon deals, and soft soft demon Ben. Sure there’s some angst and danger but this is mostly sweet and wonderful and Rey having dreams come true.

The Hand That Feeds by persimmone. (E, Victorian, 46K) Rey has managed to avoid unwanted male attention for thirty years, until the opening of a mysterious artifact burdens her with an accidental husband. Luckily, her new consort is not the average man. Or better, he's not... human. Featuring eldritch abomination Kylo who is so sweetly in awe and reverent of human Rey despite being powerful and older than the universe. And who also has... a tentacle form.

All The Ashes by neonheartbeat. (E, Modern, 37K) Rey, living in a terrible Brooklyn apartment and desperate to escape, posts a Craiglist ad as a half-joke seeking a marriage of convenience to just get the hell out of the country. It's unexpectedly answered by a mysterious Romanian count. Featuring soft monster Kylo, good friend Hux, and beauty and the beast elements. I loved this soft Kylo and thirsty Rey.

I Will Always Find You by kuresoto. (E, Modern, 24K) Featuring Lilith!Rey and Lucifer!Kylo. I love this. They fuck like monsters (and as monsters!) and Rey is the queen of hell and they're so viciously in love. Read It!!

Deliciously by @secretreylotrash. (E, Colonial, 18K) Puritan/Salem Witch Trials/The VVitch Inspired. Witches, demon Kylo, orgies, death... This was WILD.

The Devil’s Lucky Number by Avdal. (E, Modern, 10K) Pure smut. Demon Kylo shows up out of the blue for the sole purpose of making rey orgasm. It’s what she deserves.

The Devil You Know by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 10K) In which Ben finds out the hard way that he shouldn’t play with old magic. AKA, lucky bastard dumb college student Ben accidentally summons himself a succubus girlfriend.

The Demon Within Me by Avdal. (E, Modern, 8K) Shameless demon Kylo smut.

Come To Me In The Clearing And There We Shall Dance by QueenOfCarrotFlowers @leofgyth . (E, 1600′s, 5K) She had been hoping he would find her - her only friend. Kylo. She supposes he’s a demon, or a devil, or one of the heathen gods, but she's never worked up the nerve to ask him and he has not volunteered that information.

Proposal by AKyloDarkly. (E, 4K) Lilith!Rey and Lucifer!Kylo.

Mercy by bunilicious. (E, Victorian, 3K) A Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Demon AU. AKA, Rey is thirsty for her demon husband and refuses to wait any longer.

Mothman/Mothlo

For Love of a Flame by thewayofthetrashcompactor. (E, Fantasy, 8K) The shadowy Order has advanced across the forest, bringing darkness in their wake. Rey is hungry and desperate, willing to face the Order themselves to steal back what they've taken from the land. What she finds there is not what she expects. Fairies/mothpeople! Weird! I’m into it!

Drawn to the Light of Your Burning Sorrows by Kyriadamorte. (M, Modern, 7K) Mothman Ben! Curious outcast Rey! This was the first mothlo fic I ever saw. Me when I saw this fic: Mothlo? Mothman Reylo?? God and Ryan Johnson have truly abandoned this fandom. Me after this fic: Mothman Kylo is the best boy and bring on the cryptids.

Macrolepidoptera by ceciliasheplin. (E, Modern, 3K) Rey runs after her Mothman to show him how much she loves him. Nothing like a 3K word fic that hits you in the feels at the same time that it’s giving you mothman smut filth. This fandom is magical.

Nature Spirits

Oh Autumn, Oh Teakettle, Oh Grace by diasterisms. (E, Modern, 31K) Ben Solo didn’t believe in dryads, until one snagged his coats and freed herself. She’s pure bliss and magic and he is captivated. If she has to go 2000 miles back to her tree, he might as well drive her there. Dryad Rey/smitten human Ben road trip! What a lovely fic!

Looking For a Breath of Life by Fighter_for_Solo. (T, Fantasy, 18K) Featuring Elf Prince Ben and human hunter Rey! A really delightful story.

I met you once — ( In a dream ) by persopilliankore. (E, Fantasy, 10K). Where Ben and Rey are soulmates and Ben is more than meets the eye.

Fearless by KyloTrashForever. (E, Fantasy, 6K) Featuring tree Ent Kylo and the softest tentacle porn you’ll ever read.

Sea Creatures. Mermaids, Selkies, OctaKylo, oh my!

Beyond the Veil by dachenbritta. (M, Modern, 40K). Deep within the waters of the Oregon coast, a lone mermaid longs for the man she's watched for years. Her wish of joining him comes true but comes at a cost. This was hilarious and emotional and such a great read.

Sirens by SageMcMage. (E, Fantasy, 21K) In which Merman Ben tries to woo Mermaid Rey by little gifts on her doorstep. Adorable! 

Yn Beisht Kione by Melusine11 @hellomelusine . (E, Modern, 5K) They say a beast roams the sea. Protecting a treasure long hidden in the Headland's caves. Some say it is the soul of a man killed by pirates to protect that treasure. Sailors have been known to throw casks of rum at the beast in the hopes of placating it, so they don't get eaten and can pass in peace. Most people though, don't believe he exists, and Rey is about to find out how wrong they all are.

I Found You by Kyoloren. (T, Fantasy, 5K) In which scavenger mermaid Rey finds a strange black T-shaped object in her waters on Kef Bir and is determined to return it to its owner. Mermaid Rey!Cute little fish people soulmates!

Octopussy by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 5K) Three brothers at the beach plus one horny sea monster equals a lot of holes being filled. Smutty monster filth, no need to look for a deeper meaning than that. You like tentacle porn? Here ya go.

Live by the Sea, Love by the Tide by Twin_Kitten. (E, Fantasy, 4K) Rey and a few other mermaids escape the clutches of Unkar, and stumble into the territory of another pod of mermaids. Ben's pod. Soft caretaking mermaid Ben!

Where the Blue of the Sea Meets the Sky by HarpiaHarpyja @thisgarbagepicker . (T-E, Fantasy) A Short delightful little series featuring Selkie Ben and explorer Rey! I seriously cannot say enough good things about this author, do yourself a favor and go read EVERYTHING she’s ever written.

Tentacle Dick (that’s it that’s the plot)

Damnably Unbecoming by cuddlesome. (E, Canon-verse crack, 5K)

Froot (i've been saving all my summers for you) by kuresoto. (E, Canon-verse crack, 4K)

Vampires

In The Dark by KyloTrashForever. (E, Modern, 44K) A Dark Shadows AU!! It’s not “finished”, but it ends well where it is! Featuring vampire Ben who is very sorry about drinking blood and human Rey who is even thirstier than he is.

A Little Death (Goes a Long Way) by crossingwinter. (E, Modern, 23K) A Vampire & A/B/O AU. Weird and dark but I am here for it.

The Lioness by Lilia_ula. (E, Fantasy, 13K) Rey goes bravely to her death after being chosen as the village sacrifice, but upon meeting the beast things don’t go as planned. I love to see Reylo fics where they both revel in who they are and what they are together. Fascinating.

Beneath the Pale Moonlight by bunilicious. (E, Historical Recency, 15K) A fluffy fic about vampire Ben falling hard for Rey! 

The Curious Case of the Aquarist and the Vanishing Walrus by radioactivesaltghoul. (T, Modern, 6K) Rey loves spending time in the walrus enclosure at the aquarium she works at.Ben is a vampire with an unusual ability. This is bizarre and wonderful and just such a fun read. I think about this fic daily.

Werewolves

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) by crossingwinter. (E, Fantasy, 32K) A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

Howl by monsterleadmehome. (E, modern, 2K) When Ben Solo is trying to earn Eagle Scout status, he spends a night alone in the woods. A chance encounter with a werewolf girl named Rey leaves an impression. Ten years later, he runs into her again and this time, they're all grown up.

#reylo #reylo fic rec #reylo fic recs #monster fucker #not even sorry #i use the term monsterfucker with nothing but love #we don't kink shame here #you want tentacles? I got tentacles #reylo monster fics

[dalekofchaos]

Villains better suited for The Rise Of Skywalker instead of Palpatine

The problem with Palpatine’s return is it undermines the entire story of the  Prequel and Original Trilogies. Palpatine outliving Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padme, Han Luke and Leia is the ultimate desecration of Star Wars. “it was always the plan to bring Palpatine back” and that is the problem. The mere thought of bringing back Palpatine back undermines Anakin’s sacrifice and redemption. It also undermines the story of The First Order, instead of bothering to make Snoke the big bad or focusing on Kylo Ren as an absolute tyrant as Supreme Leader, they choose to instead go backwards, thus giving a giant fuck you to all 3 trilogies. So here are how I think the villain of Episode IX should have been handled.

Rae Sloane. Rae Sloane founded The First Order! Sloane was loyal to the Empire, so much so, rather than allowing it to cease to exist, she recruited other loyalists and they fled to the Unknown Territories beyond Jakku. She founded the First Order. Together with Hux, she could usurp control of the First Order and become Supreme Leader, which would start a civil war, those loyal to Sloane and those loyal to Kylo. We can have someone who could be a great antagonist to Leia. The founder of The First Order and the mother of the Resistance. What makes Rae a compelling character is the fact that she believes what the Empire is doing is right. In her eyes, the Empire is doing the right thing, purging lawlessness from a galaxy overrun by bureaucrats that care little for the common people. She’s wrong, but like great villains before her, audiences can see where she’s coming from even if they don’t agree with it. Throughout her many appearances in the supplemental Star Wars narratives, she is constantly pushing for the Empire to be “just.” When things start to fall apart after the Battle of Endor, Rae struggles to keep the remnants of the fleet playing by the unspoken rules of warfare and is frustrated to see the Empire careen into backstabbing and incompetence. You can see Rae’s influence in the First Order with its strict hierarchy and minute by-the-books stringency that makes Palpatine’s Empire look positively laissez-faire by comparison. Supreme Leader Rae Sloane would make The First Order a force to be reckoned with and what better way to end it than with the First Order’s founder?

The Grysk. The Grysks were introduced in the new canon novel Thrawn:Alliances. They are what brings Thrawn to the Empire in hopes of co-existing to fight this threat in the Unknown Regions. Grysks are a species living somewhere in the Unknown Regions. Creatures half of myth, whom few have ever seen. It is said that they are nomads, with no fixed home, traveling in spacecraft so numerous they blot out the stars. They are said to be terrifying warriors, overwhelming their opponents by sheer numbers and ferocity. The fact that these intergalactic conquerors are not the main threat in the Sequel Trilogy is baffling. You could've had Ben Solo sense they were coming during his Jedi days and made the ultimate sacrifice to become Kylo Ren and join The First Order because he knew the New Republic was not ready to face such a threat. It wouldn’t make what he was doing the entire trilogy right, but it would make explaiin why he turned and what his motivations are.

Supreme Leader Snoke. Killing off Snoke was a mistake, everyone knows that, so why not reveal he survived. Even Andy Serkis believes he should've lived and why waste such a talented actor? The perfect way to end the saga is to bring Snoke back. I know just how Snoke could have been brought back. The Darth Momin comics could've been the way to bring him back. Darth Momin kept his spirit within his helmet, so who's to say Snoke could not have done the same with his ring? Snoke's ring is from the catacombs of Vader's castle. It was made of gold and was enscribed with glyphs from the Four Sages of Dwartii. Ancient force users and Palpatine had the statues. When Snoke was cut with the lightsaber, everything but his hand with his ring fell off the thrown. It just sits there, untouched. And when Kylo puts the ring on, he becomes possessed by Snoke. It was all apart of the plan to transfer his soul into Kylo Ren, a younger and more powerful vessel.  Or even better, reveal Snoke as Darth Plagueis. It makes sense and ties the three trilogies together. Darth Plagueis was a powerful Sith Lord who could influence the midichlorians to create life and also save others from dying. He taught everything he knew to his apprentice, Sheev Palpatine (aka Darth Sidious), but he eventually lost his power and young Palpatine killed him in his sleep. How could Plagueis not foresee his own demise at the hands of his ambitious apprentice? Why did Plagueis suddenly “lose his power”? The truth is, he didn’t lose his power and he knew Sheev planned to kill him. It was part of the plan. By dying, I believe Darth Plagueis was able to transmit himself into Sheev and assume control of his body, almost like an infectious disease. Ever notice his name? Darth Plagueis. Plague, as in an infectious disease. Darth Plagueis unlocked the secret to immortality by moving from one body to the next, continuing his lifespan through multiple hosts over countless years. Ever wonder why Palpatine was so obsessed with training a powerful young apprentice? Surely he knew that one day the apprentice would want to overthrow him, so why train his own murderer? In Return of the Jedi, Emperor Palpatine continually provokes Luke to strike him down. Why would Palpatine want to be killed if the goal is longevity? Because Emperor Palpatine was assumed by Darth Plagueis and, through his death, he would then be able to transmit himself into a new host body. He wasn’t just looking for an apprentice, he was looking for a new body since Palpatine’s body was growing old. Luke Skywalker was meant to be the next host body for Darth Plagueis. But unfortunately for Plagueis, Darth Vader had a change of heart and defeated the Emperor. Snoke was Plagueis. It’s the only way to make things work. StarWars.com describes Snoke as a seeker of arcane and ancient lore, and the Last Jedi Visual Dictionary shows that he is a collector of rare memorabilia. At some point, Snoke must have found the wreckage of the Death Star on the forest moon Endor, and was infected by Darth Plagueis when he came upon the corpse of Palpatine. Did you ever wonder why Snoke thought it was so important to complete Kylo Ren’s training? It’s because Snoke was Darth Plagueis and he was training his next host body. Plagueis didn’t have a choice but to infect a really old political influencer like Snoke. Kylo was being groomed to become the next host body. Remember the infamous(ly terrible) scene in The Last Jedi where Snoke is “predicting” how Kylo Ren will kill Rey? Wasn’t it a little too obvious? Wouldn’t Snoke have been able to foresee Kylo’s treachery? See through his conflict? It’s because he wasn’t predicting Rey’s death, he predicted his own. He knew Kylo would kill him. He deliberately bullied and provoked Kylo in order to stir his anger into hatred to further fuel his dark side and lead him to completing his training.  So let's say Kylo puts on his ring for his official coronation as Supreme Leader and Plagueis take's full possession of Kylo Ren, Plagueis had an apprentice who has fully cemented himself into the dark side and now a new and more powerful body. Darth Plagueis has everything he needs to way waste to the Resistance and the final destruction of the Jedi.

Kylo Ren and the Knights Of Ren. This entire trilogy has been building up Kylo Ren as the villain and the Knights Of Ren have been built in mystique ever since. Kylo Ren has fully embraced the dark side and The First Order, his story is not of redemption, but condemnation. We need to see his motivations. Show us why he chose The First Order and why he chose to rule it as The Supreme Leader after killing Snoke. Show us his tyranny as the Supreme Leader. We need to see that the Knights Of Ren being completely loyal to Kylo Ren. We need to see them as the only survivors of Luke’s Academy. Show us companionship between Kylo and his knights. We need to see them as being Kylo’s personal army and trump card. Unlike The Praetorian Guards who were faceless Guards who all just die. Let the Knights Of Ren be people and only unmask in the presence of their Supreme Leader and show them as Kylo's only true family in his eyes. We know that the purpose of The Knights Of Ren will destroy The Resistance and finally destroy The Last Jedi. Show us what reasons Kylo has that he thinks he can justify what he’s doing. And show us that Kylo Ren is wrong. Show us that Kylo believes that he’s right, but that his belief doesn’t justify what he’s doing, the people he’s hurt, the lives he’s destroyed, the damage that he thinks will be justified if they can only get what he really wants. Show us that Kylo Ren is wrong, show that his fall will be hard and that he has to suffer with the consequences of his actions.

The climax of the movie should be at Vader's Castle on Mustafar. The new Jedi have risen, The Skywalkers. Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose and Jannah have become the Skywalkers and will face Kylo and the Knights Of Ren. It ends in Kylo's defeat and Rey severs his connection to the force and live the rest of his days out imprisoned for war crimes against the galaxy.

#Anti Lucasfilm #Anti TROS #Anti JJ Abrams #Star Wars #Rae Sloane #The Grysk #Grysk #Grysks #Supreme Leader Snoke #Kylo Ren #Knights Of Ren #The Knights Of Ren

[broken-memories-of-old-teams]

Name- Grey Tyra

Gender- Male

Faceclaim- Suguru Shimura

Height- 5' 7"

Weight- 145 lbs

Hair color- black

Eye color- brown

Aura color- teal

Outfit color- blue, grey, white

Race- Faunus ( Vampire Bat, noticable trait: fangs {were filed down so people wouldn't notice that he was a Faunus})

Sexuality- Straight

Age- 40 (before the Fall) 41 (volume 5 onwards)

Birthday- November 12th

Handedness- ambidextrous

Personality- Grey is a caring and rather laid-back fellow. His younger siblings sometimes call him the 'cool older brother' even though he can be a bit of a buzz kill. Even though team CARE were there opponents in their first round battle he treated them like they were family after the battle and offered to buy them dinner, unaware of the fact that someone had beat him to the punch. After the lose of his parents, sister-in-law, his team leader and the assumed death of his brother he started getting a bit unpredictable and in a certain way he became more terrifying than some of the Grimm that they had faced (as stated by Gilroy). However after finding out that Donnachaidh was still alive he slowly began to fall back into his old ways even though he still gives off an heir of danger when he's upset.

Voice claim- Brian Drummond

Semblance- Dark Deception: When he activities his semblance he can move around silently in the shadows. Most of the time he won't be spotted unless he wants to be spotted of course.

Semblance drawbacks- The longer he uses his semblance the more likely it is that he will become one with the shadows himself. (AKA he'd die and fade into the shadows permanently) When he's upset his ability to move silently seems to fade and you can hear not only his footsteps but also the cursing that follows.

Weapon Name- Desperation

Weapon Type- gauntlets

Weapon Form- the gauntlets have dust laced claws that can be used for close range fighting but can also be fired to keep some distance between himself and the enemy.

Former Affiliations- Beacon Academy

Affiliations- Sanctum Academy

Occupation- Teacher, Huntsman

Former Team- MAGT (Magenta) { Merle Sinopia (Leader, Deceased)

Azzurra Sinopia (Deceased)

Gilroy Cordovin (Alive)

Grey Tyra (Alive) }

Status- Active

Relatives- Sable Tyra (Mother, Deceased)

Rama Tyra (Father, Deceased)

Azzurra Sinopia/Tyra (Sister-in-law, Deceased)

Donnachaidh Tyra (Brother, 'Deceased' {Alive})

Aurelia 'Relia' Tyra (Sister, Alive)

Silver 'Sill' Tyra (Niece, Alive)

Alani 'Lani' Ebony (Fiancee, Alive)

Inspiration- The figure in a dark, blood splattered robe/The Red Death (The Masque of the Red Death by Edgar Allan Poe)

#out of memories ;;ooc;; #beacon's own vampire bat :: grey tyra :: #rwby oc bio

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ASOUE SEASON 3, Part 2

There are some things that I enjoy, some things that bug me, and some of those things that bug me are thing I do enjoy but i have to question regardless. The post grew so long I’m cutting it into two parts, and frankly this covers The PP and The End (part one won’t be linking because idk what Tumblr did with that update with links).. We are in the second half of the season, and boy, do I have a lot of hot opinions! Most of it it’s under the read more to not cog the tags.

Frank, Ernest, and Dewey: I feel so validated my theory of Dewy was talking to the Baudelaires last and pretending to be Frank or Ernest is confirm...here at least! Speaking of them, I think Frank was the first one the Baudelaires talk too, then Ernest talk second. In the first convo, Frank or Ernest was Serious and To the Point, and Frank (confirm in book it’s Frank)) was like that with Violet. In the second convo, Frank or Ernest was Friendly and Emotional with his words, and Ernest (confirm in book it’s Ernest) was being a bit cheeky with Klaus and humorous when lassoing Larry Your Waiter up (RIP). Sorry about your brother you two... but boy the shot Dewy floating in the water looks beautiful. 

I think the show was trying to pull a red herring that Kit was ‘evil’ due her asking Dewy to give Frank her regards because no one knows about the unicorn that is Dewy.

Lack of Sir and Charles/Switching roles/The JS Debate: I learned beforehand Charles’ actor couldn’t make it to filming so they had to rewrite him out. Didn’t expect to get rid of Sir (granted, I hear Sir’s actor is like..expense to get back or something and season one was lucky to get him). Still, nice to see that they were able to get Jerome to fill in his (kinda) canon role and Charles. Also, are Charles and Jerome together? That’s a great step up Jerome! Also, nice to know Babs and Miss Bass are together (man I wonder how the in-laws will react to that). I think what really threw me into the loop is that the Netflix Show made JS, the person behind it all, to be Justice Strauss with others JS helps. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the book had ‘JS’ be anonymous as not even Justice Strauss or Jerome knew who is the real JS since they thought it was meet for them (with theories saying it’s Lemony pretending to his brother and the taxi driver in the PP is him. Thanks Netflix for actually confirming the taxi driver part). Didn’t mind Nero being with Esme. I like that (they didn’t show the report who name I freaking forgot. Guess that says something).

At the Opera Tonight & (Lack Of) Bertrand : Hey, Netflix...Olaf’s parents death was A HIT MURDER by Beatrice, The Snickets (Kit and maybe Lemony if 13 Secrets is valid, who know about Jacques), and most importantly, BERTRAND. The books made it clear both were involved in some way or form. In fact, the lack of Bertrand is so insulting. Lemony may not say talk about him too much, but damn it, Lemony liked and respect Bertrand and never hold a grudge. Lemony in the show is the same, just less because the writers really did put more of an emphasis on Beatrice as the Lost Lenore and true OTP (????). In fact, why did the Opera events paint the noble side of VFD good with the accidental death? It was hit, and everyone was guilty and not free of sin. Here though, they are guilty as hell but free of sin as ‘it was an accident’. Well, since Bertrand wasn’t involve in the events here...the guy is actually innocent and free of sin good job Bertrand you don’t have blood on your hand (this sounds like sarcasm but it’ not). Also. you a handsome man.

Personal Headcanon That I Will Never Let Go Now Due to the Above Nonsense: Olaf’s parents were part of VFD, and were sympathetic to the fire starting side of schism, but overall close to neutral (Olaf didn’t and will never know, and book implies the schism wasn’t bad until after Olaf did his thing to frame Lemony for the crimes), due to their positions of society as aristocracy, a father in a high government related job (thanks Netflix for making Dad the Chief of the Official Fire Department it almost lines up perfectly) and mother as A-List Theater Performer. They managed to get a faster reunion when Olaf is 17 (Lemony, Olaf, and a few others are supposed to be the same age while the other siblings are older by a few years, and 18 seems to be the legal age of becoming an adult in this world). The three were at the opera for their first time reunion, and Beatrice and Bertrand were given the task on getting rid of them, and they thought ‘oh this will be easy’ because Kit was helping to deal with Esme and they succeeds. They were about to celebrate and leave when they hear Olaf and see him running to his dead parents (they have no idea he was there. If Lemony was involve, then they did knew but used Lemony as a distraction to make sure Oalf won’t witness the deed. As to why Olaf as to see the body? Because seeing a body adds extra fuel to people waiting revenge). Olaf is still on the noble side at this point (if barely), and he doesn’t know the truth until later, after somehow losing the family fortune and a switch to the fire starting side. Incompetent banking may or may not be involve. 

Hotel Denouement (Fire): Bit upset the sign isn’t written backwards, but hell, I want to stay there regardless!!! Also, I like how the show kept most of the fates a mystery expect Justice Strauss (how did she get down from the roof). The books implies Mr. Poe will die another night, so ergo in Netflix Show Mr. Poe and oddly enough, Vice Principal Nero of all people, survive as well. Thanks Nero for saving Mr. Poe for his offscreen date in the future. Side topic, but my headcanon in the books is (excluding Mr. Poe as his is given) Esme, Ernest, Hal, Hugo and Colette and Kevin survived. Those that made it out but died due to fire related injures later on (within a day or a week) would be  Frank, Jerome, Charles, Sir, Nero and the Teachers, and Carmelita. Everyone else is 100% dead (guess I got to change my 100% dead Justice Strauss status lol). The choices were pick due to drama (Esme cares for Carmelita and would be 100% heartbroken to see her die after the two made it out. For Frank and Ernest, I figure losing one brother would change their hostile relationship to a reluctant team up to get out of the fire together. Frank, being noble, gets Ernest out first resulting getting injuries and dying later, leaving Ernest all alone. Sir and Charles were still holding hands when they got out, but Sir died first and Charles went next due to a broken heart) or luck (Hal survived one fire already; I want Hugo, Colette, and Kevin to catch a good break). 

I cried when the ending happened that song f*** me up so bad like things could have been different and happy but I’m stuck in misery and woe. 

THE END/VFD AND SCHISM: I HATE THIS EPISODE SO FREAKING MUCH. Well, the Island parts (lol the red herring of Beatrice II being Sunny just by wanting to be call by her last name). They cut characters stuff with Friday (and her mother), the mutiny (that was the best part!!!)...almost all the stuff that made The End good! Also, wtf was with the BS of Ishmael making VFD? Like, I like how he was the Principal, that I can accept. But I got the impression, and it was actually implied, it been around for a long time before Ishmael was even born. He made it sound like a book club for the prestigious good people that are rich and bored. Newsflash Netflix: IT’S NOT.  Kit flat out mentions that the schism started when she was four, and it only got worse when her generation came. In fact, the schism only got worse when Olaf went after Lemony, making it the schism everyone knows today. The way the show paints it...it’s the pettiness form of petty and revenge and actually revenge I would like normally but I hate it in the context. I have more, but I’m be making a post about it...a (crack-ish/shitpost comparison of sorts you will of sorts. All I can say is the the White Face women are younger than they look or lost their family and sister in a fire while in their 20′s or 30′s (Ishmael and the Man with Beard but no Hair and Woman with hair but no Beard and Co -> Lemony and Co aka Schism start at teenage/young adult years -> Baudelaires and Co).

Honestly the good stuff was Sunny thinking of pushing Olaf overboard, and the whole thing leading up to Olaf and Kit’s death I cried so much.

Chapter 14: Okay, I’m a sucker for a happy ending after so much crap happened. Lemony and Beatrice II found family again (if for a short time), Fiona and Fernald got a Pushing Daisies ending when Captain Widdershins shows up (referring to Emerson Cod’s reunion with his daughter), Quigley reuniting with his stock footage siblings + Hector, the Troupe having a happy ending fulling their dream, and IDV maybe making it to the the islanders in time. Do I admit that the whole point of their ‘last appearance’ with the Great Unknown (or IDV just disappearing) is to give a message that you can’t always know what happens and mysteries are still out there (imo). Yes, but again, I’m a sucker for happy endings, so I’m fine either way. Also, in Season One there was a narration of Lemony with a very tiny Self Sustaining ship in the BG. Since we know Lemony is actually narrating from the future...it’s a given the Quagmire and Hector would survive. It’s a blink and you miss, but it’s there. So yeah, while everything else could be chalk up as a fake happy ending imagine by Lemony and/or Beatrice II, the Quagmire Triplets and Hector were given a happy fate from the start! Okay, I guess they still need to come down at some point but...

I would watch the PP episodes, but never the End unless I want to make myself angry.

#netflix asoue #denouement triplets #dewey denouement #beatrice baudelaire #bertrand baudelaire #asoue season 3 #a series of unfortunate events #ASoUE #spoilers #asoue spoilers

[megabadbunny]

it’s fuck-all-o’clock in the morning and that means time for a star wars rant right???

Btw any darlings who may be reading this: if you like The Last Jedi and reading criticism about it upsets you, or if you haven’t yet seen the movie and would like to avoid spoilers, I would highly encourage you to turn back now! <3 <3 <3

So here’s the thing: Rian Johnson made TLJ the way he did for the sake of something “new” and “different”, right? Like he wanted to subvert audience expectations, take Star Wars in a new direction, out with the old, in with the new, no more fancy remakes/clusters-of-parallels-dressed-up-with-new-characters-and-special-effects, yes?

Okay but STAR WARS HAS ALREADY FUCKING DONE THIS BEFORE. This isn’t new. It isn’t! All of his bullshit “fresh” perspective? IT’S NOT FRESH BECAUSE STAR WARS HAS ALREADY DONE IT.

You want a darker take on the Star Wars story? Look at The Empire Strikes Back. Of course, now we all know the twist about Luke Skywalker’s true parentage; the movie’s been out for nearly 40 frikkin’ years. Even if you’ve never watched the movie, there’s a pretty damn healthy chance you’re familiar with the infamous “No--I am your father.” But this is 40 years later. In 1980, when the film first screened--no one fucking expected that! Audiences were shocked! Folks were certain Vader was lying, that’s how shocked they were. Not to mention, the hero’s hand gets chopped off--what the fuck, man??? His hand gets chopped off by the biggest baddest worst man in the galaxy, who also happens to be his father? That is some fucked-up shit! Then Luke decides he would rather die than subject himself to the presence of his father for even one more minute, so he just lets himself fucking fall, ostensibly to his death.

You want to see a story about a hero who runs headlong into danger without any regard for the consequences and then suffer the repercussions? Long before Poe ran disastrous suicide missions in space, we had Luke Skywalker freaking out on Dagobah and deciding to forsake his training despite Yoda and Obi-Wan basically telling him flat-out that it’s a frikkin’ trap. He was so certain that he was the only one who could save his friends and runs blindly into the situation despite the obvious danger. And you know what? He loses his hand because of it. (In real-life terms, of course you couldn’t blame someone like Luke for the loss of his hand, but in storytelling terms, the narrative is clearly punishing Luke for his thoughtlessness.) 

By the end of the movie, none of our heroes have successfully completed their objectives. Leia couldn’t save Han; he’s been captured and spirited away to god-knows-where (and for all audiences knew back in 1980, he wouldn’t survive). And of course Han did not get any sort of happy ending with Leia--barely managed to coax her into so much as admitting her feelings before he got turned into a Han-sicle. Lando couldn’t protect Cloud City; despite his best efforts under a series of worsening circumstances, it’s now under Imperial Control. And Luke doesn’t actually contribute, at all, in any way whatsoever, to the aid or protection of his friends. He doesn’t contribute to the rescue effort for Han at all, and if Luke had never come to Cloud City, Leia and Lando and Chewie still would have escaped. Luke turned his back on Yoda and Obi-Wan, forsook his training, lost his fucking hand, for nothing.

Which brings me to my next point: you want to see a story about a hero who, despite their best efforts, doesn’t actually end up helping at all? See above, re: Luke forsakes his training to help save his friends and doesn’t even end up making a damn bit of difference. For goodness’ sake, Leia has to turn right back around and fly back to Cloud City to save him! He actually hampers their escape! Long before Finn and Rose disobeyed orders to take a pointless detour to a pointless casino planet full of pointless half-arsed social commentary bullshit and other pointless garbage that basically just existed for the sake of giving their characters something to do (and we didn’t even get to see Lando, what the ever-loving fuck, are you kidding me, a casino planet would have been the perfect place to find him????), Luke disobeyed orders only to end up with no helpful contributions, making things worse for himself in the end. But at least The Empire Strikes Back has the decency to show you how crushed Luke is by the whole thing.

It’s easy not to think about it in these terms because those of us who love the story have probably watched it so many times that its impact has now diminished into something comfortable--especially knowing how things wrap up in Return of the Jedi--but face it: The Empire Strikes Back is a dark movie, kids. For those of us who weren’t around at that time, can you imagine waiting three fucking years to find out what happened next???

Also, are you interested in a story about a once-noble warrior who is now a grumpy and curmudgeonly hermit reluctant to take on impulsive new trainees? Long before we had Luke deciding that “the Jedi need to end”--for no real reason, if you really think about it...? Like, what have we actually seen in the movies that demonstrates that the Jedi shouldn’t exist anymore? It makes sense for Luke to feel guilty about his personal actions, and I could buy Luke making this argument just because he’s so tired of the fighting and bloodshed and heartbreak, but instead the screenplay is written like a stoner’s “Hey man, like, what if the Jedi were actually not all that perfect?” thread on a subreddit and we’re just supposed to accept that this bullshit meta-discussion-telling-instead-of-showing is good enough motivation for Luke to let the Jedi die out, but ANYWAY I DIGRESS--long before that useless horse-turd of a motivation, we had Yoda, aka a once-noble warrior who is now a grumpy and curmudgeonly hermit reluctant to take on impulsive new trainees.

And the parallels/ripoffs don’t end there: in both ESB and TLJ you’ve got half of our heroes stuck in a crippled ship being chased by the baddies across space, you’ve got a big baddie trying to manipulate our main hero (via revelations about familial connections or lack thereof) into joining his side while his puppet-strings are being pulled by yet another bigger badder baddie, Crait might as well be Hoth (except wait that one dude ate some dirt and said “Salt!” so I guess we’re good...?) and of course we can’t forget that the dark-side cave on Dagobah is paralleled by Ahch-To’s dark-side seaweed anus. 

Oh yeah, and if you’ll allow me to divert from The Empire Strikes Back for a moment: if you’re interested in a story about a literal nobody rising to glorious heights, guess what? We’ve already got that--the deeply-flawed-but-still-canonical Phantom Menace gave us a slave boy who was the literal Chosen One. The only reason we don’t think of Anakin Skywalker as a nobody is because TPM is a prequel and we already know the ending. But chronologically, his character, the venerable Darth Vader, one of the most feared men in the Star Wars galaxy and one of the most well-known characters in all of movie history, starts out as a nobody. So no, Rey Random is not some revelation; it’s just the same story, repackaged.

But hey, don’t ever forget that The Last Jedi is new and bold and refreshing! Don’t forget how fresh and subversive it is! In no way does it mirror its predecessors every bit as much as TFA did. In no way did TFA actually manage to subvert tropes in giving a face and name and voice and conscience to a Stormtrooper, who, historically, belongs to a group of nameless faceless blank-slated nobodies. In no way did TLJ spend half its runtime retconning or disregarding half the shit set up in TFA for no other reason that the director’s own pretentiousness (for all his discussion of “oh my twists aren’t twists, they’re just the most dramatic versions of honest* moments”, you’d think he would have, oh, I don’t know, maybe gone the route of natural storytelling instead of forcing his own half-cooked thoughts into the mix, or maybe found his honesty from shit that actually happened in the first movie in the trilogy instead of manufacturing his own), and certainly, TLJ is not riddled with incomprehensible plotholes. 

(And, sidenote: TLJ doesn’t even maintain consistency with its own messages. For all the talk of “killing the past” and letting go of the old to pave way for the new, it also seems to talk a great deal about learning from your failures, but how the fuck are you supposed to learn from or cope with your past if, y’know, you sever all ties with it? (Did we learn nothing from The Lion King???) I understand the message that being bogged down by the past, for any reason, ultimately isn’t good for you. But saying “let the past go” and “learn from your past mistakes” feels messy at best and antithetical at worst.)

I’m not saying that there’s nothing good about TLJ--hell, there were plenty of moments I enjoyed. The lightsaber battles were great, the space-battles were fun, the theme of action-and-consequence was good, I liked the whole learn-from-your-failures bit even if it was messily incorporated, I thought Kylo Ren’s arc was well-developed, I loved seeing Leia with a blaster again, and yeah, I got a kick out of the Porgs. And I’m not saying people shouldn’t like the movie! Like what you want, I’m not your mom. I’m just saying that the movie isn’t nearly as “fresh” or subversive as its director or super staunch supporters seem to think it is, and I’m a little frustrated by the criticism aimed at Star Wars fans who didn’t care for the movie. Specifically, I’m frustrated by the accusation that we’re all mindless sheep who are just upset that they weren’t spoonfed the same stories and themes as every other Star Wars movie. Oh, I’m sure there are some fans who are irritated that the status quo wasn’t filled, but for a lot of us, that isn’t the problem.

The problems with TLJ boil down to the following: 1) the movie seems more interested in making “the most dramatic choice” for every moment instead of the most honest, natural, or true-to-the-story choice (i.e., it seems more interested in manipulating the story for the sake of shock value instead of letting the story unfold naturally in any way), and 2) it’s just not a great movie. At the end of the day, it sets out to accomplish too many things, and present too many plot points, with too many characters, and ultimately can’t dedicate enough time to do justice to any of it, so all of it suffers. The original Star Wars movies are simple enough, sure, but rather than commit the mistake of doing a bunch of things poorly, they do a small number of things pretty darn well. And I would argue that that, rather than the decision to do things “differently” than Star Wars movies in the past, is the major flaw inherent in The Last Jedi.

* While we’re discussing “honest” moments--where is the honesty in having Rose talk about love right before planting a big ol’ smooch right on Finn’s mouth when they’ve known each other for like 18 hours??? And unless she’s secretly some kind of idiot, why would Holdo--aka admiral-battle-genius or whatever--withhold valuable information from Poe on a “need to know basis” when he’s in a position that needs to know? Why did Luke leave a piece of his map in Artoo if he absolutely never ever ever wanted to ever be found, if he came to “the most unfindable” place in the galaxy to die? How is it an “honest choice” to bring Phasma back for two minutes for no real purpose??? Why did the story completely omit any mention or sight of the Knights of Ren during Luke and Ren’s flashbacks? Why did the story utterly disregard shit like 1) when Rey touches Luke’s lightsaber in TFA, she not only sees visions of her family leaving her interspersed with images from Luke’s past including Kylo Ren’s attack on the temple, but she also sees events that the lightsaber wasn’t even present for, 2) Maz recognizing Rey’s eyes despite the fact that they’ve never met, 3) “The lightsaber was Luke’s, and his father’s before his, and now it calls to you”? 4) “The Force runs strong in my family. I have it. My father has it. My sister has it. You have that power, too” and 5) the fact that Leia specifically sent Rey to go find Luke? (Why the hell would Leia choose to send some random nobody to track down her long-lost brother???) How is Rey Random the most honest choice given these points and so many other things shown in TFA??? TFA isn’t perfect but it tells a story that has a natural and honest progression--or at least that’s the case until TLJ came along and, through the power of retcon, made it a dirty rotten liar. :D

** OH MY GOD if you want to explore the concept of a nobody having just as much potential to rise to Force-sensitive-greatness as someone with a special lineage THEN WHY NOT DO THAT WITH FINN??? Then you could make it so that the title “The Last Jedi” doesn’t refer to any single person--it refers to Jedi in the plural, being Luke and Rey AND FINN!!! And you could even see how different things are for both of them--Rey’s over here learning about her family lineage, being reunited with family, having this huge family history that represents the very pinnacle of the struggle between good and evil, and Finn is struggling because he feels like he comes from nothing, and because the likelihood of ever finding out his family’s identity is basically nil, he secretly worries that that’s all he really is: nothing. So then you would have the two of them helping each other work through their shit--Finn helps Rey deal with this newfound fame and attention and overwhelming sense of duty, and Rey helps Finn realize he’s not a nobody, he’s just as special as she is, and even if they don’t ever manage to find his family, he’s got her, and Poe, and everyone else; they’re his family, no matter what. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD ASLDKFJSOIEJWAOIRSDLFJWSOERIJEROIJ

/rant

#ranty mcrantsalot #tlj spoilers #anti tlj #flashing gifs #ehhh not really but i figured i might as well tag it as such just to be safe #the one is a lil fucky on the eyes if you stare it at too long or at least i think it is #the last jedi spoilers #anti the last jedi

[merrysithmas]

"rose and finn's plotline was pointless"

actually it was the most important part of the whole movie bc they inspired those enslaved kids and thus ensured the resistance will live on but k

"they character assassinated finn"

no. they developed his character. in tfa he went from fn-2187 to a person scared of their identity/past so he lies ("im 'with' the resistance") and has allegiance just to one person ("im only here to get rey"). in tlj he went from that to a proud rebellion fighter who got to face and defeat his tormentor, all the while gaining possibly the best understanding of the eternal Star Wars that plague the galaxy. he saw dj (dont join) as the only truly 'free' person, yet came to understand him as a despicable opportunist no better than the war profiteers. both the ambivalent and the warprofiteers contribute to the constant dichotomy btw dark and light. finn is the only one with that knowledge. and standing up to phasma and hux and returning to the first order as FINN was the most bamf thing that happened in the film. and it sets him up to be a liberator in IX. finn reclaimed his status as a deserter as powerful not shameful. which. is. b o s s!!!

"luke wasnt himself!!!"

luke has been a sucky ass mary sue ever since his inception. he finally got some brain and development (yet was still the same know it all asshole) and ppl hated it

"what abt poe!!!"

poe got like the most screentime and was epic the whole fucking film? he had like so many scenes and matured into the person leia will give the command of resistance to? he went frkm believing he was best-suited for the role to understanding he could never possibly be, and thus finally became a real leader. the whole movie was abt the characters each slipping into their own personal 'dark sides' and gaining knowledge from their failures and so rising out of it to become well-rounded ppl. poe saw that sacrifice is sometimes letting people think you are an asshole (which can be applied to a bunch of other characters) and appearing like the villain (like holdo) rather than the hero

"it shoulr have been poe that saved them not general holdo"

yeah calling bullshit. an older 60+ canonically pansexual woman allowed to be a hero in a film is pretty damn cool. my starving for rep pansexual ass is not letting you all erase that.

"stormpilottt"

theyre my main ship of this trilogy and they talked literally the ENTIRE film, had a line where poe was jealous of rose, gave finn and rose the most platonic one-sided kiss on earth, and touched each other constantly. came to one another's aid several times. disney prob had a vice around their balls the whole time and they still gave so much even though disney will never let them be canon before IX for fear of losing the audience... just facts.

"reylo wah wah"

rey literally... rejected him? she was a badass the whole time and rejected luke too. she thought for herself, tried what she thought was right when luke archaically told her not to (even though...he did.... the same thing... to vader... and it worked but k), left to fight the first order even after luke did fuck all to train her bc she's brave af, and closed the door in kylos face after he went apeshit and decided to blow up the resistance. she met him in the middle and then refused to do more to "save" him and the narrative made it clear he needs to do that himself if he ever wants to meet her/anyone in the middle again. she stood up to snoke and caused his demise by influencing kylo to the light, however temporary: aka she learned to become a jedi without the help of anyone and the scene about her being "nothing and no one and not connected to the story" was a direct fuck you to all the ReySky ReySolo fuckboys who couldnt believe she was relevant on her own. she also realized the power/possibility of the darkside in the hands of a good person which is a concept never before explored in the boring af star wars philosophy? (which yoda legit burned lmao).

"kylo ren sucks"

he's legit the only interesting dark side character in star wars history. his scenes with rey are allegorical and are meant to represent the journey of all the other characters in the film (touching their own darkness and having to face themselves to become better). he is fun to analyze esp given his connection to luke, leia, and han. i love that they failed him and thst alone makes him a sympathetic character (in allegory people) bc viewers themselves even outright refuse to believe luke, leia, and han could have not been perfect people athough it is displayed on screen several times. this is like fictional gaslighting and its cool to see that phenomenon play out as a fan. and his fight scenes are epic af cinematography also the actor is amazing??? he is just a fun to watch "bad guy" with actual depth which makes his actions interesting??? tumblrs random on/off boners for bad guys gives me whiplash, if you enjoy watching his character like all the others in sw, you arent a bad evil person you might just have a rare commodity which is critical thinking skills. also?????? it is fucking cool to see a villain who is genuinely tempted toward goodness!!!!! that is a timely and current and important concept!!!!!!

"x scene/plot was pointless"

tbh if anyone's plot was pointless to the plot it was rey and kylos, bc it was just pure allegory. all the actual plot was through finn, poe, rose, and leia.

IN SUM:

tbh i didnt even thinm this movie was that good. i thought the pacing and editing was really bad also, directors. shouldnt. write. movies. they. arent. writers. the. dialogue. always. sucks. but still i refuse to sit here and let people act like the fucking PREQUELS (the worst movies ever made with NO DIVERSITY AND RAMPANT SEXISM and the worst writing ever done in the history of humankind) are better than tlj.

#lol thats all #also if you dont agree with this ... good #lolcits okay for ppl to have diff opinions

[thedollhouserp]

The producers and creators of HBO’s The Dollhouse would like to introduce BROOKLYN PORTER aka ‘THE ARTIST’ to the viewing audience! Thank you, DEVON for your amazing and fun audition, we are so excited to bring you on the dash. Please have your characters account in within a 24-hour period or else the role will be reopened. Also, to get started take a look at our NEWBIES CHECKLIST. Happy roleplaying.

Name, Age, Time-Zone, Pronouns

Devon - 22 - MST - Literally anything.

Activity Description

8-9/10 - I work “full time” but rarely do I work a full eight hours. (#blest)

Anything Else?

REMOVED BY ADMIN

☆ ic information;;

Character Name, Age, Sexuality, Hometown, Birth Order + Intersex status + Character Label + Character FC

Brooklyn Rose Porter - 23 - Lesbian - Nashville, TN - First Born - Non-intersex - The Artist - Rita Volk

Character’s birthday

August 16

Character Traits

+ Adventurous, Charismatic, Self-sufficient

~ Punny AF

- Clumsy, Lazy, Weak-Willed

Character Quote

“Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.” - Edgar Allan Poe

Ships + Anti-ships

Brook/Chemistry - Brook/Forced

Kinks + Anti-Kinks

Open to trying anything once (and more times, if she enjoys it, ofc) - Not into serious BDSM.

☆ cast questions;;

Tell Us A Little Bit About You:

The name’s Brooklyn Rose Porter - Brook or Cookie, for short - I’m 23 years yold (that’s young and old because why not) and I’m a freelance photographer. I’ve spent a lot of time travelling all over the world, taking pictures of things millions of other people have taken pictures of. I like to believe my art stands out in some way, but you never really know until people really start noticing it. Which is part of what I’m hoping to gain from all of this. I like to think of myself as a free spirit. I sort of let the world take me wherever it pleases, without questioning anything too much. Hopefully I’m laid back enough to keep myself away from any serious drama, cause I’m definitely not well-equipped for that sort of thing. However, if you’re looking for a terrible pun or quick-witted comment, I’m your girl.

How do you feel about your label? Do you feel like it’s the right one for you? Why or why not?:

In most ways it fits me relatively well. Photography is certainly a serious art-form, despite how everyone and their mothers think they are photographers now (thanks Apple.) I’m very creative and, while I do dabble in other mediums, those aren’t things I’m terribly passionate about like I am when it comes to photography. Long story short - yes, I’d say it suits me well. 

What interested you in partaking in this television show?:

It sounded like an interesting concept. I wasn’t really looking for anything like this, but a friend showed it to me and I thought it could be a fun thing to give a try. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with a house full of girls… (I hope the sarcasm read well there.)

What are you wanting to accomplish or take from the experience of being on the show?:

Honestly, like most “reality stars” I’m just looking to get my name out there. I don’t even care about my face being out there, cause as far as photography goes, I’m not usually in front of the cameras… But sometimes you just gotta pay your dues to make it anywhere in the biz, as the kids say nowadays. 

The Mobile Device

Last played song: Most Girls - Hailee Steinfeld

Last text: TO MOM: I KNOW YOU ALWAYS TELL ME TO PACK EXTRA UNDIES BUT I FORGOT AND NOW I REGRET MY ENTIRE LIFE #SOS

Last tweet: @cookieporter: sometimes I ask myself how many cookies is too many cookies. and then i remind myself that there is such thing as stupid questions. 

☆ writing sample;;

REMOVED FOR PRIVACY

#tdhrpbrooklyn #tdhrpaccepted #submission