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holydivers · 7 months

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talking about my tavs (and durge) because i can...2!

also game spoilers abound

riose. he/him, half-drow, necromancer warlock, acolyte backstory. one level in cleric of eilistraee for roleplaying

riose is a follower of eilistraee and a bleeding heart pacifist, which ties into his necromancy - he sees utilizing the dead, whose souls have since moved on, as a way to preserve the lives of the living by allowing them to replace living fighters in events where combat can't be avoided. he believes strongly in protecting life, no matter how questionable the person is, unless killing is absolutely necessary. which is how he immediately got killed by a mindflayer. and then again by a vampire a few nights later. honestly he's more of an accidental menace to the party than my actual selfish chaotic characters. oops!

his charisma is dogshit, so despite trying so desperately for pacifism he's accidentally caused way more conflict than most of my other tavs. he's really struggling out here. also only being half-drow means he doesn't get the inherent differential treatment characters like xun'e get, which bypasses goblin aggression, but people still give him shit for being half drow

his life fucking sucks

anyway i'm still working on his background - i want to give him a human parent and a drow parent in a way that's potentially actually interesting and not just some stupid or shitty bullshit, and thinking about how he eventually came to the church of eilistraee. i'm having trouble settling on anything, though, especially incorporating the necromancy thing - where does a good character generally even learn necromancy? i don't imagine there are necromantic books just sitting around, so i think a reformed villain parent would be fun...(make it the human parent contrasting to the actually pretty normal drow parent? could be funny)

but anyway everyone except for wyll and karlach hates him. he's off-putting and is trying really hard not to be That Guy but is having a difficult time not bringing up his religion constantly and wanting to pray for people. though it's almost circled around to being sort of endearing and at least he's useful as a ridiculously tall meat shield. with low strength bc he's a wizard

he's romancing wyll. also the church of eilistraee apparently do interpretative dance to their goddess every night so that's gonna be a cute little tie-in. like yes wyll he would LOVE to dance but maybe he's not used to your kind of dancing (he's got some dancing naked in the moonlight hippie shit bc that's how eilistraee is apparently)

on the other end of the spectrum is joy. they/them. some sort of tiefling idr, battle master fighter, haunted one background

so like as a durge they don't have much backstory aside from, y'know, the canon. i have another durge who resists the urge (but he's also pretty boring and has no personality <3 idk i'm not super inspired by durge since the amnesia and canon backstory feels rather restricting. i'll figure it out) but was like ok well i'll make one who indulges the urge and play for as long as i can stand it before being mean in a video game becomes too much for me

the out of universe reason for joy only resisting the urge is that even when doing my best to be mean i don't want to kill any of my companions. the in-universe reason is that they initially just really wanted to see someone turn into a mindflayer bc they thought it sounded cool as hell

though obviously they don't have much of a history of being friends or allies to people, they become rather enamored with having a posse and become very indulgent toward their allies. well, the allies who remained after they slaughtered the grove that is

while they do indulge the urge most times the dialogue options allow me to, they're not necessarily that evil outside of that - if the urge isn't particularly calling for blood they're weirdly capable of being relatively chill, though still an asshole. (they gave the prisoner in the goblin camp and healing potion and let him go. after torturing him a lot first for no reason, of course, but still)

hilariously shadowheart initially HATED them and told them they were only good as a meatshield. eventually she warmed up to them. somehow. lae'zel thinks they're too indulgent and chaotic but minthara thinks they're alright at least

though joy did become besties with astarion, joy was drawn towards gale, who talked a lot of shit when joy killed alfira but then sure was weirdly ok with it when joy thought about kissing him during their moment in the weave (honestly the kissing thought was mostly to avoid projecting the immediately obvious thoughts about dismemberment, and joy is trying not to threaten their friends! honest!)

and he didn't react to torturing that guy. and really didn't seem to mind joy biting another guy's toe straight off. and joy sees that dark streak of ambition and is delighted. and even after the slaughter at the grove, gale stays, and in the shadow-cursed lands he's even made comments about how attractive they look after a battle....they didn't even have to try to manipulate him or anything he's out here happily going down a corruption arc all by himself.

tbh i chickened out and initially decided that they'd resent sceleritas telling them what to do and have them not kill isobel but. well. i think i'm gonna go through and commit and get that slayer form. esp since jaheira kept fucking dying at moonrise no matter how hard i tried to keep her alive. we'll see if i have the willpower to have astarion and shart go down their bad character routes.

(i hate ascension but the dynamic of "exes but still friends" in the supervillain context is really funny. esp considering how dogshit astarion definitely would be at being a vampire lord. sorry no i'm not helping you take over baldur's gate we're not even an item anymore i'm too busy helping my boyfriend defy the gods or w/e he's doing <3 taking over baldur's gate is small potatoes. i'll still come over and we can disembowel ppl together if you want. make an afternoon out of it.)

in the end they'll probably reject bhaal? probably? again i feel like i maybe should just commit to going fully evil route but i kinda like the idea that they do save the city and everyone has to put up with this wretched piece of shit who no one likes being the hero and trying to install their flop boyfriend as the new god of magic or whatever.

joy sucks but i kinda love them it's just hilarious how terrible they are.

#just two bc it got a little long #bg3 ocs #luke plays bg3 #oc sharing #oc: riose #oc: joy #broke: evil run romancing astarion. woke: evil run romancing gale

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tideridera · 4 years

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HEADCANON : isle factions

There are numerous factions on the Isle that war against each other for territory, resources and power. Most operate like criminal street gangs, especially those made up predominantly of descendants, while there are still some elements that are ruled by the adults on the Isle.

THE RED HEARTS : Are a feminine-presenting exclusive faction that operates all over the Isle. They are responsible for the Isle’s brothels and sex trade and make an income through the selling and trading of information. Despite having a large amount of influence among the adult population of the Isle, no one knows who leads them though the former Governor, Ratcliffe and Madame Mim are the prime suspects. They are identified by emblems of burning red hearts.

THE RED DIAMONDS : Are a sub-branch of the Red Hearts and the male or masculine presenting employees of the Red Hearts. They do not have as much say or power as the Red Hearts but they do posses a union in which issues that need to be addressed are raised to the Red Hearts. The two branches work together collaboratively and well.

THE MAD HATTERS : Are identified by their green scarfs and top or bowler hats, they have an alliance with the Red Hearts only because they work as their enforcers, working as security at the brothels and ensuring debts are paid. However, the Mad Hatters are also the distributors of the Isle’s alcohol called Absolem. While sold in liquid form, it can also be cooked into a steam that causes extreme hallucinations. Absolem comes in various colours but ‘acid green’ is their top seller.

THE KNAVES : Are also chiefly among the factions led and controlled by adults. Jafar and his sister Nasira are responsible for a smuggling operation with the Goblin’s wharf, capable of negotiating and retrieving rarer resources from Auradon for the right price. Their younger employees call themselves The Knaves, and are a thieving guild and are almost entirely neutral. They steal from everyone and anyone and fence and sell their trade to whoever pays the most. They are known for being freelancers, sometimes paid to steal or plant things by rival factions if the pay is good, while useful they are very expensive and if you think this means they’re paid well, they’re not. Jafar and Nasira demand 90% of any takes.

THE HUNS : Shan Yu, his elite soldiers and other survivors of the avalanche were imprisoned on the Isle after they failed to kill the Emperor. Shan Yu carved out a territory for themselves along the cliff faces of the Isle, their homes, businesses and stalls are literally built into the stone of the islands sides. It’s extremely dangerous when attempting to enter or exit the area due to the Isle’s storms and dangerous waters but once inside the tunnels run throughout the interior of the island itself and even has hidden entrances scattered throughout the surface of the island. None of the surface inhabitants know how many Huns are living on the Isle.

THE PIRATES : There are a multitude of pirate crews on the Isle, descendants of numerous pirate crews imprisoned on the Isle but some were from Buccaneer or slaving ships and corrupt naval or trading ships. The Jolly Roger is the only ship that is sea-worthy and still has functional weapons and mortar, as such everyone gives Captain Hook and his crew a wide berth. Uma is the only other inhabitant of the Isle with a ship of her own, even if the Lost Revenge is currently unable to sail. These crews often identify themselves by the name of shipwrecks and almost all of them operate independently from each other. This means that pirate crews can often have conflicts with each other, however all crews put their differences aside to unify against outside factions. Pirates before all.

CAULDRON BORN : Though the Horned King turned his undead army against his own mortal soldiers, many managed to survive and were imprisoned on the Isle due to their crimes while working for the Horned King. The Cauldron Born are descendants of these soldiers as their parents abandoned the Horned King when he became a recluse, these descendants took the name of the Cauldron Born as an intimidation factor as many upon the Isle still feared the Horned King and his immortal army. They are the most organized of the descendant factions and get their income primary from construction and manual labor of the Isle. While not as active in the streets as others, they have never lost territory nor lost a fight.

BOGS BOYS : Are a masculine-presenting exclusive faction. While low in number, they have near continuous conflicts with every other faction in the Isle. Their name inspired by the Chernabog. They are anarchists, they don’t care who or what they go up against, however they are disorganized and often destroy themselves with internal power struggles, when leaders are determined they do not last long but neither do their disbands. Bogs Boys always return inevitably. Like cockroaches that never die.

#♤ — where the sharks have his body & the devil has his soul. 「 headcanon. 」

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worstfruit · 5 years

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GOBLINS

Ok-- this setting focuses on a small continet, a bit smaller in width than australia, but longer (think the stretched greenland we see on globes). To the north, past a mountain range that crosses the land, lay and endless expanse of pete bogs and moors and thick, thonry shrub forests: here live the greenskins and barbaric humans of lore: free creatures and beasts and even men, who pay no mind to the settled empire that exists just south. Focusing on one of these races, I will be talking about my favourite! The goblins (sometimes called the ‘Moors Goblin’ bc i published this on dnd beyond so i could use it as a homebrew race). I’ve borrowed a lot from Warhammer and 40k but as I work on world building I hope to separate these fuckers from both dnd and warhammer.

What differentiates your Moors Goblin from their more classic fantasy cousins is primarily their culture and disdain for sunlight (ok since writing more...unsure if i want them to be light sensitive!! will have to stew on this). Even Moors Goblins who live outside of cave networks don't see too much direct sunlight due to the cloudy and rainy climate of the northern highlands, and so they're prone to sunburn and blindness during prolonged exposure. Likewise, dryer climates greatly weaken their immune system, and so they rarely travel far enough south to mingle much with other races. The Moors Goblin is unique in that their genetic makeup is closely linked to that of fungus, making them incredibly hard to kill despite some of their more glaring weaknesses. They bleed viscous, green blood, thick with spores that, when the time is right, allow for the birth and growth of new goblins. While they do possess many organs similar to most mammals, like cold blooded reptiles, Moor Goblins can survive seemingly impossible amounts of tissue loss and internal damage, as their green bodies generate oxygen through photosynthesis and their central nervous system operates as a networked inlaid along their vascular lines. For this reason, many tribes take to the belief that it is actually impossible to kill them without the aid of fire or acid, and will chant some iteration of 'no burial mound can hold me' as a warsong. Even if a goblin is crushed beyond recognition, a new goblin may soon crawl from the dirt below the sight of his death due to the spores released upon his body's destruction.

Your typical cave Goblin may not know how to swim very well or see all too well in the sunlight, though some tribes do make a living off fishing the river ways in which they reside or travelling large, flat plain lands during daylight hours. Your average Goblin lives a simple lifestyle with a group of their own, and while some clans may be open to trading and friendly relations with other native races such as orcs or humans, Goblins are known for being isolationists and rather...tricky. They've had many altercations with more southerly dwarves and wood elves(? -- unsure if ill use elves in this manner as ive yet to expand on them). If asking any Dwarf about them, you'll likely hear that they are all cutthroats and petty thieves (largely in part due to land disputes within the mountains), whereas an Empire Elf would likely have little to no experience with them whatsoever.

In general, the world does not know too much about Moors Goblins and the inner workings of their society, as the race enjoys keeping to itself, and for the most part, other, more dominant races tend to likewise keep away from goblin controlled regions.

Older Goblins hold no higher rank in society, though they are allowed more relaxed roles due to their age and resulting feebleness. What does elevate their standing is their outward apperance: namely height and scars. A goblin tends to form welts, pockmarks, bumps, or discolorations after being wounded. Goblins who don’t see much warfare or even friendly sparring tend to be smooth, and as a result, assumed inexperienced, whereas more seasoned goblins tend to be more disfigured or even missing limbs (this implies that they have reached the age and status to breed, though sometimes old goblins may be smooth skinned, and young goblins with a rough early start may appear older than they are). Though more muscular goblins may bully their way through the nest, this doesn’t affect their social rank, though muscle build tends to correlate with height, and height a prized trait within Goblin society. The tallest Goblin is the defacto leader, but this tends to lead more diminutive individuals to ‘augment’ their height through unnatural means (stilts, hats, and even magic). The chieftain of a tribe often wears some sort of elaborate mask made of animal bone that helps to augment his height, and also represent the clan's culture through color, symbol, etc. If a tall goblin is entirely smooth, he must rely on his wits and magic knowhow to gain a reputation worthy of leading. If a very muscular but short and scarred goblin arises, he may fight for the title-- though this is rare. It seems instinctual for these creatures to flock to the tallest.

The Moors Goblin generally has very large ears, useful for detecting sonic frequencies within the earth.

They tend to have more angular facial features, larger noses and chins, hollow cheeks, and large, eyes with yellow sclera and slit pupils. Irises vary in color, from those ranging normal to humans, as well as rarer shades of red, purple, black, or even white. Goblin eyesight is exceptional in the dark, making them adept at living underground and scavenging for food at night, but making them poor day time hunters. Their sense of smell is keen like that of a dog, helping tunnelers to seek out anything from fungal food sources to rare minerals and dangerous sulfur deposits. Claws are large and thick on both hands and feet, and the front teeth are sharp, with pronounced incisors and canines and a set of flat, crushing molars at the back of the jaw.

Cutting open a goblin will reveal a startling lack of any apparent major organs! They possess spider-like booklungs, a network of bladder like muscles that have thousands of little capillary rivulets expending from within and connect the tissue to itselve. Cutting into muscle reveals a sort of crystalline pattern, made of a meat like, gooey substance similar to the consistency of what inside an aloe leaf. These fluids range from a watery, yellowish-green, to more viscous forest greens and even dark browns. Although any surgeons in this world would not be able to discern this easily, the goblin does posses a CNS, it is simply spread through the entire body. Likewise, there is no apparent heart organ, but it seems that electrical impulses force a reflective twitch from this network of innards that compels the goblin body forward. The closest thing to a brain can be found along what resembles a spinal column, where more obvious veins stem from to attach to the eyes, booklungs, and multiple small stomach like sacks. Their skeletal system is composed of a highly resilient and flexible cartilage made of keratin, similar to beetle shells. The goblin’s capacity to heal is astounding and quicker than that of your average mammal, though their springy ‘bones’ and soft flesh do make for easy wounding. Some older, stronger goblins develop a thick callous and scar tissue that makes for excellent, natural armor, and is sought after as a source of leather by some dwarvish tribes.

Eating goblin meat is ill advised, however. It appears to be toxic to pink skins, and no known predator relies on these creatures as a food source.

For this reason, as well as their reproductive nature, goblins are seen as a plague amongst some northerly dwelling empire races. Cut one down, multiple eventually appear. Many have learned to burn goblin bodies rather than cutting up their remains; the more green blood spilled, the more likely they are to return from the earth! Infant goblins can be surprisingly strong and viscous towards perceived threats, and in a great number, they can do a lot of damage.

To an outsider, it may appear that all Moors Goblins are male. In reality, there is only one sex, or rather, in goblin terms, there is no sex or /really/ gender. Moors Goblins have no native terms for 'he' or 'she', though in Common they are typically just referred to as male due to their physical features. Moors Goblins have no need for more telling indicators such as breasts, but do coexist with races that do recognize a binary sex and gender, so they are somewhat familiar with the concept and may navigate it according to their preferences, if they have any. Many are fine with just being labeled an it, a they, or a he/she, though some more involved with humans may chose a set of pronouns.

Moors Goblin society is collectivist at its core; this may be confusing to outsiders however as Goblins are extremely easily distracted by anything they might consider valuable–– be it shiny, aromatic, tasty, dangerous, or just large and heavy. While this kleptomaniacal behavior may seem individualistic on the surface, Goblins operate similar to a termite or ant mound, or even beehives in that they collect food and goods to add to a collective hoard. It’s an animalistic sort of instinctual partnership a Goblin has with their clan, wherein they gather and fight as a collective, for the collective good, in exchange for food and protection. It could be looked at as a primitive form of taxation, but don’t let their demeanor fool you. Many aspects of Goblin society differ so greatly from human culture that it would be easy to mistake the creatures as mere beasts.

Their written language only exists in pictographs and simplistic glyphs, though someone unlearned in their ways may not be able to decode their cave scrawlings. If something must be written for delivery, Goblins utilize clay tablets (much like ancient Sumerians) and rarely take part in record keeping or history. Only the immediate now, and the looming future, really concern the Goblin folk. Oral tradition is common though mostly for religious purposes, and the orator role seems to be taken by older Goblins who have survived wars and skirmishes to tell the tale. In spite of this, Goblins are highly intelligent; though they lack long attention spans and tend towards the hyperactive and impulsive (and greedy) nature, they are adept magic users as well as rogues, druids, rangers, barbarians, and fighters, even bards, and a few exceptional individuals often leave their home to pursue training with other races. Goblin clerics, wizards, monks, and paladins are almost nonexistent, though it is certainly possible for exceptional individuals to arise and take on these roles...just, unheard of. Medicine men are often looked at as Shamans and revered as mystics. If a Moors Goblin has the capacity to learn, or the natural ability to use magic, he will often become a Shaman; as such many 'Shaman' are either sorcerers or clerics, though goblins do not differentiate between the two much, aside from designating some shaman as healers and others as battlemages. Healer shaman are typically alchemists and herbalists.

Religion is not at the center of Goblin culture, though it does play a significant enough role that it merits mentioning. A Goblin may worship any number of deities from a polytheistic pantheon of old, elemental gods; they take their beliefs from oral traditions passed on from generation to generation. Mining and tunneling act as the fulcrum for many folk lore and urban legends, using cautionary tales of careless tunneling practices and unearthing unspeakable evils of the deep. Mentors will often tell these tales to their charges to keep them in line, mostly. As creatures composed of plantlike matter, Moors Goblins tend to feel a kinship with the earth, moss, lichen, and the sort. Shaman, like clerics, draw their powers from the elements and deities who represent them, and on occasion may use their abilities to aid in battles, though primarily reserve them for healing and supplementing their oral tradition.

Goblins will pair bond with one or multiple partners throughout their lifespan, though a coupling for the sake of childbearing is useless in their society. A single goblin may have multiple litters of children in a lifetime, depending on anything from the availability of food to a need for more goblins in a clan. The collective cares for newborns, with a little focus on the biological parent as authoritative figures, though many young goblins may bond with a particular elder and chose to spend more time around them. Many older goblins may mentor or teach younger ones in their trade if they take an interest, though rarely is a goblin forced into a role. It varies among tribes, but is generally a very organic process where any given goblin simply does whatever he is good at. This is how names are given: first names are mostly what matter and are derived from telling characteristics that arise as the goblin child ages. Surnames exist as well, however, and are assigned later once a trade is selected or perhaps a deed done that awards merit. This helps differentiate goblins with more common names, from seperate tribes, or from a proud lineage: fore example, let’s say two Dweezles exist in the same clan for whatever reason. One may become a hunter, the other may become a bard of some sort. The hunter may be named Dweezle Lantz whereas the bard may be called Dweezle the Yox, or in common, Dweezle the Merry. (I am using a very bastardized patois as a basis for a lot of goblin names simply bc i like the idea of Goblle being derived from Orc lowspeak, which I base off a very bastardized French! For no reason other than shits and giggles).

Goblins are often 'born' as twins or triplets, though the mortality rate is somewhat high due to disease and accidents. Goblins share a distant ancestry with that of fungus, and as such their reproduction involves a gestation stage wherein the parent blood lets beneath mushroom caps in a central breeding chamber within the cave networks he may inhabit. From here the spore-filled fluid takes to the dirt and develops into fetuses, which gather further nutrients from the rich soils and the other fungal and plant life found in the cave floor. It continues to grow until a full formed Goblin baby is ready to crawl free from the earth. Infants will possess exemplary motor skills once unearthed and instinctively know to crawl towards older goblins and the scent of food.

Your typical Moors Goblin dwelling is found around the base of a mountain, rolling hills, or within the nooks and crags of a cliff. The tunnels are narrow and warren like but lead to a number of different caverns, both natural and goblin-made, that are much more open. The central chamber has many interconnecting tunnels and can range from large to massive in size. The larger the tribe, the larger the atrium. Often, tribes will seek out pre-existing caverns to make as their atrium, which is similar to a plaza or the town centre of a human village. Here, cave paintings and banners decorate the walls, Shamans will set up shop to offer medical aid or entertainment and education in story telling, the chieftain will make his rounds or sit atop a central throne and hear reports from foot soldiers or settle disputes amongst tribe members, and children will run about and practice battle or play. Beneath the atrium lies the food storage, and below there lies the brood. If a cave network has lava, blacksmiths and cooks may conduct their business around these pockets of magma, but will otherwise carry on outside the tunnels. Individual goblins may seek out and dig their own rooms for sleep, though many will seek others to sleep in piles. Goblins live both within these tunnels and on the surface around the outside of the area. They guard the territory around the mine for miles, sending out patrols of hunters equipped with war horns and using wolves as watchdogs to alert them to intruders.

The Moors Goblin spoken language is quick and sharp on the tongue, spoken in fast fragments meant to quickly convey information. Moors Goblins of old were purported to operate as a literal hivemind, not needing verbal language to communicate with one another, though the modern Moors Goblin has lost this telekinetic ability. The influence of such can be seen in how they work in groups. Pheremone signals and bodily gestures (such as ear twitches or stance) carry nonverbal information throughout the entire brood; attacking one goblin in or near their mound can result in a full fledged, hive-wide retaliation. For this reason it is highly advised to isolate enemy Goblins, or to use crowd control measures when dealing with multiples.

Goblins will align themselves with orcs and humans in times of war, making them an intimidating force to be reckoned with. Even a single tribe can be difficult to battle, though, as they attack in droves and rely on their sheer numbers to viciously bring down any enemy. Shamans and bards will aid a fight using berserker elixirs and spells, AOE heals and buffs/debuffs, and providing chants that both invigorate their soldiers and deter the enemy. Bards typically play animal bladders fixed with a series of tubes, much like the real world bagpipes, war drums, or brass oboe-like instruments that sound off a deep resonance (similar to a didgeridoo). Hunters and rangers will lead a charge on wolves or other tamed beasts, while the chieftain leads the foot soldiers. Tribes at war have a high turnover rate for their leaders.

When teamed with orcs, it is common for goblins to serve as a replacement for pack animals, even during hunts, however it should be noted that goblin slavery is not a common practice among the northern orc tribes and seems to be a willing symbiotic relationship between both races.

The Goblin diet consists of local fauna and flora that is relatively easy to hunt or gather. Goblins don’t participate in much agriculture aside from a few species of mushroom and various moss or lichen, and do not partake in domestication or cattle rearing of any sort, though a variety of rats, bats, small reptiles, amphibians, and insects coexist alongside the Goblin people in a similar manner to humans and domestic dog and cats. Granted, these creatures are also often on the menu. Many rangers will capture wolves and ride them to hunt, as well, though this is less common for goblin groups that live deep within cave systems.

Due to the lack of sunlight, Goblins get their vitamin D through both photosynthesis of available, diffused light and a hearty diet of fatty meats and protein based foods, supplementing it with small rocks and precious gems, nuts, berries, roots, grasses, and leafy greens. Some minerals may actually imbue a Goblin spell caster with certain heightened abilities for a short while, ranging from increased sensory capabilities to hallucinogenic effects. Contrary to popular beliefs, Goblins do eat a number of root vegetables and fruits, gathered and bartered from surrounding forests and towns. Shamans enjoy brewing powerful elixirs and even moonshine that aid in battle or serve as poison to coat their weapons in.

Relationships with other races are mostly dependent on trade, though due to border conflicts, Goblins have an adversarial relationship towards Dwarves. The Goblin’s inclination towards stealing and eating gemstone and ore, as well as collapsed tunnels and collisions have put the two races at odds with each other.

Many tribes align themselves with Barbaric human clans or nomadic tribes of neighboring orcs, and will fight or even live alongside these different races in relative harmony.

i think that’s it for now!!!!

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rarestereocats · 5 years

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All of us, except for Beldroth, reconvene at the local church come morning. While we spend some time shooting the shit and getting ready for the day, Beldroth figures we're all out and about looking for the sewer's entrance; so he takes the map Sanctity had provided us and goes to find it himself. Upon finding it, he decides to mark it off on the map even though it was already marked and patiently waits for us all to arrive. So without a map or a helpful elven guide, the rest of us are left to wander the streets for hours until we finally spot him just waiting around by the riverside. Once again, doors prove to the bane of any adventuring party's existence as for minutes; nobody can figure out where the door is into the sewers. All we see is a barred off entry point and we're s t u m p e d.

But eventually after some prime investigating on my part which simply involved manhandling this entry way, I find the latch that keeps the gate locked and pop it open for our us. The sewers are just as disgusting as expecting. Waste of all kind floating throughout this chamber and no way around it...except for Sam, who flies over it. Beldroth, unwilling to get dookie water on himself, tries to parkour around it despite there being nothing to parkour onto. So he splashes back down and manages to coat us all before we finally find some proper paths to step on that aren't caked in shit. One path leads to danger in the form of man-eating spiders while the other path leads to a safehouse so Beldroth approaches and knocks on the door. A nervous woman answers and instead of being normal for once in our lives, Torik tries to ask her about her ancestors, which earns him a door slammed in his face. Things immediately take a turn for the worse as Sam kicks the door so hard that he knocks it right off its hinges and sends it falling right into the fireplace.

The people inside are understandably panicked as these are the poor and homeless of Phoenix Down, most of them unable to fend for themselves as they start screaming. Torik tries to calm the room down, but in his frustration, ends up yelling at them which has me popping off as I charge into the room with my greataxe out as I yell at them that I'm a city guard so they need to get on the ground. Two brave souls race inside with shoddily made weapons and demand to know what's going on and finally, the situation is defused to a degree so we can start interrogating them all about Bluebird. They don't have anything of use on the tiefling as they haven't seen them in days. So with that, we make our leave and find the corpse of a human man slumped over by a ladder. Torik tries to find anything that could identify him or be given back to possible family, only finding a coin on a necklace and a vial of questionable contents; but we don't have time to stop and look it over.

We head down the ladder and he casts an augury to see if the path that looks promising is a good idea to head down. No response, which means it's neither good nor bad. So rather than a pick a more promising path, we head down this one, the door opening up to reveal a startled goblin who starts questioning us all. Girk, as he introduces himself as, asks us why we're even here. Torik fibs, stating we need to see Bluebird as we have something to sell. That something being my axe and I panic, not catching onto the lie and proceeding to ruin it. But Girk doesn't care, instead inviting us inside and introducing us to a few of his friends as we all sit down to discuss this matter over dinner. Tonight's special is broiled rats with tree roots and Sam is offended as the rest of us actually eat this and pretend to enjoy it. He tosses his aside when no one's looking, sulking and growing self-conscious of his own cooking the entire time; even after Torik reassures him that he's the better cook than Scrumpus.

Girk and the goblins saw Bluebird come into the sewers last night and they seemed to be in a hurry. There's no telling where they could be at down here now though, so Sam bribes him with a gold coin and says he can have it so long as he guides us through the sewers and right to them. Girk is more than happy about this arrangement, calling over his friend Plinter to help us out and in no time; we're led right to Bluebird's little hideout. They knock a pattern onto the wall and a brick pulls away, revealing a pair of golden eyes staring back at us as they say that we don't look like the people they're meeting. Torik tells us all to keep our mouths shut so he can handle the talking, which is fine by me as I can't lie for shit. He says we're totally the right people, but we had to come in disguise to avoid suspicion, which Bluebird surprisingly buys. They invite us into their office, but before we all step inside, Sam hands a gold coin to Girk as promised. The goblin's excited as fuck for a single coin and as he shows it off to Plinter, I feel bad that the little dude didn't get something himself, so I hand a coin to him as well.

Now we've properly ensured that these goblins will die for us and you know what? I'd die for them too, okay? Negotiations with Bluebird fall apart the minute they ask for 5000 gold for the All-Seeing Eye. In case you're not aware, none of us are carrying that much wealth around and unfortunately, the coin necklace isn't enough to convince them that we're indeed rich; so the entire lie collapses in on itself until Heilyn's mentioned. This has them stopping in their tracks and reconsidering everything as they need help breaking him out of prison before he's transferred to Kilan. We agree to this caravan heist a little too quickly and once Bluebird marks a meeting place off on Beldroth's stunning map of the main road, they leave and we quickly need a way to get out of the city to pull this off. Luckily, the lord's steward provides us with permission slips when we lie to his face and say we have to chase the thief down out of town and he tells us we better be back in two days time or he'll send a posse after us.

We try and decide whether we should sneak out of town as the slips become active once we leave, so if no one ever sees us leave, we could be gone for as long as we like without having to worry about becoming fugitives. But we have until morning to meet Bluebird, so time is of the essence. The guards mark our slips and off we go, meeting them a mile off the main road to go figure out a plan of action. Sam suggests that I should approach the guards and convince them to hand the prisoner over and I'm a little too confident that'll work. Bluebird and Beldroth will form an ambush point in case that doesn't work out, but once they mention that we'll have to kill the guards in that case, I'm not so thrilled about this. Torik gives me a much needed pep talk and come morning, the other two get in position while me, Torik, and Sam get our crests affixed to our armor and head out on our horses to stop the incoming prison wagon.

When these guards ask what we're up to, we flash our badges and spin our lie. I state that the boss lady sent us out to personally escort the prisoner back to Fragifell as she got reports of a possible raid. Wannabe gangsters wanting to get at Heilyn as well as Bluebird, who the guards have heard of. I tell them the boss wants them to be a decoy, distracting the enemies while we slip off with the prisoner without any of them noticing and the guards surprisingly believe me. They warn us to be careful as Heilyn's dangerous before pulling him out of the wagon, cuffed and still with a bag over his head; and hand him over without further questions. Sam gets him up on one of the horses as we depart, telling them we'll take a shortcut through the forest to throw our pretend raiders off. Once the guards are out of sight, we bring Heilyn over, trade him off for the All-Seeing Eye, and once the lovebirds depart; Beldroth goes ahead to inspect the artifact. We get to see his eyes roll into the back of his head, which is never a good sign when you touch ancient artifacts, and he collapses; Sam racing forward to catch him before he hits the ground.

Meanwhile, Beldroth enters the dream world which takes him back to the forests he grew up in. He presses on through them until he reaches a raised stand with five shrouded figures sitting on it and watching his every move. They're the elven council that he's told us about briefly. The same council he wants to be a part of and the sole reason he sought out the artifact in the first place. Problem for him is they want him to do a hell of a lot more before he can join them, saying that he needs seek out the Hammer of Radiance and conquer the Sands of Time. He has no idea what the latter one means, but they offer no explanation. They say the information he needs is in Fragifell and then impart one last piece of wisdom onto him before he wakes up. "Trust in your friends and beware of your allies.".

He wakes up and understandably, Torik confiscated the Eye on the off-chance it fucked him up hardcore. We hit with a bunch of inane questions to make sure it's still him, but we're a little worried he got a concussion when he starts talking about his vision. But Torik's excited about hearing of the Hammer of Radiance again and the others decide that it's best not to return to Phoenix Down and return the All-Seeing Eye to the royal archives. I'm not happy about this because this will officially make us fugitives to their law and I'm now at risk of losing my job, but Torik pulls me aside for another pep talk, telling me I'm more than just a guard now. This doesn't compute for me, but I don't question it any further and with that, we hit the road for Fragifell once more. Upon arriving and stepping into Lord Crows office, we think the smile on his face means everything's okay, but it's clear everything's not okay at all when he goes off on us for being stupid and tarnishing his already shaky reputation in Phoenix Down.

He's also pissed about Heilyn "escaping" and while I can lie to some guards I don't know that well, I can't lie to the literal boss of my boss (who also looks disappointed with us all), but all I say is that we know where he and Bluebird are. I give him the name of the small town they told us they hide out in frequently and after some more talking, Lord Bros says he'll try to smooth things over and keep the law of Phoenix Down off of our backs, provided we spend a week in prison. Beldroth has a quick conversation about the All-Seeing Eye with him as we hand over our possessions, and gives the lord a nice handful of pocket sand as he mentions the Sands of Time. It's at this point, probably, that Lord Crows realizes that every single one of us is a complete dumbass, but rather than dwell on it right now; he has us escorted to our prison cells.

#adventures of the volunteer fire department #oc: aki kulumavi #game: dnd mercenaries

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kuciradio · 6 years

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KUCI’s Top 10 Albums of 2017

As the year comes to an end, we asked our fellow DJ’s of KUCI to name their top 10 albums of 2017. After sorting through over fifty nominations, here is our list of our favorite albums that were released this year, with a some words from our community explaining why. We’ve also threw in some honorable mentions at the end! 2017 was definitely a great year for music, and we can’t wait to discover more in 2018. Happy New Year everyone!

10. Citizen - As You Please - (Run For Cover)

“Citizen was a band that I had always known about, but had never quite caught my ear enough to dive into their music. That changed, however, with As You Please. The opening track, “Jet”, is reminiscent of their past work with emotional lyrics and a driving yet somber punk instrumental feel. The following track titled “In the Middle of It All” provides a completely new and evolutionary soundscape for the band, while staying close to their usual deep lyrical content. The album as a whole is easy to listen to for both intent and absent minded purposes. Personal favorite tracks are “Ugly Luck” and “Medicine”.” - Jeremy Bibeau

"After I heard that they had a new record coming out, I just assumed that they were going to continue to develop the sound they decided to go with for Everybody Is Going To Heaven, which is why I decided to pass on As You Please at first. However, after caving in to all of the hype surrounding the album’s lead single entitled “Jet,” I was pleasantly surprised to hear that Citizen had not only made a return to their old sound, but that they had refined their sound to appeal to more of a diverse audience. This is the case for all of the songs on As You Please, not just “Jet,” which made As You Please quite a pleasant surprise upon listening to it for the first time. Much like some of their contemporaries’ latest work, As You Please is by far Citizen’s best and most complete album to date. By combining the best qualities of Citizen’s old sound (i.e. catchy yet intricate guitar riffs, powerful/explosive choruses, and angst fill vocals) with a new found sense of confidence, wisdom, and maturity, as well as more elaborate song structures and piano interludes, you get what in my opinion is the best version of Citizen that has ever existed." - Tommy DeSilva

9. (Sandy) Alex G - Rocket - (Domino Recording Company)

"The songs, while simple, sound absolutely timeless to me. “Proud” sounds like a drive out on the open countryside. “Big Fish” sounds like a quiet confession of strength to a father. “Powerful Man” sounds like a tear jerking show of emotional maturity to a skeptical family. While Alex has always been lauded for his songwriting chops (even earning a Frank Ocean co-write in the process), this is the first record that feels like it has emotional heft to it. " - Stephan Masnyj

"Rocket is revelatory, each song sampling and combining various genres (and creating new, nameless genres in the process) in a completely Alex G fashion. The melancholia, yearning, and dreaminess that pervades this album will tug at your soul in the best ways possible." - Sophie Prettyman-Beauchamp

8. Sampha - Process - (Young Turks)

"Sampha is not one to hold back the heart on his sleeve. While having worked with Sbtrkt and being it's other half, he has finally seem to come out of his shell and give his voice, well, a voice. "No One Knows Me (like the piano)" tells of his past childhood and struggles trying to figure himself out while making the living room his confessional. 'Incomplete Kisses' speaks of unrequited love with amazing lines and utter softness of ones heartbreak. Sampha has shown us his true colors while barely breaking the ice. I can not wait for more albums to come from such an amazing voice in R&B." - T.J. Bingamon

7. Thundercat - Drunk - (Brainfeeder)

"Very solid (and lengthy) release from Thundercat this year with Drunk. Each track on this album is dripping with funky jazzy vibes that make it really difficult to get sick of." - Alex Morrow

"A Personal favorite that could easily go unnoticed from the amount of music set out this year. Thundercat's Drunk is unprecedented in the ability to make emotion through his work with bass. A great album to listen to for long rides in the car alone." - Christopher Santiago

6. King Krule - The Ooz - (True Panther Sounds XL)

"I think The Ooz is one of those albums you really need to listen to a few times before it grows on you. I think it's an amazing follow up to his last album, and I feel like on The Ooz we get a better sense of his Archy Marshall music and sound. The imagery he uses is also interesting and creative!" - Katrina Vergara

"King Krule’s inventive garage punk-jazz fusion and mumbling, growling voice are always worth waiting for. The Ooz oozes creative frustration ingeniously overcame. The esteemed wunderkind who is Archy Marshall really did that." - Sophie Prettyman-Beauchamp

5. Lorde - Melodrama - (Lava / Republic)

"Lorde’s comeback that I didn’t know I needed, putting into words all the themes of finding oneself, looking for love, and just growing up from being a teen." - Caroline Nguyen

"The main narrative surrounding Lorde’s rise to prominence has been her authority for her age (as of now, she is 21), and that has never been more apparent than her clear-eyed analysis of teenage years on this record. “Homemade Dynamite” dissects the social dynamics and self destructive tendencies people often have during a party with surgical precision, while “Supercut” takes a relationship in retrospect and understand that memories of a lost lover usually have a rose-colored tint to them. The most stunning cut on the record is “Writer in the Dark,” a song that embodies the hate, regret, and mourning that often comes directly after the end of the relationship. The way Lorde is able to thread the needle between all the separate emotions throughout the verses and chorus is nothing short of stunning, and her vocal delivery delivers an emotional depth Adele would kill to have." - Stephan Masnyj

4. Alvvays - Antisocialites - (Polyvinyl Record Co.)

"Alvvays are such an awesome band, and in my opinion, Antisocialites is nothing short of a masterpiece. Characterized by jangly guitars, dreamy synth parts, poppy vocal melodies, and lead vocalist Molly Rankin’s soothing voice, the songs on this record sound as though they were taken straight from Indie Rock/Dream Pop heaven. While listening to this album, one can easily lose themselves in the dreamy nature of some of these songs. That’s not to say by any means that this record “drags on.” In fact, no two songs sound alike on this album, which definitely showcases the versatility of Alvvays’ musicianship as well as their ability to keep listeners on their toes." - Tommy DeSilva

“I was over the moon when I found out Alvvays was coming out with another album. Their self-titled is one of my favorites, so I was eager to know what they had in store for their sophomore album. When I first heard "Dreams Tonite" I knew the rest of the album would be just as great. This album is your indie pop dream, with a different feel on each track.” - Caitlin Ison

3. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN - (Top Dawg / Aftermath / Interscope)

"Releases by Kendrick Lamar never go unnoticed and DAMN certainly did not when it dropped. By far a definition of modern classic and experimental." - Christopher Santiago

"Kendrick Lamar's DAMN is an insightful look into the rapper's past life and future. While K. Dot relays the album to be the story of his father coming into a close call of having an alternative life ending, but while still relating to his current life woes. Thru tracks like 'Yah' revealing the grittiness of Compton blue-collar work, to 'Love' a record boasting of vulnerability and questions, Kendrick delivers yet another piece of his life's work and puzzle." - T.J. Bingamon

“From my perspective, it’s weird to think of Kendrick at the top of the pop charts; I always saw him as a supremely talented artist who’s ambitions ran deeper than pop radio. However, it turns out Kendrick can release pop hits while still maintaining the endless depth his raps often do. “Humble” is both a boast and a self-aggrandizement in the form of a three minute pop song. “DNA” is a firestorm of a rap that examines the good, bad, and ugly that exist within all of us.” - Stephan Masnyj

2. Tyler, the Creator - Flower Boy - (Columbia)

“Flower Boy is Tyler, the Creator’s fourth album, and encaptures his wittiness and internal conflict through a softer side with the use of neo-soul and the sounds of early 90’s hip-hop. He delves deep into his emotions in a mere 47 minutes, making this one of his most intimate and sincere yet shortest album. It focuses on isolation, the falling-out of friendships, and the pain of unrequited love, themes many listeners can find relatable. The whole feel of the album holds such a significant difference from Tyler’s older albums, which really goes to show his growth, not only in his music, but as a person.” - Raenna Caguioa

"Whenever Tyler, the Creator would release a record following his breakthrough “Goblin” in 2011, the question always remained the same: When will he finally grow up? His talent was always palpable, the dizzying raps in “Yonkers” and the emotional story in “48” showed his talents as a writer, and his growing production credits on “Wolf” and “Cherry Bomb” showed that he had a distinct style within his musical repertoire. Yet he always fell back on his worst tendencies; frequently using homophobic slurs or creating worthless posse cuts that did nothing but ruin the flow of his records. All of that changed with Flower Boy, easily his most cohesive and mature record to date. Much has been said about his alleged coming out in the record (a subject that Tyler has remained mum on since the album’s release), but it isn’t stated enough just how wonderful this record sounds. The strings and horns that dot highlight “See You Again” are stunning, and the queasy synths that Tyler has used in the past take on a new urgency on “I Ain’t Got Time.” Every single rap, beat, and instrument inform each other throughout the record, and not a single thing sounds out of place throughout. “Tell these black kids they can be who they are,” raps Tyler on the highlight “Where the Flower Blooms.” For the first time in his career, Tyler sounds like he’s living those words to the fullest." - Stephan Masnyj

1. SZA - Ctrl - (Top Dawg / RCA)

"I felt like this album came out at the right time in my life. The deeply personal lyrics on every song made it weirdly relatable for me. SZA really refined her sound since her last album titled Z. I love the concept and every song on this album. " - Yasmin Moradi

"An album that needs no explaining, SZA's Ctrl ups the ante with her debut studio album, most well known for her features prior to this, she makes a name for herself with this anecdotal release." - Christopher Santiago

"It's no wonder SZA is probably one of the biggest artists to emerge out of 2017. I hadn't listen to her prior, but there was so much talk after Ctrl was released, I knew I had to see what the fuss was about. To say the least, I was not disappointed. Of course there are the standouts of the album, "The Weekend" and "Love Galore," but there are also some underrated tracks like "Drew Barrymore" and "Prom." Personally, I think an artist's biggest success is when they can make a listener feel their emotions, regardless of if they can relate to the song or not. I felt SZA's emotions in every single track, and I don't think I've really ever been in any of those situations. I thought that was really beautiful. Also, it's hard not to fall in love her incredible buttery voice." - Caitlin Ison

"I love this album because all the songs are bangers but they also make me cry. One publication called Ctrl an album about side-hoe anthems but that's so far from the truth! SZA sings about insecurity, adjusting to adulthood, and bad relationships with such honesty. Anyone can relate to her struggles of going through your twenties feeling vulnerable, whether you're a side hoe or the main." - Katrina Vergara

"Where do I start? SZA’s vocals are gorgeous and lush, earnest and biting, confident even when expressing pain and insecurity. It’s a versatile album you can both cry to and dance to, mixing elements of R&B and lo-fi indie rock. It’s a reminder of female strength and independence, and even has an ode to the vagina that simultaneously disses ungrateful, trash dudes. SZA is a normal girl with the same wishes and fears as the women who listen to her music, her lyrics resonate with those of us who are still finding our way and learning how to love and respect ourselves. It’s like sitting down with a good friend who laughs with you, cries with you, and always knows the right thing to say, helping you regain your own power. Ctrl is what it feels like to be a woman." - Sophie Prettyman-Beauchamp

Honorable Mentions

The XX - "I See You" (XL Recordings)

"A perfect balance between pop and melancholy, with songs like "Dangerous" and "On Hold" upbeat despite lyrics suggesting doomed relationships. Meanwhile, "Say Something Loving" and "A Violent Noise" are filled with the emotional angst that has made the XX so popular." - Jarrett Lovell

The Drums - Abysmal Thoughts - (Anti-)

"You can always count on The Drums to deliver a fantastic surf-pop inspired album, and they do it once again with Abysmal Thoughts, the title appropriate for 2017 indeed. The album does have its fair share of these, as Jonny Pierce, blessed with an airily angelic voice, grapples with heartbreak and feelings of nothingness on “If All We Share (Means Nothing)” and chastises the upper class with “Rich Kids.” Nevertheless, The Drums remain beachy goodness with the beloved simple riffs and chords that bounce along, tambourines, cooing backing vocals, and 80s-esque synths that are sure to leave you dancing through your tears." - Sophie Pettyman-Beauchamp

Tigers Jaw - spin - (Black Cement Records)

"This record felt like it took forever to come out seeing that many of us Tigers Jaw fans had been talking about it ever since their last record Charmer came out in 2014 along with the announcement that Tigers Jaw would from now on be a two-piece band solely featuring founding members Ben Walsh and Brianna Collins. Would they be able to make a record by themselves? Would it sound as good as the original lineup? Two questions that had lingered for quite some time amongst the Tigers Jaw fan base. After making us anxiously wait for over three years (which producer Will Yip made even more dreadful by dropping little hints about the album here and there for like six months), Tigers Jaw finally released spin earlier this Spring, and as you would expect, it was definitely worth the wait. Tigers Jaw have always been an awesome band who have consistently put out great records from front to back, so for me to say that spin is their best album would be kind of stretch, but it’s pretty damn good and should be in that conversation. While staying true to the sound that the original five piece version of Tigers Jaw developed, Ben and Brianna were still able to add their own personal touches to the songs on this record, especially since they were both in charge of songwriting duties for the first time (spin is the first Tigers Jaw album that Brianna has contributed songs to). The thing that I like the most about spin is that you can really tell that Ben and Brianna spent a lot of time on these songs and put their best effort forward to make them the best that they could be in every way. Every song on this album is well crafted both musically and lyrically. No two songs sound the same and everything sounds perfect down to the smallest detail. I really appreciate great musicianship like that, and I look forward to hearing what Ben and Brianna have in store for us next as they continue to keep Tigers Jaw not only alive, but alive and thriving." - Tommy DeSilva

HAIM - Something to Tell You - (Columbia)

"By far, my favorite record that was released this year. I've been a huge fan of HAIM since their first album, which was released when I was in high school, and I had that sh*t on repeat for days. I remember finding out that the three sisters were working on new material, and I was literally counting down the days to hear their new single, "Right Now." The video of them singing the track live in a studio was so raw and filled with emotion, it left me speechless. I knew this album was going to be packed with tears and heartbreak. I love this album because while it dwells on the hurt and pain one can experience in a romance that could've been, the music contrasts it with its upbeat, dancey tones. This album really has got that Stevie Nicks / Shania Twain vibe (which is fitting because they chose to cover "That Don't Impress Me Much" for their tour), and mixing that with their HAIM sound really makes it a memorable record. One of my favorite characteristics of this band is their bad ass attitude, and although it's a record about heartbreak, you can still feel that energy throughout." - Caitlin Ison

BROCKHAMPTON - Saturation II - (QUESTION EVERYTHING, INC. / EMPIRE)

“Arguably Brockhampton’s best album. Nearly every song is one I can jam to (or if it’s the last song- one I can cry to). I love Brockhampton’s unconventional rap lyrics and I think it makes them stand out from up-and-coming artists. They really are the best boy band since One Direction.” - Yasmin Moradi

"BROCKHAMPTON came out with 2 other albums just this year but I would say this was the most iconic one. With this album they really established a signature sound and the members were able to find their voice within the boy band. Even though Pitchfork didn't give this album a good score, I would give this album a 10/10 if not only for cultural impact but for how good SWEET is." - Katrina Vergara

Hot Flash Heat Wave - Soaked - (OIM)

“HFHW’s sophomore album is what I like to call a true sound of the (indie rock) times. Soaked is a big step in a new direction, after Neapolitan delivered hard hints of garage rock and sunshine pop; this album rides a chiller, more ambitious wave, reflecting contemporary rock genres like Slacker Rock and Jangle Pop [The Smiths, The Beatles, Mac Demarco, Homeshake], while still giving into sunny roots of Surf and Garage rock [The Beach Boys, The Strokes]. The record clocks in at just under 40 minutes, while delivering two more tracks than its preceding album. One play-through will not be enough, especially on that cozy summer day.” - Spartacus Avina

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man-creates-dinosaurs · 6 years

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BIGFOOT JOINS THE RANKS OF AMERICAN CHRISTMAS ICONS

When did Bigfoot become a Christmas icon? I’m sure that question sounds strange to most of you, but I can’t be the only one to have noticed Sasquatch’s gradual induction into the pantheon of modern American Christmas characters. Right now you can buy Bigfoot Christmas tree ornaments, sweaters and stockings online, while a retailer as mainstream as Wal-Mart currently has a pair of yuletide Yeti shirts for sale in stores. If you need more proof just pull up Netflix and check out the new film Pottersville (2017, Dir. Seth Henrikson); an indy Christmas comedy with some major league talent including Michael Shannon (The Shape of Water), Judy Greer (Jurassic World), Ron Perlman (Pacific Rim) and Ian McShane (American Gods) – the latter doing his best impression of Robert Shaw’s character from Jaws (1975, Dir. Steven Spielberg). The film revolves around the small town of Pottersville – from the Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life (1946, Dir. Frank Capra) – which has fallen on hard times economically. The residents gets an unexpected Christmas gift however in the form of a series of Bigfoot sightings which instantly transforms their forgotten hamlet into a must-visit tourist attraction!

Naturally, some people will scoff at the idea of Bigfoot becoming a part of the American Christmas holiday, but personally I’m all for it. I’m a big fan of Christmas monsters, ghosts and goblins – all of which were a part of the season long before Frosty the Snowman and Elf on the Shelf came along and something which I spoke about at length with John W. Morehead of Theofantastique last year. But still, the question persists, when exactly did Bigfoot get in on the holiday scene – or has he always been here?

When looking for Bigfoot’s entry point into the Christmas season the most obvious starting place is Rankin/Bass Productions’ 1964 holiday classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Dir. Larry Roemer & Kizo Nagashima) featuring stop-motion by underappreciated Japanese animator Tadahito Mochinaga. As anyone who has experienced this timeless piece of Christmas Americana knows, Rudolph and his friends spend much of the movie being menaced by a giant Yeti referred to by the various characters as either the Abominable Snow Monster of the North or just the Bumble for short. Perhaps the only true Christmas kaijū, scholar Jason Barr sees the Bumble as one of the many thematic descendants of King Kong, which corroborates author David Coleman’s observation, as found in his encyclopedic The Bigfoot Filmography (2011), that no single film has had more impact on the pop-culture perception of Bigfoot and the Yeti then King Kong (1933, Dir. Merian C. Cooper & Ernest B. Schoedsack).

Of course, King Kong is a work of paleo-fiction, specifically the ‘Lost World’ sub-genre and as a result retains elements of the colonialist worldview which gave rise to the literary and cinematic tradition of stories concerning white explorers traveling to distant exotic lands where – unlike back home – “time stands still” and primitive beasts and people exist in Eden-like bliss; or at least until our intrepid adventures decide it’s their god given right to run roughshod over the place killing and/or capturing the animals and conquering the indigenous inhabitants.

As Barr writes in his book The Kaijū Film (2016), Rudolph’s Bumble is no exception to this tradition as we see the fearsome Snowman “is not only outwitted by the gathered cast” but also reduced to literal “toothless subservience” and subsequently put “to work decorating Christmas trees” in Santa’s workshop. Truly a sad fate for any once ferocious Christmas monster.

But in more recent years the Bumble’s kith and kin appear to be getting their revenge!

This leads us to our second possible point of origin for the modern Christmas Bigfoot; researcher Phyllis Siefker’s 1997 tome Santa Claus, Last of the Wild Men. Here Siefker challenges the conventional notion that America’s Santa Claus is merely a modified version of Europe’s St. Nicholas. After all, asks Siefker, why would Protestant immigrants to the New World bring with them the tradition of an extremely popular Catholic saint? As an alternative explanation Siefker proposes that Santa – with his great beard, furry coat, and habit of nocturnal prowling – is really based upon the ancient pre-Christian figure of the Wildman as outlined in such excellent scholarly works as Richard Bernheimer’s Wild Men in the Middle Ages (1952) and Roger Bartra’s Wild Men in the Looking Glass: The Mythic Origins of the European Otherness (1994).

The idea that Santa isn’t actually a “right jolly old elf” and instead a hairy, savage Bigfoot-like monster must have been at least part of Finnish filmmaker Jalmari Helander’s inspiration for his fantastically bizarre 2010 film Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale in which plucky child protagonist Pietari discovers that “the Coca- Cola Santa is just a hoax” while the actual Kris Kringle is a Kong-sized goat-horned monster who “tears naughty kids to pieces” until “not even their skeletons are left.” Unfortunately for Pietari and his friends, a rich oil tycoon from America – possibly inspired by real-life American oil tycoon Tom Slick (d. 1962) who spent much of his fortune hunting for Bigfoot and the Yeti – has come to unseal the tomb buried beneath the Korvatunturi mountain range where the Saami people imprisoned Santa long ago.

Of course for cryptozoologists like Loren Coleman who entertain the possibility that there might be some truth behind such worldwide Wildman tales, Siefker’s work represents more than just a radical rewriting of Christmastime folklore, but rather the tantalizing – though unlikely - possibility that a character as iconic and beloved as Santa Claus may have been inspired by a relic population of anomalous-primates!

More recently a different kind of yuletide Wildman has been making his presence known here in the US. This, of course, is the Krampus; a kind of shaggy demon with curled goat horns, a lolling red tongue and a talent for punishing naughty children with switches and chains. As outlined in Al Ridenour’s excellent The Krampus and the Old, Dark Christmas (2016), Krampus hails from Austria where in small remote mountains towns such as Bad Gastein and Öblarn the day preceding the Catholic Church’s feast in honor of St. Nicolas sees the celebration of Krampusnacht (“Krampus Night”) in which children of all ages anticipate a visit from St. Nicholas and his posse of Krampus. These house visits are enacted by local Krampuspass (“Krampus Troupes”) composed of men ranging in age from their late teens to early forties who prepare all-year by sewing heavy wool suits made from sheep and goat’s hair and carving handcrafted wooden masks – called klaubaufkopfe (“Krampus heads”) – which along with chains, bells, switches and baskets will be worn by the performers as they accompany St. Nick – typically played by the tallest member of a troupe – throughout the town to distribute rewards and punishments. In addition to these house visits many towns also feature a Krampusumzüge (“Krampus-Run”) in which dozens of individuals dressed as the Krampus run through the streets threatening and menacing children as well as occasionally smacking a pretty young girl on the rear with their switches all while consuming copious amounts of alcohol. All of this makes for a festival that is equal parts Christmas, Halloween and Mardi Gras.

Since the early 2000s Krampus has begun an unassailable assent through mainstream American pop-culture gradually, and now undeniably, situating himself among other time honored holiday icons. According to reporter Christopher Bickel as of 2014 there are annual Krampus runs, bar crawls, parties and other related events being help in over thirty US cities nationwide while Krampus’ likeness can be found on a huge number of products including Christmas sweaters, stockings, ornaments, playing cards, plush and vinyl toys, decorative figurines, t-shirts, books, comics and in cartoons ranging from Scooby-Doo to American Dad. In 2015 Hollywood unleashed two theatrical Krampus flicks with the William Shatner staring anthology A Christmas Horror Story (Dir. Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban & Brett Sullivan) and Legendary/Universal Pictures’ Krampus (Dir. Michael Dougherty). There’s even a company selling an 11-foot-tall animatronic toddler swinging Krampus which you can put in your front yard! Krampus may also have played a part in inspiring another popular 20th-Century American Christmas monster: The Grinch. As artist Jeffrey Vallance – who via several essays has picked up the torch lit by Phyllis Siefker and continued exploring the possibility of Santa’s Wildman roots – has observed: “Over the ages, the brutal Wildman figure evolved into a character more like a clown or holiday fool. How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss follows a classic Wildman scenario: The Grinch is a hairy, Bigfoot-like creature that lives in an alpine cave in a mountain similar to the Matterhorn.”

While Theodor Geisel – aka Dr. Seuss – maintained that The Grinch was primarily an autobiographical character, considering the beloved children’s author’s German ancestry one cannot help but wonder if yuletide Wildman characters like Krampus didn’t also play some part in the formation of the beloved holiday humbug.

Back in November I delivered a presentation at the American Academy of Religions in Boston on the Krampus in which I argued that American’s recent infatuation with the Krampus – and other Christmas monsters, including apparently now Bigfoot – can best be understood as an oppositional response to conservative’s alleged “War on Christmas,” a moment perhaps best embodied by comedian Stephen Colbert’s 2009 declaration that Americans “need to bring Krampus to America to fight the War on Christmas.” While it seems clear that many Americans who desired a more interfaith approach to the season did not initially see themselves as engaged in a “War” the continual insistence by certain factions – and Fox News host Bill O’Reilly in particular – that there was indeed one eventually drove those opposed to a totalitarian Protestant interpretation of the holiday to fight back and call in the cavalry in the form of a monstrous menagerie of older darker Christmas creations. As scholar Joseph P. Laycock has observed monsters are often underappreciated sources of religious meaning, a set of symbols and rituals which can be used to inspire awe in the beholder, be it participating in a Krampusumzüge or catching a brief glimpse of Bigfoot.

#christmas #king kong #krampus #grinch #rare exports #bigfoot #yeti #rudolph the red nosed reindeer #bumble #sasquatch #santa claus #wildman #cryptozoology #pottersville

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cywscross · 7 years

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so i've been reading alot of esama (and your stuff- it's really good :D *thumbs up) lately and compared to you guys, all the other fanfics seem to be ten times more angsty. so i wanted to ask (cause you're the only tumblr person i ask stuff to) if you can rec some fics (i'm fine with any fandom). i'm not exactly looking for fluff or crack, just kind of a -i move at my own pace and i don't really care about what you think character. hope that wasn't too confusing and i really appreciate it!!! :D

Sorry this is a bit late, I’ve been really busy lately so I couldn’t get to this until now. The criteria you set is a little… hard to get a bead on but here’s some fics that (imo) aren’t overly angsty and has pretty independent/my-pace kind of characters, and of course they’re all really good. I tried to pick fics from a variety of fandoms so I hope you’ll enjoy them:

such selfish prayers by andromeda3116 (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Katara’s ambition, so long set aside for the good of others, breaks free and sets fire to her soul. Or, Katara has a vision of her canon future, casts it aside, and becomes a world-changing politician instead.

if you try to break me, you will bleed by Dialux (Game of Thrones)

It had been a slash across her chest from a White Walker’s sword that finally ended her life. Sansa’d landed in a puddle of her own blood, and she’d died quickly, quietly.

And then she’d awoken with a gasp, trembling, in a bed that had burned under Theon’s betrayal.

The life and times of Hatake Kakashi, the long-suffering jōnin-sensei by FeelingsDusk (Naruto)

Kakashi is being trolled. He doesn’t know how that can be, but he knows with utmost certainty that he’s being trolled somehow.

Kakashi gets saddled with the cheekiest little brats ever and wonders if it’s too late to become a missing nin.

The best helping hand is at the end of your own arm by FeelingsDusk (Teen Wolf)

Stiles draws the line at being kidnapped and tortured by a geriatric fascist and having to sacrifice his poor Roscoe to save people that didn’t appreciate it afterwards, thank you very much.

(Peter is smitten by his approach to self-sufficiency.)

Cirrus Cloud by silencia20 (HP x KHR)

In which you are Acacia Potter and drift around in the world. The war’s over and now most of what you do is out of boredom, until you meet a certain hitman.

grow up mean by pprfaith, reena_jenkins (BtVS x Fast & Furious)

Carter has always had an eye for deadly things and the blonde on his dancefloor fits the bill.

Adventures in Magick by PseudonymousEntity (Harry Potter)

“What Would A Hero Do?” Newly crowned wizard and avid reader of fantasy fiction, eleven-year-old Harry Potter makes friends with the goblin standing outside Gringotts with unforeseen consequences. Armed with an unlikely posse -his insatiable curiosity- and a pocket full of questions, Curious!Harry embarks on his first year at Hogwarts. Merlin help us.

Say Boys Don’t You See Them Bones by Adel Mortescryche (Mortescryche) (KHR)

In which Tsuna’s the Corpse Whisperer.

(Or: In the months he spends at the Varia Compound at Timoteo’s behest, Tsuna manages to stumble across enough forgotten dead bodies to fill entire cemeteries. And everyone is terribly amused. Except, y’know, for him.)

Influence of Souls by Nia_River (Harry Potter)

He stared at his journal, a creation into which he had poured his memories and dreams, his heart and … soul. Now, to send it to where it needed to be.

Young and Built to Fall by fingers-falling-upwards (One Piece)

Ace will save his nakama. He will save his father. And he will save his little brother and ensure Luffy’s happiness even if it kills him. Again. Thankfully, he won’t be doing it alone. Together, he and Luffy will change the world.

once a queen or king of narnia, always a king or queen by dirgewithoutmusic (Chronicles of Narnia)

A lion told her to walk away, and she did. He forbade her magic, he forbade her her own kingdom, so she made her own.

Susan Pevensie did not lose faith. She found it.

The Little Guy by TokiMirage (Final Fantasy VII)

The last thing Cloud wants, when given the chance, is to do it all over again. Instead, he chooses the normal life. After all, a Janitor could never save the world. But… well, it all starts with the General’s coffee machine.

The Sum of Their Parts by holdmybeer (Harry Potter)

For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would become a Dark Lord. For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would take down the Ministry or die trying. He should have known that Hermione and Ron wouldn’t let him do it alone.

An Invincible Summer by ShanaStoryteller (Naruto)

When Naruto is five, he’s gutted by a drunken civilian and presumed dead.

Six months later a girl with ash pale hair and dark blue eyes enters the Academy.

Again and Again by Athy (Harry Potter)

The Do-Over Fic - a chance to do things again, but this time-To Get it Right. But is it really such a blessing as it appears? A jaded, darker, bitter, and tired wizard who just wants to die; but can't. A chance to learn how to live, from the most unexpected source.

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foxjevilwild · 7 years

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I played a fairly interesting DnD campaign with some friends I made at a local comic book store, with the game being DM’d by a longtime friend of mine named Andrew.

It was an ‘evil’ campaign, and all of us players were various flavors of villains. I was playing a Cleric of Bane, a god of merciless brutality, fear, hatred, and strength, so I was the party ‘tank’, out to prove my ability to impose my will upon the world, no matter the cost to others. I also had a high Charisma, so I became the party leader, both as a mechanics necessity and because my character simply wouldn’t accept being subordinate to someone his God hadn’t told him to (he was an active member of his cult and they were brought into the campaign a lot as our sort of HQ).

There was an Elf Wizard, seeking the secrets of magic to make himself powerful and immortal (something my character respected), a true neutral Orc Ranger who was willing to act immorally at first for the promise of reward but got swept into our nefarious acts, and finally, my friend Mike, playing a Neutral Evil Dwarf Rogue (eventual Factotum) who rolled max on his intellect - we developed a history that my Cleric had used him as an informant and operative in the past and trusted him with being capable of almost any job.

The campaign proceeded mostly as expected - we turned on the Elf Wizard for attempting (and failing) to steal a powerful magical artifact by leaving him to die in a pit of reanimated skeletons we had successfully crossed, dooming him to eventually become a reanimated skeleton (the area was cursed). My Cleric told him to “Enjoy your newfound Immortality!” as we sealed the door to the chambers. His player re-rolled a Gnome Barbarian who took Uncontrollable Rage as a flaw and was highly useful until he simply wasn’t, so we let him die in a blaze of glory and then reanimated him as a zombie to distract a posse formed by the local temple set out to kill us for desecrating their chapel in search of another artifact/piece of the campaign puzzle. The lead Paladin became my nemesis (and was a servant of a rival god to boot) - and though I never managed to kill him I left him a cursed, unhealable wound he would always have to remember when I bested him and forced him to flee. We subsequently freed a powerful, half-demon orc spirit to help us acquire a powerful ‘control device’ and then had to figure out how to kill him again since he decided to steal the device and become the Campaign’s End Boss. The Orc Ranger on our team eventually became appalled by our ruthlessness and opposed us (after I had once convinced my God of Tyranny to resurrect him since I thought he would turn Evil eventually - so ungrateful), turning Neutral Good as an alignment shift before almost immediately becoming Neutral Dead when we trapped his soul in the place the demon orc’s was. We ended the campaign defeating the resurrected Demon Orc now possessed by an Ancient Evil he had sought to control (the party had to survive a constant, unending onslaught of demons while I attempted to cast a Banish spell on something much higher level than me, it was pretty epic) - we then took control of the ancient evil and the end state of the campaign was that we had, in doing so, covertly seized power in a shadow war and taken control of an entire region for Bane (we ended the campaign somewhere around level 12 I think).

It was probably the best campaign I ever played in - everyone had their character down and being evil lent us a bit of unpredictability that made it a more interesting story - we weren’t ‘rape and pillage’ - everyone was a subtler form of evil, working toward a shared goal for selfish reasons, and it worked SO WELL we were going to play another Campaign (a pre-written one, just to see the chaos we could cause in a ‘good’ story or how we would tackle it) before events happened on Earth and not Faerun and we mostly parted ways.

It was sad, but the best thing about it was, with things ending, I was given custody of everyone’s character sheets. My friend Mike, the Dwarven Rogue, smiled the most shit-eating grin I have ever seen in my life when he handed me his sheet, and simply said “You’ll appreciate this, I think.” I had no idea what he meant... Had he been a different class the entire time? Was he secretly good? Was he bluffing us ALL the time with an insanely high skill? No. None of those overtly clever things. It took me some time to figure it out, but then it hit me.

See, in dungeons and dragons 3.5 you make camp most nights you are travelling, and the characters will take turns taking watch, looking out for danger. You make a check against your Listen or Spot with your Wisdom as a bonus, etc etc, to see if you succeed. Mike’s character had poor skill in both, being an Intelligence character, and he almost always failed. Still, almost every check he made, he would pass an index card (we used them for note passing) to Andrew the DM and ask him to write what his character took notice of during the skill check - and because his character didn’t always have motive to be honest with us or warn us outright in those situations, since mine was the only character his trusted or knew before all this, this made some sense.

It turns out though that Mike was never really making those checks. He wasn’t listening or scanning the horizon for incoming dangers - he was making two seperate checks, but they were entirely different skills.

See, while the rest of the party was asleep, he was making Move Silently and Sleight of Hand checks. In the night, as we slept, trusting him to be on the lookout for danger for his own sake and ours - he was robbing the other 2 members of the party almost blind. The notecards were lists of items or amounts of gold he was attempting to steal, and he was covertly passing the information to the DM so that we wouldn’t protest out of character. He would write what he wanted to take, and the DM would slip back the notecard having written on it if he succeeded and what he made off with.

By the end of the Campaign, looking at his inventory, I tallied he had stolen almost 20000 gold worth of money and items from the other two players (and only some of it from the two characters we had killed). He had taken potions, magic items, covertly taken loot from dungeons we other players never knew about. His dwarf had made himself immensely wealthy through our ordeals. The kind of equipment he was using and his level of character wealth was well above the rest of the party. His knapsack was a bag of holding, a sort of ‘tardis’ backpack that is immensely spacious, and he had never told us he had one at all.

He had played his character perfectly, and even in the meta sense - he had completely gotten away with it. It was amazing.

I asked him later why he never stole from my character. He gave me a few answers - First, his character actually did respect mine, in a sense, and knew there was always profit in working together. Second, he knew the other players weren’t as keen on keeping exact track of their inventories - so when the DM was doling out treasure or telling them how much their items sold for, they never noticed they were always shorter on total gold than they would have been otherwise. Third, he needed my character to retain most of his money and equipment to soak up damage from the enemies we faced, as his character was far more fragile. Fourth, he knew that my character had a very high Wisdom score, the same score used for those Listen and Spot checks, and his failure chance was incredibly high compared to the other two members of the party. Finally, he knew that if he did get caught stealing from me, he would be unable to bluff his way out of it as he did when he got caught stealing from the other two.

“When did you get caught!?” i was incredulous - I never saw any interaction to indicate it, and if so how did he manage to not get slaughtered by the other party members if they knew he was stealing their goods? He laughed and then explained it to me:

He had always claimed to have found something on his ‘Spot’ or ‘Listen’ checks when he failed a check and that happened, and successfully Bluffed in character that he was simply waking the victim to alert them to the threat he had heard or seen. The half dozen or so times we thought he had succeeded on a check (or thought he had critically failed and imagined something) - he was lying through his teeth to cover his misdeeds. An entire leg of our campaign was looking for some group of sneaky goblins who had seemed to be stalking us in a particular forest - they never existed - Mike’s dwarf had made them up to cover his thefts and had kept up the ruse long enough to convince us to find a village of goblins and attack them - Goblins who, even under threat of my spiked flail, never fessed up as to what they were doing spying on us so often and sneaking around our camps... It was fucking brilliant.

That is how you play Neutral Evil.

#dnd #3.5 #long story

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dungeons-n-dimwits · 5 years

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Plot Idea #1

big boss: Fae Queen minions: lesser Fae in a seemingly humble town

the adventurers travel to a small “elvish” village upon hearing whispers of a lonesome King who would pay anything to have his son rescued ( as opposed to a Queen’s request). Upon arriving in the village they are stopped by a guard who therein says ,”may I have your names?” those who gave their names begin to feel the effect soon enough, finding themselves on the wrong side during battle. In exchange, the Seelie, revolutionary rebels, join the adventurers’ ranks. They find out that the main quest is to defeat the Unseelie Queen, a master of manipulation, wrought by her twisted idea of justice. DND 5e Fae Fae rules apply:

The Fae Courts: -Seelie (More benevolent, Kind does not mean Good, more manipulative) -Unseelie (More cruel, less inclined to come off as gracious to humans, more direct) -The Solitary Fae (Fae that live outside of the court systems, usually associates with whichever court is closest when they have to, tricksters)

The Power of Names: If a Faerie knows the full, true name of a human or of another Faerie that Faerie has power over that being. Humans are also able to control the Faeries with the same rule if they know the name.

Fae Food: If humans eat Fae food they become ‘fae marked’. This means Faeries are alerted to their existence in the world more strongly, and they are more inclined to take that person away into Faerie lands. If a person eats Fae food IN Faerie lands they become trapped and unable to stomach human food ever again if they escape. If the Fae who marked or took them releases them of the bonds then they can eat human food again. Otherwise the person will wither up and die. Addendum: A human can break the spell on another human if they are able to get the afflicted human fae food in the mortal realm. This is heavily inspired by the poem The Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti, which was very inspiring to me and almost part of my English thesis except I didn’t end up having to write one.

The Sight: What Fae say is the reason why Humans can see Faeries. Can be passed down genetically but does occur randomly in the population. Allows Humans to see through the Fae glamour for what they really are, and allows Humans to see the Fae when they are going by invisible or unnoticed. But if a Human lets on that they can see the Fae for what they are the Fae take interest in that Human. Addendum: Humans who don’t posses the sight can see the Faeries with the use of an Adder stone aka hag stone. Addendum: The sight can show up in only one eye as implied in the book Valiant by Holly Black.

Iron: Faeries can not stand the touch of iron, it burns and weakens them. In high enough doses it can kill them. Modern cities are risky for the Fae to live in because they risk running into iron, though that risk has been lessened by modern metal smiting and steel. Low grade steel can have a similar though less caustic affect on the Fae. Breathing in air saturated by iron particles can leave them sick.

The Truth: Faeries can not lie. So they have become masters of language to twist their words around and still be able to get what they want. Master manipulators, they can tell half-truths and some even more powerful Fae can tell white lies.

Glamour: The main magic that all Fae possess. It lets them manipulate how and what humans see. It lets them hide, change their appearances, disguise objects as other objects, create illusions out of thin air, etc.

Breeding: Fae Blood Breeds True. There are no half human, half faerie people. The child of a human and fae union will always be Fae.

Lifespan: Fae folk are ‘functionally immortal’ in that they will live forever unless something unnatural occurs to them. Such as a severe sickness, a curse, or straight up murder. Old age and weakness may occur after thousands and thousands of years and if a Fae chooses to they may cease to be and vanish, becoming ethereal antimatter.

Royal Bloodlines: Are iffy. They really vary from court to court. Some courts elect rulers, while others fight in death matches for control/ A few follow traditional bloodlines like most human monarchies do, these are typically Seelie courts.

(source: The Kelpie Project)

#dnd #dnd campaign idea #plot idea #dm

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swipestream · 6 years

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New Release Roundup, 15 September 2018: Fantasy and Adventure

Victorian detectives, magical girls, superheroes, and half-orc henchmen fill this week’s roundup of the newest releases in fantasy and adventure.

The Atlantis Cipher (The Relic Hunters #2) – David Leadbeater

A lost world. An ancient code. A deadly chase.

Five ancient statues have been unearthed in South America, each containing a mysterious coded message hinting at an origin many thought impossible: the mythical world of Atlantis. As word of their discovery spreads, the prized figurines become a treasure bounty hunters will kill for.

CIA agent Heidi Moneymaker calls in the only team for the job: Guy Bodie and his posse of relic-hunting thieves. If they are to find the ancient civilization, Bodie and his team must decode a series of clues—starting with the cipher on the statues themselves—that will take them across the world and to the deepest depths of the ocean. But they are not alone in their mission.

Pursued by mysterious forces intent on keeping the legendary empire hidden, hunted by Chinese special forces and the relic hunters’ lethal foe, the Bratva, the team races to find the lost land—and Bodie’s enemies will stop at nothing to be the first to discover Atlantis’s secrets.

Barnabas Tew and The Case of The Nine Worlds – Columbkill Noonan

Hold your flying horses!

Barnabas Tew and Wilfred Colby are back, and, once again, they’re in a bit of a pickle.

Barnabas and Wilfred, two earnest but bumbling Victorian detectives, travel through the Nine Worlds of Norse mythology, trying to stave off the impending end of the world – an event which the locals call Ragnarok. This time, however, the intrepid twosome has some help: a brave Viking seer named Brynhild and her flying horse.Can the two plucky detectives and the fearsome Brynhild outwit those who would bring about Ragnarok? Will they survive the harsh conditions and terrifying creatures of the Norse afterlife?

Will they save the world…again?

Jake & the Dynamo: The Wattage of Justice – D. G. D. Davidson

Jake Blatowski can’t wait for high school: basketball, calculus, and a cafeteria that isn’t under investigation by the health department. Well, he’s going to have to wait: a computer malfunction has assigned him to the fifth grade.

It’s bad enough that he bangs his knees on the desks or that Miss Percy is going over long division … again … but Jake’s sitting next to Dana Volt. She’s a perpetually surly troublemaker who doesn’t even have to exert herself to make his life a living hell. But no, it gets better: Dana secretly belongs to a coalition of girls protecting humanity from the horde of deadly monsters that plagues the city. But Jake’s no hero; he just wants to get to varsity tryouts!

When the monsters choose a new target, Jake’s not at all surprised that the target is him. Sure, why not? That’s the kind of week he’s having. Now the impulsive and moody Dana is the only one who can save Jake from certain death—but Jake is the only one who can save Dana from herself.

Kingdoms and Chaos (King’s Dark Tidings #4) – Kel Kade

The future of the Ashaiian haven, the newly founded Kingdom of Cael, is anything but secured. Rezkin must seek recognition from the King of Gendishen if his people are to maintain possession of their island home and the enchanted secret it contains. In an unexpected twist, events overtake Rezkin, and he is thrust into a frustrating adventure to seek a worthless prize. He finds that his carefully constructed reputation as an indomitable foe has consequences as others seek to use his strengths for their own gain. Meanwhile, friends are confronted with too many truths, power and strength might be more than some desire, loyalties and friendships are tested, and at least one of Rezkin’s friends might be headed for a miserable demise.

Light of the Realm (Son of Sorcery #3) – Robert Ryan

Gil has not discovered how to defeat the sorceress who threatens the realm. And time has run out. Ginsar commands not only blood magic, nor just the terrifying Horsemen, but also a vast army – and it is massed mere days away.

But Gil’s people will not cower behind walls of stone. No enemy has ever breached the city defenses, but aided by sorcery this one will. So, Gil leads the army on a sudden march to take the fight to Ginsar before she is ready. It is a desperate gamble, and one that could turn to ruin and despair.

Strategies come to fruition, ploys unfold and traps are set. Prophecies for the future vie with secrets hidden in the past. It is a time of turmoil, a time of chaos, and a time where gambles could triumph – or destroy worlds. Gil is at its heart, ready to be king, but perhaps fated to see all that he loves burned to ash and smoke…

Run Like Hell (Wandering Monsters #1) – Elliott Kay

Bloody, broke, and face down on the floor is no way to end a job… even for a “monster.”

Life hasn’t been easy for Scars of No-Clan. The king has a bounty out on all monstrous folk, leaving half-orc warriors like Scars no choice but to work for the local evil wizard. Now adventurers have hit the wizard’s dungeon, wiping out years of hard work along with most of his co-workers. He’s left with a handful of survivors: an outcast goblin scout, a heretical gnoll, the wizard’s bizarre apprentice, a bandit cut loose from the stockade, and a murderous knife-fighting lady bugbear. They have to escape before the adventurers find them–and the only way out is through the darkest reaches of the dungeon.

Scars wanted to walk off this job the day he was hired, but going out like this is going to look terrible on his résumé.

Rulebreaker (Chuck Dixon’s Avalon) – Chuck Dixon and Frank Fosco

Detective Ben Church is hot on the heels of the vigilante who murdered a city councilman in broad daylight. But agents of the UN Superhuman Protection Council are interfering with his investigation, even as they claim that they can help him clean up Avalon City. Should he believe them? More importantly, can he trust them?

Meanwhile, King Ace has dealt with his partner-in-crimefighting Fazer’s little slip-up with regards to the unwritten Hero’s Code, but that doesn’t keep them from going after the notorious crime boss, Nicodemus Vukovich, together. The problem, King Ace discovers, is that there is a lot of temptation to be found in a wealthy crime lord’s uptown apartment. Perhaps too much temptation for anyone….

Unknown Evil (Noah Wolf #12) – David Archer

Noah and the Team take some well-deserved time off at the Manor in England, but that always seems to be when things go crazy. The Queen’s Ambassador, Catherine Potts, suddenly calls Noah to tell him that there is a single terrorist in the country who has the power to wipe us out, but he’s an unknown. MI6 has been unable to break through the secrecy around him to track him down, so the Queen has asked for Camelot’s help.

They’ve got less than thirty-six hours before disaster happens, and only a handful of clues that don’t seem to fit together.

This will be a race against time, and in the end it may not just be civilians that Noah and his team must end up saving.

Sword of Odinson – Benn James

Jorvik, 999AD. And everyone’s got Millennium fever.

Between the paranoid Earl, a vile Lord, and the masked Satanists the good town of Jorvik stinks of more than just pig dung and wood smoke.

Olin Odinson, the fabled Crow of War, has been dragged back home from exile. Now he must uncover the truth about the red skulled demons murdering the townsfolk before the people of his hometown are put to the flame.

But first, he’s got to face his past. And take up his sword, one last time.

The War in Paris (Alt-Hero #4) – Vox Day and Cliff Cosmic

Inspired by the German government’s crackdown on nationalists in Berlin, Antifa is now on the march in Paris. And despite being hunted by the police and the Global Justice Initiative, Jean-Michel Durand is determined to stand with his generation against the enemies of France. But how can even the most steadfast nationalists hope to stop Antifa when the riot police, a United Nations Incident Team, and Captain Europa himself stand in their way?

“This story is shaping up to be epic. With the simultaneous events going on in the US and in Europe with its contemporary setting. I am liking everything I see and have been surprised by the story development. The story is developing, the artwork is improving, the coloring looks great and the visualization of the action, especially in Number 4, is striking.”–Reader Review

Yellowstone: Hellfire (Yellowstone #1) – Bobby Akart

Millions of people visit the Yellowstone National Park every year blissfully unaware they are on top of the greatest killer man has ever known – the Yellowstone Supervolcano.

Beneath this primal allure simmers a catastrophic threat. A caldera the size of Mount Everest, created hundreds of thousand of years ago, which holds back super-heated magma, rising and falling, looking for release.

Scientists agree, the eruption of the Yellowstone supervolcano is long overdue. Events have been set into motion that lit the fuse of the greatest disaster mankind has ever known.

Is it going to happen? Yes. Do we know when? Anytime, or not within our lifetime, hopefully.

But if it does … The eruption of the Yellowstone supervolcano will be more than a spectacle to grab our attention. It will be the end of the world as we know it.

The Wayward Journey (Sorcerous Stabber Orphen #1) – Yoshinobu Akita

Orphen is a Sorcerer drop-out from the prestigious Tower of Fangs. His journey to save Azalie, a girl he looked up to like a sister, has brought him to the bustling city of Totokanta. Here they are reunited for the first time in five years. But what is the truth behind her monstrous transformation, and just what secrets lurk behind the Sword of Baldanders…?

New Release Roundup, 15 September 2018: Fantasy and Adventure published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

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kuciradio · 6 years

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Personal Pitch’s Top Albums of 2017

By Stephan Masnyj

As a DJ at a radio station and a self-professed lover of music, discovering new music is a necessary part of my daily routine. I couldn’t even begin to tell you the countless hours that have been spent scouring the internet for new music to listen to, or the innumerable amount of drives to work that have been spent intently listening to a new record front to back. Throughout this year there were a startling number of albums that stood out. In what is always a welcome challenge, I’ve narrowed down my list to ten albums that I’ve found to be the most essential, or the ones that have simply affected me the most on an either emotional or artistic level. Here they are, fitted with my own, relatively young-aged ramblings.

10. Father John Misty: Pure Comedy

When Father John Misty garnered widespread critical and commercial acclaim for his previous record, “I Love You, Honeybear,” nearly every mention of the record involved the searing sarcasm in Tillman’s writing throughout. It was simply impossible to ignore; the record was a brilliant, simultaneous embrace and takedown of the very foundations and flaws of love that we’ve come to know in society — all delivered through the lens of his own personal experiences with his wife. In contrast, “Pure Comedy” feels decidedly different in tone. Tillman’s voice, both in physical strength and as a writer, are the same, yet these songs profess an earnestness and straight-faced delivery that hasn’t been seen on previous records. However, this newfound approach doesn’t sacrifice anything in the way of songwriting quality; Pure Comedy is filled with beautiful orchestral arrangements and searing commentary on the foundations of society that humanity exists upon. “I hate to say it, but each other’s all we got” Tillman murmurs towards the end of the title track. In Tillman’s eyes, humanity’s problems aren’t a laughing matter anymore.

9. Sampha: Process

For years, Sampha was the Stanley Tucci of R&B. That isn’t meant to be a negative comment — it’s actually a compliment in some sense. He was always a scene stealer in his features, with his unique voice conveying a loneliness and hurt that a singer like Drake could only dream of. So it was refreshing to finally see Sampha come into his own this year with his debut record, “Process.” The record could have easily leaned on his gorgeous voice and kept it simple in it’s arrangements, but the album is littered with inventive samples (Under), looping synths (Reverse Faults), and dynamic percussion (Kora Sings, Blood on Me). The final song, “What Shouldn’t I Be?” is a meditation on how long it took for him to reach this point. While Sampha asks himself the question multiple times throughout the track, the answer to the question is clear; nothing.

8. Broken Social Scene: Hug of Thunder

There was a period of time where people thought that a new Broken Social Scene record wouldn’t happen. Feist had gone on to sell thousands of records on her own, Kevin Drew had made a solo record and began producing other people’s records, and the rest of the group had largely settled into their own projects. So when “Hug of Thunder” was announced, there was a mix of relief and trepidation; could BSS produce another record that stood with their previous efforts? The answer was a resounding yes; Broken Social Scene continue to do what they do best and produce thrilling, shout-along anthems that could only be fully fleshed out by a 16-person (!!!) band. The lyrics are often inscrutable or inconsequential, but who cares? When these songs are blasting through your car speakers as you speed down the highway, they sound like the only thing that matters.

7. King Krule: The Ooz

In the lead up to King Krule’s debut record, “6 Feet Beneath the Moon,” his website was adorned with city camera of London late at night. Through the eerie black and white lens, the city felt seedy and dangerous; as if a monster was lurking just beneath the camera’s line of sight. This uneasy, dark world is where Archy Marshall takes us throughout his second album. More than any other record I listened to in 2017, it felt like entering an entirely different universe. The 19 songs function more as mood pieces rather than any identifiable radio single. The instrumentation adopts a mix of hip hop beats that sound as if they’ve been submerged underwater, cocktail jazz saxophone, and discordant guitars that sound purposefully out of tune. In the center of it all is Marshall’s distinct voice; a baritone that can be seductive one minute and downright primal the next. The record’s emotional core is the turmoil Marshall felt in the previous 4 years, through an ill fated relationship and the mental burden of following up a stellar debut. It’s a visceral, uncomfortable listen. But to paraphrase Archy himself, it’s fascinating to hear this young man describe his emotional state as he slips into filth, lonely but surrounded.

6. Tyler, the Creator: Flower Boy

Whenever Tyler, the Creator would release a record following his breakthrough “Goblin” in 2011, the question always remained the same: When will he finally grow up? His talent was always palpable, the dizzying raps in “Yonkers” and the emotional story in “48” showed his talents as a writer, and his growing production credits on “Wolf” and “Cherry Bomb” showed that he had a distinct style within his musical repertoire. Yet he always fell back on his worst tendencies; frequently using homophobic slurs or creating worthless posse cuts that did nothing but ruin the flow of his records. All of that changed with “Flower Boy,” easily his most cohesive and mature record to date. Much has been said about his alleged coming out in the record (a subject that Tyler has remained mum on since the album’s release), but it isn’t stated enough just how wonderful this record sounds. The strings and horns that dot highlight “See You Again” are stunning, and the queasy synths that Tyler has used in the past take on a new urgency on “I Ain’t Got Time.” Every single rap, beat, and instrument inform each other throughout the record, and not a single thing sounds out of place throughout. “Tell these black kids they can be who they are,” raps Tyler on the highlight “Where the Flower Blooms.” For the first time in his career, Tyler sounds like he’s living those words to the fullest.

5. (Sandy) Alex G: Rocket

More than any other record this year, I think I experienced the most joy and wonder by repeatedly listening to Alex G’s “Rocket.” The songs, while simple, sound absolutely timeless to me. “Proud” sounds like a drive out on the open countryside. “Big Fish” sounds like a quiet confession of strength to a father. “Powerful Man” sounds like a tearjerking show of emotional maturity to a skeptical family. While Alex has always been lauded for his songwriting chops (even earning a Frank Ocean co-write in the process), this is the first record that feels like it has emotional heft to it. It doesn’t hurt that stylistically it’s his most diverse; the songs move from string-fueled country (Bobby) to cocktail jazz (County) and brutal hardcore (Brick) all in the span of ten minutes. It’s a jarring and exhilarating listen, and the sound of a young songwriter stretching his limits and realizing that he has none.

4. Lorde: Melodrama

It’s often said your teenage years are some of the most formative you’ll experience in your life. It’s the period of time where nothing quite makes sense; you begin to find your own personal identity while fumbling through school, relationships, and friendships. Throughout it all drugs and alcohol are likely introduced for the first time, leading to nights to remember and often nights you wished never happened. This tenuous time period is the playground for Lorde’s “Melodrama,” an absolute stunner of a pop album in both composition and execution. The main narrative surrounding Lorde’s rise to prominence has been her authority for her age (as of now, she is 21), and that has never been more apparent than her clear-eyed analysis of teenage years on this record. “Homemade Dynamite” dissects the social dynamics and self destructive tendencies people often have during a party with surgical precision, while “Supercut” takes a relationship in retrospect and understand that memories of a lost lover usually have a rose-colored tint to them. The most stunning cut on the record is “Writer in the Dark,” a song that embodies the hate, regret, and mourning that often comes directly after the end of the relationship. The way Lorde is able to thread the needle between all the separate emotions throughout the verses and chorus is nothing short of stunning, and her vocal delivery delivers an emotional depth Adele would kill to have. With “Melodrama,” Lorde asserts herself at the top of pop’s ever-changing landscape, and I can’t think of a more exciting, capable person to be at the top of it right now.

3. Kendrick Lamar: DAMN.

Did any other record this year dominate quite like DAMN.? It felt absolutely inescapable. “Humble” dominated the radio airwaves, “DNA” dominated any sports highlight reel, and “Loyalty” felt like it blasted out of every car speaker this summer. From my perspective, it’s weird to think of Kendrick at the top of the pop charts; I always saw him as a supremely talented artist who’s ambitions ran deeper than pop radio. However, it turns out Kendrick can release pop hits while still maintaining the endless depth his raps often do. “Humble” is both a boast and a self-aggrandizement in the form of a three minute pop song. “DNA” is a firestorm of a rap that examines the good, bad, and ugly that exist within all of us. Elsewhere, “Pride” is a dreamy meditation on how our stubbornness can get the best of us. The human condition is at the center of all of the songs on DAMN., and Kendrick analyzes every component with an almost incomprehensible talent. In a surprising turn of events, by becoming larger than life, Kendrick Lamar feels more human than ever.

2. The National: Sleep Well Beast

I can’t think of a band that embodies the low, sinking feeling of sadness quite like The National. It’s embedded so deep within their DNA that it’s almost impossible to shake. Not to say that this is a bad thing; The National have consistently produced some of the most emotionally affecting records of my lifetime. Yet there was a question of whether their formula would eventually run stale after their previous record, “Trouble Will Find Me.” However, “Sleep Well Beast” has the band at the absolute top of their game both lyrically and instrumentally. Simply put, the band hasn’t sounded this energized in years. More than any other record in their discography, Sleep Well Beast hews closest to their under the radar masterpiece, Boxer, in both consistency and quality. Boxer’s most alluring trait was the ability to capture the low buzzing anxiety and depression that takes hold once people realize how their adult lives are beginning to take shape in themselves and everyone around them. There’s a thread of insularity that connects Sleep Well Beast to the 2007 record; a sense of internal acceptance that the feelings of discomfort expressed ten years ago don’t really go away, but rather evolve and manifest themselves in different ways as we age. “I’ll still destroy you someday/Sleep well beast, you as well beast” are the last words Berninger intones on the record. While it may be easy to write the comment off as a signal of resignation, in context it feels like a quiet, confident victory. We’d be remiss to think of the album as anything different.

1. LCD Soundsystem: American Dream

The notion of the “American Dream” is a loaded concept. What does it mean? Is it the same thing for everyone? Is it possible to achieve it? James Murphy’s latest masterpiece answers all and none of these questions, at least not directly. If anything, the record talks about something that we all do nearly everyday of our lives; sleep. Sleep exists everywhere on this record, and within different forms. It’s presented in the form of bad dreams (Oh Baby), a product of crippling anxiety (I Used To, Change Yr Mind), death (Black Screen), and even it’s very existence taken as an offense (How Do You Sleep?). I would imagine sleep would not be at the center of many people’s American dream, but maybe that’s the key conceit in Murphy’s theme here. We all want the success that we crave in our wildest dreams, the ability to conquer our fears, and to reach the highest peaks of our respective careers. But what we don’t realize is what it often takes for us to get there. The crippling anxiety that’s littered throughout the process. The sleepless nights. The dissolved friendships that initially seemed unbreakable. The hangovers. The deaths of loved ones. Murphy for all intensive purposes may have achieved his dreams. He’s had a #1 album, sold out Madison Square Garden, and has been a critical darling and cultural tastemaker for the better part of the last 15 years. But he knows more than anyone all the baggage that comes with it, and it’s all presented here in a gloriously funny, heartbreaking, stunning record. There was a long period of time where I never thought I’d here another new LCD Soundsystem album. Turns out dreams really do come true.

Personal Pitch is on every Thursday from 12-2pm on kuci.org and 88.9FM in Irvine, CA

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