#affordable funny golf gift

[memetrashmom]

a comrade humbly requests a FMK ranking of your OCs u_u

Okay I have just enough characters that I can do a reason for all of them. If I had anymore then this I wouldn't lol. Here we go!

FUCK

Benji - Beefy older man with a great sense of humor, solid income, two grown kids, AND health benefits? Fuck buddies at minimum don’t try to marry him though he’s in love with someone else and you won’t be successful.

Effie - If this is before Temperance, it is very much worth it to start up a friends with benefits situation with this valley girl type lesbian. As long as you can handle her A Whole Lot personality for more than an hour at a time. Strap game is immaculate, and she kisses like it’s the last time everytime. Gives great head.

Lonan - He is so incredibly demisexual it’s sort of hilarious, but once he gets there? Insatiable, willing to experiment, will do actual research on how to please you. Not in the marry section though because his wizard book has a whole lotta sass about literally everything and he’s such a recluse you’d never see people again.  

Mantis - Best one night stand. Strong enough to hold you against the wall or toss you around, but controlled enough to do it all without hurting you. Unless you ask of course. Will cuddle and buy you breakfast in the morning. Only downside is the ring of hickies she leaves on your neck. Also she’s poly and stupidly in love with a himbo who she sometimes forgets is also a paladin and not just a bard. Idk if he's into sharing a partner or not but that would be a fun sandwich to be in. Not in the marry section because her job is a bounty hunter and she’s nearly always on the move. 

Zimri - Sugar baby supreme, also has a split tongue and is talented enough to live luxuriously based on her skills. If you can afford a night, why not indulge? Too much personality to marry though, and her other partners are a little intimidating, some of them without really trying to be. 

MARRY

Anu- This is only an option after Rosalind’s passing, and he’s had ample time to mourn for her. He loves his wife, but as a full blooded elf he’s going to outlive her and most of their children even. He knows this, Rosalind knows this, their children know this. That being said, Anu is where Benji gets his wonderful sense of dad flavored humor and general good vibes. He’s still pretty fit despite being in the twilight years of his life, takes great joy in cultivating green spaces, and spends his free time tending to the gardens or researching in the library. He would make for a very lovely spouse.

Belladonna - Beefy ace paladin lady who will read books and cook breakfast with you. If you can put up with her being a bit of a neat freak and the occasional verbal war between her and her cousin Nessa over silly things like golf you’re in for a lovely comfortable marriage. 

Danya - MILF, high powered lawyer type, a domme, who also performs burlesque at an exclusive club. Her love language is all of them, she will spoil you with both physical affection and gifts, free health care, AND a secure retirement fund? And four dogs?? Yes.

Laura - If you can get over your MIL being a literal sea demon, a bard tavern owner for a FIL, and Laura’s three frankly intimidating girlfriends, she’d be lovely to be married to. Funny and affectionate, does her best to be there for you and support you, and will dance the night away. You won’t be bored. 

Lemon - Great baker/cook, built in healthcare, reads a whole lotta smut and is willing to test out new things, and will beat rude people with a magical spoon for you. If you can deal with her need for physical affection, her trouble saying what’s wrong without being asked, her occasional case of the Feral Zoomies,  and a MIL from hell, you’re good. She’d swing between comfy homebody buddy, to party girl, to adventuring buddy pretty easily. 

Tadhgan - He’s….he’s a little boring okay but it’s not his fault. He’s got a lucrative job lined up, fit from working the forge and volunteering in the drake guard, kind of a dork, and will do his very best to keep you happy. Give him time to get over his failed first love and you’d have a very comfortable, if a tiny bit boring marriage. 

Tsisia - She’d be fun to be married to, for her weird sense of humor and lack of shame alone. She just has really lovely vibes. Tsisia can be kind of stupid like flirting with someone by asking them to help with an itch and then just swallowing a couple of their fingers and then immediately being embarrassed that she did that but overall she has a good head on her shoulders and wants to build something long lasting and full of laughter. If you can stand the smell of hay and ozone, long hours working the farm, and the occasional midnight run with her lycan cousins, she’d be a joy. 

Olly - Out of everyone I would marry Olly. He is a bisexual tsudere, loves his family and friends, keeps bees as  both pets and a hobby, is enough of a dork he’s endearing, does burlesque shows in the same club his sister Danya performs, and is just high enough on the Bakhouzin ladder to be strong enough to keep you safe but low enough not to really be a target. His bakery manager job will give him plenty of funny stories to bring home, he’s an excellent cook/baker, has the Bakhouzin Cake, and he is an enthusiastic lover. 10/10 would marry the tsudere. 

KILL 

Adva - Old, grumpy druid snapping tortle lady who constantly asks invasive questions, and is very likely to bite the fingers or hands off of anyone she doesn't like. Kill for your own safety. 

Amaryllis, The Lion Empress - The sex would be wonderful, she’d be a doting spouse, but she did lead a military takeover of an entire nation after slaughtering the noble side of her family. Sure the slaughter was only because they tried to kill her first, but you know….that’s a whole lotta drama to deal with. Also her general is really fuckin scary, and the Boar might have a thing for her too?? Too messy. Stay far away. Modern AU would also be kill despite how soft and sweet she is there, mostly because of her two spouses.

Daffodil -She may look like a good time, but she’s got too much weird fae shit going on to be safe. The Galidians have zero risk assessment and think she’s nice because she’s a polite noble out of time. Under the flowery outdated language and ballads she’s just as likely to slay you then lay you. 

Doran - Please just put this man out of his misery. You’d make Benji cry and gain a new enemy in the Bakhouzin’s, but Doran would be so glad to have it all end. 

Labon - This 5ft tall short king is in love with one person and one person only. He also gets the zoomies which lead to biting hit and runs, eats out of the trash, sleeps in odd places, is almost always covered in bits of soot, and will cry if he goes without kisses for more than four hours. Too high maintenance. Also he keeps pigeons as pets so you will always find feathers in weird places. Oh and he takes care of a small army of street urchins, which is sweet, but he’s always busy. 

Marigold - Ace/aro very stabby tabaxi. They will stab first and not ask questions. 

Rosalind - The benefits of marrying this ancient very wealthy woman do not outweigh the danger of being her third spouse.  

Zadok, both the Bear General and Modern AU - If you think they will marry or fuck anyone other then Amaryllis or Eilidh you are very wrong. They believe those two dorks are their soulmates, and they will not touch anyone except them. 

DOUBLE KILL 

Ursula- Mean bitter borderline sociopathic abuser? Double kill. Into the fire. Also not good in bed anyway so not worth it.

#dnd ask #not tagging everyone because I would die lol

[moleparty5]

Best Retirement Gifts for Seniors

People are dwelling longer, so meaning individuals are working longer to be able to help themselves and stay comfortably after retirement. Now-a-days it seems like that people who retire are those who can afford to. If you understand someone who's lucky sufficient to retire during this upcoming 12 months be sure you take the time to honor them and all their years of service, no matter what the industry. A retirement reward is usually a considerate manner of saying goodbye and good luck within the future.Here are some retirement gift concepts damaged down by the particular people in your life.Present for a Retiring Partner: Remember once you were youthful and you could not wait to retire and spend extra time along with your important different? Well now that point has come. Embrace this life change with the right retirement gift. You should buy funny retirement gag presents, like shirts or signs that say one thing about being a retired husband. Consider items that have slogans like, "I am retired, however work part time as a pain in the butt" or "Retired: Beneath New Management, See Spouse for Particulars". Another nice concept is to get a dry erase board and label it the "Honey Do Record" as a result of now with all that free time somebody may have extra time for chores. And do not forget, you'll be able to even throw a retirement celebration!Gift for a Retiring Relative: Have mother and pop continued working after you grew up? Have a brother or sister who is getting ready to retire? Do something nice for them. Some individuals prefer to hold working even after they're able to retire. And though they could be excited to retire, a bit of a part of them could also be sad too. Honor their dedication to service with an ideal retirement plaque. You possibly can even give them their very own personalised retirement poem with their title, enterprise identify, number of years employed and retirement date all included on it. Family members retiring from the army would love a retirement poem about their department and commemorating their service.Reward for a Retiring Pal: Is considered one of your close friends getting ready for retirement? Make this life altering event as pleasant as possible. Have a couple of laughs together with your pal and give a retirement gag gift. Humorous retirement t-shirts and retirement hats always deliver a smile to somebody's face and let the world know he or she is now residing the good life. A retirement mug makes an amazing reward for any coffee/tea drinker and every morning will remind them how they do not have to go to work anymore. Now that your friend is retiring/retired you possibly can go out for a day adventure (even for those who nonetheless are working, take a vacation day) and do something fun. A day on the spa or an afternoon of golf will remind them that daily is now a vacation day for them. Reward for a Retiring Co-employee: Co-staff come and go for various reasons, however a co-employee's retirement is a big deal. Most people when they go away a job it is to take one other one, however a retirement means permanent peace and relaxation. Mark this special occasion by throwing a retirement occasion at work. It's a great time to all get collectively for one final hurrah, but additionally to point out them how much you loved working with them and how much they are going to be missed. A retirement social gathering would not solely have to be about food and retirement decorations. A retirement signature frame or a retirement signature plate makes an incredible celebration exercise and an awesome present for the retiree to take home.Gift for a Retiring Boss: Not everybody likes their boss, but hopefully you will have a nice one! Should you like your boss that is retiring and also you want to present them how much you appreciated their steering and assist, in addition to letting them know how much they will be missed, be certain that to purchase them a retirement gift. A retirement gift within the work setting would not have to be fancy, and even a easy retirement mug will do. Need to go in on a present with other co-staff? Then take into account a bigger gift like a retirement reward basket or a gift certificate for his or her favourite restaurant.It seems to me we all have our hopes and dreams and especially pertaining to retiring. I'm not sure that I'll ever be within the this crowd. I have many friends which have retired as I did, after which return to some subject of labor, not as a necessity, however as a need of having to have one thing to do.Lots of the retired persons just do that, work when it feels good, and if it doesn't really feel good, rest a day or , possibly travel a couple days to locations unknown. Typically that becomes troublesome once you still have family at residence, a child or in college or excessive school.So for these reasons retirement gifts are gonna range as a lot as retired individuals do. These gifts include coffee mugs, journey mugs, beer mugs, posters, mousepads, aprons, tote baggage, wall clocks, lunch boxes and all types of things, some helpful and some not. Presents are often given by the administration of a company to somebody who's retiring as a token of appreciation for his or her dedicated services over time during which they have been employed.Retirement gifts signify the emotions of respect and admiration fellows have for the retiree. Items or retirement presents, presents for him, or for her. Items from parties with whom the worker has had involvement in his/her official capability are permissible offered the gift isn't excessive or inappropriate for the purpose for which it is given.After a lifetime's work, retirement might be either an exciting prospect or a frightening one, but it's the begin of a new section of life. We should always purchase one thing they will like relatively than something you suppose is nice. Travel Manicure & Grooming Kits for a retirement gift must be lengthy lasting. Mostly, firms do have generic gifts for their long-standing employees. Apart from expensive objects like timepieces, attire and different, private effects are a great choice for retirement gifts.Retirement is extra a state of mind than a stage of life, no tthe situations that our grandparents faced, many people are in good physical shape and our thought process and pondering is a robust and vivid as any 30 yr old. One important question dealing with many Boomers as we speak is that retirement is just not actually defined as withdrawing from career any longer, in reality some reap the benefits of the retirement to start a businesses. Although the reminiscences of the retirement party will always remain, presents are something that may ensure these moments are by no means forgotten. It is only after retirement that people get a chance to dedicate some time towards their hobbies.Sometimes, retirement functions comprise a get-together, with or without a meal, and the presentation of a gift or financial token to the retiree, to his or her partner, and/or to his or her dependent(s). A present will be something treasured and worthwhile. In case your retiree is more conservative, then their retirement gift ought to mirror their personality. You may also turn a special day right into a memorable event.We must always attempt to keep away from retirement gifts that allude to actions the retired individual has by no means engaged in. It's not very nice to see a retirement image on a retirement t-shirts, that is totally different then the retirees employment. Not very good at all. Nevertheless it happens from time to time. You may additionally be wondering what you may give to him that's much different from all the normal kinds of retirement items-- one thing which he will actually enjoy.The one who is getting ready to retire has probably received all the typical types of gifts. There is retirement gifts for your co-employees, presents for your pal and gifts on your grandmother & grandfather. Whether you select them as golf gag presents in your buddies on the course, distinctive personalized instructor retirement presents for the educator who made such a distinction in your life, or fiftieth birthday gag gifts to tell someone that half a century is only a beginning, you will love the results and the laughter that a present as such will bring. Simply do your finest to assist them have a really memorable retirement part.Retirement is among the most joyous occasions in one's life. After a very long time of working, a retiree will put a interval that symbolizes not an ending, however a beginning of a extra pleased, relaxing, and adventurous life. Retirement is often celebrated with a small gathering and naturally gifts. Now in case you are on the lookout for a retirement gift for a girl, there are many choices you possibly can select from.Reward baskets are perhaps the most applicable and secure gifts for anyone. If clueless of what to provide to a lady who is going to retire, a gift basket won't ever go wrong. Reward baskets are common, but all the time appreciated gifts that positive to thrill a retiree. There are many objects you can consider when filling a basket. It depends upon the personality and style of your recipient when selecting the gifts you need to put in. A present basket for a woman might include clock, customized picture frame, or a collection of little keepsakes from different co-employees with their signatures.ou may contemplate a present basket that is filled with gadgets which can be meant for her post-work plans. Retirement is a stage where a lady can start her on personal enterprise, so you wish to consider that as an option. It could be that she will a lot of quilting materials, why not take into account them? You can find crafting supplies at a neighborhood craft store for the reward basket you wish to provide to her. Or, if she plans to travel somewhere far, you'll be able to consider giving a present basket that includes a nice scarf, tote bag, guide, beauty purse, or a travel jewellery roll.Apart from gift baskets, there are other conventional presents that can impress retiring women. You possibly can put all of your signatures collectively on a poster board, image frame, t-shirt, espresso mug, or hat that she would absolutely cherish. There are also gag presents with funny slogans like "Retired but not expired" and "I'm retired, that is why I dress up like this." Other retirement gifts for girls embrace tableware, china, scrapbooks, jewelry containers, time items, and bracelets.In addition, gag gifts for retiring ladies make an ideal option to create a giant loud laughs during the retirement party. Gag presents are fashionable for both women and men who're retiring. These presents normally include jokes and foolish sayings and tales that might make anyone laugh. Other gag presents could embody joke books, retirement spinner, retirement magic 8 balls, retirement license and so on. When finding such presents, it is best to remember the character of your recipient in order that you'll know her taste on the subject of humorous things.Retirement gifts are broadly accessible online. There are actually plenty of web sites that offer a wide variety of reward gadgets for company people. If you're also searching for govt gifts or presents for customers, you can too discover lots of nice options online. Select customized gadgets so you will be able to include the identify or initials, a date, and/or a private message or a short line of quote on your recipient.It is typically appropriate to provide a gift to someone who you realize is retiring. Whether or not it's retiring from work, or from a service, or from one other activity, giving a retirement present is a sweet, thoughtful gesture that will absolutely be appreciated. This reveals respect and honor and holds numerous which means not just for the recipient, but for the giver as well. As of late, folks don't really suppose that giving a retirement reward is all that massive of a deal. But receiving retirement gifts from household and friends will be remembered and treasured. To get more details on this please Additional Info Now, as an instance you decided to give a retirement present and you do not really know what too give or where to look. Discovering the precise retirement reward should not be all that hard if you know the person and you understand his or her personality. Since that particular person is retiring, giving a present that is associated to that individual's hobbies or interests, is a surefire strategy to get his or her attention. Give the type of gift that is applicable at this stage in a person's life. The goal could be to make the recipient be ok with retiring and excited concerning the subsequent chapter of their life.If you understand somebody from work, or one in every of your workers are retiring, it is also appropriate to give that person a retirement gift. Bear in mind, that person stayed with the company lengthy sufficient to merit a retirement and giving a retirement gift shows appreciation and thanks. It would not have to be expensive or extravagant, it can be simple, as long as it serves its purpose. It additionally helps if you realize the person well. If you don't love the one who is retiring, give a gift anyway, a minimum of out of respect. Simply think of what that person's reaction can be to receive a gift from somebody he least expects it from.There are lots of business shops out there that specialize on business gifts. You'll be able to even browse sites online and discover unique items which can be good for retirement. If the one that is retiring has been in service for a few years and has a superb fame and has helped others recurrently, it might be extra feasible to give a special and nicely thought out reward, to not mention extra costly. If then again the person is retiring from the corporate after a short interval only, or the individual just isn't really likable, you may spend less for the retirement gift.Your colleague is retiring and you'll want to find a good retirement gift. Generally that's simpler said than done. A lot of people do not get pleasure from giving retirement items mainly as a result of they don't know what to get. Don't be concerned if that is you. You aren't alone. The nice factor is that it is not as tough as you think. We've come up with a listing of fantastic retirement gift ideas that can work for nearly any retiree. You might have to perform a little background analysis first, however that won't be too hard. Simply discover a colleague that's close to the retiree and ask a few questions. Hopefully you possibly can gather sufficient data that will help you resolve on a customized gift. If not, then that's not an issue either. Our record has just a few great ideas that work for absolutely anyone.Reward certificates - The gift certificates or gift card is probably the simplest retirement present you will ever buy. And it works for anybody on any occasion. It's the definition of simplicity. If you understand very little in regards to the retiree then your finest bet is to purchase a gift certificate to a pleasant restaurant. Amongst all of the retirement items you may buy, this is one that may almost by no means go wrong. Simply do not get a gift certificate for a Brazilian BBQ restaurant if the retiree is a vegetarian.Scrapbook - This is a very distinctive and customized retirement gift. One of the best part about it is that you don't have to know that a lot about the individual retiring. As an alternative you'll be able to let all of your colleagues do the hard work. There are a selection of corporations online that put these together. You simply collect footage and stories/comments from your entire colleagues, after which the company will put together an expert looking scrapbook. I've gotten one in all these earlier than and it actually is a wonderful gift. The retiree will take pleasure in this e book of reminiscences for a few years to come.Huge Ticket Merchandise - For this retirement reward you will pool your cash with several colleagues to purchase a dearer item. This could possibly be a superb idea if you don't know much about the retiree's hobbies or interests. You may depend on your colleagues for ideas. Even when the group remains to be unable to provide you with any good ideas, you continue to have plenty of choices. An costly watch (possibly engraved) is always makes a wonderful retirement gift. Or maybe some high-end electronics like a plasma TV or an iPad will work well.Occasion Tickets - This one is a personal favourite of mine. If you know just a bit in regards to the particular person's musical preferences or favourite sports activities groups, then you may make an unbelievable retirement reward by getting tickets to a basketball recreation, seats on the opera, entrance row seats for their favorite band, or tickets to a Broadway play.Interest Related Present - Depending on their interests or hobbies, this may open up a world of possibilities. Unlike lots of the other retirement presents, this one requires some knowledge concerning the retiree. You would not need to purchase a set of golf clubs for a scuba diving enthusiast. That being said, once you understand what they're all for, you should purchase one thing in that area of interest. Some examples embrace gardening instruments, tennis rackets, rare stamps, cooking equipment, journey gear, climbing boots, etc... The list goes on forever. A very powerful part of this present is that you already know what they love doing. Get them a present that helps them enjoy their retirement.Clearly one of the best retirement presents are at all times those which might be extra personal, but that doesn't imply you may't give someone an incredible reward even when you don't know them very well. The listing above provides some suggestions to point you in the right direction. My hope is that you'll either use one of the presents from this listing or that these retirement present ideas have impressed you to find one thing even better.

#Retirement Gifts

[mygolfshirtsblog]

Men's Golf Fashion

Although senior golfers would certainly insist that golf clothing should be basic and simple, following the traditions, modern-day golf players defend their choice for golf shirts included in rules that are usually meant to be broken or even bent. Adding a little bit of twist to the old rules is fun, especially when this serves to render the occasion light-hearted without being too informal. Therefore, revamping your wardrobe and stuffing it with in addition to fashionable men’s Dri-fit golf shirts is the method to go when you plan to take up this sport shortly.

Variety of golf shirts

Attire has been treated as a showcase of an individual’s character since time immemorial. Keeping this psychology in mind, what could be an improved way of presenting your character than wearing Dri-fit golf shirts? Having a variety of styles lining the shelves today, just about all that is necessary for the golfer is to identify the pattern or shades that best demonstrates his attitude and carry it away confidently at his/her next game. These days, men’s golf clothing can fluctuate in the wide spectrum, with bright colors such as orange and green on a single conclusion and pure jet dark on the different sides of the coin with almost everything.

Classic and premium golf shirts: 

Stylish premium golf shirts are the welcome vary from the sober type of yesteryears and can end up being expressed through t-shirts, shorts, and components. While shirts can be plain, designed, or a vibrant blend of shades, trousers could be selected in vivid shades like reddish, white, and turquoise color. Likewise, accessories can be selected in colors that best match the clothing or complement this as achievable. Nevertheless, the just word of extreme care of your classic golf shirts is that will in the event these usually are an eyesore to fellow golfers and then one day also you can fall target towards the same issue.

Breathable shirts: 

A few of the latest styles in the men’s golf clothing segment are base layers, affordable waterproofs, and humidity polo t-shirts. The base layer appertains to the technically advanced stretch material, which absorbs the moisture on the one hand and retains temperature on the other side of the coin. Therefore, choosing premium golf shirts outfitted with a bottom layer is one of the better approaches to keeping hot in the cold in addition to a windy day. However, the opposite impact can be liked with the humidity transporting fabric upon a hot summer season day. These are usually designed in a way that will permit enough ventilation and is usually breathable.

Waterproof golf clothing: 

The new introduction in the variety of fashionable men’s golf clothing is affordable waterproofs. As the name suggests, these are equipped for keeping the drinking water out without diminishing the breath-ability element of the information. Golf shirts lined using this material are readily accessible in several qualities in addition to this is determinant of the value as well. Therefore, while amateurs and beginners can try out the lower-priced range about experimenting, skilled golfers can choose a renowned brand name that would usually be at least a couple of years.

Unique golf shirts are a great indispensable requisite for every avid golfer, which often is why applying this theme to gift ideas for someone with the hamper is a great idea. Because it is meant as a gift, keeping the recipient’s mindset and likings in mind is the most, and several of the options often considered are couture, patterns, funny, and plaid. In a situation absolutely nothing is that appears suitable, it is usually possible to move for custom-made men’s golf clothing by incorporating a personal contact which may also assist as a lifelong reminder.

Conclusion

Shopping can be a dull activity for many men while choosing men’s golf clothing for themselves. However, since the arrival of golf shirts, this attitude has transformed, and after this, it is the fun activity that often everyone anticipates.

#dri-fit golf shirts #premium golf shirts #classic golf shirts #unique golf shirts

[justinkent19]

The Best Retirement gifts

Persons are dwelling longer, so meaning persons are working longer to have the ability to assist themselves and stay comfortably after retirement. Now-a-days it looks as if that people who retire are those who can afford to. If you know somebody who's fortunate enough to retire throughout this upcoming year be sure you take the time to honor them and all their years of service, it doesn't matter what the industry. A retirement reward can be a considerate means of claiming goodbye and good luck within the future.Listed below are some retirement reward ideas broken down by the particular people in your life.Gift for a Retiring Spouse: Keep in mind when you have been younger and you could not wait to retire and spend extra time with your vital different? Properly now that time has come. Embrace this life change with the right retirement gift. You should buy funny retirement gag presents, like shirts or indicators that say one thing about being a retired husband. Think about items that have slogans like, "I am retired, but work part time as a pain in the butt" or "Retired: Beneath New Administration, See Spouse for Details". Another nice idea is to get a dry erase board and label it the "Honey Do Checklist" as a result of now with all that free time somebody can have more time for chores. And remember, you can even throw a retirement social gathering!Present for a Retiring Relative: Have mother and pa continued working after you grew up? Have a brother or sister who is on the point of retire? Do one thing nice for them. Some people wish to hold working even after they can retire. And though they could be excited to retire, a little part of them could also be sad too. Honor their dedication to service with an important retirement plaque. You may even give them their very own personalised retirement poem with their title, business identify, variety of years employed and retirement date all included on it. Family members retiring from the army would love a retirement poem about their department and commemorating their service.Present for a Retiring Buddy: Is certainly one of your shut pals getting ready for retirement? Make this life altering occasion as pleasurable as possible. Have a number of laughs with your pal and give a retirement gag gift. Humorous retirement t-shirts and retirement hats at all times bring a smile to somebody's face and let the world know he or she is now residing the nice life. A retirement mug makes a great gift for any espresso/tea drinker and every morning will remind them how they don't have to go to work anymore. Now that your buddy is retiring/retired you can exit for a day adventure (even in the event you nonetheless are working, take a vacation day) and do one thing fun. A day on the spa or an afternoon of golf will remind them that each day is now a vacation day for them. Reward for a Retiring Co-worker: Co-staff come and go for varied reasons, but a co-employee's retirement is a big deal. Most individuals once they leave a job it's to take one other one, but a retirement means permanent peace and relaxation. Mark this big day by throwing a retirement social gathering at work. It's a great time to all get collectively for one final hurrah, but also to show them how much you enjoyed working with them and the way much they are going to be missed. A retirement occasion would not solely need to be about meals and retirement decorations. A retirement signature frame or a retirement signature plate makes an important party activity and a fantastic gift for the retiree to take home.Reward for a Retiring Boss: Not everybody likes their boss, but hopefully you might have a pleasant one! In case you like your boss that's retiring and you wish to present them how much you appreciated their guidance and help, in addition to letting them know how much they are going to be missed, be certain that to purchase them a retirement gift. A retirement present in the work setting does not should be fancy, and even a easy retirement mug will do. Wish to go in on a gift with different co-workers? Then contemplate a much bigger present like a retirement present basket or a present certificates for his or her favourite restaurant.It appears to me all of us have our hopes and desires and particularly pertaining to retiring. I'm not positive that I'll ever be within the this crowd. I have many mates which have retired as I did, after which return to some discipline of work, not as a necessity, but as a need of having to have something to do.Lots of the retired persons just do that, work when it feels good, and if it does not feel good, relaxation a day or two, possibly travel a couple days to places unknown. Generally that becomes troublesome when you still have family at home, a kid or in college or high school.So for these reasons retirement presents are gonna vary as much as retired people do. These items embody coffee mugs, journey mugs, beer mugs, posters, mousepads, aprons, tote luggage, wall clocks, lunch containers and all types of issues, some helpful and a few not. Items are normally given by the administration of an organization to someone who's retiring as a token of appreciation for their devoted services over time in which they have been employed.Retirement items signify the feelings of respect and admiration fellows have for the retiree. Items or retirement presents, presents for him, or for her. Presents from parties with whom the worker has had involvement in his/her official capacity are permissible supplied the reward shouldn't be extreme or inappropriate for the purpose for which it is given.After a lifetime's work, retirement will be both an thrilling prospect or a daunting one, however it is the begin of a brand new phase of life. We should always purchase something they may like fairly than one thing you assume is nice. Journey Manicure & Grooming Kits for a retirement gift must be lengthy lasting. Principally, companies do have generic presents for their lengthy-standing employees. Apart from costly objects like timepieces, apparel and different, personal effects are a great choice for retirement gifts.Retirement is more a way of thinking than a stage of life, no tthe situations that our grandparents confronted, many of us are in good bodily form and our thought course of and thinking is a strong and vivid as any 30 12 months old. One foremost question going through many Boomers right this moment is that retirement just isn't really outlined as withdrawing from career any longer, actually some reap the benefits of the retirement to start out a businesses. Although the recollections of the retirement occasion will always remain, presents are one thing that will ensure these moments are by no means forgotten. It's only after retirement that individuals get an opportunity to dedicate some time towards their hobbies.Usually, retirement capabilities comprise a get-together, with or with out a meal, and the presentation of a present or financial token to the retiree, to his or her partner, and/or to his or her dependent(s). A gift can be one thing precious and worthwhile. In case your retiree is more conservative, then their retirement reward ought to mirror their personality. You may as well flip a special day into a memorable event.We must always try to avoid retirement gifts that allude to activities the retired particular person has never engaged in. It is not very nice to see a retirement image on a retirement t-shirts, that's totally different then the retirees employment. Not very good at all. Nevertheless it happens from time to time. You may additionally be questioning what you can provide to him that is a lot completely different from all the commonplace kinds of retirement presents-- one thing which he'll really enjoy.The one who is making ready to retire has in all probability acquired the entire ordinary kinds of gifts. There is retirement gifts to your co-staff, gifts for your good friend and items in your grandmother & grandfather. Whether you select them as golf gag gifts to your buddies on the course, distinctive customized teacher retirement items for the educator who made such a difference in your life, or 50th birthday gag items to inform somebody that half a century is only a beginning, you may love the results and the laughter that a gift as such will bring. Just do your greatest to assist them have a really memorable retirement part.Retirement is among the most joyous occasions in a single's life. After a very long time of working, a retiree will put a interval that symbolizes not an ending, but a starting of a extra completely happy, enjoyable, and adventurous life. Retirement is usually celebrated with a small gathering and naturally gifts. Now in case you are looking for a retirement reward for a girl, there are lots of selections you can choose from.Gift baskets are perhaps essentially the most acceptable and safe gifts for anyone. If clueless of what to provide to a girl who's going to retire, a present basket won't ever go wrong. Present baskets are common, yet at all times appreciated presents that certain to thrill a retiree. There are many objects you'll be able to consider when filling a basket. It is dependent upon the persona and style of your recipient when choosing the items you need to put in. A present basket for a woman might embrace clock, personalized picture body, or a group of little keepsakes from other co-workers with their signatures.ou can also take into account a present basket that's crammed with objects which can be intended for her put up-work plans. Retirement is a stage the place a woman can begin her on private enterprise, so that you need to consider that as an option. It may very well be that she will various quilting materials, why not consider them? You could find crafting materials at a neighborhood craft store for the gift basket you want to offer to her. Or, if she plans to journey somewhere far, you'll be able to consider giving a present basket that includes a nice scarf, tote bag, guide, cosmetic purse, or a journey jewelry roll.Aside from present baskets, there are different traditional presents that can impress retiring women. You possibly can put all of your signatures collectively on a poster board, picture frame, t-shirt, espresso mug, or hat that she would absolutely cherish. There are also gag items with humorous slogans like "Retired but not expired" and "I am retired, that's the reason I dress up like this." Other retirement items for girls include tableware, china, scrapbooks, jewellery bins, time pieces, and bracelets.In addition, gag presents for retiring women make an ideal method to create a giant loud laughs through the retirement party. Gag gifts are widespread for both women and men who are retiring. These gifts normally include jokes and foolish sayings and stories that may make anybody laugh. Other gag gifts might embody joke books, retirement spinner, retirement magic eight balls, retirement license and so on. When discovering such presents, it is best to remember the persona of your recipient in order that you will know her style with regards to humorous things.Retirement gifts are broadly out there online. There are actually numerous web sites that supply a wide variety of present items for company people. If you're also on the lookout for govt presents or gifts for customers, you may also discover plenty of great options online. Select personalized items so you will be able to incorporate the title or initials, a date, and/or a personal message or a brief line of quote in your recipient.It is typically acceptable to present a present to somebody who you know is retiring. Whether it's retiring from work, or from a service, or from one other exercise, giving a retirement present is a sweet, thoughtful gesture that can surely be appreciated. This shows respect and honor and holds lots of that means not only for the recipient, but for the giver as well. Today, people do not really think that giving a retirement gift is all that large of a deal. But receiving retirement gifts from household and mates shall be remembered and treasured. To get extra information on this please Additional Reading Now, for instance you determined to give a retirement present and you do not actually know what too give or where to look. Discovering the fitting retirement gift shouldn't be all that onerous if you know the person and you already know his or her personality. Since that individual is retiring, giving a present that's associated to that person's hobbies or pursuits, is a surefire way to get his or her attention. Give the type of gift that is appropriate at this stage in an individual's life. The aim could be to make the recipient be ok with retiring and excited about the next chapter of their life.If you know someone from work, or one among your employees are retiring, it is also acceptable to provide that individual a retirement gift. Remember, that person stayed with the corporate lengthy sufficient to advantage a retirement and giving a retirement present shows appreciation and thanks. It would not should be expensive or extravagant, it can be easy, as long as it serves its purpose. It also helps if you recognize the individual well. For those who do not like the person who is retiring, give a present anyway, a minimum of out of respect. Just consider what that particular person's response can be to receive a present from someone he least expects it from.There are lots of business stores on the market that specialize on enterprise gifts. You'll be able to even browse websites online and find distinctive gifts that are excellent for retirement. If the one that is retiring has been in service for a few years and has a great fame and has helped others repeatedly, it is perhaps more possible to give a particular and effectively thought out present, to not mention extra costly. If alternatively the person is retiring from the corporate after a short interval solely, or the person isn't really likable, you'll be able to spend much less for the retirement gift.Your colleague is retiring and it's good to find a good retirement gift. Generally that is simpler stated than done. Lots of people do not enjoy giving retirement items primarily as a result of they don't know what to get. Don't be concerned if that is you. You are not alone. The great thing is that it is not as tough as you think. We have provide you with a list of fantastic retirement present ideas that will work for almost any retiree. You might have to do some background research first, but that will not be too hard. Merely find a colleague that's near the retiree and ask a couple of questions. Hopefully you may gather sufficient info that can assist you determine on a personalized gift. If not, then that's not an issue either. Our checklist has a number of great ideas that work for absolutely anyone.Present certificate - The gift certificates or gift card is probably the easiest retirement reward you will ever buy. And it really works for anybody on any occasion. It's the definition of simplicity. If you know very little concerning the retiree then your greatest wager is to buy a present certificate to a nice restaurant. Amongst all the retirement presents you could purchase, this is one that may virtually never go wrong. Just don't get a present certificate for a Brazilian BBQ restaurant if the retiree is a vegetarian.Scrapbook - This is a very unique and personalized retirement gift. One of the best part about it's that you don't have to know that a lot in regards to the individual retiring. As a substitute you may let all your colleagues do the arduous work. There are a selection of corporations online that put these together. You merely gather footage and tales/comments from all your colleagues, after which the company will put collectively a professional wanting scrapbook. I've gotten one of these before and it actually is a superb gift. The retiree will take pleasure in this ebook of reminiscences for a few years to come.Large Ticket Item - For this retirement gift you will pool your money with a number of colleagues to purchase a dearer item. This could be an excellent idea if you don't know a lot in regards to the retiree's hobbies or interests. You possibly can rely on your colleagues for ideas. Even when the group is still unable to provide you with any good ideas, you continue to have a lot of choices. An expensive watch (probably engraved) is all the time makes a superb retirement gift. Or perhaps some excessive-end electronics like a plasma TV or an iPad will work well.Event Tickets - This one is a private favourite of mine. If you recognize just a bit about the individual's musical preferences or favourite sports activities groups, then you can also make an incredible retirement gift by getting tickets to a basketball sport, seats on the opera, front row seats for their favourite band, or tickets to a Broadway play.Passion Related Reward - Relying on their pursuits or hobbies, this can open up a world of possibilities. Not like lots of the different retirement presents, this one requires some knowledge about the retiree. You wouldn't want to buy a set of golf golf equipment for a scuba diving enthusiast. That being said, as soon as you already know what they are curious about, you can buy one thing in that space of interest. Some examples include gardening tools, tennis rackets, rare stamps, cooking equipment, journey gear, climbing boots, etc... The checklist goes on forever. An important part of this reward is that you understand what they love doing. Get them a present that helps them enjoy their retirement.Obviously the perfect retirement gifts are at all times those which are extra personal, but that doesn't mean you may't give someone an incredible present even when you do not know them very well. The list above gives some suggestions to point you in the proper direction. My hope is that you'll both use one of the presents from this list or that these retirement gift ideas have inspired you to search out one thing even better.

#Retirement gifts

[grannyandgrandpascreations]

Back Nine Matters Golf Towel with Corner Grommet and Hook

Back Nines Matter Funny Golf Towel is another one of Granny & Grandpa’s Custom Creations golf merchandise which makes another perfect golf gift for Golfers!

You will be worry-free on the green while using these durable, fast-drying, absorbent golf towel. Our Golf Towels make great gifts for that Golfer in your life. Golfers use dry towels for absorbing moisture and drying objects such as their golf balls, clubs, and hands. Our Golf Towels serves as a way to remove the swear from hands and face before taking a shot, and also to wipe down the grip of the blub.

Hunter Green 100% Cotton, sheared velour terry. Dobby border hem. Corner grommet. Hook included. 16x26

Care instructions: Machine wash cold, no bleach, no softener. Do not dry clean. Do not iron. Tumble dry low.

#grannygrandpascustomcreations - #golf - #golftowel

Back Nines Matter Funny Golf Towel is another one of Granny & Grandpa’s Custom Creations golf merchandise which makes another perfect golf gift for Golfers!   

You will be worry-free on the green while using these durable, fast-drying, absorbent golf towel.  Our Golf Towels make great gifts for that Golfer in your life. Golfers use dry towels for absorbing moisture and drying objects such as their golf balls, clubs, and hands. Our Golf Towels serves as a way to remove the swear from hands and face before taking a shot, and also to wipe down the grip of the blub.

Hunter Green 100% Cotton, sheared velour terry. Dobby border hem. Corner grommet. Hook included. 16x26

Care instructions: Machine wash cold, no bleach, no softener. Do not dry clean. Do not iron. Tumble dry low.

#grannygrandpascustomcreations - #golf - #golftowel

#Golf Lovers Quote #Golf Lovers Quote Golf Towel #Golf #Golf Towel #Hunter Green #Hunter Green Golfer Towel #Hunter Green Golf Towel with corner grommet hook #100% Cotton Golf Towel with Corner Grommet #Back Nine Matters #Back Nine Matters Golf Towel #Back Nine Matters Quote on Golf Towel #Golfing #funny golf saying golf towel #funny novelty golf saying golf towel #affordable #affordable golf towel #affordable golf gift #golf gift #golfer gift #affordable funny golf gift #affordable funny golf towel #100% cotton Golf Towel #16x26 golf towel #16x26 golf towel designed #16x26 golf towel for golfer #affordable 16x26 golf towel for golfer #golfer golf towel #affordable golfer golf towel #absorbent golf towel #affordable absorbent golf towel

[hauntedhousecat]

#tag games #house cat participates #self-ship #self-ships

[promethes]

how an idiot like me got into good schools

A quick run-through of my academic history and how I got into good colleges will be below the cut! I’m also including a list of some of the schools I got into for reference. I apologize in advance for how messy this is, but my memory is shitty and I remember random things that I keep throwing in lol. (and for people congratulating me, thank you very much, but I got into all these schools last year lol! so keep in mind I graduated high school in 2019)

If all you came for are the basic stats and you don't want my rambling: I went to a public school GPA: around 4.4 on 4.0 scale (3.9 unweighted) SAT: 1520/1600 APs: 10 (4 3s, 2 4s, 4 5s) Extracurricular: mainly NHS (around 300 volunteering hours), StuCo, Varsity Golf, and Quiz Bowl

EDIT: comments made by the readers who reviewed my application are available here!

First off, I am not an einstein! I am blessed that I pick up on stuff easily and gifted in academics, but I’m nowhere near a genius. For a little backstory, I went to a public school in Michigan for the entirety of my pre-k - 12 education. When I was in the third grade, the district introduced an accelerated program. We took a quasi IQ test and if we tested high enough (I think the threshold was 80%? If I remember correctly I got a 97) we were put in a class that was 2 years ahead in English and Math. We stayed grouped together for the rest of our public schooling, basically a core group of around 20 people. Since we were the first year of the program and our grade was exceptionally gifted for some weird reason, it was a very high achieving group of students, so I’m going to include their stats along with mine for comparison because colleges also factor in your peers when they look at your stats.

I’ll start off with basic stats:

I got a 1520 on the SAT. My grade had around 5 - 10 people achieve over 1500. Some of them had been studying for years, while others (me) did not know that the SAT existed until that year and couldn’t afford any private tutoring and had no patience for the study books from the library. I’m lucky to have an aptitude for the skills they were testing. I did not take any SAT subject tests.

For GPA, I think I ended up with around a 4.4 on a 4.0 scale. I was around 15/350 when it came to class standing, so I was far from the valedictorian. I think our valedictorians got around a 4.6 or 4.7.

I took 10 AP tests. I got a 3 in APUSH, World History, Language and Comp (I fell asleep lol), and Chem (I will get into this class a little later). I got a 4 in Literature (I fell asleep. Again.) and in Psychology. I got a 5 in Calc AB & BC, Comp Sci Principles, and Environmental Science.

AP classes were really pushed in my high school, especially onto my grade, and I don’t like being told what to do lol so I pushed back and took fewer AP classes than most of my peers (valedictorians ended up with maybe 15? It’s crazy) and basically only took classes I was interested in or that I had to take because I had exhausted the rest of the curriculum.

I also dual-enrolled in 2 classes at the local community college since I’d exhausted the curriculum at my high school for things I wanted to do (english and comp sci). I want to make it clear that I never sat down and planned how I was going to maximize my schedule or how I’d take the most advanced classes, I just fell into it since we had already essentially skipped two grades. Most people didn’t dual enroll since they wanted the AP GPA boost.

For extracurriculars, I mainly focused on Quiz Bowl, Golf, NHS (volunteered around 350 hours in 3 years I think) and Student Government. I never had any leadership positions and just kind of fucked around most of the time. Most of my peers held several leadership positions throughout the years and did like a bazillion things. 5 of them even traveled to Europe for some science research thing where they presented their research. I was not that big of a nerd.

In junior year, I stumbled on something called Questbridge and decided to apply because I wanted the money for the scholarship. I became a Questbridge college prep scholar, which then led me to apply for the National College Match. I didn’t rank any binding schools so I didn’t match, but I did apply to several schools with their application. If you are a low-income high achieving student, I highly recommend looking them up. I was the first person in my school to do this program and encouraged my peers to do it too. I think 4 of us were Questbridge scholars.

As you can see, I had good numbers, which probably got me past the first wave of application look throughs. However, I’m fairly confident that what made me stand out was my essays. I always stress this to whoever asks me for advice: do not write a perfect essay, write YOUR essay. I can only imagine how bored those poor people are of reading about someone winning a soccer game or a spelling bee. Add some pizzazz in there. Talk about your flaws and your mistakes and your unique life experiences! 

For example, my personal essay wasn’t even in essay format! I wrote it like journal entries, focusing on my sophomore year when my life was Extra Tumultuous and I was going through homelessness. I did not say I was homeless once in the essay. I just did day by day entries of what my life was like during that time and through that the readers were able to see that I loved to read, that I am fiercely protective of my single-parent family, and they saw how I handled adversity. I want to stress that I’m not encouraging poverty porn at all. I did not write it to make the reader feel bad. I simply relayed what I thought about in a day, focusing on both big and small.

I also wrote about funny things related to academics, partly to explain my transcript and partly to be funny. This is the AP Chem thing. I actually dropped out of it after one term (so about a third of the way through) so I could dual enroll in a class I was interested in instead. My chem teacher HATED that since I was good at chemistry (hate it. Hate that subject so much) and tried to convince me to stay. One of the things he said was “You’ll never be ready for college if you don’t take this class! You wouldn’t even be able to pass the AP test!” so I said bet. dropped the class and signed up for the AP test that same day and showed up almost every day for the rest of the year and dicked around the entire class, taking naps in the back of the lab, sitting on his desk, cracking jokes about whatever he was teaching. I got a 3 on that exam purely out of spite with only half the information I needed. So write about stuff like that. It’s fun.

The fact that I had no guidance in writing the essays was actually really good for me since I just kind of let loose. My UChicago essay read like I was on crack, and they loved it so much that they literally mentioned it during the welcome speech for their little college visit in April.

And don’t sweat over the small stuff! The short answers don’t have to be perfect and mind-blowing, just answer honestly. For the “why Yale” supplemental essay I just ranted about how beautiful their library is for a good 300 words (at some point I said I needed my inhaler because it was that breathtaking. I made a Yale admissions officer read that.) I ranted about Howl’s Moving Castle to Columbia. I told them my favorite magazine was the American Girl ones for their arts and crafts! I have a friend at Columbia who literally sent them a picture of her in a duck costume as a supplement. They loved it. So don’t lose your mind trying to sound worldly and educated. You’re like. 17. Just answer honestly and don’t think too hard about it.

I was also extremely lucky to have a dedicated counselor who sat down for hours with each individual student to write fantastic letters of recommendation. She really made it clear what I had achieved and what challenges I’d faced.

So. tl;dr: I got lucky. Unless your parents donated a couple billion to the school, there are no guarantees. Sometimes you can have the stats and perfect essays and amazing extracurriculars and you can still get rejected because they don’t think you’re a good fit with the school compared to the rest of the applicants. There’s limited space in the student body. I got into schools my valedictorians didn’t get into even though I was academically less than them in every possible way. So let yourself shine through your essays and know you’ll end up in an environment that values the person they saw in those essays.

I got into a lot of schools, and don’t really have a record of all of them, but here are some of the top ones I can remember off the top of my head:

Yale, Columbia, University of Chicago (likely letter), Northwestern, University of Michigan, Northeastern, CWRU, UNC Chapel Hill, and a couple other schools here and there that slip my mind at the moment.

#og #college #college masterpost #abt me

[potteresque-ire]

(I wrote this as a response to another post. It got long, potentially upsetting, so I decided to move it here.)

(TW: Criticism of Draco Malfoy under the cut.)

I think the best analogy I can come up with for Slytherins in an Americanized Hogwarts is if they are the children of the tech giants (Hello Draco Bezos) and multi-company conglomerates, the top-earning Wall Street hedge fund managers, the property moguls like the Trumps and the Bloombergs, and the legacy politicians like the Bushes and the Kennedys. This would be a fairer comparison to the social-economic power of Slytherin families in the books because conservatives in the USA mostly do not come from privileged homes. And I suspect even this American analogue may pale to its UK counterpart, for it lacks the centuries of practice ("tradition”) as a convenient excuse for continuing its underlying bigotry.

Draco Bezos or Draco Trump or Draco Bush has as little choice as being of these surnames as Draco Malfoy. The members of the Americanized Slytherin house, likewise, don’t deserve to be seen as all evil, and maybe — and very likely — they’re not. But consider what Americanized Ron would think about the Slytherins as a group, bearing in mind that the books are written in the POV of Harry, a child himself and Ron’s fierce friend, if…

(Under the cut, for I’m VERY talkative today ...)

- If this Americanized Draco still buys his way into the Quidditch team with a Nimbus 2001. The obvious bribery aside, everyone in this Slytherin team can readily afford the same thing, and likely already has, at least, a Nimbus 2000 in possession.

- If Americanized Lucius also interferes with school policy with connections to Washington; he rubs shoulders with Secretary of Education Umbridge, who he got to know back when they were lobbying together in the capital.

- If the execution weapon of choice for Buckbeak is a golf club, a gift from the President Goyle of MACUSA. Walden McNair, former Slytherin, has just received a medal of honour for being able to wield it with style. This is a tale retold by a very bitter Theodore Nott, whose father owns the golf course resort where President Goyle plays but Nott Sr. only gets to keep the hamburger wraps of the President’s lunch. The other regular attendee of these lunches is the landowner of the entire Hogsmeade, who happens to be Gregory Goyle’s father.

And speaking of Hogsmeade...

- If Goyle Inc. hikes the rent of the town after every visit by Hogwarts students. Prices of items sold in Hogsmeade shops hike accordingly to deflect the cost. The Weasleys haven’t been able to afford anything there for years.

Goyle Inc. has also been looking to invest in Ottery St Catchpole, re-develop the area into one with ... farmer’s market. Lots and lots of farmer’s markets where a loaf of bread costs $10.00 apiece.

- If American Hogwarts is also free but God knows for how long. Its profits from the previous years — sorry, not profit, but endowment as should be referred to for non-profit organisations — has been channelled into the stock market and the stock market hasn’t been doing so well. Mrs Zabini, the manager of the fund, still gets her commission even if Hogwarts goes bankrupt. In fact, a volatile market with high trading volumes is a godsend for her income, and her yearly bonus is large enough to run Hogwarts for a year. She’s very generous, however, and donates 1% of it to the school, which gets her name engraved on the Gryffindor-Zabini Tower.

Meanwhile, if the Weasleys go home every summer not knowing if they can return to the same tower on September 1st.

- If Skelegro and other potions in the infirmary are rationed due to high cost and every time a Weasley find themselves injured in a Quidditch match, the Malfoys, father or son or both, would remark on the Weasleys having more children than they can afford, and recommend the school board that these potions should be rationed by surname as well. The Slytherins have no such concerns of course; the Parkinsons are heads of an international potion conglomerate and they can always import extra potions from Brazil, which are sold at a small fraction of the cost they sold to Hogwarts (yes, they have the licence and patent to produce the Skelegro. Why did you ask?).

…

Perhaps -- assuming my understanding of UK’s class system isn’t too off the mark -- these if’s can provide a sense of Slytherin’s privilege in canon to the American audience, and related to this, how Draco’s prejudice towards Ron cannot be put on the same moral scale from Ron’s prejudice against Draco. I’d also like to emphasize this: I haven’t touched at all, on this list, on Voldemort’s reign of terror. I haven’t touched, at all, on the fact that Voldemort’s war had been spearheaded by the parents of many current Slytherin students, and this war had only been suspended -- not ended -- for just short of a decade when the Class of Harry Potter entered Hogwarts. The wounds were still fresh. Arthur and Molly could’ve easily suffered similar fates as the Potters and the Longbottom’s. The bigotry of the Slytherins, and of the Malfoys, wasn’t merely a suspected thing in the canon years, like how we feel about a celebrity who’s made a questionable tweet. Not only was their bigotry a fact in the canon years, but it was also a real, ongoing threat that, if permitted to run its course, could and would ruin the lives of the Weasleys.

Ron seeing the Slytherins as a threat arguably served the dual function of keeping him safe -- perhaps not at the moment, but in the future. Draco, on the other hand, had nothing to fear about Ron and above all, the socioeconomic class that the Weasleys represented.

They never stood on equal grounds.

And here’s the thing I don’t understand. Or I think I understand it, having seen this Ron-is-as-bad-as-Draco-and-Slytherins-are-victims-of Dumbledore’s-prejudice debate in various forms over the years — this isn’t new or controversial, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this has become the dominant view within the ship — and I’m not sure I can get myself to face what I’ve understood, because what this is is worrisome for me.

Please hear me out.

The Drarry fandom on Tumblr has, in my observation, always taken a very strong, hardline stance against prejudice. The post that says something along the line of 10 people who sits with a Nazi makes a table of 11 Nazis get numerous likes and reblogs. And yet in this situation, we have a boy, Ron, who is directly affected by the prejudice, who’s familiar with the connections between his Slytherin classmates and those who have not only worked to make their brand of bigotry the law but helped murder those who do not agree, and his distaste for these oppressors as a group is somehow seen as equal as his likely future oppressors’ disgust at his presence.

The reason given is inevitably a variation of this: Draco was a child. He was parroting his parent’s beliefs. He was too young to be responsible for his words, or his actions. He was a victim.

I’ve not seen this defence offered, not even once within the Drarry circle, for a real-life bully. Tumblr’s user base is young, and many have a history of being bullied due to their race, gender, sexuality, disability, socioeconomic class. After a bit of subtraction (Young Age - Bullying History in Years), I’d take that many of these RL events happened when the victim and the perpetrator were about the age of Ron and Draco in canon. And yet, not once have I seen a shipper on my dash suggest the bully was a victim, or that they weren’t at fault because they were only parroting the prejudice of their conservative families, their schools, their religion etc. That maybe they didn’t mean what they were saying or doing.

This is a (very) good thing. But it also makes me wonder: defenders of Draco and the Slytherins do know, deep down, that the excuse they’ve offered Draco isn’t nearly good enough to exempt him from his behaviour.

Draco might not have understood the greater political ramifications of his bullying, but he knew he was hurting Ron. Bullying cannot a be mindless act; it cannot be a passive reflection of one’s lessons from school or family for It’s a pre-meditated, targeted behaviour, and a good bully like Draco — he came up with a bullying chant that the whole school knew in the end — tailors his acts to serve a specific purpose of hurting the victim. Draco might not have known that calling Hermione a Mudblood could devalue her life enough to make it ripe for elimination when Voldemort came to power, but he knew perfectly well that the term was derogatory. This is especially true if one agrees with the common headcanon that Draco was second only to Hermione in marks in school, that he was no Crabbe or Goyle and he was intelligent.

Our ship celebrates Draco’s sharp tongue, but that tongue was used exclusively to ridicule, to bully in canon -- it’s fandom that has given it a better / higher / romantic purpose. His father’s tongue spoke the language of bigotry to the ears of the Ministry; this was the Malfoy’s weapon of choice and Draco was forging his own in the books. His bullying ways in canon was written with humour, with Weasley is Our King being the epitome of the laughs. I don’t believe it was JKR’s intention for her readers to fall in love with Draco via his bullying style, however. The HP world was built as a mirror of our own (rather than as a manual of what an ideal world should be, as many in fandom has seemed to assume), and Weasley is Our King showcased how easily bigotry can creep into our day-to-day language when it’s masqueraded as a joke (Even Luna was singing it at some point):

Oh, relax! It’s perfectly fine for everyone to know the Weasleys were born in a bin, into poverty! Funny, isn’t it? HAHAHAHA!

Imagine seeing this kind of behaviour on Tumblr. Imagine trying to defend this kind of behaviour on Tumblr.

I have faith that most of my Drarry friends cannot, will not do the latter.

So please, please reconsider what you’re really saying when you call Draco the victim, the vulnerable one, when you insist that he and the Slytherins had been wronged. I don’t mean to start another debate and I don’t plan to engage in one; this isn’t a call-out post either, I enjoy reading all the opinions expressed and I understand many of the sentiments I’m questioning comes from a place of love. I just hope that everyone who’s reading (thank you) can sit back, think a little. Imagine for a moment that table with the Nazis. Even if, at the table, there’re actually 10 Nazis and 1 who isn’t, who is more vulnerable? The non-Nazi sitting with the Nazis? Or the person who refuses to sit at the table and makes a bad judgement call on the 11th sitter by assuming they are a Nazi as well? Who is more the victim, or more likely to become one? The 11th sitter who’s wrongly labelled? Or the standing person who is being eyed by the 10 Nazis with disgust, the 10 Nazis who already have a family history of hunting down the standing person’s family and friends?

Or does the answer -- and this is the understanding I’ve got but haven’t dared to face -- does the answer depend on if he character in question had white-blond hair that glinted so beautifully in the sun? Is that the reason why Draco Malfoy, bigot, bully, has been given this special treatment, this carte blanche in the sense that he’ll always remain on our good side, be exempt from our moral judgement regardless of what he did, because his physical description doesn’t contain a single hint of melanin?

#pie speaks #hp meta #pie metas

[hairyharryhair]

Spider Woman Part 7

Masterlist

Part 6

Sorry about not posting last week! This week is a double though!

Word Count: 1784

8 times. So far 8 times. 8 fucking times had Niall managed to get a hole in one at this damn mini-golf game. You had always liked mini-golf. Thought it was cute how literally everything was miniature. From the sets on the course to the golf club. You loved mini-golf, but you definitely weren’t very good at it.

“Ok so like when I suggested we go mini-golfing I literally just wanted an excuse for you to wrap your arms around me all cliche like.” You confessed as you go on your 9th try to get the ball in the hole. Niall smiles at you from the end of the course, leaning on his club like he had been for the last 10 minutes.

“Well love, I can do that but you’re simply too cute when you’re strugglin.” He laughs and you rolled your eyes.

“Oh just come here and help me!” You huff and he smiles as he sets his club down and comes over to help you.

He came up behind you, wrapping his arms around you and clasping the club over your hands. You could feel him take a deep breath in through his chest, the warmth of his skin seeping through your lilac sweater. You could feel his thighs pressing into your bum, he was surprisingly a lot taller than you had expected so you were tiny in comparison to him. You were also suddenly very conscious of your feet, careful that your black boots didn’t step on his blue suede vans. You were also very conscious of how hot your body was. Were you just sweaty? You didn’t think so, but what did he think? You are used to the cold New England weather, not this constant heat that clouded over California. So did you really know if you were too sweaty? No, you could only hope that maybe Niall couldn’t tell.

“Alright, so it’s a slight hill right?” He whispered in your ear, his hot breath fanning over the side of your face and you couldn’t help but feel the shiver run down your spine. “So there’s this little technique I used to use when there is a little hill, you have to put a little more pressure on but not too much cause you don’t want to go over. You’ve been hitting it too hard and it’s just been rolling over the hill.” He explained and you nodded pretending to understand what he was saying when in reality all you could think was big hands big hands on yours big hands.

“Either that or not hitting it hard enough and it rolls back to me.” You said and he little out a little breathy chuckle, letting his chin rest on your shoulder. Oh fuck.

He pulled your arms back and hit the ball in what seemed to be the same way you had been doing all along, but clearly he had some kind of magic touch as the ball smoothly went over the hill and into the hole.

“Ok what the fuck?” You yelled, stepping away from Niall and throwing your free hand that wasn’t holding the club into the air. “I swear that’s what I was doing!” You said and he laughed.

“You just hadn’t found the happy medium.” He said stepping up to you and lightly pressing his hand to your back to lead you to the next course.

“You mean there’s a fucking Goldy Locks to fucking mini-golf?” You joked and he laughs while nodding.

“Interesting way to put it but yeah.” He said and you rolled your eyes.

You continue to go through the 18 hole course, Niall obviously winning when it came the end. When the went back to turn in their clubs and balls he also won a free round for you two for going through the whole course getting only a hole-in-one.

“Next time, you’re letting me win. Date 101 Niall, let her win.” You joked and Niall laughed as he threw his arm around you, opening up the door for the both of you.

“Sorry, still quite new to this love.” He said and you smiled, liking that fact that you weren’t the only one who was going into this with little experience.

“Not actually mad, just teasing you.” You said.

You slowly walked up to the passenger side of his car, both subconsciously thinking that the slower you walked, the slower this date would come to an end.

Almost like a gift sent from above, as Niall was opening the passenger side door to his Range Rover, when your stomach growls.

“You hungry love?” Niall asks and you nodded.

“Seems so.”

“I think we passed a chinese place on the way up here? Sound good?” He asked, smiling knowing that he would get to spend just a little bit longer with the girl he was quickly becoming so fond of. You nod as you jump into the car.

You both then head over to a very shady chinese restaurant where you order some food.

“I haven’t been to a place like this in years.” Niall says after the waiter walks away, he leans in a whispers it as if it was some giant secret.

“In my town, the best chinese place looks exactly like this. Which I bet says a lot about where I grew up.” You confess.

“Tell me more about where you grew up. Everyone I know was either from England or was born and raised in California.”

“Not really much to tell, it was sad little town that for some reason no one could leave. I remember growing up and thinking that when I grew up the first thing I would do was leave. I would go to some far away, out of state college. Then, funny enough when it came to the day I had to decide where to go, I chose home. Just like everyone else I stayed.”

“Why?” He asks as he took a sip of his ice water.

“I don’t really know, couldn’t afford it? I was scared maybe? Of like growing up, being on my own, I’ve never really liked to be away from home. Even going on vacation I was never really as relaxed as I was when I was home. I don’t know if it was just being close to my family, or if it was the physical location of home that comforted me, but I was just very stressed when I was far away.” You shrugged and he nodded.

“I get that. Sometimes I think about how easy everything would be if I wasn’t balancing me life between here and Ireland. Me life is here, me job is here, me friends are here, me inspiration for music always seems to be here but me family is there, me old friends are there.” He says, suddenly becoming very interested in the way the grain on the wooden table ran.

“Do you ever like, I don’t know, wish you never auditioned? Like don’t bullshit me either, like don’t give me the whole, no I love my fans and I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Like I know there has to be days where you just wish you could give this all up, right?” You ask, creating a terrible Irish accent in order to mock his voice.

“Uh I guess I mean, I’m not really lying when I say I love the fans, I really wouldn’t be sitting with you right now if they hadn’t worked so hard to get me where I am but I guess you’re right. Sometimes after a fan asks a question too personal or when I ruin another shirt trying to get through a mob or something I think, what would my life be like if I didn’t go that morning, or if Katy hadn’t given me a chance? Most times though I assume me life would be more stressful, working a low paying job and being pressured into settling down. At least with the life I live, I’m financially stable, so is me family, and no one is pressuring me to marry due to me hectic lifestyle.” He says and you can’t help but wonder, is he being pressured into going on this date with you? Does he think he is getting to an age where it’s expected of him to become domestic?

If anyone knows what it’s like to have your family up your ass about starting a family, it’s you. For the last few years you had been on the edge of whether or not you wanted children, constantly when you said you didn’t think you wanted them your family would respond with something along the lines of, you say that now, or, wait a few years and you’ll be thinking something else entirely. Lately your family had been suggesting that you start dating seeing as you had just lost all that weight and was now deemed, attractive. As that thought crossed your mind you thought, were you being pressured into being here?

Then you looked at Niall, and your stomach erupted into a nervous mush and you shook your head. No, you were here because he made you laugh, not for any other reason.

You thought, even if this doesn’t turn out the way you wanted, hoped it would, you would be happy just knowing that someone who made you feel so content was in your life.

“Well shit, we’re getting way too deep for date number two.” You joke and Niall laughs, leaning back and taking in deep breath. “Let’s get off that and I don’t know, what’s your least favorite song on Flicker?” You asked and Niall laughed.

“Me least favorite? Most times people ask what me favorite is.”

“Well yeah but I already know that, it’s Flicker right?”

“Yeah.” “Which is why I want to know what your least favorite is. By the way Flicker is my favorite too, also Fire Away is my least favorite.”

“What? Why?”

“Too repetitive, at least the chorus is. Like I like the message the whole like I love you and I want you to be comfortable saying anything so go ahead lay it on me is really nice. But damn boy, you say fire away like eight times in the chorus.” You say and he laughs.

“Ok I guess I would say my least favorite is-” He starts but the waiter decided to drop all the food off just as he was about to answer.

The conversation long forgotten as you two dive into your food, both of you unknowingly insanely hungry.

The rest of the date passes in a flurry of, quick touches, nervous flutters, and crab rangoons.

#Niall #Niall Horan #Horan #One #One Direction #Direction #Fic #Fanfic #Spider Woman #Part 7

[immegod]

Lizzington for the meme

Thanks for the ask @elizabethkween :) I uh… may have gotten a little carried away haha

Who said I love you first: I can’t believe that technically Liz kinda said it first when she was “dying” even if she never finished but I feel like Red has said it in a bajillion different ways already like “you’re my ray of light lizzy” and “when I look at you I see my way home”. Anyway once they get together reds gonna be saying it literally every five minutes

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: If Red had anything more than a flip phone he would 1000% have liz as his background. Instead he carries a picture of her in his wallet. It only shows a little bit of her face so if he gets captured no one will know it was her, but red still takes it out and looks at it every time he misses her

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: Liz will draw little hearts in the steam on the mirror when she has to head off to work before Red so they don’t suspiciously arrive at the same time. Red would do the same but he can never make himself actually wait for liz to come out of the shower and instead joins her at every opportunity

Who buys the other cheesy gifts: Liz!!! She knows that Red has pretty much every thing he could ever want at a price that is much more than she could afford, so instead she buys him funny socks and ties. The first time Red picks her up for a date wearing his normal ridiculously expensive three piece suits and a tie liz had picked up at Walmart with tiny Christmas trees all over it liz laughs so hard she starts crying (they also never make it to the restaurant that night)

Who initiated the first kiss: Liz finally snapped one day and kissed him and Red was so shocked it took him like a full minute to kiss her back

Who kisses the other awake in the morning: Usually Red will wake before liz and just lay there watching her sleep until her eyes slip open and he kisses her with a “good morning sweetheart”. On the rare occasions where liz wakes first she doesn’t have the patience to wait for Red and will clamber on top of him and start kissing him until he responds.

Who starts the tickle fights: Neither. Agnes will usually start the tickle fights by tickling Red and getting her mom to team up on him. Red is the one who always wins them tho, strong enough to pin liz under him and hold a squirming Agnes at the same time until both of them surrender

Who asks who if they can join them in the shower: Red usually doesn’t have to be ready until after liz drives to work, so he’ll always join her in the shower. Liz has never said no even tho half the time it results in her scrambling to grab her stuff and get to work so she’s not late again

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: Liz often gets so involved in a case that she’ll completely forget about food and won’t notice her hunger until she’s collapsed on the couch at home and ordering enough takeaway to feed a small army. The first time Red noticed this he began to bring lunches for liz every day or when they had the time take her out to his favorite restaurants in the area with the excuse of “talking about the case”.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date: Omg this is my favorite Red was definitely adorably nervous on their first date. He asked dembe like 1000 times how he looked in the car until his friend took pity on him and told him “you look very handsome Raymond”. At dinner he spilled water all over the table right onto Lizs lap and instantly started apologizing and dabbing at her with a napkin only to realize where exactly he was drying and flushing bright red. Eventually he calms down enough and starts being his normal charming self not that liz minded because she found his nervousness kind of adorable.

Who kills/takes out the spiders: Red has the same reaction to spiders that liz has to snakes- meaning he is absolutely terrified of them. Which liz finds absolutely ridiculous because, “honestly Red you face down war lords once a week that thing is so small I can barely see it” and “haven’t you been to Africa with spiders the size of golf balls?” Red doesn’t even care about the teasing as long as liz gets those horrible things far away from him.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: Holy shit liz could see now why she’d never seen red drink more than a glass of whiskey. Red was currently slumped halfway off the stool loudly telling the person next to him about his business in Africa. “An associate turned on me, stripped me down, and left me in the middle of the Sahara completely naked without the faintest idea of what direction the nearest town was in. I wandered through the desert for ho-” Liz hooked an arm around red’s shoulders cutting off the rest of his slurred speech before he as good as announced himself as the fourth on the most wanted list. His eyes widened when he saw her and a bright grin flashed over his face. “Lizzy! What are you doing here?” “I’ve come to take you home.” The pout on reds face really shouldn’t have been as adorable as it was. “But I haven’t finished my drink yet.” He turned to the bar and looked shocked to find a line of empty glasses. Liz snorted. “Come on.” She eased him off the chair, helping him stumble his way across the bar to the door. “You’re so pretty lizzy,” Red breathed into her neck. “I love your eyes. And your nose. And your lips. And your brea-” “Yes red thankyou that’s quite enough,” liz cut him off, biting her lip so she didn’t laugh at the expression of the woman who had overheard their conversation. “I love you so much lizzy,” red murmured. Then he suddenly straightened up and stumbled out of her grasp, nearly running into a couple walking down the sidewalk. “This is my lizzy and I love her more than anything!” Red shouted. By the time liz dragged him over to where dembe’s car was waiting Red had stopped shouting and was instead playing with her hair. She managed to maneuver him into the back of the car where he promptly passed out. Dembe was smirking at her when she climbed into the back after him. “I heard quite a commotion out there miss keen.” “Oh shut up dembe.”

#ask #Elizabethkween #this made my day thank you! #lizzington

[grannyandgrandpascreations]

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[deartreadmill]

Gift Giving: A Rant

This is not a fitness related post, but I’ve got nowhere else to rant like this, so you get it. 

Apparently 54% of people returned Xmas gifts last year, and that seemed like a startlingly high number.

Initially, I was reactive - what asshole is returning these gifts?! And then I realized me. I am that asshole. Last year, I returned $350 worth of gifts to Costco. Just Costco.

And my ire shifted.

$250 of that was items my in-laws purchased for us. Like the box set of books my mother-in-law had purchased for my daughter for the 3rd year in a row (that is NOT a joke). Or a mask and snorkel set that was $65 for a 10-year-old. Or a flimsy crappy not-hot-wheels garage and race track for my son. And various and sundry items for the kitchen that neither myself nor my husband would ever use, or already had. 

Last Christmas was a bad year to become the focus of my rage. I had just lost my mother, and so understandably, emotionally, I was extraordinarily fucked up. Which made the insult of having to return gifts all the more hurtful.

Because it is fucking hurtful to me to have to return Christmas gifts.

I was raised in a family where you DID NOT return gifts. You grinned and bore it, like a good child, even if it was the weirdest, shittiest gift ever. I remember this fucking hideous ‘bumwarmer’ length sweater with matching leg warmers my gramma bought me when I was 9. It barely fit, and was FUGLY, and I wore that fucking thing until it was too small.

As a result, I grew into a very conscientious gift-giver. It took until I was a young adult to get it right, but I worked hard to know people well enough to give gifts that had meaning. Some of the best and most treasured gifts I have ever given anyone cost less than $10. So it has nothing to do with the cost associated with the gift, and everything to do with the thought behind it (true story: in my parent’s spare bedroom are two lighthouse prints I bought for my parents for Christmas one year when I couldn’t even afford groceries. They were 99 cents each, and the frames cost me an additional $6. That was nearly 20 years ago, and my mum redecorated an entire fucking room in her house around those goddamn prints.)

I put a lot of thought into gift-giving because I love giving a gift that will make someone happy. It makes me happy to give gifts that are appreciated. By contrast, I find it really hurtful when people give me a gift that has no meaning whatsoever.

My mother-in-law once gave me what I presume to me a compliment by saying “I don’t even know how you do it. Every gift you give is so thoughtful.” (Last year, I didn’t want to buy gifts. So instead, everyone got ugly christmas sweaters. I felt terrible about it!! I hadn’t put any thought into them, other than sizes and making sure they sorta matched their personalities... THEY WERE THE FUCKING HIT OF CHRISTMAS. My niece was DEVASTATED that she didn’t get one too)

Long story short - I am a great gift-giver. And you can be one too! It’s easy! Here are some tip, if you’d rather not have your gifts be part of that 54% that get returned:

Know the person you are buying for. No, I get it, secret santa situations don’t count for this one. But try to figure out the hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes of the people in your family who you are responsible for purchasing gifts for. Yes, even weird Uncle Ted.

If you don’t know someone well enough to know what kind of gift to get them, you don’t know them well enough to buy them a gift. Seriously. “But it’s my Grandma/Brother/Niece/Cousin/Boss and/or Favourite Coworker!” Yeah, I get it. But don’t buy them some weird-ass shit just because you feel you owe them a gift. Get them something generically thoughtful. Like a gift card - to the local mall, or Tim Hortons/Starbucks/David’s Tea, the new restaurant in town everyone is raving about, their favourite store. I fucking love gift cards and cannot endorse them highly enough.

Chances are, you actually do know them well enough. So weird, every time you call Gramma she’s complaining that missing coffee mug from her corelle blue onion old town set - not the teacup, mind, the coffee mug? Your niece dressed up as Raven from Teen Titans for halloween and no one knew who she was? Your boss is always sneaking off to play golf on Wednesday afternoons? Corelle Blue Onion Coffee cups (2) - $15USD on eBay. Teen Titans complete first season $10 on amazon.ca. Bag of 50 golf tees $3 on amazon.ca

Homemade gifts are always winners. Trust me. One of Mum’s coworkers would gift Mum a hideous and weird crocheted ornament every year, and even though we all thought they were hideous and weird, Mum put them on the tree every year - because in their own weird and hideous way, they were beautiful. J. had made them for my Mum because she knew Christmas was Mum’s favourite time of year, and the Christmas tree was central to that. I now have one of those ornaments, and every year I put it on the tree and think warmly about J. as we all giggle and point at the hideous thing. It’s beautifully hideous. For years my kids have given weird fucking art projects to their grandparents. Last year we didn’t. And I heard about it from my in-laws, but also my Dad. And holy shit, can we talk about those knit cotton dish cloths for a minute? Add ONE to a gift, if you know how to knit, and you will make someone’s entire Christmas. Give 4 and call it done. I fucking love receiving those things. 

Memory books are a thing, yo. Honestly, Xmas has become incrementally easier since I realized all the grandparents really want is pictures of my kids. But this doesn’t just apply to doting grandparents. Did your family go somewhere amazing in the last calendar year? Did you have a camping trip that was a comedy of errors? Photo books are relatively cheap, and they are personal.

You have a smartphone, use it. Every time I come across something I think would be funny, fun, thoughtful or useful for someone, I make a note of it in my phone, along with the store it was at, and the price. If you refer back to my top two points, the reality it that you know those people well enough to buy them gifts - but Christmas is stressful and unless you are ready for the barrage of carols blaring over store speakers, bell ringers out front, eternal debate about happy holidays versus merry christmas, and really fucking rude shoppers, you’ll feel like you’ve failed and wind up with your gift returned. This leads to the next item:

“This made me think of you.” If it made you think of that person, it’s the right gift. Even if you have to explain it when they open it. My dad got me this awesome coffee mug 2 years ago at Christmas - it’s all crumpled like a balled up wad of paper, and it says something about having anger management issues. He bought it for me at work because work had been TERRIBLE that year. He was so sad when he found out I couldn’t use it at work because it wasn’t a sealed container (I crush a LOT of medication, and can’t have anything on my cart that med dust could fall into). He was so apologetic - but you know what? I didn’t care that I couldn’t use it at work because the cup reminded him of me, and made light of a situation that, with a few months distance, was comically bad. Every time I see weird outdoorsy string lights (fish, moose, lanterns, whatever), I think of my in-laws who love camping and love going hunting. 

Honesty is also a thing. If you seriously can’t figure out what to buy that person, ask. This might be awkward, but it might also open up a bigger door to a cool conversation about something that brings you closer

Guinea Pigs make great gifts, or Charity gifts rock! One year, a charity sent me a gift giving catalog, and I ‘bought’ my in-laws $50 in vaccines for a 3rd world medical clinic, I ‘gave’ my brother 3 guinea pigs for a family in South America to start a guinea pig farm, and I gave my parents $50 in mosquito nets for somewhere that has malaria-bearing mosquitos. I’ve also donated to the local hospice and food bank in the name of someone. Because let’s face it - do any of us need more stuff? 

Give a gift of thoughtfulness. This one I learned from my cousin. My Gramma turned 100 this summer. Instead of buying a 100-year-old who has been praying for death for the last 5 years a gift of more stuff, she gave her a gift card to a grocery store that delivers groceries.

Everyone loves bird feeders. Last, but not least, I’ve never had a single person return a bird feeder. The world needs more pretty birds at our windows to make our hearts happy. 

If you already gave a bird feeder, give them seed. ‘Nuff said.

[thecoroutfitters]

Written by R. Ann Parris on The Prepper Journal.

Editors Note: Another guest contribution from R. Ann Parris to The Prepper Journal. As always, if you have information for Preppers that you would like to share and possibly receive a $25 cash award as well as be entered into the Prepper Writing Contest with a chance to win one of three Amazon Gift Cards  with the top prize being a $300 card to purchase your own prepping supplies, enter today.

Get In Shape

No, really. With absolutely nothing to your name, you can be better off than a quarter if not half the preppers with gear, land, and partners. Want a little ‘for example’? How about the huffing and puffing we hear when folks run from the cold or rain? Or are forced to hustle to catch mass transit of some kind?

There’s the muscle injuries and heart attacks that get warned about ahead of winter storms. There’s a lesser publicized set of aches that even active homesteaders work through at the beginning of spring or late summer and autumn as we get back in to full swing – doing more than shoveling snow, poking in checking on things, hauling feed to the (usually) closer barn than to and around pastures. Every year, there are hikers who end up overextended and in distress.

We shake our heads at news stories when people put themselves in sucky situations. Let’s make sure we’re not one of them sometime in the future.

Get in Shape for WORKING

General physical ability can be helpful, and it’s a leg up, for sure. However, there’s gym fit and there’s street-woods fit. Gear your “workouts” to things you’ll be doing. You can also find exercises that directly relate to activities you expect.

Mix up your walking/packing/jogging/sprint surfaces. If you live rural and plan to cut cross-country if you’re away from home, sure, focus on the “natural” surfaces around you. Don’t ignore hardtops, but they’re less important for one-time, single-digit day-count packing. If you live or work in a lot of urban environments, though, make your training more fifty-fifty.

Walk on the sides of ditches and in loose leaves to build your ankles up. Sandy beaches offer a variety of challenging textures that can also help seriously strengthen legs and ankles depending on where in the tide line or above it you exercise and run. It’ll be helpful in snow and ice as well, and in tilled gardens or hand-harvesting hay and grains and big bean plots.

Those strong ankles will also be an aid in keeping your balance anytime you lose it – like if you anticipate ever getting shoved or tripped.

If you live somewhere floods are a risk or where you get a fair bit of snow, start plowing through some water if any’s available. You may be able to find times of day or parts of parks where you won’t attract attention slogging through a little stream or knee-deep in lake, bay, or marsh water. You may also be able to find an affordable YMCA or similar pool, although you’ll be “stuck” with waist-high instead of the more-unique pulls of calf- and knee-high slogging. (Please watch for snakes that will be annoyed with you and wear good sneakers.)

Go slow – this isn’t a sprint, it’s preparing you for winter work and bug-outs, not a footrace. Steady, certain steps are the biggie, and developing the muscles. Don’t be too ambitious at first. Rushing is a broken ankle or wrist and be careful waiting to happen. Be smart in cool weather – hypothermia doesn’t require freezes.

You can find gym equipment or band workouts that can help you build muscles for raking and shoveling, swinging an ax, or hauling and pushing carts and wagons. Bands require an investment, and there are contrasting opinions about them, but they’re affordable and compact – exercise anywhere.

Boxing and kick boxing exercises abound on the internet. Both build an enormous amount of core strength.

A gallon of water weighs about eight pounds. (Start with a half-gallon or liter, please.) If we get milk, we can get weights at home without spending an extra penny or having to build in time to go somewhere. When you’re ready for more, look around your environment for pipes, golf clubs, sturdy pruned limbs, etc., that can be used to create a bar. (Duct tape them – sliding weight, even “just” 8-16 pounds, is a recipe for an injury.)

Do Exercises Correctly

Do weight, stretching, and isometric exercises slowly. Use a mirror to check your form. When your form is muscle memory, close your eyes and concentrate on the feel.

Bucking, rocking, kipping or whatever you want to call them are not only cheating yourself. They’re also an injury waiting to happen. You also work more of your muscles, longer and harder, by working them slowly.

Build the Right Strengths

Start with low weights and high reps. Keep those high reps and slow motions even when you advance in weight. Practice holding at each point, and stopping midway for holds, too.

There are the instant-action parts of homesteading and camping/packing/paddling, absolutely: that moment when you heave the pressed hay up and over, to stack or to carry, or slinging a bag of feed up and over your shoulder, shoving off rocks or getting flipped backwards. There are “power pops” when you stress your tool maintenance guy and your body taking bypass pruners to tough wood and at funny angles.

However, many of our tasks are endless repetitions – raking, forking, shoveling, paddling, hauling a rope of a beaver slide or pulley lift to get hay or straw to a loft or hoist an animal for butchering.

In low-power or no-power situations, and low- or no-noise situations, there’s also hand sawing – which is a fast action, but a lot of it. There’s things like rocking a garden weasel back and forth, and push-pull lawn cutting with a rotary mower. There’s the bent or crouched schnick-schnick-schnick-turn-toss-schnick-schnick-schnick of harvesting grains or hay or straw, or gathering small branches or vines, or trimming down tree feeds for livestock.

Do, absolutely, work some of the hand-and-footwork speed drills, too. There are times when higher weights and quick motions do come into play.

I have to have the “snatch” strength to catch that ladder before it tips, or to snag a tree when rotting stuff gives way underfoot, to help somebody on steep trails or slipping on ice, or the harness line when my goofy dog accidentally bounces another dog over the edge of something (most recently it was her brother off a boat dock).

My medical supplies do me no good if I can’t heave my heavy dog over my shoulder and get it somewhere, or drag my family and partners out of something or into something. Maybe it’s a house fire, maybe they slipped off a bridge, maybe a bookshelf tilted. Maybe it’s a large animal, and being able to slam and brace and hold a gate to keep something out and away from them.

Even so, most of those have an endurance aspect. Catching for a moment is only half the battle.

I have to sustain that hold, and I have to be able to pull without losing my grip. I have to scramble with that hold sometimes, or not lose my footing.

Maybe today there’s an earthquake or tornado that starts a fire, some nut-job shooting, or a 500-year flood strikes. If I can’t carry or drag my loved ones all the way out of harm’s way, I lose them.

Maybe today’s task is sitting on the ground or edge of something, digging in heels, straining against a rope and “climbing” to haul something to a loft or my kid/partner/lover/parent out of a well or somebody’s deer pit. If I can’t hold onto that timber we’re hauling, if I slip as belay anchor or lose my grip on that rope, I hurt somebody.

Initial adrenaline will only take us so far. It’s worth getting in shape for.

Prepare Your Body, or Prepare to Fail

All the gear in the world isn’t going to help somebody who can’t get out of a building or down the road, who can’t escape a fire or flood, who can’t evade a mob and then put enough distance between them to beat the police barricade lines.

The best bug-out location on earth won’t help somebody who can’t get to it and keep it going – who can’t lift their kid and that fancy bag up over a fence, who can’t build a shelter against cold, wet weather to keep their family from hypothermia, who can’t lift enough water in big buckets to keep livestock and gardens watered, let alone bathe.

The expensive spotting scope and fancy rifle that found and took a deer doesn’t help the guy who then can’t get it up a hill or across the flats – at all, without injury or heart attack, or “fast enough” in some parts of the world where bears, hogs, and human scavengers like to check out gunshots.

Side Benefits to Exercise

Exercise is also incredibly good for the brain, both in combating stress and depression, and in sharpening our minds and senses. Tired bodies help us sleep better, with sleep hugely important to stress, recovery, mood, and decision making.

When you feel stronger and fitter, you’ll also find your confidence increasing, which in some cases actually decreases aggression and combative attitudes. (Lack of confidence tends to lead to those small-dog yappy-snappy, argumentative people who take everything as a personal insult and a direct challenge to authority.)

That’s going to make a disaster of any scale a whole lot easier to deal with, no matter how active or sedentary it is.

Prep for Retaining & Regaining Strength

If you’re lucky enough to have a bunker, a storm cellar, or a tight compound, don’t forget to stash ways to stay in shape while you’re locked down. You only need a little space and some things that – besides bands – are probably already there. Make sure you also have a variety of exercises, stretches, and drills printed out and stashed.

Not only is endurance and raw strength important, and something that can be easily handled at little to no cost, work on flexibility. Exercises for seniors can be an excellent source there.

Physical therapy exercises are beneficial as well. Don’t forget to print up what they apply to. It can range from post-stroke and nerve damage recovery, to knee replacements and torn ACLs, out to oddballs like whiplash and dislocated fingers and wrists. Not only are many actually pretty fantastic stretching, mobility, dexterity, and strength-building regimens, if there is an accident or injury, you’re prepared for full recovery.

The One Irreplaceable Prep

Every disaster and evacuation, we hear of refugees surviving incredible hardships and long journeys, and people managing incredible physical feats to save their loved ones. But for every feel-good victory, there are losses. Not everyone makes it fast enough, far enough.

Increasing physical ability can be done in two, three, or four 10-20 minute sessions a day, a few times a week. It can cost nothing.

Some of it can be done pumping our fuel or during regular shopping trips, adding less time than we’ll stand in a checkout line or lust over goodies behind glass. Some of it can be done one hand at a time, reading or scrolling the internet with the other. We can keep up with weekly shows/sports doing cals and Pilates and physical therapy on the carpet and kitchen chair, or using a bar hung from a sturdy doorway.

Your body is the one thing there is no backup for. There are no excuses. Not time, not money, not current physical limitations. We can get stronger, and by doing so, improve our chances of survival.

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from The Prepper Journal Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

#SHTF #TEOTWAWKI #MARTIALLAW #BUGOUT #PREPPERBAG #USAF #USSOCOM #ARMY #NAVY #SurvivalFirestarter #Sur

[mellow-humanitarian]

Gift Ideas For Father's Day Presents Online

With Father's Day approaching most people are looking for the ideal gift to present our dads. Shopping for the fantastic Father's day gift can be a tricky procedure but you can simplify it by purchasing online. This article discusses some Father's Day gift ideas.

Tips for Personalized Father's Day Presents: There are sites where you are able to purchase gifts online. It is possible to add an individual touch by adding titles, poetry, quotations messages or photos. Ensure that your Dad feel special by providing a present to him he can utilize. You may get a huge array of helpful, personalized Father's Day presents online including: customized leather pockets and briefcases; custom wall signs, license plates and doormats; personalized beer mugs, coffee mugs and coasters; personalized pocket knives, key chains and chains; and personalized garments items like hats, scarves, golf shirts and cuff links. You also have the choice of producing and purchasing personalized Father's Day photograph presents. These include photograph books, desk organizers, photo mugs, pewter rings, playing cards, picture puzzles, coasters, picture canvas prints and boxes.

Gift Tips for Funny Father's Day Presents: There are presents online for mothers with a sense of humor. Think about giving your dad when he is using a long day in the office such as mouse pad, poster, a indication or coffee mug. Visit some websites who give presenttips this might help you in better way to make right choice. In case you've got a sense of humor your self you may make your very own present online at print on demand businesses. A Father's Day present, or you could purchase.

Father's Day Presents for Art, Poetry and Book Lovers: You can get many different gifts online for art fans such as classic art, framed art, canvas prints, fine art posters, art photography, wall tapestries and many different other affordable art items. In case you've got a dad who enjoys poetry look at buying him a book of poetry by his poet, then a poetry poster together with his poem or a magnetic poetry kit in order he can dabble in his form of poetry. If your dad enjoys to read it ought to be straightforward to purchase him a present online. Look at purchasing him a book on a subject which he's considering, even a collector's edition publication or a bestseller. For fathers-to-be or dads think about a book on fatherhood. In case you find it tough to select a book for the dad give him a gift card from an online bookstore.

Gift Certificates Online: Last but not least if you use up all your time you always have the option to purchase father a gift certificate online and allow him to pick his own present. Most online businesses give.

#fathersdaygift #gift

[ramajmedia]

Mom: 10 Funniest Episodes, Ranked | ScreenRant

Mom is just about to enter its seventh season come its September 26th premiere date. Starring Allison Janney and Anna Faris as a dysfunctional mother and daughter duo, the series has covered their journey from recovering alcoholics to repairing their relationships with one another and basically everyone else. They're not perfect but they certainly earn awards for trying. Over the last six seasons, they've made us laugh with their antics plenty a time. We're taking a moment to narrow down some especially funny episodes, which is no easy feat when it comes to a show as funny as this one. That said, here are 10 of Mom's funniest episodes, ranked.

10 "Crazy Eyes and a Wet Brad Pitt" - Season 2, Episode 6

Bonnie and Christy are swept up into the life of high society when the woman Christy is sponsoring, Jill (Jaime Pressley) asks for their company. From there, everything spirals into luxurious gift-giving, a good highlight for a change when it comes to the uneven and oftentimes unstable lives of Bonnie and Christy. What makes this particular episode funny is the relatable moment of showing off: Christy and Bonnie model their fancy new outfits as they strut into an AA meeting. If you've got it, why not flaunt it? It's more fun to show up to any gathering in style--as long as you don't get too carried away.

9 "Fish Town and Too Many Thank You's" - Season 5, Episode 2

This episode finds Bonnie and Christy in a fix when they take Bonnie's brother's fancy car out for a joy ride. Having been suspicious of her brother being up to something earlier in the episode, Bonnie's suspicions are confirmed when Christy finds substances and marijuana in the glove compartment of the car--right as they're pulled over by an officer for a burned-out taillight!

RELATED: Everybody Loves Raymond: 10 Storylines That Were Never Resolved

We have to laugh at their unfortunate debacle as they try to act cool (especially in the moments where Christy is unsure of where the drugs ended up when she hid them). Not only that, but we loved watching the two enjoy their joy ride in the Mercedes while listening to the radio--how many of us can say we haven't done that at one time or another?

8 "Sword Fights and a Dominican Shortstop" - Season 4, Episode 2

The funniest element of this episode is Bonnie's attempts at hiding her past relationship with Jeanine (Rosie O'Donnell) from her boyfriend Adam (William Fichtner). Bonnie and Christy cross paths with Jeanine when she speaks at one of their AA meetings, and the episode takes off from there. While Christy struggles with whether or not she should quit school and take Jeanine up on her offer of working at her real estate firm, Bonnie fields questions from Adam about her relationship with Jeanine. Adam fishes for details and seems amused at continuously throwing Bonnie off-guard, much to Bonnie's chagrin (which of course we enjoy watching the two of them do in any episode).

7 "Chicken Nuggets and a Triple Homicide" - Season 2, Episode 3

Homeless Christy and Bonnie, alongside Christy's kids, finally find a home with an amazing discount out in the country. Trouble is, there's a string attached: the house comes with a history of a triple homicide. At first thinking they can move past it, Christy and Bonnie soon find that they're too terrified to stay in the house of horrors and run back to Marjorie's (Mimi Kennedy) house, where they were previously staying.

RELATED: Friends: 10 Jokes That Everyone Completely Missed

The ironic thing is that it was Marjorie masquerading as the serial killer in the window to get them to come back to her house as she missed their company. What they don't know won't kill them.

6 "Snickerdoodle and a Nip Slip" - Season 3, Episode 8

Candace (Sara Rue), newly engaged to Christy's ex Baxter (Matt Jones) arranges a fancy lunch at a golf club with Christy and Bonnie to better the friction between them for the sake of Christy and Baxter's son. Just when things seem to be coming along, Candace's and Christy's relationship turns icy once more when Candace's wealthy father takes an interest in Christy. Bonnie highly encourages Christy to go after him for his money (especially since she just ruined a Neiman Marcus dress that she can't afford) and an initially reluctant Christy complies. Funny thing is, she actually likes him, much to Candace's horror and Bonnie's joy.

5 "My Little Pony and a Demerol Drip" - Season 3, Episode 9

The fun continues in the next episode when Candace shows up to Christy's and Bonnie's home drunk in the middle of the night declaring her distaste for Christy's relationship with her father. While Christy and Bonnie make fun of her in her drunken state, Christy also acknowledges why Candace can't stand Christy's relationship with her father and saves Candace from having her eyebrows shaved off courtesy of Bonnie. Baxter later shows up looking for Candace and begging Christy to stop dating his soon to be father-in-law, even offering her a bribe.

RELATED: Big Bang Theory: The 10 Worst Things Amy Has Ever Done, Ranked

Turns out, Christy doesn't like how her new beau treats his daughter and dumps him, to which Candace smugly says it was only a matter of time before her father moved on. Christy lets this go, as she understands why Candace is as mean as she is, while Bonnie grieves for her lost fortune and her "people."

4 "Kitty Litter and a Class A Felony" - Season 2, Episode 12

Still reeling from the death of Alvin (Kevin Pollak), her boyfriend and the father of Christy, Bonnie takes drastic measures to keep him in her life. Grief affects all in different ways, but Bonnie takes it up a notch when she breaks into the home of Alvin's ex-wife to retrieve his ashes and refuses to let go of them. Christy, wanting to do the right thing, substitutes her father's ashes with kitty litter to fool her mother and returns them.  It's given that Alvin's ex-wife was being cold-hearted, so perhaps Bonnie was right in taking Alvin off her hands just for a little while. If nothing else, Bonnie's antics in this episode were nothing short of hilarious.

3 "Dropped Soap and a Big Guy on a Throne" - Season 2, Episode 18

When Bonnie takes a fall in the shower, chaos ensues. First, she and Christy face temptation when Bonnie is prescribed pain medication for her injured back. Then, when Bonnie receives a new dose of said pain medication, she becomes completely loopy.

RELATED: Arrested Development: 8 Cameos From The Office Cast

This episode highlights some of Bonnie's funniest moments as she engages in illogical conversation with a nonexistent pair of missionaries. Well, there have been worse drug-induced fantasies, scenarios or situations otherwise.

2 "Cheeseburger Salad and Jazz" - Season 2, Episode 13

Crazy, insane, outrageous--also known as another day in the life of the Plunketts. Concerned that Bonnie isn't coping with Alvin's death, Christy tricks her into going to therapy. The therapist himself is young and clearly has issues of his own (especially where it concerns his grandmother). Then, Bonnie turns the tables and Christy winds up being the subject and is tasked with drawing her feelings. While Bonnie tries to make another man into Alvin, Christy repeatedly uses her disturbing drawing of a scary face to express her feelings on Bonnie's ideas throughout the episode (especially when it comes to dating a man that Bonnie believes is her next Alvin). To sum up the episode in a word: hysterical.

1 "Wind Chimes and a Bottomless Pit of Sadness" - Season 4, Episode 12

Without a doubt, the funniest episode of the series is when Bonnie snags some of Adam's cookies that, unknown to her, contain pot. She shares them with Christy, and later their friends Jill and Wendy (Beth Hall) as well. The four of them unknowingly get high and start acting all kinds of kooky, especially when they make their way to a playground with little horses and a merry-go-round. While we're sidesplitting with laughter, Adam hurriedly tracks them down, tells them the truth about the cookies, and just as soon as the fun began, it ends when they realize they've broken their sobriety. Luckily Marjorie is there to calm them down and save the day, but we're still busily laughing over the playground scene (and rewinding the DVR so we can watch it again).

Mom has a handle on comedy of all kinds. Slapstick, dialogue, physical, punchlines. You name it, they've done it. We're grateful we've got season seven to look forward to for more laughs--it's the best show to turn to when you need recovery time from the workday.

NEXT: Friends: 10 Joey And Chandler Memes That Are Almost Too Funny

source https://screenrant.com/mom-funniest-episodes-ranked/

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[christyinchina-blog1]

China Keeps Testing Me

I know I made a decision to blog and that I’ve been very neglectful of that of late, but diving into a place like China… it leaves you a little preoccupied with what’s in front of you. I think maybe that’s been the biggest gift about this place, as well as perhaps it’s burden. I came to Beijing with a lot of weight on my shoulders. There were so many things about my life that were plaguing me, things I knew I couldn’t fix, but I knew I needed distance from. I think if I went anywhere else, I would still be preoccupied and trapped inside my own head, but not in Beijing.    

This city wakes you up. This city takes you into its dark heart, ruthlessly tests you, and then keeps you in its grip. When you stare true poverty in the face, walk among the ill-kept streets, and become accustomed to the rough nature of the city, you face so many challenges on the daily that the bullshit you brought with you in an emotional back pack end up falling straight off your back, and you just open your eyes and push forward because if you don’t, this city will wreck you without a shred of guilt.

I’ve loved my experience in Beijing, but the truth is, it’s been hard as hell. I’ve been tested more in these last three months than I ever have in my entire life. I want to tell people that this is a great experience and that they should do it, but I can’t. This is not for everyone. I you can’t go without, if you can’t take every day with a go-with-the-flow or whatever attitude, this place is not for you. China is a rough place for a spoiled foreigner. Everything is difficult. Everything is a challenge. The adventure isn’t in the sight-seeing, it’s in the getting by. It’s in the perilous navigation of everyday life.

I’m about three months into my time here. I spent the entire first month in training and finally got into my own classes in August. It was a tough month because I had to cover a lot of other people’s classes and my load was really intense for being new to the job, but I got by. I put my head down that month and really didn’t think about much, other than pushing forward.

I’ve been very fortunate to have met many good friends who helped me through the entry phase. If you ever come to Beijing, make friends. That’s the only way you survive. If you can’t ask for help, stay home. I’ve struggled with this because I like to be independent, but here you need help sometimes. Not speaking Chinese is a bitch. I’m trying to crash course learn, but it isn’t easy because, while Beijing is a Chinese city, there’s just enough English that you naturally use it as a crutch. I’m trying so hard to rid myself of that habit.

My experience here has been interrupted by an unexpected medical leave. I went to the doctor and was told I had a golf-ball sized cyst and that it had to come out immediately. Being my stubborn self, I tried to put it off, but I started having severe pain at work, so I knew it was time to bite the bullet and just go.

The problem with being sick in China is that scheduling procedures is a little tricky. I went around in circles with the insurance, hospital, and my own doctor until I just broke down and conscripted someone to make the appointment for me.

The Chines hospital, my friends, is not for the faint of heart. I went to the international department, the implication being that there would be English spoken, and yes there was, but not to the quality you’d like if you’re about to have an operation. There was so much me not knowing what the hell was going on. They made me do tons of tests, but they didn’t really tell me why. They didn’t tell me when I was having my operation. I just went where they led me, did what I was told, and wondered what the hell would happen next.

I wanted to get frustrated with the situation, but I just kept two things in mind. One: if I was back in America, there is no fucking way I could afford this operation. Two: I’m in China and I don’t speak their language. It’s my own fault that I’m having communication barriers. I can’t get mad because, unless I want to live in an aggressive state of denial. I knew what the hell I was getting myself into.

After a whole day of tests, they admitted me to the hospital, and I had no idea that I was being admitted. Somehow, I just ended up in a room with a band on my wrist (that said my name was Christ and not Christy. Hahaha!) and I was like… oh shit, what the hell is happening next?

The doctor comes in and insists that I am in a delicate condition and I can’t leave. Well, I hadn’t planned to stay, so I literally had nothing with me. They insisted I could not leave, so I had to argue with them that, fine I would stay if they insisted (not that it was at all necessary) but I needed to go home first. They decided to operate on me the next day, so I went home, got provisions, and came back.

I’ll spare everyone the details of the operation prep, because it was not pretty. If you want to know, just google laparoscopic cyst removal surgery, cause I am not about to write anything about that nasty bullshit. It was a pretty intense night, being alone in the hospital. I’m sure people would have come with me if I asked, but I hate making a fuss about things, and I just needed to be alone and figure it out.

The next day, I had the operation. I was so calm about it; I don’t even know how I did it. Everyone I tell about this freaks out when I say I was put under in China. I had a friend come with me because they won’t operate without someone else there. I told my friend to not let them pull the plug on me. She was impressed at how completely unaffected I seemed that I was about to get operated on. I haven’t lost my cool since I first got to China, and I promised myself that I was going to be strong after my first week. I kept my promise.

It was so weird because, rather than letting me walk to the operation room, they made me get on a bed, wrapped me up in blankets like a taco, and wheeled me across the hospital like I was a corpse. It was stupid in my opinion and everyone looked at me funny because I was a foreigner.

When I got to the operation room, it was kind of freaky because literally no one spoke a word of English. The anesthesiologist put the oxygen mask on me, but they didn’t have the oxygen on! So I was breathing nothing and tore it off. She, annoyed with me, shoved it back on me. Then, I guess she realized it wasn’t on, so she turned it on and I gasped for air, and I took this huge breath of straight inhalation anesthesia. I remember the sensation of my lungs burning as I was gone in a second.

When I woke up, I was coherent. I always come out of anesthesia so strong. I wasn’t groggy at all. I was complaining to the staff because they kept stabbing my artery for an oxygen sample. They missed 7 times, I am not kidding, before I screamed at them to leave me alone, because for the love of god, I can breathe. They gave me a shot of morphine to shut me up.

They had no idea what to do with me. All the other people in the recovery room were out and I was running my sassy mouth in broken Chinese. Eventually, they wheeled me back into the room. They had me hooked up to so many machines, it was so unnecessary. EKG, blood pressure, pulse checker, oxygen, some stuff I don’t understand, and an IV. I was stuck like that for 25 hours and I made it known that I was unhappy.

The hospital was so weird. The nurses always came to check on me in groups. Like, twelve nurses at a time! I have no idea why. They’d come take my temperature, then leave me with the thermometer for over an hour before they would take it. I literally have no idea why.

           I asked for some kind of pain medicine, because I had four incisions and could hardly move, but they were so insensitive. They wouldn’t even give me ibuprofen! Lucky I had some in my bag, but you’d think a hospital would be more sympathetic.

           I pressed the matter because I was seriously miserable and they got so fed up with me that a nurse came in and, without even asking me, just stabbed me in the leg with a shot of some painkiller. I helped for about 20 min before I finally got them to IV me some ibuprofen. Seriously! The Chinese hospital acts like no one has ever wanted pain medication before!

           I hated staying there. The staff was so profoundly unhelpful. I had to be proactive about insisting on getting food, else they’d have just let me starve to death. I stayed there two days and when it was done, I was so ready to leave.

           It’s not like it is back home. The doctor came in the day I was going to leave, literally tore my bandages off my incisions with so much force that I almost screamed, and then was like “go home and take a bath.” No after care instructions. No information on when to follow up. No notice of when I can go back to work. Nothing. So I just left. In an American hospital, they would have wheeled me out to a wheelchair and made sure someone took me home, I literally just got up and waddled out of the hospital, then hunted a cab down to take me home.

           My overall opinion of the hospital is that, if you need it, it isn’t awful, but do not expect any compassion and just suck it up, because it’s going to suck.

           I recovered well. I’ve been taking it easy the last week or so. Surgery in China is a bit of a mind fuck, but I think it’s given me some serious perspective on so many things. I just feel lucky, that’s all. Beijing might want me dead, but it’s been good to me. I would have probably had this cyst rupture if I was back home, because at least in China, you get tests back immediately, rather than having to go through our bullshit system where you have to wait weeks to interpret an ultrasound that can literally be read on the spot. If I’d had to wait that long, there is a serious chance that I would have had to deal with major internal bleeding. I really can’t complain about any of this, even though the whole thing was a complete cluster fuck.

           The really sad thing about this is that I had to come to China to get my health concerns addressed. Even with insurance, getting the appointments I needed were almost always damn near impossible back home. I can go see the doctor in such a timely manner here. It’s inexpensive. It’s usually decent care. Yeah, the hospital as a little shady, but my primary care is fantastic. What the hell is wrong with America that I feel more comfortable in a city that can’t figure out basic plumbing and electrical wiring getting my health addressed than I do back in the good old USA? These are the real questions.

           China has made me feel very fortunate. Whatever disdain I have for my current situation, it’s not nearly as bad as what the Chinese people deal with. I get exceptional coverage through my company, but the average Chinese person… I caught one glimpse of the Chinese side of the hospital when taking all my tests, and let’s just say it isn’t a place I will ever return to voluntarily.

           I’m one of the rich in this country, and I live like crap by American standards. This is the kind of perspective China has given me that I’m never going to lose. I just look at everything now and think: it’s really not that deep.