Quid Pro Quo.
Yan Chrollo x F Reader.
Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, mentions of not SFW although nothing explicit happens.
Word count: 3k.
“Feeling a little bit restless, are we?”
Chrollo is what you like to call the king of unwanted commentary.
If he were to ever retire from his murderous/thieving ways, you think he could make a career in narrating documentaries. No script necessary. Just set him in a recording booth, turn the microphone on, and let him have at it since he apparently never runs out of things to say.
Frowning, you cross your arms over your chest. “Oh, whatever gave it away?”
“You have your tells,” Chrollo purposefully does not match your sarcasm. It might be the only moral highroad he’s ever taken. “If I had to narrow it down to any one factor, though, it’d be how you glance at the clock every few minutes.”
What an astute observation! Scrub away the names of Freud and Jung in the psychology textbooks, their contributions clearly pale in comparison to Chrollo’s own expertise in understanding the human psyche. What might his theories be named? Something involving the Bible, surely. Or maybe the widely rejected Apocrypha since heresy is more his style. Regardless, you can confidently surmise the names would be superficial and pretentious. Perfectly befitting their progenitor.
“Considering we drove for what, five hours to some off-grid airport? Then flew an additional five, only to now be stuck on this train for… hm…”
“Eight hours,” he offers in kind. Too kind. You would gag, if not for your determination to get your irritation across. Priorities, priorities.
“Eight hours! Even if I had my phone, that’d be enough to make me go mad.”
“In ‘ye olden days’ as you like to refer to them, you never would’ve made it on the Oregon Trail if you thought eighteen hours of traveling to be worth complaining over.”
“Obviously. If I had to sit on the back of a wagon with my eight dirty children whom I secretly despise, I’d be drinking the water to get dysentery. Or flinging myself underneath the wheels. Either or.”
“See? This is much better then,” Chrollo gives you one of those little smiles that reminds you of a debate kid who thinks he has his opponent in the bag. “There are no eight malnourished children in sight. Just you, me, and a world of infinite possibilities.”
“For you, maybe. ‘Infinite’ might be a stretch for me.”
“My apologies. Near infinite.”
“More like one: following you around as if I were a leashed dog.”
“I had never considered a leash,” Chrollo hums, giving you a once over, presumably for show. He already has your sizes memorized better than you ever did. Neck included, you assume. “I’ll consider your suggestion.”
Unable to mask your distaste, you reply without thinking, “It wasn’t a suggestion.”
“Oh? A request, then?”
You roll your eyes and decide not to dignify that with a response.
Back to staring out the window for entertainment it is then. Looking past your despondent reflection, you’re welcomed to a sea of nothingness; swaths of deep hues blurring together in an unidentifiable mass. It’s too dark for you to enjoy the grand scenery outside and too cloudy for the stars to twinkle overhead. You’ve already conducted a thorough examination of the luxurious train compartment, which for all its ostentatious décor, feels oddly cramped. As if Chrollo intentionally picked something that’d force you into close quarters. You wouldn’t put it past him.
He sits a few feet across from you, legs crossed, the gaudy bandage that normally covers his forehead nowhere in sight. He looks as content as ever with his loungewear on. Yours is still strewn across the bed, untouched due to the scorn it earned. So he gets slacks and a loose t-shirt while you’re forced to model a lingerie line? It’s for this reason you’re stubbornly sitting here in your jeans at two in the morning. In retrospect, skinny jeans were not the optimal option for this boycott, if only you had known to expect such shameless reprobate-like behavior in advance. You were just getting used to the time zone when he informed business had to take him elsewhere.
And wherever he went, you went too. Kicking, screaming, crying, or anything in between; you’d be hauled off regardless.
“You don’t have to force yourself to stay awake, you know,” Chrollo once again voices his unasked-for opinion. “Why not allow yourself to relax? For starters, try changing into something more comfortable.”
He motions to the aforementioned nightgown that has no reason to be so sheer. Seriously, it’s an insult to fabric everywhere. You swear that a little breeze would be enough to rip the fragile material in two.
“And have you ogle at me the rest of the night? I’d prefer the diseased children.”
“I wouldn’t call it ‘ogling’, I’d call it ‘appreciating’.”
“Alright, Mr. Company HR representative.”
You make the mistake of checking out the clock again. Only five minutes have passed? This is psychological torture. While you’d normally read to pass the time, the possibility of motion sickness is enough to put you off from the idea. There’s one thing in this world that’s worse than being with Chrollo — and that is being with Chrollo while sick. Just thinking about it is enough to make you bristle. His usual infantilizing behavior gets a boost that’d have the most mentally stable person banging their head against a wall. Not fun, an easy pass. He won’t stop giving you romance novels when you ask to read, anyway. If he thinks that’d put you in the mood to reciprocate his grimy feelings, he can think again. He’s no Mr. Darcy or Mr. Rochester. You’d pin him for more of a discount Heathcliff on a good day.
There has got to be something for you to do. A little excitement, a little zest… could anyone blame you for seeking this out in your monotonous days?
That’s when a potentially damning yet undeniably exciting idea comes to mind.
“Hm… I know that look. You’re preparing to ask me for something, aren’t you?”
“Maybe, maybe not. That all depends. Are you feeling particularly indulgent tonight?”
“I always feel indulgent toward you, you just never ask for the right things,” he leans forward slightly, belying his intrigue. He’s so full of it. Apathetic as he may act, you’re convinced he’d listen to you sing an opera-length aria about tinfoil if past experience is anything to go by. Chrollo can’t get enough of you. The feeling is decidedly not mutual.
“Feel free to make your pitch whenever, [First]. I’m waiting.”
“Right. That book of yours… Pundit’s Secret?”
“Bandit’s Secret,” he corrects.
“Tomato toh-mato. If memory serves, you once told me an anecdote about this ability that made lying impossible. But the person you use it on has to meet certain conditions… or something. Doesn’t that sound like a fun way to pass the time? You ask me some questions and I return the favor?”
His gray eyes glimmer with amusement. “I don’t know, darling. I’d be taking far more of a risk than you. There’s little you could reveal about yourself that I’m not already aware of.”
“I guess so…” you trail off, trying not to linger on the unsettling sentiment. How can anyone just come out and say that as if it’s the most casual thing ever? “Fine. How about you get to ask me a whopping three questions and I get to ask you one? Only one. It won’t be anything stupid, like how I could kill you or run away. You can set that up in the conditions, right?”
He gives you a long and hard look. “I suppose I could. So I’d get to ask you anything at all, whereas your options are willingly limited?”
You shrug. “What can I say? I have to get my kicks somehow. Even a mere glimpse into the mind of the infamous Chrollo Lucilfer should be worth sacrificing some dignity over. I think.”
“We’ll see,” there’s that enigmatic smile again that makes your stomach twist into knots. He holds out his right hand — and voila — a primarily red book with a white handprint on the cover manifests. The numerous pages flip in rapid succession before landing on whatever poor soul he stole this ability from. Apparently, this ability’s progenitor was a private investigator who made the mistake of looking into the Troupe. You wonder how his business has plummeted since the ability that gave him success got snatched.
The air around Chrollo shifts. You feel an odd throbbing in your brain for a few seconds, that disappears as fast as it arrived. With that, Chrollo lowers his hand with the book into a more comfortable position, eyeing you curiously.
“I may ask you any three questions which I please, whereas you can ask me one, so long as it may not aid you in escape or hinder me in any serious way. Do you agree with these conditions?” He playfully tilts his head to the side. “Last chance to back out, dear. I won’t hold it against you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I accept.”
“Wonderful. So do I. Now, what to start off with…”
You swallow the saliva starting to build up at the back of your throat. The odd feeling permeating your body is akin to what you experience before going on a rollercoaster — a cocktail of regret, anxiety, and the thrill of what is to come. Fight or flight that can’t make up its mind between the two extremes. In a false display of bravado, you refuse to break eye contact with him, tempting as it is to shrink away.
Oh lord, he’s looking at you like he’s ravenous.
“Have you ever wanted me to fuck you?”
“Yes,” your tongue answers for you without hesitation, causing heat to rush to your cheeks. You try to slap your hands over your mouth, but it’s too little too late, you’re not done humiliating yourself just yet. “I once masturbated to the thought of you while in the shower at a hotel we were staying at.”
He raises an eyebrow while looking extremely satisfied with himself. You want to die. You want the cold, bony hands of death to embrace you in an eternal slumber. What was that last addition?! The ‘yes’ was bad enough, but your mouth really went for the last nail on the coffin there. Scratch that. It killed you, dismembered your body, flung you into a six feet deep hole, and built a parking lot over your remains.
“Ah, I forgot to mention,” he slaps his forehead, as if the fact made him genuinely remorseful, “This ability does more than get you to tell the truth. It also makes you say the first few things that come to mind upon hearing the question. For that reason, it’s fittingly titled No Filter.”
Despair manifests itself in unique ways. In this specific instance, it has you glaring with all your might at Chrollo, who looks as if he just won the lottery. You bite down into your lower lip almost hard enough to draw blood. How did he manage to ruin what was meant for some lighthearted, schoolyard-esque fun? In the future, should fate ever tempt you to tango with Chrollo again, you’ll refer to this incident.
Well, on the bright side, you figure it can’t get any worse than that.
... Right?
“Tempting as it may be to have you elaborate on that further, I’ll be gracious and move on to a cleaner subject.”
“Have my attempts at getting closer to you been successful?”
If a change in atmosphere is what he wants, he might get more than he bargained for.
“Partially. I no longer fear for my life, but I don’t have a life either. You took every sense of normalcy away from me. If I ever seem more open to your advances, it’s because pretending I have a say in the matter. It’s all I have left to cling to.”
Chrollo’s countenance takes on a more contemplative edge upon hearing this. You feel like heated metal submerged into a cold pail of water; the conversation took a 180-degree turn. However capable of emotion he may be, you hope he feels the same. For him, a question such as this must be a double-edged sword. Any other time, had you answered like this, he could retain some comfort knowing you might be acting dishonestly from spite. Not here. Not when he knows you’re an open book. There are no mental hoops he can jump through to convince himself otherwise.
“... I see,” he speaks up after some time. The weight of his gaze is tangible. “This is what I find so fascinating about you. You act so bubbly, always ready to make light of things, yet there’s far more to you than that. I might be one of the few people that could ever recognize this quality of yours, [First].”
You recognize what he’s doing — he wants you to give more without having to use up his final question. It’s an obvious ploy that you have no intention of falling for. If he’s going to be difficult, you’ll be difficult too.
“Not taking the bait, huh,” Chrollo chuckles. You do not. “That’s my girl. Very well. Final question. Could you ever come to love me back?”
“Not in the way you want.”
He nods his head, not so much from acceptance; mostly him just acknowledging your words. “Interesting. I thought that’d be what made you talk the most. I see I was wrong.”
The three questions are up, meaning you’re no longer compelled to answer. You could very easily leave it at that and carry on. If only you weren’t the type to hold a grudge. Kicking someone when they’re down has never been your style, but well, there are exceptions to every rule. Chrollo might be eager to move on; you can’t say you feel the same. Some wounds shouldn’t receive pressure. Some wounds should be left to bleed.
“Something tells me you already knew my answer to that last one,” you theorize. You then continue on without missing a beat. “To think even a realist such as yourself could get swept up in fantasy… I guess we all have our own shortcomings. Some more than others.”
“Some more than others indeed.”
His smile doesn’t reach his eyes and you content yourself immensely with the fact.
“My turn!” You exclaim in a singsong, clasping your hands together. “Oh Mr. Lucilfer, feared leader of the Phantom Troupe… there’s something I’ve been absolutely dying to know. You’re a confident man. A person who can, essentially, accomplish anything he sets out to do. So tell me. Why couldn’t you have just taken your chances and loved me normally?”
Considering all the angles you could’ve taken, this is the knowledge you long to attain the most.
You frequently have lots of time to spend alone with your thoughts. More time than you would’ve had you been living a regular life, anyway. In that time, you began to mold an idea of the enigma Chrollo Lucilfer in your head, using what few scraps he offered as your clay. You could never come close to anything satisfactory. Every attempt always turned out so hollow. This left you with an overarching dilemma:
Was Chrollo impossible to understand, or was there nothing for you to understand in the first place?
With the fragment of knowledge that should come from this, you hope to take on your chisel and hammer again.
Subconsciously, you lean closer to him when his lips part.
“I’d love to say I don’t understand what you mean by that, but I guess I can’t,” whether the forlorn timbre of his voice is genuine or not, you can’t say for certain. Your bets are on the latter. “Because, darling, you’re too good for me. Not due to any superior strength, intellect, or virtue on your part. I’ve never been able to identify exactly what it is. My best guess… is your vibrancy. You have something that I severely lack.”
So that’s it, then? An underlying fear of rejection? There’s nothing grander, no bigger picture that you weren’t able to see? He doesn’t appear ashamed in the slightest, either. He could at least give you that much to pride yourself on. For him to have dragged you through limbo over such an inane reason, that any other person might be plagued with yet could overcome all the same...
Your lips curl into a near-malicious smile. “You’re more pathetic than I thought, Chrollo.”
Perhaps the husk you imagined in his likeness was always accurate.
“And you’re far more ruthless,” he closes his book with a lopsided grin. The sound of it slamming shut resonates throughout the compartment. “Although, I’m afraid I already knew that.”
That makes two of you. Getting called ruthless by a murderer feels overkill, though. You think about voicing this and decide against it. Chrollo doesn’t deserve to hear your puns of subpar quality. What he does deserve, however, is to have you stomp over what measly heart occupies his chest. With spiked shoes. Poisoned spiked shoes.
“Does it hurt to get a taste of your own psychoanalysis bullshit?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Chrollo returns to his previous relaxed position, an arm resting over the back of his seat. You mirror his body language and relax as well. “If anything, I’m more motivated than ever to sink my teeth into you.”
“Then I’ll just have to make it so you’ll spit me out, won’t I?”
He closes his eyes, leans his head back, and hums. The pleasant sound grates your ears. A melody from hell.
“You can certainly try.”
Now that he’s no longer under the influence of the ability, you wonder how much of what he said is true — and how much is a lie. For if you managed to hurt him, even in the slightest, even if he returns it tenfold...
... Then everything on this train ride was worth the price of admission.
1K notes
·
View notes
Nest of Protection, 2022
巣守 - Sumori
Sumori (“Nest of Protection”) is the granddaughter of Prince Hotaru, Genji’s younger half-brother, but you won't find her in a single line of the novel we know today as the Tale of Genji.
You will find her in the apocryphal chapter “Sumori”.
For hundreds of years there have been writings floating around claiming to be secret or “lost” chapters of the Tale of Genji. Many fakes, of course, but it’s not an impossible idea. A thousand years is a long time, and the tale was written and shared as it was being created. Distribution was a super manual process of copying, and there were certainly errors, edits and tweaks by the author (or authors, depending on what theories you subscribe to) and by the copyists. The Tale of Genji we have today is remarkably coherent in no small part thanks to the diligence of centuries of fans.
There are three chapters generally considered to have higher-than-average likelihood of being legit parts of the Tale of Genji written by Murasaki Shikibu. Of these, Sumori appears to be the best documented. It exists only in fragments today, but these fragments contain people and pieces of poetry that are actually mentioned in some very, very old critiques and analyses of the Tale of Genji - including genealogies that map out the relationships of the characters. Such references have aided in its partial reconstruction. The gist of the pieced-together plot is that Niou is pursuing Sumori, who can’t stand him and his philandering ways. She falls in love with Kaoru instead because he's so noble and sincere. When Niou tries to go after her again, she's like "get away from me you creep" and runs away to the mountains, where Kaoru visits her.
There are several theories about what Sumori really is. One is that it’s a Kamakura-period fanfic written by a Kaoru fan unhappy with how the Uji chapters ended. If this theory is true, it’s a classic move in the long-running history of fandom, and it wouldn’t have been the only historical fanfic attempting to right perceived wrongs against a beloved character. (Go Team Kaoru!)
Another interesting hypothesis is that Sumori is actually an early draft of what would later be polished into the Uji chapters. It has quite a few similarities and parallels, particularly Niou and Kaoru in a love triangle with a woman who then becomes a nun. If this theory is true, it’s intriguing that the original concept is a lot more sympathetic and favourable to Kaoru - giving him a “good” ending - than the version we know today, 1,000 years later.
Fascinating, right? As a creator and participant/appreciator of fandoms, Sumori sums up so many things I love about stories in general and Tale of Genji studies in particular!
You can read more about the "lost" chapters of the Tale of Genji here: https://yab.yomiuri.co.jp/adv/chuo/dy/research/20100204.html
Reading the Tale of Genji is a fantastic resource for this and many other Tale of Genji apocrypha: https://cup.columbia.edu/book/reading-the-tale-of-genji/9780231537209
And aaaahhhhhhh I did it!! Nearly five years later, the Genjimonogatari series is now complete! For fun, I've included some wip photos showing the progress of this particular piece, including my trying to figure out the palette from looking at my fountain pen ink swatches, on my Pillowfort!
You can see all 55 illustrations one for each chapter of the tale (including the blank chapter Kumogakure), on my website. The commentary for each illustration is here on Tumblr and on Pillowfort!
Now… I hope to do something with all these illustrations… when I have time...
humangray.com / Print available on INPRNT / Genjimonogatari series
5 notes
·
View notes