#absurdnoise | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

by-kilian · 10 months

Note

It’s ur “💙” anon coming with part 2 bc she definitely can

Now you see i can’t send photos or gifs but I’ll link them nonetheless u can’t stop me. https://giphy.com/gifs/rihanna-OTbo92zetdsha

Again folks big spoiler alert.

Okay now yelena and levi’s first scene.. um.. why.. why is every possible character so hot dude like!!?!?!!?? I just can’t pick a side without making excuses for the others ughh

“My time in the military shaped me, you know?” She paused. “I had to take lives,” she said in a hushed voice. “Do you know what that’s like?” The switchblade grew heavier in Levi’s pocket. Then an air of understanding passed between him and Yelena in the silence. Levi dipped his hand into his pocket. “Yes.”

This scene… the tension.. i felt everything in every single part of my body istg KW i was screaming and jumping while chewing on my nails until i reached skin it was this good!! I really loved the way they just understood each other it was like “nothing personal, I’m doing my job.” There was an air of idk.. respect and kind of acceptance with a hint of challenge.. i loved it so much

Now back to My fallen angel and the stinky hairy stalkiest asshole in the universe..

Yes he’s a jerk, but a very cunning and nothing-near-stupid one.. he in-fact scared me at some point i gotta admit, because the way he connects the dots is.. wow

“You are already thinking of all the ways you can kill me because you will never be able to shed that part of you.”

“A million and one things raced through your mind, and you were ashamed that more than half of those things were trying to figure out how to kill Mathias. ”

NO BECAUSE I WHEEZED MY LUNGS OUT😭😭😭 https://giphy.com/gifs/PotatoITV-e4-coach-trip-celebrity-ghost-WiCahQsVaUjksEn7aT MY BABY PLANNED HIS MURDER IN 12928 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES😭😭😭 And as she should!!

Fast forward you see.. i should’ve knew things are going down when levi whispered “The die had been cast” i should’ve realized this but i didn’t and that’s why when mathias stabbed kilian i gasped out loud… i felt my heart breaking with her and you see it’s not for the fact that she was actually dying this bitch don’t die.. i mean because she was distracted by the thought of levi getting hurt and that was the meanest most heartbreaking thing I’ve read in a while.. and you know what’s the cherry on top? THINKING THAT SHE DOESNT DESERVE HAPPINESS.. imma kms that’s it..

You couldn’t speak, feeling nothing but pain and heat and heat and pain. It burnt through your body hot even as you felt yourself growing colder. You thought of Levi and tears welled in your eyes

Your description made me feel every single word istg>>>

And Of course i was a sobbing mess while I’m reading her crawling across the floor all bloodied to reach levi, and of course i cried myself to sleep when she reached him, and definitely i screamed in agony once you mentioned orpheus and eurydice again…

Oh and let’s not talk about once levi reached her because it’ll be my last straw..

Levi was never a religious man, but he understood religion when he was with you. With you, Levi understood the temptation that Eve faced in the garden. With you, Levi even understood how angels could fall from grace. With you, Levi understood words he never did before to an exceptionally profound level; words like devotion, redemption, and prayer.Levi wasn’t a religious man, but he learned how to truly pray that night without even meaning to. One single solemn request, the most pious prayer he would ever attempt. “Wake up, sweetheart.”

KW WE CANT NORMALIZE YOU WRITING THIS GOOD OKAY YOUR WORDS ARE ACTUAL DAGGERS ATP THEY ARE CUTTING THROUGH MY SOUL.. AND WDYM WAKP UP SWEETHEART KW DID YOU SPECIALIZE IN CUNTOLOGY WRTING CLASS???? HELLO MISS THATS FORBIDDEN OKAY SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP LITERALLY SHAKING IN AGONY https://giphy.com/gifs/absurdnoise-horror-woman-7ztt6QLRy4PBu

Now ehem next Chapter whohohooooo🤩🤩

The last thing i expected was the chapter going this way tbh.. you see it reminded me of LDBS most heartbreaking chapters that Im never forgetting because they affected me so much.. “about her, where it started, where it ends.” The holy trinity of greif, i felt like i was reading them but now the hurt was pro max because your writing and descriptions are more.. descriptive

Also lmao zeke holding a gum😭😭😭 i knew it was a fever dream when you mentioned it😭😭😭 and the fact that killian cares about him enough to see him, dude if you planned murder during this chapter it would’ve been easier but ofc ofc you wanted to torture us. https://giphy.com/gifs/portlandia-season-2-episode-3-xT1R9SJiGMLJFB5YKA

Now.. annie?? Kw why are you like this and how you know how to connect things perfectly like that it’s pretty iconic tbh!!!

I don’t really know what to say anymore.. but each paragraph was really killing me in every possible way.. i really wished killian was able to see how much people cares about how, not just levi, whom she thinks she doesn’t deserve, but annie, erwin, Isabelle, farlan, eren, i really wished she knew how much they love her, maybe then she’ll know that she deserves every single good thing in this universe, my baby suffered a-lot and that’s why i admire her, if this was an actual novel killian would for sure be the best female mc in terms of surviving, and as levi said: Still, you were nothing if not a survivor. She really is. Our fallen angel🥹💙💙

They’d nicknamed you the “fallen angel,” because you looked exactly like one when you arrived. One of the crash team members said afterwards that if they weren’t so concerned about saving your life, they would have shed a tear for having to cut up your beautiful gown.

I giggled in between my tears when i read this, kw never beating the fashionista allegations even on her death bed which is like a huge slayyyyy she’s a freaking queen💙💙 our fashion icon. I really loved the interaction between annie and levi, you really wrote them so well because.. i don’t know if im the only one who feels this but you know when you’re reading a chapter or a scene and be like.. “yes, this is how things are supposed to be going” from how perfect the writing and writer is? That’s what i felt and still feel every time i read one of your works!!🥹💙

When you woke up again, your face was pressed into a couch that smelt powdery and warm. It was a familiar scent but you couldn’t pinpoint it to someone specifically. As you ran your nails along the green and pink floral upholstery, you felt like you were somewhere you once called home.

Kw you really need to give me lessons on how to describe things, like genuine question how do you make your writing feel.. so so alive, like the words are beating and moving i feel them🥹

Before you could ask her anything more, protest, or move, she took her wooden spoon out of the pot and shoved a sip of it into your mouth, holding your chin as she did.

Sophia?… https://giphy.com/gifs/mafs-sRFFCzAey4IatfTOnQ .. yeah i cried so much then, or not literally but my eyes teared up fr, i need a hug.. https://giphy.com/gifs/portlandia-season-1-episode-6-xT1R9SLI3qYhVbmeQg.

When Eren came by to visit, the first thing he did was make sure to drop some of your favorite chicken lemon soup off to you.

I love love love the way you move from a scene to another, and seeing eren this chap was the most pleasing surprise ever!, he’s a goof ball i love him sm my baby🥹💙💙 I’m sure everything is gonna get better after his appearance i—

Especially when it came to you. Especially when it came to the both of you. The two of you were so used to having the rug pulled out from under you, from having the other shoe drop, from having your lives blown up just at its happiest point, that to not expect the worst almost felt naive.

*gets hit by this paragraph like a truck and starts screaming uncontrollably* https://giphy.com/clips/neonrated-neon-rated-films-ofYZSv3fjXVrvpwlAL

WILL MY SUFFERING EVER END—

“You should’ve brought some clothes for Kilian,” Levi said. It was a knee-jerk reaction, one that surprised both him and Erwin. It was more hopeful than Levi intended for it to be, but he took that as a good thing. He could only hope Erwin wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

“You seem really happy, Sophia,” you said, turning to her with a smile as you placed the picture back down. “Peaceful almost.”

“You,” she said in English. “Because of you.” ”

“I love you. And I promise I’ll help you finish cooking when I wake up. I might just close my eyes for a bit if that’s okay,” you gestured to the couch, feeling sleep washing over you like a tide in the ocean shore.”

Oh will it seems not never-mind.. https://giphy.com/gifs/bigbrothernlbe-kyXSJ1yPFHZ88W3v79

Now.. farlan and levi, first of all I’m glad he’s not sad anymore or hurt, but i feel like this isn’t the end of it, or maybe was this scene a closure? I’m not sure, but i loved his interaction with levi so much!!!

You know when I first met her, she went by a different name,” Farlan continued as he came into the room, trying his best to change the subject so that Levi wouldn’t keep worrying over you. “But I think Kilian suits her much more.” “What name did she go by instead?” Levi asked, not even shocked that you had somehow crossed paths with Farlan before. “Oh, she went by Annie,” Farlan shrugged. This managed to somehow get a laugh out of Levi for some reason.

That was so cute in some way🥹 i love them so much kw u don’t understand!!!

U don’t understand how much i hate you

“I’ve been waiting for you.”You froze at the sound. He was so kind, so patient, so sweet—you would’ve recognized his voice even with your eyes closed. “Lucas?”

That’s so mean.. that’s literally evil, like omg HOW DARE YOU WE DONT TALK ABOUT WHO-COULDNT-BE-NAMED ANYMORE

“I–” you paused, trying to find your words but finding that they weren’t coming out the right way. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. You left me, that’s not right,” you pouted.

“Yes, you’re wrong,” Lucas said, shaking his head at you in an affectionate manner. “I’m always with you.”

WHY JUST WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AUAUAGQYAAKSJSJAJAJAJAJ https://giphy.com/gifs/crying-woman-12OloSxMpkEoSI

Levi did not leave your side, not once.

KW I HATE YOUUUUY AHAHHAHHHHHHHHHGHGGGG *insert eren infamous scream*

You hesitated, feeling a sense of warmth coming from behind the door. “Well do you know what’s behind it?” you stood up onto your tippy-toes as if it would help you get a better look. “It’s not what you think,” Lucas confirmed softly. “I promise.”Faltering again, you found that your feet would not move. “But what if I’m not ready?”Lucas shook his head at you, and squeezed your hand again. “You’ve always been ready.” Tears welled in your eyes as the water continued to wash over your feet. “What if I don’t deserve what’s behind that door?”

Kw as much as i love your brilliant mind please.. this hurts like a bitch please dont do it again.. lucas, the way killian cried when she saw him, i don’t know what to say, i just can feel it but i can’t describe it, and you know that a writing is so good when it leaves you speechless like yours did to me now🥹💙💙

When you blinked your eyes open, the first person you saw was Levi. His smile was bright and warm. It made you feel weightless. It made you feel loved. You smiled back, albeit weakly. Levi squeezed your hand gently, still smiling. “Welcome back, sweetheart,” he whispered.

Ending the chapter with welcome back when the last was “wake, up sweetheart.” I SEE WHAT YOUR DOING KW I SEE IT

And i really appreciate it, i would like to thank you so so much for writing these new chapters and blessing us with your amazing, wonderful, beautiful, mesmerizing writing voice and style and descriptions as a whole, thank you really, to me you are my role model in writing, and i aspire to be like you or just make people feel the same way your words make me feel, i really appreciate it and please never stop writing.. never leave us kw because the fan fic writers community needs you my hidden gem.. we need your characters, scenes, gut wrenching stories and everything. If i could thank you in 60 different languages, express my love and admire you in every possible way i would’ve done it, but i know it won’t give you enough credit and it won’t come close to the feelings i go through reading your works. https://giphy.com/gifs/anime-love-bQATeUxCoCFr2

I love you so much kw!!💙💙 https://giphy.com/gifs/love-i-you-that-70s-show-2dQ3FMaMFccpi

Your lovely “💙” anon, hope i be the reason you smile once today, thank you again💙💙💙

My love again!! Gonna answer you underneath the cut 🥹❤️

LMAO @ Yelena being hot. You know what I think it is? The story itself (STH & LDBS) is a very sensual, sexy story. That's kind of the vibes I have in my mind every time I sit down to write it. It's meant to be dark, noir, and sexy, so without meaning to--everything ends up being quite sexy LOL, including characters who aren't main characters.

Also you ABSOLUTELY smashed your interpretation of the scene between Yelena and Levi. That was exactly what I wanted to establish; an understanding. The scene you highlighted in particular was a shared understanding that whatever was about to transpire was not personal. It was a warning of, "hey, I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get my job done," on both ends, and the other person being like, "yeah, and so will I." You are so right when you say there was an understanding, respect, acceptance, AS WELL as a challenge. Juxtaposing the shared notion of both of them having taken lives before was also both of them saying without saying that they are not afraid to kill the other person if it comes down to it (and it did).

And YES. Mathias is such a keen observer. I think all of you always got the sense that he "monitored" people but thought of it in the sense of cameras when it's actually much more literal. He doesn't have to resort to those kinds of things because he catches a lot just by being in peoples' presences. Not only is he trying to get under her skin and make her think she hasn't changed, he's trying to taunt her to hurt him because he wants to prove to her that she is the monster he THINKS she is. You know Kilian hasn't killed anyone in a very long time, but she definitely never lost her touch and could have easily killed him had she not gotten distracted. Like you said, it was the thought of Levi being hurt that distracted her. She was ready to go in for her kill but nothing mattered once she thought something happened to Levi. She loves him more than anything, and in that moment the only thing that mattered was his safety, not hers. In a different situation, Levi would have absolutely done the same thing. And yes, you hit the nail on the head! Her battle with not knowing whether or not she deserves happiness is an on-going one, and although she has changed a lot, sometimes those self-destructive behaviors never really go away.

Sgfsoghs, I did a lot of research into stab wounds and what they felt like. So the fact that you could feel it! 🤌🏼💋 I really wanted that chapter to feel like a knife twist, in every sense of the word so LMFAOOO I'M SORRY 🤣. Now you see why I initially wanted to release it in a double update! I felt horrible to leave you all that way without a sigh of relief in the next chapter, but it seems like you all went through the feels despite that.

And ahhh, thank you so much for your wonderfully kind words! That holy trinity chapter in LDBS was one of the hardest things to write, and in a way, chapter 14 was definitely a trail off of that because I had to tap into similar emotions of walking back to your past so that you could move forward and heal. I definitely think my writing has changed now compared to then so I'm so glad you could feel it differently!

The gum was the funniest part to me, and I honestly added it in for a silly touch and a laugh! Dreams are so silly. I thought it only made sense to introduce you to it with a giggle because it's so out there, it's so odd, and that is EXACTLY how you know it is a dream. I'm so happy you touched on the fact that Kilian only saw Zeke in her dream because she DOES care about him. That is 100% true. And yes, you're right. Kilian murdering Mathias would've been so much easier, but I never do anything easy!

Eee, you are too sweet! I love connecting things and bringing people back. Annie and Farlan were teased to come back WAAY early if you caught any of Isabel's dialogue when she spoke about her friends. You bring up a great point too, hopefully in future chapters, Kilian CAN see how loved she is, not just by Levi but by other people. She means so much to me as a character and I think it comes across each time I go to write her. She isn't perfect, she has flaws, but there is something about her that makes you root for her because I try so hard to touch on her human side as well as her darker sides.

I'm really so happy to know that you all laughed at the purposeful jokes I placed in chapter 14, too. I KNEW it was heavy so I also knew in between it, I had to give you all some light-hearted moments too. That little mention of the dress/fallen angel thing also meant a lot to me to put in because I really wanted to show the banter that happens between people who work in hospitals--the jokes and the humor amongst the horror--because I think that's kind of the only way you can get through the day sometimes after doing something as powerful as saving someone's life or helping someone.

Thank you so much for saying that about Annie and Levi's scene! 🥺 I really loved writing that scene because I could quite literally imagine their characters interacting like that and talking to each other like that, so it means the world to me that it felt like that was how things were supposed to be. You are really too kind.

And I'm always happy to help with writing questions if you have them! Honestly I just have an incredibly vivid imagination of characters and who they are. So when I think of how to write them, I think of everything outside of them--what their home smells like, what kind of furniture they like, how they dress, what they like to listen to--I think all of that helps things "come alive", so to speak. So thank you for saying that as well my love!!

Adding Sophia in definitely killed me but not as much as you know who, who I know you touch on later LMFAO so I will GLADLY offer you a hug.

I honestly love writing Eren in this universe, specifically his connection to Kilian. They don't share as many scenes in this story, but the love they have for each other is there and clearly unbroken and I love coming back to it.

Also, I'm SCREAMING at all of your gifs, you were not joking when you said you went through all 5 stages of grief LMFAO ❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭.

As for Farlan and Levi's scene, there is definitely a little more to happen before we get to a full closure, although we're definitely on the way there. Obviously can't spoil anything. But you are right when you say he's not sad or hurt anymore. He's moved on! The only thing is, has Kilian moved on from what she's done to him (hence why she always hid from him every time she saw him)? There's a little more to explore there but it will be touched on (trust me, it's allll planned LOL). That part with Levi laughing @ Kilian's fake name was such a treat to write also. Because he would immediately understand where she got her fake name from and why she chose that to give to Farlan. He made all the connections without even needing further explanation and laughed because he knows his girl better than anyone.

Also... Lucas. I know. I KNOW. I KNOW. I HATE MYSELF. LMFAO I CAN'T EVEN READ THAT SCENE AGAIN WITHOUT CRYING. Honestly, why did I do that to MYSELF is the better question. Because lord! Kilian loves Lucas so much, every time we go back to him, it is a source of pain. That is her deepest childhood wound but also her greatest childhood joy, so to quite literally "swim" back to him was her going back to herself to heal. He told her everything she needed to hear in order to know that he was okay, he never faulted her for what happened, and his life was joyous despite being short. By seeing him again and essentially forgiving herself, Kilian could wake up because she was no longer fighting this idea that she didn't deserve to be loved, hence the end quote in chapter 14. "Open the door. Love was on the other side and it was terrifying. Open the door." I wanted it to seem like this whole time that what was on the other side was possibly death--hence the warm light emanating from behind it--but really, it was just love. Kilian had to realize that she still had a life to live because she is so loved. So loved. She deserves to be loved. So walk through the door.

Ending the chapter with welcome back when the last was “wake, up sweetheart.” I SEE WHAT YOUR DOING KW I SEE IT

LMFAOOOO OSHGFOSH. 🌚 Do you now? But seriously, I want to thank you for both of your beautiful, beautiful, asks. You are such a lovely person, and I cannot express how much I appreciate you. You have recharged my writing spirit, made my day, and have been such a light these past two days. It means the world to me that I can touch your soul with my writing, and I truly mean it when I say it, the door is always open for writing questions ANY TIME you have them. Seriously.

I hope to write for as long as the spirit fuels me, and although my relationship with it truthfully waxes and wanes, a lot has happened recently to make me see that it is something that ignites my soul. And in igniting my own spirit, I can ignite others and touch their hearts and that is something that is truly invaluable.

Seriously, I love YOU so much, 💙 anon! You absolutely were another reason to smile today. I'm smiling now even as I head to bed. Thank you. I cherish you so much. You are always welcome to gush in my inbox, about anything, any time.

#asks #💙 anon

0 notes