#a lot of people don't have jobs anymore

[kisxland]

sad day to be brazilian

#i just don't get it man #this man made fun of victims of covid #dragged our economy through the mud #over 700k people died #people are starving everything is over-priced #a lot of people don't have jobs anymore #he's the dumbest mf i ever heard speaking #he doesn't articulate his words or say anything that's relevant #he insults women black and brown people the lgbt community and every other minority #and he still got 44% of votes #everyone says that the brazilian people are so welcoming and loving #that is simply not true #it shocks me but the majority of the people in this country are racist xenophobic and homophobic #that's why people like bolsonaro got elected #brazil is one of dumbest countries in the world and it shows #the level of alienation this man created over people is insane #he is the worst disease to ever happen to us #i'm scared for my people #i don't feel proud to be brazilian anymore #brazil #politics

[royalarchivist]

[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]

Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?

[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*

–

Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.

Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!

Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.

* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.

#Pactw #QSMP #Pac #March 18 2024 #As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators #I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore #I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know #like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on #And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation #but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk. #I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about #esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources #and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive'' #but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this'' #''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?'' #And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know #idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info #Happy to hear other folks' perspective #I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those #but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric #which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs #but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying #Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript #that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing #and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate #idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags #But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter #Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn

[kyouka-supremacy]

Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):

But I liked the clean white background one...

#It's cute... #It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi #Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;; #Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking. #It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful #Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image. #And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know?? #But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source” #Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality #And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20 #And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public???? #It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work #Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison #Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google #and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff) #But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option #But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens #and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea- #what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever #Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge #random rambles

[eddis-not-eeddis]

Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.

#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork? #but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck #oh i just said something dumb to my boss #give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me #oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake #agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it #oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance? #so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time #oh no my one coworker hates my guts #she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it #i'm not special #it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be #but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues #i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me #i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again #but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong #if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me? #it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with #plus #these people aren't dwelling on my failures either #they all have their own stuff going on #yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget #they aren't thinking about me that much anyway #XD

[carcarrot]

i love my job that's like if you asked someone to design a place specifically meant to frustrate, torture and overstimulate an anxious person

#i cant do this anymore. i obviously will but like i cant do this anymore #you might think college-eduated professional people in a fancy office building would have some understanding of personal space and manners #but you'd be wrong! #i am staying in this job for everything aside from the actual job itself which i hate #im just here for the pay the insurance and the time off #and the fact that i can carve out important goofing off time during work hours. which just means i can be on my phone lmao #that being said i do sometimes miss my cafe job #i was more my own boss there and often worked completely alone (yay) #whereas here even though im kinda the boss of my own floor. i still have to deal w my dumb supervisor and coworkers and manager #plus at the cafe i had sole control of the music that played there. very important. lots of steely dan #sometimes when the work got really busy it sucked and was overwhelming but it would stil calm down eventually #and ill always hate dealing with annoying customers. but at least there they LEFT #here its the same assortment of idiots every goddamn day. and theyre always around #like yeah the cafe job had annoying things (taking out the trash from the basement. up stairs) #but it did have its fun moments #it just didnt pay nearly as good as this job and had no insurance or paid time off. oh well #this has me thinking abt what if i owned my own place. but i don't wanna

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here' #it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die' #I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows) #...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more... #and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

[halo--hall]

can't decide if the headache i have had for days is a gum thing or a sinus thing or both but it's pairing really well with the shoulder pain i've had for weeks lmao. mystery chronic illness is awesome

#i mean i'm pretty sure it is a combo of pots and heds and long covid but #i don't have money to pursue a real diagnosis or treatment of any of these things #so i just keep self medicating & going to my multiple manual labor jobs that will make all of my mystery illnesses worse before they kill me #mwah! <3333 i don't want to live like this anymore! #my chronic pain keeps getting worse bc of the manual labor & that pain stacked on the psychic pain of being in constant ptsd flashbacks for #the last month is making it impossible for me to get anything done & it's also turning me into a much meaner person than i even am as #a baseline lol #sorry to be vulnerable on main but i'm in excruciating pain emotionally and physically at all times and i can't cope w it anymore #i literally do not want to live like this anymore 😎 but i gotta go to the candy store in a couple hours so #time to load up on pot and ibuprofen! #i owe so many people texts and am behind on so much admin work for the salon and my bitch ass theatre company #but i just have to lay in bed and save my spoons so i can drag my bloated carcass into either of my jobs so i can be a good wage slave #anyway thanks for reading lets all manifest me making lots of money this weekend! #i've been short on bills every month since i got hurt despite how much i work & i can't fucking catch up on anything bc of that so like #would be very sexy if i made enough money before the first to cover my basic living expenses teehee #i prob won't tho lmao womp womp

[bewires]

the disconnect between the way people who work on and with AI talk about it and the reporting/social media discourse on it makes it incredibly hard to have a meaningful conversation about it

#ai #idk programmers WANT ai to be able to do human jobs #that's the point #to make our lives easier #from a programmer's perspective getting ai to take a human's job is a sign of progress #and a sign that maybe we don't need that job anymore #and tbh I am hard pressed to argue with that #because programmers are not policy makers #and they're not in it to endanger anyone's livelihood #they're trying to make people's lives better and easier #and they're actually succeeding at that and it's exciting #this is not an oppenheimer situation #chat gpt has not become death #the ai issue is a lot more complex and involves a lot of institutions programmers have nothing at all to do with #in fact I would bet a lot of programmers would be pro people getting basic income and not needing to work #if their jobs become obsolete #they just can't make that decision #much like they can't write copywrite law #or govern how people on the internet use stuff #and I am kinda lowkey growing to hate media takes about how the evil ai is going to kill us all #that's only if people choose to use it like that #we need to regulate people's use of the technology #not research

[palettesofrenaissance]

That post that goes "self aware enough to feel yourself starting to downward spiral and self destruct, but too mentally ill and fucked up to stop it

If I'm not making sense for X amount of hours or even days from this point on, this is why

In a way Tumblr is a digital diary for everyone -- literally everyone who uses this site has posted their thoughts at least once. So if you get sick of me, please be comforted to know that youre not actually me and therefore I confidently feel a thousand times worse than you do

#vent post #I should have known that something was creeping up on me subconsciously when I went to one sister's 13th bday dinner and mom asked if I was #making myself throw up again because of my weight worries... in front my 16yo sister 💀💀 #I don't post my thoughts on this site a lot and of those I do click ''post'' on are about 5% of all my thoughts ever #there's so much shit I'm stressed over and I've used this site as a distraction... #there's being a Black female facing constant stereotypes in this struggling job economy just trying to get a better job #there's being the eldest daughter and growing up poor and still having parents and relatives who struggle financially #it's my car. it's inflation. it's being surrounded by unhappy people even strangers. it's my roommate drama. it's calling the police. it's #it's needing healthcare because my doctor told me I'm pre- conditions and diseases and shouldn't self medicate anymore but that's expensive #it's seeing homeless people on the street and stressing to not being one of them while remembering when y'all were homeless as a kid #and it's watching the news. needing to support my siblings in college. wanting a load. wanting to move and get a better job but that's mone #it's desperately wanting more storms to happen locally so I can do that temp job that paid a livable wage but was killing me #it's more things going on too and on top of that I lie to my therapist and I don't think my dosage of prozac is working anymore #or maybe and I hope this is just temporary

[bigfootswashingmachine]

i know these are after 10 pm feelings but i truly am so sad that i don't have the motivation or time to draw as much as i used to and i'm sad that tumblr's culture has deteriorated so much bc now there's really no point in posting art here anymore even when i do draw

#i used to draw ALL. THE. TIME. it was all i did. and now i've stopped or go long blocks w/o drawing and a lot of my skills have deteriorated #i'm very bad at dynamic poses. or drawing anything in motion really. and composition and scenery and color grading. #and lately i've been very frustrated with where my style is and how it does not translate between paper and digital well #and i forgot how to draw FACES. of all things. that is literally ALL i draw man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i dont knowwww i don't know and even when i do draw i don't really want to post it anymore there's a bunch of stuff i haven't posted #not sure how to phrase this but. it's not exactly because my art doesn't get notes. it's bc even though i've always gotten very few notes #when i post art i'm fine w only getting a few notes because that's the hazard of only posting oc art #but a few years ago even when i had way fewer followers and less art experience people still interacted in ways that made it worth posting #it felt rewarding to be part of the creative community! it was really fun and a lot of people were making cool stuff #and now they don't bc the landscape of tumblr has changed over the years and it feels dead here man #and i wish that wasn't such a big factor in me wanting to draw. but man i just like my characters a lot and i wanna share them. #and i feel like i'm not doing a good job

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you. #I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible. #I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me. #I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth. #I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely. #I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin #I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't... #I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it #or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away... #to this day... #I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again #I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that. #I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY #that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back #that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed. #“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again. #By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant. #I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did. #The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement. #Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF. #You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do. #I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha #No I do not look at your blogs. #The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one. #I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel #safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time. #I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore. #And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry... #I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too... #vent

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#ignore me i need to vent and be scared for a moment... #but i've been working my ass off today for a project that's paying me cents #and i've been debating the whole day how to explain to this client that moving forward i will have to charge more money for similar project #and i'm so so scared that it will mean losing this client cause i don't really have many regular clients and regular work #so it's scary to sound greedy (even tho i know it's not greedy) and i've been trying to convince myself it's the right thing to do #i've talked to my mom and she agrees which is huge cause she's always saying i need to be thankful for having work even if it's a lil cheap #but like now she even agrees that over 12hs work days including weekends are NOT being paid with my prices #so i'm so anxious about that and then i go on twitter and i see one movie poster and one chocolate bar wrapper made with ai #and i'm SO SCARED of the future #i went and chose the one career most easily replaced by ai #and i'm so anxious about what my future holds #but also my very near future when i have to tell this people that i can't work for nothing anymore #i hate money and i hate what it does to my head #money not only reaches the mind of those who have lots of it #it also reaches the mind of those who don't have it :// #i fucking hate this and i hate being an adult with a job #specially a freelance job where i am my own fucking boss and i set my own prices #cause i'm so fucking dumb and so easily taken advantage of #i shouldn't be saying this online lol but like i said... i'm dumb #angel talks #personal

[satanfemme]

re: that post I reblogged yesterday(?) about how dogs can be/are dangerous, and my tags saying they aren't human babies. I'm thinking about that still cause, honestly imo, soooo many problems with how people treat dogs seems related to the fact that most people see them as a 1:1 equivalent to a small human child. infantalizing them to a cartoonish degree. cause it's like, yes they need so much help navigating human society, and it's our job to care for them either way -- that's literally the evolutionary relationship our two species have. but an adult dog is still gonna be a fully autonomous living thing exactly the same as you are as an adult human. different social rules/'types' of intelligence/evolutionary niches doesn't negate the existence of a dog's internal world, thoughts, wants, and opinions. u might not be able to fully relate to those thought processes or understand them, but your understanding isn't what gives them worth.

(ntm it's entirely possible to better understand dog behavior with simple practice/research, but maybe that's just my personal "inclined to understand dogs better than other humans" neurodivergence talking idk lol)

obv example, but that's all why small dogs (who are easier to physically control, and therefor easier to physically treat like a toy/baby) are so frequently reactive -- their autonomy isn't respected otherwise. meanwhile in a lot of cases (tho nowhere near all unfortunately), large dogs can more easily demand respect before resorting to reactivity. and that's why we have to bribe the dogs at work so constantly lol. if a guy who's stronger than me doesn't want to follow me somewhere or go into a kennel for me or whatever, I simply can't force him even if I try. he will just stand there, and no one can stop him. so instead we need to work together to reach a mutual agreement; it's two-way communication. in the same vein: one of the first things I was trained on at work is how to respect dogs' consent/ask for their consent with things whenever possible. these considerations are super important in treating dogs right... and yet how frequently are they ignored/not-considered by humans cause a dog is seen as unthinking or lesser?

anyway this is just an incomplete thought tangent that doesn't even touch upon the way human children are wrongfully denied autonomy as well, or how worth isn't remotely tied to intelligence anyway. but u know. just something I've been thinking about while dealing with bad dog owners/potential-owners every day & while contemplating "hecking pupper furbaby" culture

#ofc I call phineas ''baby'' but it's just a term of endearment LOL. I respect him as his own guy too #as I'm sure a lot of ''my dog is my furbaby'' people do too #working with dogs for this long has just started to make me a lil weird anyway maybe. esp at my current job where - #- all my coworkers r big on animal rights/advocacy type theory and explain how their pets r like roommates to them instead of toys/babies #or rejecting the ''pet'' label altogether which is interesting even if I don't really get it personally #etc. and if I were like 2% more functional/less neurodivergent I'd be going vegan rn LOL I'm being converted #literally can't even eat meat anymore without being a lil uncomfortable which 😭 is great in a mindfulness/awareness sorta way but - #- sucks when I kinda have to eat meat at least sometimes </3 not enough alternative options where I live for my lifestyle #whoops this was another tangent in the tags I just noticed. rambly post. it's been a long day and my head's disorganized <3

[killerchickadee]

So like, my boss scheduled me actually literally every single day this week because I told him he could schedule me whatever for my last-ish week so we could get caught up before I'm gone. He acts like this was a favor for me because I always want OT, but like. No?

He's trying so hard to keep me. Like this morning he went on a whole spiel about how much better our company is than others (???) and kept mentioning over and over about how he's hiring a bunch of people and I'm like. I am honestly very sorry that I'm leaving you in such a shitty spot, but you brought this on yourself.

ANYWAY in the meantime I hadn't heard back from petsmart since I did my background check last Wednesday. Like this is supposed to be my last-ish week at my current job so I'm like ???? But I called just now and she said since I've lived out of state my background check is just taking a while. Like. Why does that take so long? I don't have any kind of record and I haven't gotten so much as a speeding ticket in like 15 years. But I've also lived in 3 states in the last 6 years so I guess lol.

Point is I'm working 60 hours this week and then ??????????

#i say last-ish week because i told him I'd work a day or two a week until he gets someone to replace me #but they're seriously trying SO HARD to get me to stay except not really! #like if someone came to me like here's a pay raise and this is our plan for your career and how we're going to support you in that #i might be like hmmm maybe #but instead it's just an empty LOOK HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT WITH US song and dance #which is uhhhhh a tactic certains types of people use #i don't expect my new job to be perfect like i worked there before and i know a lot of the bad shit #and it's retail and you get the same bullshit at every retail job #but my current situation is uhhhh bad and i can't take it anymore

[royalphantompain]

Ugh

Probably gonna private this later

TW Illness and cancer warning

#I haven't been doing well the last week. #So uhh after a nice week of having fun with my family I got a job that I don't know if I'm fit to handle #So yeah that was eating up all my free time for the past few weeks and I was just stressed and had no more free time for art #Also I felt very unsafe at the job and I was never given any safety warning if something happened #I just felt too guilty to say anything but I did and I feel bad because that place there is short staffed and the people there where nice #But still. I just don't feel safe and I don't think I can handle it #And while that has been happening uhh my biological texted me that he has cancer #I feel comfortable enough to say that I hate him but I can't help but feel awful and terrible about it #I don't know I sort of feel guilty for feeling that way after what she did to me and my brothers and my mom #I keep him at arms length but I don't know #I'm scared of him because of what he did to one of my brothers that made him cut content with my dad #And that said brother is also going through a lot medical wise #Just been not in the best place it may get better soon. I'm trying my best to get something animated #But yeah my dad has only said he had cancer but not a certain type #He's a piece of shit but I don't think he will lie about that and he said we shouldn't get it in the future #He also hasn't mentioned what stage of cancer he has or anything he mentioned something about healing #But he also hasn't said he doesn't know how long he'll feel well for #I just don't know how o feel anymore

[carcarrot]

ok thats it i literally need a new job now .

#i know i bitch and moan a lot abt my job. but not without good reason! #however i really want to get out of here now today. #fucking. supervisor who keeps telling me to do more as far as maintaining the coffee area #when 90% of the issues are actually fault of the dumbass stock traders we make coffee for who dont know how to make a cup of coffee #and cant clean up after themselves. and i get that its my job but this is also just fucking stupid #and normally she tells me this stuff in the area where i brew the coffee which is more or less away from people #its at least more away from people than the hallway where the coffee station is where people always are #which is where she chose to loudly tell me more things i should be doing #maybe don't fucking do that in front of the people i do this stuff for! now they think im a fucking idiot! #like that's just. idk kind of unprofessional to me like you don't lecture your employees in front of customers #if we're so concerned abt the appearance and image of the service we provide (which this place is concerned way too much with) #then idk maybe talking abt that kind of stuff should be done more privately. or at least quietly #like she wasnt yelling at me but like everyone around could clearly hear it #but like ive said before i cant standddddd this job anymore. #so i might apply for that store leader job at gregorys coffee #even though the work culture there seems like a different kind of annoying #id at least be making Much More and also closer to where i live so #i just have to fix up my resume and make it seem like i can handle more of a management kinda job