#a friendship that isnt satisfactory to both parties benefits no one

[sparkelingspectres]

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#god the suspense and guilt is just eating at me like a hamster to drywall i cant sleep #i dont want them to see this and yet I simultaneously really do #vecause on one hand i feel absolutely selfish for feeling like this #but if we're in a friendship that isnt mutually beneficial for everybody #i.e. them possibly feeling like they *have* to include me in things and telling me im their best friend when it isnt true which id imagine #would be hellishly draining for them to expirience this and attempt to force somethibg that isnt there #and in turn me feeling like im last picked. like they dont mean what they say and theyre only trying to prevent conflict and hurt feelings #by continuing to treat me as an equal in the group when i may not be #so like for real if my deelings are correct please do not hesitate to just tell me. #a friendship that isnt satisfactory to both parties benefits no one #i personally love being friends as we all are but something just doesnt feel quite natural anymore. like theyre forcing themselves #and i would just like to know where i stand so things can be adjusted accordingly #i promise i wouldnt be mad or hold it against anyone or think any less of anyone if this was the case #i would just like to have an honest civil discussion privately if there was anything to discuss so that things could just be resolved #because ive veen feeling thus off and on for months and its killing i just want to know #and im perfectly fine and prepared to possibly hear an answer i don't like but i just want this feeling to be alleviated one way or another #so just tell me the truth un-sugarcoated i dont like feeling like im trapping everyone in something they arent invested it #id rather hear them tell me they all want to spend less time with me or possibly even drift away from the friendship altogether #than be just dragged on along on every occasion we hang out like an annoying sibling they were forced to bring #yknow? #anyways im just venting and ranting about my wacked out feelings who knows if any of this is true or not #but if it is even in the slightest please just talk to me<3 it would be better in the long run for all involved #vent