#anyways im just venting and ranting about my wacked out feelings who knows if any of this is true or not

[mikkock]

i'm not the anon, but i do want to hear about your OCs!!!!!!! i'm bad with details but i vaguely remember you had these two gay bois and maybe one was a computer programmer or something?? idk but i think you had an art piece of him at a laptop,, anyway they were v cute

alright since i got a lot of gay boys i had to go searching to make sure i had the right gay boys sdhjfghsgsfg why do i have so many gay boys i do wonder mh

so im thinking u mean vince n xiaoli cuz of that piece of the latter 

if not then oops u gon have to hear about them anyway uwu (im putting this under cut cause i tend to speak a lot and i dont wanna clog up people’s feed ya feel) if i got it wrong feel free to scream at me and demand explainations of other characters lmao

its em

Those two got a whole ass story (not a story about ass i just keep putting the word ass everywhere). 

They were besties as kids, like, very young kids, talking inseparable besties. But, one day, quite suddenly Xiaoli’s family had to move back to China and so the two were seperated with no ways to contact or even ideas as to where the other was (factor in the fact that they were still very young and all, and if we take time into account that must mean they were in some time of barely no internet for everyone so prolly didnt have even emails tbh). The whole story i got planned for em is about how they grow up, evolve, yet still try to find each other again through the few pieces of useful information that they remember from back in the days. (and since im a sucker for happy ending it aint no spoiler that they do find each other at the end or smth like, pls, id die if they didnt. the important part is the path they took, and all the shit that happens in between ofc)

 but who cares bout plot tbh, the important thing is the cHARACTERS (i kno cause my studies include storytelling classes so like bitch, i kno the story is the characters and all that jazz) so lets talk about the boys themselves some more, shall we uwu

Lets start with Vince, who’s the youngest of the two :

first thing i gotta say is that he changed a LOT design wise, like his first looks ?? wack.

who are you i dont know you u look rude im scared what happened to your hair ? so many questions

anyway now he looks like a baby and that’s all that matters.

(that was def done for a school exercise but look how cute he is awn)

He lives in the US, born of Ecuadorian parents. Ever since he was tiny he wanted only one thing, and that is to Win Gold at the olympics (yeah i know, small ambitions, what can i say he’s a realist at heart) for tracks (aint decided yet what exact part of tracks cause im not knowledgeable in track n field and i still gotta do my research boo bad me for procrastinating). 

So he runs. A lot. That’s his main thing. A big part of his identity.  But not all of it naturally otherwise he’d be a running robot not a guy.

He’s still very young so he can be a tad stupid, naturally. He’s also close to his family. And he big gay. He’s a friendly guy, the puppy type with others. He’s really big on listening to his friends vent out since he believes it does a lot to relieve stress (and ya cant be stressed if you want to perform amazing !!!)

He’s kiiiiind of an overachiever. Just a small bit. He wants to do perfect all the time, so he studies a lot, trains a lot, cleans his room, does his bed, brushes his teeth, he’s a Good Kid. He’s got a really strict timetable that he follows really closely, and in general, tends to monitor his life, maybe a biiiiit too much ? Even leisure time is a specific moment of the day, a set time, nothing more. Then he goes to bed, early, so he can get a full good sleep and go run in the morning. He needs to learn how to chill a bit more. He does have friends to help him get back into a more relaxed mindset sometimes, and once he reunites with his long lost bestie he definetly will have to accept a biiiit of chaos and imprevisible...

Cause let’s talk a bit bout Xiaoli huhuhu...

At first glance you may think “oh, what a reliable serious pretty boy, he seems nice and helpful” but he’s actually a sNAKE. Or more like a fox ? I’m no vet so I’m not sure what animal analogy fits best...

Fact is he IS reliable, and nice, but he’s ALSO a bitch. If you’re pal with him he’ll help you out with your homework, listen to you rant about a heartbreak, be a total sweetheart, but if you’re his FRieND then you’ll get that but under snarky remarks, teasing, and he’ll probably record you when you’re doing ridiculous drunk antics or just tripping over your own feet...

actually he def will do that.

He’s also very expressive and open, he’s one of those characters that i like to use for expression practice because his face will stretch in any possible way. He still keeps secrets tho, mostly he doesnt talk at all about his search for Vince (probably because he’s got the biggest lead, namely having randomly found him once through his running exploits and discovering his past bestie was now becoming some sort of “upcoming athlete celebrity you have to keep an eye out for” or something...)

He actually studies medecine, not computer science but tbh, I could change it in the future, its nothing fixed nor anything too relevant to his character dshsfsgs, and also he IS pretty tech savy so that’d make sense mh.....can you believe im gonna turn into those creators who take “fan theories” and turn them canon smh

He’s quite likes going out, partying and having fun. He values balance between work and fun above a lot of things, and he’s also not much of a big planner. 

Also since I mentionned it for Vince, lets make it equal : he’s a HongKong resident, his mum is half Australian so that makes him a ? Quarterie ? Is there a word for half-halfie ? Idk man. And he’s very very bi, and quite chill about it, and quite absolutely into getting dates.

Those two got some potential for me to turn them into a story so i kinda hope i’ll be able to some time in the future, who knows, maybe that’ll happen somedays uwu

#startofamoment

[jenlovesgin]

Late night rant because lord knows I'm sick of people

I put my all into friendships to get shitted on for what ?! Like fuck outta here . I've done let so many ppl go from my life because I came to realize how wack people are bro. If I don't get this off my chest I probably won't sleep. Okay so I consider myself as a "Giver" friend. When I say giver , I'm the type of person who will give you my time if you need it. I'll give you my ear if you're going through something and you need to talk. I'll give you my space if you don't want to be alone. I've always been the type of person to make sure my friends are good. If I have money and you to borrow some? If I got it , You'll have it. I'm not this way on purpose trust me , but I've been like this my whole life. I've always tend to put people over myself to make sure that they're good even before me. Now over the years I have become very stubborn with myself. I became stubborn because I noticed that I would brush the wack shit people did and only see the good in them, and even after them being a shit friend if they needed me I was still there ( like a moron) so eventually I became very distant from a lot of people because when shit hit the fan for me I was my only ear to listen to. Let me tell y'all I'm busy as is everyone else because we're all adults but I always hit people up and ask them are they good , just how are you , how's everything, what's on your mind? Why ? Because I get that sometimes getting stuff off your chest is such a stress reliever and sometimes you just want someone to listen. I personally don't have that but I don't mind being that ear ( just like I said up top) but what is it when people start to take advantage of that ? When I tell y'all I don't even know when the last time someone called me just to ask how's everything. I've fell into depression TWICE , almost 8 times within the last 4 years. Mild and hard depression both diagnosed by a doctor . The first was 7 months and 18 days . The second was 5 months and 4 days ( I keep a private blog for person thoughts, whenever I feel like I need an outlet I write and date my post) . BOTH times the only person who asked me if I was okay was my mother because she said I didn't look like myself I was so pale. BOTH times I tried to talk to people and I got ignored so I could hear about their problems. BOTH times my "best friends" we're not there for me and I had to go through that shit alone. Do y'all know what it's like to battle that shit by yourself ?! The only time I left my room would be to shower and pee. I wasn't eating , I wasn't dressing up like I usually do I was in sweats and sweaters 3 times to big for MONTHS I did not leave my house . In August 2015 one of the worst events in my life happened to me and I literally felt like I lost half of myself, when I tell y'all Half of me died with this person I mean it, I almost went into depression again. And y'all want to know who came to check on me through any of these events ? Not a soul not my "bff" of almost 7 years not my 2 sisters that lives in the same house , I didn't get a phone call from my "really good friends" . Not a soul. (In aug 2015 I was already with my boyfriend and he's the reason I didn't fall full fledge into it so he was the only one there for me) The first time I went into depression I turned too drinking. I drank every single night. I made sure I went out with friends because I know I could drink that was my way of masking . Why because everything was falling apart for me. My 3 biggest reasons why I'm always stressed then and now is 1. Career 2. Money/job 3. Loneliness ( not anymore thankfully). The second time I went into depression I fought my hardest not to be in that place because I didn't want to go back there. By this time I started smoking weed , so I would just light up at night before I went to bed, but I did this because besides tumblr and writing that was my only other outlet. Fast forward to now I still struggle with it from time to time, I'll have episodes that I fall in and out of probably about a week or 2 at a time. I have very bad anxiety now because of this. I have very bad panic attacks because of this. Thankfully my boyfriend has been my outlet but still I keep a lot to myself not to burden him. Anyway back to the point at hand.. N E V E R E V E R E V E R have I complained and push ppl away, after all of that and through all of that I still kept an open space because I knew people were comfortable with sharing their thoughts with me. But why is it that people think it's OKAY to practically shit on you when they feel like or just be fucking rude for no reason because they're going through something. Like why are you taking shit out on me ?! I'm so fucking sick and tired of people man. And I always hold my fucking tongue because you don't ever know what a person is going through , but the fact that you can be so fucking rude FOR NO REASON to someone who's ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU FUCKING BAFFLESS ME ! This isn't the first time I feel like after a while ppl feel entitled to your ear and your space so they get comfortable with you being the listen and then they get you fucked up. Like was I rude when I was practically dying on the inside and I was trapped in a fucking black vortex for almost a year yet people still called me st 1 am, at 3 am too vent ?! NIGGAS REALLY THINK THEYRE THE ONLY PPL GOING THROUGH STUFF LIKE I DONT UNDERSTAND YO . AND YOU KNOW WHATS THE FUCKING ICING ON THE CAKE , JUST TO LET BYGONES BE BYGONES IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING I MADE YOU FEEL , ILL BE THE BIGGER PERSON AND APOLOGIZE AND NIGGAS ARE STILLL RUDEEEE TOO YOUUUU LIKE PEOPLE REALLY HAVE ME FUCKED UP TO THE 5TH DIMENSION. HOW DO YOU FIX YOURSELF TOO FEEL ENTITLED TO A FUCKING APOLOGY AND YOUR RESPONSE IS FUCKING RUDE LIKE THATS WHAT YOU EXPECTED FROM ME?? HOW ARE YOU RUDE TO SOMEONE WHO ALWAYS HAS YOUR FUCKING BACK LIKE I DEADASS DONT GET THAT SHIT MY NIGGA . IM TIRED OF BEING A FRIEND TOO PPL WHO DEADASS DONT DESERVE IT , THIS IS WHY I HAVE NO FRIENDS NOW BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE REALLY FUCKING WACK . I fucking hate people. Rant over.

#rant