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yullen · 4 years

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amelioration in yours truly

18-19th: Amelioration » The act of relieving ills and changing for the better

AO3

The words that he had left never told to others, he wonders how, of all people, Kanda Yuu managed to spill forth from him.

He kept persisting, kept chasing, no matter how much Allen pushed him away, and when the words started to come out, they just kept pouring out like water out of a fissure from an already fragile and cracked vase.

He supposed he just never really had the opportunity. Nobody really sat down and really took the time to ask him; he’d never had the time to explain. His entire life, he spent running forward in one long, breathless sprint, never really having a moment to rest.

So naturally, he had been shocked beyond belief that Kanda Yuu, again, of all people, found the patience to do this with him.

Why?

And how?

He had a million questions. There was no way this had been the same Kanda Yuu he knew, right?

The way he had opened himself up to listen. It took Allen a second to realize he had still been holding in his breath. Even the way the man sat at his side was unbelievably elegant, giving him a look of inquisitiveness he had never seen on the other’s face.

When had he changed like this?

What made him change?

He opened his mouth to speak.

––—∞—––

The pain in his voice was audible in the pauses between memories and in the silence left behind, but this wasn’t something Kanda wasn’t already familiar with.

Past wounds and scars. Allen’s past was riddled with uncertainties, and he had to live with the dissatisfaction of not having many answers.

Allen thought it had been a miracle that Kanda didn’t simply say “Okay, enough,” or stomp off, or act like he stopped listening. He had reacted, and he had scowled and sometimes said “Idiot,” while scoffing while they bickered very briefly, but they stayed on topic until Allen was finished.

After it all, he heard a breath of exasperation. Allen almost chuckled and laughed, just a tiny breath out his nose, as he combed his hair out of his eyes with his hand, and looked upon Kanda with a fondness he didn’t even notice he had shown.

“Shit doesn’t add up,” Kanda said.

And from there, the idiots talked it over as much as the idiots could and knew how.

But at least they knew in which direction to go from there.

Towards this mysterious manor in Allen’s memories, Kanda stepped towards, and Allen smiled and followed behind in step.

“Thank you, Kanda.”

“Don’t mention it. I mean it.”

Allen laughed.

“…Ah.” Kanda remembered.

“Hm?”

“I just… remembered what I told Tiedoll.”

––—∞—––

“I mean, it’s not really all that unbelievable,” Johnny said at the bar.

“But you were listening! He just sat there! And talked to me! Properly! He hated me, remember? I mean, I think he still really dislikes me, but…” Allen trailed off as he took another sip of his drink, milk seeping onto his tongue with the pleasant mixed bitter taste of coffee.

“You should have seen him as we were looking for you. One time when he was drunk, he had been ranting off about all the things he would do to you when he found you.” Johnny propped up his coke bottle glasses. “Oh, like how he would pin you down and make you explain yourself, or how dare you do all that for him and then be such a pain to track down. Or how…” Johnny continued to explain how Kanda would do this and that.

It was super embarrassing, and Allen couldn’t help but blush a little at the wording, as he thought ‘It’s nothing,’ and didn’t read into it.

“And then the next morning, he said, ‘How dare that beansprout give me this hangover.’”

Allen lightly slammed the counter and exclaimed with reddish cheeks, “How is that my fault!”

“My point is, I think he cares a lot,” Johnny claimed making a sign like ‘Eureka!’ with his hand.

“Since… when…” Allen asked, covering his face with one hand.

Johnny shrugged, deciding not to bring up moments in the past where he and others in the Science Department decided not to say anything.

“But I’m glad you guys had a proper talk with each other. Maybe the General said something, but after that… I feel like he had grown up a bit.” Johnny took another swig of his beer and took another bite of his burger. Swallowing, he said, the look in his eyes calmer and more serious, “Ever since he came back, he also surprised me with how much he changed! It’s like he’s walking around now free of the burden of what happened back in the East Asia branch.”

“…”

“In fact, let me tell you what he said when I asked him why he came back…”

––—∞—––

“Yuu-kun, I know you’re anxious to meet up again with the Walker boy, but he will be okay on his own,” Tiedoll consoled.

“For the last time, I’m not sad I couldn’t go with him!” Kanda yelled.

About ten metres away, Marie looked up at the shout and answered it with a silent look. Even he didn’t believe Kanda.

“I’m fucking serious!” Kanda exclaimed. Then he let out a loud breath of complaint. “I’m going to seek different answers on my own. We’ll meet up on the same path. It’s just more fucking efficient this way.”

“Mhmm.”

“Stop looking at me like that,” Kanda demanded irritably.

Tiedoll simply smiled.

“You two spoke, didn’t you?” Tiedoll asked fondly.

“So what?”

“I’m proud.”

Kanda was confused at that response.

“You two are learning how to communicate with each other instead of simply arguing, my boy. That’s a step in the right direction. You’re growing into an adult.”

Kanda let out a ‘tch—’ sound through gritted teeth. “I’m already an adult!” eventually retorted, to which Tiedoll only patted him on the shoulders as if he were still fourteen.

After all, none of them had the chance to live normal lives between all the battles and missions they were assigned. While it was true they had handled horrors beyond those of adults, it had only been natural some skills would have been more stunted than others.

Tiedoll had been unable to levy such heavy chains and burdens from the young man’s back. Such chains he had locked up on his past, Kanda stubbornly refusing to budge, reflect, or remember.

The anger tore at the edges of his mind, and hatred made his soul heavy.

The reunion with Alma…

In the end, Tiedoll was simply immensely glad Kanda was finally freed from those chains.

He was thankful to Allen Walker.

Hearing his dear disciple’s continued mutters, he grinned again as he wondered what there was here between these two boys. Much had changed, from the impression he had, and he had never seen his disciple act this way with another.

“What is it, General?” Marie had asked.

“Nothing. Just mulling over our dear Yuu-kun’s spring of youth.”

Marie had a question on his face. “Is this about Allen?”

“Ah, so it’s not just me.”

––—∞—––

Sometimes, Allen would feel Kanda’s absence. It was pronounced.

More pronounced than he anticipated.

Something was building. He wasn’t sure what. He huffed the cold into his hands, looking up at the sky.

It would be okay, they were all heading towards the same goal and direction.

It was difficult for Allen to not settle into what he had accepted would be his natural state of being alone. He feels it, consciously. He can tell himself that he isn’t, but it’s difficult making himself believe it.

He grew up in solitude for much of his childhood when he wasn’t by Mana’s side, after all. And General Cross was certainly family in a way to him, but he certainly didn’t know how to raise a child. In that respect, he can’t say Cross made him feel less lonely.

And now even Cross was gone.

But his family in the Order, Lenalee, Komui, Reever and the others in the Science Department… Miranda, Marie, all of them, would be on the other side.

Sometimes when he has time to breathe, he would worry about Lavi, too. He had no idea where he was or if he was okay, he can only pray the Bookman foresaw such a situation and they were simply secretly and safely tucked away.

He heard a step, and Link was walking up to him along with Johnny. Kanda had already revealed to Allen that Link was alive. He ignored Link with an exaggerated snub, still pissed at him for letting him think he was dead. Link sighed, but smiled as Allen looked away as he remembered how Allen had initially reacted.

Johnny tapped his shoulder with a bright smile, and a gentle warmth welled up within him with his companions at his side and his comrades connected to him by the sky.

Johnny was his constant reminder of “You’re not alone, you’re not alone.” He wouldn’t dare let Allen forget it.

To say that things were difficult were an understatement.

Allen was determined not to disappear. Even so… Even so, fear crept in his shadow. It was simply natural. Tragedy pervaded his life and he didn’t want to lose anyone else. But he never wanted to stop caring, either.

At least he was glad that Link was alive, but his worries were endless.

And he wasn’t at his side. He wasn’t sure if he felt less or more safe without Kanda. On one hand, he wouldn’t hurt Kanda. On the other, Kanda was reliable and…

‘Huh?’ Allen caught himself thinking that, shaking his had and trying to stop wanting for it, wondering why he did.

Link raised his eyebrows as he observed Walker looking into the distance again, and then shaking it off, and then doing it again later throughout the day.

––—∞—––

“Are you stupid?” Lavi asked.

Surprisingly, on their journey, Lavi had turned up out of nowhere with memories missing and he had no idea how he had turned up there. Link had been heavily suspicious to the point where even Lavi didn’t trust himself.

Allen saw Link’s point, but at the very least, at least Lavi was safe. Allen’s first instinct was to run, but he couldn’t make the same mistake again. Kanda would march right back and flay him if he did after the scolding he gave him.

(Or maybe it would be fine if he did.)

(Maybe they would let Kanda come back now.)

“What?” Allen asked indignantly.

“You explained all that, and you still can’t figure out why he changed?” Lavi asked with his arms folded behind his head.

“I mean. I can understand that I helped him back during the incident with Alma, but…” Allen said as he had his hands on his nose.

“I think you know, you just want someone to reaffirm it to you.”

“…” Allen couldn’t deny it.

“It’s because of you. There, I said it.”

Allen muttered a quiet thanks.

“Wow, I still can’t believe you’re talking about the same guy. Yuu? Really? You actually managed to pull the stick out of his ass? That is so impressive! I mean. Wow, I don’t even know where to begin. He sounds like… well.”

“Hn?”

“Well, this is going to sound ridiculous, but if it really was like as you say it was, he sounds like he likes you.”

“What???” Allen asked in utter disbelief.

“Hey, listen. Don’t shoot the messenger.” Lavi put up his hands.

Allen only sputtered. He chose to believe that what Lavi meant was what he thought was more likely. “I don’t know. I don’t know if we can become friends now.”

“You know what I mean.”

Allen opened his mouth, and then blushed. “It’s definitely not like that.”

“Uhuh. Also, you told him everything, but not the rest of us?”

“I… He just asked.”

“He influenced you too. He got you to open up,” Lavi pointed out. “Tell us later too.”

Allen nodded after a moment. “Of course.”

Lavi then chattered and then continued to ask for more gossip with the Order, and asking for more information about the others, and if anyone else would know anything about where the old man was.

––—∞—––

The sky continued to change.

As Kanda looked up above, remembers the same sky he saw back then, when he first broke through to the surface.

He wondered what Allen’s side is doing. His hands grasped the first key, and he made his way back to find him again.

Under those changing clouds from far away, the light flickered in silver eyes to and back from gold.

Kanda refused to get there too late.

He chased the unending sky.

#Yullen #DGM #Yullentide #Yullentide 2k19 #Kanda Yuu #Allen Walker #D.Gray-man #fanfiction #Yullen Week #Yullen Week 2k19

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faery-snow · 4 years

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A/N: Sorry it’s late! Chapter 5 is now UP. The last two will follow shortly. I had a devil of a time and the chapter ended up 4k-words long, hehe.

Chapters: 5/7 Fandom: D.Gray-man Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker, (side Komui Lee/Reever Wenham)

In the wake of their surprise kiss, things between Allen and Kanda start going downhill. Fast.

-~-

When Allen appeared in the cafeteria the next morning, he got his first post-kiss glimpse of Kanda. Back straight, Kanda ate his soba with the usual calm expression he wore every morning.

Allen smiled.

"Hey," he said, plopping beside Lenalee at the pair's table. He kept his eyes on Kanda as he asked, "How is everyone this morning?"

"Excellent," Lenalee beamed. "Did you hear? With Reever's help I was actually able to surprise Komui with a birthday gift for the first time ever. He's so disgustingly perceptive usually."

Allen, still watching Kanda, gave Lenalee's comment a chuckle and a polite noise of interest. But his gaze never wavered. On the bench, Kanda pushed his empty bowl away and finished his tea in slow, ritual movements.

He still didn't speak. He didn't even look at Allen.

"What's so special about keeping secrets from Komui?" he asked Lenalee, trying to act natural, keep the conversation going. Waiting for Kanda to at least look up.

"Did I mention the annoying perspicacity?" Lenalee said. "But Reever's a good distraction. And always amenable to pulling one over on my brother."

"How's—" Allen's voice dropped out when Kanda stood.

Allen and Lenalee both watched him gather his dishes and head away.

He hadn't even insulted Allen.

A terrible lurch sent Allen's stomach tumbling down, down.

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aoimitsu · 4 years

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It's been a while since I've actually written anything but I wanted to get something out for @yullen-week no matter how late.

SUMMARY: Allen remembers the pain of goodbyes, seen it with his own eyes. But he holds his memories close to his heart so that he never forgets.

RATING: T

#kanda yuu #d.gray man #yullen week 2019 #yullentide #allen walker #my writing #2am musings

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dirigibleballoon · 2 years

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I'm not complaining but what's with all the dgm/yullen love coming out of the woodwork again all at once.... is it bc yullentide is coming up... I'm in hell again guess I have to write more for them

#EVERY day I think about my royalty au for them #dgm #yullen #mine #2021

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godzillalien · 6 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: D.Gray-man Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker Characters: Kanda Yuu, Allen Walker, Lavi, Lenalee Lee, Arystar Krory, Timcampy Additional Tags: Pre-Slash, yullentide, they are both huge nerds but kanda is an even bigger nerd, kanda and allen discover they have a crush, lavi and lenalee being super done, Fluff, Humor, slightly ooc probably, allen hears kanda laugh for the first time and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever heard Series: Part 1 of Mars Summary:

Kanda and Allen got into a fight again while coming home from a mission.

#allen walker #kanda yuu #kanda x allen #yullen #lavi #lenalee lee #arystar krory #d.gray-man #d.gray-man hallow #dgm #dgm hallow

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candy-crackpot · 8 years

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Revenant - Yullen Week 2015

Chapter 7 - Revenant

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

FF.NET

AO3

» Coming back; returning from the dead/after a lengthy absence

or Metempsychosis

» Reincarnation, rebirth, rebirth as a new life form

Some promises cannot be fulfilled. He had many promises and sadly some of them could never be fulfilled. He knew that, but he still couldn’t help but feel a tingle of regret.

But maybe, it’s not that much of a problem sometimes, maybe some promises are better left unfulfilled.

Though perhaps not in this case. Allen groaned in annoyance seeing how little money he had. His good for nothing godfather has yet again accumulated insane amount of debt and left it for him to clean up. Even though after Oslo he promised that he wouldn’t do it again(long story...)! At times like this he truly despised the old man. He’d have to lose sleep to go to a casino and earn enough money next to saving up like crazy. Before anything he’d have to stock up on some food since the coupon would be invalid over tomorrow.

He glanced around in the store’s shelf knowing that he had to choose what he wanted carefully. He knew for sure that there would be no meat this weak. He had to choose meals rich in calorie: rice, potato and pasta. Maybe he could eat rice with an egg on top? Or he should cook soup so that would fill up his stomach? Ah, decisions, decisions. Which one to choose?

He halted with his trolley at the mirelit section. It seemed as his problems were sold. His eyes widened at the sight of paper hanging inside the freezer. Allen could feel himself tear up in joy. The frozen tempura was 70% off! He wouldn’t have to starve!

He spread his arms wide, took as many as he could and dumped it all in the trolley. Even if he bought all of these he still could buy some rice and vegetables! He basically tore open the freezer and dumped an armful of frozen veggies grinning like a fool.

He happily rolled his trolley away a little staggering as his shoe caught in the uneven floor - a rather large piece of tile was broken. However, he quickly lost interest in it as he looked up, only to once again let out a squeal of delight. The instant soba noodles were 90% off! This was a miracle! It had to be! Maybe someone did think of him up above! Now if he bought a lot of rice then he would be fine! Maybe he could even make some Mitarashi Dumplings! He laughed giddily at the thought. He was saved!

He reached to the shelf to take the remaining ones when his left hand bumped into another person’s. It was a tall, judging from his build, a stunningly handsome male with long black hair tied in a high ponytail, wearing a black T-shirt with dark blue jeans and sneakers. His hand was so warm, it made his skin tingle under the clothe. If he wasn’t looking in the onyx irises of the stranger, he would have noticed the star-shaped birthmark on his hand let out a green light. He was busier with other issues.

His smile froze to his face glancing to the side where a person was looking at him funnily. Allen only laughed nervously. “Umm...”

“My answer is no.” Both males whipped their head in the direction of the voice. The colour drained from Allen’s face. It belonged to a blond woman in her early thirties standing with her back showed to a log red haired man with a mask covering half of his face.

“Come now, Klaud.” The man whispered huskily as he stood way too close to a woman who just rejected him. “You, me, alone with a bottle of Romanée Conti. Don’t worry about the brat, I already took care of him.” Allen’s hand tightened around the plastic wrapping he was holding to the point that it looked ready to explode. This was the reason he had to go gamble tonight?!

“Get the picture Cross, I’m not interested.” The woman replied irritated.

“Is it because of that brat?” Cross asked sighing as he looped an arm around the visibly unwilling woman. “No worries, he’ll tag along with mine so you and I can-GUAH!!”

Miss Nine’s eyes snapped wide open seeing a piece of large and heavy tile plant itself in Cross’s face, knocking him over and effectively knocking him out. She blinked seeing the man lie surrounded in broken tiles and she raised her curious eyes to his saviour.

She recognised him, it was Allen, the only one who could babysit Timothy without a mental breakdown or having the house set on fire. He was standing beside Tiedoll’s brat who was eyeing the boy with slight surprise. No surprise the pristine white appearance of his lulled people into false fantasies, like the boy was innocent. Strange, she never saw the two of them together. Then again, Cross and the boy moved to the town only recently. The boy wiped his hands in his pants and nodded at her. Her lips quirked upwards and nodded back.

Allen sighed as he glanced at the elder teen who was looking at him, then his cart. Still somewhat nervous for being ogled by that he handed the soba he was holding and shoved it in his arms. “Here.” he grumbled not meeting those onyx eyes. “This one is the best.” He grabbed onto the front metal bars of the cart and pulled it to where Cross’ body lied. He grabbed his old man by his hair and dragged him towards the cashier followed by Miss Nine.

Kanda continued to watch the unknown white-haired boy. Kanda prided himself on having an impeccable ability to read people, at first he thought the boy was a typical shy, nice and boring guy, a goody two shoes. The white hair was strange, but he figured this was the guy’s attempt to “rebel”. Just like a bean that wanted to break the confines of it shell and started sprouting. Yea, a Beansprout, that was what this guy was.

But in the next second, the teen tore up the floor tile and hurled it at the pervert. Also, for some reason the strange birthmarks he bore on his forearms and chest pulsed… and the boy had similar one on the back of his hand. His instincts said that if he followed the kid around then maybe he’d know what these symbols meant.

He glanced at the item the boy thrusted in his hand. It was Maker of Eden’s soba, the only one he liked and only because his old man made sure that he’s like it. Beansprout flavour. His favourite.

THE END

Well, this was fun. I’m glad I could write this without much delay. Hope you guys liked it. As always feedback is much appreciated. See you around~!

#finally done #last chapter #yullen week #yullentide #yullen week 2015 #yullen week 2k15 #allen walker #kanda yuu #fanfiction #my fanfiction #dgm #d.gray-man

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ask-chibi-black-and-white · 8 years

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{/ Yullentide 2k15 }

December 30-31st: Revenant » Coming back; returning from the dead/after a lengthy absence or Metempsychosis » Reincarnation, rebirth, rebirth as a new life form

Finder

#yullentide #Yullen #Yullen Week #I finished on time #Happy New Year #CrossOver #sorry everybody haha #see you in 2016

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amakah-blog · 8 years

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Unchanged

YullenWeek: Renevant Warning: kinda of spoiler? Nothing that wasn't shown in the manga tho Is the pressure that deepens the cut, he thought. He was carrying a bunch of books, from a section to another, helping the Science Division with something beyond his comprehension. Link was following him, a sour face right behind. Ahh. Was that a rule between the crowns that they all should always be like that, kinda invisible and positivity angrily? And then, while passing thru the never ending glasses all around the gothic hallway, there was He. The disfigured form, chained in a scary smile. Allen sighed, shrugging. There was no point in yell for Link and point the figure, he knew. No one besides him could see. The bizarre creature appeared even on the most unnecessarily moments, filling the Exorcist’s mind with the darkest visions of the future. This thing. This guy, he was inside him. And Allen was not very found on the thought of letting he go outside. Introspection Implosion. Anything. He needed to revert this situation. What was it? Would it be like to reborn inside his own body? But at the end he was still Allen Walker, right? He did not want to keep on living like that, without answers. Maybe, someone could help him. Oh. The one, the one who usually came, so casually, back from the dead, would know how to bring his back – back?- to his life. The one, the same one that always hammered his mask, liberating the truly personality of the cursed one. Yep. No one better than Yu Kanda to give some crude facts to the classy doubts. And that's how he arrived at the – always confuse – Supervisor Room, felling a lot like his truly –Dark- self. Pitch black, ready to be called, oh so thoughtfully, “Moyashi”. “Oi, Bakanda! Can you get out of the way already?” He dropped the books on Komui’s desk, neglecting his cries. “MOYASHI!” There was it, the vein, angrily popping out from his forehead. The swordsman hand was already touching the Mugen. Lenalee, who was also there, gave a couple of sympathetic touches on Link’s shoulders. “It's Allen, Kanda. Oooh, right. I forgot, you see, that you are pretty dumb…” And it was done. The chaos spread uncertainly, with some papers flying and one voice getting louder there and there. Link kept asking why, why, this had to be his job. Lavi laughed, dodging objects, searching some papers that he was not supposed to read. Reever was pulling Kumui’s ear because the Oh Great Supervisor tried to escape during the growing mess. And Allen felt, oh, he felt so alive. His members suspiciously tangled on Kanda’s, theirs bodies rolling togheter in the ground, covered on the well know thin sweaty, old company from so many moments shared in so many places. Yes. It was good to be there, with him, being Allen Walker.

#yullentide #yullen week #yullen2k15 #Our Stuff #amarulla #amakah

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yullen-week · 4 years

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`{/ Yullentide 2k19 } 💠 Dec. 18th-31st!

main theme: Healing through past & present

Finalized themes!

(„≖` ‸ ≖) 💜 (◡‿ㄘ˶)〴~*:･ﾟ✧

The main overall theme brings together the 7 basic themes, and is based on the events in more recent chapters of the manga. Submissions for basic themes do not necessarily have to be based on the overall theme; they only have to relate to the basic theme itself.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⊱ ❖ ⊰┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

basic themes:

Each basic theme lasts for two days, and you may publish your work any time during that period of time respective to each theme. Collect all 7 for a personalized banner and the clean promo graphic~!

Dec. || Theme 18-19th: Amelioration » The act of relieving ills and changing for the better 20-21st: Nepenthe » Something that can make you forget grief or suffering 22-23rd: Understanding 24-25th: Mend / Broken 26-27th: Cicatrize » Heal by forming a scar 28-29th: Abreaction » Reliving an experience in order to purge it of its emotional excesses; a type of catharsis 30-31st: Closure

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⊱ ❖ ⊰┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

alternate themes:

These can be posted on any day during the two weeks and are optional.

Abscondment » Running away secretly (as to avoid arrest); often taking something/somebody along Cope Purification Paired Hearts / Hearts Aligned » From the 「双ぶ心」 on the cover of c230, followed by 「曲げない決意、譲らない覚悟。」 or "Unyielding determination, unrelenting resolve." Cafuné » Portugese; running your fingers through the hair of someone you love Redemption

Or the Joker ♠ Card: Any past theme can be used. (1 use)

Please submit entries to the main tag on any/all social media: #Yullentide Alternate Tags: #Yullen Week, #Yullen Please send any missed entries to admin for Instagram or other site entries!

{ twitter | discord | ask | FB }

#Yullen #AreKan #DGM #Yullentide #Yullen Week #D.Gray-man #Allen Walker #Kanda Yuu #edit #promotional graphics #Yullentide 2k19 #finalized themes

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hanabimonai · 8 years

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[Yullentide] All The Time

Happy New Year! Here’s the a sequel to my @dgmsecretsanta post! This fic is dedicated to Bani, AKA @theyullenator. Belated Happy Birthday!

Title: All The Time

Summary: Sequel to The Truth of Sacrifice. After their scene in the square, but before their moment inside the hotel; Allen comes to terms with just how deeply he wishes for Kanda to explicitly reciprocate his feelings— while they still have the time left.)

Rating: T

Wordcount: 1810

All The Time

Allen, Kanda, and Johnny have managed to secure a compartment on their current train… but the only available ones were in first class. Once the conductor arrives, they’ll be paying to have it to themselves. Full price. Allen reasons with himself that they’ve been travelling for a solid day and a half now after only a day’s stay in one place, and there’s no way to avoid it: they need the privacy (not to mention a comfortable place to sleep for once) while discussing their next moves. How he longs for the days he could simply flash the Order insignia and acquire this level of comfort at no charge! Yet the Black Order won’t have him back again. Not as an Exorcist anyhow. Perhaps as a prisoner, if he’s lucky.

“Allen, is there something on your mind?” Johnny asks thoughtfully, no doubt catching his rueful smile. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“Oh no, nothing, thank you,” he smiles more genially as Kanda stares silently. He appears displeased about something. Not an unusual expression for the guy exactly, but still unnerving somehow. Might as well give him something to actually look that way about; “My mind right now is as blank as Kanda’s is always.”

“Tch,”

So he’s elected to take the high road? Well it’s early yet.

“Let’s just make the most of this, shall we? After tickets are sorted I expect the refreshments trolley should stop here first."

Does Kanda think Allen doesn’t notice him ever-so-subtly rolling his eyes just because he’s facing the window now?

“Allen,” Johnny’s head droops, penitent; “I’m so sorry all my cash got stolen, and I haven’t had the chance to replace those funds yet.”

“You can thank Apocryphos for that,” Allen qualifies, grim. “Luckily it seems we've given him the slip for now. Crown Clown hasn’t resonated for quite some time.”

“But still, I came here hoping to be of help to you— not a burden.”

Kanda’s lips purse tightly, and Allen notes to himself that he must stop allowing his attention to stray to the handsome Exorcist near the window.

Oh hell he’s probably thinking the same thing I am—

That day. The day Allen became a Noah— again— and nearly killed Johnny. If Kanda hadn’t been there… And yet here Johnny is, apologizing as if none of it ever happened.

“You’re not a burden Johnny! Never. On the contrary, you’ve helped me a lot already. When you recognized that day that I hadn’t given up yet, you encouraged me further to strengthen my resolve. That golem of yours that isn’t connected to the Order has come in handy as well.” The golem in question puffs up and flaps about with pride. “Also, a… little bird tells me you stayed by my side the entire time I was out that day…”

A satisfactorily mushy smile spreads on Johnny Gill’s face, accompanied by a sharp look from a certain window-dwelling ‘little bird’ nearby. Allen sends a little wink when Johnny isn’t looking. He should really stop taunting Kanda so, but he can’t help himself.

Thanks to these two, Allen feels freer than he has in a while. Thanks to Kanda in particular, he now has a purpose— other than to fight off the damn Noah inside of him. For better or worse he needed something outside of himself to work on, and reviving Timcanpy is only possible now because Kanda saved those fragments. So while his worries haven’t gone, somehow they’ve become a lot more manageable.

There’s a brief knock at the compartment door before it opens. The golem dives into Johnny’s ponytail to hide, and Allen almost laughs.

“Tickets please!”

Right. First Class. Full fare. No excuses. No way out of this.

“Yes I suppose I’ll be taking care of the fee,” Allen starts—

“Excuse me sir,” the conductor begins, addressing the window.

“Are you… from the Black Order?”

Kanda shifts around to face the other three, having turned his back earlier. The bottom drops out of Allen’s stomach, he’s so shocked and afraid. What if this man reports us?

“What?” Kanda begins, startled.

“Sir, you’re an Exorcist aren’t you? I don’t know what happened to the emblem of the Black Order you should be wearing, and I daresay it’s not my place to ask such things, nevertheless I’d recognize that uniform anywhere, as well as the fine people who wear it,” one of the man’s eyes grows shiny. The other appears to be made of glass.

"Look,” Kanda begins suddenly, his posture tense. “We’re… on very secret business here.”

What is he trying to do?

“Oh my!”

“I am… under orders to escort these two. I have to keep them safe but we can’t trust anyone until we set foot at a safehouse. We can’t risk being identified by anyone. Our names, our descriptions, the fact we were here is all… strictly confidential.”

“Goodness!”

Goodness indeed. Even Kanda pulls out surprises from time to time. Might as well play my role then. Good thing my arm is covered! “Yes, please don’t repeat any of this to anyone? We’re prepared to reimburse you for your troubles of co—”

“Nonono, not a word more,” the conductor glances at a petrified Johnny. “I fear I’ve given you quite a fright! Black Order Exorcists saved my entire village when I was but a child; a debt I could never hope to repay. Your headquarters pays a set hire fee to have all its Exorcists and officials travel with us at no further charge. And comfortably I might add. I require no remuneration for such a trifling request. I beg your pardon, but I’ll have to refuse. Yet rest assured, I will not utter a word about this to a single soul!”

“Th-thank you!” Johnny stutters out, heavily moved.

“May God bless and protect you all.”

“Bless… you, sir,” Allen barely manages, too shaken to compose further words. But what good are blessings from the condemned?

“You’re an honourable man,” Kanda comments quietly.

The conductor sighs and wipes a tear from his eye as he exits. The door squeaks shut behind him and Allen lets out a very shaky breath.

Before he knows it, Kanda is turning to confront him. And off goes his heart rate again. “What?”

“I know you’re feeling guilty. Don’t.”

“What difference does it make if I am?” Allen retorts, defiant as that pair of deep blue eyes bores into him. Goddamnit, how can he be so vexing? As long as they’ve known each other, the mystery has only deepened.

“Don’t forget you’re an Exorcist, Beansprout. He’s grateful to you too.”

“He’s right, Allen.”

All he can do at this point is cover his emotional face with both gloved hands. Allen can’t deny that he is what they call an “Exorcist,” but right now Kanda seems to be the true exorciser of demons.

“Who can’t lie now, Beansprout?”

There is absolutely no reason that should make him feel better. Yet unexpectedly, Allen feels a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

—

Light refreshments have been served, and the three are ready to discuss their plans to find general Cross and save Timcanpy.

“So from what you told me—“ Johnny begins.

“Sssh! Someone’s there.” Kanda shushes him, darting up. He quickly opens the door, and Allen hears a small shriek.

“I-I’m s-s-so sorry, sir. I-I happened to notice you dropped something earlier!”

It’s a young woman, who happens to be very breathless and very red-faced. Whether it’s Kanda’s intimidating nature or his stunning looks that have the poor girl flustered is anyone’s guess. Actually, probably both. With many people, Allen figures, it’s got to be both.

“Here!” She hands it to him and hastens away, before he can reply.

Allen has one eyebrow raised as Kanda holds up a small, golden, and strangely familiar mechanical… beetle?

“What is this?” Kanda immediately questions Johnny where he sits across from Allen.

“Ah, that’s mine!” Johnny pipes up, swiping it out of Kanda’s hand immediately and rushing to the door with his bag. “The Order First Science Division analyzed these barrier-making insects a while ago. We determined there’s no dark matter or any kind of Noah magic in them whatsoever. In fact it’s probable the Noahs didn’t even create them. I thought we could use a few to stop anyone from coming in here, but then one went missing so I was short—”

Having no idea what he’s talking about, Allen and Kanda can only stare as Johnny busies himself with attaching a small array of the things to the hallway wall outside their compartment. And now Allen feels Kanda’s eyes on him. Damn his heart.

“What is it, Kanda?”

“Nothing.”

The hell it is. Since Mater there’s been an unbearable tension between the two of them. Since their time on the Ark, Allen’s known exactly what it was. Is. But will Kanda ever figure it out? Not bloody likely.

Allen stands up. “I think I need some water.”

He feels a hand on his left arm.

“Wait. Here, just have this…” Kanda produces a Black Order-issued metal flask. “Let him finish whatever he’s doing out there.”

First his coat and now this. Allen stares, vaguely aware his mouth has dropped open in his awe. These are arguably very minor gestures, the both of them, but coming from Kanda they speak volumes. Along with those comes his recent ease of contact as well.

He sure didn’t hesitate to put his arm around Allen’s waist to get to a pocket the other day, while Allen pretended not to be having a heart attack. Prior to the past few days, the only times he received such intimate contact from the guy was back when they used to spar. (Of course Allen was the one to initiate that pattern, but still…) In all the time they’ve spent together, they’ve never touched so casually as this!

He takes the shiny, polished container and raises it to his mouth with all the nonchalance he can muster, his right hand shaking a little, and his left arm still tingling. Has Kanda ever even let anyone else’s lips touch this bottle?

As he takes a very long sip, Allen gives in to a fantasy of their lips meeting with no steel-and-leather intermediary in between. How freeing it would be to not have to worry about Noahs, the Order’s judgments, or untimely deaths for as long as their lips can be joined?

Yet with all these subtle signs notwithstanding, is Kanda truly ready? Assuming he feels the same way, is he even capable of accepting those feelings? In an ideal world with their whole lives ahead of them, Allen would be content to wait forever to find out. Yet in the cruel reality of this world in which they live, it seems impossible they could have that kind of time.

#yullentide #dgm fanfiction #kallenda #all the time #theyullenator #liberate #absolution #onsra #trust #(but trust is buried in ttos kind of like absolution is buried here)#yullen week

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yullen · 6 years

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please help i’m suffering

?!??!?!?!????? ?!?!?

based on this poem amillionsmiles recced me

#suffering #stuff for Yullen Week #Yullen #Yullentide #poetry #not TWEWY

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faery-snow · 4 years

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The final chapter of my Yullentide piece ended up as long as the entire rest of the fic (thus I’m a day late). I split it in two to make reading easier. Enjoy!

Fandom: D.Gray-man Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker, (side Komui Lee/Reever Wenham) Status: Complete

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Chapter 7 Snippet

"Do you really care about nothing?" Allen whispered.

The words rang through Kanda like a bell.

Not caring? This was the farthest thing from Kanda not caring.

"I care about things worth caring about," he growled. "What do you care about? Appeasing your own sense of guilt by deciding what salvation looks like for other people and executing it without their consent? Getting hurt to compete in some stupid game about who can be the biggest martyr? Those things aren't worth shit."

"You know nothing," Allen said with a shrug. His lack of anger made the frustration in Kanda's chest burn hotter. "You don't know me. You don't know what I think."

"So maybe tell me, if you're so desperate to be understood."

Allen looked over with a blank expression.

"Whoever said I wanted to be understood by you?"

Maybe some part of Kanda had expected the pain: had known this was still the ground they were on when it came to each other. Enemies first, and friends never. But it still lanced like fire through his gut...