#Without the Betrayal

[lgbtlunaverse]

It seems the dash has been talking about the Lan Xichen - Nie Huaisang post-canon dynamics and it's gotten me thinking about how discussion around post-canon Lan Xichen's absolutely horrendous mental state often center around the question of "who is Lan Xichen angry at and who does he feel guilty about" which, at its worst, seperates into 2 camps where according to one side he feels guilty about not protecting jgy and hates the Nies and, on the other side he has completely flipped on jgy and despises him now while being filled with regret towards both nmj and nhs.

And I dislike both of these takes not just because it often feels like people projecting their own Blorbo opinions onto Lan Xichen which is never a fun time but also because that central question is flawed to begin with. It treats anger and guilt like opposing emotions that can't coexist or, if they do, have to compete until one wins and cancels the other out.

And that's not how that... works.

To be clear, the reason why Lan Xichen is so supremely fucked up at the end of the story is that he believes on some level he fucked over everyone in this situation. And, even more importantly, that even with hindsight he can't actually think of what he should have done instead. Every attempt to do better by one seems to involve fucking over the others even more because these people were in conflict with each other and choosing one would mean standing against another

And none of this would actually stop him from feeling angry at any of them. It's not "who is he angry at and who does he feel guilty about" it's: "he is angry at everyone and feels an immediate and bone deep guilt for daring to think badly of them."

Speaking from personal experience here, but feeling like you're not allowed to be angry at someone because you wronged them really doesn't stop the feeling, it just maks you feel like shit for feeling it. And this is all worsened by the fact that what he's in seclusion for is, at the end of the day, a moral question of what he, Lan Xichen, did wrong and every single emotion serves as further proof of the ways he's failed them.

Is he angry at Jin Guangyao, for killing his oldest friend, using Lan xichen's trust in him to do it, and then lying to him about it and countless other things for a decade when Lan Xichen thought of him as the person he trusted the most in the entire world? Yeah. That's a thing people get angry about! Except Jin Guangyao also saved his life and protected and helped him more times than he can count and never ever hurt him and can Lan Xichen say the same? No. He had to clean A-Yao's blood off Shouyue, he has to be haunted by the fact that if he just hadn't listened to Huaisang- hadn't been just like everyone else, in the end, and believed a lie about Jin Guangyao just to think the worst of him- then Jin Guangyao might still be alive.

Is he angry at Huaisang? For orchestrating the death of his best friend? For making him do it? For knowing what the real cause behind Nie Mingjue's death was and never telling him until he found out in the absolute worst way? Absolutely. But didn't Huaisang hide it from him for a reason? Wasn't it his clan's techniques and his personal faith in Jin Guangyao that cost Huaisang his brother? How dare he demand that Huaisang let him in on the secret of his brother's murderer when Lan Xichen is here wondering about how he should have protected that murderer better!

And I do even think he's angry at Nie Mingjue, sometimes I think it's pretty normal to be angry at your friend for kicking your other friend down the stairs and threatening to kill him, even when you know his mind is being poisoned. And years later the last thing he ever saw of Nie Mingjue was Nie Mingjue's thoughtless corpse coming to kill him before Jin Guangyao pushed him away and then proceeded to graphocally snap Jin Guangyao's neck in front of him. And if what he wants to do is protect Jin Guangyao, shouldn't he be mad at Mingjue? Didn't this whole mess start because Jin Guangyao was afraid Nie Mingjue was going to kill him?

Except holy shit, can you imagine? Lan Xichen feels like he personally has Nie Mingjue's blood on his hands. Your oldest friend is killed in front of you and you happily believe it's an accident for 11 years and now you think you have the right to be mad at him? You watched him get worse as he was being poisoned and attributed it to his illness and not to the techniques stolen from your library with the token you give his murderer. Does he think Nie Mingjue knew who he was in that moment and wanted to kill him? That he blamed Lan Xichen for his death? (For the record, I don't. I don't agree with most of what Lan Xichen thinks about himself, but I've been in a self-blame spiral and I know how it feels)

But what was he supposed to do then? Choose Mingjue's side and let A-Yao die? That's also unacceptable. But so is letting Jin Guangyao get away with it. Every single outcome is unacceptable. And really, if Jin Guangyao felt like he had to kill Nie Mingjue to save himself, when it was Lan Xichen who was supposed to keep the peace between them, isn't that another mark of his failure? That he couldn't protect Jin Guangyao well enough that he felt he had to do something so horrible?

But that's not an answer! He's supposed to know what he should have done different, and all he can come up with is "what you were already doing, but without failing this time" He can't pick a side because that means betrayal, but he's already tried not picking a side and it ended like this! There is no right answer, which can only leave him with the idea that he was simply doomed to hurt the people he loved from the start. No wonder the guy looks like shit when we see him post-canon. They put him in a real life trolley problem and gave him the lever as a souvenir.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #lan xichen #nie huaisang #jin guangyao #meng yao #nie mingjue #personally i LOVE high stakes ethical dilemma tragedies where there's not a clear right or wrong #and i can enjoy them without picking a side because it's fiction to me and i can admire the complex web of love hurt and betrayal from afar #but this is lan xichen's actual life. he HAS to have an answer to this question in a way I don't #but there isn't one

[podcastenthusiast]

The way BG3 approaches revenge is so interesting. It never says anyone is wrong to kill someone who's done them harm, but it does say that doing so alone won't fix the trauma.

Aylin just feels empty after killing Lorroakan. Astarion admits killing Cazador didn't feel how he expected it would either; he feels numb for a while and it changes his perspective on things. Karlach kills Gortash and it isn't satisfying, because he never felt sorry for the life he took from her and now she has to grapple with how little she has left.

Again, they weren't wrong to crave that catharsis and the safety it brings them. But revenge is never the end of healing. It's only the beginning. Choosing to live again is maybe the best revenge there is.

#bg3 #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #counselor plays video game #killing is pretty normalized in their world but like as far as i know you can't tell your companions to just forgive their abusers #you can tell them to avoid direct confrontation and run but they remind you they'll never be safe if they do that #in fact taking that choice that catharsis by for example killing cazador without astarion is framed as a bad option #a betrayal of his trust and autonomy. which it is even with good intentions

[gideonisms]

eowyn should have been a lesbian. Eowyn/faramir is like, fine, but it misses the point of eowyn for all baby dyke eowyn stans which is not that she longs for glory in battle and doesn't realize war is ugly and brutal, but that she's caught between two awful options and she doesn't want to be given one based on her gender. She's not in love with aragorn, she envies him because she finds the tasks he has in life more preferable and she hero worships him. Is this the point Tolkien was trying to make? Well, no,

#look it is LESS objectionable than other similar fantasy storylines because tolkien is making a point about the brutality of war #but i do think he correctly observes a particular impulse in some women without fully understanding the underlying tensions #he's like. for reasons unknown some women would prefer to face horrible dangerous circumstances than stay at home & tend the family castle #don't you see the castle is the important thing! #the castle is more important yes that's not the POINT #anyway. it will not be until many years later that some of those baby dykes will be able to articulate the vague feeling of betrayal #guy jobs are horrible and exploitative too on this we agree. but you see some of us will die if we have to figure out how to be nurturing

[dubblebubbleibuprofen]

Do NOT get me started.

#back in my betrayal phase #you cannot feel betrayed without feeling love or whatever #kenstewy #tommy shelby #kendall roy #alfie solomons #stewy hosseini #tommy x alfie #kendall’s the judas to stewys jesus #tommys the stewy to alfies kendall #oddly enough #peaky blinders #succession #help me save me is somebody there anyone help me help #quotes #web weaving #knit #intertextuality #comparatives #the last days of judas iscariot #a perfect spy #john le carre

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

1.01, "Pilot" | Stephen Adly Guirgis, "The Last Days Of Judas Iscariot" " | 5.22, "Swan Song"

#please consider!! dean as judas to sam's christ allegory #sam considers himself the judas between them!! but narratively speaking! it's dean!! i feel insane #yeah cain and abel were the first fratricide but have we acknowledged the first toxic yaoi. jesus and judas #yeah the narrative frames sam's blood drinking as the big Act of Betrayal but #if you consider...that it's sam sacrificing himself by bearing the weight of the actual devil. to save humanity #sam drinking demon blood in the first place in order to save possessed ppl without killing them...literally taking on the sins of men #dean is both judas delivering his kiss AND the authorities coming to arrest jesus in gethsemane when he locks sam up #dean doesn't believe in god but he needs to live in the light and grace and love of his little brother #his faith and love in sam. being his connection to his humanity. #j.edit #spn edit #sam winchester #dean winchester #comparatives #wincest #samdean

[drinkingdeadpeopletea]

midst podcast really called moc weepe a "diabolical bastard" in the literal trailer description and is still leaving me with my jaw on the fucking FLOOR about him being a diabolical bastard. "oh haha cool glass man with the funny voice who runs a shady cabaret and commits petty theft in his first scene i BET he's diabolical :) wow he's killing the guy trying to blackmail him in a totally horrible way but the guy WAS trying to blackmail him so go king! :) hey what do you MEAN he's selling out dozens of his own friends and employees to the church corporation in exchange for a bunch of beads that mean basically nothing to him what do you MEAN--"

#it's a critical role property so i've decided it can go on this blog. #midst podcast #midst spoilers #midst #this is HIGH praise btw i'm having the time of my LIFE #the only moment i was more delighted was when phineas rejected the rich guy's offer to even his balance bc his pride couldn't handle it #i was CHEERING in my car for that one. #clapping and cheering and yelling 'YEAHHHH PRIDE!!!! YEAHHHHH BETRAYAL!!!!!!!!' #it does seem possible moc weepe has some sort of double cross scheme going on. i really hope he doesn't but even if he DOES that's SO many #people's lives to gamble without their knowledge...... #everyone listen to this podcast i think it might be awesome for real.

[franklyimissparis]

“if paul was bisexual/queer why wouldn’t he just come out by now?” why WOULD he tbh 😭😭 like idk i just think at 81 years old it’s probably not something PR man paul particularly feels the need to share publicly

#especially since he’s married to a woman - knowing paul i feel like he’d probably (incorrectly) think it’d be a betrayal to nancy/linda #i get the vibe that for paul it’s a bit ‘out of sight out of mind’ #like yeah i’m not with a guy right now so why tell people #who knows maybe he’ll shock us one day but it seems like despite him clearly having some unresolved feelings and pent up guilt abt john #he’s also content with leaving things as they stand - continuing to emphasise how much he loved john without making a statement #all of this is assuming that he’s even cognizant of his own queerness which is doubtful at times 😭 #paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #john and paul

[nellasbookplanet]

Of all the Bell's Hells, the character I think would be most interesting to see having to personally deal with direct mortal-god interactions is Laudna. (that's a lie, I want to see ashton get into contact with the luxon so bad, but the luxon isn’t part of the established pantheon and might not even be a god so that is a discussion for another post)

Mostly, the group seems pretty ambivalent on the gods, but ever since her experiences during the solstice and the party split Laudna has veered from 'neutral' to 'actively negative'. I think it's all her previous compartmentalization being forced to a screeching halt from dealing with so much bad shit at once and she does not like dealing with her emotions, and it's making her lash out at the perceived cause of said emotions: the gods. Were the gods, and in extension all of Exandria, not in danger she and the party wouldn’t be going through hell right now trying to save them. Obviously this isn’t entirely rational and veers on victim blaiming, but characters under a lot of stress and going through dark shit aren’t always logical, and either way Laudna is still working to stop Ludinus regardless of her feelings so I'm not holding it against her.

She's also a pretty isolated and 'me and mine' type character who’s been dealt a very bad hand for most of her life. Prior to meeting the hells, the only person she really cared about was Imogen because Imogen was the only one who cared about her. She doesn’t see 'a god resurrected me', she sees 'Imogen and the hells resurrected me'; she doesn’t see 'the gods, who have done much good in the world, need help', she sees 'the entire world (and especially Imogen), is in danger because the gods, who I've never seen neither hide nor hair of, can’t handle their own shit'. It’s leading to a lot of messy emotions where she has to involve herself in a conflict she doesn’t care about, because the core victims of said conflict (the gods) are people she has zero relationship and connection to.

Having Laudna, through her connection to the Sun Tree, come into contact with Pelor would be such an interesting and challenging route to take. Be it simple visons/dreams, as an extended sort of patron, or fully becoming a champion, either would be cool, but the point is that it would allow Laudna an avenue to work through and come to terms with her conflicted feelings regarding the gods and her own trauma as having nothing to do with them instead of viewing them as borderline scapegoats. It would challenge growth in her as a character, but it would also challenge growth in Pelor, as some of her critiques of him are entirely valid (coughhearthdellcough). It’s good for there to be followers who aren't blindly obedient but who question and challenge.

Also, there’s the fact that Marisha-as-Keyleth, another character who was at best ambivalent about the gods, offered to be Pelor's champion in c1 before Vex stepped up. It'd be cool to finally get to see Marisha truly play out the dynamic of 'jaded mortal forced by circumstance to ally with a god and using it to work through her own feelings of trauma'.

#critical role meta #critical role #cr3 #laudna #this campaign has the opportunity to do some really unique (for critrole) things with god-follower relationships! #already we have fcg fumbling his way as a follower who used to think himself soulless and not alive #now coming to terms with faith entirely without outside guidance and learning personhood through it #we could have ashton fostering a relationship with the luxon in the future #and fearne with a LITERAL BETRAYER GOD #and having laudna‚ a character entirely uninterested in faith and godliness‚ be forced to deal with the gods as people and patrons #would be another really cool and unique route to take #nella talks cr

[guinevereslancelot]

babe would you still love me if we were superheroes and you were in danger and i went absolutely bonkers and crossed every moral boundary imaginable to protect you at literally any cost?

#would you still love me if i was covered in blood for you? #anywayyyy more superheros going of the fucking deep end for love thanks <3333 #this isn't based in anything in particular unfortunately i would simply like to see it #anyway.....people compromising their morals for love!!! doing the wrong thing for selfish reasons!!! #too many people commenting on my betrayal post think its about ur lover changing your mind/making you realize u were wrong #no!!! its about choosing the wrong side in purpose!!! going against ur beliefs bc u love someone more than ur conscience #KNOWING its wrong but doing it anyway in absolute AGONY because what other choicebdo you have!!! #anyway <3 #sacrifice ur soul for ur lover or don't waste their time #this has been a shitpost #please tag your blorbos <3 #ig this is lowkey and anidala post but i want the superhero version please and also without the totally implosion of the ship and hero #i want the good guy lover to live with the weight of his sins knowing he can never atone but he would make all the same choices again 🤌 #devotion to your lover above everything!! past the point of redemption or the ability to forgive yourself!!! #(this is good when the lover is horrified but better when they forgive their lover for the atrocities committed for their own sake) #otp dynamic fr #worm discourse

[fistfuloflightning]

You promised— He always liked to think that Earendil hated him. It made it easier, somehow. To push back the grief and the guilt and the filthiness that clung to his bones. But his nephew was constantly in his presence, laughing and chattering like a little bird. And Maeglin hated himself all the more for what he had done.

Day 4: Earendil & Maeglin for @nolofinweanweek

#nolofinweanweek #nolofinweanweek2023 #the silmarillion #maeglin #earendil #gondolin #my art #tolkien art #decided to use my origin design for maeglin this time #a happier moment before shit went down #i love the idea of earendil calling him uncle and dragging maeglin away from his forges and mines to explore the markets #… #damn it #theres another au rattling around #maeglin escapes angband with a silmaril and returns to gondolin #morgoth sends out his army earlier than expected and gondolin falls without maeglin’s betrayal #he flees the city with the orphaned earendil and the silmaril and they seek asylum with the feanorians/the feanorians hunt them down #maeglin makes himself indispensable with his knowledge of galvorn and becomes their weapons master while raising earendil #single dad maeglin teaching earendil how to forge weapons and to fight #the feanorians sneaking in to throw out advice #knowing me it’d probably end up including maemae lmao #bc maedhros finds competence sexy 😏

[greenerteacups]

Are there any other wizarding families that are underexplored in canon and pique your interest in a similar way to the Blacks?

This is a unique function of what food my brain worms like to eat, but no one's doing it like the Blacks. The drama? The intrigue? The Gothic horror? The prodigal sons and lost daughters and killers and sinners and martyrs and saints? The wizard Catholicism of it all? The story of the House of Black is the best book never written.

#i do think the potters could benefit from fleshing out #like harry's got no cousins or grandparents on his dad's side and that's weird to me #because his parents were... 22? so... how early did james's parents die? and how? because they're not old enough for natural causes #though to be honest. if i could add one backstory to canon it wouldn't be the potters OR the blacks #it would be peter pettigrew and the story of his betrayal #most important decision in the whole fucking series. lynchpin of the novels' decade-spanning plot #and it's like. whoops. motivation machine broke! #WHY did he do it? we have no mcfucking clue #the potters and blacks are cool to think about but ultimately just extra dressing for the plot #understanding peter pettigrew is crucial to understanding why the novels happen and we simply don't! #EDIT: just remembered the pottermore canon that the Potters have james when they're much older and that's why they're not around #that's not satisfying to me for 2 reasons 1: wizards canonically have longer-than-normal lifespans #and 2: doesn't explain how/why the Evanses disappear after Lily's death #like I'm not saying they COULDN'T die — obviously could! my grandparents were all dead before my 20s #but that was like. cancer. and in one case aggressively accelerated liver failure #just like a throwaway line or something to clear it up would've been cool #since it's not so much a plot hole as a plot pothole #we can get over it but shit's smoother without

[soloorganaas]

amy not being a lesbian is one of the greatest sins tww ever committed tbh

#amy gardner #the west wing #up there with toby’s betrayal arc #losing ainsley #killing simon donovan #and just all of will’s storyline after s4 #she could easily have been woven into the story through her dynamic with josh without it being romantic/sexual #look at joey lucas #and amy would have done SO much more for the plot without it just being the cringe forced pulling her pigtails thing they made happen #mary louise parker’s femme dyke energy was truly wasted

[glow-and-vamp]

Metamorphosis

The change inside the chrysalis is slow and gradual. The body digests itself from the inside out. The old body is broken down into imaginal cells but not all the tissues are destroyed. Some old tissues pass onto the creature's new body.

#vlad plasmius #vlad masters #imagine slowly transforming into something you hated #at a hospital ill-equipped to handle it #we think there's a lot of untapped potential of exploring Vlad's past #like yes danny is currently the happening now #but can you imagine the sheer hospital trauma? #the abandonment and betrayal? #jack and maddie canonically love and support danny without much thought #jack and maddie also canonically didn't contact their best friend for 10 years after blowing up his face in a ectoplasm-related accident #this is from our ask blog but we really felt it was good enough to stand on it's own #danny phantom #dp vlad #tw blood #tw broken glass #blog art.

[anotherferalrat]

I feel like my whole life is a lie.

I've only been lingering around the edges of the genshin fandom, mainly bc I haven't played it before recently, but I've been able to pick up a couple things via fandom osmosis. Now I knew one of the ragbros was adopted into the fam of the other...

BUT U MOTHERFUCKERS R TELLING ME KAEYA WAS THE ADOPTED ONE??? I feel I've been betrayed. Just from the gameplay, Diluc gives off more edgy orphan energy. What is this Iceland-Greenland switcheroo?

I am aware Diluc is technically, in fact, An Edgy Orphan now but I mean like- he's giving orphan since early childhood

#genshin #genshin impact #diluc genshin impact #kaeya genshin impact #genshin spoilers #genshin manga #ragbros #BETRAYAL I TELL YOU #ur gonna tell me the angry vigilante who runs the biggest business in the city #WAS NOT ORPHANED AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 6 #AND ADOPTED BY A FAMILY OF LEGACY KNIGHTS #WHO HE EVENTUALLY BECOMES BITTER TOWARDS BC THEY COULDN’T SAVE HIM/HIS FAMILY #W H A T #but alas #this is y we dont lurk in fandoms without the full picture

[healpimp]

If you are ever in doubt wether my posts with demo and soldier interacting are boots n bombs or not i promise you it is intended to be fully and utterly homosexual

#They might not always be balls-slapping-the-taint deep in each other when i draw them #but i assure you its boots n bombs #i draw them like how masashi kishimoto draws naruto and sasuke #never not thinking abt the other when drawing them #like do i have to draw them cumming in every hole before you are convinced its gay. look at them barbara. #do you think its galpal time when i use the half-zatoichi as the sword that kills soldier. #do u think i chose the katna cus i thought it was the coolest sword. or my fav sword to use. #no. im a bottle bitch. #you think i use THE gayest sword in tf2. the one that can oneshot 2 specific classes if they also carry the sword. #just so you can assume its a best friend thing. #i use the half-zatoichi bc that shit is gayer than gay sex #like wydm they can kill each other in one shot. homosexual behavior. #theyve killed each other so many times now that they have intimate knowledge of each others bodies #they know what to aim for to kill them. how to ngle the sword just so. #cross faction icons. #the blood and gore and violence is a hyper masculine way of them baring themselves to each other without having to commit #the danger and pain and betrayal that awaits when theyre openly and unapologetically friendly and close w each other #the fact when they WERE open abt it they were punished #they had to choose between their job and their friend and without the staged betrayal #without the lies fed to them they would have chosen friend #and you know the job is important to both of them #enjoyable even #bnb CAN be loveydovey picnic at the park #but its not all it is #its the war where they tear each other apart thinking the other is in the wrong #its their fear of committing again #its their festering image of what the other did and the inability to even attempt to clear it up till its too late #and its the way they can bounce back from it #because theyre gay barbara theyre homosexual

[hurtmyfavsthanks]

I need caretakers and whumpees to start dual wielding the whumper role.

I need Whumpees who've been utterly warped into a weapon. Conditioned so thoroughly that they embrace their new role, that they honestly think they're doing the right thing. They can’t see how much they’ve changed, they can’t see why Caretaker would betray them by standing in their way–

And I need the Caretaker who looks at Whumpee and knows exactly how dangerous they can be. Who sees them like a hurt, dangerous animal that needs to be subdued before they can be helped. A Caretaker who’s willing to do whatever it takes to save Whumpee, even if it means hurting them.

Just…Whumpee’s feeling of betrayal and fury, unable to understand why Caretaker would stand in their way, unable to see how far they’ve fallen. Caretakers unwavering determination to save Whumpee, even when saving them means hurting them. They both have the other’s blood on their hands, they both think they’re right. They’re both utterly, painfully desperate. 

#whumpee #caretaker #whumper #whump #listen...betrayal without an actual betrayal. The best of both worlds #whumpee turned whumper #caretaker turned whumper #reluctant whumper #Whumplr #whump prompt