#Using Tumblr as a diary

[walrus150915]

...should I, like, apologize for this drawing I made for shits and giggles?????

I'M SORRY THIS IS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME THAT THE WHOLE KINGDOM DOESN'T TRUST BALLISTER AND THINKS HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BECOME A KNIGHT, MEANWHILE THE SQUIRE IS LIKE:

THIS IS SO FUNNY I STILL LAUGH OUT LOUD AT THIS SCENE😭😭😭

The damn fandom wiki describes him as being "worshipful" towards Bal I cannot- HE REPRESENTS THE FANDOM FR🙏🙏 MY GOAT

Anyway yeah I think Diego having a big fat celebrity crush on Ballister is a hilarious concept. Also I made this drawing partly because I needed the justification for drawing Bal all serious and epic and broody and hot

How would Ambrosius react to this?.

I think Diego liking Ballister is the same as a middle schooler liking a high schooler they find pretty or something. Nothing will come out of it, it's just very funny to observe

Plus I think Ambrosius would be happy to know that there were people who appreciated Ballister and his abilities, even if it's a random squire who films cringy tiktoks with the armour of his celebrity crush

Diego: It's just- he's so handsome while he's riding a horse so confidently, and when he's using his sword like a total pro! He's so talented and cool!!!

Ambrosius: Yeah, I like it when he's riding... a horse... too

I am so sorry for this joke I just couldn't resist

Anyway, Diego the squire is a cool character and we should talk about him more often!! Guy's been in the movie for 4 minutes and was memorable af🖐😭

#who am i to judge #hes literally me #nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #diego the squire #nimona squire #nimona shitpost #nimona fanart #should i clear this up?? I DONT SHIP THEM #thats like the same kinda stuff when i had a crush on my orchestra teacher #yea he was hot no it doesn't mean i wanted to pursue anything with him #BC HE WAS 40 AT THE TIME AND IM A TEEN #why am i even saying this #using tumblr as a diary #SORRY

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Okay so even though there were so many jokes and bits that I loved, my favorite thing Brett said during the show was how his sister told him that you know you've found your soulmate when you feel at peace, not all the crazy emotions people think love feels like

And honestly, as I sat there holding my husband's hand, I 100000% agreed ❤️

#using tumblr as a diary #did i mention i saw brett goldstein #because im going to be really insufferable about that for a while

[sweetdreamspootypie]

Trying to take and enjoy the opportunity to achieve an adulting milestone goal of mine

But being confronted by the fact that doing so inherently involves my parents are participants and witnesses so regardless of how much or little I try or care, the only guarantee is criticism, with anything I'm proud of going entirely unnoticed and disregarded as unimportant

So

Hard to muster the motivation for the effort

When the internal voice is just "why bother, nobody gives a shit" (except me) (so why put myself in that position) (because the point of the goal is to move beyond the past limitations imposed by my parents) (growth is a really annoying process) (hey at least I know H's mum will say something nice)

#Ventpost #I am tired but still need to do things #If it's worth doing at all I don't wanna do it half-assed #Bc that will just prove my parents right #Don't want to give them reason #But it's hard looking around and know regardless of how much I do actually genuinely try #There is always going to be something for them to notice as my failure #So why try #Again #Because I want to #But #And thus the circle continues #My life #Using Tumblr as a diary #I need to write a real diary #I forget so much #I want to remember that we do things together

[radiyostatic]

"she has a son the same age as you he's a cool kid he's really into xyz"

"oh great so youre gonna try to set us up 😒"

"no i dont think he's your type"

the son: cute ass dominican boy who wears baggy clothes and has an afro and beautiful light brown eyes who is softspoken and loves dogs

....pretty obvious by now my mom understands literally nothing about me

#actually blogging for once lol #using tumblr as a diary #im so gay and so lonely

[goddess-of-my-ancestors]

It's in my female friends laughter, that I hear the Goddess the most.

#using tumblr as a diary #goddess worship #Female friendship is sacred #radfems do interact #radfems

[elisedonut]

man hearing my workplace talking more and more about upscaling and getting more hours for more help when I'm over here like

"the best days are the ones where we only have two of us on the floor and the manager with me is stuck in the backroom"

really sucks

like i knows its kinda inevitable

we keep making our sales goals but god do i hate that idea

like i don't care how busy we are i will always prefer bare minimum people on the shift over more then like 3

#using tumblr as a diary #like i work three days a week and only one of those is typically heavily staffed #idk man i like being on the floor by myself and not having to talk to co-workers that depending on the day i may not even like #one of those girls made fun of my pronoun pin which i did report because ew and yet she still acts like odd for ignoring her #i always feel like im being too harsh when i dont like someone #so i try to force myself like to not to dislike them because you know im just being mean and rude and cruel vibes #but with this chick that always backfires like she tries so hard to turn people against each other

[godflushedd]

The urge to draw my beautiful friends but it looks nothing like them😭😭😭

#art #artists on tumblr #digital art #digital illustration #diary #using tumblr as a diary #bad art #doodle #i need to practice

[jo-of-aragon]

being closeted is literally killing me. whenever i have problems one thing i do is i’m like: hey, at least your room is clean. at least you have plans tomorrow. I wish I could say “at least you aren’t in the closet!” My situation seems so weird and unique even though I know it isn't. I will genuinely Never come out, and usually i’m fine with it. but other times where i’m having problems with a girl i’m talking to or breaking up with a girl i just.. i have absolutely no one to talk to. i could talk to my internet friends, but they don’t take me seriously, they don’t support my relationship, or whatever the fuck they have going on is way too important than me being a loser, honestly. growing up in a cult is so, so hard. i genuinely feel as though i can never feel like being gay is 100% okay. i know it’s okay, it’s normal. but i will always feel shamed.

#using tumblr as a diary #digital diary #my diary #diary #lesbian #closeted #closeted lesbian #vent #cult survivor #Jocloset

[locamotivednp]

Sexuality thoughts under read more

I never thought I would be so anguished over living authentically. Because what do I care. I know my truth and why do I need to share it.

But i like woke up a few months ago and realized that I had re-closeted myself. That since 2016 I’ve told literally 3 people about my sexuality and that I pass as straight to most people and that literally no one irl that I’m close to anymore knows my sexuality.

And like. I’m hiding from other people, yes, but I’m mostly hiding from myself and all the stuff I don’t wanna confront.

And the worst part is that it didn’t used to be like this. There was a time I was out to all my friends and I was going on dates with girls. But it’s just one more thing that was taken from me in 2016

#using tumblr as a diary #putting this here because getting back into dnp is not unrelated

[zbdragons]

I just made a leek pie so good taking a bit made me want to do a happy dance. Take that depression

I honestly can't remember the last time I've loved so much something I made myself. Except maybe my last lemon pie. But if I don't count baking this is for real one of the best meal I've ever made I think. I made the dough myself based on a recipe from my mom and added spices. It's so fucking good and I need to write down what I've done bc I went in half blind and just poured stuff with my heart's eyes

#using tumblr as a diary #today has been a good day mostly #I even managed to get out of bed (and outside) kind of early

[the-bisexual-bitch]

I have time anxiety.

My partner is chronically late.

We had plans today, I couldn't drive, so they said they would pick me up. 30 minutes ago.

So, I texted them, "When are you picking me up?" (Leaving the "because I'm about to have a panic attack cuz ur 5 minutes late" implied)

Ten minutes later: "be there in 20-30 minutes, just leaving"

I'm trying to remember that I love them- and also trying to remember to mention this in therapy

#using tumblr as my diary again #using tumblr as a diary #time anxiety #chronically late #chronic lateness #chronically late partner #crying

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Husband wasn't supposed to get me really anything for Christmas because Brett Goldstein was my early Christmas gift.

But he decided to gift me a small shopping spree at our favorite bookstore an hour away. He's pretty good :)

#personal #and happy #using tumblr as a diary #tally talks too much

[sweetdreamspootypie]

🙃

I'm flying out tomorrow

Had a good night tonight

But

Vent / processing / just capturing some of the stuff I've been thinking about

It's so strange how different my worldview is because I'm a Covid nurse

Or maybe everyone else is insane

Who is to say

TW car accident, child injury

Managed to go see the last set of cousins tonight

My aunt was like

" oh yeah last few days I've been really sick

Had a really bad flu

Still coughing actually

But we don't believe in taking to our beds for just a flu lol"

And my cousin mentioned she doesn't know when the last time she took a RAT test was. Didn't even recognize the name. Said "oh yeah that's kind of outdated"

And NOBODY I've talked to has even been aware that there are still Covid booster vaccines happening and relevant?

They only ever had the initial course of 3 or 4 and then stopped? Didn't even know that further boosters are a thing at all?

and cousin told me that you don't take time off work for Covid here because it's not considered life threatening anymore

What the fuck is wrong with england

Why would you invite guests over if you actively have the flu?

Fuck man

Like it was actually a pretty good evening and it will probably be fine

But it's just so weird seeing the increasing divide in basic values

Like yeah I value hard work and discipline and etc etc and I want to get better at it

But how do these people value self care so little?

Idk I'm just hyper aware of it as well bc of my family's thing with chronic fatigue syndrome and how precarious wellbeing is

But also stuff like

Hard work is "being responsible" because idk doing your part at work on the project or whatever

But in my line of work

If I don't rest

If I don't eat or take my breaks or I haven't been sleeping well or burn out

Then I cannot provide the healthcare to others that is needed

I've got such vivid visceral memories of standing there as I'm realizing I need to hit the medical emergency big red button, at times when I'm over tired and not feeling my best self

Feeling my words and thoughts running like treacle and just being so aware of oh shit I'm not actually up for being responsible for this right now actually

And when I'm in that state and the adrenaline hits, it just makes it worse

I can feel my heart pounding in my ears and my dehydration headache and having to muster ok I have to be reassuring and communicative and make sure I'm dexterous enough to manage a complex situation

And if I can't manage it, people get hurt

And there's a very real risk that someone gets closer to death than they needed to, or would have if I had been on the ball and my best self

The other day, on Monday

I had a coffee at 12 noon

It was a really nice rich mocha from a chocolate specialist

I'm not accustomed to caffeine any more these days, so I was awake until 4am Monday night

On Tuesday night, despite being tired, I was also awake til 3am because of the disturbance to my sleep schedule it caused

On Wednesday, I was feeling gross from the sleep disturbance. I went to my room and tried to take an afternoon nap

At 4pm on Wednesday, there was a car accident outside of our house. A car hit a 3 year old child crossing the road with his mother.

My dad came to get me because I'm a nurse and that's my job.

When he came in I was in a groggy half asleep haze

I had my shoes on and was out the door but was still carrying a head of groggy haze

The kid was fine

Someone else was checking him out, asking all the right questions

And within a couple of minutes an ambulance arrived, and got to do a further assessment

It looked like the child had a bit of a bumped knee, probably from where he fell, but was otherwise just fine

Mum with him was being a champion at visibly keeping it together until tonight after the kids are put to bed, when she'll fall apart

I was able to be there to see that it was under control and looked on until the ambulance arrived

But I was so aware that I wouldn't able to clearly speak. Wouldn't be able to project calming competence with even just the simple fact of introducing myself as a health worker available if needed

Everything was fine

But if it hadn't been

I would not have been able to fulfil my role

Because I hadn't taken proper care of myself

I'm going to remember my guilt over one badly planned coffee I had on Monday, for years

Because my job is to be the one who knows how to make it alright when everything is wrong

Why the fuck can't other people do the simple things like isolate if sick

And not expose illness to people going back to the home of their 89 year old grandmother

I don't want to live to work

I want to live well

And wellness and happiness are important values and resources

And not contradictory with working hard to make progress on goals

People need to learn to rest

I didn't realize how bad it was

#My posts #My life #Vent #Plagueblogging #Processing #Using Tumblr as a diary #It would be fine but bc I'm already feeling ick from the sleep loss #I don't know #I have been helpful with Dadi's foot wound though #Which feels good #Just being able to be an educated opinion #Tw car accident #Cw child injury #Kid is fine

[tallgreenlady]

my local ice cream parlor doesn't have spumoni anymore :(

#using tumblr as a diary

[samsdiaryblog]

#dear diary #diary #online diary #using tumblr as a diary #using tumblr as my diary again #Spotify

[thedurvin]

I’ve been having some weird skin irritations in a couple of spots so I went to PatientFirst and they were like “uhh well that’s poison ivy, that’s heat rash, that’s eczema, and you seem to have broken out into hives on your arms since you walked into the building. Fortunately the same steroid works on them all, here ya go”

Nearest anybody can guess, the past week’s massive pollen count (also possibly the poison ivy) kicked my immune system into overdrive and it started reacting to EVERYTHING. Also I hate being on this steroid, I feel like my mood, my energy levels, and my appetite have all been on random, but at least it’s better than feeling like I’m simultaneously getting four tattoos 24/7

#everybody wants to hear about this right? #using tumblr as a diary