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aliloverthetop · 6 years

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at the bottom of the bottle

Pairings: none, well sorta. there’s some pining Logicality and brotherly Analogical.

Summary: The day Virgil sees his formal, well-composed brother turn into a mess at midnight, accompanied by the mess of problems he carries around everyday.

Warning: Intoxication, homophobia, cursing, minor mention of transphobia.

Taglist: @asofterfan @tinysidestrashcaptain

When he was eight, Virgil had already decided that Logan was the strongest person he had ever met. No, he didn’t have the most muscular body but he was mentally strong. Logan could persevere like no one else could and could handle anything cooly until the person takes the last straw. An angry student or parent would go up to him, yelling about some random and boring stuff: Logan would calmly handle it.

Virgil admired his brother since day one.

It wasn’t until he was fourteen that he saw that Logan wasn’t as strong as he used to think.

Virgil was folding origami by the TV, watching as a seal got mauled by a shark. It did some sort of hair flip with the seal. He was home alone, waiting until Logan came back from getting groceries. He could hear the rain patter against the outer wall of the apartment, his camera recording everything in the corner of the room for a small project. (Waiting for Logan to come home and scaring him.)

Virgil heard the flick on the electric kettle pop back into its regular place. He got up and started humming the newest Panic! At the Disco song. The fourteen-year-old tore open the paper lid of the cup noodle container, taking out the little flavoring packets. He listened to the voice of the smooth-talking man talking over sailfish hunting.

“I pray for the wicked on the weekend! Mama, can I get another Amen? OOOOOH OOOOh! Oh! It’s Saturday nig-”

Thump!

Virgil nearly dropped his cup noodles, “What the fu-”

A person from the other side of the front door started talking, “It’s not- hic! Saturday Virgil, it’s a Friday. HIC! Oh, my Einstein what is a glabella?”

Virgil froze, recognizing the unclear voice, “Logan?”

“What the fudge balls is a Logan? What animal classification is a Looooogan in? Scientific name? Hic! Genes? Species? Hahahaha!”

Virgil heaved his shoulders and frowned, Is Logan drunk? Holy schist he is totally drunk. He set down the cup noodles on the counter and walked up to the front door, peeping into the little circle of glass embedded into the door. On the other side of the door was his hysterical brother, laughing as he leaned against the door. Logan was soaking wet, glasses lopsided on his face and his shoes placed on his hands. His tie was wrapped around his head. Virgil could see a bruise on Logan’s neck and right cheekbone. A bunch of surprisingly neat letters was printed on his forearm with a winky face and a ‘call me’ written below it. He leaned away from the door’s peephole and whispered a faint, “What the frick-frack.”

He unlocked the door and said, “Logan, are you okay?”

“No! My name is Sherlock! Not Kay! Hic!”

Virgil sighed as he saw his brother be a drunk idiot, “Get in here.” He grabbed Logan by the armpits when his brother refused to comply and dragged him into the living room, all while he was laughing hysterically. “What is that on your neck Logan?”

“Oh! It’s an apple! Hahaha! Or is it a gift from that man at the tub? Pub? Rub? Hehehehe!” Logan giggled.

“A pub? What the hell were you doing at a freaking pub? Do you know what could probably happen at a pub? It better not be that ‘Freak me Out Gently!’ bar! If it is I am going to scre-”

“Hic! Yeah! That was the name of the pub! There were yellow bees everywhere! Bzz! Bzz! Don’t go away believer! Hehe!” Now Logan was lying on the floor, spread eagle. Eyes closed. “The guy there was pretty! He had bee cheeks! Beees! Honey! He called me honey! Hehe!”

Virgil screeched, “WHat? You’re telling me you went to a pub named after a ‘Heathers’ quote and you flirted with a guy that you didn’t even know? The more you tell me, the more I freak out! Why did you go there anyway? You told me you were going to a Walmart! I didn’t expect you to go to a flipping bar!”

“HAha! Hic! I went there because... ooh! Sharks! You like sharks? I like sharks too! They’re... LIT!” His twenty-four-year-old brother said, excitement clear on his face.

“...What the f!ck. You’re acting like Patton!”

Logan stayed silent. His face turning concerned,”...Patton? Is he okay?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Yeah. But you haven’t answered my god damn question: why did you go there?”

Logan opened his mouth then closed it,”What’s a question?”

Virgil facepalmed, massaging his temples and his hands running over the bottoms of his eyes. “Dear lord. You tried, you failed. I’m getting you to sleep.” Virgil grabbed his brother by the armpits and dragged him through the apartment to his neat room.

Unlike his drunken brother, the room was neatly organized and looked more like an office than a bedroom. One wall was painted black with reminders in post-it notes on the wall. His desk was right next to his bed with stacks and stacks of test papers. Virgil hopped onto the bed and heaved Logan onto the bed. “You suck Logan, what the actual f!ck?”

“I don’t know! Hic! Hehehe!” Logan giggled, taking off his black shirt and pants. He tossed it across the room, where it hit the black wall and dragged down three yellow post-it notes. “Is it sleepy time?”

“Yes you nerd, it is sleepy time,” Virgil replied, digging around in Logan’s dresser. He picked up a baggy shirt that had Einstein’ face on it and tossed it to Logan. “Wear this.”

Logan slipped it on and slumped against the bed and whispered, “I’m pining. Pines are conifers, which don’t lose their sieves- leaves, I’m pining Virgey! I’m pining for a cutesy! So cute!” He squished his cheeks together.

It took two freaking seconds until he realizes who Logan is talking about. Virgil slammed his hands down on his dresser and faced the drunken brother across the room. “Patton? You’re pining for Patton?” He sputtered. “W-Why? Have you seen how upset he was when you were mean to him? You do realize you could have lost your friendship when you told him he was childish? Immature? That he needed to grow up and start acting like an adult? HAVE YOU FRICKIN' REALISED WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP LATELY?"

Logan slumped against the pillows and whispered, "I'm a messssss. I'm a bee-ast. Messy. Is there a manual guide on emotions? Feelings? Should I use a freaking wrench? HUH?"

Virgil sighed, "We'll talk about this in the morning okay? I don't think I can give advice to a drunk person."

"Wheee! Clear my friend! I love you!"

Virgil smiled, "Love you too Microsoft." He tossed a sleeping mask to Logan and walked to the kitchen to fill up Logan's water bottle with water. He returned with the bottle and Advil. Logan was asleep when Virgil had returned. He placed it on his brother's desk, patting his head before going out. He turned off the lights, displaying the glow in the dark stars that he had painted on the ceiling and smiled. He then shut the door.

Today, Virgil woke up earlier than his brother. Which was already strange enough as both of them were not morning people. He was making coffee as National Geographic was playing in the background. He was listening for the sound of Logan waking up and groaning at what a mess he was, or the hangover.

Then he heard a groan and a screech only Logan could make. Virgil sighed, widening his eyes and biting his lip as he heard an epiphany of curse words and bird-like shrieks come from his brother’s room. Soon enough Logan had burst through the door and yelled,”What the f!ck happened last night?”

Virgil shrugged, rolling his eyes”I don’t know. You giggling like an idiot over someone you’ve been mean to for the past few days? Going to a bar named after a watered-down ‘Heathers’ quote? Getting the number of a guy who gave you a hickey when you told me you were getting groceries? You should be the one giving me answers Lo! What the hell happened?” Logan cringed at his brother’s tone and volume.

Logan rubbed at his eyes and bit his lip, “I-I um...”

“Logan, I love you but tell me why right now! I deserve to know why my older brother was such a mess last night!”

His brother sighed, “I... may be permanently dismissed from my position of an educator due to my orientation in romantic partners.”

Virgil nearly dropped the mug he was holding, “Hold up. They wanna fire you because you’re gay?

Logan nodded, his eyes filled with a sadness that Virgil saw only once in a while, “I... was discussing my infatuation with Patton with a coworker I find credence in.. You know Fiza. She was very kind about it and said that we needed to go on a romantic outing underneath a rainbow sometime. Apparently, an extremely homophobic teacher by the name of-”

“Ms. Divonsky. She’s my History and French teacher. She’s really homophobic and I really, really want to punch her.” Virgil replied.

“...yes. That is her name. She told our principal and is forcing him to fire me. He said he’s deciding, the announcement will be out on Monday.”

Virgil slammed the cup down on the counter, hard enough to make a sharp sound but soft enough not to crack the mug, “Oh the nerve of that b!tch. I’m gonna go ahead and behead her and everyone would applaud-”

“Virgil, as much as I would like to hear the lovely noise of the guillotine’s blade on her flesh and bone, I feel like violence will not solve all of these problems.”

The younger brother poured coffee into the mug and slid it over into Logan’s palms, “F!ck. You’re right. Damn it, I hate it when you’re right.”

The older brother took a few large gulps of coffee, “I’m always right.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He said, placing the coffee pot next to Logan.

Logan sighed, placing down his cup, “This is horrible, unsatisfactory and downright dreadful. Virgil, if I lose this job, do you have any idea what will happen to you? I won't be able to take care of you, your education will crumble into pieces and what will become of you? Will you slowly evolve into a homeless man without any family or good life ahead of you? Will your-" He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and looked down, elbows on the table.

He was spiraling.

Virgil cut in, banging his fists on the table. “Logan. LOGAN!”

Silence replaced Logan’s worried ramblings. Logan was breathing heavily, the younger brother glaring at him as he caught his breath.

“Logan, you are literally the best brother I could ever hope for. You always plan ahead of time, you help me with studying and take me for fro-yo. Most of all, you are so encouraging. It’s nice to know that someone is nice when you’re stuck at school with f!cking asshats.” Oh, my Lord, Virgil has an internal Patton.

Logan wiped at his eyes, whispering a curse to emotions that Virgil could clearly hear.”... I will be a failure as a brother if I get fired. Our parents trusted me with being your guardian. If I fail to give you a proper education.. could you even imagine how upset they would be? All of the futures I can think of always end in something utterly disgraceful and horrendous.”

“Look, I don’t give a f!ck about education. Why the f!ck would you even need to know what the circumference of a circle is anyway? Mom and Dad would have just wanted us to be happy. If you get fired, it’s a good thing. You finally get away from a community of rats and snakes and get to spend more time pining on Patton and apologizing for being a b!tch.”

Logan blinked at Virgil, before hissing at the drunken confessions he had spat out last night from his stress-drinks at that bar.

"And also, you’re overthinking about my future, plus you have a big ass hangover from last night. I’ll be fine Logan. I’m so glad you have the Time Stone to tell my future. Oh wait, it’s not a real thing.”

The older brother smiled a little bit.

Holy sh!t, this is actually working. Am I that good at cheering up my brother? This is like the bonding thing in ‘Hogwarts Mystery’. Oh my god, Logan is Rowan.

“It’s a good thing because you’ll be happy to be out of that homophobic hellhole. I swear I know like four teachers who are pieces of ‘merde’ who think that trans-people aren’t valid. We’ll go to a new school where all the homophobes can go and punch themselves. If you get fired, curse out that little b!tchin French and then give her a cake made with glass shards and enough eye drops to kill her. Make sure it’s rainbow with ‘GAY’‘ spelled on the inside. Then write ‘Baiser’on the top with blood red frosting.”

That made Logan laugh. Virgil internally saw the two bars fitting into each other and filling up the bar on the top with diamonds.

Logan smiled, I owe you great thanks, Virgil. You are an amazing brother.”

“Whatever. Get to bed, you just knocked over a tissue box. Also, please don’t throw up-”

“.. I’ll go to sleep once I do exactly just that. Thank you again, Virgil.”

“Your welcome, I guess.”

Then his older brother sprinted to the bathroom and let out the sound you would make if an alien was crawling out your throat.

Virgil sighed. Reminder: Never let Logan get sad again.

Virgil found out he was an amazing wingman soon enough. It was obvious by the couple holding hands in the background, completely surrounded by the shining stars.

Thank you for reading this fic! Please reblog, like and comment (Please write stuff with your reblogs). I like hearing from you guys. If you want a part two, just tell me! Thanks!

- Heath

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evenstevensranked · 7 years

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#27: Season 2, Episode 1 - “Starstruck”

Ruby desperately wants to win a radio contest to sit in on boyband BBMak’s recording session. Meanwhile, Louis finds an incredibly lucky penny and milks it for all it’s worth.

Wow, guys! Season 2 opens with the BBMak/Lucky Penny/Louis gets a makeover and looks smokin’ hot and Ruby develops a crush on him and I'm like "girl, same" episode!!! Let’s do this.

Alright, so within the first minute of this episode we learn that Ruby is absolutely obsessed with BBMak (a boyband that actually existed and is now unfortunately so irrelevant that some younger viewers of today assume they're a fictional band) and she’s trying to win a contest to go to their recording session when they come to Sacramento. She’s been listening to the radio on her pink, cheetah print walkman for hours on end trying to make sure she’s the lucky caller. Ren is concerned that her intense devotion may not be healthy.. but, Ruby insists she’s not obsessed with them. Her bedroom and behavior says otherwise:

At school the next day, Louis ends up finding a lucky penny which leads him to experience the best few days in a row ever. It kicks off with him narrowly escaping death and his big history test being canceled due to their teacher’s monkey having babies. The usual. If you binge watch the show, like I’ve done more times than I care to admit, the first few seconds of this scene are shocking because Louis' voice is obviously deeper and he looks obviously older. Yet according to Disney logic we're supposed to believe he's still in 7th grade, lol nah. Maybe at least the second half of 7th grade... We've gone over this before.

Louis seconds away from potentially dying over a penny.

Like I've mentioned, Disney is notoriously bad at airing episodes out of order. So here, we get an episode featuring Ren’s old friend Nelson. The only issue is that this aired 6 episodes before Thin Ice, which is Nelson’s formal introduction. The only explanation I can think of for this is that the Disney execs thought the BBMak thing would make a stronger season opener and switched up the airing order after they were already shot sequentially. I guess they assumed, or hoped, no one would notice or care that there's a new character we've never seen before just chilling with the gang like BFFs lol. According to Wiki at least, Season 2 was aired horrifically out of order when you compare the production code to the number it aired in the season. Like, WOW. For example, this episode was shot as Episode 13. I think that says it all.

No wonder Louis seems so jarringly older in this episode. He’s totally younger in the episodes that were supposed to air during the front half of S2.

Anyway, both Ren and Nelson are concerned about Ruby’s wellbeing now. She has practically turned into a fanatic zombie. They approach her and she says “I haven’t slept. I haven’t eaten. Do you really think I wanna chat?” completely zoned out of her mind. Yeah, I’d be worried too. We also see that she’s not doing her schoolwork either. Her entire binder is full of BBMak, including this rather disturbing pop-up:

Continuing his string of good luck, Louis gets to eat Principal Wexler’s extravagant birthday lunch for whatever reason and ends up winning a free fashion makeover courtesy of "Fruity Fruit Cocktail." ....ok. Tawny starts to get freaked out and Twitty simply says "I'm starting not to like you" which is understandable, because Louis is quickly slipping into another arrogant phase due to all of the luck he's been having.

Ren and Nelson give Ruby an intervention to stop her ridiculous obsession with BBMak and wanting to marry one of them. Why is this something that never goes out of relevancy? This is still happening today. It’s perhaps more relevant than ever with the rise of internet fandoms and socials like Tumblr. Teens are literally spiraling into genuine insanity over bands like never before. As long as there are teen idols, there will be teen idol fanatics. Can’t really go wrong with a plot-line like this. Ren tells her "You deserve a real life person who's gonna be perfect for you" - Ruby agrees and decides to turn over a new leaf.

The new and improved made-over Louis comes waltzing in, and just like that Ruby replaces her BBMak obsession with a Louis obsession. She’s just blown away by his beauty. Same, tbh. Y’all already know that I HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH AND THIS EPISODE KILLED ME!!!! Now that I think about it, this very well might've been the episode that solidified my everlasting fondness for Shia LaBeouf.

This isn’t even overdramatic. Ruby is so me.

Even Ren and Nelson tell Louis that he looks stunning! Well, “stunning” was Louis’ word, not theirs. They just agreed with his conceitedness, lol. Suddenly a bird comes flying into the house and lands on Louis’ shoulder. Of course, it happens to be Pecky -- a missing bird with a $50 reward. OF COURSE!

The next day, Ruby happily tells Ren that she has officially moved on from BBMak. There’s a new guy in her life! Ren is so excited until Ruby reveals the new object of her affection to her:

Um, is this my room circa 2001 or Ruby’s? I honestly can’t tell. Also I would so buy that big’ol poster of Shia on her closet door. That thing has made a few appearances throughout the series. It’s kind of iconic looking, don’t you think? Maybe that’s just me...

Just thought I’d mention: Ren asks her “How did you get these pictures?!” and Ruby explains “I downloaded them from the internet. Louis has a very interesting website.” Do I even want to know? Aside from the implied potentially disturbing content, part of me wishes Disney had some sort of interactive fake louisstevens.com website or something like Nickelodeon did with amandaplease.com!

Tawny insists that Louis' lucky streak is nothing but “admittedly weird coincidences,” until Louis calls in to win the huge BBMak contest and......... wins. I love how he acts so blasé about it. The DJ is so excited and Louis is all "Eh.. What can I say? This whole charmed life thing is getting kinda old." Also, the DJ in this scene, who appears two more times in the series, was one of the many actors recycled for That’s So Raven. He played a news reporter on that show. Similar field. Huh.

Ren believes that Ruby is simply rebounding with Louis and decides to show her his nasty bedroom to make her realize she doesn't actually like him. Ren also tells Ruby that he’s rotten and selfish, which... Is kinda true sometimes, oops. But at the same time, that scene always makes me a little sad inside. Louis is a good guy at heart, Ren!!

Just then, Louis appears in the doorway asking "What are you doing in my room?" and we get this incredible exchange:

(credit)

Louis then proceeds to very unselfishly invite Ruby to the BBMak recording session which only reinforces her crush on him.

Okay. We finally make it to this darn recording session! Thank god. Louis might as well’ve brought his entire extended family because he brought four freaking people along with him like it’s some free for all. You usually don’t push your luck when you’re gifted something like that... but, oh yeah. Lucky penny. I freaking love this bit where Ren whispers to Ruby “Woo! He’s gorgeous...” referring to Christian from BBMak, and Ruby says “I know.......” in reference to Louis! LOL.

Ren is so disgusted and once again Ruby is me.

Shia has been gorgeous in my eyes for nearly my entire life!!!!!!!!! Apparently I'm weird because I've seen so many memes about him that say things like "He was that ugly, weird kid on Even Stevens and then he magically became good looking" I'm just sitting here like??? Y'all are about 14 years late to the party.

Louis and Twitty get distracted by a table with free cheese on it, which honestly is the best part of any and every function or gathering. Not even gonna lie. While hanging around the cheese table, Twitty decides to seize the opportunity and give BBMak an Alan Twitty Project demo tape of “Sacramento Girl.” (YESSSSS!) They lie and say they’ll check it out — but immediately stuff it under a block of cheese. As a musician, I can confirm that this is too real. It’s impossible to get successful/established artists to take you seriously. I met Fall Out Boy at a local radio junket once and slipped Pete Wentz a demo. I never heard anything, sooo... It stings to know that he most likely hid it under some cheese the second I left.

BBMak are looking for a ‘Sacramento sound’ (whatever that is) and encourage Louis to play some tambourine on their track! They tell him “If this works out, you could come on tour with us!” If only it was that easy to land a national gig in real life. Ruby mentions in passing that she needs to tell Louis how she feels, and TAWNY IS NOT HAVIN’ IT! Omg. She kinda gets jealous of Ruby’s crush and they start a small argument over him. Ren cannot believe what she's witnessing and I love it. Also, Christy looks fantastic here? Whoever did her hair and makeup: Good job!! wow!

Unfortunately, Ruby’s attraction to him is short-lived and comes to a screeching halt the second Louis loses his penny during his tambo solo, jumping around like a lunatic with no rhythm. (Again, HOW does he become a drummer later on? It’s a mystery.) It’s very subtle, but you can tell once Ruby starts finding Louis "odd and annoying," that Tawny is secretly happy about it and still obviously likes him unconditionally even though he's literally insane. Same, Tawny.

So, yeah. Louis loses his penny and his luck runs out. BBMak basically kick him out of the studio. I love how Louis asks them “What about the record and the touring?! What about BBMak-Stevens?!” as if the conversation ever went that far. It’s great. I might’ve spoke too soon about Shia being gorgeous because the faces he makes when he realizes the penny is missing from his pocket are the furthest thing from the adjective:

It is hysterical, however. And that outweighs everything else here, so.

This episode ends on an AMAZING note: A super cringy music video for “Sacramento Girl”! What more could you ask for?!?! We get some Twitty-Stevens Connection action here and it’s something to behold. 😂 Be on the lookout for Shia doing his classic “shirt-over-the-head” thing he does, HAHA. You can tell some of the vocals were done by middle-aged men (probably Jim Wise) which makes it even more hilarious. My favorite lyric has got to be the Grammy award worthy: “Before I met the girl I had it made... Now she scores higher than the whole arcade. YEAH!” And of course, the episodes’ immortal last words "TAKE THAT, BBMAK!!!!" will go down in history.

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That’s it! I honestly don’t even know why I’m ranking this one “lower.” It’s probably one of my personal favorites but.. Idk man. There are simply other episodes that I like more, lol. This is a totally solid episode though! Super memorable, pretty strong humor (including music-related humor... which you know I love!), and two awesome plot-lines that blend really well! But, even with all of that.. something felt slightly flat about it when re-watching. It could possibly just be from me watching these episodes waaay too much, tbh. It also probably has something to do with it being a “special” episode with guest stars and whatnot. Episodes like that tend to feel like totally separate things to me.

At this point, we’ve officially reached the REALLY REALLY GOOD part of the list, though. So I don’t feel too bad about placing it here. There are no “bad” episodes from here on out. Well, there are no bad episodes of Even Stevens in general really. But.. you guys know what I mean.

I’m probably gonna regret and rethink this entire list once I finish it anyway so, lol.

Thanks for reading!

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#rank #even stevens #season 2 #disney channel #shia labeouf #bbmak #louis stevens #ruby mendel #ren stevens #christy carlson romano #the twitty stevens connection #alan twitty #old school #old disney #throwback #aj trauth #the alan twitty project

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