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#This post hit me like a truck mid writing an assignment
artlessoutlaw · 17 days
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What if instead of the Hellsing Organization it was called the Freaksing Organization and instead of hunting the vampires the director sticks her bloody finger into the mouth of her vampire subordinate and tells her to drink it and then calls her a “good girl” for not biting her
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2016 Shaky Knees Coverage Text - Day 1
The sun came shining through the unshaded window of our Airbnb and the first thought in my aching head was “this is the kind of hangover that a writer should have”. Taking a Thompson-esque approach to my preparations for the first festival coverage assignment of my writing career, I started drinking whiskey well in advance of our 6pm flight to Atlanta. And like Hunter, I made sure to come prepared for the flight, packing nearly half a fifth of Jameson, 3 ounces at a time, in my carry-on bag. You can never rely on the stewardess to keep up if you’re really trying to make the most of your flight. By the time we arrived, the 3am bar around the corner was complete overkill. Oh well, what would HST do? Bleary and beat up, we trudged our way to Chickfila to eat more chicken than any human being should in the hopes of southern fried salvation. The poultry gods were merciful that morning and gave us the strength we needed to get our shit together and head to Shaky Knees music festival. On its 4 th year, the festival’s location has changed every year. I guess Riot Fest isn’t the only group having a hard time holding down a permanent address. This year’s incarnation was hosted in Centennial Park, built for the 1996 summer Olympics and smack in the middle of downtown Atlanta. Our hopes were high for ease of travel given its central location compared to last year’s Central Park set up, but those were dashed as soon as we got close to the festival grounds. Street closures and a serious lack of signage made actually getting into the festival kind of a headache, which was incredibly unfortunate as we were already pretty maxed out in the headache department. Thanks, Jameson. After pinballing back and forth from security guard to security guard in hopes of legitimate directions to the entrance, we walked in the gates just as The Front Bottoms played their first note. A prayer of thanks was muttered to the poultry gods and we headed for the Boulevard stage, which would be our home for most of the weekend. Brian and the boys kicked the set off with Skeleton as we purchased what would be the first of many overpriced tallboys of the weekend. There is something cathartic about seeing The Front Bottoms play outside in the middle of the afternoon, as everyone (band included) fights through their aches and pains both inside and out to sing lyrics about, well, aches and pains. “We were out at the strip clubs last night, that’s why we’re moving slow,” Brian Sella joked mid-set. After watching Mat Uychich drum for a half hour you could have fooled me. TFB have their festival set list well crafted, sprinkling songs from 2015’s ‘Back on Top’ between favorites like Au Revoir, Maps, and Swimming Pool. They’ve had time to practice, already playing Coachella and Boston Calling before hitting Lollapalooza and Austin City Limits later this summer. Inb4 some tru punk dipshit calls them sellouts on their tumblr page of righteousness. They closed with Twin Sized Mattress and all was right with the world.
As Centennial Park isn’t large enough to hold a 5 stage music festival, Shaky Knees took over the neighboring Georgia International Plaza, with a fenced in walkway and bridge connecting the two parts of the ground. Luckily on Friday our planned sets kept us within the Plaza, saving us from the cattle like procession and sketchy bridge crossing to the main stages. Do you remember your elementary school project where you made bridges out of toothpicks and marshmallows? Well the Shaky Knees production team stole your design and made it full size. But more on that later. Baroness took the stage next on the neighboring Piedmont stage, serving up a solid helping of their riff heavy groove metal to their home state crowd. Keeping to the more recent additions of their color themed catalogue, their set consisted mostly of tracks from the newest Purple album as well as the double Yellow/Green. This was one of my first times seeing them since the bus crash that caused some major shakeups in the group due to injuries, the prior being a small club show at Chicago’s Beat Kitchen just before the release of Purple. It could have been the overcrowded shoebox that is the Beat Kitchen or the unfamiliarity with the new material, but it I left that show (early) pining for the crushing Baroness that of the Red and Blue album days. But on this afternoon they tore through their set, embracing their softer approach and crafting a great set that was meant for afternoon head banging. Keeping the afternoon heavy, The Sword kicked off as soon as Baroness’ last note hit, providing a sound track for the downing of beers and general shit shooting. But while Baroness have adapted to their lighter sound, The Sword have come a long way from ‘Age of Winters’…but not in a good way. But it really didn’t matter because following their set Against Me would be taking the stage recently vacated by Baroness.
Stocking up on the previously mentioned overpriced tallboys, we got up nice and close to see Laura Jane and company do what they do best. As many of you know, Against Me shows are a kind of punk rock family reunion. A band so loved and respected for so long, a ticket to see them is a guarantee for arm in arm sing-alongs, hugs, and high fives. This crowd was a little…different. It could be the daytime slot (with The 1975 headlining the stage later in the evening), the festival atmosphere, or the non-punk interest generated by the very public life of Laura Jane but this wasn’t your typical AM! crowd. But before I go about sounding like some bullshit ‘the last album I liked was Reinventing/#sellouts’ journalist prick, it was not a bad thing. There were a lot in the crowd who it was either their first exposure to the band or their first show since Laura came out…and if you’ve seen them play in the last few years you know that this is the best the band has been live and to call their sets energetic is a monumental understatement. 
Arriving on the stage with one of the biggest grins I’ve ever seen, Laura dove right into ‘Teenage Anarchist’ which barreled into ‘Pints of Guinness’. The crowd reaction to pints confirmed my suspicion that this was not their usual crowd, with only a handful around us signing along to what is arguably their most well known song. Though unfamiliar, everyone was sucked in to the energy on the stage. Aside from technical ability, Inge and Atom Willard add so much to the bands stage presence while James Bowman has always provided solid vocal support to Laura Jane, who intensity has always been a huge part of the bands live performance. While we all go to shows hoping to hear your favorite songs, the highlight of the afternoon was just the opposite…they played FIVE new tracks from their upcoming release. Already highly anticipated, this sneak preview has it in contention for top 10 of 2016. Get stoked.
Midway through the set, Laura addressed the bands upcoming performance in North Carolina. Unless you’ve lived under a fucking rock for the past few months, you’ve seen the announcement and resulting backlash from the decisions of NC governor Pat McCrory in regards to transgender bathroom laws. “The bathrooms were already unsafe!” sneered Grace, referencing the years of racist and homophobic graffiti seen in truck stops, bars, and venues all over the country. “Fine,” she said, “I’ll piss and shit outside like a dog!” If you’re reading this article, you’ve already seen her onstage response to the North Carolina HB2 bill, burning her birth certificate mid set to cries of “bye gender!” I will always respect the hell out Laura Jane.
I could most compare the comedown following an Against Me set to the post-sex bliss where all you really want to do is smoke a cigarette, maybe grab a drink, and smile about what just happened. One of the best parts of a festival, is that you generally get an awesome soundtrack to do that to. On this particular occasion I had the fortune to be serenated by everyone’s favorite GRAMMY FUCKING AWARD WINNING Swedish satanic priests, the one and only Ghost. If you have any inclination towards metal and heavy music, see Ghost play. If you don’t, see Ghost play. Their symphonic sound and theatrical stage performance, lead by the incredibly charismatic Papa Emeritus, is absolutely captivating and a complete fucking blast. Hanging out near the back, as a day in the sun and about 6 hours of continuous drinking were starting to take their toll, we watched a 5 year old kid, sitting on his dad’s shoulders, throwing up the horns and completely getting down to Ghost as they cranked out jams about topics ranging from the Catholic church to the female orgasm. If I ever have kids, I can only aspire to the coolness that was that particular #raddad.
With the sun starting to set, we resigned to our final purchase of $8 High Life’s and made our way to see The Kills. I’ve seen front woman Allison Mosshart as part of the Dead Weather and can say she is an absolute beast on stage. This set was much of the same, with Mosshart pacing back and forth like a lioness stalking prey as they rolled through over an hour of material from…well…I don’t really remember the specifics of their set. You know the scene in Wayne’s World where Wayne sees Cassandra play for the first time and ‘Dreamweaver’ kicks on? That was me. Completely entranced, it was the perfect way to transition from day to night, with The Kills providing the kind of soundtrack that you can feel in your blood. Looking back, this was the set of the weekend. Hands down. No questions. Though there were other bands closing out the evening, we quickly admitted to the fact that nothing was going to beat what we just saw and we should probably just go drink some cheaper beer and unwind if we had any hope of enjoying the Diet Cig aftershow to come. 
After doing just that, we arrived at The Loft at Center Stage, one of the multiple multi-venue complexes that call Atlanta home. While it didn’t have the same feel and soul as the 3 staged Masquerade, I do really appreciate that places like this exist, central locations that can host a variety of music on any given night within a single location. It definitely leads to some great people watching and interesting conversations, though given that Silversun Pickups was headlining the other stage and we were pretty fucking drunk, our main concern was getting through the crowd and inside to see Diet Cigs expectedly short set. Making it in just before they went on, we indulged in a few shots of Jameson and cheaper tallboys because, hell, it always seems like a good idea at the time. The duo of Diet Cig rifled through their set with the fervor of a cartoon mouse on amphetamines, singer Alex Luciano literally bouncing all over the stage during the 25 minutes of their garagey by way of Brooklyn brand of pop punk that is infectious as it is brief, as they were able to play every song in their catalogue during that time.
I don’t remember who was to headline the show, but after stepping (at least) one shot over the line, the conclusion was reached that the only possible thing that could salvage the next morning was to call it a night and once again fill ourselves with as much fried chicken as humanly possible. Luckily, Atlanta is the perfect place for that and the fried chicken gods sang us to sleep in a buttermilk breaded and whiskey soaked haze.
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kindar-life · 5 years
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<h1>The problem with Crossing the Border (09-01-19)</h1>
The problem with Crossing the Border (09-01-19)
Or an alternate title: I have ADHD, Big Surprise Out of curiosity, anyone has border crossing stories? They don’t have to be horror stories; they can be good. I’m mainly curious how it’s been for other people. So this week could have gone great, and for one the problem wasn’t on my company’s side. We did everything right, it’s the shipper and the border who dropped the ball. So, did the delivery on Monday and as my manager is on vacation, St-Germain was the one handling it, and before they were done unloaded, I had my next assignment. a pickup, 5 hours away, for Wednesday morning. If my manager had been handling it, I wouldn’t have found out until later on Tuesday, forcing me to rush there, his justifications would be that he was looking for something better in the meantime, which is BS, since that shipper is about the only one we have in all of BC anymore. I only drove an hour, I mean, what’s the point. I’m on eastern time, so 3 hours ahead of them, and going to be a day early. Also, Hwy 3 from Hope to Grand Forks, is horrible and there is no way I want to do it in the dark. It was still dark by the time I left on Tuesday, but was light before I hit the really tight curves going up and down hills. It’s the summer, so it wasn’t as bad as it could be, and I was empty, but I’ve done them in the winter. I never look forward to driving on that road. Made it mid-morning for them, checked in, pointing out I was a day early and they said to drop it, their shunt driver would put it in a door within minutes and within a couple of hours it would be done. Which was great news for me. If I could get in the US a day early, I’d be able to take a two-day weekend. Remember that ‘IF’. The trailer is ready in three hours, but it takes another hour for me to find out because I was looking at the wrong drop lot. I decided to go in and get an update and, on the way, I saw it in the opposite drop lot. Got my papers, confirmed I was good to cross the border and headed to the Laurier crossing. I like it because it isn’t busy and the road on the US side is nice, even if it’s a 2-lane highway. No big hills, few tight curves and only a handful of towns. There is Spokane when it reaches I90, but I found a way around it. It’s a little longer, than driving through Spokane, but a lot easier. Get to the border, go inside. It’s so quiet they don’t have truck booths. I hand in the papers, the officer looked in his is system and asks. “Where’s your permit?” “I’m sorry,” I reply, “What permit?” “your permit to cross here.” Here is the thing. We’ve been crossing at this border for eight months. And we’ve never been asked for a permit. It turns out that no officer should have ever allowed us to cross there, but they weren’t doing their jobs properly. The reason we don’t have a permit is that the shipper never added us to the list of approved Carrier to cross there with their product. I did not know there was such a situation possible. So I turned around, stopped in an aside in the hopes it was an easy fix and called the shipper. Only to find out the person who deals with the border had already left for the day (it was 4pm locally, in the mood I was in, I wasn’t thinking good thing about a person who didn’t have to work until 5pm like all office workers.) I called dispatch to advise them. Drove back to the shipper to park for the night, they are only 10 minutes from the border, another reason I like crossing there. Next morning, 9am their time, noon mine, I go in and find out there’s nothing to be done about it, they can only add a carrier to their list once a year, in December. The closest crossing that is a ‘Commercial Crossing,” is in Ossoyoos, two hours west, over all those horrible hills and turns. Tell dispatch about it, get told it can’t be, we cross at Laurier all the time. I tell them, yes, but we can’t anymore, check with the shipper if you believe your driver is so determined to drive over horrible hills. By the time I bet close to Ossoyoos, I still don’t have my papers so I park at the truckstop there. Only have to wait an hour and I do. I have to drive later than I prefer but I make it to Post Falls, ID, where I like to park anytime I have to cross at that border. My 2-day weekend is gone, but I can take it easy, there’s plenty of time to get to Laredo. Or not. Friday morning my manager, the one who is on vacation, calls me to ask when I’m going to be there. I tell him something on Tuesday. I’m not concerned since it doesn’t need to be there until Friday. He starts asking why so late, it need to be there ASAP. I tell him I need to do a reset (not true, technically, but don’t tell him that) I tell him that the best I can do is be there Monday late afternoon, and he asks why? I have plenty of hours and it’s a holiday on Monday so I need to get there earlier so I can get a load. And here I need to pause. The earliest I could be there, pushing as hard as I legally can would be Sunday, and the office there is closed. If it’s closed on Monday too, what does it matter if I’m there on Monday? If there is a load there for me to pickup on Sunday, it’s still going to be there on Monday. I still don’t budge on my reset. I have stopped caring about them changing delivery times after I’ve done my pickup a long time ago. If I’m given inaccurate information, it is not my problem. He grumbles and tells me to be there Monday without fault, as if I told him I might not make it. So I had to drive a little harder but I got her on Saturday, and rested. One of the things I did while I waited for all that was get more writing done, so you get five chapters of Taking the Line, Chapters 44 to 48. If there is the usual wait time in Laredo, the last five chapters should be done next week. Chapter 16 of Blind Spot is written, and I finished book 5 of LRK’s origin story. 13 chapters. The longest one to date, I hope the longest period. So I’ve started the newest Going Home, which will explore McKannon, the industrial sector of Tiranis, as well as Eric finally making contact with one of his relatives. if you want to read all that, it's only 1$ on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/29632610 Another thing I did is take an ADHD test. There’s a warning about how it isn’t a medical tool, but if you score about a certain point, you really should talk to a doctor because, really, you have ADHD. And I do. I didn’t go in hoping I had it, but I strongly suspected I was somewhere on that spectrum. On the lower end, but on it none the less. There someone called ADHD Alien on Tumblr, and they post comics about how ADHD affects their daily lives and quite a few of them resonated with me, but one of the reason I never looked at the condition was that I was successful in school and the stereotype of someone with ADHD as that they aren’t good at school. Things is plenty of people with ADHD are good in school because it’s fun, there’s a lot of new things to learn and we soak up that knowledge easily, so easily most of us never have to bother studying, so we never learn how to study, and then when we hit college, of in my case the last two years of secondary school(I was in Quebec, they have their own system there) things start going badly. I was able to finish Secondary, but College was a bust. I just couldn’t figure out how to study and the concept I now had to deal with were so complex I couldn’t simply absorb them. I mean, I’m bright, but not that bright. So I dropped out, hit the work force and never regretted it. I was also lucky that my parents didn’t have expectations of me going to university and becoming a BIG SHOT™. They were surprised when I dropped out, but it was my life and they let me live it as I wanted. I love them for that. I love them for letting me screw up, then offering to help me up with a “See, that didn’t work, you might want to try something else, I can offer suggestions if you want but that’s up to you.” My mom picked up quicker than my dad that the suggestions that worked best were the kick in the ass kind of things and to then let me assimilate them and proceed. My mom told me months before I did it that I should write in the morning, that’s always been when I was at my best and I snorted, yeah right, mornings, who’s functional then? Eventually I ran out of things to try and did that. When I told my mom that she was right about it she smiled and said “I know.” But yeah, back on the ADHD thing. Learning that it was possible to succeed in school because you had ADHD and then fail for the same reason realigned my thinking. And add to that, that for the few things I can focus laser like on, like my writing, there are tons of them I am incapable of staying focus on. No matter how badly I want to learn them. So, yeah, I have ADHD. Will I seek treatment? No. for me to consider treating any condition I have, it has to either affect my ability to earn a living, or my health(and to be fair, when it comes to my health the potential down side have to be bad for me to even think about talking to a doctor about it) I can do my job without problem; I can do my writing without problems. The rest? Frankly, nothing else matter to a level I am willing to put those two at risk. I don’t Suffer from ADHD, I simply have it. I built my coping mechanism even without knowing I had something. Being Scatter brain? I either write it down, or accept that I will forget about it, and if I forget about it I accept the consequences. I don’t make myself a mess over forgetting it. I fix the problem it caused and move on. I do know now why Minecraft is such a trap for me now. It pulls at my focus by giving me things to do, always more things to do until I reached the point where I’m near panic because I can’t do all of them and I push it away. Until I’ve calmed down. But Minecraft commits the Sin of interfering with my writing by taking over that mental space. It’s why I no longer play it. It’s also why the craving is always there, but me and cravings are old friends. I have no issues staring him down. Okay, this is way longer than I expected so I’m going to pass on the movie and book review this week. You' all have fun, and come on, talk to me. Ask me questions, share your stories, it gets lonely talking to the void<chuckles> And that’s it, so I’ll see you on the next one.
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jizemderler · 6 years
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It’s my birthday (yayy) and I‘ve decided to post the first chapter to a story I‘ve been writing. If you like it, I‘ll post more. If you don‘t, I‘ll keep writing for myself.
Enjoy!
One Flower: Camila Monroe is a teen. With her own ups and downs. Her loves and heartbreaks. Her lies and truths. Just one...out of a million flowers. But one flower is always someones favourite flower.
{Part One}
You know those movies or stories where the nerdy but hot girl hates that one super hot guy at school who is a football player, because they always are, but suddenly something happens - let’s say a chemistry project has to be done - and they get paired. Bada bing bada bum a bit of flirtation, drama, one problems or two, making up and a happy ever after.
Yeah that’s not my story though. I am the literal incarnation of the side dish. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the main course but people still like me. But on the side. Like the baby sister of that football player. I’m not hot, not in anyway. Not nerdy hot or innocent hot or any-hot. I’m not ugly either…I’m just me. Regular and invisible. And that’s not going to change throughout the story. No big make over where every guy at school falls in love with me. I’m also not really good at anything in particular. Like I don’t have a secret talent or like a sex dungeon and weird fetishes. I’m average, whatever that means, and I’m cool with it. Always was.
And for the record I said I was the baby sister but the omg-he’s-so-cute brother of mine isn’t that much older. He is a senior and I’m a junior. Not that he would have that overprotective brother thing. He doesn’t. Which I’m glad for. Most people don’t even know that we are siblings - or they choose to ignore it-  because we don’t look alike (duh) and because we don’t talk to each other at school. He lives in his world and I live in mine. Which is also cool with me. We also have a baby brother who is only 9. My mom and pap always wanted two kids but you know…things happen and so you get a kid 7 years apart from your second one. No biggie.
“Camila!”
And that’s the name of the side dish. Nice to meet you.
“Camila Monroe if you don’t come down right away your brother will leave without you!”
And that…that is the voice of my angry mom and my cue to stop daydreaming. I take my backpack and throw it over my shoulder and push my glasses back before going downstairs.
„Why didn’t you guys give me a second name? Like it doesn’t have the same affect when you call me by my full name. Not as dictator-y as it could be.“ I mock her playfully and she rolls her eyes.
„It’s too early for you to be witty with me. And now go. Oh and he is annoyed already. Be nice to him.” my Mom tells me and I roll my eyes. „I’m always nice. Bye mom.“ I answer and give her a kiss before stepping into my boots and walking outside. „You’re late.” he says as soon as I sit shotgun and I groan. “And you’re an ass.” He frowns and I roll my eyes at his mood. Mom was right. „What? I thought we were pointing out the obvious. Can we go?“ He looks at me, his mouth slightly open -ready to shoot back but then his gaze travels over my shoulder which makes me look too. Oh and then there is Noah. His brown hair is a bunch of curls falling into his face, covering some of his forehead, as if he just came out of the ocean. His eyebrows are currently formed into a frown which I know would go away if I would go over them with my thumb, stroking them slightly. As soon as his melty chocolate brown eyes catch mine I shake my head and look back at Jace. Noah is our neighbors kid. Who also happens to be my ex. Noah and I have been close since kindergarden. We developed feelings over the time and fell for each other. We were great together. He was like me in a sence. He was normal.
But then puberty hit him. Like a truck. And things changed. He changed. And I didn’t. Right next to me is Jock number one and over there staring into the car is Jock number 2. He just grew more popular day by day and I was overwhelmed. And that he was a senior didn’t help my self-confidence either. It’s been almost a year since we broke up. You know how you talk to someone until 4 a.m every single day and suddenly you don’t talkt to them at all anymore? That’s us. "Jace.” I say, no more playfullness in my voice and he understands and starts the engine immediatly. We drive in silence and I jump out of the car as soon as he shuts the engine off. “Wait! Take the keys. I’ll be late today.” he says and throws me the keys over the car and I pick them off the ground.
“Nice.”
“Shut up.”
I turn around at the gate and see him meet up with Noah and I cringe and turn around. They’re friends, share classes and they are in the same team of course they’ll meet up. At least Jace is sensitive enough not to do it in my face. As I walk into class I see the one person I’m comfortable around. “Thank god you’re here. I thought you were skipping and I already was planing on a way out. Probably the window. Two floors shouldn’t be that bad.” she jokes and I roll my eyes “Don’t say that.”
“Sure thing. Oh, look who’s coming.”
I put my stuff down and look up while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and stop mid movement.
I introduced to you all of the people that matter in my life…everyone besides Ethan. He smiles one of his beautiful smiles towards me and winkes before sitting down infront of me.
“I think he has a cr…” Daya starts but I shush her immediatly. Ethan is the kind of guy who could have anyone but doesn’t notice it. He has those kind hazel eyes and wavy blond-ish hair, always a little messy. He himself is really put together though, in a hot way. His muscels help too of course. Definetly not a Jock but he seems to do some kind of sport.
“Don’t even start with that. We’re good friends.” I whisper over to her and she raises her hands above her head and leans back in her chair. “Hey Daya! Why are your arms up? Want to give me a hug?” some dumbass yells and I roll my eyes again. Here we go.
“Why don’t you go fuck yourself Peter? Since that is the only time you will ever get fu…”
“Good morning people! Alissa put that mirror down you don’t look any different than two minutes ago, Peter wipe that overwhelmed expression off your face we didn’t even start the lesson yet…and Daya! I heared.” Professor Khan said and put his bag down onto his desk. He was this old, slim and tall, indian man with grey hair and a grey beard. You could practically see that he was a heartbreaker in his young days. Maybe even now. I kinda liked him as a teacher because he was always chill.
„Alright class, who’s done their assignment?“
A roar goes through class and everybody starts looking around for someone to know what the assignment was but our confusion is ended with Mr Khans gentle laugh.
„Just kidding. I didn’t give you homework over the weekend because I’m that dope.” he says and adds a handsign in there which makes us all groan and roll our eyes.
„Isn’t that the term? Dope? Or was it Lit? In our time we called us fresh but that’s another story.“ he says and laughs to himself while unpacking his stuff.
„Alright. We will start a discussion.” he says and claps his hands while coming to the front and leaning against his desk. „What does success mean to you?“
I could see people frowning or rolling their eyes and I start scribbling something on the paper in front of me. „Camila?”. Of course. Of course Camila.
„Uh, I mean…everything is based on success these days. You want to be respected and looked up on in school? You got to be successfull. But not too successfull because then you’re a nerd. You want to have it easy with the teacher? Just be great at their subject and everything will be fine. You want to go to a specific college? You got to be successfull in highschool. You want to actually work after college? You got to be one of the best in your classes. You want to keep your job? You better be the best….I guess.“ I finish my ranting and he nods to my answer.
„Yes. Aiden.” Mr. Khan says and dismisses me and I take a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
„You want to talk about something?“ Daya whispers over to me and I raise my eyebrows. „What? Me? No. Why?” I whisper back immediatly and she leans back again. „I don’t know. You seemed…troubled.“
„Nah. I’m fine. Really. Just wanted him to let me off the hook.” I answer and she shruggs her shoulders.
„Okay.“
The discussion continues and I don’t take part in it anymore. Success is overrated anyway. What about hapiness? What if I’m successfull but unhappy? Is success still more important then?
I pack my belongings after the bell rings while everybody starts to storm out. After I’m finished I throw my bag over my shoulder and start walking out too when Mr. Khan holds me up.
„Hey, Camila?”
„Yes, sir?“
„Success isn’t all that bad you know. You just have to get to it in your own way and not how other people want you to.” he says and smiles a little smile and I shrug apologetically.
„Whatever you say Mr.Khan.“ I say before backing away towards the door and saluting playfully as a goodbye which makes him chuckle and shake his head.
I walk out with a grin and forget to look straight ahead and collide with a chest. I grip onto my stuff so nothing slides to the ground and so does the person I collided with, by holding me by my arms. „Sorry.” I say before I look up and meet those brown eyes again. Shit. He let’s go of me like a hot potato and takes a step back.
„Suits you.“ he blurts out and I frown.
„What?”
„The smile. You don’t do it very often anymore.“ he says like in trance and I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. I shake my head and sigh to myself before stepping aside to leave without another word. I’m a lot of things but one thing I’m not is beeing friends with my ex. That doesn’t work. Not even in movies. I walk through the halls towards my next classes trying not to think about his face.
***
After my last class I said my goodbye to Daya and made my way to the parking lot. While pulling out the key I stuffed into the side pocket of my bag I noticed someone in the corner of my eye. „Hey! You need a ride?” I asked before my brain could catch up and Ethan looked up towards me with raised eyebrows.
„Hey! Uh…my mom was going to be here but she got caught up. So actually, yeah. If it’s okay.“ he stumbled over his words and made me laugh.
„Sure thing. Just to warn you though: I may not be the best driver.” I joked while waving him over and we started to walk to my car. „You live near the city park right?“ I ask while getting into the drivers seat and he sits shutgun. „Yeah. But you can drop me of on your way to yours. I‘ll just have to take a right and walk two minutes from there.“ he offers and I shrug my shoulders while starting the engine. I ignore the brown curls while I drive out of the parking lot and concentrate on the road.
„So who else do you have in your classes?“ I ask into the silence and he looks over. „Well we‘ve got English together with Mr.Khan. I love that guy.“ he chuckles and and I smile and nodd so he can continue, „I got Miss Hallow in math and I could die right here right now thinking of that. I feel like she is the evil witch of our school.“
„Yeah I‘m so happy that I don‘t have her this year. She made my life hell last year.“ I say before I recognize what I just said and facepalm myself in my head. He looks at me with a grin and I squint my eyes for a split second before I remember that I‘m the one driving.
„Sorry.“
„It‘s okay. I love hearing you rambling. Sometimes people habe to many filters.“ He says looking out the front window and try not to frown and decipher what he means by that.
„Anyway. I got Mr. Masselin in Biology.“
„Who‘s that? I don‘t recall that name?“ I ask inbetween.
„You know the hot one? Every girl and I think some guys too, is drooling after him.“ he says rolling his eyes and makes me chuckle. „Doesn‘t ring a bell.“ I say and he smiles. „Thank god.“ As soon as he says that his eyes go wide and he looks at me, his cheeks slightly flushed. „I mean, you know. Thank god your not one of the basic ones.“ he drives himself deeper into the mud and makes me laugh.
„Yeah. Never have been.“ I say trying to lift some of the emberrasment off of his shoulders. „Moving on. I have Mrs Khan in chemistry. And let me tell you she is nothing like her husband. That woman is feisty. Not kidding.“ he changes the topic.
„Yeah, I know! Noah used to love messing around with her, just to get on her nerves.“ I say again, my mouth faster than my brain. I start to think if I do have any filter. An awkward silence spreads between us and I repeatedly facepalm myself in my head. I‘m so stupid for bringing him up.
„That‘s the senior right? The Jock? I‘ve seen him woth your brother. They seem to be good friends.“ he says as if we aren‘t talking about my ex and I‘m so gratefull that he is taking it so light heartedly.
„Yeah that one.“ I asnwer and he nods letting go of the subject.
„You see that spot. You can stop right there.“ he says after two minutes more of driving in silence and I pull over. „Thank you for letting me ride along.“ he says with a 1000 watt smile and my heart skipps a beat. „Sure thing.“ I say and return his smile. He takes his bag and gets out of the car. I‘m about to say bye when he turns around. He has this nervous expression on his face and keeps shifting from one leg to the other.
„Uh, I wanted to ask you something? Dou you want to, you know, go out sometime? Maybe for the movies or just dinner. I don‘t know.“ he says nervously and avoids my eyes and I put him out of his misery. „I‘d love to.“
„Really?“ he says surprised and I chuckle.
„Why is that such a shocker to you?“ I tease and his cheeks flush again.
„Uh, no! It‘s not. It‘s great actually. Thank you. I - I‘ll text you when?“ he offers and I nodd with a smile and his heartwarming smile returns to his lips.
„See you.“
„Bye.“ he says and shuts the door and waves while I pull out of my spot and drive away. That was fun.
***
I‘m doing my homework after dinner and jump when I hear a loud thud from the other room where Jace is. I put my pen onto my desk and listen carefully what‘s going on.
„Shit.“
„Fuck.“ I hear him curse and I get up to walk out of my room. I remember my mom saying that he wasn‘t in a good mood and appearently that hadn‘t changed throughout the day. I knock lightly at his door and wait for an answer.
„I‘m fine.“ he says and I roll my eyes.
„I‘m coming in.“ I warn him and open the door. I stay in the door and lean against the doorframe. „Hey.“
„Hey.“ he murmurs and I roll my eyes again. I walk into the room and throw myself beside him onto the bed.
„You good?“
„Yeah.“
„You don’t sound like it.“ I press and he sighs.
„Just let it go?“ he asks and I shrugg my shoulders turning onto my back lying next to him.
„Whenever you‘re ready big bro.“ I say to lighten the mood but I make sure that he doesn‘t miss the sincere undertone.
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asryakino · 3 years
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Okay
Okay yeah
I’m under a LOT more stress than normal right now. And my stupid little brain is compartmentalizing it into trauma size and worry which is a nice thing for it to do. But it results in me feeling like I’m super stressed and not expressing it enough becuase the Emergency Shutoff valve for Emotion (tm) has been hit and I’m just... numb now.
Just fucking numb. Started off with coming home between shifts (as usual) to discover the battery in my laptop had decided to bulge and the registration I did four years ago never fucking took. It was out of warrenty by now anyway but still. Panic. Called company, got battery part number - had to call while in front of mom because THAT was when they picked up - immediately set off one of mom’s triggers about how shitty her laptop is because she chose to go back to the one she hates over learning to use the tablet computer. Stepped out to the mailbox only to discover that we’ve been reported for having (gasp* BOXES on our screened-in front porch. I had to call city ordienence and hope this was a misunderstanding about my ugly ass container garden made of upcycled kitty litter containers. The woman who wrote the violation? Not answering the phone. So I get to stress about this because the LAST violation WARNING please note this is a WARNING that’s IT a notification of the rule being broken. My mom HOUNDED about it for TEN FUCKING YEARS. And I only JUST got her to shut the fuck up about it. I could not, for the sake of my sanity, allow her to find out we’d been reported by some scumbag in the neighbourhood. Left a message, stressed more about what to say/do/how to deal with this situation.
okay... dealt with that. Then went to work for second shift - stressed and on edge because my driver’s been getting onto me about every little thing because her sister has been visiting, and she’s been unconsciously bringing THAT stress onto the bus and affecting her work. I’ve been respectfully silent on the matter while she’s chewed me out over every little thing. I was battling a migraine by this point and covered my eyes to fend off as much stimulation as possible while I try to conserve enough fucking energy to pretend to be a functioning adult while the kids are on. Stress more about whether our trouble kid will be riding because I do not have the brainpower to deal with them.
Trouble doesn’t ride, other kids are as alright as can be expected. Driver is still being distant. City Code woman calls mid shift, and I have to tell her I have to talk to her when I’m NOT at work. But OH she won’t be in her office again until WEDNESDAY. Which puts the posted time limit on the fucking violation SHE WROTE at fucking HALF before I even find out what I have to do to correct for this shit in the first place.
YAY more stress. yippie.
By now my jaw is hurting, my head is throbbing, my knees and ankles are killing me and my elbows have popped due to fidgeting flex and tension dislocating my fucking joints again.
Drop kids off, try to finish paperwork as necessary, think I have everything done, make escape to have a cry in the car and try to relax just a LITTLE bit to deal with this shit.
Go home- mom is still in bad mood, no relaxing happening tonight. Get a text from driver where she announces that she’s going to have to get a new aide who can do all the paperwork properly (I missed one part of one section) and that “won’t eat, sleep and play games instead of doing work. [I] have NEVER had an aide act like this!”
Note - I don’t sleep on the bus. I put my head down to counter the overstimulation of afternoon sun, passing traffic, and scenery.
I don’t “play games” on my phone. I READ. And since we’re allowed books, there should be no problem allowing electronic books. But when she complained I stopped even doing THAT because it upset my driver.
So I don’t put my head down to keep out overstimulation, and I can’t read to provide my own stimulation. So instead? I’ve been staring and zoning out at the back of the seat ahead of me instead. This she has interperted as me sleeping apparently.
Eating - she eats every day, and I eat most days because I don’t do well on the whole -eating- thing so I MAKE myself eat small snacks to keep from passing out.
She has an obsessive need to have a floor on a schoolbus you can apparently eat off of. And compulsively cleans the bus 2-5 times a DAY, with SPECIAL attention around MY seat because either consciously or unconsciously she considers ME a mess. She ALSO considers the children messes, and has yelled at them and insisted I enforce a stupid ass level of cleanliness that most NICU don’t enforce. Example - the kids are not allowed to TOUCH the windows or it upsets her. They are all visibly upset and scared of being yelled at by her for touching the windows.
her text just set me off the deep end and I shut down immediately to respond that I was sorry for my failings and she has made it extremely clear that I am not fit for this work and job and that if she wants a new aide I will set aside so she can have one that better fits her. My mind is already made up, I’m requesting another assignment for next year - literally any other assignment at this point because she has made it EXTREMELY clear thorugh her words and actions that I am not welcome in her space and she doesn’t feel I am able to perform my work at all.
When I had to write up a kid, I wrote out the exact details and times of what happened. She took it upon herself to rewrite the write up and put her own version of events. Which was esclated as to what really happened and caused issues when trying to explain the situation.
So I came home to all that bullshit, then drove an hour to do a grooming job that helped somewhat with the stress. But the stress immediately returned when my mind was no longer on the topic of grooming cats.
Coming home I stopped for pizza as a way to placate mother - and noticed my engine was making a bad knocking sound. The sound worsened until saturday morning when it sounded as if I was going to blow a piston out of the engine block. Oil was bone dry, transmission was dry, added each and additive to help... sound still there and steadily getting worse. Go to mechanic on the way to my dad’s. NOW having to deal with a panicked mother who is panic stressing about the engine noise that we can literally do nothing about. Go to mechanic, who says it’s a piston or arm and the engine is fucked and on a timer to self destruction - I just dropped 2k in repairs on it about two months ago.
MORE STRESS
Fan fucking tastic.
go to store to get dinner, go to dad’s...
dinner and movie is good, tablet is chugging and won’t play games. Eh.. is fine.
Put mom to bed, watch final movie with dad, go to bed.
Discover 8d music - some stress removed.
Mom starts having a massive seizure- shaking, foaming at the mouth, non responsive, eyes rolled back grand maal seizure. Get dad, call 911, have to direct them how to get to her bedroom, direct them how to get her out of the house and to the ambulance because my dad’s house is weird...
follow to hospital
sit in ER for nearly 14 hours for them to determine they have no idea what happened, but that she def had a seizure in front of them (an absent one) and what I describe is a grand maal, and that they just don’t know what happened.
truck still sounds like shit
dad finds replacement truck in my city for 2500$
cool cool
dad already dealing with dropped house insurance, busted ass roof, and possibility of being kicked out of his house because of tax prices and bullshit because he can’t hold a job because of shit that happened 30 years ago.
yay more fucking stress.
so yeah
I just really fucking feel like dying right now mkay?
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minkinsmusic · 4 years
Text
Day 1 …. I have accepted a challenge (from Edward Benjamin Blau II Esquire) to post seven albums that I love – one album per day. He’s changed the rules a bit, though… so here is how this will go:
These will be records that had an effect on me, not necessarily because I love them, but because they represent something in my life. So yes, posting albums WITH EXPLANATION as a way to connect with my Facebook friends. Your comments would be nice as well. Each day I will ask a friend to take up the challenge. This is number one. Let’s unleash the love and memories …
U2 was coming to Cleveland’s old Municipal Stadium October 6th, 1987 touring behind the record shown below. A great album that pushed the band into the next hemisphere of popularity and importance. We had just moved to Akron in July and there was no way I could spend hours standing in line at the Chapel Hill Sears Ticketmaster location. When I arrived about 30 minutes before they went on sale the line was 50 yds long in the parking lot. Wearing a shirt & tie, I made a sign out of cardboard that I needed two tickets and hoped someone buying 2 (limit 4 or 6) would help me out. Somehow I got someone’s attention near the front of the line and I offered to buy one of their tickets if they bought me two. We ended up in the first row of upper box seats on a blistering cold night with winds howling off Lake Erie. What a show.
The Hitchcock twist to this tale was the night I came home from work prior to heading up to the concert. My wife Ellie had been to the doctor that day and we found out we were going to have a baby. October 6, 1987.
  Day 2 …
  Ah, the memories overwhelm me. There’s not a lot to do growing up in Canton, Ohio when you’re 16 with a driver’s license. What’s crazy is that the best thing happening was driving north on Cleveland Avenue to a little po-dunk one stoplight rural community (mid 70’s) called Uniontown. It was there we found salvation … classmates Sally & Red were part of the handful of friends making the journey to Boulder Junction. This old lumber built structure made dulcimer/wood instruments and would host musicians on the weekends. Performing on a tiny stage on a monthly rotation were the likes of Alex Bevan, Charlie Wiener, Jim Ballard, and the man with the booming voice John Bassette. With no liquor license (only natural fruit juices were sold) we had no problem attending. Closing your eyes and listening to their records can literally take you back to that heavenly space.
Ah, but the Hitchcock twist to the tale. As one of the major instigators of planning the Senior Cut Day Party, I took a flyer and wrote a letter to John Bassette pretty much describing the above and wondering if he would come perform. Never heard back from him. On the afternoon of this epic day, Steve Red Michel was playing guitar on the sound system we set up in the shelter. A large African American man shows up with a guitar. OMG he showed up. He played several songs then disappeared. Like an angel …. Thanks Alex B for inspiring me to tell this story. 💖 RIP John Richard Bassette 22/29/1941 to 11/9/2006. 💖
Day 3 …
It was only in January that I took an extended weekend roadtrip to Memphis. I’ve been to Music City several times for AmericanaFest, but had never driven the extra three hours to see the historical landmarks of Staxx, Sun, Graceland, and the Lorraine Motel. Breaking up the trip with overnights in Nashville each way equated to finding some good live music. Brandi Carlile was playing the historic Ryman Auditorium and had sold out all 6 nights! The secondary market prices for good tickets were pretty steep, but I kept my eye on the listings. Finally, I found 2 single tickets on the main floor aisle Row Q and S for $40/each.
After trucking down the highway, checking into our hotel, and having dinner. It was off to the Ryman. Brilliant singer/songwriter Natalie Hemby (part of The Highwomen) opened and I kept my eye on some empty seats in front of me. As soon as her set ended, I grabbed Ellie and waltzed her down to the 9th row where four spots were unattended. Needless to say, this is where we remained.
Brandi Carlile put on a show that was Springsteen-esque. Besides Hemby, The War & The Treaty and Sheryl Crow were guest performers. The Grammy Award artist and producer of several albums by other songwriters just blew the audience way leaving it all on stage. I bought this record when I came home.
The Hitchcock twist to the tale is that this would be the last big show I’ll see for the foreseeable future … January 16, 2020.
Nirvana (full-band instrumental) Hold Out Your Hand Raise Hell Lovesick Blues (Hank Williams) The Story The Eye A Case of You (Joni Mitchell) The Mother Do Right Woman, Do Right Man (Aretha Franklin) (with The War and Treaty) If She Ever Leaves Me (The Highwomen) Crowded Table Redesigning Women (The Highwomen) Redemption Day (with Sheryl Crow) Pride and Joy Encore: Mainstream Kid The Joke Cannonball Party of One
Day 4 ….
This album marks my very first assignment with Lost Highway Records on March 14, 2002. I mailed in a postcard from a Lyle Lovett CD asking fans to be part of the LH street team. After some time passed, I was contacted by the label to assist in the Cleveland market. Those that attended this show remember it was the “migraine” concert in which Adam’s performed without a spotlight on him. I worked dozens of shows (while still running the optical office), including assignments in Columbus, and was later promoted to “Captain” status. Artists included the likes of Adams, Lovett, Willie Nelson, Lucinda Williams, Elvis Costello, Kim Richey, Tift Merrit, The Jayhawks, Ryan Bingham, and John Eddie to the Mercury/UMG label promoting singer/songwriters eventually falling into a category now referred as Americana. When I started writing my music column, I penned a letter to label founder Luke Lewis thanking him for the opportunity to represent LH and moving on. Besides connecting with some of these artists, I met lots of great people along the way …
The Hitchcock twist to this story is a great book by Thomas O’Keefe titled “Waiting to Derail: Ryan Adams and Whiskeytown, Alt-Country’s Brilliant Wreck” that came out on June 26, 2018. Adam’s demise quickly followed with a postponement of released material. The other twist is I chose this album on 04/20/2020 …
Day 5 ….
Emmylou. That’s all I need to say. One of the most iconic voices in music. She’s on just about everybody’s records lending her gorgeous vocals besides a long and lustrous songbook of her own. Portions of her career with Gram Parsons and her very own Hot Band are Hall of Fame worthy.
I really wanted to see Emmylou in concert and she wasn’t coming to Cleveland anytime soon. I caught wind of a show in Pittsburgh by Calliope – The Pittsburgh Folk Music Society on May 19, 2000 at Carnegie Library Music Hall. Time for a roadtrip.
The space was like walking into a Shakespearean theater. Of course, I had decent seats on the floor of this intimate, old performance space with the small balcony extremely close to the stage. Emmylou was performing with the Spyboy band and ranks in my top twenty concerts. The album shown below is my favorite Emmylou record and gives me chills everytime I hear it.
The Hitchcock twist to this story is that the lead guitarist for Spyboy was the one and only Buddy Miller (wearing the baseball cap). I have become a fan and admirer of both Buddy and his wife Julie’s work; especially due to my wingman I called out with this post.
Day 6 ….
I initially began writing Minkins Music in January 2007 for Mimi’s Magazine, my longest supporter, before retiring the column in December 2019. A story on Griffin W House back in 2008 during the Flying Upside Down tour took me behind the music and the life of the Springfield, Ohio native now residing in Nashville. Not only was the story a shot in the arm for Griffin, but it elevated my game leading to additional avenues to expand my column.
A college degree from Miami of Ohio in 2002 in English Literature and Writing, his thoughts were to enroll in graduate school, but his poetry professor gave him the inspiration to channel his creativity toward being a songwriter rather than following in his footsteps. The passion and determination in House’s songs have since been filled with personal, richly detailed snapshots of his life and Flying Upside Down received my “Best Album of 2008” award. The record hit singles “One Thing”, “Live To Be Free”, “Waiting For The Rain to Come Down”, and “The Guy That Says Goodbye to You is Out of His Mind” first caught my ear from Mike Marrone, program director and DJ extraordinaire of the somewhat deceased “The Loft” channel on SXM.
The Hitchcock twist to this story is that a lot has happened since for House, as well as my own personal story, with the highs and lows along the roller coaster of living life that all of us encounter. But music, and especially writing stories, is the common thread that connects many of us … including those mentioned in this post 💖.
Day 7 …. today is the final official day and I included albums #8 & #9 to weave this story
I grew up in Fort Wayne, Indiana and my sister was a dozen years older than me. Along with children’s records from Disney, Tubby The Tubba, and The Chipmunks, there was a copy of Peter, Paul and Mary sitting out to play on the phonograph. Moving was released on January 15, 1963 and I had just turned four years old. I played songs like “Settle Down”, “Flora”, “Morning Train”, and “A’Soalin” over and over again …. not to mention big hits “This Land Is Your Land” and “Puff”. Along with invisible friend George, they kept me company.
On Feb. 9, 1964, The Beatles made their first live U.S. television appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. More than 70 million Americans gathered around their televisions to watch four young men from Liverpool make history. I had just turned five years old, and we watched Ed Sullivan every Sunday night. The following year Help was released on August 6, 1965 along with a movie on August 25, 1965. Two of the first movies I remember seeing in the theater when I was six years old were Thunderball (Dad’s pick) and Help (Karen’s pick).
In the fall of 1966, the family packed up and moved to Canton. I was seven years old and my sister was long gone to Indiana University. We lived in a townhouse apartment for a couple years before moving into a little bungalow. At some point my sister transferred from IU to Kent State pursuing a fine arts degree. There were so many historical points on the timeline to mention leading up to the release of Tommy by The Who on May 17, 1969. We received two newspapers a day (The Cleveland Dealer and Canton Repository) before cable and 24/7 news reporting. My folks had a record collection made up primarily of Broadway Shows, Classical Music, and comedy records. I still had my kids records and some 45’s purchased at the local department store Giant Tiger. By this time I was ten years old. I remember sitting in our little bedroom turned family room when my sister said you need to listen to this record. I must have played it a zillion times.
The Hitchcock twist to this story is that I’m not sure if my sister remembers or realizes the influence of these three records on my vinyl addiction. I’m sixty-one years young now. 💖
Ah, but does there need to be another Hitchcock twist to tie these all together?  My last posting was on December 25, 2019.  After twelve years of writing it was time to take a break.  I had a difficult time just trying to sit down and write a story about the Nashville/Memphis road trip that took place a few months ago.  Thinking about this challenge of not just picking records I love (I have a sixteen cube Ikea unit of vinyl and another six drawers of CDs) but one’s that had either an interesting story or impact on my life.  Maybe there’s still a little life in these fingers after all.  Stay tuned for the rest of the story …  
7 Albums That I Love – 1 Per Day Day 1 .... I have accepted a challenge (from Edward Benjamin Blau II Esquire) to post seven albums that I love - one album per day.
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wgfjmj758-blog · 5 years
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