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random-imagines-blog · 5 years

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Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me {Podrick Payne Oneshot}

Requested by: Anonymous Wordcount: 3115 Summary: Reader is a Tyrell, who through her grandmother and Tyrion, meets Podrick. He makes a big impact.

The room was darker than you thought it would be - you had hoped to spend the beautiful afternoon outside where the sun shone, but alas, you were stuck inside under your grandmother, Olenna Tyrell’s watchful eye during this meeting with Tyrion Lannister. With each passing moment, you were growing more and more bored, eating the provided grapes as something to keep your hands busy. “Move around the room if you must, your fidgeting is getting under my skin,” Your grandmother said, throwing her hand up in the air. You jumped at the invitation, leaving the table, and went over to the window to gaze out at King’s Landing. You didn’t think it was as beautiful as your home city, but all in all - it wasn’t too bad. “I’m sorry, y/n gets restless very easily,” You heard your grandmother apologize for you, which made you roll your eyes. You didn’t look out the window, however, until you heard the door behind you open. A look over your shoulder revealed it to be a rather portly looking young man, entering with wine.

He paused between the doorway and the table and looked at you. You gave him a smile and saw the blush go across his cheeks, which made you smile all the more. You then turned your attention back to the window for a moment before returning to your seat next to your grandmother. Seeing you sitting there, the man snapped back into action and rushed to fill your goblet first. You raised your hand when there was enough and he moved onto Tyrion, and then finally onto your grandmother.

“Gods, boy, that’s enough.” Your grandmother said, once the cup was just over halfway full. The flustered look on the man’s face made you giggle, rising your hand to cover your lips, and you attempted to cover it with a cough when your grandmother looked at you pointedly. You just smiled your most polite smile, and took out the needlepoint that you intended to work on while the meeting was happening.

“I’m sorry-” The squire started to say, but your grandmother interrupted again, and finally asked for figs.

The man went towards the door to get some, paused to look over his shoulder at you again, and then left the room to fulfill your grandmother’s request. Unfortunately, that had been the highlight of the meeting. It was thankfully short. When the man came back with the figs, your grandmother had only the one then walked out, making a dramatic exit as usual.

You were not as keen on leaving a harsh impression. You stayed in the room longer than she did, and helped yourself to one of the fruit in the bowl. “Thank you,” You said, and bent your knees in a curtsy.

“You’re welcome,” The man said, clearly not expecting to be thanked. Tyrion looked between the two of you, and cleared his throat to get the attention onto him.

“Podrick, this is y/n of House Tyrell. Y/N, this is my squire, Podrick Payne.” He introduced.

Podrick’s face went from nervous to a lopsided grin. You’d smile back too, but your grandmother called you from the hallway. She would have to wait a moment, for you took another fig from the bowl in Podrick’s hands.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Podrick Payne,” You said, then excused yourself from the room to see what your grandmother wanted now.

Completely enveloped in the darkness of a room without a fireplace, you struggled to sleep in the bed the Lannisters had put you up in. As sibling to the future bride of King Joffrey, you thought that you might have deserved better, then cursed your own sense of entitlement. One could hardly request better when there were so many people sleeping on worse beyond the castle walls.

Podrick appeared in your mind time and time again as you closed your eyes and attempted to drift off into some sort of sleep. Originally, you had thought that his bumbling into the room had been adorable, but now you could only remember his face with that lopsided grin and your stomach started to feel odd. It was strange how your thoughts started to center on his dark brown eyes, made darker by the lack of sunlight in the room. At that, you started to wonder if they would brighten up in a lighter setting, if they would resemble the sands of Dorne rather than the chocolate treats you were so fond of.

The line between consciousness and sleep started to blur and you weren’t sure if you were in your room or in your dreams at this point. Before long, you were determined to find out so you got off of the thin, badly stuffed mattress, put on a silky blue robe around your nightclothes and wandered into the hallway.

The warm breeze came in through the slotted windows, making you loosen your grip on the robe. The stone floor was still chilly under your feet but it felt nice, and you didn’t regret the lack of slippers. The walls had small bouquets attached to them - Spring flowers, probably for the wedding, you thought, as you stopped to sniff the pink blossoms.

You continued along, following the hallway until it opened out into one of the courtyards, the one that your grandmother favored with the roses and other flora and fauna. It looked stunning while it was entirely in bloom. You weren’t the only one that was in this courtyard however, for Podrick Payne, the squire to Tyrion Lannister, was standing by one of the large bushes, smelling the pink roses. You stepped forward towards him, and he must have heard you for he turned his head to look at you rather than the flowers.

“Your feet are going to get cold,” He said, frowning at your lack of proper footwear. The fact that he worried about that made you laugh, and you breezed past him to sit down in your usual seat.

“Your worry is misplaced - I often walk around barefoot,” You told him. “It feels the best while out of the castle walls. However, I don’t really have the option of going out and running in the grass here.”

“Is that what you want to do - go running in the grass?” Podrick asked, his eyebrows furrowed with confusion. Dark hair covered his forehead and you strongly desired pushing it back so you could see how his eyes looked in the golden sunshine, but you weren’t going to tell him that.

“The thought has crossed my mind a few times, yes.” You admitted to him. You were getting sick and tired of being constrained in the castle.

“You know, there’s a creek not too far from here where a lot of the kids play.” Podrick said shyly, his eyes looking down at you from where he was still standing. You raised an eyebrow in interest.

“There is? And why haven’t you offered to show me where it is yet, future Ser Podrick?” You teased, loving the way that his cheeks went pink when you called him that. Snowflakes would surely have melted if they touched his skin now, and you were a little surprised to feel that you were warm as well. The day was nice, but not nice enough to blame the sunshine for that.

“I can show you now, if you like,” Podrick offered. “So you can find it in the future, I mean, not just so that we can go together-”

“Hey, I don’t mind you being with me at all, I’m actually grateful for the company.” You smiled, getting onto your feet. The brunette smiled, revealing a small dimple at either end of his lips. He offered his arm to you and you took it, wrapping your hand around his biceps. The fact that they were rather large and firm beneath the cloth of his clothing didn’t escape your notice, and only succeeded in making you feel even warmer than before. Every couple of steps, either he would catch you looking at him, or you would catch him looking at you until finally, you ended up at a lush green park with, as promised, a creek running through it. “Podrick, you were right, it’s amazing here!”

You let go of him, just to leap onto the grass and feel the soft, green blades tickle your toes. You’re going to come here all of the time, you knew that for a fact. Imagine how wonderful this place would be year round - even in the winter, it would be a wonderful place to walk amongst the snow in your Winter trousers.

“You seem really happy, should I leave you to it?” Podrick asked, politely.

“You’re too polite sometimes Podrick, has anyone ever told you that?” You teased him lightly. “Well, to answer your question, I think you should do the opposite and come join me. There’s plenty of grass for the both of us.”

“I would like that.” Podrick said. You watched as he removed his boots and then the socks that were rolled up around his ankles to reveal his bare feet, which were rather large like the rest of him. You held your fingers to your lips as you held back the giggles from the way that he awkwardly walked on the grass - stomping is more like it. “Y/N...” He paused, and you did realize that he didn’t call you by your title first. It was actually quite nice.

“Yes?” You said, taking a couple of steps towards him, walking on your tip toes as you did so. The way that he looked at you now, you were able to see the full extent of color in the usually dark eyes.

A slight depression in the ground made you trip, but luckily, the knight in training was there to catch you against his chest. To you, nothing has ever felt so solid and so ... there, like every wall you ever leaned against was fragile in comparison. He helped you back onto your feet, holding onto your arms until you were sure that you were steady. You laughed rather than felt embarrassed, but you did wish your robe had shorter sleeves so you could feel his fingers on your skin. If that had been the case, you might have blushed yourself into oblivion.

“How did you manage to trip on grass?” He asked, laughing as he left you to stand on your own. “Stay here for a couple of moments, will you?”

A question mark might as well have been floating over your head with how confused you became as he walked off, back into the Keep. “Just ... stay here then.” You called after him, and lowered yourself onto the ground. You laid down after a moment and ran your fingers through the grass on either side of you. What were clouds made of, you wondered. Perhaps they were made of feathers, floating through the breeze, or dandelion fluff that you blew on nice Summer days and made wishes upon.

“Why are you laying on the ground, y/n?” Podrick asked, coming into your view as you stood by your head and looked at you, his head covering the light of the sun, as well as the clouds that you had been looking at. His hand held something in it, and you had to sit up to get a better look at what it was.

“Your running off made me feel tired,” You joked, peering at the basket that was in his hands. He started to unpack the contents - a thin blanket, a small covered pot that smelled of brown sugar, apples, pears and figs. “I’m a little confused, did you just go and bring out breakfast?”

His face looked nervous, downward at the layout and nodded. A laugh slipped out of you, and you sat down on the thin blanket, pulling the lid off of the pot to look at the porridge that was inside. “I love it, thank you so much, you have no idea how much I appreciate this.”

Podrick brightened up at that, and smiled at you, getting on his knees to start serving the still warm porridge with a ladle that he had stolen from the kitchens. “And I can go and grab some water if you like-”

“Podrick, all of this is more than enough, thank you.” He responded to that with another lopsided grin and handed you the wooden bowl of porridge. “Can you cut me up an apple, please?”

Podrick instantly grabbed a juicy looking green apple, and started to cut it with the dagger that he always had on hand, especially when he wasn’t walking around with his sword. You watched him shyly as he cut it into thin slices, which you then took from his hands and scattered on top of your porridge. “You’re very sweet, you know that?” You complimented. It really was the sweetest thing that anyone had ever done for you. He arranged this without you having to ask him to do so, like you always had to do back at High Garden. As spoiled as you were, these arrangements de by someone out of the goodness of their heart rather than any sense of obligation, felt absolutely amazing.

The porridge was great, especially with the fruit added - you didn’t even need water to wash it down. “Did you like it?” Podrick asked, but he got his answer when he was handed an empty bowl. “It’s empty - wow, I mean - not to say that you eat a lot, it’s just-”

“How are you enjoying being a squire, Podrick?” You asked, veering the conversation into something else so he wouldn’t feel awkward, though you took no offense, whatever his meaning was.

“I do love it, and training under Tyrion but...” Podrick started, letting the word float off into the air. A look came over his face, one of longing, one of wistfulness. “I want to fight for the people that I love, for someone like-”

“Like who?” You asked, after he paused his statement. Podrick’s cheeks went the same color as the inside of the figs you were feasting on. “Go on, you can say.”

“Someone like you, special,” Podrick smiled.

“Come on Podrick, surely you know someone more special than me,” You said, looking away from his face, a smile growing on your lips nonetheless. “It’s not like we know each other well.”

“I know, but that doesn’t matter - my mother always told me that when you know, you know.” Podrick put his hand over top of yours, and squeezed it lightly.

He’s really starting to grow on you, you realized, your heart thumping like crazy inside of your chest. You turned your hand over and entwined your fingers together. “I’m glad you listened to your mother,” You giggled.

For the next while, the two of you enjoyed the day in the most simple ways. He laid out on the blanket and you did as well, your head on his stomach, crossing one another. You didn’t realize just how perfect it was until you realized that it felt like hours were passing by but the sun never changed position.

“Come on, this can’t be a dream,” You sighed, covering your eyes from the bright noon sun.

“I’m sorry,” Podrick said, running his fingers against your scalp, massaging it. “I wish that it wasn’t. Will you look for me when you wake up?”

“It would be impossible not to,” You rolled over onto your side, and then onto your stomach and pressed a kiss to the fabric that was covering his stomach. “I’m never going to have another dream like this.”

“Neither am I,” Podrick sighed, running his fingers against the nape of your neck. Slowly, you were realizing that you couldn’t feel it anymore. The colors started to drain into grays, and then everything was black.

You were laying in your bed with your eyes closed, trying to get the dream to come back to you. This wasn’t supposed to happen, you weren’t supposed to be alone in your bed. It made your heart ache to realize that none of that was real, but alas, a knocking on your door from your sister Marjorie made you have to face reality once more.

You looked for Podrick during the wedding, and caught his eye more than one time during the ceremony, which caused your head to drop since you had to attempt to hide the blush on your cheeks.

“I saw you looking at that squire,” Loras whispered to you after the ceremony was over and it was time to enjoy wine and food. “You should talk to him before I do,” He smirked, making you slap his arm. “Yes, see, getting possessive already.” He teased.

You were nudged by him right by the main table where you had a seat of your own, as did Tyrion and his wife Sansa, with Podrick watching over them. Now you didn’t have a choice since you nearly tripped over the tablecloth into his arms, like a damsel in a fairytale. Podrick reached out his arm to steady you, and you took it gladly.

“Y/N, are you alright?” He asked. You noticed, with a skip of your heartbeat, that he called you by your name and your name only, without the fancy position added.

“You know what, I’m better than alright, thank you,” You steadied yourself.

“You look like you’re quite happy, if you don’t mind me saying so.” He said, his ears turning pink. You wondered if it was from the sun, or if perhaps you were having the same affect on him that he had on you.

“Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me, and it was absolutely wonderful.” You blurted out. Podrick smiled, and it was just like in your dream. It was sweet, and it went all the way to his eyes, as all smiles should.

“I understand, as did I.” He said. Once you were sure of your footing, you let go of him but your hand did brush by his, and for a second - just a split second - he held onto it, then remembered his place and let go.

Though the rest of the wedding was a complete disaster, you held those few moments in your mind with high regard.

#Podrick Payne #Podrick Payne x reader #Podrick Payne oneshot #Game of Thrones #Game of Thrones oneshot #GOT #GOT oneshot #request #oneshot #podrickp

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cainfm · 4 years

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『BILL SKARSGARD ❙ NONBINARY』 ⟿ looks like CAIN ROMANOV is here for THEIR SENIOR year as a LITERATURE student. THEY are 25 years old & known to be RIGHTEOUS, TRUE, EVASIVE & GUARDED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ JAMES. 21. EST. SHE/THEY.

hdsjnf hello all ... it is james again ... here with another ... replacing noelle with cain bt it’s fine im fine. i’ve hit muse limit u wn’t hear frm me again ... so hit tht like button .. this isnt the best intro ive done bt mostly bc im just kinda like ... taking an old one n rewriting it as i go

TW CULTS, HEROIN USE / ADDICTION, DRUG ADDICTION / USE, ABUSE, PSYCHOLOGICAL / EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, PTSD, ANXIETY, TRAUMA.

aesthetics.

dangling limbs from tree branches, yellowed book pages, opened bottles of vintage wine, oversized sweaters and deep under eyes, bleached denim, worn leather gloves, cat hair against black cloth, fields of wheat, broken windows, descending staircases, tight-lipped smiles during public appearances, golden skies, light spilling from windows, stumbling over one’s own words, wire-framed beds, linens, wool scarves, making the wrong decisions; running, from others and yourself.

basic info.

full name: cain alexei romanov

nickname(s): n/a

b.o.d. - feb 19th, pisces :) happy birthday!

label(s): the connard (previously), the escapist, the facade, the fallen, the lothario (previously), the pariah, the phoenix, the puppeteer (previously), the sybarite, etc.

height: 6′4″ ... bruv.

hometown: stratford, connecticut

sexuality: bisexual uwu?

stats

inspired by: i feel like i did ... have an inspiration for him but i don’t ... remember ... so ur not getting this one ... i might edit this later if smth pops into my head but. alas.

biography.

born to connecticut senator vaughn romanov and well known philanthropist adelaide romanov, they were born into a life of privilege in a very prominent new england family. they’re the eldest of five in a very nuclear, picture perfect, preppy chic family.

was brought up to be a class a, outstanding, perfect citizen. golden child to the all american family (willfully ignoring the fact that his father came from russian immigrants). cain listened, obeyed, never strayed outside the lines.

it was always intended for cain to take on after their father, to follow in his footsteps and become a politician too. there were several expectations for them, including joining model un, debate, deca, splitting time between soccer, track, basketball, lacrosse, becoming class president, and all while maintaining a valedictorian - worthy gpa.

even volunteered on the weekends at homeless shelters and food banks, proving to everybody in their community just how much of a gem they were, darling, perfect member of society.

always eager as a child, eager for approval, eager to impress and wow and dazzle authorities and adults alike - cain never really had a problem with any of it? always attended church on sundays and sometimes even wednesdays. participated in family dinners and christmas photoshoots and new years eve parties, easter egg hunts and family reunions.

born and raised in stratford, super close to lovell to the point where it’d always been expected that the romanov children would simply just go to radcliffe, as did their parents. their home in stratford is a big, fancy, seven bedroom eight bath house with two fireplaces and an expansive dining room. no pool, but a sturdy treehouse made by scratch.

however. their model citizen persona was just that, a persona - a charade. in the community and to his family, cain was a hardworking citizen who upheld standards, a leader. to classmates and peers, from elementary to college - cain was the devil themself.

arrogant, harrowing, an outright bully who tore down others when they felt like it, often unprovoked. they were the senator’s son, and a rich one at that - rules never applying because they simply never existed for them, the upmost privilege because of who their family happened to be and their place in society. tattlers of their behavior faced far more consequence than cain ever did, or would.

the sort of person who’d genuinely look down at someone if they had less than them - a narcissistic dickhead who cared about two or three people, tops, outside of their family. was never physically violent, nor did they raise their voice, but that’s what made them all the worse. made them all the scarier. spewed classist bullshit with ease and was addicted to the power high it gave them.

their only redeeming quality was their protectiveness over their family - never the best person, but family is family, and they thought it ought’d to be protected.

went into political science and business to please their father, mainly, every step they made - every path cain went down, every choice from the electives they took in high school to the brand of shoes they wore, was to build them into the ideal presidential candidate.

probably joined a frat though cain never participated in parties too often, known for keeping their composure even when others resorted to violence, or got too drunk, or caused any public commotion, because they didn’t like to leave a bad image for the press. did their drugs in private but left nothing to the imagination, publicly.

but alas. during college, two very important series of events occurred.

seeking thrills, searching for fun in all the wrong places - cain became a middle-man between dealers and producers. never dealt it, and never produced it, but simply transported it between one another; the less everybody knew about each other the better. it was always a very hushed operation. one that they could’ve profited much off of, though money was never the motive for them.

and then he met earl and may meyers, fellow volunteers at a thanksgiving food drive; an older couple immediately drawn to cain, reasonable considering just who their father was, and cain to them. they can’t tell you what about the couple was so appealing - the air around them was something else entirely; some called it unhinged, others would call it comforting. but they were kind folks, down to earth - very religious, and very warmhearted. liked his name, a lot - like in the bible, they’d say, and laugh, and pat his arm. they would say, on occasion, that they reminded them of their late son.

it’d happened towards the end of their junior year, a few years after they’d gotten involved in the drug business - and the meyers were volunteering more and more, always at the same places as cain. the same times, too, as if they were learning his schedule. in retrospect - it was odd, but cain’d never suspected a thing. they kept talking, and it became a genuine friendship - a secured vote in the next election.

it only took a few months into this that they’d begun to talk about religion more. the sin of wealth, and god choosing only a select few when he cleanses the earth. only the worthiest souls. they’d eventually get into the rhythm of telling cain they were special - that they could see they’d be selected, see it in their aura, in their dreams, god sending them messages, etc. most would find it to be absolutely ... bonkers.

but it was oddly appealing to cain - like, maybe i am being constrained by capitalism. maybe i am disappointing god - aren’t i a devoted follower? it felt nearly ridiculous, but it seeped into their mind. psychological manipulation, lasting over months and cain unsuspecting. as if they could ever be the one manipulated. but the meyers could ask cain to jump, and they’d simply say - how high?

soon enough, earl and may told them that they were moving. that there’d been so many more like them and that it was time to join them, time to prepare - to get ready for the rapture. cain held off at first, finishing up their first term of their senior year and their life planned right before their eyes. everything they’d ever worked for. their loyal companions and close-knit family, their side-business that’d only gotten stronger - a long-term girlfriend and the engagement ring that burnt in their pocket, made their heart beat twice as fast at the very thought. still the same as before, cruel without a cause, but still surrounded by those who loved them - who could find something in them to love.

but a month into their senior year, cain had a sudden change of heart. they were ready, now, if not now then never later. all because of a third event. a surprise. a shock. a betrayal.

they had discovered that they were not their father’s child - not at all, not even by an inch. they were someone else’s, completely. their mother had broken down and cracked, after a particularly straining christmas party. the discussion was long, and the heartbreak only grew. the anger only grew. the hurt - it grew. more and more, with each pitiful sob their mother gave them. it was a mistake - a one night stand in a fit of petty anger in the very early stages of their marriage. and only cain knew - like they had to carry this weight, now, that they never asked to have.

it was the kind of information that broke a person. cain idolized their parents, done everything they’d ever asked - ever expected, and beyond, let them mold them like putty into whatever form they wanted. only to find out that in the end, it didn’t matter. it never mattered, if cain wasn’t the blood child of vaughn. if their mother - a woman who hadn’t a bad bone in her body, was nothing but a cheat and a liar.

cain unraveled.

they spent the first week getting into an altercation with near anybody who looked at them wrong. physical, usually - though arguments arose frequently as well. with no explanation, only thrown fists - often drunk, or high, or sober too - it never mattered. they spent a night in county jail, it’d gotten so bad. it seemed to have no end.

right until new years, just after midnight, when cain had disappeared without a word. it was treated like a missing persons case, though there was no evidence of foul play or kidnapping, and not much could be done about it.

BEGINNING OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

the only people who knew of cain’s whereabouts were the meyers - because they had left together. a last minute decision that, if they had only waited a simple minute longer, would’ve never happened. a mistake they desperately wished they could take back. a mistake that led to another event - maybe the most important one of them all.

they’d gone only hours away from stratford, and lovell, the border between new york and connecticut and not as far as cain had initially thought, but deep, deep into the woods. that was where the cult’d been. they wore white linens and cotton, but never mixed. technology banned, prayers and daily chores. it was natural, at first. for the first three months, that was.

it could’ve been grand. it was peaceful, and mind-clearing, and they treated cain as if their birth was a sign from the angels. cain come to undo his past. a potential leader. but the longer they stayed, the more apparent it became that they weren’t all that the cult had wanted, so desperately, to believe. once they began to slip up, once members became displeased - that’s when the punishments began to occur.

sometimes once a week, but sometimes - and, later, much more so, multiple. the memories are suppressed, for the most part - but there are some things they simply can’t - the hands, they can’t forget. pulling, and tugging, and gripping - begging, asking him to repent, please, repent. their head held underwater, counting seconds until their vision’d eventually darken and go out, only to be pulled out gasping and sobbing. these memories stay - these memories repeat themselves, like a record stuck on repeat, days blurring into one another.

when they tried to fight back - they were subdued. heroin was the first step. little by little, everyday - enough to leave them in a high they wouldn’t remember; enough to burn a hole in their memory. and with these dimming memories, cain’d begin to sneak paper and pencil into their living arrangement, their room, writing everyday. wrote as much as they could remember from home - about their family, their life before it all - the people they loved. they couldn’t remember what they’d written, some days.

and when those notes were found, bound by thread taken from their own clothing to form a shabby book - that’d been the final straw. dragged, kicking and screaming - mind-numbingly high, into place. the twisted reenactment, retelling of cain’s demise. how exactly he’d gotten his scar. it would’ve been near perfect, if they had only stayed still and let them brand the mark into his forehead. but instead - they settled, eventually, for the chest. then - the left cain to die in the middle of the woods. in the middle of nowhere. no trails or campsites to follow, nothing at all. nothing but trees. nothing but his notes and the clothes on their back. they hadn’t even known what day it was - almost forgotten the year, too.

cain should’ve died there, but cain got up. and they ran. and ran. and ran. until they hit something, eventually. a road. it’d been pure luck that they’d found a car near immediately afterwards, whose driver wasn’t doubling as a murderer, who took them to the hospital - and who gave cain that chance to live. they were found on new years, a full cycle - a full year in the cult that’d changed their life.

END OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. STILL MENTIONS OF TRAUMA / MENTAL HEALTH / RECOVERY / ADDICTION BEYOND THIS POINT.

after being reunited with their family in the hospital - everything went by very fast. they couldn’t recognize their youngest sibling, but they also couldn’t remember why they’d left in the first place. couldn’t remember the name of their girlfriend, but the color of her hair and the way she smelled. they couldn’t give answers to their actions.

and after being put into therapy and recovery for their addiction - that’s when they find out that their father’s a presidential candidate, that they had been - that they used cain’s disappearance as a story for the press, one to garner votes. their return is national news, and their public opinion skyrockets. it’s supposed to be glorious, and a miracle, a blessing - but cain feels restrained. confined to the role they’d always been expected to play - expected to get up and continue with their life, as if nothing had happened.

but nothing didn’t happen - everything happened, and cain’s different now, vastly so - no longer who they thought they were. they change their major to literature, abandon politics. they get some cats, start working at the library, and they put on some leather gloves - their method of staying away, of keeping a comfortable distance. they are different, now, and simply only wish to focus on their recovery.

personality.

they’re no longer who they once were. a year of trauma does things to a person - and with memory loss that weighs heavy on their mind, they are near completely different. they remember parts of their old personality, their old lifestyle - enough to know they want to be better. they’re convinced that it’s karma, what happened to them. for being who they were - acting the way they did. just ... a bunch of self-blame.

even with the massive ego, cain’s always been a quiet person. but now - now cain’s even quieter. kinder, if not a little sarcastic, like a relic from the past. they’re distant - but it’s one of fear, restrictive and tense - not one made out of their own comfort.

smokes medical marijuana but rarely drinks ... as if that’d make a difference. in an effort to beat their heroin addiction, they’ve turned to prescriptions instead.

like i mentioned ... cain has four cats. it’s basically their entire personality. two of them were from before their disappearance, but two are new to their little (school-approved) family. there is: frank (big chungus when yelled. white and gray), brock (orange. fluffy. stoic. devours food), shoelace (black furred, missing an eye and half an ear), and crunchwrap supreme (crunch for short. calico with bent ears). yes, they have photos of their cats in their wallet.

cain’s memory is fucked - like, really fucked. they forget a lot of things. short term, long term. it’s a constant struggle. they managed to keep their notes from the cult, so those help - but not always. they forget dates and names and faces and events. sometimes they wake up and don’t know where they are. they don’t sleep often, anyways. with the trauma came night terrors, and in an attempt to avoid them they don’t ... sleep often. only a few hours a night if they can withstand it, because it’s frankly terrible.

they suffer from severe touch aversion. skin contact with anybody, of any sort, is enough to send cain into a full-blown panic attack. they were leather gloves more often than not in an attempt to combat this disadvantage, without hindering their dexterity too much. even with clothes, they’re not the biggest fan of physical contact. it won’t send him into a panic attack, but they visibly flinch away. they’re very clear from the get-go, if someone is too close to them, that they don’t like physical contact.

dealing with ptsd and attends therapy every week. their therapist recommended that they keep writing their notes, after reviewing them himself, so cain does. they keep an entire journal where they write, and sketch a little, because it helps them cope and de-stress. it means a lot to them, actually.

also dealing with ptsd and attends therapy every week - therapist recommended he kept writing after looking at his notes - so he does, keeps an entire journal where they write and like … sketch a little, because it helps them cope. means more to them than it would seem. but, unfortunately, part of their coping involves getting far too involved in their own mini-investigation of the cult they’d been part of. when the cult was tracked back to where cain’d been brought, they were already gone - and cain wants to know where. wants to know how to find them. wants justice, vengeance. wants nobody else to get hurt from them.

pretty blunt ... won’t go out of their way to announce that hey, they were part of a cult, and that’s why they’re gone and that’s why that’s the way they are now - but they also won’t lie about it, if the topic comes up in conversation. they don’t like delusions, don’t like secrets, nor do they like unnecessary attention.

being at radcliffe makes cain anxious because - well, they’re surrounded by people they’ve been doing wrong by for years now and they can’t even remember which ones. who, what, when, why - distant memories, if they’re even there at all. is constantly trying to figure out how to redeem themselves. they’d leave, if it hadn’t been their parents’ assistance that they stay there. so that someone always has an eye on them.

but like ...they screwed over a lot of people when they left. from plugs / customers to their ex-girlfriend, who they are, undeniably, still in love with (you can’t forget that feeling) - to their friends. like. everybody, pretty much KBJNSDFKSNLD

is often pretty high ... i’d say it’s just the medical weed but. alas :/ take a guess :/

hates cars & swimming & crowds. hates feeling trapped and will avoid it whenever possible. doesn’t want to be seen as unsociable, but it’s difficult.

they ... have a tendency to run away when they’re overwhelmed. likes to climb trees because they’re tall enough to. there’s a tree outside of their window that they climb out to frequently, even though it’s like a ~safety hazard~ or whatever. just really likes to hide out.

used to be in perkins when they last attended radcliffe, but they gave their spot to someone else and that was like - 100% fine w/ cain tbh. lives alone in moris now.

feels the need to redeem themself ... to like, everybody. like, they want to avoid conflict and be a better person, but it’s hard, and they don’t necessarily like confrontation either - and not everybody believes that cain’s changed. it wouldn’t be surprising if people were suspicious of cain, for whatever reason, because they don’t ... really have the best track record anymore.

developed a stutter as one of the results from their trauma. their voice is damaged from screaming and they’re self-conscious about it, but they’re working on it because there’s more important things to worry about. in general, cain looks ... gaunt, too thin, and generally sickly.

repeating senior year ... fr obvious reasons ... and probably won’t graduate anytime soon because they’ve changed their major so late.

can still hold a conversation & they’re not really afraid of socialization. it just takes a toll on them. they’re pretty lowkey, as a person. soft, sorta. quiet but they won’t be an asshole (on purpose). they like people! just. very low energy.

so like ... tldr ... not an asshole anymore ... dealing with a lot of trauma ... trying to be a good person ... yes ...

wanted connections.

locals... people they’ve grown up with their entire life. people they’ve wronged, people who idolized him, envied him, despised him, etc.

enemies... would love for a bunch of these just. a hoard of people who fucking hate cain. because it fits the bill. they could’ve bullied them, or wronged them, whatever. anything works. let’s make it happen.

exes... that they’ve dumped... old hookups, ex-friends, people they got into an argument with or fought before they disappeared last year...

ex girlfriend... that connection wld b rly neat!! i have it up as a wc rn but we can take that down ... will be holding intense american idol - esque auditions. remember that cain ws a fckn classist pig and probably only dated people who were also rich with influential families. (unless u present a very good case to me ... then maybe ... perhaps ...)

family friends... family rivals... people he knows mostly thru their family.

redeemable... people they’re trying to redeem themself to... trying to prove their worth, and that they’re a better person now, etc. etc.

old clients... :) angry clients. that they left in the dust.

perkins... people he knew from perkins ... old pals or maybe enemies idk he was pretty insufferable ... people he used to go to fancy parties with sometimes ...

angery... people so so so so fucking pissed at cain, for whatever reason.

reconciliation... reconnecting... used to be friends and we can be friends again :) and i will be better this time! i’m a slut for slowburns, especially slowburn friendships ... enemies to friends ... now THAT is sexy.

victims... of bullying ... :/ of their bullying specifically.

sof...t... wholesome content ... nothing but soft, understanding friendships ... or developing friendships ... make them feel welcomed again... forgive them...

an..g.st... friends to enemies. enemies to bigger enemies. miscommunication. betrayal. whatever u want.

no hookups!!! ... please only previous encounters. nothing in the present. because it just wldn’t make sense.

unless... eyes emoji. H DSJLFJKS just kidding! i’d accept MAYBE some kind of sexual tension but like ... the sort that hurts, because it just Cannot Happen (i will not let it happen). or maybe a fun, casual sexting thing but like. nothing physical. pleasthe.

fuck politics!... mayhaps, they hate mr. romanov and his politics or smth. he’s probably corrupt in some way, so! go at it!

aggression... i feel like a lot of the conversations between cain n other ppl start out rly ... angry bc theyre Mad. at them.

ok it’s bed time please plot with me.

#radintro #cult tw #heroin tw #drug abuse tw #addiction tw #trauma tw #ptsd tw #anxiety tw #manipulation tw #abuse tw #i think thts all ...

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lypoextract-blog · 5 years

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thehappyscavenger · 5 years

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Books read in August 2019

The Female of the Species by Mindy McGinnis

You know I really like McGinnis and I’m trying to read more repeat books by women (the majority of books I read are definitely written by women but I don’t always follow up and read more of them I mean). McGinnis writes very dark and macabre YA and that’s exactly the problem I have with her books. I am, alas, too old to really enjoy books by teenagers.

The only other book I read of hers, A Madness So Discreet, was a Victorian era novel that turned into a bit of a crime thriller that dealt with crime and sexual abuse. The Female of the Species follows along the same lines even though it is set in a small town in present day (or near present day) America. Alex Craft is a teenager who’s older sister was raped and murdered and (it’s not TOO much of a spoiler since it happens in the first few pages but anyway skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want spoilers) she ends up murdering her sister’s killer when the police do nothing.

This book is really great at examining how misogyny is weaved into contemporary culture without being too preachy about it but then it sort of develops a dumbass love story. I don’t know if this is McGinnis being constrained by her publishers or the conventions of YA or if she actually enjoys writing like that but it just flattens so much of the great writing she’s been doing. I honestly feel like she could be a huge breakout writer for adults if she just aged up her female characters a little and fully embraced the darkness of her writing but maybe that’s unfair, maybe she doesn’t want to go there. She’s still a great writer and someone I would have totally been an unabashed fan of if I was still 16. Unfortunately I’m not.

The Day That Went Missing by Richard Beard

I really liked this one! I recommend with reservations though, it’s about trauma and grief, a memoir about how Richard Beard’s younger brother died in a drowning accident when he (the brother) was 9 and how his very British family repressed it. And boy did they repress it!

The book starts when Beard is in his mid 40s and finally starts to ask questions about his brother finally realizing that he repressed even basic info like the day his brother died and when he was born. From there he investigates the accident like it was a crime, interviewing his family about their memoirs and trying to track down other people on the day. The writing he keeps fairly simple and that’s good because the emotion is pretty vivid. Just a wonderful tribute to the brother he lost and an examination of grief, repression and acceptance.

Garbo Laughs by Elizabeth Hay

I liked this one but I also feel like no one else would so I hesitate to recommend... Set in the sleepy neighbourhood of Old Ottawa South (in Ottawa, duh) Garbo Laughs is about a movie obsessed writer in her 40s and her family, friends and neighbours following their lives over about two years. The novel is a bit Cranston-esque. Everyone is very similar (everyone is writing a book of some kind, everyone loves old movies and gets each other’s references). There is also a bit of romance mixed in in that the main character’s husband and the main character’s best friend have a deep attraction to one another which is quite sweet and romantic. This is not overly plotty nor is it really character based. More about a specific neighbourhood. It’s very gentle and sweet though, a nice and easy read. I am going to try to read some more by Hay, her other books are more acclaimed, but this was a nice little amuse-bouche that did enough to make me intrigued as to what else she has to offer.

The Divine Economy of Salvation by Priscila Uppal

More Canadiana. This one was also set in Ottawa. Set in a Catholic all girls school The novel flips between a “contemporary” setting, circa 2000 around when the book was written and 25 years earlier. In the present Angela H., a middle-aged nun, receives a candle stick which forces her to delve into her mysterious past at an all girl’s school. The novel has everything I like, friendship between girls, boarding school drama, sex, murder etc but it never really goes anywhere or really delves deeply into any of these subjects. The book is around 400 pages long so it should have the time to explore everything and yet half of the book is set in the contemporary time where almost nothing happens. The resolution to who is shaking down the nun is really dumb too. I could definitely see this being a really cool book if it had some tweaks but as it is it’s kind of flat and peters out.

Hey Nostradamus! by Douglas Coupland

Even more Canadiana! Coupland is a pretty big writer in Canada but he always struck me as a little... bro-y so while I wanted to give him a shot it wasn’t my highest priority. Anyway I came across this book while poking around the 2003 Canadian novels page on wiki after reading Garbo Laughs and this sounded really interesting so I picked it up.

The book is loosely inspired by the Columbine massacre and follows the aftermath of a school shooting through one couple and how they react to the death. It starts out pretty good and strong and while Coupland isn’t the flashiest writer he’s a really engaging one. The novel is set into 4 parts, each part set in a different year from a different person’s perspective. And I really wish it hadn’t used Columbine or school massacres as a hook. It almost felt... incidental to what the book became as I read along. Really the book is more about mercy and what that means and maybe if I had heard the book pitched to me that way I would have liked it more.

So all in all okay.

The Invention of Morel by Adolfo Bioy Casares

Well I knew my luck would have to run out eventually. NYRB Classics is an imprint that only republishes books that have fallen out of print or works of literature that haven’t been translated into English yet. I’ve loved every single book I’ve picked up from them most of which I’ve read blind and it’s really changed how I view literature because there are so many staggeringly amazing masterpieces that just aren’t even heard of and languish in obscurity that they manage to bring back. I usually pick my books from them blind and had yet to be disappointed until now.

TIoM is a novella and Jorge Luis Borges wrote the introduction which calls it perfect. It actually made a lot of sense to me that Borges liked this because like a lot of Borges the concept is incredibly interesting and dynamic but like Borges it leaves me cold.

Set on a remote island it deals with a fugitive who lands on a remote island and is surprised to see some French visitors arrive and disturb his peace. It’s very short but it took me forever to read because I didn’t care for it.

#currently reading #The Female of the Species #Mindy McGinnis #The Invention of Morel #Adolfo Bioy Casares #Hey Nostradamus!#Douglas Coupland #The Day That Went Missing #Richard Beard

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fortunatelylori · 6 years

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Why the Jon/Daenerys romance doesn’t work (Part 1)

Are D&D really idiots?

Disclaimer: So ... my experience with Tumblr is veeeery limited ... as in this is my first post on here so if I fail to link things properly, give credit for gifs, caps or other people’s creations in an appropriate manner, I apologize in advance. Please let me know if you notice something like that and I will change things accordingly.

I have been scrolling around the site for about a week now, after having revisited season 7 of GOT. I will freely admit in advance that I ship Jonsa. However, for what it’s worth, when season 7 first came out, I was more than ready to abandon my Jonsa dreams and get on board with the Jonerys love fest, since everyone around me assured me that it was the end all be all of romance. After seeing the episodes for the first time, I was completely underwhelmed but I ignored my gut feelings because well ... everyone assured me that Jon and Dany were oh, so meant to be. Who am I to fight fate, I thought?!? So I just shrugged and moved on with my life.

However, part of the problem with this ship is that the more time passes, the more people like me, who actually enjoy watching and rewatching the same thing over and over again, start to see the cracks in it. I don’t mean to offend anyone that ships Jonerys, even though I probably will or anyone who likes Dany. Personally, I’ve had a whole host of problems with her character but I will refrain from commenting on my issues with her in this series and just give an opinion on why this story has the deepest scent of red herring since the invention of red herrings.

Before I get into it, I will keep these metas mainly focused on the story from a scriptwriting POV, since that was my job for a time. This series will be less focused on visual cues, camera angles and such. People with far more patience and experience have already done this so I will focus my observations around my area of expertise, such as it is.

In this first part I will try to dispel a few notions about David Benioff, D.B. Weiss and their writing crew.

One of the common defenses for Jonerys, is that the creators of GOT are simply not every good at their job. They are unable to craft a decent love story for these two characters.

So the guys who created the most popular TV show on Earth, a show that HBO has invested hundreds of millions of dollars into, are hacks. Ok …

Why do people believe that? Well, for a number of reasons:

1) The show does not have the thematic scope and wealth of characters that GRRM included in his series

This is true. From the direwolves, to the missing characters, to entire plot threads, prophecies and themes upon themes, D&D have significantly simplified GRRM’s work.

But I would argue this is not because they don’t know how to do their jobs, but rather because they do know how to do it.

GRRM’s himself has said that he started writing ASOIAF out of sheer frustration with being a scriptwriter. Writing a book IS an extremely liberating experience after writing scripts. Why? Because words on a page cost nothing, aside from time and creativity. The sky is the limit.

The sky is absolutely not the limit when you’re a scriptwriter. You are constrained by all sorts of things like: money, sets, weather, daylight vs. night time, actors ‘availability etc. You’re always looking at what you can condense, tighten up. You’re always cutting words out of lines to make them sharper, regrouping scenes so you can maximize your locations, cut out all the fat so you can get an episode that is the required length.

And then there’s the all important element: the audience. People have different reactions to reading something vs. watching something. You read to get lost in a world, the journey is the main entertainment. In contrast, you come back week after week to watch a TV show to see what your favorite characters are getting up to.

Considering all of this, is it really surprising that they would cut out things like the young Griff or fArya from the show? Does anyone believe that the general audience out there cares about them? No. They want to see Jon, Arya, Tyrion, Dany … And they also want to see progression. A season of Tyrion on a boat thinking about stuff is not an option.

Also, GOT has quite a reputation for having a hellava lot of characters. Just watch the honest trailer that Screen Junkies have done:

youtube

At around the 3:20 mark they point out all the characters whose names you remember and all those you don’t. And it’s hilarious. Why? Because it’s true.

By season 3, people were still struggling to remember Littlefinger’s actual name. How do you think they’d fair with all the Greyjoys that pop up in the books like mushrooms after the rain?

So yes, D&D and their team cut out themes, characters and storylines for the sake of brevity. That’s what scriptwriters have to do, as sad as it may sound. That’s not to say they do everything right but by and large they’ve done a decent enough job for me not to assume they can’t write a proper love story for 2 characters that they’ve been working with for 6 seasons.

2) Emilia and Kit have chemistry in real life so if that didn’t translate on screen, it’s because the scriptwriters were doing a terrible job at tapping into it

See, I would almost buy into that if it wasn’t for the fact that their scenes aren’t poorly conceived but rather are actively undermining the budding romance. You never get a sense of completion, of certainty from any of them. I will go through every scene in my next post, but for now, I’d just like to draw your attention to this moment:

(source: @dreamofspring )

We’ll leave aside character motivations on this for now, but if the script writers put that line in there to further advance the Jonerys romance, then they shouldn’t be in charge of writing commercials, let alone multimillion productions.

Are we to assume they simply forgot the other two instances where this line was used?

They revisited the Tower of Joy this season but apparently no alarm bells went off in the writer’s room at this:

(source: @dreamofspring)

They paralleled Jon’s arc this season to Mance Rayder’s but nope, simply forgot about this:

This script went through a dozen rewrites and probably 100 hands by the time it made it to the screen and yet at no point did anyone think: “Hey guys maybe we shouldn’t have Jon say good bye to his lady love by quoting Mance right before he was burned alive.” Those silly, silly writers.

3) The show has taken a dive quality wise since they can’t follow GRRM’s source material any longer

There is some validity to this, I will admit. This season we’ve seen the likes of Tyrion, Varys and Littlefinger lose some of their vital energy and characteristics that have made them such interesting, fun characters to watch.

The Littlefinger plot, in particular, was poorly executed. In their desire to leave us in the dark about what was happening in order to have what amounted to a cheap twist at the end, we were given a convoluted, clunky mystery plot where everyone was playing everyone else but not really. While I’m glad, on principal, that the show established the Stark sisters coming together as a unit against a common foe, giving Littlefinger such a stupid ending left a bitter taste in my mouth. Not a worthy completion to the arc of one of the best players of the Game of Thrones at all. So yes, they dropped the ball on that one.

Tyrion and Varys are a different matter. The main reason why they’re rather ineffective and sidelined is because they probably shouldn’t be there in the first place. That’s because their entire vision on life, justice and good kingship comes directly at odds with Dany’s “Fire and blood” policy. They are just now starting to worry about this predicament but they’re both far too smart not to have noticed until now. The woman brought 3 dragons and a Dothraki horde into Westeros. What did they think she was going to do with them? Play boggle?!?

If I try really hard, I can find an explanation for Tyrion. I think, probably, he’s still reeling for the trial and murdering dad so he’s not in the best state of mind.

Varys however? He definitely shouldn’t be there. He should be with young Griff which makes much more sense since it’s very likely there is a deep, personal connection there that would make the usually cynical and skeptical Varys trust that the person he is actively supporting is actually best for the realm. But alas, young Griff doesn’t exist so he’s stuck with Dany, until he finally turncoats and gets burned alive. So brevity is at fault here.

All that being said, I think it’s unfair to assert that the show runners have dropped the ball. That’s because the more I think about it, the more season 7 looks like a part of a whole, instead of an arc on its own. There are too many open ended questions, too many character choices that don’t make sense (particularly Jon who is, by far, the central character this season) for it to feel complete.

Season 7 is like the Infinity War part 1 of Game of Thrones. You can analyze it on its own but you can’t really determine its true quality or meaning until you see Part 2.

I know this got very long so thank you to everyone that had the patience to read until the end. J

#jonsa #meta #my got meta #anti-jonerys #i wish you good fortune in the wars to come

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beneaththetangles · 5 years

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Guest Post: Mononoke and a Chance Ungiven

Today’s post is a guest piece from Tyler Burnette, a great supporter of Beneath the Tangles and admin on our Discord server. We’re proud to present this sensitive and spirit-filled take on a topic that has become a battle now more than it has in many years—the unborn child.

-----

Can you recall moments for in which you have wanted a second chance at something? You may have made an easily correctable mistake or perhaps a more significant moral one because your priorities were out of alignment. Everyone has regrets, and God is always willing and able to forgive us of them because of his immense love for us. He does not have a limit on the number of mistakes he can forgive. We are called to be like God, and while we do not have to acquiesce to all demands or become gullible to repeated offenders, we must offer forgiveness and chances at redemption as God has done for us.

However, what about those who are given no chance at all? Have you ever been in a situation where no matter how hard you worked, no one would grant you an opportunity? Perhaps you developed a desire to become a singer as you grew up, but you simply weren’t gifted with the natural talent of a singing voice. Maybe you were discriminated against in a career because of your appearance, associations, or ideology, and were rejected. Thankfully, most of us still have opportunities in life to pursue what is good in the world and to use our talents to benefit others. Unfortunately, there is one group group of people for whom there is no chance given for them ever in life, and their stories are the most tragic of all.

Mononoke is an anime about a medicine man doubling as an exorcist who travels through medieval Japan, offering his goods for sale and resolving mysterious hauntings by finding out the shape, truth, and reason for the them. It is highly stylized and heavily steeped in Japanese mythology and artwork. A majority of its imagery and style appear to come straight out of the Ashikaga period of artwork. Alas, I am not as well versed in medieval Japanese culture or iconography as the show’s creators, so many of the references and choice of language are lost on me. It has visually pleasing colors and line work, and the characters are well colored and animated. On the flip side, the story, especially for the first two episodes, is anything from pretty.

The first episode begins with a the Medicine Man making his way to an inn soon followed by a woman who is very far along in her pregnancy and clearly in a great deal of distress. The innkeeper, in a scenario not dissimilar to the virgin Mary’s predicament in Bethlehem, is initially turned away due to them having no open rooms in the inn by the front desk clerk. She claims she is being chased down, and she will die if they do not give her shelter. She is even willing sleep on the floor of the inn so long as she does not have to stay outside during the night. The proprietress condescends to her but proposes an idea that she stay in one of their unused storage rooms. Along the way, we notice oddly shaped Japanese baby nesting dolls randomly position throughout the staircase and hallways as well as spirit ward stickers placed upon the walls that the proprietress does not recognize.

Things quickly turn spooky for the young pregnant woman when she arrives in the room and begins to hear voices of children that the desk worker and proprietress cannot hear. During the night, a henchman breaks into the young lady’s room and tells her he has been sent by her lord to kill her baby as it was the result of an affair with master and that he would not be pleased to learn of the child. In medieval Japanese society, as with medieval western society, an illegitimate child could result in inheritance disputes as well as cause shame upon the father and his family. The pregnant woman pleads with the henchman to spare her life as she greatly desires to have the child and care for it. The henchman disregards her plea, but just before he is able to impale her with his sword, he is grasped by an unknown force, hauled into the air, constrained by ribbons of cloth, strangled to death, and dumped back onto the floor. When the proprietress, clerk, and the medicine man come to see what the noise is, they experience the haunting first hand, and the spirits lock them into the room. The medicine man interrogates the proprietress, and we find out that the inn used to be a brothel, and this room they are in is actually the room in which abortions were performed when her girls became pregnant. The room is being haunted by Zashiki Warashi, childlike yokai who are the spiritual remnants of the aborted children. The young woman flees the room in fear, and upon entering another room, she receives a vision of her past showing her and her master beneath the covers. He tells her that he loves her, but she protests claiming she is just a servant. The lord asks her to marry him. Trusting him, she tells her that she is pregnant with his child. This shatters her dream and her vision changes into the man sent to kill her saying, “You don’t care as long as he’s rich right?” This emotionally breaks the young woman, and she collapses crying onto a table.

Every person’s story is unique and specific to them. While I cannot presume to understand or perfectly relate to women who struggle with deciding between birthing a child or having an abortion, many commonalities exist in some circumstances. Like the young woman in Mononoke, there can likely be much shame and regret that plays into decisions to abort a child. The emotional pressures placed on a woman are immense. The father may not be present, and the child may have been conceived in rape or incest, and telling her family could result in significant reprisal or rejection. It certainly takes a village to raise a child, and without that emotional and physical support, abortion becomes an increasingly viable option. We as a society—but also as individuals—must support struggling expectant mothers in any ways we can, even if it means sacrificing some of ourselves so they don’t have to sacrifice their own.

At a point early in the episode, the inn owner voices skepticism at the woman’s capacity as a single mother, commenting that having the baby won’t bring her any money. The financial burden is more significant today than ever before. A study from CNN indicates it costs around $13,000 per year to raise a child. For women considering abortion, this is a significant issue. Support from the government, work, and family may not add up to enough money to meet the costs of living for two people, and the woman might not be able to see a way through. Self-value and self-doubt in one’s own strength and capability, I suspect, is also important in decisions like this. The significance of the decision and the lack of visibly immediate alternatives puts a woman in an unpleasant vice, squeezed by societal expectations and economic hardship. Most often, people listen to the ones who have the most influence or control over them, and woe to those who have nowhere else to go than a person like the proprietress who values money over human life.

In another scene from Mononoke, we then see a vision of the proprietress in her youth as a beautiful lady, but one with minimal compassion for the circumstances of her girls. She informs the Medicine Man of the nature of their abortion room and that the walls with the diamond patterns are effectively a mortuary for the aborted children. She relates the abortions she performed to an act of kindness, a rationalization to ease the anxiety of ending a life. While she tries to frame in this way, in reality it’s simply an excuse to perpetuate her brothel’s business saying that the children are worthless to her and she won’t let them eat as the girls were sold to her to pay a debt. The imagery at this point is rather gruesome, even if only displayed in metaphor, and I would blame no one for not wanting to continue watch. The proprietress begins pulling on a red cord with bloody hands, and a pool of water at her feet turns to red as some of the dolls are shown floating in the pool. My spine shivered a bit next when the owner shreds the cloth she was pulling on as a baby screams, and we then see drops of blood sprinkled over one of the dolls as the red cloth is laid over the doll’s face. The owner makes her way over to the table the young woman is on and makes the pantomime of stabbing the young woman as she screams, “Stop killing babies!” as the room cuts to normal again with the group sitting in the room.

This does not last long as the Zashiki Warashi manifest as a mass of red ribbons which burst from the walls and form a sentient orb. The Medicine Man tries to find the way to vanquish the spirits, but to his surprise, the young girl realizes that they just wanted to be born into the world. All along they just wanted to be given an opportunity at life and with single a word, she accepts them to be birthed spiritually through her with her child. She rips off the spirit ward that had been placed on her stomach, and blood begins to splatter beneath her. The scene cuts away, showing her as the mother of one child but spiritually the mother of the others who had been aborted. A child in the form of a yokai shows appreciation for her love and affection. She admits she cannot physically raise them all, but with her gesture, the spirits are at peace and allow themselves to be dispelled or released by the Medicine Man. It is unclear what future the woman has with her child, but thanks to her compassion, we can presume that she can live her life without the regret or sorrow potentially experienced by the many other women of the proprietress, her child having been given the chance that so many others were denied.

Having a child is a costly decision in life and should absolutely not be endeavored into lightly. Sadly, many women may not have that opportunity or foreknowledge and consider ending the pregnancy through abortion. It is tragic, as contrary to some people’s perceptions, there are absolutely resources available for any woman struggling with costs of raising a child. If one’s family is unwilling to assist with raising a child, local churches and church members, even of a parish one may not attend or share faith with, may be assist in some way if they know about the circumstances. Additionally, adoption is a wonderful option to consider, and there are numerous resources available for it online and in the real world such as the National Council for Adoption, American Adoptions, Lifetime Adoptions, the Department of Health and Human Services, and many other organizations. Adoption and foster care may not be the ideal circumstances for a child in many situations, but abortion is always the worst option from the baby’s perspective. One might recommend an abortion to a woman whose father may not present by the time of birth, is severely impoverished, and may not have family support. However, as an adopted child, myself, from one of these circumstances, I absolutely advocate for adoption and believe abortion is the worst choice for both the mother and the child. It can appear as the easiest solution immediately, but in the long term there can be no joy in the quickest decision that must be wrestled with for the rest of one’s life.

As birth rates decline in our country and babies are seen as more of a burden than a blessing, as less of a baby and more as a bundle of cells, as less of a tot and more of a tumor, the prospects can be very grim, as demonstrated in the first arc of Mononoke. Stigmatizing women who have had or consider abortions is the wrong way to proceed. We must sympathize with them, and we must wholeheartedly and compassionately point them to a God who offers forgiveness and love in all things. If we wish to see abortions or the cited reasons for them eliminated in our world, we need to endure hardships and sacrifice on the behalf of the struggling young mothers to give them a chance so they might in turn bestow a chance at life upon their child.

—

Mononoke can be stream on Tubi.

Tyler Burnette has been anime fan since his youth in the late 90s where he developed an affinity for science fiction shows like Cowboy Bebop, Gundam Wing, and Crest of the Stars shown on platforms such as Toonami, Adult Swim, and Anime Unleashed. Presently his favorite anime is Trinity Blood as it ties in his interests in politics, anime, and theology. He grew up in a non-denominational church which he still attends regularly and graduated from King College with a degree in Political Science and History with an interest in economics and is an avid strategy gamer.

#Anime #Christianity #Mononoke #Abortion #Adoption #Pro Life #Articles #Guest Post #Author: Tyler Burnette

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ranking-every-roxette-song · 4 years

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Ranking Every Roxette Song, #99-101

101. What’s She Like?

from Crash! Boom! Bang!

The Crash! Boom! Bang! album took a long and exhausting time to make. With 15 songs, it also takes a while to listen to. I’d say both of those things are worth the time they take, because two thirds of the way through it you can find this ballad, beloved by Per Gessle as well as by a great many fans. Just look it up on YouTube - no official video, but millions of views, all engaged in pondering the eternal question of what she’s like (alas, the song ends with us no closer to finding that out than we ever were). It’s a worried, unsettled thing from the start, with a bitterness that can’t constrain itself for too long. The cloud of delicate but heavy atmospherics gathers speed throughout, adding starry synths, rhythm guitar jitters, and various other objects floating about threateningly. There’s even a soprano sax poking in here and there, drawing out anxious crescendos. All of this cometic energy creates a massive buildup, in excess of 3 minutes, into the last chorus. It makes for a huge arrival point, especially when combined with how powerful Marie’s voice is on this. There’s also a weird little bridge in the middle of it all which sounds like it was taken from an earlier version of “Almost Unreal” - it comes completely out of the blue and knocks me out of whack when I listen to this, but it’s certainly a fun change from the constrained angst and jealousy of the rest of “What’s She Like?”. What I love most about Roxette’s music is the way it unleashes melodies and emotions fully and assuredly, but as a song where the whole point is not having someone to unleash them onto, it’s not really allowed to do so in any kind of satisfying way. It’s one of those smart and grown-up songs that I wish I could appreciate more than I do, but I’m still grateful that it exists to be loved by everyone else. After all, they do know what it’s like.

100. I Love The Sound Of Crashing Guitars

from Crash! Boom! Bang!

What a massive riff! This song about the long-standing rock tradition of destroying prized guitars finds Roxette’s hook machine Jonas Isacsson in absolute top form, weaving his lead guitar line around without breaking a sweat, let alone any instrument. Though nothing gets shattered, contrary to the title’s promise, we do get everything else we could possibly ask for with such a topic. The powerful and menacing groove makes this sound rather like a derecho that’s rolling through a small midwestern town and turning over the mobile homes - exceedingly fun, just as long as you manage to ignore the costs. The layers upon layers of guitars and percussion are lighter and tastier than more serious grunge, and that’s fine by me, as this is much harder to get tired of, both as a listener and (I suspect) a performer. Per’s music is ridiculously hooky as usual, the sweetest moments coming at the end of the “six-string kick inside” bridges, where the groove settles back into its stride again amid a whirr of tambourines. This song continues the long-standing Per Gessle tradition of naming his songs after classics that he loves while only changing them around slightly, and in this case the song we’re meant to be reminded of is “I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass” by Nick Lowe. Whether it’s just fun for him or a way to introduce less in-the-know Roxette fans to the classics, it absolutely works: I went and listened to that song straight away, and now know the bizarre story of its recording. Overall, “I Love The Sound Of Crashing Guitars” never strays far from a fun mood despite all of its menace, and while some might say that it doesn’t nearly reach the intensity of a Townshend or a Cobain, people who would actually smash their guitars, that’s the point. It’s for the fan who sees them do it, goes “wow, cool, I’d never even imagine doing that sort of thing”, and then never does - that way he never has to splurge on a replacement! And to be honest, it’s Per’s song that strikes me with a harder impact, not any one of theirs.

99. Fool

from Room Service

During the recording of “Fool”, Per Gessle suffered from demo-itis - a common affliction that seems to sometimes plague almost everyone who’s been involved in writing or producing for long enough. In it, they get so attached to the demo version of a song that no proper recording can sound quite as good to them. It makes sense that he felt this way: the demo has a cool swagger about it that’s hard to put your finger on; but the final version still turned out great after all. Built on a fun amen-break-like Motownish beat, this song has a similar cool retro energy as “Soul Deep” and “Me & You & Terry & Julie”, the other times Roxette tried this sort of thing. The final version adds a nifty opening guitar riff that wasn’t yet there in the demo, as well as some extremely fitting horns that very much sound like the entrance music of a court jester. The busy beat forms the base for some fun guitar riffs and organ accents that twinkle about under the lights. I have to commend Per’s perfect “yeah yeah yeah yeah” yells as well! It’s just a fun song, but unlike in their usually timelessly unfashionable songs, in “Fool” the brand of fun is a more trendy and sleekly joyful one, a bit like the music from an ad, but that doesn’t stop it from being cool. Like Ceasars’ “Jerk It Out”, a song with a similar vibe, it very much still works when detached from the sort of clean-scrubbed product you can envision when listening to it. Throughout the song, Marie is the sort of jester who’s not afraid of any kind of authority figure, whatever political or corporate powers they may have at their disposal. She knows that in the end, they’ll come back to her anyway and she’ll have the last laugh, all without trying that hard.

#per gessle #marie fredriksson #roxette #ranking every roxette song #what's she like?#i love the sound of crashing guitars #fool

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empiremarketingproof · 4 years

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Home-Based Business: Are You Ready?

Home-based businesses were round for the long term, even long earlier than the net won the popularity it has today. Earlier than MLM as we realize it, there has been Amway and Avon and Mary Kay. All respectable methods to earn aspect profits. But with the start of comparable possibilities and new business fashions operating in the main online, our society has been covered with the aid of fear of such opportunities, which we are now calling the "home-based totally enterprise phobia." At the same time as there are numerous authentic commercial enterprise possibilities online, there are simply as many "scams" which have been grouped into the equal category. Those are normally offerings in alternate for post-charge (which by no means comes) or pyramid-type schemes that include no actual products, simplest the possibility to earn from recruiting others. Alas, as with most any situation, the bad start to outweigh the fantastic. Before you realize it, home-based totally groups are overshadowed through the reputation of the few actual scams. I consider that the concern of home-based businesses stems from this reality, as well as others. Whilst many ability customers fear the scams without knowing what's and what isn't always, some worry something specific from the norm in terms of incomes a residing. Let's accept it, society increases us to work tough at a physical process. Even from childhood, we are educated to do nicely in faculty up thru within the hopes of securing a decent task. It's far what our mother and father did, and their dad and mom, and all of our ancestors back via time. So when the proposition of earning a first-rate residing without operating at a physical process makes its way into the minds of society's leaders, it's miles considered in a negative light. This, I sense, is because we as people fear something exceptional, or that we do not understand. This is not how we have been raised, this is not how anybody has ever earned a profit before (not a complete-time profit, anyway). Therefore, it isn't without problems commonplace.

The truth is that entrepreneurship is what drives our economy.

Even the most important companies commenced as mom&pop shops or small-city eating places. Small commercial enterprise and entrepreneurship assist instability out the hold that "huge business" has on our financial system. Without them, big companies might don't have any opposition and therefore no standards to uphold. So precisely what's the most important worry surrounding any home-based business opportunity? I have a concept, and it includes the initial begin-up. Maximum individuals are terrified of dropping the money they could have to invest. They are terrified of the threat involved. But what's so awful about chance? Don't maximum things in lifestyles involve some kind of danger? The adage "nothing ventured, nothing won..." comes to mind. If we in no way step out of the box that society has created, we will never know what may be. We can by no means enjoy distinctive or higher. We can, in short, turn out to be the one aspect that our species fears the maximum...Stagnant! Our global's nice innovations (products and services like electricity, prevent lighting fixtures, and air journey) came from ahead-wondering folks who dared to appearance outdoor of the "norm" for higher and extra efficient methods of residing. Without folks who embraced this mindset, we might nevertheless be dwelling as Neanderthals, slightly the use of hearth to heat caves and prepare dinner food (or even this become forward-questioning for the time).

The dangers we take must always be calculated, to a quantity.

We must don't forget closely the pros and cons of our decisions. And the choices we make must now not be something that would hurt us, injure our cherished ones, or reason us to head absolutely and thoroughly broke. Properly, a home commercial enterprise does not do any of these items, does it? It does now not threaten or harm us or our households, and if we're discovering and investing wisely, it must no longer dissipate all of our profits either. Home business in its authentic state was not intended to break monetary conditions, however to improve them, either using supplementing the prevailing income or surpassing and replacing it. So the concern is certainly dropping some hundred, or probably $1000 or extra. A valid and understandable worry from individuals who work difficult for every cent they've. But, a part of the point of making money is to position it to paintings for us. This is completed using investing in programs (whether or not via stocks, cash market debts, CD's, savings accounts that accrue hobby, on-line agencies or in any other case) that allow us to earn greater than we have invested. When you put your money to give you the results you want, you've got a better risk of attaining economic protection, that is what we're all running towards. So then, ought to a person go out and be part of each cash-making opportunity they can locate? Of direction no longer! Making an investment or beginning a home business is a sensible selection, however, it should be completed with care. It's far always an amazing concept to do ample research at the program(s) you are interested in becoming a member of. You must keep in mind the whole lot from the legal elements to the goods being promoted. And as a crucial side observe, you should usually investigate the character or entity that has brought the possibility to you. Regularly, this character turns into your "sponsor" in the application, and the only responsible for guiding you and assisting you to get going inside the proper directing. As demanding as it's miles, there are a few "sponsors" who are not in shape to be so. They do little, if anything, to assist their clients or associates. Human beings like this, sadly, give they discern organizations a less than ideal reputation. Maximum distributors' paintings independently of their figure company. Whilst there are positive guidelines to observe, they may be now not constrained within the methods they can put it on the market or marketplace. For this reason, I advocate that once learning home business opportunities, you preserve open thoughts and do simply as a whole lot of studies (if no longer greater) on the person who will become your sponsor.

Allow's communicate approximately a number of the alternative fears surrounding the house-based totally business.

One of the maximum common ones is that the possibility is illegal; not authorized via nation and government regulations. The very best way to circumvent this trouble is to check with local and country officers (generally the state lawyer general). If you are interested in a program, touch your state professional to learn the necessities and regulations for involvement in a domestic-based total enterprise. And of the path, after you join, take the necessary steps to record your income to the IRS, and to sign up your commercial enterprise with the federal government.

Other less verbalized fears pertain to our talents.

Many people feel that they do not have what it takes to run a domestic enterprise. They will feel they lack skilled inside the enterprise, or lack competencies essential for marketing and customer service. The majority of home commercial enterprise applications in lifestyles these days provide a few kinds of schooling and assist. Whilst some programs are higher than others (according to current and past contributors or associates), it isn't tough to advantage the capabilities and enjoy vital to be triumphant. In case you are inquisitive about joining a domestic business, ensure that your research consists of the research of the company's (and sponsor's) training regimen and guide. Be a part of only if you are satisfied that you may acquire the individual help you need to your skill degree and situation. In conjunction with this, many fear that they may want massive budgets for advertising their enterprise. This problem too may be solved via the schooling supplied with the possibility. There are numerous methods of advertising-free which are very powerful (although they may be a piece time-ingesting). Your chosen domestic commercial enterprise application ought to recognize a great variety of these methods and be inclined to teach you on those techniques also. Be sure to invite if they encompass this in their training and help. If they do now not, pass on to getting to know every other opportunity.

One of the final fears I have encountered is the funding of time. I

ndividuals worry that operating a home business will take too much of their time; time faraway from their jobs, faculty, circle of relatives, or interests. The factor of operating from home (however you pick out to do it) is to allow you greater time at domestic to spend your own family or interests. An ordinary task in the workforce takes extra time from those hobbies than a home enterprise could. While jobs and faculty may additionally appear cozy, they do not permit you the liberty which you so rightly deserve. Home commercial enterprise programs are seeking to remedy this hassle by providing you with the freedom to set your hours. Additionally, home corporations, even as they will take a chunk extra time in the beginning for preliminary set-up and advertising, can ultimately run from simply 2 or 3 hours of effort in line with day. Consider incomes greater from a sale sooner or later than you'll earn in 2 weeks or even a month from your activity and five fewer hours of work? Is that not what we in the end strive for? Time is vital, especially because it isn't guaranteed to any folks. The great way to maximize your time right here in the world is to do what you could to experience more of it. A home-based enterprise can result in an opportunity for freedom that most folks by no mean idea possible, way to society. Why no longer move for it, when there may be so little to lose? At the same time as all the fears discussed are valid, none are so disheartening as the opportunity of no future stability, no protection, or no retirement. Greater than something, I fear needing to come out of retirement to make ends meet. I worry about having to compete with a younger, sharper, and extra technologically-inclined era for a process at an older age. I fear no longer being able to retire when I want because I have not built up a deep-sufficient income or secure-enough future. I fear my kids no longer being capable of going to university if they want, or now not having enough to offer the entirety they want and need. I fear to work to the point in which I have overlooked out on life's maximum precious moments...My children growing up, my courting with my spouse, my grandchildren, and so on. Most of all, I worry to skip on not anything but money owed to my cherished ones. For me, those fears far outweigh the opportunity of dropping cash or mastering something new. It is for this reason that I have become worried about the house commercial enterprise. I'm younger, and as so many say have my whole existence beforehand of me. I would like the personal and monetary freedom to experience a number of it. I would love to begin my marriage on a strong and relaxed plane. I would like to stay at home with my kids whilst they're born. I would like to peer them off to school every day (or even home-school them), teach them new matters, attend their performances and video games, and be there to encourage their individuality. I would love to have something to bypass on to each of them (a domestic, a vast inheritance, a vehicle...A future). I don't want my circle of relatives to "want" for something. My home-based business is permitting me to do all of those things and greater!

Some thoughts to folks who are considering a domestic business on their very own.

What is preventing you? What is it that you worry maximum about investing in a domestic-based enterprise? Do you now not want all of the matters defined above? If all your fears were addressed and dispelled, would you still be hesitant? In that case, why?

The ugly truth is that state-of-the-art economy and our group of workers do no longer provide financial safety.

Your role can be terminated or passed on to another at any time, and without any be aware. Most agencies, especially huge companies, cognizance only on the desires of the commercial enterprise. In case you, your pay grade, or your capabilities stand inside the manner of those desires, you pose a hazard and can be removed without tons of attention. And unfortunately, this kind of remedy is a felony in maximum states. Does this sound like protection to you? Would not you rather have control over how your circle of relatives is authorized to stay than an organization that cares little approximately them? Wouldn't you want an again-up plan in case this takes place to you? It's far another sad truth that maximum individuals live and assume interior their little bubbles. They see unfortunate matters happening all around them, however, by no means forestall to assume that it could manifest to them at any time. None of the people are proof against such occurrences. None of the people is invulnerable to the rigors and tribulations of existence. It can be someone else, however, it can always just as effortlessly be us! One greater idea...If a chief scenario passed off the desired a huge amount of cash to remedy (a hearth, your most effective vehicle breaking down, a flood, a destroy-in or robbery, even a baby being born), might you be able to manage it without depleting your life's savings? Would you have the ability to take care of it immediately? Or would it take months to keep up enough? A domestic enterprise can be a superb addition to any lifestyle. Maximum do no longer take exceeding quantities of time to work, maximum do no longer rob our wallets of incredible quantities, and that they permit us to earn sufficient to significantly supplement our modern incomes, even replace them! With such a lot of greater professionals than cons, why shouldn't you recall a home-primarily based enterprise of your personal?

Start your successful online business

#online business #make money today #make money online #make money during quarantine #affiliate marketing #affiliate program #affiliate marketer #make money with affiliate marketing

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mxbees · 7 years

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In discussing the question of neutrality and libraries a careful distinction must be made between the descriptive and prescriptive elements. Descriptive: talking about what libraries are; ‘are libraries neutral?’. Prescriptive: talking about what libraries should be; ‘should libraries be neutral?’. Reading that blog post by some white guy about ‘ugly beliefs’ and library neutrality its pretty clear that, at least from the ALA’s bill of rights, that he is talking about what libraries should be.

In so doing he ellides the question (and problem) of whether libraries are, in fact, neutral. There is a lot of different literature out there discussing the issue and most of it concludes that libraries, despite the stated values, aren’t actually neutral. Additionally (and perhaps most importantly) librarians ourselves are not neutral. This is partly the motivation for my article on “Locating the Library in Institutional Oppression”. Only ‘partly’ because my article goes one step further to examine the ways in which libraries are not neutral1.

The reason why it is important to settle the question whether libraries, as they currently exist, are actually neutral is because their current state constrains what they can be (at least so long as we don’t enact radical change). Can non-neutral libraries be the foundation for neutral ones? If so, how? If we understand libraries as being non-neutral what changes must be made in order to achieve the ideal of neutrality?

One of the ways, as proposed by King is that we support free speech, even in cases of ‘ugly’ speech. If you look in the comments of the blog post he makes it clear that he is drawing a distinction between ‘legal’ free speech and ‘illegal’ hate speech. All speech up to that line should have equal place within libraries. Its interesting to me that he points out that these discussions were sparked by events in Charlottesville. Which, I’m guessing, is his example of ‘ugly speech’. Interesting because the ‘speech’ in Charlottesville did, in reality, incite violence. It would seem, then, that discussing free speech in the context of this particular event is a little misguided (but whatever).

Beyond the problems of using laws as moral compass (e.g., the legal system in the US is famous for how oppressive it is), we can see this as an attempt to dodge the moral culpability he (and others like him) bear for giving space to oppression. By pointing to the ‘bill of rights’ and the first amendment he is simply shrugging his shoulders regarding the larger implications of both this stance and the current state of libraries.

However, this stance itself is one of the ways in which libraries become sites of institutional oppression. And, please, recall that ‘institutional oppression’ isn’t about individuals but the system and institution as a whole (that said, we as individuals are morally culpable for what institutions do and are, since we are an integral part of these institutions).

The example I always love to use is when Janice Raymond was invited to speak at an event taking place in the Vancouver Public Librarie’s public space. Both within that press release and the ensuing discussion the legal code is pointed out as the line for what is (and should be) allowable. Also do note that hate speech laws are more restrictive in Canada than in the US. But the point does remain: what Raymond intended to speak about wasn’t hate speech (legally speaking). At the same time, it is also the perfect example of the kind of speech that both causes and expresses oppression.

Her topic that time was about sex workers. She (and the intellectual tradition she belongs to, radical feminism) supports and advocates for policies that leads to oppression and, yes, violence against sex workers. The key issue here is the criminalization of sex work. Radical feminists usually advocate for a position that they call ‘abolishing sex work’ which, in reality, means that they openly oppose attempts to legalize sex work. Decriminalizing sex work, however, is the goal for many sex workers (as in: this is what they frequently say they want for themselves).

As it happens, regardless of their theoretical background, it turns out that their opposition of decriminalizing sex work coincides with that of many conservatives. This is also true regarding their stance on trans women (as in how we are not women and, thus, should die). Its important because we end up seeing situations like vancouver rape relief (the same org that invited Raymond) arguing against trans rights, as in the recent debates Bill C-16. Their position on this and the issue of sex work gives fuel to conservatives and other politicians because they get to point to a group of feminists and make it look like there is a broader consensus than actually exists (it helps them to point out that it isn’t only the right-wing that wants sex work to remain illegal).

Okay. Why have I spent so much time describing this situation? Because its an easy example for how ‘legal’ speech can feed into the oppression of others. And, for the sake of clarity, by ‘oppression’ I absolutely do include ‘violence’ as one of the ways ppl are oppressed. So, yes, these ‘ugly’ (but legal!) beliefs incite violence… its just that this incitement is covert. When radical feminists talk about ‘aboloshing sex work’ it sounds good. I mean, it is frequently a very ugly and violent business. It ‘sounds’ good right up until you realize that these translates to radfems actively working against decriminalization – which results in sex workers being exposed to the violence of the criminal justice system (not to speak of all the other kinds of violent oppression it results in).

The thing is: extremist groups have long been aware of the value of propaganda. Which means that their hate is sublimated into other ideas that don’t sound nearly as dangerous as they are. And we know this from history. We know that when people talk about racial purity this translates into eugenics and genocide. We know this and yet…. we also argue that such things should be given space within libraries. That since this kind of speech is legal, we should actively work to protect it.

And we circle back to the issue of descriptive vs prescriptive. We have ample evidence to support the idea that libraries and librarians – as we currently exist – are not neutral. Which means we are biased. And the bias leans towards oppression, not liberation. It takes very little effort to find the ways in which the classification systems most english libraries use (the library of congress or dewey) is biased. It expresses a white supremacist perspective in various ways. It is sexist, ableist, homophobic, and so on. It also doesn’t take much effort to find examples and literature about how librarians have (and do) purposefully deploy classification schemes as a way to hide/bury lgbt books (amongst many others).

I don’t think King (and others) realize that some of us frame the issue in this way: given that libraries aren’t neutral and that the bias is oppressive, we shouldn’t push for neutrality where it doesn’t exist (and may not even be possible). And given that we aren’t neutral and the oppressive bias, we have a moral obligation to both correct the current bias (and all ways it is expressed institutionally) as well as actively working against current articulations of oppression to which we are already biased towards.

As in: as non-neutral libraries and librarians we only really have two positions to support. We are either for oppression or we are against it. And given that our non-neutrality is currently biased towards oppression doing nothing or supporting the status quo means we support oppression. And the idea and ideal of ‘neutrality’ is actually part of our status quo. Neutrality is, as King helpfully points out, embedded within the core ideals of our profession and their institutions.

I mentioned on twitter that I’d be super interested in seeing some other concrete plans and ideas supporters of library neutrality have for acheiving it, given our currently non-neutral state. Its weird to me that neutrality appears to come up most often when talking about free speech and the like but I never see one of these people arguing for a complete rehaul of the DDC (or a complete new replacement). If we have non-neutral libraries and neutrality is the goal, we have a shitton more work to do than simply giving more space to oppressive ideas (and people). Libraries and librarians would require radical and fundamental change in order to even begin to approach neutrality. And yet… its pretty much just crickets from these ppl.2

If I were to write this article now, it’d be a very different paper. In part due to the problems surrounding Andrea Smith herself but also because I’d use different examples. ↩

I also have to say… this concluding statment: ‘I’m a strong believer in people, and in the idea that if really wrong ideas are voiced, the community will take notice, will speak up, and will help better the community’ betrays King’s structural placement as a white d00d. I mean. Really? How fucking naive and clueless do you have to be to make this claim. For one reason or another, I pretty much constantly hear about how I should not be allowed to exist and your average person not only is not speaking up but are actively supporting. Jesus fucking christ. ↩

#posts from the really real blog

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snow-okki · 7 years

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Polor Night Rant

Because my way of showing love to Messiah is to pick clean each one of its bones until there is not even a speck of dust left to pick. And also because I've finally watched it (yes I'm that late into the party).

Disclaimer: I'm not a movie critic. Tis a rant.

Also spoiler if you haven't watched it, but really if you still haven't watched it till now, you live under more rocks than I do.

Also warning: it’s long.

I should have never expected much from Messiah movie the moment I saw them still using that obviously fake explosion in the trailer.

First, the directing. IT SUCKS. Even more than in previous movies.

I get it, they're not filming everything in chronological order. But that's not what it's supposed to feel like! The transition is supposed to be smooth, the continuity is supposed to hold.

Biggest offender is the scene where Kuroko chased after Mamoru. Mamoru was walking while staring onto a piece of paper when suddenly Kuroko appeared behind him. Mamoru broke into a sprint, and then scene cuts to Mamoru being blocked by a no-named sakura cadet, and then cut to Kuroko already standing behind Mamoru fancily twirling and pointing his lil knife at Mamoru's throat.

Unless Kuroko teleported, which there are better ways to imply that Kuroko can move faster than the wind, it feels like the editor forgot to add a clip and just be like "Eh, the fans can just assume that Kuroko teleported, no biggie."

But it is a biggie. It takes the immersion out of the movie. It's like a speeding car suddenly break into a halt. Ain't fun yo.

And about continuity, this is a small but the easiest to point out example. On the scene where Guen was confronting Misu with the data from the flash disc he had acquired from his lil bro, Misu was chilling on the sofa with a paper in hand. Cut to scene where Misu brought the paper closer for him to read. The next scene is zoomed out, and we have Misu, still chilling on the sofa, with his hand and the paper he had just read a second ago dangling loosely from the sofa head.

This is not Harry Potter Movie 2001 where they can get away with forgetting which side of the forehead Harry's scar is supposed to be on. This is 2017.

(And let's not start on the biggest continuity error that is Misu's past)

Secondly, music. Previously for Akatsuki I praised it for the variety and frequency of background music being used. The movie, however….is dead silent 90% of the time.

"It's an information heavy movie, lots of talking so music won't be appropriate." Fine.

You're lucky if the talking scene is accompanied by some keyboard mashing sound. Enjoy dead silence as two old men talk to each other~

And when the movie does use background music…it feels very out of place. At least some of them.

I have a bone to pick with that 'holier than thou' music for the Kuroko serves Ichijima tea scene, and the music for Misu dying scene.

The former, it's veeeryyyy out of place. The church may be fancy, and it might be Ichijima's tea time (with Japanese traditional glass), but the entire situation is not. If the creator's trying to achieve cognitive dissonance, congrats, they did it.

As for the latter, it's…well, it's not a good background music. It works for the trailer, but as background, I feel that it's too strong. It's as if the music's competing with Misu-Amane in 'who can make the audience cry harder' competition. Amane wins btw.

Thirdly, GEN 3.

My god I wish this movie doesn't exist for Gen 3. All this movie does is putting each Gen 3 kids into a stereotype. And it sort of developed Mayo's character but NOT KOGURE AND YUGI.

Yugi constantly spouting catchphrases like "Who should I defeat?" is unnatural, with the one in the public bath scene being the worst example. He's a sportsman, sure, but athletes don't go around to everyone saying "Hey you, wanna judo me?" or something like that. Gangsters do that. (Plot twist le gasp)

Kogure…is…uh……a talking machine? Besides being a butt monkey which I highly approve, all he did was spouting information super rapidly. (Now I find it hilarious if he's related to Ichijima since Ichijima always takes his sweet time in delivering his lines XD). But other than that, he’s as bland as the wall.

Mayo is one of the highlights of this movie, his character providing the much-needed break from all the seriousness, and he gets his character development too! We have "Call me Mayo-sama, Mayo-tan is also fine!", him being the first to figure out Mamoru-Kaito relationship, and all his scenes with his mysterious leaf. This is good.

IF ONLY THEY DO THE SAME TO THE REST OF GEN 3

Fourth, and probably the most subjective point to argue, is acting.

Some butai actors are not meant to act in a movie. That, or the directing sucks so bad this gap shows.

What happens is that butai actors tend to exaggerate their movements which looks very unnatural in movie (OKKI), or they can't deliver information heavy scenes without looking like they're reading a script (Shinchan, also Okki). The blu-billions minions stick out like a sore thumb, hair wise and acting wise.

Yes I find Misu's dying scene hammy. Amane pulled it off nicely, but not Misu.

They probably could benefit from better directing, as in less 'all in one take' scenes. But alas, budget.

Fifth, the making.

If we talk about butai backstage, I think Tenimyu is the first to make butai backstage such a huge thing that it gets its own DVD now. And I still find it (Tenimyu 1st) to be the most enjoyable backstage to date, for a reason: it's a bunch of actors naturally having fun.

Messiah is so not a good series to have this 'fun' backstage.

The movie is shot under very short time constrain so there's not much time to chill, let alone bond. Actors repeatedly mention how Messiah's lines are heavy, which again means there's not much time to chill. With the story being very serious, acting blunders can't be passed as a joke, and the actors who have immersed themselves in this serious universe can't afford to joke around at the expense of their actings. And for this title in particular, the actors' relationship are not solid yet with half of them being new casts, so some 'bonding' moments feels forced (Okki and Shinchan has zero chemistry).

In other words, they're really better off making some kind of documentary or interview, something that showcases the depth of Messiah series or their characters, instead of trying to make a friendship/fun type of backstage.

Ok I've ranted enough about all the stuff I have issues with. Let's end this in a good note!

The good things!

1. The writing. All the callbacks to previous installments. The little things the characters get to do to show their personality (partially thanks to their actors as well). But not the plot. I find it too cheesy of an ending.

2. Kogure being a butt monkey. Eiri's the closest thing we have to a butt monkey in the entire history of Messiah. I'm glad some comedy is coming back. Especially that lil scene where Kogure complained to Yugi about the water splashes going into his eyes. That's adorable. *fangirl continues*

3. The making. Forgot to mention this but I find that some things are better not shown in the making. Like the shooting of Misu getting washed away by torrent of CG water. Watching that breaks my suspension of disbelief. I can't rewatch it and cry the same way I rewatch Mamoru-Kaito's scene in Shibi and cry.

But other things, like Okki totally not nailing his lines, Shinchan getting 'Messiah baptism' by also screwing up his lines, Ichijima somehow nailing all his long-ass lines with no miss, Misu accidentally hitting Guen for real, Ryoki chugging what looks like a milk but is probably not, Sugie not nailing his lines after splashing Shinchan in the public bath scene, Ichijima's wtf muscles…Many good stuff XD

Aaaand that's about it. Overall I'm not that into this movie. This feels like a spin-off, that is the main series can just continue from Akatsuki and there won't be any issue besides having to justify Misu and Amane's disappearance. None of the non Misu-Amane plot here are important or something that can't be justified by Akatsuki. Okay maybe besides Mayo's character development and the whole cult deal, which can also be explained off handedly in Yuukyuu in less than 5 mins. Sure I enjoy the fanservicy moments, but that's it, fan service. They'll be completely gone by the release of the next installment.

I really wish they've ended it with Misu and Amane settling down forgoing their goal for 'world equality', something like 'you're more important than my ideals'. That'll be poignant, and very Messiah like, and saves them the budget for that cheap-ass CG water torrent.

#Messiah Project #Polar Night #RANT #When you love Messiah so much you spent 2 hours writing a rant

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pagedesignhub-blog · 7 years

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The SNP’s muddled education policy is failing Scottish kids

New Post has been published on https://pagedesignhub.com/the-snps-muddled-education-policy-is-failing-scottish-kids/

The SNP’s muddled education policy is failing Scottish kids

I am afraid that each time a politician asks to be judged on their document, it’s far sensible to anticipate this displays a self-assurance they won’t be. At the very least such guarantees are hostages to destiny headlines. Take, as an example, Nicola Sturgeon’s boast that training – and particularly last the space among the quality and worst schools in Scotland – is her top priority. Judge me on this, she said. Well, OK.

Today the SNP authorities posted the consequences of the ultra-modern Scottish Survey of Literacy and Numeracy and, as has come to be annually predictable, they make for miserable analyzing. While requirements of reading have remained highly regular amongst both primary and secondary scholars, there was a pointy decline in writing ability. This follows last year’s survey which pronounced declining requirements in numeracy.

According to the SSLN, eighty-five in step with a cent of P4 students from prosperous postcodes read well; just 67 in line with a cent of those from poorer neighborhoods accomplish that. Notably, however, for the reason that 2012 there was a Scotland-extensive decline in the percentage of children appearing well and the fee of decline is identical throughout all social categories.

By the second one year of secondary college, just forty-two per cent of boys is acting well in writing. Although women outperform boys at every degree, even in Scotland’s most prosperous regions simply 59 consistent with a cent of S2 students are meeting anticipated ranges of attainment. In more deprived neighborhoods – defined because of the poorest 30 percent of information zones – most children fail to reach those goals with just forty per cent ‘acting nicely, very well, or beyond the level’ expected.

Again, the sample is apparent and, in line with the government’s personal evaluation, ‘statistically huge’. The outcomes in 2014 have been worse than the consequences in 2012 and the consequences in 2016 have been worse than the effects in 2014. As for ‘listening and speaking’, again, simplest one in two Scottish S2 scholars is deemed to be appearing well though at the least right here there has been little statistical distinction between the consequences obtained in 2016 and people suggested four years ago.

Now, a generous soul would possibly finish that this simply is going to show that Nicola Sturgeon is proper to make training her ‘top precedence’. And it’s far real that she has, in contrast to her predecessor, at least identified the problem. Ms. Sturgeon makes a virtue of her concern but this takes a few chutzpah, for the reason that her celebration has been in strength for a decade now. Still, a hassle recognized may be well worth a tiny cheer. Alas, the SNP’s coverage proposals in reaction to this evident file of underachievement are, if we are kind, muddled.

On the only hand, the Scottish government desires to divert £120m each year without delay to headteachers to be spent on narrowing the attainment gap between the performance acquired via students in prosperous areas and people from poorer neighborhoods. On the face of it, this is an endorsement of the precept that colleges ought to experience much greater autonomy. But if a touch autonomy – and given the strings connected it is likely to be smaller than the headlines would possibly lead you to believe – is a great component then wouldn’t extra autonomy be even better? Shouldn’t headteachers, as an instance, be able to lease their own personnel, in place of accepting, as is regularly the case, something teachers they’re given by means of their neighborhood authority?

Then again, the government additionally proposes developing new ‘education areas’ that could largely render the role of neighborhood government training departments redundant. How that is squared with a dedication to local accountability and how, certainly, those ‘regions’ could work remains unexplained. What is obvious, judged on the responses to the government’s very own college governance consultation, is that nobody outdoor the government welcomes those proposals. And for excellent purpose seeing that they have to the quantity to increased centralisation.

So, in one place the authorities boast of decentralizing education whilst in another, it plans to further centralize it. In the same way, it proposes scrapping the surveys of numeracy and literacy that now embarrass the Scottish government on an annual foundation, replacing them with standardized exams that, to placate the coaching unions, won’t be all that standardized at all and clearly must no longer be used to sentence college performance. Though, the first minister insists, we need this fact in order that college and student overall performance can be extra as it should be measured. If you’re confused by using this, you too can work within the schooling branch.

Sturgeon complains that the SSLN is just a survey however it seems worth noting that her government’s very own statisticians assume it sufficiently rigorous to be really worth reporting. Moreover, it is constant with other findings, no longer the least of that are the worldwide PISA tests in which Scottish performance has declined, at the least in relative terms, considering 2000. The latest PISA effects had been the worst ever recorded and a jaundiced observer would possibly conclude this helps give an explanation for why the Scottish government has withdrawn Scottish pupils from other surveys of international educational attainment.

Ms.. Sturgeon boasts that record numbers of pupils are actually passing exams and going on to ‘effective destinations’. The rigor of these checks is questionable but; my impression is that academics at Scotland’s ancient universities tend to the view that nowadays’s students are less properly ready for university academics than have been their opposite numbers a decade ago. Meanwhile, ‘high-quality destinations’ essentially way ‘whatever however prison’. Like any politicians, Sturgeon takes the credit score for suitable consequences whilst denying duty for bad ones. In each example, she could be better served by taking a greater constrained, modest, method.

Of direction many scholars do exceptional but there may be a consensus, shared at the highest stages of government too, that too many do not. On the only hand ministers have to boast approximately file levels of attainment even as, on the alternative, insisting that the popularity quo isn’t always proper enough and change can’t be prevented. The insistence on that latter point leads one to assume assertions of instructional excellence could be exaggerated.

Not all of this is the SNP’s fault. I actually have little self assurance very much would be distinct if Labour and the Liberal Democrats had remained in electricity in Edinburgh when you consider that 2007. They, like every other party, recommended the brand new Curriculum for Excellence which, amongst other things, was designed to sell inter-disciplinary, competencies-based, gaining knowledge of. It is not clear that CoE has been a wonderful fulfillment.

Nor, however, is it accurate to argue that the SNP has ‘accomplished not anything’ on education. On the contrary, it is viable it has finished an excessive amount of. That is, that the decline in overall performance as measured by means of the SSLN and PISA surveys does no longer mirror a lack of government interference but, as a substitute, a surfeit of it. Teachers are forever being bombarded with new tasks and are, inside the experience of these I communicate to besides, endlessly plagued through the introduction of clean and frequently baffling new suggestions notionally – however, best notionally – presupposed to help them acquire this or that new purpose or target.

Data, of course, can be measured and it is in the nature of government that what may be measured ought to be what’s precious. Sometimes that is the case but now not always. Equally, because the authorities can trade systems it’s far tempting to suppose that if the system is tinkered with, right results will comply with. Sometimes, too, this is likely the case, however, greater frequently lifestyles is more complicated than that.

Which is to say that I have little self-belief that any of Scotland’s political events clearly have the capacity to convert the country’s schooling gadget. It is true that the status quo – the McBlob if we’re to put it in Govan terms – remains against actual reform but it’s also true that none of the events but have a clean, a long way much less a coherent, plan for that reform. (The Tories have finished extra paintings in this than a few but even Tory politicians privately admit they have lots greater for to do but.)

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movietvtechgeeks · 7 years

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Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/supernatural-goes-box-stuck-middle-1212/

'Supernatural' goes out of the box with Stuck in the Middle With You 1212

Say what you will about Supernatural, the show is not afraid to mess with form. Last week’s episode, written by Davy Perez and beautifully directed by fan favorite #SPNFamily member Richard Speight, Jr., brought a Tarantino-inspired aesthetic to a very Supernatural story. Together with Serge Ladouceur’s gorgeous cinematography, some kickass VFX and some superbly choreographed fight scenes, these all combined to make for an outside the box episode that still felt like the Show I love. I’m often struck by Ladouceur’s work, and his and Speight’s direction together made for a visually striking episode. The Tarantino touches were spot on – a slow motion montage of Team Free Will Plus Two walking toward danger, with the added bonus of Ackles and Padalecki’s long long legs eating up the screen (and in perfect sync because of Sam and Dean). The mysterious box that glows when the lid is cracked. The violent but well-choreographed fight scenes ala Kill Bill. The amusing title cards announcing both a new scene and a time jump in one direction or another. The temporal back and forth and multiple points of view didn’t work for everyone, but I tend to like some experimentation, so I enjoyed it. The episode opens with Team Free Will Plus Two (Mary and Wally, the hapless red shirt hunter who we pretty much know from moment one isn’t likely to survive) squabbling in a diner ala Reservoir Dogs. Dean even quotes a line from that film. Dean: All right, ramblers, let’s get ramblin’ That’s once they’ve finished ribbing Cas about being the object of the waitress’ attention and commenting that waitresses are awesome because they always smell like food. I’d love to turn my psychologist lens on that comment, either to analyze why Dean would say it or why Perez would write it, but I’ll constrain myself. The waitress herself is pretty awesome. Dean (attempting to set the mostly uninterested Cas up with her): When do you get off? Sassy waitress: Whenever I can. Ten points for the waitress. Astroglide on my twitter timeline: Yas, Queen! (Side note: Astroglide totally had the best comments of the night. How much do I love that they live tweet Supernatural?) Speight, Perez and many of the actors live tweeted the west coast airing, giving us a few little insights about filming that scene. Jared: Sam’s reaction to Mandy calling Misha handsome was more Jared than Sam. (I think you could characterize Sam’s reaction as incredulous…) Also, it was apparently not scripted when Misha leaned in to have Cas smell the waitress not so subtly. I always love the ad-libbed moments most! Even the music was inspired, some of it seeming right out of the stereotypical spaghetti western and some of it adding immeasurably to the ominous feeling of the scene. I watched this episode live with some fellow fangirls who are also fellow academics. We were all at the Southwest Popular Culture Association conference in Albuquerque, gathered around the television in one of our hotel rooms. Earlier that day, two of those acafans did a roundtable presentation on the music of Supernatural, so watching this episode with them was a treat! Apparently, that’s ‘La Donna e Mobile’ from Rigoletto that Ramiel whistles as he slowly makes his way back to the cabin, where our heroes are waiting for him (reminiscent of Kill Bill again). Astroglide: Whistling in real life: basically never ominous. Whistling on TV: Basically always ominous So true. The episode was not only beautifully directed and filmed; it was tightly written so that in 42 minutes we got the amount of reveals that we usually get in five episodes. That was head-spinning, but not in a bad way. I felt knocked off balance the entire time, something Speight played up with the way the episode was filmed and Perez set up with his constant dizzying time jumps back and forth. The first big reveal was the return of a demon the likes of which we haven’t seen in a long long time – the yellow-eyed variety. In the first few seasons of the Show, the Yellow-Eyed Demon was the Big Bad who we were all terrified of and rooting for the Winchesters to kill. Fred Lehne invested the original YED with a sinister but snarky personality that made the character memorable; unlike Crowley and Rowena, he never switched sides or showed any ambivalence, and he died with us cheering, taken out by the Colt. (And speaking of the Colt…but that’s getting ahead of myself). At any rate, I was left with a sort of nostalgic dread for the YED, so when the demon they’re hunting is revealed to have yellow eyes as well, I gasped out loud. He’s also apparently just as difficult to kill, as Team Free Will is woefully outmaneuvered by both Ramiel and the other two demons who show up out of nowhere. Poor Wally, as most of us predicted, was indeed a casualty of that epic fight. Jerry Trimble did a great job as Ramiel, creating a memorable character in just one episode. He also apparently did his own stunts! This episode wasn’t focused as much on Sam and Dean as some – and I admit I will always want more – but Perez did give us a few Winchester moments. I loved that Dean, who was supposed to be going after Cas and Mary, instead stays behind to save his brother from one of the demons. Demon: I’m going to be the demon that killed Sam Winchester. They’re gonna tell stories about me. Dean: (stabbing her from behind) Oh no they won’t. Me: Not as long as his big brother is around! We also get a small but important moment between Sam and Mary. Sam, empathic soul that he is, can sense that something is going on with his mom. Sam: Mom, are you okay? I know you never wanted this. Mary doesn’t really answer him; she’s focused on getting what she came for. Just as it hurt to see her walk away from her sons when she needed independence and time to herself, that reaction hurt to see. I admit I don’t entirely get where Mary is coming from, but I already know she’s capable of being hurtful. And hey, she’s human, and we’re all capable of being hurtful, but I get protective of my boys. Jared does a good job of showing us Sam’s feelings in that small scene – his love for his mother, his confusion about how she’s doing. (We’re with you, Sam!) Mary: Since when is life about getting what you want? Harsh, Mary. I get the feeling Sam was asking because HE needed to talk, and you just walked away. By the way, Sam’s “Mom, what did you get us into”? could be the tag line for so much of the Show! Mary is so shocked about the demon’s yellow eyes that she tells Sam about it (in contrast to her very Winchesterian propensity for not sharing information with her sons or anyone else). That was a wonderful bit of acting for both Sam Smith and Jared; they are the two who have interacted with the YED most horrifically in the past, and true horror shows on both of their faces at the reveal. I’ll get back to the reveals about Mary in a minute because those turn out to be the most controversial parts of the episode. The next big reveal belongs to Crowley, and Mark Sheppard positively shines in this episode. Speight pulled an amazing performance from the always-excellent Sheppard, from his initial welcoming of Mary (who responds with ‘touch me and I’ll end you’ in true hunter fashion) to Crowley’s emotionally layered conversations with Ramiel about the Winchesters. In a flashback to six years ago, we find out something I never thought to question all that much – how Crowley became King of Hell. We’ve known he’s a crossroads demon, and I think I just assumed that he came to power by means of the manipulation and scheming he’s so good at. I love when Show throws me a curve (as long as it doesn’t turn canon on its head and then piss me off instead) – apparently, Crowley was surprised when Ramiel turned down the throne and instead offered it to Crowley! (Kudos to makeup and to Sheppard for making Crowley actually appear younger and less cynical in the flashback scenes). Ramiel, prince of hell. Oldest generation of demons that Lucifer made himself. Azazel, the YED, was one too. Ramiel, in a speech that reminded all of us watching a bit of Cain, just wants to be left alone. Crowley, who had come to bring the coronation gifts of Michael’s lance and that mysterious glowing box, is suddenly in power. Which explains some of Crowley’s ineptness at being the actual King of Hell. Perhaps he was really angling for second in command, or for being the power behind the throne, and is still not entirely certain of how to wield what he ended up with. Sheppard also shows us Crowley’s conflicting feelings about the Winchesters as he tries to bargain for their lives even after Dean dismisses him as unwilling to help. You get the distinct feeling that his contention that it’s just prudent to keep the guys who stopped the Apocalypse on your side isn’t the whole story, hearkening back to Crowley’s demon blood addiction and his fall into humanity, albeit temporarily. We get another glimpse of Crowley’s softer side, and of what seems to be an actual fondness for Team Free Will, when Castiel is dying. Misha Collins deserves kudos for this episode, and again Speight was able to bring out a performance that struck all the right notes without going over the top – which it very easily could have. Ramiel produces the lance of Michael (which appears from its invisible place on his back, an awesome VFX moment) and spears Cas as he lies helpless and unable to get away. It’s a brutal, violent scene, filmed in nearly black and white with the actors silhouetted in the moonlight. It’s beautiful and horrible, invoking the painting, like a powerful work of art itself. It’s also very real in its depiction of the savage wound, graphically bloody in a way that made me wince. We realize that Cas may actually die (though I doubt anyone thought he wouldn’t somehow come back), but even a temporary death of a beloved character carries weight if it’s done well. The lance kills angels slowly because Michael wanted Lucifer to suffer when he stabbed him with it, which gives Collins ample opportunity to make us run for the tissues. I commented on Castiel’s evolution in an earlier review, and that continues here. Cas, knowing he’s dying, is once again heroic in his willingness to sacrifice himself. Collins makes us feel his pain, but also his determination, and the fierce love he has come to feel for the Winchesters. Cas tries to get them to leave, saying he doesn’t want the last thing he sees before he dies to be them dying too. He says that the things they’ve shared have changed him, and that his time spent with them has been his best time. Cas: You’re my family. I love you, I love all of you. Just please, please don’t make my last moments be spent watching you die. Just run, save yourselves…You have to keep fighting. Sam: We are fighting. We’re fighting for you, Cas. Dean: And like you said, you’re family. And we don’t leave family behind. I might have teared up during that scene, which means Speight and Collins did their job. They’ve been hitting the ‘Cas is family’ theme hard this season, which makes sense in the scheme of the show, but while this scene worked, I don’t think they can hit it this hard repeatedly without everyone going okay okay, we get it! The Winchesters get back to fighting Ramiel, attempting to hold him in a ring of fire. Ramiel demands they give back what was stolen from him, which only confuses Sam and Dean. Mary, on the other hand….let’s just say I was screaming out loud, “Mary! What the hell, turn it over!” She doesn’t, and we find out what we suspected. Ramiel can’t be held by the ring of fire, and a truly epic fight scene ensues. Sam, in a magnificent moment of bravery and badassery, slays Ramiel with the lance just as he’s about to kill Dean. Me: (possibly screaming) That’s right, damn it! Sam Effing Winchester! What can I say, I love it when the Winchesters save each other. But Cas is still dying. And then we get another reveal about Crowley, and a surprise. Crowley looks genuinely sorry that Cas is dying. That emotion prompts him to remember what Ramiel had said about the lance. The runes give it power. On a hunch, Crowley snaps the lance, breaking the runes and reversing the poisoning that has Cas gasping his last breaths through some truly disgusting black goo clogging his throat and oozing out his mouth. Ewww. Crowley, before he snaps out: You’re welcome. Cas slowly realizes he’s okay, the shock of both that and Crowley being the source of it clear on his face. Director Speight gave us a shot that’s going to star in so many gifs it will be mind blowing, with first Dean and then Sam offering a hand up to Castiel and pulling him to his feet. The camera stays tight on their hands throughout, making the scene a powerful one. Similarly, earlier in the episode Speight uses a close-up shot of Dean’s hands as he loads his gun – visually stunning and powerful in its familiarity, to Winchesters and to anyone who’s been watching the show. The episode ends with yet another gigantic reveal. We knew that Mary had been lying to Sam and Dean by omission, bringing in Wally so they’ll come help without asking questions. We knew she had BMoL weapons and tools to help her prevail, and that she lied to Cas when she came up from the basement (brilliant idea using the old gotta-pee-when-I’m-nervous excuse, Mary). We knew she had stolen something and hidden it from all of them, refusing to turn it over even when Ramiel demands it, and ALL their lives are on the line! But we didn’t’ know what it was she found in the basement – or that finding it had apparently been her mission all along. OMG moment number four: it’s the Colt. IT’S THE COLT. Everyone in the hotel room watching: OMG. Mr. Ketch apologizes for nearly getting them all killed and for some reason I can’t fathom, Mary lets him off the hook. And GIVES HIM THE COLT. What??? I have no clue what’s wrong with Mary, but that was all kinds of not okay. I guess we don’t know how much she even knows about the Colt, but I wish her instincts were firing about Mr. Ketch in a way that would tell her what a mistake she’s making. Show has one more giant reveal too. We end with Crowley’s prisoner taunting him, saying that the Winchesters will turn on him eventually. I was unfortunately spoiled for this last reveal, but let’s just say that having Mark Pellegrino back as Lucifer would have been mind blowing if I hadn’t been. That’s like five big reveals in one episode, in case you’re not counting. What the hell, Show? To sum up, there are more YEDS out there, including Ramiel’s sister Dagon who has taken an interest in Kelly and her Nephilim baby. Crowley ended up King of Hell by default not scheming, and has more of a soft spot than we suspected for the Winchesters and for Cas. The BMoL have the friggen’ Colt. And Crowley has Lucifer – in his very awesome Pellegrino meat suit – caged up, tables turned. All of that was executed brilliantly by Speight and company. What fans were left to ponder and gnash our teeth about is the mystery of Mary Winchester. She should know better than to withhold information from her sons – withholding information gets people killed. Like poor Redshirt Wally. (And almost her sons too). She seems to be going down that road that Sam was on when he was addicted to demon blood, convincing herself that she’s working with the BMoL for the greater good, but we all know where that road ends up. I was dumbfounded when Ramiel seemed to be offering to spare them if the person who stole from him would just return what was stolen (Sam and Dean genuinely confused because they had no clue what Mary did) – and Mary didn’t say a word! Was she really willing to risk her sons’ lives in order to give Mr. Ketch the Colt??? And even after the BMoL clearly led her into a lethal situation and didn’t care, she still doesn’t give up on them. She still gives them the most powerful weapon out there. Yes, she threatens and she seems very angry that ‘her boys’ were put in danger. But she still lets him off the hook with an apology that didn’t even try to sound genuine. I’m still having trouble getting my head around the fact that Mary would work with a group of people who tortured and almost killed her son. She SAW what they did to Sam, and while I realize that was one BMoL member who perhaps is painted as an outlier, but still. If someone took a blowtorch to my son’s foot, there would be no forgiveness. Not ever. Dean is espousing that conviction, which makes me happy because there’s NO WAY Dean would forgive someone who tortured his little brother. But why not Mary? There are lots of disagreements going on in Supernatural fandom right now about how to read the character. She’s complex, that’s for sure, and most people are glad to have a female character who’s not a cardboard cutout or a stereotype. And I have no doubt that we – like Dean and Sam – had expectations for her that come out of our own stereotypes of what a mother should be. I think it’s more than that, though. Since the beginning of the series, we have only seen Mary through Dean’s eyes. The eyes of a four-year-old, who idealized the mother he could barely remember. Dean remembered her singing lullabies and making him pie, but we now know that Mary’s cooking skills were more about getting take out. Dean remembered her idealistically, and thus we, as viewers, developed that concept of the character too. Now we – and Sam and Dean – are confronted with a woman who is far from the stereotypical mother. She’s flawed, she’s not particularly maternal – especially with these two grown men for whom being her sons would be a biological impossibility – and she’s quite capable of hurting them. Perhaps we, as fans, are experiencing the disillusion that comes from having someone we’ve put on a pedestal fall off. It’s interesting to watch the evolution of the character of Mary contrasted with the evolution of another maternal character, Rowena. While Mary seems to be on a slow fall from idealization, Rowena is on a bit of a redemption arc. (It might have been hard for her to go the other way since she was introduced to viewers with people bleeding to death on the ceiling…) I confess I don’t know where they’re going with Mary, or how we’re supposed to feel about her. That in itself is unsettling, and part of me wants to grasp at straws for explanations. I’ve seen my various timelines suggest that Mary’s possessed, or that she was raised by Samuel and thus is comfortable with having someone give her orders and she follows them – much like Dean used to be with John. I’d almost like to read that interpretation into the scene of Mary and Mr. Ketch, shot through the window blinds so that they almost look like bars. Hmmm. I just hope that we get SOME explanation, sooner or later. I like a redemption arc as much as the next fangirl, but it has to make sense. So far, I haven’t been able to make sense of Mary’s journey. Then again, I went to a ‘Once More With Feeling’ Buffy singalong at the conference I was at and remembered all over again how much it messed up Buffy to be yanked out of Heaven. Maybe that’s an explanation in itself. Here's the trailer for Supernatural 1213 Family Feud.

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