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oversizedsweatersandtea · 7 years

Text

Jealous

Pairing: Taekook

Category: Angst

A/N: idk about half the crap i’ve put in this story so i’m really sorry if it’s not accurate pls don’t hurt me ;-; also there’s like one a/n after the story that is muy importante so please read it otherwise you will be really sad the rest of the day

mkay enjoy (i hope)

I’m jealous of the rain

“I told you that you should’ve brought an umbrella.”

Jeongguk leaned against the frame of the door, eyebrows raised under his chestnut bangs at the rain-soaked boy on his welcome mat.

The visitor smiled sheepishly, his box-like grin pulling at the corners Jeongguk’s lips until a gentle smirk replaced his frown.

That falls upon your skin

“Guess I forgot,” the boy grinned. “Sorry, ‘gukkie.”

“I suppose I’ll let it slide,” Jeongguk sighed good-naturedly, rolling his eyes as he stepped back and gestured a welcome with a wave of his hand. “Just don’t forget next time.”

“Okay, mom,” the other agreed. “And who said anything about a next time?”

Jeongguk flushed, berating himself for assuming the boy had time for him, of all people. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Relax, Jeonggukkie. I always have time for you,” he winked.

It’s closer than my hands have been

Wet sneakers squeaked against the hardboard floor, leaving muddy shoe-prints in their wake. Jeongguk winced at the thought of having to clean the floor again, he just mopped them three hours ago, what the fuck, and closed the door, not wanting to flood his apartment with the steady downpour of too-much-rain. He made his way to the kitchen, freezing at the end of the hall at the sight of a light blue sweater and tan skin rummaging through his freezer.

“Tae,” he said.

Taehyung hummed in acknowledgement, slightly turning his head toward the other with his eyes still glued to his search for–Jeongguk guessed–sweets. Bleached bangs covered tinted eyebrows, scrunched in concentration, and long fingers pushed aside another bag of frozen pasta, only to shove it back when they didn’t find what they were looking for.

“What are you doing?”

I’m jealous of the rain.

The blond man finally met Jeongguk’s gaze, oblivious to the glimmer of something that was impossible.

“I’m looking for the piece of sanity you clearly don’t have since there’s no goddamn ice cream in here,” he pouted, shooting an accusatory glance to the other.

Jeongguk shrugged, moving his gaze off to the side. A thin layer of dust blanketed the small coffee table in the living room, the result of disuse and laziness. He’ll wipe it down, eventually. Maybe.

“I stopped buying some a while ago,” he replied.

I stopped buying some after you left.

Taehyung frowned. “Why?”

“It’s too sweet.”

It doesn’t taste the same without you here.

‘Cause I wished you, the best of

All this world could give

Incoming call from Kim Taehyung

“Hello?”

“Jeongguk, you’ll never believe what happened!”

“What happened?”

“Guess.”

Jeongguk leaned back into his recliner and hummed, mock-thinking about the object of the man’s excitement. Of course, he already knew. How could he not? He’s not Taehyung’s best friend for nothing. Besides, all of their conversations eventually led to the topic of the role that the older male was auditioning for–has auditioned for. There was not a single doubt in younger’s mind that Tae would get the part with his natural flair for acting, and Jeongguk was almost never wrong.

“I don’t know, Tae. Tell me?”

“You’re supposed to guess,” Taehyung whined. “You party pooper.”

Jeongguk chuckled, forever amused by the other’s antics. He hummed again.

“Okay, then… you got the part?”

“I got the part!”

He smiled cheerfully, genuinely happy for his friend despite knowing what he was told. Taehyung had been so nervous about this day for so long, it had started to rub off onto Jeongguk, who became a jittery mess right alongside the rising actor whenever the subject was mentioned.

“That’s awesome, Tae. I’m proud of you.”

“Yah, I’m your hyung; don’t tell me you’re proud of me! Thank you, though.”

“For what?”

“For being proud of me, and for supporting me. Thank you, Jeonggukkie.”

Jeongguk laughed, merely a puff of air from his nose. “It’s nothing,” he shrugged, ignoring the tightness in his chest as he continued, “that’s what friends are for, right?”

“Of course–who else am I going to run to when I get chased by the paparazzi?”

“Wow, I must be so special.” Taehyung laughs.

And I told you, when you left me

There’s nothing to forgive

“Oh, and guess where it’s going to be filmed?”

“I don’t know, where?”

“California!”

Jeongguk gasped softly, chest tightening even more, suffocating him. Taehyung mistook the sharp intake of breath as one of excitement, which it partly was, but there’s only so much a phone call can convey.

“I know, right? I’m super excited to film there–I’ve never shot in California before. I’m sure it’ll be fun, though.”

The younger male sat in silence, the words spinning around his head, making him dizzy. California? As in the other side of the world? He took deep breaths, shakily exhaling each one, and tuned back in to Taehyung’s baritone voice.

“My agent’s already booked my flight for next week, so I need to pack my things. Could you come and help? Sorry it’s so short-notice.”

One week. One week was all he had before months and months of sorry, ‘gukkie, break’s over’s and call you soon’s. Seven days. Why did fate have such a twisted sense of humor?

“Jeongguk?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. No problem.”

But I always thought you’d come back, tell me,

All you found was

Heartbreak and misery

“I think she might be the one, Jeongguk.”

“Oh? What makes you so sure?” Jeongguk asked, laying on the rugged carpet in his living room, the one he got with Taehyung from that sketchy garage sale a few years back.

“I don’t know; there’s just something about her. Working with her for the past seven months has been amazing. It just feels, well, right.”

Jeongguk hummed, letting the words sink in as he sat up to reach for the cold beer on the coffee table, the condensation leaving a ring of water around the bottle’s base. He tilted it against his lips and grimaced at the watery flavor that coated his tongue, but hey, cheap beer is still beer, and it got the job done. “She sounds like a keeper.”

It’s hard for me to say

“Oh, she is,” Taehyung affirmed. “I’ll introduce you to her sometime.”

I don’t want to meet her.

I’m jealous of the way

“Sometime, meaning?” Jeongguk inquires, rubbing his finger against the wet glass of the bottle’s neck.

“Maybe a few more months? I’m not sure.”

It’s already been seven months without you.

“Okay. I’m happy for you.”

For you. I’ll always be happy for you.

You’re happy without me.

“Thanks, ‘gukkie. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah. Bye, Tae.”

“Bye-bye, Jeonggukkie!”

But I’ll never be happy without you.

As I sink

In the sand

Jeongguk stumbles through the door, the stench of alcohol mingling with its staler twin that had settled into the walls, permanently tainting the apartment with the smell of cheap liquor, sweat, and loneliness.

He drags himself into the kitchen and grabs a cup from the countertop, not bothering to check if it was clean. It’s not like anyone else has used it; even Jeongguk himself hasn’t been around, and he lives here.

The tap from the faucet swirls around in the water-stained glass, washing away the dust that had been resting on it. Jeongguk tilts the rim against his lips, swollen from nervous tics and almost-hook-ups.

He notices a white bottle out of the corner of his eye, sitting innocently on the counter by the sink. Its contents rattle as he picks it up, reading the label for the millionth time.

JEON, JEONGGUK

LORAZEPAM TABLETS

TAKE ONE TABLET DAILY BY MOUTH. DO NOT EXCEED 3 DOSES WITHIN 24 HOURS.

Qty: 30

Refills require authorization

Jeongguk slams the bottle down, taking deep, shaky breaths. No matter how many times he reads it, he comes to the same conclusion.

You’re an idiot, Jeon. What would happen if you actually did it? What about your hyungs? Leaving them to worry and cry about you like that? You’re truly the worst.

Watch you slip

Through my hands

He thinks back to the phone call he had gotten last week, and how happy Taehyung had sounded.

(“I did it, Jeongguk!”

“Did what? Please tell me you didn’t actually dance in the middle of that café or I swear to God–”

“No, no I didn’t, promise!”

“Then, what?”

“I finally proposed! And guess what?”

“…What?”

“She said yes! I’m finally an engaged man, Jeonggukkie; aren’t you proud?”)

Jeongguk closes his eyes, slowly sinking onto the kitchen floor. He hasn’t taken his daily dose of the medication, but can’t bring himself to care. It’s just one pill. Just one. It’s okay to skip one pill, like it’s okay to skip a shower one day, or skip a meal. He can always take one later.

Oh, as I die here another day

Of course, later turns into tomorrow which turns into whenever he can drag himself off his bed and into the kitchen without thinking of Kim Taehyung every step of the way (which is never).

Darkness shrouded the stale room, with Jeongguk’s only companion being the aching emptiness of his stomach and the cold sweat he woke up with in the middle of the night, when the claws of anxiety dug sank too deep into his mind.

‘Cause all I do is cry behind this smile

He rolls onto his back, glossy eyes landing unfocused on the ceiling, and thinks of Taehyung, how he would be pouting at Jeongguk for laying in bed all week. Thinks of the way he would suggest they get ice cream, thinks of chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-covered lips and tongue and nose. Thinks of warm, espresso eyes, always glittering with laughter and love.

He thinks of long, skinny fingers tracing patterns onto his arm, leaving trails of tingles across it. He thinks of those fingers against the skin of Taehyung’s girlfriend, of Taehyung’s fiancée, how nice they look intertwined with her paler, smaller ones.

Jeongguk can feel the anxiety creeping up on him; the doubt, the fear, the insecurities. He feels the tell-tale twitch of his fingers, the trembles that start out almost unnoticeable then become so violent he sweats through his sheets. His breath comes out in short, shallow gasps, panic clouding his sense of reality. His heart rams against the inside of his chest, so fast it knocks what little breath he has out of him. Death feels closer than it ever has before, and Jeongguk almost welcomes it, the sensation so familiar it nearly feels like home.

Taehyung’s favorite song suddenly plays in his head, the lyrics speaking to him, as if sending him a farewell letter.

I wished you, the best of

All this world could give

And I told you, when you left me

There’s nothing to forgive

Black spots crowd his peripheral vision, slowly yet surely making their way to his pupils.

But I always thought you’d come back, tell me

All you found was

Heartbreak and misery

He vaguely hears a sharp buzzing, the screen of his dying phone filling the room with its glow once more.

It’s hard for me to say

The blackness crawls across his pupils, creating fuzzy images in his sight.

I’m jealous of the way

His breathing slows. He closes his eyes.

You’re happy without me.

“You have nineteen missed calls from Kim Taehyung.”

A/N: anxiety/panic attacks can’t kill you :)

also this is my first taekook fic (or vkook whatever’s your cup of tea) so pls be kind

the song is Jealous by Labrinth btw!! it’s a really good song :)

thx for reading!!

(unless you didn’t read it–in that case i don’t blame you lol)

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