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spatialapprentice · 8 months
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mr fucks from spingbob
"yer going to get tortured to death spongeguy"
springboobs
oh no
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Cartoon Ever!: DuckTales (2017) (3.6): “Astro B.O.Y.D!”
Now wait: What’s this, you ask? You’re supposed to do the first episode!
Well, a quick explanation: So this marathon goes faster and becomes easier to keep up with, I’m reviewing episodes when they come out as well (for things like DuckTales, Elena of Avalor, Owl House, ETC.). So that way, we can just get this done faster.
So, without further ado, DUCKTALES! WOO WOO!
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DuckTales is the 2017 reboot of the original Ducktales from 1987, one in which our beloved disney ducks get deeper stories and funnier jokes. Yeah, I prefer this to the original (tho I saw only a teensie bit of the original, so that comparision will have to wait) but yeah, I like this show about DUCKS, get used to it!
And this episode is a real gem, so let’s get to it!
SUMMERY:  Huey befriends B.O.Y.D. (Noah Baird) while on a camping trip, but the latter malfunctions. When Huey takes him to the lab, Gyro recognizes B.O.Y.D. and insists that he's dangerous. Due to B.O.Y.D.'s malfunctions however, he begrudgingly takes them to Tokyolk to fix him before he becomes a threat; with Fenton providing protection. After being accosted by Inspector Tezuka (Tamlyn Tomita) and getting separated from Gizmoduck while foiling a robbery, Huey and B.O.Y.D. bond further. However, Gyro's former mentor, Dr. Akita (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), learns of the android's return and takes control of him to get revenge. While fighting Akita, Gyro remembers caring for B.O.Y.D. like a real boy, and discovers that Akita overwrote his programming and forced B.O.Y.D. to become a weapon. With Lil Bulb's help, Gyro beats Akita and reconciles with B.O.Y.D. Now in control of his programming, B.O.Y.D. starts living life for himself, while Gyro promotes Fenton.
COMEDY: 2 Out of 5
Ok, I know this seems bad: I just said this episode was a gem, yet the comedy is only a 2? Well, here’s the thing: It’s not that the comedy is bad. After all, the 2017 Ducktales is famous for having some REALLY awesome jokes (including one of my all time favorites), and in general every episode has a collection of great gags.
But it’s not that the comedy here is bad, it’s that it barely exists. Perhaps I didn’t notice a few jokes, perhaps I’m remembering wrong, but most of the episode if not all is dedicated to the story beats and action sequences, befitting for what is, in essence, a pretty heavy episode. There isn’t much time for humor, and the little there is (Gyro and Dr. Akita’s “epic” fight, Fenton constantly crashing into things, Tezuka being crazy violent, B.O.Y.D insisting on his acronym) are fine jokes, Jokes that aren’t bad in any way, jokes that are pretty good!
But they can only result in a 2 due to the utter lack of them. And this feels wrong, because the rest of the episode is totally perfect, but at least now I can get to praising it. Just remember: The episode wasn’t not funny, it just didn’t try to be. And that’s ok.
CHARACTERS: 5 Out of 5
There are 4 characters here getting a focus episode: Fenton (who was already a fave), Huey, B.O.Y.D, and Gyro. I wanna dedicated a paragraph to each to talk about how Ducktales treats ALL it’s characters with the respect and development they deserve, be it only a little or a whole lot.
Let’s start with Fenton, the focus character with the least to do and change but still with a lot to show. Fenton has four roles in this episode: To tell B.O.Y.D what he should be so that we can understand that’s not ok; to serve as a contrast to B.O.Y.D as the “good” robot; to serve as a reflection of what Gyro was, and what Gyro perhaps should encourage again, and also as a reminder to Gyro of who he was, explaining to us his treatment of Fenton; and finally, as an extra step in Fenton’s journey. In previous focus episodes Fenton wasn’t TOO keen on being Gizmoduck. It started off as an accident, turned into his destiny in “I Am GizmoDuck”, but was still a problem in the Gandra Dee episode. But now in “Astro B.O.Y.D”, Gizmoduck isn’t just a job, or an annoying side habit, it’s a privilige. Seeing Fenton so happy to go superheroing, so enthusiastic to teach someone else the job, in general just so optimistic ater recent episodes had him down on his luck shows how one of the smallest arcs in the show has been staggeringly amazing!
And that’s just Fenton, the smallest of the 4 arcs here! Let’s talk about Huey. This is Huey’s focus season, the one where he will face a challenge that may break him. So far, he hasn’t had TOO many focus episode, as we’re up to 7 and there will be about 25 episodes, but no need to fear, we’ve been slowly getting that arc. Huey has been competitive and driven so far this season, constantly needing to question things around him and constantly being asked about trust. Trust is a key theme here, and Huey falls on the trusting side, something I think he would normally do since it’s Louie’s job to be the skeptic. And it’s no surprise Huey is trusting of B.O.Y.D when they are so familar. Now, there is a reason why I like Huey’s arc in this, but I must say: I am not on the autism spectrum (at least to my knowledge), so I can’t say if this is good representation, if it even is representation. I really can’t. I have seen MANY people say that this was one hell of an autism representation, and if that’s the case, that’s great! But be it autism or not, Huey’s role in the episode as the one person who trusts B.O.Y.D is one any of the triplets would have taken, only thanks to good writing it could ONLY be Huey, since Huey gets what it’s like to be different, which he always was. He was the most mature, the “nerd”, the one who is less likely to cause shenanigans, the one whose always thinking. But what I love about him is that unlike most of these kinds of characters, he can feel too, and it’s not a joke. His compassion and trust for B.O.Y.D are lovely and I wouldn’t be shocked if this episode is instrumental in his arc.
Next we have B.O.Y.D himself (or I guess just Boyd now)! Boyd is the protagonist of sorts, and I really enjoy his role here! Before this episode Boyd was just sort of a cute character we all enjoyed in that one episode with Louie and Goldie. The fandom went wild for him, and soon enough he had his own episode here, and BOY(d) did they deliver! Boyd is a Pinocchio of sorts, wishing only to be a real boy, and to have a friend. He gets one from Huey of course, but his real boy status is the true quest. The great thing about the episode is the way it portrays how we look for validation from others, and how even the people with good intentions in our lives can have bad influences. Fenton tries to help Boyd by making him a superhero, but that’s not who he is. Tezuka wants to stop Boyd because he is dangerous, as does Gyro at first, and Akita wants him to be dangerous, but Boyd doesn’t want any of those things. As Huey points out, only when Boyd was allowed to be himself, a real boy, then nothing went wrong. So often in life people try to pull us in different directions, thinking they know what’s best for us. And while guidence and validation aren’t wrong (after all It’s Gyro’s loving words that save Boyd), it’s Boyd’s decision to be himself that makes him finally happy in the end.
But of course, we can’t speak of this episode without speaking of Gyro Gearloose. Like many who had experienced at least a little DuckTales, I had enough duck knowledge to know that Gyro was a happy go lucky and optimistic inventor, more Fenton than whatever this Gyro was. I wasn’t TOO much of a duck fan to be bothered by this, and I did like some of the jokes it brought, but it DID feel a little weird to see him become a... Well, jerk. But of course, when DuckTales does something there is a reason. Just like Gandra became an actual character and just like Daisy became an actual person, so did Gyro. In fact, this episode deals with the fact that Gyro was once like Fenton: Bright eyes, optimistic, wanting nothing more than to make people happy with his work. Boyd was supposed to be a good boy, Gyro never wanted him to be a weapon. And it’s this little revelation that sheds light on his entire character: Gyro takes shit from no one because when he did he lost everything. Gyro says his inventions are wildly misunderstood because Boyd was. Gyro’s inventions keep going evil exactly because of that: Thinking that he made Boyd evil when it was Akita who changed the robot explains why they keep going wrong now. Gyro’s anger at Fenton is anger at himself, since he fears another mistake (no wonder he didn’t want Fenton to be Gizmoduck). In other words, it ALL makes sense now. And who can blame him? But, like the Gepetto he truly is, Gyro ends up caring for Boyd after all, and seemingly deciding to be less cynical about life. So, in a way, Boyd isn’t the only one that got life.
STORY AND HEART: 5 Out of 5
What I said above is probably good for this as well, so I’m not sure what to say here. I mean, I already talked about how beautiful the story is, how lovely the ideas are. THAT HUG Gyro and Boyd share is wonderful, the setting is fun, the action beats add a lot. I mean, it’s a near perfect DuckTales episode. Not much to say!
I don’t usually do this, but @suspendersofdisbelief​ thank you for gracing us with this masterpiece. I hope I did it justice.
FINAL SCORE: 12 Out of 15
If it wasn’t for the fact that I love Amphibia THAT much, and the fact that I know Ducktales gets EVEN better, this would be number 1! Anyway, next time we finally tackle the new adventures of Winnie the Pooh!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit#heading=h.dfyq7ib3oe7s
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Oh, Look, There She Is! #1: Kamala’s Other Assorted Appearances Throughout The Month (November 2019)
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Kamala made only one quick other appearance back in November, for the totally non-canon “Gwenpool Strikes Back #4″! It’s not essential for her story at all, but if you’re a completionist or a fan of Gwenpool, then go for this one I guess! Looks like next month the two will fight in a parody of needless fights!
Gotta say, this artist draws a weird (if slightly cute) Kamala!
EMBIGGEN!
Spongeguy.
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marcy-noir · 4 years
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Marcy Noir Sneak Peak #1: Literal Gumshoe
I stared at her from underneath my round rimmed hat, the bubbles from my bubble pipe blowing quite nicely into the air.
 No care in the world...
 I'd love that.
 "Listen, doll, it's simple: You're one cork short of a screw, you've traded reason for air and common sense for stolen cents. Mush would be a compliment, and the funny farm should be busting down the door any minute."
 "...I don't get it."
 Jeez louise, am I the only cultured person around here?
 I consider T-Posing to assert my dominance, but that only really works with Sasha (who's her? Well, that comes later, my only friends)
 So instead, I tip my hat and look at her from my desk with a chesire Cat smile and say "...Maggie, You're an idiot."
 Maggie harumphs and leaves, and all that remains of her is the lingering wetness of the kiss she left on my cheek a few minutes ago.
 Lingering.
 Always lingering.
 Thankfully, I'm not idle for long: After trying to glue a spoon onto my face for 8 whole minutes, my BFF comes by, the prettiest picture you ever did see this side of Valley Girl Valley: Sasha.
 I don't need to even say her last name (though it doesn't help that I couldn't find it on the wiki): Sasha is all I need to say.
 From her blonde pony tail immediately seizing the attention of my eyes to her dominating screen presence, Sasha is the ultimate speciman: A beaut if I ever did see.
 She is the everything and the nothing, the sound and fury I long for.
 She's the light in this grey detective's eyes.
 I lean back on my chair and do what I do best: I pretend to be a detective.
 Why?
 Because I actually feel alive when I do so.
 And it's also really fun!
 "I knew the skirt would be trouble the second she stepped into my office."
 I continue to narrate, my bubble pipe working overtime.
"But I just can't say no to a dame in need."
 Close up. Make it dramatic! Make it meaningful!
 "And if I can make some coin, so much the better..."
 The room is silent for a moment, but then Sasha speaks, and the color comes back, as my fantasy crashes down.
 "Why are you like that?", she says in the most done with me voice. "You don't even have a voice."
 I stick out my tongue, like the mature adult type person I am. "Spoilsport!"
Sash closed the door behind us, and it was just me and her and her and me and me and her…
 AND YOUR FRIEND STEVE! (DO DOT DO DOT DO DO DO STEVE!)
 …
 Wait, you guys have never heard of this? Whippersnappers today…
 “Marcy, you’re a whipperwhatever. Also, Garfunkel and Oats is SOOOOOOO 2009.”, Sasha complained, and I silently cursed her lack of respect for Kate Miccuci.
 I just hope that when St. Peter opens them pearly gates, the bouncer doesn’t kick me out for associating with her.
 Eh, he probably would. I’m as bad as a hood! I’m as dark as a Johnson Brother, you hear? I may be the law, but this sleuth, this snoop? I’m nothin’ but trouble!
 “Marc, you cry at the end of Big Hero 6 every time.”
 “HIRO IS MY SMOL BOI AND MY TUMBLR FRIENDS AGREE!”
 I decided to stop bumping gums.
 “You and I both know that a dame like you only comes round my parts when she’s in dutch. What’s cookin’, toots?”
 Sasha sighed as she always does around me (must be my smoldering good looks) and she sat down on the chair in front of my desk, filing her nails like the goddess that she is.
 “Marc, It’s serious.”
 “I thought you were Sasha.”
 I then high fived myself.
 “ZING!”
 Sasha then did what she always did to keep me in line: She growled like a dog.
 Yiping (like a dog. Odd.) I returned to my seat. If there was one thing that scared me more than anything, it was my kitten roaring.
 “THIS. IS. SERIOUS. END. OF. DISCUSSION.”
 Whoop. There were the words I always feared.
 But Sash only said them when she was serious. I better curl my ears towards her direction.
 Removing my pipe and exiting my cool fantasy world for just a moment, I leaned in.
 “What’s up?”
 Sasha, now with an actual concerned look (though I could “detect” some impatience there. Ha!)
 (…)
 (This material is wasted on you people)
 Anyhow, Sasha told me the bad news.
 “It’s Anne, Marcy. She’s gone.”
 COMING SOON TO TUMBLR:
MARCY NOIR! An Amphibia AU Blog made by @kaminos-hangout-corner and @spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia!
See these two accounts (and this one) for more deets, trailers, posters and more!
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irondadfanfics · 4 years
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by SpongeGuy
Peter and Tony have a Christmas they'll never forget!
Words: 4058, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: F/M
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
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save-mefromthis · 5 years
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Sorry to correct, but I'm a guy. SpongeGuy. Not that I mind. I'm comfortable with my feminine feelings.
Corrected ;))
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displaygeek · 6 years
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Thank you @robs3dnerdhaven for this awesome 3D printed Spongeguy Squarestuff! He’s amazing! #displaygeek https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnbk6laldpJ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=6i9zobwhen3i
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earthsystem · 11 years
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SPONGEBOY ME BOB
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Cartoon Ever!: Sofia The First (1.1): “Once Upon A Princess”
yeah, it’s been a while, life is hectic and i have two shows backlogged because my bros want to see it but we never get to. Anyway, gonna try to get a lot of reviews done this weekend.
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Sofia The First is a little children’s show that actually tries to be good, created by GOD HIMSELF Craig Gerber, a man who has portrayed blended families, latino rep, disabled people, diversity, death, grief, depression, guilt, familial ruin and more with utsmost perfection.
So yeah, even in a simple pilot like this which still isn’t as complex as his later work, still deals with the troubles of fitting in with a new family, especially when it’s blended, and yeah, I nearly adore it!
SUMMERY: The pilot movie introduces Sofia, the daughter of a shoe-shop owner named Miranda. Both of them have been living happily together in the kingdom of Enchancia for as long as Sofia can remember. On a fateful day, her and her mother are called to the castle to help King Roland II for a shoe fitting, who soon marries her mother, crowning her Enchancia's new Queen and Sofia as its new princess. With the help of Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather from Walt Disney's Sleeping Beauty, now headmistresses at a school for royalty known as Royal Preparatory Academy, Sofia tries to adjust to royal life. She is also gifted a beautiful purple amulet as a welcoming gift, soon realizing that it is in fact the power of the Amulet of Avalor that grants her magical powers, such as the ability to talk to and understand animals. However, this amulet is coveted by the kingdom's royal sorcerer Cedric, who wants to use its power to take over Enchancia. Combined with the stresses of royal life and fitting in to a new school, Sofia has to deal with her jealous stepsister Amber, who feels that her father loves Sofia over her.King Roland soon announces a welcoming ball for Sofia, where she has to dance in front of everyone. Sofia has no clue about Cedric's evil plans and consider him a good friend, borrowing a spell from him to make her look like a good dancer after missing out a dance class thanks to Amber. The truth is that the "dancing spell" is actually one enforced to make everyone in the ballroom fall asleep, and that is when Cedric will trade the antidote for the amulet with Sofia. Before the ball, Amber accidentally rips her dress, and stays in her room due to her embarrassment and her brother James berating her for her schemes. During the ball, all the guests at the ball and the royal family present (excluding Sofia and Amber) fall asleep, including Cedric. The Amulet of Avalor summons Cinderella to give Sofia the courage to step forward and resolve matters with Amber, who teaches her how to dance. The two girls infiltrate Cedric's tower and find the counter-spell after Sofia sews up Amber's dress for her. Waking up everyone, Sofia dances proudly at her ball, as her new father anoints her the title of Princess Sofia the First.Songs: "I'm Not Ready to be a Princess", "Royal Prep", "A Little Bit of Food", "True Sisters", and "Rise and Shine (end titles)"Disney Princess guest: Cinderella from Disney's Cinderella trilogy
COMEDY: 2 Out of 5
I hate starting off negative, this was so wholesome and pure and lovely and deep! But, sadly, the comedy, even for a little children’s show, is a bit lacking.
Not completely, mind you! There are some decent gags, some fun dialogue between Sofia and Cedric the Sorcerer, the whole woodland animals wanting food as payment for helping princesses song is witty.
But, well, there aren’t many jokes attempted, as the focus is more on the story and the characters and Sofia’s problems fitting in, which is totally ok! We respect that here, which is why it’s getting a still sort of decent score here, and why the pilot movie will receive a really good score once we move on to the next sections!
CHARACTERS: 4 Out of 5
While we are only at pilot mode, and many characters (Roland, Cedric, Baileywhick, the other students, Miranda, heck, even the animals) are yet to show their true depth, we do have a great emotional plot between the three new siblings!
We have Sofia, our optimistic and wonderfully kind but lonely protagonist; James, the slightly too fun loving but very caring older brother; and Amber, the flawed and mean older sister who has a heart deep down despite her first impression.
Sofia is an absolute gem, a moe girl who doesn’t care for all the “perks”, and is only wants to help and love, but also to be loved in return. One can tell that she is afraid of letting everyone down, that her new family won’t love her if she’s not a perfect princess, so she works her hardest to be one. It’s honestly heartbreaking everytime she’s sad, and her kind deeds are so genuine you’ll just d’aww at her every time! She earns your sympathy immediately, and that’s BEFORE all her TRULY kind deeds!
James is an interesting bridge between Amber and Sofia: While he can be naughty like his sister, he’s a lot kinder and nicer to Sofia, willing to welcome her immediately. I love that he doesn’t really understand that pranking her is mean, and when he does he works super hard to make it up to her, even giving Amber a “Reason You Suck” speech to make her understand she was wrong to prank Sofia. He plays to his role perfectly, and I am a lot more interested in him than I was when I watched the show!
And at last we have Amber, the pseudo antagonist (more a foil) of the special. Amber acts like a total jerk for nearly the entire runtime, I wouldn’t blame anyone for disliking her, I did too! However, her motivations (while vain) are understandable. We all hate feeling left out, replaced, forgotten. Amber knows that everyone loves Sofia more, and she is determined to be loved too, but it just doesn’t work out. That is, until Amber realizes she did a wrong thing, more than makes amends, and accepts Sofia as her sister. I honestly LOVE characters like this, so I have a good feeling about her!
And while they don’t get to play deep roles, everyone else fills up the cast remarkably, from the fun antics of Clover, Mia and Robin, to the parental love of Roland and Miranda, to the incredibly joyful “evil” that is Cedric (can’t WAIT to talk about his arc!).
STORY AND HEART: 4 Out of 5
A lot of critics like to bash wholesome whimsey as childish, as useless. True art is angsty, after all, and nothing good can come out of optimism, childlike wonder, or love.
Those people are wrong.
A show doesn’t need to be a heavy drama or a deep exploration of the darkness of men to be good. Sometimes you just need a fairytale with a good message.
Sofia The First may seem like a cutesy girl show, but it isn’t. It’s a show about treating others the way you would want to be treated, of being kind and caring to everyone, of learning to overcome your flaws and mistakes, and becoming a good person.
I felt really happy watching this. And in these hard times, where good people are being oppressed for the most trivial of reasons, it’s nice to remember that there ARE kind people out there.
So I will be like Sofia: I will stand with those who need help, and may the whole world hate me, i don’t care. We are a family, and those who want to destroy it will back down.
For I stand with George Floyd.
Yeah, I know this is an odd place to put that, but IDC. BLM!
FINAL SCORE: 10 Out of 15
A damn good pilot! Can’t wait for the rest!
Next time we have Nightmare Ned, a slightly incomplete show (tho i might be able to find the rest), and it should be interesting!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Cartoon Ever!: Amphibia (1.1A and 1.1B): “Anne Or Beast?” and “Best Fronds”
AMPHIBIA! AMPHIBIA! MY FAVE GORL ANNE! AAAAAAA!
...Ahem. Let’s stay professional. I can hug my adopted daughter later.
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Amphibia is one of the most underrated disney shows ever, telling of the exploits of Anne Boonchuy, a 13 year old teen who winds up in a world of talking frogs, toads, Newts and Salamanders. She ends up with the Plantars: Grandfather Hop Pop; Fiesty pollywog Polly; and Anne’s first real best friend Sprig.
This show is important to me for many reasons: It features my all time favorite disney character Anne, it was one of my favorite shows when it aired (and still is), it became a basis to my fave fanfic of mine and it led me to find my sister.
So yeah. Pretty good. ;)
SUMMERIES:  “In the town of Wartwood, located in the land of Amphibia, populated by anthropomorphic frogs and various other creatures, young Sprig Plantar takes the chance to prove he's responsible when One-Eyed Wally comes running into town warning everyone about a horrifying beast. The 'hideous beast' is revealed to be a human girl named Anne Boonchuy, who has been magically transported into their world. After Anne saves him from a giant mantis, Sprig sees her as a hero. Anne later gets captured by an angry mob of frogs led by Mayor Toadstool, but when two new giant mantises attack she and Sprig work together to defeat them. After beating the bigger of the two mantises, Toadstool suggests running Anne out of town. Sprig stands up to the mob, taking responsibility for her well-being. The Plantars take Anne as their own to everyone's chagrin. Anne now lives with the Plantar's until the valley clears up in a couple of months. In the last scene, Anne pulls out a box that got her there in the first place and tries to get it to work. However this time unlike before it doesn't work making the box looks like a normal one. This troubles Anne, causing herself to resign to her current fate saying to herself "Looks like I'm gonna be here for a while."
“Wanting to help Anne with her homesickness, Sprig takes her swimming at the lake. But Hop Pop locks the door to keep Anne inside. Anne and Sprig would then grab the key and open the door. While swimming at the lake, they face off a giant snake. After fighting the snake, Anne finally sees Sprig as a good friend. Meanwhile, a mysterious toad interrogates Anne's fellow human friend Sasha who has also wound up in Amphibia where the toad had found Anne's other shoe in the South Forest.” 
COMEDY: 5 Out of 5 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 5 Out of 5 (”Best Fronds”)
I pointed out in my Fish Hooks review that the mid-late 2010′s and early 2020′s Disney cartoon has a very unique sense of humor, a sort of quick fire bantery character quirk dialogue heavy 4th wall breaking style of humor. And man does Amphibia master it! The amount of great character moments (Polly’s toughness, Hop Pop’s paranoia, Sprig’s madness and Anne’s perfection) add so much to what would normally be pretty run by the mill plots. Add to that the lovely absuridty and randomness to the jokes, the Gravity Falls esque out of context gems and lovey facial animation, and every joke lands! Both episodes have countless great moments, from voice acting to slapstick to witty humor! A sure fire perfect 5 for both!
CHARACTERS: 5 Out of 5 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 5 Out of 5 (”Best Fronds”)
Ok, ok, I get that my bias is showing a bit, and I get that this might seem strange. The pilot and sister episode already have perfect characterization? That seems impossible!
And in an odd way, it is: Anne is definitley less kind than she is in most of the series, Sprig hasn’t yet earned his flaws (outside of absent mindedness) and Hop Pop isn’t really himself yet. Polly of course is very much in character!
Yet, that’s the point of Amphibia: Across a season, the characters change and show other dimensions to themselves. Anne becomes less selfish and more thoughtful and kind to others, Sprig develops some flaws, Polly shows her softer side and Hop Pop as well warms up to the people in his life. And it’s a testement to the good writing in play that despite these characters arguably at their simplest, they still manage to be lovely and entertaining!
Anne and Sprig especially! The hints of their better kinder selves are fully on display, while still having larger than life personlaities. Anne shows many instances of a good person hiding behind fear, insecurity, and rowdiness, and it just...
Look, when Anne sits there in her new room, appreciating her new friend who saved her life, and hoping Sasha and Marcy are ok, because she is, and she smiles genuinely, and shows that underneath all this there is a very lonely girl who just wants the people she loves to be happy and to love her too, and now she is getting that, and giving back for the first time...
That gets me, ok?
Point is, Anne is a wonderfully complex character who can be selfish, but deep down is a good person. I love that.
I love her.
STORY AND HEART: 4 Out of 5 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 5 Out of 5 (”Best Fronds”)
It was almost perfect, and I really only docked a point for Anne or Beast? because it isn’t THAT good (some characters aren’t well defined and it’s not the best story, though a good moral). But this just comes so close to perfection. The mature looks at how friends can be toxic, and how two slightly self centered people desperate for love can find friendship by being kind and respecting each other are just really important for kids, and there is something so real, so alive in the show, it feels like we are Anne, living in this place and trying to get by. There’s not much to say here; Amphibia is just that good at portraying a family that’s becoming better as people, and, er, frogs.
FINAL SCORES: 14 Out of 15 (”Anne or Beast?”) and 15 Out of 15 (”Best Fronds”)
The two best episodes of the animated rankings so far, and a near perfect start: Amphibia is a modern masterpiece, and while not every episode is a dead ringer (we’ll get there soon), it’s gonna go down as one of the best! Hope you enjoyed my geeking out!
Next time, we have Special Agent Oso, a show I don’t have the highest regard for, but I’m willing to give a try! It was important to many little kids, so maybe I’ll like it! Also Mr. Moseby is in it, so there’s that.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit#heading=h.gjdgxs
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Cartoon!: Big Hero 6: The Series (1.1): “Baymax Returns”
ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS BASED ON ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS!
Wish the pilot was just a BIT better, but still!
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Big Hero 6: The Series is a show based on a very traumatizing moment in all our lives, featuring the adventures of 14 year old robotics prodigy Hiro Hamada and his superhero team, consisting of Health Care Companion Baymax, tough as hell GoGo Tomago, fearful Wasabi, enthusiastic Honey Lemon and the superhero crazy Fred, as they battle villains and chaos to protect their city.
I really like this show (even though the first few episodes are a little weak, and we’ll get there at one point), so let’s get to it!
SUMMERY:  After the events of Big Hero 6, Hiro discovers Baymax's personality chip and proceeds to rebuild his skeleton. Meanwhile, Fred tries to convince the reluctant group to return to crime fighting as the superhero team Big Hero 6. Elsewhere, Yama is hired by the mysterious Obake to steal an unusual paperweight from Professor Granville, the new dean at SFIT and Hiro's professor. Hiro rushes the rebuilding process and the skeleton malfunctions, escapes and is captured by Yama and his crew. Yama pressures Hiro to retrieve the paperweight in exchange for the skeleton. With Fred's help they get it, but Yama double crosses them. Wasabi, Go Go and Honey Lemon arrive, save them, and retrieve the skeleton and paperweight, but Yama creates duplicates of the skeleton, sending them out to attack the city. Yama steals the paperweight which is revealed to have powerful magnetic energy that affects electric appliances including a train that Aunt Cass is riding on. The Big Hero 6 stop the train and Hiro tosses the paperweight into the sky where it safely explodes. The next day, Granville gives Hiro Tadashi's old lab, so he can have a familiar environment to work in, and he joins his friends in becoming the Big Hero 6 while Obake contemplates his next move.
COMEDY: 3 Out of 5
The comedy in this show is... Mixed. Like, it’s usually well done (these ARE the people who made Kim Possible, Penguins of Madagascar and Buzz Lightyear of Star Command), so the team banter, the dialogue, the never ending barrage of quips, they’re all fun and interesting and a lot funnier than most cartoon humor.
However, there is a slight problem, in which scenes and characters tend to be undercut to just humor, so while this works in most episodes, it can kill the potential drama of certain episodes. Fred and Wasabi are arguably the guiltiest of this, but tbf, this is a small problem. The humor is a big benefit to the show, mostly raising a smile, so it’s a good job, if not the best. 3 out of 5 sums it up!
CHARACTERS: 4 Out of 5
Hiro Hamada is one of the best characters ever. Period.
I’m not joking, it’s like they took all the great stuff from Peter Parker, added more sass, and also didn’t press the retcon button. Hiro is a living breathing character who keeps becoming more lovable, humorous, complex and interesting every episode, even in the weak ones, and it’s no exception here! The natural transition to being obsessed with bringing Baymax back, and losing his balance due to trying to emulate Tadashi is just... Perfect, he’s such a great character, he really is!
And Professor Granville, the new addition, is great too! She’s a hilariously dry and serious character with much emotional depth as we discover later, perfect as a comedic and as a dramatic tool!
It’s the rest who stop this episode from reaching 5. While I do enjoy the translation of the foursome’s personalities, it’s hard to deny that their subplot is a little annoying (as we’ll discuss below).
Fred especially kept jumping from funny and likable to annoying and over the top, and it was hard to choose if I liked his stuff or not.
But I think it’s best we move this to story. Besides, Hiro makes up for it (HE’S GONNA SAVE PEOPLE!)
STORY AND HEART: 3 Out of 5
I struggled for a while with my score for this, but a 3 fit better than a 4. Again, the main story was great, continuing to expand Hiro into the hero he can be.
And I liked the villain plot, with Obake (a favorite of mine) just starting and already being just the best, with his playful evil banter and deliciously cold voice!
But the subplot...
Look, it makes sense that the gang (sans Fred) would not want to go back to the hero game, and their reasons are legitamate to their characters! And of course Fred would want to continue!
But my god, does it get old!
Scene after scene of Fred being annoying about it and GoGo, Honey Lemon and Wasabi (but especially GoGo) being annoying in return, ignoring the responsibility for plot reasons. Again, it makes sense, but it drags ON AND ON.
The show gets a better handle of them later. What’s important is Hiro, and as I said, his arc of learning to find the balance of who he is (a superhero and a student) is perfect, and I just love him so much! So he saves this episode from a lower score!
Someone has to help. (CRIES)
FINAL SCORE: 10 Out of 15
A good score for the pilot! The show gets better from this, so you’ll hear more praise soon! (now to prepare a defense of Karmi and why we must consider the POV of different characters)
Next time it’s The Wuzzles (since I couldn’t find all of “Stanley”). I... I am dreading this.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Cartoon Ever!: Brandy and Mr. Whiskers (1.1A and 1.1B): “Mr. Whisker’s First Friend” and “The Babysitter’s Flub”
What if an old style Looney Tune and a Disney show from the 90′s AND a cartoon Network show from the 90′s had a baby, but god said “I’MMR.WHISKERSLETMEBEYOURFRIENDDOI!”
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Brandy and Mr. Whiskers is white noise put on speed in the sad hope to entertain me. Set in the Amazon Jungle, the show is about a literal rich bitch teen dog voiced by Penny from The Big Bang Theory and her “friend”, a hyperactive, annoying, disgusting, ear grating “rabbit” named Mr. Whiskers, or as I like to call him, “Soon to be dead”.
Look, this was not great, so let’s get this over with.
SUMMERIES: Goofy-bunny Mr. Whiskers meets prissy-pooch Brandy Harrington within a cargo hold of a plane. When Whiskers mistakenly opens the hatch door, the pair is dropped into the Amazon Rainforest with no way home. Desperate and angry, Brandy makes a deal with the dictator lizard Gaspar: a way back to civilization in exchange for Mr. Whiskers as his dinner. In the end, she loses her way home, but truly gains a friendship with Lola Boa and Mr. Whiskers.
Brandy volunteers to watch a crocodile’s eggs for the day, but when Lola Boa and the Toucan Twins invite her to hang out, she leaves Whiskers in charge. It goes as well as expected with Whiskers losing the eggs and mixing them up with those of other animals. Now he and Brandy must retrieve the correct babies to avid Mama Croc swallowing them whole.
COMEDY: 1 Out of 5 (”Mr. Whisker’s New Friend” and “The Babysitter’s Flub”)
I’d almost consider a 0, in fact, it’s so very close to a 0 it’s amazing I didn’t give it 0. Everything about this was annoying, noisy, and pointless. The humor is fast, and there are many jokes, but this isn’t a case of “They miss sometimes but hit a lot”. This is a case of throwing everything you have and seeing what sticks. It feels like a Looney Tune on steroids, but like the steroids aren’t even enhancing performance, just hindering. It’s hard to explain why something isn’t funny sometimes, but I think a big key to it is that the “jokes” that are attempted (when not odd live action cutaways that weren’t too bad tbh, but still weren’t really good) were jokes about how annoying one character is. Seriously, most of the jokes are about what an annoying, moronic waste of space Mr. Whiskers is.
And speaking of Mr. Whiskers...
CHARACTERS: 0 Out of 5 and 1 Out of 5 (”Mr. Whisker’s New Friend” and “The Babysitter’s Flub”)
In the two episodes I watched, we are introduced to a few characters besides our main ones. We have a snake who... Is basically the best friend, we have two toucans who just fight with each other all the time, an otter voiced by Tom Kenny who is arguably the only likable one and a bad guy with ZERO threat. All of them are cardboard thin, with maybe one personality trait.
And we haven’t even talked about our main characters.
I like the rich diva fashionista character, especially as a big sister. There is a reason why Emma from Bunk’d even got the ranking she has on the Live Action character list. And normally, I find them entertaining no matter what.
But I don’t find Brandy entertaining. And it’s not, believe it or not, because she is a jerk.
Something about her is just so boring, like there are no twists or turns. She has whatever trait the writers want for the plot to work, and she is just sort of there, getting only a whiney personality and not really any quality zingers.
But I’m being harsh on her. I know why I don’t like her, and it’s because the people who made this show expect me to like, and believe that this character is friends, for real, with MR. WHISKERS.
MR. WHISKERS.
Who is now my least favorite animated Disney character, even more than a freakin husband abuser Trudy Proud.
Look, I like Charlie Adler, and I know he’s doing his Cow voice, and I know it’s supposed to be annoying.
But it still sucks. Whiskers sucks. He can barely function, thinks about himself at all times, seemingly only wants a friend because he’s lonely, fucks everything up, has no brain, no redeeming qualities (outside of taking care of babies, but that’s the minimum requiered of a person) and yet I’m supposed to like him, he’s the big draw, the fan favorite, the character we’re supposed to adore.
...I wish the gecko ate him.
STORY AND HEART: 0 Out of 5 and 1 Out of 5 (”Mr. Whisker’s New Friend” and “The Babysitter’s Flub”)
The story of the show is that Brandy and Mr. Whiskers wind up lost and stuck in the amazon jungle thanks to Mr. Whiskers being an idiot. They then continue being stuck there thanks to Mr. Whiskers being an idiot and Brandy being willing to let him be EATEN for a map. We have 11 minutes of one character being a jerk and another being an idiot with ZERO redeemable value, and a poor attempt at selling me that Brandy actually cares about him. For what reason?
The next 11 minutes are so cliche, you’d think we’d be done with this by now. Brandy has to look after some eggs, shirks her responsibility, Mr. Whiskers does fine until he doesn’t, all is well.
Nothing of remote interest happens. The worst part is that the show doesn’t choose what it wants to be. Is it just a comedy? No way, because we’re supposed to feel bad when Mr. Whiskers is going to be eaten and Brandy chooses to be friends with him. But guess what? It’s not trying to be heartwarming, just stupid.
Look, it’s easy to get this: This show is dumb. With a capital D. It’s trying to be SUPER RANDOM and it’s failing. It’s like watching a really bad Disney Channel Sitcom try to be a looney tune. It’s dumb, it’s boring, it’s repetative, and i’d rather watch nearly anything else.
Avoid this one, folks.
FINAL SCORES: 1 Out of 5 and 3 Out of 5 (”Mr. Whisker’s First Friend” and “The Babysitter’s Flub”)
The fact that the second episode got a 3 insults me, but here we are. Absolute trash.I hope this is the worst it gets.
(Pickle and Peanut theme plays)
...Please. Please be the worst.
Next time we’re doing Big Hero 6 the series, which is... 45 Minutes for it’s pilot. Hoo boi, this will be long.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Sitcom Ever!: Stuck In The Middle (1.1): “Stuck In The Middle”
How can this be a Loud House ripoff if it came out 9 months before that? (shrugs)
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Stuck In The Middle is a disney sitcom with Isabelle from Elena of Avalor in the lead going through Loud House situations, I was always going to love it, I just didn’t realize it was gonna be this good!
The show focuses on Harley Diaz, a bright and resourceful inventor... All right, I’ll admit it, an INCREDIBLY CUTE AND ADORABLE LITTLE BEAN who is the middle child in her family of 7 kids and 9 people. Harley must find a way to keep her family from falling apart every episode with her wits and her will to win.
I really liked this, so let’s just get on with it!
SUMMERY: Harley struggles to get her siblings and parents to the park, where she is to receive a young inventor's award. She looks to Ethan for help and encouragement that they will make it to the park, but Georgie has a basketball game and Rachel is serving at a soup kitchen. Harley worries the basketball game will not finish on time. Rachel decides to spend time with her boyfriend Cuff after her volunteer work, despite her parents' admonitions. The Diaz family does eventually arrive at the park, though late for Harley's award.
COMEDY: 4 Out of 5
The absence of a laugh track makes everything better.
No jokes, the absence of a laugh track made this show way funnier than it could have been. I noticed this when the stuck up neighbor lady Bethany Peterson said that being raised in chaos would lead kids to a life in prison and the father Tom Diaz said “Good thing our kids look good in orange” because that joke with a laugh track would have had two pauses, and an awkward silence that would have killed the pacing, and in a show like this, that NEEDS to be fast, it would have been horrible.
But surely the absence of that isn’t enough for such a high ranking? Of course, and that’s ok, because the show was funny anyway! It’s hard to explain, but things like the sporty girl actually sucking at sports, and Harley’s snarkiness and a lot of the back and forth banter between everyone were a lot funnier than one would expect. Maybe it’s because I’m a Loud House fan, but this show stood out to me.
CHARACTERS: 4 Out of 5
While there are definitely some characters that could have stood for more screentime or more fleshing out (Rachel the big sister and Daphne the princess), and not everyone was some masterful characterization, the characters in this still felt real and believable (helped a lot by the HD camera, the mockumentary look and feel, the lack of a laugh track). And while there were a few characters I liked, I’ll be honest: The 4 points are for Harley.
I mean look at her: Adorable grin, spunky attitude, a can do bring it to win it philosophy, genuine care for her family (unlike Lincoln in the first season of Loud House, Harley tries to make sure everyone wins in her family, not just her), and look, she is the voice of Isabelle from Elena of Avalor, that character is the 3rd cutest I’ve ever seen, ok?
Like, it’s hard to explain, but that’s the kind of daughter I hope I have: Someone whose smart and adorable and I can protect them.
Anyway, loved her, so that got this show a huge boost in the score!
STORY AND HEART: 5 Out of 5
I honestly didn’t expect to like this one so much, but sometimes something vibes with you. There was a lot to be said that this episode wasn’t about how ANNOYING it is to be in family like this, but instead went on to show that everyone in the family is important, even the middle kid, and that while it’s hard, the family would try their best to make sure all their kids get what they’re promised. I really enjoyed the heart of this episode, moments that were not undercut with humor or dumb cutaways for a moment, moments where people were allowed to show that they love each other, and it felt REAL.
I think that’s the best way to sum it up: It felt REAL.
I liked it for that. No offense to Good Luck Charlie or Liv and Maddie (both of which are still top tier so far in my mind), but this is the best one yet (no jk)!
FINAL SCORE: 13 Out of 15
And with that, Good Luck Charlie is dethroned in best show and episode. But that might change, since my next sitcom is the second episode of Good Luck Charlie, our first returning show! Let’s see if it can keep up!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/100qHOP9aQ1AmKbrYuc--CQAP3LQnHfsS/edit
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Animated Show Ever!: Fish Hooks (1.1 and 1.2): “Bea Stays In The Picture” and “Fish Out of Water”
Fish Hooks led to all the shows we have today. I think. I don’t know.
It’s about FISH.
...
Look, I used to hate this and now I sort of like it, let’s just get to it!
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Fish Hooks is a high school cliche/Alex Hirsch has a practice round before becoming GOD/Rick and Morty fish AU/ Animated show featuring Cory In The House, Morty from Rick and Morty and the only Disney character who wants to be famous who doesn’t piss me off. These three friends (Milo the party animal, Oscar the anxious nerd and Bea the diva) hang around in their fish tanks leading life as not normal fish teens. Alex Hirsch voices a teen clam girl, this should be fun!
Honestly, I grew up hating this show and thinking it was dumb, but I am open to liking it, and honestly it had a good start, so let’s do this!
SUMMERIES: “On the school's picture day, Bea, Milo and Oscar try to make their picture the best. While Oscar's photo turns out bad with the flash reflecting off his braces and Milo's turning out a little weird, Bea tries to make it perfect. When the photo is taken and Bea does not appreciate it, she and Milo infiltrate Clamantha's yearbook office while Oscar takes Clamantha on a date in order to keep her away from the yearbook office.”
“Milo panics when everyone believes he is selfish, so he decides to go out of the tank. He subsequently starts to lose oxygen, so Oscar and Bea go to save him. However, when a huge cat named Wilford comes to them, it is up to Milo to save Bea and Oscar, and to prove that he is not selfish.“
COMEDY: 3 Out of 5 (”Bea Stays In The Picture”) and 3 Out of 5 (”Fish Out of Water”)
Fish Hooks mainly uses a style of comedy we would soon see a LOT of in this mid to late 2010′s and now early 2020′s era: Meta-textual, dialogue heavy weird visual comedy. The joke is that the characters are weird yet likable, that they clash yet also bond well, that they sort of realize they are in a show but still care enough to make us care, that everything is ripe for a weird cutaway or fourth wall break. This was perfected in other shows, so you can see how it has just begun and not fully ripened with Fish Hooks. This is no comedy masterpiece, after all: Both episodes have a lot of Idiot jokes and overreactions and teen cliches. But the jokes work BECAUSE of the self awareness and variation: If this one was too on the nose, the next one is a little more surprising. Helped by the fact that the slapstick and the banter are fun, and you get two episodes that are pretty decent on the laughs!
CHARACTERS: 3 Out of 5 (”Bea Stays In The Picture”) and 2 Out of 5 (”Fish Out of Water”)
Fish Hooks, for all intents and purposes, relies on you liking it’s 3 main leads enough to see them do really about anything. Sure, there are supporting characters (like the terriifying in a good way Clamantha and the admittedly hilariously voiced Mr. Mussles) but really it’s all about Milo, Oscar and Bea.
Now, they ARE cliche’s, and Milo is sadly quite annoying (FORGIVE ME CORY-SENPAI!) which is why I gave a 2 to his focus episode “Fish Out of Water”, but thankfully the weirdly likable Bea and the almost simp but honestly quite sympathetic Oscar end up being so weirdly likable as said before that they sort of carry the show on their own right. And again, the supporting cast is fun to have, and they don’t hog the spotlight, so Strong 3 and 2 for both episodes!
STORY AND HEART: 4 Out of 5 (”Bea Stays In The Picture”) and 2 Out of 5 (”Fish Out of Water”)
I have to say before hand: while the scores will mostly serve as guidlines for my basic feelings, it’s the rankings that are really important, which is why despite “Fish Out of Water” getting 7 out of 15, it will rank higher than the 8 out of 15 Lilo and Stitch Episode “Richter”, so take the scores with a pinch of salt, they’re not 100 percent accurate, more like ways of delivering my feelings on each one in numbers.
Moving on! The latter episode has a pretty boring and basic story, elevated by the comedy and characters focusing on how Milo is kind of an asshole, and while he does make up for it, and again, the humor and characters make it worth watching, it’s nothing too special.
Thankfully, “Bea Stays In The Picture” manages to showcase a surprisingly strong display of writing, with a “School Photo” episode actually being... Entertaining? Like, it’s the lesson we’ve all seen a million times, but the added spy thriller jokes, genuinly heartwarming moment between Bea and Milo and just the atmosphere of the episode take what could have been an average episode and make it quite the fun escapade, enough to earn a whopping 10 out of 15! Both segments (even if 1 is way better than the other) are fun, and that’s the real gist of it. I found myself enjoying myself, even laughing, and though i came hesitant, i left with a feeling that I would enjoy the rest of it! So, that’s pretty impressive!
FINAL SCORES: 10 Out of 15 and 7 Out of 15
And with that we have our first “The scores don’t matter” episode, this will happen a lot. I enjoyed this, I wonder what’s next!
...
Amphibia.
With my all time favorite Disney character?
...
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I’M READY
https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit#
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Animated Show Ever!: The Proud Family (1.1): “Bring It On”
Could it be? A near perfect episode? YES. Let’s talk Proud Family (super fitting with the new season coming out soon).
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The Proud Family was one of the original hits of The Disney Channel when it became it’s own thing in the beginning of the 21st century. In fact, it was for a while as big and as famous as the other big hit, Kim Possible, and it’s only really because of Phineas and Ferb’s quite earth shattering success that Proud Family feels like it was so long ago.
The show centers on Penny Proud (the Ronnie Anne lookalike in the pic) and her hard to deal with but still mostly loving family: Oscar Proud, the butt monkey dad, Trudy Proud, her no nonsense mother, Suger Mama, her even MORE no nonsense grandmother, and her baby sister and brother BeBe and CeCe Proud, not to mention a group of friends who are... Complicated, to say the least.
I hate to say it, but I never saw this as a kid (my country didn’t really air it, tbf, but still). Still, I used to play the games on the Disney site, and if my very positive views on the first episode stay, this is gonna be one of my favorites!
QUICK NOTE: While an argument can be made that certain moments between Oscar Proud and his mother and wife are not intended to be taken seriously, the fact of the matter is that he is abused by them physically and verbally all the time, and if it was the other way around, we would all be rightfully calling him out. Abuse is wrong both ways, so every time it features in an episode (and it does here) a point will be deducted from the characters score. I know this might seem odd for some, but i’m doing it anyway.
Now, onto the episode!
SUMMERY:  When a rich new family moves in next door to the Prouds, the parents hit it off right away, but Penny can't get along with their luxurious but vain daughter LaCienega, who tries out for cheerleading with Penny. When Penny makes a remark the she wants LaCienega out of her life, local bullies the Gross Sisters take it upon themselves to grant Penny's wish. After her friend Sticky brings word of the Gross Sisters' plan, Penny must decide between wanting the glory for herself or allowing her new rival a fair chance.
(Before we continue, I love the names in this show!)
COMEDY: 4 Out of 5
As I have said multiple times by now, comedy is subjective. It’s hard to judge it. Proud Family has a mixture of slapstick, verbal humor, character quirks, and sitcom jokes (and also one really weird joke we’ll get to). But most of them land! You may ask why? After all, many of the jokes here are ones we’ve all heard (except for the grandfather with the Cesar Romero Joker laugh from archival recordings because YES THAT IS A THING).
Well, this will pop up in the other segments, but it’s probably best to say it here: Atmosphere. The atmosphere of The Proud Family feels like if the color palate of Doug, the street sensibilities of Hey Arnold and the personality of Recess all came together to make this show a reality, and honestly, I’m very grateful! The jokes aren’t top tier, but I don’t mind, they become funny thanks to the vocal delivery and atmosphere, which is why Characters will also get a high score!
CHARACTERS: 4 Out of 5
Penny Proud is moe and likable despite her flaws.
...Was I supposed to say more?
Well, tbf, Penny isn’t the only character here: Oscar, despite the pain it is to view him, has a fun atmosphere to him too (Just imagine they all have that), Penny’s friends range from Lovable Alpha bitch to less lovable but still fun to see alpha bitch to kid who speaks in so much slang it is used for padding and it becomes funny to geek girl I may or may not ship with Penny for crackship reasons. Even when these characters are jerks, there is something likable and charming about them, which says a lot!
The rest of Penny’s family, however...
Look, Sugar Mama CAN be funny, but as stated before, she and Trudy ABUSE Oscar, so that’s all I’ll say about them.
Also I stan Joker Grandfather.
STORY AND HEART: 5 Out of 5
Originally I was gonna give a 4, but again, THAT ATMOSPHERE! The moral is a pretty interesting one: Not every person has hidden depths, sometimes a person is a jerk for  no reason, but that doesn’t give you the right to be that in return, and outside of that, it’s just fun seeing this story unfold, even when nothing  much happens. The pacing is very odd, but again, I like that it is! There’s just something about this one. Full of life, yet weirdly real, funny and charming with a lot of attitude, it’s just a joy to watch and I can’t wait for the next episode!
Also the theme song fucking SLAPS!
FINAL SCORE: 13 Out of 15 
This and Good Luck Charlie’s Pilot episode really have set a benchmark, this was how you do a Disney cartoon!
Next time we have... Well, we were going to do Jungle Junction (an obscure and crappy Disney Junior show), but since I can’t seem to find it anywhere and I have no money to buy it online, it seems like I’ll have to drop it and do Fish Hooks!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/194d3gsPrhlOsFPYsXU-lJirY4sWncrBl/edit#heading=h.gjdgxs (current rankings in here)
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SpongeGuy Reviews Every Disney Sitcom Ever!: Pair of Kings (1.1): “Return of the Kings”
I have a new least favorite Disney show!
Strap yourselves in folks, this is one heck of a ride!
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Pair of Kings is a Disney XD sitcom from like 2010 I think? I don’t respect it enough to give it a year. This hellspawn of Satan’s BRO son who thinks that putting Chad on his resume is a surefire way to get a job is about two BRO’S: Brady (played by Jeremy from Phineas and Ferb, who has seen better shows clearly) and Boomer (I don’t know who plays him, but i sure as hell don’t care!). Brady Bunch and Ok Boomer are twins (They’re bi-racial, which is neat, but this kind of representation can only hurt) who learn that they are actually the sons of the king and queen of “Random Island so we can make Island Natives are weird jokes without offending anyone in particular” Island, and they are next in line for the throne, hence the title “Pair of fucking idiots” I MEAN “Pair of Kings”.
The rest of the show is as stupid as it sounds. Basically, there’s an island native named Mason who is Mr. Moseby from Suite Life, but if he was forced to be blinded to their idiocy, his daughter Mikayla who is every boring female lead in a show like this, you know, the one who is actually serious and doesn’t want to be with these bozo’s but the show will force her to like them because she TOTALLY doesn’t deserve anything better, and of course an evil CGI fish and the 12 year old boy who owns him and is trying to kill our leads, which according to the laugh track, means that Attempted Murder is fnuny. Huh.
Ok, i can only describe this show for so long before i die. Let’s get to the 45 MINUTE Pilot. Yes, I saw 45 minutes of this. And this is apparently the best we get of this show, since they put all their money into hooking us with this pilot.
Dear lord.
Summery: 
Brady (Mitchel Musso) and Boomer (Doc Shaw) are twin teenagers living in Chicago with their aunt Nancy and uncle Bill, as their parents are deceased. Brady and Boomer are unaware that they are destined to become the next kings of an island nation known as Kinkow. After they are bullied by the toughest guys in their high school, Mason (Geno Segers) and a group of warriors from Kinkow come to bring them home. Brady and Boomer break the island's sacred ruby, causing Kinkow's volcano to erupt. Their cousin Lanny (Ryan Ochoa) tricks them into going to get another sacred ruby so they would die on the dark side of Kinkow, allowing him to become king. While they are on the dark side, Brady and Boomer are caught by a tribe called the Tarantula People, but they are protected by the bat medallion that the Tarantula People obey. Brady and Boomer obtain the sister ruby and save the kingdom. However, the chain that controlled the Tarantula People falls off Brady's neck.
COMEDY: 0 Out of 5
I doubt this shocks anyone. The comedy of Pair of Kings makes one miss the intelligent musings of a conservative Albatross with a hernia in the middle of Sunday Church. The jokes are like The Incredible’s Hulk’s Jock Strap after a s mile jog towards the savannah: They stink so bad I almost gave up all hope for humanity and started planning an escape route from the planet. All manner of wit and charm is sucked out like a single strand of spaghetti through a straw as thin as my patience for the leads, and every character quirk is so basic and cliche that the old people’s home rejected their application. If I were to write blindfolded and and upside down, with half my keyboard letters missing and a sadistic autocorrect feature installed onto my PC, I would still write something better than the humor of Pair of Kings, because then I would have written nothing at all, and nothing is at least nothing. Pair of Kings exists; may God have mercy on our souls.
...
So in short, it’s not funny. I smiled in pain maybe once at an Overprotective dad joke, and that’s about it.
CHARACTERS: 0 Out of 5
Imagine your typical Disney Channel sitcom. Now think of the worst version of that. Now think of the Dorkly video based on that version.
Pair of Kings is 10 times worse.
The characters are bare bones at best. In fact, they are invertebrates, and not the funny absorbent ones like Spongebob. Their personalities are so 1 dimensional and obvious that if I were to show you pics of them you could tell me their entire biographies. The leads replicate an early 2010′s trend of being two BROS who keep doing stupid things, and that’s their personality. They also replicate a 2020 trend of making me wish the apocalypse was over. They are just BROS. Whenever they have even a moment of quote un quote “DRAMA” they undercut it with humor like a wet fart at a funeral reception. The supporting cast is like my life: Barely functional and clearly inept to deal with this shit right now. Mason is “The Native Overprotective Dad”; Mikayala is “DA GIRL”; Lanny is “Scar but boring”; The CGI Fish exists.
Can my pain end now?
STORY AND HEART: 1 Out of 5
I’ll make this quick: They have the GALL of pretending that OK BOOMER and Brady Bunch have felt sorrow when they almost destroy the island. They have the GALL to have them say that they will stop being kings if that’s what they want. I’m not saying they’re incapable of such feelings, but I guess this puts it best: At one point in this ACTION-COMEDY-DRAMA of sorts, Brady Bunch says he feels bad about the kids who could die on the island. He hears the volcano burst again, and says “Good Luck Kids” to run off. Sure, this is a typical sitcom joke, but if this show wants me to take it seriously that they mean well, they just shot themsleves in the foot.
The point is for set design and tbf not too bad CGI for a teen sitcom. But I can’t stand a show that lies to my face and pretends that these two are any good. Pair of Kings? More like Pair of END ME END ME END ME.
FINAL SCORE: 1 Out of 15
Bunk’d is next. May god have mercy on my soul.
EVERY SHOW RANKED:
1. Good Luck Charlie
2. Pair of Kings
EVERY EPISODE RANKED (PAIR OF KINGS):
“Return of the Kings” (S1 E1)
EVERY EPISODE RANKED (IN GENERAL):
1. “Study Date” (Good Luck Charlie)
2. “Return of the Kings (Pair of Kings)
EVERY CHARACTER RANKED (PAIR OF KINGS):
1. Mason
2. Mikayla
3. Evil Fish
4. Lonny
5.Boomer
6. Brady
EVERY CHARACTER RANKED (IN GENERAL FOR SITCOMS):
1. PJ Duncan
2. Teddy Duncan
3. Gabe Duncan
4. Bon Duncan
5. Amy Duncan
6. Charlie Duncan
7. Spencer Walsh
8. Mrs. Dabney
9. Emmett
10. Mason
11. Mikayla
12. Evil Fish
13. Lonny
14. Boomer
15. Brady
8 notes · View notes