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stromuprisahat · 1 year

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Expectations were low, but Oh My God!

I intended to write down the dialogues that don't make much sense, but then I figured it's no use to copy/paste all the subtitles. There's rarely anything that isn't plain stupid. The Witcher: Blood Origins is amalgam of badly used tropes I've seen thousand times before.

The Elves

Forget the beautiful, graceful humanoids with equally stunning culture. The elves here are dirty, rude and equally pathetic as humans. The only difference is pointy ears. Their architecture is massive and angular, their blades, proverbial elven blades, often look like a total amateur with zero skill forged them out of scraps.

Elves are also morally corrupt. Colonization is a huge issue we won’t learn much about, except they’re just as bad as humans will become in future. Given the context the point seems to be they had it coming... in case you were starting to feel for their race in present time.

REPRESENTATION!!!

Recently I’ve read a post about how little representation is in “source” material. Shocking, isn’t it? Slavic fantasy, heavily inspired by mediaeval Poland doesn’t include POCs (read: Blacks and East-Asians, because I’ve never seen anyone complaining about lack of Native Americans... in pseudoEurope...). The show creators obviously decided to fix that by ticking off the proper boxes.

You’ve got Black elves, East-Asian, gay gay, chubby deaf-mute... well, at least this time the different colours came from distinct nations. If only the stereotypes were avoided.

Tropes and patterns

Soft, slightly feminine gay, gullible disabled, wise older East-Asian mentor, washed out hippie healer, abused genius, forbidden love between protector and his charge, soldier who was done killing untill the enemy wiped out his home, redemption = sacrifice = suicide, two characters arguing about who’s gonna do the sacrificing only for the one, who “lost” to go behind the other one’s back and do it...

... sprinkle some well-known terms and names: chaotic power, Xin'trea, Eredin, Avallac’h... aaand done! Brand new tale from a widely-loved universe is done!

Perhaps try writing less of what could people find cool, and focus on a good story.

Rah, rah-ah-ah-ah!

Four episodes don’t offer much space to develop many characters. Seven good guys, at least four antagonists... personalities, interactions, needless romance... it’s interesting how much can actors express in only so many interactions.

Zacaré and Brother Death are believable.

Meldof and Gwen's story's tragic, but rather sweet in a way. (Tho they could’ve refrained from that rape aspect.)

Éile and Fjall, flat and boring. One of the unsurprising, disappointing turns of events. Zero chemistry. Made to fuck with the sole purpose of making a baby to artificially connect them to Ciri, one of the MCs in the “original” series.

The WITCHER: Blood Origin

You're telling me that the first version of a witcher was a badass elf? This is really gonna piss Geralt off.

One would hope for something different, after all this fuss, but no. First “witcher" is just another butch guy, only with pointy ears.

How do we know the turning potion's ew? It's black!

How do we know he's really WITCHER 1.0? Yellow eyes!

How do we know he’s not quite himself? Black eyes and veins on his face!

I'm sure this improvised ritual had the same effects as carefully honed procedure sorcerers spent decades perfecting...

Fuck the Coup, free The People!

The story starts with a coup, killing off three monarchs with their bodyguards. Corrupt, elitist leadership’s gone, the new rulers- army, magicians and overlooked princess- plan to invade new worlds to gain resources their world’s lacking. Sounds like a decent idea? Our heroes would disagree. The empress needs to be destroyed, because people suffer.

You changed nothing. You're just another boot looking for more necks.

... reproaches the great Éile new empress. When was she supposed to do that? In a week? Change takes time and resources, Merwyn had none. Am I supposed to cheer, because now it's faceless "people" in charge? Do they have knowledge to rule? The skill? Anything? Or are they expected to wing it? Rule isn't about putting new people to the wheel and hope it will all work out. Talk about freedom won't feed you, run trade, economy, agriculture etc..

The worst thing's we know the Empire is crumbling. We know there's no food to redistribute, even the leadership has barely anything and you can't let the head starve if you want to fix anything. Merwyn's unforgivable sin was being born into the ruling class.

- You've no idea what elfkind even is. You're just another spoiled princess.

~ I am Empress!

- You are a child ~given~ the reins of a warhorse. You don't speak for elfkind.

... the writers try to gaslight us. We’re introduced clever, idealistic, inquisitive princess, who wants to help her people. When she’s confronted with reality, she tries to learn more. She goes from her family’s pawn to schemer, who makes allies and plans, frees herself from role of figurehead and reminds others the most important task is to feed their people. That’s a character I’d love to watch. Not a dumb singer, who rallies a mob, destroys government, helps to cause cataclysm and fucks off to countryside.

The Story of the Seven

What did those fame-deserving Seven achieve? Did they solve famine? Did they end war? Did they offer better way to rule? No, no and no.

But they (unintentionally) caused the Conjunction, brought the monsters and humans into weak, starving, disorganized society. The rightfully forgotten Seven effectively crippled their own race and destroyed any chance for defense they might have had.

I don’t know who is Jaskier’s song about, but it’s not about these Seven.

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