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late-to-the-party-81 · 1 year

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Because it's Eurovision! Okay..?

AN: I wanted to write this last year, but didn’t, and then the enablers in the BBE server forced encouraged me. So enjoy this cracky Avengers Tower fic, where nobody dies and everyone lives happily ever after.

Un-beta’d

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and moodboard by me

Masterlist

Relationship: - None - Just good old team bonding.

Word Count: 1k

CW: Eurovision spoilers, American confusion, Domestic Avengers

“Oki doki, kiddos - what’s so important we’ve brought forward movie night to…” Tony looked at his watch. “... 3 o’clock in the afternoon?”

He looked around the lounge in confusion as Nat, Wanda and Bucky rearranged all the sofas, cushions and beanbags. Flag bunting hung from the ceiling, and the small kitchenette counter was laden with various snacks.

“It’s Eurovision, Tony.” Nat’s tone of voice suggested that that explained it all.

It did not.

“Euro-what now?”

Wanda came up beside him and started to steer him towards one of the seats.

“Just sit down, Stark. It’s about to start. Now where are the others?”

She looked around, auburn hair flying, but relaxed as Clint walked in, a grin on his face, followed by Bruce, Steve, and Sam. Wanda looked around them and smiled as Vision floated through the wall and towards her.

Clint bounded forward, launching himself over the back of the sofa and bouncing down next to Tony.

“Boy, are you in for a treat! This is going to be epic.” He grinned, completely unfazed by the blank looks from the other men.

Sam settled on one of the other couches after a stern glare from Bucky, Steve joining him.

“Umm, could you possibly explain further?”

“If you will allow me…” The dulcet tones of FRIDAY echoed through the room as Nat and Bucky continued to shift and shuffle things around their confused team mates. “The Eurovision Song Contest is an annual event held in mid May every year, where the countries across the European continent all submit a musical act singing an original song. There are two semi-finals and then the final 26 acts star in the Final.”

Steve still looked confused.

“Well, what do the winners get?”

“The winning country gets to host the competition the following year, providing a boost for tourism and culture.”

Bruce settled down on the third couch, somehow having already snagged a bowl of popcorn.

“So the songs are good then?”

Nat snorted derisively.

“Nope. They are camp and cheesy, with ludicrous outfits, smoke machines and lots of pyrotechnics. But that’s the joy of it. And lots of the countries sing in their own language, so you have no idea what the song is actually about.”

Tony’s eyes went wide, nothing any clearer than it was before.

“Then why are we watching?”

As one Nat, Bucky and Wanda turned towards him.

“Because it’s Eurovision.”

“Umm, okay then…” He sunk down into the cushions, not sure it was worth risking the ire of undoubtedly the most dangerous trio in the room. “Can I ask why Thor gets out of this…”

Just then, the building shook, the unmistakable rumbling and light display signifying the bifrost had just hit the roof. “..Scratch that.”

Nat turned on the television and squished in next to Clint. Vision and Wanda snuggled down into the beanbags. Thor burst into the room a few minutes later, placing Mjolnir onto the countertop.

“I haven’t missed it, have I?”

He took the final space next to Bruce, who passed over the bowl of popcorn.

“It’s the flag parade, apparently.”

The blonde god leant forward, arms resting on his knees.

“Ooo. I know this one! That’s Norway. I like them.”

Bruce smiled and elbowed his friend.

“Of course you do, they still treat you like a god.”

Across the room, Steve leant over to Bucky to whisper in his ear.

“Can I ask, if this is a European competition, why are Australia taking part?”

“Because they love how camp it is, and asked if they could join in.”

“I’m going to be confused during this whole thing, aren’t I?”

“Uh-huh…” Bucky threw some M & Ms up in the air, catching them in his mouth.

Back on the central sofa, Nat started to bounce slightly.

“Here we go! Prepare to be amazed…”

For the next 2.5 hrs the team sat, glued to the television, all manner of emotions running through them as they watched the eclectic musical display.

“Am I missing something,” asked Sam. “Why are they singing about Edgar Allen Poe?”

Bucky shrugged. “Why not?”

“Okay..?”

Steve nudged Bucky.

“Buck - what’s she singing?”

“About how her love for her man is driving her crazy, but she doesn’t know if he feels the same.”

“Okay..?”

“My love…”

“Yes, Vis?

“This is an anti-war song, isn’t it?”

“It is, Vis.”

“Okay..?”

“Earth to Sam! Earth to Sam!”

Tony threw a screwed up piece of paper across the room and watched Sam jolt and shake his head as it bounced off.

“What?”

“You seem a bit invested in the Cyprus act there….”

“Fuck off, Tony.”

“Okay..?”

“Nat?”

“Yes, Bruce?”

“I don’t want to be rude, but is there a reason she seems likes she’s dressed like a werewolf?”

“Because it’s Eurovision.”

“Umm…okay..?”

Thor was bouncing in his seat as the Finnish act started.

“This is more like it!”

Bruce peered at the screen, as though the neon pink and green outfits were starting to give him a migraine.

“But…but what’s it about?”

“Going out drinking!”

“Okay..?”

“Errrrm, Buck…What the hell did I just watch?”

Bucky didn’t even turn his head at Steve’s question.

“Croatia.”

That didn’t really help. All Steve knew was that he’d just seen something he couldn’t unsee.

“Okay..?”

The act from the UK finished and Tony stood up, cracking his neck.

“Well, guys. Thanks for that, I think. But now that’s over…”

“Nope!” Nat reached across Clint, who’d fallen asleep between them, slowly drooling on a cushion, to grab hold of Tony’s t-shirt and pull him back down. “Now it’s the half time show while the voting is done, and then it’s the results. And this year, we can vote from outside Europe. Look, there’s an app and everything.”

Tony blinked slowly in disbelief. “When’s it due to finish?”

“About 7pm.”

“What!” At Tony’s shout Clint sat bolt upright, snorted and sucked up a string of drool. “This thing goes on for 4 hours. Like how?”

“BECAUSE IT’S EUROVISION!” Came the chanted reply, this time with Thor joining in.

“Okay..?”

Tony pulled out his phone and opened the app store with a shrug. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

“I got $50 on Finland. Who wants in?”

At 7.05pm Tony sat staring at the screen, mouth wide open as the others groaned and started to pass cash towards Bruce.

“What the fuck just happened?”

Bruce smiled and shrugged.

“It’s Eurovision, Tony.”

Tag list: @jobean12-blog @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @seitmai @peaches1958 @pono-pura-vida @writing-for-marvel

#avengers tower fic #late writes #eurovision fic #domestic avengers #gen fic #marvel crack fic

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hrsports1 · 1 year

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#Afterpay Popcorn Makers #popcorn makers

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snowflowau · 2 years

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popcornaus · 5 years

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#POPCORN MACHINE AUSTRALIA

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brown-little-robin · 2 years

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10: The Zoo (part two)

part one | previous | next | ao3

The Barnett Zoo of Alabama has a single entrance at the south end. It’s a cloudy day, which Helen said meant there would be fewer people than normal, but Thad isn’t sure she was right. There are an awful lot of people in the entrance area, milling about looking at the posters and the coin-flattening machine and the loud televisions and in line to present or buy their tickets. And not just adults, but also a ton of children. Small children, alarmingly messy and prone to run randomly. It smells like popcorn.

He sticks close to Max, a step beside and behind him, and fidgets with his shorts pockets. He’d chosen a t-shirt and shorts, since Max said zoos were mostly outdoor experiences, but it’s cold in the entrance and he feels irrationally like everyone is staring at him. His bare arms prickle. He should have brought a sweater.

Finally, Helen finishes with the tickets. Thankfully, the plaza is much less crowded; it seems that people disperse through the zoo after leaving the entrance. Max goes and gets a map from a box that says FREE MAPS.

Max unfolds the map and displays it to Thad and Helen. There are six areas of the zoo, each corresponding to a continent; the Arctic and Antarctic continents are merged into one area called “Polar Adventure”. There’s also a separate Reptile House, a Non-Natural Creatures House, and an aquarium section.

“Do we want to head towards South America or Australia first?” Helen asks.

“We won’t have time for everything today,” Max says. “Maybe two or three continents. They close at five, and it’s already one. What animals do you want to make sure you see today, Thad?”

“The tigers and giraffes,” Thad says immediately. “South America looks interesting, but I really want to see the tigers if we can’t do both. We can skip Australia and America, I don’t care about those.”

Helen laughs. “Fair enough.”

“What about you, Helen?” Max asks. “Anything you’d like to hit today?”

“The aquarium,” Helen says. “It’s at the bottom of South America, though, and that’s pretty much across the map from Africa.”

“I think we can reach both places,” Max says.

“Let’s go to Africa first, then, to make sure we see the tigers and giraffes,” Helen says. “But, Max, is there anywhere you want to go?”

“Actually, I helped to build the Polar Adventure section,” Max says. “I’d like to show Thad someday. But I’m sure we’ll come back to the zoo another day.”

Thad reaches out and traces a path on the map, up and left to Africa and then down to the aquarium and back again. Hmm. It is a long way, and they’re on opposite sides of the zoo; they’d have to pass back along the same path to get to Africa and South America most efficiently. But—

“That’s not so hard. We’ll have to loop through North America to get to South America anyway if we don’t want to pass the same places twice, and it would hardly take us out of our way to go a little north to the Polar section.”

“Smart kid,” Max remarks. “All right. Africa, then Polar Adventure, then we’ll skirt the edge of North America and go straight through South America to the aquarium, and I believe that’ll take up all our time.”

Max called him smart!

They head left, towards Africa. Thad’s glad to leave the Non-Natural Creatures House behind. He doesn't know exactly what that means, but the icon is a winged snake, so he suspects mutants and genetic experiments. And given that technically he was a genetic experiment… he’s glad to put it behind him, is all.

The Africa section has facsimiles of animal tracks in the concrete paths—condor, red river hog, zebra, and so on, corresponding with the animals nearest that section of path. Thad quells the urge to place his feet only on the animal tracks. The hogs have interesting rust-red, black, and yellow markings and long hairs dangling from the tips of their ears, which they flick every so often. There’s a large pile of hay in their enclosure. What do they eat? Aren’t all hogs omnivores? Thad reads the educational sign about them. Yes, they’re omnivores. The zoo feeds them a balanced diet, but in the wild they’d eat anything from berries to eggs to lion carcasses. Fascinating. But Max and Helen are looking a bit impatient, so Thad pushes himself off from the fence. He’ll try to find out more about red river hogs later.

The zebras are temperamental and eye-boggling. Thad gets tired of them sooner than Max does, and Max notices and walks on.

They watch the siamangs and pygmy hippo the same way—quietly, Max and Helen exchanging a few comments, moving on when they seem ready. It’s almost like browsing in a thrift store, but with less pressure to make choices. The strangers don’t interact with them, thank goodness.

The chimpanzees are more energetic and intelligent than the other animals so far. Most of them are walking around or eating; one is scratching her butt, and another is bouncing idiotically on the net across the top of their cage. It reminds him of Bart.

“These are stupid,” Thad remarks.

Helen raises her eyebrows.

“Want to move on?”

“Yeah.”

“I think the elephants are next,” she says. She’s right, because she has the map, but Thad could have guessed that. There are elephant tracks going around the next corner.

The elephants are massive. SO massive. Nearly as big as CRAYDL, but made of flesh and bone. They’re more impressive than CRAYDL, somehow, more… organic. They have a weight to them as they move. Thad can imagine their bones creaking as their weight settles on their feet.

“Wow,” Thad says.

Max and Helen make admiring noises that Thad doesn't quite catch because the big female in the middle is huffing and lumbering over to a younger female with a calf and giving her a little smack with her trunk.

“That’s the matriarch,” he informs them. “She’s reinforcing the discipline of the group. That younger female probably just did something insubordinate.”

“How do you know that one is younger?” Helen asks.

“Oh, she’s less wrinkled and her teeth are further back in her mouth and her tusk is slimmer. As elephants age, the position of their teeth changes. I learned about African animals one time for ‘research’. Oh—CRAYDL and I used to sneak files that didn’t have anything to do with the mission and claim it was research.”

After the elephants, the path leads to the giraffes. They’re tall, all right, and just as funny-looking as Thad expected; they have agile purple tongues and odd knobby horns and hunched-up shoulders, and they come right up to the path expecting to be fed.

The tigers are disappointing. It’s the middle of the day, so Thad should have expected it, but they’re asleep. He can see one of them pretty well, though, and the coat is gorgeous. The orange shines in the sun. The black is deep and cunningly striped for camouflage, and the white fur is shaggy. It breathes deeply. Its ear flicks.

Thad soaks it in, committing it all to long-term memory. Unlike Bart, he doesn't have perfect memory, especially not since the speed force. But even before that, the manipulation of his genetics must have taken the eidetic visual memory. Thad does better with what he has, though, and anyway his memory is leagues better than a normal human’s. No one ever learned that dirty little secret. Not even CRAYDL.

As they approach the gates of “Polar Adventure”, Max smiles his rare genuine smile.

“I helped build this. Or rather, I helped in the planning of it.”

“Mm?”

“I had a friend, a Siberian Yupik woman named Cora Sam, and I also had a friend at the Barnett Zoo,” Max says. “When the zoo was planning to expand into polar bears, my friend from the zoo told me, and I connected him to Cora. I ended up bringing Cora back and forth from St. Lawrence Island so she could advise the zoo.”

“I never heard about that,” Helen says. “How did the man from the zoo get ahold of you?”

“Oh, I was meeting with him fairly regularly at that point to help wrangle the Non-Natural Creatures,” Max says. “They had a hyper-accelerated iguana.”

“A hyper-accelerated… that can happen?” Helen asks.

And then Thad’s too busy looking at the polar bears to follow the conversation. Thad walks ahead of Max and Helen. Two polar bears are lumbering in a line across the hill in the back of the enclosure, and one of them is diving into the water. There’s a lot of water in this section; they have seals, puffins, the polar bears, and… Thad rounds the corner of the polar bear enclosure and laughs out loud. Penguins, waddling comically about the rocks, sleeping in a group, little wings out for balance. They look so serious!

He leans over the railing, getting as close as possible to the glass. Their color scheme is elegant, black and white with a dynamic hint of peachy pink at the feet. But their shape! They’re ridiculous! They can barely move! How is this effective at all? And—one of them is following a smaller one around, a male trying to get a female’s attention, Thad supposes. Perhaps they’ll mate. But the female isn’t interested, and the male doesn't try anything; in fact, when she finally stops and turns around, the male nearly falls backwards in his surprise. She gives him an affectionate sort of peck, then pulls at his back feathers. Both of them start grooming their feathers, going back and forth between their tails and sides. Their necks can bend surprisingly far! Meanwhile, the sleeping penguins have woken up and moved all together and are falling back asleep—about one foot to the right, for no reason Thad can discern.

The penguins are great. The penguins are his favorites. Thad moves around to get a better view of the pair and is dismayed to see them stop grooming and slip into the water. But wait—there’s a hole in the fake stone wall, a sign saying “UNDERWATER EXPERIENCE”.

He descends the stairs and enters the UNDERWATER EXPERIENCE. It’s pleasantly dark until he turns the corner. He’d been hoping for a window to see the penguins swim. This is not a window. It’s a glass tunnel.

Oh. Oh, this is something. He wanders the length of the tunnel and back again. The green-blue light shifts and sparkles, and the penguins! The penguins! Underwater, they’re no longer awkward, but graceful, powerful, elegant, lithe. Their bodies no longer seem lumpy but agile; they’re all muscle, Thad thinks, until he reads the signs on his third pass through the tunnel and finds out that they actually have a significant amount of fat, which streamlines their bodies and nourishes them during incubating eggs and therefore not hunting. And he’s surprised to find out that they’re predators; he thought the harmless-looking birds would be herbivores. But with that strong sharp beak and the strength they’re displaying—yes. It makes sense.

He’ll never grow tired of watching the penguins dance.

“Thad!”

He startles, but gets himself under control in time that he thinks none of the strangers notice anything wrong. Max and Helen are rushing towards him wearing identical relieved expressions.

“What?” Thad asks, before he realizes that he can’t remember seeing Max or Helen since he noticed the penguins.

“We lost you!” Helen says. “We were just talking and then Max looked up and you were gone and we had heart attacks! Oh my goodness! You’re okay?”

“Yes, fine.”

“Don’t do that,” Max says severely.

The promise! Thad wasn’t supposed to—wait. The agreement was that he wouldn’t use his speed outside of Max’s ability to sense. He didn’t use his speed at all, so he didn’t break his promise, so Max shouldn’t be yelling at him.

He snarls, “That’s not fair. I didn’t use my speed, I just got interested in the penguins. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Max opens his mouth and pauses.

“Yes. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Thad opens and closes his fists. No fight, he tells his body. There’s no fight.

“I didn’t even realize I’d lost you,” he says, half-defiant.

“Well, neither did we,” Max says. “Let’s call it even.”

“Sure.”

“South America next, I think?” Helen asks.

“Yeah. If you’ve seen enough of the Polar exhibit?”

“Are there more tunnels?” Thad asks. “The door over there, says SEALS, is that to another tunnel?”

“That’s right.”

“Then I haven’t seen enough.”

“Do you like the tunnels?” Helen asks.

They’re the best thing he’s ever seen.

“Yeah,” he says.

“Me too. They’re my favorite. The Barnett Zoo kind of specializes in them; it has the most tunnels of any zoo within three states. The aquarium has quite a few tunnels, too.”

“Oh.”

Thad glances at Max. He’s looking up, tracking a penguin’s ‘flight’ overhead.

“What’s your favorite tunnel here?”

They skirt the very edge of North America. Helen talks to him about her favorite fish and things—she likes the coastal ones, which you can actually see while scuba diving, and anything brightly colored. Her favorite tunnel is the Coral Reef one. Max interrupts to point out the bison. Apparently Max saw herds of millions of these things back when he was a young man. Thad doesn't think he’d want to see that many. They look likely to hold a grudge, somehow.

They stop for a snack at the open area between North and South America. It’s lined with shops selling things like stuffed animals and caricatures and face paint and, of course, lots of little terrible plastic-y food shops. Most of the shops are dull. Face paint would be interesting, though. Thad likes the look of the dramatic blue butterfly one little girl has, and the tiger face is nicely realistic, but it costs money so he doesn't ask. The Thawnes’ resources were practically infinite; the Crandalls’… he’d guess not.

They decide on burgers. Thad fidgets beside Max, listening to another story about a bison hunt, as Helen goes and buys them. As they sit down at a plastic-y green table, a very small girl in tiny overalls comes up to him. She can’t be more than… oh… Thad realizes he has no idea how to tell age, but she’s very small and she’s looking at him like she’s going to say something.

“Your hair is pretty,” she informs him.

Uh.

His hair?

His hair is… pretty?

She probably expects a response.

“Uh, thank you,” he stammers.

“Your overalls are pretty, too,” Helen says, mercifully taking over the conversation for him, and then the girl’s mother hurries up and apologizes, and Thad manages to say “It’s okay,” and the girl is hurried away.

Thad stares up at the clouds, mind whirling. An exact duplicate of Bart’s stupid-long mane except for being Thawne-blond, pretty? His messy mass of hair, so bright blond it looks almost yellow in harsh lighting, pretty?

Helen says, “I don’t know that I’d call your hair ‘pretty’, but it is gorgeous.”

“Striking,” Max agrees.

Thad takes a bite of his burger. He can’t think of anything to say to that.

The South America section is amazing, with the rainforest flora and fauna and occasional sprays of mist, but Thad feels almost overwhelmed with new sights. He appreciates the jaguar, with its enormous yawn, and the anteater with its fluffy ankles and the powerful stride of the Komodo dragon, but he doesn't really engage with the zoo again. Maybe next time they can come back and he can have a proper look at things. In the aquarium section, he enjoys the tunnels, but he has more fun watching Helen gasp and smile and point out her favorite things. He catches Max looking at him a few times, his eyes wrinkled like he finds it funny, the way Thad’s watching Helen watch the fish. Well, that’s all right. Better to be amusing than threatening, Thad supposes.

The last tunnel leads them out to the plaza at 4:52 according to Helen’s watch. Thad suddenly feels bad. Just a minute ago he was so ready to be done and go home and sleep, and now he’s upset to be so close to the end. He doesn't want to leave.

“Time for our last stop,” Max says.

Last stop? Oh no. Not the Non-Natural Creatures House. Please not the Non-Natural Creatures House, Thad prays to the universe.

“The gift shop?” Helen asks.

“The gift shop,” Max confirms. “It’s open until six.”

Thank God. Anything is better than the Non-Natural Creatures House.

The gift shop is crowded. He’d probably find it interesting to look at all the things if he wasn’t so tired. Thad hopes they’ll find their knick-knacks or whatever and leave quickly. He just wants to sleep.

“Well, pick some things, Thad,” Max says.

They want him to buy things?

“I haven’t got any money,” he points out.

“You don’t need to earn your keep, remember?” Max asks.

“My keep, sure,” Thad says. “But I don’t need any of this stuff.”

“You deserve to have nice things,” Max says firmly.

“No I don’t.”

Thad regrets that instantly. Helen’s eyes widen, and Max goes very still. He didn’t mean to say that, it just slipped out because he’s tired and… prickly.

“Thad, honey,” Helen says, soft, like she’s talking to a scared animal.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it,” he says hastily. “I just want to go home.”

“Thad,” Max says, and his serious tone of voice makes Thad’s gut lurch in a nasty despairing way.

“I want you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“I want you to pick out seven things. One for each year you spent in the speed force. Does that sound fair?”

Actually… it does. Max should pay for those years.

“Yes,” Thad says.

He turns away abruptly so as not to look at Helen’s stricken face. Now that he’s looking for himself, the gift shop seems more like a treasure trove, less like a stuffy little space. He’s attracted to the glass things first. He hefts a blown-glass ball with dark manta rays swimming in a translucent blue sea. It has a delightful sheeny smooth texture. He hands it to Max. His first year in the speed force. The year he discovered he couldn’t leave. The eternally travelling manta rays in their glass prison are… ironically perfect.

He picks a deep blue shirt next. It has a stylized elephant family and leaves surrounding a Barnett Zoo logo. It will be an excellent addition to his wardrobe. His second year in the speed force, the year of the seventeen-day storm. A notebook with a tiger on the front is his next year, his third year in the speed force. They blurred together by that point; his strict determination to count the time failed in the second month of the third year. It says it’s 100% Recycled; the paper is smooth, but the covers are coarse in a way that normally would bother him but somehow doesn't. Then he discovers a box of rocks, which you can pick from and gather into a small bag that counts as one item. He sifts his fingers through the rocks. They make a pleasant clacking sound. He picks a few bumpy green-and-blue specimens that look like jungles or views of Earth from above, a shiny black one, two stones with shimmering bands of yellow and orange that shine from the deep brown at certain angles like the iris of an eye, a spiky purple crystal, a stone that looks like jade, and barely squeezes in another blue one. His fourth year in the speed force. He takes a wooden box, too, with a little lock. That will be good to keep the rocks in, and maybe he could put his letter in it too when he’s out of Max’s house. His fifth year.

He looks up from the box and hesitates.

All this time, he’s been skirting around the central section of the gift shop: the shelves and shelves of stuffed animals. He wants a penguin. But stuffed animals are little-kid toys, and he’s… fourteen or twenty-one or six hundred-odd, depending. Anything but a little kid.

A couple emerges from the row next to him, play-fighting over a stuffed koala. Thad waits, but no child toddles after them. They’re adults and they’re buying a stuffed koala. It must be all right.

He reaches up and grabs a penguin.

It’s the softest thing he’s ever touched.

He closes his eyes in bliss, holds it for a minute, loath to give it to Max. He tucks it into his elbow instead. He wants another stuffed animal. He takes a sloth with velcro on its paws so it can hang from things. And then… he really wants one of the snow leopards with the long soft tails, but he’s at seven… but he wants it… so he takes the snow leopard too.

“That’s for not noticing I wasn’t Bart,” he informs them, and laughs at their expressions.

#The Zoo Part Two... Electric Boogaloo?#The Strange Redemption of Thaddeus Thawne #Thad Thawne #Thaddeus Thawne #Max Mercury #Max Crandall #Helen Claiborne #flashfam #long post #shoutout to ZOOS #especially the saint louis zoo in illinois #which actually did work with Alaskan native people on their polar exhibit #okay in my defense #this is very long #but it's still within the typical length of a novel chapter #and trips to the zoo make a Long Day full of Lots of Experiences

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sardonyxie · 3 years

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Hockey Pucks and Cricuts

Veterans!ModernAU - Levi Squad Edition

These are simply the result of my imagination during a zoom class (Preschool intervention if I remember correctly) and of some ideas thrown in by my best friend/roommate. Some facts were thought of from canon perspective, but most of them are just our five idiots in our everyday world. Enjoy!

Warning: Rivetra content and some swearing! If it’s not your thing and you want to hate, scroll down and move on.

English isn’t my first language. If some sentences sound weird or wrong, let me know so I can correct them!

Word count: 1 173

Miche squad is up!

Levi

(Inspired by this)

- He’s from Canada and speaks French. Nobody (except Mikasa) understands him when he’s cursing the others, but they are still scared shitless. When a stranger is being stupid, he makes sarcastic comments in their face by talking about it in French to Mikasa.

- He’s Mikasa’s cousin, but they might as well consider themselves siblings since they spend a lot of time at each other’s house. Both Kuchel and her younger brother, Mikasa’s father, moved for a better life…

- Introduced Eld to hockey and plays with him. Oruo tagged along one day and also got into it.

- Only lets Gunther sit at the front when he’s driving them all since Petra has horrible music taste, Eld can’t follow directions and Oruo bites is tongue to every bump on the road.

- I consider him as street smart. In this case, he learns languages effortlessly and quickly and knows how to get out of a situation by using that skill (and his fists). Never got below an A for those classes in highschool.

- Even if he doesn’t show it very well, he cares a lot about the others and actually offers the most thoughtful presents out of everyone in the squad. He’s a good listener.

Eld

- Is actually from Australia. He moved in the neighborhood when he was five but still has an accent when he speaks. He is Oruo’s next door neighbor and often goes to his house when he wants a tasty snack.

- Plays hockey and actually prefers winter over summer. He’s always down for hockey nights with the other four when the national league is broadcasting its yearly competition. He’s a very dedicated fan of Trost’s Titans.

- Was the type to put everything from his lunchbox in his sandwich. Apple sauce with a ham and mustard sandwich anyone? He still makes strange food mixes nowadays.

- He’s a great photographer and takes pictures for Petra’s shop. However, he can’t pose and often looks silly in pictures.

- Gunther’s best friend. They are THE unbeatable duo at guessing songs. They know pretty much everything from old music to K-pop.

- Plans every vacation trip even if they go oversea. Something always come up in the schedule, but those moments are the highlight of the trip. Petra and he create a travel book for each expedition, and they document it with pictures and anecdotes.

Petra

- She’s Carla’s first child from her previous marriage. Her dad was in the army and died on duty when she was little. Zeke is a few months older, and they didn’t like each other at first. Now she tolerates him, but they have very opposite point of views in life which sparks some quarrels during diners.

- Half-German from Carla’s side and she speaks the language too.

- Her best girl friend is Nifa.

- She’s all about stationary stuff! She has a super chic bedroom with a beautifully decorated study area. She owns a Cricut machine and makes custom stuff for her friends. She gets inspiration from the people around her and their interests to create cute collections to sell on her Etsy shop.

- Played volleyball along with Hanji, Nifa, Nanaba, and Lynne, and she still coaches her high school team. (Because she mostly has support/team kills in canon, I think she was the setter and glued the team with her sportsmanship and teamwork.)

- Levi and she were the firsts of their entire group of friends to get together. However, they kept it to each other and their immediate family. The others found out when Eren asked Levi if the Ackermans were still coming over for dinner during lunch one day (dang it Eren!).

Gunther

- Fully German, but he was born in Trost and doesn’t speak the language at all.

- The only one not really into sports, but is still active enough to keep a good shape. He was a baryton saxophone player for the jazz band. That being said, he’s still able to follow hockey nights because he plays NHL on his PlayStation and follows the news.

- Levi excluded, Gunther and Petra are the last two brain cells of the group. They almost always chose each other when they did projects or small work. Out of spite, they once decided to do a team of 4 project with Moblit and Nifa instead of Eld and Oruo and to prove they carry the squad.

- Super popular on social media for some reason?

- Dad of the group since day one. He looks scary sometimes, but he’s just a big softie.

- King of the aux cord. I would trust him with my life.

Oruo

- Scottish Oruo anyone? Somehow has a German accent and tries to pick up ladies by speaking very broken Spanish? Calls himself Mr. Worldwide (will make more sense at the end of the list).

- Is favorite cookie? Oreo. “The company should feel blessed about having a cookie with a name like mine” “Oruo they were made before your parents even thought about conceiving you”.

- Because he’s a competitive little shit, he was also part of the swimming team.

- You know when a potato chip brand does a mystery flavour? He always tries to guess it with Moblit and will spend a ton of money to get the cash prize.

> The thing is: he hates chips. “Those are an abomination why would you eat those when you have popcorn. As much as I LOVE to clean, they are messy, and the stains are hard to remove from the sofa.”

> Moblit guesses the mystery flavor right all the time, thus making him the winner of all bets and leaving Oruo a little poorer each time.

- He cares a lot about his friends, even if it doesn’t show because he insults everyone. HOWEVER! If anyone else tries to insult them, he’s going to throw fists and will make people cry with his insults.

- Tried to get into Harvard just to flex.

> Newsflash: he didn’t.

- Gelgar and he are the party masters. They know how to throw a mean fiesta, and it’s almost always a huge success.

Rivetra bits

- I feel like their relationship just… happened? They were friends one day and next thing you know they were dating.

- Double dates with Mikenana or Mobuhan.

- Mikasa loves Petra and always reminds Levi to marry her one day. On the other hand, Eren was scared of Levi at first and didn’t understand what his half-sister saw in him, but he changed his mind over time. He can’t see anyone else with his big sister now.

> On that note, Zeke can’t get over the fact that she chose to date is so called “enemy”.

- They don’t like the attention which is why they haven’t said anything for a very long time.

> However, the other three had a little idea of what was going on, but they are best friend material and kept the info to themselves.

- Winter. Wedding. Petra with a long sleeve dress and Levi being handsome as always.

___________________

Do we like it? Do we hate it? What happened to the Ackermans in Canada? The Jäger household dynamic would be nuts!

Please let me know your thoughts! Should I do more of these in this AU?

If you have any other verse idea and would like someone to write it up let me know!

#rivetra #levi x petra #og levi squad #levi ackerman #eld jinn #petra ral #gunther schultz #hockey pucks and cricuts #oruo bozad #I was bored as f #onyx writes #onyx writes snk

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killmytyme · 4 years

Text

cherry cola | calum hood

image from this post by @siyahraat

this fic is brought to you by @myloverboyash absolutely destroying me with this text post, which I reblogged and went off in the tags and then couldn’t get it out of my head so I had to write out the entire scene. is this maybe the most self indulgent thing I have written in a really long time? yes. is this good? probably not. but i saw this whole cozy 3am snack run in my mind and had to get it out here somehow.

warnings: none except for the most gross amount of fluff

word count: 2.4k

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The thing is, you had been craving a cherry cola slushy all day. It was all you could think about for the whole day, but you knew you didn’t need one, so when you had gone out earlier you summoned your willpower and didn’t indulge. The problem was that now it was 3am and you couldn’t sleep, and all you could think about was the gas station a 10 minute drive away that had the cherry cola slushy you needed. The other problem was that Calum was fast asleep, and you really hated driving alone late at night. It had been hours now of you laying awake and only thinking about the slushy before you decided you couldn’t take it anymore. You rolled over to face him and gently shook his shoulder.

“Cal,” you whispered, watching his face twitch as he started to stir. “Cal, wake up.”

“Hmm?” he questioned, blinking awake slowly. His arm reached out to pull you into him. “’S’wrong? You okay?”

“I need a slushy,” you say, pulling at him to move with you as you sat up. “We need to go get one.”

“Babe,” Calum’s eyebrows raised as he glanced at the clock on the bedside table. You knew what it would say, you knew how crazy this probably sounded. “It’s 3am, we can get slushies tomorrow.”

“No, Cal, I need a slushy,” you whine. “I know it’s 3am, I know it’s crazy, but I think I’m actually going to die if I don’t get a cherry cola slushy right now. Immediately.”

“Cherry cola?” There’s laughter in his voice, and you know you’ve won him over. “Babe, the best slushy flavour is blue raspberry. That’s just an objective fact.”

“Okay, well, it’s an objective fact, Calum Hood, that I am wasting away here without snacks or a slushy to sustain me!” You hop out of bed and grab the hoodie he tossed on a chair before he crawled into bed, throwing it at his face while he laughed at your dramatics. “If you loved me like you say you do, you’d get up and drive me, unless you want me going out at 3 in the morning by myself, which is dangerous and-”

Your voice is cut off by the feeling of the hoodie you’d just thrown his way coming down over your head, and you squirm your arms up into the sleeves, Calum pulling the sweater down over your body.

“You’re lucky that I love you, you know that,” he says, smiling fondly at you. You grin back at him, the smile not leaving your face as he gets dressed and starts the hunt for his keys. “Who would have thought I’d find someone who drags me out of bed at ridiculous hours because they need a slushy, of all things, and I’m still in love with them.”

“It’s all part of my charm, you know,” you say as you tap your foot impatiently.

“If you say so.” He finally locates his keys and you both make your way out of the house and into the car. The night air is crisp, and the street is quiet in that way that only the middle of the night can be; still and peaceful, knowing you’re likely the only ones awake and moving, feeling alone but nowhere near lonely as Calum starts the car and intertwines your hands, backing out of the driveway.

You start pressing buttons on the radio to bring up some music for the drive, and he laughs when you land on the Top 40s station. At this time of the night it’s a DJ set, some local up and coming DJ getting the 3am slot to play terrible remixes to popular songs. Just your luck, you flipped to the station in time to hear Calum’s voice floating out of the speakers.

“Don’t you love this song?” you giggle, turning up the volume and singing along as the chorus starts.

“I wonder who it’s by,” he comments, playing along with you.

“It’s this band from Australia, they’re not that big so you probably haven’t heard of them. Pretty underground stuff.” You can’t stop giggling, and Calum couldn’t wipe the fond grin from his face if he tried. You get like this when you’re tired, silly and giggly, and it’s one of his favourite ways to see you. “They’re okay, their old stuff is better. Newer albums aren’t their best work.”

“Bold words from someone who hasn’t missed a beat singing along,” he squeezes your hand as he teases you, and even after all this time the simple action stirs up the butterflies that never seem to vacate your stomach when you’re around him.

“Hey, I never said I had good taste!”

“Clearly, you dragged me out of bed at 3am for a cherry cola slushy.” He laughs again at your mock gasp, but you don’t have time to defend your slushy choice before you realize you’ve driven by the gas station.

“Cal! You missed the turn, we need to-”

“Don’t you want other snacks? If we’re up, I kind of want cheese puffs. We can grab slushies on the way back, okay?”

“Calum Hood,” your voice is serious now, and he glances over with concern on his face. “You are a genius. Cheese puffs are exactly what I want. Can we get popcorn, too?”

“You can have everything you want, babe.” Calum turns the car into the grocery store parking lot and you learn your head back against the seat, facing him, and it occurs to you then that everything you want is just him and a thousand more midnight snack runs like this.

Once you get inside the store you both give apologetic waves to the cashier who nods tiredly at you and waves you in. The store is 24-hours but you both still feel that twinge of guilt walking in so late. Calum grabs a basket and starts heading to the snack aisle but you pull his hand back and gesture towards the produce.

“We have to walk the aisles! Like we always do,” you say, staring longingly at the rows of fruit.

“We always do that when we come here at 3 PM, not AM,” he says patiently. You ignore him, still staring at the apples until he sighs and gives in, letting you drag him through every aisle.

You each comment on things as you walk by them, falling into your usual store rhythm. One of the things you’ve always loved about Calum is his ability to make even the most mundane errand fun, the way he plays into your bits and lets you be unabashedly silly. He doesn’t think twice when you pause in front of the assortment of breads, fresh from the bakery, and ask in all seriousness for him to choose which bread he thinks most represents him.

“Kaiser buns,” he says without pausing to think.

“Yes!” you shout, and you both dissolve into giggles when a nearby associate jumps, clearly shocked by the noise. Calum calls out an apology as you continue to laugh. “Suits you. Crusty on the outside, soft on the inside,” you say through your laughter, poking him in the side.

“M’not crusty,” he says, tone offended, but you can tell by the crinkles around his eyes that he’s amused by your antics.

“You said kaiser! Not me!” You grab a bag for yourselves and toss them in the basket, much to Calum’s chagrin.

The rest of the trip goes just like that, pausing every few steps to delve into a deep discussion about white eggs vs brown eggs, or the best breakfast cereals, or the uses for the wide arrange of infused olive oils. By the time you make it to the check out you’ve spent far too much time in the grocery store, but the cashier, a woman with grey hair and kind eyes, smiles warmly at you as she rings you through.

Finally back in the car you dig out the container of cheese puffs and feed some to Calum as he drives. The DJ set is still going, this time the song is a mashup of two popular songs. You do your best to sing along but it’s switching between the two so quickly you can’t quite keep up, and Calum nearly has to pull over from laughing so hard at your attempts to follow along with the lyrics. In retaliation, you refuse to give him any more cheese puffs, pouting in an exaggerated manner at him.

When he pulls into the gas station and parks the car, he leans over and presses a soft kiss to your mouth in apology, murmuring a soft “sorry for laughing” against your lips.

“You’re only saying that so you can get more cheese puffs,” you sigh dramatically.

“You got me,” he smirks, lips still close enough that you can feel it on your skin before he pulls away and - the asshole - snatches the cheese puffs from you as he goes.

“Calum!” Your yell is met with just laughter as he hops out of the car, cheese puffs under his arm, and races into the gas station.

You catch up to him, giggling at how ridiculous your night has turned out, and find him standing in front of the slushy machine clearly deep in thought at his options. Under the cherry cola slushy dispenser sits an already full slushy cup, ready for you. You open your mouth to thank him and he shushes you, eyes squinting as they flick over the 6 flavour options he has to choose from.

The feeling that has been creeping up on you more and more frequently comes back again as you watch him. It’s the butterflies in your stomach, and the feeling that your heart is going to actually come bursting through your shirt with how full and warm you feel just looking at him. An hour ago he was fast asleep, and now here is he is with you, being silly and selecting a slushy flavour like it’s the most important decision he’s ever made. You’re so in love with him sometimes it overwhelms you, and it’s never in the moments you expect. It’s in small moments like these - in the back corner of a gas station at nearly 4am, under fluorescent lighting, wearing your rattiest clothing. It’s single minutes in time that make you positive there is never going to be anyone else for you, you only ever want to spend your 3am moments with Calum.

You’re roused from your staring when he moves towards the machine, moving your cup so he can place his directly under the cherry cola dispenser and flipping the lever. You make an indignant noise, and he shoots a smirk at you.

“You’ve been talking about it all night, I had to get it,” there isn’t even a hint of an apology in his voice for all of his teasing earlier, but you don’t even have it in you to rib him for it because you’re too focused on trying not to let how ridiculously happy these moments make you show on your face.

In fact, you wait to say anything at all until you’re back in the car, happily sipping on your slushies, the music acting as background noise now. Your hands are tangled again, and Calum’s thumb rubs softly on the top of yours.

“This slushy flavour actually is delicious,” he says eventually when you’re close to home, breaking your comfortable silence. “I understand now why you needed to get out of bed to get this. It really was an emergency.”

He’s smiling at you, but not in a teasing way. It’s the smile he gave you when you first met Duke and won the small dog over after hours of patiently sitting on the ground and waiting for him to come see you. It’s the smile he gave on the first night you moved into his house and he looked around at the mess of boxes among his things. It’s the smile he gave you when he walked off the stage the first time you unexpectedly showed up on tour to surprise him.

It’s the smile he can’t control, the one that comes out in his happiest moments. Those moments always include you.

“We should get married,” you blurt out. You feel your eyes widen slightly when you say it. You hadn’t planned it, hadn’t even registered the thought before you were saying it. You knew, though, you wouldn’t take it back. You didn’t want to see 3am without him ever again, and you hoped he felt the same way.

“Okay,” he says easily, his happiest smile still shining bright on his face. “Wait, like now? There are some people who might actually kill us if we got married at 4am in sweatpants. Like, I think Luke might actually kick me out of the band if I rob him of the chance to dress up and attend a wedding. You know how he is.”

“Not now,” you laugh. “You’re right about Luke though. I just mean...we should. You know, at some point I’d like to get married.”

“Me too.” You’ve pulled into the driveway now, but neither of you make a move to exit the car. This moment feels small, but it also feels large and vulnerable in a way that even the sound of a door opening might break. “I kind of want to be woken up by you at 3am for slushies for the rest of my life.”

“Good,” you reply softly. He starts to lean towards you and meet him over the centre console, pressing your lips together. It doesn’t even make the list of the most passionate or heated kisses the two of you have shared, but somehow the soft press of your lips feels like more - feels like everything.

Later that morning you sit on the couch, his head resting in your lap as you chat about everything and nothing, finishing your snacks and watching the sun come up outside of the windows. In a way, this feels like everything, too. From the minute you shook his shoulder a few hours ago until now, it all feels like a moment that needed to happen, like the universe knew you needed this collection of small moments to get you here.

“Hey babe,” you say after a few moments of silence. He hums in response. “Do you think at our wedding we could have a cherry cola slushy machine?”

Calum bursts into laughter, but you can feel him nodding his head where it’s resting on your legs. “You can have everything you want, babe.”

He cuddles into you closer, and you can tell from his relaxed face that he’s drifting to sleep, and all you can think as you close your eyes is that you already have everything you want.

#calum hood blurb #calum hood one shot #calum hood #faith writes #sdhakhdk this is literally so niche and specific to my interests and so self indulgent!#no one asked for this and yet everyone got it and thats how we do it here at killmytyme dot tumblr dot com #also: yes that outfit is the exact one i pictured him in the entire time. what of it.

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fun-food-machines · 1 year

Link

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#Buy Popcorn Online #Popcorn Machine Australia

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daiquirihiremelbourne · 7 months

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Party Like a Pro with Party Machine Hire

Looking for an unforgettable party experience? Look no further than Daiquiri Hire Melbourne's extensive range of party machine hire options. From slushie machines to karaoke machines, our state-of-the-art equipment will have your guests talking about your party for years to come. With affordable prices and top-notch customer service, we are your go-to for party machine hire in Melbourne. For more information, please visit our website: https://daiquirihiremelbourne.com.au/

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slushiecoaus · 2 years

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Premium Soft Serve Machine for Hire Are you searching for the most cutting edge, premium soft serve machine for hire in Australia? The first Slushie Co., offers a variety of goods to meet all of your slushie demands. Check out our newest machines for your canteen or restaurant or browse cool slushie flavours. Since soft serve is most favourite among kids, school canteens can gain a lot by purchasing a soft serve machine for hire. We are constantly working to provide the greatest products and services on the market with a commitment to quality and services. Our Soft serve machines are available to purchase, lease and hire. To discover more, visit our website https://slushieco.com.au/soft-serve-machines/ right away!

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four-straykids-apocalypse · 3 years

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Chan’s gifts to the pups and Lucas

Lucas❤️

I have a few more gifts for you but I can’t give them to you right now 😉 I also got plane tickets to Australia for a vacation, and rented a house for us and one fro Kai, Alice, and Sung @cb-museclub

Baby Pups❤️❤️❤️

So, for the pups, You have spoke stuffies. You each get a mini fridge. And I added some things to the play room, so it’s more fun when you have friends over, including a slush ice maker, a popcorn machine, a cotton candy machine, and a snow cone maker @hybrid-ateez-straykids-nct tae and Jae and @safeheavencb Kwannie

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letterboxd · 3 years

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Sundancing.

As the 2021 film festival season kicks off, Sundance Film Festival alumni and this year’s newcomers share their best tips for at-home festival attendance.

With contributions from Joe Talbot, Aneesh Chaganty, Ekwa Msangi, Heidi Ewing, Jesse Moss and Amanda McBaine, Levan Akin, Max Barbakow, Jim Cummings, Sara Hirner and Rosemary Vasquez-Brown, Kentucker Audley and Albert Birney, Alexis Gambis and the Letterboxd Sundance team.

While it’s a small relief not to have to share a bunkbed with Gary from Australia, and go trudging up those Park City slopes in chunky ol’ snow boots, it’s still a challenge to create the ambience that the world premiere of a brilliant new indie film deserves. So, as well as creating a new, official Letterboxd festival hub (Festiville—give it a follow to receive festival updates in your main activity feed), we’ve also called in some friends to help us overcome the barrier of a lonely room, a smaller screen and a too-familiar couch.

At home, you can sit as close to the screen as you can bear. (‘Paddington’, 2014.)

Bring the mountain to you.

How best to recreate the specific feeling of trying not to break your neck while running across the icy carpark between the Doubletree and the Holiday Village 4 during a tight turnaround? Letterboxd’s West Coast editor Dominic Corry advises getting into the Park City swing of things right from breakfast: “Place a headshot next to your coffee machine to replicate the experience of bumping into an A-lister at the Starbucks in Fresh Market”.

Before your first screening of the day, say Boys State directors Jesse Moss and Amanda McBaine (Sundance 2020), “Stand outside in the cold for sixty minutes before viewing the film, then watch the film while wearing a very heavy parka, and realize you’re very hot twenty minutes into the movie and have to wrestle your parka off whilst not disturbing your fellow viewers.”

Or, don’t even bother trying to remove those layers, says And Then We Danced writer-director Levan Akin (Sundance 2020): “Recreate the sweat-soaked sensation I had by dressing in thermal long johns to outsmart the cold, only to sit through screenings in a pool of your own sweat. Rookie mistake!”

Between screenings, you have a couple of options. “Hit that StairMaster between virtual engagements to simulate the high mountain altitude,” advises Palm Springs director Max Barbakow (Sundance 2020), ”and don’t forget that chlorophyll to catch your wind!”

Kentucker Audley and Albert Birney, writers and directors of Strawberry Mansion (Sundance 2021) have an alternate suggestion: “After a screening, we recommend turning off the heat in your home, getting into your bathtub (imagining it’s a hot tub), and once it’s nice and freezing in your house, get out of the tub with wet feet, step directly into your snow boats and race to the nearest towel, which for some reason is nowhere near you. Then watch another movie and repeat the process.” Seems eerily legit.

There’s no corkage charged for BYO in the home cinema. (‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’, 2008.)

Creating those creature comforts.

For those of you who have long since accepted that we’re on the sofa rather than the slopes this Sundance, the trick is to make home as inviting as possible, despite its being far too familiar these days. That could mean moving the screen from its usual spot. Heidi Ewing, writer and director of I Carry You With Me (Sundance 2020) has a three-step plan: “1. Carmel-corn 2. Bathtub with bubbles 3. Play it loud—bathroom-tile acoustics will make it all feel bigger and boomier. That’s my sage advice.”

“Definitely co-sign the bathtub!” agrees Letterboxd’s London correspondent Ella Kemp. “And I’d also suggest watching the midnight-leaning stuff—big horror, big genre, big WTF—first thing in the morning, if you can. I do not have the same energy late at night in my own at home as I do with a sold-out crowd.”

Expose your folks to a whole new world—make them watch Midnight category films with you over breakfast. (‘Good Morning’, 1959.)

Indeed, energy for film festivals is a thing whether you’re an in-person or satellite viewer—this applies to mental energy, too. “If you’re ever stressed or tired, watch a documentary to reset yourself,” says Jim Cummings, writer and director, Thunder Road short (Grand Jury winner, Sundance 2016), producer, Beast Beast (Sundance 2020).

And, given it’s a seven-day-long haul, feel free to throw cooking plans out the window and follow the Park City diet, in which you “eat nothing but finger foods for the duration of the festival,” according to Moss and McBaine. Or, as Ekwa Msangi, writer-director of Farewell Amor (Sundance 2020) recommends, “get some deliciously flavored popcorn and a hot drink for afterwards!”

Another at-home tip from Corry: “Don’t turn the lights on when you get up to go to the bathroom mid-movie, so as to recreate the sensation of your eyes struggling to adjust to the light in the restroom.”

Mac ’n’ cheese and a cold one for the last viewing of the day. (‘Once Upon a Time in… Hollywood’, 2019.)

Hell is other people (but animals are cool).

Not all of us live alone, and not all of us live with film lovers. Company is welcome, interruptions are to be expected, but do set some boundaries and decide what you will and won’t compromise on. “If you’ve got to bargain with roommates and family members for your turn to use the TV, be intentional about sound!” advises Letterboxd contributor, Selome Hailu. “Don’t compromise on music documentaries or well-scored horror, but rom-com dialogue might still sound okay with your laptop speaker.”

Housemates not human? That’s no problem for Alexis Gambis, writer, director and co-editor, Son of Monarchs (Sundance 2021): “Make room for your pets, let them be the film critics this time around.”

Importantly, says Cummings, “Be kind to everyone.” Whether you’re at a satellite screening, joining a festival event online or talking about the films on your social channels, “everyone is here to watch crazy weird movies. Remind yourself that it’s all about weird cinema and the creators. Watch movies!”

“And definitely stay for the Q&As,” say Moss and McBaine. “Always incredible.”

Director Dorothy Arzner and star Clara Bow are dressed to impress. (‘The Wild Party’, 1929.)

Watch the premieres as their makers intended.

Look, filmmakers know what they’re up against in 2021, but it doesn’t stop them dreaming big when it comes to how we see their films for the first time. Sara Hirner and Rosemary Vasquez-Brown, directors of the Sundance 2021 short GNT, have put some thought into this:

“We demand that GNT be viewed in one of two very specific ways, and since we have no control over ourselves or the world at large, we urge you to at least pay us this small kindness!

Option A: You shall view GNT at 3:00am, sans pants, with two-day-old pizza and your laptop perched on your titties.

Option B: You shall dress in your finest garb, slather your face in makeup (please consult the swaths of teenage beauty gurus if you’re unsure on how to accomplish this task), and adorn yourself in your highest heels. These must all be the same color (tone variations will be accepted). Crack open your cheapest available sparkling wine and get to it. We hope you enjoy the show.”

For those whose Sundance dress code extends only to bed-wear, Msangi pleads: “If you’re staying in your pajamas, at least put on a cool beanie to spice things up!”

Sharing is caring. (‘Shithouse’, 2020.)

Tweets, or it didn’t happen.

Finally, and most essentially, Aneesh Chaganty, writer and director of Searching (Sundance 2018), declares: “It’s not a Sundance hit without insane amounts of buzz. If you like it, tell everyone you know.”

After all, it’s what we’re here for… isn’t it? The last word goes to Joe Talbot, co-writer and director of The Last Black Man in San Francisco (Sundance 2019): “Since so many people at Sundance like to say that, between all the meetings and panels, they just haven’t had a chance to see any movies, let 2021 be the year that if you haven’t seen the movies, you admit it’s because you just don’t like movies.” Boom.