#Poem HaShavuah

[torahgalus]

Ve’zot HaBerakha

after forty years of shouting myself hoarse I’ll use my last breaths to bless you. oh Israel, I wrestled the angel to win your berakha. you can’t see my face but I can see yours, all upturned and regretful. know that I  can give you all this; know this is all I can give you. I see your whole future and am frightened for you. I see your whole future and I love every ugly bit of you. I look God in the eyes and see all you can be  in Their cool, measured stare. I wish you goodbye with a kiss.

#poem #poetry #torah #jumblr #parsha #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Ve'zot HaBerakha #last! #poem!!! #wild! #also wild: the fact that Moshe used his very last moments to bless B'nei Yisrael #he has spent so long having to fill the role of disciplinarian #I think about how perhaps they mourned Aaron longer because they had a more uncomplicatedly loving relationship with him #he was like the fun dad #he didn't have to be harsh #but Moshe takes these last moments to share his love #he WRESTLES THE ANGEL OF DEATH to carve out this time #if you can't tell I'm a bit obsessed with angel midrashim #there's the midrashim about how when God shows Moshe the land They show him everything that will ever happen to B'nei Yisrael #their entire future #I imagine how painful and joyous and overwhelming that could be #how he's unable to leave them in a way that is simple but he is able to leave them with his work and his wishes #think about how they haven't been able to look him in the face for forty years #but he's the only navi to have ever seen God panim-el-panim #and after decades of such tortuous complexity he gets to leave so simply #with a kiss

[torahgalus]

Yitro

a mountain overturned sheets spread smooth rippling  luxurious on a sturdy frame a mountain overturned and all in fire, all in ashes, a revelation or a grave-- we are trembling in terror/awe.

the only thing you cannot create is our terror/awe;

you created the world to finally see your reflection and when you find the waters still & opaque you think, maybe I will un-create, maybe then I can excuse this longing, this loneness.

#poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #parsha #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Yitro #so many stunning and mind-boggling midrashim about what happens at Sinai #the resolution of how there could be both an ascension and descension this image of god spreading the heavens above the earth like laying a #sheet on a bed #the image of tachtit meaning Hashem held the mountain above our heads #said we could accept the Torah or this would be our grave #the idea that They threatened to return the whole world to tohu v'vohu if we would not take Their torah #thinking about a dvar on why God needs acknowledgement #needs to be known #the puzzling theological nature of it #and this notion that God can only fully grasp Godself through us #that They can only fully perceive Themself in the act of being perceived #I relate to this!! #and it fits within the declaration that the only thing outside of God's hands is yirat shemayim

[torahgalus]

Va’etchanan

rav lekha, why do you think me keeping your foot from this soil means I love you less. why plead for this imagined redemption. was not this your redemption: my voice thundering through you, my eyelashes kissing your cheek as you hid behind the rock. tent flaps blowing open to welcome you in, further in. you spent forty years wandering and I loved you; you  carried the Torah on your lips, in your veins, and I loved you. come, like the Leviathan, and play with me. we are holy wanderers, we are holy in our wandering. rav lekha, why cry over a border when I’ve given you the whole world.

#poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #parsha #Va'etchanan #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Moshe's unabashed confession that he pled with Hashem for something he wanted so deeply and was refused is always heartrending #and Hashem's response can seem cold #but a lot of commentators #drawing on what we know of their relationship #read it differently #they see Hashem as saying--why do you think you need this? #you think there's another box you need to tick off? #you think you need to perform the mitzvot in Eretz Yisrael? #you have already done so much #there is nothing more you need to do #there are no more burdens you need to assume #you are already so good and so holy #oh and the Leviathan bit is from a spunky little midrash in which Moshe complains that Hashem will make a bargain with Leviathan but not him #I always love me some good Leviathan torah #anyways I love eretz yisrael but I also love myself a good wandering Jew

[torahgalus]

Re’eh

when I whisper words to you all sweet and seductive, all casual care and gentle persuasion, you cannot kill me for it. when you follow me, gladly, thoughtlessly, it will feel like falling. you’ll never regain your feet. I suppose you’re not worried about a temptress--suppose you think you’ve learned from Adam. when your city is reduced to death & ashes, you’ll have only yourselves to blame.

#parsha #poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #Re'eh #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #yeah so this is just about the great irony that women are often typified as the great/original temptress but in the laws of an ir nidachat #a city led astray #the laws only apply if they are led astray by a man #so anyway that's fun

[torahgalus]

Ki Tissa

hide in the cleft of the rock, my dove, and I will lay my palm on  your cheek, your softly- shut eyes--you will see only my voice and my  back, but this is what I meant, when I said face- to-face. me, gazing at you; you, blind and expectant.

when I lift my palm, you will be so glorious it hurts. you are too good for them and you will return to them. maybe it will hurt, that they can’t look upon your face as I did. you love them and they cannot see you; you love them and they will only ever see your veil or my glory. but when I passed you, hidden in the cleft of the rock--

your eyelids fluttering, hair stirring, breath soft but eager and the faintest flush on each cheek--

I thought, maybe I have never looked at a human face before.

I thought, you were the loveliest thing I’d ever seen.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #parsha #Ki Tissa #Parshat haShavuah #Poem haShavuah #obsessed with the tenderness of this moment #this suggestion #Moshe hidden in the cleft of the rock as Hashem passes before him #as They lay Their hand across his face #the midrashic connection that this touch is what makes him so radiant #and I cannot help thinking about the glory and lonesomeness of Moshe's brilliant face #what this means about his relationship with God #and what this means about his relationship to the people #that he can only ever see humans through the film of a veil #but he can't even see the face of God either #can only see their back #feel their hand #he is lonesome but loved

[torahgalus]

Bamidbar

strip off your wedding garments, my groom-- I’ll carry you on my bare shoulders and cradle you so gently and together we will be lost, ownerless,  wandering, untethered, bound.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #parsha #bamidbar #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #wow this is so terrifically late! #but anyway #thinking about the classic note on how specifying that this dibbur is bamidbar #teaches us that one can only receive/learn the torah if they make themselves ownerless and vulnerable like the desert #thinking about Rashi saying receiving Torah was like erusin and building the Mishkan was our nisuin #the notion of us being wedded to the Torah/to Hashem and what modesty or vulnerability this demands of us #how we can be both wandering and open and vulnerable #and also inextricably tied to one another

[torahgalus]

Tetzaveh

make atonement with my tattered sweater, these self- ripped jeans, each hastily- wrapped scarf.  give them a vision of patterned skirts hairy legs dangling tzitzis scuffed boots and let them be forgiven. let me wear what feels holy and be forgiven. when I am dressed, thoughtfully, as my fullest self--I am so divine.  on my forehead, along the brim of a hat or the tassel of a drooping scarf, it reads holy to hashem.  every day that I wake up, I prepare myself to serve you.

#parsha #poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #Tetzaveh #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #clothing #in love with a sweet dvar I read this year #one examining what it means to have nearly an entire parsha devoted to clothing #to the art and specificity of the kohen's outfit #seeing that this outfit is described not only as covering but as atoning #the quote that a kohen is only a kohen while wearing their priestly garments #this notion of what it means to clothe ourselves in a way that is intentional and holy #this recognition that how we present ourselves to the world is a facet of our relation to the divine #clothing oneself is an act both of self-representation and self-creation #and it is holy

[torahgalus]

Vayikra

I would like to live in this world where every person repents of sin the moment it’s realized-- eagerly, open-handedly. where we watch our guilt and filth go up in flames,  its flickering so lovely, its scent so pleasing.

#parsha #poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #Vayikra #Parshat Hashavuah #Poem HaShavuah #it's just always struck me #the assumption weaving throughout this parsha #this notion that we all will break and ruin things #and we will all feel compelled #inexorably #to fix them

[torahgalus]

Behar-Behukkotai

if only you follow these laws, my am segulah, my kingdom of priests my holy nation, I will dwell amongst you-- the land will sing growth and the food will sit full in your soft & swelling stomachs, will I love you? I will not loathe you.

vehechezakta bo, it is so much easier to prevent disaster than to reverse it.

until you rid this land of vicious beasts, I cannot promise that you may lie down.  

this land is yours when you are holy, holy nation.

hashiva shofteinu k’varishonah, there is no perfect past to which I can restore you, just this, the sacred future you shape.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #parsha #Behar #Behukkotai #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #a complicated jumble of thoughts from a complicated jumble of feelings #definitely a different poem than I would have written had this been on time #thinking about Shavuot and torah and conditional promises #thinking about our holiness being premised upon acting as G-d's arm of justice in the world #mamlekhet kohanim v'goy kadosh is not a reward but a model #and thinking about the midrash of relieving your fellow's burden improving their situation because it is easier to support someone before #they arrive at disaster than to pull them out of it #thinking about how so much of the work here feels like palliative care for a broken and corrupt system #what it looks like to support and build rather than just do our best to address destruction #and thinking about that bracha in the amidah #what do we visualize when we say it? #is there a time when our judges were righteous? #or is more of a mythical karishona #is it only a mythic past meant to serve as a prompt for how we build our future

[torahgalus]

Ha’azinu

I found you in the howling wastes gave form to stubborn clay dangling al bli-mah fought for you even when I knew I shouldn’t nursed you held you clothed you anointed you in oil and sent you off with a kiss on your shining brows, knowing once you turned away I’d never see your face again. when I see you hurtling forward, all stiff-necked refusal and bitter failure, Truth blooms vindicated from the ground with a knowing frown and I chose you because I cannot defend you; I’d never know you loved me if I hadn’t felt you loathe me, would never treasure every sweet liberation if I hadn’t seen the howling wastes from which you wrested it.

#poem #poetry #torah #jumblr #parsha #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Ha'azinu #thinking about the chaotic and gorgeous image of G-d finding us in the howling wastes #along with God tenderly forming us #along with the bit in Yechezkel about Them finding us in the desert naked and alone #about them clothing and adorning and loving us #still caught on the question from last parsha #slash that hovers over the entirety of Tanakh and our existence #of what it means for God to have created us knowing we were so deeply irreparably flawed #knowing we would constantly resist them #many people point out B'nei Yisrael seems to have very little that makes them special/distinguishes them from other nations besides their #stubbornness #davka the fact that they are awful at following God #read a dvar torah which spoke about how this is a feature not a bug #how a covenantal God can only work with willing obedience #how better to know when you receive genuine love and obedience than when you've constantly been shown its stark opposite

[torahgalus]

Vayelekh

we are here because we are here because we are here because we are here, chazak v’ematz our love will last far longer than we do, chazak v’ematz I can’t have done enough but I am done,

you will fail and you will return. she knew from the moment she made you that you’d fail and yet, she cast down truth to breathe life into your nostrils, tentative and hopeful.

you will fail and she will fail and you will return to one another, stepping with joy into the fullness of what you might, someday, be.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #parsha #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Vayelekh #the first bit was stuck in my head from listening to John Green's The Anthropocene: Reviewed #it's a refrain that was sung to the tune of Aud Lang Syne in the trenches of WWI #one which at the time was inescapably nihilistic #infused with this sense of pointlessness #but he talks about a friend who sort of reappropriated it #had folks sing it with her at events #as a sort of declaration or affirmation #and this idea that even if what we accomplish is incomplete or meaningless or forgotten #even if old acquaintance is forgotten #the love of that labor and those relationships remains long after you're gone #Moshe is given the task of comforting the people before his death #of making sure their grief and confusion doesn't overwhelm the commanding force of what they've just heard #of ensuring that Joshua is fit to take his place #and then God explicitly tells him that B'nei Yisrael will fail #that they will not follow these laws #that they will turn away #constantly #there's a fascinating Malbim saying that the following song is to remind God that it's in B'nei Yisrael's nature to disobey and thus to #punish them less harshly for something somewhat outside their control #the midrash about God striking down the angel of Truth to create us despite their protests never leaves my mind #I think about what it means for God to know we're flawed and know we'll fail and to want us anyway #what it means for Moshe to be told so much of his endeavors so much of what he's built will crumble

[torahgalus]

Nitzavim

you are standing here this day, all of you, for the last time-- breathe in, look around. lower your head and feel your great-great-great-granddaughter’s breath tickling your neck. look around at your proud, huddled masses.

you are standing here this day, to hear Torah you will only ever live by half.

when this is over, when you have heard the Torah that is not in Heaven, you will stumble away like calves,  learning to walk on solid ground.

#parsha #poetry #poem #jumblr #torah #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Nitzavim #was so struck by the comment that this is right before the tribes living on the east of the Jordan splinter off and so is the last time the #entire people is assembled collectively #and ALSO the comment that since things like Yovel and Shemita are only operative d'oraita when the entire people is in the land they have #only ever been d'rabanan #there was never the opportunity for it to be otherwise! #bit surreal to consider #this last moment of true collectivity #one which we're told we too stood at

[torahgalus]

Mattot-Masei

we know that we have tested you-- have fought, bitterly, cruelly-- have bitten the hand that feeds us with relish-- have cast off every yoke only to reassume it-- we know that you are old and weary from years of bearing us in your arms but we, we are not ready to let go.

drag us away, kicking and screaming. we’ll smile grimly as our enemies fall from the sky; they will not know we smile because they keep coming. fly closer, soldiers and gods-- we need just a little bit more time.

#parsha #poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #Mattot #Masei #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #okay it's been a while but I remember this was based on a really sweet midrash #which is nice to find amidst all the depressing gore! #where it focuses on the language of the troops needing to be taken in a way that seems forceful #and the midrash says that once the Israelites heard that Moshe would die after the war with Midian they refused to go #they had to be taken against their will #they just have such a classic parent child relationship #they resent Moshe but they love him so dearly and they can only really recognize it in the threat of his absence #oh also a wacky midrash about their enemies flying? #and about G-d striking down the Canaanite gods? #funky stuff

[torahgalus]

Ki Tetze

at sundown you passed by him and said, I think I found your soul & shoes  lying by the side of the road, can you prove these are yours? and his face looked down at you, G-d’s face looked down at you, his bare feet swung in the wind &  you nodded with them, said “oh, god, I knew you were guilty” and  blew back his soul with a kiss.

#parsha #poetry #torah #poem #jumblr #Ki Tetze #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #jumbled together a few images here #the obligation to return lost things #the absurd and lonely image of the unsandaled choletz #the hung man who cannot be left overnight #why? #perhaps because he's made in the image of G-d #perhaps you see his face in the morning light and think we've tried & convicted G-d

[torahgalus]

Emor

it did not work, and so I am elevated; I am alone, and so I am elevated;

I cannot make my own holiness, only sit here at an empty table eating parched & sacred grain.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #parsha #Emor #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #it's just a brief little pasuk #but I've always found it so poignant #the image of the bat kohen who married a zar and lost her privileges #returning to her father's home following death or divorce #and once again eating terumah

[torahgalus]

Vayakhel-Pekudei

you forced off my jewelry to pay your penance but this I’ll give for free. remember in Egypt, our hands burned raw by rope eyes squint shut against the sand and us, soft and brilliant in the copper--

I am handsomer, I said. I am handsomer, I say.

remember you loved me so sweetly, and worshipped these golden feet. remember, you needed no instruction.

you’ve built your worship like a woman’s body and kept me out of it.

I’ll sit here spinning the wool off each small & bleating goat, watch your elaborate dance in this copper reflection, glinting golden in the sunlight--

and if I miss a moment of it,  then no matter. you don’t need to show me. I already know how it feels, to be purified in blood.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #parsha #Vayakhel #Pekudei #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #thinking lots about the Kli Yakar that says men forced the jewelry from their wives to donate to the mishkan #because these donations were like kaparah for the egel #and they were so unbelievably desperate for it #the women wanted to give but not their jewelry #because they thought it would perhaps imply they shared the guilt of the egel #when in fact they were blameless #but their men forced it from them #and later in the parsha we see a donation specific to the women #that of the copper mirrors #something repulsive to Moshe because he thought them representative of shallowness and vanity #but dear to god because it was through these that the women in Egypt aroused their husband's desire #and convinced them to keep having children #and also! #obsessed! #with an article by Rav Bonna Haberman #looking at the Yom Kippur avodah service #and looking at the ways in which the Temple and the Mishkan are structured and spoken about like a women's body #chambers within chambers #the moment of highest ecstasy and intimacy involving the innermost penetration #purified #constantly