torahgalus

[torahgalus]

Ve’zot HaBerakha

after forty years of shouting myself hoarse I’ll use my last breaths to bless you. oh Israel, I wrestled the angel to win your berakha. you can’t see my face but I can see yours, all upturned and regretful. know that I  can give you all this; know this is all I can give you. I see your whole future and am frightened for you. I see your whole future and I love every ugly bit of you. I look God in the eyes and see all you can be  in Their cool, measured stare. I wish you goodbye with a kiss.

#poem #poetry #torah #jumblr #parsha #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Ve'zot HaBerakha #last! #poem!!! #wild! #also wild: the fact that Moshe used his very last moments to bless B'nei Yisrael #he has spent so long having to fill the role of disciplinarian #I think about how perhaps they mourned Aaron longer because they had a more uncomplicatedly loving relationship with him #he was like the fun dad #he didn't have to be harsh #but Moshe takes these last moments to share his love #he WRESTLES THE ANGEL OF DEATH to carve out this time #if you can't tell I'm a bit obsessed with angel midrashim #there's the midrashim about how when God shows Moshe the land They show him everything that will ever happen to B'nei Yisrael #their entire future #I imagine how painful and joyous and overwhelming that could be #how he's unable to leave them in a way that is simple but he is able to leave them with his work and his wishes #think about how they haven't been able to look him in the face for forty years #but he's the only navi to have ever seen God panim-el-panim #and after decades of such tortuous complexity he gets to leave so simply #with a kiss

[torahgalus]

Ha’azinu

I found you in the howling wastes gave form to stubborn clay dangling al bli-mah fought for you even when I knew I shouldn’t nursed you held you clothed you anointed you in oil and sent you off with a kiss on your shining brows, knowing once you turned away I’d never see your face again. when I see you hurtling forward, all stiff-necked refusal and bitter failure, Truth blooms vindicated from the ground with a knowing frown and I chose you because I cannot defend you; I’d never know you loved me if I hadn’t felt you loathe me, would never treasure every sweet liberation if I hadn’t seen the howling wastes from which you wrested it.

#poem #poetry #torah #jumblr #parsha #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Ha'azinu #thinking about the chaotic and gorgeous image of G-d finding us in the howling wastes #along with God tenderly forming us #along with the bit in Yechezkel about Them finding us in the desert naked and alone #about them clothing and adorning and loving us #still caught on the question from last parsha #slash that hovers over the entirety of Tanakh and our existence #of what it means for God to have created us knowing we were so deeply irreparably flawed #knowing we would constantly resist them #many people point out B'nei Yisrael seems to have very little that makes them special/distinguishes them from other nations besides their #stubbornness #davka the fact that they are awful at following God #read a dvar torah which spoke about how this is a feature not a bug #how a covenantal God can only work with willing obedience #how better to know when you receive genuine love and obedience than when you've constantly been shown its stark opposite

[torahgalus]

Vayelekh

we are here because we are here because we are here because we are here, chazak v’ematz our love will last far longer than we do, chazak v’ematz I can’t have done enough but I am done,

you will fail and you will return. she knew from the moment she made you that you’d fail and yet, she cast down truth to breathe life into your nostrils, tentative and hopeful.

you will fail and she will fail and you will return to one another, stepping with joy into the fullness of what you might, someday, be.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #parsha #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Vayelekh #the first bit was stuck in my head from listening to John Green's The Anthropocene: Reviewed #it's a refrain that was sung to the tune of Aud Lang Syne in the trenches of WWI #one which at the time was inescapably nihilistic #infused with this sense of pointlessness #but he talks about a friend who sort of reappropriated it #had folks sing it with her at events #as a sort of declaration or affirmation #and this idea that even if what we accomplish is incomplete or meaningless or forgotten #even if old acquaintance is forgotten #the love of that labor and those relationships remains long after you're gone #Moshe is given the task of comforting the people before his death #of making sure their grief and confusion doesn't overwhelm the commanding force of what they've just heard #of ensuring that Joshua is fit to take his place #and then God explicitly tells him that B'nei Yisrael will fail #that they will not follow these laws #that they will turn away #constantly #there's a fascinating Malbim saying that the following song is to remind God that it's in B'nei Yisrael's nature to disobey and thus to #punish them less harshly for something somewhat outside their control #the midrash about God striking down the angel of Truth to create us despite their protests never leaves my mind #I think about what it means for God to know we're flawed and know we'll fail and to want us anyway #what it means for Moshe to be told so much of his endeavors so much of what he's built will crumble

[torahgalus]

Nitzavim

you are standing here this day, all of you, for the last time-- breathe in, look around. lower your head and feel your great-great-great-granddaughter’s breath tickling your neck. look around at your proud, huddled masses.

you are standing here this day, to hear Torah you will only ever live by half.

when this is over, when you have heard the Torah that is not in Heaven, you will stumble away like calves,  learning to walk on solid ground.

#parsha #poetry #poem #jumblr #torah #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Nitzavim #was so struck by the comment that this is right before the tribes living on the east of the Jordan splinter off and so is the last time the #entire people is assembled collectively #and ALSO the comment that since things like Yovel and Shemita are only operative d'oraita when the entire people is in the land they have #only ever been d'rabanan #there was never the opportunity for it to be otherwise! #bit surreal to consider #this last moment of true collectivity #one which we're told we too stood at

[torahgalus]

Ki Tavo

breathe sanctity into her sweetly & sincerely, water her with Torah and she’ll bring forth for you blossoms--you’ll tie their fruits and cry out “behold! what we have made, together” and they will be the first of many; maybe they will appear so beautifully, so regularly that you begin believing she will always blossom for you. maybe you’ll even decide you could tear these from the ground yourself, sweet and fleshy and fully-birthed.

#parsha #torah #poem #poetry #jumblr #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Ki Tavo #the problem with me posting these so belatedly is I forget some of the scattered ends that form a poem's basis #thinking about bikkurim and the way you're supposed to note and declare your first crops #how the klallot and berakhot mirror one another #the way being cursed with not enjoying your wife is paralleled to the curse of not enjoying the fruit of your vineyard #not being able to reap the benefits of your property #the way these klallot come about in large part because abundance can lead people to believe this is something they are owed #something automatic

[torahgalus]

Ki Tetze

at sundown you passed by him and said, I think I found your soul & shoes  lying by the side of the road, can you prove these are yours? and his face looked down at you, G-d’s face looked down at you, his bare feet swung in the wind &  you nodded with them, said “oh, god, I knew you were guilty” and  blew back his soul with a kiss.

#parsha #poetry #torah #poem #jumblr #Ki Tetze #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #jumbled together a few images here #the obligation to return lost things #the absurd and lonely image of the unsandaled choletz #the hung man who cannot be left overnight #why? #perhaps because he's made in the image of G-d #perhaps you see his face in the morning light and think we've tried & convicted G-d

[torahgalus]

Shoftim

be perfect with the lord your G-d be perfect with G-d be perfect, G-d  & I swear I will prophesy only bad things so you can avert them so you  can see us imperfect and striving for  perfection so you can see that our faith is fragile and immense so that you can be perfect even when we are not.

#parsha #poem #poetry #torah #jumblr #Shoftim #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #yeah so I am obviously very obsessed with the pasuk about being perfect with G-d #what that means situated amongst all these warnings re: idolatry and false prophecy #thinking about a rule that if a prophet predicts a good thing and it doesn't happen they're considered false but if they predict a bad thing #and it doesn't happen that's not proof bc it's possible the bad thing was averted #thinking about how unachievable perfection is and about the idea that there are some ideals we are meant to strive toward and never reach

[torahgalus]

Re’eh

when I whisper words to you all sweet and seductive, all casual care and gentle persuasion, you cannot kill me for it. when you follow me, gladly, thoughtlessly, it will feel like falling. you’ll never regain your feet. I suppose you’re not worried about a temptress--suppose you think you’ve learned from Adam. when your city is reduced to death & ashes, you’ll have only yourselves to blame.

#parsha #poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #Re'eh #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #yeah so this is just about the great irony that women are often typified as the great/original temptress but in the laws of an ir nidachat #a city led astray #the laws only apply if they are led astray by a man #so anyway that's fun

[torahgalus]

Ekev

wish we could tell you if we had this in plenty and never went wanting we’d still trail you so sweetly & desperately, hands clutching these overflowing baskets-- that even if you hadn’t held  us hostage, we’d still bind  ourselves to you.

#parsha #poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Ekev #thinking about the explanation of why man was an affliction #the notion that lack of food security is of course something deeply painful #even if theoretically it shouldn't be food insecurity if you trust in Hashem #the fact that being forced to rely upon someone isn't always the healthiest premise for relationship #thinking about the midrash with the king who gives his son a limited allowance so the son has to constantly visit him #I wish we didn't need to be bribed #or held hostage by our needs

[torahgalus]

Va’etchanan

rav lekha, why do you think me keeping your foot from this soil means I love you less. why plead for this imagined redemption. was not this your redemption: my voice thundering through you, my eyelashes kissing your cheek as you hid behind the rock. tent flaps blowing open to welcome you in, further in. you spent forty years wandering and I loved you; you  carried the Torah on your lips, in your veins, and I loved you. come, like the Leviathan, and play with me. we are holy wanderers, we are holy in our wandering. rav lekha, why cry over a border when I’ve given you the whole world.

#poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #parsha #Va'etchanan #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Moshe's unabashed confession that he pled with Hashem for something he wanted so deeply and was refused is always heartrending #and Hashem's response can seem cold #but a lot of commentators #drawing on what we know of their relationship #read it differently #they see Hashem as saying--why do you think you need this? #you think there's another box you need to tick off? #you think you need to perform the mitzvot in Eretz Yisrael? #you have already done so much #there is nothing more you need to do #there are no more burdens you need to assume #you are already so good and so holy #oh and the Leviathan bit is from a spunky little midrash in which Moshe complains that Hashem will make a bargain with Leviathan but not him #I always love me some good Leviathan torah #anyways I love eretz yisrael but I also love myself a good wandering Jew

[torahgalus]

Devarim

maybe I can say it all again and this time-- finally-- you’ll hear me?

maybe I can say it all again and you’ll bow your heads, all sad deferential & grateful,

you’ll know what I have  sacrificed for you.

God sees you from above but I see you from within and you are so much dirtier and lovelier than They know.

maybe this time, with my own words, they’ll reach beyond this  ephemeral glowing veil and you’ll see that I am human,

that I am just human, just like you.

#parsha #poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #Devarim #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Devarim is hilarious and heartbreaking #Moshe's revisionist history makes perfect sense coming from the human lens that we so often forget #he so often seems beyond our reach #we forget that he is a remarkable person #but also just a person

[torahgalus]

Mattot-Masei

we know that we have tested you-- have fought, bitterly, cruelly-- have bitten the hand that feeds us with relish-- have cast off every yoke only to reassume it-- we know that you are old and weary from years of bearing us in your arms but we, we are not ready to let go.

drag us away, kicking and screaming. we’ll smile grimly as our enemies fall from the sky; they will not know we smile because they keep coming. fly closer, soldiers and gods-- we need just a little bit more time.

#parsha #poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #Mattot #Masei #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #okay it's been a while but I remember this was based on a really sweet midrash #which is nice to find amidst all the depressing gore! #where it focuses on the language of the troops needing to be taken in a way that seems forceful #and the midrash says that once the Israelites heard that Moshe would die after the war with Midian they refused to go #they had to be taken against their will #they just have such a classic parent child relationship #they resent Moshe but they love him so dearly and they can only really recognize it in the threat of his absence #oh also a wacky midrash about their enemies flying? #and about G-d striking down the Canaanite gods? #funky stuff

[torahgalus]

Pinchas

wage peace, with love and viciousness and certainty. lay your bleeding body prostrate before God and cry, is this what you wanted?

remember you cannot always wait for them to decide. remember-- they may not want to decide.

remember you are too fierce and too kind to stand waiting. every moment you stand still you stand with them. every moment you stand still you stand with them. can you feel them easing the spear from your clenched fists, can you feel how easy it would be to--

no. fight them jealously, lovingly. fight for God; fight God. still, standing. make your bloody peace. break their bloody silence.

#poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #Pinchas #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #yeah yeah Bnot Tzlofechad's often the kicker in this one but I already wrote about that #thinking about the ways we cast Pinchas #about an aggadah in Sanhedrin that sees his act as protest both against the people and against God's punishment #about the way that God's pact with him is a pact of peace #his act is bloody and hard to reconcile and also singlehandedly ends the plague of which we'd previously seen no mention #thinking about times when it's worthwhile #when it's necessary #to see something taken care of officially #through official channels #to see change done in the way more people will condone #and the times when waiting for that only makes you complicit in the ongoing violence #the times when refraining is an inherently violent act that we paint as proper and peaceful #the times we waive responsibility because there's simply nothing to be done

[torahgalus]

Balak

like the lioness, enemy nations dangling from her jaws, she and her young greeting holy dawn with a roar, fierce and touchy and lonely

like the lion, so proud in his lazy kingship; so brilliant from afar, but up close you see his yellowed teeth, his tangled mine, and that great, drooping head--crowned with glory, heavy in defeat.

#parsha #poetry #poem #jumblr #torah #Balak #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #one of Balaam's berakhot compares us to both a lion and a lioness #lots of sweet and curious drashes on it #including those about how we rise like the lion to say shacharit #to do mitzvot #of course that one is the lioness language #this here is my drash #still obsessed with the contrast of this parsha #how must of it is spent looking at us from above #how vast and powerful and beautiful and frightening we are #and in the last few pesukim you get a look at us up close and we are so dreadful #so lacking

[torahgalus]

Chukat

this time with no Miriam to lead us, we shake out our timbrels and dance with abandon, cries bursting from each rough, wet throat. we sing as our mothers did, the waters lapping at our feet, hopping about each severed limb. we sing that we are saved, we sing  that we are sated.

#poem #poetry #jumblr #torah #Chukat #parsha #Parshat haShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #thinking about Miriam and the well ofc #thinking about how the last time we see the Israelites burst into collective song she's one of the leaders #and how a drash says Hashem made the blood and limbs of their defeated foes wash up in the well so the Israelites knew they were safe #just as they saw the Egyptians wash up dead on the shore #thinking about the women who brought their timbrels with them as they left Egypt #and the fact that most of the people singing now are the children of the women who sang and danced at the sea #the ones who sang in those women's crystal bellies #thinking about the collective effort it took to bring these wells forth

[torahgalus]

Korach

we are not all holy, but we can be, she murmurs, dribbling wine between his stubborn lips and laying him down softly on the earth. she sits at the entrance of the tent her bare hair a curtain flap her bare hair brushing his cheeks so gently that  he cannot look away, and they cannot look toward him. not all promises are worth keeping, she insists,  lifting a furious gaze to any who dare pass by. we  all can be holy, she says, drawing her hair into thick  braids. in between her darting  fingers, he sees the earth open  its mouth wide.

#poetry #poem #parsha #torah #jumblr #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem HaShavuah #Korach #obsessed with the drash about On ben Pelet's wife #that he was one of the rebellious band #that she told him he would gain nothing through this rebellion #reasoned that the people are holy by virtue of their behavior #but he said he couldn't break his vow #so she gave him wine and lay him down in their tent and sat its entrance with her hair bared #so that no one would dare look or inquire #laying herself open and vulnerable in the process of serving as a shield #a barrier

[torahgalus]

Shelach Lekha

when I came down the mountain after 40 days with honey on my tongue and milk in my breasts I said it is sweet and I said it is nourishing and you did not believe me; but when they come down from the land after 40 days laden with grapes pomegranate juice sticky on their lips and they say it is too rich they say it is bitter they say you will not devour, you will be devoured, you fall to hopeless weeping. you do not even ask for a taste.

#poetry #poem #torah #jumblr #Parshat HaShavuah #Poem haShavuah #Shelach Lekha #still on the Moshe-with-breast-milk brain train #now thinking about the comparisons of Torah to breast milk #thinking about the parallels between the 40-day journeys and the faith or lack thereof of the people #about the immense love and bitterness Moshe must feel #to work and strive so constantly for a people so unfaithful