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faith-nerd · 3 months

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And Now It's Time for Silly Songs with Larry: the part where Larry comes out and Sings a Silly Song.

That's right, the VeggieTales Villain Song Showdown is in it's final days, and that means it's time for the Very Veggie Silly Song Showdown!

Playlist is Here. First Round of Polls (barring any major hang-ups) should go up on Sunday.

Match-up list and more details on how the bracket was formed under the cut.

Now, a couple of things: This is every song from a VeggieTales episode that fills the spot traditionally held by Silly Songs with Larry (so yes we do have Love Songs with Mr. Lunt, Obscure Broadway Showtunes, etc.) plus a few that even if they aren't in that specific spot, they're a non-traditional episode equivalent (feature film credits songs, song-compilation-episode premiered songs, and Lost Puppies because it just feels like a silly song).

This number of songs (and the number there would be if I did JUST the official ones) is... not traditional tournament compatible. So, to try to make this as fair as possible, I had to get creative.

First, and the easiest to see on the visual bracket, Semifinals will be Top 3 of the Left and Top 3 of the Right (as opposed to Top 2).

Second, there are 3 Round 1 "Themed" Match-ups. These do get to skip a round, which I'm not a fan of because I feel like it gives them a free pass; however, these also have 3 songs in each, which means to move on it has to beat 2 other songs as opposed to 1, and in my mind that makes it harder, so I'm thinking maybe hopefully it evens out? (If you don't like it... it's VeggieTales Silly Songs, don't take it so seriously).

These themed match-ups also serve as a way to compare similar songs. We've got the three Boyz in the Sink songs (Bellybutton, Mess Down in Egypt, and Bubble Rap), the three Christmas songs (Oh Santa, 8 Polish Foods of Christmas, and Wrapped Myself Up for Christmas), and three Pirates Who Don't Do Anything but-not-their-original-theme-song Songs (Do the Moo Shoo, Credits Song, and Rock Monster).

So that's how I tried to work with there being a non-easily-bracketable number of songs. And as far as how the match-ups were distributed: it looks random, but it's not? It was a lot so I don't want to try to describe it in too much detail, but it is based on grouping them in chronological order, pitting the groups against each other and putting them on opposite sides and in different branches of the bracket. Basically, trying to delay any potential rematches of the ten in the Ultimate Silly Song Countdown until as late in the tournament as possible.

Anyway, now for the actual Match-ups:

Left Side:

A.1: "The Water Buffalo Song" vs "Monkey"

A.2: "Lost Puppies" vs "Astonishing Wigs"

A.3: "Dance of the Cucumber" vs "Sneeze if you Need To"

A.4: "SUV Song" vs "Best Friends Forever"

B.1: "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" vs "Donuts for Benny"

B.2: "The Blues with Larry" vs "Happy Tooth Day"

B.3: "Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps" vs "Where Have All the Staplers Gone?"

B.4: "My Baby Elf" vs "The Perfect Puppy"

C.1: "Endangered Love" vs "The Hopperena"

C.2: "The Gated Community" vs "My Golden Egg"

C.3 (Boyz in the Sink): "Bellybutton Song" vs "A Mess Down in Egypt" vs "Bubble Rap"

Right Side:

A.1: "The Hairbrush Song" vs "The Biscuit of Zazzamarandabo"

A.2: "Larry's High Silk Hat" vs "Supper Hero"

A.3: "I Love My Lips" vs "Sippy Cup"

A.4: "Schoolhouse Polka" vs "Kilts and Stilts"

B.1: "Song of the Cebu" vs "Pants"

B.2: "Pizza Angel" vs "Asteroid Cowboys"

B.3: "His Cheeseburger" vs "Goodnight Junior"

B.4: "Lance the Turtle" vs "Mac and Cheese"

C.1 (Bonus Pirates [Round 1 Pass]): "Do the Moo Shoo" vs "The Credits Song" vs "Rock Monster"

C.2: (Christmas [Round 1 Pass]): "Oh, Santa!" vs "The Eight Polish Foods of Christmas" vs "Wrapped Myself Up for Christmas"

#veggietales #veggie tales #big idea #silly songs with larry #vt silly song showdown

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knuffled · 11 months

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not so bad - chapter seven

hello here’s the new chapter. enjoy!

ao3 link here

The semi-finals high school women’s soccer match had been set-up for a climactic showdown between East Summers and their archrivals, Creston. Annabeth had been praying for a rematch after their previous run-in during last year’s tournament had ended in East Summers being eliminated in the quarter-finals, a defeat that was made all the more bitter when Creston went on to win the Championship in the end. Creston was an elite prep school with an absurdly well-funded women’s soccer team that had a legacy of success. Their coach was a former US Women’s National Team player that Annabeth had idolized growing up as a kid. In contrast, East Summers, which had languished in obscurity for decades, had an up-and-coming program that had risen to prominence with the appointment of Head Coach Hedge and the crop of talent in Annabeth’s grade.

It was a cold, brisk day in early November. Annabeth pulled her hair into a ponytail, tips of her fingers already starting to go numb because of the cold, while Coach Hedge finished reminding the team of the tactics he’d implemented for the game. When he finished, he motioned for Annabeth to speak, so she went to stand in front of the rest of the team and looked into their faces. She was happy to see the grim determination on their faces reflecting her own mental state.

“I don’t have a lot to say,” Annabeth started. “This is the semi-finals, but we know this is the big one. Don’t forget what it felt like to lose to them last year. It’s time we gave them a taste of their own medicine.”

When her teammates nodded, Annabeth put her hand out and they formed a huddle around her, placing their hands on top of hers.

“This is our time! Play without fear!” Annabeth shouted. “East Summers on 3. 1. 2. 3.”

“East Summers!”

With that, as her teammates took the field, Coach Hedge clapped her back and said, “Good speech, kid.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

“Now, it’s time to get ‘er done, okay? Bring me their heads, Chase.”

Annabeth gave him some serious side-eye. “Don’t think you’re allowed to say that about a high school soccer game, Coach.”

Coach Hedge rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Agh, you know what I meant, but fine. For legal reasons, I meant that figuratively.”

Annabeth shook her head as she jogged onto the field and stood at the center circle. Creston had won the coin toss, so they got the ball first. Their striker glared at Annabeth, but it didn’t faze her in the slightest. There was only one person on Earth that could intimidate Annabeth, and he was probably helping his mom make pizza.

The referee blew her whistle, and the game went under way. Creston immediately mounted an attack and started to string together a series of intricate passes in an effort to bring the ball closer to their goal. Annabeth and her teammates were prepared for this though - they knew that they wouldn’t get much of the ball and that they would have to be patient and counter-attack when Creston messed up. Well, it would be more accurate to say if Creston messed up. They were historically known as a very technically proficient team, so stealing the ball off of them was almost impossible.

For the first thirty minutes of the game, it felt like Annabeth and her teammates were chasing shadows, and they barely got a single touch of the ball. But although Creston was running circles around them, they couldn’t break down their defense. In fact, they only managed one shot on target, but Melanie managed to save it comfortably.

Melanie tried to start a counter-attack and threw it to Ellie in midfield. That was Annabeth’s cue to start running towards Creston’s goal, but Ellie was immediately swarmed by two of Creston’s midfielders who robbed the ball off her and started yet another attack.

Annabeth bit back a groan of frustration and started to track back to help defend again.

The remaining ten minutes in the first half were more of the same, but they managed to make it to half-time without conceding a goal. As she and her teammates jogged back to recon with Coach, Annabeth was struck by how tired they all looked, but it made sense considering the amount of running they’d been doing trying to win the ball back and the mental strain of knowing that any slip up would result in Creston scoring. If Creston ever scored a goal, then the game was pretty much done for. East Summers’s entire game plan was predicated on making sure that the score remained 0-0 and to bank on winning the game with a goal from a counter attack.

Her teammates grabbed bottles of water and powerade from a cooler one of the parent volunteers had brought and took long draughts from them. Coach approached them, a hint of worry on his face that Annabeth caught, but he erased it before the rest of the team could notice.

“You’re doing well,” Coach huffed. “You’re the only team so far in the tournament to manage a whole half without letting them score. They’re starting to get frustrated, I can tell. And their frustration will result in mistakes, mistakes that you will capitalize on and punish them for. Remember, a chance will come. They’re human, just like you. They’re not perfect. And one chance is all it takes to win.”

Although her teammates nodded in agreement, Annabeth could tell they were terrified about the prospect of having to endure another forty minutes against more of the same from Creston. It wasn’t like she couldn’t understand them though. There was massive pressure on her shoulders too - her teammates could defend all they wanted, but if she couldn’t score with the one or two chances she got, it would all be for nothing.

Eventually, they had to head back onto the field, and Annabeth wracked her brain to think of what she could do differently to alter the trajectory of the game. She passed the ball back to Ellie when the ref blew her whistle, and Creston immediately pounced again. Ellie managed to retain possession and passed to one of the other midfielders, but it was only a matter of time before Creston won the ball back.

The rest of the half was more of the same, only Creston’s attacks continued to get sharper as Annabeth’s teammates got more and more tired. It felt like it would only be a matter of time before Creston broke through and scored.

Annabeth’s team managed, by some miracle, to make it to the last three minutes of the game without conceding, but Annabeth hadn’t gotten a single touch of the ball. Scoring on Creston felt impossible. But then one of Creston’s wingers made a rare mistake and failed to trap the ball properly, and Rosa, one of the defenders on Annabeth’s team, stole the ball and passed to Ellie.

Despite Annabeth’s exhaustion and frustration, she forced herself to make yet another run upfield in the hopes that Ellie would find her. Her lungs burned with exertion as she raced towards the last two Creston defenders, and then the ball fell right in front of her. A spark of hope lit inside her, Annabeth bit back a grin and looked up to find the defenders rushing towards her.

With one touch, Annabeth feinted going left and managed to trick the defender and sped past her. The last defender tried to drop back and by time for her partner to recover, but Annabeth booted the ball past her and opted to beat her in a foot-race. Like she’d guessed, she was faster, although not by much. Annabeth got the ball, but the defender was close enough to pull on her shirt. It looked like she would be able to break free, but a few meters from the corner of the box, the defender stuck a leg out and tripped her.

Annabeth went tumbling forward and the ball rolled past the sideline, but the referee blew her whistle for a foul, awarding East Summers a free kick. Annabeth stood up and picked the mud off her knees before she jogged to the sideline to retrieve the ball from the spectator that had recovered it, but she froze when she saw who it was.

“Percy? What are you doing here?” Annabeth asked, wondering if she was so tired she was hallucinating.

He gave her a lopsided smile. “My sister begged me to come watch the game with her.”

Annabeth looked past him and noticed Estelle standing there, beaming at her. “Hi, Annabeth!”

“Hey, Estelle,” Annabeth said, blinking. “Thanks for coming out to see me. I know it’s not been a fun game to watch so far.”

“No, it’s cool seeing a forward helping the team defend. Without your help, Creston would have scored by now,” Estelle said.

Hearing that warmed Annabeth’s heart. She’d felt useless all game since she hadn’t been able to do her job as an attacker, but it was true that she’d been doing her best to defend and was still helping the team.

Annabeth looked back at Percy, but before she took the ball from him, she scuffed her cleats against the back of her heel. “Um, have any words of encouragement for me?”

Percy smiled and said, “If you score, I’ll use my powers to grant you one wish.”

For some reason, Annabeth felt a sudden rush of bravery course through her. “Then, what if I asked you out on a date?”

His eyes hardened like she was playing an elaborate prank on him, but when he realized she was being serious, they seemed to thaw.

He cleared his throat and peered at her through his stupidly long eyelashes. “Come back after you score and we’ll see, Chas- Annabeth.”

Annabeth bit back a grin and looked at Estelle. “Any words of advice for me?”

Estelle offered her a solemn nod. “You’re not going for power here. Bend it.”

Hearing her own advice parroted back to her made Annabeth’s grin widen. She took the ball back and returned to the field, but she could feel the siblings’s eyes on her. The referee gestured for the spot where she could take the free kick. Her teammates exchanged looks with her when she put the ball down without a word. They looked confused, but they trusted her enough not to question her.

Annabeth sucked in a breath and stood back six paces from the ball. She’d never scored from this far out before, but Estelle’s words made her realize this was the exact angle she liked for her go-to move to score. All she had to do was bend the ball to the far post.

When the ref blew her whistle, Annabeth ran up to the ball at an angle and hit the ball without too much force. The moment it left her foot, Annabeth had a good feeling. She watched as it curve around the wall of Creston defenders, past the outstretched glove of their goal keeper, and flew into the top corner of their net.

The referee signaled for a goal, and Annabeth’s teammates exploded with excitement. They rushed around her with exuberant cheers and smothered her in a team hug. Annabeth fell to the floor laughing and relished in the feeling of victory. The game wasn’t over yet, but Annabeth had seen the faces of the Creston players when she’d scored - they looked completely defeated.

Sure enough, the remainder of the game passed uneventfully, and Annabeth’s team moved on to the finals. After another round of congratulations from her teammates and Coach Hedge, Annabeth found Estelle and Percy waiting for her near the bleachers.

“You did it! That was such a cool goal!” Estelle cheered.

“Thanks, Estelle! Your advice definitely helped,” Annabeth said, smiling.

She looked at Percy then and grinned at him. “So, I’ve upheld my end of the bargain. Now, it’s your turn.”

He rolled his eyes fondly. “Alright, fair enough. Come by the restaurant next Saturday at 6, and I’ll take you out.”

“Cool,” Annabeth said, feeling breathless.

Percy shook with suppressed laughter, eyes glittering. “Alright, I have to head out now, but I’ll see you later, Annabeth.”

Annabeth nodded. “See you later, Percy.”

As she watched him leave, Annabeth bit back a giddy smile and couldn’t help thinking next Saturday couldn’t come soon enough.

#knuffled fic #percabeth #percabeth fluff #percabeth au #feels nice writing some fic after so long

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hot-take-tournament · 11 months

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it's finally time to close the book on this

HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT:

SHOWDOWN AT HIGH NOON (#15)

Submissions 8, 24, 28, 33, 88, 98, 213, 261, 272, 280

IS PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA GOOD?

[ALL PROPAGANDA UNDER THE CUT]

Then we never have to talk about this again.

Pre-preliminaries will be used to determine what qualifies as a hot take. Propaganda is encouraged!

Also, remember to reblog your favourite polls for exposure! (exposure like when your exposed to deadly radiation)

YES:

(24)

Pinapple [sic] belongs on pizza.

There are many dishes that mix sweet and savory. Cheese and fruit as found on charcuterie boards is a prime example. What else mixes fruit and cheese? That’s right. Pineapple pizza. The salty savoriness of the cheese blends perfectly with the cooked pineapple, which is less tart than raw fruit. Add bacon, canadian bacon, or chicken for extra deliciousness. You either like pineapple on pizza or you’re a coward.

(28)

Pineapple on pizza is not only good, it’s the best pizza topping there is

Sweet and savory is a godly flavor combo. It hits all the notes at once. It provides the acid and the sweetness to an otherwise very heavy dish

(33)

Adding to the last one I sent [about milk before cereal], "pineapple does not belong on pizza" people are also annoying as fuck

I don't even like pineapple but it's the only pizza my best friend will tolerate and I'm tired of people calling her a freak for it

(98)

Pineapple on pizza is fine.

I work in a pizza place & have to see absolutely fucking horrific monstrosities that people call pizza. Here’s a list of things worse than pineapple that I’ve seen on pizza: any topping that people ask for “extra extra” of (like mushrooms or spinach), fish, nacho cheese sauce, & a mix of beans and salsa

(213)

Pineapple on pizza is fine.

It's not mana from heaven or anything but it's not bad either. The flavors balance out pretty well.

(261)

PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA IS AMAZING!!!

it tastes good and pepperoni fans are just mean to us pineapple on pizza likers.

YES, but –

(272)

i like pineapple on pizza. the ham is the problem

listen i can do meat on pizza. but ham AND pineapple? no. something about that feels unholy. so i pick off the ham so i can enjoy my pineapple pizza. also i am allergic to pineapple. but we persevere

(280)

pineapple pizza is good in america

the sweet and savory combination is just… ough. but most native italian people don’t like the idea of pineapple pizza. why? the answer comes in the difference in tomatoes in italy and the united states. in america, tomatoes are very sour and savory, so pineapple can really do a pizza some favors. however, italian tomatoes, while still savory and tart, are very sweet. putting pineapple on an italian pizza would just be redundant.

(8)

I think people need to stop being so angry about Pineapple on Pizza. Weather [sic] you like it or not isn't a big deal

If we're supposed to 'respect other's opinions' then why do pizza toppings need to start a war? It's really pointless.

(oh... um... sorry dude. guess i'm not helping, am i)

NO:

(88)

pineapple on pizza should be outlawed

disgusting. crime against perfectly good pizza.

i’m RIGHT., i will FIGHT YOU, 🍍+🍕= 🚮

(266)

Pineapple should not be on pizza.

Fruit allergiers, particularly pineapple allergies, are steadily on the rise and this topping will legit kill someone if there's not at least some proper storage.

I work in a pizza place, and have been working with pizza for years. There is NO proper storage for pineapple at most pizza places. It comes from a can and the juice gets on every surface. Same with 90% of other toppings.

If you have a friend who is allergic to pineapple, do not recommend pizza for dinner during hang outs. Opt for anything else.

Pineapple should not be on pizza. The hell fruit should stay out of pizza kitchens.

#hot take tournament #tumblr tournament #tournament poll #tumblr bracket #tumblr poll #unpopular opinion #hot take #hot takes #pineapple #pizza #pineapple on pizza #pre preliminary

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ultimateteamshowdown-blog · 7 years

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Update

Purpose of the event:

This event is designed to bring teams of players together in an environment that is both competitive and social for the Malifaux community. The team and matchup process is in place to add some different challenges to how we typically play games at tournaments and affects master and crew selections.

To that end, we have tried to include long round times and we will be putting together a scoring mechanic that rewards team spirit and hobby efforts as well as crushing your opponents on the table. While teams will only be required to have a unique name, teams will be highly encouraged to have shirts, displays, costumes, props, etc.

General Information:

We get access to the venue about 6PM for set up and open gaming Friday night. Anyone arriving in town beforehand that wants to game, go out, etc, contact us (contact information below) and we are sure there are groups who will be out and about from Thursday through Friday afternoon including playing Malifaux and other games in hotel rooms.

If enough people are in town Thursday, we can try and arrange something specific (pub crawl, gaming or some other social activity).

If you want to attend but don’t have a complete team, let us know and we will be establishing a Merc list to help pair folks up who are in that situation. Additionally, Teams might sign up with 4 but have one drop for whatever reason, this list will be used in that instance as well.

We are working on adding evening events Friday and/or Saturday night either for board gaming or pick up games for any system. Suggestions are welcome.

There will be a cash bar in the event. Actual cash (you know the green things that come out of ATM’s), please plan accordingly.

We are doing our best to make sure prices are reasonable as the hotel doesn’t allow outside alcohol in the venue.

Contact Information:

Twitter @UltTShowdown - Follow for polls and updates.

Facebook @Ult Showdown

Email at [email protected]

Webpage at: https://ultimateteamshowdown.tumblr.com/

Ticket Information:

Tickets will go on sale in the coming weeks. There will be an early bird special, so having your team ready to sign up, will save some money.

We will be requesting paypal as the preferred method of payment.

Tickets will be sold to teams of 4, not individuals and include the option of adding a nonplaying coach.

On top of the event and access to the hall, we are trying to work in some nice extras. Details of these will depend on the total team numbers, but at a minimum the Team Ticket will include:

-Lunch provided at least one of the days (when purchasing Tickets, please advise if anyone has special food requirements).

-All the swag and prize support you would expect at a large multi day event

-Some Free drinks! Details will depend on quantity of teams.

Hotel Information:

The event will take place at the Crowne Plaza in Newton, MA.

https://www.ihg.com/crowneplaza/hotels/us/en/newton/bosaa/hoteldetail

The room rate is $129/night (+taxes, fees, etc)

The room Block can be accessed here: Booking Link: Tabletop Tournament

Don’t forget to select the check in and check out date (between July 14 – July 16) before clicking “BOOK”, you are also welcome to reserve your room through our Central Reservation Office at 1-866-257-7857 using the group code TAT.

This Block will close on June 1st!!! You can cancel for free, so book early please.

Anyone coming into town before Friday or staying after Sunday, contact us to get the block rate as it should be available 3 days prior and 3 days after the event, but it needs to be handled by our event manager.

This venue is close to Logan Airport and right off the MassPike for ease of transportation.

There is a restaurant in the hotel (separately operated) and several good spots within a short walk, including a dunkin donuts, a pizza place, a wings place and many others.

The Hotel serves Breakfast daily. See their website for details.

There is a parking Garage available. This is $28/night but if you look on the hotel website you can pre pay and it is $14.

Tentative event outline (subject to change!!):

Teams of 4 players + nonplaying coach

Each player declares a unique faction before the event and for the entire event For example, Team Awesome declares: player A is Gremlins, B is Ten Thunders, C is Guild and D is Ressers. Those player will use that faction for the entire event.

A timeline will be provided with deadlines for declaring factions.

Teams will match up against each other knowing the opposing factions and on a designated set of tables. Matchup pairings will occur, the process by which they are determined will be revealed closer to event time.

We are allotting 15 min for matchups and 2:30 for rounds.

Saturday Schedule:

Registrations and matchups 8-9

Round 1 pairings and game 9- 11:45

Lunch Break 11:45- 12:45

Round 2 Pairings and games 12:45- 3:30

Break 3:30-3:45

Round 3 Pairings and game 3:45-6:30

Sunday Schedule:

Round 4 pairings and game 9 - 11:45

Lunch Break 11:45- 12:45

Round 5 Pairings and games 12:45- 3:30

Awards 3:45- 4:15

We will update more in a few weeks with official sign ups and ticket prices. Any questions, please address them to one of the above methods of contact and we will try to respond quickly.

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longislandweekly-blog · 5 years

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Once again it’s time for Munch Madness—that competitive time of year when snacks from the frozen food aisle are hand-picked for a tournament-style smackdown. It’s time-honored favorites pitted against cocky newcomers; scrappy underdogs squaring off with unmatched dynasties; and awkward perennial losers who you feel really bad for because it’s clear they don’t belong versus literally any other challenger.

A field of 16 was chosen by a seasoned professional in the snack food game—namely, me. Your food writer, Steve Mosco. As a frozen food enthusiast who was raised in the frigid end of the local supermarket, I have an intimate knowledge of every product to grace those sub-zero shelves. A firm believer that frozen vegetables take up far too much real estate in the freezer and that anyone who spends their money on frozen breakfast foods ought to be barred from the aisle indefinitely, I take this cuisine more seriously than any so-called five-star meal.

With my credentials laid out before you, I present to you the Munch Madness Tournament. Keep in mind that this list was whittled down from a much larger field that I do not have the space to list here, and the first-round matchups were chosen completely at random.

Round 1

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Super Pretzels vs. Bagel Bites

The first matchup seems like a no-brainer, and it is. Super Pretzels, though soft and warm, do not stand a chance against Bagel Bites. For starers the salt is far too sparse on these pretzels. Secondly, Super Pretzels are only really good with some spicy mustard or cheese sauce on the side. And since neither mustard nor cheese is included, Super Pretzels have no shot. Bagel Bites on the other hand, which is essentially pizza on a bagel, can be eaten anytime.

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Hot Pockets (all products) vs. Jamaican Beef Patties

Hot Pockets have come a long way. From humble beginnings of ham and cheese to an ever-growing array of fancier products, Hot Pockets have grown confident in its own abilities—but perhaps too confident? Hot Pockets suffer from serious mission drift, with the core values of a simple, lava-hot interior wrapped in a crust that is somehow both crunchy and rubbery, completely lost. Meanwhile, Jamaican Beef Patties have remained true to the core values it was founded upon. It’s spicy beef in a crust. Enough said. Ladies and gentleman, we have our first upset—Jamaican Beef Patties are moving to the second round.

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Smucker’s Uncrustables vs. State Fair Corn Dogs

How someone thought peanut butter and jelly needed to simplified, I’ll never quite understand, but Uncrustables have a loyal following of rabid supporters—possibly people without the pantry space for a jar of peanut butter. State Fair Corn Dogs come in as a hot dog covered in corn batter served on a stick. Side note: I scorched my mouth on a frozen corn dog that I failed to let cool long enough, and I still have the scar. Be that as it may, Uncrustables has no shot. It doesn’t even have crust. Corn Dogs, moving on.

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Morning Star Farms Chik’n Nuggets vs. Totino’s Pizza Rolls

Chik’n Nuggets? Uh, no. In what will be the most lopsided victory of the entire tournament, it’s Totino’s Pizza Rolls by a mile-wide margin.

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Gorton’s Fish Sticks vs. El Monterey Chicken Taquitos

First of all, who else grew up thinking it was Gordon’s and not Gorton’s? Am I living in a parallel universe? Be that as it may, Fish Sticks are a classic treat that stands as the lone ocean entry, winning points for originality and crispiness. El Monterey Chicken Taquitos are essentially rolled up tacos without wilted garbage lettuce or flavorless tomatoes. That said, it works. The cheesy, smoky chicken devastates with flavor, while the bad reputation of fish sticks alone is enough to sink Gorton’s.

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Frozen Pizza (various brands) vs. El Monterey Beef and Cheese Burritos

Under the frozen pizza tent is included Red Baron, Mama Celeste, Newman’s Own, Ellio’s, Tombstone and numerous others. Here’s the problem with frozen pizza—this is Long Island. Chances are there’s a fine pizzeria sharing the same shopping center as the supermarket. Just get a pizza there. El Monterey Burritos wins.

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Tyson Any’tizers Hot ‘N Spicy Chicken Wings vs. Hebrew National Beef Franks in a Puff Pastry Blanket (pigs in a blanket)

To me, Pigs in a Blanket takes this easily, and here’s why—there has never been and there will never be a frozen chicken wing that can compete with a tiny hot dog rolled in buttery pastry dough. Frozen wings are flavorless bastardizations of actual chicken wings. They are fine in a pinch, but crumble against all challengers.

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White Castle Cheeseburgers vs. Stouffer’s Macaroni & Cheese

Here’s why Frozen White Castle Cheeseburgers are so great—they taste exactly like the burgers from an actual White Castle. It’s as if the quality of the burgers from actual White Castle is somehow less than ideal. Stouffer’s Mac & Cheese is warm, comforting and a meal in itself. All it really needs is a little touch of meat protein to put it over the top. And anytime a competitor needs something that wasn’t included in order to win, it’s an automatic loss. White Castle takes it.

Round 2

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Bagel Bites vs. Jamaican Beef Patties

The first match in the second round sees Bagel Bites riding high—the combination of pizza ingredients on a mini-bagel are a bite-sized slam dunk when the munchies take hold. And yet, somehow the allure of island life draws me back to thoughts of Jamaican Beef Patties. The spicy beef hidden within that impossibly golden crust is actually well-seasoned with eye-opening jerk flavors. Meanwhile, by comparison, Bagel Bites are far more shallow in overall taste. Yes, this is happening. I’m going to the jerk store. Jamaican Beef Patties are on to the next round.

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State Fair Corn Dogs vs. Totino’s Pizza Rolls

Who doesn’t love food on a stick? With frozen corn dogs, the heavy hot dog essence isn’t relegated to the tubed meat, as that singular flavor also seeps well into the corn bread casing. And folks, that is not a bad thing. The only downside to a corn dog is that the stick itself is not edible. Meanwhile, Pizza Rolls are also a singular food item. The thing is, they are called Pizza Rolls, but they don’t necessarily taste like pizza. And somehow, that makes Pizza Rolls better. The flavor within the crust is something that exists precisely nowhere else in the culinary world. It’s as unique as the Pizza Roll itself, and it is carrying Totino’s to the next round.

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El Monterey Chicken Taquitos vs. El Monterey Beef Burritos

It’s the battle of El Monterey! This showdown is exactly what makes Munch Madness so special. A completely random drawing leads to these two Munch Mavens of Mexico in a heated face-off. Taquitos with the ulta-crispy exterior and stringy chicken on the inside are up against the big beefiness of the burritos. And that’s what ends up deciding this—the big beefiness of these burritos isn’t quite big enough. Taquitos takes this match- up of crosstown rivals.

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Pigs in a Blanket vs. White Castle Cheeseburgers

Teeny-tiny hot dogs in their warm flaky crust—it’s buttery, salty, doughy and downright fun to eat. Then there’s frozen White Castle, which as we established before is just as good as the burgers from an actual White Castle. But in round two, that is not a good thing. White Castle is just too soggy, too limp and too weak to make this a close one. It’s Pigs in a Blanket moving on.

Round 3

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Jamaican Beef Patties vs. Totino’s Pizza Rolls

In any other situation, these two champions of munchie time would be great friends. They share similar strengths—enticing exteriors and a surprisingly well-established inner flavor. They also share similar shortcomings—you have to let them cool before eating or suffer the consequences of third-degree burns in your mouth. The one quality that Pizza Rolls has over Beef Patties is their strength in numbers. You can sit down with 20 Pizza Rolls and never tire of popping them into your waiting maw. Unfortunately for Beef Patties, this is the deciding factor. Pizza Rolls move on to the finals!

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El Monterey Taquitos vs. Pigs in a Blanket

Much like the previous contest, these two combatants share similar constructs: an outer vessel with hot meatiness on the inside. What it comes down to is consistency. Are you a fan of a tortilla crunch or a pastry doughiness? My mouth makes the call—Pigs in a Blanket wins by the slimmest of margins!

Finals

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Totino’s Pizza Rolls vs. Pigs in a Blanket

First, a standing ovation for our two deserving finalists. If it were up to me, we would call this a draw and go home to eat fistfuls of both. But the Munchie gods must be satisfied. Both snacks are well-suited for snack time, whether that happens at 3 p.m. or 3 a.m. Both offer texture, as well as taste. But only one stands as the complete package of crunch, heat, saltiness, and…cheesiness.

That’s right, after a long journey to the top of the mountain, Totino’s Pizza Rolls is the winner of Munch Madness 2019. See ya next year!

In perhaps the greatest conversation he's ever had with himself, Long Island Weekly's Steve Mosco presents Munch Madness, a tournament-style showdown between all of the frozen foods of your childhood. Which one will come out on top? You must read to find out. Once again it’s time for Munch Madness—that competitive time of year when snacks from the frozen food aisle are hand-picked for a tournament-style smackdown.

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katherinewilliams738-blog · 7 years

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