#PLEASE HELP ME THIS GIRL MAKES ME WEEP SO MUCH T_T))

[epitomees]

Before going upstairs to study, as he should, Makoto stayed for a little while longer. Aigis's speech was moving. She looked and sounded more human than any of them now. Her new Persona was a reflection of that fact. Athena, the goddess of war, who protected everyone with her shield. That's exactly what Aigis wanted to do as well as find a 'directive', a purpose to live.

The Fool placed his hands on her metallic shoulders to bring her into a hug. An action he never did to anyone except little Maiko. "You're so strong and you've learned so much... I'm proud of you, Aigis. Don't be scared. You'll find your purpose eventually... maybe soon too if you believe in yourself." He pulled away to look her in the eyes.

"I have to go make my decision now. I'll be back. I promise."

She shouldn't be here.

She shouldn't be here anymore.

With no purpose or reason for her to continue fighting, knowing full well her own abilities and strengths hadn't surpassed the Appriser, Aigis was worthless. Completely, utterly useless. One attack caused so much damage, enough for the Kirijo Group's technicians and engineers to question whether most of her parts were salvageable or if she required a complete overhaul. Her core kept itself intact, and most of her memory banks remained undamaged. The most important, and more delicate pieces kept the current Aigis alive.

But with it came more challenges she hadn't calculated. Guilt riddled inside the maiden's metallic body when grey eyes moved to look towards her. It never happened before. This feeling hadn't existed until she fully realized Ryoji's true existence and nature. She wasn't strong enough to eliminate the threat posed upon humanity. A living weapon was built for these intentions yet Aigis failed. Several times.

Failure wasn't an option. Failure could never transpire. Failure wasn't encoded in a weapon. Failure meant the end of the world. Now it was inevitable. The coming of the Fall could not be avoided. All because Aigis lost.

"...Makoto..." Her voice barely made it above a hollow whisper as the boy approached with comforting intentions. It's not deserved. She couldn't accept his forgiveness, none of his kindness and endearing affection after ruining his life. It's her fault for his suffering. It's her fault for not killing Ryoji ten years ago. Everything pointed back to Aigis, and the more those memories kept overloading her memory circuits the more her body shook with trepidation.

"...I...do not know what I should do..." Her hands came to rest around his waist, fingers curling into his jacket and grasping tightly. She enjoyed his warmth. It was natural. A human's sustained body temperature provided such soothing safety. How come she couldn't supply that for him? "I am scared...because I do not know how a machine is supposed to live...to thrive alongside other humans..."

They should have trashed her. Why save an ineffective, broken piece of equipment? Why not build something better from her parts? Why did she have to come back?

"Yet...I believe I will feel satisfied...if I find that information by remaining here, with you by my side..." They could never return to their normal routine. Even if they collectively decided to wipe their memories of Tartarus and the Dark Hour, something would be missing. A gaping hole would remain, never being filled. She would forget about everyone, as would Makoto with Aigis. The thought pained her, making her interior core ache in agony. She didn't want to forget him.

Neither did Aigis want to break away from him. Ryoji required a decision before the Full Moon's Dark Hour turned him into something unrecognizable. She couldn't hog his attention any longer. "We entrust you will make the correct choice. And...I entrust you know what you must do now. But please-" Before Makoto left, she grabbed hold of his hand once more clasping it between her cold fingers.

This was the best warmth she could provide him. If she focused her internal temperature towards her hand, he may feel something there.

"-promise to come back to us. Promise to...come back to me. Safely."

#ic #Aigis #fatexbound #long post #((LEA YOU MADE ME CRY WRITING THIS OML #PLEASE HELP ME THIS GIRL MAKES ME WEEP SO MUCH T_T))

[forjongseong]

I AM FINALLY HERE FOR 7 AND 8.

Hwiyoung being the real one to stay by ceoyn when Jay freaken fainted. omg I PAUSED MY MUSIC SO FAST, NANA!! And the whole brushing his hair scene PLEASE! Jay let me run my fingers through your hair, dammit!

WHY ARE WE CRYING? Because we love jay omfg

“You’re beautiful even when you cry. That seems unfair,” he protested.

SHUT UP JAY! i'm still crying omg they are so beautiful wtf.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH IS THE SCENE FROM TIKTOK WHERE YOU SENT ME ABOUT JAY STAYING IN T-T IM CRYING OMGOMGOMGOMG MY HEART

“Come here,” he invited. “Sit on your throne.”

BYE! I NEED HOLY WATER

Your lipstick began to stain the base of his dick, and when he opened his eyes to look at you he almost cummed right then and there.

WEE WOO WEE WOO I NEED TO GO TO THE ER I AM CRYING AT THIS SCENE

“Be a good girl and do as I say, will you?”

#TEAMFERAL BYE I AM DEACTIVATING

wtf nana THAT ENTIRE SEX SCENE i am levitating. omg i feel dizzy. someone needs to help me for a minute

NAMJOON?! EXCUSE ME!? WAS K NOT ENOUGH? omg my heart.

-- onto pt8

 the very finger that was already tainted with your arousal.

I JUST LEVITATED YET AGAIN CAN JAY STOP?

There was a lot of pouting and whining and stomping your feet softly when it came to persuading your boyfriend

GIRRRRRL me right here dhajskdajk always trying to convince my man to go to places with me T_T i know how ceoyn feels

Hoseok noticed your behavior and was about to ask you about it

HOBI MY MAN! MY MAIN MAN NOTICING hjdsakhdakjdakj come here hobi

“If I win, we’re getting the fuck out of here so I can have some alone time with you,” he said, ever so gently and right into your ear.

WE LOVE THIS MAN BYE! jay we dont need play. lets just leave rn. right fucking now dhsajkdhakj

Okay their conversation about Nam is so mature and awesome? Like this is what communication in a relationship is about. You communicate before the assumptions build and I love it so much. Jay didn't like the way Nam was looking at her and its fair enough for him to say, "dont see him again."

“Was I too rough last night?” He asked again, voice lowered to a whisper.

JAY FHJKDHJAKSDAKS CHILL, MY DUDE! Our bodies hurt for different reasons okay!

JAKE BABYSITTING CEOYN T-T PLEEEEEEEEASE!! That is the sweetest thing every omg im weeping happy tears. Jake is the man for the job.

NANA T-T the entire bed scene of them cuddling and ceoyn in tears, afraid of losing something wonderful to jay freaking out about her being in pain lord have mercy i just wanna hug them both. ceoyn is soooooo relatable when she gets a lil emotional because im the same

Not Hwiyoung out here sharing information and Heeseung knowing dhakjsdhakjs HWI SHUT YOUR MOUTH SDFGHJKL

NOT JAY PUTTING HER IN A HEADLOCK WTF FGHASDJHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH EVERY GIRLS DREAMS OUT THERE RN

omg game night with the boys pls that is so fucking precious. me squealing at Jake telling them to get a room but they're the ones raiding her house dhsajkdhahaahahahha!!!

AND THE MINISODES PLEASE! I LOVE HOW CUTE THEY ARE I AM HERE GUSHING AND KICKING MY FEET IN THE AIR UGHHHH worth the wait <3

I'm laughing because I can't imagine how tired your eyes must be after reading all the parts that you missed!! I have missed your reactions! And I'm glad you liked the parts that I liked writing too especially when Jay explicitly said he didn't like her ex <3

I TRY MY BEST to make ceoyn relatable to all of you like... okay maybe not all of us own a company lol but she is a woman just like everyone of us and we get emotional sometimes!!!

also I didn't know you'd be that surprised to find Namjoon because I thought I talked about him a lot HAHAHAH GREAT THEN, A SURPRISE!

part 9 is in the making and thank you for always tuning in!!!

#your feedback is like fuel #nanaanswers #nanafeedbacks #from.genie #fic: aeropuerto #fic: ambulancia

[winds--of--change]

No.455

Wanderer: Why?

Actor: Because people don't get out of their habitus

Wanderer: ...

Actor: You understand right, "birds with same feather flock together", that's very true, you tend attract like-minded things/people, creating a zone, your comfy place, one that is where you belong. There are different zones, all kinds of habitus, but think about it, even if you leave one and enter something new, you enter that particular new one because it conjures up something similar to the old one, "you can never get away from your habitus" and once you go somewhere else you will choose to be where familiar/or actually recreate a version of your habitus.

Wanderer: You mean, after all experiences and all changes, doing all different things or being in different places and all you actually just always live in your own habitus?

Actor: Admit it, we live off from habitual socialization, even if you travel somewhere completely far away from your own home, it doesn't mean you are now a completely new person living in a completely 'new' environment different from your old one, actually you just carry the habitus with you and make your new place similar to what you have already had. That's you, Wanderer.

Wanderer: ...

Actor: Don't you see we are different, I am an Actor, you are an Individual, if you go somewhere you bring your own identity into that place, negotiation, readjustment, but you always retain something that is yours. By contrast, Actor has no personality, simply we are just no one, we are just nothing, we are whoever we become as part of the habitus we have to enter. Don't you see, I entered that drama group then I became the mean girl like the other, now I entered Yoshinoya and I became like other Vietnamese young students who came here for language schools, I acted like one and got treated like one by the Japanese. I just take in whatever there from the habitus I enter as I enter different habitus, usually people would not enter a completely different habitus from the one they used to live in, they would be prone to go somewhere familiar no matter how different and far-away the new habitus is from the previous one, as interesting and surprisingly true as it is, you would always find something similar even if you go for the most bizarre different, because you automatically subconsciously search for the familiar. Trust me. Just like how all of my friends from MA or Undergrad, they would never become one of those workers in such a place as a fast-food chain-restaurant.

Wanderer: Yeah right. Don't you think the fact that draws you to start your life in that habitus, it's actually because there's something in you familiar to that one, your old habitus for example, or certain kind of mentality from what you used to live with, the Vietnamese habitus for example.

Actor: Yes you are right, after all I am not in the same habitus with my MA friends I guess, we are still different from each other even though we are drawn to each other into same 'habitus' called MA GPGS.

Wanderer: ...okay so what's your point of talking here lol you are not an actor a real actor like those movie stars or something because after all even you play the Actor in your life by entering somewhere something, it is still because you are drawn to it for a certain familiarity in habitus that you have lived through.

Actor: I guess I am fake actor in that sense.

Wanderer: .... That's it?! To support your argument? Man you defend your statement pretty weakly I think, already gave in?!

Actor: I just had an urge to write down something about habitus, that's why, not exactly mean to defend anything...

Wanderer: ... ...

Actor: But the fact that one who is an actor takes in colors of someone who is supposed to must act so in the habitus they enter, is precise.

Wanderer: But different from real movies, in reality actors are still those prone to enter where they are somewhat familiar with, be it subconsciously or automatically, they still 'choose' the habitus they enter. I think.

Actor: But who actually has no personality, then become actors more easily than wanderers then, because they don't have strong individuality and egos to retain what is theirs in new habitus.

Wanderer: Those who are prone to become actors are just due to the fact they are kinda weak-minded and colorless and so easy to become someone else's colors or be influenced by other minds then. Wait actually unless you act knowing very well you are acting, then you are called an actor, if not, if you just act out unconsciously due to social inducement, can you call yourself 'actor'? Or just...hmm...'follower', 'shadower'?

Actor: Yeah but you could one day 'snap' out of it and leave the habitus, so does it just mean the actor was just so into the play he forgot himself an actor and instead, he played himself as if he was one of the 'real' habitus resident? Because seriously, I knew in the beginning what I was aware, I already got...hmm 'an opinion' but somehow along the line, I just went with the flow acting the way I did, forgetting my beginning standpoint. That means a real actor, not fake one no?

Wanderer: I mean, in reality everyone, no matter what idea they have from the beginning before entering a habitus, I think along the way they always get influenced somehow and really 'become' part of the habitus somehow, after all that is what socialization is all about, and you can never get away from socialization as a human being for we are all born from it, into it, and 'for' it. Think about it, and take the movie 'Closer' as example, when she is Alice, she really 'is' Alice no? Only till she gets OUT of the habitus does she go back to Jane Johns again? Before that she stays true to herself as an 'Alice'.

Actor: Depending on the level of how much we are "aware" of what we act I guess, that it measures what degree to which we involve ourselves to the new habitus. But as said, in reality we would be prone to the familiar habitus, not a completely distinguished one from what we usually have... ... Man so that is true, as my advisor who is Professor in Sociology said, 'you could never get away from your habitus', never. Just like how Murakami once said you could never get away from yourself. I could never get away from my 'Vietnamese-ness' then also the theories on 'actor' would be very questionable then, who proposed it again, I think George Simmel on 'four types of characters' the wanderer, actor, player and whatever yeah? In society there is in fact no actor then, people act for certain extent yet, not to a completely different thing from they used to be. In 'Breakfast at Tiffany's Holly Golightly would not weep in devastation for Fred, her brother because as a 'Holly Golightly' presumably she would not know anyone who is Fred, a brother from the army for it then means it is connected to her old identity yeah? As she received the letter of Fred's death from her old husband with whom she married as ... damn what was her name again before she left the husband to New York City and built herself as a 'Holly Golightly' T_T

Wanderer: Man if this continues on, I feel like my mind is gonna blown up lol can we go back to finish 'Ghost Protocol' T_T and then start making schedule for next week, and you need start working on your RA tasks asap, replying to your professor's email too...

Actor: Damn don't get me thinking about it now >_

#455th