#OtSttCA deleted scenes

[morganaseren]

Deleted Scene from Chapter 13 of Over the Sea to the Clouds Above

“And now they revere me as some prophet to a God I never believed in!”

“You wear the mantle well if it’s any consolation,” Leliana offered placatingly, but her gaze continued to worriedly track Niamh as she paced from one side of the cabin to the other.

Her movements were lethargic at best. The hint of bruising beneath her eyes suggested the other woman hadn’t been sleeping well, but that had hardly come as a surprise. With how withdrawn Niamh had been since her return from Redcliffe, Leliana had asked her agents to keep her under surveillance as a simple precaution.

Leliana had already received reports that Niamh had sought out the village apothecary the night before, but what herbs and poultices she had obtained from him would have offered little to aid Niamh in rest. No, they were stimulants--meant to keep her alert--as she worked her way through various letters that stretched from one end of Ferelden to the other.

Whatever Niamh had seen in that disturbing future had frightened her so much that she couldn’t chance any issue being ignored. Matters that could have best been delegated to others were personally seen to by her--held close to the fervent intensity that seemed to fuel her the mage these days--but Leliana could see that the workload she had set for herself was quickly burning whatever fire remained in her out.

Niamh laughed, but the sound was almost physically painful with its hollow, broken sound. “I suppose I should be pleased that one of us thinks so...”

Leliana frowned. “Has anyone said otherwise?”

“No, but no one need bother--not when they’re worshipping a lie.”

“Because you don’t believe in the Maker?”

“No.” Niamh sighed as she finally sat down at her bed, pressing the heel of her hands against her eyes wearily. “They didn’t see a person then, Leliana. They saw a prisoner, a mage... someone less than human. Now? They believe they see a savior, but it’s never been just… me,” she finished emptily.

“I spent a decade hiding from my sister’s legacy, but the shadow of the Hero of Ferelden stretches across all Thedas. Every breath--every moment--from that day forward never failed to remind me of the cost of her sacrifice, and for years, I resented the people it was made for.” Niamh turned to Leliana then with dull eyes, exhaustion evident in the set of her shoulders.

“I don’t avoid them because of their mistreatment of me or even for believing me to be their Herald. They just remind me of what I lost--that they live because someone I cared for gave everything to see it through.” She shrugged, turning her gaze out the window into the nothingness of the night beyond it. “But sometimes I wonder how much of what I show to them is the truth. Is it a mask? Am I truly as benevolent as they believe me to be, or am I only altruistic because I fear the damnation it would bring upon my people if I refused to help?”

Pain welled within her chest at Niamh’s words, at the clear evidence that she had been hurting so deeply that she felt she couldn’t voice it against the burdens of her duty. “Did you ever manage to find your answer?” she asked quietly.

A dark head shook itself. “No, but I want my need to help to be greater than my fear and resentment of the world around me.”

So this was written well before I got a better handle of how I wanted Niamh’s character to be portrayed. Here, it shows her more as a figure of loathing, which isn’t quite true to her current characterization anymore. As such, the majority of this scene probably won’t make it into the fic at all, but I thought I’d share a little something with you as I continue working on chapter 12 of OtSttCA. Future Redcliffe hurts my soul, y’all.

Additional deleted scene:

Leliana: [glowering beneath her cowl] Would you all stop traumatizing my lover for five minutes?!

#Dragon Age: Inquisition #Leliana #niamh cousland #female inquisitor/leliana #female cousland/leliana #My writing #OtSttCA deleted scenes #OTP: What If We Rewrite the Stars?