#Obi-Wan is the type of girl to have a breakdown and cut his hair off | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tragedy-for-sale · 2 years

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Origin of an Error

Is it a mistake to ignore it all? To ignore the screams of a dead man, the racing of his heart, the truth in a lie.

Bit of a TW at the end for an analogy with thread and needles and stitching up wounds.

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Joining the Jedi Council was a big deal, it was something so many Jedi would strive for but never reach. Obi-Wan hadn't ever planned on chasing a seat on the council, he knew how Qui-Gon felt and sometimes that's all Obi-Wan heard, Qui-Gon's bitter voice scolding him in his head. Obi-Wan found a comfort in it, truly, he did, "But I'm going to accept, Master. I know why you didn't and you know why I must-" All morning he'd argued with his reflection, recombing his hair over and over, putting it up, and yanking it out.

"I don't wanna hear it-" Obi-Wan sighed as he let his hair fall, "I can make my own choices Master, even if it's one you don't agree with." Looking down, he shook his head, accepting the invitation was the right choice. Obi-Wan knew it was, but for some reason, it didn't feel like it. Looking into the mirror again he felt his heart begin to race, that's what it was.

No one ever told him to his face, for that would spiral him, no one would ever tell him, but Obi-Wan carried much of Qui-Gon in him, and sometimes, again, no one dared to say it, he looked like his dead master. If only for a moment, out of the corner of one's eyes, his hair, mannerisms and posture, all the little things Obi-Wan forgot about his master lived again through him. But no one ever told him and no one ever would, for as Obi-Wan took a blade and cut away the first strand of hair, it became apparent that if anyone were to mention such an observation, that he was the spitting imagine of his master, he'd surely lose it. Right on the spot. For Obi-Wan made that observation now, and in his sorrow he took a blade and cut his hair off.

Obi-Wan cut each strand away in a frantic desperation, this was his choice. He was making it on his own, each strand of hair that fell was because of something he'd done. He was doing this all on his own. But each time he caught his reflection, his heart skipped a beat as he saw his Master watching him from behind. He must be terribly disappointed in me-

He cut his hair and he was almost proud of his work, but he would never truly be proud because he knew Qui-Gon wouldn't be. Or maybe he would be, maybe he is, but Obi-Wan would never believe such a thought. He combed his freshly cut hair then smiled. He smiled wider and wider until his smile fell and he let out a sob. Burying his face in his hands, he turned away from the mirror and sobbed.

Obi-Wan had hidden away in his room for a majority of the day. He'd collected himself and once he had, he went back to clean up his new haircut. When he finished, he applauded his timing for his com went off, Anakin was finally back from Naboo. Obi-Wan smiled, he hurried to put on his boots and his robe, putting the hood up so he wouldn't get stopped on the way to Anakin.

The two met on a balcony. "Anakin!" Obi-Wan greeted his padawan with a hug, "How are you?"

"Obi-Wan, I'm good, and you, Master?" Anakin smiled as he hugged Obi-Wan back. Anakin would never be able to tell Obi-Wan just how good he actually was, he was a married man now.

"I'm doing well, come now, we have much to catch up on." Obi-Wan took one of Anakin's bags and the two headed inside.

When they got back to Anakin's room, he took his bag from Obi-Wan and started to unpack. His mind raced with all the things he could tell Obi-Wan. He hadn't wanted to leave but he couldn't wait to see his master again. "Oh, I went swimming like everyday and-" Anakin turned around and a giddy smile took over his face as he looked at his Master, who'd finally taken off his hood, "You cut your hair-"

Obi-Wan made a face before a small smile broke out, "Oh, yes, it appears I have." He had forgotten about it, he'd also forgotten about this morning. "That's not the most exciting thing to happen though." Obi-Wan began, his smiling growing as he remembered, "They offered me a seat on the Jedi Council, Anakin, I was waiting for you to return so you may be there when I accept it."

Anakin's face lit up, "Master, that's awesome." He walked over to Obi-Wan and gave him a hug, "Member of the Jedi Council, Obi-Wan Kenobi." Anakin hyped him up, "That's why you got a sick haircut then?"

"Oh, absolutely." Obi-Wan's smile was silly, feeling good about this honor for the first time since he found out and all it took was for Anakin to come home. "- What about you, Anakin, no doubt you did something exciting?"

"Nothing as cool as you, Master." Anakin sighed, walking back over to his luggage, "I ate a lot and swam without waiting twenty minutes afterwards." He joked, getting a laugh out of his Master. Anakin hadn't asked, but something troubling clouded Obi-Wan's mind, perhaps the council invitation, but Obi-Wan seemed really excited about it, so Anakin didn't know what it could be. "-I also didn't make my bed once." He crossed his arms and almost seemed prideful.

"Oh, I see, you broke rules the entire time," Obi-Wan laughed as he pulled his robe over him, "I'm glad you're back home, Anakin, I missed you." Obi-Wan walked over and sat on Anakin's bed, to which he did the same.

"..What's on your mind?"

"Accepting the invitation, it's the right choice?" Obi-Wan asked, looking at Anakin. If Anakin was offered a seat on the council, would he take it? Absolutely. Obi-Wan knew Anakin would, but himself? He wanted to, but he had reasons not to. Or rather, he had Qui-Gon's reasons not to.

"Well, it's what you want, right?" Anakin looked over. He never liked the council all that much. He thought fondly of everyone on the council of course, but they weren't as open as the Jedi were supposed to be. Instead, they lied and hid things, and Anakin hated that because he knew it was because they had to. "Do you want to?"

"I do-" Obi-Wan answered, not a trace of hesitation in his voice, but all the same, something pulled at him to decline. He didn't understand why Qui-Gon had said 'no' all those years ago, but he did now. "I do" Obi-Wan said again, if only to convince himself.

"Then do it." Anakin shrugged, "You can always change your mind later but if you don't take it now, someone else surely will." He still couldn't place what was bugging his master. For even though his reassurance did just that, something pulled at Obi-Wan, something Anakin couldn't reassure out of him. Which was something new, for Obi-Wan was always okay after the reassurance of others. After his assurance, at least.

Anakin was waiting for Obi-Wan to nod and agree, then to dismiss it and carry on his merry way. But that lying composure never came, only a silence over came. Their silence never bothered either of them, until now that is. Anakin's smile twitched as he realized he didn't make Obi-Wan smile. He always smiled. Anakin realized, perhaps for the first time in his life, that while he thought he was Obi-Wan's happiness, while he knew he was Obi-Wan's smile, that meant nothing. He wasn't making Obi-Wan happy, and that scared him, would he ever make his master happy again? Anakin felt a fear settle in him, he was failing.

They never sat in silence when Obi-Wan was in pieces. When Obi-Wan was covered in open wounds, Anakin's smile gave him the strength to continue his charade. Obi-Wan would laugh and joke while he was falling apart. For many years now, Obi-Wan was always able to stitch himself together, all it took was Anakin's smile. But Obi-Wan never picked up his thread and needle to stitch himself up, he left the wound bleeding and Anakin didn't know how to throw stitch, all he knew was how to smile. So all Anakin could really do, was nothing. So Obi-Wan was going to bleed out,

And there was nothing he could do

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