#Nowhere Ohio would be so much better with a lovely Rock !

[prqltothesql]

Been feeling really really depressed recently. Like REALLY depressed since my birthday. So here’s what my 2022 has been like

- Started an indoor drumline at the brand new HS that I’m teaching at. We did a show of Spider-Man music from the Spider-Man PS4 game, the Into the Spider-Verse movie and Avengers. We did standstill so it was low-commitment, low importance, but they had an undefeated season (of two shows lmao) and the kids did great. - Taught Middletown’s pit and wrote their show which was in dedication to Kevin, who passed in July 2021. We did Jupiter, Schism, Wish You Were Here and Waiting on the World to Change, which are 4 very different songs but I think I made it work. Kids did great, I met a new tech named Lauren from UD who was super awesome and became one of my closest friends during the season. At Wildwood, while we only finished 5th, we finished 2nd in music, getting 1st overall in music achievement from the only judge on the panel worth a damn. Was my last season after working with them since 2014 and a great way to go out. - Saw Tool, Dream Theater and John Petrucci live in concert this year, as well as seeing 3 wrestling shows; NJPW, AEW and WWE. - Saw The Batman, Doctor Strange 2, Jurassic World: Dominion, Thor: Love and Thunder, Rogue One IN IMAX!, Clerks III, Black Panther 2 - My dad died this year. I’ve been wrestling hard with my grief all year and it’s hitting really hard as we get to my birthday, Christmas and the New Year, all things that were extremely important to my dad and us as a family. A few weeks before he died, he started doing a bunch of stuff around here. Fixing my ceiling. Putting up floor jacks in the basement, fixing things, offering to buy me things I wanted. It was very weird, like he knew he was gonna die and didn’t have long. Two days before he died, he had a mini-heart attack. He said he threw up and was sweating and having chest pains, every sign of a heart attack. Yet that same day, he had his friend over to record and was helping him record a song. The day before he died, he woke up feeling great, we ate dinner, he was in an awesome mood, everything was fine, and he woke up the next day, had another heart attack and died. My sister didn’t wake me up cause she didn’t want to leave him alone, even though I was right upstairs and it would have taken just a few seconds. I don’t know if there was anything I could have done, or anything anyone could have done at that point. I never got to say goodbye to him. I never got that chance. I woke up and he was dead. - I planned his funeral and burial, I think I did a good job but didn’t write a eulogy, just gave some haphazard speech that went only a couple of minutes. That still haunts me. I miss him so much and think about him every day. The grief, the regret, the anxiety, the depression, the guilt. It’s not been 5 stages of grief, it’s just been a recurring cycle, ping-ponging back and forth between all of them, never quite hitting acceptance. - After he died, I gained a lot of weight and wasn’t active in the summer to the point where a brisk walk made me short of breath and caused my back to ache. After doing more band, I felt a lot better, but I still haven’t lost any of the weight I put on. - I went and saw a Blue Rocks game with Rachel on Father’s Day, just so we didn’t have to sit at home and refresh social media and see a bunch of stuff about Father’s Day. I went and saw 2 drum corps shows with Drew and it was really really fun just getting to go and be a spectator and talk shit and watch shows. - I met a girl online who lived in Ohio who we talked for 3 months and then she blocked me on everything and ghosted me out of nowhere. So there’s that. - On a whim, I applied for a job teaching the front ensemble at George Mason University. The director is a guy I’ve known since I was in HS, also a Delaware guy. I’ve never taught or marched world class, I’ve only taught HS for a majority of my teaching career. I didn’t think I’d get it, but I applied anyways, interviewed for it and was offered the position. I’ve gone down 6 out of the 8 weekends so far and it’s been a blast but very humbling. I never would have gotten the chance to do this had my dad been alive. He hated me doing band, and now with me driving down on the weekends and being gone all weekend, stranding my sister here by herself, he’d have lost it and it would have been miserable. But instead these weekends are like little adventures for me, and I’m learning so much and getting my name out there for possibly other things. It’s a bittersweet thing. - I got COVID. After the first marching band competition of the season, I felt bad, wound up being sick, wound up testing positive for COVID. My sister also got it. I’m vaccinated, my sister is not, but it both hit us equally as hard. That was really rough. - Odessa went to ACCs as a competing unit for the first time this year and it was at Hersheypark Stadium, so getting to take this little band to such a big time place was awesome, and we finished 3rd in percussion and 3rd in colorguard, which was huge. Last year was weird because I was still dealing with strife with my dad about teaching again, I was double dipping at Middletown because I was loyal to Kevin’s memory and Garrett, and Odessa was only doing a backing-track-led Festival class show. And Middletown had a core of seniors in the drumline. So it was hard splitting my time. But this year, committed only to teaching one school, it was a lot better. And I enjoy working with Odessa because the kids are brand new and only learning what I’m teaching them, so I can drill in fundamentals. I don’t have to break bad habits or change culture. I’m creating the culture, I’m creating the technique program. It’s been super fun. - I’m still at my job. We lost our manager back in February and we gained a new one back in August. It’s been rough in that transition as she’s changing the paradigm in our department, but it’s been good. - We lost our second to last dog, Wolfie, back last November. The last remaining dog, my dog Angel, she doesn’t have long either, so I’m dealing with a lot of sadness and anxiety about her, hoping she’s good, trying to keep her health the best I can these last few days, weeks, months she has. Overall, I’m in a decent position in my life. I’m still single, I’m still in the same crappy house, I’m still stuck with my sister. But I’ve made moves, I’ve improved as a teacher, I have two really great jobs lined up teaching and I’m having a blast at both, whether I’m good or having success or nobody likes me or not, it’s been very fulfilling. And I’ve done a lot of cool stuff and despite the soul-crushing sadness of losing my dad that has taken hold of in my heart, a lot more opportunities to live life and have fun have opened up for me and Rachel and it’s been interesting learning how to live in this new life.

[yourcoffindoor]

Bulletproof Heart Pt. 1

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Prompt: Request from Anon- “ could you write one where the reader is a rock singer and they and mcr are on warped tour together, and they both lowkey like each other but think they’re both out of each other’s league, and find out that they’re both secretly into nerdy stuff + maybe getting together? thank you so much xxx”

AN: This is a multi-part series--I couldn’t help myself! Also, I based this fic around something Gerard said in a Rolling Stone interview:

Hope its ok Anon! enjoy!

You had dreamed of this moment since you first picked up a guitar. Back then it felt like an impossible fantasy, being on stage with your band, playing in front of a crowd of screaming fans; which is why it felt so surreal when your manager Tim told you that your band, The Violent Delights, had booked Warped Tour.

"June 18th," he told you with a satisfied grin, "you're in for the long haul, kids."

Your band-mates let out a collective shriek of joy, while you planted a grateful kiss on Tim's cheek.

"You're an OK manager, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said, dramatically wiping his cheek where your lips had been. "Now you guys better get practicing. This is a good opportunity to really get your name out there. Plus you got some real popular acts to compete with."

Your interest was peaked. "Oh yeah? Like who?"

"Off the top of my head? Fall Out Boy, Dropkick Murphys, and I think a band called My Chemical Romance."

"Oh shit, My Chem?" your bassist, Gavin, piped up excitedly. "That's the band I'm always trying to get Y/N to listen to."

"I'll have to finally borrow their last album," you replied, "gotta scope out the competition after all." Gavin rolled his eyes while you laughed.

Your manager got serious. "It's three months on the road, and its gonna take a lot of energy and hard work. Quite frankly, it ain't glamorous."

"Tim, when have we ever been glamorous? I wouldn't care if it were a 12 month tour," you declared, "I wouldn't miss this opportunity for the world." Liz, your drummer, nodded in agreement beside you.

"You might be singing a different tune when you haven't had a shower in three days."

"As long as I'm singing it in front of an audience, we'll be fine."

* * *

Back at your apartment you marked June 18th on your calendar with a star, feeling invigorated with excitement all over again. This was it, you thought, the next level for our band. You were determined to give it your very best, outperforming every other band there.

After all, you had worked so hard to get to this point. Starting in friend's basements and tiny cafes, the band had slowly built up a sizable following of loyal fans. You were no longer the opening act, drawing sell out crowds more often than not. You made a promise to yourself that the band wasn't going to lose this momentum. There would be no distractions for you on this tour, just hard work and the thrill of performing. That meant no parties, and absolutely no boys. You weren't ready for another relationship, you told yourself, especially since the last one ended in disaster.

Yes, this was the moment the band had been waiting for. You let the warm excitement that this knowledge brought envelope you, and you lay your head down on your pillow, falling asleep to fantasies of what lay ahead.

* * *

Its a long road from Maryland to Ohio. Columbus was the first stop of the tour, which meant your band had 6 and a half hours to go over the set-list, make adjustments  discuss their hopes and fears for the three month experience. Gavin gave you a few CDs to listen too, including My Chemical Romance's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge.  You had heard their first album ages ago and enjoyed it, but there was something incandescent to the music you were hearing now. It stirred a whirlwind of heavy emotion, and you were enthralled from beginning to end. You made a mental note to see them perform at Warped as soon as possible.

When your bus arrived at its destination, you felt the unwelcome buzz of nerves building in your stomach. This was real, you thought, this was happening. You were used to performing at this point, but it was the amount of people you'd be performing for that was nerve-wracking. Not to mention the fellow artists who may be watching and judging your sound. You breathed deep and tried to push past the nervous thoughts that hummed incessantly around your head like insects.

Your band-mates were buzzing about with excitement, but you needed to distract yourself. Fresh air always helped settle you, so you grabbed your shoes and decided to go for a walk around the venue.

It looked almost like a circus with all the trailers and tents that had quickly populated the surrounding area. Merch stands and catering tents were being organizes as dozens upon dozens of vans and trailers pulled in. There were already a few fans camped outside of the chain-link fence that surrounded the area, eagerly awaiting a glimpse of their favorite artists.

You kept wandering, and you saw that a band was being interviewed in the media tent. There were five of them, each holding a microphone; but one member, a dark haired boy, was doing most of the talking. He was cute, you thought, and your stomach did little flips watching him respond to the questions that were being asked.

You watched a little bit longer from a distance, until you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned to see Gavin and Liz, who had been doing a bit of exploring as well.

"Hey, there you are! I was talking to a few people by the catering tent. They said some bands are having a party on their buses later tonight, we should check it out." Gavin informed you excitedly.

You hesitated. No parties. "I dunno, I want us to be in good condition to perform tomorrow."

Liz chimed in. "All work and no play, Y/N. C'mon, it'll be a great chance to make some connections with other bands."

"If you don't come with us," Gavin pronounced dramatically, "we'll be far too devastated to perform tomorrow." His hand went to his forehead, as though he was about to faint.

"Somehow I doubt that."

"Pretty please?" Liz stuck her lower lip out pathetically.

"With sugar on top?" Gavin added.

You glanced at the black haired boy in the distance. Maybe he'd be there, a small voice in your head piped up.

"Ugh Fine! But I'll only stay for a little bit."

Satisfied, the pair stopped harassing you, and left you to continue wandering, promising to meet up with them later.

* * *

People spilled out from open trailers as music blared from an unknown source in the background. Some were already far gone, stumbling from place to place, or lying on the ground blacked out.

You followed Gavin inside one of the trailers. You watched as he interacted with the strangers inside with ease, a trait you envied. He managed to find you both drinks, and you grabbed the mystery beverage, sculling it in hopes that it would numb your nervousness. You may have been a great performer onstage, but offstage it was easy for your social anxiety to take the wheel.

Gavin began to walk away, ignoring your whispered pleas not to leave you. Fuck. It always felt awkward to not know anyone at a party. You clutched your red cup like a life jacket keeping you afloat in a sea of drunken strangers.

A man approached you out of nowhere, the smell of alcohol emanating from every pore on his body.

"You look lonely." He leered at you expectantly.

"Then it seems like you need glasses. I'm just fine on my own."

He laughed. "Ooo! I like you. You've got spunk. Name's Brent, guitarist from Midnite Heist."

"Can't say I've heard of you guys."

Brent was either oblivious to your indifference, or just chose to ignore it. "So how'd you end up at this party?"

"I'm in a band on the tour too. Lead singer actually."

"No way! That's awesome, we need more talented eye candy on this tour."

You screamed internally while he droned on, tuning him out as you continued to sip from your fast emptying cup.

You scanned the room, watching people laugh and dance. Your stomach suddenly flipped again as you noticed the black haired boy from this afternoon, solemn faced and quiet, silently nursing a diet coke in his hands. He was clearly not having a good time. The guitarist who had been talking you up soon saw you looking at the sullen figure and turned his attention towards him, his eyes lighting up with recognition.

"Gerard fucking Way!" he bellowed, carelessly sloshing his drink as he waved him over, causing a stream of alcohol to fall to the floor below.

Gerard seemed to hesitate before walking over. "It's been awhile man," he said softly. His eyes, a warm hazel, flicked to you repeatedly as he spoke. "you here for the whole tour this time?"

Brent laughed, his sobriety dangling by a thread.  "Yeah, but still not up on the main stage, unlike you big-shots." he said, punching Gerard in the arm. Gerard offered a crooked smirk in return, his patience already wearing thin. Brent nudged you in the arm. "This is Y/N, her band is new to Warped. I told her I'd show her the ropes." He grinned at you. Ugh.

Gerard seemed to sense your discomfort. "Welcome, nice to see a new face around."

Brent interrupted before you could respond. "How come you're wasting time with a coke? I would've expected you to be the first one wasted here."

Gerard's jaw clenched, and you cringed internally at the sheer awkwardness of the encounter. "I'm sober now," he informed Brent, "I don't touch that shit anymore."

Brent laughed dismissively. "Dude, you?  Do you even remember the last Warped tour? I'll give it 2 days before you're lying face down in the bushes again." he laughed as if he had just said something hilarious.

You were livid, and Gerard was on edge. You decided to step in when you noticed his knuckles turn white from clenching his coke can.

You moved slightly, ready to get between them. "Hey you know what? I'd really love a coke right now too. Mind showing me where they are?" you looked pleadingly at Gerard. He took the hint.

"Follow me."

You gave a curt wave to Brent, who looked on in confusion before continuing his drinking binge.

You stepped outside, and the sounds from the party behind you became a faint, thumping buzz in the background. You were both silent for a moment before you decided to break the ice.

"So that guy was a dick."

Gerard's scowl turned into a thin, lopsided smirk. Your heart melted a bit. "Yeah. I just realized some of these people are only tolerable when I'm drunk."

Stop. Move away. You don't need a distraction like this. You tried to scold yourself but words kept escaping from your lips, prolonging the encounter.

"This is my first time doing Warped Tour, but I'm assuming these parties are pretty much never-ending?"

Gerard pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "Oh yeah, its every night for some of these bands. You're in for an interesting experience." You looked at him for a moment, perhaps for a bit too long. You had never seen anyone look so beautiful while surrounded by clouds of smoke.

"Yoohoooo! Y/N!" you heard the hollering of a clearly tipsy Gavin call from the doorway of the next trailer. "Where'd you go? The night is young! Get back here!"

You sighed. "That's my cue. Well actually that's my bassist, but he'll never let me live it down if I don't go back in there."

Gerard turned his head to the side and exhaled. "Catch you around. Next time you need rescuing from a douche-bag just light the bat signal."

You gave him a soft smile, forcing yourself to turn away and walk back to the trailer. As you did, you whispered aloud to yourself as a reminder:

"No distractions. No boys."

#gerard way x reader #gerard way fanfic #my chemical romance fanfiction #fanfic

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E1 (Pilot)

Is it a smart idea to rewatch glee again? No.

Am I going to do it anyway? You bet your sweet bippy I am!

Am I going to liveblog my garbage monkey brain thoughts along the way even though nobody asked for it? Hell yeah.

Here goes!

Wow. The first frame of this entire show is literally of a woman who looks like she’s about 10 years above the natural lifespan of a Cheerio. Then again, I’m sure Sue’s not above holding back her best recruits for multiple years because Ohio high schools are apparently just Like That™

I also never notice this opening song was a remix of Keep Me Hangin On, wow. That’s actually kind of interesting foreshadowing of sorts, like, kind of smart. I’m glad I’m watching the part of Glee that was kind of smart.

This scene also doesn’t feature any of the Unholy Trinity as far as I can see. Are they a JV squad? Am I putting too much thought into this?

Sign #1 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Really, my guy? Driving around with your muffler dragging on the ground so bad it’s making sparks? That’s not very Road Safety of you. Fuck off. 

Sign #2 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Wow, there’s going to be a lot of these, huh? Anyway, anybody with working eyes would clearly see how scared Kurt is right now. “Making some new friends Kurt?” Fuck off. 

KURT. FIRST SIGHTING OF THE BOY. What a delight. But also, not a delight, because he’s being bullied and he deserves better. Look at his outfit. Iconic from day fucking one. 

Finn, you’re a himbo. What’re you doing with these assholes?

Puck’s first line in the whole series is “It’s hammer time!” What a fucking dork? Who made this boy popular. 

DO MORE THAN TAKE HIS COAT, FINN. LET HIM GOOOOO!!!

I paused while they were tossing Kurt in the dumpster and, wow, got the most hilarious frame where the guy who isn’t Puck is getting a meticulously polished boot to the face. Netflix let me take screenshots, you coward.

The first shot of Quinn... My wlw bones are shaking.

Why would they use that photo for Lillian Adler...? WHO WAS BORN IN 1937, MIGHT I ADD. THAT’S NOT A REAL YEAR. 

It’s weird to see Mr Schue actually speaking competent Spanish. Why did they veto that later? The ONE likeable thing about him was his competence as a school teacher, and they really threw it out the window huh?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE MEMBERS OF SANDY RYERSON’S GLEE CLUB??? This kid seems to really like singing. Also, welcome to the beginning of Ryerson being annoying as all hell.

Oh my gosh, the background choir stuff. This show really had style back in the day!!!

R A C H E L B E R R Y Y O U R M A K E U P ! ! !

Ken Tanaka walked so incels could run.

Jane Lynch you beauty. You absolutely impeccable beauty. 

“Since when are cheerleaders performers?” Uh... Emma...? I get that Sue’s going ham on her budget but, like, be nice to the students? They perform their butts off!

Sue really just BRAGGED about having an iPhone. I was 9 when this came out. Why do I feel old...

Sign #3 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He hears his coworker, presumably of several years, just got fired and doesn’t even ask why. He just jumps on the glee club like a frog on hot asphalt. 

He really wants to Make The Glee Club Great Again, huh? 

MySpace was really a thing, huh? And why does this grown-ass male teacher know so much about the students having them?

I know nothing about actual American schools, but I do know that they sure as shit don’t work like this. Why does a club have to win EVERY competition to be considered an asset?

Mr Shoe really lying awake at night half-naked next to his wife thinking about the glee club already? Yeah sounds about right. Also, of course you’d think up Nude Erections for a name, you asshole. Put some clothes on.

R E S P E C T MERCEDES YES!!!

Brad the piano player was really here from day ONE... Icon.

Cellophane, Mr Cellophane... Yes Kurt bby you killed it. 

Chris Colfer looks so YOUNG here!!! 

The hair fix... I C O N I C !

Tina really wrote her stutter down, huh? And nobody ever saw through it? Amazing. 

The goth Tina look, too... Perfect... Never change...

Say what you want about Rachel Berry being generally insufferable, but I really fucking feel it when she sings On My Own. The monologue kind of kills The Drama of it, but they really solidly established her character by layering them. She really is a gold star right now.

The first-ever on-screen slushie!

The way she walks down that hall. My God you can just see how terrible she is to be around.

Never forget Rachel staring at photos of her with two men who turned out to not be her dads. Who are they? What are their stories? We’ll never know.

God, I love this stupid scene of Quinn, Santana, and a bunch of Cheerios cartoonishly typing hate comments on Rachel’s MySpace video and laughing like knock-off Disney villains. 

I like watching season 1 Artie because season 1 Artie was a good character. Mostly. And he KILLED Sit Down, You’re Rocking The Boat. Rachel wasn’t asking for a male lead who could keep up with her vocally, she was being straight up ableist and that’s a fact. I love Cory, but Kevin McHale was always a better singer.

Mercedes picking up and spinning Rachel for this little routine is something I never really appreciated before, it’s cute even though they don’t like each other yet!

I really don’t get why Rachel says they suck. Yeah, sure, she’s gunning for a solo, but the vocals were solid there. The choreo was just a little janky, possibly because it’s their first EVER rehearsal?

“There is NOTHING ironic about show choir!” Incredible.

How long did it take Mr Shoe to find Rachel out on the bleachers? Did he search the whole school first?

ARTIE! CAN! KEEP! UP! WITH! YOU! VOCALLY!

I never understood Rachel quitting so soon. How long was she in the old glee club for? Surely they were never popular either?

Ah, the first “My hands are tied” for the series. Mr Figgins is a garbage principal. 

Not going to advise the principal against referring to Artie as a cripple, William Shoestir? Alright. 

How did the Schuester marriage last as long as it has? Do Will and Terri’s insufferable personalities just cancel one another out?

Sandy Ryerson really just openly brags about cheating the system for medical marijuana and dealing it? 

Matt Morrison 100% has lip fillers. Nobody’s smile curls like that naturally.

“Terri and I are trying to get pregnant” What a weird way to phrase it. What is it, a race? Who’s going to get knocked up first!

A FIFTH OF BEETHOVEN, HOW I’VE MISSED YOU... The sound design of this show at this point is just... *Chef hand kiss*

“What you’re doing right now is called blurring the lines” Oh just wait until season 4, Sue... Just you wait.

WHY is Mr Schuester so ridiculously sweaty? I didn’t need to think about that?

EVERYONE on the football team is 30.

William Schuester you can’t just watCH TEENAGE STUDENTS SING IN THE SHOWER YOU ARE A TEACHER WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR LICENSE?! 

Hearing Cory sing this always makes me emotional. What a talent!

Sign #4 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: I don’t think I need to say why using the weed to blackmail Finn is a shitty thing to do, do I?

“I’ll pee in a cup! ...I’ll pee...” I love Cory’s delivery. 

PRIORITY #1: HELP THE KIDS Oh season 1... I love you so.

Mr Schue you WISH you were anything like Finn Hudson. You never will be.

Ah... Finn’s first monologue. He’s such a sweetheart. AND SO IS CAROLE. Carole is a queen I will stan forever. YOU THROW THAT MILK BB!!!

All Finn wants to do is make his mom proud. What a sweetheart. Mr Schue you do NOT deserve him.

These POV shots really enhance things, why the fuck did they stop using them?

Subtly having Kurt look at Finn in the same shot as Rachel was a nice touch indeed!

RACHEL WAS REALLY DOWN WITH ROLLING ARTIE RIGHT OFF THE STAGE HUH?

Terri’s a straight up hoarder, huh? Like a raccoon but instead of collecting edible garbage, it’s monogrammed garbage.

Surely you can’t just... BECOME an accountant, right? You need some serious qualifications for that right?

Also say what you want about how insufferable Terri is but her actress is ridiculously talented and absolutely steals every scene she’s in.

Now the background choir is doing Soul Bossa Nova and I am L I V I N G why didn’t they keep that motif!!! It was so ICONIC!

I don’t need my prostate removed. RIP Carole Hudson but I’m different :/

NO MEANS NO, KEN! TAKE THE L AND MOVE ON! Way to take out the fact that a girl won’t date you on everybody else around you! Toxic bastard. The absolute stench of melodrama on this bastard is noxious.

I was going to ask why Rachel didn’t know about Finn and Quinn if they’d already been together for 4 months, but then I remembered gossiping requires friends...

“Terri rides me. Hard. And I’ve always appreciated it!” Why don’t we talk about how this line sounds more. Why doesn’t Emma bat an eye at it oh my god

HERE COMES VOCAL ADRENALINE!!! And Jesse St. James is nowhere to be seen. How convenient. Also, they’re all 30. I’m sensing a pattern.

Sorry VA, all songs popularised my Amy Winehouse legally belong to Santana Lopez

Puck, if you were stupid enough to fall for the prostate excuse, that’s on you. Or maybe it’s on the education system...

You can do better that Mr Schue, kids. Don’t mourn him.

Ok, what the fuck is this scene where he’s filling out the job app to become an accountant? There’s a dude in the row in front off him just throwing crisps around? What is this place?? Why are you here sir??? 

“Accounting is sexy” shut up you horrible married man

The Cheerios sure did have straight ponytails for like, one episode, huh?

Finn is such a good boy. He doesn’t know it yet, but he is, and saving Artie from that portapotty is his first step to figuring it out.

This shot of Finn just wheeling Artie out of there... Ugh. My HEART.

KURT WHAT ARE THOSE LAYERS? SWEATER SHIRT SWEATER? HELLO???

Pee balloons. Nailing the lawn furniture to the roof. Finn, you’re better than that!!! Stop your dudebros. 

They really had Artie be a guitar player, and a pretty good one at that, but they never mentioned it again? Artie had such potential SMH. (Also, Netflix subtitles are telling me it’s Arty, but I categorically refuse to spell it that way.)

Whyyyyy didn’t he go to KURT for the costumes as well? Look at his outfit, Finn. He clearly wants in on that job. 

Will Schuester really is just desperately clinging to his glory days in high school. I’d feel bad for him if he wasn’t such a creep about it. 

Emma, meaningfully: Do you know who that is? That’s you, Will... [FRANTIC DISCO MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND]

I find it hilarious how the audio of Don’t Stop Believin’ just DOES NOT match the characters except for the solos... Also wow, autotune city. Am I awful for genuinely not liking this cover? 

I like watching them perform it though. Kurt’s adorable little shimmy... Rachel and Tina smiling at each other like that... Everybody having a blast... I’m here for it

LOOK AT MY BABIES TILTING THOSE MIC STANDS...

Ok the way Rachel and Finn look at each other here is making me FEEL

I know Puck’s about to join anyway but WHY is he there watching... Just to have a mysterious bad boy moment? Lol you dramatic bastard

Please let them win nationals without you, Will.

So, yeah! There’s that! Those are my thoughts and feelings, basic though they may be. Episode one is fantastic, the kids are fantastic, and William Schuester can suck a toe. 

#Glee #Glee seasson 1 #Rosie watches things and then says things about the thing

[obtusemedia]

The best songs of the 2010s: #100-76

Happy 2020! Now that the previous decade has finally finished, it’s time to commemorate the 2010s. The decade in which I grew from an awkward teen to an awkward adult. And a decade with a ton of great music. Let’s dive right in: these are my 100 favorite songs of the 2010s.

#100: “Monopoly” by Danny Brown (2011)

Danny Brown is so delightfully grimy. He’s like a cartoon sewer rat come to life, rapping about pills and making hilariously crude jokes. In an anti-drug PSA, he’d be the sketchy weirdo trying to get a kid hooked on bath salts or whatever. And for a quick shot of his non-replicable style, it’s hard to do better than “Monopoly.”

Rapping over a glitchy, menacing beat with his trademark squawk, Brown lands oddball punchline after oddball punchline. In a span of less than 3 minutes, he threatens to defecate on your tape (and he has to clarify that too — “No, literally, shit all on your mixtape”), compares himself to Ferris Bueller sipping wine coolers and then closes his track by describing a woman’s vagina as “smellin’ like cool ranch Doritos.” And that last insult is the perfect distillation of Brown: the Adult Swim of rap. But much smarter than that would imply.

#99: “Shutdown” by Skepta (2015)

At the 2015 BRIT Awards, Kanye West performed “All Day” with a massive crowd of grime artists on stage, all in black, with flamethrowers shooting fire into the sky. 

Four days after the performance, Skepta — one of the artists on stage with Kanye — released “Shutdown.” It’s a much more fitting song for the intimidating, energized and proudly British crowd of MCs than a middling Kanye non-album cut.

“Shutdown” is the kind of song a rapper releases when they’re at the peak of their powers. Skepta was absolutely at that point in 2015, and so his finest single sounds like a coronation. His gruff delivery isn’t too loud, but it’s firm and confident. He knew he was the best MC in Britain, and “Shutdown” cemented that status.

#98: “Amor Fati” by Washed Out (2011)

Washed Out was one of the brightest voices in the turn-of-the-decade chillwave movement, and with cuts like “Amor Fati,” it’s not hard to see why. 

The big single off his debut, “Amor Fati” gives you a similar sensation as taking a shower: Pure bliss and warmth cascade around you. It’s a bit repetitive, but the song is clearly meant to set a mood more than anything else, so that’s excusable. If you need an entry point into chillwave, you can’t do much better than this.

#97: “Los Ageless” by St. Vincent (2017)

St. Vincent’s trajectory this decade took her from an art-pop weirdo who collaborates with David Byrne to a more mainstream art-pop weirdo who collaborates with Taylor Swift. But in that process, Annie Clark was able to pull her sharpest hooks out and put them in use in deceptively dark songs like “Los Ageless.”

With its sleek new wave production from Jack Antonoff, “Los Ageless” could’ve easily fit on most pop records. But Clark’s atonal, shrill guitar bursts and increasingly disturbing lyrics differentiate it. The song’s themes gradually shift from “lol Los Angeles is fake and plastic” to something more tragic. The desperate (in a good way) chorus says it all: “How could anybody have you and lose you/And not lose their minds too?”

#96: “I Like It” by Enrique Iglesias feat. Pitbull (2010)

I’m aware how ridiculous putting “I Like It” — a disposable, trashy club pop hit most people might not remember — on this list. Admitting I that I love this song probably guarantees that I’ll never get a job at Pitchfork.

But then those fuzzy, cheap synths come crashing in. And Enrique Iglesias sings his sleazy come-ons in an auto-tune slurry. And Pitbull delivers a gloriously ridiculous, very-2010 verse that references both the Tiger Woods cheating scandal AND the Obamas (along with gratuitous Spanish and a Miami shoutout). And then there’s the final touch: a prominent sample of Lionel Richie’s cheeseball classic “All Night Long.” It’s too much to resist.

What can I say? “I Like It” hits all the pleasure centers (including nostalgia, seeing as it came out in the middle of my high school tenure) in my brain. It’s a beautifully stupid, hedonistic highlight of the 2009-12 pop golden age.

#95: “The Wire” by HAIM (2013)

Retro-pop standard bearers HAIM had plenty of great singles this decade. But one of their first, the groovy breakup anthem “The Wire,” is still their best.

Unlike many most breakup anthems, which tend to be wildly emotional, “The Wire” is matter-of-fact. The relationship simply isn’t working, and it’s time to end it. That’s that. You’re going to be okay.

The verging-on-curt lyrics mixed with the Haim sisters’ groovy early ‘80s rhythm makes for a pop jam that’s perfect for any “It’s not you, it’s me” moment in your life.

#94: “Helena Beat” by Foster The People (2011)

I know they represent the mainstream selling-out moment of the magical late-’00s MGMT/Passion Pit/Phoenix moment, but I have a soft spot for Foster The People. Their debut album, Torches, might not have much indie cred, but it’s all-killer-no-filler and stuffed with monster hooks. And despite “Pumped Up Kicks” being the big hit, I’ve always preferred the album’s opening track, “Helena Beat.”

With its shuffling disco beat and Mark Foster’s piercing falsetto, “Helena Beat” is likely about as close as alt-rock ever got to the Bee Gees. The lyrics, which tackle addiction, are much darker than “Staying Alive,” but it’s got a similar sense of propulsion.

And let’s not forget — Foster wrote jingles before starting a band, so he can get melodies stuck in your head. And once you’ve heard “Helena Beat,” good luck getting it unstuck.

#93: “Redbone” by Childish Gambino (2016)

“Redbone” might be the smoothest R&B cut on this list. Which is why the song’s sense of dread and paranoia makes it stand out. 

Donald Glover’s scratchy, passionate falsetto isn’t conventionally pretty, but it works well while singing about some unknown boogieman who’s “creeping.” That’s why “Redbone” was a perfect fit for Get Out, because of its lurking dread underneath the comfortable exterior. This is the song that cemented Glover as being a true renaissance man, rather than an actor with a weird musical side project.

(of course, this still isn’t Glover’s greatest musical contribution — that would be the iconic “Troy and Abed in the Morning” jingle. Especially the night variant.)

#92: “Do You” by Spoon (2014)

Spoon has been America’s most consistently great rock band for the past two decade now. Even calling them “consistent” is practically a cliché.

So all you need to know about “Do You” is that it’s another solid Spoon song in a vast catalog of Spoon songs. Lead singer Britt Daniel is still effortlessly cool, the guitar-driven groove is simple and it all goes down easy. By 2014, Spoon had nothing left to prove, except how long they could keep up their streak.

#91: “I’m Not Part of Me” by Cloud Nothings (2014)

Cloud Nothings’ finest moment is four and a half minutes of pure angst and crunchy guitars. Squint hard enough, and “I’m Not Part of Me” is one of the closest approximations to ‘90s alt-rock. And while the Ohio band isn’t necessarily reinventing the wheel here, refining what made past music so great can be just as effective.

#90: “Hello” by Adele (2015)

Despite only releasing two albums this decade, Adele casts a major shadow over the 2010s. Although I find both those records to be a little on the bland side, there’s a reason she was/is a juggernaut. And the example of her prowess is “Hello.”

“Hello” has everything you’d want in an Adele song: It’s about not getting over a breakup, a very relatable topic, and Adele gets to show off her cannon of a voice. But it also has a secret weapon compared to other Adele ballads: ‘80s power-ballad production! The bombastic chorus has more in common with Heart’s “Alone” than any of Adele’s previous hits, and it’s a perfect accompaniment to one of the decade’s most melodramatic singles.

#89: “Slumlord” by Neon Indian (2015)

Despite putting out two essentially perfect albums this decade, Neon Indian’s mastermind, Alan Palomo, doesn’t really have that one mind-melting single. Yes, “Polish Girl” was a decent-sized indie hit, but it’s nowhere near his best.

But “Slumlord” comes damn close to perfection. It’s not quite as heavy on the melted-VCR aesthetic of other songs on Palomo’s best album, Vega INTL. Night School, but it makes up for that with an irrepressible ‘80s techno groove. “Slumlord” is one of those songs that could ride its beat forever — and it kind of does, with the “Slumlord’s Re-lease” coda following it on the album. It’s a nocturnal synthpop jam that even those allergic to keyboards couldn’t resist.

#88: “The Bay” by Metronomy (2011)

While most synth-weilding indie acts were trying to ape MGMT’s high-pitched fever dreams in the early ‘10s, Metronomy decided on a different, sleeker path with their 2011 album The English Riviera. That album’s best single, “The Bay,” is an immaculate blend of silky smooth yacht rock and nervy, tense new wave. Those two opposite styles shouldn’t work together, but Metronomy managed to pull it off regardless, creating the perfect beach anthem for awkward hipster Brits.

#87: “bad guy” by Billie Eilish (2019)

I expect the 17-year-old Eilish will likely be remembered more as an icon of the 2020s than the 2010s, as she has a long and promising career ahead of her. It’s like how Lady Gaga is much more of a figure of this decade, despite her earliest hits arriving in 2009. But “bad guy” — the kind of left-field, innovative pop single that signals a new era — came out in 2019. And it’s too damn weird, catchy and just plain fun to leave off this list.

#86: “Latch” by Disclosure feat. Sam Smith (2012)

It’s a bummer that Sam Smith turned out to be such a bore, because “Latch” — his introduction to the world — is pure electricity. 

Smith and fellow Brits Disclosure, who provide the pulsating, sensual production, were a dream team on “Latch.” All Disclosure needed to do was give Smith plenty of room to unleash his golden pipes, complete with a few futuristic touches. Smith delivered on his end, proving his worth as one of the best vocalists for conveying drama on the dancefloor.

#85: “Need You Now” by Cut Copy (2011)

No, it’s not a cover of the Lady Antebellum hit of the same name. 

There were plenty of ‘80s-inspired epic synthpop bangers this decade; some groups made their entire careers off of them. But what sets Cut Copy’s “Need You Now” above the rest is its sense of patience. It’s an incredibly slow burner, building the tension with a thumping beat and calm vocals until it all explodes with a dazzling climax nearly 5 minutes in. Af that moment, the Aussies fulfill their promise with a euphoric release of synths and thundering drums. 

It’s not a complicated concept for a song, but Cut Copy executed it perfectly.

#84: “The Mother We Share” by CHVRCHES (2013)

Glasgow new wave trio CHVRCHES never really lived up to their promising 2013 debut album, which opened with the anthemic “The Mother We Share.” But man, what a way to start a career.

"The Mother We Share” is all icy synths and furious drum machines, the sounds bouncing off each other like a hall of mirrors. And lead singer Lauren Mayberry’s quiet but confident vocals add the necessary human touch, conveying a tragic feel to the song’s triumphant chorus.

#83: “Night Shift” by Lucy Dacus (2018)

One of the most ferocious, biting breakup songs of the decade, “Night Shift” is a showcase for Lucy Dacus’ vivid storytelling. The Virginia singer-songwriter spends the first half the song setting the scene of a crappy ex trying to halfway make amends, while Dacus’ character holds herself back from lashing out. She saves the visceral emotion for the second half, when the grungy guitars kick in and Dacus lets out a wounded howl, proudly stating that “I’ll never see you again/If I can help it.” “Night Shift” is a tour de force of indie rock songwriting that rewards patience.

#82: “Round and Round” by Ariel Pink (2010)

Much of indie-rock trickster Ariel Pink is a little too jokey and off-putting for my taste. But on his defining single “Round and Round,” he sprinkled in just the right touch of weirdness into a song that otherwise could’ve been a massive easy-listening hit in 1980.

The quirks throughout “Round and Round” — the woozy, off-kilter production, the lyrics that seemingly make no sense, Pink answering his phone in the middle of the song — are enjoyable. But the song’s true strength is in its chorus: a sudden punch of roller-disco AM-lite harmonies that cut through all the song’s oddities. It’s a double-shot of warmth and nostalgic beauty that feels comfortingly familiar, yet still thrilling.

Pink seemed to know the chorus was the key to “Round and Round,” as he makes the listener wait nearly two minutes for it. But its inevitable release is a truly magical moment.

#81: “4th of July, Philadelphia (SANDY)” by Cymbals Eat Guitars (2016)

Heavily referencing an early Bruce Springsteen classic in the title of a song that sounds nothing like Springsteen is quite the flex. But New Jersey indie-rockers Cymbals Eat Guitars pulled it off regardless.

“4th of July” is a clanging, anthemic scuzz-rock track about going through an existential crisis in the middle of Independence Day. While everyone else is making plans for the holiday, lead singer and guitarist Joseph D’Agostino is howling away, “HOW MANY UNIVERSES AM I ALIVE AND DEAD IN?!?” It’s one of the hardest-rocking mental breakdowns put on record this decade.

#80: “I Like It” by Cardi B, Bad Bunny and J Balvin (2018)

Rapping over extremely-obvious samples has been a time-honored tradition in hip-hop, from the Beastie Boys trading verses over The Beatles to Puff Daddy jacking the chorus from one ‘80s hit and the beat from another in the same song.

But Cardi B, and reggaeton superstars Bad Bunny and J Balvin sampling the boogaloo classic “I Like It Like That” was an inspired choice. The trio’s verses are all delicious fun, whether they’re bragging about eating halal in a Lamborghini or referencing a classic Lady Gaga hit.

But that sample, combined with a trap beat and Cardi’s swaggering charisma powering the chorus, is what makes “I Like It” a classic.

#79: “Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles (2017)

Most former boy band members aim for a grown-and-sexy pop anthem once they go solo, whether its Jordan Knight, Justin Timberlake or Zayn Malik. But the standout member of the 2010s’ standout boy band, Harry Styles, chose took a sharp left turn into melodramatic classic rock instead. And it was a brilliant decision.

"Sign of the Times” is about as close to a classic Beatles or Queen power ballad we got this decade, with its clanging Western guitars, lush strings and thundering drum fills. Styles doesn’t have Freddie Mercury’s gravity-defying vocals, but his immense charisma powers the song anyways. It’s not 100% clear what “Sign of the Times” is about, but with its cinematic scope and cryptic lyrics, it’s likely about the apocalypse. And there’s not many superior songs to cry to while the bombs fall.

#78: “Dancing On My Own” by Robyn (2010)

The ultimate crying-on-the-dancefloor anthem, “Dancing On My Own” has already become a standard.

But Swedish alt-pop icon Robyn’s combination of icy synths and heartbroken, jealous lyrics can’t be replicated. Just ask Calum Scott, who slowed down the track into mushy, piano-ballad goop. Yikes.

What makes “Dancing On My Own” brilliant is its resiliency. It’s not a mopey song — Robyn is defiantly still grooving despite her crushed feelings. It’s a siren call for all those who have been hurt and know the only proper way to work out their emotions through cathartic dancing.

#77: “Trap Queen” by Fetty Wap (2015)

“Trap Queen” is an incredibly fun hip-hop banger, but I don’t think I can extoll its virtues quite as well as Fetty Wap’s hype man at the end of the track. So I’ll let him speak:

“YOU HEAR MY BOY SOUNDIN’ LIKE A ZILLION BUCKS ON THE TRACK?! I GOT WHATEVER ON MY BOY!!”

Amen. It’s a real shame Fetty wasn’t able to keep his momentum rolling past a big 2015, but at least we’ll always have the magic dying-walrus energy of “Trap Queen.” HEY WHAT’S UP HELLOOOOO

#75: “R U Mine?” by Arctic Monkeys (2012)

"R U Mine?” offers Arctic Monkeys fans the best of both worlds. On one hand, you have their AM-era slinky swagger. But it also retains the furious rock-n-roll energy of their early days.

Alex Turner sounds like a smooth-talkin’ cowboy here, but the music is anything but smooth. It hits like a semi-truck, with a calvary-charge guitar riff and so many thunderous drum fills you’d think you were listening to the E Street Band.

[what-if-rpg]

Welcome to the family, SCOUT! Your application to KATHERINE FABRAY (FC: ERIKA LINDER) was accepted. I am really happy to have you around! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! I can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!

IN CHARACTER

CHARACTER NAME: Katherine ‘Kit’ Blair Fabray CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 29, December 13th OCCUPATION: Mechanic, Student FACE CLAIM: Erika Linder HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: Lima, Ohio – New York City, New York SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER: Lesbian, Female RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single POSITIVE TRAITS: Intelligent, self-assured and independent NEGATIVE TRAITS: Secretive, cagey and recluse CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: 'How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become?’ ANYTHING ELSE?:   SECONDARY CHARACTER CHOICE: Emma Pillsbury

HEADCANONS

Katherine Fabray – or ‘Kate’ – was expected to be perfect from the day she was born, a few minutes after her twin sister, Frannie. While her parents didn’t always have the money and status they would come to acquire later in life, there was never a margin to be anything other than the perfect Christian girl. Long blonde hair, the perfect Sunday dress, popular, immaculate grades, Kate Fabray was always seemingly a true asset to her parents, but it was only ever a façade. At home, Kate had cultivated the perfect existence to keep her family as peaceful as possible. She’d learnt how to see one of her father’s violent rages coming from miles away, she knew how to act and exactly what to say to ease the situation, to keep her father happy. It didn’t always work, there were moments where her father wouldn’t stop pushing, would make her skin crawl but she had to do her best, for her mother, for her sisters. Whatever it took. Kate was brave, smart and she figured whatever God there was must have made her that way for a reason. It didn’t matter that Kate felt like an alien in her own body, that she struggled to keep still in church under the scrutiny of God or that she wanted to be a scientist when she grew up, not the bored housewife of some boy from church. All that mattered was that Kate survived her home life and did her best for the few she cared about. No one expected that the girl with the perfect GPA, the boys at her feet was cracking under the pressure of cover-ups and lies. All people saw was the two sisters who could part hallways of teenagers like the sea.

Everything changed when Kate was nearly sixteen. While Kate expertly covered up her home life from her peers and teachers, her intelligence and ambition from her parents, there was one thing she covered up from everyone. Something she’d know since she was just eight years old, the thing that made her squirm most in church, cringe at her parents’ conservative views. Kate Fabray was a lesbian. A deeply in the closest lesbian with no hope that one day it would ‘get better’. She knew how her parents would react, what their church taught. No one could know. Except the girl with the short hair and sparkly eyes in her AP Math class, she knew because it was her that Kate was caught kissing behind the school track field one evening. The same girl who didn’t call when her father kicked Kate out, only for her mother to reason with him that some people at church had suggested there was something that could be done. That’s how Kate ended up in the middle of nowhere, sitting in a cabin with a crucifix on the wall and a woman telling her that they would be able to take away the feelings Kate had. She could pray for them to go away. The place was eerie to her and the time seemed to drag, closed off from the outside world. Everyday passed with no word from any of her family except one, nearly blank birthday card and everyday Kate questioned how much longer she could remain in the place, knowing she had no home to go to otherwise.

One day, Kate ran away and never looked back. For anyone who asked, her parents maintained the narrative that their oldest daughter had married a nice Christian boy and moved out of state, otherwise it was as if Kate Fabray had never existed at all. In reality, Kate had hitched a ride to New York City. She wandered the city listlessly for weeks until she got a job at an auto shop and a small apartment nearby. On the first night in her own place, Kate took a pair a scissors to her hair and while the hair fell in a broken sink and she had to squint to see her uneven haircut in the grimy mirror, it was like she had properly breathed for the first time in her life and the person looking back at her was actually her. No one called her Kate ever again and definitely not Katherine. Kit was different. She didn’t go to church, hold her tongue or change herself for anyone. She joined a band and they toured, she saw places she never thought she would. Life even seemed to be okay for once, but Kit was an incredibly troubled individual. She started living a full musician lifestyle, drowning herself in dive bars, missing for days at a time and ignoring the worries of those around her. It took hitting rock bottom for Kit to reevaluate where her life was. She got clean and started working towards the goals she had when she was younger, hoping to find herself free from the restraints she experienced as a teenager.  

Rapidly approaching thirty, Kit is working hard to get her life to resemble more of what she was always believed to be capable of when she was younger. She obtained her GED a few years back with ease and now attends night school in the hopes she will soon be able to become a qualified engineer or finally attend college.

CONNECTIONS

PARENTS: Judy & Russell Fabray: Kit hasn’t spoken to her parents in over ten years. Long before Russell kicked her out or Judy reasoned with enough that she ended up at some camp, she never really felt close to her parents.  She always saw her family as detached, performative people and being much more honest in her nature the two things would always be at odds. It’s easier to just pretend she doesn’t have parents at all, even if she doesn’t really blame her mother for anything that happened. Kit has no desire to speak to her father ever again and doesn’t really think about her parents that much. SISTERS: Frannie & Quinn Fabray: While she didn’t care much for her parents, Kit loved her sisters dearly – she just wasn’t always good at showing it. In order to protect her sisters, Kit always tried to take the heat from their father, be the perfect daughter so at least he’d leave them alone, but she always feared that being too close with her sisters would just be painful, so Kit often closed herself off. Kit always tried especially hard to keep her younger sister, Quinn from their parents’ arguments and their father’s anger, but it often seemed futile, when Kit decided to never return, the only real thing that she struggled with was leaving her sisters even though she knew she truly didn’t have a choice. As adults, Kit is incredibly proud of her sisters and desires a better relationship with her but worries that there’s somethings they won’t be able to heal. HALF-SIBLINGS: Daniel, Avery and Juliette: While Kit was never actually aware of her father’s infidelity and resulting children, nothing about it felt terribly surprising. She perhaps felt sorry for her mother for a while and her father’s other children but after that she didn’t dwell on it too much. Family has never been Kit’s forte and she’s still trying to patch up relationships with the family she actually grew up with.

#Katherine Fabray #Erika Linder #Accepted #Glee RP #Glee RPG #RP

[caseyhxndrix-blog]

01/BASICS

Full Name: Casey Ian Hendrix Nickname: Case, Oklahoma Birthday: February 28 Gender: Agender (they/them) Sexual Orientation: Bi as fuck Astrological Sign: Pisces Spoken Languages: English Birthplace: Stillwater, Oklahoma Relationship status: Single but hardcore crushin’

02/PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: Brown, mostly straight with the odd wave here and there; they usually keep it longer in the front for that iconic swoop, but have been known to wear it short all over. Eye Color: Baby blues Face Claim: Thomas Doherty  Height: 6′ Tattoos: None Piercings: None Unique Attributes: Bright blue eyes, slightly uneven teeth thanks to a failed attempt at braces when they were too young, jawline that could cut glass, dimples that could break hearts.

03/PERSONALITY TRAITS/TYPES

Positive Traits: Empathetic, loyal, passionate, hard working, optimistic, kind Negative Traits: Obsessive, lost, easily manipulated, self aggrandizement, bitter Hobbies/Interests: Exy, exy, and more exy. Running and working out, generally pushing themself to the limits. They’re in the process of working on not just being all about Exy, but that hasn’t exactly taken full effect yet, and they don’t quite know who they are when they’re not focusing on the sport. Interests include taking naps, and early morning runs. Insecurities: What isn’t an insecurity at this point? They’re constantly worried that they’ll never really have a home again, that because of everything they’ve done their family is finished with trying with them––it’s been so long since they’ve felt like a real part of the family, after all. That they’re nothing without Exy, and that if they’re not as good as they used to be, they won’t have any future in the sport, and in turn have no real future at all. That how they played on the Buckeyes was their peak and that there’s no way they’ll ever be as good again, no matter how hard they try. All in all, it’s the feeling of pressure that they put on themself, the fear that they’ll keep letting people down if they’re not good enough, and that there’s nothing they can do to change that. Quirks/Eccentricities: Loud obnoxious laugh, blaring music from their earbuds even when they’re not wearing them in their ears, eating cereal in the shower to save time in the morning, taking naps anywhere and everywhere, including inappropriate places even when not tired.  MBTI Type: ESFJ “The Caregiver”; strong practical skills, strong sense of duty, very loyal, sensitive, warm, good at connecting with others, worrier, inflexible, too selfless, often too needy, vulnerable to criticism Enneagram Type: Type 1 “The Reformer”; perfectionists, responsible, fixated on improvement Moral Alignment: Neutral Good Temperament: Melancholic, formally choleric 

04/FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family: Their mother, Michelle Hendrix. A sister only a two years their younger, Mallory. Two half sisters, Candace, four years younger, and Morgan, five years younger, both with different fathers, although they didn’t know this until Casey and Mallory’s dad had left. And then twins a whooping nine years younger than them, Nikki and Ryan. Despite everything, they all have their mother’s last name. How do they feel about their family?: They’re not exactly sure at this point. Even before everything that had happened at Ohio State, things had gone south. As a child, they had been incredibly close with their mom and their younger siblings, practically raising their younger siblings with their mom. When they went to boarding school, things changed, and they spent less and less time with them, almost embarrassed in a way of where they came from. And it was clear when they did go home that everyone else had moved on without them as well. The past year spent at home was awkward, to say the least, not feeling quite like they should’ve been there, but nowhere else to go, and still family, being blamed for fucking things up for themself so thoroughly when they were the one who had the chance to be something bigger than where they were stuck. They want nothing more than to be that close to their family again, but it feels a lot like the damage has already been done. How does their family feel about them?: Distant, to say the least. Their younger siblings who were once so close to them, looking up to them as exactly what they all wanted to be, someone to make it out of Oklahoma and have a life out in the world, now have no idea how to act around them knowing even hints of what happened. While they used to be extremely close, their relationship with their mother now ranges from hostile to apathetic, depending on both of their moods. She put so much into their future, and in a way it feels like they threw it all away. There’s still a loyalty their, they both know what it’s like to be abandoned, after all, what it’s like to be left behind, she would never abandon them, no matter how much they disappointed her. Underneath it all, there’s still support, but it’ll take a long time to build the trust and confidence back up. Pets: Their old family dog, Jade, a big German Shepard who started sleeping on their back porch only a few days after their father left, as if to say I’m here to protect you now. They all silently agreed on keeping her, and she’s been a constant ever since. Being back at home when it no longer felt like home, Jade was truly Casey’s best friend, and the one who got them through it without breaking down completely. What’s better than a big, old, fluffy dog to make you feel less hopeless? Jade is always Casey’s phone background. Where do they live?: Stillwater, Oklahoma for the past year, Fox Tower during the school year. Description of their home: Small and cramped, everyone shares a bedroom with at least one other member of the family, but it’s still bigger than the trailer they lived in when they were a child. They do have a spacious backyard, though, and a wonderful back porch, which Casey spent the majority of their time in while living back at home for a year. Description of their bedroom: Their section of the room in Fox Tower is fairly plain, since they flew in from Oklahoma and couldn’t bring much, and didn’t have a lot of money devoted to buying decorations once here. Their room back at home isn’t their room, and hasn’t been for years; they shared a room with two of their sisters for the year they were home, and it was pretty much them just living in their sisters’ space for a year. It sucked.

05/THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert Optimist or Pessimist? Optimist Leader or Follower? Leader Confident or Self-Conscious? Self-conscious, formerly very confident, and trying their best to get back to that Cautious or Careless? Cautious Passionate or Apathetic? Passionate Book Smarts or Street Smarts? Street smarts Compliments or Insults? Compliments

06/FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Light blue Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: The Adidas Aesthetic™, aka the most bro-y you can get. Lots and lots of tank tops and gym shorts, hoodies optional. When without running shoes, will only be found barefoot. Maybe owns two pairs of real pants. Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: Ariana Grande gay all the way. A lot of current pop, rock, and hip hop, anything that has a beat they can run to well. Favorite Movies: They unabashedly love musicals and movies with dance numbers, especially classics like Moulin Rouge, Footloose, Rocky Horror, and Mama Mia! Favorite Books: Not much of a reader, but their favorite book of all time is still Good Omens Favorite Foods/Drinks: They’re like a garbage can, they’ll eat anything and everything and enjoy it, but especially love a good old southern dinner with mac n cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, and some delicious chicken, all homecooked of course. Fav drinks include too sweet iced coffee, five hour energy and most other energy drinks, as well as too surgery mixed drinks.  Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: Always and forever Exy only, who knows what team tho tbqh Favorite Time of Day: Early morning Favorite Weather/Season: The middle of summer, the sort of weather where you can wear as little clothing as possible and fall asleep all warm in a path of sun. Favorite Animal: Any kind of big dog

#tfctask #( headcanons. ) #WHEW THAT WAS LONG

[matmarrash]

My First Roll of Kodak Gold 200 in Medium Format

Late last month Kodak announced the return of Kodak Gold, a budget favorite in the world of medium speed color film, in medium format aka 120 film. A few days following that announcement, a special package arrived from Kodak with my name on it. Inside there was a pair of test rolls, and I was excited to take some out into the field for an early morning shoot. And to share the love, I gave one roll to my buddy Tariq Tarey so Gold 200 could have the proper studio treatment.

Now I’ve been shooting medium format film for 12 years at this point, the hardest part about this whole test was trying to figure out what camera to shoot! The first option would be to go with the camera that started my whole film photography journey, the Hasselblad 500C. That camera helped me re-ignite this very blog with The 52 Project, and had me running through enough film that I eventually met-up with Mike and “the gang” over at The Film Photography Podcast. Another potential option would have been a roll-film back hooked up to a 4x5” large format camera. That would keep the pace closer to my typical large format experience, and give me the versatility of choosing a different medium format aspect ratio. In the middle of trying to decide what I was going to shoot, I headed over to Midwest Photo to see if they’d be willing to develop and scan the new Gold 200 on their Fujifilm Frontier medium format film scanner. And that’s when I saw her sitting there at the used equipment counter:

The lovely thing about 120 film is the versatility of medium format cameras. There are modern, AF enabled, interchangeable lens bodies that expose 15 shots per roll all the way to giant boxes that expose nearly all the film in one go. Somewhere on the “box camera” end of that spectrum lies the Fujifilm G617. At first glance it looks like a rangefinder camera, but the Fujifilm G617 doesn’t feature a rangefinder patch. It uses a helicoid focus ring in front of its large format style 105mm f/8 lens, and has a fixed wide angle view finder to help with composition. Even more impressive than the wide field of view, the G617 captures 2.83:1 panoramic aspect ratio photograph, using 6cm x 17cm worth of real estate. The cost? Each roll of 120 film only gives you FOUR exposures! In the gamble of shooting with film, 6x17 medium format is like betting at the $10 blackjack table. High risk aside, I just had to take the G617 for a spin.

With an almost-large-format camera in hand, what better place to take it than one of my old haunts, Old Man’s Cave down in the Hocking Hills. Many of the waterfalls you’ll find in the Hocking Hills region require a downward hike through rocks carved by glaciers thousands of years ago. The valleys surrounding the sights give photographers a few extra minutes at sunrise and sunset to get the shot just right. Sunrise was scheduled for 6:30AM, and for a mid-April morning it was surprisingly chilly (I’m pretty sure it was snowing in Northern Ohio that morning!). By the time I parked the car, loaded up the camera, filmed a little b-roll, and made the trek down to the Middle Falls it was a few minutes before 7AM. The first exposure on the roll was a composition similar to one I’d made back in 2014, but this time a bit wider and IN COLOR! To get all those lovely shadow details on the rocks, my Reveni Labs Spotmeter indicated 6 seconds at f/16.

One of the first things I noticed about the “look” of Gold 200 is how well it handles the mixed, reflected light throughout the Middle Falls of Old Man’s Cave. There’s a hint of warmth is the backlit sunrise peaking in through the upper middle part of the frame, with the rest of the cold, blue-green light bouncing off of the mossy rocks and trees. There’s some added vibrance to the green and aqua of the rocks, but nowhere near as much as I’d expect to see with Ektar 100 or Portra 400. As for grain, forget about it; these negatives would need to be enlarged 20x or more to start to see grain.

With the first frame down and the sun coming up, I needed to make the call whether I would venture towards the Lower Falls or go against the grain and check out the Devil’s Bathtub and Upper Falls. Both trails have their merits, but early in the morning I find it best to head further down into the cave. Following the water down through Old Man’s Cave, I arrived at another very familiar scene, one that I’ve photographed at least a dozen times (even a few in color!). Surely a new film would offer it’s own unique rendition. Out the corner of my eye I saw the sun start to graze the tops of the staircase to the upper left of the frame, so I needed to hurry. The added light reduced my exposure by nearly two stops, but also increased contrast. With Kodak Gold 200 being a negative film (C-41 process), it didn’t bat an eye at the overexposure, leaving me with readable highlights and delicate, low grain shadows.

This shot of Middle Falls was my favorite from the morning. It wasn’t too warm or too punchy, but it did a great job rendering the subtle tonal shifts as direct sun started to overtake the cold, reflected morning light. A piece of advice I’d received over a decade ago from a photographer working in panoramic formats came in handy here,

”If you place interesting subject matter along the edges of your frame, the rest of the picture will take care of itself.” - John Powers, Photographer

At the half-way point on the roll of Kodak Gold and one major location left, it was time to take the stairs down to the Lower Falls. The sun had been up for an hour at this point and I was starting to hear the sounds of other folks on the trail. Being the last waterfall stop at Old Man’s Cave, Lower Falls tends to have a higher rate of flow as well as a bit to wade through when setting up the camera. I don’t recall ever having made it this far on the trail with color film, but I was excited to see how Gold 200 would render the contrasting cool and warm tones on the rocks underneath the falls.

This is first photograph of Lower Falls is a great example of where I’d love to have access to some “rise”. In large format (sometimes other formats), rise and fall are movements that allow the photographer to shift the lens plane and/or film plane. This has the ability to change the perspective and shift the vanishing point in the photograph; an incredibly useful tool in landscape photography, especially with wide fields of view. In my opinion, a few millimeters of rise on the 105mm lens would have really elevated this composition.

Three photographs down, one to go. With this last frame I wanted to take another stab at the Lower Falls, hoping to find more leading lines for the panoramic frame. Fortunately a hundred meters or so away there was a downed tree that was calling my name. It took some stepping over flat rocks and fording ice cold water, but I found my frame and started to lower the tripod to accentuate the lines of the tree. Somewhere between all of that tripod shifting and the two second exposure I must have bumped the film door of the Fujifilm G617. Were it not for that little light streak, this would have been my favorite shot of the day.

Overall I’m really happy with how my first roll of Kodak Gold in 120 developed. These results are making want to grab a few more rolls and keep experimenting with color. The next time I’m out with some Gold 200, I’d like to try it with more creative filters and some different light. But will the next time take place with a 6x17? Probably not; I loved the panoramic look, but I need to give the Hasselblad 500C a workout with some portraits.

Big thanks to Tim and the team at Kodak Alaris for sending over the rolls of Kodak Gold 200 for me to test, and Midwest Photo for facilitating the rental camera and processing. Gold 200 is available now, and later this year we’ve got Cinestill 400D (35mm, 120, AND 4x5!) and Fugufilm 400 (35mm slide film!) coming. So far 2022 is shaping up to be a great one for film photography!

#kodak #kodak gold #mediu format #fujifilm #g617 #6x17 #c-41 #c41 #color negative #color film #landscape #landscape photography #hocking hills #waterfall #tariq tarey #studio #midwest #midwest photo exchange #midwest photo #mpex #columbus

[thebachelordiaries]

Jocks And Finance Bros: Bachelorette First Impressions

Becca, I hope you like jocks and finance bros. 

If not, you’re shit out of luck.

Becca dates one athlete and they beat that one dating preference of her’s to death by casting 18 or so former athletes. Kind of like how they beat “Let’s Do The Damn Thing” tagline to death.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.

A letter to the men on this season of The Bachelorette:

Do you think you deserve this goddess of a woman, Becca Kufrin? You probably don’t. You probably think too highly of yourself to know this.

Maybe two of you will be good enough for her. Five of you may turn out to be decent people, but that’s me being generous. If it’s anything like JoJo’s season, we will have just one or two decent men. ABC producers, please don’t let me down. Oh wait, you already did with the super-short bios. 

This season we have 25 28 men vying for Becca’s heart, or at least a blue checkmark on their Instagram page. At least one of you will get fake engaged on Paradise and six of you will move from middle-of-nowhere USA to Los Angeles and move back home within a year. I’m not sure which guys will do that yet, but it’s always fun to guess!

Anyway, good luck with your 15 minutes of fame!

Signed,

The Bachelor Diaries.

WTF: No Q&A?

ABC did not include the usual Q&A in this year’s cast bios. I’m so offended. How will I truly understand these men if I don’t know what kind of fruit they’d be or what kind of superpower they’d want?

I would boycott this season because of this, but I have literally nothing better to do on Monday nights, or any night for that matter. I’m still going to try my best to roast these men, of course. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Despite no Q&A’s, I will still form my own opinions on these guys. I, like Kanye West, am a free thinker. Go poopidy-scoop yourself, ABC.

Ok, now let’s get to know these men:

Alex, 31, Construction Manager

Alex is the male equivalent of the basic white girl. He likes country music, his dog, the beach and skiing. He probably has “Let’s go on a hike together!” on his Bumble profile and regularly wears a Patagonia dad hat.

Blake, 28, Sales Rep

We already met horse boy Blake on After The Final Rose. He either played baseball or football in college. Thanks for being so concise, ABC. However, he looks like a baseball player to me. While originally from a small town in Colorado, he definitley lives in LA now. He also believes “two people need to be independent in order to truly love each other” so I think that means he’s into open relationships and or will cheat on you.

Chase, 27, Advertising VP

Chase, unlike Blake, was definitley a college baseball player who was apparently good enough to be in the College Wold Series but evidently not good enough to go pro— at least longterm. We also met Chase on ATFR and I don’t remember much about him. He likes “adventure” and the “outdoors” so he’s quite the special snowflake.

Chris, 30, Sales Trainer

What even is a sales trainer? Chris hopes to retire by 40. In this economy? Good luck with that. He is passionate about “fitness” and “health” which is so unique and different. I feel like I really got to know him through that piece of information.

Christian, 28, Banker

Christian is a former semi-pro soccer player who moved to the US from Mexico when he was three. I feel like his picture makes him look like he has a little head, but other than that he seems alright.

Christon, 31, Former Harlem Globetrotter/ Professional Dunker

I spent a good 30 seconds wondering why two guys with the same name didn’t have their last name initials included in their bios. It took another 30 seconds to notice that Christon was spelled differently than Christian. So this dude is a professional dunker in LA. My first thought is that he’d have a pretty good intro video package for The Bachelorette. Anyone want to put money down that he gets one?

Clay, 30, Pro Football Player

Clay was on his way to the poetry slam but somehow got lost and ended up on the Bachelorette. He allegedly doesn’t curse but is a fan of hip-hop music. I think he is the “famous” football player who was in talks to be on this season. Apparently I should care. Never heard of him. 

Colton, 26, Former Pro Football Player

“Hi, my name is Colt and welcome to my Youtube Channel!” That’s the vibe I’m getting from this picture. I’m also getting Blake Griffin vibes. He just looks strangely tan here. Colton may have a job at the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I’m curious to know if he has a story as to WHY he is involved with CF. He also lives in Denver and has a dog named Sniper, which is awkward because the neighboring city of Boulder just banned assault weapons.

EDIT: He was the guy who asked out Aly Raisman via public video and they briefly dated. I shipped them so hard. I AM SHOOKETH.

Connor, 25, Fitness Coach

I feel like I’m going to be sick if I hear one more guy talk about how they were “almost” a professional athlete and how much they lo0o0o0ove working out. I’m sadly only at the beginning of this cast list. Someone pray for me. And someone pray that Connor’s eyebrows grow back after that terrible wax job.

Darius, 26, Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Darius works for big pharma yet claims to be dedicating his life to helping others. Err, okay. He likes to dance and travels a lot so my guess is he’s probably not ready to settle down at age 26 despite his 36-year-old hairline.

David, 25, Venture Capitalist

David looks like every finance bro who lives in West Village and only dates 22-year-old Instagram models. The only difference is that he lives in Denver instead of Manhattan, which by society’s standards makes him more wholesome. He also loves guacamole, but dislikes avocado, which roughly translates to: I don’t cook and eat Chipotle for dinner every night.

Grant, 27, Electrician

The only way Grant is making it past night one is if he shows up fully dressed as a member of the Village People or as Bob The Builder. If not, he has no chance.

Garrett, 29, Medical Sales Rep

Pro tip to ABC: The letter A comes before the letter R in the alphabet. These names are out of order. 

Anyway, Garret reminds me of Ben Afleck in that his face just makes me want to punch him..in the face. Besides the fact that he also works for big pharma, he actually has outdoor hobbies besides “I enjoy fresh air and walking in the woods” like fly fishing and showshoeing. I’m hoping he isn’t a giant jerk because I kind of like him.

Jake, 29, Marketing Consultant

I thought his name was “Joke” at first because I am a terrible person. I think Joke...I mean Jake...is from the same city as Becca. (I’m assuming Minnesota only has one city) I feel like all hot people in cities have this inner-circle where they know of each other, so maybe they’ve crossed paths before.

Jason, 29, Sr. Corporate Banker

Andrew Keegan? I love your work. “Jason” likes sports and singing along to Disney movies. He contains multitudes. 

Jean Blanc, 31, Colognoisseur

I love that ABC took a smart, educated, immigrant with a successful job and gave him a fake occupation on television. Jean Blanc is a cologne connoisseur. I feel like he would smell good. 10/10 would smell him.

Joe, 31, Grocery Store Owner

I feel like a lot of these bios are the equivalent to what it’s like to drive in an Uber. The driver is always explaining to you how successful they are and where they traveled as a way to prove they aren’t some loser driving you around. Joe’s bio screams “Yeah I own a grocery store but also worked in finance before I burnt myself out, so don’t judge me.” Nobody was judging you, but now I am.

John, 28, Software Engineer

John hopes to be the first Asian male to make it out of night one on The Bachelorette. I can already tell he’s better than most of these guys: he works at a start-up in Silicon Valley, likes wine, plays guitar and bakes banana bread. He deserves a rose, dammit!

Jordan, 26, Male Model

Robert Mills, who is like an important ABC guy or something, called Jordan the “greatest Bachelorette contestant of all time.” Clearly he’s trying to make us forget about Chad. Good luck with that, Robert. Definitley not happening.

So Jordan is probably this season’s villain. Whatever, I don’t care. I DO care, however, that his bio is bragging about a mediocre 4:24 mile time and “sprinting to the finish line.” The time was written as “4.24″ by ABC and a comma is also missing from that sentence. ABC, let me know if you want to hire me as an editor. Back to the mile comment: A mile is an endurance mid-distance race. Nobody is technically sprinting in it, unless it’s a tactical race. Puns don’t work if they’re factually incorrect. 

Kamil, 30, Social Media Participant

Kamil works in real estate and is a part-time model, but ABC decided to call him a “social media participant.” He’s originally from Poland but lives in Upstate New York, which is evident based on the fact he’s wearing a denim button-up shirt.

Leo, 31, Stuntman

It’s crazy how fast Alex Bordy grew his hair in a year. “Not Alex Bordy” is a stuntman in LA, which I heard is a pretty sick job. I am personally a fan of his hair. He knows how to tame those curls and probably rocks a great man bun. I would love to know what products he uses.

Lincoln, 26, Account Executive

Lincoln has a lot of things going on in his bio. He moved to Boston from Nigeria as a teenager, went to college in Kentucky and moved to Santa Monica for work. We met him on ATFR and he was super nervous, cute and had an accent to make most girls swoon. I’d say make him The Bachelor but 26 is too young in my opinion.

Mike, 27, Sports Analyst

How come every Ohio sports fan names their dog Riggins? Based on his hair, I’m assuming Mike is a radio sports analyst. That hair on television? No thank you. Hopefully Leo can give him some tips to make his hair look decent. Did you know: Becca’s psycho ex Ross used to have long hair? It was not cute. But I don’t think Becca is going to send the long-haired guys home immediately a la the notoriously shallow Andi Dorfman.

Nick, 27, Attorney

I’m excited for Nick to be on the show because I know him by association. Let me explain: A friend of mine went to school with one of his friends and periodically stalks her social media. The friend is a girl, so I think he’s friends with mostly girls, which may explain why he loves to “brunch.” He looks terrible in this photo. Nick gives me polished, sexually ambiguous vibes based on how he appears on Insta. I also knew he was going to be on the show before R*ality St*ve, which made me feel powerful. It was a rush.

Rickey, 27, IT Consultant

I know of Rickey too. He was a Bodybuilding.com Spokesmodel Search finalist in 2017. Hashtag #rightreasons. I’m not sure how “online personal trainer” translates to IT consultant, but ok. Side note: I don’t think bodybuilders look good in suits so he might go home night one. 

Ryan, 26, Banjoist

Before the “Yanny or Laurel” debate there was the “Ryan or Brian” debate on After The Final Rose. Evidently the answer is Ryan. He’s the new Wells and I could not be more excited to watch this babe on my television screen. He plays at least four instruments and loves to sail. He also screams “family money” but it’s ok, we can mooch off his parents together.

Trent, 28, Realtor

Can you imagine having a child and naming it Trent? This guy never had a chance. He is a realtor and a part-time model (I swear I wrote the same thing a few contestants up) and has appeared on covers of romance novels, but I certainly wouldn’t call him the next Fabio.

Wills, 29, Graphic Designer

Wills is a graphic designer who loves Harry Potter. I see no problem here. Except for maybe his porno-stache.

Prediction corner: 

Welcome to the prediction corner where I never get anything right. Oh, you know what happens because you read spoilers? Please keep that information to yourself. I like to find out what happens on my own.

Without further ado, here are my baseless predictions:

First Impression Rose: The guys who got the First Impression Rose on the last three seasons became engaged to The Bachelorette. If that happens this year I demand a scientific case study to explain the power of first impressions on women. Anyway, I think Ryan gets it.

Season Villain: Jordan (that was easy)

Next Bachelor: Blake (don’t ask me why)

Winner: Garrett (I like him)

Comment below to let me know your early favorites!

#The Bachelorette #Becca Kufrin #abc #Arie Luyendyk #chris harrison #photo credit ABC

[7r0773r]

A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance by Hanif Abdurraqib

There were no Black people who clowned me or any of my pals for listening to so-called "alternative" music, because the people who introduced us to that music were Black people. Of course, there were the hip-hop stalwarts, just like there were the overly devoted punk kids or metalheads who didn't really have much interest in crossing genres up. But these were not a malicious bunch—one simply respected the territory as needed. Keep a wide range of cassettes in a bag, so that if the fate of school bus seating shook you out next to the devoted rap heads, you'd have something to pass around and collectively nod to. And if you found yourself with a committed Black goth, you could pull the dubbed tape of Cure songs out of your back pocket. I first learned to code-switch through the musical movements of my people, and done among my people in this way, it didn't feel like a shameful burden. It felt like a generosity—a celebration of the many modes we could all fit into.

I think of this particular part of my upbringing when I hear other Black people reference what they grew up listenIng to or watching in an attempt to distance themselves from other Black people, or to make their experience exceptional or unique. A better and more interesting conversation to have, I think, is the one about how we are all outside the borders of someone else's idea of what Blackness is. To someone else Black, I am either too much of something or not enough of something else. The impulse when confronted with these facts, it seems, is to either attempt to assert whatever ness you claim and know well, or punish or deride those who might dare question your identity.

But if Blackness and the varied performance of it are to be embraced, then what also has to be embraced is the flawed fluidity of it. How the performance is sometimes regional, sometimes ancestral, often partially forged out of a need to survive some place, or some history, or some other people who didn't wish you or your kinfolk well. And yes, sometimes forged out of an ambition to appeal to the limited imagination of whiteness. The problem is that there is no way to prove oneself Black enough for every type of Black identity in the States, let alone the world. There is not always a way to prove (and possibly no way to trace) the how and why of your personal performance, until it becomes calculated. And in trying, high-profile figures often spiral further into being scrutinized by their doubters. I am thinking often on how crucial it is to love Black people even when feeling indicted by them. Even when that indictment is not out of love (which of course it sometimes is), but out of them clocking you for a standard you are not capable of rising to. I don't have any solution for this, but it has often seemed to me that even nodding and keeping it moving is an act of love when faced with the alternative of publicly debating the small or large nuances of specific modes of Blackness. And to not, in turn, make yourself a victim of Black people for the sympathy of a white audience. (On the Certain and Uncertain Movement of Limbs, pp. 103-04)

***

A country is something that happens to you. History is a series of thefts, or migrations, or escapes, and along the way, new bodies are added to a lineage. Someone finds a place where they think themselves meant to be, and they stop moving. Had the first job my father interviewed for come through at the start of the '80s, I would have been born in Providence, Rhode Island, instead of Columbus, Ohio, where work at the time was more plentiful. A city adorned with the name of a violent colonizer, his statue looming over the center of the downtown, his history a happening unto itself. I never asked to be in this country, or this city, of course. But what we end up with in the earliest moments of our lives can be beyond asking. I think now about the story of my two pals sitting down with their three-year-old only child and telling her that she was soon going to be the older sister to a new, younger child—the introduction of whom would require a halving of attention. The child took all of this information in, sat quietly for a moment, and then plainly replied, "No, thank you." (The Josephine Baker Monument Can Never Be Large Enough, p. 142)

***

Merry Clayton never gave birth to the baby she showed up to the studio pregnant with. Shortly after getting home from the session, she miscarried. There are those who say that the physical strain Clayton exerted in the studio contributed to the miscarriage, though she herself has never blamed the song or the Stones or the studio, which may be her way of keeping her grief her business and not aligning it with another piece of rock 'n' roll mythology. I don't know anything about what it is to carry or give life, but I know that when Merry Clayton's voice cracks in "Gimme Shelter," a part of me wants to jump as if it is the shot that begins the war itself. A part of me hears Mick shout and wants to know what he saw in that moment. A pregnant Black woman balancing on a stool, summoning all she had in order to leave behind something memorable. The backup singers, man. They get to be memorable for a few minutes at a time and forgotten in all of the minutes in between. I want to know if Mick saw every wretched tooth in the mouth of the world's most wretched beasts trembling and falling to the ground. There is some awful reckoning to be had in a song like that. Some awful things to be lived with. (I Would Like to Give Merry Clayton Her Roses, pp. 200-01)

***

I would like to give Merry Clayton her roses. I would like roses to burst forth from the walls of every room Merry Clayton is in. I would like to give roses to every singer who had a name tied up in liner notes and not on the tongues of people who sang along to their pristine vocals. I would like to bring roses to the doorstep of the house Merry Clayton walked out of at midnight in 1969 and I would like to lay roses on the stool where she sat, her pregnant belly hanging over the edge while she sang murder, murder, murder. I would like roses to come out of the ground somewhere any time a person's voice cracks under the weight of what it has been asked to carry, I would like to do this while the living are still the living, and I don't want to hear from any motherfucker who isn't with the program. I would like roses for Merry Clayton to fall from the sky whenever a gunshot echoes above and I would like roses for Merry Clayton in the hands of whoever could throw the first punch but doesn't. I want the small red fists to come from the earth and slowly open wherever Meredith Hunter's body is, or wherever his body had been. I want Merry Clayton to be as big as the Rolling Stones. I want teenagers to wear her face on T-shirts, and I mean her good face with her good afro and her fur coat and her father's eyes. I want record stores to stock the solo records of Merry Clayton in the front case and I want them to play all of the songs she sang alone, with no one else. I want enough roses to build headstones for everyone I love. I want the moment when the drums kick in on any version of "Gimme Shelter." I want that feeling in my chest to always remind me what I'd miss if it were taken from me. I want shelter, and I don't even know what that means anymore. I want nowhere, nothing sacred. (I Would Like to Give Merry Clayton Her Roses, pp. 203-04)

***

Late in 2016, after the election results had come back and the demographic voting breakdowns began to circulate, the most jarring of all the stats was that white women voted for Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton at a 52 percent to 43 percent clip. Resting underneath that, however, was that Black women overwhelmingly voted Clinton, at 93 percent. A lot of the conversation centered on the intersection of gender and power, and how white women will vote in the interest of the latter if it means ignoring all else. But what also began was a groundswell of appreciation for Black women that read as disturbing to me, largely because it was rooted primarily in their ability to fix the country, or labor on behalf of a mess many of them didn't ask for. The discomfort was most visceral because a majority of people engaging in this narrative in its early stages were white, and potentially "well-meaning," but not considering what the building of those ideas might be doing. Or not considering the motives behind these actions. To shout "Black women are going to save us all!" might feel good to type out to send in a tweet, but it reads as less good when one stops to consider that Black people—specifically Black women in this case—are not here in this country as vessels to drag it closer to some moral competence. The American obsession with immorality and a willingness to push its hardest labor off on its most marginalized is integral to the Black American experience, and so it occurred to me that maybe Black women were simply attempting to save themselves. That many Black people in the country have to go to jobs they don't love, or deal with waves of microaggressions at work or at the coffee shop or at the gym, and still know that voting won't save or stop any of this but did it anyway because the bet was already bad but the dealer had the cards in his hand to make it worse, and so many of us knew it. (Beyoncé Performs at the Super Bowl and I Think About All of the Jobs I've Hated, pp. 215-16)

***

Friends, I come to you very plainly afraid that I am losing faith in the idea that grief can become anything but grief. The way old neighborhoods are torn to the ground and new ones sprout from that same ground, it feels, most days, like my grief is simply being rebuilt and restructured along my own interior landscape. There is not enough distance between tragedies for my sadness to mature into anything else but another new monument obscuring the last new monument. When the interviewers asked Buster Douglas what his plan was in 1990, days before the fight, he responded I'll just hit him, I guess. And trust, I have dragged myself back to the walls of my fears and thrown my fists into them, hoping a crack might open for the sunlight to gallop through. But it turns out I'm not the fighter I once was, and I was never much of a fighter in the first place. It turns out all of my fears have become immovable.

I am afraid not of death itself, but of the unknown that comes after. I am afraid not of leaving, but of being forgotten. I am in love today but am afraid that I might not be tomorrow. And that is to say nothing of the bullets, the bombs, the waters rising, and the potential for an apocalypse. People ask me to offer them hope, but I'd rather offer them honesty. Black people get asked to perform hope when white people are afraid, but it doesn't always serve reality. Hope is the small hole cut into the honest machinery. The milk crate is still a milk crate, but with the right opening, a basketball can make its way through. If I am going to be afraid, I might as well do it honest. Arm in arm with everyone I love, adorned in blood and bruises, singing jokes on our way to a grave. (Fear: A Crown, pp. 248-49)

***

August 2016

Young Thug is wearing a dress on the cover of his mixtape Jeffery and the Internet wants to argue about what it all means for the future of masculinity and I need a haircut tomorrow but I'm not going to the shop to hear them talk about this shit and I go because it's the only shop in town but I hate their politics but I gotta stay fly because I don't feel like myself without a fresh cut. Let me try this again. I don't feel like myself without something that makes me desirable to people I don't know, and to know this is to know that the future of masculinity is probably not in the shape people want it to be. But Young Thug is wearing an expensive dress on the cover of his mixtape, and on the Internet, there are people insisting that this will be the thing that pushes the conversation forward. Someone shares a video of Young Thug flashing guns and this is the juxtaposition: You can still be hard and wear a dress is the sentiment. I scroll through comments and see variations on this theme, but I don't see anyone mention the idea that perhaps one problem is the public's concept that the masculine antithesis to wearing a dress is showing that you are willing to enact violence. Within an hour of the cover art's release, outlets write about it, labeling the art as controversial. No one suggests that the very idea of gender norms themselves are controversial, or that any binary aggressively enforcing itself through rigid definitions is controversial. Young Thug wore a dress on the cover for a mixtape that had some good songs about that same shit Thug had been rapping about forever and no one I know really listened to it all that much because the talk about the dress eclipsed all else. About a month later, a man walked out of the train station near my apartment wearing a crop top, a full face of makeup, and tight jeans that flared wide at the bottom. The papers say he was chased by another group of men until they caught him on a corner two blocks from where I lived. He was beaten bloody by one man while the others stood over him, mocking the way he curled up in a ball while being kicked. This story made the last five minutes of the local news. I wonder what clothing masculinity could cloak itself in that might drive it further away from an obsession with dominance through violence. I don't get my hair cut for three weeks. (On the Performance of Softness, pp. 252-53)

#hanif abdurraqib #book quotes

[sending-the-message]

Anglerfish by coffinstuffer

Coyotes will sometimes lure domestic dogs out into the woods by playing with them. A single coyote will approach the dog, ears forward, tail up, acting friendly as can be. It may even roll on its back and expose its belly in a show of submission, to draw the dog into a bout of mock wrestling. Gradually, the games will push farther and farther away from home. Deep into the forest. That’s when the rest of the pack appears. Clusters. The dog’s new friend becomes its executioner as the pack begins to attack.

It’s not uncommon for lonely children to bond with imaginary companions. They invent invisible friends to pass the hours away with. It is considered a typically harmless behavior, as long as the child understands the ultimate difference between fantasy and reality.

I’ve often wondered about the correlation between invisible childhood friends and later mental disturbance. I wonder what the statistics of suicides and disappearances might look like, when juxtaposed against the incidence of imaginary friends and what age someone stopped seeing them.

The first invisible friend I can remember was named Kevin. He was a little boy just like me, if not a few years older. We used to play together on the beaches of Lake Michigan. Building sand castles, collecting rocks and splashing around in the water.

Kevin liked to swim a lot more than I did. He’d dog-paddle out far into the water, giggling and urging me to join him. I tried a few times, but whenever I swam more than ten feet from the shore, my mother would call me back. Kev and I played together almost every week from my early childhood until I was nine and my family moved farther inland.

I didn’t even realize that Kevin wasn’t a corporeal person until years later. I made some offhand comment to my mother about my old lakeside companion. She seemed confused, and said there were never any other children when we went to the lake. I would laugh and talk to myself. But there was no Kevin. At least, not that she ever saw.

Hyenas can mimic human laughter. There is a lot of African folklore about evil spirits that can imitate the voices of loved ones to draw you away from the village.

These stories might have been fairy tales, but they served a very real purpose. The people who survived were the ones who didn’t follow strange sounds in the dark.

I met Polly a few weeks after my family moved into a new house, in an area with dense forests and narrow roads. Rural Michigan might as well be the Canadian tundra. We were farther north than Toronto. Though the summers were pleasant enough, the winters got bitter cold.

I don’t know for a fact that I was the only one who could see Polly, because she only ever came around when I was alone. But once or twice, she seemed to disappear into thin air, which makes me think she wasn’t made of flesh and blood.

Polly was… weird. She made me nervous from the second she walked out of the woods. Maybe it was her bare, dirt-covered feet, or her wide, glassy-eyes. Even at ten years old, I knew that other children weren’t supposed to just appear like that. She shouldn’t have been wandering around in the middle of nowhere without an adult.

She always wore the same thing. A faded, floral dress, with her straw-colored hair in two messy braids. She never offered any explanation of where she came from or where her family lived, beyond just pointing back into the woods. She said they didn’t live far. They had a cabin out there.

I didn’t believe her.

But I was bored. No other children lived within walking distance. So Polly and I would kick a soccer ball around, and climb trees, and play cowboys and pirates. She always wanted me to come to her house. She said she had a lot of fun games there, but I wasn’t allowed to leave the yard.

Polly was predictable, at least. She was always waiting for me after school, regardless of the weather. When it got too cold out, we played up in my attic. I was alarmed by her lack of boots or winter clothing at first. But she always just shrugged and said the temperature didn’t bother her. She did try to get me to come outside with her sometimes. She’d say I didn’t really need a coat either. She said that if you stayed in the snow long enough, you’d stop feeling it.

At the time, I wasn’t certain she was trying to harm me. She was confused, lonely, and desperate for a friend. But at the back of my mind, a nagging voice told me she didn’t have my best interests at heart. So I never did follow her out into the elements without proper protection.

Sirens are an ancient idea. Creatures that take the shape of gorgeous women, or whatever their prey would find most enticing. Creatures that sing so beautifully, they can bewitch any listener. Creatures that are such effective predators, their prey doesn’t notice the trap until their ship has been dashed to bits on the rocky shore and there’s blood in the water.

My family moved just a little outside Detroit when I was about thirteen. I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of stories about what the city is like. What a ghost town it is. I’ve even heard it compared to a post-apocalyptic wasteland. But you have to understand, it was a pretty gradual descent from the 60’s until about 2000. In the early 90’s, it wasn’t in the terrible state it is now.

My parents and I moved into a relatively nice apartment complex. I went to the nearby middle school, and it was fine. I didn’t make friends very fast, but I also wasn’t scared for my life or anything.

Robert introduced himself a few days after we finished unpacking our boxes. He was fifteen. A tall, skinny black kid with a buzzed head and a thousand-watt smile. He said he lived down in one of the basement units, though I never saw it. His father drank a lot, and didn’t like company. We would sometimes hang out at my place, but it was kind of cramped, and my mother was usually home. So Robert and I spent a lot of time on the roof of the building.

It was terribly exciting. I remember the way my heart used to skip and flutter when we stole cigarettes from the corner store, or slipped a forty into our baggy jeans. On cool autumn nights, when Robert and I would lie back on a blanket and look at the stars, my skin would get inexplicably warm. I’d feel strange and fuzzy all over, and it was more than just the watery beer.

He talked to me a lot about how he wanted to be a pilot. He’d always dreamed of joining the Air Force. His dad said it was a stupid idea. They don’t let faggots in the army. I’d never heard that word before. Faggot. It felt heavy, and dirty, and also thrilling in the same way that everything about Robert was. When he cupped my face in his wide hands and pressed our lips together, it was like the hormonal floodgates burst open and I was suddenly hungry in ways I’d never experienced.

I started to suspect Robert was not real when I saw him fall nine stories into a dumpster below, and get up again without so much as a scratch on him. I decided to ignore all better judgment, because I wanted to keep kissing him.

We only lived in that Detroit apartment for about eight months. By the end, I was well and truly in love, and when Robert whispered that there was a way we could stay together–I almost listened. But I didn’t want to step off the roof. I was scared. I knew it would hurt. When I refused, Robert became despondent and disappeared. I didn’t see him at all the last three days I spent in that building.

Versions of skinwalkers and shape shifters appear in most cultures.

It’s a terrifying idea. Being hurt by something that looks like a friend. Danger that seems harmless. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.

I can’t help but wonder if something as old as humanity itself might be the thing these legends sprang from. Perhaps these stories are warnings of some primal memory. A creature that looks like a person, but absolutely isn’t.

After my parents split up, my mother and I went to Ohio. She had a sister there, just a short drive from Columbus. We all lived together in a trailer, along with my five-year-old cousin Becca.

I was sixteen by then, so I was often left to watch Becca after school and on weekends. I didn’t mind it too much. It wasn't like I had other friends. She’d fill in her coloring books while I did homework, then we’d go outside.

There was another little girl next door. Tess. She and Becca loved to run around together, racing up and down the dirt roads, playing tag. Whenever they’d go too far off, too close to the parkway for comfort, I’d call them back. Becca usually listened, but Tess always seemed reluctant. I didn’t think a whole lot of it.

One day, when I was a little too engrossed in reading a comic book and not watching the girls closely, I heard a shriek.

“Tess! Watch out!”

I looked up just in time to see a semi-truck blasting past, not even slowing down as it ran little Tess right over. My jaw dropped. Panic shot through me. Sure, she wasn’t my kid, and I hadn’t even been directly tasked with watching her, but this was still ostensibly my fault.

I was on my feet, ready to run to Mr. Callhun’s house to borrow his phone and call the police.

But Tess was still standing there. Completely unharmed. She skipped off the road, giggling and whispering into Becca’s ear. Becca still looked a bit shell shocked, but smiled and hugged Tess close.

My stomach twisted. It was terrible to see from the outside. One of those things trying to get my baby cousin.

When I got close enough, I grabbed Becca’s wrist and tugged her away. Tess eyed me. Cold and calculating. Unlike any of them had ever looked at me before.

Perhaps I’d gotten too old. The whimsical thinking of childhood had given way to suspicion and fear. Perhaps it could tell that I’d caught onto the game. Perhaps it was angry I could even still see it. Most people my age couldn’t.

“You leave Becca alone,” I said firm as my cracking pubescent voice could muster.

“Or what?” Tess smiled at me. I’d never noticed how sharp her canines were. How mean those overgrown, dirty fingernails looked. I hadn’t taken the time to get a really good look at her until that moment.

“I’ll hurt you.”

“Adam!” Becca began trying to struggle out of my grasp. Obviously embarrassed.

Tess had started to back away, still smiling. She probably knew I couldn’t do anything to her. But maybe I’d get someone who could. A priest or a rabbi or something.

“Becca.” I kneeled down to be at her eye level. “Look at me. Tess isn’t real, OK? Real people can’t get run over by a truck and live.”

“Let me go!” Becca wailed, pushing at my hand ineffectually, trying to squirm free.

“Becca. Please. It’s important. You can’t play by the road with Tess anymore. She wants to hurt you.”

Becca broke down into ugly tears. Face bright red. Windpipes constricting to form unholy shrieks. I sighed, picked her up and carried her back to the trailer. She cried herself out and fell asleep on the couch.

When her mother got home that night, I told her Becca was playing way too close to the road and wouldn’t listen when I said it was dangerous. I hoped that was enough to warrant keeping her inside for a while.

It wasn’t more than a few weeks before Becca stopped talking about Tess. When I asked, she said that Tess had gone away. I took comfort in the fact that I hadn’t seen her around either.

Anglerfish are grotesque creatures. Ugly, with long fangs and dull eyes. But in the depths of oceanic trenches, they can hide in the shadows. The only visible part of them is the glowing ball of light that sprouts from an antenna at the top of their head.

They advertise salvation, the only source of illumination in the pits of despair. But any creature that takes the bait meets a sticky end.

I still see them every now and then. Little old ladies begging for help across a busy street, right when the light is about to change. Pretty strangers at bars who are far too aggressive in urging me to have another drink. Lonely hitchhikers that ask to travel to places the GPS will never find. But don’t worry. They know the way.

I’m not sure what they are. I can’t be the only one who notices them. After all, most of us had the ability at one point. We just grew out of it. Perhaps we shed it as a survival mechanism.

Perhaps I’m one in a million. A kid who got stuck with a genetic allele that should have been bred out generations ago. Perhaps my existence is purposeful, and I’m a new evolution when it comes to defending ourselves against the strange and bitter unknown.

I can only say one thing for sure. Keep a close eye on your children when they start to tell you about their new invisible friend. Chances are, that friend is not friendly at all.

#reddit #nosleep #scary #story

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 7

As you read this for the first time in what seems like ages Steven Montez is not throwing an interception. Enough about that, it’s Red River Shootout Rivalry week! Kind of sucks that they stopped calling it a shootout right when every game in the Big XII became a shootout.

This isn’t the best version of “Red River Valley” much like this year’s game isn’t the best version of the Red River Shootout but we have to love the ones we’re with.

Why am I putting so much of this post into a game I don’t give a shit about? Because Miami already played (and won!) and I haven’t actually looked at the rest of the schedule yet. We’ll find out together what’s going on this week! Schedule copied from FBSchedules, gambles copied from Vegas Insider, thoughts are intended to be original. I’m sorry.

Saturday, October 12

Matchup                                                       Time (ET)                  TV/Mobile

6 Oklahoma vs. 11 Texas (in Dallas, TX)    12:00pm                       FOX

Wait, get the fuck out of here. This is the first game listed to top it all off? Bookmakers are fucking with us to have the o/u at 75.5 but Sooners -10.5 seems smart to me. Note to theoretical new readers: nobody who writes on this site about gambling is right more than 15% of the time.

Maryland at Purdue                                     12:00pm                       BTN

B1G action! It sucks!

23 Memphis at Temple                                12:00pm                     ESPN2

The race for the group of five BCS bid (is that what we’re still calling it?) is a madcap so far and Temple is still in it. Wild, right? Manny Diaz might have chosen the less talented team this year when he decided to leave Temple at the altar. Memphis is the favorite for this game and the AAC championship and probably #2 in line for the big bowl money among the sisters of the poor but this is an interesting game for a whole host of reasons. Go Tigers.

Miami (Ohio) at Western Michigan             12:00pm                    ESPNU

I think I’m doing the italics wrong for this post. I won’t go back to fix it, though.

16 Michigan at Illinois                                  12:00pm                      ABC

Michigan is pure entertainment to me but only in theory. I don’t watch their shitty games but every outcome fills me with glee. Nobody likes them, especially Michigan fans. Keep it going, Captain Clutch.

Mississippi State at Tennessee                   12:00pm                     SECN

Miss State isn’t total trash, are they? I feel like no but I can’t tell you why. And, yet, they are only favored by 6.5 over Tennessee. I can’t believe there’s a reason beyond gambling to care about this game.

Rutgers at Indiana                                         12:00pm                     BTN

If you find yourself interested in this game for any reason whatsoever please call 800-522-4700.

South Carolina at 3 Georgia                          12:00pm                   ESPN

Is Coach Boom on the hot seat? I really don’t know what’s expected of him. Can he say that his shitty QB that got hurt would have made a difference in this season? Will school officials believe him? Georgia -22 seems like great value to me.

Toledo at Bowling Green                                12:00pm                  CBSSN

Bowling Green is very bad. Are they +26.5 at home against Toledo bad? Absolutely they are.

Georgia Tech at Duke                                      12:30pm                   RSN

Georgia Tech football makes me sad. Let’s not dwell too long on them.

Ball State at Eastern Michigan                        2:00pm                  ESPN+

Ball State is not baller at all. One of life’s great quandaries.

Old Dominion at Marshall                                2:30pm               Stadium

This must be the first game of the year on Stadium unless I’ve just completely stopped paying attention. What a debut!

New Mexico State at Central Michigan           3:00pm                ESPN3

Washington State at 18 Arizona State              3:30pm            Pac-12N

Holy hell, what a shit year this is. Arizona State crept up to #18 and there is nothing interesting about their team on the field. They aren’t even undefeated. It’s just Herm Edwards yelling inspiration to some kids you’ve never heard of and it’s mostly worked out so far. This game is a pick ‘em which is probably what every Washington State game should be until Mike Leach rides off into the sunset.

Florida State at 2 Clemson                                 3:30pm              ABC

When Cabbage exposed Jameis Winston’s pay-for-play thing a few years ago Jameis was probably taking money for point shaving, too. I kind of feel like Trevor Lawrence is doing the same thing this year but it’s more dangerous for him because he still has to play in college for another year. How off has Clemson looked so far? I’m entertaining thoughts of FSU pulling the upset here. Technically they can do that just by staying closer than 26. That’s the best kind of upset, really.

NIU at Ohio                                                           3:30pm            ESPN+

Even in the lowered expectations world of MACtion 2019 this is a sad affair.

Kent State at Akron                                             3:30pm             ESPN3

Maybe all MAC games are particularly sad this year.

Michigan State at 8 Wisconsin                           3:30pm               BTN

The pain isn’t close to over for Sparty but a nice moral victory here would only mean keeping Jonathan Taylor under 200 yards and 5 TDs. Or even scoring. One out of two seems possible.

25 Cincinnati at Houston                                     3:30pm            ESPN2

Holgo to Houston seemed so natural but things haven’t really clicked yet. Fickell at Cincinnati, on the other hand, has been perfect and immediate. Vegas has some faith in the Cougars still, though, so maybe I just haven’t caught up to the now. The Bearcats are favored by 7 but that seems low to me, even on the road. Maybe stay the fuck away from this one.

1 Alabama at 24 Texas A&M                                3:30pm              CBS

aTm is going to lose by 40 and somehow rank #15 on Sunday.

BYU at USF                                                            3:30pm            CBSSN

BYU is starting a black QB for the first time in school history. That’s kind of a jarring headline in 2019 for any school, isn’t it? 

UConn at Tulane                                                    3:45pm            ESPNU

Let’s run away from all the uncomfortable thoughts that go with BYU and gather together to laugh at UConn. It is wild that Tulane is favored by 34 over anybody. Willie Fritz is going to get offered a lot of money to go somewhere else for 2020 and I hope he stays put. Having a good coach and the occasionally best uniforms in the country is a cool combo.

Rhode Island at Virginia Tech                               4:00pm            ACCN

Virginia Tech won one of the most cursed games of all time last week and it would surprise basically nobody if they turned around and lost to the Fightin’ Lamar Odoms this week. Before you ask, yes, Rhode Island is bad even for a AA team.

Texas Tech at 22 Baylor                                         4:00pm             FS1

Baylor is ranked. Gross.

San Jose State at Nevada                                      4:00pm          ATTSN

If you’re a fan of Last Chance U, tune in to see Malik Henry take over as Nevada’s QB. The offense has been a shambles so far this year but the Wolfpack are still 3-2 and alive in the MWC so maybe the formerly big name recruit can provide a nice jolt.

UNLV at Vanderbilt                                                  4:00pm          SECN

People like to make jokes about the SEC not playing any good non-conference games and never going on the road to play out of conference.

Middle Tennessee at Florida Atlantic                    4:00pm          ESPN+

FAU is going to sneak into a bowl game this year and Lane Kiffin is going to get hired by like Florida State or some dumb shit. Looking forward to it all.

Iowa State at West Virginia                                     4:00pm          ESPN

The line opened at -7.5 for Iowa State and it’s moved up to -10. Both these teams are kind of messy and it’s being played in Morgantown. Somebody please enlighten us all in the comments.

Georgia State at Coastal Carolina                          5:00pm          ESPN+

This afternoon stretch is mostly pretty bleak for watchin’ ‘em up.

UAB at UTSA                                                             6:00pm          ESPN+

This game doesn’t change things much for the better. UAB should rock UTSA but this is on ESPN+ anyway, so it’s not like anybody will be watching it.

UMass at Louisiana Tech                                          7:00pm         ESPN3

Peeking down the page a bit, the night schedule actually looks pretty good. This one won’t be in the rotation. La Tech is good this year but UMass is pure trash. The 31.5-point line is a warning sign to stay away unless the game gets way the fuck out of hand really early.

Mississippi, Oxford at Missouri                               7:00pm          ESPN2

Kelly Bryant is, at long last, looking pretty good. Missouri’s offense is theoretically a good training ground for the NFL, so I’m happy for Bryant on that level, but I really just want to see extra misery (npi) poured on Mississippi.

North Texas at Southern Miss                                  7:00pm         Facebook

I swear to you the good games are on their way.

Fresno State at Air Force                                         7:00pm          CBSSN

We aren’t quite there yet but this is at least a cool looking game. The stadium, the uniforms, the offensive schemes. This is degenerate football.

Charlotte at FIU                                                         7:00pm            ESPN+

Butch Davis’s kids finally showed some signs of life last week but it’s still for the best that this one is on ESPN+ and out of sight.

Army at WKU                                                             7:00pm           Stadium

I don’t think you’ll need it but this is some pretty nice alternative program if the brand name stuff goes sideways.

10 Penn State at 17 Iowa                                          7:30pm             ABC

Two programs with very different histories dealing with disadvantaged kids clash in primetime. Here’s to another few years of contract for Kirk Ferentz following a minor but important upset victory.

USC at 9 Notre Dame                                                7:30pm             NBC

USC is great because they actually have a similar amount of talent to Notre Dame but they haven’t had a coach for the last few years. Nice to see one of college football’s storied rivalries played on the first weekend of October. I’m trying to believe the Trojans can win but honestly it would feel like a miracle if they keep things within spitting distance of the 10.5-point line.

Arkansas at Kentucky                                               7:30pm           SECN

Both of these teams are 2-3 and going nowhere but Kentucky -6.5 seems like a steal. Somebody talk Beer out of this one.

Louisville at 19 Wake Forest                                     7:30pm           ACCN

Wake Forest is the weird secret hope that at least one ACC team can stay in the top 25 all year long to make Clemson’s schedule just good enough to make the playoffs. If I know my ACC, Louisville is going to run all over them.

Navy at Tulsa                                                               7:30pm          ESPNU

I’m still not sold on this edition of Midshipmen football but maybe I’ve been too harsh on Malcolm Perry. We’re getting into the “pound the over” part of the year for Navy and I, possibly stupidly, feel pretty good about them winning this one. Which would make them 4-1 against the spread with three straight overs.

Nebraska at Minnesota                                               7:30pm            FS1

Undefeated and unranked Minnesota might be catching Nebraska at a bad time. The Huskers aren’t good but they have a little bit of fight in them. Which is what they hired Scott Frost for in the first place. Leaning Nebraska +7.5. Make of that what you will.

7 Florida at 5 LSU                                                        8:00pm           ESPN

What upside down version of the world are we in where Florida’s vicious defense is pitted against LSU’s unstoppable offense? This is the kind of place where the U.S. president would lay down the project of empire to let some pissant remnant of Alexander the Great’s conquests bomb American troops for the sake of... building some hotels somewhere, I think? This game is guaranteed to end well past midnight East Coast time.

15 Utah at Oregon State                                              8:00pm         Pac-12N

Well, Herman Munster, the Utes are people of the Great Basin whose ancestral homes covered most of present day Colorado and Utah. And the Utah Utes are gonna fuck Oregon State shit all up. Utah -14.5, under 59.5. Beware, all Pac-12 After Dark prognostication is functionally useless.

Hawaii at 14 Boise State                                            10:15pm        ESPN2

God do I want to sex this particular game. Hawaii vs. Boise on the blue turf, kicking off well after most of the country has gone to bed? This is what West Coast football is all about. Boise is the much better team but Hawaii still has the wild offense, so keep an eye on this even if the score looks one-sided at halftime.

Wyoming at San Diego State                                     10:30pm         CBSSN

In recent years this matchup has been the key to the MWC season but for some reason it got scheduled mid-season for 2019. Both are still in contention for the conference title and one of them is likely to get serious top 25 consideration tomorrow. SDSU has my heart but an o/u of 38 makes this one sound painful.

Washington at Arizona                                                11:00pm           FS1

Pac-12 scheduling baby! Why is it designed to make people not see their best teams and most dynamic players? Who knows but it’s a tradition now. UDub has sort of fallen apart after their preseason top 10 ranking but nobody is going to look to Arizona for consistency. The line has moved down, which suggests people are betting in decent numbers, but you have to got serious problems if you think this is a good ride to take.

#saturday post #rtarl watches tv #watch em ups #degenerate football #football #college football

[spudmcloughlin]

14, 20, 33 & 36 for "talk about" thing (◠﹏◠✿)

14: Talk about a vacation

Oh boy here we go. So we just got back from a vacation but I’d hardly call it a “vacation” cos the only one that enjoyed it was my dad and my mom and aunt made it more stressful than it should’ve been. That being said...

So we pack up the truck and drive for 4 HOURS just to get out of Florida. It’s fuckin huge and if you really tried you could probably make a trip from Tallahassee to Miami a solid 10 hours. We go up through Georgia and into Tennessee (and the whole time I’m counting the different license plates I see), and we stopped for the night at Athena Inn. Boy was that a fuckin mistake. The room was nice and the shower was fucking BOMB and there was a circle K right next to the motel where I got a Cherry Garcia but that’s about where the benefits stop. We got there at like 10:30 and settled into the room at 11 but what we didn’t realise was that there was a club next door. I was just too tired and fell asleep really fast but my mom apparently couldn’t get to sleep all night because of the people going back and forth from the club on the street and of course our room faces the street. So the inn itself was ok but it could’ve picked somewhere better to be. So then we drive another million hours the next day and stop in Cincinnati in the prettiest Embassy Suites I’ve ever seen. We went to dinner at this Firehouse Grill where we had like the best waitress ever and we kept seeing this other waiter just all grumpy and mad about something he looked like he wanted to burn the place down. That didn’t happen and I had the best chili ever. Not really but it was good chili. So then the next day WE GO TO KINGS FUCKING ISLAND. Of course my dad and sister and I went immediately to hit the Beast but it was closed so we hit the Diamondback and Mystic Timbers and THEN went on the Beast. My sister was near tears in the line but when we got off she begged us to go again. So we spent the day there and like halfway through the day we went on the log flume in Planet Snoopy which was a bad idea because for the rest of the day I walked around in soggy socks and tennis shoes. #worthit

We crashed at the hotel again and I took some of their conditioner the next morning before we left and we drove another couple hours to Tappan Lake because apparently Kings Island WASN’T the main part of the vacation. Dammit. My aunt and uncle have an RV in this trailer park in Literally Nowhere, OH so we camped in that for a week and a half. Oh and there was ZERO cell service. We did get out though, we ate at restaurants more than we ate at the RV. Father’s Day was on my grandpa’s birthday this year and since he just passed we all got together with all of the family at Tuscora Park. I saw cousins I didn’t even know I had. So I thought it was gonna be all about grandpa but nah we just kinda did our own thing. I went on this shitty roller coaster that probably could’ve broken my back if I went on it a few more times. Then the Shoe Incident.

My sister was playing with my little cousin Vivian and somehow Vivi’s shoe ends up on top of the pavilion we set everything up under. Since my sister and I are the tallest ones there probably, WE had to get it. I climb up and sit on my sister’s shoulders but I couldn’t reach it. My uncle gets an extension cord and tries to lasso it from a distance, then gives it to me to try to lasso it from up close. Nope. THEN AUNT LORI COMES BACK FROM HER CAR WITH A METAL DETECTOR. I get up on my sister’s shoulders yet again with the metal detector in my hand and I scrape the top of the roof with it and at this point my entire family has stopped whatever they were doing to watch us. I still couldn’t reach it so I tell my sister to get up onto the concrete foundation making us 2 inches taller. Let me repeat that. MY 10-YEAR-OLD SISTER STEPPED UP ONTO A 2-INCH HIGH CONCRETE FOUNDATION WHILE I WAS SITTING ON HER SHOULDERS AND HAD BEEN FOR PROBABLY A TOTAL OF 5 MINUTES. THAT BITCH MAY BE REAL ANNOYING BUT I WILL NEVER DENY HER STRENGTH. I scrape the top of the roof again and my mom yells that I got it, so I just keep doing the same motion over and over until FINALLY Vivian’s blue flip flop falls down onto the ground. You’re probably reading this and sarcastically saying “Oh sure and then everyone clapped” AND YOU WOULD BE RIGHT BITCH MY ENTIRE FAMILY CHEERED FOR US BECAUSE WE GOT THE FLIP FLOP DOWN. And after that people started leaving and then my parents took me and all my siblings to my aunt Kathy’s house where we crashed for the night and ate all of her cookies (which were fucking amazing and she gave me the recipe for them bitchhhhhh). After that it was kind of a blur, I FORGOT TO SAY the aunt and uncle that own the RV also have a houseboat which my sisters and brother and I all stayed on for like 3 days and we were on the lake the whole time and when I went back to the RV it all felt super wobbly but bitch I got to swim in a deep-ass lake so it was worth it

When we left on Friday we went to North Carolina so my sister could see her internet girlfriend like bitch I should’ve been first wait your turn. She was super cute and kind of goals and we all went out to dinner together and my sister spent the night at her house while we all went to another Embassy Suites get rekt bitch. This one had a fucking RIVER RUNNING THROUGH IT. There was a big rock fountain and a ton of koi and a bridge and everything it was beautiful. We only stayed for a night though but whatever but then we went to Savannah, GA and walked around downtown which was cool bc there were street performers and painters and tons of people and it felt really lively. We went to a restaurant for dinner (go figure) and then got back to whatever hotel we stayed in and idk what we did really but then the next day we came back home and it felt really weird and I’m still adjusting to not having to walk down the street to use the bathroom and not having to press the button 80 times in the shower for the water to come on like I did at the RV park. Anyway yeah despite everything we did it was kinda sucky but if we were in a hotel the whole time instead of Literally Nowhere it would’ve been bomb. So that was my Ohio “vacation”.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school

Last year was my freshman year so I don’t have much but I made some of the best and the worst friends ever. I had an amazing geometry teacher and he made me really love that class, I had a friend that moved schools halfway through the year so that kinda sucked, I took college classes (I still am over summer ughhhh), I was on the swim team, I passed out (not in school) when it was hot, I had a huge hoodie on, I hadn’t eaten or drank anything all day, and I stood up real fast. I was at the swim club waiting for my sister’s practice to finish when I got up to get water and as I was going up the boardwalk stairs I felt lightheaded and my vision started to go, then the next thing I knew I couldn’t see anything and I felt something hit my leg (which was really me falling on the boardwalk). Then when I opened my eyes I had like 5 moms surrounding me asking if I was okay and what happened and do I need water and of course that stressed me the fuck out because I didn’t know what happened and I didn’t see my mom hovering above me like a vulture like everyone else was so I started crying. Then my mom finally came over and took me inside and the coach at the club got me a bag of ice and a Coke and I just kinda sat there for the rest of the time while my sister swam. Also side note I was carrying my phone when I passed out and when I looked over it flew out of my hand and it was by the door like what if some bitch took it while I was laying there unconscious for 3 seconds. So that was kind of the highlight of my year. OH also someone at school died of bone cancer on a Friday and then over the weekend a senior committed suicide so that was really fucking sad but then on either Monday or Tuesday there were  tons of sticky notes all over the lockers and around the school saying things like “you matter” and “you are loved” and that kind of thing and it was really sweet.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad

If I’m really upset about something, I’ll usually lay on my bed and cry for a bit. I don’t do anything to stop being sad I just let it happen. If I’m just feeling down for seemingly no reason, I leave my room, go downstairs, get water, do something that gets me out of my room and I would say I would take a walk but I really don’t. And sometimes I watch youtube because Shane’s giant cake videos are incredibly stupid and I love them

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures

Laying on my bed all day watching youtube or listening to music, not doing anything or getting up at all for any reason. Most likely it’s on a rainy gloomy day. Also baking. I can’t go a week without baking which was another reason the vacation kinda sucked.

Thank you for asking!!!

Talk about...

[frightfullyfantastic]

It is sad to think that the first few people on earth needed no books, movies, games or music to inspire cold-blooded murder. The day that Cain bashed his brother Abel's brains in, the only motivation he needed was his own human disposition to violence. Whether you interpret the Bible as literature or as the final word of whatever God may be, Christianity has given us an image of death and sexuality that we have based our culture around. A half-naked dead man hangs in most homes and around our necks, and we have just taken that for granted all our lives. Is it a symbol of hope or hopelessness? The world's most famous murder-suicide was also the birth of the death icon -- the blueprint for celebrity. Unfortunately, for all of their inspiring morality, nowhere in the Gospels is intelligence praised as a virtue. >A lot of people forget or never realize that I started my band as a criticism of these very issues of despair and hypocrisy. The name Marilyn Manson has never celebrated the sad fact that America puts killers on the cover of Time magazine, giving them as much notoriety as our favorite movie stars. From Jesse James to Charles Manson, the media, since their inception, have turned criminals into folk heroes. They just created two new ones when they plastered those dipshits Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris' pictures on the front of every newspaper. Don't be surprised if every kid who gets pushed around has two new idols. > We applaud the creation of a bomb whose sole purpose is to destroy all of mankind, and we grow up watching our president's brains splattered all over Texas. Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. Does anyone think the Civil War was the least bit civil? If television had existed, you could be sure they would have been there to cover it, or maybe even participate in it, like their violent car chase of Princess Di. Disgusting vultures looking for corpses, exploiting, fucking, filming and serving it up for our hungry appetites in a gluttonous display of endless human stupidity. > When it comes down to who's to blame for the high school murders in Littleton, Colorado, throw a rock and you'll hit someone who's guilty. We're the people who sit back and tolerate children owning guns, and we're the ones who tune in and watch the up-to-the-minute details of what they do with them. I think it's terrible when anyone dies, especially if it is someone you know and love. But what is more offensive is that when these tragedies happen, most people don't really care any more than they would about the season finale of Friends or The Real World. I was dumbfounded as I watched the media snake right in, not missing a teardrop, interviewing the parents of dead children, televising the funerals. Then came the witch hunt. > Man's greatest fear is chaos. It was unthinkable that these kids did not have a simple black-and-white reason for their actions. And so a scapegoat was needed. I remember hearing the initial reports from Littleton, that Harris and Klebold were wearing makeup and were dressed like Marilyn Manson, whom they obviously must worship, since they were dressed in black. Of course, speculation snowballed into making me the poster boy for everything that is bad in the world. These two idiots weren't wearing makeup, and they weren't dressed like me or like goths. Since Middle America has not heard of the music they did listen to (KMFDM and Rammstein, among others), the media picked something they thought was similar. > Responsible journalists have reported with less publicity that Harris and Klebold were not Marilyn Manson fans -- that they even disliked my music. Even if they were fans, that gives them no excuse, nor does it mean that music is to blame. Did we look for James Huberty's inspiration when he gunned down people at McDonald's? What did Timothy McVeigh like to watch? What about David Koresh, Jim Jones? Do you think entertainment inspired Kip Kinkel, or should we blame the fact that his father bought him the guns he used in the Springfield, Oregon, murders? What inspires Bill Clinton to blow people up in Kosovo? Was it something that Monica Lewinsky said to him? Isn't killing just killing, regardless if it's in Vietnam or Jonesboro, Arkansas? Why do we justify one, just because it seems to be for the right reasons? Should there ever be a right reason? If a kid is old enough to drive a car or buy a gun, isn't he old enough to be held personally responsible for what he does with his car or gun? Or if he's a teenager, should someone else be blamed because he isn't as enlightened as an eighteen-year-old? > America loves to find an icon to hang its guilt on. But, admittedly, I have assumed the role of Antichrist; I am the Nineties voice of individuality, and people tend to associate anyone who looks and behaves differently with illegal or immoral activity. Deep down, most adults hate people who go against the grain. It's comical that people are naive enough to have forgotten Elvis, Jim Morrison and Ozzy so quickly. All of them were subjected to the same age-old arguments, scrutiny and prejudice. I wrote a song called "Lunchbox," and some journalists have interpreted it as a song about guns. Ironically, the song is about being picked on and fighting back with my Kiss lunch box, which I used as a weapon on the playground. In 1979, metal lunch boxes were banned because they were considered dangerous weapons in the hands of delinquents. I also wrote a song called "Get Your Gunn." The title is spelled with two n's because the song was a reaction to the murder of Dr. David Gunn, who was killed in Florida by pro-life activists while I was living there. That was the ultimate hypocrisy I witnessed growing up: that these people killed someone in the name of being "pro-life." > The somewhat positive messages of these songs are usually the ones that sensationalists misinterpret as promoting the very things I am decrying. Right now, everyone is thinking of how they can prevent things like Littleton. How do you prevent AIDS, world war, depression, car crashes? We live in a free country, but with that freedom there is a burden of personal responsibility. Rather than teaching a child what is moral and immoral, right and wrong, we first and foremost can establish what the laws that govern us are. You can always escape hell by not believing in it, but you cannot escape death and you cannot escape prison. > It is no wonder that kids are growing up more cynical; they have a lot of information in front of them. They can see that they are living in a world that's made of bullshit. In the past, there was always the idea that you could turn and run and start something better. But now America has become one big mall, and because of the Internet and all of the technology we have, there's nowhere to run. People are the same everywhere. Sometimes music, movies and books are the only things that let us feel like someone else feels like we do. I've always tried to let people know it's OK, or better, if you don't fit into the program. Use your imagination -- if some geek from Ohio can become something, why can't anyone else with the willpower and creativity? > I chose not to jump into the media frenzy and defend myself, though I was begged to be on every single TV show in existence. I didn't want to contribute to these fame-seeking journalists and opportunists looking to fill their churches or to get elected because of their self-righteous finger-pointing. They want to blame entertainment? Isn't religion the first real entertainment? People dress up in costumes, sing songs and dedicate themselves in eternal fandom. Everyone will agree that nothing was more entertaining than Clinton shooting off his prick and then his bombs in true political form. And the news -- that's obvious. So is entertainment to blame? I'd like media commentators to ask themselves, because their coverage of the event was some of the most gruesome entertainment any of us have seen. > I think that the National Rifle Association is far too powerful to take on, so most people choose Doom, The Basketball Diaries or yours truly. This kind of controversy does not help me sell records or tickets, and I wouldn't want it to. I'm a controversial artist, one who dares to have an opinion and bothers to create music and videos that challenge people's ideas in a world that is watered-down and hollow. In my work I examine the America we live in, and I've always tried to show people that the devil we blame our atrocities on is really just each one of us. So don't expect the end of the world to come one day out of the blue -- it's been happening every day for a long time. -MARILYN MANSON (May 28, 1999) http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/columbine-whose-fault-is-it-19990624

[weekendwarriorblog]

30 Minute Experiment: Concerts #30ME

Dear Diary... ha ha... I’ve been wanting to make that joke for weeks. Sure, I kept a journal when I was younger but I never ever thought of starting an entry with “Dear Diary.” I mean, why does anyone do that? It’s not like the pages of your journal are gonna start talking and respond to you. Regardless, let’s do this...

(I’m listening to a live Blue Oyster Cult record while writing this for a reference.)

So yesterday or maybe it was the day before... you may have noticed all of the days blending into one long endless day by now... Mayor DiBlasio aka Blas stated that there would be no concerts in May or June, which probably was referring as much or more to the big outdoor festivals that start happening around this time of year, but no, I took that as ALL concerts from the tiniest clubs to the ones at Madison Square Garden. There have been a lot of exciting reunion tours this year, a few I was looking forward to that had already been postponed, including Supergrass and the House of Love.

I’m sure they’ll happen eventually, but when I opined on my Facebook that there would be no concerts in May or June, I got a whole bunch of negative nelly/debbie downer friends chiming in that I should be ready for there being no concerts until 2021 or even 2022. Everyone thinks that it will take a vaccine before people are ready to be out in public together at something like a rock concert.

I just want to point out that many of the people who responded, I don’t remember the last time any of them actually attended a concert or what concert that might be, but there are a lot of people who clearly have no clue how concerts and live music at all. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to concerts and just making out with everyone around me. In fact, when I go to concerts at places like the Bowery Ballroom and Brooklyn Steel, moderately big venues but nowhere the size of MSG or something to that effect, I go there, maybe I buy a drink and then I just stand there waiting for the band to come on. I don’t really go to these things to socialize with random strangers or make new friends, and if I get into a conversation with someone around me, it’s a bit of anomaly. I’m there to see a band I like playing live, to feel the music coming off the stage and maybe get a different experience then hearing the songs on headphones from my iPod or computer (which I enjoy just as much).

I’m really enjoying a lot of my favorite artists (shout out to Kevin So and Mike Peters from the Alarm and Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie!) doing these at-home concerts to keep us entertained, and I love hearing them perform in any setting but it’s JUST NOT THE SAME. After a song is over, I want to whoop and applaud and show my appreciation just like everyone else in the audience, and after a song is over, there’s just silence. I don’t know how weird it is for the artist but it surely is weird for me. 

There’s also the matter of these musicians/artist needing to make a living and whether you like it or not, few of them are earning a living from album sales, not when so many people (including me) are fine listening to their music on Spotify or my new favorite, Tidal. (30 Day Free Trial right now!)

But let’s get back to my friends who I love dearly but I can probably can count on two hands or maybe two hands and one foot the number of my friends that have gone with me to concerts in the 30+ years I’ve lived in New York City. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even ask them anymore since I know they’re all busy with other things, but that’s fine. Everyone has priorities in their lives and things they need to do. I fully understand. I can think of maybe three to five times in that same period where someone said, “Hey, Ed, do you want to go see so-and-so in concert?” And I’ll tell you, I’m not sure I’ve ever declined a single one of these invitations, because I love and support live music that much. I don’t care who it is. I don’t care what kind of music they’re playing but as long as it’s a different experience than I can get listening to studio albums on my lonesome, I’m in.

I truly believe that the people I mentioned above who responded to my post about there being no concerts in May or June fully believe me what it’s like to be someone like me who has to get out of the house and see some live music every so often to keep from going nuts. 

You might remember the number of times I mentioned my “lost year” in 2013 where I was stuck in Ohio getting leukemia treatment etc, but that whole time, I didn’t get to see a single concert. Believe me, I thought about it. I got a ticket to see The National when they played in Columbus that year and then thought better and resold it on StubHub. I got a ticket to see The Fixx (one of my favorite ‘80s bands) and Wang Chung (!!!) at a casino downtown but that ended up being a particularly bad weekend with a ZERO white blood cell count. Going to a concert would have been a very bad idea.

But when I returned to New York in 2014, what was one of the first things I did? I went to see The Pixies with my brother at NJPAC in Newark, a huge theater that was packed with thousands of people. Mind you, my immune system was barely anywhere near peak capacity still building itself after my transplant but I desperately needed to see a concert after 11 months without seeing one. I wore a mask while I was out in the lobby with people and until we got to our seats and when I felt comfortable that the person next to me wasn’t hacking and coughing, I took the mask off and I had a fucking GREAT time!!! And I didn’t get sick. In fact, it helped lighten my spirits after a year full of loneliness, boredom, depression... and all the other fun stuff that you get when you get cancer treatment.

Now this might be an odd example of a situation that could happen but anyone thinks that Brooklyn Steel couldn’t reopen and maybe limit the capacity/attendance to maybe half or 2/3rds to make the environment safer... that people wouldn’t attend maybe wearing masks and gloves... that people wouldn’t be conscious of not getting too close to others. (Okay, well I can’t speak or those annoying people who feel the need to dance obtrusively aka moshers)...  it just shows that you don’t know anything about how live music and concerts work. Very few of the bands that i like are the ones that seem to lead to moshing and I almost never take part if and when they do.

It also makes it seem like everyone out there is just gonna come to a concert when they’re not feeling well and start hacking and coughing over everyone or that every single person is asymptomatic COVID carriers... I mean, seriously, get real.

There are musicians/artists who need to make a living and pay their rent/mortgages and eat just as much as the rest of us and as long as there are people who want to see them perform live, then they should be allowed to do live shows again. Maybe in smaller capacity venues, maybe even in a half-sold MSG, but it would be a START. 

And for everyone who is saying that we can’t have concerts for another few years because THEY are afraid of being in these environments than you know what? Don’t go. You won’t be missed.  

Sorry this topic has gotten me so angry but for every genius scientist out there, I’ll show you people who follow bands around from city to city surrounded at every show by all kinds of germs who seem to be able to manage fine. 

If COVID is with us now, then we need to learn to live with it. Just like people had to learn to live with HIV and AIDS and take precautions from spreading it. It’s not that difficult a task. But basing everything you do and say on worry and FEAR (there’s that word again) is no way to live your life... and it’s certainly no way I’m gonna live mine. 

Again, I appreciate that all my friends worry and care about my well-being but trust me, going without concerts for another ten months to a year, will make my alter ego Ed Doom even harder to live with. I’m already ready to bust.

No, I’m not gonna go out there like the fools in Michigan to protest that we’re being kept inside for another month (at least), but I also don’t want to hear complaints from people about others wanting to go see concerts or live theater (like Shakespeare in the Park) or other culture because you’re so concerned about the spread of a virus that’s already showing signs of dissipating. We cannot stay in our apartments and houses for the rest of the year, and there’s no reason we should. 

I live in a neighborhood that’s normally pretty active especially at night but there just isn’t anyone on the streets anymore and there’s now been probably six or seven heavy rains that have washed away any and all signs of humanity, and that includes germs. And probably COVID.

So yeah, I agree that we need to get the proper testing and make sure that people can congregate safely, but to just throw away all aspects of why people like me enjoy living in New York and that includes concerts, then yeah, we have nothing more to talk about. You just do not understand. Go back to binge-watching some bullshit television show. 

Looking at my timer, which I remembered to set today, I have about two minutes to settle down and end this #30ME in a more civil tone, but yeah, this subject really gets me riled up.  I could probably write even more about what live music and concerts mean to me and how awful it’s been the last couple years having to cut back my concert budget drastically due to lack of work/money but I think if you’ve read this far, you get the message. Hopefully, I didn’t offend anyone but it took all of my control not to just start blowing up on my Facebook page with some of the responses I got... I mean, SHEESH!

And with that.. my time’s up. Hopefully I’ll have a more interesting or civil topic to disucss on Monday. Have a good Sunday!

#30ME #30MInuteExperiment #Concerts

[actutrends]

FanSided’s 12 Days of Christmas

Image by Brian Rothmuller/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

No one desires birds. Here are FanSided’s 12 Days of Christmas, in accordance with the presents our preferred sports and films have actually given us this vacation season.

As Andrew Bernard learned the difficult method, many of the gifts given up the popular “12 Days of Christmas” are simply birds. In truth, if there are any wealthy bird enthusiasts out there who could manage it, providing your loved one the actual 12 Days of Christmas would total up to 184 birds in total. Nobody desires 184 birds for Christmas.

Because of this indisputable reality, our FanSided personnel decided to get together and analyze the real gifts our preferred sports and films have actually offered us this vacation season.

From college football to the NFL and NBA to the home entertainment industry and beyond, we happily present FanSided’s 12 Days of Christmas!

On the very first day of Christmas, college football offered to me: a qualified LSU quarterback

LSU quarterback Joe Burrow came out of nowhere this year to win the Heisman Prize and lead the Tigers to the College Football Playoff. He’s the SEC record-holder for yards and goals in a season and quickly the best quarterback in LSU history. However, the bar was so low you might reach it without standing. LSU quarterbacks have actually constantly held the team back and got Les Miles fired. This year was different, as Burrow was the finest present LSU fans might have requested.– Patrick Schmidt

On the 2nd day of Christmas, the UFC offered to me: two Baddest Motherf– kers in the video game

We have been so excellent this year and as a delicious reward, the UFC offered the fans something it wanted so much: a genuine Baddest Motherf– ker title, complete with its own belt at the most significant fight card of the year. Jorge Masvidal faced off with Nate Diaz to crown the official BMF in the UFC and when the dust finally settled, we saw Masvidal with the strap around his waste and a prospective second BMF defend next year … and his opponent may be none other than Nate’s huge sibling, Nick.– Amy Kaplan

On the 3rd day of Christmas, the NFL offered to me: an understanding of what a catch is

The NFL has long been flummoxed when trying to describe what a finished catch remains in the guideline book. No NFL fan or expert might be given a much better gift than making this a simple guideline that was obvious in real time. Commissioner Roger Goodell comes through.– Matt Verderame

On the 4th day of Christmas, college football provided to me: 4 playoff groups

4 is the magic number when it pertains to the college football postseason. LSU, Ohio State, Clemson and TK make the field this year. It’s the very first time Alabama has actually not made the College Football Playoff, so that’s a present right there if you have actually suffered from Alabama fatigue the last couple of years.– Patrick Schmidt

On the fifth day of Christmas, the NHL offered to me: 5 head coaches fired

The NHL remains in a bit of turmoil as the holiday rolls around. In between poor efficiencies and a coaching abuse scandal that is rocking the structure of the sport, the NHL has actually seen five head coaches alleviated of their duties in just a few weeks. Beware, your group may be next!– Mary Clarke

On the 6th day of Christmas, Hollywood offered to me: 6 feet of Adam Chauffeur.

With The Report and Marital Relationship Story already out, fall 2019 has been Adam Driver season and all of it culminates in the release of Star Wars Episode IX: The Increase of Skywalker The internet enjoys discussing Motorist– Is he a good star? Is he hot? Or is he just distractingly tall? From motion pictures to memes, all six-feet(- two) of Adam Chauffeur is the gift that continues providing.– Shea Corrigan

On the seventh day of Christmas, Luka Doncic offered to me: seven( ty-seven) marks of excellence

7 is thought about the ideal number, so it’s no surprise Luka Doncic uses 2 of them on his jersey. No. 77 on the Dallas Mavericks was already pleasant, and precisely nobody ought to be shocked what he’s doing given how much he achieved as a professional abroad prior to concerning the NBA, but his production at age 20 is actually unprecedented. Averaging 29.3 points, 9.6 rebounds and 8.9 helps per video game is flirting with triple-double territory that only Russell Westbrook and Oscar Robertson have actually ever ventured into for a full season, but he’s doing it on 61.8 percent real shooting as the primary factor the Mavs own the very best offense in the league and a 19-10 record. Likewise, think how numerous triple-doubles he had on the season? Not seven, however eight, actually one-upping perfection. Luka Doncic is exceptionally fun to view, easy to root for and right now, he’s the spirit of Christmas embodied on a basketball court. That spirit is perfect, and it uses two No. 7s across the chest.– Gerald Bourguet

On the 8th day of Christmas, in my nightmares Tom Hooper offered to me: 8 stars as felines in Cats

There are more than eight cats in the movie Cats (I Googled it) however there are eight genuine stars– full-on award-winning, chart-topping movie and/or pop stars– donning the most psychopathic catsuits/fur technology you will ever see in Tom Hooper’s “musical dream” adjustment. (They are Idris Elba, Taylor Swift, Ian McKellen, Rebel Wilson, James Corden, Judi Dench, Jennifer Hudson and Jason DeRulo.)– Shea Corrigan

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Phoenix Suns provided to me: (ideally!) turning the corner on nine years of misery

The Phoenix Suns haven’t been to the playoffs because 2010 (the second-longest active playoff drought in the NBA), they have not won 30 video games given that 2015, and even discussing the names of draft whiffs like Josh Jackson, Marquese Chriss or Dragan Bender is enough to make the most diehard of fans wince. But for the very first time in Devin Booker’s career, he’s got NBA-caliber colleagues and a genuine head coach. The result? Career-best performance for Book, a Suns team that’s 11-19 in spite of dealing with among the league’s hardest schedules and missing Deandre Ayton for all however two video games, and a shot at lastly taking the first step in an extended reconstruct. This fanbase has continuously been put through the ringer, but in between having an actual point guard in Ricky Rubio, Kelly Oubre’s Valley Boyz wave and Aron Baynes substituting the suspended Ayton, the Suns are taking their primary step towards legitimacy by simply competing. Maybe the playoffs won’t happen after a hot start raised expectations, specifically during a seven-game losing streak, however even breaking 30-35 wins would be encouraging.– Gerald Bourguet

On the 10 th day of Christmas, soccer provided to me: a 10- point lead that Liverpool surely can’t let slip this time, right?

Sure, it would be good for our true love to provide us an engaging Premier League title race like we saw last season, but in the lack of that, we get to see a buzzsaw Liverpool team that looks definitely identified to snap the storied club’s 30- year league title dry spell. The Reds lead the Premier League by 10 points (with a game in hand) at Christmas. Of all teams though, Liverpool won’t be assuming it’s over, after they blew a Christmas lead last season. And the Ghosts of Christmas Past run even deeper because, through Opta “each of the last 3 sides to fail to win the title after being leading at Christmas have all been the Reds (2008-09, 2013-14 and 2018-19).” For Liverpool fans, this might be the year they finally win the Premier League, and for us neutrals, we get to see them hold their breath and see if possibly they can end up being the next Invincibles while doing so.– John Wilkinson

On the 11 th day of Christmas, the NFL offered to me: awesome young quarterbacks

After what feels like a century of Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Ben Roethlisberger, the league is finally churning the mix. Patrick Mahomes, Lamar Jackson, Deshaun Watson and others are blazing a trail, introducing what need to be the requirement for 15 years moving forward. More athleticism, more enjoyment and more possibilities. Excellent stuff.– Matt Verderame

On the 12 th day of Christmas, MLB offered to me: So, so, many presents since totally free agents are really getting signed prior to Christmas

After a freezing market last winter left the leading totally free representatives anonymous through the holidays (and well beyond), it was refreshing to see big-ticket products Stephen Strasburg, Gerrit Cole and Anthony Rendon go off the board this December. Now, as we wait to see if contending groups open the checkbook for mid-level totally free representatives too, let’s hope we can discover a way onto the gift-giving list of those three.– John Wilkinson

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[banalpal]

2018 Review

This is going to be pretty long, but I wanted to just go through my year month by month in a really candid way. 

January

I started out my year trying to re-invent myself. I had a quaint little apartment, and I wanted to start blogging (here) and vlogging (youtube). I wanted to be organized and on-trend. Early in the month, my band worked really hard on producing our single in preparation for its release on Valentine’s Day. 

I ended a toxic relationship with a guy I really loved, and that was hard to do right off the bat in 2018, but I was determined to get better. I started spending a lot of time with my roommates and other friends. I wrote this reflection in my journal in January: 

“I’m so glad I spent time with Kendyl, Daria, Jacob and Kaleb. I’m very pleased with the amount of homework I’ve accomplished and that I have gone to my classes AND begun to exercise!”

This is one of my favorite photos taken in January. I was really down about losing a close friend, and I went to an ice cream/live band karaoke event at my college. A few friends and I started spontaneously dancing to Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA,” and I had a ton of fun. 

Lucky me! In the span of a week, one of my close friends, Jacob, asked me to be his girlfriend, AND my best friend came to surprise visit from Kentucky. 

This is my best friend, Connor! 

February

February was truly a bit of a mad-dash of always trying to rehearse for my upcoming senior recital, while balancing my schoolwork, 5 jobs (really!), my friendships, and navigating my new relationship. 

Somehow, I managed to pull through and make it to Daria (my roomate)’s birthday party, audition for commencement concert, introduce Jacob to my family, and I even took a trip down to St. Louis to visit my dear friends Luke and Alyssa, while also getting to see Jacob’s WGI competition. I was even on an intramural volleyball team!

March

March taught me much about failure. I had been practicing night and day for my recital. It was supposed to be shared with my friend Nathan, on March 26th. I failed my recital hearing a week prior, and had to reschedule for April. You may be thinking, “big deal,” but I had never honestly put in the work for something and just failed. There were times in my life where I hadn’t put forward my best effort and then not accomplished my goal, but this was the first time I had really worked for something and then failed anyway. It was extremely disappointing, but even in the midst of my hard work and failure, there was time for smiles. I spent quite a bit of time in Michigan meeting Jacob’s family for the first time, I learned how to shoot a gun, and I performed in 4 concerts despite my recital being postponed. 

April

If you thought March was wild, well hold onto your hats! In April, I was out of town the 1st-2nd, 6th-9th, 16th-17th, 20th-23rd, and 29th-30th. In that time, I also had to perform my senior recital, direct my drama class showcase, and take all of my finals. Here’s an excerpt from my planner that month:

“This was hands-down the most stressful month of my life. I was traveling nonstop. I truly don’t think I could’ve done it any differently, but I certainly don’t wish to repeat it.” 

My sister Phoebe turned 3!

The awesome group of students I got to travel with all those times!

Some friends and I at our volunteer showcase!

I got to go with my best friends to Senior Banquet.

I surprised Jacob in Ohio for his birthday; he had no idea and it was a great day. Totally worth it to be there for him.

I got to sing in chapel for the first time during our last week of school. It was such an amazing experience to do it with some of my best friends!

My wonderful friends from praise team and I after my senior recital! It was so fun to get all dressed up and show everyone what I’ve been studying for 3 years! I wore the same dress to sing in commencement concert.

May

Ahh. May. Such an incredible release from the tension that had built up over the late winter/early spring. I opted out of my choir trip which was sad, but I needed to spend the money on some summer courses. I only traveled a little with the praise team. I was honored with the privilege of singing a solo at our Baccalaureate service. I got to spend so much time with family, too!

My birthday!

Some awesome friends at our senior class event! We released paper lanterns.

Just before the Baccalaureate service. I had allergic conjunctivitis but my friends and family were so helpful with the eyedrops!

My close friends from home celebrating my birthday!

June

June was bittersweet. A wonderful month with wonderful weather, but my dear Great Aunt Ann passed away. It was hard on my family, especially my grandmother. Ann was so positive until her last breath, and an inspiration for me to live my life to the fullest.

I ran my first race ever, a 5k, in honor of my friend Cheyenne who passed away from osteosarcoma. 

I went to Cedar Point for the first time! It was rainy, but we had so much fun!

We had a great Father’s Day weekend.

Jacob surprised me with tickets to my first ever baseball game! We had seats right above the dugout for the opposing team. There were peanuts everywhere, but I lived!

Gus and I had a great time at Prairiefest!

Not pictured: applied for and accepted a position as music teacher at Parkview Christian (more on that later)!

July

More summer shenanagins!

I took my final trip with Praise! 

Independence Day was spent with close friends!

My great uncle retired and we got to sing “Yesterday” by the Beatles together.

We had some family visit from Florida and we got to go to the Field Museum in Chicago. It was my first time (that I can remember).

The lovely Jen Heim did our family portraits and they turned out absolutely beautiful!

Here’s me doing... yep, you guessed it! goat yoga.

August

August is where the rubber really met the road for me. I had to grow up so quickly. It was like life just smacked me in the face, and I had to decide what kind of person I was going to be moving forward. So, I decided to be the best version of me I could possibly be. I didn’t get there, and I’m still not there, but I’m sure as heck trying.

I started my first full-time job as a music teacher. I way underestimated how difficult it would be. I’m so thankful for the job and for the opportunity, but I won’t lie, it’s been a scary and difficult transition. I feel I was very underprepared for the job and very overwhelmed by it, but I made it through the month alive, with a lot of things learned. 

I got to see my first DCI competition with some friends from Olivet!

Through the hardship, I was so thankful to be leading worship 5 times a week at that point. I needed the constant lyrical reminders of God’s faithfulness in all situations.

I got a haircut to make myself feel good. It worked.

I got to sing at my lovely friend Alyssa’s wedding!

My car was totaled in an accident that wasn’t my fault. Just another thing in the dumpster fire that was my life!

I got one relaxing trip to SBR with my highschool students. It was so needed!

September

When life gives you lemons, sometimes making lemonade takes too long and you need to just eat them plain.

I lost a lot in September. My identity was no longer as a worship leader, a college student, a singer/performer, a girlfriend, and probably half a dozen other things I’ve forgotten about. I had to start finding another identity: one marked by my traits alone, and not my circumstances.

I lost a lot of weight. It was time to take control of my situation and my health! I didn’t want to wait for the new year to have a new me.

I paid cash for a new (to me) car! It sucked that I had this expense out of nowhere, but it felt great to be able to afford it.

My favorite thing about myself in hardships is how inspiring it is. Whenever life gets me down, God gives me a song to sing. It reminds me of one of my favorite Psalms:

“I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He lifted me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay; He set my feet upon a rock, and made my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.”

I’m so glad for all the creativity He gave me that month.

My best friend had a murder themed birthday party, of course! I was Courtney Love because... duh. She totally killed Kurt Cobain.

My brother, the soccer star.

Spending time with old friends at the Sandwich Fair!

Unfortunately, it was time for me to give up my position at First Baptist of Kankakee. I loved my church so much, and I still adore the people there, but I knew it was time for me to move on and meet other Christians in my area. I still hold them so dearly in my heart!

It felt so good to start gigging again, too! I played with my band, Vinyl Fox, twice, and with another combo with some friends from college. 

October

I got to go back down to Olivet for Homecoming weekend! 

My friend Ricky and I went to a banquet (for my friend from THE CHURCH I JOINED)!

My family at Halloween!

Pumpkin patch with the kiddos!

Luckily, my job became easier with time. I also started grad school! 

Gus, being a star.

November

A total blast. I spent so much time improving myself and becoming the person I want to be! It feels GREAT!

I got to spend so much time climbing at First Ascent. My climbing partner and I started actually leading routes this month and we progressed so much! I conquered a lot of fear in that area. I also met my friend Celeste! (The girl in the picture with me).

Alex Molica did a makeup demonstration on me, and I was thriving.

My family had the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving in DISNEY WORLD!! So cool!! 

I spent so much time in the city! I kind of fell in love with the train rides home at night. I visited friends (and Sophie, my sister), participated in my first beginner comp (The Humblodt Rumble), did the Sendsgiving challenge (and WON a prize!), and even got to bring my cousin climbing with me!

December

DECEMBER. How could the year have come to a close so quickly? Well, I’m certainly not where I thought I’d end up. My vision for my life and for my future has gone through incredibly major shifts over and over again this year. But then I finally realized, I don’t know what the future holds, and I can’t know. So I need to just stop trying to know. It’s time to let go. I had been holding onto some things so tightly in my life this year - things that were really precious to me - and by doing so, I choked them out. This month I feel I’ve finally settled more into my adult life. It’s truly surreal to have just released songs (that will get its own blog post later), for real this time. I got to see one of my favorite bands, WALKTHEMOON. I celebrated a close friend’s wedding! I even directed all of the Christmas programs at school (while incredibly sick) and they went well! 

WALKTHEMOON!

Gus’ first Ninja Warrior competition!

Yes, I changed my hair again. What can I say? I get a rush from surprising people.

MY NEW MUSIC!!! (Thanks to Elijah Svoboda and Scott Miller! The best producers and musicians in the WORLD!)

Oh yeah, and I’m dog sitting for the holiday.

To wrap it all up and stick it under a tree, 

New year: better me. 

I can’t wait to keep learning and growing and changing in 2019. I’m so ready for whatever God brings my way!