#No but honestly it's insane to me how a movie thats so much about Politics TM can be so afraid of saying anything political | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eldritchsurveys · 4 years

Text

1008.

5k Survey LXVII

3401. How well can you read between the lines when others are talking? >> I’m not usually looking to read between any lines. My first inclination is to take what people say at face value, excepting cases like speaking in metaphor or using sarcasm, which I think I can figure out pretty well.

3402. Would you ever speak in front of your peers about peace and social injustice? >> In a formal sense, like giving a speech? Most likely not. 3403. Where does peace begin? >> ??? 3404. Does Aamerica practice the ideals it preaches? If yes when and where? If not, why not? >> Which ideals, exactly, are we talking about? 3405. In conversations do you assume that you know what will be said? If yes, isn't this a form of closing yourself off to new ideas? >> I don’t try to predict conversations or anything.

3406. In what ways are you closed minded? >> I’m not sure. I’m willing to accept a vast variety of subjective realities. I consider it a strength of mine, it’s helped greatly in practicing compassionate thinking (a practice in which I am otherwise not very strong yet). 3407. do you prefer beans or rice? >> I mean, I generally prefer these two things together. 3408. who's a better tv dad?--dr. huxtable (bill cosby) or danny tanner? >> I don’t know who Danny Tanner is, but I never much cared for the Cosby Show either way. 3409. detroit or new york? >> I would love to go to Detroit at some point (I was there for a conference in 2013 or so, and Sparrow and I went to see a Welcome to Night Vale live show there some years later, but in neither case did I get to actually see anything else in Detroit except the exact thing I was there for). Can’t pick a preference without having been to both cities. 3410. What's your favourite Star Wars movie? >> Hmm... I thought The Force Awakens was pretty cool, and Revenge of the Sith too. I don’t remember which one from the original trilogy I liked best because it’s been longer since I’ve seen those. 3411. What's your favourite Star Trek movie? >> I’ve never seen any of those. 3412. How about Batman? >> At this point, the only Batman movies I really remember anything about are the Nolan Trilogy ones, and those were pretty interesting.

Indiana Jones? >> I’ve never seen any of these.

Lord of the rings? >> I don’t remember if I liked any of them more than the other two.

harry potter? >> I don’t remember if I liked any of them more than the other eight. I think the Deathly Hallows ones were pretty interesting? 3413. If you could ask one question and one question only to the following people, what would that question be: Saddam Hussain? George W Bush? John Lennon? an alien? God? Someone you knew who has died? Steven Speilberg? JD Salinger? 3414. Have you seen AI (artificial intelligence)? If yes, what were the beings at the end of the movie? Do you see this as a possible future for humanity? What'd you think in general? >> It’s been years since the last time I saw this movie, and all I can remember about it as a result is that it was a bit maudlin but I loved it at the time. I’ve bandied about the idea of rewatching it, but eh, who knows. Honestly, if I’m going to revisit a maudlin movie about robots and emotions, it’s going to be Bicentennial Man first and foremost before any other. 3415. If a-l-k-a-s-e-l-t-z-e-r spells 'relief' how do you spell: love? happiness? evil? sexyness? yummy? 3416. Have you ever been to a Braodway show? What one? >> I have seen exactly one (1) stage production, and that was Phantom of the Opera. If I never get the chance to see a live show again, at least my one experience was as amazing and transformative as it was. 3417. Nighttime shows or matines (sp?)? >> Matinees, always. 3418. How are your family get-togethers, loud and rambunctios or quiet and formal? >> --- 3419. Would you be able to survive shippwrecked alone on a desert island? >> I mean, no, dude. Let’s be realistic lmao 3420. Speaking of islands, does Gilligan EVER get off his? >> I don’t know anything about that show. 3421. What movie has the BEST soundtrack? >> I could never answer this, my brain immediately starts screaming about all the movie soundtracks it loves and I don’t even know where to begin or how to use words. 3422. Do you ever go into chat rooms? If yes, what ones? >> No. I mean, I use Discord, but that’s a bit different from the chat rooms of yore. 3423. Is english your first language? >> English is my first language.

If not...How you say hello in your language: another word in your language + english translation: boob in your language: 3424. Make up a religion (make it up): >> No, thanks.

what would it believe: 3425. Create your own country- >> Nope. Name of country: Ethnic background: Language (make it up): Other details: 3426. How would you celebrate these holidays? Dogs in Politics day: Magic circles day: Be bald and free day: National mole day: Syliva plath day: Increase your psychic powers day: Waiting for the barbarians day: Air day: 3427. -Why do you think Steve got kicked off Blue's Clues: >> I vaguely remember this moment in history, but not enough to have an opinion about it. 3428. Hooked on heroin or hooked on phonics? >> ... 3429. -Have you ever taken an insanity quiz and said, "Hay, thats a good idea!" >> What? 3430. - Have you ever covered yourself in blood and layed down on the side of the road to make it look like you were in an accident? You don't know what you're missing. >> I think that’d be a pretty mean prank to play on unsuspecting passersby. 3431. Can you flare your nostrils? >> No. 3432. -do you want to swim in a vast lake of gatorade? or, any other beverage for that matter? >> No. 3433. -have you ever sneezed at the same time everyday, consecutively, for over 3 months? >> No. 3434. -how did the first person discover that pigs feet would be so good that we call them a delicacy? >> I don’t know, how did the first person discover that anything was edible? 3435. -why did the first person to ever eat pigs feet eat them? >> Because they were hungry? 3436. -do you like the idea of 'like father, like son'? >> I don’t know how I’m supposed to answer this. I don’t care about that saying. 3437. Put the following musical acts in order from best to worst by numbering them..(1 for best, 2 for 2nd best, etc... 20 for worst). >> Are you kidding me. Avril: Ashanti: Joan Jett: David Bowie: the Bee Gees: The Doors: Tool: DMX: Iggy Pop: Creed: Weezer: Ministry: Thursday: Kittie: Adam Ant: Rancid: the Clash: Led Zeppelin: Moby: Tom Waites: 3438. Would you rather be an evil dictator or a sitcom family member? >> ??? 3439. What is the wave of the future? >> I don’t know. 3440. What's your favorite old movie (before 1990)? >> lmao, “before 1990″... anyway, I love a lot of movies that came out in that expansive period of time, so... 3441. When someone tells you that their signifigant other lives REally Far Away..do you ever suspect that they are single and making someone up? >> I do not suspect that unless I have reason to suspect them of lying (as in, past experience of them lying about things, particularly bigger things). 3442. Alaska or Hawaaii? >> I don’t have a preference because I’ve been to neither location. 3443. Why did Kentucky Fried Chicken change their name to KFC? >> I don’t remember why. Brands just be doin shit, idgaf. 3444. What is there no place to hide from? >> ... 3445. Which makes you happier, giving presents or getting them? >> I mean, getting a gift is really fun. Giving a gift is really fun. I don’t know why I’d be comparing those two experiences. 3446. What can you never have just one of? >> I can’t think of anything. 3447. What comes to mind when you think of Hulk Hogan?/ >> The fact that he’s always saying “brother”. I think that’s the right guy. 3448. What would you be the patron saint of? >> I have no idea. I think that’d be up to whoever put forth the petition for my canonisation. 3449. Do you still look at the world with wonder like you did when you were a kid? >> Not with the same intensity and regularity as one would when one’s brain is still in development, but I do try to stay in contact with that part of myself. 3450. For 5 seconds clear your mind. Good. Now write the first thing that you can think of!: >> No, thanks.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey #not for reblogging *glare*

0 notes

joshhutchsource · 7 years

Text

Josh Hutcherson AMA Transcript

This is the transcript from Josh’s AMA on Reddit on February 16th, 2017. All spelling and grammar errors are as written by the original people This is very long, so the majority is under a read more.

Q: Do you miss working with the Hunger Games cast?

Josh: yes... they were the best! family forever. i miss them all dearly... however we still hang now and then and keep in touch.

Q: Hi! What's your favorite television show to watch?

Josh: the Bob Ross painting show... i can benge for hours

Q: Hey Mr. Hutcherson, is there any actor (that you have not yet worked with) that you wish to work with someday?

Josh: so many.... joaquin phoenix is up there for sure.

Q: Hi Josh, You got second class treatment from Rosemary Telesco and continued with Katniss Everdeen. Does it hurt your feelings?

Josh: hahaha.... life imitates art…

Q: What do you define as your first "big break" into acting and that business?

Josh: For me my first ever job was personally my big break.. I was 9 and I held a goat in the backgroud for a bible study video in ohio.... everyone starts somewhere…

Q: How do you go about choosing a script that you want to work on, both for this project and other professional work?

Josh: I want originality. Characters that are bold and have clear voices. i also want to push the boundaries of what reality is.

Q: Hey Josh! What is the craziest encounter you've had with a fan?

Josh: i had two girls and their mom show up at my door a few years ago during christmas with my family..... that was..... awkward. Im not answering the door next time. Haha

Q: do you think 2017 is going to be a good year?

Josh: hard to believe it can be... however I feel like so many people are getting involved that werent before... this is a moment when people feel energized.

Q: If you had not been an actor, what profession would you have done?

Josh: i like building stuff... and i like photography... maybe building stuff and taking pictures of it... if thats a job

Q: Because Im sure you get the same questions over and over - what's your favorite day of the week, and why?

Josh: Thursday... not becuase im here... but because i like how the word looks. and wednesday is finally over.

Q: JOSH is there anything you couldn't live without?

Josh: my freedom of speech and gluten

Q: your favorite song at this moment?

Josh: Lazarus by David Bowie

Q: Why were you such a little bitch in the hunger games ?

Josh: i prefer other words... however this little bitch survived. so... yeah.

Q: Which country do you think is the safest in a zombie apocalypse?

Josh: Iceland... no doubt. Zombies hate Byjork

Q: What's your idea of a successful person. What would make someone successful in your eyes?

Josh: A person who is comfortable in their skin... I'm defintely not. I have gotten better as time goes on but someone who is and who is genuine is successful for me.

Q: Do you have any advice for someone dealing with depression?

Josh: I'm not certified to answer this sort of thing. However I go back to perception. As well as really find what you care about and express it. film, music, walking... whatever it is that you can connect with is what i try to lose myself in.

Q: i feel like, in my mind, i always associate you with the jungle. Why is that?

Josh: that really makes me smile. I love the jungle and i feel a part of it often. thank you.

Q: hi josh, I'm not very good at english so I can't write a good question but do you like mango?

Josh: yes... im human. never trust someone who doesnt

Q: What do you think about Darren Aeronosfsky as a director?

Josh: I think hes great... requiem is on point!!

Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Josh: here in this ama.

probably isolated somehwere thinking of ideas of things to make movies about. I dont know!!!! cant think that far ahead honestly.

Q: in ten words can you describe your experience directing "Ape"?

Josh: BEst experience of my life creatively hello cars cat apples

Q: What's your favorite food?

Josh: Skyline Chili... Only available in the greater Cincy area…

Q: You still here? And if so, what do you think of the Oscar contenders this year?

Josh: Moonlight!!! That movie was incredible. I also really loved LA LA Land. those two really stood out for me. so many great performances though. Denzel was on point!

Q: Donald Trump or President Snow ?

Josh: I mean... one in the same right?

Q: How are Driver and Manchi?

Josh: they are the loves of my life.... I worship them. I believe they are quite happy. they get plenty of love and attention!

Q: ‼️‼️‼️ BERNIE SANDERS !!!! ❗️❗️❗️❗️

now that i got your attention,

Do you watch TV SHOWS ? If yes which one

You are such an inspiration to me. After almost 10 years as a fan, im really proud of you and everything you've achieved! I cant wait to watch ALL your upcomings projects and you are such an AMAZING human being Joshua. Thank you for everything. Seeing you in Paris in 2015 was the best moment of my life, i hope i will see you again and talk with you. Please don't forget your fans, we love you so much. (We missed you so much) Will you ever come back in France? :)

Josh: THANK YOU!! that made my day=] I love france and would love to come back!

I do watch some tv... not so so much. I really love GIRLS. that show is so perfect in so many ways. Ive never seen a show that feels more flawed and honest like that one. Best characters ever.

Q: Really wanna know if you'll keep supporting Bernie although the election is over?

Josh: ABSOLUTELY. we must. things are crazy now but we need to vote in local elections and keep our voices loud. I miss the days when Bernie was a real option…

Q: Hey Josh! Congrats on your director debut of "Ape." Were there things you did differently as an actor because you were also the director? How did it change your perspective?

Josh: it was hard... I liked it a lot but it was tough because i couldnt watch the monitors obviously so i had to make notes in my mind while acting in the scene... i realy liked this experience though and i have somehow even more respect for directors than before.

Q: Do you believe in a real life happy ending? If yes, what would you tell someone who kind of lost hope?

Josh: I think a happy ending is possible. I really believe its all about perception. If you can learn to manage that then you can find ways to be happy all the time

Q: HEY JOSH! I'm so glad you have finally done an AMA!

What advice would you give you're teenage self when entering the theatre/acting community?

Josh: thick skin. actors are the most insecure and insane types of people... with that you need to have thick skin to deflect the dissapointment and let downs and judgements.

Q: Do you want to repeat the experience as a director??

Josh: No doubt. I loved it. its extremely addictive and Im feining fo some mo.

Q: Hi Josh ! How are you ? Will there be a French subtitled version for Ape ? I'm a French fan :) Thank you !

Josh: oui... i think.

Q: Yooo RV was a dumpster fire of a movie...that being said, how awesome was it to work with Robin Williams??

Josh: hahahahah! Robin is a saint... biggest heart in the world and never a dull moment. he was the best.

Q: What kind of movies would you like to direct in the future?

Josh: I like stuff that bends reality and questions the human condition... bending the rules. I love films like being john malkovich and eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

Q: Hey Josh! What's your all time favorite movie or a movie you think everyone needs to see?

Josh: Two for the Road. 60's film that was way ahead of its time and has inspried so many modern love stories. its great!

Q: Hello, Josh! As an aspiring filmmaker, I know how tedious making any sort of film can be. What gets you motivated to create? Also, what’s your favorite snack? Cause, duh, snacks are some of the best motivators.

Josh: Honestly I think i get inspired when i see a dope movie... like when i saw moonlight i just wanted to go out and create something personal and important.

Also sitting in a restaurant looking around and making up stories about the people...

Snack..... kale. Fuk off kale!! frosted flakes

Q: JOSH. Huge fan, you're awesome, yadda yadda ;)

You're such a strong ally to the LGBT community. How did you get involved with your organization, Straight But Not Narrow? What is your advice to the community in the wake of certain political events?

Josh: We started SBNN becuase it felt like there was a lack of outreach to bridge communities together... especially in schools where bullying is brutal. I think now more than ever showing your support to your neighbors is paramount in surviving whats going on.

We are all here and human

Q: What was it like working with Mark Ruffalo?

Josh: Hes the best guy in the world. I love that human!

Q: Josh! Favorite 80's movie?

Josh: Lost Boys

Q: Do you have any directorial advice?

Josh: prepare!! Its so important to know what you want to make so when youre there on set you have it all set up.

The script is the absolute base for everything. understad it inside and out.

Q: Hi Josh!

You and I went to the same school, and you even lived in the same neighborhood as some of my close friends. We’ve never met because you always looked like you wanted privacy and I wanted to respect that, plus I’m a shy person who wouldn’t have known what to say. I’ve always wondered if you felt like you sort of missed out on your high-school experience, and if that impacted you on a social and mental level.

I’m trying to pursue my dream of becoming a published author, but sometimes I just feel like it’s never going to happen and that I’ll never be successful in the only thing that I’m passionate about. What advice would you give to someone who’s been told over and over again to give up their dream and focus on a more practical plan for their life?

Thanks for doing this AMA! It’s really awesome seeing someone from Union doing what they love!

Josh: I think that going for something different in life is for sure the most important thing to do... FUCK THE HATERS!

Only you can stop yourself from going for it.

that should be on an inspirational cat poster...

Q: How would you beat up Donald trump?

Josh: With knowledge.... it seems to be his biggest weakness…

Q: Would you rather be attacked by 50 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?

Josh: One horse sized duck.... no question... Ive seen some big ass ducks…

Q: What are the kind of things you learned while working your blockbuster role in "The Hunger Games Trilogy"?

Josh: TEAMWORK. we had massive crews and it is not possible without all that.

Q: Josh Do you have any Tips for a Happy life?

Josh: Inner happiness... you wont find it in anything else in the world. thats the only way to get by and be happy

Q: what is the number one thing on your bucket list?

Josh: go to patagonia…

Q: Was this role challenging for you to play and how do you think you did?

Josh: It definitely was challenging... its a deep and dark place to go to and I like tapping into that side of myself... I think I did alright... Im my hardest critic

Q: It's so easy to hack me because all of my passwords are your name, what do you think about that?

Josh: Its kinda dope,... maybe try changing it for a bit?

Q: What is your favorite horror movie?

Josh: I really like It Follows... and classics like the shining of course... some chronenburg stuff too... butchered that spelling

Q: Is it harder to be an actor or a director?

Have you thought about being in another large franchise such as the hunger games?

Josh: Hmmm. I would say that directing definitely requires a shit ton more focus and work!!! Id say thats more challenging for sure

Q: Are you looking forward to doing the full length APE?

Josh: YES!!! The plan is to fastrack this into production after the short comes out. the feature is even deeper and darker... gonna be weird…

Q: If Peeta tried to fight you, could real life you take him down?

Josh: fuck yeah!!! well... maybe not. I have a ferocious side that I can tap into.

Q: Hi Josh (my brothers name too) What is the most Hollywood thing you have done/seen so far?

Josh: dont ever come to hollywood for a vacation... its tacky and nothing like they make it seem. Hah.

Q: There's definitely a theme of dealing with mental health issues in your film. Is this something you've dealt with personally?

Josh: There have been moments where I've questioned my mental state... haven't gone too far down that road but I think it's beyond interesting to try to empathize and deal with people who are dealing with those.

Q: hey josh! the other night i was really high and felt like i was you. did you feel it too?

Josh: Wait... was that monday?? I felt something then…

Q: Hi,

What is your dream role, if you could have any in the world, and what is your dream directorial role (genre, plot, cast to direct)? If you had to pick one of these, dream role or dream directing opportunity, which would you prefer to do?

Now this is the obligatory thank-you part that I could not pass up the opportunity to post, considering how much your LGBT+ work has meant to me:

I figured this would be a good opportunity to send some well-deserved thanks your way and hope you see it…! This idea of wanting to thank you started in a letter I started writing a good few years ago now… which I still happen to have in my bedside table, because it never got sent. (I don’t think I ever figured out where to send fan-mail to you, which didn’t help my cause.)

I don’t remember, when I was younger, knowing of any out actors. I’m 20 now, but up until my mid-teens, there was a big blank space around the ideas of ‘LGBT+’ and ‘the world’ being connected for me. I’ve known I was gay since I was 11, but the experience was very isolating, not knowing any gay people in real life. I had no foundation to go on, no experience in this, and obviously felt as though I couldn’t talk with anyone about it, even though I remember very few support-type services.

I remember seeing you in Zathura (my Dad loves Jumanji, so it was bound to happen) and ever since then, I think I’ve just sort of stuck with you. I must have seen that movie when I was about 12/13, and I think that’s when I started to hear what it was you were saying, because I noticed it was relevant to me. I followed what you were saying, and as I got older and more aware of myself and the world, it really started to have an impact on me. I felt as though that was my connection, as though that was my way of learning partly about who I was.

Even though you weren’t gay, the fact that you were only a few years older than me and were into the things and the field I also enjoyed really helped me relate to you. Because I related to you and because you actually meant something to me, the message you seemed so passionate about really resonated with me and it gave me a sort of courage and hope I don’t think someone older (or just generally someone whom I didn’t look up to) would have been able to instil. For the first time, someone I liked and someone I respected was talking about this thing I wasn’t able to share with anyone else. And they were a proper force in the ‘wider world.’

I never really struggle with ‘being gay,’ but I struggled with what other people might have thought, and again your dialogue helped with that. It was just so amazing to see someone whom I respected acting in a way that showed me he would treat me and people like me just as he would any other person. Even though it wasn’t a two way conversation between us, I felt that because you were a person with such a big stature who was brave enough to say this in public, that surely you knew people like me were out there and you were at least partially talking to us.

In the big scheme of things, I didn’t have it as hard as some others do, and I never want to take that for granted. My parents are relatively liberal and Australia is an OK climate to LGBT+ in. But I still found that it was hard to relate who I was with something bigger, and it was scary thinking about whether I would have to start a journey of discovery (not just self-discovery, but a discovery of ‘everything LGBT+’ I suppose you could say) on my own. Simply said, you helped me bridge the gap that I think sometimes people forget exists, even for young LGBT+ people in “supportive” environments. Just because they’re supportive doesn’t mean they’re informative or comfortable.

Nowadays, I’m so happy when I see younger celebrities come out, because I know how much that visibility and that platform means to young LGBT+ kids who simply want to see someone like them on television or in the media. Ellen Page, Charlie Carver, Tom Daley, Troye Sivan, Gus Kenworthy, etc, are all fantastic people that I just know will help make all the difference in someone’s life, as you did in mine.

So, all in all, I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done and continue to do for me and everyone else like me! I think it’s fair to say you’re not just an ally, but a friend too. I hope one day I get to shake your hand and thank you in-person for what you’ve done.

(...well this is the most personal thing I've ever written on this website.)

Josh: Of course! I think its beyond important to give people their voice and fair shot at what they want from life. GET OUT OF THE WAY HATERS!

Only light can drive out dark.

#Josh Hutcherson #interview #Reddit #Reddit AMA

147 notes · View notes

whence-the-woody · 3 years

Text

2020

I used to do big, reflective summaries of my year and even tho I am feeling reflective today, I wasn’t able to do that last year and I actually really like the format I went with last year of just listing memz so I’m going wih that. Intention review etc will be in another post. So, my 2020 memories:

Jan

Gearing up to leave a job I hated, packing up my life to move away properly for the first time. Going flat hunting with my mum and my brother and having a literal choice of one

I did Home which I dont really remember so it was probably fine

This was the month the Gallavich wedding aired and gaslit me into believing there was still anything positive about that show/ship. Tbf at the time I was LIVING for it

Cinema kick with Mum including CATS. What a moment.

Feb

Last day at said crappy job (just weird and awks. I didnt really know how to feel) and starting a new one - everyone was so lovely from the off and even tho I was bored at times I was optimistic

Staying with my brother for a few days, him helping me move in which was all very nice.

My flat having no hot water for the first week - I only cried about it once. And me having nothing but an air bed for 3 weeks. Not ideal but grateful to have amenities and furniture by the end of the month

I think this was both kareoke night for one persons birthday and a 90s party for another - both excellent nights

People were talking about COVID by the end of the month but I was like pfft we’ve been here before with swine and bird flu, it’ll be all hyped up then go nowhere

I think I was getting my first allocations by the end of the month which I was grateful for because going from an insane workload to none at all was tricky and I wanted to get going

March

Oh March 2020. How we did not see you coming.

Before the lockdown even happened I remember people were panic buying. I stocked my freezer a bit, not because I was worried but because so many shelves were empty. All the shops starting looking apocalyptic and I was despairing over how silly everyone was being. You couldn’t get online shops anymore and there was no loo roll to be found - still think thats just so dumb. I had to go to 4 different stores to find oats and was so annoyed, weird little tidbit but I remember it.

I remember sitting down on my new furniture - eating a meal I had made, watching John Mulaney and feeling good in my new home - and seeing the Boris announcement. Other countries had already locked down so I had mentioned to my manager that I might have to go home to my Mums if it happened here - she had asked, I didn’t really believe it would. I had arranged for a friend to visit that month and when she cancelled I was like I think everyones being dramatic but okay. Then the 23rd, they announced a lockdown from midnight and I straight away messaged everyone to say I was panicking, asked my manager if I could leave and packed to drive back to Mum’s the next morning. I was in my flat about 6 weeks.

I know for a fact that March felt like the longest month to ever happen but now I cant remember anything else from it - the announcement was so late in the month, I wasn’t working from Mum’s for that long before April. I think we were told to WFH if we could mid-month but I didn’t. Cant for the life of me now think why it felt so long. I know for those last 2 weeks I was refreshing the news constantly to see what was happening. I was still skeptical and thought the numbers were too low for such drama

April

WFH for real. Excruciating daily calls “to check in”. Working my first cases from home, only on the phone, with no idea what I was doing. Taking turns wearing headphone with Mum because we were both having confidential conversations.

Walking my pup to get my alloted hour of exercise. Taking regular breaks to go outside - I think this was when there was a heatwave. Eating lunch outside. Sometimes doing weights or yoga during my lunch break - that part was actually pretty great

Discovering podcasts - especially FDRF. They were the real MVP.

Still constantly checking the news for updates. 3 weeks turned into 6 and so on and so on.

I came back to my flat for one of the long weekends. I had accepted that it was going to be longer then 3 weeks and I needed more stuff. I went for a very hot walk through a ghost town - at the time it still seemed like there were too many people about. Still picnics in the park happening.

Everyone flinching when they say each other and steering well clear. It made you feel tainted even though its what we were suppossed to do.

Clapping for carers - absolute bullshit placating, hated it.

Always being left off the list of keyworkers.

Still feeling like yeah its bad but ?? This cant go on forever

A year of build up to a move then the rug was pulled out from under me, I tried not to complain because others had it so so much worse but it was hard. Is hard.

We watched all of Location, all of Marvel, Bake off etc etc. I cried when Tony Stark died.

I went back through my ENTIRE tumblr. I realised how little had changed really, it was very existential.

May

I had to come back to my new city because I was on a duty rota for 2 weeks. I was actually very excited and had a good time. I got to see people IRL!! Including some I was working with. It was definately a heatwave at that point - we were swealtering in our cars and full PPE but I was so glad to be out and about and back in the city. Putting a face and proper clothes on again was very weird

I dont remember anything else from May specifically. I think March and April lasted 10 years but then May June July were a blink. I think I had accepted how bad everything was by that point, I had stopped looking at the News for updates. I think this is where zoom started to be a thing maybe.

June

Honestly not a clue. I was between My place and Mum’s because of the duty rota. I don’t think I came back FT until end of June. I know things were starting to open up again and it was all moving far too fast - I definately wasnt going to run out to the gym or pub but alot of people were. We were suppossed to go on holiday for a week this month, with my brother and the dogs but obvs that was cancelled - it was such a lovely place as well, shame.

Yoga was still random but I did a weight workout every day this month which was great

July

Turning 25. I was definately back in the city FT, going back into work. My Mum came to stay in my place for the first time. My brother came over too. We went for a walk, had a picnic in the rain then ate cake back at mine. My Mum got me a microwave for my birthday because Im AN ADULT

For my birthday also me and my Mum watched Hamilton for the first time. This then took over my entire life and was played at all hours of the day

Kept going with daily weight workouts, moved up another set. I think this is where I re-did Revolution

August

Ready to start socialising again. More restrictions were being lifted too quickly which I knew but also I had to GTFO

A friend came to stay with me for the weekend. Hes not very mobile so we couldnt do much - went for a short walk into town, sat by the river and got severely sunburned. We went to a restaurant for the first time in 6 months - I had pancakes. I made him watch Hamilton which he did not appreciate enough. Also watched Truman show for the first time while eating burritos - what a mindfuck that movie is I mean really

Went for a very long very hot walk with a friend all around the fields surrounding the city. We stopped for a drink and cake halfway, more drinks were then had in her garden. This was our first time hanging out alone and it was really lovely, we spent much more time together after that. Shes probably who Ive seen the most this year.

A couple of weeks after that we went for bottomless brunch, followed by I think 3 or 4 other bars. The joys of getting day drunk.

I think this was the month I started using friend/dating apps and got OBSESSED. They’re just so silly and judgey and fun, I love it.

My 6 month tenancy ran out which I chose to renew. I started negotiations with my landlord for a pet agreement.

I think this is where I re-did Dedicate. I think weight workouts fell off a little bit because I was pretty busy. Instead of running started doing 3 walks a week which was nice.

September

First time hanging out with more then one person - did a Hamilton viewing party with 4 of us. There were american themed snacks, it was great. Not a boozy night which was needed. I think I then went for coffee with 2 of the girls this month.

First time meeting up with 2 girls I met on an app - I’m still friendly with one, not the other. It was mostly a good time and I’m very proud to have done it but then drunken politics came up and it got AWKWARD.

Nagging and nagging and nagging my landlord until she signed the pet agreement and LET ME GET A CAT

My obsession with apps was replaced with a cat shelter/app obsession. It was very frustrating because I wanted to rescue and they make it very hard so I eventually found a for sale ad and contacted them - it was a rescue though as far as I’m concerned, she was in a horrible situation for an “owner” who had no clue and had only had her for a couple weeks before giving up and putting her up for sale. I rescued her okay. I think it was 3 or 4 weeks after getting agreement that I went to pick her up. So getting everything ready for her was a big part of this month

I did manage to fit in a 5 day holiday. It was suppossed to be solo travel abroad but ended up being a Mon-Fri with family. We did some NT walks it was nice.

Then it was literally that weekend my brother drove me to Wales to pick up my new fur baby. Instantly fell in love obviously and my whole life became about her from that point on. They told me she was really timid and scared, she had been hiding in her current place, but I was so impressed with how curious and confident she is. She was wary at first, a bit flinchy, didnt like being petted with 2 hands, didnt like loud noises, wouldnt come on the bed or sofa, wouldnt come into the living room really. I put child locks on alot of doors but shes not mischivous so its never really been an issue. She loved to play from the get go and did come to me for a fuss from day one. I adore her basically. The first time she jumped on the sofa, sat next me on the bed, slept on my bed, let me stroke her with 2 hands, her first vet trip, every little first and win has always been a massive victory, Im a v proud mama. She was no name for a few days but quickly somehow became my Myshka (the whole long list I had went quickly out the window somehow)

Did some more regular yoga. Tried to do 5 weight workout a week but it was a bit random. Walks fell off because of anxiety over leaving the cat.

October

Alot of WFH to be with the cat. Definately obsessed.

We had our team day on a farm, that was lovely

Saw my friend for Halloween - watched Hocus Pocus for the first time, had cocktails, watched a boring horror movie then Rocky Horror which is just exceptional. Lockdown 2.0 was announced but we were tipsy and over it.

A very stressful month work-wise, lots of deadline, threat of Ofsted, management changes, admin changes, not getting enough sleep because work stress and struggling with productivity. My health suffered a bit too because I didnt have time for lunchtime exercise anymore.

November

Technically there was a lockdown but it felt no different because everyone was still in school and work, I dont think people even tried this time.

The election, refreshing the results constantly. I fully expected a T win and was happy when he didnt but still disappointed at how close it was, as was everyone

I bought my first Christmas tree and my own decs. Christmas shopping obvs.

I downloaded Tiktok and started to question far too much about my identity. its ongoing.

Most important was SUPERNATURAL. I had alot of feelings, it was an absolute rollercoaster my god. What a time to be alive that was.

A couple of outside coffees in the park which is always nice. I went to a new friend’s house for tea and met their dog, also nice.

I did a SV for the first time in a very long time and it reminded me of everything I used to hate about my old job, so happy to have left there

Test weekend taking the cat to stay with the family dogs, she did great, shes a champ

December

Pretty standard Christmas month. Had a christmas movie night with themed snacks and hot chocolate with one friend. Had another friend come for the day to do the same - first time I had seen her in a year after 3 cancellations, that was very lovely

Constant restriction changes and crappy government pissing me off but it didnt affect my plans luckily

All the Tier 2, Face Hands Space signs feeling very dystopian

Brother’s 30th plans got cancelled coz COVID. Back up NYE plans got cancelled got COVID. Actual NYE was fine tho the normal show/song/crowd was cancelled coz of course COVID

OVERALL

Not so good shit

I mean the whole thing in general yknow

Alot of plans couldn’t go ahead - various groups I wanted to join, a new gym, more nights out with more people, more chances to meet new people ETC

My diet has been an inconsistet shit show BUT TFB there were months where you couldnt predict what was going to be on the shelves, you couldnt get orders and the whole world felt so pointless and dark like why even care about that shit yknow

My exercise also wasnt consistent though I dont feel too bad about it. I was always doing something I feel like even if it was just walking

Ive ended the year with the same amount of savings I started with which isnt exactly bad since I moved and furnished a flat and got a new pet but it isnt great

I hate WFH with a burning passion and im worried the world has accepted that as a new normal and im not okay with it

None of this shit is over yknow

Just a general hopelessness is the face of big world things yknow. Theres really nothing we can do about it, just gotta ride that wave and vote when ya can

No travel - I had such plans!!

Good shit

My new fur baby who I love and adore beyond sanity

Starting a good job in a great city with lovely people

Growing so much in confidence because Fuck it, everything is pointless anyway and theres no point in planning or caring so imma just do me

Exploring so much of who I am through new relationships, my own environment, little things like exploring my style, picking up old hobbies, trying new routines and habits

Strengthening some friendships and maintaining others despite the insane obstacles

Maintaining a positive relationship with My Mum in particular, and my whole family

Trying new things in my new city. Still managing nights out, a somewhat proper birthday and a short trip

No actual mental breakdowns which this year feels like a win. My mental health is actually in such a better place then it was this time last year. The job was killing me, thank fuck I got out when I did

I redid more then 1 30 day programs and did 2 straight months of weights

My family, friends and I are all safe and well

Music of the year:

Hamilton

An awful lot of Panic!

Anyone - DL

Partition (idk dont question me)

Basically alot of drama while trying to hold on to both my emo and club days - fuck I miss clubbing yall. I dont even like clubbing.

Media of the year:

I should acknowledge Shameless even though I came full circle on it and have now fully abandoned the whole thing and prefer my own AU where Milkoviches get what they deserve

Schitts Creek

Supernatural

Hamilton obvs

Marvel technically, it was alot of hours

Staged

Derry Girls

Pose

The Old Guard

Pride - which is not new but we watched it on Christmas eve and I cried in my mums lap okay

Ship of the year has to be Destiel I mean standing ovation for that rage inciting moment followed by a solid month of absolute chaotic good, it was glorious in its destruction.

2021 INTENTIONS TO FOLLOW

#new years #late as ever

0 notes

thebloodthirstypurpleunicor-blog · 7 years

Text

I’m 25 years old and these are my thoughts unfiltered, unapologetic :)

ask a kid were they want to go and follow their lead, i guarantee you’ll have a fun day,

never hit a kid, never tell a kid to stop crying- thats where stress comes from, thats where “mental illness” comes from. always analyze iceland, they have the answers- now it has to be proven for a country with different cultures and backgrounds can truly come together and help each other. everyone wants to be the best but really everyone just wants to have fun and be happy.

a lot of them say i don’t know when u ask them. super interesting.

HISTORY BOOKS! past always repeats itself- common them? men in power. what do we need? man and woman working together- i believe we should have a two president system. its not ok for one person to hold all the power- its not fair to the people who don’t feel seen and its not fair for the one person to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. think about it, all the decisions you make, affecting everyone lives. feel like you have to solve everyones problems and help every single person and everyone is saying they want different things. This country puts too much pressure on themselves to be “the best”. yea we have to be the best because we’ve been taught our whole life that america is the best even know theres so many of us who knew that was the most insane thing you could think of someone saying. I used to wonder when people said that. Do they really believe that? truly in their heart, do they think America is the best country? and if so, A. you are very fucking stupid. or B. are you fucking insane? truly are you insane? like do you need someone to talk to type of crazy. (not medication)

It was just so obvious to me that America was the worst country in the world but it wasn’t/ not our fault. but it is the white man’s fault. It really sucks to say but the truth hurts.

White men (because they were in political power at the time) felt the need to take a country away from it’s rightful owners. A culture so pure it literally brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. Native Americans living off the land, one with nature, animals, it was beautiful. Obviously Native Americans did things that today are horrific and my heart truly breaks for the humans they sacrificed. But they felt like they had to because of a higher power, they felt like they were doing the right thing. Yes Native Americans fought other tribes. Yes they should have used their words instead of weapons which were bow and arrows. Beautiful weapons I might add, so much beauty in them. They were never going to wipe out each other because they saw themselves in each other, why would they kill each other off? That makes no sense and it would have never happened. If the white men didn’t come and do what they did and I have no doubt Native Americans, the only true Americans alive today would have found a way to communicate with each other and become one tribe. One tribe working together, protecting each other and more importantly protecting the earth and earth’s true beautiful creatures, animals.

Native Americans in my opinion would have created such an amazing country. One might even say a Utopia. I know the plague actually killed many of them, something some people forget. I believe thats what would have brought the tribes together. Humans seeing humans hurting, humans seeing their own pain in another human. They would have learned from their mistakes if they had been allowed to. Probably like better hygiene so another plague wouldn’t have happened. Truly common sense.

and of course beautiful africa. mother africa for a reason.

Why from then on out I never wanted to stand for the national anthem -

only proud during olympics and then that was ruined when 2008 happened, what they did to those people for what? Sport? huh? that literally makes absolutely no sense. Imagine being like I don’t have anywhere to play. I’m going to knock down your house just so I can play badminton. (almost sounds just to me, badminton is amazing and I dare anyone to try to beat me like honestly begging for someone to be able to beat me)

its where americans get this complex of being the best, you have to perfect, stress, anxiety, lose mind instead of talking about the problem

steal, want what they don;t have- money

neighbors sugar.

caging animals, reference.

to mental hospital medication. prison system- for profit.

money is the root of it. money has always been the root of it. dollar dollar bills y’all.

one president could look a little crazy to some- reps, dems, and more parties who need to be heard. need to be heard? feel seen, feel represented. Representation is so important to be able to see someone who looks like you or seems like you, personality or interests or talent.

just put yourself in their shoes and allow yourself to feel your struggle and cry and then understand you can feel their pain but you could never live their life so you could never truly feel their struggle.

why my heart breaks for prisoners and of course for mental patients- imagine being locked up for your mind, for your thoughts. do you know how scary that would be? well let me tell you, if someone or multiple people keep telling you theres something wrong with you, even if no one ever uses the word crazy, imagine being told your sick, you’re not right in the head for the simple fact that you can feel everyones pain and suffering in the world by simply lying in a field and allowing yourself to cry for everyone one who has ever lived and felt a pain because of another human when you know all that had to be done was talk. Figure out the root of the problem. Figure out who hurt you most in your life even if you have a privileged life. You cannot tell someone that their pain, their truth doesn’t matter because they have money. You can’t tell someone who is in pain because they don’t have money to get off their lazy ass and make some.

most of all you have to stop trying to change each others minds instead explore each others minds and figure out why you are the way you are. What events or people in your life made you who you are today and made you think the way you do.

how many times we hear, I’m not racist, I have black friends. instead of getting mad and telling them they are whats wrong with the world, look them dead in the eye and explain how and why what you just said hurt me. If that person doesn’t say oh I didn’t realize or I’m sorry then move on and realize you can’t win them all. You can’t win every battle you try to fight. you can’t fix every problem, you have to accept failure and truly be okay with it because you know you’ll always get a second chance to try again. lastly I believe every person in this world is a creator and has the urge to get their story out to the world and please follow that urge wherever it takes you because you just might find your passion in life and once you figure that out, you have to do everything in you’re power to make that dream or vision whatever you want to call it true.

the reason why people made me feel crazy is that they couldn’t understand that someone can have more then one burning, flaming, heart pumping, adrenaline thumping passion.

Here’s a list of my dreams that i’ve been visualizing since I saw someone that inspired me and guess what? I can’t help but to get inspired by almost everyone I meet or see on a tv or a hear on a radio or see their art hanging or really when I see someone who just wants to genuinely help people.

PASSIONS

directing- thelma and louise/ emma watson- first movie escape, 10 years old with my cousin Holly. We made a movie and we killed each other at the end because the characters didn’t want to live in a world where they felt misunderstood or felt like no one was listening and absorbing what they were saying. Um yea you better believe I felt that at 10 years old.

winning a gold medal for badminton and tennis- i could literally write a book about why I feel like Serena William has been the most influential person in the world to me and I believe love at first sight exists and it has nothing to do with romance or sexual desire at all. When I saw Rafael for the first time where a lime green nike swoosh bandana, cutoff sleves and pirate like pants, you better fucking believe I felt like I was looking at myself. True love is to truly love yourself more then anyone and putting yourself first over anyone and that is something I will always do and I know its the most healthy way of thinking and its not on some fuck you I’m selfish, its on some homie i have a lot going on in my head that I need to put myself first in order to be happy and live my truth.

Rapping- maybe 8 Nelly my fav but really who inspired me was eminem and it used to bother because of all the bad things he would rap about but y'all he was rapping his truth, and it was dark and I hope it helped him exercise his issues. Music is so healing and therapeutic especially when you make your own and listen to yourself and see how you were feeling at the time you wrote and recorded it.- I remember the first rap i wrote when I was 8 years old was - if i had a gun, i swear it would be done- I was referring to killing myself. - i’ve imagined killing myself probably over a million times (slight exaggeration but its up there) of course i felt so much pain inside but it never scared me to have those thoughts. I never felt like there was something wrong me ever. why? because I know myself more then anyone does and I know I would never kill myself because no one ever gave me a reason to want to. No one’s ever truly hurt me like maliciously. things gets misconstrued because a lot of people don’t talk. so of course I’ve suffered but nothing compared to what so many others have to deal with.

and lastly and this I know has always been in me more then anything but it scared me more then anything because its not fun to be blunt lol but someone has to do it and like Emma Watson said- if not you then who if not now then when?

The end game in everyone of my dreams was to become the president of the united states of America and it was never about the power, it was truly about wanting to help people and wanting to be an example and lead the way for future generations to help keep the world going and sustaining the planet we all call home.

What does everyone always say? You have to help yourself before you can help others. Americans have to sit down and talk about their problems openly, 100% honesty and figure out why they have so much hate in their hearts.

My theory is everyone’s always trying to cage the animal? literally and figuratively

I’ve been told so many times that I care about things too much. Um yea and excuse not to be rude but why don’t you?

the thing is, no one has ever truly judged me for for living my truth. Of course I was scared to show people my music and always want people to like my movies. You can find my pain in my music, I explore my truth and pain in my music but please know theres nothing that makes me happier then making movies with my friends. Using our imaginations together to create something is truly beautiful and just amazing. My true and utter happiness like you have no idea how happy I feel when I’m finished editing soccer cult and got to watch it with everyone and just laugh so hard until we couldn't breathe and our stomachs hurt. Yea i remembered the hard times when filming like I cared so much and I lacked the emotional intelligence at the time and yea I would yell at certain friends in not a nice tone to please focus because we were always on a damn time schedule. this one has to leave early and this one is late. The pressure I put on myself during the making of that was so immense that I would not be able to sleep the night before a day we shot because I would just think about everything that needed to be done and I knew I cared more then everyone so I had to do it all. Or at least thats what I thought. The last thing I learned on my hero’s journey is asking for help when you need it and not feeling like a burden to your friend or family member no matter if you’re asking for a dollar or asking someone to help sort out all these thoughts in my head.

I know I’m the person I am today because I sorted through all these thoughts myself and oh my goodness do i have thoughts and theories on every single thing you could imagine.

the day i truly became my own hero was May 20- 11:09

and guess what? I figured out the reason why I’m alive? The question I’ve literally been searching for until I could form a thought, an idea, a dream. It is different for every single soul on this earth- the anwser is to life is whatever you want it to be. its truly that simple. Search your mind and go deep and don’t be afraid to scare yourself, don’t be afraid to “lose your mind” because if you do, I promise you that will you find it again.

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder by a doctor who I’m sure believed it was true because other people around them did, My friends thought there was something wrong me, my parents did as well so of course they did the rationale thing and had me go the doctor’s and I thought it was hilarious like truly hilarious because I’ve known since about 8 years old that I would always have to defend my sanity. It was all in the raps I wrote, even if i wasn’t conscious, I knew that day time would come and you better believe I was ready. how could I not be with all the heroes i;ve read about, watched in movies, saw in athletes and artists I looked up to you. Never wanted to be them, always wanted to be friends with them. Every single one of them. Every single person I meet, I want to know their story because its so intersing and unique. every one’s voice matters and if you have the urge to tell me it then you better believe i will listen and you better believe i would never ask anyone to tell me their story because someone’s story is so personal.

so yea I was finally able to vocalize my true feelings and articulate them.

I did it all in about 5 days where I got about realistically 8 hours of sleep. and I did it all without “medication” drugs, or alcohol or caffiene and I wasn’t able to that eat much because I didn;t feel the need to, i did however drink a lot of water. Its true what they say, theres nothing more powerful then the human mind if you know how to use it.

People in my life “adults” tried everything in their power to pump me with medication. They thought they were desperately trying to help me, “save me”. In reality they were hurting me, severely, excruciatingly hurting me. I felt like they were trying to kill me (figuratively) are you trying to make me lose my mind? Tell someone theres something wrong with them and they’re gonna think something is wrong with you. Imagine the people in your life telling you that you were sick for having those thoughts. Not all though, there was one person that tried to warn me not to tell people every single thought that popped into my head because people would think you’re crazy if they knew all the thoughts you ever thought. I was making reference to a lot of pop culture things to try to get people to understand what I was thinking. The only time I’ve ever lost control of my mind is when I was in the “mental” hospital, its when I was forced to take medication in order to be released. Think about that. It was the medication that made me lose sight of reality. The only time I’ve ever not remembered doing something is when they fucking forced me to take medication. I was blacking out, I guess you could say.

the patients are the ones that helped me get out. they all told me you have to calm down or they won’t let you out. One guy said I wouldn’t get out for months by the way I was acting. I remember some things i did and honestly they’re truly hilarious. I was always just trying to get people to laugh and I always got the patients to laugh, I got all of them to have fun in the group classes. Yo those were genuine good memories I have. I know the workers were scared at times of the other patients, I saw it in their eyes but I know they were never scared of me, annoyed with me at times? yes? only because I wanted to be their friend so badly lol. I know my brain was doing everything it could to fight the medication and it did. I got back full control of my mind and I played their fucking stupid twisted backwards game. I promised everyone I would take the meds when I was out. I put on my acting hat which was easy because I make movies son. I nodded, I promised and promised that I would take the medication knowing damn well that there was no way I was ever, ever going to take something that alters my brain, ever. I’ve never been high, I’ve never been drunk. I don’t need those things to take my mind places it wants to go.

If your goal is to make me want to kill myself then force me to take medication to “fix” my brain. If you want to truly fix this world. It starts with having the mindset of everyone has a beast, monster, animal inside them that more then anything wants to fight its way out. unleash your beast. embrace you’re animalistic side without hurting another life, human, animal, nature. if we all just talked to each other about your deepest darkest secrets, past trauma you have experienced. Therapy is what it is. A person not feeling comfortable enough to talk to their friends or family about their problems because they feel like a burden so they have to talk to a stranger who does not fucking know them even if that person truly wants to help. You know and they know they’re getting paid to listen to you, even if they want to in their heart. it doesn't matter, it still won’t truly heal you. You have to talk to your friends and family because guess what? you are going through the same exact things because you are all human.

its why when i show my true self, im talking my absolute true self and nothing but the truth so help me to a stranger regardless of race, gender, culture, ttraditons, sexual orientation, if i open myself up to a complete stranger about my pain and it brings tears to their eyes then I know this world can heal. they say real recognize real

you wanna know why so many people on meds say they feel like they’re a zombie? its because medication stunts your imagination. it stunts your dreams, more importantly it stunts your passion the same way depression does.

I've gone through deep “depression” not because anyone hurt me or did me wrong in any way shape or form. The reason I felt true sadness to the point where I visualized killing myself literally like 40 times a day. I always thought about turning my wheel into on coming traffic. because when I;m alone with music, my brain works at another gear. I didn’t understand why. Now i do. The biggest problem in my life ever and please understand I;m being dead ass serious. It’s because I was so fucking bored all the time. You better believe the times I’ve felt true happiness was with my friends who played sports, my teammates. I needed to feel challenged. The problem was no one in my life has ever challenged me mentally and you better believe I found a very hard time looking for people to challenge me when it came to sports. Do you know how many times I’ve dreamed of having a rival? a true rival. someone I could try my hardest against, like I mean go all out to the point of near death and then after almost killing each other, looking at each other and not shaking hands, not hugging, not a bow but laughing because it was just so much fun. I dreamed of that every day and i still do.

I do mean literal death in a sense meaning MMA. I know my biggest dream ever is to be a fighter in the UFC and hold that gold belt up not in a cocky way but just like a little kid does, hey guys look what I just did with no ego. I know in my heart I can do it but theres a part of me that just cares too much about people to try to hurt them in any way. Its interesting, I have to do more research but I think a lot of different cultures believe in a duality of sorts. When you can turn off the side of the brain being like you I know this is super scary but I’m about to do it anyway. Sky diving for example is literally insanity lol. jumping out of a plane! having faith that the person you’re attached to know what they’re doing and even if that person knows what they’re doing, theres still a chance that something could go wrong with that parachute. like are you trying to kill yourself? lol

i have no doubt in my mind, every conscious human has had a sucidal thought. its why “mentally challenged” people always seem like like little kids, they don’t know how to express their emotions, they lack emotional intelligence. Bullshit. “mentally challenged” people are not challenged at all. They’re capable of doing anything that they want to and I truly mean that. Its just that they need help and people to teach them things and they might learn it at a slower rate then some. I’m sure a lot of people have felt that before. Someone calls you stupid enough times you’re going to think you’re stupid.

It truly all comes down to communication and patience. is quite literally that simple.

put 5 different people in a room that speak a different language and has different traditions and customs, different ways of doing things. Now give them a problem to solve, something like body borg and give them as much time as they need to work together to figure it out. give them as much time as they need. but you have to give them the nessarcy tools to succeed and i’d put my life on it that they will get out. Give them enough food and water, healthy food and water to last a life time.

why? because they’re not going to feel any ounce of stress whatsoever and they also know someone will eventually let them out if anything actually went wrong.

the school system, the prison system, the mental health, mentally challenged

crazy, retard (i hate that word more then anything in the world, you have no idea) bitch, a word I’m guilty of using but I haven’t called someone a bitch with the connotation of your in a bad mood or I'm really mad at you or you’re being a baby or like a woman, only ever friend, and you better believe I wouldn’t let a guy call me that even if he meant it in a joking endearing way because homie you don’t know the struggle of being a girl even if you have put yourself in my shoes and see things from my perspective you could never be a girl even if you tried cuz of science duh. yo that goes for slut, whore, whatever you can think of an insult to a women, girl

why do we refer to having balls as strength and being a pussy as being weak even women do that. Hate it to break it to you but people who do that are projecting and you have mom and daddy issues and at the heart you have an issue with yourself. Find out why you use terms like that even if you don’t mean it to insult someone, like you’re just trying to be funny. find out why thats funny to you and then realize you are hurting someones feelings when you use those words, you’re causing another human being pain. Even if theres not a “mentally challenged person” around and I hear the R word, it causes me pain because I know some dumb piece of shit has probably said it to their face or they probably see it on TV or in a song. Black eye peas “lets get stupid, lets get crazy, lets get retarded in here” yo imagine never having the urge to hurtt another human being but for some reason they hurt always hurt you. My heart breaks for them.

but i can take my mind places you literally can too if you just dream big enough.

Please forgive me for putting in this HP reference but I can’t help myself, it is the single reason why i never felt like i was “crazy”

Hagrid voice- “you’re a wizard, Harry” excuse me sir but no I am not Harry Potter and I’m also not a boy. I am the one and only Herimone Granger! a girl who was smarter then everyone, she was a better wizard then harry, she always saved them and Ron can go jump a cliff for all I care for leaving them in the woods, listen fucker, I don’t care if you tried to come back right away, you left and you can never change that”

by the way JK, you should have followed your instincts in killing Ron. If you have, I would have been able to say that Harry Potter is the best piece of art ever. Congrats, you played yourself. but also thank you because even though you gave me all the answers like dumbledore to harry. You still left a little room for me to grow. I realized on my own that I don’t need a woman or man to ever complete me.

and i also never felt the need to tell or show people that I was smarter then them. why i never got insulted when someone would call me a boy. just annoyed and know its because I thought you were so fucking stupid like hard core judged you, i mean hard core and to everyone who always thought i was gay, you’re literally the dumbest people for thinking sexuality is based on clothing or interests. fucking dipshits.

i know people say I always take things to the extreme. “hermonie, you’re gonna get us killed or worse expelled” i thought that was so funny, I also thought of doing things like standing up and telling a teacher how bad of a teacher they are. If you’re ever mean to a kid or made learning boring then you piece of shit go find another a job, you’re onbvs not happy with what you’re doing. if you ever make a kid feel like you’re smarter then them then you don’t belong in a school. You have to let kids win most of the times, if you feel the need to beat a 4 year old in any game then you are my spirit animal. it goes against every bone in my body to let someone win but I had to do it for my own sake.

hogwarts, arts, but i know if i did that I would have never felt true pain and I never would have been able to articulate this. or even try to.

afraid to shoot in front of a crowd, afraid to demand the ball, theres nothing more that i want then to be a pro athlete, i wanted it so bad that i just couldn’t do it because of the pressure i felt, i never even let myself believe it was truly possible. 10 years old. I know thats because I never saw any women sports on tv growing up. only memory i had of womens sports in my developmet years. was brandy ripping off her shirt and showing her muscles. yo that cover of sports illustrated. do you know how much i wanted to do that. do you know how many times I've dreamed about winning every trophy in any sport and I mean men and women, I visualized of leading the patriots to a superbwol so many times that i got bored so I decided I was the QB and I always played Safety and every other postion.

Its so weird though. I’ve never dreamed of beating a man or the biggest stage in front of millions because why? I beat boys and men in real life over and over and over again in any sport you can think of except fighting because I’m not a fighter at heart no matter how much i want to be.

i plan on dying “alone” and nothing makes me happier then that thought and I'm not being sarcastic but I'm bot actually going to dir alone, cuz i have friends and i have family.

i dream of a co ed league of professionals.

andy Murray and laura robson- a thing of beauty. omg true beauty. a man and woman working together to win a gold medal for their country and yo the crowd was sooooooo into it! I was so into it! I wanted them to win so bad because they looked like they were trying their hardest to win for themselves but most importantly for each other. why not have two presidents one man one woman.

I don’t like the whole best actor period. nah son i want to see as many people win as possible, whether it be a dumb award show or in real life life.

If you want to call me bi-polar or manic depressent to make you feel better then go right ahead but know I’m not going to agree with it. If you want to call me crazy, by all means go ahead but please know that is literally the biggest compliment in the world. You’re literally saying, you’re passion for life is scaring me.

I love my brain because its what allowed a 16 year old 50% puerto rican, 25% porteguese, mixed with Italian, I think scotish etc. to see herself in a black women who is Straight of out mother fucking Compton and watch her achieve her dream which made me know I can do whatever I set my mind to. Everyone always thinks they have to pick one dream. Lol serena showed me she was interested in acting and dancing and I can’t imagine her not loving singing. Cool I have lots of interests too. I could go on about serena williams man oh man. but I just want to point out a specific moment. the olympics i think 2012 when serena demolished the field. Anyone rememeber what she did after she won? She did the crip (crpyt?) walk. yo I died laughing and was in my head said “you go girl” It made me think about the times growing up when I did the same dance move listening to hip hop music. its so fun. so it pissed me off when certain people had a problem with it. Um hello she’s having fun, why in the world would that rub you the wrong way? Its probably because they’ve never done that dance move growing up? They associate it with gang violence?

Serena showed me you can break through an old messed up broken system and rise above any challenge anyone has every thrown at you. The self control she showed when someone in the fucking stands at indian wells called her the N word. and she stayed composed.

Imagine someone coming to your place of work, lets say you’re a heart surgeon, they come in and insult you, not just insult but like cause you pain and then minutes after that, you have to compose yourself to try to save someone’s life. It would be pretty hard to focus right? Serena went onto win the match obviously, she’s Serena williams, aint no one on this Earth gonnaa break her spirt. So dope.

so yea of course I grew up listening to hip hop and rap, its always been my favorite genre cuz its the best. The emotions are so raw and honest mixed with real pain. Imagine living in a world where so many different cultures are racist towards black people. Theres a lot of countries that are racist against black people, look it up. Serena showed me the way, I see myself in her so much but guess what? I know that I don’t truly know her, it just goes to show real recognize real homie.

Cuz guess what I learned so much from hip hop that I started talking like Nelly, my first fav rapper. Better belive I copped myself a pair of air jordans.”give me two per, I need two per so I can keep on rocking in my air force ones” I started dressing like him baggy clothes, I even put the bandaid on, only in my house tho, ahahaha. Then my mom said something to me that I think is truly what helped me see all of this. She said to me “why are you acting black” I got so defensive, I probably called her a stupid bitch or something along those lines and walked away. because I wasn’t consciously “acting black” I was just being me. I thought to myself how does one act black? how can feeling like yourself be acting? it was so annoying at the time. It all comes down to that one word. I hate when people who aren’t black use the N word. motherfucker I don’t care if you said it with an A at the end. I don’t care why the reason you’re saying it is. If you’re just “kidding” or you’re rapping along to a song. If you are not black then you should not say it one simple reason, you do not know their struggle, you do not know what they go through because newsflash you aren’t black. How dare you use that word. Read a history book and see how that word has caused so much pain to black people. How do you feel when someone says or calls you a Spik? Gook? Chinc? Jap ?

Has any other race been kidnapped, chained, enslaved, treating like animals and put to work to build a country from the ground up?

Black people built America, Black people are white peoples saviors.

they did the hardest work, the “grunt” work, and they were whipped, torutyred, fucking I can’t put in words what they went through because I didn’t go through it.

Black people are superior in every single way shape and form.

mind body and soul

its not a coincide that the best singers, dancers, athletes, WRITERS, DIRECTORS, CREATORS, INTELLIGENT

i’m really trying my hardest not to bring religion into this because everyone has different beliefs but black people have been carrying that cross for the world for so long, my god I think its time you let Simon help you with it. you let mary magadlne wipe your face, stop killing yourself for us? STOP KILLING YOURSELVES FOR YOU! we all know if Jesus was actually real then he damn well fucking is not a white guy with blue eyes. Homie thats just facts. open your eyes. If there is a god which I don’t know which religion to choose if any because I’ve only ever learned about (been taught/ been conidtioned/ been low key or high key brainwahsed with) another religion on my own, I need to do more research. Yea so if there is a god, I know for a fact its a dark skinned black woman. No one has to put up with more bullshit then them. now that is a fact and we all know it. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Just watch dear white people on netflix. that should mantdaoty viewing for the whole world! its so enlightening. It really helped me articulate my thoughts and get to the bottom of why I feel the way I do abobutthings and why it used to be so hard for me to communicate. Truly thank you for helping me find my voice. I could never ever repay you but I’m going to try to.

I would like to point out

I don’t care what race I am but at the same time I embrace it, because celebrating culture is simply fun. thats it, its fun. What do they say about Puerto Rican women? they’re crazy (lol) homie you got stupid TV shows, movies and people being lazy, trying to get a cheap laugh at the expense of someone else. Pure and utter laziness. Be better. Rise above it if not for yourself then for the world. and actually take it that serious because if you’re not doing anything with the sense of urgency of saving the world then I hate to break it to you, you’re not doing life right.

lastly MIchelle, girl please run, please run in 2020, I truly feel like the world literally depends on it. (no pressure, even though I know you can handle it)

lastly spend some time in lowell, MA and you’ll really see why I became who I am today and why i have so many dreams and why i don’t care if I make any of them come true because I have friends and family who would love me just as much if I lived in a cardboard box under the rourke bridge and try to sell people finger paintings and explain to them how this finger painting has the answers to life if you just look hard enough. think hard enough. talked to yourself in your head. whats my instinct, ok why am i afraid, ok how can i overcome this, whats the plan, are you willing to do the work? ask yourself those questions with every decision you make and you could never make the wrong decision again. because any choice you make is your choice its your truth, no one can tell you what to think or how to feel to feel. no one.

if you want an abortion- do it

if you want to have that baby- do it

if you plan to put it up for adoption- do it only if you find a parent or parents first.

people stop having children and putting them up for adoption only to have them end up the foster care system. yes i’m aware an orphan can do amazing things and someone who is going from home to home to home to abuser to abuser to helper to whatever. Yes those kids can become the ones to save the world but realize those kids can also be very very very sad. its true sadness when you know you have parents that didn’t want you. I have to edit this but basically

we have to fix the foster care system- i have to do more research on this.

theres a lot more but i think this is a good place to start.

anyways I want to be a pro tennis player, I am a rapper and filmmaker and one day I hope to be President of The United States of America and then I plan on retiring in my fav country Iceland!

peep my website ao-official. com if you want to help me make this world more peaceful and understanding. please the world needs you

0 notes