#NOTHING NEGATIVE I'm just rambling

[dreamsofalifeold]

((In the Star Trek universe, there simply H A S to be a fucking romcom/family comedy called Three Men and a Ferengi.

Also, I'm wondering why the fuck it took so long to realize that I most likely have OCD. I spent a minute and a half in the grocery store today just standing in an aisle because I was having an internal debate with myself over which way to go because there were two sets of people in the way, and was I only thinking of asking the women to move because they were already out of the way, or is that my internalized misogyny? Or am I going to inconvenience an older person into getting off the floor?

Seriously, I once stayed inside for an entire week because I had these constant intrusive thoughts that there was a mountain lion in the woods by my house and I was going to die if I went outside. And I've had intrusive thoughts since I was six at least. I had an irrational fear of the Jaws theme song as a kid and I used to perform weird, complex rituals where I wouldn't touch the sides of doors or step on cracks or walk on the seams of tiles.

I thought I suffered from nervous tics from age 7 and sporadically through my childhood but N O P E apparently those could also be considered compulsions! My mom, grandmother, and aunt all have it. It runs VERY close in my family.

Like...I am not officially diagnosed, but a lot of that is probably because A: I incorrectly assumed that this was just stuff that normal people did and everyone had constant thoughts about the worst thing they could do in a situation, and B: mental healthcare in my own is absolute ass.))

#out of the grave (ooc) #cryptie shut up (mun speaks) #NOTHING NEGATIVE I'm just rambling

[raayllum]

i think one of the main reasons i can't shake the "possession is not how callum is going to be play into aaravos' hands" (or at least not solely, i.e. doing something vile or dangerous in the name of love that leads to a renewed possession) is because like...

listen, as much as it'd be kind of weird for a "Master Manipulator" like aaravos to reveal his final play two seasons in advance from a character standpoint, it absolutely make sense from a story standpoint. you couldn't just whip that out of nowhere in a plot relevant moment without having your audience feel cheated, so it had to be established earlier on. now instead of surprise, you get to cultivate a nice feeling of dread. (although i've said before that there were other ways to cultivate said feeling of dread / set up the possibility of possession, i.e. callum learning that its possible out of a book when he was canonically reading about dark magic, him having nightmares or premonitions that aaravos is tethered to him, etc. it didn't have to be so blatant so quickly.)

those are, however, neither of the points i want to get at today, because like - if it is JUST the possession, and there is no choice that leads to it directly before or after in regards to helping aaravos...

Then why the absolutely, continually ramped up Viren-Callum parallels?

Cause like, as of S5, absolutely none of this is Necessary. Callum doesn't necessarily have to exist as a contrast to Viren at this point, given that Viren himself has changed his mind and disavowed dark magic and Aaravos; Callum finally freeing himself from Aaravos (and dark magic?) will likely now have more parallels to Viren's arc, rather than the two being disparate. He'll be following in Viren's footsteps, but in a positive way.

None of this is required for the possession plot line, either. That got kick started all the way back in 2x07, like, seasons ago. If anything it'd be kinda more 'tragic' if Callum really had never touched or been tempted by dark magic again, but he couldn't (or wouldn't) take back his prior choices. A consequence of being controlled by forces well beyond your conceptualization and a price you had no choice but to pay, literally, if they're going the removal of agency arc (which has its own merits) / leaning into the eldritch horror aspect of it all.

Like if it's just possession... Callum does not have to be like or be compared to Viren, in either similarities or contrasts, like - at all. Viren and Callum are both characters who have a relationship with destiny (Viren tended to believe in pre-determined destiny, but Callum decidedly didn't as of S2; even if that still started to change in S4, that alone is not enough of a singular parallel to warrant all the rest) but they're not the only ones, nor is that exclusively related to Aaravos - even if their parallels between each other are constantly circling him, their families, and dark magic / justification(s).

Which makes me think there's two main avenues they could be taking this with:

1) S7 endgame is Callum walking Viren's path regarding the rise, but in a more literal, dramatic sense. Again, Callum proving that he's not like Viren doesn't really need to happen as much now that Viren is 1) no longer a villain and 2) will be a parallel for Callum's positive growth as well. So it's still about similarities, but positive ones: "No matter what you've done, no matter where you are on the path, every step forward is a choice" (cue Callum literally regaining agency) "I am free, and so are you." This is also the avenue where it being mostly just the possession > a choice that leads to Aaravos getting out (choice made before that leads to possession, or choice post-possession) would make more sense, but just the Rise doesn't account for the well, ominous foreboding of all this, lmao.

2) S6 and S7 are working together with S6 being Callum mirroring Viren's Fall (whatever you want that to constitute) / helping Aaravos regardless of the possession - taking an understood risk for love that leads to the possession, or post-possession due to another form of coercion/susceptibility - and S7 being the Rise. It gives the ominous foreboding of it all, particularly highlighted in S5 / 5x02-5x04 and 5x08 somewhere to go, while also providing Callum with a balanced negative and ultimately positive character arc. It ties in the possession then as a plot element / vehicle to explore their similarities and differences but keeps everything tied together with choices/agency (rather than solely removing it), which is what Viren and Callum have both reaffirmed ("No choice? You made the choice you always have" etc) in S5 in particular. It also explains why and how all these forces - the parallels, the patterns, both their individual arcs, and their connections to Aaravos, his plans, and the possession plot line could be brought to fruition, and why they've all been included.

#it was just red #arc 2 #tdp callum #in the name of love #wouldn't you want to tell it kinder if you could #tdp #the dragon prince #mini meta #analysis series #s6 speculation #s7 speculation #tag ramble #predictions #why did this get capitalization halfway through? your guess is as good as mine boyo #like imo (and i'm prepared to eat my words / whatever canon executes i think will be great/good) #but like. if it's not based on callum making Choices. if it's Just the possession plot line and nothing else he does that leads to #fucking disaster (power or freedom or both for aaravos) as a conscious choice or risk that didn't turn out #then there's no reason for viren's atonement arc or for callum to now be able to parallel him #both 'negatively' and 'positively' and the show's just. way too smart for that to be nothing tbh #like s7 will be rise regardless in some ways #but like. it just makes sense that s6 is the fall esp when you want characters to have a lowest point anyway

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

anyone else ever get struck with a sudden feeling of distaste or being tired of someone who you usually really like/are friends with for literally no reason whatsoever? or is that just me

#like this has been happening with various people all summer #I'll be like... the thought of this person causes negative emotions that are literally directed at nothing #it isn't anything the person has done I just. feel like I don't care and don't really want to put in the effort with whatever friend #which is really weird bc I KNOW if I DO just put in the effort and ignore that random feeling I'll have fun and enjoy myself!! #bc I DO still like my friends actually!!! I just sometimes feel like I Don't and idk why #Lu rambles #this is especially odd when it's the sound guy bc like. not only have I been massively crushing on him all summer #but he's also one of the few people I genuinely have clicked with here. like we get along. it's cool. I've been slightly in love with him #so why do I now have this weird feeling like I want nothing to do with him/don't care #actually I feel extremely ambivalent about just about everyone right now but for some reason especially him #wait maybe it's PMS actually.... the Leave Me Alone Don't Talk To Me Don't Look At Me Don't Make Me Show Up hormones have hit :/ #...that would actually explain several things from the last couple days. I should start tracking it #ok sorry I'm done externally processing my emotions on Tumblr dot com. bye

[fitzselfships]

Who would've thought that being exposed to one of your triggers (that you only recently found out is a trigger) on a daily basis would be bad for your mental health. Save me f/os </3

#negative #mutual who I'm terrified of cutting off is posting about nothing but h/azbin h/otel #< the mutual isn't anyone here btw #but. I'm terrified of bringing this up with her #since she like. really seems tk not be okay with people who hate v/ivziepop or her work :( #I can't even go on twitter anymore since I keep getting hazbinhotel jumpscared #it's literally my entire tl right now even though I have everything related to it muted #I have had tk block so many peo0le today just to try to rpevent it from popping up #I feel so stupid that some show has become a trigger for me #just. finding out about that sa scene has made it so every time I see anything hazbin hotel related #I start getting intense flashbacks to my csa trauma :( #honestly at this point I think viziepop herself is a trigger for me #seeing her art brings back these memories too #you can call me stupid or sensitive or whatever but i literallt have no control ocer this #I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want some stupid cartoon to become a massive trigger for me #but it happened anyway #sorry for rambling like this lol #this has just been on my mind forever now #it's been almost 2 months now and I'm just. exhausted #csa mention #< in the tags

[quinloki]

Me trying to be normal at work when I look on my phone at break and see a birds of a feather update

It’s a little treat for after work at least 🥰🥰

I'm losing my battle with being awake, so I'm not finishing the last chapter tonight xD but I'm so close.

This is going to be just shy of 90k words and the LONGEST of the long fics I've written so far. It's been a wild ride and I'm sad to see it wrapping up. (I have managed to leave so much room for a second book, but I want to get to other titles first XD )

I think I might take a short break from blondes for a couple weeks and try and get some more chapters of some of the Kid fics done - cause Sabo's birthday will be the release of Dragon's Clause, and I know that's going to devour me the way Birds of a Feather did.

^^; Which makes it sound like I need to force the Kid fics, but that's not the case. I've been musing, poking, noting, and refining my ideas for them during all this time.

I just need more time XD or the capacity to like type on two keyboards at the same time.

#quin answers #kazieai #I'm a little rambly because I am tired #there's nothing negative in what I'm saying #I'm just saying thing #or typing things I guess #it's like almost 11pm #I'm eepy. very leepy. #( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)

[wereh0gz]

Y'know I think I'm starting to truly understand the kids who just didn't do anything in class during middle and high school. As someone who used to be a gifted kid and never really got it. Fucking hell

#ramblings #neg #gee idk maybe when things are hard and explained in ways that are uninteresting and difficult to understand ppl won't want to participate! #who would've thought! #i always had some sympathy for ppl who struggled in school even when they seemed 'lazy' or whatever #but like i never truly got it bc to me most of that stuff was easy! #classes were engaging enough for me and usually easy enough to understand! #i was at a point where i had over a 4.0 gpa when i graduated which is SUPPOSED to mean i'm smart right?? #WRONG #I DID WHAT TO ME WAS THE BARE MINIMUM FOR MOST THINGS #I DIDN'T EVEN STUDY EVER BC NOTHING EVER STUCK THAT WAY #IT WAS ALL JUST A GAME OF MEMORIZATION #AND BARELY ANYTHING I LEARNED FROM MY CLASSES STUCK AFTER A COUPLE MONTHS OF NOT GOING TO SCHOOL #ALL I EVER DID WAS GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS #Y'KNOW SOMETIMES IT REALLY IS GOOD TO QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD HUH #SHOULD'VE JUST DONE THAT INSTEAD OF GOING THROUGH THIS SHIT #GOD I AM SO FUCKING TIRED. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ANYMORE #i am. so tempted. to just not do any of my work #but if my mom finds out i will never hear the end of it #i want to sleep. i want to sleep and stop thinking abt this. so so bad

[sskk-manifesto]

(´；ω；｀)

#Today's episode was. Okay. #Fun fact I had never watched this episode. Once I started but was interrupted half way through #And like… Nothing reminds me how much I'm here only for two characters as much as watching an entire episode without them. Seriously. #I wish I was joking and I wish it sounded less shallow… But it's true? I'm sorry. #I wish I at least had watched this when I was still positive towards kuniki/dazai but not I'm just ╮(╯_╰)╭ #Especially since like. I know intimately how it feels to put your moral code and abstract ideals before your own happiness. #So Kunikida's character only makes me feel miserable more often than not #I'm sorry for being so negative I usually try to use this blog specifically - more than my main - as a place to be positive and enthusiast– #and keep negativity low but this time I'm failing (´；ω；｀) #I apologize #I like Aya as a character but I don't really enjoy her role in this episode specifically. There's a lot of tiny things that just bug me. #Literally the best things of the episode for me were the couple of Atsushi frames. #The fleeting and definitely not there daz/atsu in Atsushi always bringing up Dazai. #Atsushi and Akutagawa and ss/kk in the op/ed. #And Dazai messing up with Kunikida was funny I suppose pffttt. #Oh well. Off to Dead Apple we go 🙏🙏🙏 #Thank goodness there'll be some ss/kk and Kyouka before three whole episodes of Fifteen arc #random rambles

[indiiglow]

I'm trying to figure out a profound way to say how much some artists have impacted the entire way I draw

#indi's night talk #like. idk I'm barely conscious rn #but #everything I've ever done. was to copy someone else's style #and don't get me wrong I'm not moping here this is not a negative post #it's nostalgic #the brush I use I use because it looks identical to the one that artist I was obsessed with in 2016 used #their blog is deleted and I only found and saved their work through old reblogs #the way I draw wolves is poorly imitating another artist (who is here so I'm not name dropping them >.>) #even drawing real people I was trying to copy another artist #there's nothing original about my art and THAT'S THE POINT #of course when I was a kid I couldn't afford commissions! #so I copied. until I learned #I did all that shit and now ppl are getting it for free with ai smh #but obviously having complete control over what you draw is still better so. I don't regret it one bit lol #anyway. there isn't really a point here it's just sleep deprived rambling #just wish I was able to tell those artists what their art still means to me

[allrelativefiction]

it sucks like. really needing help but knowing there's like no way to get it rn and no one can really do anything about it so telling anyone just feels like worrying people for no reason :/

#I've still told ppl bc isolating myself would still be Worse but #I'm just doing so bad mentally rn #it feels rly dire #and there's nothing to rly do so I'm trying rly hard to just not crack OUGH #vent tw #negativity tw #sid rambles

[zirconpetals]

Personally, if Huntlow doesn't become endgame, I will be upset.

Yes, I appreciate friendships too, and I no, I don't only care about shipping. But. We're being shipbaited pretty heavily atm by both the show and the crew. It's not an overreaction to be upset if it doesn't go anywhere. It's usually pretty unsatisfying if an arc is being set up and then you get the rug pulled out from under you, it doesn't just apply to shipping. (Unless the arc that's being set up is the one you personally don't like and feel relieved that it's being abandoned)

#huntlow #<- not even using other tags #using endgame instead of canon because it's technically already canon if one-sided #listen I'm a pre-asias HW shipper I would have been happily shipping them even if they haven't met at this point in the show #but we're not living in pre-asias times anymore. the ship's CANON #and especially seeing how the crew acts around it... if nothing happens it would feel like they were mocking us or something #sorry if this post sounds too defensive. i wrote a longer and calmer version but it was too rambly so i decided to get to the point #next time on zir unpopular opinions: huntlow is not rushed at all #negativity #<- debated if I should tag it but eh you know. just in case

[gaylactic-fire]

Dude I hate when ppl tag their own "anti X" "Pro Y" opinions on completely irrelevant posts. I once had someone tag my post about who-knows-what with a load of DID "anti endo" tags and it's just like.. I did not fucking say that.

#fires posts #ramblings #negative #I'm not giving a stance her btw I am not educated on DID im just saying it was fucking weird #I think it was on my ns/fw blog but it certainly had nothing to do w systems

[the-silly-urge]

You know swearing to kill all devils and demons is a little bit weird to me, like ik it goes off of the whole DnD Predisposed To Evil TM thing but... Eh? They're still people, I'm sure there's witty bitty demon and devil kids. Should they die too? If not now, should they really just be lambs for future slaughter?

I feel like I'm gonna find out some lore like oh devils can't ever feel fear or anythinggg only evil so it's okay 🤪 but idk doesn't mean I have to like it

You would think that people so willing to see the good in people (like half the party arguably has something a bit ~fundamentally evil~ going on) wouldn't turn around and decide to kill an entire people in their own fuckin land.

I like Karlach and Wyll going to Avernus together but it kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth

And how much of how Avernus's inhabitants' evil just comes from the living conditions there (granted idk what they are), like how Drow are usually "evil" because the society they're in nurtures paranoia, competitiveness and violence?

Wish they'd done away with all the born evil stuff and not just for Drow lol.

Even what I've heard ab what happens w that gith egg if you give it to the society, is a bit questionable to me (never did it in game though)

#bg3 spoilers #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #rambles #act 3 spoilers #sorry if this is too negative #I'm not putting it in character tags for that reason #you can tell me if I'm wrong or onto nothing btw I just woke up #me and my friend got to that bit of the wyll plotline yesterday and like #it struck us as a bit odd etc etg

[lightandfellowship]

#making kh photosets #rambling about dim path #ch tag: xeh #Because Xeha is implying here that he'd rather feel darkness/negativity than nothing at all #I think the last line is about the emptiness he felt after the events of the game #It makes sense then that he's so willing to throw himself into dark pursuits--what used to scare him is now a balm for something far worse #Emptiness. Lack of purpose. Lack of direction. Lack of feeling. #Is embracing darkness partially a coping mechanism? I wonder. #He can claim that he's just using darkness bc it's the best option for achieving his goals. But is there a more personal reason for it too? #Also this creates some cruel irony with regards to Xeha eventually producing a Nobody. #And not just any Nobody. The most monotone I'm-gonna-act-like-we-don't-have-emotions Nobody of them all

[running-in-the-dark]

I've been using social media (Reddit and Tumblr) a lot less for a week now, starting with the Reddit blackout. And I think I have to stick with that. Went back on Reddit, immediately saw a post about climate change. I just can't do this anymore. I can't.

Every time I see something like that, or a post saying we don't care about whatever issue, or an awful event that happened, I just feel completely hopeless. There is nothing I can do.

I'm already worried enough about climate change and frustrated that most people still don't seem to care or change their behaviour at all, they still expect to keep living their comfortable easy lives where they get/do everything they want while saying that they don't owe anyone anything, they'll never change.

Anyway, I don't know how to stop though. I don't have many friends and talking to you guys on here is important to me. But when I open the app I can't help scrolling a little and I'm just so burnt out. What's the point in any of this. Everything is going to get so much worse and we can't do anything to stop it. I just want to live in a time where I can have hope that things are going to get better, not worse. If I'm honest, it feels like there's no point in getting my degree, what does it even matter, everything is going to shit anyway. Plus I'm not well enough to work a full time job so I'm just a lazy pig anyway, right?

I don't know. This is pointless too. I won't change anything, I'll still be on here just like the last five times I said something like this. I'll still sit on the couch watching TV and mindlessly being on my phone because that's all I have the energy to do. It's pointless.

#I feel like I'm living in a different reality to everyone around me #they're having kids and buying houses and living their lives like nothing is happening #I don't know. maybe it would get better if I didn't go online at all anymore. maybe if I just don't know what's going on at all. #maybe I could feel sane again if I did that. idk. it's probably too late at this point. #I'm sick and have just been lying in bed since yesterday so I've had too much time to think. that's probably why I feel so fucking shitty. #anyway. I'm just rambling. ugh. #personal #cw negativity #or whatever.

[orangetintedglasses]

( I AM TALKING MYSELF INTO A SHAME SPIRAL I NEED SLEEP )

#( aaaAAAA ) #( i'm getting worked up over literally nothing but my brain eating itself ) #( no one has done ANYTHING to even remotely make me feel like my interests are The Worst and YET ) #( here I am ) #( convincing myself that I am Very Problematic and must clamp down on my thoughts until they die LMAO ) #negative;; #( just in case! ) #( I don't think it's negative I'm kinda just rambling ) #curtains down ✧〗( ooc )

[arrowpunk]

Oh I will be so happy to go back on my meds tomorrow because this small bout of being off of them has manifested in the sad/depressed/apathetic/no creative energy version of being off my meds, due to circumstances out of my control, and I would like to not be like this

#ramblings of an arrow #lol it's a good thing I have therapy this afternoooon #gotta ask my therapist why my negative emotions manifesting in anger in order to mask the real emotions (grief and sadness) #doesn't actually help at all #and the grief and sadness STILL COME OUT ACTUALLY just in smaller and more subtle ways #very rude of my emotions to be this way #my partner remarked the other day that she hasn't heard me say this many negative things about myself since uhhh I was 18 #WHICH MEANS THINGS ARE PRETTY BAD #I hadn't even realized I'd been doing it it wasn't conscious at all #and I figured out WHY but it still suckssssssss #it's not even anything I DID #so it's nothing I know how to FIX #I mean I'm gonna be more intentional about the words I say about myself #it's just I cannot fix the source of the feelings because it's something that someone else is doing #ughhhhhhhhh #let's hope getting back on the meds helps at least a little bit #issue is this started before my meds ran out