Every Star and No All-Stars
What do you need: a trophy? Actually, that would be nice. But an object indicating supremacy is just something else to dust. True all-stars possess mental awards. Winning a popularity contest is unnecessary. Freaking out about the lack of accolades is for those who either crave sanction or don’t have the stats to impress.
In an ideal world, nobody cares about who a shady panel endorses. But apathy never wins when it should. Getting agitated about snubs is a sign of self-doubt. Save anger for weighty issues that affect the world like officials who don’t know how to define a pass. Oh, and it’d be nice to have universal peace and prosperity or whatever.
The quantity is as questionable as the quality. Fans could probably think of Bills who deserved to prance in this year’s mock competitions, not to mention Bills who were more deserving than those selected. But the purported honor is even more meaningless than the rest of existence. The only thing any competitor who’s truly one of the two or three best deserves is to enjoy vacation.
Competitors added for reasons unrelated to play serve the important purpose of not relying on credentials. Unworthy winners exploit name recognition regardless of faded skills or injury. For an all-time example, Ruben Brown looks like a Hall of Famer for throwing a party that convinced invitees to keep bringing him back. It’s easier than playing at that level.
Truth is absolute regardless of how many believe it. There’s no need for validation. You’ll know. Don’t fret about some snarky Bengals fan on Twitter citing Pro Bowl appearances in making the case of supremacy. An amateur argument based in not watching play is perfect for our times. Results are the only thing to value, and not during simulacrums.
Pin a ribbon to your coat next to your mittens so everyone knows just how special you are. Distinctions are nice to have and also nice to know is unneeded. Anyone who says you’re awesome should be allowed to speak. But you’re already super even if nobody points it out. Those excelling are not searching for lauding. The insecurity of needing acknowledgment is also a reflection of inferiority.
Glaring omissions routinely happen in every sport just like the outrage shouldn’t. Take my BFF point guard Jalen Brunson, who’s accomplished the seemingly impossible task of making the Knicks relevant. Some Knickerbocker backers fume that he only made the All-Star Game as a reserve. But he’s already featured on the back page of Gotham tabloids. Votes don’t count for anything meaningful, which makes it a bit too much like the rest of life. Sports indeed offer life lessons.
Heed lessons in silliness from a process somehow more infuriatingly capricious than naming a league’s top players. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is the least rock & roll thing ever, which is just another reason to listen instead of visiting. There’s nothing more subjective than music. There are no statistics other than sales, and by that metric Taylor Swift is the greatest. Science knows that to be the wrongest thought ever conceived.
As for an egregious exclusion, Motörhead still not being inducted is merely the most egregious insult to rock from a venue that purports to celebrate it. Our lord and savior Lemmy will remain just as awesome the day after the historical injustice of his outfit’s exclusion is rectified. The lamest of institutions is inadvertently helpful in demonstrating the eternal shame of not knowing a thing about who rocks.
Play well enough to receive a chance for slacking. Gatherings of the world’s best inside one venue should logically lead to the best games ever. And any Eddie Murphy movie should be hilarious, yet unfortunate viewers have sulked through more of his work than laughed deliriously. Giving a bad name to exhibitions isn’t really a benefit. People who’ve enjoyed an all-star game in any sport are the target audience for timeshare salesmen.
There are rightfully no stakes or way to invent any. Those taking the field for the equivalent of AI football either play to their utmost in the sports we cherish and risk injury or goof around in the skills competition that resembles the sports in the same sense vegans enjoy Portobello mushrooms just as much as porterhouses. Skill competitions aren’t fooling anyone unless pretending to care counts. Baseball’s attempt to make it relevant by granting home-field advantage has thankfully been discarded, unlike the absurdity of getting to hit without fielding.
What did Hawaii do to the NFL? The free trip to paradise would be especially welcome now for a rebuilding island chain. Instead, a heartless league doesn’t even grant obligated attendees a voyage out of the continental United States to the balmy freak state.
The only concern should be games played in the uniform of their employer. Noticing how they fare when standings are affected is infinitely more valuable than the original fantasy roster. Standing around and pretending to compete flaunts what an afterthought the actual event is.
Draftees envy non-all-stars get to catch up on their streaming queues. Diehard followers would much rather their heroes have the time off than a white elephant gift of an appointment. Coerced participation in perspiration-free affairs that make scrimmages seem relatively enthusiastic feature the best at their worst.
Do you know Josh Allen is the best? If so, then that’s the only needed prestige. Wholly uninformed voting blocs pick shady candidates who only impress deluded types like Michael Scott. You don’t need a medal. That’s what she said. It’s as nice to have laurels as it is fine to live without receiving them.
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Nick Shook at NFL.com:
The NFL's annual showcase of its top stars is undergoing a transformation in 2023.
The Pro Bowl, an all-star game pitting the best from the AFC and NFC, will become "The Pro Bowl Games," the NFL announced Monday.
Gone is the traditional game played at the end of Pro Bowl week. A flag football game featuring the season's Pro Bowlers will take its place at Allegiant Stadium on Sunday, Feb. 5, 2023.
The week will be about more than Sunday's game, with the addition of new challenges intended to showcase Pro Bowlers' football and non-football skills in unique competitions.
All of this is intended to create a fresh take on what had become quite stale. At its core, the purpose of the Pro Bowl is to show off the abilities of the best football players on the planet. But with the game comes a risk of injury, and the top athletes in today's game are understandably unwilling to give it their all in a game that matters for nothing but, well, bragging rights.
What the NFL received in recent years was a game played closer to half-speed than full-go, especially in the trenches. It instead became an arena for wacky plays and lots of laughs, but not in the most competitive style.
With this change, the league will attempt to again ignite the flame of competition with a lower-risk, but still highly entertaining new format.
[...]
The NFL found that fans very much enjoyed the skills competition that preceded the Pro Bowl, with stars partaking in events such as dodgeball, precision passing and best catch competitions, and races to determine the fastest man. It created content that was both entertaining in a live viewing setting, and in clips spread throughout social media platforms.
The inclusion of a flag football game follows this same line of thinking, hopefully returning a level of competition that is both enjoyable and legitimate -- without the risks associated with a full-speed, full-contact football game.
The traditional tackle football Pro Bowl game has been jettisoned in favor of a flag football game and additional skill competitions beforehand. The games were basically a glorified 2-hand touch/flag football hybrid competition anyway in the last 10 years or so.
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Apparently the players themselves absolutely hated last year’s all star game which was a shocker to me. It looked fun from my view! But a lot of reporters have said guys were talking shit and didn’t like it. I personally find joy in watching Connor McDavid’s money laundering scheme but it was not as fun as last year’s in my eyes. I do appreciate making it a mega competition where there’s one big prize at the end but I wish more guys competed. This one really just felt like a competition between Cale and Connor for a lot of it.
anon i'm so sorry you sent this EONS ago and i've just been so busy i haven't had the chance to sit down and write out all the all star game thoughts and ponderings i've been having. because i know we are probably all sick of the asg complaining and discourse but i genuinely think it is such an interesting topic! what makes a "good" all star weekend? what is the criteria for measuring "good"? ideally you create an event that is widely appealing to both fans and players but that's surprisingly difficult, and imo sometimes those things are kind of fundamentally at odds!
lots of asg thoughts (complaints) under the cut lol sorry, i do not expect people to actually read all this
i'm not SHOCKED to hear that players didn't like the asw in florida because i feel like guys have been complaining about the asw since time immemorial, but i too am surprised that they apparently complained so much that the nhl decided they had to overhaul the whole skills comp. i went to the asg in florida and certainly had my quibbles about the experience from a fan standpoint but overall had a really fun time. my main complaint is that there was too many pre-recorded stuff during the skills comp — like, i didn't pay money to sit in this arena and watch videos on the jumbotron, you know? so while i do like when there's a special skills event that kind of pays homage to the host city, and i surely am not complaining about the #content we got out of the dunk tank, that was a little frustrating!
a complaint i know players have had about the skills competition in the past is that they don't want to be embarrassed, and while obviously it can be embarrassing to fall during fastest skater or take 46 seconds doing the accuracy shooting, it has seemed like for a lot of them the events they think are most likely to be embarrassing are the events that rely on leaning into personality and being silly/funny and creative in non-hockey ways — events that really lean into the entertainment part of it all instead of the athlete part, like the breakaway challenge. the vast majority of these guys do not like to think of themselves as entertainers! in their minds they're just hockey players! and hockey culture actively dissuades guys from standing out and having loud personalities so it makes sense that many of them would be more comfortable in a contest that's pure skills!
unfortunately the most fun and memorable parts of all star weekends are almost always the parts where guys DO show a lot of personality and/or are blatantly just having fun, not when they're concentrating super hard on executing skills events. i caught a bit of the nfl pro bowl and was so struck by how it seemed like the players were having so much FUN. there was so much JOY. it made it compelling and entertaining even though it don't follow the nfl closely enough to know who many of the guys at the pro bowl were.
like, i'm not knocking pure skills events. i genuinely enjoy watching these elite athletes be extremely good at things. the classic skills events — fastest skater, hardest shot — are fun to watch! and i'm not fundamentally opposed to more pure skills events. the pvp goalie save streak event was so fun, for example. but i thought a lot of the events invented for this year were too samey. they didn't really showcase different types of skills, they were just riffing on similar skill sets. it wasn't compelling to me, and i also thought it was kind of lol that everyone but connor had to learn the events on the fly and that definitely disadvantaged them.
AND i truly hated that only a handful of guys got to do the skills competition. to me one of the most fun things about the skills comp is the chance to see guys from teams all across the league and have some surprises about who does really well in events! that can't happen when the nhl decides that two-thirds of the teams don't even get representation in the skills comp, that over half the players aren't good enough to include in the event. who knows, maybe those guys preferred hanging out and drinking and watching, and that's valid of them, but as a fan — you invited my guys to the asg but didn't think they were good enough to do a few silly skill games? felt kinda shitty, man!
so while i do like connor, it really irked me the way the whole competition felt like it was designed to showcase him. yes, he's truly great, and it's fun to watch him be great! but i can turn on literally any oilers game and watch him be great; i don't need a whole event designed to showcase it. i want the the all star weekend to celebrate the LEAGUE, to use this opportunity to highlight great players who maybe DON'T constantly get the spotlight anyway IN ADDITION to the big names. i can't remember any skills comp in the past, even ones featuring generational talents at their peaks, that felt so pointedly designed to showcase a single player and it really rubbed me the wrong way. this isn't a knock against connor; it's a knock against how the nhl framed and presented the whole thing.
obviously this is my personal opinion, i've seen plenty of people who thought it was fun. that's valid! i am not The ASG Worth Decider, i am just one fan with a lot of feelings. i can also understand how it could have been more fun in-person than televised. unfortunately i was watching on tv so that's the only experience i can opine about. but also in addition to my personal opinion i objectively feel like it's a huge missed marketing opportunity. you're not gonna spark people's interests in watching new teams/players if you keep hammering home that this one guy is the guy worth watching.
though honestly, the entire skills comp experience for me was deeply colored by how awful i thought the commentary was. the constant judginess toward players instead of joy and celebration of players was gross. the way they kept leaning hard into the million dollar prize as this huge motivating factor for these millionaires to win a series of silly games was gross. it's very possible i would have enjoyed it more if the commentary didn't suck so much, lmao.
also sorry i gotta complain real quick about the sheer number of canucks and leafs. sorry i know this is such an annoying complaint. i am even very fond of a lot of the guys from those teams who were voted in but my god there were too many of them. i would have let three leafs slide since they're the host team and toronto is ~so special~ even though many host teams have only gotten one or two players in the past, but this was a bridge too far. "they were decided by popular vote what else did you expect" i'm not an idiot, okay, that is exactly what i expected to happen with the popular vote. my complaint is not that the popular vote popular voted, it's that the nhl decided that's how they were gonna do things. the whole damn system is bad!!!
and lest it be concluded from this post that i am SOLELY a hater let me say for the record that i don't think the whole thing was bad. there were some really fun moments! i love that they brought the asg draft back and i had a lot of fun watching it. i thought the ACTUAL all star games were really entertaining and fun to watch. i thought that one musical guest in the sens outfit killed it. my beef is really just with a bunch of aspects of the skills comp lmao.
in conclusion: more joy!!! more celebration of the league as a whole!!! more chances for unexpected all star heroes!!!
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🤠🏉🥇🥊🐓Sports Fic Recs🐓🥊🥇🏉🤠
Check the Top Gun Masterlist post for the latest updated version. 💕
Ao3 Authors: Abliafina, Barnes_Brain, Discosleaze, Ginnydear, Greenstuff, Hangmanbradshaw, Hypnagogicpunisher, Infinitejaust, KatofKanals, Marchrain, Midnight___phoenix, Ok_thanks, Vahosi, Teacupivy, Trinipedia.
Different Strokes by infinitejaust {E}
{Olympic swimming}
Jake looks over at Bradshaw, who’s got his arms crossed, biceps flexed.
Outside the box, huh?
Jake smiles. He has a wonderful awful idea.
and they were rivals (oh my god they were rivals) by ginnydear
{NFL}
unsportsmanlike conduct {M}
He didn’t expect there to be highlight reels of him and Jake Seresin arguing and jawing at each other after their first game against each other. His Uncle Mav’s recorded it, saying it’s the beginning of his long, successful career - to have a rival.
Bradley thinks it’s a pain in the ass.
or - the hangster nfl au
jersey swap {M}
“I think you’re right, and I’d dare to say that’s Bradley Bradshaw next to her. He and Robert Floyd have been friends since college, if you remember that from their draft.”
The camera stays on the group for a second longer and then it switches to where Floyd is standing on the sideline, a large blue coat covering his body. He’s talking to Jake Seresin and the camera catches the moment they both look up towards the stands, Floyd waving excitedly. The screen splits in time to see Natasha waving back, as well as everyone around her.
or - a hangster nfl au slice of life
skills test {E}
“I don’t have all day, Bradshaw,” Jake yells, dribbling the ball a few times. Bradley pauses and bends his knees, bouncing the ball between his hands.
“Such impatience,” Bradley says, starting to move the other direction. Jake takes the ball in one hand and cocks his arm back, watching with glee as Bradley’s eyes widen a bit. “Take the shot then!”
or - jake and bradley are selected to the pro bowl.
play-action fake {T}
“Come home with me.” Jake breathed against Bradley’s lips. His shallow breaths break up his words, but he gets them out all the same. Bradley chuckled and brushed his thumb across Jake’s bottom lip.
“I’m always gonna come home with you.” He muttered, pulling his thumb down and leaving Jake's mouth agape.
or: Jake asks Bradley to come home to Texas with him
top gun hockey au by ok_thanks
{Hockey}
invisible string {M}
Jake being traded to San Diego should definitely not cause Bradley to feel so unhinged. Not at all. He can be teammates, they've done that before, except that Jake is just as annoying and attractive to Bradley as he was when they were younger.
such great heights {E}
“Not sure if it’s clear by now, but I sort of had a huge thing for you.”
No words come to mind — no, scratch that. Too many words flood Jake’s brain and sit at the tip of his tongue, but none of them seem fit for expressing the gooey feeling overtaking his heart.
Sliding Series by Barnes_Brain
{Baseball}
Parts 1-6 are the original Sliding Into Home
Part 7 is an Alternate Universe Where Bradley is a reliever and Jake is his catcher
Sliding into Home {E}
{Baseball player!Bradley & Social Media/In-game host!Jake}
Bradley is the star shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals. The announcers adore him, his teammates love him, and the fans, mostly female, relish that at 29 he’s still single. Right before the start of the season he meets Jake Seresin, the new in-game host and social media admin. Jake has a smile that lights up the sun, an ass that Bradley could stare at for hours, and abs that go for days. Most important? He does not seem to give a shit about the fact that Bradley’s one of the best shortstops in the game.
Jake Seresin did not expect to end up in fucking Missouri of all places, but after 4 years in the Navy to pay for a Public Relations and Communications degree? He’s gonna fucking use it. So Imagine his surprise when a moustached hunk runs into him in the tunnels of Busch Stadium. Literally. Jake won’t lie he’d climb the man in front of him like a tree, and might actually if he lets him. The only problem? He doesn’t even know what a shortstop does?
When Bradley finds out Jake doesn’t know the difference between a foul post and a goal post he makes it his mission to make Jake fall in love with the sport that changed his life. He never imagined he’d get Jake falling for him instead. He wasn’t going to complain.
Caught Looking {E}
{Pitcher!Bradley & Catcher!Jake}
After spending three seasons in the Japanese Major leagues, also known as the NPB, pitcher Bradley Bradshaw has finally made it back to The Show.
Signed to the Seattle Mariners, not only does he have to get reacquainted with the league, he also needs to get adjusted to their new catcher, Jake Seresin. The only problem? No one knows that they fucked through the minors together.
What if the accident never happened in Sliding into Home? What if Jake actually showed up to one of Javy’s games? This is how things would change.
You gave me time to find out what my heart was lookin' for by trinipedia {E}
{Boxer-Personal Trainer!Bradley}
Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw is a personal trainer, among other things. He specializes in preparing young actors for their next action role, but when he's given the task of turning dancer/actor Jake "Hangman" Seresin into a believable boxer, he has his work cut out for him.
An Inside The Park Home Run by Midnight___phoenix {T}
{Baseball}
Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw was a First round draft pick for the New York Yankees. He was highlighted while in the minors as the next best Third baseman of our generation. He likes to think the hype was true. He bats over .300 every year (well despite his rookie year where he batted .282 and ended up winning Rookie Of The Year, but he likes to think of that year as a fluke when it comes to his batting average.) and has won the Gold Glove award three times in 10 seasons in the big show. He is without a doubt one of the best current ball players. He just wishes he wouldn’t get compared to Jake “Hangman” Seresin so much.
Formula 1: Deceive to Achieve by greenstuff {E}
{F1}
When new teammates, Jake and Bradley, agree to pretend they’re in a committed relationship to land a sponsorship deal, they probably should have factored in the possibility they might fall for their own lies.
Two-Way(s) Forward by Barnes_Brain {M}
{Hockey player!Jake & Rink owner!Bradley}
Jake Seresin was the LA King’s best two-way forward, leading not only his line, but his team with the coveted C on his chest. But when an injury sends him to Bob Floyd, PT extraordinaire, in hopes of getting back on the ice, he finds a little more than a path back to his career.
Desire is the only motivation by trinipedia {M}
{Rugby}
After a life-altering accident, Bradley Bradshaw moves to Texas to change his perspective. Bradley has decided not to think about American football ever again, but the chance meeting with an arrogant Texan, Jake Seresin, might change it all, not only for him but for the aforementioned Texan, as well.
IWTBY Verse by hangmanbradshaw
{NFL QB!Jake}
I want to brainwash you into loving me forever {E}
“So…this is fucking weird and I have no clue what to say here.”
Bradley smiled warmly and leaned his forearms against the table. “Don’t worry, Mav already filled me in, and I’ll do it.”
Jake blinked. “You’ll do it?”
“Yeah.” Bradley sat back with a nod. “You want to come out, right? If us appearing to be in a stable relationship will help, then I’m in.”
Or, Jake Seresin has it all- fame, money, a NFL MVP trophy, a Super Bowl appearance, a lonely house, and a problem. He wants to come out on his own terms. Enter Bradley Bradshaw, the solution to said problem, or maybe, the beginning of a new problem. After all, you don't fall in love with your fake boyfriend.
Wanna Be Your Left Hand Man {E}
Europe calls. Jake & Bradley answer.
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings {E}
Nine months into their official relationship, Jake and Bradley navigate a new season of the NFL, life, and their relationship.
Or Ice and Mav get married, the gang all celebrates, and Bradley and Jake find home in each other once again, in more ways than one.
love thorns all over this rose {_}
Bradley's friends watch him lose himself, find himself, and then find something even better.
Or
Bradley doesn’t really do dating, until he does. Aka Bradley pre-IWTBY, and a little during, according to Reuben, Callie, and Jonathan.
Watson Wildhearts by KatofKanals {E}
{HS Football}
16 year old Bradley Bradhsaw is new to Watson, Texas in the summer of 2000 and he is downright miserable—he hates the whole town and all the people in it. That includes Jake Seresin, the star quarterback and rich boy at the top of the social pyramid. Eventually, though, Bradley starts to wonder if maybe there’s more to Watson and Jake Seresin than he saw at first glance. Maybe there’s something special there after all.
get your head in the game by abliafina {T}
{Volleyball in Corporate setting}
Hangman thought he'd thrown in the towel when it came to his volleyball days, but when Rooster, the handsome team leader from another company, invites him to join the summer tournament he knows he's done for. There were worse fates than spending the day on the beach.
Love (Suite Love) by hangmanbradshaw {T}
{NFL QB!Jake}
Jake never thought he'd leave a pop concert with a public crush.
Bradley was on vocal rest. Really, he was.
sparks fly (sereshaw's version) by marchrain {T}
{College Baseball & Football}
Bradley Bradshaw, the freshman starting pitcher for Pacific Harbor University, meets Jake Seresin, the new hot-shot quarterback.
He hates Jake, there's not a single thing likeable about him. He hates the way his hair is held up by gel, the look in those stupid emerald eyes of his, the fact that he's a football player of all sports—Jake's insufferable.
But then, why does he enjoy their banter? Why does he like the dumb toothpick that sits between Jake's teeth? Why does his stomach flip when Jake laughs? Why do his eyes keep flicking down to Jake's lips?
- or, sereshaw sports uni slice of life au
when bradley falls in love (goose & carole's version) by discosleaze {T}
{NFL QB!Jake}
Snippets of i want to brainwash you into loving me-verse, from Goose & Carole's perspectives, aka watching their son fall in love.
I talk a big game that I'm scared of losin' by hangmanbradshaw {E}
{Boxer!Bradley}
Jake's a professor ready to jump back into the dating pool, Bradley's a little rough around the edges, and Nat swears they're perfect for each other. She might be right.
Or Jake dumps his loser ex and moves to California to be near Nat and Javy. Nat knows a guy, and sometimes opposites attract.
cuz you know I love the players and you love the game by hangmanbradshaw {E}
{College Baseball & Football & Cheerleading}
Jake's the star quarterback, Bradley's the star baseball captain. They both like playing games, turns out they want the same prize.
Or Bradley dresses as a cheerleader for the team and Jake hates him (except that he totally doesn't)
suburban legends ✈ by vahosi
{NFL QB!Bradley}
we were born to be suburban legends {G}
unmarked numbers in my peripheral vision (july) — chapters 1-12
flush with the currency of cool (august) — chapters 13-24
where the spirit meets the bones (september) — chapters 25-36
we were born to be the pawn in every lover's game {_}
you kiss me in a way that's going to screw me up forever (october) — chapters 1-12
dare to sit and watch what we'll become (november) — chapters 13-24
my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand (december) — chapters 25-36
and they were batterymates by teacupivy {E}
{Baseball}
They’ve been teammates for just a few months now, but plenty long enough to have the whole dick-measuring-in-the-locker-room, fist-fight-on-the-field, make-up-behind-the-scenes, suddenly-best-duo-in-the-MLB speedrun.
red river rivalry by hypnagogicpunisher {M}
{College Football}
He’s heard the buzz about the new 4-star on the Texas team.
It piques his interest. Oklahoma had been dominating the last few years of the rivalry, but betting odds were hot against the Sooners going into the game week, partially because of this Seresin kid. A true freshman, with his kind of stats, was a rarity.
Bradley wonders just a bit what his passing stats would look like with him, who seemingly has fucking magnets for hands and the ability to stretch for a pass like he’s made of rubber.
--
He can feel the frustration snaking through his body, settling with a numbness in his fingertips.
At 2nd and 10, his pass is tipped and ruled incomplete.
He can hear a jeer from the sideline, and he fucking knows it’s Seresin.
he's written mine on my upper thigh only in my mind by hangmanbradshaw {E}
{College Baseball & Tennis}
Jake is absolutely not going to spend his summer vacation alone at his family's beach house with his ex boyfriend and said ex's new boyfriend. Bradley needs a place to stay for the summer. Faking a relationship solves both their problems, until it creates a new problem when they start to fall for their own ruse. Unless it ends up not being a problem at all.
Or
Jake's a trust fund, tennis star at Vanderbilt. Bradley's an orphaned baseball star on scholarship. Their worlds are very different, but all they need is three months in Rhode Island to build a new one together.
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