"We were too busy fucking around with music to chase girls. The three of us, if I remember correctly, we didn't have girlfriends at the time. We were so engulfed in the underground, planning this cool band and becoming part of the scene (...). Jesus, girls were the last thing on my mind!"
This would’ve been around spring ’91, when Slayer Mag #8 came out – the one with that legendary Euronymous and Dead interview where they lay down the law in terms of, ‘Black metal is like this, death metal is like that. And it’s a lifestyle.’ All this really resonated with me. I thought, ‘Fuck, I love what they’re saying here. It feels right.’ That interview changed my whole approach to music, my interests, and the direction I wanted to take.
[…]
I never got around to playing him (Euronymous) my music. I was a little concerned that he might not be into it, so I kept dragging my feet a lot in terms of letting him know about the Mortiis project. I was literally terrified that if Euronymous told me it sucked, I wouldn’t want to make more music. I can handle a lot of criticism but, at the time – as an eighteen-year-old – I’d have been devastated if Euronymous said, ‘Dude, it’s shit.’ Because he was very honest and would’ve told me in no uncertain terms if he didn’t like my music. So, I think that held me back. I do recall entertaining this little daydream that it would’ve been fucking cool to release something on his label, but, at the same time, I knew it would’ve taken forever. Euronymous was always dealing with various financial complications.
[…]
I’d just turned eighteen and thought I was going to prison; I had a police detective with a big beard staring me straight in the eye… and I’m like, ‘I am so fucked.’ I wasn’t raised in the fucking Bronx, you know. I didn’t grow up in The Godfather, nor have I ever been forced to survive on the street. I’m a middle-class kid! My parents paid for my first album, for fucks sake. So no, I’m not tough like that. They fucked me and then I had to fucking deal with it. You know, for years. People felt I’d snitched on Faust, but that wasn’t the case at all. It’s true that I did talk to the police because they tricked me. The motherfuckers tricked me.
When it came to Varg, I had zero loyalty. I told them everything I knew, because he killed Euronymous. I even testified in court against that dickhead. Still to this day, I’m fucking glad I did that.