#LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME EMMET WOULD GENUINELY GIVE IN TO TOXIC MASCULINITY AND NIHILISM | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

allicekitty13 · 4 years

Text

Your Greatest Mistake

After a major fight with Bella, Alice deals with the emotional mess in the aftermath. - A Twilight Fanfic

"Think you made your greatest mistake; I'm not gonna' call this a break. Think you really blew it this time; think we've been walking on such a thin line."- Mistake, Demi Lovato

Alice sat on the couch, stunned by what she was hearing, refusing to believe this was happening. "You can't possibly be serious, Bells." Her arms were shaking with a mixture of emotions: rage, confusion, devastation. A sinking sick feeling was forming in the pit of her stomach, and she silently took a moment to appreciate her husband wasn't around to feel this as well. "You're supposed to be my best friend." She finally spoke, "How can you be so selfish!"

"How can I be so selfish? Look in the mirror Alice." The taller girl scoffed. "I'm tired, okay. I'm so sick of you making every little thing about you." She spat the words like venom. "You know what else, just because you know everything that's going to happen doesn't give you an excuse to be controlling and manipulative."

"What about you? You don't get to ignore the feelings of the people you supposedly care about just because they don't affect you. When someone tells you your actions hurt them, you don't get to decide they didn't." Alice stood, her entire body shaking at this point. "Rose was right." She said the words almost as a whisper.

"And what exactly was Rose right about?"

"You're not my friend anymore, and you haven't been for quite some time now. I've been fighting it for months now, defending you, turning to her after every stupid, stilly, pointless argument. Just struggling to hang onto something that's been long gone for a while. I hurt, too, and my feelings don't matter to you.

"I'm so sick of this; it's exhausting. I'm done, Alice."

"I truly hope you have a great life."

.............................................................................................................................

Two Years Later

"I miss her a lot Rose." Alice was sitting in the living room of her new home with Rosalie. She and Jasper had decided it best to leave for a bit after she and Bella had it out. They still communicated and visited with the majority of their family, but neither had spoken to Edward or Bella in two years. "I sometimes think about calling her up to apologize. But the more I think about things, her behavior leading up to our fall out was nothing new. It had been becoming more frequent, sure, but the toxicity was very much standard. Looking back, I think we've been hurting each other since the day we met. I only did awful things or had all that self-hatred what I was around her. That's not who I want to be. I have a feeling she was also only awful when she was around me." Alice paused, her breath catching in her throat.

Rosalie took her hand in an attempt to be comforting and waited for her sister to continue. Alice took a few moments before speaking again. "Cutting her out of my life was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I think about her all the time. So many things bring up her memory, gifts we exchanged, common interests we bonded over. I don't want the negativity in my life, but it feels inescapable. I want to contact her and apologize, but I don't want to get swept into her life again. I, under no circumstance, want to be her friend. I'm a lot happier, healthier, and kinder without her around." Alice looked her sister in the eye pleadingly. "Rose, be honest with me. I don't know if I should open that door, or if it's better left closed. I don't even know what I want to say or how I'd say it. It's such a mess."

Rosalie took a moment to think over everything that had just come gushing out of Alice's mouth. "Truthfully, I think it would be best to keep your distance. Especially considering the toxicity is something you don't want in your life. It's admirable that you want to apologize and take responsibility for your part." Rosalie paused, contemplating her next words. "But, as long as you're okay with who you are now and the person you've become. It seems pointless to look back."

"You're probably right. Maybe I need to find a way to forgive myself rather than reaching out to her."

"I agree, apologizing to someone for your own forgiveness is silly — forgive yourself, who cares what anyone else thinks."

..............................................................................................................................

Later that night

"So," Emmet said, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "I hear you, and Rose had a heart to heart earlier."

"Yupp," Alice replied, looking up from her sketchbook open in front of her at the table.

"But Jasper tells me you're still not feeling great." He crossed the room to sit in the chair across from her. "Want to get some input from your favorite brother?"

Alice sighed and closed her sketchbook. "I feel like you're not going to give me much choice."

Emmett laughed, "You know me too well, little sis." He took on a more serious expression before continuing. "This is clearly eating at you, what does your gut tell you?"

"Honestly? My gut instinct was to ask you to say something on my behalf. But that seemed rather shady, so I dismissed the idea."

"Well, I wouldn't say shady, but definitely less genuine. Do you still feel like it would be toxic after all this time?"

"I mean, we've always fought. I also feel like she got in my head a lot and caused me problems that wouldn't have happened otherwise.

"Hmm, like what?"

"Well, all the fighting I did unnecessarily with Rose. It was always something small being taken out of context by Bella playing the middle man. Or, more importantly, most of those issues I was having with Jazz. Since we've been apart, we've been fantastic. All of that paranoia came from talking to Bella."

"I have to say; I'm glad you had your wits about you when it came to Jasper. He's good shit."

"I sometimes wonder if she was unhappy and just didn't want anyone else to be."

"Who knows, so what's your plan to talk to her if you decide to go that route?"

"After talking to Rose, my plan is not too."

"She's probably got a good point; it doesn't sound worth talking to Bella. Seems like you want to say sorry to ease your own conscience, but not to talk further than that."

"Rose thinks I need to find a way to forgive myself, that Bella isn't worth my energy. She may have done some awful things, but I'm in no way innocent, I'm guilty of everything she accused me of. That's the part I'm struggling with."

"I agree, you're tearing yourself apart over something you've tried to make a clean break from. You said yourself you've been better off. Rose is a smart woman, listen to her, and ask yourself this. If you apologized for your part... would Bella apologize for hers?"

"It's doubtful."

..............................................................................................................................

Six months later

Alice was going over some notes on her laptop when she stumbled across a poem written by Bella. Thinking she would probably want it back and not wanting it anymore, she called Emmett.

"Hey, little sis. What can I do for you this fine afternoon?" Alice explained what she had found and her intentions to return the poem to its owner. "Well, hate to break it to you, but I'm not quite sure I can do that over mobile, and my laptop is out of commission. You're going to have to contact her over this one thing."

Alice took a steadying breath, "I can be a grown-up... Just give me a quick pep talk."

"You've got this kid; I believe in you. You can do the thing!"

"Thanks, Em," She laughed. "I'll let you know how it goes."

"Standing by."

Alice took a moment to steady herself after ending the call with her brother before texting Bella. "Hey, so I was looking for something on my laptop and found a piece of your writing. I just wanted to offer it back to you before I delete it."

The reply came back shortly. "Um, sure."

"Do you have an E-mail I can send it to?" Bella sent along her e-mail address, and Alice let her know she'd send anything else she found. She could have left it at that, but that desire to clear the air and get everything off her chest had returned. So she texted Emmett again.

"Em, I got the job done. But I need you to tell me to leave it there; I'm contemplating apologizing again. Advise me, oh, wise one."

"Well, you probably should leave it. Rose is unquestionably wiser than me, but I guess... does it seem like she wants to talk about it?"

"I don't know; it's the get it off my chest thing again... I'm gonna do it."

"Okay, well, just be civil. Apologizing is fine, but don't go overboard. I don't need you two getting into an argument again."

Alice took a moment to type out her thoughts before sending the message out to Bella, "Look... I want to apologize for all the stuff I did. I was dealing with my own stuff and took it out on you. I know that in no way excuses my actions or makes it okay. I miss you like crazy all the time. I'm not trying or expecting to be your friend again. Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I hope your life is good."

Alice waited about five minutes before calling up her brother. "She hasn't read it. I guess no matter what happens, I feel better for doing the right thing."

"If you feel your conscience is clear, then I'd say you're good."

"I miss her, I shouldn't, but I do."

"I don't think shouldn't is the right word. It's perfectly reasonable to miss someone you had such a strong relationship with."

"I think it's one of those 'the grass is greener' things. We had some good times, but I have to remember we fell out for a reason. Two good people who were just really really bad together.

"That's a good way of looking at it."

"I'm just glad I tried."

Fin.

Some Notes:

I wrote this piece as a way of dealing with a real fight I had with my actual best friend a few years ago. Alice's feelings in this fic are representative of my emotions over the past three years. The conversations are inspired by the actual conversations I've had with my friends in that period. This piece was very therapeutic to write; I hope you enjoyed it.

#Twilight #fanfiction #twilight fanfiction #alice cullen #bella swan #rosalie hale #Emmett Cullen #angst #Hurt/Comfort

7 notes · View notes