#LOL i wasn't sure which blog to even put this post on but its going on here since i got posts tagged with boy crazy on here anyway

[holysaintscathedral]

Since when was "boy crazy" an insult or a negative descriptor of women???? Just say she's a 'pick me' if she's constantly vying for male attention at the expense of other women because that's a part of what being a pick me is you clowns.

#i known the meaning of words change but C'MON #the term pick me is right there. #i sound like a boomer #boy crazy #no fr these people describe an allegedly boy crazy woman and all they're describing is a classic pick me girl #LOL i wasn't sure which blog to even put this post on but its going on here since i got posts tagged with boy crazy on here anyway #will probably delete later

[canmom]

reading Brainwyrms by Alison Rumfitt. it's interesting. clearly part of the post-Topside wave of trans lit, with the same 'plugged in to twitter' energy, but way more British about it. which means most of the allusions are very transparent to me. it's a combo of... hardcore kink driven romance as the main arc, in a near-future setting in which TERFism goes further to the point of outright bombings, and a scifi element with alien brain parasites that it's gradually building towards.

compellingly written, I'll give it that for sure - I lay down to read for a bit and before I knew it I'd read like a third of the book. the main character's disaffected, traumatised air is well observed, and the kink doesn't hold back.

I think my reservation with it so far is that it feels a little too much like a polemic blog post about the way things are going. the MC Frankie is a trans woman with a pregnancy kink who survived a bombing at a GIC and now works in social media moderation - it's all stuff that is blatantly Relevant To The Argument, as it were. it's tricky to criticise it for that because it's like, what you're saying is that it's tightly constructed and thematically consistent and that's bad somehow? but I think I've come to feel that I like fiction to bring me something a little new and unfamiliar.

the chapter I most enjoyed so far was actually a more metaphorical, abstract interlude, in which resistance to fascism is cast as becoming 'one mass of queer flesh, which now grabbed and clawed...'; 'faces locked in kisses until they became one face. the cops would try to pull at this mass, but to no avail'. very 'faggots and their friends between revolutions' stuff.

the chapters which are presented directly as social media posts and articles are also sharply observed. i think a lot of fiction in which the internet features heavily suffers from not understanding the internet very well (Hosoda's Belle for example), but for example the chapter 'Curious Cat' where an anonymous person (blatantly Vanya) is sending messages asking for help with a parasite, and getting rebuffed or misunderstood, and the chapter where Frankie relates a murder of an instagram model by a stalker who posts about it to a reddit community devoted to her, read as very real.

a lot of the story is about responding to a terrifying political situation in sexual terms - a flashback chapter depicting Frankie having sex with some terf's pretentious brother ("with each thrust from him, she thought to herself, I am a traitor, I am a traitor to the cause"), or the preface which jokes about how in another world the author would be writing 'cool horror stories about vampires raping werewolves, ones with no subtext at all'. I prevaricate a little on whether this is a compelling examination of a theme that I do find interesting (the mysterious origins of sexual desire) or just edgy for its own sake.

this is an odd novel for me in some ways because while on one level, this is about people who I could very easily be a single degree of separation from were they real, it's also about a facet of life that is still quite alien to me and in many ways I only know about second hand. I've never been to a kink club (that wasn't in an MMO anyway lol), I'm way too much of a nerdy autist shut-in to know what it's like to be someone who would feel put out if she hadn't had sex in a week. so even before the parasite stuff, it's hard to know how much of Frankie and Vanya's stuff is real, and how much is fantasy. is this really how things go between people? it sounds kinda fun, but unlocking the door this far has already taken years.

when I've read books about the crazy lives that American trans girls supposedly live and interesting sex they're apparently having, they've been at a certain remove, the other side of the Atlantic. and this book feels sort of similar, even though I know it's set right on my doorstep. idk, I've never been good at this.

anyway I don't think I want to write fantasy novels so directly about The Discourse of the day, but it's probably good that someone is. that said, it's hard to parse like... ok, it's titled brainwyrms, and 'brain worms' is a common way of describing an obsessive, cultish idea you receive from the internet.

and like if you look at the newspapers, or twitter trans discourse, you certainly could believe that this country is on a rapid slide to putting us in camps. however, my day to day life has been... it's not without hostility, but the average street harasser isn't doing it because of a Guardian or even Mail article. this country has a subculture of deranged weirdos who hate our guts, and a political class who will happily stoke culture war shit to score points, but most normies I've met don't care one way or another that I'm trans - they might mention a family member or friend they know who's also trans. the day to day conflicts are over way more prosaic shit, the landlord vs tenant forever war, or how the kitchen should be cleaned. which of these windows is more informative of the 'overall' state of affairs? not that a more violent terf cult is a bad premise to write a novel around, but a sense of impending doom is a pretty powerful mechanism to keep you scrolling, right?

like in 20, 40 years - will the terfs really be bombing the Tavistock and banning transness, as Rumfitt imagines in her near-future setting preface? or will they go the way of those newspapers in Thatcher's time who smeared the gay movement, just as they smear us today? of passing political obsessions like 'new atheism'? I don't know the half-life of cult shit.

anyway, time to read the rest of the novel, and see how it handles this brew that it's concocted.

#fiction #sff #novels

[maggiemacabre]

SiIvaGunner SmashUp! Behind the scenes and post-mortem

Hello folks and welcome to my new Tumblr blog. I don't know how much I'm going to actually use this thing in the future but I figure if I need it, it's here. As you can probably tell by the title, today's subject will be none other than my most recent "work", the SiIvaGunner SmashUp!

The idea of a SiIvaGunner take on the concept of "Royal Rumble but full of stupid contestants" was in my head for a while, but the motivation to do it wasn't in place until I found Dead Meat's Horror Royal Rumble in August or September of 2023. The Jerma Rumbles and Vinewrestle were definitely also influences on the idea, but the Horror Royal Rumble was the impetus, and played a part in influencing some creative choices featured in the SmashUp (more on that later).

After running the idea by the team and the rest of backroom, I picked up WWE 2K23 (which fortuitously was on sale that weekend) and got to work. Going in, I had next to no idea of the ins and outs of pro wrestling, which meant that I had to do a lot of research into things like the wrestlers themselves, moves, terminology, different match types, general historical stuff, how shows are actually presented, etc. This put me in a very, very deep rabbit hole which I have still not crawled out of. I even went to two house shows!

Making the wrestlers was the first step and by far took the longest amount of time out of anything, since this was the first show of its kind on the channel and required the creation of 34 unique wrestlers. Some of them were easier than others (lookin' at you AMUNO), but others such as Ninomae Ina'nis took days to complete due to the amount of detail they required. This also isn't including wrestlers who were made that got cut; some of these exclusions include Bottom G, who was left out because Andrew Tate sucks, Elly from Touhou Project, who was replaced by Sumireko, and Wood Man, who was left out for lore reasons and replaced with 8-Bit Beast in a somewhat 11th hour decision. Maybe next year?

The decision to make Hot Cross Buns and Raft Ride into women also spawned from this period. Hot Cross Buns was made first and was originally meant to show up in the Grand Rumble, but after some time I ended up deciding to move her to her own match, which became a Women's World Champion match because lol. I had to use mods to make the men and women able to fight each other, so theoretically Raft Ride could have been a man, but women are awesome.

Being an egotistical maniac, I also included some references to things I'd worked on in the past. Totino's Stadium, the arena where the match takes place, was first mentioned in the FUMO JAM ad from the DJ Professor K Day stream, and Nu Grandiose City is the city where Woodyana is from in Woodyana Stones: Raider Made of Lost Bark. Also I guess this is why Elvira was included? LOL. Fun fact: The footage of "Totino's Stadium" is actually of Gazprom Arena in Russia.

Since I was involved with the channel's MAGFest panel in 2024, I was able to announce the show months in advance, although I'm not sure how many people actually paid attention at the time. Getting a logo ready between finishing CCC and MAG was a bit tight, but thankfully it was able to be done on time, and on top of that I was able to make the big card poster thing on my own. I actually designed it to be printed, and I proposed making it a sold item, although that idea was rejected. I also came up with the date during this period, choosing the day right before the WWE Hall of Fame show, and while things got a bit close to the wire, it was luckily able to make the date and time without a hitch in the end.

After all the wrestlers were made, it was time to record and edit. I was a bit worried about my laptop overheating while doing so, but I was able to get good quality 60 FPS 1080p footage recorded without any hitches other than some human error on my end. While the controversial ending of the Grand Rumble wasn't what I had in mind, I ended up leaving it as-is for time reasons and also because it felt like a funny troll ending. Which it was! Editing was not quite as smooth since I had to go through all the footage and edit it together into a cohesive product. WWE games don't allow you to cut to entrances during a Royal Rumble, which meant that I had to record and edit those in myself. The method I ended up using resembled the one from the Dead Meat rumble mentioned earlier with cuts to the audience as the buzzer rings, although I'd like to believe I did a better job than they did with their 2024 entrances where they awkwardly cut around shots of the ring. This is also where the fun facts come from, as they are actually covering up the nameplates that show up as an alternative to cutting to the entrances.

After editing was done I got some other team members to do commentary. Thankfully I was able to get someone with wrestling knowledge, which definitely added a dimension of realism and legitimacy to the project. I don't know if I can say who the announcers are because of leaks, but if you haven't figured it out, Randall Shields is a Smash Bros. reference. Also it was the first contribution to SiIvaGunner that had "Randall" made in about half a decade. What a return!

The premiere of the project was electric. Seeing over 1.3K people tune in and get hype over something I made was incredible and made my week, if not month. I did feel a little bad about the reaction when Dream came in (💀), but other than that it was awesome. And don't worry, he won't return.

In the end, I had a lot of fun with the project and it was awesome seeing everything pay off. I want to thank everyone who helped, including the artists who designed the logos and the people who did commentary. It couldn't have come together without help and assistance from everyone, and I hope that this becomes the first in a series of similar videos.

#siivagunner #siivagunner smashup #wrestling #behind the scenes #Youtube

[howlsnteeth]

I know this isn't inherently an ask, but I just wanted to say that I recently joined Tumblr just for shits and giggles because, ya know, hellsite- it has its rep, and I figured 'fuck it, why not?' because I'm basically a walking Tumblr post and/or Pinterest cat meme, so like...

That's lowkey unrelated to what I'm wanting to say- just putting the recently joined part out there so maybe you'd understand the anonymous thing... (I talk... WAY too much and am too open a book, I'm so excited and justga hrvrjwvfhwbajfbr- I'm so sorry, bere ["bare"? "bear"? nvm] with me 😭😭)

Anywho, I really love both Sleep Token and Cult of The Lamb, and I've been seeing a few posts here and there of- I'm not sure what you'd call it exactly- those worlds colliding (obviously I follow tags for both consecutively; I would never have expected there to be POSTS FOR BOTH THOUGH???) and it makes me so insanely happy! Finding your page has just

God, it's made me so happy 😭😭 your art is so refreshing and mY GOD, the first piece I saw was your CoTL drawing referencing Atlantic, which is my favorite Sleep Token song (not including singles nor collabs) and from my favorite album (not including eps)- sorry rambling again- and just

AAAAAAAAA /pos

I'm not quite sure if I'm making any sense, I'm honestly just rambling hyperfixatedly (if you couldn't already tell), but now that I've written it all down (which was more or less to get it out of my system without actually hitting 'ask' and/or to thank you for and praise your work), I actually DO have a question:

When I first joined Tumblr, I really just... made a kind of miscellaneous, I guess profile? Blog? Or whatever. lol

I wasn't really planning on doing anything with it, but... seeing people like the things I like- I've never been a social media person. I don't use hardly any, minus, like, Pinterest and a few others, and even then, *I* don't post, so do those even count? But I just feel so inspired??? If that makes sense???

So

I'm thinking about making one dedicated to Sleep Token and CoTL, do you think I should??? I guess I should do it more for me than anyone else, but I'd just

like an outside perspective, ya know??

Thank you! Sorry for the rambling, but if you do answer, just know I GREATLY appreciate it 😭😭😭

sorry meme response at first because thank u for the accolades! i'm glad you've enjoyed it. as for advice hell yeah i mean if it's something you like then go for it! i'm certainly not the only person drawing cotl/sleep token there's others who rock it!

#barks #squish-squash and xmajordumps have done some pieces recently for it #and others but i am a teeny drinking so things escape me more atm #long post

[sokkastyles]

Galaxy bra1n on Tumblr What do you think about this post? I just happened upon it honestly, and it just... made me squirm tbh. I just don't like it. But I'm not sure how to put it into words, so I'd really like to know your thoughts on it if it's not too much of a bother ofc. I don't mean any offense to the OP too, it's just that this take rubs me the wrong way. Really love your blog!

Yeah lol this take is weird for a few reasons. First of all if you don't mind the ship idk why you care about what is a "good" reason to ship them. Characters can and have been shipped together because they looked at each other once and for no reason at all, and that's perfectly fine because like, who cares?

Second, I am so tired of people blaming Zuko for Azula shooting lightning at Katara. Zuko wasn't goading Azula out of stupidity or pride, he was trying to end the fight quickly without involving anyone else using a move he knew Azula had no defense against that he had used once before against his father, to quickly end a fight without violence. He did not think Azula would go for Katara because that is against the rules - that Azula set, because she challenged Zuko - of an agni kai. You could MAYBE say that Zuko should have anticipated that Azula would cheat, but that's always been their dynamic. Zuko is always too honorable and Azula is always lying and cheating. What has changed is that she's no longer able to manipulate Zuko and is revealed to be the lying cheater that she always was, but that still doesn't mean he could have anticipated her aiming at Katara, who had to be exactly in the right place at the right time.

As far as him "doing the bare minimum"...I mean, I do think he would have done it regardless of who it was who was in danger and his relationship to them, but that's not a reason to diminish what he did, either. It takes incredible fortitude to put yourself in harm's way for another person, and fast reflexes to get there in time. Katara herself is frozen to the spot, which is a natural reaction to danger, but if Zuko had done that or not reacted fast enough or even been slightly off, she or he would have died instantly. So let's not belittle what Zuko did in sacrificing his own life to save someone else in an incredible act of selflessness, compassion, and heroism just because we don't like a ship.

Third, these takes always miss WHY it's seen as a shippy moment. It's not only the culmination of a specific narrative arc between the three of them, the thematic motif of Zuko being positioned between what Azula and Katara represent to him, respectively, the choice between selfishness and selflessness, hate and love, cruelty and forgiveness - which alone are pretty damn good reasons to ship them. But not only that, it's the strong emotions that are created from that act. I don't think Zuko jumped in front of the lightning because he loved her. But you can't help but love someone after that, after giving your whole being to another person in that moment. And Katara does the same thing for Zuko. Sure, you could argue that she would have done it anyway, her morals wouldn't allow her to let him die, but the act itself still remains, with all its meaning, and the emotion behind it.

And the narrative goes out of its way to tell us that this is impossible! That a failure to redirect lightning correctly will result in perma-death. That Katara's powers of healing alone weren't enough to bring someone back from that precipice without spirit water. But they do it anyway. They save each other, through sheer force of will, and they can't not be tied to each other after that.

If that's not a good enough reason to ship, I don't know what is. Which doesn't mean you have to, of course. You are free to not vibe with a ship, regardless of the reasoning behind it. But don't tell me it's not a damned good reason.

#zutara #azula #zuko #katara #the final agni kai

[riftdancing]

So... It's my Birthday.

I would usually post about this on my personal blog, but I'm going to touch basis here instead since it does have some relation to my XIV blog at the end. First of all, if you've sent me a well wish for my birthday, you're amazing. Thank you. Each one of them so far has been incredibly heartwarming and while I ask nothing of anyone today... heartwarming is extra welcome because I am going through it right now.

Yesterday we took my 4 month old kitten, Ozzie, to the vet for his last set of vaccinations until next year. It went great! Little man is an absolute king. I've never seen such a brave and curious little cat. The car ride was zero stress for him. Not a single peep, just curiously watching the country side go by mid tongue bath. I've never seen a cat so blaise about a car ride. He was the same way at the vet office. Once out of his carrier and in the exam room he'd bound up to meet the staff and greet them with tail high and perked ears. In hindsight, after the experience, my partner and I have realized he'd probably make a great adventure cat, so we will likely be looking into harness and leash training very soon.

What I wasn't expecting, was returning home to find my cat (and emotional support animal) not acting like herself and showing me all the signs she'd fallen ill with something. She is my baby. My comfort, my emotional rock. The amount of emotional understanding and empathy she's shown me in the first four years of her life still astounds me more and more everyday. ...But Sootie and I are extremely co-dependent on eachother. Seeing her ill, even though we'd just returned home from the vet with Oz, we gently got her into her carrier and rushed her to the vet as well. You can imagine how shocked they were to see us again (lol).

Vet was glad I brought her in preemptively. Seems I had it exactly right. She is sick. She was running a fever of 105 when we got there. We did bloodwork (which came back squeaky clean!!) and they tried to get a urine sample, but to no avail. So they gave her a shot for her current nausea, and she's been put on liquid antibiotics. ...Antibiotics which require food and she's still not eating.

But... I don't care if its my birthday or not. I've put everything a side because she is my world. So her and I are quarentined to the bedroom together. Luckily that's her safe/comfort space, and I'm just in here to keep her company and provide additional comfort as she craves it. Currently as I write this from my mini mechanical bluetooth keyboard on my tablet... she's snuggled up in one of her favorite blankets next to me, tucked in for additional warmth.

But until she's doing a little better... I will be resigned to this set up...

So I will likely spend my Birthday cleaning out my tumblr inbox while I take care of my lil sick baby.

But after all the times she's looked after me in my worst states (like when I was sick with covid and despite trying to distance myself from her she would NOT leave me for the entire week. Like velcro. My lil nurse.) both mental and physical health... its the least I can do to make sure she's comfortable and has someone here for her the same way she's always been there for me.

When I say I would do anything for this cat. I mean it. She is the world to me.

#warm wishes very welcome today #I am tired and stressed #worried about my sweet baby

[writernopal]

{Nopal's 2023 Writing Round Up}

I will start by saying that 2023 was a pivotal writing year for me because it marked the start of sharing my writing online and starting this blog! With all of that came of course, the formation of my own little community 🥺 I've made so many lovely friends along the way, fallen in love with their characters and stories, and I just feel so privileged and honored to experience the worlds they've created. I'm so glad I took the plunge and met all of you, even if it was really scary at first! Thank you all for being so welcoming, kind, supportive, and for making space in your hearts and days for my silly little characters and their stories 💙 That said, lets take a look at some of my writing highlights from this past year! Throwing this under a cut because it got long (of course it did lol)

{Total Words Written}

160,512 (as of 12/27)

This excludes tumblr posts, miscellaneous notes, and outlines. It includes WIP work (AASOAF 3, M.O.W), WIP adjacent work (AASOAF 2 companion/release material and side stories like Chanterelles), and miscellaneous prose pieces (Pare, Fetch, and Bowl of Brown). I don't have much to observe here other than holy shit that's a lot LOL.

{Longest Chapter}

7043 (AASOAF 3: Axtapor - 16 First Seed)

This chapter is the first battle sequence of AASOAF 3 so it makes sense for it to be the longest so far! This category's runner up is the Part I finale of M.O.W, Halcyon, at 6663 words.

{Shortest Chapter}

638 (AASOAF 3: Mariel - 3 First Seed)

This chapter is a little go between chapter with a tiny bit of whump in the mix. It might get longer after I get to editing it, we'll see! For this one I excluded the prologues of both AASOAF 3 and M.O.W because it kind of felt like cheating otherwise. Both are <300 words.

{Most Loved by the Author}

Some Lines! (Snippet from AASOAF 3: Mariel - 27 Sun's Dawn)

I limited my choices to snippets I'd posted since it felt weird to make a new post and be like that one! I like that one! lol Appropriate content warnings have been listed on that post as, unsurprisingly, it contains body horror who could have guessed lol. The runner up in this category are the cryptic little monologues I wrote leading up to Tierra Madre (linking to the AASOAF 3 masterpost for ease if you want to check out all four pieces!). These link up the overarching story the prologues of each book are telling and hints at how they come into play in AASOAF 3.

{Most Loved by the Readers}

Covenant (AASOAF 3's Prologue)

For this category I excluded meme posts and the like, ranking the winner based on notes that piece received. As for the runner up, its actually a tie! It's between AASOAF 3's WIP Intro and, surprisingly, Lexlar's character intro lol. He would be so proud and flattered that he's more popular than his other Lizardfolk counterparts!

{AASOAF Original Telling vs. AASOAF Canon Telling}

475,524 (OT) | 381,725 (CT)

Now I know this wasn't all done in this year but it felt right to put in here since I'm getting closer and closer to finishing the canon telling of AASOAF with each day that passes so I can't help but look back to where it all started. These word counts include words in each version of the WIP and the dead darlings of each while excluding Fay's discovery writing (120k+), side stories, WIP adjacent work, spin-offs, and oneshots. I'm really not sure if canon AASOAF will surpass original telling but that's because the story back then was a lot of Fay and Wilkes origin story work and the tale of their romance which isn't explored in canon and also includes Mariel and Axtapor's stories. Two reasons for this, Fay and Wilkes getting together all happens before canon begins and because canon focuses primarily on Mariel and Axtapor's romance. In any case, those are some FAT numbers holy mama. Putting this post together was actually the first time I saw them side by side like that.

#2023 writing round up #aasoaf #m.o.w #my writing

[sttoru]

Girly idk how I wasn't following you still, tumblr isn't stupid, I'm sorry that you are feeling on the outskirts of the fandom as well. You are a wonderful person and writer, and I'm glad you’ve been growing as you have been. You deserve so much more love!! 💕

It does make me feel like there is something wrong with me or like in off putting when i see several big blogs talking to each other, boosting each other. But then I drop in, just say hi to be friendly, only to be ignored. When they are literally responding to various anons or other people.

It seems like they want to talk to everyone else but me. Which has me feeling like I'm in the wrong, I'm bothersome and unwanted in the fandom space. They don't have to talk to me, but my feelings are still gonna be hurt at being shunned by 90% of the blogs I try to interact with.

It does kill my motivation since I don't want to be seen as someone who just posts. I want to be seen as a friend and someone to talk to.

I understand that some people get along better than others. But damn so many people are having this problem it seems like. It's boiling down to popular blogs like other popular blogs, boost other popular blogs and they stay the main people in the fandom eyes whole everyone sits quietly in the side just wanting to be partly including

Feel free to rant right back if need be. Cause I get needing to get this shit off your chest, cause I sure as hell needed to

hiii feyyy !!! dwww, it’s all good :> thank u sm for ur nice words aaaaaaa u r as well, one of the writers on here that i respect 4 their hard work !

gonna vent a bit haha need to get some things off my chest too like u said;

i get ur first point!! it sucks rlly. especially when you are the first one reaching out (which takes a lot of courage, especially for someone socially awkward like me lol) and then it hurts DOUBLE because you get ignored. i get ittttt rlly. for me, i always try to reply ppl even if im a bit late because im either thinking of a proper response or am distracted or busy , but i never intentionally ignore anyone interacting with me. i know some ppl on here do bcs they don’t feel entitled to respond to comments or anons or whatev, which is like ? ok. but if it’s someone just being friendly and complimenting you / your work … it’s not hard to reply w a form of gratitude . some rlly think they’re celebrities on here and it needs to stop

and it’s understandable and totally valid to feel like you’re being shunned and unwanted by people you just want to befriend , only for them to ignore you / not interact with you but with everyone else :/ it sucks and ppl don’t seem to realise that it could hurt other’s feelings. i hope you know that you’re not unwanted tho! those people are just… idk, a bit weird (ofc im only talking abt people who INTENTIONALLY ignore others)

findjng a friend on tumblr with the same interest is like a chore. you either click instantly or you think you do, only for it to be fore 2 interactions max and then you go back to ignoring each other basically on dash

AND YOUR LAST POINTS!! so true. its that the more popular blogs just stick together and help each other out when ??? there are smaller blogs of writers / artists just sittng in the sidelines like ‘ok so what do i have to do to gain traction if the people with a bit of bigger platforms are totally ignoring me & my works’

it’s actually tiring. ofc, me having 3k followers — i am suuuuper grateful, not complaining much, but i also know how it feels. my notifications are super dry except for mainly likes, my dms are like a desert, inbox is 98% only of anons who drop requests and then leave without leaving anything else. no one to talk to, except for people who leave a comment every once in a while :/

like u may think bcs i have decent following i actually gain more interactions? not rlly. only likes & sometimes reblogs w tags. that’s all really, i don’t really have anyone on here who i consider a close online friend (as much as this sounds sad & cringy LMAOO) but its tiring to see everyone be so close to each other on dash while im on the side like ‘how nice it must be to get that much interaction’

& im sure there are people who r gonna say ‘just interact with them’ I DO and i either get left on read or they respond dryly / or i don’t get the same energy back. bcs sometimes im reluctant to reach out first because it always ends up w me taking the initiative & i end up looking desperate to get an interaction with a mutual LOL

anyways thinking abt this tumblr writing community makes my head ache bcs of all the things ive seen and experienced on here (also on my prev account which i had for 2 years)

#𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒. #ANYWAYS……. this was a long vent #thank u fey xoxo #i can rant abt this for hours on end on a vc i think #and go in depth #tis crazy

[chococolte]

Hello!! I don't have anything to request right now but wow your writing style is just stunning. I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it, you weave together imagery and emotion so beautifully and there's just something so sensual about the way it flows? I hope that doesn't come across weirdly lmao it's just so gorgeous and reading it makes me feel like I'm watching an intricate dance routine or running my hands over silk, I love it sm. Ur rlly out here feeding us the highest quality content imaginable for free???? We are not worthy omg

Also I think my jaw actually dropped when I read that you were 16 like??? Can I ask when/why you started writing and how you developed your style? Sorry if you've answered these before :') and thank u for ur amazing writing <3

XBYUDBNXHBDUHF thank you so much!!! ♡  this was the first thing i read today when i woke up... im so happy it was this!! this means so much to me i cant even describe it properly, im sorry its taken me so long to whip up a response, ive just been looking and thinking about it for so long and i wanted to make sure i responded to it well!!!

im so happy you like my writing!! its actually been something i've been pretty insecure about, even when i still had my old blog. the only people i really showed my writing too was my brother and my friends, who ... you know... as my brother and my friends, why would they tell me my writing is bad? and even on my old blog, i didn't really feel like anything i was writing was like, actually good. but since i've started this new blog i've gotten so many nice messages and people telling me how much they love my writing and i just!!! it makes me soft... and makes me realize that maybe i'm not actually as bad as i thought lol

im going to put my answers to ur questions under a readmore!

i've been writing since i was around 11-12. obviously i had written before that for school and shit, but that was around the age when i started to have an interest in original stuff.

i've only started taking writing seriously for around 2 years, though, so since i've been 14. since i started taking it seriously, i've had a sudden jump in improvement-- mostly because it also coincides with the moment i realized what kind of writing i want to have.

my style itself wasn't all that impressive when i was like, 13-14. which is to be expected! but i think even in my writing from that time, you can kind of see the direction i wanted to go in, which is vivid description.

when i was 15 i finally realized what i wanted to do with my style, which was description. i like describing things. a lot. if u read the stuff i reposted i think u can see that, but i was still a little fledgling at it-- i used some words that i didnt really have a full grasp on, which is still a little sin that i continue to partake in... but you can't blame me ok, words r just so pretty and i need to use them all </3

ive actually only been writing fanfic since 2021 lol, before that all i wrote was self-insert stuff (still yandere, of course). the reason i started my [old] blog was because i was reading stuff on tumblr, and im pretty sure it was specifically a yandere childe post, and his characterization annoyed me so bad i decided to do it myself 💀 before that, the only fanfic i had written i think was like... 2 pieces, one about an interactive fiction game and the other about omniscient reader's viewpoint vxbfubfbg

idk what in particular led me to developing my style as it is now-- i kind of just try my best to make sure my readers can imagine the way the characters feel as best as possible. ultimately, the way i want my writing to be is i want people to kind of fall into it. i want someone to pick up my writing and feel the things the characters feel. i want someone to read my writing and be able to place themselves in the moment, and, for particularly my blog, i want people to read my writing and to feel loved. when someone tells me they got tingles from my writing its literally some of the highest form of praise, like!!!!!!!! if ur trying to seduce me it's working JUST SAYING...

i honestly still feel like i have a lot to improve on, but im so happy you like my writing so much! to think that people think my writing is so good is just such an amazing feeling, i feel like im walking on clouds <3

#[🦇] — sophie's musings #[💌] — love poetry

[alectoperdita]

Since you've touched on the topic of noncon in fics before if you're comfortable answering I wanted to ask something.

Or if you'd rather answer privately feel free to vague post and I can DM or like the post or something so you can dm if your messages are closed.

Ok, the question: In any verse be it canon or au, if Seto had been too late to stop something like that from happening to Jou, or even if he was forced to watch, how would they both deal with that? Would Jou close up emotionally? Would Seto be angry at himself? Etc. Just how do you think the aftermath would go

Sure, I have no problem talking about that here as this is an ask made in good faith. If I'm willing to publicly post fic about it, I'm okay talking about what goes into constructing that fictional scenario.

Answered under the cut cuz cw: noncon, standard "don't like, don't read; i trust you're a mature adult who curates their online experience plz" rules on my blog

So I don't think much about noncon except in specific AUs. Cuz honestly, doing something like that to either of my faves makes me kinda sad when it's their canon(-adjacent) selves.

But Lure and all its myriads of little terrible spinoffs? That's where I like to stow the rest of my darkfic writing inclinations anyway.

Soooo there is a noncon story idea for Lure which is tentatively set late in Year 2, so months after Tributary and Fill me with sweetness and cream. The setup is that Jounouchi is kidnapped and used as a hostage to extort money from Kaiba. Kaiba receives both photos and videos of Jounouchi being beaten and raped. It is also a revenge ploy against both of them executed by Hirutani crawling out of the woodwork.

The main focus of the story is on what happens afterward, though, after Jounouchi has been rescued. Now, this is a universe where Jounouchi understands himself as mainly having value to Kaiba in sexual terms. Yeah, they have a weird twisted affection growing between them like fungus at this point (trauma bonding yay), but Jounouchi is still Kaiba's pet first and foremost. While he was kidnapped, he was pretty sure he wasn't even going to be rescued.

And now? His worth is devalued in a way. What if Kaiba no longer wants him after this? Considers him broken? Kicks him to the street? Jounouchi is worried about how this can impact his material future because he is still dependent on Kaiba for housing and food. Yes, there's also the messy emotional stuff in the background, hitting some old fears about being abandoned and discarded.

Kaiba is enraged with the situation. But in this case, he also has specific culprits to blame and punish, which will become the main target of his rage. (Hirutani not gonna have a good time to put it lightly lol). Surprisingly, he's not mad at Jounouchi, though. He understands Jounouchi as having resisted and fought back to the best of his abilities.

But as for how he acts toward Jounouchi? A little brisk at time, but no more than before. He is careful not to touch Jounouchi, and mostly leaves Jounouchi alone to recover in his room. Because that's what he should do in this case??? Lure!Kaiba trying to reach for some compassion here and executing clumsily. Because in his view, whatever shit he may have dubconed Jounouchi into in the past, he never raped-raped Jounouchi. He's not going to force himself on an injured person. He's not a complete monster, kthnx.

Hilariously (or not so hilariously), Kaiba's clumsy attempts at compassion make Jounouchi feel worse. Because Kaiba doesn't seek him out as much or touch him, does that mean he no longer wants Jounouchi? It sharpens Jounouchi's desperation. He's not horny or aroused per se, but he is looking for signs that Kaiba still intends to keep him around. Because if Kaiba won't have sex with him, what worth does he still have to him?

Not to mention the cognitive dissonance of "what is wrong with me? I literally got raped last week but I'm losing my mind wishing someone, well Kaiba, forces himself on me but in a way that I like."

Obviously, this is untenable in the long run. They're individually so emotionally volatile for their own reasons. Eventually, Kaiba does want to fuck Jounouchi rabid because he's a possessive bastard (Jounouchi is his dammit!), and ironically that's probably what will give Jounouchi the most peace of mind in this moment (reinforces he still has "value").

So part of the reason neither of them has made any move on the other is because they've been waiting for the results of Jounouchi's STD tests, which can take up to 2-4 weeks for the most major concerns. They have literally never gone that long without sex since they first started. So once Jounouchi's results finally come back clean, he gets it into his head that he needs to just rip off the band-aid and seduce Kaiba. If Kaiba's willing to fuck him, then maybe he's still good. If he won't, well, then he knows his days are numbered.

Kaiba has been waiting on the results for another reason. Because it's going to affect how he makes Hirutani suffer for what he did.

Ultimately, Kaiba will also offer Jounouchi a chance to take some revenge for himself. Hand him the knife, if you will.

And that's all I'm going to say about this one in case I ever do write this one in full.

Like I said, this is a scenario very specific to their characterization in this AU. But I tend to think Kaiba, even canon-wise, is quite capable of some murderous tendencies when presented with the proper motive.

#replies #anonymous #cw: noncon #series: Lure

[swaggy-pregnant-elf-man]

I posted 2,985 times in 2022

That's 1,767 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (1%)

2,962 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elytrians

@thekidsfromyestergay

@cttrajan1206

@discardedcandywrapper

@greenbeany

I tagged 1,232 of my posts in 2022

#mcr - 290 posts

#ofmd - 79 posts

#art - 65 posts

#toh - 41 posts

#birds - 21 posts

#tiktok - 18 posts

#lol - 15 posts

#lmao - 14 posts

#fuck capitalism - 14 posts

#prev tags - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 74 characters

#🦀🦀🦀😁🦀😁😁😁😁😁😁🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀😁😁🦀🦀😩🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HELP ITS ME SUMI

The londoner in ur birmie squad sjdhhdf

i am so sorry bro i dont think i am who u think i am 😭😭

8 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

#4

aras have you seen the Joan of Arc outfit yet

I HAVE NOW KSKDKLEODJ DKDOEOL I AM GOING RVEN MORE INSANE GOING TO WATCH THE STREAM NOW

10 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

3000 posts!

ashamed 😔

16 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#2

clownwife

19 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love the energy and all and I don’t want to offend but as a Muslim girl i can tell you that it is literally haram to identify as anything other than your god given gender. Like I’m not trying to be rude and I’m glad that there a respectful supportive people out there but if you’re looking at the Quran and other islamic book you’ll find stories about how its considered haram. Accepting the islam religion means accepting everything and dedicating yourself to it you can’t just pick and choose.

omg my first anon hate hahaha

i know im not obligated to answer hate but im going to anyway bcuz of i have things to say (sparkle emoji) (im on pc and dont have the energy to find an emoji keyboard)

okay first of all nowhere did i say that I identify as Muslim. i get that it was ambiguous tho so its cool. to clarify,, I am personally not Muslim but I kind of have to act like one so I don't get kicked to the streets or some shit lol and maybe I'm a bit of a coward idkkk but anyways

I would be interested to know what other Islamic books ur talking about btw, but I'm pretty sure the quran doesn't mention being trans anywhere at all. in fact I'm pretty certain, I've read it multiple times with translation and commentary interpretations and anyway being trans wasn't really a 'known' thing back then? bcuz obviously patriarchy and gender roles n segregation blah blah was wayyyy more yk. shit I forgot the word. uhhh yk like prevalent?? ofc the quran does mention a shitton about gender roles,, so yk men r the breadwinners, women raise the kids and keep house and be good wives etc. and also remember the big important fact:: GENDER AND SEX R DIFFERENT THINGS!!! meaning technically u cant be 'born' a gender (omfg my keyboard hates me imagine a question mark here) ur born with certain genitals and society assigns u a gender based on that . sounds a bit fucked when u put it like that actually but anyway back when the quran was being revealed this wasn't a known thing cuz yk they didn't have studies on this stuff,, and yea ur probably gonna say 'but the quran came from allah and he knows everything' well the fact of the matter is he either forgot or smth idk I don't speak for God but trans people definitely exist that's a fact we know so yeah. oh I should come back to my point which was, even with the quran saying those things about what ur supposed to do based on whats in ur pants which is crazy outdated anyway it doesn't take gender ≠ sex into consideration either soo ye that's the most it could've said about being trans and that not very valid anymore rip and that's not even mentioning non-binary people

and anyway Islam is literally all about acceptance and respect and everything so idk it would probably be better if u didn't go around telling ppl they're 'literally haram' for being trans or gay or any typa queer bcuz its literally not our choice (insert question marks) believe me I would fucking love to be comfortable in my 'female' body but I cant no matter how much I try to force myself so I'm sorry dude. no one would choose to be stuck in a situation like this. personally, I believe Islam needs a super massive reformation. well not Islam exactly, but a lot of things said in the quran r outdated wildly now, while a lot of it will also always be relevant, eg. everyone being equal and yk give to the poor etc. i have absolutely nothing against Muslims (I have it against my family for being so forceful about religion - different thing) yall r super cool and ik being a Muslim girl isn't easy believe me, but genuinely seeing Muslim people around and yk, just existing in wider society outside of Islamic spaces makes me feel so proud of where I came from even if its not been the best experience. have u seen the show We are Lady Parts (question mark) its about an all female Muslim punk band and there's only six episodes I literally watched it all today but the message of it is what I'm trying to get to you. u don't have to be the perfect pious wife to be considered a 'good Muslim',, there are so many ways u can show faith. you don't have to be a big strong man who can handle all pain with ease while single-handedly providing for a family either.

anyways peace out that sure was a journey lol and I definitely have forgot some of the things I wanted to say but yea that's all don't forget to like and subscribe &lt;3

(colours r to make it easier to read for people with shorter attention spans,, they don't have any other significance)

36 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #this is so funny lol #this is a cringefail blog fr #look vel and frederico ur on here thats crazy #omg and michael hiii

[autopotion]

I love seeing you guys final fantasy tactics-posting omg :,) glad to see that people still love this game

Anon I will be super honest I had no idea that I had anon questions even on at all so when I went into my inbox this was a huge surprise LMAO. A pleasant one though. I'm not really a BNF or anything, I kinda keep a low profile, so this is extremely sweet.

But yeah!! I'm not sure if you're new here (re: to my blog) but I'll give you the backstory anyway. FFT was a foundational game to me growing up. It also is among the games introduced me to video games as a whole; I actually grew up watching my mom and sister play it, and then my brother and I played together when we were a little older. All of us cite it as among our favorites, if not our very favorite. FFT is also one of the few media properties from my childhood that I haven't grown out of. In many ways I feel like I grew into it, as the text is quite dense for a video game and a lot of the finer points and politics flew over my head as a child (not the least because I was playing the PSX version, which I adore, but that translation is not exactly known for its clarity).

I got my spouse @officecyborg to play it when we first started dating, and she liked it all right then, but it wasn't until I replayed War of the Lions about a year and a half ago that she really latched onto it, which was delightful to me as a long time FFT lover with no real place to channel my interest (most of my close circle of nerdy friends haven't played it, and my siblings like it for different reasons than I do). We got really into Delita/Ovelia, which was a delight for the teenager in me who had been obsessed with them (and I guess I still am lol), and I maintain that Zoe has The Best And Most Correct Delita opinions. (Ovelia is my favorite. (: )

Over the course of April/May last year we also wrote in a feverish haze what we lovingly refer to as "the manifesto," AKA a series of interconnected Delita/Ovelia vignettes that frames their tumultuous relationship in a way that we feel reflects what we like most about them. I've yet to read a fic that really captures what I love about their dynamic, though a small handful come very close, so it's been an exciting project. We put it away for a while to focus on other things, but have since returned to it to clean it up, and plan to slowly post it to AO3. One of our favorite scenes from "the manifesto" is already up, actually, since we liked it enough to post on its own, and wanted to present it to the world just in case we abandon the project for other endeavors. You can read it here, if you want. (My spouse and I usually focus on writing our own original fiction that we hope to post as a mixed-media web serial, so "the manifesto" is an unusual side project that we happen to hold very dear.)

Also, if you like my spouse's funny and insightful FFT posts, please go through her #tactics blogging tag for more wonderful gems.

And if you're looking for more people who talk about FFT, I would be super surprised if you hadn't poked around @corpsebrigadier's blog, who is I think hands-down the most steadfastly encouraging FFT fan when it comes to reading, distributing, and creating FFT fan content. Also their cakes look amazing. @adalheidis has also created some of my favorite FFT fanart ever, though Lou is more chiefly a Tactics Ogre fanartist if you're into Tactics Ogre too, and also just creates really stunning art regularly, especially original stuff.

But yeah. My blog name is an FFT reference (the Chemist reaction ability) and so is my video game aesthetics blog, @zeltenniacastle (though unfortunately FFT shows up on that blog quite rarely, as not a lot of folks gif it or make edits of it). It's a very important game to me and probably my favorite game of all time. I used to replay it every summer, and started switching between the PSX version and War of the Lions as a comparison. I don't talk about it all the time, but it's always lying in wait, waiting for me to re-hyperfixate on it, lol.

#quiznaibus #oh yeah my ask tag is an fft reference too! #to the dancer ability 'wiznaibus' from the psx translation #in sum: final fantasy tactics (: #fft blogging #tactics blogging

[dwtisgay]

Hi. This is probably so random, but I just went down the rabbit hole of reading any and all posts on your blog I could find about BBH because I read one and was immediately bombarded by questions I never even considered. Like, I did not even know that Darryl Noveschosch (most likely) isn't his name. I mean, I knew he was secretive, but I have only been a fan of mcyt in general for like 6 months, and do not have the time to watch a lot of old content, so I just. Didn't know things. Bad has been my favorite since I got into the fandom, though, so reading all that really blew my mind. He is so weird, and now I want to know everything about him, except now I also know more than ever that I definitely never will. Weird experience to have.

Anyways, you don't have to respond to this, lol, but if you have any other BBH crumbs you'd like to share I am now starving :)

welcome to the badboyhalo experience, the more you watch of him the more questions you will have and you will be left floundering drowning in curiosity but never fear its a shared experience with his friends and they've made peace with it apparently more crumbs hm... its a bit hard to share without guidance or questions but I do remember offhand mentioning once thinking he had a bad relationship with his father and that's because the only time in memory from watching over 3 years of content I could remember him mentioning his father was when he was preparing to go to vidcon and he was really anxious and would stream late at night around 3 am to 4 am his time or so and he told stories about how he had a lot of country songs? (some type of song like that) memorized because his dad had a band and he would be forced to sit there and listen to it growing up he said completely casually and I am sure it wasn't a negative memory because he was singing those songs hence that's what prompted him to share the story, but I was just floored at that mention of his dad which I have never heard before! and afterwards he mentioned his dad a couple more times innocently too but never again, that period of time was really odd

people like to say he has a negative relationship with his mom due to a clip of him sharing a story from 2015 about how his mom used to wash his mouth out with soap as a kid also, but honestly I think he was socialized by someone female due to how he speaks and acts so I don't actually think their relationship is that bad off now, probably just growing pains as a kid

or maybe shit relationship with both, not like I'm basing any of these thoughts on anything concrete to expand on the socializing point because I did just throw that out there, he just has a lot of mannerisms or turns of phrase id hear from an American mom, ways he puts his inflections, how he moves his body etc, I don't think those things are inherently feminine exclusive but I do think he grew up copying someone with those mannerisms and they are more likely to be female

#badboyhalo

[lunyzare]

I posted 5,427 times in 2022

That's 5,085 more posts than 2021!

84 posts created (2%)

5,343 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mist-the-wannabe-linguist

@duesternis

@akindplace

@margretesonigiri

@al-hekima-madara-blog

I tagged 4,711 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#madara - 1,435 posts

#madara uchiha - 746 posts

#lol - 558 posts

#important - 409 posts

#sasuke - 344 posts

#naruto - 215 posts

#izuna - 209 posts

#hashirama - 198 posts

#beautiful - 134 posts

#wolf - 106 posts

Longest Tag: 122 characters

#také – pokud se nemýlím – ostravské nářečí má blíž k polskému jazyku takže rozlišování i/y ve výslosvnosti by dávalo smysl

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

This is not meant as a serious post or analysis, it’s just something that caught my attention while I was rereading manga.

This is, I believe, the first time we get to see Izuna, right? He has a ponytail and long hair. Interestingly, Madara doesn’t seem to have long hair here. Could this “memory” be from the time, when Madara and Izuna are still young then? Either that, or it could be just Itachi’s imagination altering their looks, what he (Itachi) in his own mind believed Izuna and Madara looked like.

Fast forward and we have Hashirama’s flashback (this is chapter 624, I think), so a memory of someone who actually met Izuna, even if just briefly. Here, Izuna looks very similar to Sasuke, only his lips still look the same. Perhaps it’s just me, but Izuna looks very different here.

And finally:

See the full post

128 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

#4

Wow, I just noticed this. Madara protected not just himself, but Obito as well.

Sure, Obito stood relatively close to him, but still...Madara didn't have to do this. He didn't have to extend his shield to cover them both...but he did. And Obito surely could have defended himself on his own at this point and Madara probably knew or at least suspected that, but he still (perhaps instinctively?) automatically protected not just himself, but Obito too.

I think deep down, Madara cared about Obito, even if a little bit. As other bloggers have pointed out, Obito wasn't the one who was supposed to be sacrificed, at least not originally, that role was Nagato's.

Also, am I the one who noticed Madara didn't even mention the fact Obito was carrying his weapons? I know that when he was about to die of the old age, he basically told Obito he can have his identity for the time being, but still...

I think Obito was someone important, no matter how low Madara has fallen and no matter how much he wanted to give up on the failed reality.

173 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

#3

We know Madara named Konoha. But the imagery here is just beautiful. He is a supposedly just cold-hearted warrior, he is someone who spent almost every single day of his life on the battlefield, someone before which the entire shinobi world trembles in fear.

And yet, when Hashirama asks him to name their village, Madara looks at a small leaf and then through it to find the name for the village, for this dream he and Hashirama dreamed about since they were children.

The way he looks at the leaf, there is almost a desperate look on his face. It's almost as if he was putting all of his pain and his last remaining hopes into this small, delicate leaf and through its hole (a hole that is, perhaps not randomly, placed at the center of the leaf as if it symbolized a heart?) looked at the village.

What's even more interesting, is the fact that Madara has this leaf in his hand for the entire conversation, and then later on, when he's eavesdropping on Hashirama and Tobirama, he still has it.

The leaf is also a symbol of trust, which is perhaps why Madara let go of it after he heard Tobirama's ill words about his clan.

I think this image – Madara holding onto a leaf – shows the softness and kindness, and also the vulnerability in Madara's soul. How many people just randomly decide to catch a leaf and then name something precious after it? This shows Madara's humanity. It shows Madara outside of the battlefield and war. A small and on top of all of it fractured leaf (remember, there was a hole in it), is perhaps not something most would find beauty and peace of mind in, but it seems Madara did.

222 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

#2

Personal opinion and rant ahead:

Honestly, characters like Madara and Sasuke (also Nagato, Konan, Neji etc.) teach a lot more about "never giving up" than Naruto Uzumaki.

These characters at some point in their lives lost everything they ever had, lost all hope, but still kept going, trying to change the world for better, still fought like madmen for their rightful place in the world. Maybe they used wrong methods, maybe they weren't 100 percent right, but they still kept going.

They kept trying to climb their way out of their own grave, a grave other people dig for them.

If that's not about never giving up, then what is...?

To add: this is not to say Naruto never suffered, because he did. And a lot. But the other characters...had much bigger odds against them.

251 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Why did Izuna decline Hashirama’s offer?

“Due to having fallen victim to the Curse of Hatred like many of the other Uchiha, Izuna was unable to see the greater good outside of his clan. When Hashirama offered to have their clans join forces to eliminate the non-stop wars and heavy blood-shed, even willing to heal Madara's younger brother, Izuna willingly went to his grave telling his brother not to trust the Senju as it would mean the demise of their own clan, despite the Senju clearly outclassing the Uchiha.” (Source)

This is quoted directly from the Narutopedia and I would like to analyze further, why I think Izuna declined Hashirama’s offer. So let’s look at things from Izuna’s perspective to understand his distrust for Senju:

He probably lost a close friend, or another very precious person (e. g. Tajima) whose death gained him Mangekyo Sharingan, and it wouldn’t be surprising if they died at the hands of Senju, since they were at war with each other (yes, I know Itachi said both Izuna and Madara killed their friend to gain power, but Itachi’s version is unreliable)

He lost his brothers, and their blood is likewise on Senju’s hands

Just by listing these two reasons alone, it should be clear Izuna’s distrust was very justified (at least from his perspective). Why would he trust those who took his family, his clansmen, and perhaps his closest friend from him? However, it is also important to note that the circumstances when the offer was made matter greatly and shouldn’t be overlooked when analyzing this situation.

This is the scene in manga, where Izuna declines Hashirama’s offer. First of all, I would love to point out one thing – Hashirama wasn’t even talking with Izuna in this scene, only with Madara. You might be thinking “oh, but that’s because Hashirama knew Madara and was his friend”, and yes, that is correct and could be true. However, from Izuna’s point of view:

Hashirama’s brother, Tobirama, just mortally wounded him and Hashirama didn’t even mention this when he was offering a truce. Hashirama’s first words were “Madara, you cannot win against me”, and with these words, Hashirama is proclaiming his higher status (of power), he is certainly not offering peace, at least not yet. Only afterwords Hashirama proceeded to talk about how the wars would eventually stop if their clans joined forces. There is not a single mention of Izuna in any of this. I repeat: not a single mention of Izuna. Why would Izuna accept a truce from a clan whose one member just mortally wounded him and the other talks, as if he wasn’t even there? As for Hashirama offering to heal Izuna; I reread the chapter in the manga and I see NO mention of Hashirama offering to heal Izuna. I don’t know, when and where was Hashirama supposed to give this offer, but I just don’t see it anywhere in chapter 624? Hashirama offered his hand to Madara, yes, that is a gesture of peace, but, and I repeat AGAIN – he didn’t say anything about Izuna.

From Izuna’s point of view, it’s also quite logical why he would think Hashirama is only trying to deceive them. Hashirama only offered the truce after Izuna was mortally wounded, in other words, after he (Hashirama) knew Madara would be in an incredible emotional distress due to his little brother dying and therefore would be much more likely to accept the offer. I can see how that would look suspicious in Izuna’s eyes.

I will not even comment on the “ victim of a curse of hatred” part as other amazing bloggers have already made great posts defying and critically analyzing this pseudoscience. I will only state that Izuna was clearly concerned with the greater good of his clan. And again: why would he trust Senju? Why would he, heck...why should he trust his murderers?

Lastly, Izuna foresaw where this so-called peace would lead to even before Madara did. He ended up being right.

404 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false #(Don't mind this guys I was just super curious how this looks xD)

[noes-pillow]

Well... would ya LOOK at that...

I’m gonna be real I don’t have any event planned for 100 followers lol, sorry y’all. I feel like its been no time since 50 I swear.

But I do have this... (edit: this is long, didn’t mean it to be, I don’t even know where I was going with this when I wrote it, lets call it a brain dump)

Life has a funny way of doing things when it comes to how I apply my emotions to my writing...

Even though its 90% done, there's a portion of a scene in A Memory is Not Enough that I've been putting off. For many different reasons.

It's gonna be very rhetorically challenging.

It's gonna be very emotionally challenging.

...and also I just finished reading a really long book (tgcf) so I'm just chasing the dopamine and I didn't wanna write 🤷‍♀️

But suddenly last night I had a dream about suddenly seeing my dad again.

It's been 6 months since he passed.

In the dream I was screaming and crying telling him to help me make sure I wasn't dreaming. To do anything. Hit me, kick me, push me to the ground. None of this is something my dad would ever do, but I wanted to feel pain because in my eyes the pain would make me wake up if I was indeed dreaming.

Last night I learned pain doesn't make you wake up from a dream.

...or at least perceived pain in your dream doesn't.

Because at one point I had been kicked to the ground and I thought I had proven whatever I was in was not a dream. My life had been lying to me. My dad was alive and I had confirmed it wasn’t a dream... or thought I did.

Except when I looked up I saw my mom as well and something clicked. This February mom will have been dead for 3 years. So that’s when I woke up.

...

Something you've lost in your life will always make its way into your dreams if you miss it enough. And there's no sure way to test if you're dreaming or not...

...except when you naturally wake up.

"Alex, what in the hell does this have to do with your writing?"

Well... I think I just found out how I'm gonna write that once scene I’ve been putting off.

And I'm sorry in advance, but I think grief is such a powerful emotion. Its the only emotion I have never been able to control or fully mask. I can only funnel it into my writing.

And I like to watch my readers SQIRM 

I like to see you all comment and tell me you cried or screamed or wished for a different ending or really ANY comment at all.

I feel like I can show a bit of what I'm feeling using the characters that we all love. Because when someone loses someone there’s no such thing as true empathy. No one will ever really KNOW how I feel.

But if I kill a character we love using what grief I have, a lot of us will feel the same... or at least similar.

And since I can't FORCE anyone to read my stories, I feel like the people that do make me feel... heard. And in turn I like hearing from YOU ALL. Which sounds cheesy as fuck but I don't have a better word for it.

So... as I didn’t intend to write this massive text post, all I gotta say is... 

Thank You.

Thank you for liking, reblogging, commenting, or reading my stories.

Thank you for sending me prompts.

Thank you for loving VNC with me in general. The ride would not be anywhere near as fun without having this blog.

I know followers don’t matter, I don’t really care about this number at all tbh. It’s just an excuse for me to thank the little corner of the internet which I have made this blog to be.

It’s nothing really in the grand scheme, but to me it is still... something.

Thanks guys. I’ll be around 💜💙

With love,

Alex

fin

#also i start my new job in a week!!! #the majority of the work ive done on this blog has been between graduation and my first job and i wouldnt have it any other way #happy 100 everyone

[54bpm]

Thoughts on Maintaining Old Characters.

Don't feel like you gotta read this, I know I don't have any long term OC fans who have kept track of what I'm doing with my guys. It's more just stuff that's been rattling in my head and I feel like would be nice to jot down so people who do decide to trawl through my old art tags can see why my characters have changed in the ways they have.

I've been making characters since I was 11, which as of this post, means that some of my earliest characters are 13 years old. I still even have some of them. This blog has stuff dating back to when I was 13 (I joined tumblr a week or so after my birthday on a now deleted blog, before that I was on deviantArt and roleplaying forums almost exclusively)

I was exposed to the idea of self-inserts and mary sues (and that they were bad and nobody liked them) extremely early on, so I almost immediately swung in the opposite direction, people pleaser that I was. This first generation of characters would set up three types that I would end up remaking over and over with different coats of paint.

Prickly girls

Just so many prickly tsundere girls. Often short. Often bullies to the boys they liked. They were girlbosses who could win any fight but they also were bullied by the normies for being so weird and being outsiders. Pretty but still only liked by the one nervous guy they had chosen. The archetypal anti-sue, just a gaggle of Ebonys.

2. Tragic girls

These girls were usually innocent and silly and fun, but also haunted and sad. They were traumatized in very childishly "and then their whole family died in front of them :,,( " ways. They were never allowed to address the trauma, and everyone around them always had to baby them. Yeah, I was making those types LOL. Nooo I refuse to make progress on my healing bc then I won't have any character left!!!

3. Soft boys

I was still pretty married to the idea that I had to like boys, so the boys I made were all ones I thought I would like. This led to just a fleet of androgynous boys who wept and blushed often. I also rolled with a crowd of older tween girls who were deep in the Yaoi haze, and while I found they way they talked about the couples uncomfortable and objectionable even then, I still did my share in pumping out generic ukes to go with their bog standard semes.

I made characters in these three frameworks for like, a few years. Even after the main forum I had camped on died and I started making characters with school friends. I wasn't really pushed to change anything until a while into using tumblr.

I don't know if anyone else remembers this period of time, I had to have been like 14-15, but there was this attitude shift all the sudden that boiled down to how if you didn't have a diverse set of characters, you were a bad person.

Now I'm going to say immediately that I do think its good to have a diverse set of OCs! It's good to learn about people from other cultures and backgrounds and to put yourself in their shoes! It's also good to learn about all the ways humans can look and how charming and beautiful and different we can be!

The issue with the way this was pushed way back in pre-dashcon tumblr was that it wasn't about thoughtful diversity and exploring others lived experiences. It was about making sure you looked like you weren't racist to the other 14 year old white girls who still hadn't unpacked what watching South Park had done to their brains and were actively sending death threats to Lucy Liu for being on a Sherlock Holmes show that wasn't the one with the white men who might kiss any day now guys. When you see people mocking the Ultimate SJW Tumblr Character (you know what I'm talking about, the just caricature level mocking of disabled queer people) it's from this era of posts.

I saw this and I saw people dumping buckets of anon hate and bullying on just anyone who caught the mobs fancy and I very ungracefully slapped new ethnicities on a chunk of my characters. And it took me an embarrassingly long time to look at some of the choices I made and to go "Yikes!" Almost no one was an offensive stereotype or anything, but I definitely had picked characters that lined up with tropes without realizing it. (Important note, I did have some characters that were disrespectful to Roma culture, and an atrocious belly dancer character. I've completely gotten rid of them and I do recognize now how they were disrespectful and played into racist stereotypes.)

And this is still something I'm working on monitoring and fixing in my characters. I'm not gonna lie and say I've become the ultimate anti-racist. I'm white, I've only lived in majority white areas, specifically Oregon which has an extensively anti-black history as well as a lot of issues with orientalism, and I grew up on early 2000s media and all the baggage that came with that.

Speaking of 2000s baggage and weird yaoi culture. I am sorry mlm for the atrocities of boys I have made. It was that classic case of "I'm supposed to like boys so I'm going to make boys who are basically girls and then pair them with each other so I never actually have to deal with the anxiety of them actually being attracted to me." I only had like two characters I would say felt like they could genuinely be gay men. It was only after I was like a year deep into accepting that I was genuinely a lesbian that I looked at my gaggle of boys and went "oh shit, these are all lesbians, these are lesbian dynamics." Which like, yes I don't feel great that I used mlm pairs for my own character development. I know it's not uncommon, especially if a lot of your exposure to the idea of being queer was through tumblr, but it's still not great.

All this to say: I love my characters and I want to be more thoughtful with them. Most of my characters are 5+ years old and they all just need an overhaul. I'm taking most of them back to their prompts and rebuilding from there, I'm also turning a majority of them into lesbians. I want to explore all the fun wlw dynamics I never got to play with growing up. And girls are just more fun to design for me! Sorry!

As I put out new refs you may notice some characters look varying levels of different, some have been replaced with new characters taking over their roles, and some are gone completely. You are always welcome to reach out to ask me about any choices I've made and any concerns you have about the things I've made, past or present. And if you take anything from this it's that you should always be vigilant about how unconscious biases can slip into your creative works.

Thanks for getting to the end of this long ass post, it's one I've been thinking about for a while but had to take some time to put to paper. It's important to me to keep up my old art posts to see my growth as an artist and a person, but I also don't want to act like I still agree with every character choice I've made in the last 13 years.

I hope you can support me as I continue to grow as a person!

#livs words #long long post #if you need a tldr this is a reflection of the weird baggage i carried into my characters for a long time that im working to correct #discussions of racism and mlm fetishism #also important note #im not posting this to get good boy points and congrats #continuing to check yourself for unconscious biases is like #the barest minimum thing you can do