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m00nsbaby · 10 months

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Therapy.

(Marc Spector x F/Reader.) Warnings - Tags: Mentions of abuse, violence. Marc is kinda mean. (until he isn’t lol) Angst, but not that bad. Mentions of Steven. Word count: 960. Summary: The change was so sudden that you started to question if there was someone within it that you weren't counting on. That, or your best friend had been replaced with a highly unconvincing double. Because for exactly 4 months now, Marc Spector had been nothing but smiles.

You realized on an ordinary Thursday. Both of you were comically bumping into each other in Steven Grant's small kitchen, but he was two moves away from losing his patience.

You insisted on taking care of things yourself, and he refused, so stubborn that you had no other choice. Now, when your bodies collided and the plate in your hands went flying through the air, crashing loudly onto the floor, you stood there in complete silence, staring at him.

It was just a few seconds before your physical memory took over, expelling all the air from your lungs in a sigh. Here it comes.

You wondered what it would be this time. "I told you so" or "Look what you did," perhaps just a "Move" to get you out of the way and handle it himself without your interference.

"I'm so sorry." That's what came out of his mouth.

And you turned to him as if you had heard the filthiest word he could have uttered.

"Ah?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated as he bent down to pick up some of the broken pieces of the plate. Dark curls falling on his face as he squinted to locate every ceramic shard on the floor.

And that was your strangest interaction with Marc. Even after he talked to you about Khonshu, or about Steven.

Marc Spector has all those little and big points that people refer to when they ask you to promise to stay above everything else.

Sometimes it's the shouts. What was so striking about the whole situation with the plate was that you expected Marc to shout at you as he always did when he lost his patience, regurgitating the words his mother once said to him.

You had figured it out a long time ago, but you would never tell him what he was doing.

Other times, it's avoidance. Another thing you discovered over time is that Marc was engrossed in the idea of not allowing himself to feel any kind of affection for anyone. Not after Layla.

Romantic or not, he wouldn't allow himself to have his heart broken again. He couldn't bear the thought that someone would make him believe he wasn't as broken as he thought, only to prove him wrong.

Even after so many years together, his mind plays tricks on him. Sometimes he wakes up and decides that he no longer wants you in his life because the fact that you're his first thought upon waking up is terrifying. Or because he found himself smiling while responding to your silly 23rd message of the day, or because there isn't a spot in his house that isn't marked by you and how careless you are with your things.

So, he stops responding. He stops visiting. He stops existing. At first, it was worse, though. He disappeared enough to make you believe he was dead. Since then, the duration of these periods without him has decreased. The last time was just before this change, a week without any signs until he showed up at your door in the early hours of the morning with a bloodied t-shirt and a bruise on his eye.

The arguments, the alcoholism, that habit of blaming you because he can't stay away from you and accusing you of putting yourself in danger by being his friend as long as he continues to work with Khonshu, the number of times you've had to promise him that his alters are not more important to you than he is, the constant insecurity, his inability to communicate in a healthy way, and the fact that he never lets you use the blue plastic cup from his cupboard.

But you never wavered in your decision to stay. He never hurt your feelings; he just took care of filling a little jar inside you every time you realized how worried you should be about him.

And for the first time in years, you're seeing a favorable change in him that makes you feel good.

"You have to tell her, Marc." Steven's desperate voice echoes in his head, his own reflection doesn't look much better. Worry is imprinted on every part of his body.

That's what's been going on behind the scenes for the past 4 months.

"Why, huh?" Marc's aggressive tone is a good reminder that they are two different people, even though they share the same body. "So she can leave? Like Layla did, or like Mom did." The latter part is figurative; he was the one who left.

"She can help you."

"Steven." The mercenary runs his hand over his face a couple of times in despair. And it's not the other's fault for not seeing things his way. After all, even though they were as transparent as possible with each other, Steven would never know the emotional burden Marc carries. "Do you know how terrible it is to burden her with that responsibility? I don't want to drag her down with me."

And finally, the other falls silent. He understands.

Another gulp of his whiskey, and he's finished the bottle. "Well, I feel better." He thinks to himself now that the alcohol has clouded his mind enough to forget why he was crying in the first place.

That was his therapy, and it was proving to be quite fruitful from his perspective. Of course, on the days he wasn't with you, he would drink until he couldn't remember or until a burst of anger made him break a few things. Sometimes a lamp, sometimes his wrist from hitting the wall in an ill-proportioned strike.

But ever since he started lying to you, everything felt better in some way.

It was better until we reached exactly 5 months.

Only one thing had been treated suspiciously seriously with this radical change in Marc, and that was that visits were always scheduled. With a text message, a phone call. In fact, if you could send a carrier pigeon, Marc wouldn't even question why; he would just appreciate being informed that you were about to arrive at his apartment.

"Marc?" Your voice sounded on the other side of the door after two small knocks.

The bottle fell from his hands in a thunderous crash. His first reaction was to check his phone to make sure he hadn't missed any of your messages.

Nothing.

"I have Steven's book, the one he lent me." Somehow, your voice tensed his whole body, an anger he hadn't felt in... Well, not that long, maybe last week. "Can you let me in?"

No, he couldn't.

He felt like a mouse trapped in a glue trap; his feet wouldn't respond. How would he deal with your worried expression when you realized that tears were streaming down his cheeks and the smell of alcohol permeated his small apartment?

He chose not to open the door. He would stand there, waiting for you to leave.

Although the other occupant in his body disagreed, and he would let him know.

A few seconds later, and precisely the sight he didn't want was in front of him.

You, with your eyes fixed on him. Your brow furrowed and the small pout that formed on your lips whenever you felt worried.

Steven had given him the push. Although he almost vomited as he relived the sensation of the first few times they switched without realizing it, combined with the alcohol, of course.

"Marc?" You whispered his name for the fifth time, and his stomach churned even more.

"What are you doing here?"

"I told you, the book." You waved it in your hand without taking your eyes off Marc, who seemed seconds away from breaking down in tears.

"You didn't let me know." His voice cracked. "Leave."

Well, there was the Marc Spector you knew.

"Leave, go." He placed both hands on your shoulders, pushing you back enough to be able to close the door. And of course, the Moon Knight had skills, but being drunk wasn't much of a help.

It wasn't difficult for you to slip under his arm and enter the apartment again.

The slam of the door made you flinch, but once again, he would have to drag you himself if he wanted to keep you away from him at a time like this.

"Tell me what's wrong, Marc. Just tell me, I can help you."

"You can't!" Steven's look on the other side only irritated him further. He looked at him as if he believed Marc capable of hurting you, and surely he did. "You can't, you can't help me." His voice broke again, and the tears finally started to flow down his face.

You raised your hand slowly, intending to touch his cheek, but he took a step back.

With fear.

"I won't hurt you." That's all that came out of your mouth. /What's it like living to fight when every blow leads you to a traumatic memory that marked your entire life?/ You think as you see him so vulnerable.

Because Marc doesn't think about the damage Khonshu has caused to his body over and over again. He thinks about his mother's angry gaze and the burning pain of the blows full of contempt, which hurt a thousand times more than those from a stranger in battle.

He takes a step closer to you, just enough for you to rest a hand on his cheek, your thumb tracing his jawline as delicately as you can. His eyes close, and his head tilts to seek your touch.

"We're best friends, Marc." He furrows his brow at your words but keeps his eyes closed. "You can trust me."

"Don't leave." His voice is so soft that for a moment, you have to check if you're dealing with Steven. It's not difficult; Marc's body is always tense.

It breaks your heart to see how unstable he is when these things happen. In seconds, he changes his mind, and you don't know if it's just his brain or the alcohol in his system.

"Don't leave, please." He repeats with a sob.

"You have to tell me what's going on." You don't want to pressure him. You never have, but you have no way of comforting him if you don't know what's happening.

His arms slowly extend, encircling your waist as he holds you tightly against his body. He's begging for a hug, and you give it to him without hesitation, even though you feel the air escaping from your lungs as he tightens his grip.

Marc has a moment to realize how bad things are with you. His body is familiar to you; Steven's love language is physical—he hugs you, holds your hand, plays with your hair, and other things. But for Marc, your body is uncharted territory.

He doesn't know that his arms seem to be made for embracing you, or that your shampoo smells like honey and it's easy to catch a whiff of it by breaking the distance a little.

"You can't go." This time he whispers as his breathing seems to calm down. "Don't go, and I'll be fine."

It's a lie, and both of you know it.

Was it time to confront it?

"Marc, I can't." This time your voice comes out almost inaudible.

His arms tighten around you; he doesn't want to let you go. But you don't mean that.

"I can't end this." He hates how coherent you are. How stable. "I wish I could take away all your pain. Truly." For the first time, you feel his body relax as your fingers run through his messy curls. "But I can't stop this. You need to understand that."

He sniffles, and you wonder if he's still crying. He won't let you see his face while you're in his arms, but he nods.

"I couldn't wish for anything more than for you to be happy." His weight starts to wear you out, but you won't complain out loud. "I'm worried." It's good for him to hear it rather than having to decipher the expression he has memorized. "I'm so worried. You need help."

Marc nods again, and the hug starts to loosen.

"I love you."

This time, it's your body that tenses.

"What?"

"I love you." And for the first time in a long time, when Marc confesses his feelings, there are no tormenting memories behind him or ghosts from his past telling him, /You know what's going to happen./

Maybe this is a new memory. A good one, in some way.

"I've loved you since you broke my favorite mug." Marc tries to laugh; it's one of those times when you exhale loudly through your nose accompanied by a broken smile.

You remember it well. It was one of those times of "Look what you did." Never in a million years would you have imagined that your best friend would treasure that memory in his mind.

You finally lift your head; you want to confront him, but his lips are on yours before you can react.

Automatically, you close your eyes, savoring the taste of tequila and the mint of the stupid chewing gum he uses to calm his anxiety. Your fingers still in his curls, messing them up even more as he arches your back again with the force he uses to hold your waist in his arms.

"I love you," you mumble against his lips as best you can. It feels like lifting a thousand bricks off your back.

"It's too early," you complained against his chest. You could feel him scoff by the way your head moved. It made you laugh too. "Baby, it's already 12 PM," you could hear his smile as he spoke, and you hugged him closer to you. "No nightmares?" "Not at all. I dreamt about us having the cutest puppy ever," he said, marking three months without nightmares."I really have to get up." "What time is your appointment?" "It's in about three hours, so move," he laughed again as he finally pushed you out of his arms, making you complain one last time. "We should celebrate." There was no hint of joking in your voice, just a sincere smile as you watched him get up and search for his shirt somewhere on the floor. "One year in therapy is a big deal." "Do you think they make 'I'm glad you don't cry until you fall asleep anymore' cakes?" He pressed his lips together as he stared at you, trying not to laugh. "You are an idiot, you know that, right?" You were definitely going to bake that cake and decorate it with pink frosting while he wasn't at home. "Yes, I know." He leaned in a little, enough to rest his forehead against yours. "I love you." The words rolled off his tongue easily. It had been like that for a while now. "I love you," you whispered back, kissing his lips briefly. "Now move, or you're going to be late."

#marc spector #marc spector x you #marc spector x reader #Moon Knight #Moon System #moon boys #moon knight x reader #marvel #oscar isaac #oscar isaac x reader #oscar isaac x you #steven grant #steven grant x you #steven grant x reader #jake lockley #jake lockley x reader #moon system x reader #moon boys x reader

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 4 months

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Breaking down the comics: BEMIS. Part 1

READING THINGS SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!

Alright, I covered "Age of Khonshu" and honestly was so incensed that I had to make a post talking about it.

So let's get this other bread (and burn it).

A lot of new Moon Knight fans have heard the cry when asked what to read and where to get started. And true fans everywhere agree: DON'T READ BEMIS.

And there are long posts and screams and sobbing about why not to read it that come out to "It's so bad!"

But there are the curious out there. They want to know why it's bad. They want to know what happened. And...well...

It spans a few issues. I…I was foolish and thought “I can do this in one go! How long can this take? I don’t want to spend that much time on BEMIS.” ….I forgot that doing one of these usually takes me the better part of a day to cover ONE issue.

I’m going to break this up into Four (fuck you Tumblr) parts and cover both volumes instead of a post per issue. I don’t want Bemis to take up that much space so prepare for a few VERY LONG posts.

Let's ruin my month! (AKA: Watch me slowly descend into blind rage).

Marvel Legacy: Moon Knight. 2017. Issues 188-200.

Part 1: Crazy Runs in the Family. (Issues 188-193) Published: November 08, 2017

Written by: Max Bemis

Art by: Jacen Burrows

Editor: Jeff Youngquist

Let's start with:

WHO IS MAX BEMIS?

Oh my god he's in a band. He's the lead singer for the rock band "Say Anything".

My level of disappointment just doubled.

According to his bio: He was raised in a 'strong Jewish environment'. His grandparents survived the Holocaust. All this has inspired his music.

(I can't even begin to tell you how much actually looking up who he is has made me ten times angrier).

In 2013 he started to write comics. More importantly, he wrote for characters that suffered different mental health issues. ('Polarity' at Boom! Studios about a hero with bipolar disorder).

He then ended up at Marvel.

For his personal life: He has bipolar disorder and self medicates with drugs (Marijuana).

He also self identifies as "A Jew who is also a Christian", which he considers a "New age, metaphysical view" on religion.

Good. Great. Fantastic. Now I know who this man is and I hate him even more.

What's even funnier? Apparently his music fans ALSO hate him because he's "a sanctimonious hypocrite".

Seriously, there's a whole Reddit page on why he's a terrible person. I'm not going to site any sources because I can't fact check a lot of those claims and maybe they are false or maybe they are true. I'm not here to slander a life. I'm here to talk about Moon Knight.

I’ve procrastinated enough. Let’s go….

We open on "Ravencroft Asylum". Good start.

We see a Doctor Emmett talking to a patient in a locked cell that's stylized like a prison interrogation cell.

"You say remembering your youth is like looking through a layer of Jell-O. Were do things become lucid? When did you become yourself?"

(I already hate it).

"I learned who I was in the army, that much is clear." The patient responds.

"I get it. The army. The incident. Aside from the physical, what did you walk away with on the day you hurt them?" The doctor looks at the files.

And the patient is hesitant to speak on it, but he tells her that "In the army, I learned that there is a God."

He talks about how he saw God 'in his fire' and that non-believers, atheists, skeptics, and all that are wrong. How they can't understand how big God is.

(And now I remember when I first read this how uncomfortable this first issue made me.)

"They weren't very nice to me in the Army, but why would they be? I had to show them I was more devoted, more significant than they were."

I'm going to put a pause on this right here after just two pages. There are some Trigger Warnings that need to be discussed real quick.

I grew up in the deep south and I’ve legit heard talk like this in real life. It’s terrifying.

I knew a lot of 'born again' Christians who tried to 'save my soul'.

This comic is going to get VERY uncomfortable for anyone that has had to deal with religious trauma. Just putting it out there. Skip if you can't handle any sort of religious trauma like excessive God Talk, Cultish behavior, Come to Jesus moments, or severe Antisemitism.

On top of the religions issues, this comic is also going to have significant mental health mishandling. We’re talking about abuse from Doctor figures, use of improper terminology, abuse of the mentally ill, and severe discrimination.

OH and misogyny. Let’s not forget the misogyny.

This comic run also gets very…disgusting. I had many moments when reading this that legitimately turned my stomach. There is going to be depictions of self mutilation, gore, suicidal acts, and violence.

I AM GOING TO CENSOR THINGS. I will not blur images, but I will NOT be posting any of the comic pages that depict any of these violent, shock value, images. I’ll give a brief rundown of what’s going on and tell you that there is an image that I am going to skip. I’m telling you guys, these two runs were disgusting and curdled my stomach many times. Especially issue two.

So…Those are your only trigger warnings.

Let’s continue.

So now we see a narration by Dr. Emmett.

It is not going to paint a good light on Dr. Emmett.

She's in her office at night going over files.

"Sometimes, this job is guiltily fun... To be frank, patient 86 is @#%$ FASCINATING. He attributes his pyromania to a leap of faith. Conversely, I might argue that it was the fifth canteen full of force-fed urine that inspired him.

Sometimes I get him so fully that it's like I want to have a beer with the guy.

He wears self-delusion with so much dignity. I wish I had that level of resolve, that I could stop fixating on the...SPECTOR conundrum.

I'm just a failure of a doctor, left without a shell-shocked dissociative bipolar to shove away in a box.

In any other instance, I'd dial this one in. It's just that one nagging thing.

Lunatic joins the army. Said lunatic freaks out and ends up spiritually reborn in a near-death experience.

Sound like anyone you know?"

OH GOOD. GREAT. I just... Deep breath. Deep breath.

We’re going to play that angle. Woman psychiatrist/psychologist falls for her feminine desire to get with her patient. She can’t be expected to uphold her standards as a doctor or her doctor patient relationship. She has to dream for that exciting patient. She plays it off as wanting the award winning famous patient that makes her career into something amazing but because she’s a woman she has to play the dreamy sighing “Oh look how amazing he is!” role. And of course she’s after Marc. She can’t have Marc, so she finds this other patient that has a similar start of PTSD military based trauma and she’s going to fail to help him because she wants him to be like the other guy.

Not to mention she's using outdated terms like "Shell Shocked".

A term coined in WWI when for the first time, the world witnessed large groups of men coming back from war after encountering new aged weapons never dealt with or seen before.

Then she calls him Bipolar and links it to his Dissociative disorder.

I don't have a degree in psychology, but I do have a special interest. From what I've seen in the OG early comics by Moench, Marc Spector is not Bipolar. He does not exhibit episodes of mania followed by deep periods of depression. I'd go further into it, but trust me... He has a LOT of issues, but Bipolar was not one of them to start with.

In fact, after Schizophrenia, Bipolar was one of the most commonly misdiagnosed mental illnesses. A lot of people with DID were misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder because of the way the symptoms presented in many cases. You didn't have another person in your brain, you were just exhibiting mania and now you're depressed.

ANOTHER THING to take issue with!

This comic is coming DIRECTLY on the heels of Lemire's run. In that run, it was the first time we dealt with Marc's official time in the army and his dissociative states.

We saw Marc wandering through the desert, dissociating and dealing with Khonshu issues.

The off handed tick about "Lunatic joins the army. Said lunatic freaks out and ends up spiritually reborn in a near-death experience."

1. The army did not lead to a Near-Death experience for Marc Spector. He joined the Mercenaries and was killed when his conscious got the better of him and his leader shot him for trying to save someone.

2. A doctor of psychology should NOT be using terms like 'Lunatic'.

3. Marc didn't 'FREAK OUT'. He had several dissociative episodes that ended up with him being discharged.

4. Marc was NOT 'spiritually reborn'. Depending on who is writing and how Khonshu himself is being depicted... An ancient god revived him as his avatar. This is not converting him in any sense of the word. Marc Spector may have issues with his Jewish beliefs and upbringing, but he is still very Jewish. He was NOT 'spiritually reborn'. He was brought back to life to act as Avatar and Marc took this to being Moon Knight, vengeance, paying for the pain he caused, and trying to be a better person. To be a different person. To be anyone except Marc Spector. Jake and Steven took this to just mean that they wanted to help people.

So... Yeah... Now we move on to the title page.

This is going well. We can already tell that Bemis either just didn’t read the Lemire run and got the cliff notes, or he just didn’t care and only took away bits without understanding the actual story it had to tell.

ON THE TITLE PAGE. Ohhhhh man you guys. ON THE TITLE PAGE.

Every title page has a little blurb explaining who the character is and what's been going on in previously connected issues. This way, people can pick it up and just go without having to dig through old comics. It's also a good reminder for people like me, who have shit memories and have forgotten what's going on after having to wait a whole month for the new issue.

I honestly have no idea who writes these blurbs. Sometimes you'll get the same blurb that lass for YEARS. (see Bendis run and how that carried over for runs and runs).

"Marc Spector. Steven Grant. Jake Lockley. Each a distinct personality of one man vying for control. Spector, the original personality, has asserted his dominance and fights to retain that control. But years ago, as a mercenary, Spector died in Egypt under a statue of the Moon God Khonshu. In the shadow of the ancient deity, Marc returned to life. From then on, Marc took on a new aspect in honor of Khonshu, dedicating his second life to fighting crime as....

MOON KNIGHT".

I want to fight someone. I don’t know who. But I want to fight someone. Whoever wrote this… This is what Marvel took away from the Lemire run. His beautiful run that for the first time, really dealt with Moon Knight’s mental health struggles. That said “They have dissociative Identity Disorder. They are a system. They have learned how to work together. They have found peace in who they are.” And whoever wrote this blurb went “Nawh, but Marc is the dominant and original personality and he’s in charge now!”

Editor in Chief: Axel Alonso

Chief Creative Officer: Joe Quesada.

Ah... These guys. These guys are to blame. We meet again Quesada...

Alright. We now see Dr. Emmett at some party (birthday party? They're all wearing party hats but they're clearly eating dinner and one guy is wearing a kippah and someone else is wearing a top hat and one guy is wearing no hat. I... I don't even know. This is all a disaster at this point.)

The group is laughing about things and Dr. Emmett is day dreaming about Marc Spector.

"Marc, my former patient. And this new one, patient 86. Traumatic experiences in the middle east. The similarity is brazen. Was there something in Marc's experience that patient 86 could..."

Her thoughts are interrupted as one of her colleagues takes a jab at her. "Still stuck on the hooded leotard guy?"

She snaps to defense and they tell her to let it go. That she can do better than 'that loser'.

Back at home, she's angry. Moon Knight is not a loser in a leotard.

And we see her shrine. Yeah... This is healthy.

Oh good. Back at work she's dealing with patient 86. She's attempting to explain how his brain works to him.

Get ready for some grade A psychology here people.

She explains that on one side of his brain is chemistry and the other is "Personality. Socially ingrained behavior. I want you to see the distinction."

He asks her that the fact that he's murdered people should label him as insane.

She disagrees. "I'm not sure the fact that you're a murderer proves anything about your nature."

Hmm.

She goes on to explain that "So many have been clinically impared by their unique brain chemistry. They needed help. We failed them. Imagine hearing audible voices that told you to eat a person. These people needed treatment."

And she points to cases like Sam, Gein, and Fish.

Yeah... Because Gein needed treatment. I'm just gonna... Just gonna.... ARGH.

"You developed bipolar disorder during your early adulthood. Moods fluctuating from mania to depression to utterly convincing delusion. Compounded by the traumatic childhood on the street, in state homes, and juvie that you barely recall. None of these things were your fault. Nor what happened in the desert."

Okay, they're just throwing out things at this point. They're just going to start listing off the sterotypical bad childhood leads to a bad kid and trauma things.

She then goes on to tell him that she understands what he did. That it was not his fault, that he was looking for something to control and fire was his answer. Not to mention God. "None of these symbols are inherently harmful. I've seen the power of symbolism redeem one of my patients who was literally split apart by trauma."

oh no. no no no no...That's not how... ARGH.

"Imagine what it could do for someone who was ready to receive help. Bipolar disorder, when tempered, can produce intense inspiration and creativity. I want to help you."

And she adds "Kurt Cobain" to the list.

I'm just going to... To sit here... quietly raging.

Alright, so now we see Dr. Emmett walking through the Egyptian exhibit at the museum.

"If Egyptian Mythology worked for Spector...It could work for my mysteriously nameness patient."

HOW IS HE NAMELESS?! HE WAS IN THE ARMY. They KNOW where he was stationed, they know what unit he was in, they know the trauma he faced and bullying, and they know the group of people he killed! OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO KNOW WHO HE IS.

"As I stand in front of the statue of Khonshu, Marc's main squeeze, I have a very important realization--Marc Spector may be legally insane... But he was never crazy at all.

Is every priest who hears the voice of their lord crazy? Every shaman? The damn writers of the constitution, invoking god on every page?

Marc manifested the meaning of this icon. His dissociative identity disorder simply brought it more vividly to life.

He needed an emblem of his inner bedlam and his innate need to protect victims. And the god of these qualities--Khonshu--came to him literally."

THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. He didn't get DID out in the desert. He's had it since he was a very young boy! He didn't go to Khonshu to try to make sense of it! His DID didn't 'bring it to light'. It didn't make him hear the voice of god!

So she decides to pick out a god for her patient.

Cause that's healthy.

She considers Osiris, Horus, ....Imhotep...

But of course she stops at Ra.

You know what's really getting to me right now? This so called Ivy league doctor that clearly has no idea what she's doing, has zero ability to draw the line at doctor patient relationship, her obsessive tendencies, and pushing her obsession onto another patient.

Furthermore, when you look at Patient 86, you do see a man that recognizes that he did something wrong. That he needs help and is in a place to try to understand how his own brain is working. We see him clinging to her words and trying to understand where she's going with her treatment.

She explains that Khonshu is Ra's son.

"I explain my understanding of the two gods' dynamic to 86. Some of it comes from established myth, some from Freudian interpretation."

FREUDIAN. THEY ARE GOING FREUDIAN. This is a no Freud zone.

"Amon Ra represented the burning, blazing emblem of masculine virility that is the sun. In many cultures, the sun stands for the sovereignty of masculinity --logic and raw power. But in the New Kingdom of Egyptian lore it was his Adopted son Khonshu who was described as "Greatest God of the Great Gods."

(Nope. There was a brief Khonshu cult where they briefly played at worshiping the Moon instead of the sun. This was later put down and Ra resurged as the leading deity again. And it certainly wasn't the 'New Kingdom' path to look at him as the greatest of the great).

"Khonsu of the moon, a universal symbol for the redemptive power of insubordination--femininity and sensitivity. The Ras of this world resent becoming passe. It makes them angry. And they burn harder to spite their own impotence. Established society can't accept change. Can't accept that the old ways don't work anymore."

Oh good. Misogynistic teachings. Just what he needs.

"Something happened to you when you were young, dropped you into a sea of lost children. I believe what you're hiding from yourself was most likely some form of abuse."

She asks him to try to remember and he does remember abuse from the people in the army but also as a child being abused.

Now we have the utmost breach of doctor patient confidentiality.

"Finally, I reveal the tale of Marc Spector to 86. How a confused mentally unstable boy drew on the figurative power of the Moon to justify his nature.

Marc's transformation into the hero called Moon Knight...A role model for the bewildered.

I pass along all my endless research and documentation of his life since he was under my care, as well as several well-regarded books considering Egyptian mythology."

AHHHHHHHHHH.

"And madly enough, patient 86 gets it. It clicks in him. He sees how Spector, like him, was not just insane, but was truly immersed in a living myth. It was never the moon's fault that it shone so brightly."

Now we see Dr. Emmett having a nightmare.

She sits in a large empty and white office when she's suddenly attacked by mummies.

Moon Knight shows up to save her and rips apart the mummies.

But wait, it's not Moon Knight!

JESUS. I don't know why that reminded me. But this patient is purposefully drawn to resemble the white Christian version of Jesus. So that’s another contention I have with this comic.

I’m also 90% certain that that cat wasn’t white a few pages ago…

Alright, back at the asylum, we see a changed patient. He's more confident. More thoughtful.

She tells him he needs to be present and not dissociating into the void. She wants to continue his 'traditional therapy' as well as his "...studies."

He tells her that he knows who he is now.

She tells him that even if "the allegory of Khonshu brings you resolve, you still need medicine. You still need therapy."

"So, it's just a story now? I suppose Ra never let his wrath rain down on his errant son? That everything you taught me was an illusion?"

Suddenly she's back peddling. Saying she didn't teach him that. It's not what she was trying to get him to understand.

He asks her to leave. He has things to think about.

I mean, honestly what did she think was going to happen?

She has a patient that believes that he has been touched by the divine and has become godly. So she has given him a god that is involved in FIRE, the thing he is associating with god. She's basically given him a path to his own displacement!!

She FINALLY realizes that she can just go to the military hospital to try to figure out who he really is.

At the military medical facility, she talks to another doctor.

"I don't say this a lot about multiple murderers, but... If you're asking what I thought of the man, I'd have to admit he brought nothing but warmth to this place."

And that's the thing. He's a quiet and pleasant man. Introspective and not really possessing his own unique personality. He accepts what is put on him. A sort of trauma processing and self defense.

The doctor then explains that patient 86 signed up for the army under a forged alias. Okay. So that explains why they don't know who he is... But they could call him by that name instead of just 86.

While she's there, another patient runs up, having overhead who they were talking about.

He screams about how he was there and he saw what happened.

"We all know the truth. It was impossible. They had him tied up. Naked. How could he have possibly started that fire? No matches, no lighter. I know what he--"

The orderlies show up and of course pull him away.

At the same time she gets an emergency message from her own asylum telling her to get back there right away.

She gets back to find 's room covered in blood.

Her response?

"How could this be? Was it all for nothing? As a doctor, I believed I could make a difference. But again, I am just at the whim of the raw, elemental power of insanity."

NO. You most certainly are not at the whim of the power of insanity! THIS IS YOUR JOB. Your job is to help people who have mental health issues! Being a doctor in a mental health institution is HARD. You have the lives of people at their most vulnerable in your hands!

So what happened?

Another nurse tells Dr. Emmett: "We found him like this and immediately restrained him. So nobody else besides Nurse Hayworth could be hurt. ALso... There was no other way to retrieve her nose."

Cool. We're going Hannibal Lecter now? For dramatics? For shock value?

I'm not going to show you the comic picture here. I hate it. It hurts to look at. It's disgusting. It's clearly done for shock value.

But we see wrapped up in a restraint jacket with blood all over his face. Behind him he's drawn RANDOM vaguely Egyptian hieroglyphs in blood.

She asks him why he did it.

"When I revealed myself to her... She didn't believe me."

Dr. Emmett is confused. She thought he was a kind and compassionate man who had a terrible upbringing and didn't know who he was.

He tells her that she should know who he is since she taught it to him.

"Khonshu." She answers. Because she's an idiot.

"Khonshu is nothing next to me."

He bursts into flames, igniting the whole room.

"I wanted to speak to you before I go, but...I'll have to take leave of you now, Dr. E. Whatever made me the way I am is irrelevant. You brought me purpose. You showed me that I am--and always have been--A God."

"Dear Lord. Amon Ra."

He tells her that Khonshu is going to bow to him even if he has to crack his spine and so on and so on....

He leaves the hospital, leaving the doctor to die in the flames.

We see flashes of his past where he set fire to his abusers as a kid and again in the army. Fire caused by his own mind.

"He was always meant to become this. And now I know what trauma robbed him of his memories. Sometimes the sun gives birth to a bright brilliant Moon, changing us for the better. But sometimes it consumes us... And we burn, it becomes all we can see."

We cut to a shot of the hospital being on fire and emergency services there.

Look! They found a survivor in the flames! The commentary between the paramedics is disgusting. And the casual way they move to treat the survivor is also just disgusting.

We get to see the survivor and it's Dr. Emmett. Completely burned up but still alive. Again... shock value and I'm not going to show you the image here. But it's bad.

She is laughing and yelling about how she believes.

We see 86 walking away from the hospital down the road, happy, and also naked. I honestly don’t know why this became a thing in comics with naked guys all over the place. It’s obviously used as a way to elicit some sort of reaction from the reader. One of disgust, something to laugh at, or just “Oh no! The man is naked now!” I hate it.

Then we get a few pages from Khonshu. A recap on Marc's story.

It's not told right. But I will forgive it because it's told from Khonshu's point of view, and that asshole probably sees it this way. So... I suppose I'll turn a blind eye to how wrong the story is here.

You would see it as Marc begging, wouldn't you, you stupid pigeon.

"He became...A hero. He used my powers to fight crime. To find redemption. It only cost him his mind. You see, the criminals aren't the only thing Marc Spector fights. He also fights...

"The voices in his head. Marc Suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder."

I've said it before. It stopped being called Multiple Personality Disorder YEARS ago. This is lazy writing with no research. And coming off of Lemire's run, this is just insulting.

Also calling it 'voices in his head' is just outright pitiful.

"But given time, he has managed to make peace with those voices. Including mine. No, together, we are... MOON KNIGHT."

And that's the end of the issue.

We get an afterward from the author.

It angers me beyond words.

"Writing Moon Knight (not "a book like Moon Knight" or "Writing such a huge project for Marvel"...Writing Moon Knight) is a dream come true. I couldn't pick a better place in the Marvel U to inject my passion into, and it is the pinnacle of everything I've worked towards as a writer.

Anyone who treats a superhero comic as an easy paycheck needs to check themselves and realize why they're our most prevalent modern myths. Thank YOU (and my fam at Marvel) for letting me write this, supporting my previous work, and allowing me to make comics with someone as esteemed and talented as Jacen.

I only ask that if you enjoyed this somewhat bizarre issue, keep reading this book. I want to enjoy it with you. Maybe we can claw away at something horrible together.

It will not, however, be pretty.

-Thanks,

Max Bemis."

We also get an afterword by the artist, Jacen Burrows that notes that they are following in the wake of legends like Smallwood and Lemire as well as Ellis and Shalvey who worked hard to re-awaken Moon Knight after it's cancellation (see Bendis). They note that they are working to tell a new and defining chapter in his character and a thought-provoking, intense, and scary note in Marc Spector's life.

I'm going to go punch a wall now.

NEXT ISSUE! #189!

Here we go… issue two… Let’s get this…moldy… bread.

We open on... NYC Subway. We see a happy dude driving the subway car. As the car rolls into the station, a large man steps into the cab with him.

"Happy to have made it to Friday? The stench of your jubilance is offensive. But you're right to rejoice. Today you learn the truth."

He touches the driver's shoulder and slowly a blue beam over takes him and his eyes turn blood red and start to bleed. ...I'm not posting a picture.

"Tell me what you've learned by knowing me. I'm living in you now."

The driver starts to stammer and talk. "H...H..Humanity is perverse. Genocide is the comeuppance we deserve. There is no creator. Undebatable. Love is a contrivance. Undebatable. The white house is the death star. Twitter is a virus. And when the nukes raze everything we know...Only a fool would claim it wasn't our destiny."

Yeah... The large man calls himself "THE TRUTH" and has the ability to send these visions into the people he touches. It makes the driver hate everything and he starts up the car again, out to spread the truth.

We are back to Khonshu narrating.

"My name is Khonshu. Moon God of Egypt. I'm here to tell you a story about a mad vigilante named Marc Spector. Our tale finds us here, on a standard night for Marc, who, when dressed in all white and donning a cape, refers to himself as Moon Knight.

Marc has spent ten minutes decorating this bar with the blood of these drug dealers and slavers. The cacophony of snapping collarbones and pit-pattering plasma is like whale songs to him.

As the thud of a man being literally punted across the room sounds, Marc Spector is grateful for his life.

For the privilege of serving me. Khonshu, protector of travelers in the night.

You see, Marc Spector is crazy. But in the context of my blessing, he is, well...A 'Super Hero'."

I overlooked it before, considering it comes from Khonshu's narrative and Khonshu WOULD see things differently.... But I can't. I can't even attribute this to Khonshu. This is just tripe bullshit.

We're going to start fast forwarding here because... It just keeps going on like this. The old bird just doesn't shut up. He carries on for three pages and there is a LOT of text there.

We see Moon Knight beating up a bunch of guys to a bloody mess. Then we move down to see a bandaged up Marc heading up to his VERY run down, grungy, apartment building. He waves hello to some old lady behind the glass that runs the place.

He tells her he'll have the rent for her in the morning.

Khonshu again calls Marc having just recovered from a 'personal crisis' and taking his problems more seriously, like his struggle with 'multiple personality disorder'.

Khonshu boasts about how hard it is to live with a demigod in your head and that Marc has learned to 'live with his lunacy and wield it like a weapon'.

We see Marc ironing his Moon Knight outfit while watching TV.

Khonshu AGAIN talks about how Marc has learned to use his three distinct identities and that therapy has let him come a long way. About how Marc came to him begging to have his life saved and now Marc is his 'earthly champion'.

"Or perhaps he was a space cadet whose psychosis was triggered by being shot up and dried out in the baking middle east sun. Your call."

THIS IS WHAT YOU GOT FROM LEMIRE?! THIS?! How...How... HOW.

We now see Marc passed out in bed.

"Marc is ready to become someone else."

Yeah so… We got him ‘becoming’ Steven. Who talks to Khonshu. Sure. Fine. Whatever. Khonshu calls him Narcissistic and decadent.

FIRST OF ALL. Oh. You did NOT just come for Steven Grant. Oh we are going to have words now.

Steven Grant is a beautiful wonderful man who has dreams of charity, peace, and living the perfect life that he was EXPECTED to live as a child under his father’s role. He’s the ideal son he was supposed to be, but he keeps his eyes on what’s right and what’s wrong and has STRONG moral opinions. He takes care of the body because he HAS TO. Marc isn’t going to do it. If it wasn’t for Steven, they’d turn into a walking festering infection with broken bones and starve to death! Steven keeps them alive and HEALTHY. He is the epitome of the one that gives because he believes in living a good life as a good person.

Oh. Now you're gonna come for my boy Jake?! YEAH. YOU BETTER AVOID DISCUSSING HIM FOR NOW. I’LL BITE ANYONE THAT COMES FOR JAKE. (spoilers: I know exactly what he does with Jake later and I am furious).

Alright. Back to Patient 86, or RA as he's going to be called later for a bit.

We see him in a homeless shelter getting soup. He talks to various homeless people, prostitutes and druggies in an effort to locate someone. There are heavy implications in some of these images that he 'did things' to get the information he wanted. I’m not going to post them because of the nature of the way these people are being depicted.

Back with Khonshu and Steven. He's at some business meeting. He's made them a lot of money. Everyone is happy and celebrating. Apparently Steven goes to struggling companies and makes them VERY wealthy.

He's decided to donate his portion of the new wealth towards his "Lunar Lives" charity fund that feeds the displaced youth of New York.

Steven shrugs saying that money is boring and he finds it fun to toss it to places where it doesn't belong.

Sure, we'll go with that version of Steven Grant being a kind and charitable man.

The party is interrupted by news reports that a subway conductor committed suicide by crashing the car. The survivors of the crash are now apparently acting strange, "self mutilating" and acting violent towards the aid workers trying to help the scene.

Steven slips away from the party.

Moon Knight time.

But first, we go back to RA.

He's found the person he's looking for. He's guarded by thugs. After a little encounter, Ra sets fire to one of the thugs and heads up to meet the man.

Back at the subway crash, we see chaos as rescue workers try to put out the fire, help the injured, and deal with the ones that are suddenly acting violently.

And Khonshu is still going. It's an interesting choice. I'll give them that. Having Khonshu narrate instead of hearing at ALL from the Moon Knight system. I suppose it gives them bigger leeway when it comes to the unreliable narrator because Khonshu WOULD see things differently. An excuse to not depict Marc and the others correctly?

....But it still does swing widely and miss far too often.

"Quite familiar with all the things that make men weep and soil themselves, Marc Spector felt at home in these derelict tunnels."

We see Moon Knight walk past the crash and into the train tunnels.

"After too much time confined in a white room, the odor of dead rat fart and fungal growth actually calmed his busy brain. He was in his element-The inspector holmes of king fu madmen."

See, this is where it falls flat. If Steven is dealing with the business aspect, Marc isn't going to care about that room.

And again we get ANOTHER jab at Marc being 'insane' and liking the disgusting things and being more at home in dank and terrible places.

Perhaps Marc is more at home in sewers (there was a sewer man) than Steven or Jake... But it has nothing to do with his mental state. It's because, as Moon Knight, he isn't above things like that. He's not the perfect clean hero that Captain America or Iron man is. He's the man of the people that puts himself down there in the lowest parts because it's where he's needed.

Moon Knight rightly is able to look at the scene of chaos at the crash site and deduct that it's a psionic attack.

"Historically, he had found telepaths to generally be meek characters using their sway over the mind as compensation for physical frailty. Like sexually feeble men with muscle cars."

Unnecessary jab.

Now, as much as I dislike this art style, it's a choice and there is SOME merit to it. Look, here's a nice page.

Here’s a badly cropped version. I like the way they drew Moon Knight in the first two panels with the play of the light and shadows. That big angry dude down there is the Truth guy. And I cropped it there because under him is a bunch of guys he’s shown the truth to who are writhing on the ground, bleeding from the eyes and shouting terrible things.

Moon Knight goes in swinging and lands a few blows, trying to know him out to release the affected people from his psychic attacks.

The guy is pretty big and he takes the hits easily.

He manages to grab Moon Knight by the neck and starts to use his abilities on him.

So what truth does Marc see?

"I'm a mad circus clown... This is all for myself. There is no Moon God. Just another...Sick... Delusion..."

I...honestly can see Marc having that issue. It's an issue he's had before where he thinks this is all his own way to keep being violent and that Khonshu is just a product of his need to justify what he does.

Marc snaps himself out of the psychic attack by punching himself in the face.

And I forgot that Bemis has decided that Marc Spector is a masochist and he loves it.

Literally, it has Moon Knight yelling "Ghhh. I #@$% Love it!"

He attacks the Truth again, slicing him up with his crescent darts and landing blows.

The Truth remains standing.

Moon Knight decides to look inward for help.

"Not having a lot of luck here, Fellas. Khonshu's more of a talker and this guy's power set is the real deal. Grant's useless...Doubt the Truth is looking for stock tips."

(I forgot that Bemis considers Khonshu to be his own version of an Alter without being an alter? That he just lives in their head.)

UGH. Yep. Here we go. This is what he's done to Jake.

"I'm gonna need..." And Moon Knight lets out a scream of rage as Marc steps out and tells Jake to "Do your worst."

Apparently... Bemis has decided that Jake is the wild card, violent, unpredictable, and brutal. Worse than Marc for some reason. That Jake is the powerhouse of hits...

I honestly has no idea why he went this route when MARC of all people has always been the one to be the guy that doesn't go down and always hits back. It just makes no sense.

What even.

Jake comes right at the Truth, spits a tooth in his face, then challenges him.

"You want to step into Jake Lockley's mind, you gigantic freak? I @#$% Dare you.

You met Marc. Marc's disturbed as hell. Now imagine that he took all the worst parts of himself and let them fuse into a living person. Now go ahead and taste MY truth, you leech."

I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS.

DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. It’s not making people out of things! You don’t go “Well I hate that I burn all the cakes so I’m going to make this person my cake burning person!” ALSO Marc isn’t that bad either! Marc did terrible things, but Marc is also the hardest on himself! Marc could burn a cake and then use it as proof that he’s the worst person in the world! And Jake ISN’T a bad person! Jake is a good kind loving man with friends and a good heart and I’M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.

And the whole time, you see ghostly Marc off to the side looking less than pleased at the situation and reminding Jake that "You're not allowed to kill him, Jake."

And the Truth pulls away in pain.

"Dear God. The things...The things you've done."

WHAT?! WHAT DID JAKE DO?! DRINK HOT COFFEE AND BURN HIS TONGUE?! DID HE PLAY BALL WITH ONE OF THE LOCAL KIDS AND MISS THE HOOP!? DID HE DOUBLE PARK HIS CAB!?

Truth is still reeling. "He has no idea...Does he? You blind him to your foul actions! I'll tell him, you fool! I'll tell him about..."

and Jake cuts Truth off by shoving two crescent darts into his eyes. Yeah...they got an eye thing in this run. I'm not a fan.

Jake gives the body back to Marc, who instantly wants to know what Truth was talking about.

He chastises Jake for his actions and tells him that he's going to get a talking to about this later.

And Marc makes a bad pun about "The Truth Hurts" over the unconscious Truth.

Khonshu and Steven shake their heads at him and Marc claims to be the funny man.

whoopy doo.

With the Truth gone, the afflicted people seem to be recovering now.

Back at RA's part of the story, he finally makes it upstairs to to see the guy he's been looking for.

Oh. Oh no. I forgot about this. I totally wiped it from my mind.

We see someone sitting at a chair. Ra tells him that he's been put here to destroy Khonshu.......

"As a manifestation of his father, Ra, I am offended that he continues to breathe and spread his gospel of dissent through a foul Avatar. A HEBREW, no less. I want your help to end Marc Spector."

I'm... I'm going to take a minute here.

I want to make a few things Very...VERY clear.

I don't care who the fuck is writing this, how they were raised, or where they stand with things now.

This is not okay. Not in a comic book, not in real life, and not in any sense of the word.

We have a figure who is CLEARLY styled to look like a Jesus figure that believes he is the Egyptian god Ra. We have him out to destroy Moon Knight because 1. He works with Khonshu and 2. He is a 'Hebrew'.

This is just disgusting.

And to put it in a comic. Where people of all ages read it and think that it's okay.

Maybe you had some teen or young adult that was identifying with the bad guy. It happens. They see a bad guy that came from a bad situation and they root for them or fantasize what it would be like to burn things like they do. And they start spitting hate like this. Violence towards Jewish people. You are giving them permission to hate a people too. To blame them. To look at them as inferior.

Or maybe you have a young naive kid that has never heard talk like this before and suddenly "Hebrew" becomes a slanderous hateful word. Congrats. You've just turned that kid into always associating that word with bad and disgusting things. It's only a step away from becoming antisemitic in their life.

I just... I can't. I can't even begin to tell you how much this is painful to see. To see Marvel allow this as a company. A company founded on Jewish people. To see Moon Knight as a comic, based around a Jewish system that was originally designed to be about dealing with trauma and hate and pain and finding a way to get better and continue to find the light in the dark.

Anyways... Back to the comic...

The man behind the chair is eager to take down Marc Spector, but he knows it takes more than a man. So Ra sets the place on fire to show off his skills.

The man stands up, impressed.

Oh look... It's Bushman.

A very poorly drawn Bushman that BARELY makes it past the caricature of an old racist cartoon black man. And it only gets worse from there. And as much as Bushman is the bad guy and used to (USED TO) be Marc's biggest enemy... This version of him only goes downhill from here. And we've moved on from antisemitism to racism.

fun times for all....

Oh good. This issue is done.

Can you tell I’m regretting this decision yet?

You know what? I’ve got a question for you to think about! We can all get mad at Bemis. We can point at his horrible story and all the terrible things he wrote about (and boy howdy are there more and they get worse as we go on)... But what about the art?

As MacKay said “Art can make or break a comic”. You can have the most beautiful story in the world and then have it drawn like shit. So who decided to make everything gory and bloody and shocking? Who decided to make Bushman into…THAT? Did Bemis say “I want you to make him look like this” and then pull up a 1940s comic? Or did Burrows make this call all on his own? Are there really two people to blame for these comics? Can we be angry at the artist too?

I’m already pretty pissed at the editors that let this happen… But who drew this?

Jacen Burrows started working with Warren Ellis in 2000. Ah... That explains some of the gore.

Also illustrated adaptations of Alan Moore. Yup. That explains the gore. Those two have very specific styles that usually translate into a lot of gore.

Oh yup. He's also worked a lot with Garth Ennis.

So we've got three of the four most graphic big name comic writers there. This explains a lot.

I don't have much on his personal life, or things that would show WHY he drew things this way... Perhaps it was direction or perhaps it was choice. Looking at some of his other works, they don't all look like this. So who knows?

NEXT ISSUE! #190!

I don’t want this bread. Send it back. I want different bread.

You know what? Why even bring Bushman into this?

This is a move designed to pull the old fans back in and to elicite "OH MAN" emotions from people. And it is not done well.

Bushman started as the big bad. He was the one that worked with Marc as a mercinary and the one that killed him. He's shown up a few times over the years, putting fear into Marc as Bushman threatened his friends. Then Marc killed him (and cut off his face).

So why bring him back? He's done. Marc has burried this particular thing of the past. He's a memory of a ruthless and brutal time.

And what they do with him here is just... They mock him. They make that memory into something grose and shameful.

You'll see in a bit.

So the next issue opens on some look backs at Moon Knight through the ages. We've seen this before. Other one shots and annuals have touched on the other Knights of Khonshu.

This time we see it through Ra's eyes.

"And so it has been since the days the gods themselves walked the earth. Ra and Khonshu, vengeful father and errant son. Warring for the very soul of the world, reborn again and again through earthly avatars. And in every instance....Ra is humbled. Shamed."

....Did Bemis even do mythological research? Is he just going based on "Ah yes, the sun and the moon!"

I'm no Egypt mythology expert, but I can tell you this... Khonshu (or Khonsu as it's really supposed to be spelled) is the son of Amun and Mut. Amun and Ra used to be two different gods but eventually merged into Amun-Ra when two big cities rose to power. He was then attributed with being the king of all.

Khonsu is often depicted as a child! He's drawn with a side-ponytail, which is the "sidelock of youth" and depicts youth in ancient art.

At first Khonsu was incredibly violent. He absorbed other gods' powers by eating their organs. Eventually, he was changed to a mellow god of Time, Measurement, and prosperity.

As I mentioned before, there was a brief period when a popular city worshiped Khonsu as the superior god, but it didn't last and Ra was put back in power when that city fell.

So Bemis clearly didn’t do any research into how the story originally goes. I’m not surprised.

He babbles almost incoherently about Karma and balance and how Khonshu always wins because the Sun God failed to find a proper Avatar.

He says Ra is here to break the cycle and bring order back to mankind. Because mankind needs discipline and order.

"I'm not like those who came before me. I'm not like you, victims of Khonshu's pride. I was born with the flame within me."

So apparently this is a big speech to some henchmen. Or just a bunch of guys looking to get revenge on Moon Knight? Unclear.

Ra's speech done, who is now known as the Sun King, Bushman gives his own speech.

He admits that he now lives his life dealing crack and isn't at his best.

"Marc Spector...Scares the crap out of me, simply put, I don't want to die again. I wouldn't come near Moon Knight with a ten-foot pole at this point, but with Sun King's determination and power?"

He tells them that with Sun King's fire, they can take down Moon Knight.

Sure.

Back to Mr. Spector himself... We see him meditating and holding a little talk with Jake.

Still we get Khonshu's narration:

"The inside of Marc Spector's head is a picturesque, violent landscape touched by Egyptian mythology, Judaic folklore and Fragments of his past."

I have so much I want to argue about with this that I don't even know where to start.

So we see an abstract headscape here. Marc has Jake in a boxing ring and is beating the crap out of him.

He's angry at Jake for keeping things from him and he wants answers.

And here we get a childish depiction of their argument that holds no research and insulting implications.

It's supposed to be funny. It has a certain charm to it that a much much younger me might have found agreeable, but older me has learned a lot and it just makes me tired. And upset at the character assassination that has been happening to my good buddy Jake.

I'm also upset at the implication that Jake is just 'a piece of Marc'. The parts Marc didn't want.

So they continue to fight while Khonshu and Steven watch. Steven is upset at their fighting and tries to get them to stop.

Jake takes a bad blow. "Look, Steven is the wealthy benefactor. Khonshu is our connection to the bigger picture. You're the voice of reason. And I deal in the grimy leftovers. You BUILT us this way."

I hate it. Marc didn't BUILD them. He didn't sit down one day and decide to make other people to hold things! It also depicts Khonshu as being an altar.

While I've often toyed with that idea, it's always been clear from day one that Khonshu is NOT another aspect in their head. There IS a good chance that they have someone that has been formed as a fictive or even a persecutor in the form of Khonshu... But that's an argument for another day. For the sake of this review, Khonshu himself has always been an outside force!

ALSO. Marc. Marc Spector. The voice of reason?! How do you get a character SO WRONG that you are writing a whole comic book for? When has Marc Spector EVER been the voice of reason?

Jake puts Marc in a sleeper hold and threatens to "put you to sleep" if Marc doesn't chill out.

"It's not your fault that your mind ended up like this. All we can do is embrace the crazy and let you move on with your life. Which means you need to trust me, Marc. Capiche?"

I have always been a huge fan of the implication that because of their unique mental health issues, DID, and dealings with Khonshu, along with repeated trauma and death, that the Moon Knight system has the ability to surpass expectation and use these things as secret weapons. The number of times people have attacked them mentally and just been destroyed is amazing. I love it.

THIS. This I hate. "Embrace the crazy". This is clearly the message Bemis got from Lemire's run. That they went through all that so that they could be crazier and use it as a wild card. NO. Just no.

Anyways, Marc and Jake make up and relax while Steven hugs Khonshu in the background in celebration.

We now to go the Sun King, who is knocking on a door to a fancy looking house.

And who answers the door? Marlene Alraune.

For those that don't know, Some time after Moench left Moon Knight, Marlene also left them. When Moon Knight picked up again for the Houston run, Marlene came back, but it was a rocky relationship. She left them again, saying she couldn't be with them for her own health.

Sun King poses as a charity drive door to door person and while Marlene is getting her check book, he notices a picture on the wall. He freaks out and calls in Bushman.

Marlene is famliar with Raoul Bushman. He's the man that killed her father, after all. The one that killed Marc and started it all.

Bushman notices the picture and taunts Marlene.

He calls her a damsel-in-distress. This has never been the case. Marlene has NEVER been a damsel-in-distress. As much as I harp on her from the old days, that girl could take care of herself! Half the time she was the one rescuing Moon Knight!

So to see her passive and not knowing how to fight or take care of herself? No.

We head back to Moon Knight, who is fighting a bunch of "disabled gentlemen", most of which are missing arms and legs and the such. It's implied they work for Bushman and Moon Knight is to blame for their missing pieces. hmm.

While fighting, he gets a phone call. In typical "My ex" fashion, the caller ID says "Do NOT pick up, Psychopath! Let it go!"

Hm.

He answers. Khonshu is not pleased by this but Marc can't help but answer. It says that Marc is still obsessed with her.

He's super happy to hear from her.

Marlene tells him that she's missed him and wants him back in her life.

She attempts to warn him, telling him that maybe it's best if he didn't come over, but Sun King is there and puts the squeeze on her.

Marc is far too eager to go meet up.

I'M GOING TO PUT A PAUSE ON THIS FOR A SECOND.

This is something that has bothered me for AGES and this is the run that started it. (Bemis. Always blame Bemis. But there is also another writer that messed it up too. I'll get to that MUCH later.)

Moench originally wrote that Marlene was in love with Steven.

Jake was incredibly indifferent to Marlene. ANy time they interacted, he treated her as a friend, but was more interested in headint to Gena's. Jake was not into the fancy rich life and how she wanted to live.

Marlene hated Marc Spector. Marc was violent, had a dark past, and was involved in her father's death, her brother's death, and various other tragedies.

If Marlene was going to do anything, it would NOT be Marc. OR JAKE. It would be Steven. In the whole Moench run, she always insisted in calling them Steven. She wanted them to just be Steven and give up the other lives.

BACK TO THE COMIC.

We see a flashback of Marc and Marlene on a raft.

"From the first time you saw me? Huh. Even though I was some mercenary who hadn't showered for a week?"

BULL. SHIT. The first time Marlene saw him, he was working with Bushman and had imprisoned them all, then her father had been killed. The first time she spoke to Marc I'm pretty sure she either told him off or he was dying and she was happy because she thought he'd killed her father.

He's telling her the story of when he had to kill his own brother. (he's not telling the story right). Then he talks about his dead girlfriend and other trauma from his past.

What makes me mad is that this is conceivable. We have Marc Spector (Marc, not the other two) talking to Marlene about his past, his trauma. It’s possible that over time she could have decided to get to know Marc. That she realized that Marc is not just a murdering scary man and made peace with the fact that she needs to know him if she wants to be with Steven. It’s possible that she got him to open up and tell her his trauma and what made him what he is now. It’s even possible she started to date him too. I can get behind that! It’s growth for BOTH Marc and Marlene.

And I wish this was how it was done. How it was left. I wish that they had this growth. That Marc and Marlene could become closer. That he and Steven learned to trust one another so much that they learned to be with Marlene and share. But this isn’t how Bemis does it.

We are back in the now and Marc shows up at Marlene's with flowers and a suit.

He tells her she looks great. He really thinks they are getting back together. Denial is a land that Marc Spector is king of.

And Sun King is standing in the dining room waiting for him.

Sun King pretends to be Marlene's boyfriend who has been living with her.

He tells Marc that Marlene told him all about how he was Moon Knight. It's not like this is a big secret. Marc was only mildly into secret identities. He wasn't very good at it.

And Marc isn't taking this well. While Sun King pretends to be a guy that's with Marlene, he then starts to talk about how someone else has been 'getting with Marlene.'

He tells Marc to ask Jake Lockley.

And in the inner world, Marc is a giant monster pissed off and turning on Jake.

Not how that works. But sure. Why not. Also, let’s propagate the notion that DID promotes distrust in the system and that there’s an evil alter that goes around doing things behind their back like this.

AND THIS. This is disgusting.

She claims to have never stopped loving him and was so desperate for him that she got with Jake?! Not the same person! You don't get a hankering for Marc and go for Jake instead!

And then the notion that Jake came to her telling her to keep it a secret?!

And then telling them that Jake was never "warm". That Jake has evil in him and he just didn't stand up to Marc?!

WHY IS JAKE The EVIL ALTER!? He isn't. Jake Lockley is a loving kind and caring man. He goes to Gena's every day and asks her how her kids are doing. He feeds the homeless. He makes friends with the people on the street.

And she tells Marc that she tried to break it off with Jake but it was too late and she couldn't do it alone.

And that's when Bushman shows up.

Yep. There’s the daughter. And the fact that she calls him “Uncle Jake” and not “Dad” despite the obvious implication that Jake has been in her life for a long time…

Maybe they were trying to protect her from the Moon Knight curse but not letting people know she was his daughter… But still…

Her name is Diatrice. She has pink hair.

This is the ONE thing that came out of Bemis that is kinda okay.

It isn't till MacKay gets his hands on her that I actually started to like her. She's a force.

I admit, change scares me. And I've been jaded by the "We have to introduce a child to keep it interesting!" concept that show-runners and authors seem to have. I was also so incensed by Bemis' terrible writing that I took the stance of HATING Diatrice when I first saw her.

But it was bad writing. And give her to a good writer and she can do such wonderful things.

When Jed MacKay got to put her in a story, she was smart, she was fiesty, and she embraced her dad. More so, he embraced her.

Amazing what happens when someone does something not for the shock value.

And now we move to the next issue. Good. Great. I hate the art. I hate how weepy Marlene is here. Old Marlene would have been pissed. She would not have put up with this shit. She was smart. She would have found a way to warm him. To do something. I honestly can’t tell if this is misogynistic or just BAD writing? Maybe both?

Issue #191.

So the cover is the famous picture of the farmers. It's supposed to depict family homesteading life.

In the real picture, it's not well known, but it is the farmer and the daughter, NOT his wife. Just a little art knowledge there for you.

So we are back to Khonshu narrating.

I don't even know what he's narrating. Something about gods and the power structure of gods and his moon battle against the sun. Something about the moon representing mythical and birth and creation and then sun representing the psychopath and the ground and humans.

Not even mythologically correct in...ANY culture as far as I'm aware. At least none of the one's I've read about. Maybe in some. I don't know. But I doubt very much if there is, Bemis knows about it.

He also starts talking about evil and angels and devils. Dude has got his theology mixed up.

Also, Marc should be a bit more upset about seeing Bushman here. They have...HISTORY.

(There she is. There’s the Marlene I know and care about.)

So everything is on fire. Marc grabs Diatrice and gets her out.

He tells Marlene to get out. She just stands there DESPITE THERE BEING A SLIDING GLASS DOOR BEHIND HER.

He tells Diatrice to go find a place to hide, he has to go help Marlene.

She asks him if he's crazy because you're supposed to run away from fire.

He just looks at her before going back inside.

Marlene is still standing there with a sliding glass door directly behind her and fire in front of her. I don't even....

Marc calls out Raoul Bushman while he fights the henchmen.

"You're such a %$#@!!!"

Roul shoots him in the shoulder. Marc doesn't care. He knocks the gun out of his hand and slams his face into the wall.

Sun King sets Marc on fire. Marc strips down to his skivvies and throws his burning pants into Sun King's face.

Yeah. I can see Moon Knight (especially Marc) doing this. It's a good fighting tactic. It's a good depiction of Marc's talent for hard combat with quick thinking. (See? I can see the good too. Still angry, but there is soooooome good.)

See… It isn’t beneath Marc. This guy pretends to know Marc because of the terrible psychologist and being connected to ‘Ra’. But this isn’t beneath Marc. This is classic Marc fighting.

So they now face one another.

"What are YOU supposed to be?"

"I am Ra's chosen sword. Here to strike you down. I'm the Sun King."

"....Of course you are."

"My purpose is to make your death a mockery. In fact, I wouldn't be doing my job if I just struck you down. It's gotta be so tragic that it means something."

He goes on like this for a hot (LOL) minute. Honestly, Marc's heard it all before. This isn't the first time he's fought a guy with delusions of whatever he's got going on.

At this point Diatrice shows up again and is pissed off that her swing set is on fire.

Marc grabs her and makes a run for it.

He asks her what her name is. She tells him Diatrice and that he already knows that.

Marc is just caught up in the weird name.

"Mommy let me change my name to whatever I wanted!"

Which is super just... Considering she could never even bother to get Marc, Jake, or Steven's name right... Way to go Marlene I guess?

Marc feels the same way.

It's at this point that he runs BACK into the burning house holding his child for some reason? There's a note on the wall "We have your queen."

Well, Marlene's been kidnapped. Not the first time.

Probably for the best, honestly, considering she couldn't figure out how to use ANY of the exits that were surrounding her.

Back at Marc Spector's apartment, we find Marc failing real hard at talking to his daughter.

So this means that Marlene told her that JAKE was not her dad and that her dad was a super hero. Meaning she pretty much told her that Marc was her father.

Look. I know a couple of systems that have children. How they choose to discuss their DID with their children is up to them. Some chose not to discuss it at all until the kid is old enough to understand difficult concepts like this. But they also don’t hide it. None of the systems I know hide it from their children. The kids just learn to recognize the different members of the system, and to them, they are all “Mommy” or “Daddy” because that is the role that they inhabit while present.

It falls back to the whole “Hold your system accountable” aspect of being a functioning system. It means that they hold each other responsible and they all understand that they have a child and must function as a parental figure to protect and care for their child.

So the fact the Marlene is telling her that one of them is the dad and not the other… Hiding it from one and that Jake hid it from them. There is a disconnect here that is damaging and insulting.

So we see her argue with Marc about him not being a super hero. He doesn't look or act like Captain America, he can't fly, and he looks tired and smells funny.

He declares it was an 'off day'.

But, it's what I love about Moon Knight in general. He's just a guy. He has zero powers. He's even a bit of an idiot sometimes. He's just a guy out there that takes a lot of beatings and has a lot of trauma that he works out while wearing a mask.

As they talk, we see Jake, Steven, and Khonshu in the background watching.

Honestly, fair. I have seen systems be put in situations where perhaps a member they don't really trust yet is present in a situation that could be dangerous to them in general. Perhaps a little is present when they shouldn't be. Perhaps a high trauma holder is present in a potentially triggering situation. Or perhaps a persecutor that has a history is out around a member of the family that they don't trust them to be around.

You'll have the protectors and gate keepers VERY close by monitoring and ready to step in if need be.

At least this is true in the systems I've spoken to. Feel free to sound off if you have other experiences. I love to hear from systems about their own experiences and how they handle the family situation.

So now that they've argued on if Marc is or is not actually a super hero, she asks about her mom.

He assures her that she isn't going to die because he's going to save her and "seriously hurt those bad guys".

She asks if he likes Katy Perry. He says no. He asks if she likes Dazzler.

So they put on a record of Dazzler and have some bonding time while Jake keeps watch.

We head out to a high security prison to find some guards chatting.

One of the guards is missing an eye and wearing an eye patch.

He heads to a cell and asks the person inside to head to the city and get revenge for him. He wants him to kill Bushman.

Hey look, The Truth guy is back.

Considering the Truth guy ALSO got his eyes stabbed out... I'm not sure how he's walking around like that without any training or aid or anything...

Also, this guy was seriously not that impressive as a bad guy. He's just big and has a 'scary' design to him. I'm not impressed by this attempt to make a recurring bad guy. It's just not an impressive reveal of a returning bad guy.

So the Truth heads out of the jail easy peasy.

Back in Marc's apartment, Diatrice is asleep and Marc is holding a meeting in the head space.

You've got Marc, Jake, Steven, and Khonshu on a platform with Cthulhu in the background. I don't know. Do they think that the head space can just conjure anything based on need or emotion? Maybe it does? Maybe it doesn't? I Don't know.

Apparently this is a recurring thing Khonshu does because Jake tells him "Khonshu... Don't you be giving me that "Cthulhu" Bullshit. Not you." And Steven agrees. "He's kind of right. We can't just use squids to explain all weird things in this world."

You ready for this? I bet you aren’t.

Yeah I… I’m gonna… I am not touching this. I don't have the time or energy to sit down and type up a whole manifesto on what's wrong with this page.

And this is where the now famous line comes from:

Also let’s add some eating disorders to the mix. Why not? Do you have a disorder and feel left out? Don’t worry! I’m sure Bemis will get to that too! Not to mention there is a very underhanded homosexuality jab mixed in with that too! Blink and you’ll miss it, but this is a common way for older shows and media to take a jab at how wrong the GBLTQ world was. Make the villain have some latent homosexual tendencies, usually towards the main hero of the show.

So now we see Busman, Truth, and Sun King hanging out.

Truth is following them now, though apprently he sometimes accidentally uses his powers.

They review a map and discuss where they want to go.

Bushman tells them about a "Backwards tribe that I 'liberated' before we took over."

Yeah cause that's... Hmmm.

They decide to go t that island to start a "new eden".

Sun King tells Marlene the plan in a gloating fashion.

"You've gone so far as to tie up a super hero's girlfriend and you're bragging to her about your evil plan.

You're not profound. You're a linkless wikipedia reference waiting to happen."

Well, at least she gets that jab in.

"Perhaps that's so. But I'm still going to kill your child while her dad looks on. Just to prove the uselessness of his cause."

He tells Marlene he's going to use her to lure Marc to his doom. He also asks Truth to create an army.

Back with Marc, he is telling her about Frenchie.

Look, I've always been a big Jean-Paul Duchamp fan. I love him. It breaks my heart that things went the way they did and he eventually left Marc and they had a huge falling out. But I am happy Frenchie found love and has his own chance to be happy.

Do not bring my poor Frenchie into this world of Bemis.

…I’m sorry, did Marc just describe Frenchie as “A father figure”?! In what universe? Who are these people that think he’s a father figure to him?!

So Marc has called in Frenchie to baby sit Diatrice while he goes off to save Marlene.

I'm just sighing right now. Because it's been established that Frenchie is not talking to Marc anymore. He isn't adventuring anymore.

Frenchie lost both his legs in a mission gone wrong. He fell in love with his PT person and now they run a restaurant together. While Frenchie still misses the adventures, he also is tired of the PTSD and the pain that follows Moon Knight.

This is just shoddy editing by team Marvel.

Also this...

And this is how they ended this issue. Cliffhanger dead zombie Frenchie. Why is he in scrubs?

(It's at this point that I realized that Tumblr would only let me upload 30 images and I was going to have to break this up into more than two long ass posts. I'm so very very sorry.)

Part two will be linked very soon. Until then, I'm going to thank you for sticking around this long and hope you finish this rage filled adventure with me.

I'm going to admit that I am biased in not just hating Bemis, but also hating this art.

There are places for art like this. I've seen it utilized well in comics where the nature of the comics stands very well with this sort of art. Punisher Max for instance. For those that don't know, Punisher Max is a stand alone version of Frank Castle that was created in order to depict the ultra violence that Frank Castle is capable of in his search for justice and his never ending war.

The problem is that Moon Knight has gotten a reputation for being incredibly violent and unpredictable. You can probably thank Houston for that, but I'm sure the problem dates back to the 90s (always blame the 90s).

On the one hand, Marc is a former soldier, mercenary, and has anger issues. On the other hand, people have been using the excuse that "He's insane, of course he's going to be violent and unpredictable."

This has, most unfortunately, attracted writers like Bemis to the comic and then recruited artists that are more adept at drawing shocking gore or acts.

And even worse, this has attracted in a VERY specific fan base that reads comics looking for the gore, action, and hyper violence. They pick up an issue of Moon Knight, that has traditionally been based around dealing with mental health, classism, depression, and political issues.

These sorts of readers are easy to spot. They will list issues like Bemis, Aaron, and Bendis as their favorite issues. They will complain that newer stuff is boring or that they can't read the old stuff because it's too chatty. They want the action. they want to see Marc ripping a man's face off and biting out their throats.

Things like this are what goad on the perpetuation of Mentally I'll people being dangerous and scary and untrustworthy.

I'll touch on it more next time, but when we see things like this, it's so important that we don't put up with it. That we tell the big companies that Marvel, DC, and so on that we won't stand for this. That they are the problem. Don't put up with things like this. Don't put up with Bemis.

...Also I just really hate this art style. Every page feels SO static. Everyone is always just standing around grinning at things. Maybe I was spoiled by Bill Sienkiewicz, Declan Shalvey, Smallwood, and Alessandro Cappuccio. These people made even standing still look beautiful and full of life. They knew that sometimes just having Moon Knight standing in the rain could say more than words ever could.

PART TWO HERE.

Let's finish this bread.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Analyzing the comics #BEMIS #This is a labor of love/hate you guys #Please it took me so long #It was so painful #I'm doing this for you #We can't just ignore it anymore #We have to understand the bad comics so that they don't happen again #We have to call this bull shit out

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loki-hargreeves · 2 years

Text

Doubt

Pairing: Marc Spector x fem!Reader Warnings/Tags: angst, describing anxiety, mentions of death, mentions of abuse, pregnancy, hurt/comfort Word Count: 2,9k Summary: Marc is scared he’ll be a bad father to the baby you’re expecting. While decorating the nursery, his anxiety gets the best of him. A/N: Soooo I’ve been reading Moon Knight comics and the dad moments have gotten to me. That’s why I had to write this.

YOUR POV

“Marc, could you help me with these?” Your soft voice was muffled by the tower of boxes you were carrying, all wavering in front of your face so that Marc could only see your legs as you walked into the freshly painted soon-to-be nursery. Although the cream coloured paint had dried long ago, the smell was still lingering in the air as a constant reminder of the work you had ahead of you.

Alarmed by the sight, he rushed over to you and took the boxes into his own arms, “You shouldn’t be carrying that much stuff, you know.”

“It’s just curtains and stuff, it doesn’t weigh that much. I’ll be fine, we’ll be fine,” You explained to your worried husband and gestured at your growing belly once your arms were free. Of course, you felt happy that he cared about you, but you wished he wasn’t so worried all the time for his own sake. At any given chance, you would try to comfort him and ease his troubled mind.

Ever since Marc learned you were pregnant, he had been extra careful around you at all times. In a way, it pained you to see how he behaved, every action just proving what you had feared; he was scared. To some extent being scared while expecting your firstborn was natural, but you knew Marc well, better than anyone really. He had his reasons.

Marc heard what you said, but he didn’t reply as his brown eyes scanned the room for a place to put the boxes. As he finally put them down, he turned around to face you. You had sat down on the rocking chair that was temporarily in the middle of the room, surrounded by boxes and tools. The instructions were scattered on the floor as he had insisted on not needing them. Marc had spent all morning putting the rocking chair together along with the crib, making sure not a single screw was loose because he didn’t want it to fall apart with you and your child sitting on it.

Seeing you so clearly pregnant, only weeks away from your due date was baffling to say the least. As much as Marc adored you and everything about you, something in his mind twisted and tugged at him, telling him that this wasn’t right. If he wouldn’t fuck up, he was sure Khonshu would find a way. Looking at you, Marc could see a happy smile on your face and he realized he was terrified that he would chase it away if he stayed in your lives.

“I’ll uh, I’m gonna go find some more screws,” Marc nodded to himself as he spoke, almost believing that it was his only intention as he actually just needed a moment for himself. In the past few weeks especially, his anxiety had gotten worse, growing rapidly at the worst possible moments. Marc wanted to get as far away from you as it happened so you wouldn’t have to see how distressed he truly was.

I can’t do this, the thought repeated in Marc’s head over and over again as he made his way to the garage. Domestic life? A happy life? Marc questioned every decision he had made since he had met you, wondering how fucking stupid he had been when he had believed this could last, that this was a life he could actually live. Sure, there were wonderful moments, but his past overshadowed everything, spilling on the good times like toxic waste and distorting them remarkably.

Marc imagined you rocking your baby. A beautiful picture painted in his head, but like ink on paper, Khonshu appeared in the background, tainting something so ordinary. Marc wasn’t ordinary. The man was terrified of how his deal with Khonshu about being the god’s avatar would come back to haunt you and soon your child. How his own mother, to this day, affected his life. Did Marc want that to reach your child? No way.

God he longed for a normal, happy life with you more than anything, but Marc was convinced it wasn’t possible. Just thinking about it all was overwhelming, making him sick to his gut as a familiar sting intensified in his eyes, a warning of tears he tried so hard to stop from spilling.

“Fuck!” Marc cursed under his breath, resisting the urge to tear down the metal shelves in the garage as he didn’t wish to alarm you. The last thing you needed, in Marc’s humble opinion, was to have to deal with him freaking out...again.

With his scarred and rough fingers entangled in his dark locks, Marc held his breath and looked around him as if the world was spinning. Everything felt like too much, as if the entire world was trying to rip his brain apart, piece by piece on a molecular level. Marc anticipated either Khonshu appearing or that he’d lose control again and hand it over to Steven - someone he had worked extremely hard on sheltering from the rest of the world. Not even you knew and Marc had planned on keeping it that away. It was already beyond him how you had stayed when Marc had told you about Khonshu.

How was Marc supposed to protect you and your baby when he hadn’t even been able to protect his own little brother?

Marc hated it whenever he remembered that day, the day the promise of a normal life was ruined for him. The seed of chaos and pain had been planted and it had relentless roots that dug deep into Marc’s mind, spreading into each little corner and crevice. His brother had died because Marc hadn’t listened to his mother. His own child wouldn’t see their uncle and Marc blamed himself for that. This baby wouldn’t have a relationship with their grandmother because Marc would rather cut his own limbs off than let her into their life.

When someone knocked on the garage door, Marc’s heart skipped a beat. He had sat down on the cold floor at some point, opposite of the closed door. Something about the situation sent his mind far back into the past. He felt caught and that was bad. It was really bad.

“Marc? Are you in there?” Your voice was like a miracle, bringing his mind back to the here and now, as if an anchor on stormy seas. You weren’t going to hurt him, no. You were the most loving and sweet person he knew of, you were safe.

“Yeah,” Marc took a deep breath, not bothering to get up from the floor. What was the point when you could see past everything anyway? Marc wondered how you had enough patience to deal with him. Why had you chosen him? Why did he let you? Was it because he loved you too much or too little? Loved you too little to push you away or too much so that he was unable to let you go?

When Marc had told you he went looking for screws, you knew something wasn’t quite right. There was a box of them on the nursery floor and besides, you had seen the anxious look on his face. Sitting in the nursery, knowing that Marc wasn’t doing well just felt wrong. Your love for him was strong and the hormones lately seemed to have enhanced that. Knowing Marc was in pain made your heart hurt. There was no way you could brush it off like nothing.

As you opened the door to the garage, your eyes immediately went to Marc who was sitting on the floor, too ashamed to lift his gaze to meet yours. His beautiful, coffee coloured eyes were glossy with sadness and his bottom lip pushed forward just slightly like it always did when he was upset and he tried to hide it. There were small signs you had learned to recognize after spending so many years by his side.

Silently, you made your way to him, bending down a bit slowly since you had a bump throwing you off balance and making your back hurt. As you sat down, you stretched out your legs and took a deep breath, wondering if it was better to sit in silence with Marc or try to find the right words that would soothe his mind and drive away whatever mean voice was occupying it at that moment.

Carefully, you captured his hands in yours, relieved to see Marc made no effort to push you away. This knuckles were covered in faded scars that you had kissed so many times before. Something about it seemed to calm him down, which was why you placed soft kisses on them once again, heart aching as you sensed the faint tremble within him.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

Marc had never been much of a speaker. He had a tendency to keep everything to himself, which wasn’t feasible in the long run. There was only so much a person could bottle up. It would’ve been a lie if you had said it surprised you when he simply shook his head, trying to keep the pain all to himself. This wasn’t a case of him not trusting you, he simply wasn’t sure how to let people in when they wanted to help.

“What if I won’t be a good father?” Marc forced the words out of his mouth after a while, his jaw tense and tongue feeling heavy as he spoke. The words tasted like poison and he wanted it to go away, just like his worries and fears.

You were shocked to hear that, to say the least. When you looked into his eyes, you found no traces of deception. He was honest as one could be.

“Marc,” You cooed, furrowing your brows as you tried to find the right words, “Why would you think that?”

The way he looked at you, his expression revealing how his heart was breaking by the second felt like someone twisted a knife in yours. Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes, making Marc look lost and vulnerable which was quite the opposite of his usual demeanour. All you wanted was to hold him and put the pieces back together again.

“You know me,” Marc took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact as he leaned against the wall, “my past. I’ve done things, Y/N, things I can’t undo.”

Despite all the secrets he kept from you, he had opened up about his mercenary life. The two of you were far from an ordinary couple, that was for sure. Although recently, things had calmed down slightly as you had a baby to prepare for. Both of you had complicated pasts, but Marc felt like he was chained to his. Each time he tried to get away from them, more chains would appear, pulling him deeper into the abyss of his mind.

“I know,” Your fingers caressed his arm in a comforting manner, “it’s okay. Your past doesn’t determine your future. You do. The fact that you’re worried about whether or not you’ll be a good father already speaks volumes. A bad father wouldn’t care.”

Marc wanted to believe that, he really did. It disgusted him to realize that once his mother had been good too. What if he changed?

“I just don’t want to turn into her,” Marc admitted, feeling ashamed as he let you know what was troubling him so much. “You don’t deserve that.”

You knew exactly who Marc was talking about. His relationship with his mother was pretty much non-existent at this point and you believed it was for the best. From what he had told you about her, she was absolutely horrible.

“You’re not her, you’ll never be her. I know that in my heart,” That was true. It pained you to even imagine Marc comparing himself to someone so cruel. Yeah, he had his flaws but so did everyone else. He could be tough, but when it came to the people he loved the most, Marc was devoted to show them his best. You loved him, because he was the opposite of that woman.

There had been moments when you were quite upset too. Marc always tried to calm you instead of letting you dive further into sadness. You were convinced he’d throw himself into open flames instead of letting you even consider it. He wasn’t the type of person to hurt anyone for fun. You felt perfectly safe around him.

“You don’t know that,” Marc was stubborn, clinging onto the negatives like glue.

“And you don’t know that either. Who knows what the future holds. I sincerely don’t see you turning into her. Everything else is uncertain, but when I think about the future, I just see you,” There was a sense of certainty in your words that reached Marc. It didn’t feel like something you said just to cheer him up, no. It sounded like you truly believed every word you spoke.

“How are you so perfect?” Marc couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have met you. Truth be told, he felt undeserving of your love and devotion. Despite it all, you seemed so optimistic. Would you still be that way if he told you everything? Marc was afraid to let his mind wander that far. The thought of disappointing you to a point of no return was pure nightmare fuel to him.

“I’m not perfect,” You were quick to correct him, “but I’m doing my best, just like you. I know we’ll be fine as long as we try out best.”

Marc let your words sink in for a moment, relaxing a little bit as your fingers drew patterns on his arm. Somehow, you could make him feel lighter even when it felt like someone had tied cement blocks to his feet and pushed him off a bridge, sinking deeper and deeper into despair. Marc felt like his own worst enemy.

As he wasn’t saying anything, you decided to add onto that: “To be honest, I’m a little scared too. I’ve read all the parenting books and listened to my friends and family, but I know nothing will really prepare me for the reality of being a parent. What brings me comfort is knowing that we can figure everything out together.”

All of a sudden, you felt a tiny leg kicking you vigorously, as if the little one was trying to join in on the conversation.

“I think someone has something to say,” A smile spread on your face. You grabbed Marc’s hand and guided it to your bump, right above the spot your baby was kicking. It didn’t take long for it to happen again and seeing the joy light up in Marc’s brown eyes made you feel relieved.

He leaned against you and pressed his hand gently against your bump, overwhelmed by sudden joy and love. The little one had good timing, that was for sure. Feeling the little kicks against the palm of his hand was something Marc was convinced he would never get used to. Every time, it felt just as bizarre and lovely. It reminded him of what was real, a future that he still hadn’t had a chance to fuck up.

“Why are you kicking your mother like that, huh?” Marc played into it, trying to blink his tears away as he finally began to calm down. He wished he could say it would be the last time his anxiety would get the best of him, but as a realist, he knew it wasn’t true. For now, Marc tried to focus on this moment and that only.

Your baby kicked you again, harder this time which had you laughing. Even Marc cracked a smile, finding the sound of your laughter absolutely delightful. Marc wanted to make you smile and laugh for the rest of your lives, he needed to. It wasn’t that much of an unrealistic goal, yeah?

“Well I don’t think they get that from you,” Marc contemplated, taking into consideration your gentle nature. You had the patience of a saint, which he assumed was why you were still by his side.

“Hmm, it’s definitely your baby, Marc,” You kissed his cheek after you said that, your lips soft against his stubble.

Marc tilted his head and captured your lips into a kiss, much softer than usual. His hand held onto the back of your head as he deepened it, hoping from the bottom of his heart that the action could speak louder than the words he didn’t know how to express. The passion and intensity of the kiss made your heart flutter with desire and you knew exactly what he wanted to say, you could taste it in the way he almost desperately gave himself to you, heart and soul. Marc wasn’t a tender lover most of the time, which you didn’t mind, but right now he was showing a part of himself that was for your eyes only.

As you parted from the sweet kiss, Marc leaned his forehead against yours, his eyelashes tickling against your skin. For a moment, you stayed like that, close to each other in comfortable silence.

“I love you,” Marc whispered, needing to tell you that.

“I love you too,” You returned the meaningful words, heart racing in your chest as you soaked in the bliss. Seeing that the anxiety and worry had abandoned Marc’s face was a wonderful sight. For now, all seemed well.

You took a deep breath, and leaned against Marc’s shoulder, wanting to embrace this moment, knowing that it was one you’d cherish forever.

No matter how often his worries tried to convince him it would be for the best to leave you alone, they could never tower over the love he had for you or the way your love wiped his mind clean from negative thoughts. The power you held over Marc Spector was unreal and only yours. Marc wouldn’t have it any other way. He would spend the rest of his life protecting you and your child from the world. Marc was sure of that now.

A/N: I hope you liked it! :)

In my head this is happening right before Marc’s biological mom dies/before the series begin so he’ll leave anyway and Steven Grant goes on about his day, working at the gift shop. Just for some extra flavour and spice, he thinks Khonshu wants his kid to be his next avatar so he tries to make sure that’ll never happen. This is just temporary comfort. That’s just me though, because I love angst.

#Marc Spector #Marc Spector x you #Marc Spector x Reader #Marc Spector x Y/N #Marc Spector/Reader #marc spector x fem!reader #moon knight x fem!reader #moon knight fanfiction #marc spector fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #marc spector angst #marc spector hurt/comfort

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angel-of-the-moons · 4 months

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Hi! I just wanted to let you know I loved "Small Surprises." I'm a single mom (boy mom tho) and its nice to read stuff with single mom's as the reader. Its very rare especially in a fandom such as this one. Its actually pretty accurate (to my experience with parenthood) and I loved Victoria she is precious. My favorite part was how they met Jake. That was so cute! I laughed very hard at the end with Khonshu! Excellent job!

Honestly the love that Small Surprises has gotten has absolutely floored me. I adore reading the comments and tags on what people thought of it! It makes my day when I get a blip and see what new things someone has to say about it 🥺

I had so much fun writing it and the dynamics they all began to work out with one another.

Especially Jake! I loved how Jake was with Diatrice in the comics and I just had to make sure Girl Dad Jake was there. He's the protector, the big brother, the guardian... And so much more! I love making sure to write that part of Jake in, as many people saw him in the show and just assumed he was some cold, calculating hitman on Khonshu's behalf. I wanted to show he is so, so much more than what little we saw of him.

Steven having a tiny friend to hyperfixate and stim with will be so good for him, and Victoria having someone who completely understands her will certainly help her come out of her shell with other people more, knowing that just because she's different, doesn't mean she's alone. Yes, Mama knows (and tries to understand) about her baby's tics and mannerisms, but she doesn't know about them, y'know? Steven sure does and he's more than happy to engage with her!

And of course there was Marc having all the reality fall down on him on what he/they started to mean to that sweet little girl when she called him Daddy. I imagine with everything he's been through, Marc is terrified of it all. He's worried that some part of his childhood could resurface in some way. That line of thinking will be addressed in the second fic, for sure!

And ah, of course! Khonshu. I had to squeeze him in there somehow. But don't worry! He won't be as bad as some people may be anticipating (like he is with the boys...)

#🌙 answered #moon knight #marc spector x reader #marc spector #steven grant #steven grant x reader #jake lockley #jake lockley x reader #moon knight x reader #moon dads

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pizzee · 2 years

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I WANNA TALK ABOUT ISSUE#15 OK? OK.

So. What an issue, huh? Absolutely stunning, and while I wish we got some Jake and Steven interacting with the Midnight Mission, I do adore this issue and it was an incredible follow up to the last issue. The art, the writing, the color choice's, the Steven, THE JAKE!!! anyway, this is an analysis so let's do it.

Marc Spector doesn’t believe that he’s enough. He never has, which is why he was initially so reluctant and terrified of giving up control (which I went a bit ham on analyzing here). He’s scared of someone else seeing him how he sees himself, as nothing more than a means to an end, and realizing once they’ve gotten what they need out of him, he won’t be useful anymore. He calls himself a “fist”, he literally says “I still have my uses” in the context of a fight. Marc doesn’t see himself as being much else outside of that violence and his mission as Khonshu’s fist.

Which directly contrasts with Steven and Jake. (YAY I GET TO TALK ABOUT THEM!!!)

Steven, who’s already got his own society he feels semi-comfortable in, can slip into that role of rich benefactor like he was born for it. The first thing he does when fronting is always always take off the mask and take care of them. Which is, so impactful. Because yes, he��d care about their appearance. He's rich, sure. But it’s more than that. He takes care of them because it’s what they deserve. They’re worth something. They’re worthy of love and affection, self care in the form of expensive hair treatments and makeovers.

He takes off the mask (literally and metaphorically and the secret third meaning and fourth and—) and looks in the mirror and chastises Marc for not taking care of them then does exactly that because Steven Grant doesn’t see Marc or Jake of any of them as tools or means, but as people. He proves Marc wrong by just by existing.

Then we got Jake. JAKE FUCKING LOCKLEY!!! Our avuncular scoundrel’s first act when fronting is going to see his friends. Which I just. I love it. When he throws open the doors and says he’s back and is met with such love and care and enthusiasm. Which is such a magenta moment (passion and compassion and kindness and I’m not gonna get into the color theory of it all but the fact that his two colors are magenta and sooome green make me gigle🤭). But it also takes us back to the last issue where he laments losing their friends. Where Marc said he never needed them. Where Marc is obviously dead fucking wrong.

Jake’s not in his element, he’s at home. He’s with his people, and his people have him and it’s beautiful. And it’s how Jake takes care of them, by creating connections with everyone from all walks of life. Because, once again, everyone wants to be loved. So he goes out and makes jokes and earns trust and makes promises and gives and gets love and lives. He shows he — and by default the system — aren’t incapable of giving or receiving affection. He proves Marc wrong just by living.

And now. We got the biggun. Marc.

We’ve already established Marc’s issues with constantly needing to be in control stemming from his fear of being cast aside or deemed unlovable, said issues causing a lot of the problems in his life. What I love about this issue is that it works on dismantling those thoughts, one by one. If Steven and Jake prove Marc wrong, the rest of the Midnight Mission enforce those ideas by hammering them home with a comically oversized hammer. Soldier does what Soldier does: be the chillest fucking guy around. Badr obviously has his own Khonshu/religious tinted lense of looking at it but that doesn’t make him any less understanding. He just thinks Marc is a fucking idiot (and he’s not wrong!).

Then. Then. Reese. Reese who comes in, shatters every single insecurity and fear and preconceived notion Marc has about himself. Reese who doesn’t know about his past and doesn’t care because she sees what he’s trying to do now, the good he’s trying to do and is doing, and admires that. Reese who doesn’t push when that’s clearly what Marc is expecting her to do (because that’s probably what everyone has done, always done. Ask probing, invasive questions that he forces himself to answer and now he’s so used to them he’s constantly shocked when people don’t ask. He’s shocked when people care. He’s shocked when he finds himself caring.).

Reese. Who says…

…which is probably the first time anyone has said that to him. It’s probably the first time anyone has cared enough to even think it. The very thing Jake and Steven have been proving to him all issue, the thing Reese says so naturally and casually. It’s not a grand revelation from her, it’s not something she has to think about. Marc is enough and she knows it, Jake and Steven know it, the rest of the Midnight Mission and the community know it. The only who doesn’t, or didn’t, was Marc. And now. And now.

He does. And Reese and Steven and Jake will be damned if he forgets that anytime soon.

(AND VERY BRIEFLY I WANNA TALK AB THE COLORS!!! Ok so I’m absolutely in love with the colors Rosenberg chose. They vary a lot between pages but my color associations are: Steven gold, Jake magenta, Marc blue. There are a lot of pages where the characters swap colors or have different ones but I’m going to stick with these associations because they make sense to me.

Steven gold is probably the most clear cut one. Gold is a warm color, symbolizing wealth and generosity. Divinity and power. Steven is rich (or was) so there’s the wealth, I’d say the generosity comes from how he takes care of the body, mostly physically. There aren’t many pages where Steven appears in, but the one in the barber or whatever is where I’m drawing most of these thoughts from. Marc is also depicted with a lot of gold, particularly when he’s speaking to Dr. Sterman especially when he’s giving long ass melodramatic monologues. Which I find interesting, as those extended metaphors and speeches seem like his way of establishing control, or power, in a conversation which is generally supposed to end up with deep self evaluation and a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with giving up some of that control (he is talking to his therapist, after all, even if she doesn’t do a very good job of it but— that’s a story for another day)

Jake magenta is a very clearly shown visual. Magenta is another warm color, symbolizing passion and compassion, kindness and love. Jake is the Just Some Guy of the three, probably the most affable and easygoing, so magenta makes sense thematically for him as well. What’s also cool is that magenta is the primary, dominating color in a lot of his pages where he’s surrounded by people he cares about (I’m thinking of the last issue in his headspace emotional support strip club where all the dancers looked like Marlene and this issue at the bar with his friends). Almost as if he’s overflowing with love and care for others.

Both Jake and Steven appear in several pages where the primary color is green, which symbolizes growth, renewal, rebirth. This is the only cool color they’re depicted in, which is also interesting because Marc is almost exclusively shown in panels with cool colors (minus the gold ones I mentioned earlier). Marc also appears in pages with greens, particularly those where he talks to Soldier and Badr, symbolizing his growth of being able and willing to open up to them.

Finally, Marc blue has been a dominant color for basically this entire run. Blue is a cool color that symbolizes a lot, but I’ll stick with sadness, peace, security and freedom. Sadness is pretty obvious, but the other three are aspirational for him. And I think this is most clearly shown by the fact that the only exclusively blue Marc pages are the last two with Reese. Her understanding and words help take him one step closer to those things he’s always wanted, that love and understanding. And I think her wearing a YELLOW shirt also shows the positive influence and power her words have on him. Plus, it’s a good contrast against the background and his suit ;)

Last last thing I wanna mention about colors because wow this got out hand is the page where Marc takes off the mustache (NOOOOO) and introduces himself. It has all the colors I mentioned in a gradient, which imo symbolizes how he’s finally starting to work with Steven and Jake as a system, a team, and how they’re all separate parts but also parts of a whole. Also harkens back to earlier, when Marc mentioned he hasn’t asked Jake and Steven’s opinion. They aren’t perfect, there’s still some work to be done on communication, but they’re getting there and that’s what matters. It’s a great visual, and he even gets his emo anime boy hair back so win there, I guess😐)

#moon knight #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #wednesday spoilers #FUCK THAT ISSUE WAS ALOT #I miss them already and I just read this yesterday and wrote this today #It was so healing guys #My heart is so full #Mackay I love you so much #THAT HUG WAS ACTUALLY EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED IN LIFE #and sorry for the huge bit on color theory I’m just obsessed with the colors in this issue and this run as a whole #tell me why I wrote an almost 1500 word analysis instead of doing the actual work I need to do by… uh actually I have to do it in 6 minutes #I have to read a whole book in 6 minutes😐#Yea fuck that MOON KNIGHT TIME BABY #God there’s so much I wanna talk ab THERES SO MUCH #Sorry if this is incoherent my brain is still spinning and trembling #yea yea sometimes i write

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howaboutcastiel · 1 year

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I Could Never Let You Go

Summary: Marc works at night, alone. That can be a dangerous thing in the suburbs of London. (9) FWMS Masterlist.

Content: I’m separating this into sections so hopefully people can skip the triggering parts if they still want to read. From the beginning of the chapter to the first cut there is: self harm (multiple methods mentioned), alcohol abuse, drug (ketamine) abuse, suicidal ideation, depersonalization. Just… Marc’s canonical mental health struggles. The second part: canon-typical violence about as bad as the TV show, not the comics. Talk of infertility. Angst but also triumph. 5.6k words

Marc was trying not to relapse.

It wasn’t because of anything going on in his life. It was nearly the opposite, in fact. For the first time in, well, forever, Marc found himself in a good place. He wasn’t in danger, he wasn’t with Khonshu, and he wasn’t alone. Things were going great for him. So great, it seemed, that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He certainly didn’t know what to do when he was alone, when there were no thoughts but his own to ponder.

Staying clean meant something complicated for him. As of now, Marc had managed to steer clear of so many of his vices that he felt like a whole new man. The problem with that, though, was that he was afraid that falling back into old habits would lead him down a rabbit hole.

The drinking, he’d managed to work out with Steven. Only wine was on the table, as beer took Marc back to his teenage years and liquor riddled his adult life with blackouts and drunken street fights. There wasn’t even whiskey in the apartment anymore, and Marc wouldn’t touch any alcohol when the body was his. He knew if he was willing to drink, he was bound to go further.

Marc’s old dealers were long gone by now. That made things slightly easier, but the cravings still came. Especially when he was alone. Bushman had been the one to introduce him to Ketamine—of course he was—and above all else, Marc was terrified of falling back on the drug. He would never be able to stop once he had started, and he’d promised himself the night that he proposed to Layla that he’d never touch the substance again. Not as long as he lived. It had gotten easier after so many months clean, but he’d nearly broken his streak the night that he left her. Still, he had stayed sober.

But Marc had never been clean of his very worst vice. Not even with Layla, though he had done an excellent job of hiding it from her. Steven noticed the scars the first time that he saw Marc on the inside, but that was the only place they showed. Thanks to Khonshu and his regenerative armor, Layla had never seen the parallel slits running up from Marc’s wrists to the inside of his elbows, not the ones on his thighs. Or his stomach. Or the cigarette burns on random patches of skin.

He had never had a clean streak longer than a few weeks. Not since he was in his late teens. Sometimes, he could take it all out on his opponent in combat, stave off the cravings for a while. Sometimes, the fight only made him worse. Marc hated the part of himself that felt like this. He wanted more than anything to give peace of mind to his wife and to his alter. He hated how small each episode made him feel. How guilty he felt afterward.

Marc had managed to stay totally clean since Cairo. Since he’d lost the suit, he had left his skin largely unbroken, save for the few accidents that came from his landscaping job. Part of it was that he wanted to be better. For Steven, for Layla, even for Mrs. Bamford. He wanted to be the man that they believed him to be. The man they deserved.

Part of it was simply that he didn’t know how to do it without getting caught.

But now, Marc had the night off of work and Layla was somewhere three time zones away doing Taweret’s bidding. He had never been good at spending time by himself, and now that he was so used to the company, he was nearly falling apart without it. Marc was sat in the corner of his apartment, hugging his knees and rocking slowly as tears dripped from his face. He didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling, except for one single word that repeated inside of his mind:

Small.

He couldn’t remember the last time that he had felt so small. He knew that wasn’t right, though. He felt it all the time. He just couldn’t remember.

Marc had no word for the sensation, but it was as if he was right back in middle school. Puberty hadn’t struck him yet, and he was shorter than most of the other guys in his class. If life at home hadn’t been bad enough, he had to carefully dodge the onslaught of vicious pre-teens gunning for him. School was hell, coming home was hell. The only time he was safe was when he was alone.

But then, he was alone.

And right now, Marc felt as alone as ever.

Steven had been quiet for the last few days. It was unusual for him, even when he needed a break. Steven was always one for sharing his feelings, and he always made sure to check in regularly with Marc, regardless of what was going on. Still, when Marc had returned to the body a few days after Steven and Layla’s date, he’d received only a string of social niceties before Steven was long gone in the headspace. He had tried to talk to him a couple of times during his dreams--or during those rare times the mysterious other had taken the body--but each time he had returned to the farmhouse, Steven had locked himself in his room and refused to answer the door when Marc knocked. It wasn’t that he seemed distraught, or even particularly upset, but it was clear to Marc that Steven didn’t want to talk. He needed some time alone.

Unfortunately for Marc, that meant he was alone, too. And the more that he sat with the sensation, the more he forgot what it was like to not be alone.

The more he realized that maybe he deserved to be alone.

And tonight, Marc was convinced that this was exactly how he would end up.

It was only a matter of time before Layla came to her senses and kicked him to the curb. What he’d done to her was beyond forgiveness. He had lied to her about everything. He had left her to think he was dead. He had stood by and watched while her father was murdered by the man he had quite literally followed to the ends of the earth. Marc wasn’t worthy of her, and he knew it. He dreaded the time that would inevitably come, where she grew to realize it, too. How selfish was he to think he could have her? How could he steal her life away from her, when she could find someone better for her, someone who deserved her? Someone who could give her everything that she could ever want, and then some?

Steven would do the same. He just knew it. He had said it himself, the night that they first lost the scarab. Steven knew that Marc ruined everything that he touched. He had ruined Steven’s life. He had failed to keep him safe. Above all else, he had been too weak to shoulder the pain that inevitably fell to Steven. Marc had never been able to protect him. Steven was riding a high for now, sure. He was free from the cycle of sleep deprivation that Marc had put him in, he was free from Khonshu and the constant peril that came along with him. He’d even been trying things out with Layla, and those things were going good. But they weren’t going to last, and they didn’t change the fact that Marc was no good for either of them.

He would come to his senses. Steven would keep having those nightmares, the ones caused by Marc when he let him fall down in the Duat. He would keep mourning his mum, keep wrestling with the lie that Marc pushed on him. The one he was unable to hold up. The one that made Steven’s life come crashing down the moment that Marc slipped up. Just like Layla, Steven would realize that Marc was more harm than good. He would stop coming to his rescue, and start worrying about himself again. Maybe, after all that, Steven and Layla would get their happy ending while Marc faded away.

That would be better for all of them.

And the idea couldn’t be more enticing.

Marc didn’t have any liquor. He didn’t have the money or energy to buy liquor, and he certainly didn’t have contacts for drugs. But he did have his razor. He had a lighter. He had a premium set of kitchen knives, and he had plenty more blades that were not for cooking. Marc had all of the tools for his most evil vice, all right there in his apartment. Worse than that, though, was the fact that he was so miserably close to going and getting them. So close to using them.

He had never learned how to control himself. Not in any way that mattered, he only knew how to follow orders from generals and gods. Marc had only stayed clean because his environment had been bearable, but that was holding less and less true the longer that he was left to his own devices. The weight of the world was weighing on Marc. The guilt. The shame. The confusion. The fear. He didn’t know how to handle it, except to fall back on the things that he knew.

Like punishment and pain.

This was not one of the things he had talked about with Steven or Layla, but he knew regardless what they would expect of him. Layla would want him to call, and to text if she didn’t pick up. She would want him to spill all his feelings to her. She would want him to bother her about it. Steven would want the same. He would want to talk. At least, that’s what he normally would want, but he hadn’t been there to talk for a little while now. Marc was convinced that he wouldn’t respond if Marc reached out to him, so he didn’t even try. He didn’t try to call Layla, either. She was doing more important things. He could bother her now.

Marc wanted so badly to stay clean. He wanted to get better, to be better. He wanted to stop being a burden. Every atom of his body and mind were screaming at him, all saying contradicting things.

He was frozen in place. If he moved, he couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t go straight for his razor. Marc pushed his head in between his knees, pulling his hair and scratching his scalp until he was sure there was blood drawn. It didn’t help that the sounds of the wind and the traffic below seeped through the old flat, drowning his thoughts in adrenaline and making it all the more difficult to focus.

Alone.

Small.

Alone.

Small.

Alone.

Small.

Don’t do it. Don’t move. Just don’t get up.

Alone.

Small.

Marc’s head was pounding. He wouldn’t let up his grip, though, only worsening the problem. Sharp pain rang through his temples. He squeezed himself into the tightest ball that he could, until his back was straining from the effort. His body was screaming at him.

Alone. Small.

The pain grew. Stars danced in Marc’s vision even though he was sitting in the dark. His head felt like it was being crushed. He gritted his teeth and the pain only worsened.

Alone. Small. Alone.

The sharp ache rose to a peak and Marc forgot how to breathe. He raised his head to lean back against the wall, and a sudden bright light stung his pressed-shut eyes. Marc lowered his hands from his head, and he opened his eyes to find that he wasn’t in Steven’s apartment. He was sitting in a field. A vast field of tall grass and wild grains. The sunrise cast a golden glow over the valley and a gentle breeze ran across his face.

To the right in his periphery, Marc could see the back of the humble farmhouse. The side entrance was connected directly to his bedroom. The bedroom that Marc couldn’t bring himself to sleep in, with a bed that he couldn’t even bring himself to touch.

It was peaceful and quiet. It was warm and safe. But Marc was still alone.

And he was still small.

He picked himself up off the ground slowly. The sunlight was almost blinding him and he felt dizzy. How was it that he felt dizzy inside his own head? Marc stumbled toward the steps of the porch, whining at the way his hands were too sweaty to grasp the railing. If he could just get inside. If he could just get to Steven.

The door to Marc’s room was locked. Of course. He jiggled the handle, not bothering to search his pockets for the key. He already knew that he wouldn’t find it. Marc made his way to the front door. The wooden porch creaked underneath him with each step. Finally, he made his way to the tall crimson door. He placed his hand on the knob.

Locked.

Alone.

Marc grunted, leaning his head against the wood for a moment before rapping his knuckles against the door. He waited a while, but no one answered. He knocked again, this time more desperately. Footsteps approached on the other side and, when Steven finally turned the lock and opened the door, Marc breathed a sigh of relief and exhaustion.

“Please,” Marc grumbled. He didn’t know what he was begging for, just that he was desperate for it. Steven looked him over and his eyes blew wide with shock. He grabbed Marc by the shoulders, pulling him inside hurriedly. Marc wasn’t sure he had the energy to be confused.

“Oh my God, Marc!” Steven’s voice was dripping with worry. He pulled Marc to the closest chair, which was at the dining table across the room. Steven coaxed him to sit down and leaned over him to examine him more closely. Marc couldn’t help but feel even smaller, then. “What happened to you?”

Marc furrowed his brows. “What’re you talking about?”

In response, Steven grabbed his arms, holding them out with his wrists facing up.

He was bleeding.

Panic grew in Marc’s gut. His arms and his shirt were covered in fresh, wet blood. He tried to pull out of Steven’s grasp, but he wasn’t strong enough. Somehow, the size difference between the two of them seemed to have grown since the last time they were here. Marc shook his head and looked up at Steven, pleading.

“I didn’t do it. I swear,” Marc insisted. The look on Steven’s face told Marc that he wasn’t convinced. He dropped his hands. “I don’t—I don’t know why these are here. I didn’t. I swear. Please say you believe me.”

Steven turned away from Marc, heading toward the kitchen sink and pulling a clean towel from the drawer beside it. He wet the cloth underneath the water, holding it against the faucet for longer than necessary. Steven huffed as he came back around the counter to where Marc was seated. He pulled up a chair, wrapping the towel delicately around one of Marc’s wrists. Marc was surprised to find that the feeling stung just as much on the inside.

Steven didn’t look up. “Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know. Nothing happened. I was sitting in the apartment and then I was here. I didn’t do anything.” Marc heard his voice as if it were coming from someone else. His ears were ringing and the room only seemed to be growing bigger and bigger around him. Blood still trickled from his wiped-clean arm as Steven swiped the towel. “I didn’t do this. I didn’t.”

He seemed to believe Marc this time, Steven’ expression turning from distrust to wariness. He folded the towel over Marc’s right forearm, bringing his left over to apply pressure to both at once. “You had these before. Old ones, a whole stack of them from your hands to your elbows.”

Marc turned his head toward the ground. “I know. I’m sorry.”

His face flushed red. Steven’s eyes widened, softened, as Marc slowly lifted his gaze to meet with Steven’s. The silence was awkward as Marc willed himself to say more.

“They were not for you. You weren’t supposed to see them.”

“Yeah, well, there’s a whole lot of stuff I’m not supposed to see, right?” Steven scoffed. “How has that been working out for you lately?”

Marc winced. Steven thought he would at least get a huff of amusement, but Marc was only ashamed. “I didn’t do it. Steven, I haven’t done that in months. I don’t know what else there is to say. These aren’t supposed to be here.

I didn’t do it, Steven.”

His alter frowned tiredly, like he’d just had an idea and not a pleasant one. “But you were just about to do it, weren’t you? You thought about it too hard and ended up here.”

Vehement denials sang from Marc’s mouth, all while Steven’s expression stayed the same pitiful grimace. Finally, Marc noticed he wasn’t getting himself anywhere. He tried to match Steven’s stare, tried to maintain some power in a conversation where he felt dreadfully subordinate. Marc gritted his teeth. “I was considering it.”

“Why?” Steven sighed, obviously hurt but trying to remain calm and patient. “Why were you going to do it?”

“Steven, I don’t know…” Marc trailed.

He raised his voice as he cut Marc off. “Why is that your solution now? After everything? You didn’t even talk to me first, you didn’t try to talk to me when you were going to hurt our body. I know your answer isn’t ‘I don’t know,’ you just don’t want to tell me. Tough shit, Marc! You are going to tell me.”

Steven didn’t realize how short his tone had gotten. Marc stared at him, obviously startled.

“I’m sorry,” Steven soothed, backtracking and lowering his voice. “I’m not—I’m just—I’m worried about you. I'm worried in general, alright? This is my body, too. And I’m trying to help you, right, that’s what I’m here for, but… I’m still new to the job, mate.”

Marc shook his head. “You’re doing great. I’m the one fucking this up.”

“I need to know,” Steven insisted, his voice still soft, but also demanding. “Why did you want to do this? What made you want to do this?”

Marc knew that if he was better at explaining himself, he wouldn’t be sitting here in the first place. Every thought that came to his mind felt too excruciating to say out loud. Too shameful. He couldn’t think of any words that covered the breadth of it without making him want to heave. Marc picked the best string of words his brain could make. He hoped that Steven would understand.

“It’s what I deserve.”

—

(This is the first cut)

He may have been pouring a bit too much energy into his job. What else was Marc supposed to do? Layla was busy doing work for Taweret, and he hadn’t had time to call his own since before he was indebted to Khonshu. Even before that, his fate always belonged to Bushman or the Marines or to his mom. This was just about the first time in his life that he could do whatever he pleased. And he really didn’t know what he pleased. So he worked.

Marc had put as much care into Mrs. Bamford’s home as he’d put in hiding himself from Steven. Hell, he’d probably put even more care than that into it. She had made him a list of things to do around the estate—things she was too old and tired to do herself. There was never a true expectation that he would check off every box, but he was determined to do so. Marc took care of the weekly things, sure, like mowing the lawn and cleaning the pool that no one used anymore. He weeded the garden and scraped the stone pathway and trimmed the hedges. He repotted all her plants, he changed the lightbulbs that she couldn’t reach and he did as much amateur plumbing and electrical work as he could manage.

After that, it turned into something else. He bought new flowers to plant in the garden. He installed handrails on the steps out the back, and one in each of the showers inside of the house. He fixed the wobbly legs on the chairs in the dining room, and he changed the batteries in the clock on the wall that had been dead for ages. When the list was checked off, and when Mrs. Bamford couldn’t think of anything else for him to do, he started cooking dinner for her.

He couldn’t help himself. He was thankful, and she was thankful, and they both so desperately needed the company.

So that’s where he was now—cooking dinner for Mrs. Bamford in her kitchen while she sat in the next room over completing a jigsaw puzzle. Marc had to admit that he wasn’t the best cook by far, but he’d learned a few staple dishes that Layla always seemed to enjoy. He hoped that his employer would like them just as much.

“Thought you would be busy tonight,” Mrs. Bamford tutted. She looked up at him over the rim of her reading glasses. “I saw you texting your lady friend earlier.”

Marc went rigid and turned away from her.

She laughed. “Of course, I couldn’t read any of it. Not that I would do that if I could. God knows Charles spent enough time scolding me for being nosy.”

Marc didn’t know much about Charles Bamford, other than the fact that he had been dead for about two years. She didn’t like to talk about him much, but Mrs. Bamford found herself spilling stray thoughts about her beloved husband whenever Marc made conversation.

“Anyway. Why is it that you’re wasting your evening here with me, and not with your honey?”

Marc shook his head. “She’s on a business trip, and it’s not a waste. It’s the least I could do.”

Mrs. Bamford grinned. “A business trip, hmm? She sounds like a nice strong woman. Now tell me again, what’s her name, dear?”

“Layla.” It wasn’t hard to catch the reverence in his voice.

Marc plated up his dinner and hers, clearing his throat as a signal to her to come to the dining table across from the kitchen. Mrs. Bamford pulled her glasses off of her face before making her way to the front of the room. Marc lowered her plate onto the table in front of her.

“What a love name, Steven. She sounds just wonderful. Are you thinking of settling down with her soon?” Mrs. Bamford’s grin was cheeky.

Marc wasn’t sure how she managed to get his life story from him, but Mrs. Bamford had successfully weaseled several facts about himself out of Marc in the past weeks. It seemed so natural to share himself with her.

His expression dropped. “We’ve been married four years.”

Her face scrunched up in confusion. “I thought you lived alone, dear.”

“It’s complicated,” he breathed. She gave a small nod before bringing a spoonful of food to her mouth.

They took the first bites in silence. Not an awkward silence, necessarily. Just a neutral quiet. Marc ate his food methodically. He had always had trouble with eating too fast or too slow. Wendy had sent him to bed more than once without dinner for ‘playing’ with his food, even though Marc never understood what exactly that meant. Dinner went on for a little while before Mrs. Bamford cleared her throat. Marc looked up at her with focused attention.

“Charles and I never could have children. Tried for nearly ten years, but the doctors always said it was hopeless.” He bit the inside of his cheek, not knowing how to respond exactly. She continued anyway. “Sometimes it was a blessing. I think we just about traveled to every country in Europe at some point. It was hard, though, not being able to be what I thought he needed. I wanted to make him a father. I wanted to make good on our vows and build a family with him.”

Marc had stopped eating by now. “I’m sorry.”

She smiled at him. “But it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t his fault, either. God, how many sleepless nights I could have saved if I realized that sooner. I thought I was failing him. I thought I was less of a woman. Charles never thought that, though. Not even for a second. He never loved me any less than the moment he married me. Most of the time, he loved me more than I loved me.”

“I don’t know what’s gone on with you and your wife. All I mean to say is that I’ve noticed the way you carry yourself. Steven, darling, if you keep going on thinking you don’t deserve this woman, you’re only hurting the both of you. It’s obvious that you have a lot of love to give her. From what you’ve told me, I imagine she’s got just as much in return. I think sometimes the nicest thing you can do is just… let them love you. It would have been so much kinder to Charles if I had just let him love me. Even in those moments that I didn’t love myself. Those moments that I thought I didn’t deserve him. That’s when he needed to love me the most.”

Marc felt his cheeks burning hot. A lump in his throat threatened to make him choke if he spoke. Mrs. Bamford continued on with her food, enjoying the dish as if she hadn’t said anything at all.

It bothered him, the more he thought about it. “How did you know that about me?”

“Know what, dear?” She hummed.

He swallowed thickly, trying to clear his throat. “You said… you noticed how I ‘carried myself.’ I don’t know what that means.”

“Oh, Steven,” she tutted, tilting her head in a patronizing way. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a strong young man look so constantly startled. You hide it so well, son, but you can’t fool an old woman. I know that you’re crazy about her, and I know that a man like you can’t possibly care that much about my azaleas. You want to make everyone else happy, but it isn’t just out of chivalry. You want to convince them to like you.”

Marc stuttered over his breath, shaking his head slightly.

Mrs. Bamford smiled. She reached out to pat his hand. “Darling, I promise. We already like you.”

He broke his gaze away from her then. The silence that followed this time was much less comfortable. Marc only said one other thing before they finished their meal, something that made Mrs. Bamford smile a grin so wide and bright that his chest filled with warmth from the sight.

“I’m going to ask her to move back in with me.”

—

Mrs. Bamford had almost finished her jigsaw puzzle by the time Marc was done with the dishes. He had turned all the lights off except for the lamp in the study and the light in the hall that allowed her to see her way to her bedroom. Marc fully intended to leave after dinner, but he was mesmerized by watching her complete the thousand-piece picture of the log cabin in the mountains. The radio sang softly from the corner, just slightly static enough to put him at ease.

Marc had just reached for his boots when the song faded out. In the pause between the music, he swore he could hear a faint clattering coming from somewhere beside him. He pulled on his boots, tying them quickly by muscle memory, and another sound rustled from outside. That one, he was sure he heard. Marc crept across the room to switch off the radio, puzzling his employer.

“Is something wrong, dear?” She asked him. He only shushed in response.

A light scraping noise rang through the room, just loud enough for her old ears to pick up. Marc held his hand out, motioning for her to stay seated where she was. He knew from experience what that sound was.

A crowbar. Someone was trying to pry the back door open.

Marc grabbed the stoker from the hook beside the fireplace. He treaded lightly down the hall, wielding the rod like a bat. His heart was beating fast, and Marc couldn’t help the way his adrenaline rush made him feel excited. He had someone to protect. That was important. What was also important, though, as much as he wanted to deny it, was that Marc was more than satisfied that he had someone to punish. Someone that wasn’t him.

The door swung open, and Marc wasted no time bringing the intruder to the ground. It was a young, skinny man, his clothes tattered and oversized. He had dropped his crowbar in exchange for a switchblade, which he tried meekly to jab into Marc’s side. He barely got in one good swing before the blade had been thrown across the room.

Marc held onto a moment of leverage, bearing his teeth and getting close to the man’s face. He sneered, “What exactly did you think you were gonna find in here?”

Beer was heavy on the man’s breath. His words were slurred, but his attitude was self-assured. “Just looking for some spending cash, bruv. The ol’ lady’s gotta have some jewelry or some…”

He dug his nails into Marc’s shoulder, catching him off-guard. Marc fumbled enough for him to throw a clean punch at his jaw. The intruder pulled himself from under Marc, trying and failing to get to his feet and flee through the door he’d just broken into. Marc’s hand wrapped firmly around his ankle, and the man’s chin collided with the hardwood floor. The man reared back his leg, kicking Marc in the chest.

Marc saw red.

Within a second, the man was lying under him. Marc straddled his waist, sloppily supporting his weight with one hand while the other dealt blow after blow to the intruder's face. He got two solid punches in before an urgent voice rang in his head.

He’s down, mate. Just call 999 and let them arrest him.

Marc ignored it, so much so that he almost convinced himself he hadn’t heard it at all. Another hit splattered blood across Marc’s arm. The man yelped, trying to block his face.

That’s enough! Calm down.

The intruder sneered and whined, peeling his lips back in a groan to reveal a row of straight, bloody teeth to Marc. He weakly spat out the blood from his clearly-broken nose.

“I won’t take anything,” the man cried. Marc shook his head.

“You picked the wrong fucking house,” he seethed. Another blow landed underneath his jaw. Marc’s body was filled with that familiar rushing feeling. His heart was beating a mile a minute and, even without Khonshu’s power, he felt strong enough to lift a truck.

The intruder whimpered. “Please.”

Marc, stop this. He’s clearly learned his lesson. You’re gonna break our hand.

Another punch, square in the face, and the man gurgled on the blood that ran down his throat.

That’s it. Enough.

And Steven was kneeling over a man with a broken nose. Marc didn’t protest as he was pushed backward, simply going limp and quiet and watching as Steven picked himself up off the ground. The man didn’t try to move, cupping his face in his hands and groaning. Steven resisted the urge to mutter an I’m terribly sorry. The truth be told, he wasn’t very much sorry at all. Not to this man, at least.

“Mrs. Bamford,” he called down the hall, trying to make his voice a bit more like Marc’s. “Don’t go anywhere. I’m coming to you.”

“Steven?” Her voice was shaky. She seemed confused. “Are you alright, dear?”

“I’m alright,” he assured. He glanced over his shoulder, making sure the intruder had no intention of picking himself up out of the pool of blood he lay in.

“Did he run away?” She asked. “I’ve called the police. They’re on their way.”

Steven but his lip. He rounded the corner to where she was and her eyes fell to the blood on his hands. “He didn’t run away. He’s not going to hurt you. I promise.”

He expected her to be more fearful then. Fearful of Steven, in particular. The violence should have terrified her, but she only looked to be pitying him. She put her hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you go ahead back to your flat, dear. I’ll talk to the police when they get here.”

Steven shook his head, but she only replied with a knowing stare. He backed away, watching as she picked the fire stoker up off of the floor and pointed it at the man lying on the ground. Mrs. Bamford nodded at him, and he was running as fast as he could away from the estate.

——

I hope this chapter isn't confusing. I haven't proofread it (I never do) and I know I pushed two separate stories into the same chapter but they're related I promise hhhhh.

@n1ght5h4d3-24 @magicwithaknife @rmoonstoner @nervouslaught3r @unavoidabledirewolf @kbakery @mccn-bcys @gingermous @avatarofseshat @damreonsgirl @dragons-are-my-favorite @k8esilver @competentpotato @theconsultingdoctor10 @rayrlupin @moony-artemis @nerdory10 @valkyrieace

@ahookedheroespureheart @mt2sssss @loki-hargreeves @starfirette @celeste4121-blog @avengersinitiative2012 @sifinskies @unspokenmoon @maplemind @mainstreambitchlife @hot-mess-express1 @toracainz @zarahbronstein @daughterofthequeen @am-3-thyst @romanarose @wand-erer5 @jake-g-lockley @in-between-the-cafes-deactivate @alexismm @moonmoonboys

#masterlist #fire within my soul #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #layla el faouly #moon knight #moon boys

16 notes · View notes

screechthemighty · 11 months

Text

Didn't wait for an answer, here's a selection of the funniest random observations I made while reading a terrifying amount of Moon Knight last year:

Werewolf by Night #32:

I shouldn't be shocked seeing how I'm starting on the 32nd issue of an obscure comics character but I have. Zero clue what's going on.

"I've never been celibate when it comes to curiosity" why would you phrase it like that.

"Out to do my job and collect my bread" *thinks of the meme and tries not to scream-laugh in public*

Marvel Spotlight #28

This dude is really calling himself Conquer Lord and has an alligator pit, comics are WILD

Marvel Two-in-One #52

...he...he tried to kill me with a forklift...

Moon Knight #1

Marlene get it together damn

Okay no but actually Marc immediately getting up, rambling cryptic nonsense, stealing a cloak off a statue, and then running to kill a guy is so on brand.

Moon Knight #4:

"The flash blinded me!!" smug matt murdock laughter

Moon Knight 6:

"I don't much like Marc Spector" the more things change etc. etc. etc.

"Kill the Americans" *frenchie voice* EXCUSE YOU-

Moon Knight 7:

WE HAVE THE MUSTACHE LADIES AND GENTS, WE HAVE THE MUSTACHE

"Speaking of your precious pretty boy millionaire" JAKE PLEASE LMAOOO

Moon Knight 10:

Ah yes, a mental breakdown while soaking wet...classic.

"Emotionally turbulent public chauffeur" I am ONLY calling Jake that from now on

PLEASE NOT HIM ALAS POOR YORICK-ING ON A GARGOYLE...

Moon Knight 12:

What in the Russian Sleep Experiment is going on here on this day

Moon Knight 16:

Invoking Diana and Charles aged very badly lmao

Moon Knight 22:

How many car crashes has Frenchie been in this run?? Like three or four by now????

Moon Knight 27:

"What's the going price for a cop" JACOB LOCKLEY LMAO

NOT THE KINGPIN, MATT WHERE ARE YOU

"The Kingpin can wait until another day" *muffled matt voice* NO PLEASE HE'S YOUR PROBLEM NOW COME BACK

Moon Knight 28:

"If you're lucky, you don't wake for a week" PRETTY sure that's called a coma

"You both deserve a kiss" I can promise you, Khonshu does not

Moon Knight 34:

0/10 they made Gena cry

Moon Knight 35:

"The man's determination is both inspiring and frightening." That's it, that's the system.

Moon Knight 37:

"Bottled up hostility and fists, fists, fists." That's why you're not allowed to hang out with Daredevil

Fist of Khonshu 4:

I hate that this version of the mask has lips

Fist of Khonshu 6:

This run was kind of ass, full offense.

West Coast Avengers Collection:

Wait why are they putting Tony in a special tank for the suit...just take the suit???

PLEASE NOT CLEA FLIRTING WITH BEN FRANKLIN

Moon Knight doesn't show up until almost 80% of the way through, I want my money back.

"The Temple of Khonshu" ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP, YOU STUPID PIGEON

"Time has split in seven" please stop splitting time...

West Coast Avengers 31-37:

Marc voice: sorry babe, just dissociating and chatting with my moon god

I'm sorry, Doctor Doom Norted a boy?????

Marc: I have a plan *immediately gets beamed in the head by a mace* Tigra: Is...is that the plan?????

WAIT HE'S BEEN POSSESSED BY KHONSHU THIS WHOLE TIME???

Everyone: wow, ain't love grand Bobbi: I'm divorcing Clint

Marc Spector: Moon Knight 9

Okay as much as I like unkillable Marc, it is a little funny when he's walking around complaining about his ribs

Amazing Spider-Man 353-358

Midnight really does look like Eren Jaegar and it's distracting

Did Frank. Did Frank really just risk blowing his cover to make a pun.

Daken: Dark Wolverine 15:

"The fact that I may collapse any second from blood loss begs to differ" Marc I am begging you to get to a hospital.

Moon Knight (2014) - Wood Edition:

Marc showing up looking homeless with a dusting of his own blood = SO ON BRAND

AND THEN IMMEDIATELY GETTING HIS ASS KICKED Marc, never change

MARC SPECTOR HAVING A NORMAL ONE

Moon Knight (2016) - Lemire Edition:

FINALLY BACK BABY LET'S GO

I'm sorry but the fact that this IS all in Marc's head and he's remember his friends with such fondness is...I'm emo...

"I'm nothing without my friends, Gena" screaming crying frothing at the mouth etc.

"Maybe my job was just to get us here. Give you a chance to rest." SCREAMING. CRYING. ETC. ETC.

Absolutely hate that his "dying" thoughts are of his friends, Lemire I'm coming for you personally

"I'll see Gena. She'll know what to do." tries not to scream in public

"That's a very specific lead, Crawley" all of his leads are like that my dude

Steven just watching Anput bite that dude's throat like "oof sucks for that guy. anyway-"

Moon Knight (2017) - Suffering in the Bemis Run:

Oh she is about to make this so much worse.

OH YOU MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE

"The inspector holmes of kung fu madmen" what am I READING, what YEAR IS IT???

"Marc Spector can be overly confident" that's the first correct thing you've said all issue, dude

I don't like the use of "psychopath" as an insult but someone (presumably Steven or Jake but MAYBE Khonshu) putting Marlene in his phone as "let it go" IS pretty funny [Note from present me: My theory for this is that it was Steven, since as of the Mackay run only Marc and Jake still seem to have strong feelings for her.]

Kicking his flaming pants onto Sun King was definitely not beneath him. That's extremely on brand.

Guys I'm tired...

Doctor Strange Damnation:

"In, but out of his mind" oh this is already gonna get exhausting

"Try not to kill any of them. That means you, Knight" HI, HELLO, BLADE IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE, JOHNNY BURNS PEOPLES' SOULS OUT, WHY ARE YOU SINGLING HIM OUT???

I'M NOT GONNA READ GHOST RIDER TO UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE SHUT UP

Avengers: Age of Khonshu (oh boy):

Thor with baby! Thor with baby!!

"Consorting with moon wizards" STILL NOT THE WEIRDEST THING HE'S EVER DONE

"quivering chicken-god" HEY only we're allowed to call him that! (there is something weirdly wholesome about Marc taking the lead, though)

I've only had Robbie Reyes for five seconds but I'd commit a felony for him

YOU'RE ARRESTING KHONSHU???? YOU CAN'T ARREST KHONSHU???????

Okay update, I guess Thor can arrest Khonshu. I hope they go for the punishment of having Loki throw birdseed at him for the next couple thousand years.

T'Challa: You should join up with us now that we're done fighting. Marc, thinking about how everyone called him crazy BEFORE he did some dumb boneheaded shit, and how much worse it'll be now that he beat up Thor: Y'know what i'm GOOD, THANKS-

Moon Knight - MacKay Edition:

VAMPIRE MLM, TRULY THE FACE OF EVIL

Man, Marc is just trying to turn a new leaf, help some people, and people REALLY CANNOT JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE, HUH...militant atheists on one hand, religious extremists on the other, my dude needs a NAP

"You lost me at 'destroy our enemies' but I appreciate the effort" Reese I'd die for you I hope you know that

"And that makes us brothers" Marc this is why you've gotta start hanging out with Jake and Steven again, every other brother you've had has sucked lmao

"You know I can see in the dark, right?" "You know I can't, right?" D&D parties with the token human be like-

#screech reads moon knight #that sure was a time in my life #these aren't even all the random notes I took just the funny ones I had saved in a notes app

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imasimpforstevengrant · 1 year

Text

THRICE (Chapter 1)

Summary:

Marc Spector has no idea how troubled he truly is....and will be. Three times cursed: prisoner of his mind, prisoner of the will and deceits of a vengeful god and prisoner of a love he cannot fully bask on. Loving Layla El-Faouly had been the hardest and most wonderful thing Spector has ever faced in life.

After his deal for freedom, he once more relishes the joy of his marriage to Layla, as his coexistence with Steven Grant becomes harmonic. His former servitude as the avatar of Khonshu, the Egyptian God of the moon, does not come at a small price. Little does Marc Spector know his newfound happiness shall be soon shattered, as Khonshu has plans to reunite the three of them.

Notes:

This written work contains several references from the comics and takes a lot of inspiration of them. This fic looks to "adapt" a few Moon Knight stories from my own personal selection.

Word count: 2.657

Sorry for any typos, since my first language is not English (Chilean spanish for the win lol)

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, pre, during and (mostly) post Moon Knight, flashbacks, blood and violent content ahead, supernatural themes, very sensitive issues, strong sexual themes, light BDSM, mild voyeurism, Dom/sub undertones, male insecurities, heterosexual sex, very, very explicit sex scenes, dirty talk, DID, existential/identity crisis.

Chapter summary:

Marc Spector is still haunted by his sins. Memories of an experience near death, becoming the High Priest of Khonshu and falling in love still siege his dreams, though his services have concluded.

-----

FIRST PART.

The man under the moon (Marc)

Dessert serves as the anteroom of hell. A silent martyr is about to be formed. Injured and hardly able to walk, Marc Spector leads his steps towards an ancient temple. Death is a breath away from claiming his existence.

Moonlight enters the sacred place, enlightenment gives it a special aura. Marc can feel a cold, deadly shiver crawling up his spine. Like a dying animal, Marc crawls slowly.

All those people murdered. Because of greed and his own incompetence. The faces of the executed victims devastate his mind, contributing to his final emotional disintegration. Blood stained and disgusted at himself, Marc is willing to pay for his sin. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to gather enough willpower to pull the trigger. Peace was one bullet away. Until a deep, otherworldly voice echoed through the temple.

"What a waste."

He froze, loosening his grip on the gun.

"Huh?" Was all he could articulate, terrified, instinctively eyeing towards the direction.

The horrid, ominous voice pronounced itself again.

"I feel the pain inside of you"

Confused, Marc frowns. He wouldn't let fate mock his misery.

"What the hell are you?" he demanded, surprised at his courage to demand an answer.

Marc couldn't avert his eyes from the gargantuan, anthropomorphic statue holding a staff, with petrous solemnity. The moonlight rays added a bluish hue, contrasting with the darkened zones.

"I am the god Khonshu… in search of a warrior" he finally replied.

A loud scoff emerged from his mouth.

"A warrior" Marc at least found it funny, "Well, good luck with that."

The voice didn't stop there. Whoever it is, it now proposes an offering, despite Spector's shameless derision.

A quest for a champion, a warrior to become its hands, eyes and vengeance. Marc kept his eyes shut, unable to ignore what that mysterious being was saying, as if it was the devil itself talking him out of his suicidal intentions. Protect the innocent, who he called 'night travellers' at all costs by punishing ruthlessly those who meant them harm. Only the undeserving ones.

"Do you want death or do you want life?"

The mercenary seemed to forget he was a breath away from being a corpse. What was so elegantly spoken was nothing but a devil's deal.

"I don't know" he mumbled, cast down.

"Your mind, I feel it. Fractured. Broken. Most fascinating. You are a worthy candidate to serve me during this time" the voice suddenly pronounced about his tormented psyche.

The moonlight undoing the darkness suddenly nests the idea of redemption. Even if that meant abandoning his humanity. Reducing himself to a tool to pour the blood of all of those deemed unworthy.

With an ominous voice, an oath echoed. Marc Spector would arise as the powerful last word against those who commit evil deeds. A benign monstrosity to diminish mankind's suffering through his own ordeal.

Or maybe it was just a way for him to keep being what he had always been. A killer.

"Yes," Marc Spector swore, with an honourable last breath as an atonement for everyone he had wronged.

A sudden shiver ran through his being, sensing the painful rebirth renewing his strength. A glowing whitish hue took over his dark irises, arms open to embrace this new identity as a vessel of justice. Soon, he was fully enrobed with an imposing, fearful armor that granted him immortality.

From then, oblivion would be a rare joy, constantly wishing to fail and so, meeting the natural end that should have never been altered. There was no life in him, just a deeply disturbed individual, an artist of survival.

The healing ended up being a curse.

-----

Blood.

Red, extended stains replaced mostly the light hue of sand. His eyes widened at the looted small village, looking for the answers in the several corpses surrounding him. Those were the first things to be shocking enough to bring him back into the moment. Wails and screams go unheard while regaining control of himself but it was always those crimson droplets, like wounds on the silvery armour that reminded him of the merciless slaughter.

“What the hell happened?” his voice could only articulate. Despite his (new) majestic and gallant appearance, he still felt vulnerable before that hated uncertainty. He gasped, seeing golden, sharp moons over dozens of men, piercing eyes, ripping throats. A crimson festival of guts, and horrified expressions in their faces. He saw himself in a broken mirror from another, unfortunate victim, laying dead with a couple of scarlet holes in the chest.

All of them saw two glowing, white eyes before meeting a gruesome end at his hands.

“Behold your deed, my Moon Knight. Those widows live because you have accomplished your task as a vessel for my will,” Marc heard that voice again. Scared, he looked up. His heart beats with the fury of a war drum. There was satisfaction in his voice. His eyes, glowing with a beautiful white, crescent moon are now dark as an abyss. Hood and mask also fade.

A whitish silhouette appeared as he looked back. He quickly turned around just to look up to the sky, a full moon embellished the celestial vault that so many horrors had he seen.

Marc suddenly realizes his hands are filled with blood and chunks of meat. One still holds the clothed neck of the unlucky man, from whose smashed skull still drips gory lumps of flesh. He gasps in disgust at himself.

The gurgling sounds and overflowing blood from the mouth of his victim soon end. If Marc hadn’t looked back at him, he wouldn’t have noticed it. Guilt nests in his heart.

Did he really rip off all those lives in such a horrific way?

This deity stares at his work from above, the height accentuating his grim appearance.

“Every single one of them deserved it, Marc. Remember it”, Khonshu descended from the tall columns, almost comforting the consciousness of his avatar. He brought a waning moon staff even taller than him.

It was that horrifying hybrid with a human body and a giant, vulture skull for a head.

A moon-shaped staff in his hand, bony and wrapped in worn out bandages finally confirm that this wasn’t a dream. Khonshu did not give life back to Marc Spector.

He just had turned him into an walking, murderous sarcophagus.

Violence, insanity and death had always been the bane of his existence. The cold flavour of whiskey helps to cope with the horrified expressions of those slaughtered in the village. Even cheerful sounds coming from outside the Egyptian bar reminded his nightmares, imagining the distorted faces howling in horror.

Another sip distracts him. He preferred a cold drink, combating the suffocating heat in the Middle East. Whenever he's not fighting, his thoughts dwell with murky truths.

Being the living tool of a vengeful god had its tolls on the little sanity he had left. Sleepless nights saturated his brain with the weight that meant to be not only Khonshu's mortal last word against evildoers, but also posing as his High Priest on Earth. He ruffled his hair, trying to enjoy the fucking drink.

He had the opportunity to catch a sight of himself in a mirror that night, as he could remember from his nightmares. Marc Spector, togged in a ceremonial armour, designed to inspire terror by contrasting with the darkness of the night. A spectre that didn't hide. A spectre that knew beforehand that, no matter how much of a good target he was, they would never stand a chance against him, for none of them would hit the moon.

It spoke thousands of words about the baleful nature of that entity he now served.

His private and quiet suffering seems irrupted by a local hubbub. Marc turns his head toward the noisy multitude. It was outside, in the market place. Maybe just another altercation between merchants, and back to sipping more of the whiskey.

He left a few bucks on the table and left. The hot weather burned his skin, obliging him to look for shelter. Shadows offer freshness, to keep diving in his personal hell.

Nightfall darkens the sky. Marc doesn't see the moon, he just sees the eye of Khonshu watching over his life.

"I've seen your past tormenting you," the beaked, mummified creature croaked from the shadowed corner of the room. Marc almost threw his drink over the table.

"Do you have to appear like this every time we talk?" He hissed.

"Evil doesn't rest, Marc. You made a deal with me to protect night travelers in exchange for your life"

"I know what I did. It's not easy to deal with all the those people killed"

"I will repeat it only once, Marc Spector. Those fallen under your hand deserved to die"

Marc closed his eyes, trying to wash away all those horrified faces.

"Cease this pointless guilt. It will only make your task more difficult"

"What do you propose?" Marc asked.

"Look at the looted tombs. Innocent blood claims for justice. Do what you must, Moon Knight" and with these words, the deity disappeared into the night.

Soon, Marc Spector summoned the ceremonial armour, flying over the Egyptian sky to find himself near the place that changed everything in his life. There was a convoy of four jeeps, all of them driven by Arabic speakers. A cold shiver froze his spine when he recognized that familiar voice.

"Look at this. Look at all this fucking shit" an angry complain was all he could get clear from the murmur.

Marc peeped out of the dune, seeing Bushman carrying a rifle on his shoulders while smoking a cigar. He was walking around a small bonfire, apparently speaking with a few men near him.

"If it wasn't for that fucking insurgent, I wouldn't be in these newspapers!" Bushman screamed fiercely, "now all of Egypt knows I'm riding tombs, and all because one man decided to play noble at the last moment!"

The vigilante gritted his teeth.

'Killing the witnesses wasn't part of the plan, you piece of shit!" Marc wished to reply.

"Spector was never the guy with a conscience. Why did he suddenly care for one life when he murdered dozens?" He sat, placing the weapon at his left, "he was this close to becoming rich and he chose to turn against me at the last minute. Too bad nobility doesn't save you from a bullet"

One of his companions started speaking in Arabic, but Marc understood perfectly.

"One of the victims…"

"What?" Bushman growled, irritated.

"Abdallah El-Faouly."

The soldiers turned to each other, seemingly agreeing with the familiarity of the aforementioned man. They kept speaking in Arabic, constantly repeating a name related to the deceased man. Marc's face starts to contort in horror, deducing what is going to happen.

"What's with that woman?" One asked.

"It's his daughter," another replied, " I've heard she used to work with Abdallah during his expeditions in tombs. She's known to cause troubles in the black market recovering stolen relics."

Bushman remains thoughtful, rolling the cigar between his fingers.

"Do you know more about her?"

Marc didn't breathe to hear it.

"Her name is Layla El-Faouly. Look in the center of Cairo, merchants will offer valuable information for a good price," the first man added.

Bushman smoked a long drag of his cigar, to then toss it seconds later. He chuckled, and Marc knew too well what it meant.

"Find her and kill her," he dryly ordered, "I don't want any loose ends."

Before the men could retire to rest, Marc Spector soon flew back to the residence he inhabited. Regret starts consuming him, despite his efforts to put his thoughts in order.

It was the daughter of the man he tried to save. Oh, fate had its ways to atone people's sins. During all night his mind spent thinking on everything he could do to avoid her death. Marc couldn't let Bushman claim another victim. Dawn arrives and with the first lights filtering through waving curtains. Determination gives him strength, and at a steady pace, he walks out of the room to fulfill his mission.

The marketplace was overcrowded, which made it easier for him to sneak out, looking for any suspicious activity in the locals. Masking himself with typical clothes, Marc pays attention to every move, every whisper, every gesture.

Suddenly, he recognised one of the men in Bushman's convoy. Marc got up when he saw him calling a merchant, with a picture in hand and a bag of money in the other one. Luckily for him, they went to another room to discuss El-Faouly's daughter's whereabouts. Ear stuck against the wall, he hears the conversation in Arabic:

"People have seen her in the tombs, looking for answers for what happened in that raid" the man pointed out to the pyramids, visible thanks to the window at their left.

"Is she married? Children? Any other relatives?" The other one asked.

"No. She's Abdallah's only daughter. An archeologist. People around here won't be angry if she disappears. Maybe they will thank you for taking the matter in your hands" and then, immediately, Bushman's affiliate paid the man, who leaned his head as a sign of respect. Marc hid in the wall separating the bathrooms and halls. Just five armed men, moving through the city in a jeep. He had to be quick, not getting attention, at his most silent.

Bushman's associate didn't reach the door once Marc shot him in the back. He didn't care about the sharp swearing, placing the knife in his throat. He warns him about a quick death if he shares vital information.

"Tell me more about El-Faouly's daughter" Marc hissed, twisting the knife over the left side of his neck. But he did not get any answer related to Layla, which only increased his anger.

"I saw you– you're– you're dead!" He screamed, terrified, "you died in the desert! How is it possible?!"

"There are a lot of things you won't understand. Tell me about her!"

"It can't be–"

"Speak!" Spector spits, impatient. Things got more difficult when the man, convinced he was seeing a ghost, began to scream for help. Spector beats his ribs, breaking them with heavy, bloody fists. The man tried to call for help, but only muffled sounds came out of his mouth.

"Speak or I swear I'll leave you in the desert! Now tell me if that man said something about her location" Marc growled, carving a painful wound, causing the information to flow.

"People have seen her sneaking into tombs… Bushman– called to ambush her in an Egyptian tomb once we knew her whereabouts– Shoot to kill, at all costs… Her situation helps to go undercover."

"Son of a bitch" Marc hissed, his blood boiling. The man stared at him, puzzled.

"Why do you suddenly care so much for a woman now? You didn't hesitate to kill dozens of people back in Sudan, Jordania–"

"Shut up! Shut up!" Marc hissed, covering his mouth.

"You won't atone your sins by saving her, Spector… you're just an insane, murderous bastard, as Bushman said"

Marc gritted his teeth, slitting his throat. A puddle of blood formed on the floor while taking off his weapons. While looking for more ammo, he found a flat object that turned out to be a picture. Marc takes the photo to have a closer look.

There was this lovely woman, dark skin, curly hair cascading down her shoulders, a sweet smile curving her pink, glossy lips. Marc felt he had been hypnotized. He slides his fingers down the picture, in an instinct to touch her. There was a dedication, written in Arabic, at the reverse.

"My little scarab,

August 13th 2016"

Marc thought in the possibility it had been looted in the raid, alongside other belongings. He kept the photo to recognise her, wishing it wasn't too late.

#oscar isaac moon knight #oscar isaac #may calamawy #marvel moon knight #moon knight #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockey #layla el faouly #moon knight fic #moon knight fanfic #moon knight smut #marc spector x layla el faouly #steven grant x layla el faouly #jake lockley x layla el faouly #moon knight imagine #moon knight fluff

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luxshine · 2 years

Text

Moon Knight Primer, Part Fourteen

Moon Knight (2016) #188 - 193

Prologue, Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII

Ok, so… the Bemis run.

This one is complicated. It is not as abysmally bad as Bendis, or Dixon, or Huston, but it still has some very, very problematic stuff regarding both mental health, violence, class and sexuality. On the other hand, it is the run that gave us “Dad” Khonshu and “Daddy Issues Khonshu”. It’s one of the very, VERY few runs where Khonshu is an active positive presence in the guys’ lives, and they are acting together as a system for the whole thing. So… half full glass.

It also reintroduces the worst girlfriend ever -although this time they remember that she used to have a spine and was a cool lady when not dealing with her boyfriend and his alters- and Jean Paul as a constant presence in the guys’s lives. Not only that but, while putting Khonshu directly in the guys’s headspace in a way that some think he’s another Alter, just one very unattached to the others’ lives in a way, he also introduces MORE Egyptian gods, in particular, Ra, Khonshu’s father and the Sun God, who has a present-day avatar -and whose avatars fought against previous Khonshu’s avatars for centuries- so, yeah, we get the possibility of the gods being real, or it all being in someone’s head given the reason why Ra resurfaces -which is part of the problematic stuff because of course it is. Oh, and it also gives us Diatrice Spector who is an adorable ball of light and joy. Again, it’s very hard to hate Bemis for this.

It’s just that the bad stuff? At least in my opinion? Is really bad.

Once again, I am going through generals because we’re back to the “Most everything happens in the real world so we don’t need three pages of symbolism explained”.

So let’s start with the really, really bad.

Besides the title of the first arc which is “Crazy runs in the family”.

SIGH.

This run introduces two new villains: the Sun King and The Truth. The Truth is mostly used as a first disk boss, and a punchline as his powers are a bit uncontrollable and anyone within his effect area will start revealing all the truths that they hide, their true thoughts. This, of course, makes Marc at some point start saying that he doesn’t really believe in Khonshu and that all is in his mind, but he manages to get out of it quite fast. The fact that Moon Knight is somewhat immune to The Truth if he concentrates. Will come up again later.

The Truth, by the way, is not exactly a villain. He’s more on the nihilistic scale where he just thinks that everyone’s true feelings will end up in violence.

HOWEVER, the problematic stuff comes when, recruited by the Sun King, The Truth comes into contact with Bushman who is alive AGAIN, and that causes Bushman… to constantly declare his love for Marc, to the point of annoyance from Sun King, The Truth, and Bushman. It starts somewhat ok, and interesting: The Truth’s powers start by making you face the Truths you don’t want to admit to yourself so people start blurting things randomly as The truth’s powers sometimes leak. BEFORE he meet the Truth? Bushman had admitted that after all that has happened between him and Marc? Well, he’s terrified of facing Moon Knight again so he tries to keep his drug dealing under the radar. And given that in Marvel, no matter how many times they ret-con details, at the same time EVERYTHING still happened (Something that becomes interesting given the fact that they just tried to whitewash Marc’s time with Bushman), this means at least two deaths, the infamous face removal, and three other random encounters. So yeah, healthy fear of Moon Knight? Understandable. Him letting himself go a bit because he started eating a lot of junk food and delegating action to others? Kinda iffy especially as he’s drawn fatter than bigger, and he’s made into sort of a comic relief which is… kinda fatphobic to be honest. But once he gets in contact with the Truth, we find out that the junk food eating is a full on ED -he is constantly eating junk food- because, and I quote “I eat because I feel powerless. I feel powerless because I’m obsessed with the handsome dirtbag who tore my face off.” And later on, while they’re trying to interrogate Marc? We get the line “When Marc talks, We Listen! HE’s all I really have in this world!”

And then he idiotically tries to fight Moon Knight one on one again, and of course loses and almost sets Moon Knight free from Sun King if it wasn’t for the Truth FINALLY being able to get into Marc’s head just in time for plot reasoning.

Bushman’s confession is never, EVER, mentioned again. (Also, what WAS going on in that merc camp? Because with this we have TWO ex-mercs who worked with Marc in that particular mission who were in love with him. Which granted, it isn’t much, but it’s weird it happened twice.)

We will talk more about the Truth in the next arc, but interestingly, while their first encounter is as violent as every supervillain fight is -and we’re going to talk about that because it’s part of the demonization of my man Jake Lockley- after that? Every encounter with the truth in the arc is just them… talking. Sometimes the Truth convinces Moon Knight, but at the end? Because Marc beats Sun King The Truth just goes “Oh. So truth is not black and white. Uh. I need to be put in the system so I can start thinking about this. Thank you so much, Mr. Moon Knight.”

Which, to be frank? Is a very healthy way to deal with defeat that I hadn’t seen in Marvel since the days of the Mad Thinker (who actually went on to change his name to Thinker because HE was far ahead on the “why are we demonizing mental health issues” train)

But then there’s Sun King.

On paper? Sun King is a great idea. He is the literal reflection of Marc Spector: A former soldier, with a dubious backstory as he can’t really remember his past, who got a little bit scrambled during the war and became convinced he is the Avatar of the God Ra and thus decided to change the world under his flag. Given that Ra is Khonshu’s father, and Bemis added the idea that for centuries the Avatar of Khonshu -always dressed in a variation of Moon Knight’s costume- and the Avatar of Ra -always looking like the Sun King- have fought over the idea of how to protect the world, with Ra going far, FAR down the “kill everyone who doesn’t agree with me” scale.

He even goes on to create a tiny colony/cult on an island, with people going voluntarily as they’re convinced that Ra will bring out a better world. And if that sounds a bit like Series!Harrow? Is because yes, Series!Harrow has a lot more in common with Sun King than with the ACTUAL Harrow character (Who we’re STILL waiting for to come back with his plan on revenge against Moon Knight since… 1989. Man is taking his time I guess). He even kinda looks like Sun King, what with the long hair and his clothing.

The problem is, as almost everything Bemis did? With the execution.

Because see, the origin of Sun King is tied directly to our favorite worst psychiatrist ever: Dr. Emmet.

The very first issue of Bemis run has NO Moon Knight at all, not really. Instead we focus on the Real Dr. Emmet (remember, the one we saw originally, the avatar of Ammut, was only Marc’s reflection of how he saw her. And boy, he was very generous with her since she was nowhere as smart as he saw her), who has become a tiny bit obsessed with what she perceives her greatest “Failure”, Marc Spector. Why is he a failure? Because he LIVES with his condition, thrives as a superhero with DiD, and didn’t take to her attempts of integration.

Seriously, this “doctor” sees the Moon System living a perfectly balanced life and being successful in every Alter’s life, and thinks “MAN, why couldn’t I make him stay miserable and medicated in a padded room? I SUCK as a doctor.”

It also brings a strange new status quo, regarding HOW much the rest of the world knows about Moon Knight’s condition. It seems that now Steven, Jake and Marc’s real names are no longer common knowledge, but Moon Knight having DiD and believing in Khonshu are still so widespread that he is still “That crazy superhero”.

Anyway, for some reason Dr. Emmet is still allowed to have patient, and Patient 86 -Sun King’s only identification name- lands on her lap after a tiny incident of Arson in which he killed two people, who had been torturing him as a form of hazing (I will NOT say what they did to him, but man, it was extreme). And the Dr, instead of say, wondering where the man got the matches to create the fire in the first place, try to find out his clinical history even if it’s a challenge as Patient 86 is a John Doe with no memories of his past, or anything a real dr. would do? Decides to introduce him to Egyptian Mythology and Moon Knight with the EXPRESS desire to see if she can replicate what she calls the Moon System’s “coping mechanism” in this patient whom, in her words, “is almost pleasant and coherent”. She SPECIFICALLY chooses to introduce him to Ra, given his obsession with fire, and is congratulating herself on how calm and nice the Patient is… until said patient bits a nurse’s nose off for her “lack of faith” and then proceeds to prove that he HAS pyrokinetick powers (a thing that should’ve been checked BEFORE he was admitted to the hospital) and, claiming himself to be Ra’s Avatar, proceeds to burn the building down with everyone inside.

There are survivors, of course. Including Dr. Emmet who is badly burnt and now driven insane herself. Last time we see her? Is in the cult island, holding a cat, and proclaiming her faith in Moon Knight’s gods.

Worst Psychiatrist ever for the Boys, and that’s counting Dr. Elsa “I want to steal your God’s powers for my own goals” Warsame.

By the way, in the “Are the gods real or not” department, there’s a fight in Moon Knight’s mind where both Ra and Sun King get into their mindspace to fight. Did I mention Khonshu ALSO had daddy issues? Well, here’s where they come into place. And that’s when Jake, who always has been the most aware of Alters, comes to ask “HOW are they here, if THIS is all in Marc’s mind?” (Ok, so the Marc’s mind remark is wrong and should’ve been “Our” minds, but again, Bemis is not the best when it comes to writing Plurality. Not the worst, as he at least acknowledges the Alters’ existance, but not the best) and Steven of all people answers with a metaphysical theory.

I love Series!Steven who is incredibly booksmart. But Comic!Steven has always been more of a himbo when it comes to anything that is not money and investments so it’s REALLY weird to hear him talk about metaphysical realities and how everything is real as long as Marc believes it is, which brings the CRINGIEST line in the whole arc which is when they declare that “Crazy is their superpower” RIGHT after Jake says that the only thing HE really has faith in? Is Diatrice, his daughter… Oh, yes. We’re going to talk about Diatrice soon.

I mentioned that the Bemis’ run was a bit of a let down, didn’t I? I mean, that line alone is incredibly regressive given that we had JUST come from an amazing run whose whole message was “No, the Moon System is not Crazy. It just IS. Yes, they have what is considered a mental illness, but that doesn’t mean they’re crazy, nor that their reality is not real, nor that they can’t have a normal life” and while Bemis SEEMS to want to continue with this idea, nope, we still have “Oh, but we’re insane! Lol!” moments.

Which brings us to Jake, who here suffers the biggest and worst character assassination that any character in the Moon Knight comics has suffered. YES, worse than when Khonshu went from Justice God to “I look like Bushman and want Marc to kill everyone around” because at least that one had a flimsy excuse in the form of real mythology.

What Bemis did to Jake? Has NO Excuse.

See, I pointed out before that Steven was the man Marc WANTED to be: Rich, suave, completely untouched by violence. However Jake is the man Marc WOULD have been: Down to earth, with good friends and only using violence when strictly needed to defend said friends. Of the trio, no matter if the slipt happened before or after Khunshu, Jake was always the moral compass of them.

Consider this: Steven wanted NOTHING to do with Marc’s past or memories, and yet, all his money CAME from Marc’s past. Sure, he made it far, far more with investments, but the original source was always the blood money Marc made as a mercenary (Which may be also why he never hesitated on buying Marlene whatever the hell Marlene wanted: part of that money had her father’s blood on it) Jake, on the other hand, understood Marc’s past (there are examples of monologues I’ve posted about how he has more stomach than Steven to remember the things Marc did, back in the Moench era, and yet a killer goes so vicious that Jake has to switch to Marc as not to puke), but doesn’t take any from it. He has a paying job as a Cabbie, is presumed in some eras to have his own place away from both the Grant and Spector mansions (that everyone seems to have forgotten exist after the 2006 era), and he’s the only one who is shown having real friends: sure, Crawley and Gena ended up also working for Moon Knight, but they started as his friends. And we know some Cabbies also got worried when he disappeared, so again, friends. Jake was always the social one.

But then, we get to Bemis. Who suddenly decided that Jake was what happened when Marc, already disturbed, took “The worst parts of himself and let them fuse into a living person.”

I have to remind you that in the literal previous run? It was established that Jake manifested when the kids were TEN. I REALLY wonder what Bemis thinks is “the worst parts” of a 10 year old, whose actions in the past are SO bad, SO terrible, that the frigging TRUTH is horrified when they first meet and the only way he has to escape is to threaten Jake to tell Marc “the things he’s done”.

This is what brings us, ironically, to one of the most beloved panels of the whole Bemis run: The guys fighting in their inner space while Khonshu consoles Steven and assures the pacifist Alter that no, Marc and Jake fighting is not his fault. THAT? That is adorable. Also the brief look at how said fight looks from the outside: The body meditating in Central Park, suddenly shouting both as Jake and Marc and startling an old lady who is walking her dog.

Jake and Marc’s fighting? Not so much.

Jake once again claims that Marc “sliced me off your personality and sent me to live among freaks, addicts and criminals” and that he knows how to “strip and dress a human body” and do you HEAR how Classist this is? Upper middle class Marc cannot be a horrible violent monster (Despite the fact that the one who ACTUALLY WORKED with criminals, and WAS a criminal himself was Marc, and the one who most CERTAINLY know how to strip a body in every sense of the word), but lower class cabbie Jake? Oh, he must certainly is and must be drawn as deranged as possible (Seriously, the faces they make Jake have are disgusting. Right out of Garth Ellis “Crossed” which is a comic I can’t tell you to stay away from ENOUGH, and well, was also drawn by Jasen Burrows, the artist of the Bemis issues which explains a lot. But SERIOUSLY, AVOID Crossed like the plague). And even then? Even within his own narrative of “Look how terribly violent and unhinged Jake is”? the one who pulls out the ACTUAL weapons during the fight is MARC, who makes Jake bleed using a giant moon crescent -and even with Marc, military trained Marc who at some point was said to be trained to be as good as Nick Fury, cheating? Jake wins the fight. While pointing out that their work as a system is as follow: “Steven is the wealthy benefactor. Khonshu is our connection to the bigger picture. You’re our voice of reason. And I deal in the grimy leftovers. You Built us this way.”

Leaving aside the fact that this makes Khonshu a fourth alter, when even this arc itself treats him more of as an outsider, given that he has a long, long history older than the system’s body, and with a second character that Marc didn’t meet until now? This has NEVER been true for the System’s dynamics. Not in any Moon Knight comic, not even in his brief time in teams like the West Coast Avengers? Would anyone call Marc “The voice of reason”. JAKE was the voice of reason, the one who went “Ok, uhm, we fight drug dealers and street criminals. What the HELL are we doing going against Dr. Doom?” The one who tried to keep them alive not by fighting, but by being smart and hiding and not, say, have a huge mansion with a moon shaped helipad. The one who, again, had friends he trusted enough to bring into the secret of their lives and condition without them having been affected by it directly first, as Jean Paul and Marlene had.

I mean, not two pages after that? MARC in a flashback tells Marlene HE blew up Randall with a grenade -because Randall killed Marc’s then girlfriend but still, and that’s the only time we’ve mentioned Randall since before the Lemire run! Wow.

Oh, and the secret that Jake was SO desperately to keep from Marc? That FIVE years ago, he went to Marlene, DESPITE The fact that we have CANON evidence that Jake TRIED to keep Marlene and Steven together and happy because he thought Marlene was a fine dame, Despite the fact that Jake NEVER once had any romantic interest in her at all, and had an illicit relationship with her behind Marc’ (and probably Marlene’s husband, if Bemis even remembered that Marlene was married by then) back which resulted in Marlene getting pregnant and giving birth to an adorable girl who is CURRENTLY named Diatrice. I will talk more about Diatrice later.

EVEN WORSE? When Marlene retells this to Marc? Even if she points out that she was never forced, she claims that “There’s no warmth in him. There are things inside of him that.. HE’s not you, Marc. He could never be you. I had to lean that the hard way.” Oh, and when SHE stopped the relationship, he kept coming around, because he “had her where he wanted him, as she couldn’t do ‘it’ alone.” Meaning, raising Diatrice. And yet? Diatrice doesn’t call JAKE her dad. She knows Jake as “Uncle” Jake, because her REAL dad is a “superhero”.

Once again, this goes completely against not only the Guys’s characterization until now, it ALSO goes against Marlene’s! I mean, I can’t believe I’m defending her but she’d NEVER have a relationship with Marc in the first place, as she loved STEVEN.

And when Bemis could have taken the right path, by making Jake realize that since the one thing he believes in is his daughter -even if no one lets him call her his daughter, oh, no, Diatrice is MARC’s daughter- then it means that the power of the System IS the power of family and being together? Oh, no, they have him utter the horrible line “Holy %$#@ we have the power of crazy!”, while, again, drawing the body as unhinged an violent as possible.

And YES, Lemire ALSO used that line at the beginning of his arc. But the context was different, as that time? The one who SAID that Marc’s power was madness was Khonshu, who we have established was, at the time, not the God, but Marc’s mental manifestation of the idea that his condition made him somewhat “Wrong” and thus “mad”.

So yeah, Bemis in many ways is stepping back almost as far back as the horrible Huston run regarding Moon Knight’s mental health.

But then… there’s the good.

And I have to give the man credit? The Good? Was VERY Good.

Because Bemis is the only one besides Lemire to portray the guys’s life AS a System. It’s not Marc fronting and giving lip service to the others as many, many other runs, nor Steven and Jake trying to keep things together to keep Marlene happy as in the Moench runs. Sure, it has Khonshu narrating -again, really weird choice- but also giving the boys advice against the evil they’re going against, supporting each in different ways. It gives us Marc, Steven and Jake talking to each other, not just in the inner world as the Body Meditates, but also outside as they get ready for the day. Yes, some of the language used is outdated, and Khonshu’s opinions of the trio are weird, especially if you come from the series: Here, he likes Marc, but thinks of Steven as Narcissistic and Decadent, and a “tolerable annoyance” at best, while Jake… sigh, Jake gets an “anything is better than… the other guy”. Bemis writes Jake horribly, but he still manages to write the communication between the guys as a conversation, and not as Marc trying to repress everyone so I can’t help but give him credit for that. Khonshu ALSO tries to convince Marc not to go back to Marlene given, well, how it has never, ever worked between the two of them, which, if we ignore the fact that it wasn’t Marc who dated Marlene, is weirdly protective.

Bemis also brings Jean Paul Duchamp back, while giving Marc an extra layer of mental health issues since he sees Frenchie first as a zombie because, well, last time he saw Jean Paul was in his mindspace and Frenchie got half eaten by a Crocodile man, but, after Jean Paul and Marc talk, Jean Paul literally rips off the zombie skin and is seen normally. The boys admit that they needed to see Jean Paul die so they could understand how important their friend really was. There’s no mention about Jean Paul’s husband Rob -and well, Marlene’s husband was literally erased from reality- but I hope that he’s still around. Our favorite gay French pilot deserves to be happy.

And well, finally there’s Diatrice. Lovey little Diatrice. As I pointed out, she’s Jake’s and Marlene’s daughter, even if Jake was introduced to her as her “uncle” and seems ok with that. She’s five years old, and was allowed to choose her own name, and all her life was told her father was Jake’s brother and a superhero -and she’s not that impressed by Marc, to be honest. Oh, and she prays to Khonshu for her daddy’s safety, once Marc explains to her who he is. I will be honest, I am not a fan of child characters in comics, but Diatrice is an exception and a very bright spot despite her birth being used to demonize Jake, and you can see that, despite all the lip service to Jake not being emotionally able to care for people? Jake dotes on his daughter. I really hope a much better writer retakes this relationship (The current status quo is… sad and complicated. But she still exists)

And this is the first arc of the Bemis run. The second is a little bit more controversial, so I will give it its own part. But hey, we’re getting closer and closer to the present day, and TODAY there’s finally a new comic out! Moon Knight #21 by McKay is out and we’ll see if there’s any synergy with the series as we had a year long hiatus there! And join me next time when we deal with the most controversial version of WHY the boys split.

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