luigi time!
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why do the tgcf plushies have to be so expensive?? they are so cute and i really want one (or all of them tbh) but the cheap hoarder genes in me cannot justify spending more than £20 on something
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We don’t talk a lot - We haven’t talked in probably about a year or so now, since I left the fandom space we met in. I’ve changed usernames since then - I went by Wheat on discord. Sorry I’ve been so distant. I never knew how to talk to you since it’s been a while.
Even still, I want to tell you that you were important to me, and still are. I wish we could talk more. I want to talk about your new interests. What are you into these days? I’ve been getting into some older games these days, but I’ve been missing pokemon a bit. I want to get back into it. Do you still draw Sky? I never asked you about them with as much detail as I wanted to. I was always worried about being too intrusive, but I regret that now. Your OCs are really imaginative. I know you’re into tensura now, right? Season 3 is coming out soon. I’m excited for that.
I want to get to know you again. I don’t know what happened with whatever you left behind, and I don’t know if this is a weird message to send, but you’re important to me and I want to let you know that you are. I wouldn’t be who I am if you weren’t there in the beginning. Thank you for being you.
i dont know how to talk either. every sentence i say either feels fake or self centered, selfish. and dont worry about being distant; it happens, especially when interests change. i dont blame you.
youre important to me too. i wish we could talk more. im not into much right now. i just feel empty. i gave up su/bmas, after everything. it was too much, not knowing who i could trust not to fucking ship them, or think its ok in any circumstance. yet sometimes i still crawl back to the tag, despite blocking it a while ago. i dont touch anything though, just look. it doesnt bring me joy anymore. i think im finally letting it go. i dont know how i feel about po/kemon yet. its kinda just. there. maybe im just feeling particularly apathetic right now.
i don't really draw anything right now. i dont know if i can go back. it was my only hobby, yet my therapist said that it wasnt enough, even when i was at my lowest. well, at the time. ive set a new low score at this point. i dont want to draw. i don't know what id draw. i dont think i can. my computer is kinda a no mans land at this point. i don't really touch it anymore. im glad you liked sky though. i never understood why she garnered so much attention. i could never write a good enough character for her. she was a mary sue in that way, with no real character flaws, let alone the... everything else. either way, like i said, im glad you liked her regardless. it means a lot. the attention i got because of her made me really happy.
like i said, im not really into anything right now, but i guess tensura would be regarded as an "interest." im... looking forward to season 3. i read one of the light novels thats going to be adapted a month or two back though, so i guess its gonna be a moment before i get to "new" content.
i dont know if theres anyone to get to know anymore. i was already in a depressive episode before this disaster, now i dont know if theres any going back, if theres any way to recover. it isnt a weird message to send, and its appreciated that you care for me but. im not sure if i can trust anyone again. im not sure if i can even trust myself. even in the aftermath, the people i thought i could trust either no longer talk to me or still interact with those who hurt me. i guess its selfish to ask them to cut off those friends too. but ive always been selfish. self centered. egotistical.
regardless, im glad i had some positive impact despite my mess of a personality. thank you for your words
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why did no one tell me kemonou friends wa sso fuckingn ugly lmfao
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serval from kemon friend (just one)
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curious about your WIP Obvious Bicycle and what that's about!
sure! so that one is a lot less Formed than some of my other wips, but basically some years after canon, hop started attending a prestigious university overseas, but when they're twenty (and they also changed their pronouns at some point lol) they end up coming back to galar in the middle of a semester, forced to take a leave of absence due to depression.
ashamed at having fallen so far down, they're so loath to go back to postwick that they stay at leon and raihan's place in wyndon for a while. but even that's difficult, since they're definitely not ready to open up to leon about any of this. of course, leon's still worried, so he asks raihan to try talking to them. it's gonna be a short fic, ending after hop and raihan talk for a bit in a cafe, but it does end on a hopeful note. the follow-up fic, For Auld Lang Syne, would be a longer multi-chapter thing, where hop works up the nerve to face each of their friends again.
... ok i swear i'm working on more stories that don't involve an nb character having a personal crisis LOL but those are what people just happened to ask about! the reason why i started this one because of like, p*kemon's eternal theme of You Can Do Anything If You Try :) which, to be clear, is a fair message for children's media to send! but this fic goes out to all the washed-up adults in the audience for whom that message may ring hollow. and i chose hop for this cuz i think it would be particularly fucked up for them to endure crushing failure again 0:) jokes aside tho, their life went on after they found a new dream... it's only natural for them to go through more ups and downs.
as for the title, it's a ref to "Obvious Bicycle" by V*mpire Weekend, a poignant song about young adult burnout... and yes it is the reason why i made hop specifically 20 in this fic
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creating a spreadsheet of the trio's lines in the webnovel vs webcomic (as one does), and. i am on the FLOOR their characterisation differs so much from the webnovel and webcomic?!?!??? 😭😭 they took away all of hestio's flavour!!! and Ephael is a lot more stereotypical sunshine too i am losing my mind
Gone:
In the toy mansion, Ephael said that Tesilid was not just his friend, but his "best friend", so Ailette gave him more food. Hestio got very visibly sad and angry.
Whenever they're in battle, Hestio kind of talks to Ephael like he's a P*kemon ("Ephael, go and bite them!" / "Uh... okay.")
Ephael is pretty quiet and subdued throughout the toy mansion, while in the comic he's very artificially cheery.
ALMOST THE ENTIRETY OF HESTIO'S LINES WHEN THEY SNUCK TESILID FOOD IN PRISON IS GONE?!?!?!?? 😭😭😭😭😭😭 THE VIBES ARE SO DIFFERENT
Webnovel has BOTH Hestio and Ephael handing over food (in the webcomic only Ephael brought food. I dunno what Hestio was doing there.)
ONLY the webnovel has Hestio's extremely cute "What? Are you going to refuse the food because the rules are important? (annoyed but also genuinely scared)" / ".....I thought I'd have to shove the food down your mouth if you refused. Well, eat up."
The webcomic has Hestio suddenly ruin the entire mood by saying "🙄😒 did you know 🤓 the vatican is taking things out on you bc you refuse to kill heretics. also idc if the heretics are actually evil or not, what matters is that the vatican wants to know if youre on their side." like stfu please 😭 In the webnovel Hestio only brings this up because Ephael went "cheer up! if it werent for the city making a fuss, the vatican wouldn't have done this" and Hestio corrected him bc he wanted Tesilid not to misunderstand his situation with the Vatican.
What did they make comic!Hestio so callous for !!!!! 😭😭😭 Hestio is a SOFTIE with a mean streak and sharp tongue!!!
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I don't mind answering, I try to change my typing style enough that anyone I know will hopefully never connect these asks to me. with that said, autassassinophilia and erotophonophilia. both make btd/tpof a nice outlet but I hate even acknowledging them because it usually warrants an "oh so you're just trying to be edgy" response -_- I'll admit I'm very guilty of putting myself in dangerous positions as a result of these..
I'll also admit some degree of necrophilia but I am terrified of thinking too deep into that and it really doesn't go past fantasizing (something my partner is very kind to allow me to do with them..) so I'm not even sure bringing it up to my therapist or anything would ever be worth it... that and I hate feeling like I'm collecting these things like po//kemon.
-🥩
i understand that. i think for me when i say my paraphilias to close friends, i think they believe i'm joking or, as you said, trying to be 'edgy'.
also, i can understand being too afraid to look into it. it's scary, i get that. but i also think it's better if you do look into it because, at least from my experience, it made me understand myself better.
also the collecting thing is funny but most things are actually paraphilias. a lot of people have paraphilias without even knowing. it's not unusual to have many paraphilias at the same time.
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Too out of touch. Denial. Truth shunner. Heart severing. But what is life without the heart. Pure confusion, how,why, when? The one thing that brought us together with gods grace? The one thing that we know and realise the truth. I understand that the relationship and long years is painful, left a bitter scar, but, walaupun semua itu, hey???….mcm….like….pure confusion. You? This bad?
Not as an ex lover, partner, or even a friend but From a pure soul to another jack….come back. Come back to your heart. Heal/ go thru life with the heart man. Cmonnnnn out of all people, regards to the heart even until now of what i know, is aside from my family, its you whom knows this. YOU KNOW THIS. YOU LIVED THIS. hey??? Seriously? Go back to it.
You can leave everything but not the heart. Even if its painful or i know how much you want out you want to heal you want to whatever lah wallahualam but seriously, only with the heart. Itulah pertalian segalanya. Itulah, awak, oh jackyjack, segalanya.
Tapi kelakar, saya nak doa, tapi dihentikan oleh bisikan hati. He has plans for you. Wallahualam. Sincere, from a soul to another, saya just haraplah ye, apalah hidup tanpa qalbu. Nak itu, nak ini, nak keluar, nak masuk, tapi apa hakikat? Awak sebenarnya nak apa dalam hidup? Apalah yang paling penting? Boleh???? Ada semuanya tanpa itu? Awak betul boleh? Betullllll?
Dulu ada nak harap awak bahagia nak awak itu nak awak ini walaupun tak kan bersama, but skrg dah nothing. Let go let god. Mmg takde benda jack But this thing bugs me cause….
Saya mcm still in confusion. You? Kemon lah.
You can ego you can hide, but roso never lies.
Careful what you wish for sia. We can be blinded by alot of things.
Hidup ni mmg perit, mmg sakit mmg tersungkur sujud, tapi tak kesah asalkan ada qalbu, suara qalbu, masih bisik masih onz. Diri sebenar diri takkan hilang. Dia sentiasa ada. Qalam ruh qalam nyawa. Gali menggali untuk ketemu. Tapi, again, with whatsever going on, mcm….apa sebenarnya awak really want eh dalam hidup? Was everything just words?
Yang haq takboleh taklik, harap peng balik.
Hahhahahhahah.
But ini semua manusia, penting, Arahman arahim. He got you babeh.
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...Well that was a new experience.
More watching source for Li|ith with a friend, got to the episode that hurts me the most. The emotional part, the reveal, the guilt, the regret, confronting the fact that I hurt my sister. The scene that started the kinsideration process.
I don't think I've rewatched that episode since kinfirming. And I knew it would hit me Hard, but I forgot how intense both my regret and self-loathing in that moment are. When it hit: It started as a widespread ache in my chest. It made my throat hurt (?) and my skin on my arms and legs prickle (an unpleasant tension and phantom feathers much bigger and stiffer than they are in my therian-raven shifts). After it went on awhile, it spread across my whole torso and felt like something was actively clawing from inside my rib cage.
It was very visceral and distinct. I've never had that set of sensations before.
It wasn't just emotion, I think I was very much having shifting-phantom-form-feels of The Ra\/en Beast. It's emotion that triggers it. It felt alive and moving and agonized and crazed and my thoughts were both slippery and frantic and hard to wrangle into words so I could speak even the few words I mustered.
I described it to my friend as feeling "scattered", and I WANTED to use the word "feral", but I was worried about Spoiling Things.
There's been... not quite denial, but certainly avoidance, since I figured out that "form" could still be triggered. I still haven't found an analog for The Elixir in this life. I didn't want to risk getting "stuck" in that mindset-shift-form again if I didn't have a way to escape it.
But I guess there are other ways. My friend reassured me "I don't hate you" for it, and that helped me think more clearly. And then of course, seeing them have even the slightest trust in me, the spell I cast to heal my sister by taking half her burden upon myself...
(I jokingly call it the Pain Sp|it spell after the Po|kemon move that adds the HP of two 'mons together and then divides it evenly between them, because that's what the spell's function reminds me of. Halving the pain between us.)
My friend said "I'm gonna cry" and it reminded me how much it means to me, too, that after everything, at least I was able to do that for her, and even after everything I did, she let me. It soothed and quieted quite a lot after that.
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Didu died.
This shouldn't have happened.
Doesn't feel good. I knew this was coming but kemon ekta baaje lagche.
Texted anish first e.
Then I texted you. Shouldn't have
Rethink korchilam onek baar jinish ta
Cuz there are consequences.
I can't just tell you about all these. And expect you to be there. You weren't. You shouldn't be there. And that's how it should be. Considering you're my ex.
But as a friend. Can't you just have picked up the call. Idk. It felt bad.
Idk.
She's not gonna come back.
Last 2 din thik kotha hoye ni thik kore.
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This is a rant but just gonna say that stuff like the in/est issue in the p/kemon f/ndom is why me and bf aren't involved in the space and why we don't make friends with most artists who participate in it., that lesson was learned in a previous fandom space through horrendous trauma and toxic shitheads. Just gonna reiterate that we're not f/ndom artists and we won't ever be, we're just doing our own things.
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What are some nomadic races on Bagklock?
To list off some examples: Togorians, Kreens, Eosapiens, Lasats, Kemonos, Gerudos, Elezens, the cryptid, unconfirmed of the 'Mudokons', & Steefs.
~The Bat~
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while i'm here thinking about bede more in the past month than in the x years before that... ok, look, god knows i don't want to give p*kemon writing that much credit, and i'm eternally frustrated with how much it could shine if it weren't so fucking complacent
but i will say that bede truly could not have existed like 20 or even 15 years ago. or if he had, then the writing around him would have been insufferable, and for reasons having nothing to do with his personality! like he's Boy Character whose whole deal ends up being ~Pink~ and ~Fairies~ and oh my god, can you imagine what it would've been like? NOT GOOD is the answer, my friend
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i cannot Wait until early December,,
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