#Instagram Hashtags For Business | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gsinfotechvispvtltd · 24 days

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Boosted Posts and Hashtag Heaven: Mastering the Art of Instagram Marketing

Introduction:

In the age of social media, Instagram has emerged as a powerful platform for businesses to reach and engage with their target audience. To stand out in this competitive landscape, mastering the art of Instagram marketing is essential. In this blog, we will explore two key strategies for success: boosted posts and hashtag usage. Discover how leveraging these tactics can help you navigate the ever-changing world of Instagram marketing and stay ahead of the game.

Boosted Posts: Amplifying Your Reach and Impact

Boosted posts offer businesses a way to enhance the visibility and reach of their content. By investing in targeted advertising, brands can ensure that their posts are seen by a wider audience. We will delve into the intricacies of boosted posts, including how to define your target audience, set a budget, and optimize your content for maximum impact. Uncover the secrets to boosting your Instagram presence and driving meaningful engagement with your audience.

Hashtag Heaven: Harnessing the Power of Trending Topics

Hashtags have become a fundamental tool for navigating the vast Instagram landscape. They allow users to discover content and join conversations around specific topics. Leveraging trending hashtags can significantly boost your brand's visibility and engagement. We will explore the art of hashtag research, identifying relevant and trending hashtags, and incorporating them strategically into your posts. Discover how to harness the power of hashtags and position your brand in the Instagram hashtag heaven.

The Art of Balancing Authenticity and Promotion

While boosted posts and hashtags can elevate your Instagram marketing efforts, it's crucial to strike the right balance between authenticity and promotion. We will discuss how to maintain an authentic brand voice while effectively promoting your products or services. Learn the art of storytelling, creating compelling visuals, and delivering value to your audience while achieving your marketing goals.

Conclusion:

In the age of trending topics and fierce competition, mastering Instagram marketing is crucial for businesses to thrive. By harnessing the power of boosted posts, you can amplify your reach and make a lasting impact. Additionally, leveraging hashtags strategically can help you navigate the ever-changing landscape and stay relevant. Remember to strike a balance between authenticity and promotion, ensuring that your brand voice shines through while engaging your audience effectively. So, embrace the art of boosted posts and hashtag heaven, and watch your Instagram marketing efforts soar to new heights.

#digital marketing #instagram #hashtag #trending #writers on tumblr #tumblr milestone #small business

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webapphealing · 2 months

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Social media marketing is the process of creating content for social media platforms to promote your products and/or services, build community with your target audience, and drive traffic to your business. 📞 +91 98911 07522 🌐 www.webapphealing.com

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jolenes-book-journey · 3 months

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Supercharge Your Website Traffic: 5 Social Media Hacks for Small Businesses

Supercharge Your Website Traffic: 5 Social Media Hacks for Small Businesses In today’s digital world, having a website is no longer enough. You need to drive traffic to it, and social media is your secret weapon. But with so much competition, how do you make your small business stand out? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here are 5 simple ways to leverage social media and turn those casual…

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#Call to Action Is key #Content is King #Content is Queen #Facebook for Small Businesses #Hashtags are your friends #Instagram for Small Businessses #LinkedIn for Small businesses #Nextdoor for Small Businesses #Supercharge Your Website Traffic: 5 Social Media Hacks for Small Businesses #Top 5 Social Media Programs for Small business #Twitter for Small businesses #You Must Engage and Respond to Social Media

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shilp1707 · 4 months

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#social media marketing #social media hashtags #Instagram hashtags #hastag #hashtags for business #social media tips #digital marketing blogs

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yusufsaifi · 5 months

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1000 Hashtags für dein Online Marketin

Bist du bereit, dein Online-Business auf das nächste Level zu bringen? Dann ist "1000 Hashtags für dein Online Business" genau das Richtige für dich! In diesem E-Book erwarten dich:🔥 20 Kategorien mit je 50 handverlesenen deutschen Hashtags, perfekt auf Online-Geschäfte abgestimmt. 🚀 Praktische Tipps, wie du diese Hashtags effektiv einsetzen kannst, um deine Social-Media-Präsenz zu steigern.📈 Kategorisierte Listen, die dir das Finden relevanter Tags spielend leicht machen. 💡 Schritt-für-Schritt-Anleitungen, wie du diese Hashtags in Instagram, Twitter und Facebook integrieren kannst.💪 Wertvolle Tipps und Empfehlungen, die dir helfen, diese Hashtags in deiner eigenen Online-Marketingstrategie zu nutzen.Es war noch nie so einfach, deine Zielgruppe zu erreichen und mehr Kunden anzusprechen. Du kannst sofort loslegen und die Macht der Hashtags nutzen, um dein Online-Geschäft zu pushen.

voor de officiële website klik hier

https://www.digistore24.com/redir/519907/Yusuf523/

#business #online marketing #marketing strategy #ebook #social media #hashtag #online business #facebook marketing #Instagram

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digiads34 · 11 months

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Digi_Ads_

#Thank you for your interest in INFLOWDECK Personal Social Media Manager PLAN #In this plan we will provide our best services.#8 Graphic Posts per Month 🌵#4 Reels/Shorts per month 📱#Dedicated Graphic Designer 👨‍💻#Dedicated Reel Maker 👩🏻‍💻#Personalize Content strategy for your business🛂#Monthly posting calendar 🗓️#Full SMO of your Social Media accounts 📲#A Personal Manager will Help You 👨‍💻#High-Quality Branded Posts 🔥#Handle Instagram & Facebook 💻#Scheduling & Posting with Effective Caption✍🏼#Researched Hashtags 📌#Monthly Report 📃#Dedicated customer support #✅ HOW TO RUN META (Facebook + Instagram)TRAFFIC CAMPAIGN #💬 TELL ME YOUR QUERIES #👩‍💻𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐎 #SMO 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐃 𝐀𝐃𝐒 #TWITTER LINK https://twitter.com/GDigiads63443 #PINTEREST https://in.pinterest.com/digi_ads_/#𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐮𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 #https://wa.me/919625939860 #gda #gdaonline #digitalmarketingagencyonline #digitalmarkeing #socialmediamarketing #socialmedia

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hazeljack · 1 year

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Cultural Media Marketing Is just a Laugh - It's Time We Acknowledge It

Increasing model visibility is no child's play. Content makers need to retract their sleeves and function busily to slam up their social media presence. But, in doing so, they also require to follow along with specific rules to ensure that their posts don't battle with the city directions of numerous social media channels. Instagram is without doubt one of the very most trusted social media shops to enhance their achieve and reinforce their image. Indeed, a well-established presence with this program can perhaps work miracles for a business.

It describes blocking the content of a certain individual on social media in ways that the consumer doesn't realize that it's happening. After shadowbanned, social media programs like Facebook, TikTok, or Instagram may hide your posts from occurring on hashtags. If you should be shadowbanned on IG, your posts will not display on other's feeds until the individuals follow you.Put only; shadowbanning is the ultimate problem of content makers and marketeers. It dramatically decreases your page's power can be found by new followers. Worst however, you will not even get a notice from Instagram about you being shadowbanned. The clever algorithm may silently do its function, leaving you stranded in darkness.

If Instagram deletes your posts because of it being against their neighborhood directions numerous times, you may find your complete account getting completely deleted soon. Suffice to state that you do not, whatever the case, need that to happen. Therefore, how can you get the right path around it? Effectively, by following specific methods and tricks.Let's call a scoop a spade. If you should be a business functioning with the marijuana business and publishing photos of marijuana and its products, Instagram won't like them. Subsequently, you will need to bear the burden of becoming shadowbanned. But you can't reject that this social media program is really a substantial component of your social media marketing strategy. Provided guidelines methods that you should use for promoting your company on it. how to hide likes on instagram

First, determine what your company offers to the customers. Then, compile a lot of photographs and videos that reflect your client experiences and your model vision. When you discover how your model suits the requirements of its clients, you will have a way to learn the client experience that your business showcases.With this view, share photos of your team, dispensary activities, the honours you've received, and that which you advocate. All this should express the lifestyle that your market want to have when they talk with your brand. Your purpose must be to collaborate in the marijuana tradition on Instagram actively rather than flaunting your products. In short, share lifestyle, experiences, and persons on the IG page.

There's no shortage of tools that Instagram offers to the brands. You need to use tools like Instagram Experiences, Instagram Courses, Reels, and Carousel posts to enhance your engagement with your market and help them get to know you better. Each one of these tools have different characteristics and are great for promoting your model in different ways.For example, using Instagram Courses, you provides more detailed content like courses and usually asked questions. While with Reels, you can create incredibly captivating 15 to 30-second videos about your model and publish them. If you want to post some long-form movie content, experience free to utilize IGTV.

#in doing so #they also require to follow along with specific rules to ensure that their posts don't battle with the city directions of numerous social m #a well-established presence with this program can perhaps work miracles for a business.#It describes blocking the content of a certain individual on social media in ways that the consumer doesn't realize that it's happening. Af #social media programs like Facebook #TikTok #or Instagram may hide your posts from occurring on hashtags. If you should be shadowbanned on IG #your posts will not display on other's feeds until the individuals follow you.Put only; shadowbanning is the ultimate problem of content ma #you will not even get a notice from Instagram about you being shadowbanned. The clever algorithm may silently do its function #leaving you stranded in darkness.#If Instagram deletes your posts because of it being against their neighborhood directions numerous times #you may find your complete account getting completely deleted soon. Suffice to state that you do not #whatever the case #need that to happen. Therefore #how can you get the right path around it? Effectively #by following specific methods and tricks.Let's call a scoop a spade. If you should be a business functioning with the marijuana business an #Instagram won't like them. Subsequently #you will need to bear the burden of becoming shadowbanned. But you can't reject that this social media program is really a substantial comp #First #determine what your company offers to the customers. Then #compile a lot of photographs and videos that reflect your client experiences and your model vision. When you discover how your model suits #you will have a way to learn the client experience that your business showcases.With this view #share photos of your team #dispensary activities #the honours you've received #share lifestyle #experiences #and persons on the IG page.#Instagram Courses #Reels

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gamalhasan · 1 year

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Keyword Research Made Easy

An Incredible Powerhouse of SEO Tools

Keysearch is not just a keyword research tool it's a full-fledged SEO powerhouse. Giving you all the tools you need to spy on your competitors and track your SEO efforts.

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You can learn more by clicking on this link:https://bit.ly/3k2Bmlz

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digitalafa · 1 year

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21 Ways to Get More Instagram Followers

Are you struggling to get more Instagram Followers? Don't despair. Just review the following ideas and get ready to increase your Instagram followers.

Are you on Instagram?

Instagram Followers

If you are not on Instagram, then you are missing out on one of the best visual experiences in social media today. What's the nature of your business? Does it require visual representation? If it does, then it is very likely that Instagram is the platform for you.

Here are some facts about the state of Instagram today:

Having a strong Instagram presence is a powerful advantage. And one way to get that advantage is by growing your Instagram following.

There are currently over 8 million Instagram Business profiles and over a hundred million active Instagram users posting every day. Without the right strategy, it can almost feel like your Instagram post is just another needle in the haystack.

Let's count the ways to increase Instagram followers:

Host a giveaway

Execute a co-promotion

Create and use branded hashtags

Post consistently

Add a Call-to-Action (CTA)

Use your CTA effectively

Leverage your User Generated Content

Tag people you know

Go Live on Instagram

Host an Instagram Takeover

Add a branded theme to your posts

Incorporate relevant quotes

Use an Analytical Tool

Add influencers to your list

Follow other brands or people

Utilize the Instagram stories feature

Add video to your Instagram posts

Use effective Instagram ads

Include Instagram on your website

Create a name tag for events

Leverage your other social media platforms to increase your Instagram followers

#Instagram Business Bio #Instagram Hashtags #Instagram Stories

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myrefersofficial · 1 year

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How Does Social Media Help Small Businesses Grow?

Social media has revolutionized how small businesses reach and engage with their target audience. In today’s digital age, social media platforms are a cost-effective and powerful tool for small businesses to showcase their products and services, build brand awareness, and reach a wider customer base.

With over 3 billion people worldwide using social media, it allows small businesses to connect and engage with customers in real-time, fostering meaningful relationships and ultimately driving growth and success. Small businesses can find new clients and expand their brand by utilizing social media to expand their customer base.

Top 5 Ways Social Media Can Be Useful For Small Businesses

The following is a list of the top five ways that small businesses can benefit from using social media:

Brand Awareness:

Small businesses may build brand awareness by establishing a presence on social media and maintaining an active presence there through regular posting and interaction with followers. Social media allows companies to promote their goods and services, provide information and updates, and interact with the people who follow them.

Customer Engagement:

Social media gives companies the ability to connect with their clients in a more personal and conversational manner to provide them better satisfaction. Businesses can strengthen their ties with their customers and boost the loyalty of their customers by reacting to comments and messages left on their websites.

Traffic Generation:

Traffic generation to a company’s website can also be accomplished through social media to accomplish the goal of lead generation. Businesses can attract new prospects and turn them into customers by promoting information on social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, for example, blog articles and product sites.

Market Research:

For market research, social media may be an extremely useful source of information regarding the preferences and actions of customers. Businesses can obtain a better knowledge of what their consumers like and what they want to see more of in the future by tracking mentions, comments, and feedback from those customers.

Effective Advertising:

Social media platforms offer advertising alternatives that are both cost-effective and capable of targeting specific groups, which enables small businesses to get their message in front of the appropriate individuals. Advertising on social media platforms can be a more cost-effective strategy for reaching new customers and driving sales.

Contribution Of Different Social Media Platform In The Expansion Of Small Businesses

Each social media platform offers its users a one-of-a-kind collection of features and capabilities, distinguishing it from the others in terms of the types of businesses and marketing objectives best suited to use it. A basic summary of the contributions that each platform makes to the expansion of small enterprises is as follows:

#1 WhatsApp

WhatsApp is largely used for business-to-customer communication (also known as B2C communication), including order monitoring and customer service. WhatsApp allows for rapid and effective customer service, fortifying a company’s existing relationships with its clientele. Sharing content with their audiences is also easier on WhatsApp.

#2 Facebook

Facebook is a flexible platform that can be utilized for various reasons, including the development of brands, the engagement of customers, the generation of leads, and the dissemination of advertising. It is an excellent platform for small businesses to communicate with their followers, and market their products and services.

#3 Telegram

It is a messaging application that is mostly utilized for conversation and the sharing of material among communities. Telegram is also known as “Telegram.” Small businesses can utilize Telegram to cultivate a following of devoted customers and followers, who can then communicate news, special offers, and other unique material.

#4 Instagram

Instagram is a visual platform great for businesses that sell aesthetically appealing products or services, such as fashion, beauty, or food. Instagram allows small businesses to reach a huge audience that is highly engaged while showcasing their products in an engaging and visually appealing method for that audience.

#5 Snapchat

Snapchat is a platform utilized mostly by younger users, and as such, it is great for businesses targeting users in this age group. Through imaginative and amusing material, such as filters and lenses, small companies can connect with a younger and more engaged audience on Snapchat. Consequently, interacting more with the users.

#6 Quora

Quora is a question-and-answer platform that can be used by small businesses to exhibit their expertise and create their brand as a thought leader in their field. Small businesses can connect with new potential customers and establish themselves as reliable sources of information if they respond to their goods or services queries.

#7 TikTok

TikTok is a platform for short videos that is perfect for businesses that want to target a younger audience that is more culturally diverse. TikTok allows owners of small businesses to produce both amusing and interactive material, allowing them to demonstrate their wares or services originally and excitingly.

#8 Pinterest

Pinterest is a platform for visual discovery that is great for businesses that sell things that can be aesthetically presented, such as home decor, fashion, or cuisine. Pinterest enables users to create boards that exhibit their items, reach new consumers, and drive traffic to their websites. This feature is particularly useful for small businesses

Social Media Tips For Small Businesses

So far, we’ve talked about why social media is good for your small business and how different social media platforms are useful. Now let’s talk about some more tactical things from the social media marketing point of view. Here are some tips for small businesses that want to use social media for marketing themselves more.

1. Identify the social audience

Most marketers will tell you that getting to know your audience is the first step to making a successful campaign. The same is true for social media. Even if you think you know who your audience is, you can use social data to check what you think you know. Use data from social networks or a third-party social media tool to find out more about your social audience.

2. Get people involved

Customers contact you on social media for a variety of reasons. Getting in touch with your customers quickly to answer their questions is important if you want to build a stronger relationship with them and sell more. Using a social media listening tool, you can find conversations on social media that you would like to join.

3. Create a content calendar

If you don’t plan your social media calendar ahead of time, you might be scrambling to find content to share. It is a big problem because sharing good content on your social channels is one of the best ways to keep your audience interested and get followers. Choose how often you want to update each social network and profile. Make or find great things to share.

4. Content posting time

You should publish at your best time. You can do this by looking at your sent messages and finding patterns in when your posts get the most engagement, or you can use a tool to do it automatically for you. Every platform has different audiences who remain active at different time periods. So, you should post accordingly.

5. Find the best hashtags

Even though hashtags may seem overused and are often made fun of in the media, they are still very important. Hashtags can help you reach many more people and even get people to Tweet when they wouldn’t have before. As long as hashtags make sense for your brand, it’s a great way to get content ideas on popular topics.

6. Audit your social presence

It’s important to audit your social presence, no matter how long you’ve been using social media or how much you’ve been doing social marketing. A social media audit will tell you what has worked, what hasn’t worked, which profiles need to be updated, and so much more. You can easily conduct social media agencies to audit your profile and make things easier.

7. Create great posts

Each social network has different requirements for the size of images you can post, and if you don’t use the right size, your image may look a little off. Video content is also a great way to get more people to interact with you on social media, but making videos can be hard. Make videos using trending topics and music.

8. Combine free and paid ads

If your messages get fewer views or impressions than you’d like, you can always spend a few dollars between them to boost them. You can get hundreds of new impressions on your posts for just a few dollars. Collaboration on social media is the key! Make sure you put together a team that handles all your messages without getting too busy.

Conclusion

Social media plays a role in every part of your business, from managing client relationships through your customer service and sales teams to engaging audiences through your social and agency teams to finding new paths for your product team. If you can only manage some social media platforms, hire a digital marketing agency to help you.

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diaries-ali · 1 year

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You create a post and then it doesn't get seen

Get more eyeballs on your Instagram content by finding the best hashtags with these tools

It's time to stop guessing and start being strategic

#instagram bios #make money on instagram #instagram #hashtags #internet marketing #social media marketing #content #contentcreator #make money online #online business #earn money online #sales

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ddejavvu · 7 months

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omg part two for hotch scrolling through your ig pretty please 😭😭 like IMAGINE penelope gathering the rest of the gang so they can collectively stalk your instagram and she accidentally likes one of your pictures while lurking

Penelope isn't often scared of Hotch, because the man has a soft spot for her, and she knows it. But now he's staring at her with a stern glare, something she's not usually on the receiving end of. She shifts on her heels, strangely speechless.

"Sir? Is everything okay?"

He lets her suffer in silence for a moment longer, then gestures towards his phone face-up on the desk. It's lit up with a text notification, and she faintly recognizes the name that it's attached to.

Y/N Y/L/N: Isn't this your computer whiz?

"Open it." Hotch instructs, his voice unfailingly calm, which sets Penelope even further on edge. She reaches out with a trembling finger to tap on the notification and it opens your thread, the screen entirely consumed with a screenshot you'd taken of your instagram. Sure enough, in your notifications page is a note: baby_girl_penny_g liked your photo.

"Um," Penelope stalls, and despite her rampant creativity, she can't bring herself to fib, "Well, I- the tags were-"

"There were no hashtags," Hotch stops her in her tracks, "The only way you could have found that photo was on her profile. How long ago was that posted?"

Penelope scrolls to the bottom of the post even though she doesn't want to, and mutters "2018."

"Five years ago. Five-" Hotch steels himself before he gets too upset, pinching the slim bridge of his nose, "Garcia, did Morgan tell you about this?"

"it wasn't his fault," She pleads his case, "I could tell there was something on his mind! So I got him, like, super drunk, and we-"

"Penelope, this was none of your business." Hotch speaks over her. He doesn't like cutting her off, but he knows her, and she'll talk for hours just to try and weasel her way back into his good graces. He watches her squirm with a stern expression, hands folded on his desk while he clenches his jaw.

"I won't tell anyone else." She promises weakly, and Aaron raises a single eyebrow at her. Secret-keeping is not her forte, and they both know it.

"Okay, so-" She crumples, "I- I totally will. But Hotch, we're gonna be happy for you! I'm already happy for you, you deserve this! You deserve love, even if you try to use this job as an excuse not to find it! You found it, and you should own it."

"I purposefully did not share the status of my relationship with our team. It was meant to be private."

Penelope regains some of her boldness now, even in the face of Hotch's scowl, "Well tough shit, Hotchner! We love you, and we were all there when you lost Haley! We watched you die inside, and we deserve to watch you live again! We are part of your family, Hotch, whether you like it or not, and we're not gonna walk away just because you get snippy with us! So help me, Hotch, I will handcuff myself to you until you realize that we are here. We are here, and we love you, and we always will! You can tell us about your life, because we want to enjoy it with you."

Perhaps she shouldn't have been so forward. Perhaps she shouldn't have said the H-word, or brought up Hotch's infuriating tendency to distrust people's care for him not out of malice, but out of self-loathing. Perhaps she should have hung her head and apologized, but Penelope Garcia is headstrong, and she does not fear the tense wrath of Aaron Hotchner simply for loving him.

For a moment, she worries that she's flaunted a red cape around a bull. Reid's words echo in her mind about how it's nothing to do with the color red, and everything to do with the movement of the fabric, but now is not the time, Doctor Reid, thank you very much. She waits for him to charge, knows he'll withdraw now that she's faced him with the terror of being known, of being cared for, and she can feel her heart sink to the nearly-numb heels of her feet.

Then something in his jaw shifts, and he glances away from her, blinking.

"Thank you." He murmurs, and she thinks she may have heard him wrong.

"What?" She whispers, and he gnaws at the inside of his cheek, caving it in.

"Thank you. For being firm with me." He clarifies, "I... I'm glad that you're here."

Tears spring to her eyes and she nods vigorously, incapable of speech but overflowing with emotion. He swallows, clearing his throat, "In the future, please do not stalk my romantic partners. And... in the future, I will introduce you, so that you don't need to stalk them."

"Okay," She grins through her misty eyes, letting him steer the conversation back towards his comfort zone, "Okay, Hotch. We love you. And- and we're really happy for you, and can I please go and tell the others?"

He laughs despite himself, and doesn't bother steeling himself into composure anymore. He grins, "Fine. But leave out the details of her most recent posts, please."

"The ones where she talks about being sore in the mornings?" She fixes him with a devious grin, already making for the door intent on shouting the news from the rooftops, "I won't say it in the bullpen, 'cause Reid couldn't handle it, but I'm totally gossiping with the girls about it, Hotch."

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner scenario #aaron hotchner oneshot #aaron hotchner one-shot #aaron hotchner one shot #aaron hotchner headcanons #aaron hotchner headcanon #aaron hotchner hc #aaron hotchner hcs #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner blurb #aaron hotchner drabble #aaron hotchner dialogue #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x reader fanfiction

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quinnlarrabee · 30 days

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Macron's fiery Sorbonne speech targets summering American Millennials

It’s no coincidence that Emmanuel Macron gave a fiery speech about the threats facing Europe the same week that American Millennials in New York, LA, and Miami began talking about booking their one-way flights to the continent. "There is a risk our Europe could die - we are not equipped to face the risks," Macron said, referring to the dietary allergies, alternative milk needs, and tedious conversations of trust-funded, unemployed young adults who will begin their summer in Paris to attend a museum benefit that spills into a large dinner party with several professional photographers before traveling to Puglia, Comporta, or Ibiza where they will subsist on ‘beautiful tomatoes,’ flat whites, and MDMA.

Europe has struggled with illegal immigration for decades, and there is no more pressing illegal immigration threat than American Millennials who have decided that being unemployed in Europe is less distressing for their parents than being unemployed in Williamsburg. Google searches for ‘how long can I stay in EU without passport’ spiked in late-April among Americans who have not yet bought a Portuguese passport from a guy who used to run a turnkey Burning Man camp who is now running a Golden Visa scheme in Lisbon. “Our Europe today is mortal,” Macron said. “It can die and that depends solely on our choices,” the choices being whether or not to search and detain for ketamine at customs and how to clearly define tipping protocol in restaurants.

“It used to be enough to spend a couple weeks in Italy in July,” observes Coco, a 34-year-old retired gallery founder who is on the board of several art-related non-profits that she instructed her unpaid interns to start. “But now it gets so hot in Europe in July that everyone is going in June and even like, May.” Coco has several weddings and dinner parties in various coastal destinations in Europe in June, but she has not yet RSVP’d nor has she booked any travel. “I know I’m going to go, but I’ve just been too busy to look at the dates or book anything,” she says, absently picking some kind of beige matter from the left eye of her toy goldendoodle. Macron at one point asserts in his speech that Europe is “too slow and lacks ambition,” referring directly to Coco’s ambivalent European travel plans.

Uncertainty permeates the vibe in Europe right now, not because of a military threat posed by a giant, angry country with cocked nukes driven by a weak-minded Cold War relic, but because every Millennial in New York, Miami and Los Angeles has expressed their intention to occupy Europe without declaring the targets.

“Is very stressful,” says Aldo Melpignano, the proprietor of Borgo Egnazia, a trendy boutique hotel in Puglia that for Europeans costs €120 a night and charges 30something Americans visiting from coastal zipcodes $970. “I see the hashtags on the Instagram, like, I’m coming for your @borgoegnazia,” he says. “Va bene, Allison, when you gonna come for us, and are you gonna come with that stupid capello?” says Aldo while making a pinched-fingers emoji with one hand and pointing to his head with the other. Hotel, coffee shop, organic market, and narcotics purveyors all over Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal have echoed this desire for more resolute planning and fewer hats from the demographic that funds the less productive but more desirable EU countries.

"We must produce more, we must produce faster, and we must produce as Europeans," Macron said, a rallying cry to European DJs to sample only vocals that were recorded in native European languages.

“Europe must show that it is never a vassal of the United States and that it also knows how to talk to all the other regions of the world," Macron said, refuting the irrefutable fact that Europe has become a summer camp for unproductive younger Americans and suggesting that they be immediately deported to Bodrum or Izmir upon landing at CDG, MXP, and LIS.

“This is a betrayal of our values that ultimately leads us to dependency on other counties,” Macron said, making an observation about Europe’s frustration with having to work between May and August in order to show American Millennials how to correctly tap their credit card on puzzling European payment terminals.

“Europe must become capable of defending its interests, with its allies by our side whenever they are willing, and alone if necessary,” said Macron, in defense of French baristas who do not like working with oat milk. Taking a hands-on approach to ensuring the EU’s “ability to ensure our security” Macron and his wife will begin their Summer at a wedding in the Aeolian Islands in early June, float around Sicily or Puglia the following week, head to Bonjuk Bay for an appearance of prominent LA-based DJ, RICHE, and then couch-surf in Santa Gertrudis de Fruitera the rest of the summer.

#satire #culture #dark humor #social commentary #jokes

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