#Ianthe I have complicated feelings about. On the one hand I do really enjoy seeing a fucked up women just be fucked up

[girlscience]

finished Harrow the Ninth. Gideon is still the only thing I care about whatsoever (I do love Harrow, but it's different, Gideon makes me want to explode). Spent the whole book just waiting for her to be back (ya ya part of it was her pov watching Harrow but it wasn't Her her ya know) and she finally came back and I almost cried. Genuinely, she is EVERYTHING to me

#I didn't like God and then I was kind of warming to him and now I hate him thank fuck. I don't like liking God lol #I was pretty meh on the old lyctors. They got some funny moments but that was kind of all I felt for them #For the few paragraphs I've known her I like Pyrrha #Ianthe I have complicated feelings about. On the one hand I do really enjoy seeing a fucked up women just be fucked up #and she is so nasty and that's great.... But I honestly went into it thinking (based on fandom) that I would end up loving her and I don't #not even as a love to hate or grudging love. I actually think she sounds gross? Which I appreciate!! Don't get me wrong. I like a gross lady #but just the way she's described and the way she acts she almost makes me uncomfortable. like makes my skin crawl sort of vibe #which is super cool cause I honestly don't get that often. She feels slimy. Which is not a thing women are often #so like. I like her A Lot as a character. But I don't actually like Her. if that makes sense #also I think most fanart makes her wayyyyyy too attractive #uhhhhhh the ghosts were fun but I don't really have strong feelings about them in any direction #hmmmm other thoughts... these books don't help with my desire to get rid of all my possessions. being a nun of the ninth house sounds great #which i don't really think is a take away i'm supposed to be getting from this lol #other than that i am just spinning in circles in my head chanting gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon gideon

[gwynrielendgame]

Feyre x Lucien

I’m gonna be honest, I normally hate cheating and anything related, but….I hate Rhysand more 😭😭I’m sorry it’s true. Nothing I hate more than an entitled white(up for debate I suppose), cishet man that is worshipped for being a feminist icon. Anyways, enjoy the story.

@decadantstudent @e-bacellar

Feyre was fuming mad and she planned on giving Lucien an earful until he promised to come to the next winter solstice.

"You are avoiding me." Feyre declared as she burst into his room. Surprisingly, he was not shocked by her entrance. Vassa must have warned him that she would be coming.

"Has it ever occurred to you that not everything is about you Feyre?" Lucien gave a heavy sigh as he finished buttoning the cuff on his left hand. He was standing in front of a long mirror, looking as regal and handsome as ever. Feyre put both hands on her hips and gave him the same look Nyx received when he was in trouble.

"Then why did you not come to solstice?" She demanded. She could not explain why her feelings were so hurt, but they were. After everything they had been through, he should at least come to celebrate her birthday.

"Believe it or not, Feyre, you are the only one who wants me there. Not very welcoming." He met her eyes through the mirror before fiddling with his next cuff. Feyre knew her family was not very kind to him, but she did not realize it had bothered him. Most insults slid off his back as if he had never heard it in the first place. With his quick wit and even quicker mouth, Feyre just assumed he might even like the banter.

"That is not true." She struggled to think of anyone else who liked having Lucien there. There was no one, but she simply wanted to argue with him at this point. "Nyx likes you."

"Nyx is a baby. He likes everyone."

"It is my birthday, Lucien. The least you could do is show up."

"I sent a gift. Did you not get it?" He elegantly leaned his shoulder against the wall. His nonchalance bothered her though.

"The bow and arrows were lovely but that's not the point, Lucien." She could admit they had been one of her favorite gifts. It had been perfectly crafted to fit all of Feyre's preferences. She brought it with her on every mission now.

"Then what is?" The bastard had the nerve to look amused.

"I was a much better friend to you than you were to me and now all I ask is for you to come to one event a year."

"Feyre, what do you want from me? I cannot go back and change the past. Trust me I would if I could. How can I fix it if an apology will not?" He seemed exasperated by the entire situation which only resulted in infuriating Feyre further.

"Changed behavior! Be a better friend." She shrieked as she crossed her arms across her chest. She was hoping to come across as a disappointed mother, but she felt more like a nagging mate.

"You hardly seemed like you even wanted me there the last three solstices. So what do you really want?" Lucien pushed himself off the wall and elegantly stretched out on his emerald green couch. Feyre reconsidered for a moment. What did she want?

"Answers."

Lucien looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Would you ever have intervened with Tamlin if Rhysand did not exist?" She decided to ask. She had blamed Lucien as much as Tamlin for what had happened. No matter how unfair, part of Feyre did resent Lucien. He gave a pained look. The first hint of something other than annoyance.

"Eventually. Not as soon as you would have wanted." He admitted while looking away, clearly ashamed. His jaw clenched tightly under her watchful eye.

"Why?"

"Tamlin has done more for me than any other fae. Betraying him in the worst way possible would not have been easy." Lucien offered. There was more to it that he was refusing to admit to and Feyre was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"But allowing me to suffer was?" She asked softly as she stared at her feet. It appeared seeing each other’s faces would be too much for both of them considering neither would look at each other.

"No! I did not know it was as bad as it was. Unlike you Feyre I am not a mind reader. It was not like you came crying to me about how miserable you were."

He had a point there. As close as she was to Lucien, she knew he would not respond how she wanted, so she kept her feelings inside. Regardless, he must have known she was unhappy.

"Do not pretend. You knew it was bad." She finally found the courage to look up at him, but his head was in his hands as his elbows rested on his knees.

"What would you have done in my position? Say Azriel was mistreating that priestess he is so fond of and no one else knew? Would you whisk her away knowing it would destroy him without a second thought? Without a plan hm?" There was such conviction in his eye when he looked up at her that

Feyre paused. She cocked her head to analyze Lucien. Had he been concocting a plan to help her? One that never came to fruition because of Rhysand? She ignored that thought altogether. It was too complicated to piece apart.

"Can you be honest for like five minutes, Lucien?"

"I have been honest!" He was clearly frustrated as he snapped at Feyre. He stood up from the chair.

"Then tell me why you did not help me?" She demanded. "You saw what he was doing to me and allowed it to continue." Feyre had never been this angry at Lucien, but all her previous resentment was rising to the surface and she could not contain it. Her chest was heaving from all the yelling she had done.

"Because I loved you!" He shouted back at her while pacing the length of his room. "Because I knew it was suffocating you and I could not find it in myself to stop it because I wanted you safe as much as Tamlin did."

Feyre reared back at Lucien's admittance. She truly was not expecting that. Lucien stopped his pacing to look at her through his one good eye. He looked miserable and clearly did not want to talk about this, but Feyre had forced it out. He dragged his hand through his hair rather roughly. Feyre suddenly wished she had never come to the band of exiles, had never accused Lucien of being a bad friend. She thought he had been running away from Elain and Tamlin, but perhaps he had been running away from her as well. The space between them felt too small.

"Lucien..." she did not know what to say, so she let the silence drag on. He sighed heavily before sitting in the chaise at the corner of the room once again. He let his head drop, refusing to look her in the eye.

"I knew the prophecy meant you had to fall for Tamlin, so I stepped back. The more time I spent with you though, the more I wanted you for myself. I thought you might have felt the same way until calanmai." He shrugged as if he was not admitting to something that could destroy their entire friendship.

"But then you mated to Rhys and I mated to Elain, and do not misunderstand. Your sister is lovely, but she is not the only one avoiding the bond." He finally looked up at her and the pain in his eye made Feyre want to comfort him. She was unsure if that was appropriate now though. She stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. She supposed she could offer an olive branch in a room where only Lucien could hear her deepest, buried thoughts.

"I was jealous of Vassa." She blurted before she could stop herself. Lucien tilted his head as he analyzed her words. "I thought I was jealous of your friendship because you were my first true friend, but I think part of me wants you to remain unattached at my side as you were when I was with Tamlin." The hopeful glint in Lucien's eye had her adding on the next part. "I love Rhysand more than life itself and I would not change anything." His face fell.

The silence dragged on with both of them refusing to move any closer to each other. It was safest with Lucien in his chair and Feyre standing by the door. Lucien leaned back in his chair with a surprisingly blank expression. More than anything she wanted to see his smirk and have him crack a joke so that she knew their friendship was not lost forever.

"I started to resent you. That's why I left with Vassa and Jurian." Feyre felt something crack in her chest, but she did not want to ponder all the possibilities of that. "I slept with Ianthe for you."

"I never asked-" Feyre started to interrupt but Lucien held up his hand to stop her.

"I know. But I knew you would never forgive Tamlin if he participated in Calanmai and I did not want that to be something that drove you two apart. I mean I did, but..." he seemed to struggle with his words for the first time ever. He rubbed his hands roughly over his face. "I knew that if I participated that Ianthe would sink her claws into the opportunity." His face went two shades paler and the dread in his voice finally had Feyre crossing the imaginary line in the room. She sat next to him and took his hand. He refused to turn and look at her, but he did squeeze her hand.

"I never wanted that. But I loved you too much and I loved Tamlin too much. I should have put my foot down with him way before you ever entered the picture." Feyre put her hand on his cheek to force him to look at her. His eyes brimmed with unshed tears. It was not her fault that Lucien was forced to be with Ianthe, but she still felt sad that Lucien would have done anything for Tamlin even if he would not have returned the favor.

He grabbed both of her cheeks with his hands and gently brought her face to his. He was giving her time to back away. She realized in this moment she should not have come. The emotionally charged room kept her from pulling away. She thought she was giving Lucien a passionate kiss before they each went their separate ways permanently. Instead, Lucien very softy brushed his lips against hers and then pulled away. It could hardly be considered a kiss. Once he dropped his hands from her face, the spell was broken and Feyre was moving to the far end of the room.

"Sorry." Was all Lucien could muster without even looking at her. Her face flamed bright red with a wave of shame and something else she did not want to label.

"It's fine." She stammered. "I should go."

He let her leave the room without so much as a look in her direction. Feyre had never quite understood all her feelings where Lucien was concerned. She planned on keeping it locked away forever though.

#feyre archeron #acotar #lucien vanserra #acosf #rhysand #feycien

[cromulentbookreview]

Everything is Terrible but at least we have Books

Everything sucks. Why not enjoy a good book? 

And by that, I mean: The Midnight Bargain, by C.L. Polk!

Do you need a comfort read? Do you need a book that has magic and romance and reading it makes your brain feel like it’s being wrapped up in a nice, warm hug? Do you need a book that you will willingly sacrifice precious sleep in order to finish? 

Then you need The Midnight Bargain. 

Yes, I know, I’ve been giving out a lot of 5-stars lately, but that’s mostly because right now, I need those 5-star, forget-about-reality-type books right now. But The Midnight Bargain isn’t just a wonderful, comforting read for troubled times - The Midnight Bargain is just plain great, period.

Beatrice Clayborne lives in a man’s world. Men control pretty much everything: magic, government, women’s lives, everything. In a world similar to 18th century England, in the nation of Chasland, women have little to no rights. Women capable of wielding magic are really only valued for their, uh, ability to pass magical skills down to their offspring and not much else. Women aren’t allowed to study magic the way men are - women are supposed to get married and have children because that is the natural order of things and anyone who deviates from that natural order shall be ostracized by society forevermore. 

Yes, I realize I’m not making this book sound very comforting at the moment, but trust me, it is. Perhaps it is spoilerish for me to say, but rest assured, this book has a happy ending in which the Patriarchy is given a solid kick in the balls. 

Anyway!

Beatrice, our heroine, wants to study magic. She wants to tap into her magical ability to help her family’s situation, rather than using them to make a good marriage. Only, Beatrice’s family is kind of absolutely relying on her making a brilliant match during the so-called Bargaining Season, similar to, you know, The Season that rich people in 19th century novels talk about. The Bargaining Season is a time in which the families of wealthy society women with magical abilities broker marriages. If you go through more than two Bargaining Seasons without getting a husband, then, well, you’ve failed and no one will ever want you. Plus, these seasons are expensive AF. Beatrice’s family has gone into significant debt just to pay for her first Bargaining Season, and they’re counting on her making a brilliant match to quite literally save her family from poverty.

Oh, I should mention the additional catch. The one thing Beatrice wishes to avoid: being collared. 

See, magical spirits want nothing more than a body to possess. They’d gladly possess an unborn child, so, once they’re born, they could exist in a physical form and wreak magical havoc. In order to protect women’s unborn children (please excuse me while I vomit everything I’ve ever eaten ever), upon marriage, women must be locked into a warding collar, cutting off their access to magic. 

Or, if you’re a woman and you’re mouthy, have opinions, and can do magic, you might just get locked into that collar anyway. 

The prospect of being locked into a warding collar is absolutely terrifying and Beatrice would do anything to avoid it. But she must somehow prove her mettle with magic and show her family that she can help raise their fortunes through magic, not marriage. Fortunately, Beatrice finds a grimoire that can help her become a fully-fledged Magus. Unfortunately, that grimoire is snatched out of her hands by Ysbeta Lavan, a woman of fabulous wealth who just so happens to have a few of the same goals as Beatrice. 

Those goals, however, don’t (at that moment) include sharing the grimoire with Beatrice. 

Desperate to get the grimoire back, Beatrice summons a minor luck spirit, Nadi, and strikes a bargain: she wants to share Beatrice’s body for an evening at a ball, and she wants Beatrice to dance, eat cake, and kiss a handsome man. Namely, Ysbeta’s gorgeous, liberal-minded brother, Ianthe Lavan. 

As Beatrice becomes closer to the Lavan siblings, things get more and more complicated: can she practice magic and still be married? Can she have her own family without a warding collar? Can she save her family and still find her own happiness? Can she really have all that and her teamster sub??

The Midnight Bargain is one of those rare books that I literally could not stop reading. I have to be up stupidly early for work (did you know there’s a 4 in the AM?) so I’m pretty strict about my bedtime because I’m an adult and I need my job in order to make money so I can repay my student loans and buy books. Normally, there is no book, movie or TV show that will get me to stay up past my self-imposed bedtime because falling asleep at work would mean goodbye job and money I need to repay my student loans and buy books.

I stayed up for two and a half hours past my bedtime just to finish The Midnight Bargain. This is the second time a book by C. L. Polk has done this to me - the first was with her debut, Witchmark. With three books, she’s managed to knock the ball out of the park three times in a row. I don’t know how she does it, but damn I wish I could use whatever magic C. L. Polk is using on some of my moldering works in progress. Seriously, why can’t books just write themselves? 

Anyway. I wish I had more eloquent things to say about how much I loved this book, but I don’t. 2020 has been a hell of a year, you guys. I try to, at the very least, review one book a month on this stupid blog, but, once again, I failed. September was quite literally hellish - I mean, my whole state caught fire and I had to flee my house in the middle of the night because the fires were right there, at the end of the road. I tore through The Midnight Bargain at the end of August with every intention of writing a review then, but I didn’t, because this year is the worst and it just keeps getting worse. But we still have books to escape into whenever things get bleak, so do yourself a favor, read The Midnight Bargain and escape into a magical world filled with romance, men who are kind, sweet baby angels, and the patriarchy gets the punch to the dick it so richly deserves. 

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone in need of a nice, romantic pick-me-up book to escape into for a few hours to forget what a total dumpster fire the world is right now.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who considers 2020 to be a fantastic year.

RELEASE DATE: October 13, 2020

RATING: 5/5

WHO WOULD PLAY IANTHE IN THE MOVIE: 

Why, hello there, Dev Patel...

Because everything sucks, here’s this gif:

My heart...my heart...

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 500,000,000,000 / 5

NADI RATING: 

RUTH BADER GINSBURG:

Rest in power, RBG. The world misses you.

#the midnight bargain #cl polk #best books #best books 2020 #the world is on fire #book review #fantasy #beatrice/ianthe #magic #comfort read #happy ending #smash the patriarchy #fantasy romance

[theladyofdeath]

Friday Night Lights {ACOTAR}

Chapter 14

Summary: Inspired by the series Friday Night Lights. In a town that is obsessed with football, a group of teenagers are glorified for what they bring to the field. But what the people of Velaris don’t realize is that there is a lot more to life than football, and it’s not always pretty.

Revolves around Cassian, Nesta, Elain, Lucien, Azriel, Morrigan, Amren, Feyre, and Rhysand.

*Warning: This fic deals with sensitive material.

*Note: A chapter will be posted every Sunday & Wednesday.

Click here for previous chapters.

Author’s Note: I want you all so desperately to know that I read all your comments and they make me feel so loved and wonderful and perfect and good. <3 Thank you!

This chapter is kind of short. It’s preparing us for the next few chapters, which are both quite long!

Enjoy.

Azriel took Declan to the mall around ten, once he had inhaled enough caffeine to make his feet move quickly enough to get them both ready and out the door.

The baby was asleep when Azriel put him into his stroller and rolled him into the building. He didn’t even stir as Azriel found a store that he supposed was good enough for homecoming dance apparel, and waltzed right in.

“Can I help you find anything?” the salesclerk behind the counter asked.

Azriel politely declined and found his way to the back of the store, where their formal wear was.

He hated dressing up.

He felt ridiculous, even though he was told he pulled it off quite well. Still, he felt more like a child playing dress up than a confident man about to take a woman on a date.

Sighing, he sorted through the racks.

They all looked the same to him, even though some were in different colors and patterns. He guessed it was more about the fit, but he wasn’t about to try a bunch on, especially having Declan with him. He would be up and wanting a bottle soon.

He’d had it. He pushed Declan’s stroller over to a table of folded shirts, picked out a royal blue button down, grabbed a pair of black dress pants in his size off a random rack, and headed toward the checkout counter.

Maybe he should have asked the salesclerk for help.

“Is this all for you?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I guess it is.”

Shoes. Did he need shoes? What qualified as acceptable shoes? He’d gone to the dance last year, but he had just gone with his friends – he wore sneakers, for the mother’s sake.

Azriel began to wonder how high Elain’s standards were.

“Uh, where is the nearest shoe store?”

“Azriel?”

Azriel turned around just as the salesclerk was answering his question, not that he had heard her reply, and froze.

“Hey,” he said, unnervingly, as Rhysand approached him.

“Last minute shopping, I see,” Rhysand said, but his eyes were on the stroller.

Azriel just nodded.

Rhysand peeked into the stroller and tilted his head at Declan. When his eyes met Azriel’s again, he asked, “Who is this baby and why does he look like you?”

Azriel knew this day was coming. He knew it, and he pushed it off long enough. For so long, he had hid Declan. At first, for his safety and protection. Then, because he felt like he had waited so long that his friends would be mad at him when the news finally came out. He could lie, and say that it had just happened, but Azriel had never been good at lying. It wasn’t him.

He sighed, and asked, “Free for lunch?”

Rhysand looked at his watch. “A little early for lunch. Brunch?”

Azriel blinked. “Did….you just ask me to brunch?”

“Depends,” Rhysand said. “Is that your kid? Is he the reason you’ve been MIA?”

Azriel opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “Brunch works.”

“Alis, you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do,” she said. “Now, show me what you have on.”

Feyre took a deep breath and opened the door of her dressing room. She was wearing a floor-length black gown that hugged her hips. “I don’t know about this one.”

Alis smiled. “I think it looks beautiful. But, if it’s not the one, it’s not the one. I bet the red one will suit you. Elain? How’s it going with you?”

“I didn’t like the last one,” she called from within her room. “Trying on another!”

“You don’t have to do this,” Feyre said again.

“It’s true,” Elain commented, peeking her head out of her door. “You really don’t. Please don’t feel obligated. We could go to the thrift –“

“No,” Alis scorned. “Every girl deserves to be taken to get a new dress for a dance. This is important. You both have dates and an exciting night ahead of you. You are both picking out a dress, and I am more than happy to get them for you. After this, we are going to get our nails done, and there will be no complaining.”

Feyre chuckled. “Okay. Fine. You win.”

“You’re the best, Alis,” Elain smiled. “Truly. This means so much.”

“It’s what your mom would have done if she were here,” Alis smiled, gently.

Elain hid herself in her dressing room before she could cry, but Feyre simply gave her a smile before finding her way back into her own.

Alis was kind. Their situation may not have been ideal – at least, it may not have started out that way – but Feyre was growing more and more thankful by the day.

Alis didn’t have to do anything of the things she did for them. And yet, she did them, without any hesitation.

Feyre observed the red dress that Alis had suggested and fingered the silky fabric before slipping off the black one.

Rhysand would be picking her up in a matter of hours.

Feyre had never been pampered, had never even know what it was like to get her nails done, or pick out a new formal gown. She already felt like royalty, and Rhysand wasn’t even in the picture yet.

She wondered what he would be wearing, what he would say once she opened the door. She wondered what she should be wearing underneath her dress, or if it even mattered.

She wanted it to matter.

But the thought also terrified her.

They’d gotten close the night before, as they parked his car by the Sidra at a ridiculous hour in the morning. She couldn’t stop her hands from wandering over his body, and he couldn’t stop his mouth from exploring hers.

She wanted it, then. She was ready for him, and for once she could confidently say that it was more than just lust.

She loved Rhysand.

And she wanted to tell him as much.

“Feyre?” Alis called. “Doing okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” Feyre cleared her throat. “Be out in a minute.”

And when she slipped on the dress, she realized that Alis had been right.

It was perfect.

It was the one.

“Can we go to the park? When am I going over to Reina’s? Can we go to the park? Cass, I’m staaaarving. Can we go to the park?”

Cassian groaned, pulling his comforter over his head. He was exhausted. The night before had been too much.

Nesta had left a few hours before, kissing him goodbye before making the trek back to her own house. She was going to come back over that night, after the dance, and Cassian was counting down the hours.

“Cass,” Alana whined. “If you don’t wake up, I’m going to scream.”

“You’re probably going to scream anyways,” Cassian mumbled.

“Were you up late kissing Nesta?”

Cassian peeked out from under his pillow. “What? How do you know about that? You shouldn’t be asking questions like that.”

Alana rolled her eyes. “I’m five. I’m not stupid.”

Cassian, begrudgingly, laughed. “No, I was not up all night kissing Nesta.”

“She’s nice,” Alana said. “I like her. You should keep her. Don’t do something stupid.”

Cassian raised his brows. “I don’t do stupid things.”

Alana snorted. “If you say so. Anyway, back to my day. I called Mor this morning. She said she’s excited to go to the dance with you. I asked her why you weren’t going with your new girlfriend.”

Cassian cursed. “You asked her what?”

Alana shrugged. “Why you weren’t going to the dance with Nesta. She said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Why didn’t she know?”

Cassian took a minute to choose his words wisely. “It’s….complicated. I really wish you wouldn’t use my phone without my permission and supervision.”

Now he had to explain things to Mor. Dear gods.

“Why? Are you keeping secrets?” Alana gasped. “That’s naughty –“

“No, I’m not keeping….” Cassian trailed off as he rubbed his temples. “Just, this….Nesta and I…..We can’t….People can’t know about us. That we’re dating.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That’s a shitty reason.”

“Don’t swear,” Cassian ordered.

“You swear all the time,” Alana shot back.

The two stared at one another as the seconds flew by. Cassian was always the first to break. “Go get dressed and find your hairbrush. We’ll go get lunch, and I’ll take you to the park.”

“Yay!” She shouted, jumping on his bed until her feet were on the floor, stomping across the hardwood into her bedroom.

Cassian didn’t know what their future held.

But he knew that little girl would do great things in her lifetime.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

Azriel shrugged, and looked at Declan. “I’m not ashamed of him, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Rhysand didn’t blink. He simply took a sip of his water before asking, “Then help me understand. Az, we’ve known each other since we were kids. We all have. We’re like family, at least that’s what I thought –“

“We are –“

“Then why would you keep something like this from us? Did you not think we’d be happy for you? Did you not think we would help in any way we can?”

Azriel shook his head. “No, it’s not that…I just – his mom –“

All of Rhysand’s frustration seemed to evaporate as Azriel trailed off. “Are you ever going to tell me who she is?”

A tense moment passed.

“Ianthe,” he stated, quietly.

Rhysand almost dropped his glass. “Shit, Azriel. When? How? Well, I know how….When?”

“A little over a year ago. Just before school started Junior year. I was drunk……I don’t know. It only happened once.”

“And you never questioned her? That you were the father?”

Azriel gave him a pointed look as he gestured toward Declan. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

It was true. Declan was practically a spitting image of his father.

Rhysand, speechless, just shook his head. “I just…..I wish you had told us.”

“I know,” Azriel said. “I didn’t know how. I’m sorry.”

Rhysand took a deep breath, and raked a hand through his hair as he watched Declan sleep peacefully. “I’m proud of you, Az. You seem like a great dad.”

Azriel tried to smile, but failed.

“What’s wrong?” Rhysand asked.

“Ianthe is back. She was at the game the other night.”

“That’s why you left.”

He nodded. “I was afraid she was looking for him. She can’t find him, Rhys. If she does, everything I’ve done to protect him goes to shit.”

Something like pain flashed through Rhysand’s eyes. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Azriel thanked him, but he felt ashamed. A secret. Declan didn’t deserve to be a secret. But, how else was he going to keep him safe?

Elain felt like a princess.

She had picked out a turquoise and blush floral floor length gown that hugged her waist and made her breasts look a cup size bigger than they actually were.

Nesta was sitting on her bed, her camera in hand. “Okay, you two, get together, we need a picture.”

Feyre rolled her eyes, looking radiant even as she did so. Her golden-brown hair was down, straight, and hanging low across her thigh-length red gown.

Elain made sure her braided up-do, a creation of Nesta’s, was still holding up before putting her arm around Feyre’s waist, and smiling.

“There,” Nesta announced. “Perfect. You both look so beautiful.”

Elain felt a slight pang of guilt. Nesta had never had this opportunity. She was younger than the rest of her class, sure, but she still deserved the chance to feel the way she and Feyre did.

“Have fun. Make good choices,” Nesta said. “And by make good choices I mean –“

“We get it,” Feyre said, and Elain noticed she was blushing.

“Oh my god,” Elain whispered. “Are you and Rhysand going to –“

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe. Probably not. I don’t know.”

Elain squealed as Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t. Unless you’re absolutely sure, and you’re absolutely ready….Don’t.”

But Elain already knew how Feyre felt about Rhysand. And Rhysand treated her with respect and love. He was it. He was the one.

“Noted,” Feyre mumbled, her cheeks reddening further.

The doorbell rang, sending Feyre running toward the door, and Elain and Nesta following quickly behind.

“Keep an eye on her,” Nesta mumbled. “I don’t trust her.”

Elain just rolled her eyes.

“Elain?”

She stopped in the hallway, and turned toward her older sister to see something serious in her gray-blue eyes: worry.

“If you need anything tonight, please call me,” she said. “I can be there in five minutes.”

She gave her sister a hug, then looked her in the eye once she had pulled back. “I will. I promise. But try not to worry, okay? It’s just a dance.”

Nesta nodded, but didn’t look too convinced as Elain hurried to the front door and prepared to see her date.

Ianthe looked at herself in the mirror one final time.

Her black dress was perfect, another tool that could be used to her advantage. She knew Azriel would be there, knew he would probably be with someone else. She didn’t care, though.

She had a plan.

And what Ianthe wanted, Ianthe got. 

#tacmc fnl #sorry if theres typos #in a hurry #enjoy #fanfic #acotar #acomaf #acowar #nessian #elriel #feysand

[angryelves2-blog]

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas

★★

Feyre has returned to the Spring Court, determined to gather information on Tamlin's maneuverings and the invading king threatening to bring Prythian to its knees. But to do so she must play a deadly game of deceit-and one slip may spell doom not only for Feyre, but for her world as well. As war bears down upon them all, Feyre must decide who to trust amongst the dazzling and lethal High Lords-and hunt for allies in unexpected places. In this thrilling third book in the #1 New York Times bestselling series from Sarah J. Maas, the earth will be painted red as mighty armies grapple for power over the one thing that could destroy them all.

As I’ve said before in my review of Empire of Shadows, I have a complicated relationship with SJM’s books. Some of her worldbuilding interests me, as do one or two of her characters, but her worlds and stories are so problematic and so white, cis, allo and straight that now I’m just waiting to read the last books of her series to say good bye to her writing completely.

(Spoilers ahead) (I do mean it: SPOILERS AHEAD).

(Also, this review is 3.5k words long, fyi).

I had heard many bad things about A Court of  Wings and Ruin before starting it and sadly most of them are true. I wanted to talk first about her use of acephobic tropes, first brought to my attention thanks to the excerpt below:

Dagdan and Brannagh had listened to her fawning with enough boredom that I was starting to wonder if the two of them perhaps preferred no one’s company but each other’s. In whatever unholy capacity. Not a blink of interest toward the beauty who often made males and females stop to gape. Perhaps any sort of physical passion had long ago been drained away, alongside their souls.

There is a lot to unpack here. First, the assumption that lack of interest in a beautiful women probably means the two characters have no physical passion; second, the link between having no physical passion and no soul, since they (the souls and their physical passion) apparently were sucked out of their bodies together.

Many fans of the series said that the soulless part of this paragraph had been mentioned before, so no, their lack of physical passion and their soullessness weren’t linked. I disagreed with them – even if it had been mentioned before, it’s not okay to say two soulless characters lost their “physical passion” alongside their souls, not only because the statement itself is shitty (it implies someone with a soul would never lack physical passion) but because it assumes everyone has this “physical passion” and that not having it is abnormal.

Now, when I first read this, I thought Feyre meant it literally – as in, Dagdan and Brannagh had their souls drained away for real. But when I read the book, surprise!, they didn’t. They are just evil.

Here’s the first time Feyre mentions the twins’ evilness:

But it was the two commanders – one male, one female – that had a sliver of true fear sliding into my heart. High Fae in appearance, their skin the same ruddy hue and hair the identical inky black as their king. But it was their vacant, unfeeling faces that snagged the eye. A lack of emotion honed from millennia of cruelty.

And how she keeps establishing that they feel no emotion:

Tamlin inclined his head to the prince and princess. “Welcome to my home. We have rooms prepared for all of you.” “My brother and I shall reside in one together,” the princess said. Her voice was deceptively light – almost girlish. The utter lack of feeling, the utter authority was anything but.

By the way, there is no proof whatsoever of them being incestuous. Granted, we can assume SJM left it open and that they probably are, but Feyre thinks they are because 1. they don’t fawn over Ianthe, the beautiful woman, or show any “physical passion” and 2. they sleep in the same room/tent.

That’s it.

So no, their souls weren’t drained from their bodies.

And no, there is no proof in canon that they are incestuous twins.

They are just evil. Cold, emotionless faeries who are so evil they don’t feel any ~physical passion~ (only maybe for each other, which, again, isn’t even canon, it’s just something Feyre assumes about them).

Their characters rely in many acephobic tropes, because well, lots and lots of villains rely on acephobic tropes. One of the most common ace(phobic) stereotypes is that ace people (or just people who feel no “physical passion”, since no one ever uses the word) can’t feel anything and are cold, frigid beings, mostly likely also evil. It’s no coincidence that in a series like this one, where anyone who is 1. pretty or 2. good will probably date/have sex with someone at some point and where hetero romances are forced down the reader’s throat all the time, the characters who are portrayed as feeling no physical passion are evil, emotionless and cruel.

I’m not saying SJM wrote them thinking, hehe I’m gonna use acephobic stereotypes and hurt ace folks! because I’m sure she didn’t. This trope is ingrained in the way we tell stories. Villains are the cold, emotionless ones who feel no sexual or romantic attraction and are forever alone. Heroes are the open, feeling ones who get the girl/boy in the end and live happily ever after. This goes back to what I’ve talked about a thousand times in this blog: the belief that sex and romantic love are what makes us human, and if aro & ace people don’t feel romantic/sexual attraction, then they aren’t human. Since villains are usually villains for not being nice humans, then they also never have sex (and if they do, they don’t feel in love with the person and that is portrayed as something bad) and never date anyone, which implies a lack of sexual and romantic attraction.

See what I’m trying to say? Lack of sexual and/or romantic attraction = bad, and since villains = bad, it’s common for villains to be portrayed as lacking sexual and/or romantic attraction. Which is, well, one of the reasons I spent my whole life relating to aro/ace coded villains instead of relating to the straight, cis, allo heroes, since aro/ace coded heroes are so damn rare, but using this trope to build evil villains is still a shitty thing to do. I’m not saying villains can’t be aro/ace, but we must be careful with how we portray the lack of sexual and romantic attraction and why we usually link these two things to villains who are literally the most evil, cruel and mean people to walk on earth.

SJM sadly wasn’t careful. She made use of aphobic tropes like many authors do, and while I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose, that doesn’t mean the harm she caused is any less valid.

And since her series is so damn saturated with sex and romance, the use of this trope is even more glaring.

Second thing I wanted to talk about: her portrayal of the only bisexual character, Helion, the High Lord of the Day Court.

This is how his bisexuality (or pansexuality or polysexuality) is introduced:

Helion threw himself onto the couch across from Cassian and Mor. He’d ditched the radiant crown somewhere, but kept tht gold armband of the upright serpent. “It’s been what – four centuries now, and you three still haven’t accepted my offer.” Mor lolled her head to the side. “I don’t like to share, unfortunately.” “You never know until you try,” Hellion purred. The three of them in bed… with him? I must have been blinking like a fool because Rhy said to me, Helion favors both males and females. Usually together in bed. And has been hounding after that trio for centuries.

Which… Well, I’m sure I don’t need to say why this is not exactly good rep, but in any case: one of the most common stereotypes of bisexuality is that bisexuals are 1. always promiscuous and 2. always looking for threesomes.

Or in Helion’s case, foursomes.

Of course there are bi people who have a lot of sex and enjoy three or foursomes, but the stereotype is so common, and so harmful, that the author, esp a straight author, needs to be very careful when they write a bi character like this. And well, Helion isn’t an important character. I mean, he is – he’s the High Lord of the Day Court, after all – but he’s not one of the main characters and he isn’t that crucial to the story. Maas doesn’t have time (or just didn’t bother, who knows) to develop him and establish him as a more multidimensional, complete character. As it is, all we know about Helion is that he’s really powerful, really beautiful, that he’s the High Lord of the Day Court, that he loves three/foursomes with both men and women and that he did nothing to save a woman he loved from her abusive husband. Also, that he’s Lucien’s father.

That’s it.

I think things could have been different if he were a more developed character. In ACOWAR, unfortunately, he’s more stereotype than character, which doesn’t really convince me of SJM’s efforts to diversify her work, especially if we take the problematic way in which she revealed Aedion’s bisexuality in Empire of Storms in consideration. Also, it’s pretty clear she didn’t do any research or had any sensitivity readers; the promiscuous, threesome-loving bisexual is easily, as I said, the most common stereotype about bisexuals. A simple google search would’ve saved her in this one, but apparently she couldn’t be bothered to do that.

Third thing: Mor.

Mor comes out as lesbian to Feyre only in this book. Here’s how she does it (after Feyre throws in her face that fact that Mor doesn’t do anything with the info that Azriel loves her):

“No.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “No. I don’t … You see …” I’d never seen her at such a loss for words. She closed her eyes, fingers digging into her skin. “I can’t love him like that.”

“Why?”

“Because I prefer females.”

For a heartbeat, only silence rippled through me. “But—you sleep with males. You slept with Helion …” And had looked terrible the next day. Tortured and not at all sated.

Not just because of Azriel, but … because it wasn’t what she wanted.

“I do find pleasure in them. In both.” Her hands were shaking so fiercely that she gripped herself even tighter. “But I’ve known, since I was little more than a child, that I prefer females. That I’m … attracted to them more over males. That I connect with them, care for them more on that soul-deep level. But at the Hewn City … All they care about is breeding their bloodlines, making alliances through marriage. Someone like me … If I were to marry where my heart desired, there would be no offspring. My father’s bloodline would have ended with me. I knew it—knew that I could never tell them. Ever. People like me … we’re reviled by them. So I never breathed a word of it. And then… then my father betrothed me to Eris and… And it wasn’t just the prospect of marriage to him that scared me. No, I knew I could survive his brutality, his cruelty and coldness. I was– I am stronger than him. It was the idea of being bred like a prize mare, of being forced to give up that one part of me…” Her mouth wobbled, and I reached for her hand, prying it off her arm. I squeezed gently as tears began sliding down her flushed face.

So she is a women loving woman who is okay with having sex with men (maybe she’s bisexual, but homoromantic? The whole thing isn’t clear, in my opinion. Does she just enjoy the sex and feel no sexual attraction to men – which is more probable, I think, since I doubt SJM knows about the split attraction model – or feel sexual attraction to men, but not romantic love?). She’s had a female lovers before, even one with whom she says she was quite happy, but she was a human queen who died long ago. Mor’s story is also full of suffering because homo/lesbophobia and she’s still in the closet because of fear.

She doesn’t sleep with men in hopes it will cure her, though. She mentions she thought about sleeping with Azriel to see if she could feel something for him, but ultimately chose not to because of how he would see it and the fact that she knows she just won’t fall in love with him. In her words, “I’m not sure I can give my entire heart to him that way. And… and I love him enough to want him to ind someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself… I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too.”

Honestly? I’m not sure about her rep. I’m not a wlw, not a lesbian and not even a woman, so I prefer to abstain from comments on it. The whole thing is complicated and I don’t think a voice outside of the wlw community or the lesbian community is needed here.

Some other notes on diversity: there are more queer characters and more characters of color in ACOWAR. Thesan, the High Lord of the Dawn Court, and his male lover; Nephelle and her wife; Helion, who is described as having “dark skin”, Lucien, who is revealed as being biracial (he’s Helion’s son, after all, though I don’t remember Maas mentioning that he has darker skin than his (half) brothers until this book), and some other character here and there. With the exception of Lucien, all of them are minor characters, and Thesan’s lover and Nephelle and her wife don’t even speak. In fact, I don’t think Nephelle’s wife and Thesan’s lover even have names.

So. Yeah.

Which brings us to another thing I wanted to talk about: the worldbuilding of this series and how much of a mess it is sometimes. Something I’ll never understand is why Maas never bothered to name the human queens, for example (with the exception of Vessa), or even her kingdoms. I mean, have no idea of where these kingdoms are. In fact, I didn’t even know (or remember) that there were other faerie kingdoms besides Hybern and the Seven Courts.

But what really bothered me was how SJM tried to retcon her world into being queer friendly while still making it heteronormative.

There was no mention of queer characters in book one and two, as far as I can remember. They simply didn’t exist. And well, the fae are really, really heteronormative and exorsexist. There is only male and female and 99% of the time it is assumed that a male must want a female, and a female must want a male, and that everyone, regardless of gender, must want someone else as well. I mean, look at the mating bonds – they are many times described as something primitive, that the males can’t resist, and in ACOWAR Rhy even admits mating bonds probably only exist as a way to provide the strongest offspring:

“A mating bond can be rejected,” Rhys said mildly, eyes flickering in the mirror as he drank in every inch of bare skin I had on display. “There is choice. And sometimes, yes—the bond picks poorly. Sometimes, the bond is nothing more than some … preordained guesswork at who will provide the strongest offspring. At its basest level, it’s perhaps only that. Some natural function, not an indication of true, paired souls.” A smile at me—at the rareness, perhaps, of what we had. “Even so,” Rhys went on, “there will always be a … tug. For the females, it is usually easier to ignore, but the males … It can drive them mad. It is their burden to fight through, but some believe they are entitled to the female. Even after the bond is rejected, they see her as belonging to them. Sometimes they return to challenge the male she chooses for herself. Sometimes it ends in death. It is savage, and it is ugly, and it mercifully does not happen often, but … Many mated pairs will try to make it work, believing the Cauldron selected them for a reason. Only years later will they realize that perhaps the pairing was not ideal in spirit.”

The Fae’s masculinity is more often than not extremely toxic. Extremely feral and territorial. Usually because of the bond, something apparently biological that exists to provide “the strongest offspring”.

The foundations of this society are built on heteronormativity, sexism and amatonormativity.

And yet it is queer-friendly, with the exception of the Court of Nightmares, Mor’s home. No one blinks at the very minor queer couples. Not even Feyre, who was raised a human beyond the wall, which one can understand as being a indicative that humans are also queer friendly.

And yet there were no queer people, or at least no hint that queer people could at least exist, in 2/3 of the series.

Now, I’m not saying the fae society should be queerphobic. Far from that. But in my opinion? Maas didn’t even think about including queer characters (or POC) until people criticized her for her lack of diversity (which, fine, it happens to straight cis allo white authors), but then she didn’t do the work to actually make her queer-friendly society believable based on what she had already established. If no one bats an eyelash at Thesan and his male lover or at Nephelle and her wife or at Helion and his many male and female lovers, than why was Mor assumed straight all this time? Yes, I know she came from the Court of Nightmares, but most characters didn’t. As far as the reader knows, the other characters grew up in a queer-friendly world, and not one of them suspected she might not be straight?

Why is the assumption that everyone is straight a thing in a mostly queer-friendly world?

And how does the bond work for same sex couples? Does it exist? If not (I think not, since it is a “we need STRONG offspring” thing), then how does that difference influences the way straight couples and queer couples are seen? Or it doesn’t? And if doesn’t, then why is the mating bond such a big deal?

(WHY why W H Y does it exist at all???)

We just don’t know.

And that’s what really bothers me. Maas’s world is extremely heteronormative, cisnormative, exorsexist, amatonormative and so on, and yet she tries to mask everything with some worldbuilding elements that make no sense. It’s the same thing for how abuse is handled – ACOWAR is full of conversations about consent where Rhys tells Feyre he doesn’t own her, that she is free to do as she wants, etc, but not once does it acknowledge that what Rhys did to Feyre Under the Mountain was a violation of her consent. That it was abuse. Everything is explained away with “well, I did it to save you“, which isn’t exactly nice.

As for the story… there are some good elements in it. I liked Lucien and Feyre’s moments, for example (Lucien is in fact my favorite character in this series and I’m still pissed that SJM made him have a bond just to make him miserable) (and pissed that the abuse he suffered in Tamlin’s hands wasn’t recognized) and despite some things (aka the men being ridiculous) I really enjoyed the meeting of the High Lords. But this is the weakest novel in the trilogy for me. The writing I liked in ACOTAR is gone, as is that amazing atmosphere that made me want to read reading it, and the sex scenes continue to be truly awful (not only awful. Dreadful. Embarrassing. Maybe romance novels have been spoiling me, because SJM’s sex scenes are so terrifyingly bad). The ending here is rushed and lacks tension. So many things were badly handled – there was so much build up to the Ouroboroes mirror, for example, for 0 payoff, and no one will ever convince me that the Weaver and the Bone Carver didn’t die so Feyre & Cia didn’t need to deal with them being free. It was so obvious that Maas didn’t want Feyre and Rhys to deal with two powerful death-gods free in the upcoming spin-off series.

Also, Amren and Rhys dying and coming back from the dead? So cheap. As much as I like Amren, at least her should’ve continued dead. Bringing them back was such a cheap move, and the whole scene was also so bad. It’s like Maas was running out of time to write it.

Also, Lucien was away for like, 60% of the book, which was extremely disappointing.

In conclusion, this wasn’t a good book. The latter half in especial was bad, rushed and not fun to read. I have no idea of which story Maas will tell in the spin-off series. My only interest in it is in the possibility of it being about Lucien, but if she makes a love triangle between him, Elain and Azriel…. ugh.

2.0 stars for A Court of Wings and Ruin.

#acowar #a court of wings and ruin #(this is a negative review pls stay away if you are a stan) #sarah j maas #reviews #my reviews