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daz4i · 5 years

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yknow i’m gonna keep rantin abt this bc i have juice in me

i don’t think skinny people realize how much it sucks to be fat

i spoke abt fashion earlier and well. the fashion industry is rigged against us. because we’re not meant to be seen! people don’t want to remember we exist!

buying clothes is a pain! there’s literally only one chain store in my entire country that sells clothes in my size, and they’re all really fucking ugly and meant for old ladies, mostly

that’s one of the reasons i can only wear graphic tees tbh. they’re the only thing i can find (usually in special stores for that or ordered online) that can fit me, will be comfortable, and also not look too bad

hoodies and other outwear and stuff? i have to buy online, usually about a few sizes more than might fit “just in case” because here they’re just not sold in my size at all! clothes that can look good in general just don’t ever get to my size tbh, even online

yknow, even if nice clothes were sold in my size, i’d probably not wear them bc like i said - we’re not meant to be seen. i’m not meant to draw looks. dressing nicely isn’t a thing i’m supposed to to. and if i did do that, i’d get mean comment, yknow? if i went in public with an outfit that draws attention, i guarantee you i’d get nasty comments about my weight.

not that i don’t get them already even when wearing bland shit, but that’s another topic lmao.

plus sized models are almost never truly fat. they’re curvy. plus sized men models are usually a bit chubby but even then, relatively flat stomaches (in comparison to their chests for example), nothing too extreme. fat girls who upload pics of them in nice outfits and get lots of love on social media? they’re all aesthetically pleasing girls, perfect fat girls. they still have the curvy body type that people like seeing, just a bit bigger. most fat people aren’t like that. you can barely see pictures of our bodies, because no one wants to see us, and that’s why we never show it.

and as i started saying earlier - going outside in general! that’s fucking terrifying to me as a fat person! i can vividly remember more than a few times people just told me gross shit over my weight - people i didn’t know, who just decided to tell me i’m fat/i should go on a diet when they saw me in public (or at school, and no, it wasn’t another student). i can’t go outside without thinking “someone is going to laugh at me because i’m fat. someone will call me out for that. someone is going to say a nasty comment”. i can’t afford to wear eye grabbing clothes, not money wise, but emotionall - because if i get people’s attention, i’ll also get bad people’s attention. but really, i don’t even need to wear unique stuff for that - it’s enough that i just exist and fatphobes will be sure to mention how gross my body is to them, whether i asked or not (spoiler alert, i never ask).

you may say “just lose weight” but it’s not easy!!!! i’ve always been fat! and i probably always will be! it’s genes, i’m guessing. really, even when i went on diets before, even when i was watching what i eat and did sports, nothing’s changed - it’s just my body. you know, when i did lose weight - about 20kg/44 lbs - nothing changed either? i went down one pants size. i still looked p much still very fat. so even if i go to a healthy weight, there’s a very good chance i’ll still look fat. also, just to be clear, i lost that weight because i couldn’t eat for about 2 months. not a very healthy way to diet, if you ask me, and yes i already gained them all back, p quickly actually, bc i wasn’t supposed to lose that weight in the first place, bc that’s my body! that’s how it looks and that’s how it is!

honestly the whole matter of losing weight is kinda fucked up too. you hear abt celebrities mention it recently, how they managed to get thin quickly by going on extreme diets that were super unhealthy and they also had personal trainers and were actually almost always hungry. and they usually don’t even start that fat either. imagine if the average fat person could even get access and afford the whole thing these celebrities have, it’d still take us months of this hell to actually be thin, which i imagine is.... not very healthy. honestly, usually when you see people lose a lot of weight in a few months, they usually only became fat in the first place p quickly too and didn’t start out as fat. if a person who has always been fat tried it, i don’t even think it’ll work. like i said about my own weight loss: my body gained this weight back super quickly, because that’s its natural form and what it’s supposed to be. maybe with an intense and strict diet for a few years i could manage to lose this much weight again. but why would i want to? especially since i have a good feeling that if i break this diet i’ll just gain it back too. and yeah, i probably would only go down by a size or two at best.

and!!! i’m not even THAT fat!!!! when i go to that chain store i mentioned earlier, i’m actually along the lower sizes they sell! if i wear the right clothes and hold myself properly and don’t try to do things like jump or w/e, i’m still fat but it’s not a thing people really notice unless they look for it, really. i can go up in sizes when shopping in online plus size shops if i want things to fit loosely. i have it easy. THAT’S easy. i can’t even imagine what it’s like to be fatter than i am, or have less ~aesthetically pleasing~ (in the eyes of skinny people) fat destribution than i do, but i’m guessing it’s even rougher tbh.

it sucks man! it fucking sucks ass! we’re not allowed to exist! we’re not allowed to be physically seen! we’re here to be a laughing stock or to be used as a bad example or to be a villain in a kids movie, and that’s it! skinny people don’t wanna see us unless it’s in a bad context! they hate us for existing! fat = bad is such a normalized idea that even when someone points out to anyone that they gained weight, not even in a malicious way, my blood literally runs cold. scenes in movies where to show how a character is doing bad they get fat (peter b parker in spiderverse, thor in endgame are just 2 examples i have in mind rn)? that’s another way to normalize this idea. skinny people can say they don’t mind fat, that they love ~girls with a little meat on the bone~, they can go years without saying anything directly fatshaming, but they still see stuff like that - heck, even create stuff like that - and don’t realize how damaging it is and how much it makes me and probably other fat people too not want to go outside even more. fatphobia is poison you don’t even notice is in you unless you’re fat too.

#rant #fatphobia //#this is..... long #i'm angry crying yeehaw !#if you actually read the whole thing please like? i wanna know heh #anyways i hate having a physical form. how's everyone doin tonight #long post #i hope the keep reading thing works :(

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