#I'm not the arbiter of ableism

[deoidesign]

hi i have a bit of an odd question and im so sorry if it comes off as rude at all!

ive seen a lot of your posts about canes, i have hEDS and chronic pain and im trying to convice my mom and my doctor to let me have a mobility aid. my mom is very adamant that i dont need a cane because i dont have balance issues, but my knees and ankles are pretty much always aching. i was just wondering if you think a cane would help with chronic pain or if i should look into other aids?

Canes can help chronic pain, they are not guaranteed to help you specifically

You can get a cane for ~$30 at most stores and try it out

A physical therapist and/or a specialist in rheum will most likely know more than your PCP about your specific pain and situation

Parents often don't want to admit their kids have health problems

I wish you luck

I won't be answering any more asks about mobility aids.

This is nothing about you specifically, you were not rude, I just get a lot of questions like this in my inbox. It becomes draining to get so many asks with people's personal vents about their medical issues or religious trauma or the homophobic situations they're living in.

While I would love if I could help people, I am not a doctor. I am not a therapist, I am not a social worker. I'm just a random artist on the internet who has EDS and is barely getting by myself.

I prefer to keep my blog about my art and about my work, not about my disability. It is relevant to my work, of course, and discussing my conditions in vague terms in how they relate to themes present in my work is more than okay, but I prefer this space to be dedicated to my work and getting to engage with my readers through my stories.

Personal information about my pain, my medications, my tests my doctors and my trauma are not things I want to make public.

Thank you for understanding.

#cane stuff #asks #anon #I think this might actually be the second time I've said I won't answer asks about mobility aids #but this time I'm gonna put it in my fucking description or something #I dont wanna hear about the character you're writing and whether or not I think it's ableist #I'm not the arbiter of ableism #I'm not someone who can help you out of a situation where your dad won't stop screaming at you #I can't help you #and it is so so so hard to have people come to me and just dump their pain on me #I cant help you! #I just have to read your messages and SIT with them!!! #KNOWING I can't help you!!! #I cant teach you to use a cane I can't hold your hand through your breakups #I'm sorry #I'm so sorry but I can not help you #and to help myself I have to put up a hard line and commit that it is absolutely not my responsibility #it is not fair to come into my inbox #and dump on me #like! #idk! #idk.

[acatinafancyhat]

Watched Chess Netherlands today because... well, I can 🙃 It was surprisingly not all horrible. Definitely flawed and problematic but it had some parts I really liked! Of course I had lots of thoughts again so here is me venting them. 99% sure no one else cares about Dutch Chess but what the hell, tumblr is for screaming into the void right? ✨️

Act I

- You can instantly tell this is a Dutch production because the championships take place in what looks like a school gym. I mean we do our rubiks cube tournaments there. Is fine for chess, no?

- Explaining chess to the audience bc that's what the show is really missing

- Many Svenska Vibes

- Anatoly with an i is the most Dutch Soviet Russian i've ever met. Just, no nonsense. 'go take care of my children woman.' Calling each other names is how we show affection <3

- I will say the boys (Anatoli's kids) playing chess during the opening is a nice touch

- Story of Chess also has very to the point lyrics. "chess requires reticence so u don't kill each other" see now this actually sets up the show real well :)

- Awkward humor no one laughs at ✅️

- Anatoli's kind of a downer

- Freddie's sort of charming but his relationship with Florence is gonna be garbage i can tell

- strike 1: ableism

- (honestly he just reminds me of every Dutch white guy on tv)

- strike 2: assault

- Florence is already so done with his shit good for her

- also "with me there, he is brilliant" tru tru

- Singing Nobody's Side while random people have a lil party behind her?

- oh it's an excuse for karaoke ONIB

-Are they really gonna do the whole song though do we really need that

-lol Freddie pushes karaoke guy off stage so he can finish the song. honey this is a little early in the show to be getting this drunk what are you doing she hasn't even left you yet

- Arbiter leads morning exercise... ok well why not

- No dancing during the chess game. It's cool we can just watch two guys play chess from a distance for a couple minutes. Fun times.

- Freddie sticks his gum under the table real subtle like he hasn't got multiple cameras pointed at him right now

- Actually on second thought i think the chess game might be better without the dancing. Characters are doing interesting things. The contrast between Anatoli sitting stiffly at the table while Freddie is prancing around fistfighting the cameras is Most Amusing :)

- Did he just try to make Anatoli's move for him omg 🤣

- Freddie @ arbiter "uh it might be time u keep things under control around here" and off he runs HE'S SUCH A LITTLE SHIT ngl i kinda love him here

- However Florence's defense of him just seems completely unreasonable considering toli literally just. sat there. the whole time.

- Anatolyi gets the 'i'm ridiculous' monologue like in Svenska

- 'Hey my people killed your people oops now let me sing a song in the language you probably don't remember and it's somehow romantic and not creepy or overstepping any boundaries at all :)'

- Running away from Molokov in a shittier version of Svenska. Meh. But again they are aware of the lack of embassies in and around Merano which I do appreciate bc i'm pedantic like that

- Freddie: hey what's she doing with that Russian

Freddie: hmmm idk

Freddie: they're definitely talking abt me tho 🤨

- Flo & toli have a healthy conversation about the fact that he just left his kids behind i support that!!

- However this timing/setting for Anthem sucks. He's just singing it to Florence. And it's literally about how he misses his family? Weak. This needs to be an epic declaration of love for his homeland to all the world not whining to your girlfriend. Ugh can't believe they fucking ruined Anthem!

- So far all of this strikes me as discount Svenska but without the investment in Flonatoly and the only thing it's really got going for it is a handful of good lines BUT we'll see about act 2...

Act II

- Why the fuck would you start your second act with Merchandisers?

- Nice audience interaction though, it doesn't completely not work

- But following it up with Heaven Help My Heart is hmmmmmm really not ideal pacing-wise.

- Freddie's woman verse is even more cringe in Dutch i can't accurately translate it but it's so..... yikes..... The word he uses instead of "woman" ("popje") literally means "little doll/puppet" (but with slightly different connotations). It's sometimes used as a term of endearment but in this scene it is very much derogatory and ew.

- "here I stand wondering / if I ever knew you / have I ever really known who you are?" I like this translation!

- Pity the Child pulls no punches (does it ever?) He's so pathetic, he's such an asshole, and as a teacher I weirdly feel this one (at one point he talks about how no one ever noticed him at school either and just... oof don't get me started). Also the desperate rapid-fire chess game he plays against himself in the musical break and during the final verse--that needs to be in more versions holy fuck go watch this bit it's GOOD!!

- The Deal but without a political angle. Fascinating.

- No

- no. no no no i hate this i hate this Freddie wouldn't sacrifice his game not even for Florence NO. CANCELED.

- Interestingly instead of honey/parner, Freddie uses the same word as in the woman verse when he's talking to Florence during The Deal but this time it's the endearment variant. That's a little bit problematic.

- Molokov's plan is still to bring Flo and Sveta together even though Anatoli is now supposed to win 🤷‍♂️

- Anatoli casually downs several shots of liquor (vodka?) during Soviet Machine. not sure this will help him win the game but at least he sleeps through Russian Guy screaming that final whoooooooo high note in his ear

- Florence tests Freddie's chair... demands they bring a different one... is she still working for him? idk. I'm guessing it's meant to be sweet but it just looks silly to me idk

- Fuck reverse I Know Him So Well honestly. "he wants me / no he wants me" boo fucking hoo. You two deserve each other.

- Oh! Oh! Talking Chess, yay! 😁

- Gosh this is actually really cute?!? Freddie literally just came to discuss this random chess gambit he came across and thought was interesting? Nothing even to do with their current game just 'hey found this thing i thought you might like and i like and can we be friends now i really like chess 😶'

- Unlike in Svenska and RAH, I actually don't know for sure who is going to win this game. They do a good job of making this really about chess in the end. I like it.

- Freddie reminding toli it's about chess even during their match now that is the freddie i came to see!

- He calmly sips his water as Sveta and Florence are physically removed from the premises

- It is Quite Unfortunate that this production hates women...

- Really they seem to only be here to get in the men's way. Ugh.

- I don't support any of the relationships except Freddie and Toli being pen pals and playing long distance chess for the rest of their lives.

- Ending feels a little OOC but still nice to see some healthy Freddie & Flo interaction for once 😌

tldr; not the worst production out there, worth watching if you've already seen Svenska and don't mind Freddie being the most likeable character. (okay likeable is not the right word he sucks but, you know. He reminds me of RAH Freddie but slightly more yike.) PTC and Talking Chess are highlights!

#chess musical #thoughts #long post #was thinking of making a translation/subs for this maybe but idk if anyone would be interested..?

[eliias-bouchard]

ok hold on just for clarification are you like. pro transid etc.

i try and stay out of transid discourse for a variety of reasons:

with transdisability / transneurodivergency, i find it difficult to understand who the discourse serves? like, witch-hunting transautistics is not beneficial to me, as an autistic person, and if a transautistic is helping with fighting systemic anti-autistic ableism/sanism, then good.

i also find it difficult to understand exactly how transdisability / transneurodivergency is harmful beyond the emotional response of "how dare you romanticise my suffering". it's an extremely niche online discourse, online resources (i.e "tips on managing autism" posts, pages/blogs about disability, etc) cannot be depleted, and irl resources are either locked behind a diagnosis, difficult to get ahold of, or both, that i have no concerns that a transdisabled/transnd person will ever meaningfully take resources or whatever. the worst that could happen is that some impressionable preteen gets a really weird perspective of disablity/neurodivergency but like, they do that already

like even if some department of work and pensions dickhead is like "people on the internet are calling themselves transdisabled we need to develop a more rigorous screening process that will make more disabled people want to die when trying to get on benefits", thats not really the fault of transdisabled people? that's just systematic ableism.

it's not a discourse i'm currently capable of participating in or even researching without the kneejerk "they're romanticising my suffering" reaction, and if i am going to participate in it then i want to do so with a clear head and an understanding mindset, both of which i can't achieve right now

and there are, of course, cases where someone who is autistic finds transautistic to be a helpful "gateway label" (where their previous/current identification as transautistic helps them in realising/acknowledging/accepting their autism), there are probably people with a super weird relationship with being autistic (like, someone who was diagnosed as a child, and then their family hid this from them or gaslit them about it, etc, and then they later find out that they're autistic) who find transautistic to be a useful label,

with transrace, i'm white and i do not have a strong enough understanding of race like at all to have an opinion on any of it.

so like, idk if i can really be described as pro or anti transid? i try not to make myself the arbiter of people's internal experiences & i want to extend compassion and understanding to as many people as i can. i dont know enough or care enough to really make a comment on it.

my opinion on transplural is different because its like. a thing that you can do? no matter whether or not it's a good thing, or should be done, or if certain groups of people should do it, or what it should be called, or how it should be done, it is possible for someone who has been a singlet for their entire life to create a new guy in their brain and thus be plural.

is transplural a super good term? is it transphobic? i mean, i don't think so. other people probably disagree with me, but i don't really find that relevant. i don't see a way that it's tangibly harmful or transphobic beyond, again, "youre romanticising my suffering", and i don't really have an interest in discoursing about whether or not something is harmful based on my or someone else's kneejerk reaction to it

and honestly, if someone considers their plural journey to be similar to transitioning, hell yeah! queer the identity.

but i mean, with the post i made, the person did literally say "i am in support of people creating systems" (which is what willogenic means) but then also said "i am not in support of people creating systems". if it were the term transplural specifically, they made no indication of that

#hope that all made sense #answered asks

[xxlovelynovaxx]

"Okay, you need to be SUPER HONEST with me and if your delusions or hallucinations get WORSE, we'll need to stop that med because you've worked SO HARD to get those symptoms under control and we don't wanna mess that up, okay widdle babey?"

Okay so my med manager did not say the last two words, but the condescension was so real. Like no actually I didn't have to work hard at all to deal with my psychosis, I've just been dealing with intrusive thoughts since I was six years old so when an unpleasant delusion happens I just kinda go "nah" about it and when it's pleasant and harmless well, why bother to even go "nah" about it.

Anyway I'm switching providers but I will LIE THROUGH MY TEETH to get the care for my ADHD that I need. Like actually my ADHD is more disabling than my schizophrenia could EVER be and I think I'm capable of determining for MYSELF which one is ACTIVELY HARMING ME in my day to day life.

Like providers see ADHD and schizophrenia and are like oh you can probably power through the ADHD but the schizophrenia is probably destroying your life poor thing. And I'm like... uh actually it's not the schizophrenia causing me to scroll Tumblr for 8 hours and forget to eat. It's not the schizophrenia causing an absolute executive dysfunction barrier that I can't overcome for the simplest of tasks.

(Oh, and btw, she said when I mentioned executive dysfunction that I'd have to work with my therapist on being more "motivated". And then I had to explain to HER that executive dysfunction has NOTHING to do with "motivation".)

Like, I'm not lying about the ADHD stuff, but she told me she'd stop prescribing the med if SHE THOUGHT it was harming me if the psychosis got stronger if I refused an antipsychotic. After I had JUST finished telling her how I'd had meds forced on me while in inpatient and been subject to psychiatric abuse.

Never mind that I am fully capable of determining whether or not my psychosis is too much for me to handle. Never mind that antipsychotics are increasingly being found harmful even for treating psychosis* long term. Never mind that besides the very obvious ableism, I suspect an extreme level of sanism and infantilization of schizospec/psychotic people influencing her thought process.

Gods save me from psychiatrists who think a 30 minute appointment gives them enough insight into my life to be the benevolent arbiter of what's good for me. Like this woman fully had a savior complex with her "well, I have an obligation to do what's best for YOU uwu" bullshit. How about you start with listening to and believing me? Huh? Is that too hard for you, with your falsely inflated ego?

Is that what you spent all those years in school doing, being vapidly praised until you believed you were both smart and capable despite all evidence pointing to the contrary, rather than bothering to learn a single thing so you're still stuck failing psych 101 about what executive dysfunction is but somehow have a degree? Nah actually they probably only give you the degree if you get the test questions that badly wrong ime.

Let's be real, psych academia is just an endless circlejerk of "look at what a good person I am for being willing to help these poor, sick, disgustingly insane people. They don't even know how fucked up they are and I'm such a saint for forcing them to be 'well' again."

Anyway I desperately need help for my ADHD and am ACTIVELY FINE with my psychosis getting stronger because not only are the majority of my delusions pleasant, but they'd have to get MULTIPLE ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE stronger before I'd even BEGIN to question my ability to handle them. I've dealt with far worse and stronger than this since again, I was SIX.

*That being said, I am pro-harm REDUCTION and if antipsychotics help you personally I will FIGHT for your right to take them for as long as I live. I am also pro-informed consent and my point in mentioning this is that people should know this before they take them, not that they shouldn't take them - and also that she preaches about having an obligation not to harm me and then doesn't know or care that antipsychotics are harmful. I rather suspect she doesn't care and simply sees psychosis as inherently more harmful than any harm antipsychotics do, which is wildly sanist.

#anti psych #psych abuse #psychiatric abuse #ableism #sanism #actually ADHD #actually schizophrenic #actually schizospec #actually psychotic #if you're pr0 p$ych especially if you're a psych provider stay the FUCK off my post

[elalmadelmar]

Everyone has gotta realize their experiences are not universal.

"XYZ doesn't happen to [group]" I promise you it has fucking happened to at least some portion of that group, and now you've just staked a claim to being the sole arbiter of who is really in the group and who is not.

There's another transmasc dude on my timeline talking about how much pressure he's been under from doctors to get sterilized.

I've been put under a shitton of pressure from doctors to preserve my fertility at all costs, including at the strong possibility of worsening my current health conditions, high risk of developing new medical conditions, and putting off my transition and all its attendant benefits.

These are both valid and true experiences of transmasculine people! Pressure toward and away from fertility are both tied into trans masculinity, and both play into different forms of ableism and transandrophobia.

If you find yourself saying "transmascs aren't pressured toward sterilization/away from reproduction" - you're wrong, and his experience proves it. If you find yourself saying "transmascs aren't pressured toward fertility/childbearing" - you're wrong, and my experience proves it.

I want to be intensively clear that I'm speaking in solidarity with him. The tremendous indifference of certain segments of the queer community toward the idea that trans men have unique and deeply painful struggles with available and appropriate medical care hurts so many of us in so many ways.

#trans #trans issues #trans masculinity #medical discrimination #eadm originals

[boatemlag]

irt the last reblog, i just wanna elaborate because it's been on my mind in general lately. this is not a short read, but there is a tl;dr towards the bottom (bolded)

in regards to the concept of putting a name to specific types of trauma as "syndromes"; i don't necessarily believe that these should be treated as legitimate and coherent terms, as opposed to an observation of how a specific group of experiences can contribute to later issues in life, such as mental illness, trauma, behavioral problems*, etc. for a few reasons, but especially because they are not the same, they don't act in the same way, and treating it as a coherent experience may be, in an unhelpful way, reductive.

i reiterate that i mainly think of these as an observation of the way certain factors may contribute to certain trauma.

in regards to "eldest daughter syndrome"; of the two terms i'm discussing, i find this to be a more impactful observation in the ways misogyny, regardless of actual gender, can affect who in the family becomes parentified. this is not consistent, of course, across the board, and it may not describe what actual trauma was suffered. but the parentification of the first born assigned girl in a family is likely to suffer the brunt of parentification. this is not an unstudied phenomena. which is not to say that other children in the family may not also suffer parentification, or the majority of that parentification. there is academic interest in the concept that birth order and perceived gender may effect not only the rates of parentification but also how it manifests.**

this is not to say that anecdotal evidence is not significant, because, as i stated, psychologists, research or clinical, are not the arbiters of what experience is real or significant. but nonetheless, it is a useful observation of all the intersections of identity at play in abuse.

i'm not here to outline what this means, but as a side note, i find that eldest daughter syndrome is not a useful term when it comes to finding coherent terms to describe abuse, in the same way that i don't find narcissistic abuse a useful term. there are terms (parentification, gaslighting, verbal/physical/emotional abuse, manipulation) or actual descriptions of the events, failing else, that may be more helpful in recovery effort. but just because it's not useful in that regard, doesn't mean it can't be a good gateway to the A word (abuse) or T word (trauma) that may be hard for victims to use at first, especially when still in a situation where that abuse is being continually perpetuated.

in regards to "gifted kids"/"gifted kid burnout"/"gifted kid syndrome"/ad nauseam; i have a lot of conflicting feelings about this one. in the same ways that i find eldest daughter syndrome useful on a basic level, i find this to be as well, if less so. a lot of arguments against these terms argue that they are not unique experiences, but that they are a descriptor of institutional abuse that everyone experiences. and to some extent, i agree. the way that this affects former "gifted" kids is not unique. but neither is the previous term.

the kneejerk reaction that comes from these terms are not wrong. there is a certain amount of class and racial privilege involved in the classification of a "gifted" or "twice exceptional" (2E)*** children. there is a certain amount of severe ableism that goes into the classification of gifted or 2E (g/2E) children, as well. this does not mean that those classified as g/2E cannot be disabled, or even that they are not high support needs, but that their support needs will be ignored in a variety of ways.

i'm not defending the people who do not acknowledge the privilege of their situation. this is a marked problem with the concept. but in the same way that it is a useful term in bridging the gap to acknowledging institutional abuse and trauma, it is an important acknowledgement of part of the harm that gifted programs do. it is significant, and it should be yet another reason for the abolition of this type of program.

i've deliberately omitted any discussion of friends, family, others, and my personal experience with these traumas, not because i feel like they're not relevant, but because it is not anyone's business, and my argument should not hinge on the severity of the effects of these events have had on my life.

tl;dr here: the terms eldest daughter syndrome and gifted child burnout (and associated terms) are not useful in that they describe a specific and coherent experience, but in their observational power and gateway to the personal acknowledgement that the affected parties are victims, only when used as such.

——————————

* behavioral problems not in the sense of problem children or defiance, as it's typically colloquially associated, but in the non-pathological sense, that in a clinical way, the psych field would not consider these "significant" enough to warrant diagnosis, even if it may be disabling. psych professionals are not the arbiters of what is and is not a problem

** there is evidence that this disproportionately affects immigrant families, as well. there are other factors besides birth order and perceived gender; that is beyond the scope of this post.

*** 2E is a term that bothers me on a lot of levels, and while it was an attempt to give support needs to those considered gifted, the concept of gifted programs in general are very ill conceived and usually have racist and ableist roots. i do owe some of my success in adulthood to 2E programs, i owe it in equal part to the 504 act, and the concept of 2E will always be insulting, rooted in racism and ableism, and an unnecessary allocation of resources that should be available to all students, abled or disabled.

#wizard scrolls #i feel like this is a necessary elaboration #i have more thoughts on the subject but this got wordy and i have to go to my next class