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eldritch-spouse · 1 year

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Hello darling Pinnie

Remember that really lovely thing you wrote about Breg calling you ✨️ just to hear your voice ✨️? How would that go reversed? Like he's out doing something and gets a surprise phone call from his horny roommate who's clearly touching herself?

[In his wet dreams, hah. Sorry it's short.]

He didn't expect the call at all.

Usually, when Breg's not home, you don't really make a fuss about it. If anything, you might even want more time apart from the breeder. Which saddens Breg to think about, truly, but he supposes he understands. He can be a bit clingy.

Nonetheless, the hand-me-down phone you got him rings in the pocket of a pair of sweatpants he basically forced himself to slip on just to go outside. It's an old phone, but the breeder loves it anyway, because it was yours once, and it's a gift from his mate!

He knows it's you calling him because the monster only has a handful of contacts in it, and yours has a special ringtone.

To say he fishes it out of his pocket in a blur is an understatement. He's so excited to talk to you that he nearly crushes the poor thing. The stranger next to him in the hygiene isle gives him a judgmental stare when he makes a noise like a chirped squeal.

" Angel! " Breg happily greets, maybe a bit too loudly.

What could you be calling him for anyway? Oh who is he kidding, he's too happy to care.

" Hey Breg... " Comes your much more low-energy reply.

His tail swats around happily while he slips the toothpaste into his cart. " Is everything alright? How was your day? Do you want me to make dinner tonight? "

There's a sound like a quiet snort from your end. " No. No, I got dinner for us already. " You assure. " I'm... Doing okay. " Doesn't sound like it to him.

" Are you sure? You sound a bit down right now. " He voices as much, wandering into another isle, more than a bit distracted.

" I'm... Breg, why aren't you home? "

Why isn't he home? He likes the sound of that. It's as if it makes you sad that he's not around. That makes Breg very happy.

" O-Oh, about that... " The breeder fumbles. " I- I had nothing to do, and I saw the shopping list you put up on the fridge... It's a little hard to read, but- But I thought I'd do something nice and get that done. "

He can hear movement from your side, like you're shifting things around, cleaning around maybe.

" Oh sweetie, you didn't have to! "

Sweetie... Sweetie! Breg's tail sways so hard he accidentally whacks someone with it, quickly turning around and murmuring a fast apology.

" I just want you to relax a bit more, you always look so tired when you come home. " The monster sighs.

" That's very nice of you. You're always so sweet to me, Breg. Honestly, I think you deserve a reward. " The shifting gets louder, only now does he pick up on a slightly more pronounced breathing pattern. Odd, but he's far from bothered by it right now.

" Ahah, don't mention it... " He cranes his neck, holding the phone between his shoulder and head as he reaches for the egg carton on the top shelf.

" You're a good boy, aren't you Breg? "

Breg tenses so hard he nearly drops the fragile package, standing frozen in the middle of the isle as a cerulean tint spreads on his face. Where's this coming from?

" Wh- What? "

" I said, you're a good boy, aren't you? " He bites his lip, hearing you gasp. " You're my good boy, right? "

Oh fuck.

No way. No fucking way. You're actually touching yourself.

" A-Angel... " Breg's pants suddenly feel a lot more bothersome. He parks the cart somewhere.

" Answer me, where are your manners? " You chastise, every word a taunting purr.

" Yes- Yes, I am! " That's part of what he wants to be for you, out of a lot of things. Part of his brain is still catching up with the situation, beyond delighted that you'd do something so gross out of your own volition.

You make a subtle moan and Breg gulps, choking back his own noise of want.

" Angel- " He tries again, looking around to make sure he's not being watched. " Are you... Are you touching yourself? "

Silence reigns. In that moment, nothing exists in Breg's world aside from your voice.

" What if I am, Breg? " There's a pause. " What if I'm laying on your bed right now, fingering myself and soaking your sheets? "

That just about has the breeder steaming. He whimpers out loud like a dog that can't reach its favorite treat. " I... " He doesn't have words.

" Do you mind that? I just think your bed is so comfortable and I- " Another inhale. " Thought I'd help myself to it. It'd be better if I had one of your fat cocks in me. "

Breg's grip on the handle of his cart is so tight that the material creaks beneath his hold. The sound jolts the breeder into looking down, spotting himself already rocking a noticeable tent to his pants. Fuck, he has to go somewhere, he can't just stand here like an idiot and make a scene. Abandoning the shopping cart entirely, the large monster starts sprinting past confused bystanders and basically slams himself into a random bathroom stall, uncaring of who else might be in the others.

" What was that all about? " There's a hint of humor in your tone.

" N-Nothing. " The monster quickly excuses. " Be louder, I want to hear everything. "

" Ahahn, pervert. " You hum, to which Breg almost retorts. " You went somewhere so you can beat off, didn't you? "

Drat, is he really that obvious? Nonetheless, the pale monster's pants are already down to his knees as a hand wraps around one of his lengths with little fanfare. His filter is gone.

" Can- Can you hump my pillow? " He pants.

There's a moment of silence from your end, perhaps shock. " ... You'll wash it later, right? "

" O-Of course I will! " Lies, he's going to shove his face in it and get high. "I just think it'd be really- Please, do it. "

" Such manners. " There's shifting, and he practically glows with joy knowing that you're ruining his bed. He wishes he was there to catch you in the act.

Lust has him spiraling, hand furiously pumping himself, head tossing back as the sheer arousal of knowing what you're up to makes waves of heat eat him alive. " Gh fuck- You're so hot. You're so fucking hot, I want to bury my face in your cunt, please tell me when you're close. "

The tone in his voice must be doing wonders for you, because you make high-pitched whimpers whenever he so much as growls a word out. " Ahn- You sound mad. " His mate jokes.

" That's because I am. " Breg nearly chokes in his own drool. " I'm furious you haven't done this sooner, I'm fucking livid you haven't dragged me away to fuck the brains out of you yet. That's all I want, I just- I just want to be yours. Why haven't you let me breed you yet and then you do this? It's like... "

It's like you enjoy denying him.

" What if I did let you? Huh? "

Breg cums abruptly, hard enough to rip a thunderous snarl out of him. Something someone definitely heard. The breeder's hips tense and slam upwards while he rides out his sudden orgasm, tongue lolling.

" Wha-? No fair, you should have waited for me! " He hears you pant faintly.

" I'm coming home. " He croaks, clumsily wiping himself clean and leaving the stall in a horribly depraved state. If anyone gives him weird stares, the breeder's beyond caring.

" B-But the shopping- "

" No. I'm coming home. "

The way you stutter and breathe faster has a nasty little smirk curling his lips up.

#Bregory

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inhuman-obey-me · 2 years

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Hey hey hey! Congratulations on the 2700! So insane seeing the growth over the year+ I've been following <3 (Also, goodness, you guys write so much during the celebrations that I'd still need the little bit of inactivity to catch up lmao >w< Hope life's going okay for you guys!)

⏳ - You are the moment I belong to, with Solomon, MC included please?

Ahah thank youuuu, we're glad the inactivity is good for something at least 🙈 even if we really do want to get back to posting regularly soon!! And thanks for being one of our earliest followers, it's always a delight to see your tag commentary about our stuff!

"You are the moment I belong to." - Solomon x MC

Sometimes, you're not sure how you never saw it before.

You see it now -- how immortality lives in him. You see it in the way his mysterious smile hides more secrets than could possibly be collected in a single lifetime. You can hear it in how deftly his tongue moves across words in spells that should have long since been lost to time. It is in his hands when they linger just a fraction of a second longer on old names in your books, and hidden deep in his unreadable eyes when his gaze holds yours.

It's the things that are there in a moment and gone in the next -- the distant ache you sense for a fraction of a second at a time before the usual cheerful mischief returns to his countenance. He's so good at hiding it, at brushing it away like he brushes your hair from your face before his lips meet yours. He gently sweeps past it, like the wind on your face as you smile at the sun together, and when he does, oh how badly you want to let him. You want to just be swept into the warmth of the moment and the wonderful feeling of simply being beside each other, where you can lie back and almost forget about it.

But you can't forget, not really. Not anymore.

You can hear it now, and now you hear it in everything. It's in the skillful way he dodges admitting anything about himself, be it future plans or distant past. In the way he says "I love you" but never "forever" or "always." In his sigh of relief as he says, "It's really good to see your face. It just...puts me at ease," and in the odd breath of fear hiding in his voice as he tells you, "It just makes me feel better to feel your hand in mine. To know you're here with me."

And in your mind, you can hear it, you can't help it, it's there, the silent rest of the sentence --

"For now."

He blinks at you, stunned, not quite sure what you mean by the words you've blurted out. You didn't mean to, honestly. But you can't help it anymore, you hear it even if he doesn't say it, and you can't stand leaving it unsaid anymore. So you let the pent up fears start to slip from your eyes, and you continue.

"I'm here with you, for now, you mean. For this one little moment in your impossibly long life, I'm here. That's what you're thinking, isn't it? Always thinking about how this is temporary...here with you now, but always looking out to a time when I won't be."

He opens his mouth to protest, but for once, the ever smooth sorcerer is left speechless. He can't exactly deny it, and yet you're wrong. You don't understand, and how could you? And how can he explain it so that you do?

"No, MC, no, I'm -- not looking to a time when you'll be gone." He grips your hand tighter, pulls you in close so that he can wrap you tightly against his chest. He can't look you in the eyes this way, but you feel his heartbeat against you as he tries to find the words to reassure you. "I'm -- it's not another time I'm looking out to. I'm holding on to this time."

You can feel the sincerity in his words but can't help still trembling slightly in his embrace. Of course you know that he's not looking forward to when you'll be gone. Of course he wants to hold on to this time, but... "Solomon, I'm right here. How can you hold on to this time if you aren't in it with me? Solomon, please, just...be here with me. Live this time with me."

"I am. I am, my love. You're -- I'm so sorry. I am here with you, really. There's nowhere, no time, I'd rather be but with you. You, here with me now, it means everything to me. This time together, this moment, is the most precious thing I've ever had, the most precious time of my life -- finally meeting my beloved, after an eternity."

The warm drop of tears falls against your back, as his composure begins to crack as well, and you turn to him, placing your hand against his cheek to make him face you again. "Then why, Solomon? Why are you always thinking of how this isn't going to last?"

"I -- you're right, MC. It's true, I do think of the day when you'll be gone -- I think of it, and it terrifies me. I want this time between us to last forever, even if I know it won't." His eyes are pleading to you, begging you to understand what he means. He takes your hand from his cheek, pressing your fingers tenderly to his lips instead.

"But even if it won't, even if you're only here for this time, for this moment of my life...you are the moment I belong to. I love you. I love you now, and I will love you when you're gone. That will always be true. So even if these moments with you are all I can have, you will have all of mine. Forever. I promise."

This stupid man. This stupid, stupid, beautiful man, but it settles you now. This stupid man, with his beautiful words and beautiful heart, and brilliant mind always stupidly unspoken --

Your lips find his, and in that moment, it's as though time is frozen and rushing past you two at once. You are drinking in the intensity of his passion as you share yours in return.

When at last you pull apart again, your eyes lock with his, and your voice is solid again, insistent.

"Then take all my moments too, Solomon. Because I'll love you too, even when I'm gone. Always."

#me last time: oops this got long but ill get it back under control with the next one #me this time: .....oops it's even longer #sob i just cant help getting carried away with my favorite magic man #mod chaos in the devildom #obey me #obey me!#obey me swd #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me solomon #obey me solomon x reader #obey me solomon x mc #obey me fic #obey me drabble #writings #drabble #2700 follower celebration

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voxofthevoid · 10 months

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hello, I am here again to throw happy confetti at you for your wip wednesdays. primarily:

omg not the infinity over the butthole!!! ahah, gojou's such a tease. actually though, ever since that one recent manga chapter where yuuji just knows sensei's got his cursed technique up, even at a distance, I've been craving more content that plays around with infinity in their one-on-one interactions. so I was very excited to see this lol. I'll also say that it was super intriguing to see the word count split up by acts! and each excerpt was *chef's kiss* as always. I am so eager to see the kidnapping fic in its full glory. thank you again for sharing these <3

(I typed up a whole reply to this and then Tumblr fucking ate it. Round 2. Hellsite.)

^ me rn (ignoring the Tumblr-directed rage)

I was cackling while writing the scene with Infinity over the asshole, even if the scene itself had a wholly different tone, and I'm delighted you find it funny! I'm in the same boat about Gojou's use of Infinity when it comes to Yuuji; I've been rabid about it since Episode 3, when Gojou lets Yuuji hug him and rub their faces together (MAPPA, I owe you my life), and the "give it to me" panel just made me more insane about the whole thing. I've been working it into pretty much every fic, I write, and I'll probably continue doing that, but Infinity: Literal Asshole Edition may remain my best work 🤣

And thank you so much!! I might start posting it in August or September (if you can hear disembodied screaming in the wind, ignore it; it's only my common sense's death throes), depending on when I finish it.

By my current estimate, I have 4 chapters left to write and 1 chapter to rewrite. The total will come up to 18 chapters minimum, and at my one-chapter-a-month pace, it'll still take me 1.5 years to post the whole thing, assuming there will be no interruptions. I'd like to get started as soon as I can in that case, but between the a/b/o role reversal (6 chapters), the de-aged Gojou series (17 chapters across 3 fics), and the time travel threesome (8 chapters), my JJK schedule is already full for at least half a year. I could wedge one more fic in, but it'll involve prodding at my overall posting schedule. Let's see!

Thanks again!!

#anon #i love my anons #fic: every version of the story #goyuu

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nextinline-if · 2 years

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No way, nope you and the word anti social don't go together but you and lovely go perfect. Little things you want to share? what do you for work? favorite weather? how much sugar do you put in your drink? thank you, star.

if only you saw me in real life you would know 🤣 it's easier to talk to people on the internet who have no expectations of you lol

what do you for work?

Let's see. I'll try to keep this brief. I work for an education company that helps adult learners pursue affordable online education so they can start a new career or upskill. I'm responsible for managing about 28 people and supporting 300 students at any given time.

favorite weather?

I like cool and rainy. Unfortunately, I live in a very hot and dry place.

how much sugar do you put in your drink?

Well, I'm trying (and failing) to drink more water nowaways. But if I drink tea or coffee, I usually like it pretty sweet. Although I try to use honey instead for tea. But I like surgary iced coffee like Starbucks ha

Little things you want to share?

Hmm. Not really sure what to share. I don't think there's anything particualrly interesting about me. And my life is pretty boring. I guess here's some random stuff:

broke my elbow in another country and didn't want to pay for an Xray (and they didn't believe it actually hurt and said they doubted it was broken) so I just kept it in a sling for a week and a half. but i had to have surgery when i got back home. there was a complication and i had to spent months relearning how to my fingers.

favorite games: Dragon Age Trilogy, Mass Effect Trilogy, Fallout Series, The Sims.

i have an addiction to buying books and journals even though i have a ton. i should really stop but they're so pretty ahah

so, anything you want share about yourself, delightful anon? no pressure lol but i'd love to hear about your favorite IFs or characters maybe (if you're willing to share)

#anon reply #sweet anon #author q&a

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acacia-may · 1 year

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Hello, just wanted to say hi because I was scrolling through the Nagisa tag on AO3 and came across your fic - really enjoyed it, ahah. I check my notifications a few hours later and see a familiar-looking username comment on one of my older posts, I scroll down and check their profile, lo and behold, it's the exact same author of the nice story I read earlier. Hope you're having a good day!

Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for reaching out!! Hi, I'm Acacia. It's nice to meet you. 🥰

I have been enjoying your Nagisa stories so much! They give me all kinds of warm and fuzzies which I really needed after all of the painful angst of Ultra Despair Girls (I'm replaying it right now and sometimes I just reach my limit with how utterly heartbreaking it is. My poor little children 🥺💔). I especially liked your story about Nagisa "visiting his parents" (Sorry, I'm trying my best to be vague to avoid spoilers 😅) and vowing to one day become a better parent than they ever were to him. It would be nice to see his story come full circle like that [If he'd ever allow himself to have a quiet and happy domestic life, that is. Poor thing. I wonder sometimes if he wouldn't pursue that because he'd think that he didn't deserve it and/or because he'd be too afraid of being a terrible parent (due to lack of good example) and messing up his kid, if he ever had one. I'm crossing my fingers that this is something he could work through in his adulthood though since he would be such a good dad 💕]. I think my favourite story of yours I've read so far, though, was about Nagisa and Kotoko's friendship! It was absolutely precious, and I've had serious brainrot about their friendship ever since someone asked me to write about it. 😊💕

On that note, I can't believe you have read my story. 🥺💖 I'm so incredibly flattered and absolutely delighted to hear that you enjoyed it! It was my very first time ever writing for Danganronpa (but I took the request because it was from a friend) so I was so nervous about it, especially since I love Nagisa and Kotoko's characters so much. I just wanted to do them justice but definitely found it difficult since they are both so complex (and also because I was trying to imagine what they would be like when they were older). It's so encouraging (and honestly such a relief) to hear that it all turned out okay in the end. 💖

Right now, I'm actually working on another story about the Warriors of Hope with Masaru as the POV character called "Tackle the Monsters" (It's a request from my little sister, who introduced me to Danganronpa and Ultra Despair Girls in the first place and was all: "You wrote about Nagisa and Kotoko's friendship, so you have to write about Masaru and Kotoko's friendship now too! And bring all of the little hope warriors in this time!!" when she Beta read my other story 😅😂) so who knows maybe I'll end up writing stories centric on all of them one day. 😁

I'm not really taking more requests right now, but you seem like such a nice person and I'd love to thank you for all your great Nagisa content, so if there's a (platonic) Nagisa-centric story you'd like me to write, feel free to send your request into my ask box or DM me. No pressure though, of course. I'd just never pass up the opportunity to write about my son. 💙

Thank you so much again for such a kind message! I hope you have a wonderful day as well! Cheers!! 💕

#thank so much for your ask and for reading my story!! 🥰#I’m so flattered and happy to hear that you liked my story #and honestly relieved that it was actually okay 😅 i’ve been so nervous #nagisa shingetsu my son my boy 💙#i love him 💕#danganronpa ultra despair girls #warriors of hope #answered asks #positivity

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mypoorlittlemaulmaul · 2 months

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🪐 Hi! Welcome and thanks for visiting my little SW side blog! 🪐 This is where I want to reblog, in support of all the creators brightening my days, all the wonderful Star Wars related things I come across and, if I ever find the courage to do so someday, share my own art, OCs and writing. ^-^ Due to my failing health, I cannot promise I'll always be able to tag in details everything I reblog but I will always tag spoilers and tw!

🌠 For easy navigation, here are the main tags I'll use (I'll try to find some more original ones, promise!) : For Lore Stuff : #SW Lore For Costumes related posts : #Hutt Couture For writing reblogs : #wonderful writing! For other people's beautiful art : #amazing art! And of course : #other people's lovely OCs (Little introduction and my current reading list below if you're interested!)

As always : terfs, exclusionists, racists and other fascists are unwelcome, be gone.

˚　✦　🪐　.　　. 　 ˚　. 🌀　 . ✦　　˚　*　　✦　˚ 　☄️　 ˚🌒　.˚　　

🛸Hi. I'm Lyze, late 20s, biromantic ace and hailing from Europe. Star Wars has been a love of mine since I was a child but I've only been able to dwelve in Legends content and the Comics very recently. The Lore Nerd in me is extremely excited about exploring all that! ^-^ Having been sick and bedridden for a major part of my life, I'm extremely shy, anxious and bad at socializing, sooo... sorry if I come out super weird, I'm trying really hard to human. (Also non-native english speaker here, sorry for any mistakes!)

I'm currently in a (slow) Star Wars reading spree, so I might post about that a little? Especially the Lore I come across. If you feel like discussing SW novels with me, please do, I'd absolutely be delighted! I just finished Padawan by Kiersten White and started A New Dawn by J.J. Miller, enjoying both greatly! (I'm not really difficult, I just want adventures by proxi with my blorbos ^-^") If you have any SW book (or fics!) recs, I'd gladly hear about them!

🌌 On my little 2024 reading-list (likely not in that order tho, sorry!) : - Padawan by Kiersten White (canon) : I loved it! <3- A New Dawn by J.J. Miller (canon) : my current read, loving it so far! Kanan you little shit ahah - Rogue One : Catalyst by James Luceno (canon) - Brotherhood by Mike Chen (canon) - Master and Apprentice by Claudia Gray (canon) - Rogue Planet by Greg Bear (legends) : started it, Mace Windu my man ahah - The High Republic - Phase 1 Novels (canon)

☄️ On my reading wishlist are (I haven't managed to find them at the second-hand bookshop at prices I could afford yet) : - Shatterpoint by Matthew Stover (legends) - Ahsoka by E.K. Johnston (canon) - Queen's Shadow by E.K. Johnston (canon) - Dark Disciple by Christie Golden (canon) - A Certain Point of View anthology series (canon) - The Cestus Deception by Steven Barnes (legends) - The Clone Wars : Stories of Light and Dark anthology (canon) - Tales from a Galaxy Far Far Away anthology series (canon)

🌑 This is a positive place, no character negativity or trashing here. Life's too short, we go by Abed Nadir's word: "I just like liking things!".

#A little pinned post was due I believe #after a year lurking in silence #sorry ^-^"

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raedas · 3 years

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Theme music plays.

Carmen sneaks through the museum.

Chase: Freeze! Right there!

The video pauses, revealing that we have been watching a recording.

Chase: Now rewind. Stop. Zoom in on her face. That is not Carmen Sandiego.

The culprit has a similar silhouette, but wears an eye patch and has straight white hair.

Chief: She calls herself the Duchess. A.C.M.E. had no record of her existence... until late last night when she sashayed out of Amsterdam's Rijksmuseum packing a painting valued at over 30 million euro.

Chase: 30 million euro for that?

Julia: "Woman in Blue Reading a Letter" is one of Johannes Vermeer's most important earlier works. SEe the hallmark of his style? The way he paints natural light makes his subject look so realistic.

Chase: Ms. Argent, need I remind you that you're the only one who cares about such dull facts?

Chief: Excellent eye, Agent Argent. Attention to detail is the very cornerstone of A.C.M.E. surveillance.

Chase: Uh, um, precisely why we should further analyze the particulars of this, uh, uh... hmm.

Julia: Swipe here.

Chief: I highly suggest acquainting yourself with our CrimeNet technology, Agent Devineaux. You're not with Interpol anymore. Your first mission as agents of A.C.M.E. will be to recover that painting and ascertain whether or not this Duchess is working for V.I.LE.

Chase: Or, whether she is an accomplice to Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen: Blue isn't really my color, but I have to admit... I've never stolen anything so luminous.

She's looking at the painting stolen by "the Duchess."

Player: Enjoy it while you can, Red. You have a whole hour before you need to get back in character.

Carmen: Right. Let's get the crew up to speed. Zack, Ivy!

Zack, wearing the eye patch: Avast, me mateys! Arr!

Ivy, wearing the white-haired wig: Is this a good look for me?

Carmen: Those aren't toys, people. They're my disguise. Now pay attention. Here's what we know: Player's decryption of the V.I.L.E. hard drive revealed details of an intricate ongoing operation. V.I.L.E. operatives have been quietly stealing paintings by the artist Vermeer from museums all over the world and replacing the originals with amazingly accurate forgeries.

Ivy: What? Why would they bother leaving fakes behind?

Carmen: To ensure museum security would never realize the originals had been stolen to begin with, which would allow the entirety of Vermeer's collected works to slowly and steadily be amassed by V.I.L.E. mastermind Countess Cleo.

Zack: What's the big whoop about these paintings anyway? No cars, no clowns, no dogs playing poker?

Ivy: Yeah, and she's reading. Snore.

Player: You aren't the only ones who thought that. But after some research, I began to see things in a different light. The Netherlands isn't only known for its tulips, windmills, and wooden shoes. It's famous for its painters from the Dutch Golden Age of the 1600's, Vermeer among them.

Carmen: But the ordinary people of his portraits weren't the stars of the show. That would be the mind-boggling way Vermeer captured natural light with his paintbrush. Only 34 confirmed paintings by the maestro exist. Not a whole lot for a major artist. That makes each one an extremely rare and valuable treasure.

Player: Which is why we freaked when we learned there was only one last Vermeer left for Cleo to steal, from the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, capital of the Netherlands.

Carmen: So I had to act fast and got to it first and made my escape through one of Amsterdam's 165 canals, masquerading as the Duchess. "Woman in Blue Reading a Letter" is our only shot at stealing back the other 33. We need Cleo to take the bait so we can push for a direct face-to-face, in the hopes of figuring out where she's keeping the rest.

Player: And if she had any suspicion that she were dealing with the master super thief Carmen Sandiego, she'd never let you anywhere near her stolen prizes.

Carmen: That's why, when Cleo's courier arrives to authenticate the painting, it'll be the Duchess who meets him at the door.

There's a knock at the door.

Player: Whoa, that can't be him. He's an hour early.

Zack: Yowza! Room service is wicked fast here.

Carmen: Wait! Don't open that doo--

Zack does. Carmen and Ivy hide. Player disconnects the video call.

Dash: Oh, still running on Moscow time. Hmm. Um... you're not a duchess.

Zack: You're not my sandwich.

Dash: Ahaha, I must have the wrong room. I...

He spots the painting.

Dash: Oh... there she is. "The Woman in Blah"... I was to meet a duchess. You would be her...?

Zack: Duke. Ah, yes. Ahem. I'm the Duke... ahah, of, uh, uh, uh... Vermeer! Vermeer. Yes. Haha.

Dash: That's a pace?

Zack: Um, yeah. I-In Boston. B-Boston. And you would be, mate?

Dash: Dash Haber. Executive courier to Countess Cleo.

He uses an electronic monocle to check that the painting is authentic, then starts to walk off with it.

Dash: I'll wire the funds immediately and take her off your hands.

Carmen motions for Zack to stop him by motioning her finger across her neck. Zack runs to Dash and repeats the gesture.

Zack: Does, uh, this mean anything to you?

Dash: Heh. I'll inform the Countess.

Cleo: Mr. Haber, report.

Dash: The painting checks out. But I think the Duke would prefer to deal directly with you?

Cleo: Duke? I promised a complete collection. If I don't have number 34 in my hands tomorrow night, I'll be laughingstock of the criminal underworld.

Dash: The Countess wishes to invite you to a dinner party and auction.

Zack: Great! Yeah, text me the address.

Dash: Good. A car will pick you up tomorrow, 5pm sharp. And no plus-ones, just the painting.

As soon as he closes the door, Ivy throws the wig at his head.

Ivy: Is your brain made of Swiss cheese? Yes, the kind with the holes.

Player: Why would Cleo auction the Vermeers after going through so much trouble to complete the set?

Carmen: The thrill of the hunt doesn't last long for her. And the combined value of the art could easily surpass one billion dollars.

Ivy: [whistles] Hello, V.I.L.E. slush fund.

Carmen: We'll only have a brief window to steal back all 34 while they're under one roof before they scatter to the winds. The good news is, we're invited to a party.

Player: And... the not so good?

Carmen: We only have 24 hours to transform Zack into a convincing duke.

Zack is standing in front of a mirror.

Carmen: Cleo will expect a duke to speak in proper diction. Repeat after me: "Park the car in Aardvark Yard."

Zack, with a Boston accent: Park the car in Aardvark Yard.

Carmen, moving his mouth up and down: Park the car in Aardvark Yard.

Zack: Park the car in-- hold on, hold on. I'm gonna get it.

Carmen: Cleo will expect a gentleman to wear appropriate wardrobe.

Zack: Aw no, not a monkey suit.

Ivy: It suits you. You're way more monkey than man.

Carmen: Salad fork.

Zack: Okay.

Carmen: Table fork.

Zack: Got it.

Carmen: Dessert fork.

Zack: Yum, dessert!

Carmen: Fish fork.

Zack: Yuck! F-F-Fish? Oh, come on! You never said I'd have to eat fish.

Carmen: If they serve it, just keep telling yourself it tastes like chicken. You need to learn enough talking points about art history to fit in.

Zack: Oh come on. Why?

Carmen: Because if Cleo thinks for even one moment you are not who you say you are, she'll feed you to her dogs.

Zack: Just don't let her feed me any fish. Okay, okay, okay. Small fork, salad, dessert fork, cake. Small fork... Park the car in Aadvark Yard. Park the car in Aardvark... Park the fork in Salad Yard. Park the fork in my mouth.

Carmen: Zack, you ready?

Zack: Ready to park the car in Aardvark Yard.

Ivy: Dude, that's weird, right?

Carmen: It's showtime.

Zack goes to the limo. Carmen and Ivy watch from the car.

Cleaner: Arms?

He extends his arms. They use a wand to check him for contraband.

Ivy: No tracker?

Carmen: First thing they check for.

Cleaner: Clean.

Cleaner: We go.

He puts a bag over Zack's head. When they drive off, Carmen and Ivy follow.

Carmen: You're doing great, Ivy. Just keep a safe distance. ...We have a tail.

Ivy: Would you look at that. A tail tailing a tail.

Chase: This A.C.M.E. technology is more my speed.

Julia, on a screen: Agent Devineaux, the hotel guests registered under a fake name, but I was able to connect the payment source to the van rental. You may very well be following the Duchess.

Chase: Or, Carmen Sandiego.

Julia: I suppose that is possible.

Chase: Ohoho! Delighted to hear that you agree for once.

Julia: But depriving the world of historic works of art does not seem to be Ms. Sandiego's M.O.

Chase: Bah! Just see what you can learn in the hotel suite. I am driving.

Julia: But Agent Devin--

Carmen: Hmm, an old admirer... in a new set of wheels. Player, there's a bridge half a klick southeast of us. Can you hack into it?

Player: I'm on it.

Carmen: Take this turn.

She does. Chase follows.

Player: Ah, a drawbridge. Coming right up.

He starts to raise each side of the drawbridge from the middle.

Carmen: Straight ahead. Step on it.

Ivy: Really?

Carmen: Make the jump, Ivy. We can't let our tail blow Zack's cover.

Chase: You jump, I jump.

Ivy: Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh! I can't!

She slams on the brakes. Chase sails ahead.

Chase: Nooooo!

The car half makes the jump. Then he sees Carmen in his rear-view mirror.

Chase: You! Haha, I knew you were behind...

His movements cause the car to start falling backward.

Chase: No, no, no, no, no... noooooo!

The car plummets into the water.

anon did you. did you type this all out yourself because i would like to shake your hand

#THE WAY I LITERALLY RAN OUT OF TEXT BOOKS #I CANNOT MAKE ANOTHER PARAGRAPHSJEHEKRGKEEHKWEBDND #no but seriously. props this ask was so serotonin but ALSO so out of the blue ???#the duchess episode my beloved....#asks #anon #cs #long post

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