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minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong · 5 years

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Sweet Dreams Chapter Eight

Lucid dreaming: The process of being aware that one is dreaming. Some researchers believe that in lucid dreaming, the individual may be able to change the outcome of the dream or control their degree of participation in the imaginary (dream) environment.

Description: Lee Eunbyul has been plagued with hellish nightmares since she was a child. Not the sort of nightmares you may be familiar with. There are no monsters to evade, no serial killers to outrun, no auditoriums of classmates in front of whom to stand naked. Instead there is just…darkness. Endless darkness. With professional help, the dreams come less frequently. But after moving away from home to live with her sister, Eunbyul’s nightmare returns, only this time it’s different. This time…she’s not alone.

What would you do if you had the chance to change the outcome of not only your dreams, but your life?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn

Pairing: Namjoon x (f) OC

Word Count: 8.3k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Producer!Namjoon, Bookstore Clerk!Seokjin, Potter!Jimin, Producer!Yoongi, Dancer!Hoseok

Warnings: Frequent mentions of mental illness, infrequent swearing and mentions of alcohol

A/N: Hey guys! This is the second-to-last chapter :’) so we are really heading toward the finish line now! The next chapter will be pretty long I’m assuming, so I hope you’re looking forward to it! Please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all!

- Mercury

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Namjoon

I rubbed my bleary eyes, fighting a tension migraine, and adjusted the way my headphones sat against my ears. The desk chair in my bedroom had given me back pain after spending hours sitting, and even now on the floor in front of the coffee table I was uncomfortable. But it was impossible to stop once I’d started working on the song, as evidenced by the time of day. I’d been working since I woke up at 4 and the scarce had slowly bled into mid-morning as I slaved over hi-hats and bass lines.

I lolled my head back, pinching the bridge of my nose between two fingers. “You going in to the office today?” asked Yoongi absently from the kitchen. I turned just in time to see him press the milk carton directly to his lips.

I scowled. “Ugh,” I said under my breath, followed by a long sigh. “Yeah, just for a little while. I’ve been finishing my work quick anyway so I don’t have much to do.”

“Bored?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, of course.”

“Maybe it’s time for a change,” said Yoongi, placing the milk back in the fridge and not awaiting my response as he tugged a hoodie over his head and slipped on his sneakers. “I’ll be at the studio if you need me,” he said, eyeing me over his shoulder.

I stiffened. “Oh, uh…yeah sure.”

“If you…you know, need anything…just drop by,” he said, and it was clear there was something wanting in his voice, something he was trying to say without saying it.

I gave a tight smile and nodded. “Sure thing.”

“Or if you’re bored…,” he continued, then sighed and headed out the front door with a gruff cough and a wave.

I chuckled as the door clicked shut and the lock sang its jingle. Quietly, I repositioned my headphones once more and focused again on my file. Things were coming together…strangely seamlessly. It felt like something only I could create, a song only I could make. And while the work at the office was consistent and reliable, it wasn’t like the same jobs that I’d been doing for years couldn’t have gone to Jungkook with similar results.

I guess being the creative director behind a piece of work made a difference.

But before I could dive back in, I caught my phone lighting up out the corner of my eye and, sighing, I grabbed it. As expected, another text from Hani. It had been a full day of nonstop barrages. It made me wonder when the poor girl had time to work.

Hani: I know it’s really selfish, but I just need to see you

Hani: someone who understands what I’m going through

Hani: you know?

Hani: Jesus, I’m being really desperate.

Hani: Listen, I know.

Hani: It’s annoying. I know.

Hani: But…if you even have a shred of affection left for me

Hani: Ugh, no, forget that.

Hani: If you can and you’d like to, I really really wanna see you.

I glanced over the three new messages that appeared rapid fire one after the other. I furrowed my brow, puzzling over what to do next. I hadn’t anticipated her being so persistent, but with everything going on at home it wasn’t so surprising. Taking a look at the clock above the TV I saw I only had about another hour to work before heading in to the office. With a sigh, I clicked my phone shut and flipped it over so the light wouldn’t distract me.

“Looking sharp today, Namjoon,” remarked Jungkook from his desk beside me.

I jumped a little and pulled my headphones down, raising my brows at him. “Hm?”

“Dressed nice,” he added, not once looking up from his computer screen. Between his teeth was a sausage stick, and his face was glowing an eerie neon yellow from whatever project he was looking over.

I took a look down at my outfit. It wasn’t anything special. Just a pair of slacks and a button-down shirt. But compared to how I usually dressed…

“Guess I’m nervous,” I said with a breathy laugh.

Jungkook cocked a brow, still focused on his screen. “What for?”

“I, uh…I have to talk to Jisoo today about something…kinda serious,” I said, chuckling as I rubbed the back of my neck. Yoongi was right. Perhaps it was time for something new after all.

At this, Jungkook finally looked me in the eye with round eyes. “You’re quitting?”

I coughed a little, caught off guard, and stared at him, perplexed. “Wh-no! Of course not,” I said, laughing a little as I patted my chest. “I just might…scale back my hours a little so I can work on some personal projects.”

Jungkook nodded. “Think Jisoo will bite?”

“I mean…it’s my schedule so I have the right to scale back as I need to,” I said, sighing. “And besides, there’re plenty of other employees who need my hours.”

Jungkook hummed, back to work, and tilted his head to the side. “Well, just don’t quit without telling me,” he said with a smirk. “You’re…kinda my favorite coworker.”

“I’m the only coworker you talk to,” I said with a laugh.

He returned it and sighed. “Anyway, you gotta go where the happiness is,” said Jungkook with a simple nod.

And it hit me then with his unpretentious words.

He was absolutely right.

I stared slack-jawed at him for a moment until Jisoo sidled up beside my desk, peering over my shoulder with a coffee cup in his hand. “What’re you two talking about?” he asked, sipping.

I glanced at him and cleared my throat. “Ah, sorry. We were just chatting,” I said, then stood to my feet.

Jisoo took a half-step back and glanced up at me. I always suspected he disliked speaking to me standing, as I was several heads taller. He coughed a little and averted his gaze, crossing his arms.

“Um, would it be alright to speak in your office? I’ve got something I wanna run by you,” I said, trying desperately to ignore the anxious, incessant voice in my head.

Jisoo lifted his eyes to meet mine and shrugged. “Certainly,” he said, gesturing with one hand. “Lead the way”

Once settled in the comfortable plush chair opposite Jisoo’s desk, I took a small moment to prepare myself. The worse he can do is say no, I thought to myself, And I don’t need to give him any unnecessary details.

Jisoo settled down in his chair with a grunt and met my eyes again with a smile. “What’s on your mind?”

“Ah…,” I began, rubbing my hands together. “I was hoping I could scale back my hours.” Finally, I locked gazes with him and found him sitting blank with raised brows. “Um…just because it’s more forgiving for my personal schedule.”

“What kind of hours were you thinking?” he asked, lacing his fingers and resting his chin atop them. “We can definitely cut you some slack if you need it.”

“That’s good to hear,” I said, settling down just a little. I smiled. “Um, well probably closer to like three long days a week with days off in between.”

“Full days off?” asked Jisoo, cocking a brow. He chuckled. “You haven’t gone and gotten another job have you?” he joked.

I joined him in laughter, although mine was decidedly more awkward. “Oh, no. Nothing like that. I just…want some time to work on some…personal projects.”

“Hm…,” said Jisoo as he appraised me from across the desk. It seemed he’d caught on to my subtext, and it was clear from the way his eyes narrowed just slightly that he wasn’t all that pleased. “Well, pardon me for crossing any professional lines here, but you’re a good PD. Great at your job. And if you keep working hard here, there’re tons of opportunities for upward mobility.”

“I know, Sir,” I said with a nod. “And I’m really grateful you see potential in me.”

“Certainly,” he said, then sighed. “Provided you keep a level head.”

“Pardon?”

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “When I was your age, I wanted to work on pop tracks for the big guys. I thought I had what it took.”

“You did?” I asked, and a sick feeling began swirling in my gut.

He nodded. “Everyone here does,” he said, then chuckled. “Well, maybe not Jungkook.”

I added a terse laugh. “Right…”

“At any rate, the industry is cutthroat,” he said with a somber nod. “It’s discouraging. Makes you feel like your talents aren’t worth anything.”

“I…see.”

He met my eyes once more. “It’s brutal out there, Namjoon. I just wanted to give you some advice as someone who’s been where you are now,” he said, tilting his chin down. “Someone’s gotta warn you against chasing after pipe dreams.”

“Pipe dreams…,” I repeated, letting my gaze fall to my lap.

He sighed and stood up, leading me to do the same. Crestfallen, I met his eyes again and found them softer now, somewhat kinder. He sauntered around the side of the desk to pat my shoulder twice. “Anyway, I’ll talk to Gowon about changing up your schedule.”

I feigned a smile and nodded, letting him lead me by the shoulder back into the glum, grey hallway.

I stepped through the stout shop door and into the pottery store, anticipating Jimin at the wheel or at least that small girl with the baseball cap. But instead, the shop floor was completely empty, devoid of any human life. I wondered if it was the time of day to blame, as the shop seemed pretty popular. It was noon after all. I was supposed to be working on my song during my lunch break, but as soon as I’d opened my laptop and pulled up the file, my chest had constricted and all ideas had fled my brain like they were desperate to get away.

In the end, I somehow ended up here…

It only took a few coughs to rouse Jimin’s attention as he came barreling out from the back room breathlessly. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were round. But once he saw that it was only me in the entranceway, his shoulders relaxed and he leaned heavily against the front counter.

“Jeez,” he mumbled. “Why didn’t you tell me you were stopping by?” he asked, patting his chest.

I chuckled. “Sorry, I just…ended up coming.”

“Huh,” he said, righting himself and offering a smile. “No Hoseok again?”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s always busy with the dogs,” I said.

He smiled. “Shame. I was thinking I could tease him a little.”

“You could always tease me,” I offered, and Jimin only laughed. “What?” I asked.

Jimin flitted a hand and led the way to the backroom. Without questioning him, I followed easily behind like an obedient dog. “You’re definitely not weak against my charms like he is.”

I scoffed. “I don’t think he’s all that weak to them either.”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I’ve got your designs back here in the workshop if you wanna see them,” he said, maneuvering around his employee who was sleeping soundly with her head pressed into what looked like another pottery shop smock.

I chuckled as I too slid past her. Again, I couldn’t get a proper look at her, but something about her kept my attention too long. The rhythmic rise and fall of her back as she breathed, the waves in her hair, restrained with an old newspaper elastic. I glanced down at the hairband on my wrist, still there after several days, and hummed. Should I loan it to her? Leave it beside her so she could wake up to a proper hair tie?

But for some reason I didn’t feel right about taking it off, let alone leaving it behind. So, sighing, I simply walked past where she sat on a wobbly stool, lying with half her body draped over a workbench, face entirely obscured.

“No baseball cap today,” I remarked, tearing my eyes away from her.

Jimin scoffed. “You’re not allowed to look at my employee like that,” he said.

I stiffened, blushing. “Like what?”

“Like she’s your person,” he said, then laughed. “Anyway, she’s been out of it all day. I think she went out drinking yesterday.”

I raised my brows. “She didn’t strike me as the type to drink regularly.”

Jimin laughed. “Oh me either,” he said. “And I don’t think she is, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to sleep through us talking like this.”

I smiled gently, glancing at her over my shoulder. “Hm…”

“Stop that,” he said, smacking the back of my head.

I jumped, giving him a glare, and sighed, following him back toward the other workbench. “Sorry.”

He smirked. “If I catch you even peeking at her again I’ll kill you,” he said, eyeing me sidelong.

I laughed, raising my hands. “I won’t. Promise.”

“Anyway,” he said, sighing, as he rifled through some sketches. He handed a large piece of drawing paper to me and pointed to one of the sketches. “This is the coffee cup you wanted,” he said, humming a little. “Thick handle so it won’t slip, made from earthenware so it’ll stay hot longer.”

“Nice,” I said with a smile. The sketch was lovely: a slender coffee cup, all black save for a gold ring around the rim, and shiny. “It looks like him.”

“Him?” asked Jimin. “So it’s a gift?”

“Mhm,” I said, chuckling. “He’s a picky guy and kinda hard to talk to at first, but…he’s really kind.” I remembered this morning, Yoongi telling me to come get him if I needed to. I still wasn’t sure what he was implying, but it felt like he was being nice anyway.

“Ah, and this is the flowerpot. More of like a vase I guess,” said Jimin, pointing to another sketch on the weathered paper. “It’s gonna be a little delicate. Is that okay?”

I smiled at the sketch, a tall vase for long-stemmed flowers with intricate designs on the sides. It was really pretty, at any rate. “It’s perfect.”

“Who’s this one for?” asked Jimin with a teasing smirk. “A girl?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh!” Jimin said, laughing. “No way, I nailed it?”

“My mom,” I said with a smile as Jimin deflated a little. “She’s living alone right now since my sister and I moved out. Figured I’d get her something nice.”

Jimin was quiet for a moment. “That’s really thoughtful,” he said with a nod.

I smiled. “Thank you,” I said, then turned once I heard the sound of shuffling behind us.

The employee, Eunbyul, had stirred awake and it seemed from her stiff upright posture that she’d done it suddenly. She was panting, at least it looked that way from behind, and Jimin was quick to address her. He approached quickly and tended to her, bending to look at her properly.

“Hey, you okay?” asked Jimin.

The girl nodded, and I tried not to let my eyes linger out of fear of Jimin’s wrath. This girl seemed like a little sister to him, and despite being small I had no doubt that Jimin was probably quite scary when he was serious.

I turned away as the girl began to look around, fearful of catching her eye. I instead focused my attention on the sketches, clearing my throat. “Um…yeah. Just…nightmare.”

“A nightmare?” asked Jimin gently.

“Mhm. I was…out in the woods. Like when I was a kid,” she began, then stopped short. “Forget it. Don’t worry about it, alright? I’m…gonna go clean up out there.”

“Eunbyul…,” said Jimin, but he didn’t seem to fight her as I heard her stool screech against the concrete floor and her footsteps retreat. Jimin sighed and at last I turned to face him again. “She seemed really spooked…,” he remarked, staring at the smock she left behind.

I joined him. “Something about the woods…,” I said with a nod. “When I was a kid, I had a scary experience in the woods too.”

“No woods around here though,” said Jimin, sighing as he glanced over his shoulder at the doorway to the shop.

“Maybe it happened somewhere else,” I said, then furrowed my brow. What exactly was that feeling in my gut? Like I was close to touching something hot, like the warmth was kicking up.

Strange.

“I’d better go,” I said, patting Jimin’s shoulder. He turned to face me with raised brows. “Lunch break,” I added with a smile.

He nodded. “Ah,” he said. “Well, have a good day then. I’ll text you when the pieces are done.”

“See you soon then, Jimin.”

“Yeah,” said Jimin, but it was clear his mind was elsewhere. “See you.”

“Mom!” I called from the doorway, sighing. “I told you not to leave the front door unlocked.”

As if summoned by sheer force of will, my mother appeared around the corner from the hallway, hair a mess, eyes wild. Short and thin, she braced herself against the wall with a grin that seemed too powerful for her face.

“Could it be?” she called, rushing toward me to give me a big hug around the waist. “Our Joonie?”

I laughed and hugged her back, patting her shoulder. “It is indeed,” I said, smiling. “I was just thinking about you today during my lunch break and decided to stop by.”

“Well you’re just in time for dinner,” she said, leading me toward the kitchen and adjacent living room. “I was planning on ordering pizza.”

I laughed. “Pizza’s no good for you, you know,” I chastised with a smile.

She flicked my forehead and continued into the kitchen to grab the landline, pressing it firmly against her cheek. “When did you become the parent, huh?” she asked, cocking a brow.

I chuckled and settled into one of the creaky wooden seats at the table, glancing out the window at the beach. What the house lacked in practical decorum, it certainly made up for in views. I rested my cheek against my palm and listened as Mom detailed her order.

“One large cheese pizza,” she said, pausing for the person on the line to respond. When they did, she sighed. “Well, I just want cheese so why is it the same price as the Hawaiian one?” Again, she awaited response. And again she sighed, only this time she followed it with a disbelieving scoff. “Well pardon me, but isn’t ham and pineapple a hell of a lot more expensive than just cheese? Why do they cost the same? Seems like a scam to me. Maybe I should make a call to the Better Business Bureau,” she said, and I turned to see her examining a cuticle. “Ah,” she said with a sly grin and a wink at me. “I see, a coupon? And that applies to this order?” She waited once more before nodding. “Alright then, you’ve got a deal.”

She gave the employee the address and hung up the phone, triumphant. I laughed, rubbing my forehead. “Harassing service workers is what mean, old people do,” I said, cocking a brow.

She rolled her eyes and joined me. “He took an attitude first.”

“It’s not his fault the pizzas were the same price,” I said, smirking. “Also, I wasn’t aware that those kinds of places were open to haggling.”

She laughed and patted my forearm. “Anyplace is open to haggle if you’re persistent.”

“That is remarkably bad advice,” I teased and she joined me in laughing.

She smacked my upper arm and sighed. “This is why you paid full price for those knockoff sneakers in Myeongdong,” she said, smiling lightly.

I joined her, peering out the window as the waves left vague imprints on the sand as they receded. “Any word from Somi?” I asked, and I felt the air around us grow somber.

The jokes were over now, with a single question.

She rubbed her nose bridge, eyes shut, and shook her head once. “Unfortunately…”

“I know you’re worried,” I commented, eyeing her.

She shrugged, resting her cheek in her hand as she gazed out at the beach again. “Well, you know firsthand how hard it is to break out of a toxic relationship,” she said.

I stiffened, clearing my throat. “Ah, well…actually we’re done. You know we’ve been done for a while, but we’re…really done now.”

She glanced at me, brows raised. “Is that so?”

I nodded. “Yeah. She, uh…she broke up with me because I was too stiff. She said she never really felt close to me,” I said, then chuckled. “I guess it makes sense that I’d be emotionally distant with her, all things considered.”

“Well, like I said before it’s her loss,” Mom said, tossing her hand and rolling her eyes. “Anyone who doesn’t value you isn’t worth your time, kiddo.”

I smiled. “She’s a friend, anyway. That’s not gonna change,” I said, then shrugged. “Anyway, I think maybe she broke up with me hoping I’d fight for her. But…by then I guess I just became too docile.”

Mom sighed, running a finger along the wood grain of the dining table. “You wanted to fight?”

“Part of me maybe, but…,” I began, pausing to chuckle. “But there was a big part of me that felt kinda relieved. That it was all over, you know?”

“Yeah,” said Mom with a nod. “I never liked her anyway.”

I laughed. “I know.”

“Well, at any rate, you said it’s really done now so I’m happy.”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling a little as I noticed the hair tie on my wrist. Somehow, an image of that worker from Jimin’s shop came to mind. The girl in that photo on my phone. I swallowed hard and shook my head. “Can’t run from her forever, but I feel like…maybe I’m starting to set some boundaries. Real ones this time.”

Mom turned to me with a peaceful smile and reached out to pat the top of my hand. “That’s good, sweetheart.” Her smile remained in place as she retracted her hand and sighed. “I’m proud of you.”

Proud of me?

There were lots of stars. So many I couldn’t keep track of the constellations among them. The amusement park was bright, blindingly bright, but somehow the stars were brighter. I held my father’s hand as he led the way through the crowded walkways, pointed at the big stuffed anima prizes with a smile, laughed boisterously as I spun in circles, crying, on the carousel. His face was bright. Brighter than the stars.

He looked older than usual somehow. Fine lines and weathered face, and every now and again I’d look up to see his smile had slipped, replaced by a vacancy to the eyes, a lusterless dullness. Like a mask falling. But once our eyes met, he’d smile once more, dimpled, blindingly bright.

“Let’s take a break by the fountain, huh kiddo?” he asked as we approached the water sprouts, kids leaping through them.

I nodded, taking a big bite of my hotdog. I watched the sky, the horizon line punctured by trees and rides and ferris wheel. Another big bite, chomping down with my eyes squeezed shut.

Dad and I stood beside the fountain, and every few seconds Dad would check his wristwatch. There was an uneasiness radiating off of him, but it was impossible for me to feel it past the excitement and adrenaline of being in a place like this. It’s something I only noticed looking back.

“Ah, here she is,” said Dad as a woman in jeans approached, tailed by a girl a few years older than me and doubly shy.

I eyed the little girl, brows furrowed, and tilted my head to the side. “Stop looking,” she said under her breath, too quiet for either of our parents to hear.

Startled by her bluntness, I flushed and looked up at her mother, a slender woman with locked jaw and lowered brow. She looked severe and maybe a little familiar. Hair cut short and restrained by a baseball cap, arms crossed over her chest, leaning back as my dad began chatting restlessly with her in tones too low for me to hear. Or maybe too quiet for me to remember.

But it hit me slowly the longer I watched her as she listened to my dad. Who she resembled. My mom.

But that wasn’t possible.

I furrowed my brow and crossed my arms, mimicking her posture, and took a step toward her, hotdog dripping sauce on the cobbled floor. “Who are you?” I asked, voice nearly lost to the sound of the kids squealing and the rides whirring.

The night air was fine, a little breezy, warm enough. But as she looked down at me, the woman broke into a small smile and the night felt bright again, somehow. I blinked at her.

“I’m Goeun,” she said, bending at the waist and placing both hands on her hips with a smirk. “I’m your mom’s big sister.”

I raised my brows. “Really? Mom had a sister?” I asked, before breaking into a grin. My hotdog fell from my grasp as I rushed to stand before her properly, rattling off questions at a mile a minute. “What was Mom like as a kid? Was she like me? Did she do well in school? Dad says she didn’t do well, but I don’t know if I believe him-,”

Goeun laughed and patted my shoulder. “Sorry to meet you so late, Namjoon,” she said, eyeing my dad with a frown. “I wanted to meet you sooner.”

I shook my head, beaming. “I’m happy to meet you!” I said, holding out my small hand for her to shake.

Laughing, she took it and gave me a smile. “About your mom…she was actually the good kid in the family if you can believe it,” she said, chuckling. “I was the troublemaker. Kinda why we’re meeting so late.”

I nodded. “Ah,” I said, turning to her daughter and pointing at her. “Who’s this?”

Goeun laughed and patted her daughter on the head. “This is my girl,” she said. “Sweetie, why don’t you introduce yourself to your cousin?”

The girl gave me a guarded look before sighing and reaching out a hand almost begrudgingly. “Nice to meet you,” she said through her teeth.

“You too,” I said with a smile. “I’m Namjoon,” I said.

She nodded and pulled her hand away, crossing her arms and looking away. “Somi,” she said.

I nodded. “Dad, why are we meeting here?” I asked, peeking up at my dad as he met my eyes.

There was guilt there.

Enough to stop me in my tracks.

“Dad?” I asked again.

He sighed, rubbing his temples. “Joon, you know how much I love you,” he said.

I nodded. “Mhm.”

“But…after your mom died…money’s been tight, you know?” he asked, bending down to look me in the eye. He crouched back on his heels. Looking at him close I saw the vacancy from before, deep in his eyes. My heart raced. “Dad’s been doing some…pretty bad business.”

I raised my brows. “What do you mean?”

“Stuff that you’re not supposed to do.”

I stared at him long and hard. “Dad, I’m not a little kid anymore.”

He sighed and patted my shoulder, smiling. “You’re right,” he said, eyes falling to the ground. “I’ve taken some money from some really bad folks, alright?”

“Okay.”

“Bad folks who want to hurt me,” he said. “Do you understand that?” he asked, eyes imploring.

I raised my brows. “I guess,” I said, then shook my head. “But why would they wanna hurt you?”

“Because I can’t pay them back.”

“Okay…”

“So that means,” he said, placing both hands on my shoulders. “That it’s not so safe for you to live with me right now.”

I stiffened. “Huh?”

“You can’t go with Grandma, since the bad folks know all about our family now,” he said, nodding. His eyes were desperate, irises shaking, wide. “But they don’t know Aunt Goeun. So, for a little while, I need you to stay with her. Back on the coast where she lives.”

“On…the coast?” I asked, throat tightening. “Away from you?”

Dad nodded. “For a little while, okay?”

I felt the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. “How long is a little while?”

“I…don’t know yet,” he said, sighing as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Just…a while, okay?”

“No…,” I said, glancing between Dad and Aunt Goeun, eyes darting, backing up slightly and narrowly missing my fallen hotdog. “N-No,” I repeated, stronger this time, louder. Somi stared at me with wide eyes, and it was all I could do to hold in the tears long enough to turn on my heel and sprint away, toward the trees.

“Whoa, Joonie, you okay?” Mom asked as I jerked upright on the couch.

I rubbed my eyes, straining them against the dark living room. The only light was coming from the quiet TV and even that was too jarring after having just awoken. I glanced at her, her wide eyes, clearly taken aback.

I chuckled, breathy, and patted my chest a few times, sitting upright and clearing my throat. “Ah, damn. I fell asleep,” I said.

She smiled. “I’m not worried about that, kid,” she said, sighing as she reached out to pat my knee. “Seemed like a nightmare.”

I glanced at her for a long moment. Really looked at her. In a lot of ways, she was just the same as she was back then: plucky, headstrong, confident, odd. But in more ways than I could count, she was different. The woman I’d run away from all those years ago had grown to become someone irreplaceable to me. A caregiver, a confidant, a loved one.

A mother.

I smiled and patted the top of her hand, shaking my head. “It wasn’t,” I said softly.

She smiled back at me and stretched. “Well, good then,” she said, then raised her brows at me. “You staying over? I still haven’t gotten around to turning your room into my office.”

I laughed. “You’re never gonna,” I said, crossing my arms with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes. “Someday.”

“Anyway, no. I should head home and work on-,” I began, but stopped short. What was I supposed to work on? My song?

After what Jisoo said…

I wasn’t so confident anymore.

“Well, I should head home,” I repeated, nodding.

As I approached the front door of the apartment, I saw a figure standing outside, arms wrapped around her slim torso, head down, long hair falling all around her. I lingered there in the hallway, slack jawed, staring at Hani as she checked her phone and rocked on her heels. How long had she been there? And, furthermore, how long was she going to wait for me to come home?

I glanced down at my own phone and saw a slew of new texts from Hani herself. Of course, I could have predicted as much. She seemed desperate enough, and I wasn’t giving her even a few minutes of my time to talk. As she stood there, I briefly considered turning around and taking Mom up on her offer to stay in my old bedroom.

But again, my eyes caught the hair elastic on my wrist. That employee came to mind, sleeping. She’d awoken from a nightmare too, hadn’t she? I wondered if it was just something in the air today.

But somehow, even recalling her sleeping head seemed to give me some profound sense of courage.

Quietly, I approached the front door and cleared my throat once I was within hearing distance. Hani jumped and turned to me with watery eyes, like perhaps she would cry if I said one wrong thing.

But wasn’t that the whole problem? I’d always been so terrified of saying the wrong thing to her, terrified of losing her, terrified of having nobody to give my love to, that I’d neglected my own wellbeing.

Not anymore.

I exhaled slowly. “What’re you doing here?”

Hani sniffled and reached out to touch my chest, but I leaned back, eyeing her seriously. “I-,”

“You can’t do that kinda stuff anymore, Hani. We’re not dating anymore,” I said, staring at her flushed cheeks.

She watched me with parted lips. “I…I know that, Namjoon.”

“Then start acting like it, okay?” I said, then sighed, rubbing my temples. “Let’s talk inside, okay?”

She sniffed and nodded, silently stepping aside as I punched in the door’s lock code. I led the way inside with Hani in tow, sighing as I collapsed against the sofa. It seemed Yoongi was holed up in his room, as music bumped lightly from behind his locked door.

“I…I knocked and Yoongi answered, but he told me you weren’t home,” said Hani as she joined me on the sofa, several spaces away, sitting perfectly straight.

I nodded. “So you waited?”

“Yeah…”

“Why?”

“Because we…we need to talk. Properly,” she said, nodding as she stared at me. She was dressed in house clothes, not her usual polished self. She looked a little sleep deprived, or perhaps just close to tears. “I’m really sorry for everything, Namjoon.”

I nodded. “I accept your apology,” I said, meeting her eyes. “You don’t need to feel bad or anything.”

She shook her head, rubbing beneath her nose. “It’s just…I guess I’ve been doing some thinking and I realized…I don’t think I ever really wanted you for the right reasons,” she said, nodding as her eyes fell to the rug. “Like…like I just wanted someone to stick with me even when I fucked up.”

I smiled softly. “Well, I was more than willing to stay,” I said, nodding. “And to be fair, I think I’m in the same boat. I…wanted to love someone, anyone, even if they weren’t the right person for me,” I said. “I was…desperate to feel validated, I guess. Feel worthy of someone’s time.”

“Why?” she asked, brow furrowed.

I shook my head with a smile. “It’s something I’m still trying to figure out,” I said.

She nodded. “I understand,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “Um…I guess I just wanted you to keep proving how much you loved me, you know? Even though it hurt you.”

“I see.”

“And that’s what I’m most sorry for,” she said, nodding. “Especially now, with everything happening at home. I guess I just wanted someone to give me love. I wanted someone to love me even when I gave them every reason to hate me. That kind of love, you know?”

“I understand,” I said softly. We met eyes and I softened into a smile. “I really do. And…I don’t hate you.”

She returned the smile and nodded. “I’m glad to hear that,” she said. “I guess…I kept pushing you because I wanted to keep you on the hook. I wanted to know you were still there, still loved me.”

“And I do,” I said. “I’ll always love you, Hani.”

She turned to me with a soft, somber smile and nodded. “I know.”

“It’s just…different now,” I said.

“I can feel it,” she replied, watching her hands. “I could feel it since a while ago. That…someone else was taking up the space in your heart, I guess.”

I stiffened. “Hm?”

She turned wide eyes to me. “Is there not someone else?” she asked.

I shook my head. “No…,” I said, but despite myself, that employee’s slumped, sleeping form came to mind. My whole face flushed.

She laughed. “I don’t believe that for a second,” she said, then sighed. “At any rate, I’m really sorry. For all of it.”

“I’m sorry too,” I said, nodding. “For loving you in a twisted way.”

She smiled, shaking her head. “Sometimes two people just aren’t good for each other, I guess.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“We can…we can be friends still, right? Or…is that too much?” she asked, almost shy as she eyed me from across the sofa.

I smiled. “Of course, Hani.”

She exhaled and patted her chest. “Thank Christ, that would’ve been so awkward if you’d said no,” she said.

I laughed and so did she, both of us locking eyes. “If you need anything, as a friend, I’m here, okay?”

She smiled and nodded. “Alright,” she said. “I think…I’m gonna go home and hang out with Sooyoung for a few days. Take her out, chat with her,” she continued, giving me a soft grin. “Be the big sister she needs, you know?”

“That’s a great idea,” I said.

She pushed her hair from her face and sighed. “I feel better.”

“Me too.”

“Well…I’d better get going then, huh? Sooyoung doesn’t stay up very late anyway,” she said, standing and patting her thighs.

I joined her, walking behind her as we meandered toward the front door. “Thanks for coming by, Hani,” I said as she made her way out into the hallway.

She smiled and shook her head. “Thanks for giving me the chance to talk it out,” she said.

I nodded. “Course.”

She patted my arm and smiled, waving as she turned on her heel. “See you around,” she said.

I waved back before shutting the door and returning to the couch. I began scrolling through TV channels, absentminded, and settled on a documentary about primates. But just as I began getting invested in bipedalism, Yoongi’s door swung open slowly and he emerged wrapped in a blanket holding an ancient I Love Seoul mug. He glanced at me, bowed his head in greeting, and shuffled into the kitchen where I knew a warm pot of nighttime coffee waited.

“Was that Hani?” asked Yoongi as he poured himself a cup.

I nodded. “Mhm. We finally settled things.”

“Hm,” said Yoongi, wandering back to the living room with a fresh mug of coffee. He stood beside the arm of the couch, squinting at the screen. “What’re you watching?”

“Nature documentary,” I said, pointing at the TV. “Oldest primate skulls.”

“Huh…”

“Yeah.”

Yoongi glanced down at me. “Shouldn’t you be working on your track?” he asked.

I stiffened. “Hm?”

He shrugged. “Just figured you’d wanna be working on it.” He paused and pulled his blanket closer around his shoulders. “And you never stopped by today.”

“I…didn’t need anything…?”

“Well, you should’ve stopped by anyway,” he grumbled, sighing.

I shook my head. “Why?”

“Might’ve been able to meet my boss,” he said, then shrugged. “Anyway, you should work on it. It’s got potential.”

“I…Yoongi, I think…I might have to put it on hold for a while,” I said, then sighed and shook my head. “No, I might have to put it on hold permanently.”

“Huh?”

“I…I’m nothing special, Yoongi. Not gifted like you. I make…mediocre tracks at best, you know? But…I’m good at my job. My boss says I could try for promotion if I keep working hard and honestly the stability-,”

“What about what you want, Namjoon?” Yoongi interrupted, eyeing me.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times before settling on closed. I crossed my arms and exhaled slowly. “I…I guess what I want isn’t that important in the long run.”

Yoongi hummed and shuffled back toward his room. But before disappearing inside, he turned over his shoulder and said, almost inaudibly over the sound of the TV, “Keep working on the song.”

“You’re awake?”

I rubbed my eyes and turned to see Eunbyul staring at me, sitting on her bottom, hugging her knees to her chest in the darkness. It took me a disoriented moment to remember everything, as it always did, but once I recovered my sentences I gave her a tight smile and sat upright.

“How long have you been waiting?” I asked, scooting toward her.

She seemed on edge as she rested her chin on her knees, leaning away just slightly. “Um…not very long.”

“Hm.”

“You, uh…did you have a good day?” she asked, not looking at me.

I shrugged. “Not especially, but…”

She sniffed a little, glancing away with squinted eyes. Her glasses were missing. “I see…”

“How about you?”

She was quiet, clearly stewing over something, before she inhaled sharply and let her knees fall, sitting cross-legged and staring right at me, gaze severe. “I’m sorry for being so sloppy last night,” she said, bowing her head and keeping it down for a long moment.

I chuckled, reaching out to smooth down the back of her hair with a smile. “Is that why you seemed so weird?” I asked.

She sighed. “Yes,” she said with a groan as she sat upright. “I really shouldn’t have had so much to drink.”

I smiled, rubbing her cheek. She winced a little. “It was cute.”

She rolled her eyes. “Cute, he says,” she said with a sigh. “Anyway, you’re not mad?”

“Why would I be?”

She was quiet before shrugging. “I dunno. Generally when you start dating someone, I guess you wanna show them your good traits.”

I hummed and rubbed my tired eyes. “I guess so.”

Eunbyul sat staring at me for a long time, longer than I was used to, like she had something on her mind that she needed to expel. But before I could coax it out of her, she spoke. “Are you alright?” she asked, a gentle sort of sternness in her voice.

I sat up straight. “I’m…”

She sighed and nodded, standing to her feet. “Let’s go somewhere comfortable,” she said as she shut her eyes.

In an instant, we were transported to the bookstore Somi had taken me too. Eunbyul’s place. The lights were soft and mellow, and there was little sound save for Eunbyul herself as she pulled out a chair at the table by the window. The very same one she’d been at that day when I’d snapped her photo. Quietly, I joined her as she laced her fingers and rested her chin atop them, eyeing me.

“What’s going on?” she asked, squinting a little to get a good look at me.

I cleared my throat. “A lot, I guess,” I said with a sigh. “I’m…well, you know I’m working on that song, right?”

She nodded. “Mhm.”

“I just…I don’t know if it’s reasonable to hope that…,” I began, then stopped myself with a halfhearted laugh. “Forget it.”

She sat back, still maintaining a visual on me. “You wanna see how far it can go?” she asked.

I exhaled long and slow, eyes shutting. “Yeah.”

She was quiet. “Why don’t you?”

I opened my eyes wide and stared at her, but I saw not a single ounce of insincerity. “Huh?”

“I mean…the worst that could happen is you fail, right? And then you’re back where you started. Breaking even,” she said with a nod. “I guess…working at Jimin’s shop taught me that. If you mess up, it’s not the end of the world. Sometimes things don’t go right, but that’s no excuse not to try.”

“Byul…”

“I know it’s hypocritical since I’m scared to mess up everything, but…I really believe it. Or I’m starting to anyway,” she said then shrugged. “Go for broke and if things go wrong, at least you won’t regret holding back.”

I blinked at her. “You think so?”

“Mhm.”

I pinched my nose bridge, shutting my eyes. “That…makes me feel a bit better.”

She was quiet, pensive, for a moment before speaking again. “There’s more on your mind, isn’t there?”

I startled a little and glanced at her over the table. “Um…kinda.”

“Tell me,” she said with a gentle smile and I could do nothing but stare.

“Uh…,” I rambled before shaking my head. “Just…family stuff. I went and visited my mom today-er, well…my aunt? I guess, technically.”

She raised her brows. “Your aunt?”

“Yeah. I mentioned I have a sister, right?” She nodded. “Well, she’s…technically my cousin. But we’ve been together so long it doesn’t matter what we technically are.”

“How did that happen?” she asked, resting her chin in her hand.

“My mom…she was kinda the breadwinner in my family. Like, really hardworking and ambitious. Wasn’t home a lot, so I don’t remember much. But I remember when she died,” I said with a sigh. Eunbyul’s eyes went wide. “She was involved in a car accident. Unavoidable, really. Just…wrong place wrong time.”

“Namjoon, I’m so sorry,” she said, brows knit.

I smiled and shook my head. “Like I said, I hardly remember her. But…I guess when she died, my dad kinda fell on hard financial times. Reached out to loan sharks to pay back debts that my mom’s paychecks would’ve covered. And when he couldn’t pay them back…”

“Don’t tell me he gave you away,” she said, lowering her gaze.

I laughed. “No, not quite. Just…sent me to live with my aunt until things settled down,” I began, then paused and shrugged. “I guess…things didn’t ever really settle down because we never heard from him again.”

“What?”

I shook my head. “He’s alive,” I said with a shrug. “That much I know for sure. Every once in a while I’ll get a letter from the bank about his withdrawals. After my mom died, the account was supposed to go to me but since I was so young…”

“So he’s just…off somewhere living a normal life without you?” asked Eunbyul, and I could hear the disgust in her voice.

I smiled and reached a hand out to hers, holding it on the table. “Hey, it’s fine. Shit happens, I guess,” I said. “Anyway, I just…had an unpleasant dream today at Mom’s house. I fell asleep during a movie.”

Eunbyul stiffened. “I also had a nightmare today,” she said, shaking her head. “And since you were awake…I guess we didn’t share the dream.”

“Yeah…,” I said, then sighed. “All of it is too confusing.”

“What was your nightmare about?” she asked, eyeing me.

I pursed my lips, thinking. “Well…the day my dad left me with Goeun. We went to this amusement park in Sangdo-dong. The one I took you to,” I said.

She nodded. “I remember.”

“Well…he tried to hand me over to her that night, but I ran off,” I said with a laugh. “Thought maybe I could join the traveling circus or something. But I didn’t get very far.”

She smiled a faint, sad smile. “You ran away?”

“Only for the night and they were searching for me like crazy,” I said with a shrug. “I kinda just ran off into the woods and hoped for the best.”

“The woods?” she asked, back stiff.

I nodded. “Mhm.”

“I…those woods around the amusement park…,” she began, shaking her head as her brow furrowed. “I told you…when I was a kid, something scary happened near there.”

“I remember,” I said, suddenly dead serious. A chill ran up my spine, like my body knew something that my mind couldn’t accept yet.

She nodded. “I was out with my sister and we got separated,” she said, tone grave. “We got separated and I was lost in those woods for two days.”

I swallowed hard. The pieces were coming together. That night, those woods, 4:02 AM. “Eunbyul, I-,” I began, but in an instant I felt the tug.

She turned wide, horrified eyes toward me. “We have to figure this out now! Maybe it’ll make us remember!” she said, tone frantic as she shot to her feet. “Namjoon, were you-,” she tried to say, but the pull was too strong. Both of us lurched back into our seats.

And before I could say anything more, confirm anything more, I woke up to someone shaking my shoulders.

“Namjoon!” called Yoongi.

I sprung awake, panting for breath, eyes watery with unshed tears, and turned to Yoongi with my chest tightening. He stared down at me with furrowed brows, concern etched into his features, before stepping away and watching me from beside my bed.

“What happened?” I asked, glancing at the clock. 4:02 AM…

He sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out,” he said, but it wasn’t him that had me rattled. It was something more visceral, something I couldn’t quite name.

But it felt urgent.

I shook my head, raking my fingers through my hair with a sigh. “It’s fine. What’s going on?”

At this, Yoongi smiled, just a little. “It’s my boss,” he said.

I cocked a brow. “Hm?”

“I sent him your track while you were sleeping and…well, he’s interested.”

I leapt from bed, eyes wide. “He’s what?”

“He wants to see you in person and chat about bringing you onto the team,” said Yoongi with a smile. “No promises though! It’s a competitive market.”

I shook my head, barely containing my excitement. “I can’t believe it,” I mumbled. But as soon as the idea really began to hit me, something else hit me too.

Someone’s gotta warn you against chasing after pipe dreams.

I stared into the middle distance. “What’s up?” asked Yoongi, waving a hand in front of my face. “If you’re serious about this, we gotta go now before the studio opens for the day.”

I swallowed hard. What if it was just a pipe dream? Something unachievable and impossible? A wish that couldn’t be fulfilled? “I…,” I began, but someone else’s words came to mind.

Sometimes things don’t go right, but that’s no excuse not to try.

Could I really allow fear of failure to keep me from even trying in the first place? Was it really okay to force myself to be satisfied with a life that didn’t feel right for me? A life without fulfillment?

Wasn’t it better then…to give it a shot?

I turned my eyes to Yoongi who by then was swaying from foot to foot, eager to get going. We met eyes for only a moment before I nodded my head. “Give me ten minutes.”

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