#I think if I really think about this I can write an essay on it but I'm tired atm and I have a 8am class tomorrow so.

[ragingadhd]

Will and Alyss are trans here’s my essay

We talk a lot about how funny it is that Flanagan unintentionally wrote the gayest love story between Halt and Crowley in TEY, but holy shit we don’t talk enough about how he also managed to accidentally write the two most trans characters ever.

Alyss and Will being trans is a semi-popular headcanon that’s been in the fandom for ages now, but I haven’t seen many people really dive into why this headcanon is so prevalent. I think that partially has to do with the fact that, like any lgbtq+ identity, it’s pretty difficult to clock someone as trans without relying on trans stereotypes. Really, any character in the RA series could be trans if you chose to believe it since being trans doesn’t look any certain way. That being said, I do think there are some pretty clear qualities and experiences that Will and Alyss have that feel very close to my own experience with being transgender.

Physical appearance is usually the first thing people point out/notice when talking about this headcanon. Will is short, more so than one might expect from a cis man. Alyss is taller than most men and also has a deep voice. I have mixed feelings about people pointing to this as the only reason they think they’re trans. I mean, it makes enough sense for it to be the only reason since one part of being trans is the fact that one’s body doesn’t match their gender identity. What I don’t like about that being the only reason is that there’s so much more to the trans identity and experience than “body don’t match :(“

But that’s the cool thing about Will and Alyss, their physical appearance effects their perception of themselves the same way it does for a trans person (or a cis person really, but it feels much more prevalent in trans people). In the first book, Will is clearly uncomfortable with his height; almost any time it’s brought up, he replies with “I haven’t had my growth spurt yet”, almost defensively. Then, as Will becomes more comfortable with who he is, you can see it bother him less and less. I love this bc it’s exactly what happened with my dysphoria as I transitioned. The more I got to know myself and discover myself, the less my dysphoria bothered me.

As for Alyss, she is so clearly so confident with her appearance. She never tries to hide her height or voice. Although we don’t get to see her journey with those qualities, the way she’s so confident feels like something the earned. It’s something she maybe used to feel insecure about, then decided she gets to decide what femininity means to her. Her height and voice contribute to her elegance and femininity rather than contradict them.

Another thing about Will is his name and how it relates to his identity. I know Flanagan didn’t intend for any of this to be some trans allegory, but goddamn can I relate my trans experience to it. Will grew up without a last name, and you can see how deeply that effects him. It wasn’t just that he was “Will no-name”, he was missing a part of his identity. Hell, he said verbatim “at least you know who you are” to a fucking owl because he felt so confused and unheard (which btw is the most edgy teen thing he ever did).

Though you can see this missing part of his identity bother him less as he gained a support system, it’s still clear that he felt like something was missing. If he didn’t feel like something was missing, he wouldn’t have been so incredibly happy when he became “Will Treaty”. And when he got his last name, you can tell he’s proud, not because he finally has an identity, but because he finally has a name to match the identity he’s spent so long discovering and cultivating. He no longer expresses any sadness or grief that he doesn’t have his father’s last name, because he doesn’t need it to know who he is. He’s Will Treaty, and he’s perfectly happy with being exactly that. This is the most trans-coded naming experience holy shit.

Anyway that’s all I have to say about this (for now at least). Go give your local trans friend a kiss.

#rangers apprentice #will treaty #alyss mainwaring #trans will treaty #trans alyss mainwaring #ranger's apprentice #trans

[olderthannetfic]

i saw this post today where this person was talking abt fandom racism and was pointing out some real issues within my fandom and favorite ship that I too had noticed… but then kept bringing it back to the lack of one particular other ship they liked, when it's like, no that's not the problem, and that ship is unpopular because those characters have zero romantic or sexual chemistry and barely any scenes together. (it was really funny that someone had reblogged this to take their 'lack of seeing this one character in a sexual way in fic miiight be racist' complaint to be like 'i think you're right! we should have more fic about [a long list of different ships involving that character with people they have ACTUAL chemistry with].' it was really funny. ofc op totally missed the point they were making there.) anyway i just feel like way too many useful conversations about this stuff are ruined by people making it about shipping or other really subjective fandom preferences. i get that this is because something like 'number of fics X ship or character has on ao3' is an objective measure, and something like 'level of orientalism in how a lot of people are writing this desi character' is not, but i wish people would realize it tends to alienate more people that it converts. and ime, it's often the people who maybe would most benefit from hearing those criticisms (e.g. are writing unintentionally racist stuff in their works, and are someone who would want to know about that and how to do it differently) who tune it out the second you make it into insulting their shipping preferences.

i mean, there WAS some real racism in the star wars sequels fandom, including among the fanfic/shipping side. not just the shitty dudes harassing kelly marie tran. we saw the really bizarre 'predator' language people directed at john boyega just for making some joke posts on instagram about disliking reylo and its shippers. it was the very classic racist thing where people see something as automatically more threatening when a black man does it. ....but how many people had already tuned all that out because the people most outspoken about the racism in the fandom kept reducing it to 'if you ship reylo over finnrey, or kylux over finnpoe, you're a racist'? it's like a boy who cried wolf thing. if you've shown that you can't uncouple serious discussions and concerns from just being pissy that your otp is not more popular, people are going to see you as someone who can't be taken seriously and then ignore you when you do have a real complaint. it's like how i'm sure that some of stitch's essays are thoughtful and important, but i have no desire to read stuff by someone who is infamous for harassing people just for what they ship. i don't feel like i can take any of that person's judgments about fandoms i'm not in, for instance, seriously.

that's not to say fandom preferences in shipping can't ever be influenced by racism (or other 'isms') but is it ever really *that* specifically that is the problem, or the broader pattern it is part of? and i feel like 'maybe fandom is a little too focused on het and slash ships between two young skinny conventionally attractive white people' is a message more people are open to than 'your specific white M/M or F/M otp is racist'

anyway it reminds me of the stuff i've seen sometimes in academic fandom studies about how you can't really honestly study a fandom where you're deeply mired in its discourse - you need to focus your work on fandoms that you're familiar with but not in that way. and i think that maybe also applies to some of these discussions about fandom racism and misogyny. maybe you're just going to have better takes on something when you're not deeply invested in other unrelated arguments about it, like about which ship is the most popular. like i could not care less about star wars shipping and have zero take in reylo vs. finnrey, so that's why i feel like i could trust my perception that the way a small minority of reylos were posting about john boyega's instagram posts was racist. it didn't matter if he was genuinely being a jerk to them or about their ship. he obviously wasn't a 'predator' and it was pretty telling language for a group of largely white people to use about a black man making fun of their ship on a different social media site.

--

The laying pipe thing was blown so out of proportion, yes. Call it sexist, sure, but it wasn't fucking predatory.

[hazelfoureyes]

Sending in anon because I'm a coward... 😩

I'm a new reader, and I just have to say-- your "a doe in fall" series is just... AMAZING!!

I could go on, and on and on about how much I love it. But what gets me the most is always Alastor's dialogue, because as someone who is also on the aro/ace spectrum, I just get it so much. Especially the subtle hoping that reader can like... Read his mind about how he feels for her, and the weird sort of stockholm syndrome we sometimes develop with ourselves after being alone with only our own company for so long, and it really is, lol, like you just get so used to being alone for so long because you know the idea people have of you, you can't truly live up to, so you don't want to "disappoint" them that you actually aren't like they are, so you just sorta... Keep them occupied at arms length-- Therefore you're forced to adapt to your company being the only love you have for a long time. it's like an obligation.

And when or if the special somebody who understands you comes along, you realize... "Wow, I've been living like this for so long, is this what it feels like to be loved and appreciated, in spite of my oddities, or maybe even in favor of them? Strange..."

Emphasis on the "strange" part because, when you're so deeply entrenched in your own soul, sharing your space for another almost feels more like learning how to swim rather than an instant "click", sparks, fireworks and whatnot. The excitement of the magical "other" has been long since drowned and snuffed out of you.

So, when this somebody who is similar to you, or just simply understands, doesn't try to change you or ignore you, but instead envelopes you and adores you, the appreciation is deep and overflowing. But there's a part of you always pinching your heart, a sort of awareness of something that isn't the case, wondering "Is this a dream? what if it is and I'll wake up and this is not at all what I was thinking?".

Haha... ANYWAY, sorry for the slightly morose and LONG read 😂 But I always think of how similar I am to how you write alastor and it's scary in a way, but comforting (especially since he's my first and biggest fictional crush) except in this case my profession would actually be burlesque. Especially since I work in the exotic dance world. It's fascinating being aro/ace in the SW world, I could go on forever- But yeah, I absolutely love your writing!! Makes me feel less alone in this world. Annnd surprisingly I always feel so sensual after reading, I love love love it!! Reading before work always gets me in the mood to dance and pretend I'm Y/N, lol!!

Much blessings ❤️❤️

*cracks knuckles* listen here babycakes, I eat this shit UP. Exploring Human Ace Alastor is my BREAD AND BUTTER. I go into ESSAYS in the AO3 comments in this 😂

you really understand, which makes me so happy and is confirmation I’m conveying him the way I want to.

Now I’m gonna ramble and echo you basically 😂

I really think Alastor (atleast in this story) feels that excitement and strangeness of how open he can be around Autumn (since she doesn’t have a proper name cuz she’s reader 😂). He’s a fish out of water despite the fact he’s actually being his most authentic self. Like you said, it’s new to him just to be … Alastor. To be honest and upfront. His normal operating mode has been so restricted for so long he’s struggling with how to be himself. And then that fear—- well what if I’m too much? What if I ruin this, when I finally have something worth keeping? He’s never gotten this far and the fear of losing that comfort is terrifying but so is the actual comfort itself. It’s new and foreign.

A deep uneasiness that’s if he fully embraces this he’s gonna just fuck it up and it’ll be his fault this time. Not a misunderstanding or misalignment of needs but a confirmation he wasn’t good enough anyway.

“it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all” he would say that’s bullshit

and because of the situations he’s been in before, he’s never gotten to actually explore physical intimacy in a “safe” environment. He was always going into interactions because he had to if he wanted to keep people around. It was a necessity, not something he actually sincerely wanted to participate. So he tried to keep them happy with other means of affection and intimacy to maintain some safe distance but eventually, always, things would fall apart. At a distance or up close.

that’s why that most recent part was called Learning. Alastor is trying new things to learn more about what he’s okay with or doesn’t care for even offering in the future. Autumn is learning (that night, tho she doesn’t understand it yet) that he’s still figuring out how to meet her halfway (even tho she’s not even asking for that) when he’s used to being forced to meet people where they are. And Detective Brady, of course, is learning he may have found motive for Tommy’s disappearance.

I’m really glad you’re enjoying his portrayal and that you’re resonating with parts of him! That makes my soul hum! 💖 your line of work mixed with your Aro/Ace-ness sounds like such an interesting conversation if we’re honest! That’s a small aspect I love about Autumn. She’s in this field that’s (wrongly) considered to be hyper sexual and full of air headed wanton whores, but she’s the first person to be like “oh! You aren't into this stuff. Let me adjust my expectations. I’ll ask for clear verbal consent, not initiate, and I’m totally okay with never fucking again if it’s for your love and company.”

I work in the SW industry in a sense (Personal Assistant) and one of my biggest pet peeves is all of the shit people project on SWers.

sorry for the essay I could talk about this for ETERNITY

omg and THANK YOU! 🥺💖💖💖💖

Referencing:

A Doe in Fall (Human Alastor x Burlesquer Fem Reader)

Part 1 - Pretty in Red smut💦 Part 2 - Liar smut💦 Part 3 - A Tragedy smut💦 Part 4 - Enough Part 5 - Too Much Part 6 - Learning smut💦

#alastor x reader #ace alastor #alastor x you #hazbin alastor #alastor x reader smut #alastor smut #fanfiction #alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel x reader

[sleeplesssmoll]

hiii reading your lorecrafts are such a treat and your analysis about the game's worldbuilding is something i would REALLY turn over repeatedly in my head 😗

consider this shhdjska: dont u think religion is quite in an odd place in r1999? imagine hearing about a religious figure turning water into wine, that sounds like an arcanist. quite strange considering that religious bodies and arcanists are at odds

A great question! Religion and magic being at odds is a long pattern throughout history. People were accused of witchcraft, summoning demons, or bringing hardship on others is something people used to be accused, and so on. If magic is done the "right" way (like prayer), it's a blessing or a message from a higher power. Do it the "wrong" way is a curse, a crime, etc. I think this is a pattern in many religions. There are usually rules or guide lines to follow, which is what makes Religion different from spirituality. Gnosis in arcanists seems to reflect ideas of Spirituality more so than a specific religion, but it's also something Arcanists follow while humans can't wrap their heads around. This can create very diffiferent interpretations of religion, which historically speaking, ends in conflict.

Arcanists are also biologically different from humans and have differently wired brains. While most religions seem to value order, balance, and nature, arcanists live outside of these boxes. The embody chaos yet they also have the power to wreak havoc. This is a generalization, but that's exactly why it works in the humans vs. arcanist scenario.

At the end of the day, humans are afraid of what arcanists are capable of. They'll use any reason to persecute them from religion, to stereotyping, and whatever other else. It doesn't need to make sense, it needs to validate their discrimination and make them feel like they're "right".

I'm sure you could write a whole essay on this question! Thanks, for sending it and making my brain brain do something aside from rot🫠

#reverse 1999 #ask #all i do is daydream these days about what ifs in reverse

[cowgirleddiediaz]

you know, I don’t really ship anything in this show or watch it other than like casual viewing but it really looks like the toxicity isn’t just limited to one side of the fandom. Buddies have their issues—they really, really do, and if I have to hear about how the karaoke scene was bait one more time, I might kill someone, (and calling Lou ugly is disgusting, c’mon, he’s wonderful) and they are extremely, extremely entitled and awful/misogynistic to basically any female love interest Buck or Eddie have ever had, and awful to Tommy — but the other side with bucktommy also has people talking about killing Eddie off so buck and Tommy can raise Chris and lording their canon superiority over buddie to make fun of them and doing stuff like making fun of them for still seeing it in canon when it’s ‘obviously’ sunk. Neither of these ships are better than the other, and neither are the communities associated with them — they’re both toxic as hell which makes the fandom a pretty depressing place to be, not to mention the terrible amounts of racism/misogyny present already. You guys might like to shit on each constantly but I don’t think you realize how damaging the whole situation is. Making one ship/side seem better than the other isn’t really the solution to a toxic fandom, but I really don’t think it’s going to become a more pleasant place to be.

Look at a certain point b*ddie stans complaining about toxicity is a bit like watching your cat piss on the couch and then blaming your roommate for daring to mention the smell because they left a few dishes in the sink. And tbf there are plenty of b*ddie shippers calling that stuff out, but that doesn’t seem to have changed the cats behaviour ya know?

I’m all for ship and let ship, but some of the takes over the hiatus bordered on misinformation, and I don’t think I should have to bite my tongue for the sake of faux positivity that’s not even being extended to me. I’m not perfect, but outside of answering unhinged asks, I’ve done my best to keep my comments constructive.

And fwiw I don’t think bucktommy is the “better” ship, that’d be ludicrous! Like 95% of ppl in this fandom I’ve liked b*ddie for years and I think they’re a really interesting fanon pairing (fr I could write an essay about how how special they are in the context of slash shipping). My criticisms have been exclusively about the behaviour of some b*ddie fans.

Like, how do you suggest I respond to some of these asks? (which have only gotten worse today btw). If ppl want to send me shit that makes them look stupid I’m gonna laugh at them, which I get not everyone wants to see, hence them being tagged with something ppl can easily filter out.

I’m sure some bucktommy shippers are acting like fools too (especially on anon) but like I said, cat piss vs dirty dishes.

#911 abc #bucktommy #tevan #kinley #not tagging the other one for obvious reasons #ask #dia answers stuff

[ot3]

glassblowing rules because it's like one of the single most hardcore and impressive processes in the entire art world yet almost everything you make with it looks lame as hell. it's essentially a form of smithing that only produces neglected gift shop tchotchkes.

#DSICLAIMER: i know some blown glass stuff can look very cool and be impressive #i know saying this in the tags wont stop someone inevitably writing me an essay on why im wrong about glass blowing #i just think a lot of what it makes really isnt my style.

[bbreaddog]

Practising Goncharov Theme by @caramiaaddio on violin bc I thought it would add an extra layer of haunting…ness (is that a word?)

Here’s the excerpt I’m playing in the video:

Despite it being in a fuck off key for violin it is a really beautiful piece and it’s absolutely worth the trouble of practising in second position (world’s most hated position) and I’m HOPING 🤞 I can record and (maybe) post a full cover of it someday

#goncharov #music #violin #goncharov theme #oh man i have not posted my face in a very very very long time #possibly years #am i freaking out about it? a little #could i have converted this to audio instead? #well. yes but. it’s not exactly awesome quality in this practise room lmao #i so so badly wanna write out all the technical things I’m doing/focusing on here bc GRRR TECHNICAL WORK IS SO INTERESTING TO ME #but i would be typing out a whole essay probably and i don’t think my followers really. care that much about violin tech #lest they also play violin #i have one (1) known mutual who plays violin and that’s IT #apologies for the metronome ticking in the video #it can be very irritating to listen to #alas… it is also important for not speeding up when playing #anyways #hi caramiaaddio you don’t know me but big fan of what you’ve written here #ESPECIALLY THE CHROMATIC BITS OUGHHHH #the little semiquavers that poke their heads through like TWICE are surprisingly hard #but also they sound extra creepy in a good way #BIG fan #wait wait WAIT WAIT #i think this is my first time posting any of my violin playing here like. EVER. #I’ve been here for OVER A DECADE #AND I’M POSTING MY VIOLIN FOR THE FIRST TIME. FOR FUCKING. GONCHAROV. #i don’t have the right emoji for how I’m feeling rn #personal #mine #my face

[neproxrezi]

someone else could write it better than me but i love how the fucked up nasty shit you can make harry do/say/be in disco elysium isn't just like, random stuff caused simply by the player having free will and control over him but they're parts of who he is and who he has been

you're not a tabula rasa. you're a sudden shock of blank pages in a big, aged, damaged book and sometimes the paper you're trying to write a better man on is torn and you see something through the gaps nobody needed to see ever again. and it's just there now again, back to the surface

#sorry for some reason i feel like i write about DE better in tags than the post. idk why. TAG ESSAY AHEAD. #the gap between tags is a nigh irreplacable form of punctuation #to me #anyway #the one that really got me thinking was how failing an authority check can make you call kim a racial epithet #even if you've played a vocally anti-racist harry up to that point #that line feels like the underbelly of a calving iceberg you were never meant to see #floating to the surface as the whole thing turns and rights itself #the joyous moment is over. the celebrations end #you stop dancing and you step outside with kim #you can profusely apologise #but that thing #that piece of harry before he forgot everything #it doesn't come out of nowhere #nobody just randomly blurts out something like that #it crests the surface #and then it's just... gone again #under the waves #disco elysium #dibi

[localaceken]

They should have 'killed' Jay in Seabound.

It would have been the perfect parallel to Nya dying at the end of Skybound.

Nya dying at the end of SKYbound.

Jay dying at the end of SEAbound.

The perfect Jaya parallel...

I still don't understand how they messed that up THEY HAD THE PERFECT SET UP AND THEY FUMBLED IT!!!!!

#Hi yes this has been in my drafts for like. 3 months now. #I think if I really think about this I can write an essay on it but I'm tired atm and I have a 8am class tomorrow so. #Maybe later idk #Give me all the Lightningbound! Jay stuff you have pls n thx :3 #Ok cool bye. #uggh now I gotta tag this #ninjago #ninjago dr #jay walker #nya smith #nya jiang #ninjago jay #ninjago nya #jay ninjago #nya ninjago #jaya #ninjago jaya

[mishapen-dear]

(end of bad’s Acceptance vod, about 1:48:30)

no but im never going to be normal again. LOOK at this. look. IMMEDIATELY before this he gave a whole miserable speech at the graveyard about how much he misses the kids and how he wants them to come home. He was grieving so hard it started to rain. He cried while he sang to them. It was the perfect end to 5 days of grieving- and then he does this.

and the rain isnt about grief anymore- the thunder isnt a peaceful background to a heartbreaking scene. It is rage. the whole context changes. The storm raged on while he grieved like he raged during the Everything Else that happened (“there are a lot of federation workers on today. I need to interrogate them about some things” he said while he was following forever ALONE to distract him. he knew forever was fucked up and about to put more marriage pressure on him and for anyone else that would have been Terrifying. how could you focus on anything but that? but. bad was thinking about tormenting more federation workers)

i just!!!! its so good. its SO good its so scary its so good. bad hasnt accepted the loss of his children but he has accepted how far he will go to get them back. (he will do anything)

#qsmp #Ik someone else posted the clip but i could not find it again and i Needed to go insane #i still need to go insane #i need to pick up every little bit of his character and pin them up and write an essay on all of it #you know that entire nervous system that was preserved? i need to do that to him #im going to be SO annoying about bbh for the next while #like i can feel the brainworms setting in so hard i am GOING to get pov rot and get so excited about my perceptions of his character that i #twist him away from what he is #it will be in the name of understanding him but really i will trudge thru those roots and trip into hell #or maybe not maybe ill continue to have fun and cool character analysis #50/50 on whether or not it will be comprehensible tho i think the last 8 posts at least ive made about him are nonsense #its because he is a bastard #with too many moving parts. i need a diagram neatly laying out every q!bbhism ever #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp clip

[transmasccofee]

i think the thing that is interesting to me about teruhashi is how she not only doesnt hate the attention she gets, not only enjoys the attention she gets, but actively and punishingly chases it. While also simultaneously hating it.

She cant get any peace or quiet, she can’t express her real personality, yet she pushes herself to know everything about everyone so she doesnt have any flaws whatsoever, she can’t just be the sweet pretty girl, she has to effectively make it so everyone she meets forms a one sided relationship with her because it feels like she cares about them. not only that, She initially is totally friendless, because “girls are intimidated by perfection and anyway i dont have time” or something (i don’t remember what she actually says but it was along those lines)

in the beginning she isn’t standing up to anyone, even creepy guys who clearly dont have her best interests, who internally she hates. The only time she gets close is her brother because he not only disrespected her but publicly embarrassed her in front of someone she cared about.

Initially it seems like the only person who sees her as a human is saiki, to everyone else she’s practically an idol, or even a fictional character. Which is insane because she’s NOT. She’s a 16/17 year old girl in highschool.

And despite all of this, she pursues it. She needs everyone to admire her more than they admire anyone. She is willing to put herself through eating actual trash to achieve this. She lives her life like an idea rather than a real person, like she’s a writer except the character she’s writing is herself.

Someone please send her ass to therapy

#her character development is also really good #i think the chapter where she rejects saiko is a huge testament to how far shes come as a character #but yeah #i reallyyy like teruhashi #like chiyo is also insecure and wants to be liked but she’s so much more normal about it than teruhashi #actually i think chiyo is to teruhashi what aren is to saiki #i can elaborate on that if you want but u have to ask very nicely so i can write another essay

[inferno-mp3]

#i'm still reeling from episode 7 i thought it was incredible #it was perfect. to me #i've been thinking about it nonstop but i don't really want to write an essay just understand i really liked it #as always the writing is brilliant and ridiculously effective in its simplicity #buddy daddies #miri unasaka #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #you can tag as ship i don't mind

[tricoufamily]

visiting the hometown

(want everyone to know this edit came to me in a dream and i changed the lore just to do it)

#in the dream i was like editing it but i was also there? it was weird. it started as a dream about lawson in a zombie apocalypse #ok important tags first so i can write an essay #ts4 #ts4 render #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #beckett #lawson #blood sports #but yeah if you haven't been here before beckett and lawson never knew each other as kids #if they did it would be a butterfly effect and mess w a bunch of other plot details. so i decided to work around it #also if ur new they've had a friends with benefits thing going on for a long time but lawson is in love with him. beck doesn't know #originally beckett was put in foster care as a baby bc of neglect and was bounced around foster homes for years #he was a troubled child always getting in fights a kleptomaniac undiagnosed autism etc etc foster families tried and just didn't want him #then when he was around 12 a very nice old lady named cora got him and they ended up forming a great bond they loved each other #she was going to adopt him then when beckett was around 15 or 16 his birth mother reentered the picture and wanted him back #it started a really nasty legal battle and cora died. we can't say for sure it was the stress of this fight but beckett certainly thinks so #anyway he did go back with his birth mother and things got really bad for him. he dropped out of school started doing worse crimes and so o #but none of that is what even changed #now LAWSON is also from west virigina like beckett. it's a small town lawson was new he had no friends #he was a very clingy possessive child who cried and threw tantrums so much #he met beckett and the rest is history. beckett didn't really mind how lawson acted he didn't really find him annoying like everyone elsedi #besides he didn't have friends either #lawson has wealthy parents they were welcoming to beckett at first if a little apprehensive. then he stole something from their house #and lawson wasn't allowed to hang out with him anymore. but he still did in secret. they still have no idea that beckett's even still aroun #or just how involved lawson is with him and his. activities 😬 they just think he's their good little college boy #in the original beckett moved to Not Gotham City when his mother got him back but in this version lawson is going to college there #and beckett's been distant from him for a while things are awful for him and lawson says hey. what if you gave the city a try. and he did #so really you could say the events of blood sports are all lawson's fault the end

[daz4i]

wait so chuuya has angel imagery about him in stormbringer. and dazai is referred to as a demon on more than one occasion. and. hold on. wait. I'm going insane. hold on.

#don't try to figure out the grammar of this post I'm too lazy and having too many thoughts for that rn. #ANYWAY are they literally an angel/demon ship. in a way. bc if so. the dan rights are insane #I've been thinking abt this for awhile idk why it took me so long to post abt it #I'm ngl demon dazai as a concept is already enough to give me rights personally he truly is just like me fr #and . you know how insane i am abt angels. tbh chuuya would make a really good angel he's loyal and has humanity issues doesn't he. #also he is a Fucked Up Creature :) love that about him. but yeah that's another part of it #i wish there was like. more of that. more than just that one time symbolism. i need more. so i can write an essay abt angel chuuya #(if there is and i just missed it PLEASE send it my way. i am asking nicely 🔫) #(ig you could argue he's like an angel saving the ada in this arc but... eh that's not direct enough for me)

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here

#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness #(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too) #but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so #lets see how that develops you know #also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it #not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but #im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing #to complain abt it anyway #the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy #maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness #i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character #in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now #like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains #in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think #or maybe you can! but i'll find that out #i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh #always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do #bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really #but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all #remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe #saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post #all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story #whos Other is story #where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story #ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe

[itsalwaysforyou]

jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….

#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried #man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN #<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc #but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment #coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him #the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team #train them and critique them and lead them to victory #and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team #but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask #coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy #like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking……. #and then obviously he gives it up!!!!! #he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team #& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM #it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint #but also character wise for jay #like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway….. #it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay #oh it makes me crazy #damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things #im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2 #I AM UNWELL #anyway. jesus christ #descendants #jay son of jafar #EDIT i’m not finished actually #do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word? #bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle #but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’……. #he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right