#I really do tend to ramble don't I

[hecckyeah]

#3, 4, 15, 24 for the fic ask game!!

Hii!!! Thanks so much for the ask <3

3. Are there any specific themes you enjoy exploring in your fics?

Ooh, this is such a good question but I feel like my answer is going to be sort of vague. It really really REALLY depends on the themes I'm going with for each individual fic. I do love LOVE playing with the found family trope and all its facets and nuances, but I don't get to it all that often. But a theme that keeps cropping up (and I probably do this subconsciously) is fighting with the unknown, if that makes sense. In which my characters are making peace with something beyond their control. Hmm I wonder if my writing is reflecting my own psyche or something. Weird

4. How do you channel characters' voices and personalities?

HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS OF CONSUMING THEIR CONTENT. Oh my gosh I swear I've single-handedly kept the Youtube scene compilation people in business. I'll literally watch them over and over and over again until I'm thinking in their voices and I can't get rid of it, and that's when my best dialogue happens. I absolutely suck at dialogue unless I've been living and breathing those characters for days on end. If I can't hear the physical voices in my mind's ear (is that a thing?) then I basically can't write them. Same with their personalities and physical quirks. I need to be able to see and visualize each movement, or it feels off and foreign and I end up trashing whatever I write. Basically I have to play out the scene I'm writing in my mind like it's a movie, and if I can imagine that scene in the show/movie/book it came from, then I know I'm probably on the right track.

15. Do you plan your fics or prefer to let the story unfold as you write?

Hah, yeah I'm a write-as-you-go kinda gal. It works out well for one-shots, since the format lends itself to a wandering, thoughtful kind of style, but that's definitely why I struggle with longform multi-chapter fics, since my characters always make decisions they didn't clear with me first, and I'm usually sitting here rolling my eyes and trying to get the story back on track as they go do their own thing. Even the couple of times I did plan the fic out from beginning to end, I still ended up making changes on the fly and it ended in a totally different place than I'd imagined. Basically I just write in a direction that makes sense, and then I edit afterward to make it look like I planned it all from the beginning. Not always, because sometimes my brain cooperates and everything comes together without any need for post-editing, and I love it when that happens :)))

24. What advice would you give to someone who wants to start writing fanfiction?

I would definitely say, try out a few styles of writing and see what sticks!! If you hate longform or can't wrap your mind around first person perspective, then don't push it! Stick to what feels right and then hone that skill. Don't worry about what other fanfiction writers are doing, because having a unique style is a good thing. If you sound like every other author, that's how people will see you -- as just one of the masses. Write in the style you enjoy, and people will notice your passion and love for your craft.

If you haven't written a lot in general and are just starting out with writing altogether, READ A LOT, all the time. Read good literature, like the old classics. Read YA fantasy. Read graphic novels. Read everything. You can't write if you haven't read first, even if what you're writing for is a movie or show. It's like deciding to paint a picture of a shark, even though the only description you've ever heard of it is that it has sharp teeth and is long and bluish-gray with fins. Yeah, you might end up with a blob-type shape that maybe could be interpreted as an abstract shark, but in order to paint a realistic shark you need to have examined all its sides and colors and shapes and movements. You have to know the shark like the back of your hand. You can't learn anything about writing by watching movies. You need to know how stories are structured in a word format before trying to put it all together yourself.

And if you've written a lot before but are just starting out in the fanfiction world, I would just say that fandom is a totally weird and different beast altogether. Post small things, post big projects, and realize that not everything is going to be popular. Find the joy in the craft itself and see the recognition as the cherry on top.

Find a niche and explore it!! Dig into a couple of key moments of the piece of media you're creating for, and really expand and explore the themes there.

And in the end, just write because you love the media, and nothing else. If you fall out of love with the book/movie/show, it's OKAY to stop writing for it. You are NOT a failure for putting a fanfic on hiatus for a long time. You're not getting paid for it, and fans are not entitled to you slapping together a halfhearted ending to something you don't feel passionate about anymore. Leave the door open to finish it the right way in case you come back to the fandom and want to pick up where you left off. We're all just human, and obsessions come and go.

Write because you love to write, and try not to worry about the nitty gritty of it all.

---

questions for fic writers

#ahhhh sorry this got so long!!! #I really do tend to ramble don't I #also! #to whoever reads this #if you're a new fic writer and need some encouragement/tips/a big sister to tell you you're doing great #hit me up #i'm always down to chat! #<3333 #asks #fanfiction #writing

[beatcroc]

there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise #pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #gustavo and brick #arting #pizzaposting #so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that #and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it #not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow. #he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT! #since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine #he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)' #so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you' #and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to #who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower #making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to.... #it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative. #thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino #i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now #nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact #he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that #and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine #is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf #gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man. #anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo #pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here #''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy. #gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything. #if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''

[kaiserouo]

Well someone has to give it its driver updates, Gabriel

#driver design and development ft. gabriel #why do i keep making gabriel look like a tech nerd? #idk don't ask me #but come on they're robots they don't need just blood right??? #ramble time #i don't know what i am doing about that rendering and that's all i'm gonna say about this topic #i don't really play ultrakill anymore #apex + d2 take most of my playing time i simply don't play any other games #their idea list was never empty tho #i like their contrast i guess #they can have a lot of argument #that tends to make coming up dialogues easy #yeah #i don't know why i ramble this much #maybe just because i don't really have the chance per se #but i really seldom do ultrakill stuff now #ultrakill followers best time to unfollow starts now #ultrakill #ultrakill v1 #ultrakill gabriel #my art

[shoechoe]

I forget how much of a little asshole Giorno is at the start of Vento Aureo. My friend watched the beginning and told me she didn't really like Giorno because he was "kind of a dick" and I see why. I guess it's like Josuke being a delinquent and Jotaro getting into fights and stuff

#rambles #giorno #vento aureo #giorno is interesting as a fairly static character in terms of morality #jojos usually start off as bad/flawed people and the parts tend to do different things with them #like how jolyne was pretty immature at the start of stone ocean and had her fair share of jail run-ins #and had to learn and grow throughout by gaining responsibility and protecting her loved ones while fighting a bigger threat #giorno straight up steals shit without feeling bad about it and doesn't really change or grow in his viewpoints #mostly because everyone in the mafia is worse than him. lol #i do find it a little annoying how giorno is established as a sort of moral authority with the ''you're a good person'' shtick #(with him even saying that to koichi... dude you robbed him.) #it gives him a very presumptuous air i don't think is intentional. i don't find giorno ''annoying'' per se but i can see why people do #what can you do though. middle schoolers are just like that #shoe watches vento aureo

[slumbz]

if you think abt it doesnt monika from ddlc just. only like us for being real?? doesn't that mean she just doesn't like us for us (and tbh she doesn't really know that much abt us to begin with so i kinda get it?) ?? so then it's like did monika ever really like someone or was it all just infaution? or like feeling an actual genuine connection with someone? i remember her saying smth abt how life felt like it was in black and white and how it was implied how if monika never met us she would.. y'know.. that. yeah.

i should stop getting in so many fucking fandoms sorry guys this will happen again (not really)

#idk smth that popped up in my mind #i don't really see people talk abt this either?? #am i being stupid or like.. #ALSO NOBODY EVER TALKS ABT MONIKAS “ok but theyre not real argument” LIKE I GET WHERE SHES COMING FROM BUT LIKE. NO. THEY'RE REAL. THEY'RE #JUST NOT AWARE ABT EVERYTHING? like natsuki reacting to that one yuri scene and whatnot #instead of her like.. just blankly staring at it she was (rightfully) mortified. they still had personalities. even if its all cliches. #IDK MAN AM I OVERTHINKING THIS?? HELP #ok actual tags now i keep. forgetting to do that. #ddlc monika #ddlc yuri #ddlc sayori #ddlc natsuki #doki doki literature club #doki doki monika #ramblings #if i AM being stupid then uh. damn. that's embarrassing. #i dont really tend to ramble abt this shit on like. other social media that isnt discord

[tintinology]

Do you ever think about how if tintin suddenly disappeared at any point prior to The Crab with Golden Claws, it would probably take weeks—if not months—before anyone noticed and thought to look for him? If anyone even thinks to look for him? He just goes away on adventures with no notice so often that I don't think anyone would miss him for the longest time D:

#his landlady is probably used to it and would only worry after several months went by #the thom(p)sons might wonder where he is but i don't think they'd actually look for him #and all his other acquaintances tend to live in other countries and probably don't hear from him often #pre-haddock tintin is really all alone in the world even if he has friends #do you think he ever stopped to think about that? #sorry for the depressing thought lol #tintin #ramblings

[fleshdyke]

i always look out the window on the bus when we're going over the river on my way home bc there's always a bunch of cool birds down there but like i swear to god i keep seeing pelicans. like the first time i think i could have just believed it was a cormorant that i was being stupid about for some reason but i saw two giant very round birds standing on riverstones today and i actually cant think of anything else they could have been. except pelicans do NOT live around here!!!!!!! like maybe if it was the peak of the summer and the breeding populations were just more eastern than they usually are for some reason yk climate change and everything but it's october. any remaining breeding populations out west would be returning down south now anyways and it's definitely too cold for them rn. it's fucking me up though bc they definitely looked like pelicans but there's no way there are fucking pelicans in ontario in october

#like its FUCKING ME UP. the only other thing i can possibly think of that they could have been is turkey vultures but they looked like the #wrong shape. and also why would there be turkey vultures standing in a river. #like pelicans aren't really riverbirds either but it makes more sense than a vulture... idk #and wild turkeys seem a little small but closer to a pelican shape-wise when they're all puffed out. but why would there be turkeys standing #in the river. they DEFINITELY don't do that #also the river goes straight through my city's downtown and the turkeys tend to stay more to the rural areas and dont venture into the city #this is rhe worst part of being a birder #rambles #birds

[anarcho-masochist]

Okay, I thought this was universal but maybe my last three therapists were right that it is not:

Is it normal for boredom to be truly unbearable?

As in, worse than anything else, would rather get eviscerated while fully conscious, will do anything to escape it which might actually include suicide if no satisfactory options are available?

#it's bad #and no it's not 'when you aren't distracted you're forced to experience existing pain' #I'm not generally suicidal. There are a lot of things I enjoy and want to do. I have plenty of problems but I tend not to care about them. #I do have things to do. Usually even if I don't want to do anything I can entertain myself since I can't switch my brain off anyways. #Literally infinite things to think about #The problem is when none of it feels interesting or exciting enough. Which doesn't make any sense at all. #If I'm unbearably bored and a friend makes the mistake of talking to me I get really toxic. It is a problem. #Usually I have great self control when it comes to destructive or toxic behaviors but not so when I want to end it all because nothing is #interesting enough. #It's like 'if I do something really extreme I'll stop because bored' #Bad things happen... #Or I try to overdose or slit my wrists #better yet is when I try to get myself killed because suicide isn't good enough.... great reasoning (disappointed) #I met three of my ex boyfriends that way #Note to self to stop fucking men i get in knife fights with PLEASE #it is ALWAYS a bad idea. Has never turned out well. #Invariably they always either have anger management/impulse control issues or they're just arrogant jerks who want to be tougher than you #sometimes both #Man really rambling in the tags here. Should probably delete that. Oh well. POST

[deejadabbles]

Hey darlings, I wanted to pop in and say that I'm sorry I haven't been very active on here lately, work is pretty awful right now, ngl, and I've found out some distressing news that means it will only get steadily worse for the rest of the year.

I'm still trying to find the energy to write, so hopefully I'll still be able to post sometimes. But if I post a fic then disappear for a bit just know that I'm still seeing your reblogs and comments and they mean the absolute world to me!

I'm still here, just, not wielding the energy to interact much 💙

#i just don't really know what to do at this point lmao #everytime i think the job is getting bad i get news that shows it'll just get worse and I'm fucking sick of it tbh #also im still trying my best to reply to comments cos those always make my day so much better #and i love interacting with you guys its the best part of posting my fics #they just tend to pile up on me and then i become an overwhelmed little bean #ugh #deeja rambles #blog update #sort of

[chloelouygo]

Trying hard in therapy so I can fix myself to make my therapist proud 🫡

#he's the absolute SWEETEST #gutted i can only get a course of 6 sessions with him :( #but I'll try super hard over these few months to get better!! #i told him i did cross stitch and he went🥹 i love needlepoint!! and i was like ooh i have needlepoint horses on my wall!! and he was like😍 #entirely too precious ;o; #i don't tend to babble when i talk unless i connect with the person or subject I'm talking with or about #and i find myself rambling when i talk to him #which honestly im often really awkward and quiet to speak with #so he must be good if he can get me rambling lmao #it's really weird to have therapy over the phone though because like #aside from being a pasty irishman in his early 30s-ish #i have no idea what he looks like?? #and like it's odd to spend a while talking but to not see tuem #i used to do weekly phone calls to lonely older people #and i spoke to 4 people over my years volunteering #i spoke to lesley for nearly 3 years #do i know whqt she looks like? #not a clue #we weren't allowed to email or know last names or anything so i have no idea what amy of my lovely old friends looked like #and it's so weird how some really important people in my life (you reading this included most likely) #are people who ive not actually seen #idk how whimsical is that #people in old times would not have understood having great friends who you can connect with really well but have never been in a room with #i be monologuing sorryyyy #ily

[braincloggedwithcats]

Fav n least fav wc characters?

Oh I finally have an answer to these questions! In concept my favourite is Hollyleaf but in execution my favourite is Dovewing. Though honestly I'm not incredibly fond of any warriors character? Very few of them mean anything personal to me and if they are well characterised in the books, I usually don't remember it clearly because I haven't read them in years. Basically all of them are amorphous blobs of potential to shape into something interesting to me... I really should do a reread.

But anyway, for least favourite- Crowfeather makes me irrationally angry

#i have other characters i tend to gravitate towards as well though #like ravenpaw cinderpelt leafpool squilf frostpaw shadowsight. bristlefrost sometimes #sigh. bristlefrost #i really need to reread the books #also i don't think abkut mistystar too much but when i do i think she's really interesting #ok thats enough rambling . thanks for the ask!!!!!! #ram's post #asks tag

[torchickentacos]

So. I had been listening to a song and thought, 'Huh. This is going on for a while, isn't it?" So I checked, and.... hm.

#I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD HAVE A 37 MINUTE SONG #WHAT THE FUCK DEFTONES????????????? also long tags i start rambling about random stuff. as I do. #listening to their sophomore album. not as much a fan of it as some of their other stuff but it's still fun #i've really enjoyed exploring their discography more #even though I don't pay much attention to the lyrics #some music is mostly about lyrics to me but others it's just vibes #this is vibes to me #it is good noise!!!! #rather than something I'd take time to really listen to on a lyrical level. no meaning I really care to pick apart as of right now #Their lyrics seem somewhat sparse and like separate trains of thought anyways rather than cohesive stories within a song #not a bad thing at all!!!!! I like it. just an observation #but again I am saying this after liking a few main songs and only just now diving deeper into the discography #so maybe i'm entirely wrong!!!! #but it is somewhat shattered and meandering rather than start to finish like your bluegrass. not the linear storytelling aspect to it #not at all to say they're meaningless though because they aren't #just a bit more vague or winding and fractured about how they deliver that meaning I guess. #but again I can vibe with that #i do think a lot of rock songs tend to put more emphasis on emotion and sensation over story but that's a whole thing i won't get into #partially because it's past 1 am #but also partially because I don't have the actual intelligence on the topic to back myself up. it's purely anecdotal #just something I noticed #which could very easily be skewed by the type of music I gravitate towards within the genre for all I know #but again. 1 am. not the time to dissect the theoretical... uh.. methodology i guess? of how I would go about measuring that. #it's soooo interesting but I am not well versed enough to really discuss it BUT I WANT TO BE #goddamn it I wish I had been more. uh. well in high school. I would have loved the analysis stuff #shakespeare actually is very fun to read!!!!! but that gets into a whole other thing i have about how schools tend to teach stuff like that #they suck the fun and theatrics out of it #and it's the fun and fascination that drives kids to want to pick it apart and think about it. #but again. whole other topic. goodnight i am cutting this off here before i keep going about random shit

[crescentfool]

to the anon who sent me a message about side order post credits roll, i'll be responding to you here under the cut! (thank you for the ask!)

HI ANON!! i want you to know that i appreciate your enthusiasm for side order a lot! i get the vibes that the developer logs and other things that happen when you reach the top again have changed your brain chemistry and that makes me very happy for you ^.^

you are absolutely correct that i still have more story to see... i kind of had that impression since i only had four of the developer diaries, and i would assume that the final boss at the top would have a modification of some kind (given splatoon's history with rematches, for example the callie fight from splatoon 2 had altered dialogue...).

i'm really excited to see the rest of the logs! the fourth one detailing the sanitization process makes me (mentally) bounce up and down like a kid on a mattress. i don't really have a strong idea of what else the story would have to offer (other than new dialogue after clearing another palette), but i wanted you to know that i trust your judgment and i'm excited to see whatever it is!

i definitely agree with you that the credits roll does give a false sense of finality, haha! thankfully there are things in-game that DOES give the player a sense of "hey wait, there's still more" (like the rest of the lockers), and also just... well, if you return to the order sector, they do make it clear there's still more.

it's a little unfortunate to me that people who aren't as keen on the rougelike genre/structure may end up missing out on the additional information because of that, but. well. i know at the very least that i personally like the genre to keep on playing 🥺 (salmon run and having played every weapon for it has become a cornerstone of my brain.)

thank you again for reaching out! i'm really excited to see more things about the memverse, grayscaling, and sanitization. i'm not sure when i'll do future runs but i am definitely interested in getting all of the palettes completed! 🎨✨

#lizzy askbox #hi anon hope you don't mind that i answered your question like this! i just wanted to put things related to side order under the cut #i appreciate getting a chance to ramble about side order / splatoon a bit though! #i don't always interact much with people outside of tags so its fun to answer asks from time to time :) thank you! #i might make a post about how i feel about the lore whenever i do get to doing more runs though! #i tend to post things in the lizzy speaks tags whenever i've been possessed by things... LOL. splatoon is always on the brain for me heh he #i just never talk about it... LOL... most of what i like about splatoon is the gameplay first and foremost :) the lore is a nice bonus #but i think this is the first time i've really really jived with the lore for any splat campaign so ! im excited to see more haha

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3

#woo so i finished the last little bit for lantern rite yesterday #meaning i can actually progress in hsr stuff now #i mean sure i have minor world quests to do but those don't tend to take more than like 10-15 minutes for most of them #so i'll be good :3 #other than that #writing might be a plan if i have the energy #like i have a fic i vaguely want out in march/april so i need to get working on it #(i think 3/30 is the date i'm going for but I'll finalize that at the beginning of march or so :3) #not to mention that i've added new f/os who i wanna write for :3 #anyways #got a new pillow yesterday -- we'll see if this helps the whole neck issue #bc i'm a side sleeper and the pillow i was using stopped giving any support so #but the new one was really comfy so I'm hoping it'll solve that! :3 #but anyways~ #i hope you'll have a good day/night! <3 #morning rambles

[cigarette-room]

(pretty long thread rip)

I should be studying for tomorrow but instead I am restless and overthinking and thinking to myself about how there is so much wrong in approaching love from the perspective of trying to be liked and trying to be loved and trying to be good and trying to stick people to yourself with duct tape made of gifts and nice jokes and sweet words because well, it's not only tiring but they will leave in the end anyway, and loving and being loved is supposed to be rest and peace and a sound mind and the more you try the less you achieve any of that! Except I'm my mother's and father's child so I still do it anyway and hang around and try again and cling until it's dead because otherwise it all really hurts but it hurts anyway so

Just dgaf. And if you do then pretend you don't until you convince yourself and restrain your hands so they can't reach out to anyone once they turn their back on you and just. Let people live with their own decisions. I want so hard to be loved that I am making myself disposable like a used rag and for what? It's all gonna be good one day with or without anyone else

#i am perhaps just rambling to myself here #but i am tired of that tendency that was baked into me to try to get anyone to stick around #i remember when my first ex broke up with me i spent literal months clinging to her and trying to negotiate some kind of universe #where we would still talk and be as close as we were before #and she didn't wanna hear #until she did but we eventually distanced and when i moved on she was so upset and i wondered why because? you left me? #and i fought so hard to keep you there but you made your decision and now you're upset at me for moving on? #and the second time around i wasn't any better at it either #and only recently am i realizing that the reason she was so upset at me moving on was because i made myself so reliable #with those stupid promises that I'd be in her life always no matter what happened #and why would I do that? i always cling to people because they matter to me #and they always realize i matter to them once i move on already and am not willingly a part of their life anymore #and like sure i do attract people who tend to be assholes to me but it's on me as well #i am disproportionate in showing my care to people who don't return even 1/5 of it back #and when they get bored i am the one they call weird for that #so i really decided not even to listen to what I need anymore but only to what needs to be done and it's #just letting things go with the flow. i don't have to drag the dead weight of anything i try to keep on my shoulders #do i want to? sure. do i want to be as loved as i never am? i do of course i do #but i am trying too hard. and it's never gonna get me anywhere. because people only ever want me back in their life when i have moved on and #others value themselves more. others don't love anyone blindly so #i don't have to. even though i want. i don't have to #if you gift me a paper I'll gift you a paper. if you want to kiss me I'd want to kiss you too #and if you say you love me I'd love you back and if you forget my birthday I'll forget yours too and #if i hug you but am not hugged back i won't hug you again #i think that's the best way things can go when people are concerned #maybe this is a bit too transactional in a sense but i mean #it wouldnt be fair if it was unequal #if someone does everything for you and you don't return it then you are an asshole to them but #if you give and you aren't given you are a weirdo simply put #it's best if it's equal

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#delete later #hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right #I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then...... #...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing #is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it? #cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a- #anyway #now it's midnight. #and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth #and never be aware again #loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel #i just want it to stop #i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel #ugh #I...... #i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these #part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable #on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck #I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now. #....I'll be fine eventually #maybe #god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh #what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore #all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of #you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could #.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted #want to be wanted. #.....sigh #.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up #so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work