#I love both versions I'm sure I've told you before but the way you colour and shade is simply amazing

[thevoidstaredback]

CW: Mentions/Implications of Transphobia, Religion, Aphobia

I do end up telling at everyone, btw. I'm a bit pissed off near the end.

I'm a bit pissed off still...

I think the main reason I haven't come out to my parents as AroAce is because they're both very conservative Christans (LDS). They grew up that way, and they raised me that way. While they're open minded about a lot of things, they're close minded about a lot of things, too.

Both are very family oriented, my mother moreso than my father. They both want me and my sisters to get married and have kids and I don't know how to break it to them that I don't want that.

I've tried telling them without coming out. "The best I can offer are cats." or "I'm not interested in relationships." or the one I've been saying since I was in my single digits "I'm gonna be the crazy cat lady. I can't do that if I have other people I have to take care of."

(Honestly, that last one shoulda been my first clue. How the hell did I not know until senior year of hs?)

Both parents have brushed me off or ignored me completely. On several occasions. My aunts have all done the same. Some friends have done the same. All with varying excuses that I've already mentioned here before (and on TilTok).

I think the worst part is that they're both a bit transphobic, my father moreso than my mother. Mom is a bit more open minded (at least that I've noticed). She's a bit confused, but does her best to understand. Dad is a lot less so. He's actively watching things that are transphobic in nature or in passing, though I think he's realized that shit makes me uncomfortable, so he doesn't listen to it when I'm around. Only when he thinks I can't hear. (Doesn't work very well. I've got crazy good hearing and he watches with his speakers on full blast)

I'm not trans, but I have friends who are. My thought process is, if they can't accept that people are sometimes born in the wrong body, how will they ever accept someone stepping way back from what they were raised on?

Okay, I know those two things probably to connect in the way that I'm trying to convey, but I- I don't know how to explain it?

How do I convince people that I don't fall into the norms they were raised in when they can't even accept the norms that have been since the time of gods?

Does that make better sense?

The Queer Community has been around since humans started to walk the Earth. How does one explain this to people without things going to absolute shit?

I think I've gotten a bit off topic...

How does one tell their parents (who have been dreaming about their children having children to the point of "cursing" us with triplets) that getting married or having kids is not in their plans?

How does one get past the years of (what I can only label some kind of manipulation attempts) convincing that having kids and getting married will be the best thing to ever happen?

As I'm sure my fellow Aspecs can relate or attest to, it's extremely hard to tell a heteronormative society that you don't quite fall in with them. It's equally as hard to tell s homonormative group that you don't quite fit in with them, either.

On all sides, we're being pushed and pulled to fall in love and have families and have romances and have sex and all of these things! I think the reason we (at least from what little I've seen) feel so lonely is because we have little to no support. People on all sides are telling us we're wrong. People who are supposed to be on our team are telling us we're wrong.

Do you know how much that hurts?

Straight friends, gay friends, trans friends, queer friends, even fellow Aspecs have all told me some version of "You just haven't met your perfect person yet."

Fuck you.

Fuck whoever has ever said that in their life.

Fuck whoever has said that to someone who trusted them.

That line, and any line like it, is harmful.

I'm sorry you can't look past your rose coloured glasses to see the world. I'm sorry you can't pull your head outta your partner's(s) ass long enough to realize that not everyone is like you.

Yeah, I'm yelling at all of you. No discrimination here.

....

I really did go off topic...

I guess I really needed all that off my chest...

Regardless, I don't take any of it back.

#aroace #aspec #crisis #how does one deal with this? #how do I come out in a place like this? #is anywhere really safe? #being targeted on all sides

[countrymusiclover]

16 - Hook to the Heart

Part 17

His Golden Princess

@fanficismydrug @misskitty1912-blog @alanaangie24

Neal and Henry entered a pizza shop talking with I stayed outside with my sister and Rumple. "I need you to speak to him. Try and convince him to come back to Storybrooke with us." He explained leading onto something more.

"If I recall, there was only one favour I owed you, and I think I'm paid up." Emma said thinking her deal with him was done.

He shakes his head watching the boys inside getting pizza. "This isn't about me anymore. You'll do it for Henry." Where she just stares in silence. "Well, because if you don't, you're going to wake up one morning, and discover he's hopped on a bus back to New York. He ran away to Boston to be with you. He'll do the same thing for his father."

"Until Neal lets him down - which he will. It'll be a hard lesson, but then at least Henry will understand that I lied to protect him." My sister scoffed crossing her arms over her chest.

He tilts his head to the side speaking. "Someone's beginning to sound a lot like Regina. I think the real reason you lied was to protect yourself." He stared directly at her. "From getting hurt again."

"That's not happening." She shook her head no.

Leaning up on my toes my sister wasn't good at hiding her feelings from her own sibling. "You want a second chance with that man."

"What makes you think that?" My sister asked looking between the two of us.

Rumple smirks intertwining his freehand with mine. "The look on your face." Before she could say anything the boys came back outside walking back to Neal's apartment building.

Pulling my jacket closer together I walk beside Rumple glancing his direction with a raised brow. "Did you mean it earlier. What you said about finding your true love...with me?"

"My love life hasn't been the best but...I feel the best version of myself when I'm with you. So possibly. What's say you?" He glanced back at me with a small smile waiting for my answer.

Rubbing my hand down my arm I avoid his gaze feeling embarrassed. I've never told anyone else except my sister that I love them. "I - I'm not sure. It's just that I've never - I've never said it to anyone..." Before he can say anything I opened the door to the lobby watching Henry and Neal head upstairs.

The door opened before I see the crazy pirate running up knocking my sister out of the way and into the wall. Opening my hand I suddenly remembered I didn't have my sword with me. "Not so brave without your sword now are, sweet blonde?" Hook shoved me against the wall where I slammed into the metal bars right before he pushed Rumple back. He then plunged his hook into his chest making him gasp. Grabbing my chest I collapse onto my knees feeling harsh pain in the same place.

"Tick tock. Time's up, crocodile. You took Milah, my love, my happiness. And for that, I now take your life." Hook holds Rumple back with his bloody hook hand.

My sister regained her surroundings grabbing something and knocking the pirate over the head with it. She rushes over to him seeing Rumple's panting for breath. "Gold, are you alright?"

"What the hell is going on?" Neal and Henry rushed outside.

I groaned feeling something racing towards my heart causing my sister to rush to my aid. She grabs my shoulders trying to find out what is wrong. "What's wrong. What hurts?"

"It's - its - ugh - something's wrong. I - I can feel where - he was stabbed somehow!" I grunted laying my head against her chest death gripping her forearms.

They managed to help us both upstairs to his son's apartment as I winced feeling the pain getting worse. Rumple groans looking weakly as I moaned in pain. While his stabbed wound was turning a yellow-green colour. "What the hell is that?"

"It's poison. It's one of Hook's own making. There's no antidote in this world. It's... It's not from here." Rumple explained moaning in a pain alongside me on the couch.

Neal looked terrified for his father. "Hey, hey, hey, hey. There's got to be some way we can save you...the both of you." He finished looking my direction.

"Storybrooke. There's magic there now. We need to get him back." My sister said pushing hair from my face since I was starting to sweat from the posion.

Rumple shakes his head no reaching out for me with his other hand that I grabbed weakly in my grasp. "No, no, no. There's not enough time. We need something faster. The Captain's ship."

"The Jolly Roger instead of a car?" My sister questioned his solution not seeing how we would get a pirate ship out of New York.

Rumple didn't back down from his plan. "It's the fastest vessel in all the realms."

"Well, that's great, but who's going to captain it, since the only guy qualified wants you dead?" She rebuttals as I grabbed where my heart is gasping sharply.

Neal immediately spoke up. "I can do it."

"You know how to sail a pirate ship?" My sister eyed her ex not knowing that.

He simply replied back. "Yeah. I do."

"Even though I am in agonizing pain right I have to ask sis - why on earth did you dump him?" I chuckled through a dry cough. Neal and my sister both weakly smiled down at me. Until she got a text and I saw the horrific look cross her face. "Em...what's that look for?"

Rumple eyed her after my question. "What, worse than incurable poison?"

"I don't know. You tell me. You got a dagger hidden somewhere in Storybrooke that's the source of all your power?" She spoke hand on her hip.

Rolling over on the couch I pointed to the necklace around Rumple's neck. "It's his dagger...the dagger of the Dark One...it can control him according to Henry's book."

"Cora's after it. The only way to stop her, is have David and Mary Margaret get to it first." My sister revealed to the four of us.

Rumple spoke in confidence that we would be fine. "Yeah, let Cora try."

"You can't seriously be willing to risk this. Not with your son coming back with you to Storybrooke." My sister raised her brows at him trying to convince him that it was a dangerous situation.

Rumple glared at her not afraid of Regina's mother. "Miss Swan, that dagger has not left my possession for centuries. It's not about to now."

"Here's the thing. You're dying. And right now, we are your best hope. Time's come for you to start trusting someone. And, if I were you, I'd start with family." My sister glared at him seeing that I am still morning in pain and she couldn't do anything to help at the moment.

Emma and Neal were trying to call a car as I hold myself up on my elbow calling to my boyfriend. "Rumple..." I gasped closing my eyes at something flashing through my mind. Something that looked like another future vision.

I'm standing inside his pawnshop with Rumple weakly sitting on the cot in the backroom. My mother holding a candle with a light and dark end. "I wouldn't use this to save my own mother. What makes you think I would it for you?" My mother spoke.

"Because you're all grown up now. And for once our interests are allinged." Rumple said clutching his cane pointing at me. "I have a theory...if I die...so will Astrid...your daughter."

Shooting my eyes opened I clutch my chest I started having a panic attack. Rumple lays with his eyes closed trying to save his strength. "No...I'm going to die!"

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#his golden princess #robert carlyle #oc : astrid swan #margot robbie #ouat rumplestilskin #ouat rumplestilskin x reader #rumplestilskin x reader #ouat rumple #rumple x reader #ouat mr. gold #mr. gold #emma swam x sister reader #emma swan #snow white #mary margaret blanchard #prince charming/david #david nolan #prince charming #henry mills #regina mills #the evil queen #the dark one #ouat #once upon a time #ouat fic #ouat fanfiction #ouat fandom #wattpad fanfiction #comments really appreciated #storybrooke

[rubysunnday]

your song | c.b

Summary: Being in love with Colin Bridgerton is hard when the man keeps running off to different continents for months at a time. But the letters he writes and the songs he sends keep the romance alive.

It had been six, long months since Y/N had last seen Colin Bridgerton.

He had gone off travelling again, disappearing off one night with nothing more than a kiss on the cheek goodbye and a promise to write.

The romance between Y/N and Colin had struck out of nowhere. One night they'd been dancing as nothing more than friends and the next moment, there was something more. The way his hands tightened on her waist whenever Cressida said something mean felt different. The way he wrote her notes with every bunch of flowers he sent read differently.

The way he took her hand as she stepped out a carriage, his fingers gently entwining with hers, felt different.

Y/N had fallen head over heels for a man who hated staying in the same place for more than a week. And it was annoying.

He'd written to her more than he had his own family. He wrote to her everyday, judging from the dates on his letters and they arrived in bundles from the postman, all tied with a ribbon that somehow managed to match the dress she was wearing that day.

In the dozens of letters Colin had sent her, he wrote down every detail of the place he was in from the sunsets to the colour of the postboxes. The friends he was traveling with were both music students, desperate for either a career break or to find a new purpose in life.

One of them, Freddy, has been teaching me about the beauty of song writing and how all great pieces of music begin. I'm nowhere near the grandure of Mozart or the beauty of Beethoven or any musicale we've ever attended, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless.

I've found that in my writings there's always one thing I can never quite describe correctly. I search through books for the right words that could even begin to do you justice, my dear Y/N, but I find none. There's no word for describing the way you watch a musicale, or the way you talk about art and reading. There's no word on earth that could do you justice.

So, I hope this poor man's attempt at a song, written under strict guidance and a watchful eye, will begin to convey, just how much I love you.

Y/N had read the letter over and over, her eyes scouring each and every line, taking in the sloppy slant of Colin's handwriting and how he smudged the ink in his desperation to write and write and write.

She pulled out the final sheet of the letter and let out a small surprised gasp. It was a piece of music, the notes written precisely and intricately, the lyrics written messily and scrunched up underneath it. It was obvious which part Colin had been trusted with.

To Y/N

Your Song - by Colin Bridgerton

Y/N stood up from her desk and walked over to the pianoforte that sat in the corner of her room, covered in a thin layer of dust. Y/N wasn't an expert on the pianoforte, her and Colin had bonded over their failed attempts at playing. Colin could sing, though. And as Y/N read through the lyrics, tentatively playing a couple of notes on her dust keys, she could hear him singing it, his hand in her hair as they watched the sunset from the garden bench at Bridgerton House.

Their romance had been kept quiet. The ton was used to the two being openly affectionate with each other, constantly hugging or holding hands and none of them realised when it turned from friendship to romance.

Y/N and Colin had sat in the rose garden of Aubrey Hall one summer night, the sounds of the ball drifting over to them along the gentle breeze. Colin had quietly begun singing along to the song, his hands gently tracing a dance on Y/N's bare arm as she rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes shut.

Colin's singing voice was beautiful. And as Y/N played the song he'd written for her, she could imagine him sitting beside her and singing along, his hands over hers as she slowly played the notes.

Attending the opera without him felt bizarre. They'd begun a routine of sitting next to each other in the box, sharing the opera glasses and softly commenting on the music, the costumes, the lighting.

Y/N sat down in the box, scooting her chair close to the balcony. Her mother sat down next to her and sighed happily as she took in the view.

"Isn't this lovely?" She asked, picking up her opera glasses and looking through them at the stage. "I do love a concert."

Y/N said nothing, merely nodded. She kept thinking back to Colin's letter, of his promised return home in time for the concert. In time for him to sit down next to her, take her hand, and whisper about the music.

Y/N glanced up at the box the Bridgerton's sat in and tried not to let out a defeated sigh - still no Colin. Francesca caught her looking and gave her a sympathetic smile along with a shake of her head and Y/N turned back to the stage, trying not to let the disappointment sink in.

The orchestra began warming up, the music notes blending in with the quiet chatter of the audience. Y/N couldn't stop her eyes from constantly scanning the audience, the stage, the boxes, for any sign of Colin.

An excited whisper went over the audience as the lights were dimmed and the lights on the stage that illuminated the thick, red curtain were turned on.

For a minute there was silence. And then the orchestra began playing as the curtain flew up, revealing the actors on the stage.

My gift is my song, and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody

Y/N felt her heart do a bizarre skip. She recognised those words. She'd read them over and over again each night before she went to sleep. The piece of paper they had arrived on was now well worn and creased and she'd meticulously copied out the notes and the lyrics for fear of loosing them.

She scanned the audience again and felt her heart stop. The concert faded away as she focused on the man standing in the corner near the side door, a tiny smile on his face.

Colin Bridgerton stood with his hands behind his back, smiling up at her, his chin covered in the stubble of a beard. He was tanner then before and his hair had gotten lighter but it was still Colin.

Her Colin.

You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue Anyway the thing is, what I really mean Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Y/N giggled and felt a smile appear on her face as she gave Colin the smallest wave possible, not wanting to attract attention. Colin waved back and nodded to the door that led to the auditorium. Y/N nodded in return and watched Colin disappear out the side door.

"Go on, then," Y/N's mother said, tapping her daughter's knee. "Go find him."

Y/N quietly slipped from her seat and pushed open the curtain, blinking at the bright lights in the corridor.

As she made her way down to the auditorium, she could hear angry voices that were trying not to yell. She rounded the corner and saw Anthony, Violet and Benedict Bridgerton all standing in front of a bemused looking Colin.

"You said you'd be back by the concert!" Anthony hissed, clearly irritated by Colin's lateness.

"It's hardly my fault the train got stuck by a tree, is it, Anthony?" Colin asked, sighing. "I'm here now, however, am I not? Stop fussing."

Anthony went off again, flailing his limbs around as he tried to knock some sense into Colin, his mother trying to be the peace maker between the two as Benedict tried, and failed, not to laugh.

"This isn't funny, Benedict!" Anthony snapped, turning to face his other brother as he snorted.

Benedict's smirk faded as he realised he was about to be on the end of Anthony's rant. He sighed and crossed his arms, physically bracing himself as Anthony went off again.

Colin, looking both bemused and annoyed at his family, turned and spotted Y/N, hovering at the stop of the stairs. His face fell from an annoyed smirk into a stunned smile as he stared up at her.

"They're actually both," Y/N said to Colin, her voice quiet enough that the three other Bridgerton's present had yet to realise she was there.

"What are?" Colin asked, walking up to meet her, taking each step slowly.

"My eyes," Y/N replied, smiling, dropping the skirt of her dress. "They're both colours."

Colin chuckled and looked like he was blushing. "I told you I wasn't good at song writing."

"Everyone else seemed to enjoy it," she replied as she heard the audience applaud loudly.

"Because Freddy worked on it for months until tonight," Colin replied. "Even then he wasn't sure about performing it. If he'd performed the version I'd written the ton would be complaining. I'm not very good at it."

"I think you're better at it than you believe, Mr Bridgerton," Y/N said as she continued walking down until they were both on the large step that broke up the stairs. "I'm not sure about the beard, however."

"Why?" Colin asked, a hand subconsciously flying to his chin and running across the stubble.

"Well, it just means that every time I go to kiss you, I will have to be tickled and scratched by it," she replied, her hand covering the one resting on his chin. She entwined her fingers with his. "But I can live with that."

Colin laughed and leant forward, kissing Y/N with the passion and desperation of not seeing her for six months. His hand rested on the back of her head, carefully minding her hair as his thumb stroked her skin.

"I think I'm going to stay here for now," Colin said softly, breaking apart from her, resting his forehead on hers. "Stay with you."

Y/N looked up at him, feeling his breath on her cheeks. "Colin Bridgerton, are you -"

"Yes," Colin said, cutting her off. "I am. Because it took being apart from you for six months to realise what I was missing. To realise that I travel the world searching for purpose and reason, when, in reality, my reason is you. The purpose of my entire being is you.

"Without you, I'm half a man. Without you, the travelling begins to feel like running away and I don't want to run from you. I want to take your hand and run with you. Forever if we wanted. I can run until you can't run anymore. And when you can't run anymore, I'll carry you."

Y/N smiled, pressing her lips together as she savoured the taste of his kiss. "Words are your forte, Mr Bridgerton," she said softly, stroking the side of his head, threading her fingers through his curls. "I'll run with you to the end of the world and back again. I'll take your hand in mine and I will never let you go. Not again."

Colin pressed his lips to her and Y/N smiled against his lips before returning the kiss. He smelt of his cologne, the sweet caramel biscuits he loved and, somehow, the floral, homely scent of Bridgerton House

He smelt of home. He was her home. Simply being in his arms was enough.

"I've just realised something," Colin whispered in her ear.

Y/N looked up at him, staring into his eyes. "What?"

"My family is watching us."

Y/N glanced behind him and saw the three Bridgerton's pretending to occupy themselves with anything else. Benedict was investigating a painting, Anthony was admiring the ceiling and Violet had been reading the program but glanced up at them with a smile.

And despite it all, Y/N let out a snort of laughter and dropped her head on to Colin's shoulder. "Of course they are."

Colin giggled, actually giggled, and rested his head on top of hers. "Better get used to it, love, I doubt they'll ever stop staring."

#bridgerton #bridgerton imagine #bridgerton x reader #colin bridgerton x reader #colin bridgerton imagine #colin bridgerton #bridgerton imagines

[mtab2260]

Okay, I desperately need to rant about Apocalyptic Natasha Romanoff in this episode of What-If and I've decided to do it here over Reddit. Screw me.

First off...

Holy Fucking Shit! That was bloody AMAZING!

Second, I'm basically going to be explaining my excitement and jumping on the ceiling about each scene she was in, but also pointing out a few things as well.

(This feels like a Guardians of the Galaxy reference. No?)

I absolutely love this line because it says so much. In the main timeline, Steve had no clue about her Russian Vodka Family (as I've seen someone call it). In that timeline, I don't think she told anyone, not even Clint. But in Peggy's timeline, that Natasha clearly had to have opened up to Peggy which just shows how close those two had become during the year following the Battle of New York. Natasha Romanoff isn't an open person with anyone, in any timeline— even with Clint, the person she literally sacrificed herself for so he could live.

That says a million words I can't explain.

I also love the fact that the filter on Apocolypse Ultron World is dreary and it dulled out all the colour, and the sun's missing too. But in this shot, you can see hints of the sun shining through. It represents the hope Natasha saw when she saw them. The colour on Peggy's face and hair pop out. It automatically feels less dark and hopeless.

Also, I don't care what anyone might say this line is what sold Natasha that Peggy was an ally and that something was going on that she didn't yet understand. At the mention of Alexei, she just knew.

However... I must point out there are a few inaccuracies with this line. Actually, this entire line doesn't work.

Not really.

As because, up until ghosty Red-Skull said it on Vormir, Natasha had no clue what her birth father's name was and Peggy getting the serum instead of Steve wouldn't change that. So if she didn't know, there's no way she could tell Peggy.

And for the second part of that line... up until the events of Black Widow (the movie), Natasha was still lying to herself that their family in Ohio wasn't real— that it was just a mission and they were all just roles, nothing more.

But, I will say, maybe in that universe she and Peggy had a talk about it and Peggy make it clear she was a bloody numpty for thinking that and it was real regardless of the reason they were brought together. That could've happened in that universe. It's been made clear that those two traded stories with each other as her Nat knew about Steve, yet, main-timeline Nat didn't know about Peggy until she saw him staring at her photo. So who really knows.

But regardless, I still let out a jump of joy at this line because the What If series is letting the Russian Vodka Family be real!

Not that it wasn't real, but you get what I mean— anyways, onward!

This scene... oh my gawd... bloody-hell it's fucking terrific!

I cannot say how fucking overjoyed I am that when it came down to it, fucking Natasha Romanoff and bloody Clint Barton saved the entire bloody-fucking multiverse!

The (and I quote some random asshole) "Useless Avengers", saved everything ever known while also being the only survivors in an entire universe.

Let that sink in.

IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!

Like...

Holy Shit That's Awesome!

(I need more adjectives)

That's Bloody Insane.

I don't care how tacky they may be, I fricken loved these slow-mo arrow shots. And with the mirroring of Clint's (albeit fucking stupid) sacrifice coming full circle and to a close is outstanding.

Which brings me to my next point, that's kinda also this point too.

This point is part II we'll call it.

I

Am

So

Fucking

Happy

They

Didn't

Forget

About

What

Clint

Meant

To

Nat

And

Also

Just

Plainly

Forget

About

Clint

'Cause that would've sucked. I would've sued Marvel if that happened.

This scene. These two shots.

For someone who hides behind fake smiles and witty remarks, these shots show exactly what she's thinking at that moment and it's amazing. You can literally see the absolute peace on Nat's face that they did it, they ended Ultron, she avenged Clint's death, she avenged everyone's death, it was over. And hey look, Yelena, they didn't even need one of the big ones to do it!

But also look, see what I said about the filter— Natasha's hair actually looks fiery red instead of vibrant brown. Also, SUN!

Moving on...

I don't really have much to say about this line, but I fucking loved it, and serves the dude right.

She Has A Very Valid Point.

The pure amazement and life in Natasha's eyes and face is everything.

She saw everything she ever knew nuked and murdered because a robot spent five seconds on the internet and yet here she was now in a clusterfuck war full of life. Life that was at war with each other. But an alive war nonetheless and that's all she cares about at that moment.

Natasha and Clint being best buds part threeeeeeee........

On come on we all know what was going through Natasha's mind at this moment.

PAYBACK BIATCH!

Seriously I just love this short little bit. And the fact that Loki took over the world in a week, yet, this Natasha took him out with a kick and a small poke says things.

It's awesome.

As heartwarming as this scene was, I was hoping for more and truthfully it's a load of bullshit.

I don't care whatever the fuck Nick Fury has seen in his days, he did not know about the multiverse and if he wasn't happy as hell to see her on that Helicarrier then he was suspicious as hell as to who was this Natasha Romanoff imposter was. I'm sorry, I refuse to believe otherwise. No one's first thought after they've seen an alive version of someone they buried in the ground is—

"Oh, you must be Natasha just not my Natasha. Yeah, that makes sense."

Yeah, no.

Also... might I again remind you EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?

The first time we've seen Natasha Romanoff cry (almost cry) was Fury's death in The Winter Soldier. That's proof enough for how much Fury meant to her.

So the first person in like over a year (probably) she sees that she recognizes (besides Thor) who she also knew for a fact was dead— her reaction should've been more than a smirk. Especially if it was someone she cried over when they died. The line the two Natasha's share after Peggy's "I've got the shield. You've got the sword." line proves that different universes don't change a person's personality. So her seeing Fury again should've been a helluva lot more emotional for her, hell, for the both of them.

It probably should've gone something more like...

"Natasha...?" A very familiar voice behind her breathed. It wasn't one she's heard for over a year but she recognized it immediately. She froze— which was not a thing she did, ever, but it was only truly hitting her now that not everyone she knew was dead anymore. That the Steve Rogers over there was, in fact, alive. That the Nick Fury behind her was alive. That hundreds, millions, billions of other people were alive.

Natasha turned around slowly like her limbs were stuck in the gallons of maple syrup Cooper put on his pancakes.

"Fury—" She choked, honestly too overwhelmed to say anything else coherent. The tears in her eyes stung as she didn't let them fall.

Nick's one eye narrowed, he was pissed. "Who the hell are you?" He questioned, voice threatening. "I know you ain't Natasha Romanoff 'cause she's dead. So who are you?"

She was sure she just stared at his face probably for a full minute but she didn't really care. It was really nice to see and hear another face and voice.

Nat took a much-needed breath. "I know your Natasha is gone, the giant baby-man cape dude said so. I'm not her. I'm from somewhere else. But I am Natasha Romanoff... and it is really good to see you, Nick..."

Ah, shit the tears fell.

But maybe it was worth it as his eye widened and some form of recognition or some sliver of understanding set in. It was honestly hard to tell through her blurry eyes.

"You're aware none of that makes any sense, right?" He asked, voice much gentler now. Fury looked over her outfit and very dirty/beat-up appearance. "And I take it wherever you're from didn't have showers either? Because I can smell you from here." His nose wrinkled as he smirked.

She knew he was trying not to gag.

Natasha choked out a wet laugh. "Not for like a year, they kinda got all nuked from a psychopathic robot."

She was pretty sure that was the first time she'd ever seen Nick Fury actually shocked.

Okay, yeah so basically something like that.

And the reason I kept saying over a year is because Clint lost an arm and was honestly ready to die. He did die. After a year of being almost the only person on an entire planet and losing Laura and the kids, he hit his breaking point. In the five years of the blip he definitely became close to his breaking point, probably was about to hit it before Nat showed up, and that was with half the universe gone and he was alone without Nat. It could honestly be longer than a year, it probably was much longer, but then I started thinking about food and how much food would actually be safe to eat— or actually there. It was a matter of time really until both starved to death honestly.

And the shower thing, it's honestly impressive anyone could stand near here and not pass out. Like seriously if everyone is dead, I doubt any showers still worked— let alone be standing.

Anyways, I do have a couple problems with this episode despite how much I loved it.

Going back to the "EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?" part I mentioned earlier.

It seems no one outside of Nat actually seemed to acknowledge that everyone was dead. That Natasha, previous to their arrival, was the only living thing in that universe and that was it. You would think even Peggy would show some care or sympathy or some consoling words to her so-called BFF. If not that at least recognize the truly apocalyptic scene around her and look at it with disbelieving eyes. For someone who has so much compassion, she seems to have none in this case. Or at least she didn't outwardly show it. Which is completely fine. But it just bothered me no one seemed to really think about it all.

Another thing:

This isn't really towards the episode per-say but I'm just really fucking pissed about it.

It's great— no sorry— it's absolutely amazing that Apocalyptic Natasha is now in a universe that was thriving with life. It's awesome and she deserves it.

HOWEVER....

Are you fucking serious that out of all the universes that Natasha died in, you put her in a one that ALSO has a STILL DEAD Clint Barton???

SERIOUSLY?!??!?

I've said this what, three, four times now— Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton are more cursed than FitzSimmons. Because at least FitzSimmons always find their way back to each other in the end, Nat and Clint always just find the other fucking dead.

I swear, how the other doesn't have PTSD from heights now is a bloody miracle.

Anywho:

That's my entire rant on this week's episode. If you actually read this all, one, I'm so sorry for wasting your time, two, wow— congrats.

Also, I really need to see someone make a fic about Apocalyptic Nat seeing Laura and the kids for the first time again, and also for Coulson too.

#marvel what if #natasha romanoff #clint barton #peggy carter #captain carter #the black widow #god that took me two and a half hours to write #i should probably do homework now #fuck

[dsmamedits]

LETTER-TO-C

June 10, 2020

Dear C,

I stopped calling you sweetie because I felt that things were lacking between us that we were growing apart. Doubt grew between us. I know when someone is lying to me or at least doesn't tell me the whole truth. I just know. It's just like how we both have a feeling when we'll message each other. It's an instinct instilled in us. I know you hide things for my sake because you did say that white lies are okay as long as it won't hurt the other person but for me lies are lies even if you say they are white lies because white lies are lies that hide things from someone but nothing can stay hidden, the truth will be set free. And once it is free and it's been proven that one wasn't transparent it will hurt more to the person who was kept in the dark. People are not weak, you don't need to lie to them to protect their feelings. Especially me, I'm stronger than you think. I can face anything. I'm stronger knowing there are people who have my back and love me. Isnt that how it's supposed to be?

There are things I can't let go of. I dont want a relationship built on Lies, doubt, dishonesty and no transparency. I may say things that hurt. I may have a cold heart. But it was all to protect you from more trauma and hurt and to protect myself. I know I too have things I still have left unsaid, I want to tell you but there's always something stopping me.

My reaction is a reflection of anothers treatment to me. I've seen relationships and I've experienced my own set of tribulations and I'm sure you have too. Im not insensitive, quite the opposite, You started to not care as much. The doubt grew when you didn't want to open up to me, you would usually tell me about your day the first few weeks of getting to know each other and then you didn't open up as much. I know you're usually detailed when talking about something you're passionate about but that stopped. I had to ask instead of you naturally telling me... That's alright because that helped me be more inquisitive and curious about others. But that was one change. When I told you about it you tried opening up more but I dont like telling people what they should know already. What should have come naturally if you really respected me and my feelings.

I don't like how you made a big deal about my virginity and blamed me for it how I could have prevented it and called me naive and simply didn't understand why it happened and insisted it was my fault. You should have let me go then when I was asking for it. For you to question my situation when you've slept around with other women was an unfair way of taking it out on me. I didn't bring that up anymore because you said you didn't want to say things that I could hold against you. But I'm bringing it up here so I can finally let it go and show you how unfair your way of thinking was.

I know my reactions could have been more lax but when you care about someone when you feel pain you may react the way I did. This is the first time I ever cared about somone to the point I would get mad because I was hurt. I know I could've dealt with this more calmly. This was my first time experiencing this much pain and hurt. I didn't know what to do. If I knew I would've known how to deal with it. With you. You made me fall in love with you and you decide to get sick of me after everything I've shared with you. Way to show me I'm not worth it. Not worth the trouble especially knowing my background. Thanks a lot.

You shut down in front of me. Didn't come after me. Didn't hug me and tell me everything is alright. And you didn't let me see anything. You deleted everything instead of showing me. You hid something from me. I'm not stupid but you kept making me feel stupid and I wanted to ignore everything and accept what you said but if you think about it.... Why would she call you just because you had that sickness before. You're not a doctor. And why would she call you several times. I know you wanted to protect all the women you dated. But I wouldn't care about them if you showed me you cared about me more. You protected them. You hid things from me. When I asked you again why you didn't add me on fb, do you remember what you said? You said, why do I need to add you on fb. In an irritated voice. I got scared and embarrassed. So I shut up and didn't insist on it. But I've always wanted to tell you. I can take care of myself. If anybody tries to bully me I have you. If you can't save me from your exes I have me. And if they try to ruin my reputation so what it's not the truth because the truth was that you and I were dating and you were no longer with them. So tell me, what was I supposed to be afraid of? Could you not have protected me? Why were you so adamant about keeping me out of your fb if it was just something you used. Why did you hide things from me. Did you not trust me?

I need a strong man to be beside me through thick and thin to prove to me that I'm worth loving no matter how imperfect I am and to help me get through it by offering something more tangible and helpful instead of telling me to handle my emotions more. Making me feel like I'm to blame for everything being ruined because I overthink about the things I can't make sense of because YOU wouldn't give me details when YOU used to be so detailed about everything!

I'd rather have someone be honest with me with the truth instead of hurt me with lies out of kindness. That is not kindness that is something that will eventually cause pain. Nobody's perfect and I understand that, that's why I gave you chances and you gave me chances but time and time again you made me doubt you. And all I could do was blame myself because I knew things could have been better.

Remember when we didn't go out for valentines? I didn't mind until you said you went out to dinner with your ex during valentine's before. I felt less important... then you said you needed to be with hero that day....I understood that but I felt you were defensive because I already knew that and you said it in a way like "dont be unreasonable", I kept quiet because I didn't want to make a big deal out if it but if you really wanted to spend it with me even just a few hours you would have. There are times when you pick hero up late. But that day I wondered why were you acting that way. We were just starting and I wanted to let it go because I didn't want to sound petty and it didn't help when you said you felt guilty and couldnt explain why, as if you were hiding something. If you really wanted too you would have put an effort. But you didn't. And now that time is gone forever.

I didn't want to keep silent because this might help you understand women more. If you think loving and showing a girl effort is just by feeding them, picking them up and saying words of I love you and making love with them, anybody could do that. If our roles were switched I'd be happy to do all that for you knowing it would make life easier for you. I bet thats how you felt too when you picked me up. Like you said that's what I deserved. But effort is more then that. Time is the most important factor for me. And you were willing to give it to me. You were gonna spare two days to be able to see me while juggling your work and life. I appreciated that...

I always came back when you asked me too and that was because I liked, loved, and cared about you. It annoyed me when you could see through me, when you took my seperation fits as jokes and said I just missed you. That was truer than true. I missed you so much and I was going crazy without you and surrounded by the negativity of everything. I started becoming obsessed with you because I had nothing better to do. You were my whole world. But you were becoming busier and I felt like I was neglected. I knew you were busy and you were trying to find time for me amidst your busy schedule. This is where I lack, communication, being honest about what I want to say. Instead of just telling you what I want from you I just become quiet and keep it inside because I dont want to be insufferable and a bother. But I ended up becoming one... I guess it ended up that way in the end. I remember the time we first met, how you accepted me for my messy past and got mad for me. I see things through rose coloured glasses. Everyone is kind, everyone has a reason for what they do. There is a story on how that person became the way they were. I didn't want to accept the grey and dark parts of the world.

I remember you telling me not to meet the guy in rockwell, I remember we watched the joker and we ate at the burger place, I remember watching in festival cell number 7 filipino version and we walked a lot, I remember going to your roof top and how beautiful and peaceful it was. I remember staying at your place and eating out at different places. I remember the first time we took edsa going to your place and how there were so many busses and I thought to myself, if we could get to your place faster by using this route so I could spend more time hugging you I don't mind taking this route all the time, I remember eating at that vintage burger place. I remember the wings and burger and raspberry juice. I remember that other burger wings place with a huge garage and how a truck passed by and you introduced me as your girlfriend, I was surprised coz you didn't ask me yet but it made me happy but also confused, was this how relationships worked? I remember walking by the river near your place and how I wanted to walk more but I was so tired and I wanted to go to the place you wanted to show me but fatigue got to me. I remember when we were at cloud 9 and I pretended to be not scared of how high up we were while on the bridge and you were acting cute behind me and I just wanted to bite and pinch you. And also punch you because I was getting more scared coz you kept making kulit. I remember how fun it was going home.

I also remember how the next time we rode the motorbike together you were a bit cold. You didn't like me hugging you and said you were having a hard time but usually you would laugh and say you liked it. Also you said you didn't like it when I was putting your shirt up and I thought you did because when we were going from cloud 9 you were laughing it off.

I remember how you got so red when you drank and fell asleep. I remember there was the one time where we did it and it was the most ecstacy I've ever felt, but when I found out the sad things, like how you were still talking to your ex and how you felt like you were distancing yourself from me, making love and loving you started to hurt.

I remember how you changed to letting me bite you when I told you that you got mad when I bit you. I remember taking lots of pictures of us together and of you when we went to the national museum and how paranoid i was about COVID19. I liked seeing you so serious looking around and hiding from you every now and then. One of my fave memories was when we went to celebrate my bday and how much fun it was to watch you sing for me. How we both could just let loose in each other's company. I remember eating at an open ventilated space in Makati with beautiful lighting and how you couldn't eat properly becasue you were having a stomach ache. I remember the time we were in jolibee and you told me about your mom and what she went through and the reason why you came back and how weak she became and how you teared up. You were beautiful.

I'm sorry I let my overthinking cloud the beautiful memories we made. I'm sorry I couldn't show you how much I loved you. I'm sorry I was mean and hurtful to you. I'm sorry that I wasnt enough. I'm sorry for being toxic. I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. I hope you find someone who can love you the way I know you deserve to be loved. We're both too hurt to mend things. Sometimes something broken can't be put together and it's best to carry the broken pieces, glue it together with someone else to create something even better and unique. This is the closure I can offer. I know you've chosen a better path and i can only hope we both find the happiness we deserve. I can't help but blame myself because I know I pushed you to the limit. You got tired of trying because you thought that I was mean and confusing. Because I was toxic and I knew that, that's why I chose this path.

I wanted to let you know how I felt not for you but for my peace of mind.

#bittersweetmemories #loveletter #painfulmemories #youth #confused #distraught #sadness #ending&partings #THEEND

[cassiedangerclouds]

Everything Is Green {Krii7y}

DeviantArt: SugarHigh100 (Smii7y)

Twitter: Beaudicea (Kryoz)

~

Trigger Warning!: In this story, I will write about colour blindness. Sorry if I do not get it correct as I myself do not suffer from anything of the sort (I am mildly longsighted). If this may offend you, please don't read. And I would really love to hear from some colour blind people on how I can fix my perception of it up in case I write this type of thing again.

Remember that this is MY interpretation of colour blindness (Protanomaly and Tritanopia), this is how I understood what I read from my research. So please don't take it personally if I get it completely wrong.

In this story, there will also be:

Anxiety Attacks –Based off of the ones I get. Because everyone experiences these differently-

Bullying (mentioned)

Swearing

Self-Deprecating Tendencies

~

Life gets pretty boring when all you see if various shades of green, grey and if you're lucky, violet.

But not the pretty, dark violet everyone else sees. No, it's a dull, kind of light version.

That's just life when your parents are Red-Green and Blue-Yellow colour blind and you pull the short straw on both ends.

No, I couldn't just have one; like not perceiving reds or greens properly. Or maybe become a very rare case and not be able to see blues properly.

No.

I ended up Red-Green in one eye and Blue-Yellow in the other.

So my world is full of dull, warped greens, boring and monotonous blacks and whites, only light grey and maybe, if luck wants to grace me, with violet. I strive for the moments that slightly purply-blue colour pops, I try to capture every detail of the moment so that I can try recreate it.

My parents try to tell me that when I'm older, my eyes may get better.

But I know that they won't.

Magic doesn't exist. If you're born with these things, you live with them forever.

People get weirded out by me. I confuse them. So I learnt to keep to myself. I sit under the trees, on the grass, things that should be blindingly green and are but just a dull blue really.

I got told that my glasses would help me see colours properly, but the kids all picked on me, so I don't wear them anymore.

The glasses were pretty cool I guess, I mean they were blue and red, and the world looked amazing back in fifth grade for the month that I wore them.

It's been five years since I've worn them though, I figured that, if I was picked on in fifth grade, high school would be no saving grace. So they sit in draw at home, collecting dust.

I guess life isn't too bad, I mean, at least I'm not blind. But this is no better.

"Hey. Hey. Can you hear me?" I kept my head down, knowing exactly who it was.

"I asked you a question."

I looked up, not too much, just enough to see if it was who I thought it was, "Yeah. I guess. I'm not deaf." I said, tapping my fingers against the ground.

"I'm not here to pick on you kid. I'm not an arsehole. My friends and I saw you sitting by yourself and I wanted to know if you wanted some company."

This time he caught my full attention, "Like for real? This isn't some big joke that Evan and all that set up to give me hope?" I asked.

He laughed, "Nah dude, honestly, Evan and his friends are a little overrated." He said, "With the exception of like Ryan. Oh and Craig, he hangs out with us sometimes."

I smiled, "I mean, sure. I guess that I could come and sit with you guys." I said.

"Sick." He said, helping me up.

He led me over to a table, not far from where I was sitting, I noticed him stumbling a little.

"Hey fuckers. I'm back." He announced.

"No one gives a fuck John." One of the other males at the table replied, looking up from his phone.

"Fuck you to, bitch." John replied.

"So guys, this is...uh I never asked your name, did I?" John asked.

"Good goin' John. You see a lonely kid, invite him over, but don't even ask his name." another said, this one was for sure in grey.

I snickered a little, looking over the group, of course, looking at everyone wasn't going to help me tell them apart, but it was worth a shot.

"HEY! That sounded a lot better in my head." The grey one stated.

"So, what's your name stranger?" one of the guys closest to me asked.

Come on, just say Jaren. "Lukas." I answer. What the fuck did I say that for?

"Well Lukas. As you could figure out, I'm John. In order around the table from my left. Cameron, Ryan, Craig, Anthony and...where did Crystal go?" John asked for a person I guess was here before he came over to me.

Crazy hair, grey guy, glasses, panda case. I recited in my head, it was the only way I'd actually remember them.

"Brock's nut of a sister came over and requested that her friend join her for a conversation." Anthony, I think, answered.

I frowned, "Cassidy isn't too crazy." I stated, causing everyone to stare at me.

"What. She used to be my..." I trailed off, "Never mind. Why did you invite me over here. I'm just the weird kid."

"We're all weird here." Cameron said, completely ignoring my slip up or at least I hope he did.

"I mean. Probably not. At least compared to me. Nobody is as mutant as I am."  I stated, looking down.

"What. Why? Because your eyes are different a little off centre or your hair is white? Every time I saw you, I always thought you just bleached it, like John does with his." Craig said with a shrug.

I sighed, shaking my head, "Okay. Don't like freak or anything okay John. But like, that jumper you're wearing is probably rad. But it's like literally all green, different shades. But to me. That whole thing is green, except the white bits near your wrists." I always found it was an easy way to explain my problem to people by talking about something that probably wasn't green and trying to tell them that's how I see it. "I can imagine and sort of figure out the colours, because I've done it for so long-"

"What shades of green?" John asked.

I shrugged, "The top is like a lime kind of colour. So it's probably like yellow or somet'in'. Uh, the middle is a dull green. So that's like red or orange, I don't remember because I don't see those colours a lot. The top of the sleeves is like, mint ice cream green. So they're some type of blue." I explained, hoping I got the colours close.

"That's so cool dude." John said.

"How do you live like that? Not being able to see colours. Only green?" Craig asked.

"Well. I mainly see the green spectrum, but I can see light grey, black, white and sometimes, violet. But it's like not the cool dark violet colour, it's more like what I think you would see as a cross between magenta maybe and periwinkle. I can see some shades of yellow, kind of. Most colours appear as greens though." I explained, tapping my fingers against my leg.

"Well, sit down you weird ass human." Cameron said.

I smiled, shaking my head, "Sorry. This was a nice..experience, but I'm just gonna leave." I said, turning around, I walked back towards where I was.

Suddenly I was on the ground, noticeably colder than before.

I looked up and saw my jumper in John's hands.

"Hey, fuck you. Give me my jumper back, it's cold." I demanded, getting off my arse, snatching my jumper out of his hands, slipping it over my head.

"It's a mild fifteen degrees, it's not that cold." Cameron stated.

"Shut up, you Kiwi fuck. We get it that it's fucking freezing in New Zealand." A feminine voice said from behind me.

Cameron pouted, "Piss off you Aussie bitch." He stated.

"Oh, and this is Crystal. Crystal, this is –"

"Hey Luke." Crystal said with a shrug.

"Vibe." I returned, watching as they walked over and sat between Cameron and Ryan.

"Wait- you two know each oth-"

"Whatever, reunions are boring. What did the nut want with you, aye?" Cameron asked, nudging Crystal's shoulder.

Crystal shrugged, "Never say that again. Worst Australian accent ever. Come on Fitzy, you're the closest one to where I'm from and you can't even fake a believable accent." They said.

The group started to banter, giving me the perfect chance to slip away.

I kept walking, not really knowing where I was going, I just knew I had to get away from that group before something bad happened to them because of me.

"Hey. Hey! Lukas, wait up." I heard a call from behind me, recognising John's voice, I picked up my pace, not watching where I was going.

Once more I was on the ground and I noticed that it was because I had bumped into someone. I stood up, "I'm so sorry. I-" my breath hitched.

In front of me stood well known school menace and Evan's right hand man Jonathan.

"I-I'm so so sorry. Uh, Delirious." I said, I could feel myself shaking.

Delirious turned to face me, and I could feel my lungs get heavy.

"Dude. Are you okay?" he asked me, sending me into surprise.

"What?" I managed to squeak out.

"I asked if you were okay? You hit me pretty hard and fell to the floor." Delirious said.

I shrugged, "I'm uh. Fine. Just yeah. Sorry." I stammered, my breathing starting to even out.

"Lukas, why are you-" I heard John stop dead, his boots squeaking as he skidded on the hallway floor. "Fuck."

"Well, if you're okay. Then I'm just gonna walk away." Delirious said, walking away.

I was still shaking, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

"Dude, are you okay?" I heard John was near me now.

But I still didn't open my eyes, I shakily pointed at my bag, "Pap- Pap- Bag" I started coughing.

"Pap Bag. Pap. Paper Bag! Oh, get the paper out of your bag!" John figured out, quickly flipping the latch on my bag and handing me the almost empty bag.

"I don't understand how this will help you." John said.

I cupped my hand around the opening, placing it near my mouth, breathing in and out into the bag.

My breathing went back to normal after five minutes and the coughing stopped.

I moved it away and drew in a deep breath.

"What the fuck was that?" John asked, making me painfully aware that he was still there.

I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me, "That was an anxiety attack you fucking idiot. Holy shit. I could've-no-probably would've passed out if you hadn't have helped me. Jesus, I haven't had one that bad in a while." I stated, half talking to myself.

"Your welcome. I mean, I don't know how to respond." John said.

I smiled, "Thank you. But seriously. I thought that Jonathan was a bully. He didn't even threaten me. I think a lot of people just spread rumours and one rumour made it out and became popular saying that the BBS are bullies. They're probably just a bunch of misunderstood kids. I- I'm sorry for walking off." I said.

"Nah dude. My friends can be a little much sometimes, even for me." He said.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'm still sorry. It was a good thing you did you know, asking me to join you guys. Your friends don't seem to bad. I'd probably fit in with you all. I feel like a big dou-"

I felt something warm against my lips for a split second and then it was gone.

"You talk too much." John stated.

My face started heating up, "What the fuck? We haven't even known each other for a day. John you're fucking weird," I stated, pulling my sleeve over my hand, wiping my mouth.

He laughed, "You enjoyed it. Don't deny it." He said.

Maybe I did. It doesn't matter, I don't even know the guy. "No I didn't." I retorted, but I knew my body language said otherwise.

"You're a bad lyre Lukas. You're red as a firetruck." He teased.

"Shut up you fucking prick." I muttered.

He rolled his eyes, "Come on. Come and hang out with me and my band of Misfits." He said.

I sighed, "Fine." I said and we walked back towards his friends, maybe a bit closer than previously.

But seriously, who the fuck kisses someone they just met? Like what even is that?

"Someone who has a set." John replied.

"Fuck. I said that out loud. Sorry." I said.

He stopped and turned to face me, "Stop fucking apologising. You've done nothing wrong." He said.

And that's when I noticed one small thing, well not really small thing, but it was something that would this was a moment I'd never forget.

~

Everything is green.

But his hair is my favourite colour.

Because it is violet.

~

Authors Note:

Hi guys!

Yes, I am a weirdo. I would've made it John's eyes, except that in this case it wouldn't work because John's eyes are blue and for them to be violet, they'd have to be yellow. Which just isn't realistic.

Anyway, that's it.

#krii7y #smii7y x kryoz #kryozgaming #smii7y #gay baby gang #banana bus squad

[punkscowardschampions]

Lola & Astrid

Lola: [come in to get your tattoo then, which is on the back of her neck/shoulder blade moment which isn't the worst but I think it vibrates on those bones pretty hard, also the embroidery technique/colour will make it worse/more time, overall vibe a sassy, confident bitch but lowkey nervous on this tattoo] Astrid: [I like to think she's already in there and probably has been for hours because whether it's big or small on this occasion they obvs let her stop whenever she wants and for as long as she wants cos they know her so we just chilling with the dog BFF who goes everywhere with her lowkey and both having a drink of water casually so the dog can go up to her like hey gal] Lola: [have loads of pictures of her with dogs and cats, so gonna say we're an animal hoe and gonna be extra over this lil dog then AFTER you've stroked and loved upon it 'Shit, I've not distracted it, have I? I'm so sorry' like when you aren't meant to with blind people service dogs] Astrid: [just straight up talking to this dog like she's a person like are you okay, do you wanna go and the dog's like nah I'm fine by giving a Lola a toy or something like I think we should play with this gal] Lola: [straight up throwing this toy like we aren't in a tattoo shop like please be careful, probably getting told off by a grumpy tattoo dude and just loling like whoops 'cos the kind of carefree hoe we are 'what's your name?' but we are talking to the dog] Astrid: [being like 'did you forget we like rules?' @ the dog as if she caused this trouble herself and full naming her like a cross mum but we not cross we're more playful about it because autistic bants] Lola: ['so distinguished, suits you madam' and shakes her paw, then touching one of Astrid's leg tattoos as is clearly ground level with this dog rn 'that's gorgeous, how many do you have?'] Astrid: [when you an affectionate af person but you don't know her like that so then you can't answer that question and she must think you're being so rude sorry gal, but let's say the tattoo person answers for you cos probably did most of them but not all so gets it wrong so then you have to answer whatever the right number is] Lola: [you really shouldn't grab people but that's the kinda hoe you are so that's the vibe lol, undeterred but do let go of her leg thanks, just talking about ALL the tattoo ideas you have] Astrid: [at least you can likewise go off about that babe because they are literally another thing you collect/comforts you and makes you feel safe so like you always wanna get more, try not to actually talk over her and listen but it's okay if you do, she'll get over it] Lola: [just listening intently anyway and bowing to her superior knowledge on it 'cos you wanna get more even though you have yet to start this one and are gonna be sobbing in a sec lolll, very seriously turning to the dog 'Winnie, will you hold my hand?' then turning back to Astrid and rolling her eyes 'my girlfriend was too shamed to be seen with me'] Astrid: [just going OFF about aftercare too before she's even started this tattoo because as far as you're concerned there is only one right way to do it and everything else is wrong and a huge no, the grumpy tattoo dude from earlier who Lola's gonna end up having is just gonna try and be like nah she's wrong, this this and this is fine but shh sir tbh. The dog just grinning through all this cos she's buzzing about the energy 'She's not ever going to be heavy enough for proprioceptive stimming but it's still calming when she lies with you, she's soft and she smells nice, does that make sense?' her confused face when she then doesn't understand what she means about her girlfriend not wanting to be here though like um why] Lola: [just ignoring the man like the true lesbian you are, be careful girl, nodding 'total sense, Miss Winifred is a vibe' and giving her an approving sniff like yes 'it smells like bleach in here' probably a good thing babe but we're not happy lol 'ugh, 'cos she's so tough and I'm going to embarrass her' shakes her head like oh girlfriends] Astrid: [repeating back to Winnie that she's a vibe because you like the sound of that thank you but whatever you're gonna say about how it smells in here is interrupted by grumpy tattoo dude complaining that it's because Astrid always has to OTT clean up the station etc and blah before they start, like don't out her like that sir and don't be a dick so we're not happy about his vibe rn] Lola: ['you should be happy she's doing the hard work for you' even though we were the one complaining about the smell, we're not about it] Astrid: ['he's not a happy person' hahaha suck it sir] Lola: ['that's so sad, what happened?' oh gal] Astrid: [just telling her this dude's life story like he's not right there because we don't understand sarcasm bye] Lola: [when you weren't even being sarcastic but you were not expecting her to reply and you know he's not gonna be thrilled so you put your finger to your lips like shh but smiling at her so she knows you aren't being a dick like stfu] Astrid: [being like oh do you want some quiet, like offering to get them to turn down the music they always blast in tattoo places] Lola: ['can we change the station?' like this rock shit is not a #vibe honey and getting out your phone and aux cord from your bag] Astrid: [just like 'it's not a vibe [name of your tattoo gal] can we change it to a vibe?' because we're saying vibe now and obvs this woman will cos she's a good egg] Lola: [putting on your femme gay girl bubblegum pop playlist like every other person in here/grumpy tattoo man is going to be taking the piss but we aren't aware 'cos we're that bitch and just dancing around like it's the clerb] Astrid: [Astrid and Winnie are vibing, picking this dog up like do you wanna dance lil queen as if we're not in the middle of a tattoo sesh] Lola: [hyping them up in a very yasss queen manner and then getting interrupted by this dude being like are you done pissing about and just twerking at him like mwah 😘 as you climb your ass up onto this bench, then being like 'WINNIE, I NEED YOU' very dramatically with grabby hands and all, this man like oh my god] Astrid: [we're loling at her antics and then putting Winnie on her lap because this angel will look after you gal so we can finally get some more of our own tattoo done] Lola: [good incentive not to drop this dog or shriek in her ears gal, 'cos gonna be so OTT about this pain obvs, all of this painting a picture as why your butch tatted gf did not wanna be here, just 🥺🥺🥺 at Astrid 'does it hurt you?' 'cos gf popping off like it doesn't which is a lie like when people say childbirth doesn't like admit it even if you can hack it] Astrid: ['not as much as other things' because we matter of fact about it instead of being like her girlfriend and pretending nothing is happening here] Lola: [we aren't really listening anyway just talking to talk here 'beauty is pain'] Astrid: [just repeating that like hmmm idk ' you're saying you feel more beautiful now, they'll want to put that on the signs outside'] Lola: ['They've got better promo' and giving Astrid's tattooist a look, 'cos the insecurity jumped out when pain] Astrid: [just going off about how much you like it here and you've told everyone about it like lol peeps have said they should pay me] Lola: ['yours are so cool' and asking her why she got that one and when etc etc] Astrid: [telling her everything even if like some of this shit is personal like tell me those roses aren't because of Ro you can't] Lola: [when you're an oversharer so you are 1. not phased by this 2. can say how this is for your abuela who's dying] Astrid: [genuinely is upset about this and asking loads of questions about her like obvs how old is she but also about her as a person and what she likes and how she was living before this] Lola: [we was already crying from the pain so you know, just carry on lmao, telling her that you live with her, that she's your only family and she's a bomb cook and she loves you even though you're gay and you go to bingo together on Thursdays] Astrid: [when you're just like are you gonna live with your girlfriend and cook together and go to bingo with her] Lola: ['I don't know' big sigh 'Do you live with your dad?'] Astrid: [hardcore like BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO because we're so upset about this like we can't answer your question until we get one that's okay here] Lola: [reaching over like hey it's okay 'I'll work it out'] Astrid: [just like oh yeah I do live with my dad btw after ages has passed and she's probably forgot she even asked but we needed a sec there] Lola: ['what's he like?'] Astrid: ['he's weird but not like I'm weird, just not how everyone says a dad should be-' trying to find a way to word wtf Drew is like lol 'he doesn't like rules or keeping things clean oh and he's a really shit driver who plays music too loud and he dresses too young'] Lola: ['sounds like every dude I've ever met' lols, wiping her tears 'has he always been like that or is it a midlife crisis moment?'] Astrid: [lols too because oh Drew you hot mess 'he fell out of his pram and wasn't claimed for 7 days'] Lola: [nods solemnly 'mine too'] Astrid: ['but he makes sure my food doesn't touch and never makes me eat anything I know will be fucking gross and he took me to go get Winnie' like but I do love him] Lola: [gives Winnie love and smiles 'not all bad then' pauses 'mine used to take me to ballet, and never get bored of me showing him my routines'] Astrid: [just going off about this Barbie ballet movie called Barbie and the pink shoes like have you seen it because I figure why not have dolls as a special interest, thanks Ro, though she'd fuck with Bratz and Monster High more] Lola: [talking about the red shoes 'cos assumedly what it is based on and saying you'll look up the Barbie version online 'when Ren is at work'] Astrid: [just chatting about it to the point that she doesn't even need to see it cos you've told her everything but letting her know that Barbie isn't your fave and making sure she knows what you fuck with more like this is vital info okay] Lola: ['Like Yasmin is technically the Hispanic queen like me but I do be looking more Jade and she fucks with cats so ME' 'cos definitely a girl who was into dolls and the bratz are making a resurgence in the culture anyway huns] Astrid: [we're living a life where we only accept the OG's so of course she gotta be that blonde hun who is described as wide-eyed and bubbly and loves her friends more than anything in the world so pop off but we not fucking with soccer and we gotta let Lola know] Lola: ['I see it' like just being like you're an angel there nbd] Astrid: [being like I do support cheese pizza ONLY but thai curry wtf] Lola: [loling like 'food isn't food unless it has at least two carbs and all the cheese you can throw at it'] Astrid: [just listing off everything Jade likes in the known world like do you like these things or no] Lola: [replying like this is a vogue 73 questions I bet tattoo dude is delighted lol] Astrid: [we're having fun here sir excuse you] Lola: ['do you have a Jade in your group already?'] Astrid: [The calming force that she is, Winnie is the group's Yasmin, she can handle a sob story, as you've seen so that's wrong' looks at her like soz gal I know you're offended 'my other best friend is most like Sasha, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that when she isn't black though'] Lola: [looks around at how white everyone here deffo is like I won't tell on you, claps her hands like yay 'we can be friends then'] Astrid: [when you're clearly buzzing about this, giving her your phone like this is my number take it thank you] Lola: [saves it as angel, oh that won't cause any drama with your gf no no lol, taking the tattoo dudes biro or whatever and being like hold out your hand? but thankfully NOT just doing it 'cos she may not vibe gal] Astrid: [at first is like ?? because hasn't connected the dots of what she wants her to do and why but then is like oh okay and does] Lola: [being like to the tattoo lady 'now make it permanent' loling like hohoho] Astrid: [loling 'when I know you better' like we considering this] Lola: [so flattered like omg me and blowing kisses] Astrid: [gotta get some more water cos we recognising that we're getting a bit too buzzing rn so obvs asking her if she wants some] Lola: [just like lifesaver 'cos we been crying so hard over here lol] Astrid: [gotta get some for Winnie too even if she don't want because that's a routine hun] Lola: [live your best life babe you deserve it] Astrid: [let's say her tattoo is then finally done and she abruptly leaves like it was nice to meet you I gotta go now bye because it kills me how they all did that on that show every time] Lola: [the only time you've been shooketh 'cos you'd be a hang around saying bye for ages bitch] Lola: WHERE DID YOU GO?! Astrid: hOmE Astrid: is YOuR tattOO fiNishED? Lola: [sends a progress picture she's made that man take lol] Astrid: 25-30 miNS leFT Lola: yeah? Lola: 🙌 I am about to PEE my pants Astrid: iT'LL bE lONgEr wiTH BreAks but YOu Wont bE alloWED bacK iF yOu dONt TakE oNE foR THaT Lola: 😄 I did a little but we've had no leaks Lola: got my big girl panties on Astrid: 👙 is A GooD iDeA tOooooOOOOO Lola: so NOT letting him do my underboob though Astrid: nO ⛔ no ⛔ Lola: the chick you were with seemed kinda cool though Lola: not gonna write off the whole shop Astrid: 🌟 ✨ sHE MAkEs me fEEL coMFoRTaBLe 🌟 ✨ Astrid: thE reVIeW Astrid: & thE VIBE Lola: love that Lola: don't know how he can do such colourful work and be so sad ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Astrid: van GOGH? Astrid: 🌻🌻🌻🌻👂💛💛 Lola: 🤯🤯🤯 Astrid: Do thEy ShARE a SOUL doEs thAT maKE senSE? Astrid: hMMMM Lola: reincarnation baby Astrid: dO you BEliEVE in it? Astrid: a BIG quESTion Lola: I think it's technically a ❌❌❌ Lola: but I think it's cool Lola: like past lives, all the AMAZING people in history you could've been Astrid: I DonT unDERstAnd wHY is iT ❌❌❌ if YoU liKE iT? Lola: Jesus and Abuela 💘 Lola: 💀 is very important to us Astrid: oHhhhhhhH Astrid: hEAvEn ☁👼☁ Astrid: mY muM taUGHt mE about THat Lola: 🧹🌻🦋🌞🍞 Lola: we believe souls come back, but not as other people, always themselves, even if they take a different form Lola: and they come back all the time, though Jesus hasn't come back YET Astrid: 👻👻👻👻 Lola: I can do an offering for your mum if you like Astrid: shE woULdNT coMe bACK for 🍞 Astrid: wHaT ElSe can THey be? Lola: you can put all the person's favourite things on their altar, you can skip the bread Astrid: 🕯🌹🕯🩺🕯🥀🕯🦴 Lola: wouldn't look out of place Astrid: sHe LiKEd DollS tooOOOO but thERe's No emoJi?? Lola: that's so RUDE Lola: did she get you into dolls, what was the first one you got? Astrid: 🧚🏻 thoUGH & 🔮 & 🧙🏼 Astrid: [sends her a picture of some creepy doll because of course she still has it and cue a huge ramble about everything possible about this doll like soz gal you didn't ask for that level of detail] Lola: looks like la catrina's 👶 Lola: I like it Lola: what doll would your mum be? Astrid: [when you disappear forever lowkey to do all the research you can about that just falling down a rabbit hole without saying bye] Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: loVE that Lola: right?! Lola: we STAN an inclusive queen Astrid: caNT waIT tO TeLl mY otHER bFf she is GOiNg to bE so ExCitEd Lola: do you bake? I will send you a recipe for some sugar 💀 cookies Lola: i always loved decorating them Lola: and eating them, duh 😋 Astrid: I dOnT know hOw TO dO that Astrid: ❌❌❌ Lola: I can make them, if you wanna meet up again Lola: or come teach you, that would be fun Astrid: here? Lola: if you want Lola: you could come to mine but you'd have to meet abuela and that might be a LOT ??? Astrid: iTs nOT a ⛔ no if weRe frIeNds Astrid: i THinK yoU couLD bE heRE Lola: I'm a good guy, I promise Lola: I'll be super polite and say please and thank you and take my shoes off Astrid: buT 🍭 🍬 🧁  🍫 🍩 🍪 🍨  wILl maKE mY mum 😢 oR 😡 iF sHE is a 👻 Astrid: 🤫 Lola: it's all about celebrating life anyways Lola: what's better than tasty food Lola: my mother was the same though Lola: but abuela loved food because it made people 😄🥰 she didn't care if it made you fat too Lola: plenty of time to be 💀🦴s Astrid: hMMMmmm Astrid: 👌 Astrid: I wAnt to BE 😄🥰 Lola: maybe your friend would like some too Lola: not Miss Winnie though, too much sugar for 🐶 Astrid: IlL exPLain Astrid: sheS vERY 🤓 Astrid: thATs sMArt noT an INsult Lola: I could tell Lola: I very much enjoyed meeting her Astrid: & mE? Lola: OF COURSE you, gurl Lola: you were so nice and helpful Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Astrid: thANKs Lola: you're welcome ❣️ Lola: are you from here, I like your name, it's unusual Astrid: I dOnT liKE to bE reFErRed tO bY it Astrid: it maKEs mE FeeL liKe PeOPLe ARe 😤 😠 😡 Lola: oh no, I'm sorry Lola: is there anything you would like me to call you instead? Astrid: ...... Astrid: I doNt KnOw Lola: no probs Lola: don't need to call you anything we'll manage just fine without 🙃 Astrid: iS thAt aN oKaY anSWer? Lola: of course it is! Lola: it wouldn't be okay for me to call you a name you didn't like, that's just rude Lola: my gf HATES the name she got as a 👶 so she changed it Astrid: liKe @ scHoOL Astrid: I goT caLLed loAds of namES thERE Astrid: 👿 👹 👺 🤡 💩 👻 💀 ☠️ 👽 👾 🤖 🎃 Lola: 😢👎 Lola: school SUCKED Lola: you're cool Astrid: thEy jUsT doNt unDERsTand mY 🧠 Astrid: mE eiTHeR mE eiTHeR Lola: who does Lola: still don't have to be a 🍆 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: that's what I'm talking about Astrid: yOu aRe GoiNg To LikE mY aUntY 🧠 ❤ 👀 Astrid: bUt U CaNt bRInG hEr HeRE foR 💀🍪 Lola: why not? Astrid: mY DaD & hER ❌❌❌ Lola: family drama Lola: say no more Lola: abuela only talks about my mother when she wants to cuss her out, and that's her daughter so 🤷 Astrid: hEs BaD buT nOT to ME? I doNt unDERstAnd hoW thAT iS suPposED to maKE seNse Lola: you're special to him Astrid: BuT whY aREnt my SiSTeRs sPEcial toOOOo? Astrid: beCausE theIR muMs aRE dIFFeRenT or Astrid: my BrOThEr haS anOTher DiffErent mUm agaIN Astrid: itS conFUsinG Lola: people are a lot of different things all at once, I think Lola: they don't all fit together right, it is confusing Astrid: wHEn yoU DiE aRE yOU NoOOO thiNGs Or moRE thinGS? Lola: Hmm Lola: I think more Lola: everything, and then the missing pieces make it all make sense Astrid: maybe they ARe tOOOoo sPEciAl then, THaT sisTER & ThOse mums dAD canT DeaL Astrid: hmmM Lola: could be Lola: being dead is meant to be easier than being alive, but it isn't perfect Astrid: & mY OthEr SisTER diDnt diE whEn sHe NeaRLY diD sO mAYBe heS coNFuSed AbOUT THat Lola: could you ask him? Lola: or would he be 😢 or 😡? Astrid: heS not my TaLking To pErsoN heS mY DoinG peRsOn Lola: that's important too Lola: sometimes it's actually better not having the answers Astrid: I sHOULDvE saID that @ scHOol Astrid: BettER not HAVinG thE anSWERS sORRy Lola: 😅 Lola: if ONLY Lola: I wouldn't say ANYTHING at school Astrid: I diDnT taLk unTiL aFter my mUm dIeD Astrid: moSTlY Lola: at all? Astrid: ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: did you talk to your dad? Astrid: somE WoRdS Lola: the rest you just got what you needed in other ways Lola: that's cool Astrid: i THiNk it waS BaD oF mE Astrid: maYbe Astrid: .... Lola: but was it bad for you Lola: that's the important thing Lola: its frustrating when people don't understand you, but people get frustrated when they don't understand, even though they might not still when you tell them with words Astrid: iS thAT wHy yOU didNT talK @ sChooL? Lola: i took up too much space just being there Lola: without taking up the 💬 too Astrid: tOo muCh Space Astrid: hmmM Lola: that's what they thought Lola: basically Astrid: pEoPLe DoNt unDErstaND yOu Astrid: how mUch spaCE yoU neEd Lola: they don't like it ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: i'm not trying to take other people's space though Astrid: tOO muCH iS ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Astrid: toOOOo mUch AnyTHiNG Lola: it is? Astrid: ItS 😢 or 😡 Astrid: itS beInG weIRd Lola: there's no such thing as too much 🐶😸 though Astrid: NeVEr!! Lola: exactly Lola: don't think there's any rules that you can stick to everything Lola: always exceptions Astrid: I wriTE liKe thIs beCauSe thOse rULes are Boring Astrid: loAdS of RulEs doNt maKe sEnSe Lola: I like how you write Lola: it's more interesting to read Astrid: yOu cAn Do iT toO if You waNT Lola: really? Lola: thanks, I'll try it out 😄 Lola: ITs actUallLY REAlLY hARd tO Be TOtallY raNDoM Lola: oTHER New RuLES poP UP in YOuR hEaD Astrid: ItS a VIBE Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: tOTAlLy Lola: LikE THOse nEwSPApEr RAnsOM notEs Lola: aEStheTIc Astrid: ??? Lola: you know in films, when a killer or a kidnapper sends the person a note, they cut up bits of newspapers and magazines so the note is all different fonts and sizes and stuff Lola: [examples Lola: I liKE ThAT LOooooooOOoOKk Astrid: OhHH WoW Astrid: cAn I sEnD YoU onE? Lola: THaTs whaT IT RemINDS mE OF Lola: UM yeS Astrid: TheY dO it So NoBoDy knowS itS from THem YeaH? Astrid: hoW wiLL you Know ItS from mE? Lola: YEah Lola: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't 😱 Lola: I nEVEr GeT 💌 Astrid: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't scared Astrid: do the outside of it normal, like this Lola: [her address] there you go Lola: a stamp and it'll be perfect Astrid: ThiS is ReAllY whERe U Live? Astrid: I knoW whEre tHiS is Lola: you do? Astrid: yEAH Astrid: itS By a SHop I lIkE Lola: maybe you could show me 🙃 Astrid: I JuST geT 🍓 thEn I LeAVe Astrid: thEY haVe to Be from ThEre Astrid: a RuLe Lola: nOW i waNt TO tRy SomE Astrid: diD yoUr GirLfrIEnD liKE youR TaTTOo? Astrid: I caNt STop THinkiNG aBoUT iT Lola: She lIKEs 🖤 🤍 bUT I seNT hEr ThE piC & She SAid wAs cUUUUUuUuUUuUuTeeeeeeE Astrid: iS shE gONna coMe wiTh yOU neXT timE? Lola: mAYb ❓🤔 Astrid: tHats noT 🖤 🤍 Astrid: sHe shOUld saY yeAH oR NO Lola: TrUuUuuUuUUUUUUUu Lola: I'll tell her Astrid: Do YoU lIkE haVinG a girlFRieND? Lola: 🤗 & 😘 R gOoOOoddD Astrid: ❓🤔 Lola: you like hugs and kisses? Astrid: PlaTOnic is DiFFeRent Astrid: i LikE theM thOUgh Lola: yeah Lola: with a girlfriend, you just get them all the time Astrid: ? ShE dOeSnt asK you ? Lola: she doesn't need to Lola: if I said stop she would Lola: it's just nice having a person around, is what I meant 🙃 Astrid: 👌 thAT maKEs SeNse Lola: do you like 🧑 or 👩 or none or both Astrid: 👩 👩🏻 👩🏽 👩🏾 👩🏿 Lola: hi-5 Lola: me too 😄 Astrid: but i DoNt have a GIRLfrieNd Lola: would you like one? Lola: we could go out 💃💃 Astrid: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Astrid: yeAh Astrid: yOuRe a GooD 💃 Lola: YOU TOO ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: I KNOW A BAR THAT WOULD LET WINNIE IN Astrid: yOU dO????????? Lola: i KNow tHe OWneR Lola: heS SO coOL Lola: and he has his own dog Finola who sings with him Astrid: I diDNT knOw dOGs coULd sING Astrid: WiNNie coULd hAVE a SeCRET talENt Lola: they do somewhere over the 🌈 it's very good Astrid: wheN cAN we Go? Lola: 😄 When are you free? this weekend? Astrid: FriDAY Lola: 👏 let's DO IT Astrid: 🕐 🕑 🕒 🕓 🕔 🕕 🕖 🕗 🕘 🕙 🕚 🕛 🕜 🕝 🕞 🕟 🕠 🕡 🕢 🕣 🕤 🕥 🕦 🕧 Astrid: ? Lola: 🤔 8? Astrid: To bE @ yOUr hOUse oR ThEre? Lola: we could get 🍓s first and eat them in the park Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 Lola: 🙌 IT'LL BE FUN Astrid: WeRe bOTh eXciTed Astrid: 😆 Lola: 💃💃💃 Lola: have to plan my outfit Astrid: I liKeD uR ouTfit yOu werE weaRing Lola: you're so 🍧 🍨 🍦 🥧 🧁 🍰 🎂 🍮 🍭 🍬 🍫 🍿 🍩 🍪 thank you 😚 Lola: you looked amazing Astrid: I nEEd to dyE mY haiR a new ColOur Lola: have you done every colour??? Astrid: ⛔❌ 🖤 🤎 Lola: boring in comparison to the rest of the 🌈 Astrid: & hARd to GEt Out ❤️ & 💜 sTAY TooOO bUT thEY caN bE maDE inTo a PaTTeRN sO its Not 😢 oR 😠 Lola: 🦜 Astrid: BiRdS aRE weiRD Astrid: mY AunTy haS 🐓 & I ONLy liKE thEm WhEn TheYrE 🐤 🐣 🐥 Lola: DOES SHE HAVE ANY BABIES RIGHT NOW Astrid: yEaH Astrid: thEyre sOFt Lola: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that's so cuteee Astrid: doNt be sad shE wonT eaT thEM Lola: but i don't have any🐤 🐣 🐥 Astrid: IlL aSk heR iF you CAn Lola: our apartment is tiny Lola: wouldn't be fair for the poor chickie Astrid: YoU cOuLd VisIt THem Lola: I'll have to buy some 🌽 too Astrid: TheYll be YouR FRIEnds ToooOOOOo Astrid: loVe ThAT Lola: new friends are always welcome Lola: especially fluffy ones Astrid: WiNNie aGReeS Astrid: & saYs dOnT foRGet sheS the FLUFFiest Astrid: she gETs JeaLOUs Lola: 🤭 Lola: of course Lola: she's a babe Astrid: evERYoNe saYs I was wHEn mY brOTHer waS a 👶 bUT i Dont remeMBEr thaT Lola: aw, you helped out? Lola: that's so cute Astrid: 👶 NeED lOAds of HeLp Astrid: haVE yOu EVer heLd onE? TheY caNt suPPOrt their Own HeaDs Astrid: itS wilD Lola: I've actually never held a baby Lola: or really met one, which is weird, I'd never thought about that Astrid: !!!!!!!! Astrid: My FamILY iS SoooOOOOO BiG Astrid: 👶👶🏻👶🏼👶🏽👶🏾 Lola: do you like it? what's good and what's bad? Astrid: YoU aRenT evER aLOne Astrid: thatS gOod OR Bad Astrid: Good & BAD Lola: I can picture that Astrid: bUT itS FUn & LOud Astrid: you LiKe hugS so Youd likE it Lola: yeah Lola: I think so Lola: abuela was from a big family Lola: but it's just us here Astrid: WhERe aRE TheY aLL? Lola: her family? Lola: mostly dead Lola: the ones she would've known, sisters, brothers Lola: their kids are probably still in Mexico but she doesn't know any of them properly Astrid: Im SoRrY Lola: you don't have to be sorry Astrid: ItS saD fOR hER Astrid: I mEAn Lola: yeah Lola: she left a lot behind Lola: but she's been happy here Astrid: & YoURE haPPy? Lola: mostly and most days Lola: not 🖤 & 🤍 Astrid: nOT 🖤 & 🤍 Lola: nothing is ever perfect, is it Astrid: mAyBe WinniE is Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: I am willing to believe that and let her have it too 💝🐶 Astrid: [a happy picture of this dog like thank you I'm buzzing] Lola: an angel Lola: or princess, I should say Astrid: [a picture of this dog with some kind of tiara moment on because of course we can] Lola: 🙇 Lola: I'll find mine when I get home Astrid: YoU hAve One? Lola: duh gurl Lola: it's a vibe Lola: 👑🌈💃😘 Astrid: iT is A Vibe Lola: you know a vibe when you 👀 one Lola: i CaN TeLL Astrid: I haVE tO gO Astrid: doNT fORget FriDAY Astrid: @ 8 Astrid: 🍓!! Lola: Oh, okay Lola: Looking forward to it ✨

[a-heart-full-of-dumb]

I posted 610 times in 2021

38 posts created (6%)

572 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 15.1 posts.

I added 215 tags in 2021

#les mis - 41 posts

#les miserables - 40 posts

#neurodivergent - 24 posts

#enjolras - 23 posts

#grantaire - 22 posts

#les misérables - 16 posts

#les amis de l'abc - 15 posts

#nonbinary - 13 posts

#actually neurodivergent - 11 posts

#witchblr - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 116 characters

#gotta love being a tiny (somwhat) trans masc person in a country where the average height for men is like 6 feet. /s

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Red - barricade day

Red, the colour of the street where they lay.

red, still flowing out of their bodies.

They were students… one was a child.

A revolution that had been so carefully planned out, ending with the same colour that started it. Red.

The colour that had once been the colour of 'a world about to dawn' was now the colour of flowing blood and a plan that led to nothing.

After all, who would care to remember a bunch of students and a child? Their bodies would be disposed of, the rain would wash away their blood and with that all traces of the battle that had occurred.

Would their bodies painting the world red really be for nothing? Would the world return to black once more?

Or would their determination and laughter carry on? After all, one of them still remained.

Maybe nothing changed that day but if their story lived on, if their names didn't go forgotten, then maybe, red would become the colour of hope once more.

My contribution to barricade day I guess.

I'm in no way a writer and English isn't my first language, but I tried my best.

25 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 16:00:05 GMT

#4

Some people hoard genders or pronouns (which is cool af btw!!)

I, however, hoard names. And it's very fun confusing people by responding to a whole bunch of different names. Especially the ones that are usually just seen as words.

26 notes • Posted 2021-05-07 15:59:35 GMT

#3

I just found out that there are versions of Les Mis (the musical) where Grantaire and Enjolras FUCKING HUG after Grantaire's depressing solo in Drink With Me and I'm an absolutely sobbing mess.

Idk why I didn't find out about this earlier but omg I'm so happy I did now.

Grantaire is a huge comfort character and omg I cannot handle this.

I am so so emotionally attached to him.

44 notes • Posted 2021-05-27 15:20:36 GMT

#2

So I've been seeing a lot of Les Amis teacher related stuff on here lately and I walked into 3 of my old highschool teachers today (yay /s). So I decided to jump on the bandwagon.

Les Amis as things my teachers have said or done:

• Enjolras: put up polls all over school during pride month to see if lgbtq+ kids felt safe (and how they could make sure people did feel safe) at school and would verbally destroy anyone who said something insulting. As well as inviting lgbtq activists to his class to make sure people got the proper education.

• Combeferre: gave a 15 minute speech about the differences between bees and wasps and why they're both important after someone killed a bee in class and called it a wasp. Or alternatively, took revenge on the student who pulled pranks on him for years by calling him in the last minute he was supposed to call people who didn't graduate and told him "I have bad news for you... you'll have to wait another minute so I can tell you you graduated."

• Courfeyrac: showed up to school with a Spice Girls shirt under his more formal attire one day. He was so exited about it he was practically jumping around when he showed us and dramatically danced to some songs before starting his class.

• Joly: that one overprotective teacher who'd constantly check if you're okay and made a fuss out of everything (they mean it well though).

• Bossuet: send an email 10 minutes before the class had started to tell us that they were gonna be late cause her dog ate their husband's hearing aids and her son had broken his arm and their bike had issues and they'd nearly fell down the stairs. Or alternatively, showed up to class with half of his face covered in bruises, a broken arm and a concussion cause he fell off his bike.

• Grantaire: often disrupted other classes with the weirdest stuff. Like this man would just randomly walk into a different class, look around, just go "just wanted to see how you guys are doing" and leave. He would also just walk in purely to start a discussion with the teacher giving the class, usually throwing in at least one reference to a book or movie. He's also walked in just to put a broomstick in the middle off the class, straight up supported by nothing and left without saying a word. (He also made jokes about his name a lot as his name was [first name] Engels, which translates to English and that's also the subject he teaches.)

• Jehan: made you deal with difficult situations by writing them down and doing music (usually group) related exercises to help you cope and calm down as well as teaching you to work together.

• Feuilly: could give you incredibly detailed speeches about almost every art supply the school owned and what you could do with them.

• Bahorel: gave a whole speech about how cool it would be to be alive during the apocalypse, because "I could say I was actually there when the apocalypse happend! That would so cool" And after the class pointed out that there wouldn't be people to tell this to after the apocalypse cause there wasn't really a society anymore he just went "I could fight zombies though!"

Bonus:

• Marius: filled half their class with a speech about Napoleon.

This was a lot harder than I thought so I'm sorry if some are a bit out of character.

49 notes • Posted 2021-10-07 15:06:18 GMT

#1

Okay so you know how Bossuet isn't bald in most adaptations of Les Mis?

It's because he stole one of the wigs from Valjean's collection. He started wearing it as a joke but it kinda grew on him so now he just kinda wears a wig.

That's the only explanation I'll ever accept.

96 notes • Posted 2021-09-06 12:14:50 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #why is my barricade disaster in this?? #yes i'm late to the party #I'm aware

[thewhimsicalfairy]

DAY 0 - a chronological documentation of this non-relationship

right from the start, i told myself, i told everyone who would listen/knew that i was just not gonna take this too seriously...

as with all online dates, they have a tendency to drop off or i have a tendency to lose interest very quickly but somehow you stuck around, yet i still refused to entertain the idea that there might be something...

2 May: we connected on CMB, you were very open about your history which i listened with an open mind and appreciated you for being open and honest about it...

we traded numbers since the chat was closing and then continued chatting from there...

22 May: met up ftf for the first time at Oasia Hotel's Marmalade Pantry, someone was in grey tee (knitted i believe) and camou pants haha the convo flowed and all but still it was just like any other first dates i've been on, always keeping my expectations in check... you surprised me with sandwich choices though, promising to bring me a jar of the infamous peanut butter from Amsterdam (from your upcoming work trip) and proceeding to hand me a box of 2 nicely wrapped sandwiches, one creamy and one non-creamy version, both with the crusts off. it showed me you were meticulous and caring...just noting your good qualities... before we parted ways you asked if we could be in touch...i said sure being the cool girl that i am...

1 June: we continued texting non-stop, rapid-fire style, playing 20 questions...asking all the right and wrong questions...we’d already escalated to sexting by then...and then you left for Amsterdam. truth be told i had this crazy urge to run to your office area to bid you farewell prior to you leaving for your trip...like give you a hug or something...but i reined in that crazy bitch. we continued texting all the way till you boarded your plane and then you asked me to send you my picture. i've received such crazy requests before and i was kinda wary but i took some anyhow (ok more like a lot) and then proceeded to ponder whether to send or not for the next 50min or so...as well as ask the Internet gods 'what does it mean when he asks for a photo' (to varying degrees of responses) you even noticed my absence when i was busy taking photos but i sent 1 in the end after i confirmed that u were not gonna be doing anything funny to it (not sure if i’m supposed to be flattered if anyone wanks off to my photo but anyway)

and then you sent me yours just like that (and it is still my favourite photo of you to date haha)...and promised to text the moment you land and all...you were very responsible with your words then...

1-7 June: you were in Amsterdam for work but it was as if i was just right beside you on this same trip cos the texting never let up despite the time difference. you would send me pictures of everything that you were doing, eating, ootds, everything and there was no stopping the conversations... and still you reeled me in...

13 June: we met up for a 2nd time, this time at Pagi Sore (100am) and depsite constant texting, it felt a little awks nonetheless to be meeting ftf after so long so everyone was still kinda on our best behaviour haha (but i'm always well behaved) and you presented me with the gifts you got for me at Amsterdam (the peanut butter as promised) and fancy chocolates that you picked up at the airport. confirmed mentally that gift giving was defo one of your top love language. and still you reeled me in...

and we texted some more, non-stop, impromptu lunches in between and i'd happily skip out of office just to hang out ditching the girls (resulting in the girls just saying how about i let them know when i would be next joining them for lunch =x)

20 June: dinner and drinks at Westin's Cook & Brew...this was kinda like the night you will provide a tell-all on your past relationships - and tell you did (a terribly colourful dating history if i may add) and the night went on... we continued on with more drinks at the outdoor bar area...normally it would've been a good idea but that night it was terribly windy and i was kinda chilly despite the alcohol warming me up so i was glad to have my jacket with me (the same one i wore to our first date you noted). and then it started to rain and we had to move back indoors but we didn't attempt to leave even though i was already feeling buzzed... not before long the bar had to close so i had to down my wine in a quick shot and we left...and took a roundabout walk to around the area on a bench and talked some more we both agreed the night would have carried on if not for the fact that tomorrow was still a working day... the question of what we were looking for came up (i asked this question first) and you said you were just looking around... we got home on separate taxis and i made a mental note of your response and that you hadn't made a move on me yet so i was relatively clear on where i stood on this (meh's advice, especially after watching 'He's Just Not That Into You') - you were basically not interested hah so i managed my expectations and thought well a least it has been interesting...when we got home...you did text to say you did notice my choice of outfit (my all time favourite slip dress really)...pity you didn’t manage to take a good look at the cowl back...

29 June: you finally asked me out on a weekend...actually i did casually mention to you that my mom was wondering why this guy i was seeing never asks me out on weekends...and if he’s got a family and all that’s why weekends are off-limits...(a mother’s intuition can be so spot-on but clearly it’s way more complicated than that...anyhow...) and i was ecstatic to say the least even if it was a date that was made that same day...tbh i was inclined to decline cos i don’t really do impromptu dates in general...(like please respect a girl’s time even if i don’t actually have solid plans...vegging at home and netflixing is kinda like a plan ok...)but i okayed it and just had to check what was the general plan cos a girl’s gotta dress for it you know...you brought me to the Ford Musuem having known that i am a sucker for museums covering the history of the war...even though you actually only went recently but you still accompanied me through it...it was also then you realised that i don’t carry my IC with me cos entry was free for SGreans...truth be told i have been to the Ford Musuem...but that was a few years back and i didn’t quite mind rehashing the place again (FOC why not right) they might have updated the exhibits and the experience would have been different with you...and rightly so cos there was so many times when you had your back towards me i wanted to give you a back hug...that you liked receiving them came up several times while we texting...but i never acted on it haha cos i didn’t want to seem i was throwing myself at you...a girl’s gotta to keep her pride in check you know...

after Ford you drove us to Punggol area just to show me the nice relaxing eating space...but we didn’t actually have dinner there lol...we moved on to Punggol Settlement to dine at White Restaurant...the only place you will eat bee hoon cos that placed is famous for it and with good reason cos the food is genuinely good...we had quite the spread, other than the bee hoon we had prawn paste chicken and sambal kang kong :))) happy camper that night cos i appreciate a good meal...i paid for dinner since you were so sweet to drive us around that was least i could do...back in the car you asked if i needed to head home...but i was up for anything...so you suggested a drive and asked if i had been to Jewel since it opened and i hadn’t so we ended up there...

and we continued texting...

1 July: we met for lunch at the Nasi Lemak place opposite Realty Centre (which has since died) and post-lunch i was saying how i was concerned that my hair would smell and all (cos indoor seating with the food cooking inside doesn't make for a great combination) and you reached out and smelt my hair...that was the single most intimate move that i'd ever received and then before we parted you pulled me into a hug and i just went for it... like i didn't do the a-hug or half hug kind of bullshit but a full on body to body contact hug...and it felt nice...i think my mind kinda stopped processing whilst we were hugging but yeah i really really liked the smell of your cologne since then another fact: i was so turned on from that hug my panties were basically soaked; i had to wear my dress the wrong way round so that it wouldn't look like i stained myself... you had that kind of an effect on me...and i think my walls came tumbling down...

4 July: dinner at a Suntec's Unagi place (your choice since we didn't want to deal with the queue at Man Man) and apparently you took off early that night to pick up your car... someone wanted to drive us to some place nice after... i saw that there was 1-for-1 happy hour on the highball and you okayed it even though you were driving

you drove us Marina Barrage and there you said that you liked me and wrapped me in your arms when you said it and i was in a complete daze i mean i was aware that there was something brewing but i wasn't sure of the signs and i've been very wary about 自作多情 so i just maintained whatever it was we had and then this confession...you said i clearly liked you otherwise i wouldn't be hanging out with you which was true and then you asked what was it that i liked about you as you wrapped me in your arms again and i was genuinely at a loss for words...i've received confessions before but never one where it was clearly mutual and in such an intimate setting...the wordsmith basically decided to quit on me and i struggled to find the right words i settled for ‘you make me feel safe’ and that was the absolute truth...i never doubted your intentions before as you were always so honest and forthcoming with the situation back at home and even when you said you couldn’t make this official not until your divorce is finalised in Dec...when in reality not many people around you know about us i accepted it...i trusted you completely... and you took your hand in mine and it was the interlocking kind...and my heart felt all kinds of things it has never felt before... another fact: again super turned on by the hug we shared, panties were soaking wet again but thank god for panty liners otherwise it'll be a different walk of shame for me... i really liked it when you placed your hand on my bum (it felt good somehow), and i definitely felt a boner somewhere...

5 July: dinner and movie (...) i was kinda sad when the night ended, i didn't want it to end cos i always enjoyed our time together, there wasn't enough time anyhow and i gave you a peck on the cheek cos that was all i could muster at that point before we parted...

(...to be continued...)

basically once the touch barrier was broken, i wanted to touch you so badly all the time. literally ALL.THE.TIME. even if it was just stolen moments at Donki i gave you backhugs and random kisses and hand holding...i couldn't get enough... i confirmed one of my top love languages was touch and i wanted to communicate that thoroughly...you meant that much to me...

x x x

and as much as you are wont to admit it, i was defo a rebound, all the signs pointed to it and and it still tears me up inside i basically became collateral damage as you tried to seek solace from the pain... the Heartbreak Spotify Playlist is definitely not helping my case but it’s like beating a dead horse right...you just keep going at it until you’re numb i suppose...but i had no idea how i could relate so much to these songs till now it’s pretty crazy...some favourite tracks that can set me off right now are: Camila Cabelo’s Consequences X Ambassadors’ Unsteady Birdy’s Skinny Love

#post break up #heartache #행복한 시간