#I just have bad experiences with the fandoms and thus we dont listen that much to it anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unwellwoman · 3 years

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odd numbers 🤓

sabica youre just punishing me

1. First things first, did you have a good year? honestly? this year has been the most up and down ive had all my life 😭 ive never done anything as drastic as i have this year so ive had more fun than ive had in a while but im also suffering more than i expected ldsfkjdflsfj

3. Do you feel your age? honestly my age isnt old. it sounds old but personally i dont see it as old so its eh

7. Which fashion trends did you love? i dont follow any fashion trends i literally do not know of fashion

5. Post your favorite selfie. this one w hijab lool (my fave is without so) (also yes i have baby face)

[redacted]

11. What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? according to my spotify.. premonitions by sojourner.

9. What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

[redacted]

13. Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? no :/ i dont really care about celebrities to be honest

15. Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? i only ship me and the person i like 🤣😭 im in me fandom. lmfao

17. Did you make any big permanent changes this year? i dont know if its a “permanent” big change but i [redacted]. i cant ever take this back :( i cant change it. i dont regret it, but i wish i was wiser about it, considering how things turned out....

19. What was one nice thing you did for yourself? the only thing i can think of right now is accepting and loving my physical shell that i have to live in

21. Did you vote? smh american centric question. jk

23. Did you get a job? yes i have a job

25. Do you regret not doing anything? girl i dont not do anything loool. i wish i would chill!!! i keep making impulsive decisions and its really ruining me 🤣 i dont regret much but if only i wasnt so aggressive and after things i know are bad for me

27. Have you done anything that scared you? the only thing i could think of was approaching my crush loool yes it is scary

29. Did you lose anyone close to you? yes! am losing him now :-)

31. Did you fall out of love? i wish. if i did, this would be easier

33. Did you go through a break up? stooooop lmfao i am kinda going through one right now if im honest 🤣

35. Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? this same person in my mind the past few questions lmfao. i know of his existence but that was it. and now :-)

37. If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it? honestly.. theres one thing i keep thinking i would like to change. but theres also a lot of new things i did because of that choice. would i do over and thus erase all of my experience..? i feel like, eventually i would make the same mistake again. maybe its better this way. but i would also like to not go through this right now..

39. What was the worst? being left by someone you love 🤣 realising sometimes love isnt enough. sometimes people dont love you as much as you thought.

41. Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did? hmmmm.. im not sure. i always think things would change me. and im right. just sometimes wrong in how it would change me.

43. What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? im craaaazyyyyyy looool but also that im very stubborn once i set my mind to something. i never thought i would be that stubborn. like im screaming to myself to stop being so stubborn kind of stubborn. and i dont even listen to myself.

45. Did your opinion of anyone change for worse? hmm no. i mean maybe some minor instances of people i dont really know but otherwise, not really. i always think that we all are just human.

47. If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year? i want to get fit again and get into my interests more now that i have a better living situation. inshaAllah

49. What do you wish for others for the coming year? that everyone finds what theyre looking for, and they get to be surrounded by people they love, and find ease and a little break in life. inshaAllah.

#asks

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vtori73 · 3 years

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Okay so... I'm making another post again about this (CW for mentions of Biphobia and transphobia):

Only it's not ABOUT this but it's about what I as a queer ACTUALLY care about in terms of rep and such. Real quick I will say that as much I do agree with SOME of these being bad fancanons for being negative/stereotypical whatever I ALSO think claiming some of these as outright harmful is a bit much & grasping at straws a bit.

Anyway moving on, right now I'm seeing specific Lesbians are harassing the writer of the new Harley Quinn Comic eat, bang, kill tour because they wrote her as Bisexual... not a decision the writer made herself but something that was WRITTEN into the original show that the comic is following.

Like... I'm sorry but first things first based on facts if you know anything about Poison ivy before recent depictions she has been heavily represented/written/depicted as straight, I don't believe if she's ever 100% stated as such but... come on, no straight people were back then, media still doesn't feel the need to state characters as hetero because our society very much does the whole "assumed straight unless stated otherwise." And Poison ivy, in certain depictions ive seen at least, comes off VERY much as for the male gaze and I know lesbians are used this way often BUT this isn't as often in certain media like comics (or wasn't common) where they usually would prefer them be open to men so the demographic they care about can fantasize about being with the character.

Second, this IS definitely being fueled by racism since the writer is Black woman (not mention also queer & disabled) and so far the people responding have been white or at least one of the main ones is.

Third, this is just another one those things that to me REALLY shows how Biphobic certain parts of the Lesbian community can get.

Like I'm sorry, what I'm about to type of probably going make some upset and scream "lesbophobia" but I HAVE to share because I can't be the only one who feels this way... I feel wary around Lesbians online sometimes, not because of any stereotypes but because I've SEEN how openly, some Ive followed even in the past, are to complain about us (Bi+) people and openly explain how they DONT want to share spaces with Bi woman. Look I get wanting to hangout with people just like you, BUT its weird how quickly some Lesbians are to want to discard us and not relate to us because we possibly may like, talk about, be in relationships with men and it's even MORE weird that that's a determent to y'all even though these same types of lesbians make their whole identity/community dependant on men (I'm sorry but even if it's specifically about hating men ur still at the end of the day... making it seem like ur sexuality/community hinges on men) and not you know... loving woman.

I've seen some Lesbians complain about how they need Lesbian ('only' heavily implied) bars and how its annoying that bi woman go to them. And countless of stories of Bi woman being shunned, turned down for being Bi, no I'm not saying that is so awful Lesbians don't want to "sleep" with us (why the parentheses? eh just that I'm not going to assume ALL anyone wants to do after meeting in a bar is to fuck it's probably a good chunk of the time but not 100%) I'm saying it's pretty Biphobic, bigoted, etc to turn someone down JUST for being Bi, you obviously only have a problem with Bi people being Bi.

And also yes we do get hurt because duh its Biphobia but we also are ultimately glad to know because we wouldn't want to sleep with Biphobic people anyway we just want y'all to acknowledge it for what it is, a bigoted prejudice, no not a boundary but a Biphobic preference. I know a lot won't get that and scream "it's a boundary, it's a boundary!" and I don't know if they do this to Bi woman who say it but if this was about Trans woman they would also add "you just want to rape, coerce, harass Lesbians into sleeping with you" & usually paired with plenty of misgendering. I feel like I have seen it but only more so in terms of gold star lesbian rhetoric instead of terf rhetoric.

Either way, it just kind of sad, frustrating and annoying that Bi+, trans, etc can't DARE to bring this stuff up without being called Lesbophobic (just using this term would get me harassed & called a bigot on Twitter because it "contains a slur") because we SHOULD be allowed to bring up stuff that hurts us but we can't because LGBTQIA people seem to have this unspoken hierarchy of who gets cared about, believed, listened to first and it's definitely seems based on the order of the letters in the alphabet soup.

But anyway yeah, I have a hard time taking the post I shared an image of above seriously when stuff like I wrote above is going on. Yes I do think being critical of fandom in terms of bigotry is important, ESPECIALLY racism because that honestly is one of the BIGGEST problems since fandom is dominated mostly by white people (specifically women & queer people) however... I don't think the above is a decent example of that, it condenses the issues and leaves out so much needed nuance and such (yes this is cropped so it doesn't include some of the other additions to it but tbf from what I remember it didn't really add nuance, just clarifyed what the first post was doing).

For example, a Bi person headcanoning a character Bi a majority of the time should not be considered Biphobic, even if the character is a negative stereotype PLENTY of people do this as a way to reclaim the character from the bigotry that was written with it. Or the above, if someone hc's a character who is a badass as Bi there shouldn't be an issue. Now if a Bi person hc's others like the above there MIGHT be an issue then. Also, not to mention that identities intersect, if a pan ace person want to hc certain characters a certain way that could be stereotypical should we label them xphobic regardless of their identify?

I just think the original post it too vague and paints all fandom hc the same regardless of who is making them and like I said before, while this can be a problem I have more of an issue with this new trend of shutting down others hc because others claim the character even though the characters specific id is never said & thus should be open to anyone (example: Lesbians claiming its bigoted or get upset at others for hc a character as Bi that they hc as Lesbian even though the character was originally written straight or is very heavily straight coded and/or had relationships with men). Also fandoms erasing characters identities that are outright stated or implied is ALSO a huge thing I find to be more of a problem then the above post (examples: Luz Noceda from Owl house is stated by the creator as being Bi but people are calling her/them (her & her girlfriend) lesbians; another one that I feel is SORT of a problem but I also can't 100% condemn people who do this because the show doesn't help with continuing to be vague about it is Bob Belcher & him being hinted at being Bi but is erased by straight and gay(LG) fans as being straight).

Also I don't apologize for all of my examples being about Bi people, biphobia, etc because I am Bi so that is what I know and experience first and foremost!

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ravenaveira · 4 years

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Okay I get why you might not like Alisha from ToZ, but you hate /Luke/?????? I cannot understand. Why do you hate Luke I gotta know

Ok Im gonna be honest and admit Im a little biased when it comes to Luke, and when I say little I really mean ALOT lol I’ll explain

First off he started off pretty bad but I could already tell he was going to develop as his journey went on and I was right, I was really proud of his development and growth. But then he got all those people killed, ignoring everyone who tried to warn him because of his arrogance which caused everyone to hate him for a short time and rightfully so, hell I was pissed at him still even AFTER they forgave him.

But after he cut his hair and really resolved to change and actually put in the effort, I started to like him again, I really admired his growth and that he acknowledged he screwed up instead of continuing to make excuses for it, he effed up, he realized his mistake and took responsibility for it and worked hard to change. It reminded me somewhat of Zuko’s redemption arc in Avatar with how he kept messing up at first but then realized where he went wrong and did his best to change, I respect that.

So how did I grow to dislike Luke after all that? well as I said Im very biased against him for one reason and one reason only.

Asch

Now from the very beginning we know theres more to Asch than meets the eye, theres a reason he and Luke look so much alike but we just dont know what yet, then when we find out things only get worse from there as we slowly find out his backstory and what happened to him. It was so bad it actually made me dislike Luke because he essentially took literally EVERYTHING from him, although unknowingly the fact is he still stole Asch’s entire life.

His fiance, his kingdom, his best friend, his parents, even his name, literally everything. Asch was kidnapped and forced to go through agonizing experiments to create that replica Luke that they used to replace him and take over his life while Van continued to use and abuse Asch for his own gain. And what happens when Asch finally escapes and makes his way home? he sees his family and friends all moved on happily with his replica, that was beyond sad and hard to watch.

So where my bias comes in is that I like Asch more than I like Luke, why? because Asch is the original and he also just has a way more interesting backstory and personality compared to Luke who pretty much had it made his entire life and took it for granted, replica or not Luke still had it far easier than Asch did. His only real struggle was trying to have his own identity while Asch was trying to cope with having his stolen, which was a far more compelling dilemma in my opinion that I felt could have used more focus.

There was even one point in the game where everyone was against Luke and spent time with Asch in his place for a while and it just felt awkward, Guy and Natalia were originally friends with him, not Luke but at the end of the day, Guy sides with Luke and basically ditched Asch for the copy, which Asch even says he expected him to do. Even so, Guy siding with Luke over him clearly hurt him since that WAS originally his friend, even Jade points it out.

Yes its understandable since he spent more time with Luke after Asch was taken but at the same time it just felt like nobody really gave much thought to Asch’s situation and that somehow Luke was just far more important than Asch even though he’s the original whose life was stolen from him. To me, Asch was just treated beyond unfair and he just accepted it because he felt like he was inferior and had no place with them now. Just the charred remains of who he once was.

Natalia at least made the effort to reach out to Asch more than anyone else did and understood him even though he pushed her away, at least she was the only one who truly tried to console and reach out to him over the ordeal whether he accepted it or not. Luke did too but to be honest thats the LAST person he wanted to listen to for obvious reasons.

Yeah Asch pushed them away but nobody but Luke and Natalia actually took the time to see things from his perspective and tried to empathize with him, he was literally all alone through everything so its understandable why he has such a hard time with ‘teamwork’.

His attitude, like Lukes, is completely understandable when you look at their upbringing. Luke was royalty and behaved like an arrogant spoiled brat because of his privilege and lack of knowledge about the real world, so him being an asshole at first makes sense.

Asch was cold and impersonal at first because he was being groomed to be the ruler of Kimlasca but was also treated coldly by his father, then he was kidnapped at a very young age and experimented on to create a replica that completely highjacked his life and took all his friends and family away from him. So for him to be cold, distant, apathetic and rude makes total sense given what he’s been through, why wouldnt he be resentful towards Luke especially but everyone else too? he felt abandoned and forgotten and worst of all replaced, who wouldnt feel bitterness after that? in many ways, he even felt inferior to Luke which only rubbed salt in the wound.

But even with all of that, ALL OF THAT, I still liked both but just liked Asch more, however, something happened that made it impossible for me to like Luke anymore and forever hate him for it.

Asch dies, and Luke lives, that is unforgivable.

Now listen, I know it was foreshadowed but there were several things that happened that made this impossible to accept. Starting with the fact that near the end of the game all the replicas were supposed to die, keyword ALL so that includes Luke, so it was also foreshadowed that Luke would die as well. Asch from the side effects of the replication and Luke because replicas tend to be unstable and fall apart eventually which is why formicry was banned, yet in the end, only Asch dies and in one of the worst ways possible

He lived in constant pain and suffering both physical and emotional and now he dies in excruciating pain and suffering too, why? protecting Luke, and not just that, but from an experiment he never signed up for and was forced to go through, that was beyond unfair and unforgivable.

His whole life he has lost and sacrificed everything, EVERYTHING because of Luke, not only could he not live his own life but he couldnt even die his own death either. Luke got to live his life and got to escape his death and he’s the friggin replica who was supposed to die with all the rest, make that make sense to me.

The original dies but the fake lives even though its said replicas are unstable and doomed to fall apart eventually and we see it happen to every single human replica except for Luke, I just cant accept that.

They even have the nerve to leave the ending ambiguous where it sort of seems like Luke and Asch fuse and its left open-ended where you could assume its Asch or Luke but we all know its Luke because he goes directly to Tear in the end which doesnt make sense for Asch to do if it was him so Im just…UGH!!!!

So you wanna know why I dont like Luke? because he got to have everything Asch lost, he took everything from him and Asch literally gets nothing in the end, everybody moved on, Asch couldnt go back, Asch was slowly dying anyway from the experiment and Luke just gets to have everything in the end. He stole Asch’s life and in the end, he gets to keep it while Asch just dies protecting his copy, I just cannot accept that.

Its just unfair that Asch had to give up everything and Luke has to give up nothing, he really doesnt lose anything in the end, only Asch does. I know that sounds weird and a little sadistic but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth ya know? the original dies having everything taken from him while the replica lives on with virtually everything? did Asch really get anything besides suffering in the end? no, thats where my hatred stems from.

So yeah my hatred for Luke stems from my bias for Asch, its not so much that Luke did something BAD that made him unlikeable but more like the ending the creators chose made me dislike him because I found it unfair and wanted Asch to have a happy ending too after all he’s been through but in the end, he dies because of something he had no control over and was forced to go through while Luke gets to go on living happily with everyone in the life Asch will never have, that is unacceptable.

So yea sorry this is so long but I wanted to go over how my admiration and respect for Luke turned to hate, its really of no fault of his own but the ending itself. I also hate that the fandom prefers Luke over Asch or even hate him when he’s the victim of so much but eh to each their own, but that just saddens me that even amongst the fandom Asch gets the short end of the stick while Luke gets all the praise.

Long story short this game just destroyed me lol which is why its my favorite Tales of games in the entire series despite my hatred for the ending, it was such a rollercoaster of emotion and pain that it really stands out from all the other Tales of in the series and IMO Tales of the Abyss is the best out of them all thus far and will always remain one of my top favorite games of all time. It’s such an underated gem.

#tales of the abyss #asch #luke #rave responds #kikml2

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okradreamworl · 4 years

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i have too much sans rp experience you cant understand how this feels

i know every dialogue, every neutral ending,... ugh i just wanna spat out every evidence i have. i have a love/hate on sans. im NOT a fangirl, im more of an observer roleplayer. i do NOT support any sans x ships, but that doesnt mean i am against them. if you strongly hate that ship when im on the MIDDLE on that ship (meaning i dont mind the ship yet you’re still yelling at me to stick to one side), please know I SEE ALL OTPS AS FRIENDSHIPS. i do not like romanticized nor sexual types of ships. I do NOT RP SANS AS A PEDOPHILE OR OTHER NSFW LABELS. I like to make sans stick to the canon, but at the same time, add some headcanons that appear to be family friendly but NOT NSFW FANON. he can be childish at times and why? he doesn’t make jokes, stated on undertale’s tumblr. he only does harmless pranks and hilarious yet horrible puns. i hate puns, but i make him pun cause he likes it more than me.

his mood levels is very interesting. under the mask, he can feel many other emotions than what he expresses to us. im not saying he’s an empath (though that would be rlly cool yet stressful), but slacking off too much comes from too much bs happening around him, including the timelines. he fights back when necessary. he gets offended easily (unless he knows the memes).

too happy = hyper, OOC, many exclamation points, excited, kinda reaches the peak of underswap

happy = warm attitude, thankful, calm, peaceful,

neutral = in-game functions (papyrus did say “THATS JUST HOW HE FUNCTIONS” in a phone call at snowdin, he has lazy habits caused by the code of the game)

on negative emotions, he tries not to lose his cool:

nervous = sweat, silently surprised, somewhat a high level of anxiety, confused, curious

upset = disappointed, frustrated, agitated (mix of the two, nervous and upset), bored, sassy, sarcastic (when he ironically HATES sarcasm cause he thinks sarcasm is unfunny), mild words,

some deep ones, such as the MTT resort and judgment hall scenes

stoic = thoughtful, resilient, deep, calm, self-reflective, productive, creative

hands in pockets = confident, a little arrogant

left wink = bad time

right wink = friendly comedian

what i applied to him thus far:

out of character traits: playful, hyper, excited, childlike, forgetful type of innocent (“whats a [bad word]” “I tHoUghT yOu kNew?!!?!?!,” “no i forgot” “*alphys crying in the corner of confusion*”)

out of character acts: crying like a baby, screaming on wild rides, freaks out with a manly “HYaH!”, imitates animals, does his “ehhhhhhh” when gazing around, wanders around, waddles like a penguin, will hug you (like a kid that would hang on to their mother’s leg), doesnt wanna be left out, wants to try new things out of curiosity, complete mind of a child unless reminded of in-game events or other topics that could bring him back to normal, germophobic at times as woshua, meme surfing, gamer, good sport

in character, in-game traits: self-aware, relaxed. laid back, comedic, lazy, magical, goofy, silly, friendly deep, serious, scared, anxious, jealous, nilhilistic, hopeless. depressed, pressured, stressed.

in-character, in-game acts (and im not getting this from zarla’s old skeleton ACTs comic):

sneak

greet

trick

alert

annoy

pun

assure

joke warn

listen

spin

advice (blue stop sign)

guess

assure

tell

place puzzle

trick

react

papyrus fact

stare

papyrus fact

ask

react

worry

work

ask (grillbys)

slack

lie

ask (dinner)

story

Think

continue

Death Glare

Explain

Judge

call

root

text

cry (“help i’m getting slandered”)

text

dismiss

glimpse

leave

ride

at least, thats only pacifist.

my username is not sans worthy but i can tell you im a good sans roleplayer. heck, i even have my own sans who self-disciplines me, or i roleplay him myself irl. its harmless, cause he isn’t real. i affect his character more than his influence and traits affect me. i completely ruined him into a better person, he’s very happy now and got along more with his friends. i even made papyrus not yell at him anymore. i made these monsters have... a happy life.

any questions or concerns, pm or ask. also, if you see any undertale or deltarune chats, invite me. i know a lot about it, and have headcanons to share too.

if this post makes you think i outsans’d you, please dont look at it that way, otherwise you’re just jealous the same way as feeling how artists are better than you. we all have our ways how we view, act, and use characters like sans, as we all have an art style that can be unique and improved overtime, BOTH by inspiration from other fandom and art content. some rp his genocide side, some like me rp his bright side. this isn’t a canon character roleplay competition.

people can be so sensitive and raging mad sometimes, i dont mean to be so braggy or too honest, this is all from what i know about sans and how i rp him

#undertale #sans #sans undertale #undertale sans #sans the skeleton #my rp experience

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mieczyhale · 4 years

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aright

i've always tried to avoid anti nonsense and general fandom negativity, no matter what fandom it is, it makes things less stressful and more fun. but when i’m sitting in my dumpster and happen upon some bullshit its uhh difficult for me to not say something

so lemme fuckin tell y'all

i am not here for any anti-dave / anti-klave commentary ever. i dont want to see even a hint of it and so running into it, while reading the comments on a klave post bc i like to read other peoples love for their love, is so fucking annoying. now i guess it was partially my bad for reading comments in the first place BUT given my tua fandom experiences thus far i had no reason to expect such bullshit. so.. i was reading a short post about them staying together and then there were shitty replies and reblogs and a fight and im just like ????? with plenty of instant irritation.

nobody - NOBODY - cares that you think klaus continuing his relationship with ghost!dave would be "unhealthy" (which.. no*) or that you want klaus to get closure and move on OR that fuck dave klaus should just get a new boyfriend. if that's how you feel make your own post, keep it in your own negative space, i dont wanna fucking see it. nor do i wanna have any interaction with you AT ALL if im being honest

*y'all really be overusing words AND y'all be doing so wildly and incorrectly. no i will not expand on that, i will not explain to you why it's wrong (at least not right now because lord knows i'll probably get drunk later and decide to word vomit my feelings about klave again)

like... okay. listen. there's enough negativity around here and enough stories where happiness doesnt last - especially for gay characters - and i just want them to be allowed to have that happiness no matter how unique or improbable the situation. if heteros can get shit like that then why cant we?? the love at first sight and soulmates and 'you're the only one for me' and the happy ending. beating all the odds to be together! if anyone deserves it it's klaus - all on his own, he's suffered enough thanks - but also with dave - he's the love of klaus's life, who treated him with all the love and kindness and respect he hadn't experienced before, who made klaus genuinely happy and who made him want to be better - not by forcing him or guilting him but by loving him like.. fuck off if you dont think that's the best otp shit

for those whose issue is the lack of dave in s1:: yeah the show may not have given us a lot of info on dave, which sucks, but cody ray thompson provided AND ALSO there's all of the fic writers in this fandom who write klave - who have fleshed dave out to be a real and deep character (god bless each and every one of you. you're doing the lord's work) enough so that there are a lot of consistencies across the board, things that stay the same from writer to writer. he's a whole real character! the shows lack of a backstory for him doesnt make dave unimportant or disposable or less valid as a love interest. especially not when the fandom got hold of him

*insert that meme 'i took the liberty of sprucing up your boy' here*

anyway.. thats kind of an off place to stop ranting but ive already wasted too much time on this, trying to get out my thoughts at all let alone in a way that sort of made sense, and now im a lil stressed and a lil sleepy lmao

so!! my ask & messages are open to anyone who wants to come say words about anything, it doesnt have to be tua but that is a quality topic. i might defend klaus and dave like an absolute banana but i swear i dont bite

#this is a mess but so am i.#me unloading about pro and anti klave nonsense. thats literally all this is.#not at all important but i had to get it out of my system so i can move on with my day. which has been p good otherwise so!! woo!!#maison speaks #tinysquidrachel

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dorkcresswxll · 6 years

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i went...... hard y’all this is so extra and embarrassing but i spent like,, over an hour writing this down so ur all gonna see it u better.

Why did you choose to play the character that you do at Crimson Revolt?

im gonna be honest like………………………………. i picked dirk bc i wanted to play ezra miller lmao. I KNOW HOW SHALLOW THAT IS DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN!!!!!!!! alright so before i apped for crt the first time i was at…… a pretty low place confidence-wise bc i’d just left the first rpg i ever joined (also the first rp thing i ever did) and it was a pretty,,,, messy departure lmaoo i gotta admit i could’ve handled that better orz. BUT ANYWAY so i went looking through the ezra miller fc tag bc i’d just discovered this fabulous person and had vague ideas about a character that could fit the fc (dramatic, cheeky, a lil flamboyant) and was also thinking “i will never fall in love with a character the way i did my previous ones again” and more dramatic bullshit along those line bc like i said,,, bad time. obviously i didn’t find any active rpgs that had him in use so i checked crt bc i’d seen it around before and liked the look of it, so i sent the main an ask like “do you see ezra miller working for any of your open characters?” the admin at the time pointed me to barty crouch, peter pettigrew and dirk cresswell.

i just want to take a moment to digest that i could literally have played any of these three, cause all i had at the time was a vague idea of a character and a fc to match. i remember i spent days trying to decide between barty and dirk cause neither skeleton fit my vision perfectly and they both seemed aimed more towards an angry jock-type character (especially dirk his fc was miles teller which…. should give u a good idea of what the admin at the time had in mind for him) ( i mean the first skeleton. the one on the main now is one i rewrote after the main crashed back in june.) (just to clarify: the original skeleton had just as much potential to evolve to a complex and intriguing character as any other skeleton here at crt. i just had my vaguely dramatic ezra miller bby and i wanted it. lmao.) but i liked challenging set characterizations and bringing unique perspectives to contrast against any expectations the admin/s might have about a character. which is why i tend to go for skeleton rps, you get more freedom with those. eventually i decided on dirk bc i liked the sound of aversio and grey moralities appeal to me greatly. i spent a long time delving into the character’s backstory and personality and all those deep-seated insecurities and compelling contradictions that make dirk up to be the person he is now. by the time i submitted the app i was thoroughly in love with the character and haven’t stopped since. he’s my most developed and my most beloved character to play thus far.

Do you have a favorite holiday?

NOPE. as long as im surrounded by people i love and a lot of snacks im good.

Do you prefer coffee or tea? Perhaps neither, or both?

coffee. coffee coffee coffee.

What is your personality type?

INFP-T. the mediator. 86% introverted lmaooo.

What is your Hogwarts House?

ahhh. when i first read the books a few years ago i was like ‘iM A SLYTHERIN DONT TOUCH ME!!!!!’ but i…………literally have the subtlety of a bulldozing stampede of rhinos im sure y’all noticed. i took the pottermore test and had the glaring red n gold show up on my face and i shut the laptop down so fast like liES I BELIEVE NONE OF THIS. then i took a fan-made test that put me in ravenclaw and i was like…………….. ok i accept this compromise i can work with that. lmao im such a gryffindor tho don’t look at me im just *flops* pottermore was right….. i accept my place now i have stopped running from the truth orz.

What is your Zodiac Sign?

Taurus.

Three most recently watched on Netflix?

SURPRISE! i don’t have netflix. most recent stuff i watched tho are Stranger Things 2, IT (2017) and…. i can’t remember orz. but im obsessed with stranger things taLK TO ME ABOUT STEVE HARRINGTON PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH *SOBS*

Describe your ride-or-die friend.

don’t call me out like this…………………………………. i don’t make friends in real life people are difficult and i am awkward orz.

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?

the ability to focus whenever i want at whatever i want for however long i want and actually manage to be productive with my time. what do u mean this is not a superpower i need it to be one.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

i have no sleep schedule to speak of. sometimes i sleep at five am and wake up at eight am to get to my classes, then have a six hour nap when i get home and stay up until four am again. sometimes i go to bed on eight pm and wake up at four in the morning and still sleep through my classes, take a small four hour nap when im home and spend obligatory time with the fam for a couple hours lmao. it’s like im just sleeping or waking up either way im always a step removed from a zombie. there is. no reason for any of this i just do it.

What is your favorite color?

YELLOW. it’s so bright and sunny and iouwodc. i love it.

What is the last book you read? What is your favorite?

ahhhh i can’t remember my memory is failing me. which is sad cause i used to pick up a new novel every other day but i just can’t be bothered anymore ugh. i think my favorite was the whole PJO & HoO series’ – i haven’t read the last book yet tho, so i’ll start rereading all ten books when i get the chance.

Where would you rather be right now?

on a bed. sleeping. alone. with a lot of blankets. solitude appeals to me on such a deep level guys u don’t even know.

Have you ever watched the sunrise?

the ones i remember are three – once when i was a kid with my mom, bc i wouldn’t go to sleep and it was approaching sunrise and i rambled about wanting to see the sun come up so my mom was like………………… ‘*throws hands up* ok u lil monster u win’ and took me to the roof to watch the sunrise lol. it was glorious. and cold. bc winter. the second time was with my cousins who were sleeping over (for the first time in a loooong tiiiimmmeeee) and we decided to spend the night up on the roof bc why not. the last time was with my brother i think he was up there fixing something or the other and i was just there….. to be annoying lmao.

Do you listen to music when you write? If yes, what kind of music?

oh no i can’t. i need everything and everyone to be quiet or i can’t write a thing.

What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse/s?

what do i love about playing dirk…… his impulsive and his bright attitude and his endless optimism. he has such an uplifting presence and a cheeky sort of charm that makes it impossible for people not to love him, that makes his worming into other people’s hearts so entirely predictable and entertaining to play out. he is a myriad of contradictions – the difference between what he thinks everyone deserves and what he thinks he deserves is appalling, and with time it becomes clear that when he says things like “everyone needs someone to lean on” or “everyone could use some support” he is not referring to himself as a part of this ‘everyone’, if even on a subconscious level, does not find himself worthy of such kindness. he is a character so full of love he is spilling and overflowing with it, his raw emotions and his turbulent nature one of the dearest parts of him to me. the thin line he walks between being kind and violent, loyal and unforgiving, genuine and secretive. all the little details that make him up are reason for me to love him as dearly as i do.

What’s your favorite type of weather?

cold, but not too cold, y’know? just enough to wear a jacket but not so much you spend the night under five covers and a thermometer lmaoo.

What’s your best RP experience?

crt. no contest. and im not just saying that cause i’ve been in a bunch of rpgs by now and they all either a) lack dedicated admins/members b) are cliquey and non-inclusive at all or b) fall into inactivity a meager month or two after opening. crt is one of a kind.

Who inspires you?

this is actually a tough question cause i never really stop to think about it?? i draw inspiration from everything around me and it’s kinda like…. im constantly absorbing stuff from the environment im in and it’s like i’m always half-thinking about writing at any given moment, if that makes sense?? dunno.

Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way and explain how!

ahhh okay so. before i tried roleplaying i stumbled upon this rpg in the fandom tag over a year ago and it’s basically been the catalyst for my time in the rpc. i was looking through the character’s blogs and found someone playing peter and i was like……….. not fond of peter at the time tbh but this person’s writing was so fucking incredible i checked their blog daily, just to see how this thread or that thread would go. their take on a character i’d only held distaste for before was so compelling and complex i was drawn in all the way, i’d even come to love the character so much and was constantly disarmed by the smallest to the biggest details in that person’s characterization – at least the details i could pick up on, some i’m sure went way over my head at the time. some details i still remember vividly and they’ve helped me shape my first character and have influenced my writing thereafter. i learned a lot about the duality of a character’s mind and how to express inner conflict by observing that person’s writing. (yes i sent them a nerdy af message gushing about all that bc they hadda know man…. they hadda know.)

#( ooc.)

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