#I have comfort nostalgia vids I like watching too. that just. mean a lot to me. I’m happy. that my videos can give u that feeling!

[pepperpixel]

Hello! I watched your speedpaints on repeat when I was in middle school (like 6 years ago) and sometimes still go back and watch them for the sake of nostalgia and good music. I just wanted to let you know you’ve touched my life and left a print, thank you 🤍

Thank you. So so much. For sending me this??? The me who made all those youtube videos. Doesn’t exist anymore. Life got harder. In so many new and horrible ways. And that like. Spark to create kinda died. And also I had more important shit to worry about all of a sudden. But. Knowing that it left on impact on someone enough to send me a message. Years after I’ve stopped making them tho. Idk.. that means something.. I appreciate you didn’t forget about me! (/my videos lol. I kno u don’t kno me. My vids and art feel a bit like. An extension of me tho? In a way. But I kno that it’s not a 1:1 thing. My art an videos express thoughts ideas and feelings of mine. But they are not. Me. Just lil slivers of me.. Tiny lil portions from specific moments in time.)

Sometimes it feels like those videos were just a flash in the pan. A brief moment of attention and fame I didn’t grab onto hard enough… and now the moments long gone. but. I didn’t rlly want to grab onto it, I just wanted to make fun videos. And show off my music taste lol. And express. The music videos my brain would create in my head into the real world. And then I got too busy w real life kicking my ass. (Ps. life has now stopped kicking my ass!! It’s gotten better. Just. Not the same as it was before) Maybe I’ll get back into it one day. If I have any new ideas. Once I get stable and know what I’m doing. And get like an iPad or something so I don’t have to wrangle w my laptop lol. But yeah!!! Srry.. I’m rambling a lot.. this message just made me emotional ok! I’m being openly vulnerable in turn hopefully that’s not too weird lol. I’m happy my videos had an impact on your life!! That means. A fucking ton. Like. Words cannot properly express the weird happy feeling that gives me in my heart. Thank you so much!! For real!!! Srry for getting all in depth about my life again this message just!!! Struck an introspective chord w me!!!

#like.. god damn #I guess it’s like… when I think about back then. and now. it’s weird. it’s so so weird #but this rlly! made me really happy to read!!! Srry if my reply is inarticulate or weird I’m bad at words and this is like a complicated #emotion to express without getting way too sappy and introspective and vulnerable #so I gave up on not being sappy and introspective and vulnerable to try and express it! #but I probably still didn’t do it 100% properly lol. hopefully u get the idea tho! #so yeah. thank u lol #I hope u have a good life dude! from: the guy who made those vids u liked… #time and life are so weird.. I hope we all get to have good life’s. u ask person #me. anybody reading my tags. anybody not reading my tags. idk!!! I just hope shit goes well! and we can get thru the bad times! #and have a good time. bein alive. to the best of our abilities… #ok. I’m gonna shut up now. this has gotten sappy and emotional enough ghghg #thank u.. again… Srry for goin off in weird tangents my brain just felt compelled #I have comfort nostalgia vids I like watching too. that just. mean a lot to me. I’m happy. that my videos can give u that feeling! #assks #sorry that’s my tag for. responding to asks. I promise I’m not calling u an ass #idk why I made that my tag ghgh- lil me was fuckin stupid lol #I say that w affection but I def was ghg. ok now for real for real shutting up! thank u again!

[aemoonie]

Renjun anon here! I think I need to claim some emoji for my asks to make it easier to identify myself, so uhhhm can I be ☕ anon? Anyways onto the podcasts bc I have some thoughts as well.

I also felt that haechan was quite shy at first, and he mentioned he's a shy person to people he doesn't know, and that he's always been too nervous to talk to red velvet bc he views them as more established in the industry. What also stuck out to me is when Haechan mentioned his mom and how supportive she is but that she's worried about certain things his work involves that he has to be careful about.

NoMinHyuck were definitely more quiet than I thought they would be but their interviews were really nice. It was nice to see jaemin be so included bc he seems to zone out or be in his had (I feel like we saw another introverted jaemin moment), but i'm glad that boy drinks regular coffee now, he's down to my daily caffeine level of 2-3 cups. I sideeye Eric for drinking 3-4 cups though 👀. I loved how comfortable they felt, especially jisung bc it's hard to make him truly relax and open up like that. It was nice to see him tease mark a bit by saying mark talks a lot lol.

I was also glad they asked mark about Canada and whether he's homesick, i'm glad he mainly isn't and tbh I didn't even know his fam moved to Korea for him, that's so sweet!! There was this fancall where the fan was from vancouver and mark kept on asking her where exactly she's from and to tell him things when the girl was just trying to ask her question lol so he probably still thinks of Canada from time to time. Or when Eric asked him about this speech he did where he thanked god and how having strong beliefs like that was unique and how surprised Mark was bc noone really brought his religious beliefs and values up before.

Btw regarding renjun I watched the third part of the hello future past, present, future vids where he mentions that to him freedom is basically like drinking coffee in a forest and how he'd want to do that and just relax in nature. I find it so fascinating that he speaks in metaphors like that. I read a comment that he probably overthinks a lot or is in his head and would just want to live a quiet, comfortable life, and I mean who wouldn't want that? I also noticed in the podcast that for some reason Eric didn't really know that renjun is ethnically korean and asked him how he speaks it so well lol. Finally I think Jeno was the one who mentioned to Eric that Eric is known for his manners (which shocked Eric lol) and that they all felt very comfortable which was really lovely to see!

I also feel like they know how to navigate the industry by now, multiple members said that when they were younger they thought they had to do everything like how others wanted (and I think this goes for both the fact that they're so handled in their job and were literally groomed as minors and the pressure they probably felt from the public) but they feel like they can do things their way, which is good, and I think they're all having some realizations as they get older and experience the same or similar things we do. I think it's partly why renjun feels like he just wants to relax and have time for himself, and is being more open to sharing his thoughts and being genuine. And also who wouldn't get overwhelmed in that career? But in general it is very rare to see someone be so open despite being famous. I read this post once about some actor, that I just can't seem to find, who described that to lessen the feeling of being in a very controlled environment he takes time for himself to do things like work out by himself or small things like that and I hope the dreamies can have little moments like that for themselves too.

yes that's a great idea lmao i'll use that tag from now on! <3

yeah, the haechan thing i didn't really know before so it was kinda nice to see this side of him! it makes sense that he feels comfortable with nct and the staff, so you wouldn't notice in their regular content. i feel it's kinda refreshing to see a different, more quieter side of all of them, actually! <3

i also think you could really see jeno taking on this kind of "leader" role between the three of them, he clearly felt responsible for giving answers and i kinda loved the way he gave little sounds inbetween what eric was saying. idk why but i like when people do that lmao. and the compliment thing was also super sweet and funny!

and YES oh god this boy and his coffee! 8 shots is really insane no wonder he had to cut it little by little. maybe it had something to do with his distaste of milk, but like get oat milk or smth dude o.O. i'm so glad he drinks regular coffee now T-T his mix sounded so wild, i would've made him sign some insurance if i was the barista T-T

oh, yes, the mark canada section was really heart-warming <3 i thought it was super nice to hear that his family moved for him, in earlier content i noticed when he talked about them he sort of had a hard time. but now i feel like there is more nostalgia when talking about canada for him, and less this emotional strain of missing his family, which i think is great!! i'm really happy for him <3 and his strong religious beliefs also add so much to his complexity as a person, i think in korea religion can be a touchy subject (esp. as an idol), and is considered smth really private. but i kinda like that he let's it shine through here and there and while i am not religious myself, i can respect that so much!

and renjun is just so <//3 he's so dreamy fr. he always finds such interesting ways to tell stories and describe things and you can tell that he thinks in a more abstract way. it's really intriguing to listen to him, i don't think i would ever get tired of it! and the way he looked at mark and jisung when they said they lost their rings <//3 mans was feeling betrayed lmao. and as a note, i think eric just didn't really look up his birth city all that much for which i can't really blame him. you'd kind of have to know that this area has korean influence and since he is also a foreigner, i don't really think it was a big deal and it wasn't to renjun i think (at least he didn't look irritated at all).

and your last point is sooo true, i know when everyone went crazy after go, talking about how much they grew up - but back then it was more physical and musically. but by now i think you can really feel how they matured and feel way more comfortable about who they are and what they do. as adults, i can imagine that the company is backing off of them at least a little bit, so i think they just enjoy they newfound "freedom" and a more mature character development. i have to say i noticed the biggest changes in renjun and jaemin, both kinda stopped portraying a certain image and feel super genuine now. and lastly, i think our boy jisung finally had some time to shine! for more quieter (or: calmer) idols, i think this podcast format is sooo much better than all those bigger variety shows! but i guess that's only natural, coming from an introvert myself lol.

i also hope they have these moments, it sounds like a great tip <3 i think you can kinda guess that they find these moments themselves, like jeno with his cycling or mark with his writing, or even haechan and his gaming. i just think it so nice to see the maturing mentally atm, it's kinda rare to see it so clearly in the industry (from an outsider's perspective)!

#☕ anon #replies 💌‧₊˚ #mndchldsung

[lovenliterature]

My thoughts on folklore

(all my personal stuff will be crossed out so u can skip if you want)

the 1

Giving me strong first love vibes

Highly vibe with thinking you’ve seen your ex when you haven’t, such a frequent experience

V much reminds me of Stan and like, its nice to imagine what could have been without disliking how things are

Like the line about how you should show if you want someone, prevents complacency and I like that, love is work and when you forget that inevitably it falls apart

It’s also kinda nice to realise how many things lead you to where you are - if one thing was different it would all change

Comfy reminiscence

Favourite lyric: in my defense, i have none/for digging up the grave another time

cardigan

feels quite a mature outlook on a relationship

V pragmatic

the first notes, straight into lyrics that just fill me with nostalgia

also like its not denying your feelings, you still feel like an old cardigan but you feel special AS that without changing

Peter losing Wendy is such a good line 10/10

Music vid gets points too tbh

Oof chasing shadows in the grocery line is high key relatable (literally being at uni with my ex anyone)

Stars around my scars now i’m bleeding feels like he’s distracting from the hurt he’s causing, he heals wounds while causing others god this is a mess

Favourite lyric: chase two girls, lose the one/when you are young, they assume you know nothing

the last great american dynasty

Probably one of the closest things to a bop on the album?

the font and background in the lyric vid are perfect

love the juxtaposition with the wedding was charming/if a little gauche and the parties were tasteful/if a little loud - it’s like she’s so close to being accepted but it’s always tinged with disapproval

Favourite lyric: either she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green or free of women with madness/their men and bad habits (the bridge is just stunning)

exile

god what do i even say about exile?? 

Made me fucking bawl my eyes out the first time I heard it

the two perspectives are just so relatable and heartbreaking 

Choosing Bon Iver to collab with?? Perfect, the voices mesh so well and its just gorgeous

the opening verse is very relatable and its so well articulated and Justin Vernon’s voice just really hits home 

the I gave so many signs is high key relatable and i really really feel that

Also just the concept of both of them being left with no home - 10/10, no breakup is seamless

Favourite lyric: like he’s just your understudy - it feels like you’re gonna jump right back in but you’re not, you’ve been recast

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/And you're the hero flying around, saving face - big oooooof, such a good way of showing how victims are expected to be the bigger person and be grateful idk

‘Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave - This is so relatable, like whenever you cut ties/fall out with someone you love this is such a strong feeling, they’re usually the ones backing you up and now its them you’re fighting with and that’s hard to reconcile

the bridge!!! OMG!!

Favourite lyric: and I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home

mirrorball

Also one that’s close to a bop

And I’m still a believer and I don’t know why - I know its not about disillusionment with politics/humanity but for me it’s very much, I want to believe in the goodness of people but fuck it’s hard

Favourite lyric: you’re not like the regulars/the masquerade revellers

seven 

My favourite song literally from the second I heard it

Like the whole vibe is so very me

and though I can’t recall your face/I still got love for you

Very much reminds me of Sam, I can’t remember that much about him but I can remember how close we were and how important he was to me and I wish nothing but good for him 

Love you to the Moon and to Saturn - sounds like it was written for me at about 7, Saturn was my favourite planet and this was the kind of music I listened to at that age, just v nostalgic

Verse 2 is just my favourite part of the whole song, the melody, hiding in the closet, everything. That youthful naivety really makes me think of my friends when i was little. Even when i had problems with my own dad i desperately wanted to rationalise my friend’s dad’s anger to protect her and she practically did come live with us.

Favourite lyric: And we can be pirates/Then you won’t have to cry/Or hide in the closet

august

Wow this one has about a million and one different meanings for me

Summer fling, being used, reminds me of a CERTAIN SOMEONE, took place either side of August especially with the alcohol imagery

Whispers of are you sure? - first relationship, so good at making me comfortable, let me take the lead

Will you call when you’re back at school? - first relationship, long distance

I remember thinkin’ I had you, both situations, the non-relationship thinking it could be more and the relationship thinking I wasn’t gonna lose him

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets - first relationship, the first time we had sex and just the first times we were able to relax and be open with each other, really nice innocent memory

Favourite lyric: August sipped away like a bottle of wine

this is me trying

Back to December vibes

Also sad vibes, no fixing what you’ve fucked up but you’ve gotta try

I don’t wanna relate too hard because relating to it means thinking about things I can't fix

Favourite lyric: They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential

illicit affairs

Make sure nobody sees you leave/hood over your head, keep your eyes down 

Feeling of hiding and being hidden, not sustainable

You feel like you aren’t worth loving, aren’t worth people knowing you love them

A drug that only worked/the first few hundred times 

Hmmmm Patch who the fuck could this apply to????

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me and For you, I would ruin myself

Value yourself higher boy but yes about a certain someone

Favourite lyric: And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/they show their truth one single time/but they lie and they lie and they lie

invisible string

Green was the colour of the grass/Where I used to read at Centennial Park juxtaposed with introducing him to Centennial Park - GORGEOUS, and highkey relatable

A string that pulled me/out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar - it’s always nice to see how relationships that didn’t work out can set you up for a better future

Favourite lyric: hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

mad woman

They strike to kill, and you know I will - yess bitch be angry

And there’s nothing like a mad woman - the notes and the delivery on woman give me CHILLS

The Pre-Chorus is gold, really relate to intensifying aspects of you that are criticised because yeah, fuck them

Favourite lyrics: No one likes a mad woman/what a shame she went mad/you made her like that

epiphany

Does this make me cry almost every time I hear it? Yes

The first verse being about war also makes me think about the mythologisation of healthcare workers as heroes, allowing governments to sacrifice them as martyrs

The melody of the whole song is gorgeous

Favourite lyric: Something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother/holds your hand through plastic now

the medics are equipped to deal with the practicalities of treating people but not the emotions and not the feeling of not being able to help or even let someone die with their loved ones

betty

I am not sapphic but this gives me major sapphic vibes and I would die for betty 

Give betty all the rights

Such a nostalgic vibe, fearless/fifteen/white horse/love story sound and i am HERE FOR IT

Also lots of red references and i love that

Really like figment of my worst intentions, turns a usually somewhat positive image upside down

In front of all your stupid friends? - really dude?? You cheated on her and now you’re insulting her friends??? What the fuck

Will it patch your broken wings? is a pretty line though

Favourite lyric: Would you tell me to go fuck myself?

peace

Natural assumption is that it’s about finding peace with a partner, i really like that it’s the opposite, committing to a relationship despite the chaos, despite the lack of peace

But I would die for you in secret - in the age of social media knowing someone has your back whether or not others are watching is so important (yes this sounds very pretentious i just mean like knowing that you’ve got that person no matter what is so important)

Favourite lyrics: Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other/Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother

hoax

The vibe is just very calm and melancholy and i rate that

I am ash from your fire - this is such a good rep of toxic relationships, defined in relation to your partner, burnt by their bright flames, left behind

Favourite lyric: You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark

#folklore #taylor swift #ts8 #my writing #music #lyrics #my thoughts on music

[vrcomputart]

12.11.18

ASMR RESEARCH FOR GROUP PROJECT

Now You’ve Got the Shiveries: Affect, Intimacy, and the ASMR Whisper Community by Joceline Andersen 11/11/14

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1527476414556184

ASMR - intention, affect

-          This paper “examine[s] how ASMR videos create pleasure through a distant intimacy that relies on the heteronormative gender roles of care and the aural impression of the whisper for its implementation and how their shared space on YouTube further defines that intimacy as public and communal”

-          The ASMR community creates and exchanges videos designed to trigger tingles through screens, denying its nonnormative intimate nature and “the transgressiveness of their digital pleasure”

-          Relaxing head tingles helps with stress and insomnia, inducing comfort and bliss

-          “In the case of ASMR, affect and emotion exist hand in hand, tethered by intentionality, memory, and nostalgia. In this paper, I will explore the connotations of intimacy and care that create the affective ASMR experience to examine the ASMR community on YouTube as sharing in a public and therefore nonnormative experience of distant intimacy that reflects, if reluctantly, the potential of digital communities to make us feel”

-          Aural triggers eg whispering, rustling paper, tapping are physiologically charged - an affective experience (Massumi)

-          “the intention of care has a role in the way that these experiences manifest an affective experience with a content of pleasure.” Some videos role-play everyday tasks, including sounds we may find annoying in our day-to-day lives, but the intention the viewer brings in (to relax) and the assumed intention of the creator (to help others relax) changes the experience to that of care

-          Founder of ASMR research called it “a more polite term for ‘orgasm’. Tenuous links between sensation and science – it is claimed to be an autonomous response, but is ultimately fringe science similar to binaural beat listeners, which brings us back to the point about intentionality. Perhaps it is more of a placebo, and more about the community formed?

Community and Youtube

-          ASMR is a public phenomemon, as it spread across all social media and not just niche sites: “The ASMR community is aligned not only by their quest for affective experience but by their desire to share it through online media…” 

-          Youtube is a big part of the community’s formation -  “youtube is the most public home of asmr”, “an archive and a site of creative exchange”

The voice

-          Usually delivered by female creators. Role-played performance rather than cold instructions. 

-          Voice is important – videos often only show certain body parts (hands, mouth). Focus directed to actions and gesures. Close-ups jar familiar conventions of how a person is framed on a screen. Meditative attention on body parts, sometimes to the point of abstraction. 

-          Sound over video: binaural recording is getting more popular;  “increasingly sophisticated audioscapes while the video quality remains poor. The video component is secondary to the experience and exists primarily because of the affordances of YouTube”

-          Whisper as powerful in a hypersonic world. The whisper requires a closeness between speaker and listener for communication. Connotations to intimate relationships like mother and child (or conversations you have at sleepovers with friends). “The whisper recreates intimacy without the need for physical presence”

-          Whisper demands more attention, so the listener is more intent on sounds, and considering most people use headphones, the effect of whispers in one’s ear are more intense. Private and intimate exchange despite it being public.

-          Quality of voice as carrier of meaning, rather than the words themselves. 

-          The whisperer is ‘hyper-present’, creating an intimacy, a presence made possible thru binaural mics and immersive headphone sound. Affect involves impressions, impression implies contact. Movement creates emotional content. 2 bodies are connected, are able to impress upon another.

Impression and non-normative intimacy

-          Impression created thru affect at a distance is crucially aural. Body casts its impression thru voice. Voice implies flesh body. Listening as act of touch (sound waves). Thus impressions are created through the voice and video (though video is not as affective as we’ve discussed above)

-          Affective impression at a distance – distant intimacy. Close personal attention is a trigger that suggests physical proximity, but is remotely evoked through video. And distant not only spacially but temporally too – you can watch a video a year later after it was released.

Distant intimacy can be useful for people who maybe experience social anxiety or cannot physically experience intimacy. Maybe it’s good cause it’s controlled (you choose when to watch, can pause if needed). And from the other side, you make one video and can touch many. Like an artwork, an encounter, a ‘disruptive’ force in a way.

Also interesting considering the emphasis placed on romantic, sexual relationships as the main, most valid source of intimacy and care. What about friendships and other platonic relationships? And what about a collective sense of care i.e. you don’t need to know someone personally to care about them

-          Distant intimacy – experienced as a group in absence of normal definitions of physical proximity make it “nonstandard intimacy”

-          Intimate experiences in heteronormative culture are limited to couples in private. So you can’t experience pleasure with strangers, especially sexual pleasure. ASMR falls into a zone  where “the spillage of eroticism into everyday social life seems transgressive in a way that provokes normal aversion”

-          ASMR pleasure ranges from relaxation to eroticism. A lot of creators claim it is non-sexual. The affective charge of ASMR emerges w/o standard ‘closeness’ (not in romantic couple context, not physically close in proximity) – so it is reluctantly placed in nonstandard intimacy.

-          Even though it is non-normative, creators still rely on normative scenarios of intimacy to provide emotional content behind the affective charge. Intimate care is provided by females. There is often a child-mother relationship being built between viewer and creator. Even when men make these videos, they participate in tasks gendered as female.

But female creators are choosing to do this – some empowerment? Do they get paid?

Summary: digital and physical

-          Tho enabled thru tech, ASMR still relies on attention to the body and its sensations. Exists thru video streaming platforms, low tech, is sensual thru reclaiming care paradigms of personal attention, touch and meditation thru distant intimacy. In sci-fi, digital pleasure enabled thru computers – films that imagine pleasure as a drug that hooks the brain to a computer, “a cyborg high”. Asmr stands between – addiction is not only pleasure but intimacy, relationship is not only distant but anonymous.

-          Ideal cyborg – uses computer to reinstate the body in shared experiences, rather than leaving out the body purely for mental digital experience. ASMR follows this dictum to the letter, uniting a group of people who use the archive provided by the Internet to focus intensely on a sensation triggered by the impression of a body transmitted through the ear in a nonnormative public experience of pleasure and distant intimacy.

-          Asmr relies on the intimacy and care. Relaxation carried through emotional content, not just the sounds. Asmr uses tech to create new access to pleasure. “the ASMR community allows us to examine what intimacy will look like as we are increasingly linked to each other through the Internet rather than in person.”

-          Distant intimacy breaks with heteronormative culture, releasing a digital-enabled intimacy that is a queer intimacy. While ASMR videos as shared on YouTube draw on real-world paradigms of care, the attachments that ASMRers have to videos beyond their sensory power helps us as media scholars to envision a future where these queer experiences of computer-enabled intimacy are as emotionally compelling as those of maternal care, personal touch, or sex. Whatever the affect created, it is clear that distant intimacy carries emotional value, and that these sensations can be released, by strangers and acquaintances, remotely through digital networks.

There are more noteworthy things to discuss, but I’ll end the notes here as there is already more than enough to digest.

Ideas

Create art that lies between ASMR, oddly satisfying videos (another topic I researched that felt close to ASMR), trance/visionary art aesthetic, music video, and modern witchcraft – providing vids that can be of service, as a form of queer care (nonstandard intimacy). Because for me, behind art, is a desire to relieve suffering through providing pleasure, a desire to care for the world and its creatures, to disrupt the status quo.

Maybe create a device or a platform/software to share the videos in their own context?

#theory

[jaeyooniverse]

🌹 anon!

Work was fine, except we had some severe thunderstorms here and when I got home around midnight there was no power. On the plus side, no power meant no lights so it was really dark and the fireflies were suuuper pretty!

I haven't watched anything else with Seo Inguk, but now I feel like I have to because he's so good! I don't think I've seen most of the dramas you mentioned, are they worth picking up? I really should keep a list of what I've seen, it would make things so much easier. The only thing I have is my watched list on viki but that's only for the dramas they have haha.

I have a lot of nostalgia for Boys Over Flowers bc I watched it when I was like....16ish? So it was right in my lane at the time haha. I couldn't rewatch the whole thing now though, I don't think it's aged very well tbh. 😅 The King: Eternal Monarch came out last year starring LMH and I really liked it, Woo Dohwan was SO good in his roles, I recommend the show just for him. 😆

Must You Go was cute, it just fell into some of the same problems I've seen a lot of mini series like that have. My favorite recent mini series is Color Rush, it has its flaws too but loved it. I reeeally want a second season, even though it'll probably never happen.

My problem with all the content is like....there's so much to catch up on, but inevitably I always end up on a tangent watching funny compilation videos people make instead of the original content haha.

Also I appreciate multiple paragraphs of rambling bc I'm the same. 😂

😊🌹

oh man is the power back now?? glad work was fine tho ^^ and omg yes fireflies are sooo pretty i love seeing them on my way home from work.

the drama i watched with Inguk was The Smile has Left Your Eyes(i originally watched it for Park Sungwoong...when I tell you I LOVE this man skhkshsv) I feel like his character in that is kinda similar? Very mysterious, emotionally challenged,, that sort of thing 💀 I remember enjoying it a lot i kinda wanna rewatch it.. it's a bit of a murder mystery/investigation drama with of course the touch of romance lol if that sounds like your cup of tea id say go for it!

Handmade Love is cute and touching the main character helps comfort people through tailoring (hence, handmade) it's on youtube, a really quick watch it probably takes abt 2 hrs to watch the whole thing! I enjoyed it 🥰

Hospital Playlist is even more touching I really enjoyed it im a sucker for close friends and family stories and just sentimental moments in general 😅 but I guess that's why I like kdramas in the first place haha

i mean you could always keep a note on your phone or like a handwritten note to keep track of everything lol but I like mydramalist since it keeps track of what you've watched, what you're currently watching, and what you plan to watch. it even helps you keep track of which episode you're on. people also post reviews and stuff but I don't do all that 😅

ahaha maybe thats it, it didn't age well 😂 I do remember feeling like I would've been all for it if I tried watching it years ago, or if it was one of the first kdramas i watched. Ooh I remember seeing he was in Eternal Monarch i think I added that to my watch list 😂 was the show itself good tho? I saw a review saying it was boring and just a bunch of product placement skgkshksh

Ohhh i totally forgot about Color Rush a lot of my mutuals watched it since Hyunjoon was starring in it! I should add that to my list before I forget 😂😂 im glad to hear it's good!

I mean no pressure there's no rush to watch everything just watch what you can/want to. those compilation vids are nice you can just watch all the funny parts 😂😂

haha okay im glad you don't mind the paragraphs 😁❤❤

#asks #🌹 anon

[trishuang-blog1]

but i see a lighthouse in the distance calling my name ; but i can't get there 'til i go through all of this pain. there's a glimmer of hope like an exhale of SMOKE in the sky; and sometimes you drain out all the shit that used to feel right.  (  empty swimming pools.  )

general info

full name: tristan huang ( birth name: huang chen-jui)

nickname(s): most usually call him by his name or tris

gender & pronouns: cisgender male / he/him

sexual & romantic orientation: bisexual demiromantic

age & dob: twenty-three / august 23rd

birthplace/hometown: new york city, new york

parents/siblings: - timothy huang (†), father - lanhee huang, mother - michael huang, older brother 

astrological sign: virgo

dominant hand: right

handwriting style: he’s got a heavy hand so his handwriting tends to come off rather dark with whatever tool he’s using. since he can write in both english and korean, just click the links and you can see an example of each!

language(s) known/spoken: english (first language), fluent in korean

religion: athiest

current living arrangements: he’s living in a two bedroom apartment, who he currently shares with minhyuk.

occupation/major: employed as the lead photographer for a local magazine, has a bachelors in digital photography

appearances

picture reference: 1, 2, 3, 4

blood type: a

nationality: american

skin tone/color: his skin tends to stay more on the fair side, but if you keep him outside long enough he’ll gain a lot more color and develop a darker tan than usual.

birthmarks & scars: n/a

height: 175 cm / 5′9″

build: lean, lightly toned, generally rather skinny

hair color: brown

hair length: it’s long enough to cover his forehead when his bangs aren’t styled but he keeps it trimmed and just short enough.

eye color: brown

eye shape: example

diet: tristan doesn’t really go out of his way to diet himself or limit himself on what he eats. he’s always been able to eat everything and anything and still not show it on his body. most of the time he’s eating fruits and noodles though, meats when he can afford them.

exercise & level of fitness: he used to work out more when he lived in the states, especially while in college, but hasn’t done so in awhile. 

how’s their posture ( or lack thereof )? he tends to be pretty controlled with his posture. most would look at the way he holds himself and see it as composed. the only time he’s ever slouching or slumping around is either at home or when he’s distracted on his computer editing (he tends to lean forward after awhile and get closer to the screen to focus better)

typical style of dress: very casual and comfortable. tristan hates being in any clothes that he can’t lounge around in for hours. has a big love of jean jackets. when he’s at home its the most casual he can get (aka probably a t-shirt or hoodie with shorts/boxers) but as for work he tends to actually try and dress with some kind of style. examples: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

body modifications: he’s got both his ears pierced. double lobe piercings on both as well as a cartilage on his right ear, that has a simple hoop in it. he’s also got a frenulum tongue piercing that he got when he lived in the states. he wears it daily and most don’t seem to notice it since it’s hidden.

body language and mannerisms

how does your muse walk? he tends to have a rather laid-back stride to the way that he moves. if his hands aren’t busy holding something (usually his camera or phone) then he’ll have them shoved in pockets or anything he can to not have them hanging down by his sides. he’s a bit of a fast walker as well without really meaning to be. most would think he’s in a rush most of the time!

how does your muse talk? he’s got a calm tone of voice almost always. tristan can’t even remember the last time he actually raised it or yelled at someone. when he’s speaking english he doesn’t even think twice about how he’s talking and tends to speak rather fast, but when he’s speaking in korean he’s a little slower and more paced, as if he’s making sure the words he’s saying are correct. there are a lot of ‘um’ and ‘uh’ that slip in between words when he starts struggling.

what accent/dialect does your muse talk with? he definitely has more of an americanized dialect when he speaks korean, and he has a bit of a new york accent when he speaks english as well.

how high (or low) is the tone of their voice? are they loud or quiet? his voice is kind of in the middle - probably a little more low than it is high, but his tone is always even and he’s never loud.

what is their laugh like? it’s lighter than his normal tone of voice. a bit more bubbly, giggly and energetic when he does it. he’s actually got multiple laughs and they all just kinda come out depending on how much a situation is actually funny to him. he’s also prone to laughing silently and using his entire body to show it when something is particularly funny to him! (honestly just look up vids of mark’s laugh and there you go bc that’s legit tristan’s laugh)

how does your muse typically smell? he’s actually a pretty clean person, but also doesn’t actively use things like colognes and what not unless its a special occasion. he uses a hair + body wash called “mahogany wood” that is described as fresh mahogany, bourbon vanilla and golden amber. so there you go i guess.

what kind of air do they carry? are they intimidating? tristan is probably the least intimidating person you can meet. he comes off pretty quiet when people first meet him, although he’s nothing but kind and encouraging when you try to talk to him. he has an aura of gentleness to him that can affect those around him. once you get to know him though he’s still all of the things above just with a bit more of his quirky nature and sense of humor thrown into the mix.

psychology

what makes your muse happiest? he’s probably the happiest when he’s with other people whose company he enjoys. tristan, when by himself, can become a little caught up in nostalgia and get a little lost in his head. he’s a lot more forlorn when he’s alone, so when he’s with people whose energy can push that part of him away and make him smile, he’s genuinely happy to be with them. photography used to bring him happiness as well but his muse has wavered over the years due to the death of his father, but his heart still reaches for it when he needs to distract himself, and he’s sure he’ll find his happiness for it once more.

what upsets them the most? being shut out is probably the biggest thing that could upset tristan, that or being lied to, but even regardless of those two things its very hard for him to hold onto a grudge or stay angry. he was angry and bitter for far too many years in his past and because of the things that happened back then, he finds that he’s a little too eager to forgive sometimes, if anything to be a little easier on his heart. but when he’s upset it’s because his feelings genuinely got hurt. but most only have to talk to him and things get figured out.

does your muse have any quirks? he tends to bite his nails when he’s nervous or worried about something, he’ll also get lost in thought and end up with one of those wide-eyed, staring off into the distance expressions. he also has a habit of jiggling his leg when he’s trying to focus or very into his work and photo editing.

what are their hobbies? how frequent do/can they do them? taking pictures, editing pictures, exploring new places, hanging out with friends, binge watching tv shows or marathoning movies, learning and practicing his korean, trying out new places to eat. when tristan isn’t working he’s either at home lounging around or out with the multitude of friends that he has made. so he can hang out rather frequently.

do they have any guilty pleasures? tristan would be that person who would openly state that nothing that he enjoys is something he’d feel guilty about.

is your muse an extrovert? an introvert? neither? definitely an introvert.

do they have high or low self-esteem? what about confidence? tristan has never dealth with self-esteem issues. he’s never really been worried about what other people think about him and has kind of marched to his own drum while growing up (which had gotten him into some tricky situations but he learned from them), but he’s also not overly confident either. i guess the best word for it would be he’s comfortable with himself and how he looks and who he is.

are they easily stressed? how do they respond to stress? he’s not easily stressed but once he finally gets to the point of stressed, his anxiety gets triggered pretty easily and its hard for him to calm down from it all. but it’s doubtful that anyone would actually even be able to know when he’s stressed out because he won’t want to openly show that. he’ll figure it out on his own.

what is your muses worst fear? abandonment, being left by someone he cares deeply for. it used to be the ocean but you know, sometimes life changes that shit.

what is your muses biggest dream? tristan doesn’t have any big dreams. if someone were to ask him that question he’d be the embodiment of ???? because he wouldn’t know how to answer it. he’s never been a dreamer and it will probably stay that way for awhile.

is your muse an early riser? a night owl? definitely an early riser but he’ll stay up late as well regardless of how early he has to get up.

how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it? tristan is actually both very book smart as well as street smart. he did very well in school and had a natural ability to just pass tests with good grades and seem as though he barely studied for them, but it has more to do with his ability to retain information very well and just simply remember things. studying wasn’t ever an issue because he had to read through it once and then it all just clicked. he doesn’t outwardly acknowledge stuff like that though because there isn’t any point to it. he’s very good at remembering things. that’s legit the godsend that got him through schooling. as for street smarts, he liked to call it having common sense.

what is their sense of humour like? it doesn’t take much to make him laugh. honestly, it doesn’t. but he finds people with loud, energetic, and boisterous personalities to be naturally funny all on their own and he vibes well with them because of that. people with funny habits or personalities will make him laugh. he also finds sarcasm funny and any types of dry humor or witty commentary. 

relationship tendencies

what’s their sexual orientation? what about romantic? his sexual orientation is bisexual, he has always been attracted to both sexes. his romantic orientation is demiromantic, meaning that tristan really does not develop feelings for people unless he knows them on a personal level where he’s connected emotionally. developing a ‘crush’ was practically unheard of for him. he either had no feelings or he had all of them, and it was only ever with certain people who he felt completely comfortable and bonded with.

are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships? while he’s in no romantic relationships, he does have sexual relationships (wow kids cover your ears) from time to time if he’s feeling interested enough in it. as of right now he is in one sexual relationship.

what is their experience with relationships? he’s had small ones here and there while growing up but never anything serious. he can’t even really count the girls and few guys that he’s dated and messed around with as anything even close to what someone would consider a ‘relationship’. he’s just never really been attracted or interested in someone enough to go for it.

how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one, or would they ever? tristan views the idea of friends with benefits as something that nobody should really be developing opinions about if it’s none of their business. he’d be a bit of a hypocrite anyway if he ever chastised someone for having a fwb relationship because he’s in one right now. it’s working out well. they are always going to be more friends than anything else, and that’s whats important to him.

sex, is it important to your muse? it’s not what tristan looks for when it comes to romance or what he’s seeking. he does like sex a lot, obviously, but it’s not going to determine anything in his head. it’s important but its not everything.

what are their biggest turn on and turn offs? for turn ons in general its a sense of humor that usually gets him, but he’s also very attracted to eccentric personalities and people who are truly and wholly them. he’s also got a thing for smiles and little quirks. for sexual turn ons he’s big on teasing and marking. dirty talk and encouragement. he’s a switch so whatever position he takes it really doesn't matter, but he’s also a huge pleaser when he’s on top and as long as the other receiving it is enjoying it and showing it, then that’s a turn on as well. as for turn offs it would be things like rudeness, bad attitudes and aggressive behavior, and it would be that way sexually as well. 

does your muse find it easy to make friends? being as nice as he is naturally, it’s not hard for tristan to make friends when he really goes out of his way.

how important is friendship to them? friendship is everything to tristan. it’s what has gotten him through some of the darkest days in his life. it’s what has gotten him through his move to seoul and what has gotten him to where he is now. he’s honestly nothing without them.

quantity or quality of friends? quality. there is no question about this.

how important is family? family is important to him, it always will be, but it’s not what he needs right now or anymore.

are they close to their family? why or why not ? tristan used to be close in the normal sense of them being a family and doing family things together, and he has fond memories that he holds onto and likes thinking about sometimes, but they were never close. he barely knew his older brother, his father was more of a stranger to him than he ever realized, and his mother was just lost. after his brother moved away and his father died, it’s really only been tristan and his mother, who he left in new york to start over for his own sake. he’s close to her and he loves her and calls her every few days to check in on her and make sure she’s doing alright, but his whole family concept has been shattered and is a little beyond fixable now.

headcanons

tristan had a very bad habit of smoking cigarettes and doing drugs while in high school, as well as drinking and doing anything illegal that he could just for the thrill of it. he smoked actively up until a month before he moved to seoul - part of his whole ‘clean slate’ mindset and want to start over. he hasn’t touched a cigarette since, nor any drugs, and drinks alcohol only socially now.

he was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder in high school and when that comes out to play from time to time, he suffers from insomnia really badly as well.

he is not a good swimmer. at all. it’s why he used to (still is) afraid of the ocean or just open water in general. his ass would drown in a second if it’s too deep.

he’s never had any pets. but he loves animals.

he’s got some bad fucking allergies that like to flare up with the season changes. catch him with a face mask literally 24/7 and popping antihistamines like they’re going out of style. he also develops an allergy-induced asthma when this happens so he has an inhaler for emergencies. he’s very miserable for the first few weeks of new seasons.

if he had to choose between sugary foods or salty foods, he’d choose salty every single time.

once he finally falls asleep he barely ever moves. legit, he stays in that one spot that he fell asleep in and doesn’t roll around or anything. he may shift from time to time but usually he’s a damn log once he’s out.

he saves pictures forever. he’s got thumb drives full of pictures and they’re all dated/labelled so that he knows what they are. is that considered hoarding? or more like organized hoarding? who knows. but it’s legit in the thousands.

#seoultask #██ 𝑩𝑬𝑻𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑵.𝑻𝑾𝑶.𝑳𝑼𝑵𝑮𝑺 ⟶ tasks ◞ #rip my soul this took forever but i finally did it #im like done w my other task too i just gotta do PHOTOSHOP STUFF SADKLFJLSKAD #also i got v emo abt tristan doing this like damn??? these questions??? fucked me up #also yes i did legit use marks actual handwriting for the korean example of tris dont @ me i dONT CARE #IT FITS HIM OK LAKSDFJLASKDF

[gsmatthews95]

A journey to the heart of Bavaria

A DOUBLE POST. I'm so sorry I actually forgot to post the last piece I wrote last week.... I've been busy... Actually not really... More lazy I'd say, however not as lazy as many may lead me to believe as I post my ultimate and final piece of this epic five month literary masterpiece that has explained, over exaggerated and immortalized the past, and last, five months of this trip. It has been momentous. It has spanned many a country. There has been fun. There has been culture. There has been beers. It has been exceptional, however, as I write this in the departure terminal of Berlin tegel airport heading home for the first time in 13 months, I am excited to be heading home. There is trepidation, a new era of my life awaits, but, the thought of seeing people I haven't seen for over a year, seeing my family, seeing Roland and even seeing the yids been barca at Wembley is driving me on. Possibilities is the word of the day. Deep I know, I'm just writing this so you don’t judge me so much when I write the actual meaty part of this article, which will be arriving imminently. I'll post now on the back of a few weeks in ze Deutscheland, mainly in Berlin but with a few days down in deep Bavaria, doing all things German. Yes everything. This involved: beers, hiking, eating sausage, saying tchussi, looking at pretty buildings, obeying j walking rules, discussing brexit, meeting an old friend and, oh yes I remember, drinking more beers st Oktoberfest. It was very fun.

As I headed down on my flixbus, I anticipated what these 3 and a half days had in store for me, I was excited, raring to get started and seeing Manuel, who I hadn't seen for 4 and a half years. Wow long. Would we still be friends? Would we recognize each other? Would he find me as intensely irritating as the majority of the rest of the world? After all lots has changed in the last 5 years, and I mean lots. I feel like a new person post gap year, uni and second gap year. It was unbelievably comforting therefore, to realise immediately, literally within 3 seconds, how nothing had changed. Conversation was never forced, all was comfortable and he had a good plan, now I knew it would be a good trip. The first evening was uneventful. Not bad by any means, exactly what we needed in fact, a whistle stop tour of Munich, a taste of the local beer brewed next to the monastery manu went to school in, ye that local and our first maaaaaaaas (1 liter of beer, yummy) before we headed back to tegensee (is that how you spell it) but Ill get to that. First I need to briefly mention a phenomenon I've never seen before and even after explanation from manu before we got there, something I had no idea what to expect. Dont expect to understand  it just reading this, apologies. So it is an artificial wave on the river in the middle of Munich. It is maybe 10 meters wide and is always going. It is a mecca for surf bums from apparently all around the world. World famous in the surfer dude world. Rad eh? Or gnarly? I dunno I don't surf. It was however, EXTREMELY impressive as they surfed from side to side rapidly, doing their little tricks and jumps for the ever growing crowd who. Completely ignoring privacy ideas, filmed the whole lot. This included yours truly as I filmed a wee vid for memories sake. That was cool. The rest of Munich is beautiful. The building are all nice, well up kept and most importantly, colourful. I like colourful and painted buildings. Oh yeah we also climbed up a church to get a nice panoramic view of the city, very nice if not a wee bit tiring and sweaty. Anyhow, in tegensee we visited the famous tegensee brewery and even saw the monastery Manuel was educated in, very cute. We also consumed another beer and half a pig together as we munched down two bangin meals, George approved. Manu, day 1 was successful. 

On to day 2. With an early night under our belts it was an early (read early as: 9am) start as we prepared for a hike. Ooo exercise. The fourth of Manu's week, the second of my month maybe. Having arrived in the dark I couldn't see the surroundings of the house as such I had a rough idea of what I  might expect but these expectations were far below the reality as I woke up in awe of the landscape surrounding the house. I can only describe it as living in the Alps. Which is literally where we were. The mountains towered on all sides of us with the Xmas trees adorning each summit. Sadly no snow. Although this made for a much more enjoyable, Clear and warm hike. So usually when heading on a six hour hike in the alps you may need to drive somewhere first or get a bus or train. With kreuth, this is not the case. From the back door we wandered thru the picturesque, tiny alpine hamlet towards our everest. The hike was beaut. Not too strenuous, but hard enough and long enough to make us feel like we got our exercise for the holiday and give us a carte Blanche for Oktoberfest he he he. It was the classic situation when the tourist is stopping for photos every two minutes as each view gets better than the previous. The sun was shining the mountains were infinite and there was barely anyone there, a perfect threesome some would say. Having only got lost once (and only slightly) and with me only asking "are we there yet twice?" We hit the summit. EXITO. A very nostalgia moment from the glory days of bariloche in Argentina. Off came the shirts, out came the sandwiches and the sunbathing began. It was lush. When fully whelmed we headed for a beer at a little chalet thing. And headed home in anticipation of meeting a new puppy and then oktoberfesting. So the best surprise of the trip was undoubtably the datshund (sausage dog) puppy. Oh my lord he was adorable. So small. So scared and so perfect. He was amazing. With a little brown beard and brown feet he was the epitome of perfection to me, sadly all good things have to come to an end and this good thing was cut so cruelly short as we rushed to catch the train to Munich for some beers in lederhosen. The journey continued up to the next chapter which will most probably be written in less adoring detail as the details blur slightly and tales become less "travel blog worthy"....

Our destination in Munich was Manu's friend, Georg's house. Pronounced gay-org. So we had a Georg and a George, a nice meeting of cultures... Or just two similar names from different countries. He was at Oktoberfest however, so our plan was to get to his apartment, get let in by a friend, put on the lederhosen (I was wearing Manuel's brothers), get drunk enough for a club and then find the after club. We did this all very successfully if I say so myself drinking g n t with ice, being classy while saving money and time. The night was good as we wandered to the club thru the swathes of drunk oktoberfesters and had a boogy. This led us to the next morning. The real Oktoberfest. It was an early kick off, 9:30am, heavy. We donned the lederhosen, got some beers and begun the day of fun. Georg managed to talk his way into the main tent, no mean feat, highly impressive and then also managed to worm us two in with him after a few lengthy discussions. My hat was off to him, highly impressive bullshitting ability. The tent was big, loud and there were a lot of beers. It was heavy and passed with lots of fun and a few incidents. The rest of the evening and night passed as such and I feel the contents of this period is not best suited for this blog, lol. Leave y'all hanging! Don’t worry as this is the last piece I'm sure I'll be the only reader anyway. I'm writing this post really for the first few more cultural days anyhow. 

The next morning started eventfully again as we woke up in an unfamiliar bed and had to wander back to the living room where mine and Manuel's allocated beds were. This marked the beginning a quintessential hangover day. Very slow, painful and unproductive as we reconsidered our lives, contemplated our life decisions and made promises to our future selves. It was amusing as we wandered from place to place aimlessly, just looking for grass and shade by the end. As it all became a bit tiring for our brains and legs we decided the sofa was the best place for our miserable bodies and we returned to watch the full extended edition of LOTR the two towers. It was epic and it led me perfectly up till my night bus back to Berlin. All in all a smashing few days in Munich hosted immensely by Georg and Manuel. Cheers boys. Oh yeah and I slept very well on the night bus home. Literally the full 8 hours. It was a perfect night bus as it left at 11:15 and got in around 7-7:30. Short but all spent asleep. George approved greatly. This trip was a nice final outing of what can only be described as an absolute belter of a year.

Now onwards and upwards as I look to move out permanently and find a nice enjoyable job that pays the bills. Also I'm gonna try and post this from the plane because I get ten minutes free WiFi and I couldn't imagine a better use of that than updating this bad boy.

G over and out for the last time for a little while. Hopefully not too long. I look forward to our next meet.

G. XOXO