#I have a several stuff in my drafts that’s been sitting for awhile so

[gladoswantscake]

Bearer of Bad News || David Mason

Warnings: Spoilers after the mission Suffer With Me

A/N: Holy heck it’s been a year since I properly wrote a oneshot or wrote anything (besides the very short bo2 headcanons). No joke, but I believe I’ve had this oneshot in my drafts for over a year 💀 but it’s about time that I finish it up and post it. My mental health hasn’t been well for the past several months. I’ve been dealing with some serious stuff from my last relationship, but I’m getting the help that I need. I hope things will get much better from here on out. Anyways, enjoy.

Available on Wattpad // AO3

Another night all by yourself. It’s been a while since you and David spent the night together. The two of you kept tabs on each other every evening. The phone calls would last longer than twenty minutes. There was always something new to talk about from David while your life was the same since he left. David encouraged you to go out more often rather keeping the same work and then home routine everyday.

“I worry about you, David.” You sit on your bed with your phone to your ear. “I worry that one day you won’t return home.”

“There’s no need to worry about that ever happening.” He pauses. “There’s been one thing that’s been on my mind for a while... Do you remember how you always talked about wanting to start a family?” David’s voice grows with excitement.

With David being away from home most of the time, the two of you agreed to wait awhile until the time was right. A large grin appears on your face as you nod in response to his question. “I remember.” 

"Well after this mission, I plan to settle down with you.”

“That’s great. I’m happy to hear that and happy to know that I’ll be seeing you more often.”

“And I can’t wait to run my hands all over that lavish body of yours.” He chuckles lightly. “Anyways, I got some good news. I’ll be able to come home tomorrow for a few days.”

“Tomorrow? I haven’t cleaned or done anything yet! I mean I’m really happy, but the house is a mess.”

“I understand that, but it can’t be too bad, right?”

You glance around messy bedroom. It was messier on your side than David’s. “All that I’ve been doing is working and going straight home. I haven’t really had the time to do much since I have hardly any energy at the end of the day.”

“No need to worry about it. Besides I was planning on taking you out once I get back in town. You decide which ever nice restaurant you want to go to. Or if you don’t want to go anywhere, we can stay home. Tomorrow night will be all about you.”

The thought of you dressing up and going out into town made you feel like life was worth something to look forward to once again. “I’ll decide on something once when you get back.”

“Sounds good. Go get some rest now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The next day)

The dreadful heat wave finally died off in the late June summer evening. You just finished deep cleaning the whole house to prepare for David’s return home after being away for several months. 

Anytime he’ll be back. You killed some time by jumping into the shower and taking your time to clean yourself up and put some comfy clothes on and waited for his arrival.

Some time has passed now. Whatever was on TV made you grow bored and impatient. It must be the traffic. You checked the time on your phone: 9:57 p.m. You sent him a short text to check up on him. As much as you don’t like attempting to make phone calls or message him while he’s on the road, you worried. It’s been months since you’ve last saw each other, and he was only going to be in town for a few days.

The message you sent was read by him. A wave of relief. Then a message popped up.

“I won’t be home for another 20 minutes. I’m sorry it’s taking so long. I’ll get there as soon as I can. Love you.” The text read.

The amount of cleaning and rearranging the house all day made it impossible for you to stay awake any longer. You turned off the TV and made your way to the bedroom. Not long after you laid in bed, the sound of a car engine grew louder from outside. He was finally home.

Soft footsteps made its way towards the bedroom and a quiet creaking sound of the bedroom door opening. The bed sinks from the opposite side of you and a hand lays on your shoulder.

“Are you awake?” The quiet voice made you open your eyes. You slowly shifted your body over to see David leaning over you. His hand moves to your hair and his thumb strokes your forehead.

“I am now.” You respond with a tired smile. “I’d thought that you’d be here earlier.”

“I would have,” He leans in to give you a kiss. “But something got in the way.” He sighs, standing up to remove his jacket. “I went to go visit Woods today before I left.”

“Everything went well between the two of you?” You sat up to watch him put his handgun in his nightstand drawer.

David slowly closes the drawer. “For the most part.” He looks at you. You could make out that his mood changed by the look of his downhearted face in the dark bedroom. For as long as you’ve known David, he wasn’t the best at lying, but he was good at hiding his emotions from you. This time, he didn’t bother hiding them.

“Did something happen today, David? You seem upset.”

He shook his head. “I’m not upset. It’s just... been a long day is all.” He gives you a reassuring smile in attempt to mask his sadness.

You didn’t buy his excuse. “I know you’re not okay.” You get out of bed and walk over to him. Your hands reach his face, pulling his face to look at you. His eyes were glistening. He wanted to speak but it looked like he was going to break down any second. “What happened?” You ask.

He wipes his tears with the back of his hand. Every word that came out of his mouth as he tried to speak was choked sobs, but you managed to catch was Woods and killed him. You’ve never seen him like this ever.

As soon as you ushered him to the bed he broke down, digging his face into your stomach as he latched onto your waist. “There’s no need to say anything right now. Just let it all out and tell me later.” Your hands run across his clothed back and up to his head to let your fingers run through his hair.

It felt like so much time has passed after he broke down. “David?” His head perks up revealing his nose and eyes were sore from his weeping. You frown at his broken state. Hands cradle his face as your thumbs wipe away the remaining tears. “Go get cleaned up and then we’ll talk.” He nodded in reply.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, your Uncle Frank killed your father?” Your arms were wrapped around David’s exhausted body as his head rested on your sternum. A hand runs through his short brown hair.

“It was an accident. He thought it was Menendez. He broke the news today.” He pauses. I’m sorry you waited for me to come back in a mess.”

Your finger hooks underneath his chin, forcing him to look up at you. “Don’t ever say that again, David. It’ll be a mess if you don’t come back home. So, promise me that you’ll come back in one piece?”

You earned a smile from your lover. “It’s a promise.”

#call of duty #cod #cod oneshots #call of duty black ops 2 #black ops 2 #david mason #my creation

[vintage-brass-tc]

BRIEF UPDATE ON THE PAST FOUR MONTHS !!

Coming back to this draft from March 😭. It’s been nice having a break, but I really miss being amongst the TCC on Tumblr. Now that it’s summer and I’m not seeing my TCs daily, I decided to patch this post up and briefly let y’all know everything that’s been happening, now that I actually have the time. 

Without further ado:

↓ ↓ ↓

Oh my gosh, hey guys!! 😭😭 I’ve been gone for a long time— I suppose I was just focusing on getting everything I had to get done finished, and since the days have been stacking, I’ve had zero motivation to post everything on here. 

After some time I realized that I should just use this blog as a quicker outlet for my several emotions and my infatuation towards M (and [mostly formerly] W), and not exactly a super specific journal of my days and moments with them. Haha. That’d make things less overwhelming on my part.

So, with that all out of the way, I’m going to catch you all up briefly on things that have been going on during my absence on this blog! ^^ I’m so happy to be back. I missed chatting with you people and reading all of your relatable posts. 

Let’s get into it!! 

||||||||||||||||||||||||

What happened with W: 

During the two rehearsals I had helped out with back in January/February, W would just look at me a lot and smile at me. He was very kind to me and happy to see me there, shooting jokes my way every once and awhile. 

I ended up seeing M during the first rehearsal out of the two, though, unexpectedly. He had seen me sitting in my seat with one of W’s tubas and made a big deal about making a frazzled expression on his face— furrowed eyebrows, lopsided and confused grin, palms in the air— everything. He had mouthed to me “What are YOU doing here?!” 

I was trying to mouth back “I’m helping out”, but after a few times of him mouthing “What?” and me trying to repeat myself, he just smiled softly and shook his head, lightly gesturing to me that it was okay. I then focused back on W, who was talking to the class. 

Later on in the day, after we were dismissed for rehearsals, I had walked up to him and told him that I was just coming over to help the tubas out. He smiled and laughed a little bit, responding, “I figured that was what it was. It’s cool that you’re doing that.” Then he started walking past me to mess with something on a kid’s music stand/adjust it while continuing, “I just saw you sitting there and I thought I recognized you.” I chuckled and said, “I mean, I’d sure hope you did!!”

Then I told him and W to have a nice day, then made a few snide comments to W, who bursted out laughing, but then told me to repeat myself before reacting the same way. Hahaha. W then kindly (and dramatically) offered me some sheets of his band’s music for me to play on my own time. I laughed and thanked him. 

The next week, the same joking moments with W transpired, but after the rehearsal, while everyone was packing up, I had played one of the more difficult parts of the tubas’ on my chair. Everyone just stopped and started staring at me, including my section, and the classmates were flabbergasted. 

BHAHA, I don’t know if W heard me, but those kids would not stop teasing their tubas about it. Glad I could set an example.  — Also! Later in the year, I had helped out with the a contest that my school was hosting, as well as one of their individual performances. Every time I saw W and his band finally walk in, it was so cool. W looked great in his suit. (One of the times I told him he was looking sharp in his suit, he said in a slightly cocky tone, “I know.” And it caught me so off guard. Hahaha.) 

Anyway, back to the contest, it was his band’s turn for sight reading. He was walking over to put his bags down next to the designated space where he could place his things down, and when he saw me, he had smiled. He made a silent comment about not trusting us enough to put his stuff at our quarters, and then said that he would have to have someone that he trusts watch over his things. 

“I can do it,” I said to him casually, and he grinned a little more before nodding at me. Some time had passed, then he was ready to begin instructing his band. The way he was leading his band was so refreshing to watch. It was nice seeing him teach again after not being taught by him for a hot minute. I’m glad he’s trying to keep M’s legacy alive…at least for now. 

After his performance for the judges was done, he walked over to grab his things, and I told him that he did a good job. He thanked me, smiling, and he looked so sweet. I told him where he could exit, and then he did just that. It was nice seeing him again.

~~

What happened with M: 

AHH!!! just thinking about everything that has happened makes me so, so happy. 

M has given me so many new opportunities to perform and help the band and it has all been so, so amazing. Some honorable mentions are performing at the full orchestra UIL concert, giving me more single tuba parts/bass parts in our music, having me attend our four-day trip out of state, letting me help out with UIL, and helping me so, so much during our band’s recent UIL performance. 

Things have been so much fun with him and he has been such an angel towards me. He always jokes around and looks at me, he’s always so soft towards me and sympathetic as well, he always gives me smiles and takes me seriously, he always gives me a chance to give my input…. He is just everything to me and he does so much to help me out. 

Even when I am having a rougher day, he never hesitates to encourage me and stay patient with me. For instance, during our UIL concert, I was super misfortunate, getting all of the bad music stands and stuff, but he always waited for me to get things settled and never talked down on me for being so frazzled. He always wanted to make sure I was ready before doing anything else. That is everything to me. 

During our sight-reading process, he kept cracking subtle jokes and talking cheerfully, which really helped me feel better. When we were walking out of the room, finally done with our performances and everything, he clapped and looked in my eyes, whispering to tell me “Good job, R.” He was doing this same thing with everyone else, but it still made me feel so seen. 

I had apologized to him about it later, but he reassured me that it was okay. He told me he really just wanted to see if I was good before having the band do anything. That man does so much for me. M is so amazing. I could not ask for anyone better than him to lead the band to greatness. ❤️ In addition to this, after UIL was all said and done, I volunteered quite a bit to host other schools’ performances and whatnot. During those moments, I had some more opportunities to talk to W, and M as well, even at one point chatting with him and my group for ten minutes or so while eating pizza (💗). I also chatted with “U” quite a bit..— I’ve mentioned him a little, but you all will hear more about him once this blog kicks back up again. ;)

Lastly, we had an end-of-the-year banquet, and it seemed like M would not stop looking my way. <33 He would always smile when he saw me looking back at him. I ended up taking some pictures with M, the two of us being in our dresses and suits and heels and dress shoes… yada yada. It was amazing. M even winked at me after telling me I could stay in the venue as long as I wanted to. 😭❤️ Lastly, along with announcing my spot as a section leader for the tubas next year, he also granted me a personal, sort of “excellence” award. It was signed and everything. He was smiling so much when I was walking over to get it, and later even told me it was “Well deserved.” after I thanked him. <333 

I don’t know how he and the other directors thought I was good enough for this award, but it means so much to me. I’m so grateful for them. 🥺<3 

And aside from the bundle of compliments and proud looks from M and U during post-year marching band rehearsals, that has been it. Now the school’s open once a week for practicing. I’m SO excited for next year, and looking forward to reading all of y’alls updates, as well as sharing my own!!! 

Stay safe, TC’ers. ❤️

#teacher crush #teacher crush community #tc community #tc #tcc #tc blog #tcc blog #teacher love #tc love #tc feelings #tc thoughts #tc moments #tc stories #tc ramblings #director tc #band director #band director tc #band teacher #band tc #male tc #male teacher #❤️ #ohhh how I’ve missed this #I’m going to read so many TCC posts tonight #missed y’all!

[adonis-koo]

Missy I’m so glad you love my long winded reaction/reviews on each of your chapters! It had been a hot minute since I’d sent it(not that I’m complaining take all the time you need to answer ur inbox bc you’re a human with other things going on and sometimes it takes a lot of energy to answer asks!) so I worried a bit that maybe you didn’t like it anymore bc it takes so much time and energy to respond too,,,, so glad to hear that���s not the case!! But I need to be more patient like it takes time to answer long asks hhh it did make me really happy to see your response also🥹💜 anyways,,, excited for the new ch and expect a long message from me again once it’s out! But like everyone else has been saying honestly f those ppl who complain about time in between chapters you’re literally giving us GOLD and PURE ENTERTAINMENT for FREE !!!!!!!!! So whoever can’t appreciate that needs to leave and stfu 🙄 like I’ve got a half finished screenplay sitting in my laptop that I haven’t touched for a month and a half sometimes you just,,,, can’t write bc the inspo isn’t there🤷🏻‍♀️ not to mention time and energy to do it esp if you’re working other day jobs to survive and that doesn’t even include taking care of yourself or having fun or social things so like,,,, idk it makes me mad when people demand stuff,,,,, so ignore them! You have a large audience of people who will wait forever for your masterpieces!!! ily and I hope your week goes well!!! Take care of yourself!!!🫶🏻 -💜💜💜

Please I will NEVER not love your long reviews my dear!! I actually had replied to it quite awhile ago but forgot to post it 😥 it had been sitting in my drafts along with quite a few other asks because I like to answer in bulk but my memory got the best of me 😭 so I apologize for having you and so many others wait for so long!! And it’s totally okay to worry when I take a long time to answer!! I wanna try harder to stay on top of my asks because you and so many others take time out of your day to send me the sweetest and kindest messages and I’ll never be able to thank you guys enough for it!! 🖤

Writing truly can be a beast to tackle and inspo comes and goes but I have full confidence you’ll be back to writing your screenplay when the timing is right!! But I TOTALLY know the feeling of having to take a step back for awhile! I had to do it several times with chapter 14! Seriously though I can’t thank you and so many others enough for your kindness and support like I can’t even comprehend how I managed to gain yours and so many other peoples following on my stuff 😭🖤

Take care of yourself love and thank you for being a total doll! 🥹🖤

#missy answers #anon 💜💜💜

[extasiswings]

is this a prompt? is this me losing it? no one knows 🤷‍♀️

Nonny, you are, as ever, a delight. And I’m sorry XD.

Toby is quiet.  Which, considering the fact that in prior weeks he’d been short-tempered and snippy with absolutely everyone, prowling the halls and working too late and not sleeping, would to some people seem like a gift.  But CJ knows that when Toby goes quiet, it’s rarely a good sign.  

She also knows his divorce was finalized a few hours ago.  

He went out, he came back, and then he stretched across the couch in CJ’s office, and hasn’t left.  And it doesn’t really matter how much she tries to ignore the suffocating tension emanating from him, she can’t focus on her own work.  Which means there’s really only one thing to do.

“Okay, get up,” she says finally, powering down her computer and grabbing the blazer from the back of her chair.  Toby just tosses the ball in his hand up again and stares blankly at the ceiling.  

CJ shrugs the jacket on and gives him a look.  “Get up,” she repeats.

“Why?”  

“Because I’m going home and I’m not leaving you alone in my office; you’ll get antsy eventually and probably end up eating the chocolate in my desk and then next week when I can’t find it I’ll be very upset, so really I’m doing us all a favor.”

Toby turns his head to look at her.  

“You keep chocolate in your desk?”  

“Yes.”

“We’ll get mice.”

“Shut up and just come with me.”

Toby sighs and reluctantly pushes himself up off the couch.  When CJ flicks the lights off, he shoves his hands in his pockets.

“I should—Sam’s drafting some remarks for that thing tomorrow—”

“And Sam can handle it because he’s good at his job,” CJ interrupts.  “You’re coming home with me, you’re going to have a drink, and then you’re going to sleep for more than three hours before you show up again tomorrow, got it?”

“Bossy.”  A hint of a smile passes across his lips before they flatten out again.  “You got the good stuff?”

“Who do you take me for?  Of course I do.  Now come on.”

It’s not one drink.  Granted, realistically, it probably was never going to be just one.  But at the point they’re both on the couch in CJ’s apartment and the room spins when she turns her head too quickly, she’s pretty sure that means it’s time to switch to water.

CJ makes herself get up and grab some for both of them once they finish laughing at a story from her Hollywood days and when she returns, Toby is quiet again, aimlessly running his finger along the rim of his empty glass.

“You know...I think I always knew she would leave me,” he says when CJ sets a new glass down in front of him.  “She was always too good for me.”

“That’s not true,” CJ replies, knocking her shoulder into his when she returns to her seat.  

“No, it is,”  Toby insists, and she thinks the room must be spinning for him too if he’s being this honest.  “It’s what I do—I fall for women who are far too good for me.  Andy, you—”

CJ nearly chokes on the sip of water she’s just taken.  “What?”

Toby waves a hand.  “You know.”

CJ suddenly wishes she was sober, that both of them were perfectly, completely in their right minds, because it’s the conversation.  The one they’ve been dancing around for too many years to count because it’s never been the right time, because she’s gone back and forth telling herself they’re just good friends, that whatever her feelings may be, anything reciprocal is all in her head.  

“I don’t,” she says slowly.

“CJ…”  Toby looks at her briefly, then away, shifting back on the couch like he’s withdrawing into himself.  CJ grabs his hand.

“Hey.  Don’t do that.  You can’t just say things and then—”

“There was this night several years ago,” he says.  “We hadn’t seen each other in awhile, I had just lost a campaign for some state legislative seat but I got dragged to this fundraiser for something or other and you were there.  You were wearing this red dress and I asked if you wanted to leave early and you said you had to stay just in case you were needed.  So we ended up sitting at the bar downstairs catching up for...two hours?  Before you were called to go back.  And as you were leaving you told me to try picking up the phone once in awhile so that we could run into each other on purpose the next time.”

CJ’s chest squeezes as her mind is flooded with the memory.  “I kissed your cheek.”

She doesn’t mention she did it because she hadn’t been able to tell what would have happened if she’d just kissed him.

Toby nods.  “I had this idea in my head,” he admits, “that I would call you and ask you to dinner and finally just tell you—but I put it off and put it off because I didn’t want to risk it, and by the time I finally did you were seeing someone.”

“You could have said something anyway.”  Her head is spinning again, but she’s not sure the alcohol is exclusively to blame.  

Toby tips his head and considers that.  “Would you have wanted me to?”

“Yes. Yes, I—Toby—”

CJ isn’t sure if she should scream into a pillow or have another drink so she won’t remember this or shove him for being a fool or some combination of all three.  

She kisses him instead.

One might think that a first kiss after years of repressed feelings would be like some sort of explosion, all pent up passion and aggressive escalation.  But it isn’t.  It’s soft and slow and restrained, as if after the initial contact the world shifted and they realized they needed to navigate the new landscape with caution.  

And then, too soon, Toby pulls away.

“We can’t,” he says quietly, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.

CJ swallows hard as she sits back, the world righting itself around them.  “I know.”

“I want to, I do, but…”

“We work together,” she finishes.  

“We’re trying to build a better country.  That fight, that goal...it’s bigger than us.”

“I know.”    

Toby smiles sadly.  “You’re my best friend, CJ Cregg.”

CJ squeezes his hand and then gets up.  “Damn right, I am.  Come on, I’ll show you the guest room.  I was serious about you getting more than three hours of sleep.”

She leans against the door for a long moment after he closes it behind him.  And the world spins on.  

#tww anon #tww fic #cj x toby #I've never actually written them before but I think it turned out halfway decent #chapel writes

[locktobre]

hey remember awhile back when I said I had to look back at After and try to make sense of the timeline based on what I said in the text? I found the notes I made. when I tell you I was extremely vague I mean EXTREMELY

however, in my past self’s defense, the plot of After was originally going to stretch out much longer, over several months, until I decided that was stupid and I didn’t feel like just writing filler while everyone was tensely waiting to be killed, so I just lopped off all that time. (this is also when I dropped a number of different subplots I had been trying to set up, bc it just felt unnecessary.)

obviously, this left me with a bit of a mess on the back end, but I kind of just tied that up by establishing how much time had passed in chapter 20, which was precisely why I did that. plus it gave me the opportunity to have Erika make a meta joke about feeling like that happened “years ago” bc I do that shit whenever I can, altho usually thru Arsenio. and also it was meta in another way, calling back to the fic’s origins of much more domestic drama that has fallen entirely by the wayside as the Preminger plot has unfolded.

originally, Erika’s ladies were going to come in much earlier, as above, bc everything else was going to happen more slowly... they have names and personalities and backstories, and have for years! there’s 5 of them! but as I cut things down I didn’t know where to put them, since the story became less about Erika adjusting to being queen and more about the other stuff. (Anneliese had ladies, too, but they may or may not ever show up. they’ll be mentioned in The Tower, if nothing else, tho.) I still kinda don’t know where to put them, if I’m honest, but it’ll be fine, I’m not too worried about it.

god, it’s so weird thinking about stuff I had planned back then. like, when Erika mentioned back in chapter 4 that she was going to sit for a portrait “next month,” Arsenio was going to be the one to come in and paint her, as a way to get into the castle. I even almost reused that as him pretending to have come a few weeks early, altho obviously I didn’t, but I do have a partial draft of that chapter that features him trying it. I didn’t use it partly bc I decided it was stupid to do it that way, and partly bc it’s way funnier to have Arsenio just walk up with no plan at all and still get in.

anyway, that’s why I usually give my meta lines to Arsenio, bc when he says anything could have happened to get us to this point it’s like, no really, it could have. y’all have have no idea how many plotlines I’ve gone thru and discarded just in working on this. (no joke, today I opened a document from 2015 that had me suggesting a Marisol redemption arc. spoiler alert, that’s not going to fucking happen. not least because I find her delightful as a remorseless villain.)

sometimes I still wonder if paring down the domestic stuff was a good move, or if ppl miss it, altho it’s kinda late at this point to bring it back (I’m trying not to do huge chunks of exposition... but it’s also necessary sometimes)... altho, depending on your interpretation, seeing as a lot of this fic hinges on a past abusive relationship, things aren’t necessarily less domestic. it’s still largely interpersonal relationships and trying to find ways to live your life, just... not the same as it once was. 

regardless, I actually like that it’s more streamlined now. of course, I’ve been writing this fic for 7 years, and I’m an entirely different person than I was when I started, so some change is inevitable. I’ve had a lot of myself tied up in this fic for a long time, so I’m sad to see it nearing its end, altho at the same time, excited to finally move on from it and onto new projects. not as in forgetting, bc that’s impossible, just being able to work on other stuff without feeling guilty that I have something else waiting for me. it’ll be a whole new era and I can’t wait.

#mel irl #barbie babbles #this devolved entirely into talking about After and stuff I almost did but didn't but when do my posts ever NOT devolve

[sherlollyandspoilers]

no title

Alright loves, here is some Reylo thing that I started writing back when TLJ came out - literally three days after opening night. I thought I had this grand idea but ever since then, this stupid little WIP has been sitting as a draft, saved in my fics folder, taunting me. So here. You have it. Its less than 3000 words and barely proof read.

Anyways, enjoy!

She had been going nonstop since she had run into Finn on Jakku. Everywhere she went someone was asking something of her, to push harder in training, to explore the Jedi text, to have an opinion on everything. She used to think that having a family would make everything right, that she would no longer feel the sting of loneliness. But it seemed the more people she talked with the more alone she felt. The more overwhelmed she felt. Luke was gone now and she was supposed to rebuild the Jedi order by herself. It was hard for her to not reach back out to him, to ask for his help, to not feel alone.

It had been months since she last closed her side of the connection, but she could still sense him, feel his presence with her. She had learned to set his emotions aside, his brokenness and anger, so she could concentrate on herself, on building a new base, on helping others embrace their own connection to the force. She was getting stronger every day, training and teaching. They had managed to fix Luke’s lightsaber – her lightsaber – and find more Kyber Crystals. The First Order was suffering major losses and she could feel his unsteadiness growing every day.

When it was quiet on base and those around her were calm and secure, she would steal away and reach out to him, never enough for him to sense her, but just enough for her to brush her finger tips lightly across his side of the connection, to feel just a little less alone. The first time she did this, the recoil from his anger was so much it laid her out flat. But his anger was starting to subside, she could feel his fight to hold on to it, the thing that made him Kylo Ren, but his brokenness and the feeling of being lost were over taking him more and more each time.

She tried staying away, but it seemed impossible. Whenever she reached for him the feeling of being overwhelmed subsided but she knew the more time she spent embracing his presence the more she would lose her grip on the reality around her. Tonight. Tonight she would end it. Tonight would be the last time she would reach out…she had to be with him one last time.

She ate dinner as quickly as she could and shrugged off Poe and Finn, claiming exhaustion from training. She hurried across the base and into her small quarters, double locking the door behind her. She looked around her small space before deciding to change out of her dirty clothes. She rearranged the few things she had on her shelves twice trying to stall as long as possible. After having settled her lightsaber on the table three different times, she sighed and crawled onto her bed. She leaned against the stone wall and crossed her legs, hands on her knees. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

His presence filled her senses. She could feel his desperation as he tried to think of what came next. She reached towards him and the feeling of loneliness overwhelmed her, causing a loud sob to rise in her throat. She felt tears running down her face but she kept reaching, and reaching, until her finger tips seemed to brush his soul. The anger she had felt burning like a raging fire months ago was now no more than a flickering candle. She pressed her hand against his side of the connection and felt it give way, allowing her entrance.

“Rey?”

Her eyes flew open and she froze, arm raised and hand stretched out. Somehow she had gotten distracted. Somehow she had managed to lose track of her own emotions. Somehow she had managed to let him in again.

She dropped her arm and moved away from him, trying her best to close what she thought she would never open again.

“Don’t!” The desperation in his voice hit her to the core. She stopped struggling against the connection and looked at him. What she saw was not a powerful leader but a helpless boy, lost and confused.

He opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head and slammed her side of the connection closed.

--

The next day she was on edge. She couldn’t focus during their meeting that morning. She couldn’t concentrate during training that afternoon. And she couldn’t eat that night during dinner.

“Rey?” Finn nudged her arm as he sat down. She nodded at him, not even bothering to fake a smile. “What’s going on with you today?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, jumping to the defensive. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine…I saw you walk out of training early today.” He gave a small look around before hunching down over his food and whispering, “You’ve been distracted lately and we are all getting a little worried.”

“I said I’m fine.” She stood up, leaving her untouched meal where it was, knowing Finn would make sure it wouldn’t go wasted.

--

She had made up her mind the moment she left the mess hall and was headed straight for the command center. She knew her request would seem strange considering they were in the middle of rebuilding and she didn’t want them to think she was abandoning, but she had to go.

“General?”

“Rey.” Leia gave her a small smile.

“Ma’am, I was hoping to take the Falcon off base for a while.” She swung her arms behind her back and clasped her hands. Leia eyed her for a moment, but nodded. “Really?”

“Did you want me to say no?” The General cocked her head to the side.

“No, no, of course not.” Rey waved her hands frantically in front of her body. Leia frowned and looked at her suspiciously. She dropped hands to her sides, tugging on her robe. “I won’t be longer than two weeks…maybe three.”

“I’ll have supplies packed for you and Chewy so you can leave this afternoon.” Leia gave her a nod of dismissal and turned back to her work.

Rey opened her mouth to correct her, tell her that Chewy was staying and she was going alone, but she swallowed down her words and headed back to her quarters to pack.

She grabbed everything she needed and haphazardly stuffed them in a bag. She hooked her newly mended lightsaber to her belt and tucked the second one she was working on into a robe before shoving that into the bag as well. She hurried out of her quarters and down to the Falcon, running into Mera, a promising trainee, who was bringing the supplies she would need. Rey thanked the young girl and assured her that she was completely capable of getting everything on board herself.

--

She wasn’t sure what had possessed her to come here, to this particular place but she had known as soon as she left base that she needed to be here.

She sat the Falcon down and, leaving all her stuff aboard, wondered out into the rain. It wasn’t hard to picture how big the temple had been, how much beauty and strength it had held, all of it now piles of stone and dirt.

She worked her way through the grown up landscape, doing her best not to tear her robes too badly. She stopped mere inches away from a crumbling wall and placed her hand on it. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. This place carried so much pain and anger, but also of hope and love. She sighed and opened her eyes, resting her forehead gently on the stone wall; she would never know the truth about what happened here now.

--

She was soaked to the bone when she got back to the ship. She stripped down and laid everything out to dry and pulled on dry clothes, wrapping herself in her largest robe. She settled down at the table in the main hold and pulled out the lightsaber she was working on, the functioning one tucked next to her leg.

Working on anything, a lightsaber or ship even, helped her sort out her thoughts. She was mad. Mad at herself for going to him, for letting him in, and for letting him affect her so much. She was strong, stronger than some tiny insignificant feelings for a boy who no longer existed, who she didn’t even know – why was she letting him win?

“Gah!” she shouted as she tossed the tools and saber onto the table.

“You found another crystal?” His voice was unusually soft. She unconsciously gripped her working saber with her right hand. “I see you fixed that one.”

“Yes,” she said shortly but relaxed her grip. She brought her face up, finally meeting his gaze. He looked…more put together than he had the day before, as if he had been prepared for a connection…it infuriated her. “What do you want, Ben?”

“Just to talk.” He shrugged but kept his gaze on her.

“To talk? About what?” She turned on the bench so she was facing him.

His gaze finally wavered and he stood, turning his back on her. Rey stayed quiet waiting for him to speak.

“Why did you leave?” he finally asked, his voice still low.

“Why did you try to shoot me out of the sky?!” she spat at him, unable to believe that he would ask such a question. He turned on his heal, anger flashing in his eyes. “If you care so much, why did you try to kill me?”

Kylo’s jaw tightened and he spun around, his ridiculous cape fluttering behind him. Then he was gone.

--

She had fallen asleep in the hold that night, waking stiff and tired the next morning. She grabbed some of the food out of her supplies and took one of the Jedi texts with her. She opened the boarding ramp and sat down, watching the sun rise as she ate. She stayed on the ramp reading, until the sun was high in the sky. She stood up and stretched, taking the text back into the ship and leaving her warm robe inside before venturing out into the hot sun.

She ignited her lightsaber and dragged it slowly through the over grown brush, trying to create a path for herself. The process was long and annoying but she was going to be here awhile, longer than what she had told the General, and she wanted a clean, wide path to the temple.

It was several hours later by the time she had made it to the temple. She was hot and sweaty and in desperate need of food. She patted the crumbling wall, as if telling it she would be back later, and scurried back to the Falcon.

She took her lunch to the cockpit and sent a message back to base. She really had been planning on only being gone for three weeks, but Leia had assumed Chewy was going and sent her enough supplies to last her alone over two months. She told them she was safe and that she would check in with them periodically. She also asked them to tell Chewy she was sorry for leaving him behind.

She left the ship again, wondering around the land that surrounded the temple. She found a cool spring and took her shoes off, slipping her feet in.

“Ahh.” She wiggled her toes, enjoying the coolness.

She stripped off her clothes and waded into the water in her undergarments. She stayed where she could touch, besides having grown up on Jakku with a lack of chances to learn how to swim, she didn’t want to be too far from her lightsaber either.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, soaking her hair and scratching her scalp. She ran her fingers through the knots in her hair and enjoyed listening to the sound of the forest around her. This was the first time in months that she really felt at peace.

And then she felt him.

“Of course,” she mumbled to herself as she tried to hurry out of the water, the weight of it making her clumsy.

“What are you doing?” he asked in amusement. She didn’t answer him as she finally stumbled up onto the shore, pulling her tunic on. “Ahh,” realization dawned on his face when he noticed the water streaming off of her, “swimming.”

“Bathing,” she corrected him but instantly wished she hadn’t. Her checks flushed and she held her arms tightly across her damp body.

“Where are you?” He had meant it as an innocent question but realized the implication due to their current circumstances. “Never mind,” he said quickly.

From where Rey stood, he looked like he was sitting on the edge of the bank, his back straight as a rod.

“It’s a spring.” She watched his reaction as she rung the water out of her hair. “And where are you?” He raised an eyebrow as if to ask did she really want to know. “Maybe not then.” She sat down on the bank, letting the sun warm her skin. “You were mad last night,” she said as she stretched out her legs and leaned back on her elbows.

“I’m always mad.” She studied his face for a moment and decided he wasn’t trying to be funny. He was watching her too, trying to decide something for himself. “Why do you keep letting the connection open?” She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest, just watching him for a long moment.

“It’s a little less lonely this way, don’t you think?” She saw his jaw tense and then relax again. “No?”

“There’s a way we wouldn’t have to be lonely at all.” His hand twitched on his knee as he talked.

She sighed sadly, realizing he still thought he had made the right choice.

“Ben, please don’t.”

“If you were to join me – ”

“I said don’t!” she snapped. They stared at each other, the silence between the two drowning out the noise around her. She swallowed hard and stood up, grabbing her light saber. “Why do you want me to join you?” She ignited the saber and started practicing. “Why me?” She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she moved. He was watching her intently and she was sure that she knew his answer already.

“You understand.”

She stopped dead in her tracks.

“What do I understand?” she asked after a moment.

He opened his mouth to speak, but his attention was pulled to something in front of him and then the connection was gone.

--

Rey had planned on going back to the temple after her swim but wanted her mind calm and unobstructed, which after her conversation with Ben, it was not. She couldn’t stop her thoughts as they swirled in her head and found that she had gotten good and lost in the woods when she finally stopped to pay attention to where she was. She had been wondering for a few hours when she finally stopped and it took her another couple to get back to spring. By the time she had gotten back she was hot and sweaty again and decided to take another quick dip in the cool water.

By the time she had gotten back to the Falcon, she had wasted most of the day and her stomach was grumbling. She grabbed some food and a robe, and crawled up on top of the ship to watch as the night sky filled.

--

The next two days it down poured and Rey stayed inside, studying the texts and working on her saber. She had expected Ben to show up, but she didn’t hear from him until she was snuggling down in her bunk the second night.

“GAH!” She scooched back into the wall and hit her head. She had just been drifting off to sleep when she had felt him. She had opened her eyes and there he was, mere inches from her face, lying on his stomach, startling the living daily lights out of her.

“Problems sleeping?” he asked as he rolled to his back, the proximity not seeming to bother him.

“No,” she said tensely as she rubbed the back of her head.  

“I don’t sleep.” He stared straight up and she began to wonder what he was staring at. They were quiet for a while, just lying there breathing.

Intimate was the word Rey would have used for it. Realistically, she knew he was half a galaxy away, but yet here he was, lying next to her in her bunk.

“Do you dream?” he asked suddenly. She blinked at him, trying to focus on the words he just said.

“Sometimes,” she admitted. He rolled to his side, propping his head up on his arm.  

“About?” He looked at her and she was struck at how vulnerable he seemed.

“You.” The word was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

He simply stared at her, his expression unchanging, and she wanted to scream. But she didn’t. She couldn’t move, couldn’t let him know she hadn’t meant to say it.

He slowly reached his hand up to her face and brushed his fingertips across her cheek bone, watching his hand as he did so.

“Ben,” she whispered. His eyes snapped back to hers and then she was alone, the spot on her cheek still tingling.

#reylo #kate writes #star wars #my first ever attempt at reylo or any #thing in the star wars universe

[shyficwriter]

Unexpected Visitors

Guardians of the Galaxy Fanfic | Yondu, Reader, Unexpected Guest

Part 9 in a series: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

Summary: A new visitor arrives in a strange manner. Will Yondu let him stay?

Word Count: 2080

“No!”

You bolt upright in bed gasping and shaking slightly. You had just woken from a terrible dream.

A dream about Peter and the others. You were all laughing and having a good time when suddenly something hit the ship, breaking stuff and throwing you all around. You were thrown into a bit of broken metal and it impaled your stomach. Peter came to your aid and held you. You looked around and realized you couldn’t see the others anymore. You turned toward Peter with panic in your eyes and your mouth opened in terror as you saw him dissolving away into nothing. You wanted to scream, but no sound came out. As you watched the last of him fade away only one thought kept screaming in your mind. “PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME! PLEAS-” 

And that’s when you woke up.

You looked at the time and saw that you would normally be up in roughly half an hour anyway, so you decided to just stay awake. Not like you really felt like sleeping anymore anyway after your dream.

Still a little shaken you get up, go through your routine and get ready. You thought you might sit in the flight deck for awhile. Maybe Peter and the others would call soon? They had been gone for a several days now and you hadn't heard back from them since they left. This was more than likely the source of your anxiety and bad dreams. Once you were ready you grabbed your crutches and headed out the door.

You found Yondu already sitting in the flight deck once you got there.

"Bad dream?" Yondu said this in a way that wasn't exactly a question.

You avoid his gaze. "No," you lied.

"Don't lie to me, girl. I heard you cry out in your sleep from here."

You sigh and look down. "Look, it's just that-"

"I know. Yer worried about Peter and the others. But I know my boy. He's fine. Some missions just take longer is all. That refugee ship that called was probably just broke down, an' he's either fixin' it, pullin' it slowly with his ship, or makin' a bunch of trips to get everyone off that ship and onto the nearest safe planet. It's all gonna be ok."

You keep your gaze down and Yondu pulls you into a side hug.

"C'mon now. You know I'm right. Now show me a smile. Don't make me pry it out of you." He chucked as he started poking you in the ribs, make your face split with a grin.

"Ok! Alright!" You giggle, swatting his hand.

This tender moment would be short lived however, as it was cut off by a thud to the window that made you jump out of your skin, and Yondu too, though he'd try to call it 'moving to attention' or something.

You could barely make out what it was, just that it seemed to be moving slightly, before you heard Yondu calling for Kraglin to get up here immediately.

A while later after Yondu convinced Kraglin to go outside the ship and pull in what had just hit the ship you finally got a good look at it. Or perhaps you should say 'him.'

It looked to be a pale man with raven black hair, clad in clothes of black and green. His lips were dry and chapped and he was covered in scratches and some bruising. He did seem to still be breathing. Unconscious, but still alive, though you weren't sure how that could even be possible given how he was just floating around in space before he hit the ship.

You carefully lowered yourself to the ground and set your crutches to the side. You tried to nudge the man awake gently, but Kraglin had other ideas, using his boot instead to roughly jostle the man. This did prove effective as the man then woke, turning on his side and spluttering a series of coughs before falling back onto his back on the floor and looking around warily.

"Wher- where am I?" He croaked out. He moved to sit up and you helped him. "Who are all of you? Where's Thor?"

"You're on my ship, boy. Now who are you and what were you doing floating around in space?" Yondu asked, before adding, "...and how are you not dead?"

The man coughed again. "I am Loki, of Asgard," he started, "and it takes more than that to kill a god." He seemed to be getting his strength back about him and donned an almost smug smirk.

You, however, were obviously taken aback, and the others noticed. You sputtered out, "I- I'm sorry? You said you were... who?" Surely this couldn't be the same Loki from the stories you learned in school, could it? That was a myth! ...Wasn't it?

The man now let a weak laugh. "I said I am Loki, of Asgard. I take it you've heard of me?"

"Ya know this guy?" Yondu asked incredulously.

"I think the lack of oxygen got to his brain," Kraglin interjected, "he seems to think he's some sorta diety. That, or he's a major crackpot."

The man seemed greatly offended by this and attempted to stand, no doubt wanting to exchange a few "words" with Kraglin, but he did not yet possess enough strength to stand on his own and instead fell back to his knees indignantly.

You stammered answering Yondu's question. "He, ah, you see... back on Earth there are stories about him. Myths and legends telling about old Norse gods. I-I just didn't think they were real."

Yondu raised an eyebrow, not expecting that answer. Like Kraglin, he just thought the man was either some crackpot or was massively full of himself. "He dangerous?" He asked, readying his arrow as he noted your stunned expression. Last time Yondu dealt with a god-like being, things got messy, and he wasn’t looking forward to a repeat.

"Eh... define dangerous...?" you said, earning a look from the man that you thought almost looked like worry. "On Earth, he's known as the God of Mischief."

The man quickly donned a smirk again. "So you have heard of me." He chuckled and coughed again.

"Oh hell no. We already got you. We don't need anymore mischief on this ship." Yondu stated.

This made the dark haired man look at you with amusement. You blushed.

"Hey, um, what kinda stories do they tell about this here "god fella" where you're from?" Kraglin asked you, seemingly wary of him. “An’ he never did say what he was doing floating out in space like that. An’ who’s Thor?”

You looked at the man, Loki, and thought back to the stories you were taught as a child in school and what you read in books. You didn't want to tell any of the more... unflattering... stories, like the one where Loki got Baldur killed, as you didn't know what could be true or just fabricated myth. Yes, if he was telling the truth, then that did mean “Loki, God of Mischief” wasn’t just a myth, but that didn’t mean every story people passed down was true. You didn't want to risk giving Yondu a reason to throw a possibly innocent man out an airlock.

Your mind raced as you tried to remember an innocent enough story, and you thought you could see worry again in the man's green eyes.

In the end you panicked and said "Well, the stories say that Thor was his brother. I don't remember much else, but um, there was this one story where he did kinda... sorta... mate with a horse..."

Loki balked. His gaze rapidly turned between you and the two Ravagers. "She's joking of course." He said quickly, forcing a chuckle.

"...and then he got pregnant and gave birth to an eight legged horse, which he gave as a gift to his father..."

“It-It was a misunderstanding... really! Someone must have twisted the story over the years-”

The look on Loki's face was really amusing. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were bright pink. He looked at you like he couldn't believe you just told them that. You had to fight back a giggle at his expression.

Yondu pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what a horse is, or how any of that would even work, but as long as he doesn't cause any trouble and pulls his weight, he's got a place to stay for now."

Loki, still looking embarrassed, nodded to Yondu. “Thank you-”

“IF, you tell us what you were doing out there.”

Loki blanked. “I, well- space is quite unforgiving, I don’t seem to remember-”

You looked at him. You did of course remember from the stories that he was also known as the God of Lies, with a quick wit and a silver tongue. Again, you weren’t sure if this was true, but he did seem to be trying to fabricate a story.

Yes, it was possible he didn’t really remember, but he was clearly weak and seemed as if he were having trouble thinking straight. After all, who knew how long he had been out there or what happened to him? In any case, it seemed as if he didn’t want you all to know what actually happened.  You didn’t know why, but for some reason you wanted to help this stranger. He seemed scared, but also like he was trying to hide it. You decided to help, you could always ask what really happened later if you got him alone as long as this prevented Yondu from throwing him off the ship.

“You were calling out for Thor, your brother, remember?” you started. “Did something happen to separate you from him? Maybe an accident?”

“An accident... Yes. There was an accident.” Loki seemed to be trying to figure out how he could run with the lines you were giving him. He gave you a strange look, almost if he were wondering if you were trying to help him draft a cover story for the one he didn’t seem to want to tell. “Our ship hit a... large rock...”

“An asteroid?” asked Kraglin.

“Er, yes, that. It came out of nowhere and must have blown our ship apart.” He looked around, seemingly noticing for the first time that there were no others from his party around. “Did you find any others? Thor?”

“I’m sorry, son.” said Yondu. “Ya was the only one. You jus’ smacked into our window, and we didn’t see any signs of any blown-to-bits ship.”

“Yeah, ya must have been blasted really far away from your ship,” added Kraglin. “an’ who know’s how long ya’ve even been out there? It’s gotta be a miracle you weren’t ripped apart. I doubt there’d be anyone left even if we tried lookin’ for your pals, bud.”

Loki looked down for a moment, before setting his jaw and straightening up the best he could. “Very well,” he said, not really looking at anyone. “then if the offer is still on the table I’d like the chance to earn your favor and join your ship.”

“Yeah, no need to be so formal about it, boy.” Yondu rolled his eyes. “Rest up a day or two to get your strength back then ya can stay as long as you pull your weight and don’t cause any trouble.”

“Thank you.” said Loki, trying to stand. Kraglin helped him keep his balance and Yondu instructed him to take Loki to a room with an empty bunk. Then, in a lower voice added that it should be preferably close to either of their own quarters so he could keep an eye on him, as he still wasn’t sure about him.

Kraglin led Loki away and Yondu turned to you, helping you stand back up on your crutches. As soon as you were up he looked at you with that “lecture” look.

“An’ don’t you think just cuz some ‘god of mischief’ or whatever is here means ya get to recruit him to help ya cause trouble lil’ missy!” He said in half-laugh, half-scolding tone.

“Ah! I’m offended you would even think that!” you exclaimed in mock-hurt, trying your best to contain a grin at his accusation.

Out of the corner of your eye you could have sworn you saw the black haired man turn his head and give you a mischievous smirk just before Kraglin led him around the corner.

#GOTG FANFIC #Yondu Udonta #yondu x reader #fluffy fanfiction #gotg fanfiction #gotg #gotg fic #kraglin #kraglin obfonteri #infinity war #loki #loki x reader #loki lives

[littlethingwithfeathers]

Writing Update - 4/15/19

Apologies for the lack of updates! This week was tech week with my ballet company so I was buried in malfunctioning light-boards, prop swords, and dancer hugs. But on the upside, I sort of prepared for this. My next fic to be published is finished and only in need of beta readers and some final polish.

And then... Endgame. *sigh*

***

Coming soon!

Stand Still Awhile (formerly called “Rusalka”): This is next up in in my MCU series “Friendship is Unnecessary” This will focus on Steve/Natasha, and is set .a couple of months after Winter Soldier. Natasha is invited to a Stark Industries gala at an art museum and drags Steve along as her +1. The fic clocks in around 9k. Look for it to come out sometime in the next week. 

A Maelstrom Whirls Below: I’m toying with the possibility of a sequel to my Darcy/Eddie/Venom fic “A Room for Rent in the Fourth Estate.” A rough outline is in place, and I’m starting to sketch around on a few scenes. But right now it’s just some ideas and a few zippy one-liners. It’s starting to get some traction though!

Hang By Every Word: The outline for my Stucky fic is still coming along but it will be awhile yet before I start writing on it in earnest. Now that “Fourth Estate” is finished and publishing, I’m ready to start picking at a new bigger fic. The basic theme (and I’m sure this has been done, but fuck it) is the undoing of Bucky’s conditioning one trigger word at a time. And each trigger word locked down a memory of Steve. So I have to write things from Steve’s point of view, and all ten memories have to be written from Bucky’s point of view, and they have to tie together into a cohesive narrative but the memories are out of order, but Steve’s time line isn’t and… It’s… a challenge. I’m still largely in the brainstorming phase… writing little snippets here and there. Nothing’s solidly taking form just yet. 

***

Other “Friendship is Unnecessary” fics at various stages:

A Little Better to Travel: A plot bunny was gifted to me where Steve and Nat go on a little motorcycle ride sometime between Ultron and Civil War. This will be the first fic in this series to not be explicit. It currently sits at a little over 2k and isn’t likely to get much bigger than 4k. I just have some character stuff I’d like to work out.

The Night the Wall Came Down:  This is a Steve/Natasha fic set some time after Infinity War. I’ve been working on this one for several months, but it’s hit a few snags. The rough draft is nearly finished, clocking in at 7.5k, but my beta reader @kaminaduck pointed out that the opening is no longer canon compliant because of the Endgame trailers. So I’ve got to go back and do major surgery on the beginning. It’s looking likely that this one will not go live until after I see Endgame and know for sure it can match up. Especially now that I’m toying with the serious idea of doing a final fic for this series that’s post-Endgame. This will definitely will be a sad one… I’m actually using this as a mourning piece for myself for Infinity War, for what might be coming in Avengers: Endgame, and for the end of season 5 of Agents of SHIELD.

Sweet and Honorable: Bucky insists on coming with Steve and Natasha to rescue Sam Wilson. Set post Civil War. This is starting to take shape in my head as a sort of work through for some of the issues that get raised in “Echo in my Soul.” We’ll see how it goes…

Untitled Final Fic: I have begun toying around with ideas for different post-Endgame scenarios. Depending on how things go, I might wrap up this series there. It will just really depend on the fallout of that movie. I’m… not looking forward to it.

#writing #writing update

[teanaoverton]

still swimming.

i thought the first year of law school was suppose to be the toughest.  that was not the case for me. 

this past semester, the first of my 2L year was the most trying experience of my life. and sheesh, i have dealt with a lot of experiences. 

before we go any further, i think its important to tell you a little about myself and warn you of some contents that this post will contain. 

i am brutally honest. i dont believe in sugar coating the truth, and so i wont.  this post may be triggering to anyone who has every experienced sexual assault and/or sexual harassment. this post is my truth. and if you havent noticed by now, i do not like capital letters or formal punctuation. and i also cant spell. 

anyway, back to the story. 

the beginning of the semester started off rocky. i worked for my school and assisted with many task including orientation for the first year students and the title ix policy updates (thanks betsy *eyeroll*). 

unfortunately, i had to use that title ix policy. 

at the end of july, my key card to get in and out of my school’s parking deck was not working properly. i expressed my concern to a security officer. instead of walking to the gate, he walked with me to the parking deck and followed me to my car. we were the only two in the parking deck. 

while at my car, he asked me on a date. i was not interested in the slightest. but hey, im a girl all alone in the parking deck with a security guard. i had just heard about a woman getting killed for rejecting a man. and i sure tf have no lived enough to die. so i told him that school was starting soon and i did not have time. smooth escape i thought. and i also thought that would be it, i was wrong. 

the next week, i left the second floor (where i worked) to go downstairs and get a snack from the vending machines. he saw me and ran to try and pay for my snack, thoughtful gesture, but i refused as i did not want to lead him on. he then followed me to the elevators and handed me a note with his number on it. 

i had to cross paths with him to get to work, and he would make comments to me. once in particular troubled me.“you dont work on wednesdays, we could go out on a wednesday.” and that is when a red flag went off for me. 

why do you know my work schedule? ive already said i wasnt interest, why are you still actively pursing me? so i told my friend/co-worker about the interactions and asked her to walk me to my car.

while working late one evening, he came to the suite and started talking and staring. it was after hours and he was no longer on the clock. the other security officer on duty was probably home with his feet kicked up by this hour. instead of doing the same... he came to “see what was going on.” being aware of the situation and that i was uncomfortable, my friend engaged in the conversation so i didnt have to. bless her. 

during orientation, we had leftover food. my boss at the time asked me to take some to the security officers. my friend and i locked eyes knowing i sure tf was not about to lead this man on by any means. so, that is when i told my boss at the time that i was good off doing that. if you know who my boss was, you know she will get the truth out of you. 

one thing lead to another and boom, the incidents were reported to HR. who i was required to meet with. during the first week of classes, i met both HR and my boss to reassure them that i was not looking to get a black man fired, i just wanted to be left alone. 

time went by, nothing happened. i still was uncomfortable passing the security desk. i would have friends walk with me to the car so i wouldnt be alone bc guess who did rounds in the parking deck, yeah. you guessed it, him. 

unfortunately, my request was not fulfilled. he did not leave me alone. i was required to do a tabling event for work. guess where that tabling event was? right across from the security desk. gr8!!! he looked at me and loudly started saying "i shouldn't have to come to work and be uncomfortable.” he said this several times, causing others in the area to look and see what was going on. 

again, the tabling event was for work (different job btw). i was sitting next to my boss who was unaware of the previous interactions. she too asked “why is he screaming like that?” 

i sat there in shock. in silence. and on the clock, so i couldnt leave. 

why. should. he. have. to. come. to. work. and. feel. uncomfortable.

that was it, my breaking point. i felt unsafe. i expressed my concerns to the appropriate parties. eventually time went on and he was transferred. 

shortly after, repressed memories of my childhood rape surfaced during a therapy session. along with many thoughts: was i over exaggerating? did i lead him on in anyway? could i have done more to let him know i wasnt interested before reporting the incidents? was this my fault? 

guilt. 

i lost track of what was happening in real life because i was so distracted by the thoughts in my head. but as soon as i gained back some control, real life hit me again. my legal writing assignment had been posted. and guess what the topic was? sexual harassment in the work place. 

you mean to tell me, i have to do research, write a brief, and have an oral argument about sexual harassment? shit, someone call my therapist. 

i wrote some shit on some paper. and that was that.  what was happening in my classes? no clue.  what was happening in my life? no clue.  what was going on in the world? no clue. 

i got lost again. 

i just wanted to float and let the current carry me for awhile. i wanted to watch the clouds chase each other into different corners of the sky like freed kites who never worry about the meaning of away. i wanted to float. ive been swimming so long. 

but my thoughts eventually had an off switch and i was good again. then guess what? 

kavanaugh. 

here we fucking go again. 

the student body president signed an aba petition to conduct an impartial hearing on kav. and for some reason, some students were pissed. so they took it upon themselves to write a petition to have the sba president remove his name from the aba petition and issue an apology. 

i need you to pay very close attention for this part. 

i sat in class triggered. surrounded by people signing this petition while tears poured down my face. how fucking disgusting are you people. 

now the only reason i know what the petition actual was is because i am in sba. otherwise, i would have no clue it ever existed. want to know why? because the students who wrote the petition never asked me to sign it. trust me, i am not offended. in fact, im honored that they knew better than to bring some bullshit like that to me. but what was upsetting, when another student asked what was going on (why everyone was gathered looking at the petition), the authors of it said  “we’re just looking at some stuff about aba accreditation.” 

baby, if you gonna talk about it. be about it. smh. 

the petition surfaced. and the names on it, wow. people i looked up to. people i considered role models. women who are allegedly advocates for women. women in general. even a few self-proclaimed feminist.

wow. the names. 

so many people who have reached out to me when i told my story about being raped as a child. so many people i believed would be there for me if i asked for help dealing with the recent sexual harassment. so many frauds. 

their names, they were on it. big and bold.  

i didnt want to float anymore. i wanted to drown. 

i was suffering. isolating myself from everyone. i did the absolute bare minimum. i distanced myself from my family, my friends, from everyone around me. 

i didnt read for any of my classes.  i stopped caring.  i had thoughts about dropping out of school.  i still have the withdrawal email in my draft. 

i want to give someone credit for helping me through this, but i cant. this ocean, its so big. but hell, i havent drowned yet. 

meanwhile, im still swimming.

[ilovehatembj]

Man Up Part 4

This was sitting in my drafts and I was stuck for awhile so I’m doing a 4.5 after this. A ton of dialogue sorry kinda a plot, fluff I guess too🙃

For the past three weeks you and Odell have been going back and forth between New York and LA to visit each other. You guys even managed to have time to see your cousin Vic and tell him about your guys’ relationship, a weight had officially been lifted off of your shoulders. You and Odell were on the way to the airport so that he could drop you off for your flight laughing at one of his corny jokes when he cleared his voice, “So, we’re gonna be on a red carpet together in a week for the first time as an official couple and I haven’t met your family...besides Vic, and you haven’t met mine.” “An official couple?! Boy I was just trynna hit it and quit it, I’m not catching feelings”.

Odell deadpanned over to you, “Yeah okay, why you ain’t quit it yet? Do you normally cook bomb-ass breakfast for niggas when you quit it?” “You slang good beefcake and breakfast was my parting gift” “I’m being serious baby….” “I’m being kinda serious” you say laughing, “ Look I’ve already met your mom at Vics several times before and I’ve met her through passing at tons of events. As far as my parents go you literally know my dad and you’ve met my mom before, what’s the big deal?” “As true as all of that is its not the same. Meeting somebody’s family as a couple is different than meeting them through passing.” “Dawg, I don’t even wanna meet my family. I’ve been asking my mom to put my brothers back in her stomach since I was born, can’t stand them niggas” “Don’t make me call Vic and have him call ya fine ass momma, I seen her smack Vic upside the head so I know you gon get it” “Fine, I’ll talk to her when I land” “Nah, call her right here.”

“You ugly”, you pulled out your phone and pulled up your mom’s number putting her on speaker and she answered right as Odell said, “I get prettier each time you ride my face, I could use a quick touch-up.” “Odell!”. Finally your mom chimed in “Y/N! Where the hell you at and who the hell is that?!” Odell’s eyes got wide and his mouth dropped. “H-hey mommy. I was just uh calling you to tell you something.” “What is it? Take your time cause your dad trynna stretch me out for the third time today and chile I don’t have the energy.” “Momma! You’re on speakerphone!” “With who?” “My boyfriend!” “That’s what you get, you know better.” Odell silently cracking up the whole time your mom is revealing too much information about her and your father. “Is your boyfriend that lil big headed boy that was at Vic’s house? The one you was on the Shaderoom with? What’s his name? Uh-uh Austin...no, Odyssey….no,no, my bad its Or-” Odell suddenly chimes in, “Odell, Ms. Y/M/N. My name is Odell. We met at Vic and Elaina’s.” You just had to facepalm yourself, if Odell wasn’t gonna leave you cause your weird ass ex then it was definitely gonna be your rude ass parents.

“Anyway, I shouldn’t have to find out that my daughter has a new man through Instagram. Especially because I gave nine months and whole a 34 hours to bring you into this world.” “Jesus Christ here we go with this story” “You damn right here we go with this story! My bladder hasn’t been the same since I pushed you out!” “Okay momma, are you going to the awards Sunday?” “Uh duh” “Okay well you and daddy can meet Odell this weekend okay?” “Only if you tell him and your brothers you got a boyfriend. I am not dealing with their questions and tantrums.” You really were the baby out of the three of y’all and they protected you as such so it was expected that they would have questions after you just left a chaotic relationship. “Okay, bye momma” “Bye Ms. Y/M/N!” “Bye, y’all”.

By time you ended the call with your mom Odell was about 5 minutes from the airport, “So you wanna hear me tell my dad that we’re together? I promise it’s way more entertaining than that.” “If by entertaining you mean pride and soul crushing,I’m good lil homie.” “Okay well I wanna hear you tell Ms. Heather. Don’t tell her I’m in the car either” you look him up and down cutting your eyes at him and he handed you his phone, “Go to her number and call her. She’ll come in on bluetooth.” “What’s she under?” Odell looked down laughing, “Don’t laugh, look under mommy” “I’ve heard worse”.

You pressed the call icon and his phone rang twice before his mom picked up, “Hi baby!” “Hey mommy” “To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call from my son. The very same son who I have not seen in weeks might I add” “Well I’m doing swell mommy! How are you dear?” “I’ll be better once I know why you’re calling while I’m trying to get ready for my date.” “I was calling because I had some good news. You wanna guess what it is” “I love you son but I really don’t. I have things to do boy now come on! Damn.” “You really know how to ruin a moment” “That’s the same thing I said when I saw I was pregnant with you. Now if you called to play I gotta go” “No mommy, wait. I got her.” “You got who? Who’d you kidnap? Do we need to get Olivia Pope?” “No listen, please follow what I’m saying” He took a deep frustrated breath, “I got her. I got Y/N mama!” “Oh shit son! You finally took my advice and got you a queen huh? When I can I meet her? Oh send me her number! I need her advice on this face wash. Face wash…. Oh my lord my grandbabies gonna have good skin!” You were sitting the passenger seat DYING of laughter and all Odell could do was look over at you smirking. “Who is that? You know I don’t like being on speaker with strangers boy” “Hi Ms. Heather!” “Hey puddin’! I didn’t know you were in the car with that boy” “Ms. Heather your son told me not to say a word or he was gonna make take a taxi to the airport.”,he looked over to you with wide eyes looking around like you were talking about someone else. “Odell don’t make me kick your ass, you know better.” “Momma she’s lying” “No she’s not I know you goodbye.” “Ms. Heather before you go I was wondering if you wanted to get together with my family this weekend in LA since its awards weekend. My mom and aunt Blanca will be there.” “Yeah sweetheart I’ll be there, send me the details cause you can’t have that boy do nothing. Bye-bye”.

Odell pulled up to the airport and got out and grabbed your bags. “I should make you carry your own stuff cause you got me in trouble with Heather ass” “You got yourself in trouble with Heather ass, now hurry so I don’t miss this flight”. Y’all were really out here arguing like a married couple.

@melanisticroyalty @royallyprincesslilly @theunsweetenedtruth @leahnicole1219 @eriksbabymama @sweettea-and-honeybutter @Ljstraightnochaser @amethyst1993 @laketaj24 @daytimeheroicsonly @uhlxis @drsunshine97 @supernovaah @muse-of-mbaku @zuzuspanda @chefjessypooh @purple-apricots @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @cockyboysandsugarism @destinio1 @siriuslycollins @texasbama @dreadedphilosphy @blackmisfitsunite @cool-pen-name @madamslayyy @slimmiyagi @blackchickfics @omg-blackqueen @blue-ishx @maliadestiny @yourstrulyylauren @poeticallymindlesshippy @jaaystaar95

[katiebug445]

Katie says goodbye to the Supernatural cons.

Alright, so, I’ve been putting off writing this post for a couple days, because exhaustion hit me like a freight train and I’ve been feeling icky and sickly for awhile, so bleh. But okay. Time to get emo on main. 

So about five years ago, around this time of year, actually, i finally got the chance to go to my first ever convention. me and some friends at the time were all planning on going to the Salute to Supernatural convention in Minneapolis, Minnesota in August of 2015. I was so excited to finally get to do this, because I’d been wanting to go to a con since 2011. This was my chance to finally go, and see Richard Speight Jr, and make a dumb dream that kept me alive for a long time come true. And it was, without a doubt, the most magical, and important experience of my life to date. 

Around this time, I was beginning to come up in the fandom. i had a really good following, my fics were getting a lot of attention, i was in with a group that was insanely popular, and life was actually really good. The show was the most important thing in my life, and i had countdowns going until it came back on in the fall. i was in very deep in the fandom, and it was my main source of happiness, so going to this con was going to be fucking HUGE for me.

^^ freshly turned 20 year old Katie out there living the best life she could at the time. she was trying her best. 

So we get to Minneapolis on that Thursday, and we’re walking around, and it hadn’t exactly sunk in yet that I was there. Like, I knew I was going, and I knew what was all going to happen, but I hadn’t been like “oh god this is happening” as of then. 

I remember the moment that it did sink in, though. We were sitting in our seats, Richard and Rob were up on stage doing the rules and regulations, and I kind of came back into my body and realized that i was shaking a LOT, and i just remember looking around the auditorium, and then back up to the stage, and hearing Richard’s voice. I thought to myself “You did it. You made it here. You stayed alive for this moment right here. You fucking did it.” and that’s when everything sunk in completely for me. 

i remember crying a lot after that. 

The con was everything I imagined it would be. I laughed a TON, i got to spend time with some - at the time - really good friends, and I was very swept up in the magic of the whole weekend, and I never wanted that feeling to go away. 

Then on Sunday, I got to meet Richard in person. 

I won’t go into details, and I’ll spare the sob story that lead up to all of it, but I will summarize and say that Sunday at Minncon 2015 remains one of the most important days of my entire life. there was so much personal feelings wrapped up in all of that, and I still have no clue how i managed not to break down crying as soon as i saw him. 

I love that man more than just about anything else, even to this day. richard is still a driving force to me to keep on going with life no matte what happens, and i owe him so much for that. 

anyways, i loved the con. I loved the show, the cast, the whole experience. I walked away from that with some of the best memories that i will keep with me forever. I’ve said this a thousand times before over the last several years, but Richard Speight makes those conventions an incredible experience. The effort he puts into them, the way he treats his fans, all of it makes the cons so special for me. I thank him so much for being such a wonderful person, and making me want to go back again and again and again. 

And i wanted so badly to do just that. I wanted to see Richard again. I wanted to do the cons, and hang out with friends more, and just do the whole fucking thing. Because that was peak happiness for me. it still is, in some ways. 

Between the ending of 2015 and the beginning of 2017, i had a bad falling out with the people i went to Minncon with. i lost a lot of my popularity, i backed way off of all of the corners of the fandom that I’d made a name for myself in, and i kept my head down. I did and said some really stupid stuff that I’m not exactly proud of, and I paid the price for it. As a result, i started backing off. 

But I still loved Richard, and i wanted to see him again. 

So I saved. And saved. And saved even more. And in February of 2017, I got the chance to do it all again. I got to meet and hang out with a BUNCH of friends on that trip, and I got to spend a lot of time with two people who have become so important to me, and who I love dearly. 

i owe that to Nashville. 

^^ 21 year old Katie, had experienced a lot of bullshit and was living a her goodest life, but not her best. Still trying to get through some shit and attempting to grab life by the balls once more. 

Nashville was... an experience.

the company that puts on the cons ended up doing a mega price raise, and everything went up by a lot of dollars (i’m too tired to math now, but it was a fucking LOT of money and even more stress by the time i got to buy tickets). I was really mad about it, and decided that nashville would be my second and last con. 

i decided to go ahead and go all out with it since nobody would ever see me again. 

I got to see richard right out of the gate again on that Friday, and actually got the chance to talk to him for a moment (i use that term very loosely, seeing as my “talking” is just me stuttering out two or three words and running away)  and by some fucking miracle, richard actually fucking remembered my dumb face, and that made my entire life up to that point worth living (still kinda does tbh). I hurried out of the autograph line with my buddies, found the nearest chair i could plop down into where he wouldn’t see me, and i cried. i cried real ass tears (thanks for putting up with me, that day, christy!)

I actually got called up to do karaoke this time with one of my absolute best friends and favorite people, and we fucking rocked it. for four minutes, we were rockstars and it was fucking great. we got to act like idiots and get yelled at by Matt Cohen (KAZOO KREW FOR LIFE!) and ugh. it was just incredible.

Saturday was good. tt’s kind of a blur of ups and downs and photo ops, but overall, it was a good day. Same with Sunday. I know a lot more tears were shed by a lot of people in our group. And christy and brandi screamed at misha collins. That was fucking hilarious. 

Nashville was a fucking great con, and despite all the crap that happened during and after, i wouldn’t trade it or change a single thing about it. I loved that con, and the people i got to go to it with. we all had an incredible time. 

And part of me still, despite everything i told myself, wanted to go again. 

Between February and May of 2017, i underwent a huge change in my life: I somehow got talked into watching anime with a - at the time - good friend of mine, and realized “wow. this is actually a lot better than what spn has done for a long time.” and it kinda pissed me off because WOW THIS IS WHAT SHOWS COULD BE LIKE WITH WELL WRITTEN FEMALE CHARACTERS THAT DON’T DIE!!!!! (thank you, fma for helping me see that light!). i was mad, but i was still devoted to spn, and yadda yadda yadda. 

in May of 2017, i watched the finale of season 12 at my friend Cas’s place, and the finale left such a bad taste in my mouth, that i decided that was it. i was angry, i was hurt, i was completely done. i stepped completely out of the fandom, i muted all the fan accounts i followed on twitter, i spent that whole summer getting farther into the weeb side of life, and farther away from my spn roots. 

and i’ve never fucking regretted it since. 

I started looking into conventions for anime around my hometown, and ended up finding one that looked fun. And Ohayo was a fucking BLAST - but that’s a post that’s been sitting in my drafts since january that i haven’t written up yet. I’ll finish writing that eventually...

but i was so done with spn by that point that i wasn’t even upset that nashville was the last con for me. 

I had started getting back into the fandom during s13, started writing fic again, and THEY ACTUALLY BROUGHT MY HONEYBEAR SON, MY PRIDE AND JOY, MY EVERYTHING, MY FUCKING WAFFLE CHILD BACK AND EVERYTHING WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. I WAS HAPPY. I WAS BACK. I WAS LIVING MY BEST FUCKING LIFE. 

and then... then they took him away from me again. for nothing more than shock value. 

and then i said nope fuck this im out im done fuck you all i’m going full ass weeb. FUCK IT ALL. i doubled down on my belief that i was doing no more cons, no more anything. 

And then the fuckers announced that there would be a convention in cleveland, OH. Which I had been single-handedly campaigning for a con here for YEARS. When I finally get out of the fandom, they give us one. Absolute bastards! 

So, with a defeated sigh, i decided “one more. one more and then it’s over for real.” 

besides, i really, really, really, REALLY wanted to see richard again. 

So i decided, why not get the remaining members of the gang back together, and go out with a fucking blast? that kinda worked. i got one member of the gang to come with me, and the other was there in spirit. 

Richard cancelled about a week and a half before, which meant that my main reason for going was gone. and then misha cancelled until sunday, which meant my other reason for going was gone. but i still wanted to go and say goodbye to the cons and what little bit of the cast was there.

so we get there on friday, knowing full well friday is the only day we’re going, we didn’t buy tickets, we didn’t do anything to give creation our money, and we went in AOT cosplay because we’re cringy cool like that. and it was... surprisingly freeing.

^^ 23 year old Katie, who at this point has seen so much shit it doesn’t phase her anymore. Living an even better life than 2015!Katie. much more confident in herself, and a lot happier in general. Still trying her best. 

the con itself was a shitshow. it was an absolute shitshow. but i had every bit as much fun hanging in the lobby with my friend as i did actually doing the panels and stuff. i knew this was my goodbye, and having the con be so higuhgieh actually made it a little easier to say goodbye to it. karaoke was a fucking blast, and i shouted and danced the entire night, and my poor voice suffered. 

you’d think i just saw my best friend get eaten by a titan right in front of my eyes by how gone my voice was by the end of the night. -cough-

on the way back to the hotel is when it hit me that it was officially over. i cried the whole 20 minute drive back, knowing that this was the final time i’d ever see any of it. my last karaoke. my last chance to see everyone. my last spn con.  it was so bittersweet, because i had such a blast, but it was done. it was all done.

and i didn’t even get to say bye to the man that i owe everything to. that’s what hurt the most about the whole thing. 

i wouldn’t trade the cons for anything. i spent some of the best (and worst) years of my life doing them. the experiences and memories i have from these conventions are ones i wouldn’t give up, even if i could spare myself some heartache or stress. i am so grateful for these opportunities to meet these incredibly talented people, and get to see my friends there, and just have the time of my life. there isn’t one thing about any of those cons that i regret. 

i am so sad to be giving them up, but i know it’s for the best. the prices keep going up, and it would take even longer to afford them, and i just can’t keep doing it to myself. the stress is crazy enough as it is, and there’s a lot i’ve missed out on trying to afford these things. 

Not only that, but I’ve grown and evolved so much from that 19 year old doing everything she could to save back for her first con - and out of state trip. i’m not anywhere near who i was back then. i’ve gained much more confidence in myself, i’ve gained much more self worth, learned to control my anxiety/depression, and learned what i will and will not put up with from people. i’m a MUCH happier person than i was back then, and i’ve gained a lot of life experience and a lot of new interests over the last few years. so much has happened so fast, and almost everything has turned on its head. 

but one thing that hasn’t changed for me is my love for Richard Speight Jr. I have said it in this post alone several fucking times, but i adore Richard. He is without a doubt one of the funniest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he makes these cons so special for a lot of people - myself included. he’s the reason I kept wanting to go back, the reason that i kept pushing through the bad times, he’s been my reason to “Always Keep Fighting”. I am so blessed to have so many memories with him, and they’re the ones i talk about more than anything when talking about the cons. He will always have a huge and special place in my heart, and he will still continue being one of the big reasons why I keep pushing, and keep going, even when i don’t want to. he has absolutely no idea how important him just existing has been for this dumbass, and i really wish that he did. i hope that he knows the impact he’s had on my life, and that he’s always been my favorite since the trickster first announced that he had more ass than a toilet seat. richard has been one of the biggest inspirations to me for the last 6 years, and i literally owe the man my life. i’m so happy that he exists. it makes things a little easier knowing that he does. 

I’m going to miss him so much that it hurts, and I hate that I didn’t get to see him or get to hug him one more time. that’s the hardest part for me about saying goodbye to the cons. 

it’s so bittersweet going forward now, because there’s this huge part of my life that’s over, and i don’t know how to fully express all of it, but im so glad that i got to be on the ride as long as i did. 

hopefully in the future, things will continue to be as fun as the last four and a half years have been. i can’t wait to see what future conventions hold for me and my friends. 

#kaytastrophes #i started crying talking about richard and now i can't stop #im going to miss him so much you guys. so fucking much. #thank you so much to richard speight for making life worth living #i don't think a single thing in this post is coherent but it's 3 am and i'm sad and emotional and i wanted to get some of it out #katie cons

[agwitow]

How do I make good writing

Hi Nonnie, thanks for the question. It’s definitely one every writer has pondered at least once!

First of all, I want to address the fact that what one person considers “good writing” may be considered “bad writing” by someone else. Some people really enjoyed the Hunger Games trilogy, some people hated it. And the same can be said for pretty much every other book out there.

Which is one of the reasons why there is so much contradictory advice.

Now, if we forgo making any judgements on what counts as “good writing” for the moment (we’ll come back to it, I promise), we can discuss objective ways to improve your writing. No matter what style you write, or even how much experience you have, you can always improve :)

(This is a long answer, sorry! Rest of it is under the cut)

There are lots of ways to improve your writing. The ones I use include:

Practice. Lots and lots of practice (e.g., writing short stories, flash fiction, and fairy tales; doing writing exercises; telling stories to other people)

Reading. Lots and lots of reading.

I like to read a variety of different genres because I like to genre mash, but if you only write in a specific niche then you should try to focus on reading a lot of books in that niche so you know what the conventions and expectations are.

Using critique partners and/or beta readers. They can help you identify where you need to improve, and, if they’re good CPs, they can also help you figure out how to improve.

I had an amazing group of CPs for Legend’s Legacy who helped me with pacing, and expanding some of the characterization so that even side characters felt real. (And, if you read the reviews of LL, you’ll see that not everyone enjoyed it, or even felt I did very good at those aspects. But that’s okay. No one can write a book everyone will love)

Editing and rewriting. Now, if you’re just starting out, this might not be the best way for you to improve. Yet. Yes, it counts as practice, so you will improve a bit, but until you find your groove/voice, it’s mostly just experimenting, and not really refining.

And just because you’re able to refine one story doesn’t mean you’re ready to do it with another! I’ve rewritten Chesnia’s Princess at least five times by now, and I still haven’t found the right voice for that story. It’ll come. I’m just not quite ready for it yet. (If you don’t know what Chesnia’s Princess is, it’s the very ambitious first book in a trilogy that deals with politics, magic, war, international relations, subterfuge, secrets, family, loss, and a host of other themes that all need to be delicately balanced... needless to say, I’m still working to get my skills to where they need to be to do the story justice)

So those are the methods I use to improve my own writing. But you might also find that there are other methods that work for you. Maybe it helps to experiment in different styles or formats. While I don’t feel poetry will help me improve, it might be exactly what you need! Or maybe you find that writing the same scene over and over again, just from different points of view each time, really helps. There are a million and one ways to improve your craft.

Try out some methods that appeal to you. If they don’t seem to work, try different ones until you find the methods that do work.

Okay, so how do you tell if you’re improving?

Well, if you have critique partners or beta readers, they can help you figure that out. If you don’t have anyone to read over your writing and give you feedback, then you’ll need to make that determination yourself.

When I was first starting out, it was really hard to be objective about the stories I’d written. I had to let them sit for several months (and in a few cases, a couple of years) before I could come back to it and actually see what needed work. I’m not sure how common that is, but I know a bunch of writers who aren’t able to see their stories like they need to unless they’ve given themselves space.

The key here is that you need to be able to read your story as if you were a reader. If this was a book you picked up in a store, or from the library, would you like it? What works, and what doesn’t?

Self-evaluation is hard at the best of times, and for writers it can be especially difficult because we put so much of ourselves into our stories. So don’t feel bad if you aren’t able to be objective. Just give your story more time to rest. Keep writing other stuff (very important to keep writing!), and then come back to the original story once there’s some distance.

Now, I’ve been writing for a really long time. At least 20 years (gods, that makes me sound so old lol). And while there are some stories I need to take long breaks from to achieve that objectiveness, most of the time I only need to let things rest for a couple of weeks. I don’t know how typical that is of writers who’ve been at it for awhile, but you shouldn’t expect that of yourself until you’ve gotten your feet under you.

And be brutal when you’re reading through old works. Be kind to yourself while you write, but tear it to shreds when you return to it. (The work. Not you, and definitely not your abilities!) If you were to print it out and mark all the things that need to be changed in red pen, there should be A LOT of red pen on every page. Those are all the things you need to improve on your next draft.

It’s not a bad thing to have a lot of stuff to fix between one draft and the next. It’s actually pretty normal. Having a lot of red pen on the page means THAT’S HOW MUCH YOU’VE IMPROVED since you first wrote the story! Success!

Right. So, you’ve figured out how to improve your writing. Now you need to know whether it’s “good” or not.

Well, the only way to do that, is to figure out who the story is for.

Some writers imagine an “ideal reader.” To do that, you imagine you’ve written your story for one specific person, and their opinion is the only one that matters. You come up with every detail about what they’re like, and what types of books they enjoy. Then you compare what you’ve written to what your ideal reader wants. If it matches, then it’s a “good” story. If it doesn’t, then you’ve got some work to do.

Other writers create a sort of matrix of what’s considered “good” in their chosen genre(s). Then they compare what they’ve written to the standards they’ve identified. If they meet, or exceed, each metric, then it’s a “good” story.

Still others choose a core group of beta readers who they trust to be the final judges on whether or not the story is “good.”

Finally, there are writers who choose to write stories for themselves, and a story is considered “good” once it meets, or exceeds, their personal expectations.

However you choose to define “good,” just remember that there are lots of people who’ll disagree with you. And while their opinions are valid, they don’t really matter if they’re not who the story is for.

I hope that helps! Please let me know if you want clarification about any of this, or if there’s something else you’d like to know :)

xoxo

#writing #writing tips #ask me anything

[saikaigigi]

Spring has finally come.

Spring is here. It’s still chilly at night but the days are a lot more comfortable. I was able to sleep in my bedroom upstairs finally - I’ve been sleeping in the living room with the heater on all winter. I love the bedroom. There are nice shoji doors by the window and the sun brightens the room nicely. Also, there’s an actual bed. I have to enjoy it as much as I can before summer is too hot and humid to sleep up there.

I have wanted to update this blog for awhile now. I don’t really know where to begin though, so I usually back out and forget about it. But the truth is...that I’m kind of struggling. There were some personal issues that I managed to sort out finally, and I thought that once that happened I would return to my usual self. But I’m still finding it hard to put my all into work. It doesn’t help that things are REALLY slow lately because there aren’t as many classes due to graduation, entrance exams, and spring break coming up soon. I mostly don’t know what to do with myself during all the down time at my desk and I get so bored that I just want to go lay down and sleep somewhere. I feel like so much time is wasted. I could be drawing and working on my skill, doing something enjoyable. But instead I sit there feeling like I need to be doing something productive and yet there isn’t anything I can do. At my old base school, I at least feel like I have friends to talk to. But at my new base school, honestly, sometimes I don’t even talk to anyone all day. I’m pretty lonely. I should go talk to the students more, but finding a good time to do so is hard. I even drafted out a plan for some sort of lunchtime English club so that I could get closer to them. But I’m afraid to present my idea because - well, I’ve been having a hard time going to work. I’ve had several mental health days at home. How can I present something like that when I can’t even be at work half the time? I feel undependable. 

I think I’m probably being too hard on myself. No one has said they’re displeased with me. They all just worry about me.

What would make it easier for me? Should I move closer to my new base school? That way I can just roll out of bed and be there. I really think that it would help. Even though my current apartment is amazing. Maybe it’s too cozy!

I know that a lot of the time on JET, people move back home when they have really bad mental health. Mine was super bad a few weeks ago, but it does feel like it’s letting up and I can finally breathe again. It took a lot of effort. I started online counseling, kept up with my mood chart, went to the psychiatrist (and started a different medicine), reached out to teachers, spent time with friends, took time to myself, took a lot of baths, bought some scented lotions and bath salts, cut my hair, indulged in some video games and TV... It’s working. Very slowly, but it’s working! I feel as though going home wouldn’t fix my problems. And I very much don’t want to return to how I was living before JET. At any given time I had $20 to my name. I worked hard to get here.   

I also really want to find somewhere to volunteer. I want to work with animals. I miss cats a lot. If I could find a no-kill shelter to volunteer at, I would be so freaking happy. I think about Ame a lot (the kitten I rescued last summer). I miss her. I can’t get her back, but maybe there’s something I can do for other animals. The thing is that there aren’t really no-kill shelters in Japan. I think there are some up north on Honshu but... I don’t know where to begin looking. I doubt anyone I ask would be able to help me find one around here. And I can’t volunteer at the kill shelters, not after what I learned about gassing animals...

I want to be plugged in. I haven’t found my own path here. I want to find it. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just a tag-along for my boyfriend’s activities. I still want to go with him to stuff, but I also want my own thing. I think that’s what has been missing.

Right now I just need to work on my avoidant behavior. I think I’m anxious about going to work, so I try to avoid it by staying home - but that just adds fuel to the fire. I had this problem for awhile in college, too. I figured that out, so I can fix this, too.

I don’t know if it’s stubbornness or determination, but I want to stay here and figure out my path. I want to continue teaching English and find something outside of work that enriches my life. I’m signed on until July 2019, so until then I will continue to push forward.

(and of course if this all falls apart, I won’t beat myself up...)

[remnanthideout]

☢✄☁☯▲

Improvement Meme || Accepting

☢: You need to work on character responses, they tend to be bland. 

I try to be as descriptive as I can. I worry about word vomiting a lot too though... Welcome to any tips or suggestions you might have, but I’ll see what I can do about trying to spice things up a little.

✄: Your RP responses are really short/ could have more effort put in!  

This one... this one I’m not 100% sure how to respond to. I’m not one that subscribes to every post having to be a wall of text and not every response needs it. I mean, I know I’m as guilty as anyone else of having ‘phone it in’ days... but that one... ngl... stings a little, but I do appreciate the honesty.

☁: You might want to take another look at your character/characters and work on them a bit more. Every great character has a flaw or two.

This one I’m painfully aware of. Most of the muses here are still relatively new for me or I don’t get the chance to use them a lot so I haven’t completely found my groove with them yet. Every time I DO get to write for them though I’m trying to find more little things, quirks and the like, for them. Definitely a work in progress on this one.

☯: Try to open up to more RPers, you’re great, but you’re missing out on a lot of potentially amazing RPs!   

This one is tough. I keep an open door mind set. Also pre-plotting and I don’t always work so well together but that’s what I post memes for. I have about 100 things sitting in my drafts across all of my blogs, ngl, so it takes me awhile to get to things... but when I say throw stuff at me, I mean it!

▲: Try to be more positive on yourself, there’s no reason to hate on yourself so much.

*sweat* Now this is the one that’s the most ‘easier said than done’. I’ve been TRYING but as anyone with severe anxiety and depression will tell you, hating on yourself comes way too easily. There’s a lot that contributes to it and I’m the first to tell people I’m not always the easiest person to get a long with because my mood tanks hard and fast... often. I really am trying not to be so down on myself though... Just a lot of the time I need help with it.

#Ed-kunSpeaks #Anonymous #TheAskFiles

[soysaucevictim]

The interview came and went. Won’t know how I did until a later date.

-

July 8

I got up a bit after 10AM, today.

Decided to spend some time messing with my Twitter and fandom blogs for awhile, before getting in all my exercise for the day.

First, today’s DD. 2 minutes side-to-side chops with EC. A bit antsy today, but this helped somewhat. I counted 138 reps by the end of the 2', very fun and doable! :D

Second, Day 3 of the T10C. 10′ non-stop punching. I swapped stances every minute (except one time where it was 2′ for both sides.) I also counted 1101 punches thrown, although I may’ve made a counting error at some point... I think this sounds right. (Noting a bit over 100/min.)

Last, Day 3 of CCC. 40 torso twists. This was basically a very similar action to the DD! Pffft. But it was still breezy work! :,D

(Ooof, perhaps it’s all the squats or yesterday’s DD... but my quads have been quite sore today!)

I then took a shower and tried to assemble some notes for that job interview... despite constantly distracting myself out of anxiety. orz

-

July 9

I got up a bit before 8AM.

One of the first things I did while at the facility was ask other people about their local dentist experiences. I think I may have a solid pick to revise what happened to my molar... so I’m happy I have a bit of direction there.

Then, went to Seeking Safety Group, which went well enough.

I spent the rest of my time there doing a second pass over that stream footage and doing the DD. 30 leg raises with EC. Did this one while I was out at the facility, again. Manageable but certainly a bit tough. :P

One of the first things I had to do once back home was make the family dinner, even though on the inside I was tired and didn’t want to. It was stuffed green bell peppers and tasty, though. Bro also doing the dishes from yesterday’s dinner was nice, too.

Spent a few hours playing games and watching YouTube before finishing up my exercise.

First, Day 4 of the T10C. 7 sets of 40″ squats + 20″ shoulder taps, with a finisher of 3′ of squats. I found this very manageable... had to get going later than intended because I was still digesting my food. :P

Last, Day 4 of the CCC. 70 side leg raises, done in one go. This time I opted to do 50%/50%, which was more challenging than alternating sides. Might try to do the rest of this commitment like that or continue mixing things up. We’ll see. :Ic

-

July 10

I got up around 9:30AM. Spent much of my day leading up to the interview prepping some notes and getting ready... and getting aggravated with my browser hanging. :/

Got to my interview. Was nervy for awhile out of my own concerns abt my transportation arrangements (Though now I have a few potential plans to get to the facility) & feeling like I didn't prepare myself enough. But I don't think I did COMPLETELY abysmally.

When I got home and got some food in me, I spent some time drafting my thank you notes/letters. Despite still being nervous and attempting to process what occurred. I hope I can get them finished and delivered before tomorrow’s end, once I’ve smoothed some details out.

Remains to be seen whether I got the position or not (going to take a couple weeks or so).

I then worked on some HW my psychiatrist handed me to do, which on some level I didn’t really want to do, because my brain was getting kinda hazy at that point. But did something to that end. (Kinda frustrated with myself for thoughtlessly scheduling my next appointment tomorrow at an awkward time for the county transport... nnng.)

Getting in my exercise helped a bit though.

First, today’s DD. 1′ reverse plank with EC. Took some willpower to get through, but steady breathing is key. Ooof. :P

Second, Day 5 of the T10C. 10 sets of 2x20″ high knees + 20″ climbers, with 1′ march steps as a warmup. Because i didn’t feel like negotiating a HIIT timer situation - I went for 30 climbers for each set. As I went, it was a couple seconds short - but close enough in my book. It was NOT a cakewalk. Had to pace a bit to get the HR down.

Last, Day 5 of the CCC. 40 torso twists. I do appreciate this was the easier of the two days after T10C’s stuff.

-

July 11

Been up since a bit before 7AM, needed to be up earlier for an appointment.

The psych appointment went well enough. Did ask the clinic about the para-transit application. I won’t submit it unless I get this job - because I don’t have the income to support getting [standard OR para] bus tickets, etc..

Then I did some socializing, played some Risk with others, got to WRAP Group, and did the DD. Also asked about something in regard to the interview - when I get the info I need, I’ll finish up and send those thank you letters.

The DD was 3′ balance stand with EC. Did this one while I was out at the facility today. Was not up for doing the EEC though, takes a lot of emotional energy I do not have, today. But I did EC twice, 3'/3' in one go. That was fun and meditative. :D

After all that, got home and mostly tried to get situated. But I did do the rest of my exercise.

First, Day 6 of the T10C. 5 sets of 1′ sit-ups + 1′ flutter kicks. Had to do the sit-ups a bit more slowly and took several pauses for recovery during the flutter kicks. I also did tht latter mostly wwith my head down... too tired to deal with neck strain.

Last, Day 6 of the CCC. 80 side leg raises, in one go. I think I’ll do all of this challenge 50%/50%. Especially given that the other one’s instance of them are side-to-sides.

I’m... was not happy about having to make dinner today. Or doing the dishes. But I had to, even though I running on fumes. orz

-

July 12

I got up at around 10 AM, today.

Spent a few hours on the usual, before getting in my DD, today. 200 squat hold punches with EC. Oof, that took some willpower to get through. But I'm happy I managed it, trying to throw faster punches helps. :D

I also wrote my thank you letters, did dishes, and made the family dinner.

Bleh... let’s just say I found myself in a spiral about the letter, but a friend helped me deal with the anxiety spike. I’m grateful for the reality check.

-

July 13

I got up after noon, today.

I spent much of my time on the usual. But I did get in some exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 side-to-side lunges with EC. This was pretty challenging, especially in the last 10 or so reps. But this was still pretty manageable. :P

Second, Day 7 of the T10C. 10′ non-stop side-to-side leg raises. Ooof. That was tough. I counted 524 reps in the duration, lifting my left leg got to be harder than the right.

Last, Day 7 of the CCC. 40 torso twists in one go.

One of the last things I did today was prepping for tomorrow’s dinner. Intend to make some vegetarian chili.

-

July 14

I got up before 10AM, today.

Similar thing as yesterday. Did a bit more meal prep and some exercise, though.

First, today’s DD. 60 knee-to-elbow twists with EC. This was pretty fun, first few was a bit awkward because I wasn't super focused. But quickly got in the rhythm and enjoyed myself. :D

I guess making that vegetarian chili today and opting to do some mass repairs on the gloves I use... took too much of my time/energy to get around to doing my main exercise stuff. But hey, knocked out a fairly big To Do, there. :P

-

July 15

I got up around 10AM, today.

I don’t have much to show for myself other than exercise. And eating FAR too many damn cookies today. orz

First, today’s DD. 2′ O-pose with EC. A personal favorite, because of the ab work and the balance focus. But still not a cakewalk, didn't take a whole lot of time before I got to trembling! Steady breathing is key. :D

Second, Day 8 of the T10C. 7 sets of 30″ jumping Jacks + 30″ plank jacks; with a finisher of 3′ jumping jacks. Had to go at a deliberately slow pace with the jumping jacks to get through this, but I managed. My calves really felt it. :,D

Last, Day 8 of the CCC. 90 side leg raises. 45/45 in one go. That got mildly tough shortly after all the jacks.

With that, I should get to bed in a bit, now.

Okay... I really need to hit publish... this post is getting too damn long.

#adventures with fitness #long post... woops

[ataraxetta]

I haven’t gotten to do a Sunday Six in awhile, so here is 2100 words and essentially part one of the noctnyx fic! Very rough draft.

============

After a long, harsh winter, Spring had finally sprung. Birds were chirping, the sun was rising, the air was fresh, and in the sprawling metropolis of the Crown City, Nyx Ulric started his day by running face first into a door.

It was glass, and sturdy. His head colliding with it made a sound that would carry. He stumbled back a step with a grunt from the impact, ears ringing. When his vision cleared it was to Luche, Tredd and Crowe all staring at him with an expression on each of their faces like so many jokes had sprung to their minds they couldn't decide on which one to voice. Eventually, Luche cleared his throat around a smirk and said, "All right there, hero?"

"I thought it would open," Nyx said stupidly, blinking. Crowe and Tredd broke into unapologetic snickering and Nyx lifted a hand to rub at the ache in his forehead, his face hot. Every once in awhile, when Nyx was probably getting a little too cocky for his own good, the universe saw fit to take him down a notch. This, he thought, was one of those times. There wasn't much more humbling than pushing a door with perfect confidence that it will open and being wrong.

"You've gotta pull, dumbass," Crowe said, gesturing to the door handle. She shifted the weight of her bag slung over her shoulder and put a hand on her hip. "How long have you worked here again?"

"It's early," was the only excuse that Nyx could come up with. He may have been many things, but a morning person wasn't one of them, and sunrise drills were a cruel and unusual punishment, especially on his last day on duty before a two week leave. He'd been half-asleep up until now.

Crowe snorted and pushed past him, pulling the door open with an unnecessary flourish before striding through to the locker room beyond. Luche followed her, still grinning, and Tredd clapped a hand on Nyx's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, man. That was awesome."

"Shut up," said Nyx. Tredd wiggled his eyebrows and laughed when Nyx shoved him through the open door and followed him inside, where Crowe was regaling the rest of the glaives with the tale, and put up with the good-natured digs while he changed.

Sunrise drills on the obstacle course were a favorite of Drautos, who would usually come and shivvy them out of the locker room to the outdoor training grounds. By ten after five he still hadn't arrived, but a tardy Libertus slipped in as Nyx was tying his running shoes, glancing nervously around and heaving a sigh of relief when he didn't find the Captain. It immediately turned into a sharp squeak of pain when Crowe hurled one of her combat boots at his crotch with incredible precision from her place on the bench next to Nyx. He doubled over, clutching himself in pain. The others took little notice. Libertus earning a shot to the nads from Crowe was a regular occurrence. Nyx only grinned and shook his head.

"Oi!" Libertus complained, hobbling over to their bench. "What gives?"

Crowe snatched her boot out of his hands. "You were supposed to give me a ride in this morning, jerkoff, remember?"

Nyx snorted. Libertus had recently bought some piece of shit on wheels from a twitchy guy who had put some sketch on online. It was of indeterminate make and model, bright orange and boxy with only one working seatbelt and no heat or A/C, and the engine made a loud and chilling sound that Nyx could only describe as a cry for merciful death for several minutes every time it started up. Nyx gave Crowe a disapproving look. "You were gonna ride in that thing?"

"Shut up, it's a ride isn't it? Even if it is a piece of shit."

"It's not shit," Libertus said by rote. He rubbed the back of his neck ruefully and told Crowe, "I tried, but you was already gone when I got to your place!"

"Yeah, 'cause you never showed!" Crowe argued. She stood up threateningly, but only turned to tuck her boot neatly next to the other one in her open locker. If she ever had been actually angry, she was over it now. Her voice was sharp, trying to hide the concern when she said, "You said you'd be by at oh-four-hundred. I would've been late if I waited any longer."

Apparently satisfied that Crowe wasn't going to attack him again, Libertus went about opening his locker and getting changed, moving rather faster than he usually did with liberal worried glances at the door, as though Drautos was going to stalk in and call him out for being late. "Yeah, I think something must've happened - roadblocks up all over so the back roads were jammed, even out by us." More quietly, he said, "And getting through the Citadel gates to park took an act of the gods. Crownsguard assholes made me flash my ID and do one of those portable retina scanners before they let me through."

Nyx frowned. "Just you?"

"Nah," Libertus said to the floor, bent over to tug his running shorts up his legs. "Everyone, it looked like. I asked but they wouldn't tell me what was going on. You guys didn't get stopped?"

"Nope," Crowe said. She looked thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged.

Nyx followed suit, letting his curiosity go as he got up to put his stuff away. It was no use wondering about it, they wouldn't be told unless someone saw fit to tell them, and it was probably nothing anyway. The gate guard was laughably quick on the draw. They were just as likely to call a lockdown because of a stubbed royal toe as for an actual security breach. Nyx didn't have to care until he was told to. To Libertus, he added, "But we weren't driving. Came in through the staff entrance, didn't pass another soul."

"Yeah," said Crowe, leveling an innocent look at Nyx. "The only weird thing that happened to us on the way in was Nyx losing a fight with a door."

"Nyx what?" said Libertus.

Nyx sighed. It was going to be a long day.

*

Drautos never showed. They all headed out to the course at oh-five-thirty, and after another twenty minutes without an appearance from their Captain, Luche stepped up and ran them through the usual warm-ups and then split them up into groups for the training drills, which for a Sunrise run meant more aerobics than you could shake a stick at. Weapons weren't allowed on the obstacle course, which was sprawling and extravagant and would have been tough to run even if they could have warped and was nearly impossible to finish without. Only four could run the course at the same time, and they weren't allowed to leave the training yard until they'd each completed it twice, so the sun was high in the sky by the time they stumbled sweat-drenched and exhausted back to the locker room.

Nyx had been in the last group to go, along with Luche and two newer recruits who stayed collapsed and recovering on the grass and panting for breath while Nyx and Luche headed inside. Luche smirked and said commiseratingly, "Kids."

"Right?" Nyx agreed. When he looked over his shoulder to check on them, he saw one sitting up and discreetly pulling his phone out of his pocket, beckoning his friend over. It was technically against regulations to have a personal phone on you while on duty, but enforcing it would have meant putting half the glaive on gate duty most of the time, so rumors of whatever had happened to cause the upswing in security Libertus had run into this morning had already spread among their ranks by anyone who had a friend on the palace staff. Nyx didn't generally put much stock in what people were saying around the water cooler, but Luche had an even more constipated expression on his face than he usually did, and obviously something had happened, if Drautos was MIA on training drills that he set up himself, and just before they'd taken their second lap of the course, Luche had put some distance between himself and the rest of the unit to answer a call on his headset.

Lightly, Nyx prodded. "Any word from Drautos?"

Luche gave him a stern look. "Yes."

"Huh," Nyx said. When Luche didn't say anything else, he gave up all pretenses."C'mon, man. So is it true? There was an assassination attempt?"

Luche made a face. "All I know is that someone in the Crownsguard has been badly injured. The Captain didn't offer further detail, and until we're told otherwise it's none of our business, Ulric."

Luche could be kind of a prick. Nyx fought the urge to roll his eyes, but didn't push it. He had an hour before he needed to report in at the armory to oversee weapons training for the new recruits, so while Luche hit the showers Nyx made a beeline for the mess hall. Libertus, Crowe, Sonitas and Pelna were sitting together at their usual table, talking in low voices over their trays of...whatever the hell that was. Pelna's girlfriend Cecily worked in the palace and wasn't prone to gossip, so if there was any real news to be had, he would know it. He nodded a greeting as Nyx sat down across from him, and Crowe made a sound like an angry cat when Nyx stole a roll from her plate and bit into it before she could take it back. Mouth full, he said, "So fill me in."

Pelna said, "Sounds like there really was an assassination attempt."

"On the king? At the Citadel?" Nyx asked, disbelieving. Surely no one was that stupid.

Libertus shook his head. "On the prince, either at his apartment or somewhere between there and the university."

"No shit," Nyx said. "Luche said someone from the Crownsguard was injured. Must be the prince's personal guard, right?"

Pelna nodded, looking grim. "Yeah, the Prime Minister's son. Cecily didn't have details but she said it's apparently pretty bad. They're not sure if he'll make it."

Nyx sat back in his chair, mood sobering and feeling a little guilty about digging for juicy details. He didn't know Gladiolus Amicitia well, but he'd sparred with him a few times a couple years back, when he'd needed to learn how to train someone who could use Lucis magic. Nyx had liked him. He'd been huge and loud, full of life. He'd also been real damn talented, and would have only become stronger since the last time Nyx'd seen him. It was hard to imagine anyone getting the best of him.

"Was the prince hurt?" Crowe asked Pelna.

"I don't think so," Pelna answered. "Drautos had to escort him to the Citadel from his place personally, that's why he was a no show this morning. Cecily overheard someone saying that the king wants the prince to move back into the Citadel, but the prince threw a fit about it until His Majesty agreed to let him keep his apartment."

"Figures," Sonitas said, frowning with distaste. "He should never have moved outside the Citadel in the first place. His Highness doesn't realize the burden his childish bid for freedom puts on everyone around him. Or perhaps he does and just doesn't care."

Libertus snorted. "Would you expect anything different? Them <i>royals</i> do whatever they want, and fuck the rest of us."

Pelna shrugged, and Sonitas said, "I heard they're trying to decide who to assign as his bodyguard while the Amicitia kid is out of commission, and the king is personally involved. Everyone in the Crownsguard is probably pissing themselves for the chance to lick the king's boots."

"Yeah, stupid bastards," Libertus said. "Wonder who it'll be."

Nyx crossed his arms over his chest, making a face. He didn't know much about the prince but the baby-sitting gig was always a pain in the ass. He wouldn’t have wanted to be in the shoes of whatever poor sod was getting that detail. "Well, as long as it's not me," he said dismissively. Curiosity satisfied, pushed his chair back from the table. "If you'll excuse me, I'm five hours from two shiny, glorious weeks of leave - "

He was cut off by the others grumbling and lobbing their balled up napkins at him, and he ducked away, laughing, and turned to leave just as Titus Drautos opened the door to the mess and zeroed in on Nyx. Nyx felt his heart sink, knowing from the slightly apologetic look on the Captain's face what Drautos was going to say before he even opened his mouth, because Nyx's luck really was just that piss poor.

"Nyx, glad I caught you. I'm sorry to say that your leave has been cancelled. Hit the showers and gear up, then report to my office. You have a new assignment."

Nyx thought he might cry. Just sit down on the floor right there and sob while his friends snickered like assholes behind him. Instead he straightened his shoulders and said the only thing he could in response. "Yes, Sir."

#ffxv fic waffling #my fic #noctnyx #nyxnoct #whichever